June 18, 2024 • 45 mins
This week, we're so excited to share that Leah is joined by the incredible Kathy Mou, the host of Ignite Your Power: The Kathy Mou Podcast. Their conversation is a beautiful exploration of healing and how it has positively influenced their relationships.
What have you experienced in your healing journey?
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What have you experienced in your healing journey?
Follow our guest!
kathymou.com
https://www.instagram.com/kathy.mou/
https://www.kathymou.com/podcasts/ignite-your-power-the-kathy-mou-podcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
All right, what are you holdingon too now that you feel is holding
you back? Ooh, A lotof traumas I feel in fears that I
have from probably my childhood that I'mnot even aware of. I've been working
through it a lot, i feellike, but there's always that type of
(00:23):
fear that keeps coming back, likeI guess that lack mindset. So I'm
fearful of not ever having enough.And I've been digging deep as to why
I think I'm in lack when reallyI'm not. I should be thinking I'm
abundant right and I have all thebasics that I need to provide for my
child and my family. But Istill always have like this little thing in
(00:45):
me that I'm feeling like I'm lackingor fearful of. That's been tough.
It's a lot of inner child work, for sure, and traumatic. I
don't even know what, but Iguess to into my innerhl's probably gonna dig
a little deeper. But it's scary. It's scary to do that work.
(01:07):
It is scary, but it isas someone who has done it for a
few years now, so worth it. Yeah, it's hard, it's scary,
and you have to you know,really reparent yourself. But it is
so necessary and so worth it.Yeah, it's hard. It's hard to
(01:30):
dig into why you're so scared becauseyou have this feeling of like where your
body kind of shuts down because it'slike oh right, and then you're like,
I don't want to tap further intoit. But if you keep going
and dive deeper into it, you'relike, okay, wow, there's like
some underlying issue or something that happened. And when you work through it,
(01:51):
you finally let it go and likelet it out of your mind and your
body. You know, Yeah,it does. It's hard, but this
is why I tell everybody listen ifyou heard the podcast before therapy, and
Jesus, I'll tell you all thetime. We welcome to another episode of
Takings Space podcast. I'm your hostLeah, and today I am joined by
(02:12):
coach Kathy Mao. Like Caw,this is a wonderful woman who I met
a few weeks back, where wetalked about a lot of things including you
know, building yourself and empowering yourselfand then affecting other people and how that
really changes your circle. She's anauthor, she has a journal out,
(02:34):
she's a podcast herself. It's calledIgnite Your Power Podcast. She has even
check out her website, check outher social media. She's just a really
wonderful personal coach who definitely seeks toempower others as she's learning to really embrace
that empower herself. Welcome to theshow, Kathi, Hi, thank you
(02:54):
so much for having me Lia,and thank you for that fantastic intro.
Yeah. Absolutely, I didn't sayanything that wasn't true. So it's nice
to hear her back because, likeyou know, when you do so much,
you don't really realize it until yousay it. I'm like, oh
my gosh, wow, So thankyou for that. Yeah. Absolutely.
(03:15):
Speaking of the conversations that we hadpreviously, there are a question that you
asked me that made me it's beensitting with me for weeks now, when
you said, how did you getto this point of where you are?
For those for obviously you all werenot present for the conversation, but in
(03:36):
our conversation we've talked a lot abouthow I have grown from being this really
assertive, direct, harsh sometimes personlike the lovable a whole whatever, to
now being more kind and compassionate andgracious and saw not so quick to get
(04:00):
angry, not saying that I don'tthat I'm perfect or anything, but there's
been a lot of growth. It'sbeen a lot of growth where I would
typically like used to blame people tonow I'm like, wait, let's zoom
out and understand the context of thesituation. They didn't do anything to hurt
me on purpose. They were intheir own world and I just happened to
(04:20):
get in their way for some reasonabout whatever, and it hurt my feelings.
And so it's been something that I'vebeen thinking about, like how did
I get here? And growth takestime is what I came out of that
with after just sitting with that fora while. Wow, that's so beautiful
(04:42):
that you actually sat with that forweeks though, And isn't that beautiful that
you don't rush the process You justlet it come to you and when you
finally figure out, you're like,oh, it really is that easy though?
It you know what it The thoughtsin understanding what you need to do
is easy. The consistency is what'sdifficult. And you asked me another question
(05:06):
of like or no, Well,another question came out of it, which
was like why did I change?And what I was like, well,
what happened? And I think Iwas tired of apologizing because I always felt
like I always had to apologize.I always had to I'm sorry, I
(05:26):
didn't mean to hurt your feet.That's not the way. And I was
like, is there a better wayto do this the first time without always
having to apologize? One Two,I didn't like how people were describing me.
And we have said on the showmultiple times, you cannot control other
people's narratives. But when people whoyou trust paint a picture of you and
(05:47):
you don't really care for that picture, there's a need for a change.
And so just doing self reflection hashelped me. It's taken me years to
gets where I am. I'm notgonna lie. It did not happen overnight.
I had to, Like you talkedabout living in a state of lack
for so long that it becomes apart of your DNA. Yeah, I
(06:11):
had to unlearn those things. Andthen after you unlearned that, you have
to live the life that reaffirms thenew ideas that you have learned. Yeah,
and it's work, it is,That's why you are amazing. To
put in that hard work and workingon yourself is actually one of the hardest
(06:33):
things that you can ever do foryourself. Think about it. But it's
so rewarding at the end, anda lot of us don't want to put
in that work. But at theother side of it, like you put
in so much work to be someone'sbest friend or you know, the best
sister, or your best daughter,or a friend or a spouse or a
(06:54):
partner, but you never do thatfor yourself. Why is what we should
be doing that for ourselves. Weshould be our first priority to be honest,
We should because then we would allshow up as a better person if
we all deep with those questions.And this is why a lot of us
are always on the surface. Everybody'sso butt hurt or something like so sensitive,
(07:15):
because we all have a lot oftriggers, a lot, right,
just like what you said earlier,You're like, oh, yeah, other
people would trigger me and I wouldget but hurt or something you know,
like your emotions rah. And it'slike, it's because what other people are
doing. And when you get hurt, that's a reflection of something you haven't
worked on, something's triggering that emotionto come out. And so the more
(07:39):
you work on yourself, this iswhy self love, self care is so
so important. And then just youknow, knowledge like learning every day just
to be a better person is superimportant just for overall development and just to
be who you truly are. Andso you're the perfect example of this,
(08:00):
which is beautiful that you do thehard work. It's hard. I remember
I kept telling you. I waslike, trust me doing you know,
getting to know yourself and understanding yourtraumas and all this. It's a lot,
it is. So what has yourpersonal journey been like in learning yourself,
(08:20):
loving yourself, empowering yourself, becausethat's another step that some people are
afraid to take. You know,how, how did you start your journey?
And where do you feel you areon that journey? Ooh, I
love this question. This is reallygood. It's tapping into those deeper whys
and you know why it led meinto all of this. And so actually
(08:43):
I started truly empowering myself in twentynineteen when I was going through my infertility
journey. During my whole life,I've been a people pleaser. Most of
us are right, We're taught tolike care about what others people think.
I grew up being trying to bea perfectionist because my parents. Again,
(09:03):
digging in a little bit deeper,I noticed that my parents wanted me to
be that perfect child. So thenI always thought I had to be perfect
in order to just be able tosurvive. That's actually not true, honestly,
no one's ever perfect. But somy whole life, I've always been
people pleasing, perfectionist, doing thingsfor other people versus myself. And in
(09:26):
twenty nineteen, when I was goingthrough infertility, I had to change something.
So for a whole year I wastrying naturally with my husband to conceive
and nothing came about of it.Right, so every month that would take
pregnancy tests to get negative test results, and that was super depressing. It
put me in like a depressed state. I was super anxious. I just
(09:48):
was not myself. And so finallya year of that, and in the
US healthcare system, you have totry I guests for a whole year until
you can finally say you're in.So I did wait for that whole year
mark to finally book an a doctor'sappointment with the objyan and like infertility specialists,
et cetera. After that year,and so that's when I started empowering
(10:11):
myself to get my health back tooptimal health or it just in health in
general, so I can conceive achild. But at that time, though,
in twenty nineteen, I was like, oh, I am healthy because
previously, like since twenty five I'vebeen eating pretty healthy I believe, like
eating nutrient Debt's foods and like workingout like Monday through Friday. I was
(10:35):
like, Okay, I'm super healthhealthy, but no, there's a lot
of other things that affect your health, like your stress levels, epigenetics,
like how much toxins is around yourenvironment, et cetera. Right, there's
a whole lot of things, andI know all of this until I started
empowering myself, meaning taking action,taking action to get the life that I
(10:58):
want. So I really wanted tobe a mom instead of crying for a
whole year. Right, for twentynineteen to twenty twenty eight, I was
crying every single day, And thentwenty twenty one was the year I was
like, Okay, I'm just sosick of not doing anything and not like
truly using my power, my knowledge, my actions to get what I want.
