October 10, 2024 • 25 mins
🙏 Jacquie Grillon is a sponsor of Finding Connection After Relationship Trauma Summit. 🌟
Jacquie is an accomplished speaker, teacher and counselor. Her need to excavate her own pain took her on a journey from pain to peace. She is an expert in emotional trauma and abuse. She inspires and challenges her audiences and clients to make measurable shifts in their lives and businesses.
Website: https://jacquiegrillon.com/
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Podcast: http://healthrivedreampodcast.com/abuse
Loved this episode? Leave us a comment below.
Jacquie is an accomplished speaker, teacher and counselor. Her need to excavate her own pain took her on a journey from pain to peace. She is an expert in emotional trauma and abuse. She inspires and challenges her audiences and clients to make measurable shifts in their lives and businesses.
Website: https://jacquiegrillon.com/
Connect with Jacquie:
https://www.facebook.com/jacquie.grillon
https://www.instagram.com/jacquiegrillon/
Join our supportive Facebook group community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthrivedream
Connect with me:
Gmail: healthrivedream@gmail.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healthrivedream_
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healthrivedream
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@traumarecoveryexpert
Twitter: https://twitter.com/healthrivedream LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenrobinson2022/
Website: https://www.healthrivedream.com/
Podcast: http://healthrivedreampodcast.com/abuse
Loved this episode? Leave us a comment below.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Heal Thrive Dream Podcast, where trauma survivors
become healthy thrivers. Each month will feature a theme in
the trauma recovery and empowerment field to promote your recovery,
healing and learning how to build dreams. Here's your host,
Karen Robinson, transformational coach and therapist.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome to the Heal Thrived Podcast Today. Our guest is
also a summit speaker and a sponsor for my upcoming
summit Finding Connection after Relationship Trauma. It is coming out
the summit October seventeenth and eighteen, twenty twenty four. After
(00:48):
this episode. If it's way past that date, please get
in contact with us because we will have resales. I'm sorry,
replaced for people to just if they would like, so
please check that out. My guest today is Jaquie. No,
(01:09):
I'm tired.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Jackie is fired.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Your name is not Jacquie, it's Jackie. Right.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Yeah, you're doing great.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
You're too kind. I butchered your name and that was
supposed to be the easy part. Oh, you're doing great, Okay,
we got again. Welcome to the Heel Through I Dream Podcast. Today.
Our guest is Jackie Grian. I want to start by thinking, Jackie,
(01:42):
for being a summit speaker and a sponsor from my
upcoming summit Finding connection after relationship trauma. It is the
summit is happening October seventeenth and eighteen, twenty twenty four.
If it's past that date you're listening to this or
(02:03):
watching this in the future, please get in contact. If
this summit sounds like it resonates with you, as we
will have replays that you can purchase now onto Jackie.
Jackie is an accomplished speaker, teacher, and counselor. Her need
to excavate her own pain took her on a journey
(02:27):
from pain to peace. She is an expert in emotional
trauma and abuse. She inspires and challenges her audiences and
clients to make measurable shifts, not only in their lives,
but also in their business. Thank you, Jackie for being
here today and being patient with me.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Pleasure, Pleasure. I'm so happy to be here, Jackie.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Can you say a little bit about why it was
important for you to be involved in the summit?
Speaker 4 (02:59):
Oh uh, just the name of it alone. The whole
point of anything to do with emotional trauma and abuse is.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
It speaks to my soul. Unfortunately, unfortunately.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
You know, what I used to view as look at life,
what life is doing to me, I now view as
I am the exact person that I am right now
because of all of that, and you know, and it's
sort of, you know, morphs into a super power believe
it or not, later on in handling people in situations.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
And so just spoke to me a deep level.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
That's beautiful to hear. It's interesting how our pain. I
love how you send your biof A lot of times,
if we do the work around our pain, it can
be very transformative, freeing, peaceful. What about your own trauma
history are you comfortable and sharing with us today?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Well, I've had a lot of it, very well versed
in it.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
I grew up infinitly where you know, there was a
lot of let's just say unhealed or people who came
from their own wounding. You know that weren't able to
deal with that. And because of that, you know, when
you don't heal and you don't take the deep dives
to do this kind of work to from it, you
kind of pass it on to the next generation and
(04:23):
the next generation. And so, you know, I feel like
I'm probably the first generation in my family to even
remotely touch or dive deep into this work. So there
was just a lot of unhealed things growing up. So
you know, there was I mean my family, in the
family line, there's all kinds of emotional abuse, sexual abuse,
traumas of all kinds. You know, it's it's not unheard of.