And then my twin sister too waslike, Kathy, are you doing
(11:22):
everything in your power? Really tomake this baby happen for you. And
I thought about it, and Iwas like, that's true. I'm truly
not though, Like I can beathealthier, right, Like I can take
it to another level. I cando some more research, right and then
go see specialists. Like That's whatI did. And so twenty twenty one,
for the whole year, I gottherapy because I couldn't handle it,
(11:46):
Like my mental health wasn't so sobad shape because I was depressed. I
never thought I would, so Igot help in that aspect. I went
to acupuncture to try to help withmy body, and then I booked IVF
appointments like with doctors, you know, specialists. So I took action.
And then I also changed my diettoo, doing a bean protocol where I
(12:11):
would try to get as much toxinsout of my body and so you get
a lot of fiber to help regulatemy hormones. So I did a lot
of research. I had to doall these things, and then later on,
finally through my empowerment journey, inthe end, I ended up actually
conceiving my daughter naturally after doing IVFand then getting a miscarriage. So that
(12:33):
is how my journey kind of youknow, you know, showed itself to
me after just one year of trulyempowering myself, learning and not letting my
circumstances or you know, the outsidenoise determine my life for me. That's
(12:54):
amazing that I couldn't imagine being insuch a state where I want something really
bad and it's just not happening.You see other people and it's just like
it happens on accident, or theydidn't have to work as hard, or
they just happened to get it right. And then you're on the other hand,
like, I really really want this, and I like that you decided
(13:18):
that you had to take action.And it's great that you have, you
know, your sister in your innercircle where she gets to ask you those
hard questions, are you really doingwhat everything that you could do? Because
there's a lot of things that wecould do when it comes to empowering ourselves
that we don't need external forces todo it for us. Everybody could probably
(13:39):
empower themselves they had a couple,you know, one hundred thousand dollars in
their account, right, or ifthey had everything they needed hand it to
them. But if they truly hadto work for it. What more could
they do to ensure that this thingcomes to fruition, whatever it is,
whether that's a baby, whether thatis buying a house, moving across the
(14:03):
country, you know, getting anew job. What does empowerment look like
in that space? But it's beautifulthat you were able to go through that
journey and now you have your daughter. That is such a such a cool
like testimony that many people don't reallysee the other side of. They see
the results and they want the results, but doing the hard work to get
(14:26):
there. Some people are like,I don't really want it that hapen.
Yeah, So how would you describeyour current space in your journey? Yeah?
So right now it's different. Sothat's the thing with your health journey
and empowerment. It's just having thosetools to know that you can push past
(14:50):
it and the hard times. RightSo, right now I'm a mom and
it's a lot. I mean,when you're on a health curve or just
life is like a le coasters upand down, up and down. Right,
But it braces me even the negativeparts, knowing that I've been through
the hardest thing that I believe thatI've ever had to go through, which
is having my daughter, and beingput in that situation, I feel like
(15:13):
I can overcome anything, even thoughit's not always the result that I want
so quick. And I think mostof us struggle with this where you kind
of tapped into it is like wewant the result, but then we want
it really fast, like we wantit brought away. You don't even put
in the hard work. Why doyou think that you're just gonna manifest or
(15:33):
have that outcome when you don't evenput towards like you know, put action
towards that goal or whatever you want. And so I've been struggling a lot
with just like dealing with motherhood andthen owning my own business and then actually
working still a nine to five job. I feel like that has been a
(15:54):
lot for me because I have tofigure out what's truly actually important to me
in my life. Yeah, steppingback, finally, I'm like, Okay,
I had to look at the biggerpicture, like, yes, my
business will always be there, andI love what I do, It's always
going to be there, but itdoesn't you know, entail like what my
(16:15):
worth is in that sense, andmy daughter is the most important thing to
me, and it took me foreverto get her and so not taking that
time to be with her. Soit's been a lot of like inner dialogue
that I've been working through. Andthat's why I've been telling you I've been
doing in her child work too,And this is where all this trauma and
(16:38):
lack and beliefs that I've grown upto believe is actually not true. So
it's been a lot of work,but it's different. It's a different mindset
that I'm working through now versus before, like during my end fertility days.
But it's always working towards something tobe best self or you're the best version
(17:02):
of yourself. Okay, so nowthat's your mom. And we've talked a
little bit about how traumas can impactour ability to reach our destination or even
taking the first steps in our journeybecause of that fear, because of that
trauma, we don't even want toI don't want to leave the house,
(17:22):
Like whatever whatever shows up with mydoor is what I'll take. Right.
How how do you manage being amom knowing that you have these triggers,
these traumas, these conditioning, thisconditioning that you had as a as a
kid coming up, and now asa mom, you're like trying to not
(17:48):
only heal, help heal that innerchild, but ensure that you're passing on
and passing on like the good thingsand building better psyche to pass on to
your daughter. How do you balancethat? Oh? Yeah, it sometimes
has a struggle, But to behonest, since I've been doing a lot
of in our work, I feellike it's much easier because my emotions are
(18:11):
more calm and I won't let herreactions dictate how I feel. So if
she's acting out, crying and throwinga tantrum, I just have to be
the calmest that I can and justbe there for her, Versus what I
grew up learning was like you'd bequiet, stop crying, like you know,
and I would get punished for cryingor having those feelings. But now
(18:34):
I get to do the opposite,and I get to be there for her
and you know, be the parentthat I wanted my parents to be for
me, which is so beautiful tosee. I mean, some days I'm
not going to be perfect, rightof course, and sometimes I'm going to
be stressful, but I notice andthen at the end of the day I
would apologize to her, like sorry, Mommy was very impatient with you today,
(18:55):
but you have to let your childknow that you know it was not
intentional because of their actions. It'sbecause of my actions, is how I
reacted and how I did not doa good job that day of regulating my
emotions. So that's why a lotof her work and her child work is
so important for you if you wantto if you are a mother or a
parent, you know, in general, even an ant, right, you
(19:18):
don't want to be that ant thatblows up if your you know, niece
or nephew is doing something bad.You just want to be there for them
and try to like understand them.It's made me actually be very, very
understanding and patient. And it's funnybecause a lot of people were like,
wow, I would think that youwere the opposite, because before being a
mom, I would blow up.I would be very agitated, irritated easily
(19:42):
because I never really worked on myselfuntil my infertility stages, and I noticed
that's what I like. I don'tlike that about myself. That's something I've
always wanted to work towards. AndI was like, I don't think I
could change this. This is me, this is me. But then the
more I keep working on myself,I realize, like, yes, I
can change. I can change ifI really want to make a change.
(20:03):
You know, you've been putting thehard work. You're like, WHOA,
I'm different than who I was before. And it's beautiful to see and blossom
and become that person that you reallywant to be. And so now I
get to be the best version thatI can be for my daughter. And
my husband is actually the opposite now, like he's very stressed out, irritated,
(20:29):
he kind of bursts more, buthe used to be the chill person.
And then like we kind of traderoles after parenthood, and it's and
everybody around us are like, WHOA, it's so weird to see that change
from you guys. And I'm like, yeah, because I'm doing the I'm
doing my inner child work. I'mdoing the work. I'm putting in the
work, and he has not been, so you could see, you could
see through how you parent. That'sreally interesting. I have found something similar.
(20:56):
So in my world when I wasone who needed every like who needed
to be calmed down because I'll gozero to sixty and or I'll be agitated
or irritated or whatever the case,and other people will feel like they had
to manage my emotions. Right nowthat I'm better at managing my own emotions,
(21:22):
emotional regulation, emotional intelligence and readingthe room and things like that,
I find that other people are notdoing it as much. And I wonder
if that's because they had to takeso much time or they had to be
hyper aware of me, and becausethey're hyper aware of me, they had
(21:44):
to mask or or ignore their emotionsto make sure I'm good. And sometimes
that and like, sometimes when Ithink about that, I'm just like,
like, I just apologized to mysisters the other day. I was we
were watching something and this girl wasgoing off super early in the morning to
(22:07):
her people, and I was like, y'all, I apologize. That is
a lot of energy. So likethey just woke up. Why is she
on ten already? And I wasjust like I used to be there like
drama for no reason, and itwas. It's very interesting seeing it from
(22:29):
a side of going through the healingprocess and seeing people who are not.
And I wonder if because I havedone work, it's not that everybody else
is wrong or everybody else is We'reall just on different parts of our journey.
But it's very interesting to see howthe dynamic shifts when we start a
healing journey. What does that looklike for the people in our circle?
(22:51):
How does that change our dynamics inrelation to each other? That's true,
it does change certain way. Right, So, say you didn't have boundaries
for certain people, and then nowyou learn to have boundaries, for example,
So people will try to, youknow, keep tacking you until they
(23:11):
can get through your boundaries. Butif you're that new person you stand strong
with saying I have these boundaries andyou can't get past it, people will
know, right like, then they'llenergetically know like, okay, I can't
push your limits anymore. But it'sthe opposite, right when you are learning
and healing, people can be morethemselves around you, right Like, they
(23:34):
won't get that high alert anymore.They get to be their true selves.
They get to say what they reallywant to say, versus like saying,
oh I don't want to trigger her, like I don't want to letting them
be less, you know, scaredto be around you, which is good.
Don't you want them to be likeauthentically themselves around you? Right?
(23:55):
Right? Big type of this andnot they per se but like not being
their true self around you, likeI would always want my daughter to be
herself always, like I wouldn't wanther to be scared to like not even
tell me or show a side ofher, you know, to me,
because I want to see all partsof her. I want to see the
bad, the good, the everything, you know. So ye, I
(24:17):
feel like that with everybody. Andso I feel like once you do with
that, you go through that healingjourney, you see people being more opened
and honest with you, more right, and them being their true self.
You're like, oh, I didn'tknow you were actually that funny. Yeah,
of course I do. Different thingsshow up, so I think that
that's great, it's good, itcan be, and it's very it's just
(24:41):
very interesting. Like I I have. I've noticed so many times where it's
just like we're in a whatever situationand I didn't realize the expectation was for
me to go off or be orbe whatever. And because after the situation
(25:04):
passes, someone in my circle willbe like, oh my gosh, I'm
so proud of you or oh thatwas so good, and I'm just looking
at them like, what are youeven talking about? But I realize they're
not in the journey with me everyday. They're not through like all the
stuff that I had to work through, all the times that I had to
cry at night, the times whereI'm like sitting here praying, like Lord,
(25:26):
I'm really trying to not be thisway, and or I really want
to learn a better way to understand. And going through those things, it
has allowed me to show up morein other spaces where now people in my
circle get to see me in differentlights. And while I can be the
(25:51):
other person if I need to be, but it's like I've been able to
regulate in a way that would helpme to better manage to situation because now
I don't think about what's going tofeel good to me in the moment because
you disrespected me, so now Igot to tell you about yourself. It's
like, no, no, no, what is the end goal here?
If we're at a food place andI'm looking to get food and somebody disrespects
(26:15):
me, hey, I can goget food somewhere else, you know whatever.
It's not that it's not that bigof a deal. I'm not trying
to get arrested. I don't needto get into a fight. We're too
grown, you know, all thesethings. But I feel like it's important
to also know that the journey isnot just for you, which is something
that took me a while to learnbecause I'm doing all this work and I
(26:41):
feel like the first year, yearand a half of going through the healing
journey, no one was throwing mea parade. I didn't get a trophy.
I didn't get you know, phonecalls, Oh my gosh, we
want you to be on our show, blah blah blah blah, Like nobody's
giving me the kudos of all thiswork that I'm doing in the first year
and a half. But as Istarted growing more in these last few years,
(27:07):
I'm learning that it's not I'm notdoing this for the kudos. One.
I want to be able to experienceother people's energy, other people's lives
and relationships. So that's why I'mdoing it to be a better me.
But the great side of that isthat I'm inspiring other people to take a
(27:33):
step back, think about things differently, to engage a little bit differently,
to understand differently. There was asituation where someone had lost their godfather and
their godfather passed away and they werelike, oh my goodness, called their
parents and was like, hey,my you know, my godfather passed away
(27:56):
and I'm really sad about it,and the parents were like, Okay,
send me the information for the funeral. Blah blah blah. There was no
comfort, there was no anything.And I told her, I say,
hey, your parents are dealing withtheir dying mother, right, They're really
close to death, and they probablydidn't have the capacity to give you the
compassion that you needed in that moment. Yeah. I didn't have that before.
(28:23):
Wow, I didn't have the wherewithalto be able to understand more than
what's going on in the situation,like more than how come they didn't comfort
you? How come they weren't there? Blah blah blah blah. But because
I have the space, the capacity, and the will to want to grow,
(28:45):
it's been easier for me to bemore understanding, more compassionate, more
gracious. Yeah, because we don'tneed all the stress we really don't like
because of life. It is somuch stress. We don't need it.
Yeah, exactly. And that's sucha great point. Because you're doing all
(29:07):
that inner work, you're releasing allthose triggers and negativity into your life,
your energy has space to hold morepositivity into it, so that's why you're
more aware. You're more conscious oflike, oh, okay, well let's
look at the point of view fromthat person, instead of like getting triggered
and be like, oh my god, they're just so inconsiderate blah blah blah.
(29:30):
You know, it's like, no, well, maybe you know there's
a different perspective, and it's okayto have, you know, different perspectives,
but then being able to have thatspace and hold that space to be
aware that other people take it differently, you know, or what are they
going through at that time, Andthat's a lot what a lot of our
society like we need to learn this. We need to all learn this to
(29:53):
just be more compassionate and kind towardspeople, because literally everybody's going through it
their own battles. Everybody has,you know, the hardships in life.
We just don't know. We can'tsee it. It's going on in their
brain, right, You never knowif someone's depressed or not. They may
seem hind but really they're depressed.And then that's why there's a lot of
suicides that happened, I don't know. So that's why we should all be
(30:17):
kind and compassionate and so I lovethat how you just said that, You're
like, WHOA. I would haveblew up, but then I'm actually health
space and was able to process.You know that other people may have a
different feeling or they're going through something, so just be kind. It's beautiful.
It's it's kind of sad, itreally is that kindness and compassion are
(30:41):
not pillars in our society as awhole. I know, it's like,
get what you can, you know, and then get some more for some
of your people, but then youknow, leave the rest. There's not
a there's not as much. I'mstarting to see some more of it,
(31:03):
which I'm grateful for because there's littleglimmers of hope, little little times where
you know, humanity has done agreat job with surrounding each other, and
I believe there is more love thanhate in the world. But it's sometimes
so hard to especially if you're onsocial media a lot. It's hard to
break through this cycle of hate,this cycle of negativity, this cycle of
(31:32):
whatever it is that is bringing youdown, and especially when we're seeing,
oh, everybody has it together onsocial media. This person, Yeah you
had to go through, you know, xyz, but you end up getting
what you wanted, and I'm stillstruggling here, like I can't get this
job, or I can't finish school, or I can't do blah blah blah.
And it's not a situation of Anddon't get me wrong, everyone,
(31:53):
I'm not saying that this is asituation to pull yourself up by your bootstraps,
because I want you to go backand like understand what that quote is
about. It's not like I'm tellingyou to pull yourself up by your bootsteps.
But having a community around you thatcan hold you accountable would take you
so much further in your healing journeywhere you don't feel like an island done
(32:14):
to yourself, because that gets verylonely. That that is that can be
very defeating. Like we as peopleare communal, We have to be around
people. How much further can someof us get if we had the right
people who would challenge us hold usaccountable. Uh didn't you say that you're
(32:35):
working on X? Are you writingthat book? Are you going to the
gym? Do we need to mailprep together? You know? How are
you? How are you doing withyour anger today? Have you signed up
for therapy? When's the last timeyou've been to church. You know,
having those conversations where it's more it'sless confrontational and more accountability from people who
(32:59):
you can trust, makes a hugedifference in the way that we heal and
how we show up for each other. Yeah, that's why it's so important.
Like the people you surround yourself withreally represents who you are. So
if you're hanging out with people thatare so negative and that talk crap about
people will day guess what you're goingto be doing the same or you're surrounding
(33:21):
yourself with that type of energy allday, right, So this is why
you need to create a really positivegroup people that will uplift you. And
that's why I think community is oneof the best ways to heal in general,
because that's how I heal and overcameconfession and fertility and iv A,
whatever. Going through hard times isknowing that other people are going through the
(33:43):
same thing as you. You overcomethings faster because they're giving you knowledge that
they've been through it before. Soyou just say that and try to apply
it as best as you can andthen you'll see the results. So if
you don't have people with the samethings that you're going through or the same
interest or you know, wanting tobe positive, et cetera. You're never
gonna get there. It's gonna bewell, I'm not gonna say never,
(34:05):
but that road is gonna be reallytough. It's gonna be tough where you're
more likely gonna fail than succeed ifyou have that right community of people.
So thank you for mentioning that.And another thing I want to add when
you were saying about how you knowthere's so much negativity in this world,
Yeah, it's because our society ismade to make things so negative. Like
(34:28):
you said, there's more positivity inthis world, but it's never broadcasted.
No one's fot you know, positivenews like oh yeah, like this person,
you know, help this person outtoday, Like dude, there would
be if they actually showed all thepositivity that goes on in the world.
Think about the news would be onlike all day long and so many different
(34:51):
clips. I don't even think therewould be enough like time to show all
the positivity. But you know wealways pinpoint then one big negative things,
et cetera. Right, but there'syeah, yeah, it's because our society
makes us be fearful. They makeus think like we lack something. We're
always trying to compare other people witheach other, like social media. It's
(35:12):
so if you try to be moreaware and conscious of this, you know
of how society really programs us tothink a certain way, then you know,
then you can empower yourself. That'sa form of empowerment. Like are
you gonna let that dictate your life? Like, yes, I can look
at social media, but I'm notgoing to go and compare myself or y'all
watch news just to kind of seewhat's going on, but I'm not gonna
(35:32):
let it be like, oh mygod, Democrats or Republicans are gonna like
freaking dictate out. No, chill, chill, chill that, you know,
like the political system is just thereto make us fight. No,
let's if we all care about oneanother, we all should love one another,
be kind and like what you said, we should all just be kind
and generous to one another, justa little simple, compassionate things. It's
(35:57):
wile that we get to that.Now everybody everything is so extreme, I
feel, and there's no like mediumanymore. Right right, Like when our
parents grew up, our my parents'generation, everybody was more in the medium.
They're like Okay, I'm a littlebit Republican or a little bit not
trying to be political here. I'mnot very I'm not political at all.
I'm just trying to give an exampleof like how people used to think like
(36:20):
more in the middle. Now everybody'slike this, like either you're a Republican
or either you're a Democratic, andwell, you know, it's like,
okay, where where did this extremitycome from? Like where why? No,
let's all get back to the middleand just care about human basic human
beings. Okay, y, justwant together, we just care for each
other. Let's just focus on thatinstead of like who cares what side you're
(36:45):
on all this There is no sides. We're all human beings and we should
all love each other. Doesn't matter. That's it, plain and simple,
right, It's it is. It'svery it's become very polarizing in recent years,
and and people are more concerned withbeing right than doing the right thing.
(37:07):
And doing the right thing is cloudedbecause people are looking for clicks,
for likes, for subscriptions, forendorsements, for the viral whatever you know,
Oh this moment is going to goviral, or I want to boost
(37:28):
this or do this, and it'slike, if you can't find the thing
that makes you passionate about helping otherpeople, then being viral regardless of how
many times, because we've seen somany people go viral during the pandemic,
and where are they now? Right? But what kind of life are you
(37:52):
leading? Are you happy at nightwhen you lay your head down and you
have accomplished all the things that youset out to accomplish, or you've accomplished
one of the fifteen things on yourlist, Because sometimes those are days where
you're just like, look, Ihave a list. I know that I'm
only going to get through three thingstoday. And so I think it's more
(38:14):
for self growth, for self harmony, understanding what the end goal is in
our journey, understanding what our valuesare. That's what's going to lead us
to the happiness that's going to leadus to peace. And once I was
able to reach that point of peace, now I understand why the older folks
(38:37):
are like, Nope, you're notgonna come in here and disrupting my piece.
You can leave, I will cutyou off, I will block you
whatever thing. I was like,yes, me too. I've reached that
point and it's a great feeling becauseas much as I do protect my piece,
I do care about helping other people. I do care about connecting with
(38:58):
other people. And just because youare on a healing journey, or because
you feel that you are not asfar as other people, or you haven't
reached whatever, you know, whateverrealm of success that other people are in,
you're comparing your day one or yourday thirty five to their year fourteen.
(39:21):
Yeah, you know, and socialmedia is not a good gauge of
success. There's no nuance on socialmedia. You're polarized left or right.
That's it. There's no there's nogray. You're either black or white and
that's it. So I think thathaving a community that you can actually have
(39:42):
real conversation with and have those nuancedconversations and understand who you are, what
you how you present to other peoplecan definitely help you get started on that
health journey of that healing, youknow, whether you're healing your inner child,
healing some negative thoughts, getting throughdepression. It's going to be important
(40:06):
to have that community and have thepeople around you who can hold you accountable
and challenge you to do well.Yeah, so true. And then having
yourself having the courage to empower yourself, you know, taking that first step
to ask for help and to finallyget help, because a lot of us
don't. And most like for me, I thought like going to a therapist
(40:29):
there was something wrong with me,right, Like I was grown up thinking
like if you go to a therapist, you must be crazy or woo woo.
It's like, no, actually,it's great that you go to the
therapist. You're talking about all thesetraumas and doing the interwork, you know,
having that mind or your mindset changeand working on that. That's great.
(40:50):
There's nothing wrong with it. It'svery interesting that people will go to
the dentists every six months, they'llgo get their all change every three months.
They'll go to the doctor every yearfor their physical. They will you
know, get maintenance on their home, clean out their gutters. But when
it comes to mental health, youknow, oh, I'm fine. You
(41:14):
got fired after being at your jobfor five years and pouring everything into it,
and somebody else took you, tookyour position, or you just you
know, lost your child, oryou just lost your parents, or you
had to leave everything you know andstart over because you got deployed. There
are so many things that people arejust like, oh, I'll just get
(41:36):
over it, but they have suchlasting mental, emotional, spiritual effects.
So I've heard that so many times. Like you said, going to If
you're going to a therapist, something'swrong with you. You fifty one to
fifty. You belong in the nuthouse. But whether it's talk, therapy or
other interventions that you know require youto receive the help you need, it's
(42:00):
important to just start somewhere, whetherit's talking to your elders in your community
or having an understanding of I needto do. Just like you said,
Kathy, I need to do whateverit is I need to do within my
power to reach whatever the goal is. You know, crying about it does
(42:22):
not make it happen. Being upsetabout it does not make it happen.
Blaming it on other people does notmake it happen. Once you start taking
action, whatever that action looks like, whether it's starting with community, whether
it's starting with finding a new job, whether it's starting with going back to
school. And y'all, i'm gonnatell you, school is definitely kicking my
(42:45):
butt, but I'm still doing it. Regardless of what it is, you
have to make the effort to startto jumpstart your life in the direction that
you want to go. Yes,exactly, don't don't blame the world,
don't blame others. Just accept thesituation, accept your life, and just
(43:09):
be like, Okay, I havea lot of power. What can I
do today to change start changing mylife? That's it. That's it.
You don't have to think about aB, C, D E F.
It's too much. What can Ido in this moment, right now to
change my life? That's it.And then you'll figure it out. You'll
figure it out if you even giveyourself that moment to even think about.
(43:31):
Yeah, I agree, Well,thank you so much. This was such
a cool conversation. This is yourtime to plug anything that you have that
you want the people to come checkout to follow you take it away.
Yeah, yeah, yes, Soright now I'm doing a lot of numeral
(43:52):
d G guidance card readings. Ilove doing it. It's through coaching.
I'll give you some coaching on somethingthat you need help with, and then
we'll do like a card reading toask your guides or angels on what direction
you need to do, just toconfirm what we talked about. And I
think it's just a powerful tool tohave if you've been stuck with something and
(44:15):
I feel like it's very useful andso I'm doing those. You can go
check that out and book it onmy website at www dot kathymail dot com
or check out my podcast if youhave not heard of me or want to
learn more about what I do orlike what I teach Ignite your Power.
It's on every platform as well,Spotify, Apple at my website as well,
(44:37):
and I'm also on social and ifyou just DM me there and just
have any questions, feel free tojust dam me. I will respond back
to you on Instagram I'm Kathy dotmath and then Facebook and TikTok I'm just
kathymut awesome. Well, thank youfor such a cool conversation. I hope
that you all have enjoyed it asmuch as I did. It's great sometimes
(45:00):
to do some reflection on how muchwork you have done. Like Kathy said
in the beginning, you do allthese things that it's not until you hear
them back to go, wow,I have accomplished quite a bit. So
thank you so much. Please makesure to go follow Kathy and then make
sure you follow us at Take UsFace podcast. So Take Us slaces Pod,
Facebook, Instagram, and x well, Twitter, I still call it
(45:22):
Twitter, and make sure to followus on YouTube at take Us face Pod.
Thank you so much, Kathy,we'll see you next time. Bye
everyone, Bye,
All right, what are you holdingon too now that you feel is holding
you back? Ooh, A lotof traumas I feel in fears that I
have from probably my childhood that I'mnot even aware of. I've been working
through it a lot, i feellike, but there's always that type of
(00:23):
fear that keeps coming back, likeI guess that lack mindset. So I'm
fearful of not ever having enough.And I've been digging deep as to why
I think I'm in lack when reallyI'm not. I should be thinking I'm
abundant right and I have all thebasics that I need to provide for my
child and my family. But Istill always have like this little thing in
(00:45):
me that I'm feeling like I'm lackingor fearful of. That's been tough.
It's a lot of inner child work, for sure, and traumatic. I
don't even know what, but Iguess to into my innerhl's probably gonna dig
a little deeper. But it's scary. It's scary to do that work.
(01:07):
It is scary, but it isas someone who has done it for a
few years now, so worth it. Yeah, it's hard, it's scary,
and you have to you know,really reparent yourself. But it is
so necessary and so worth it.Yeah, it's hard. It's hard to
(01:30):
dig into why you're so scared becauseyou have this feeling of like where your
body kind of shuts down because it'slike oh right, and then you're like,
I don't want to tap further intoit. But if you keep going
and dive deeper into it, you'relike, okay, wow, there's like
some underlying issue or something that happened. And when you work through it,
(01:51):
you finally let it go and likelet it out of your mind and your
body. You know, Yeah,it does. It's hard, but this
is why I tell everybody listen ifyou heard the podcast before therapy, and
Jesus, I'll tell you all thetime. We welcome to another episode of
Takings Space podcast. I'm your hostLeah, and today I am joined by
(02:12):
coach Kathy Mao. Like Caw,this is a wonderful woman who I met
a few weeks back, where wetalked about a lot of things including you
know, building yourself and empowering yourselfand then affecting other people and how that
really changes your circle. She's anauthor, she has a journal out,
(02:34):
she's a podcast herself. It's calledIgnite Your Power Podcast. She has even
check out her website, check outher social media. She's just a really
wonderful personal coach who definitely seeks toempower others as she's learning to really embrace
that empower herself. Welcome to theshow, Kathi, Hi, thank you
(02:54):
so much for having me Lia,and thank you for that fantastic intro.
Yeah. Absolutely, I didn't sayanything that wasn't true. So it's nice
to hear her back because, likeyou know, when you do so much,
you don't really realize it until yousay it. I'm like, oh
my gosh, wow, So thankyou for that. Yeah. Absolutely.
(03:15):
Speaking of the conversations that we hadpreviously, there are a question that you
asked me that made me it's beensitting with me for weeks now, when
you said, how did you getto this point of where you are?
For those for obviously you all werenot present for the conversation, but in
(03:36):
our conversation we've talked a lot abouthow I have grown from being this really
assertive, direct, harsh sometimes personlike the lovable a whole whatever, to
now being more kind and compassionate andgracious and saw not so quick to get
(04:00):
angry, not saying that I don'tthat I'm perfect or anything, but there's
been a lot of growth. It'sbeen a lot of growth where I would
typically like used to blame people tonow I'm like, wait, let's zoom
out and understand the context of thesituation. They didn't do anything to hurt
me on purpose. They were intheir own world and I just happened to
(04:20):
get in their way for some reasonabout whatever, and it hurt my feelings.
And so it's been something that I'vebeen thinking about, like how did
I get here? And growth takestime is what I came out of that
with after just sitting with that fora while. Wow, that's so beautiful
(04:42):
that you actually sat with that forweeks though, And isn't that beautiful that
you don't rush the process You justlet it come to you and when you
finally figure out, you're like,oh, it really is that easy though?
It you know what it The thoughtsin understanding what you need to do
is easy. The consistency is what'sdifficult. And you asked me another question
(05:06):
of like or no, Well,another question came out of it, which
was like why did I change?And what I was like, well,
what happened? And I think Iwas tired of apologizing because I always felt
like I always had to apologize.I always had to I'm sorry, I
(05:26):
didn't mean to hurt your feet.That's not the way. And I was
like, is there a better wayto do this the first time without always
having to apologize? One Two,I didn't like how people were describing me.
And we have said on the showmultiple times, you cannot control other
people's narratives. But when people whoyou trust paint a picture of you and
(05:47):
you don't really care for that picture, there's a need for a change.
And so just doing self reflection hashelped me. It's taken me years to
gets where I am. I'm notgonna lie. It did not happen overnight.
I had to, Like you talkedabout living in a state of lack
for so long that it becomes apart of your DNA. Yeah, I
(06:11):
had to unlearn those things. Andthen after you unlearned that, you have
to live the life that reaffirms thenew ideas that you have learned. Yeah,
and it's work, it is,That's why you are amazing. To
put in that hard work and workingon yourself is actually one of the hardest
(06:33):
things that you can ever do foryourself. Think about it. But it's
so rewarding at the end, anda lot of us don't want to put
in that work. But at theother side of it, like you put
in so much work to be someone'sbest friend or you know, the best
sister, or your best daughter,or a friend or a spouse or a
(06:54):
partner, but you never do thatfor yourself. Why is what we should
be doing that for ourselves. Weshould be our first priority to be honest,
We should because then we would allshow up as a better person if
we all deep with those questions.And this is why a lot of us
are always on the surface. Everybody'sso butt hurt or something like so sensitive,
(07:15):
because we all have a lot oftriggers, a lot, right,
just like what you said earlier,You're like, oh, yeah, other
people would trigger me and I wouldget but hurt or something you know,
like your emotions rah. And it'slike, it's because what other people are
doing. And when you get hurt, that's a reflection of something you haven't
worked on, something's triggering that emotionto come out. And so the more
(07:39):
you work on yourself, this iswhy self love, self care is so
so important. And then just youknow, knowledge like learning every day just
to be a better person is superimportant just for overall development and just to
be who you truly are. Andso you're the perfect example of this,
(08:00):
which is beautiful that you do thehard work. It's hard. I remember
I kept telling you. I waslike, trust me doing you know,
getting to know yourself and understanding yourtraumas and all this. It's a lot,
it is. So what has yourpersonal journey been like in learning yourself,
(08:20):
loving yourself, empowering yourself, becausethat's another step that some people are
afraid to take. You know,how, how did you start your journey?
And where do you feel you areon that journey? Ooh, I
love this question. This is reallygood. It's tapping into those deeper whys
and you know why it led meinto all of this. And so actually
(08:43):
I started truly empowering myself in twentynineteen when I was going through my infertility
journey. During my whole life,I've been a people pleaser. Most of
us are right, We're taught tolike care about what others people think.
I grew up being trying to bea perfectionist because my parents. Again,
(09:03):
digging in a little bit deeper,I noticed that my parents wanted me to
be that perfect child. So thenI always thought I had to be perfect
in order to just be able tosurvive. That's actually not true, honestly,
no one's ever perfect. But somy whole life, I've always been
people pleasing, perfectionist, doing thingsfor other people versus myself. And in
(09:26):
twenty nineteen, when I was goingthrough infertility, I had to change something.
So for a whole year I wastrying naturally with my husband to conceive
and nothing came about of it.Right, so every month that would take
pregnancy tests to get negative test results, and that was super depressing. It
put me in like a depressed state. I was super anxious. I just
(09:48):
was not myself. And so finallya year of that, and in the
US healthcare system, you have totry I guests for a whole year until
you can finally say you're in.So I did wait for that whole year
mark to finally book an a doctor'sappointment with the objyan and like infertility specialists,
et cetera. After that year,and so that's when I started empowering
(10:11):
myself to get my health back tooptimal health or it just in health in
general, so I can conceive achild. But at that time, though,
in twenty nineteen, I was like, oh, I am healthy because
previously, like since twenty five I'vebeen eating pretty healthy I believe, like
eating nutrient Debt's foods and like workingout like Monday through Friday. I was
(10:35):
like, Okay, I'm super healthhealthy, but no, there's a lot
of other things that affect your health, like your stress levels, epigenetics,
like how much toxins is around yourenvironment, et cetera. Right, there's
a whole lot of things, andI know all of this until I started
empowering myself, meaning taking action,taking action to get the life that I
(10:58):
want. So I really wanted tobe a mom instead of crying for a
whole year. Right, for twentynineteen to twenty twenty eight, I was
crying every single day, And thentwenty twenty one was the year I was
like, Okay, I'm just sosick of not doing anything and not like
truly using my power, my knowledge, my actions to get what I want.
And then my twin sister too waslike, Kathy, are you doing
(11:22):
everything in your power? Really tomake this baby happen for you. And
I thought about it, and Iwas like, that's true. I'm truly
not though, Like I can beathealthier, right, Like I can take
it to another level. I cando some more research, right and then
go see specialists. Like That's whatI did. And so twenty twenty one,
for the whole year, I gottherapy because I couldn't handle it,
(11:46):
Like my mental health wasn't so sobad shape because I was depressed. I
never thought I would, so Igot help in that aspect. I went
to acupuncture to try to help withmy body, and then I booked IVF
appointments like with doctors, you know, specialists. So I took action.
And then I also changed my diettoo, doing a bean protocol where I
(12:11):
would try to get as much toxinsout of my body and so you get
a lot of fiber to help regulatemy hormones. So I did a lot
of research. I had to doall these things, and then later on,
finally through my empowerment journey, inthe end, I ended up actually
conceiving my daughter naturally after doing IVFand then getting a miscarriage. So that
(12:33):
is how my journey kind of youknow, you know, showed itself to
me after just one year of trulyempowering myself, learning and not letting my
circumstances or you know, the outsidenoise determine my life for me. That's
(12:54):
amazing that I couldn't imagine being insuch a state where I want something really
bad and it's just not happening.You see other people and it's just like
it happens on accident, or theydidn't have to work as hard, or
they just happened to get it right. And then you're on the other hand,
like, I really really want this, and I like that you decided
(13:18):
that you had to take action.And it's great that you have, you
know, your sister in your innercircle where she gets to ask you those
hard questions, are you really doingwhat everything that you could do? Because
there's a lot of things that wecould do when it comes to empowering ourselves
that we don't need external forces todo it for us. Everybody could probably
(13:39):
empower themselves they had a couple,you know, one hundred thousand dollars in
their account, right, or ifthey had everything they needed hand it to
them. But if they truly hadto work for it. What more could
they do to ensure that this thingcomes to fruition, whatever it is,
whether that's a baby, whether thatis buying a house, moving across the
(14:03):
country, you know, getting anew job. What does empowerment look like
in that space? But it's beautifulthat you were able to go through that
journey and now you have your daughter. That is such a such a cool
like testimony that many people don't reallysee the other side of. They see
the results and they want the results, but doing the hard work to get
(14:26):
there. Some people are like,I don't really want it that hapen.
Yeah, So how would you describeyour current space in your journey? Yeah?
So right now it's different. Sothat's the thing with your health journey
and empowerment. It's just having thosetools to know that you can push past
(14:50):
it and the hard times. RightSo, right now I'm a mom and
it's a lot. I mean,when you're on a health curve or just
life is like a le coasters upand down, up and down. Right,
But it braces me even the negativeparts, knowing that I've been through
the hardest thing that I believe thatI've ever had to go through, which
is having my daughter, and beingput in that situation, I feel like
(15:13):
I can overcome anything, even thoughit's not always the result that I want
so quick. And I think mostof us struggle with this where you kind
of tapped into it is like wewant the result, but then we want
it really fast, like we wantit brought away. You don't even put
in the hard work. Why doyou think that you're just gonna manifest or
(15:33):
have that outcome when you don't evenput towards like you know, put action
towards that goal or whatever you want. And so I've been struggling a lot
with just like dealing with motherhood andthen owning my own business and then actually
working still a nine to five job. I feel like that has been a
(15:54):
lot for me because I have tofigure out what's truly actually important to me
in my life. Yeah, steppingback, finally, I'm like, Okay,
I had to look at the biggerpicture, like, yes, my
business will always be there, andI love what I do, It's always
going to be there, but itdoesn't you know, entail like what my
(16:15):
worth is in that sense, andmy daughter is the most important thing to
me, and it took me foreverto get her and so not taking that
time to be with her. Soit's been a lot of like inner dialogue
that I've been working through. Andthat's why I've been telling you I've been
doing in her child work too,And this is where all this trauma and
(16:38):
lack and beliefs that I've grown upto believe is actually not true. So
it's been a lot of work,but it's different. It's a different mindset
that I'm working through now versus before, like during my end fertility days.
But it's always working towards something tobe best self or you're the best version
(17:02):
of yourself. Okay, so nowthat's your mom. And we've talked a
little bit about how traumas can impactour ability to reach our destination or even
taking the first steps in our journeybecause of that fear, because of that
trauma, we don't even want toI don't want to leave the house,
(17:22):
Like whatever whatever shows up with mydoor is what I'll take. Right.
How how do you manage being amom knowing that you have these triggers,
these traumas, these conditioning, thisconditioning that you had as a as a
kid coming up, and now asa mom, you're like trying to not
(17:48):
only heal, help heal that innerchild, but ensure that you're passing on
and passing on like the good thingsand building better psyche to pass on to
your daughter. How do you balancethat? Oh? Yeah, it sometimes
has a struggle, But to behonest, since I've been doing a lot
of in our work, I feellike it's much easier because my emotions are
(18:11):
more calm and I won't let herreactions dictate how I feel. So if
she's acting out, crying and throwinga tantrum, I just have to be
the calmest that I can and justbe there for her, Versus what I
grew up learning was like you'd bequiet, stop crying, like you know,
and I would get punished for cryingor having those feelings. But now
(18:34):
I get to do the opposite,and I get to be there for her
and you know, be the parentthat I wanted my parents to be for
me, which is so beautiful tosee. I mean, some days I'm
not going to be perfect, rightof course, and sometimes I'm going to
be stressful, but I notice andthen at the end of the day I
would apologize to her, like sorry, Mommy was very impatient with you today,
(18:55):
but you have to let your childknow that you know it was not
intentional because of their actions. It'sbecause of my actions, is how I
reacted and how I did not doa good job that day of regulating my
emotions. So that's why a lotof her work and her child work is
so important for you if you wantto if you are a mother or a
parent, you know, in general, even an ant, right, you
(19:18):
don't want to be that ant thatblows up if your you know, niece
or nephew is doing something bad.You just want to be there for them
and try to like understand them.It's made me actually be very, very
understanding and patient. And it's funnybecause a lot of people were like,
wow, I would think that youwere the opposite, because before being a
mom, I would blow up.I would be very agitated, irritated easily
(19:42):
because I never really worked on myselfuntil my infertility stages, and I noticed
that's what I like. I don'tlike that about myself. That's something I've
always wanted to work towards. AndI was like, I don't think I
could change this. This is me, this is me. But then the
more I keep working on myself,I realize, like, yes, I
can change. I can change ifI really want to make a change.
(20:03):
You know, you've been putting thehard work. You're like, WHOA,
I'm different than who I was before. And it's beautiful to see and blossom
and become that person that you reallywant to be. And so now I
get to be the best version thatI can be for my daughter. And
my husband is actually the opposite now, like he's very stressed out, irritated,
(20:29):
he kind of bursts more, buthe used to be the chill person.
And then like we kind of traderoles after parenthood, and it's and
everybody around us are like, WHOA, it's so weird to see that change
from you guys. And I'm like, yeah, because I'm doing the I'm
doing my inner child work. I'mdoing the work. I'm putting in the
work, and he has not been, so you could see, you could
see through how you parent. That'sreally interesting. I have found something similar.
(20:56):
So in my world when I wasone who needed every like who needed
to be calmed down because I'll gozero to sixty and or I'll be agitated
or irritated or whatever the case,and other people will feel like they had
to manage my emotions. Right nowthat I'm better at managing my own emotions,
(21:22):
emotional regulation, emotional intelligence and readingthe room and things like that,
I find that other people are notdoing it as much. And I wonder
if that's because they had to takeso much time or they had to be
hyper aware of me, and becausethey're hyper aware of me, they had
(21:44):
to mask or or ignore their emotionsto make sure I'm good. And sometimes
that and like, sometimes when Ithink about that, I'm just like,
like, I just apologized to mysisters the other day. I was we
were watching something and this girl wasgoing off super early in the morning to
(22:07):
her people, and I was like, y'all, I apologize. That is
a lot of energy. So likethey just woke up. Why is she
on ten already? And I wasjust like I used to be there like
drama for no reason, and itwas. It's very interesting seeing it from
(22:29):
a side of going through the healingprocess and seeing people who are not.
And I wonder if because I havedone work, it's not that everybody else
is wrong or everybody else is We'reall just on different parts of our journey.
But it's very interesting to see howthe dynamic shifts when we start a
healing journey. What does that looklike for the people in our circle?
(22:51):
How does that change our dynamics inrelation to each other? That's true,
it does change certain way. Right, So, say you didn't have boundaries
for certain people, and then nowyou learn to have boundaries, for example,
So people will try to, youknow, keep tacking you until they
(23:11):
can get through your boundaries. Butif you're that new person you stand strong
with saying I have these boundaries andyou can't get past it, people will
know, right like, then they'llenergetically know like, okay, I can't
push your limits anymore. But it'sthe opposite, right when you are learning
and healing, people can be morethemselves around you, right Like, they
(23:34):
won't get that high alert anymore.They get to be their true selves.
They get to say what they reallywant to say, versus like saying,
oh I don't want to trigger her, like I don't want to letting them
be less, you know, scaredto be around you, which is good.
Don't you want them to be likeauthentically themselves around you? Right?
(23:55):
Right? Big type of this andnot they per se but like not being
their true self around you, likeI would always want my daughter to be
herself always, like I wouldn't wanther to be scared to like not even
tell me or show a side ofher, you know, to me,
because I want to see all partsof her. I want to see the
bad, the good, the everything, you know. So ye, I
(24:17):
feel like that with everybody. Andso I feel like once you do with
that, you go through that healingjourney, you see people being more opened
and honest with you, more right, and them being their true self.
You're like, oh, I didn'tknow you were actually that funny. Yeah,
of course I do. Different thingsshow up, so I think that
that's great, it's good, itcan be, and it's very it's just
(24:41):
very interesting. Like I I have. I've noticed so many times where it's
just like we're in a whatever situationand I didn't realize the expectation was for
me to go off or be orbe whatever. And because after the situation
(25:04):
passes, someone in my circle willbe like, oh my gosh, I'm
so proud of you or oh thatwas so good, and I'm just looking
at them like, what are youeven talking about? But I realize they're
not in the journey with me everyday. They're not through like all the
stuff that I had to work through, all the times that I had to
cry at night, the times whereI'm like sitting here praying, like Lord,
(25:26):
I'm really trying to not be thisway, and or I really want
to learn a better way to understand. And going through those things, it
has allowed me to show up morein other spaces where now people in my
circle get to see me in differentlights. And while I can be the
(25:51):
other person if I need to be, but it's like I've been able to
regulate in a way that would helpme to better manage to situation because now
I don't think about what's going tofeel good to me in the moment because
you disrespected me, so now Igot to tell you about yourself. It's
like, no, no, no, what is the end goal here?
If we're at a food place andI'm looking to get food and somebody disrespects
(26:15):
me, hey, I can goget food somewhere else, you know whatever.
It's not that it's not that bigof a deal. I'm not trying
to get arrested. I don't needto get into a fight. We're too
grown, you know, all thesethings. But I feel like it's important
to also know that the journey isnot just for you, which is something
that took me a while to learnbecause I'm doing all this work and I
(26:41):
feel like the first year, yearand a half of going through the healing
journey, no one was throwing mea parade. I didn't get a trophy.
I didn't get you know, phonecalls, Oh my gosh, we
want you to be on our show, blah blah blah blah, Like nobody's
giving me the kudos of all thiswork that I'm doing in the first year
and a half. But as Istarted growing more in these last few years,
(27:07):
I'm learning that it's not I'm notdoing this for the kudos. One.
I want to be able to experienceother people's energy, other people's lives
and relationships. So that's why I'mdoing it to be a better me.
But the great side of that isthat I'm inspiring other people to take a
(27:33):
step back, think about things differently, to engage a little bit differently,
to understand differently. There was asituation where someone had lost their godfather and
their godfather passed away and they werelike, oh my goodness, called their
parents and was like, hey,my you know, my godfather passed away
(27:56):
and I'm really sad about it,and the parents were like, Okay,
send me the information for the funeral. Blah blah blah. There was no
comfort, there was no anything.And I told her, I say,
hey, your parents are dealing withtheir dying mother, right, They're really
close to death, and they probablydidn't have the capacity to give you the
compassion that you needed in that moment. Yeah. I didn't have that before.
(28:23):
Wow, I didn't have the wherewithalto be able to understand more than
what's going on in the situation,like more than how come they didn't comfort
you? How come they weren't there? Blah blah blah blah. But because
I have the space, the capacity, and the will to want to grow,
(28:45):
it's been easier for me to bemore understanding, more compassionate, more
gracious. Yeah, because we don'tneed all the stress we really don't like
because of life. It is somuch stress. We don't need it.
Yeah, exactly. And that's sucha great point. Because you're doing all
(29:07):
that inner work, you're releasing allthose triggers and negativity into your life,
your energy has space to hold morepositivity into it, so that's why you're
more aware. You're more conscious oflike, oh, okay, well let's
look at the point of view fromthat person, instead of like getting triggered
and be like, oh my god, they're just so inconsiderate blah blah blah.
(29:30):
You know, it's like, no, well, maybe you know there's
a different perspective, and it's okayto have, you know, different perspectives,
but then being able to have thatspace and hold that space to be
aware that other people take it differently, you know, or what are they
going through at that time, Andthat's a lot what a lot of our
society like we need to learn this. We need to all learn this to
(29:53):
just be more compassionate and kind towardspeople, because literally everybody's going through it
their own battles. Everybody has,you know, the hardships in life.
We just don't know. We can'tsee it. It's going on in their
brain, right, You never knowif someone's depressed or not. They may
seem hind but really they're depressed.And then that's why there's a lot of
suicides that happened, I don't know. So that's why we should all be
(30:17):
kind and compassionate and so I lovethat how you just said that, You're
like, WHOA. I would haveblew up, but then I'm actually health
space and was able to process.You know that other people may have a
different feeling or they're going through something, so just be kind. It's beautiful.
It's it's kind of sad, itreally is that kindness and compassion are
(30:41):
not pillars in our society as awhole. I know, it's like,
get what you can, you know, and then get some more for some
of your people, but then youknow, leave the rest. There's not
a there's not as much. I'mstarting to see some more of it,
(31:03):
which I'm grateful for because there's littleglimmers of hope, little little times where
you know, humanity has done agreat job with surrounding each other, and
I believe there is more love thanhate in the world. But it's sometimes
so hard to especially if you're onsocial media a lot. It's hard to
break through this cycle of hate,this cycle of negativity, this cycle of
(31:32):
whatever it is that is bringing youdown, and especially when we're seeing,
oh, everybody has it together onsocial media. This person, Yeah you
had to go through, you know, xyz, but you end up getting
what you wanted, and I'm stillstruggling here, like I can't get this
job, or I can't finish school, or I can't do blah blah blah.
And it's not a situation of Anddon't get me wrong, everyone,
(31:53):
I'm not saying that this is asituation to pull yourself up by your bootstraps,
because I want you to go backand like understand what that quote is
about. It's not like I'm tellingyou to pull yourself up by your bootsteps.
But having a community around you thatcan hold you accountable would take you
so much further in your healing journeywhere you don't feel like an island done
(32:14):
to yourself, because that gets verylonely. That that is that can be
very defeating. Like we as peopleare communal, We have to be around
people. How much further can someof us get if we had the right
people who would challenge us hold usaccountable. Uh didn't you say that you're
(32:35):
working on X? Are you writingthat book? Are you going to the
gym? Do we need to mailprep together? You know? How are
you? How are you doing withyour anger today? Have you signed up
for therapy? When's the last timeyou've been to church. You know,
having those conversations where it's more it'sless confrontational and more accountability from people who
(32:59):
you can trust, makes a hugedifference in the way that we heal and
how we show up for each other. Yeah, that's why it's so important.
Like the people you surround yourself withreally represents who you are. So
if you're hanging out with people thatare so negative and that talk crap about
people will day guess what you're goingto be doing the same or you're surrounding
(33:21):
yourself with that type of energy allday, right, So this is why
you need to create a really positivegroup people that will uplift you. And
that's why I think community is oneof the best ways to heal in general,
because that's how I heal and overcameconfession and fertility and iv A,
whatever. Going through hard times isknowing that other people are going through the
(33:43):
same thing as you. You overcomethings faster because they're giving you knowledge that
they've been through it before. Soyou just say that and try to apply
it as best as you can andthen you'll see the results. So if
you don't have people with the samethings that you're going through or the same
interest or you know, wanting tobe positive, et cetera. You're never
gonna get there. It's gonna bewell, I'm not gonna say never,
(34:05):
but that road is gonna be reallytough. It's gonna be tough where you're
more likely gonna fail than succeed ifyou have that right community of people.
So thank you for mentioning that.And another thing I want to add when
you were saying about how you knowthere's so much negativity in this world,
Yeah, it's because our society ismade to make things so negative. Like
(34:28):
you said, there's more positivity inthis world, but it's never broadcasted.
No one's fot you know, positivenews like oh yeah, like this person,
you know, help this person outtoday, Like dude, there would
be if they actually showed all thepositivity that goes on in the world.
Think about the news would be onlike all day long and so many different
(34:51):
clips. I don't even think therewould be enough like time to show all
the positivity. But you know wealways pinpoint then one big negative things,
et cetera. Right, but there'syeah, yeah, it's because our society
makes us be fearful. They makeus think like we lack something. We're
always trying to compare other people witheach other, like social media. It's
(35:12):
so if you try to be moreaware and conscious of this, you know
of how society really programs us tothink a certain way, then you know,
then you can empower yourself. That'sa form of empowerment. Like are
you gonna let that dictate your life? Like, yes, I can look
at social media, but I'm notgoing to go and compare myself or y'all
watch news just to kind of seewhat's going on, but I'm not gonna
(35:32):
let it be like, oh mygod, Democrats or Republicans are gonna like
freaking dictate out. No, chill, chill, chill that, you know,
like the political system is just thereto make us fight. No,
let's if we all care about oneanother, we all should love one another,
be kind and like what you said, we should all just be kind
and generous to one another, justa little simple, compassionate things. It's
(35:57):
wile that we get to that.Now everybody everything is so extreme, I
feel, and there's no like mediumanymore. Right right, Like when our
parents grew up, our my parents'generation, everybody was more in the medium.
They're like Okay, I'm a littlebit Republican or a little bit not
trying to be political here. I'mnot very I'm not political at all.
I'm just trying to give an exampleof like how people used to think like
(36:20):
more in the middle. Now everybody'slike this, like either you're a Republican
or either you're a Democratic, andwell, you know, it's like,
okay, where where did this extremitycome from? Like where why? No,
let's all get back to the middleand just care about human basic human
beings. Okay, y, justwant together, we just care for each
other. Let's just focus on thatinstead of like who cares what side you're
(36:45):
on all this There is no sides. We're all human beings and we should
all love each other. Doesn't matter. That's it, plain and simple,
right, It's it is. It'svery it's become very polarizing in recent years,
and and people are more concerned withbeing right than doing the right thing.
(37:07):
And doing the right thing is cloudedbecause people are looking for clicks,
for likes, for subscriptions, forendorsements, for the viral whatever you know,
Oh this moment is going to goviral, or I want to boost
(37:28):
this or do this, and it'slike, if you can't find the thing
that makes you passionate about helping otherpeople, then being viral regardless of how
many times, because we've seen somany people go viral during the pandemic,
and where are they now? Right? But what kind of life are you
(37:52):
leading? Are you happy at nightwhen you lay your head down and you
have accomplished all the things that youset out to accomplish, or you've accomplished
one of the fifteen things on yourlist, Because sometimes those are days where
you're just like, look, Ihave a list. I know that I'm
only going to get through three thingstoday. And so I think it's more
(38:14):
for self growth, for self harmony, understanding what the end goal is in
our journey, understanding what our valuesare. That's what's going to lead us
to the happiness that's going to leadus to peace. And once I was
able to reach that point of peace, now I understand why the older folks
(38:37):
are like, Nope, you're notgonna come in here and disrupting my piece.
You can leave, I will cutyou off, I will block you
whatever thing. I was like,yes, me too. I've reached that
point and it's a great feeling becauseas much as I do protect my piece,
I do care about helping other people. I do care about connecting with
(38:58):
other people. And just because youare on a healing journey, or because
you feel that you are not asfar as other people, or you haven't
reached whatever, you know, whateverrealm of success that other people are in,
you're comparing your day one or yourday thirty five to their year fourteen.
(39:21):
Yeah, you know, and socialmedia is not a good gauge of
success. There's no nuance on socialmedia. You're polarized left or right.
That's it. There's no there's nogray. You're either black or white and
that's it. So I think thathaving a community that you can actually have
(39:42):
real conversation with and have those nuancedconversations and understand who you are, what
you how you present to other peoplecan definitely help you get started on that
health journey of that healing, youknow, whether you're healing your inner child,
healing some negative thoughts, getting throughdepression. It's going to be important
(40:06):
to have that community and have thepeople around you who can hold you accountable
and challenge you to do well.Yeah, so true. And then having
yourself having the courage to empower yourself, you know, taking that first step
to ask for help and to finallyget help, because a lot of us
don't. And most like for me, I thought like going to a therapist
(40:29):
there was something wrong with me,right, Like I was grown up thinking
like if you go to a therapist, you must be crazy or woo woo.
It's like, no, actually,it's great that you go to the
therapist. You're talking about all thesetraumas and doing the interwork, you know,
having that mind or your mindset changeand working on that. That's great.
(40:50):
There's nothing wrong with it. It'svery interesting that people will go to
the dentists every six months, they'llgo get their all change every three months.
They'll go to the doctor every yearfor their physical. They will you
know, get maintenance on their home, clean out their gutters. But when
it comes to mental health, youknow, oh, I'm fine. You
(41:14):
got fired after being at your jobfor five years and pouring everything into it,
and somebody else took you, tookyour position, or you just you
know, lost your child, oryou just lost your parents, or you
had to leave everything you know andstart over because you got deployed. There
are so many things that people arejust like, oh, I'll just get
(41:36):
over it, but they have suchlasting mental, emotional, spiritual effects.
So I've heard that so many times. Like you said, going to If
you're going to a therapist, something'swrong with you. You fifty one to
fifty. You belong in the nuthouse. But whether it's talk, therapy or
other interventions that you know require youto receive the help you need, it's
(42:00):
important to just start somewhere, whetherit's talking to your elders in your community
or having an understanding of I needto do. Just like you said,
Kathy, I need to do whateverit is I need to do within my
power to reach whatever the goal is. You know, crying about it does
(42:22):
not make it happen. Being upsetabout it does not make it happen.
Blaming it on other people does notmake it happen. Once you start taking
action, whatever that action looks like, whether it's starting with community, whether
it's starting with finding a new job, whether it's starting with going back to
school. And y'all, i'm gonnatell you, school is definitely kicking my
(42:45):
butt, but I'm still doing it. Regardless of what it is, you
have to make the effort to startto jumpstart your life in the direction that
you want to go. Yes,exactly, don't don't blame the world,
don't blame others. Just accept thesituation, accept your life, and just
(43:09):
be like, Okay, I havea lot of power. What can I
do today to change start changing mylife? That's it. That's it.
You don't have to think about aB, C, D E F.
It's too much. What can Ido in this moment, right now to
change my life? That's it.And then you'll figure it out. You'll
figure it out if you even giveyourself that moment to even think about.
(43:31):
Yeah, I agree, Well,thank you so much. This was such
a cool conversation. This is yourtime to plug anything that you have that
you want the people to come checkout to follow you take it away.
Yeah, yeah, yes, Soright now I'm doing a lot of numeral
(43:52):
d G guidance card readings. Ilove doing it. It's through coaching.
I'll give you some coaching on somethingthat you need help with, and then
we'll do like a card reading toask your guides or angels on what direction
you need to do, just toconfirm what we talked about. And I
think it's just a powerful tool tohave if you've been stuck with something and
(44:15):
I feel like it's very useful andso I'm doing those. You can go
check that out and book it onmy website at www dot kathymail dot com
or check out my podcast if youhave not heard of me or want to
learn more about what I do orlike what I teach Ignite your Power.
It's on every platform as well,Spotify, Apple at my website as well,
(44:37):
and I'm also on social and ifyou just DM me there and just
have any questions, feel free tojust dam me. I will respond back
to you on Instagram I'm Kathy dotmath and then Facebook and TikTok I'm just
kathymut awesome. Well, thank youfor such a cool conversation. I hope
that you all have enjoyed it asmuch as I did. It's great sometimes
(45:00):
to do some reflection on how muchwork you have done. Like Kathy said
in the beginning, you do allthese things that it's not until you hear
them back to go, wow,I have accomplished quite a bit. So
thank you so much. Please makesure to go follow Kathy and then make
sure you follow us at Take UsFace podcast. So Take Us slaces Pod,
Facebook, Instagram, and x well, Twitter, I still call it
(45:22):
Twitter, and make sure to followus on YouTube at take Us face Pod.
Thank you so much, Kathy,we'll see you next time. Bye
everyone, Bye,
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