(04:48):
I mean, you know, we're the people coming to the
summit are coming because they come from very similar.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Things, right right, and the people listening to this podcast episode.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
Absolutely that's podcast about yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
And so what did your recovery from your dramas look like?
What was the most helpful?
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Well, first, I you know, I you know, when you
when you come from these kinds of background, you tend
to escape however you can whenever that looks like, you know,
And when I was a kid, it was like going
in the woods and you know and hanging out, and
then you know, and then it was you get older
and it was drinking and drugs and you know, doing
all the wrong things and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
And you know, my my, I feel like my life
has there.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
Been one big coping mechanism after another, and they work
great until they don't, you know, there's there's people who
want relief and they get it in gratification.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
That's the kind of world we live in.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
And then there's people who go and want the deep piece,
and that's the work that you know we have to do.
But it's usually I mean, listen, I sign up to
go do this kind of work if it wasn't for
emotional pain leveling me until I had to get in
therapist office and lots of years and years and decades
of avoiding doing it in every other way, like trying
(06:11):
to have psychics and terror readers take away my pain.
There was lots of avenues to get there. The first thing,
the most important thing before I could do anything was
I needed to get conscious, and for that I had
to get sober, because I kind of took that to
another level, and then after I got conscious, it.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Was a lot easier to kind of dive into the
other things.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yeah, you make a great point. A lot of people
will say, you know a lot of negatives about drinking
and drug and of course there's a lot of counts
to it, but it's also reported. It's also important to
remember it is a coping skill, it's just not a
healthy coping skill. So I like to say, yes, yes,
(06:54):
alcohol and drugs absolutely can be helpful, but they ultimately
you end up with two problems, the original trauma and
the addiction.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
That's the thing, that's exactly the thing, The original problem
that you were escaping from, does not go anywhere. In fact,
sometimes you know, drinking or drugging or whatever you're doing
to avoid it. And you know, some people work too much.
Like you know, an addiction can be online. Whatever that
is for you, anything it's been I love. The definition
(07:24):
of addiction is andying to avoid intolerable reality. And let's
face it, look at the world we live in. There's
a lot of people avoiding intolerable reality right.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Now, in this moment, right absolutely right. So when you
were ready to do the to learn the coping skills
that would give you greater peace, can you share a
little bit what your coping skills became.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Okay, so it gets sober, I'm doing great, or I
think I'm doing great, and then emotional bottoms start coming.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Right.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
You know again, I'm not signing up because I'm some
virtuous person like, oh.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Let me, let's go do this work.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
I didn't land in a therapist's office because it was
a good place to go.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
It was my last resort.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
I tried everything to not go to that therapist's office.
I tried everything to heal myself. I'm very resourceful, and
believe me, if there was an answer out there, I
would have found it.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
And that doesn't mean that all the.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
Other avenues I found energy healing and things like that
cannot compliment your life and help with peace and meditation
and things like that and bring you peace and joy.
But they do not. They do not heal wounds. It
just doesn't heal wounds, and it doesn't really it doesn't
bring you real peace or joy at all. So my
(08:47):
way via pain is how I started to the more
pain I was willing to look at, the more peace
and joy I got in freedom on the other side
of that.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
You know, it was basic a direct result, like the
more I.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Was willing to go here, I got that much pain,
relief and peace and joy. But like real I didn't
even know what real I had sun And I knew
what love was I loved him or that I loved myself,
but I didn't know what joy felt like until I
started doing some of this work.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Because I could I now could see the word.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
But I could feel it in my heart and I
was like, oh, that's what that feelso like. But my
work has been the more I'm willing to deep dive
over here is to the wounds, the more freedom and
peace and joy I get on the other side. That's
been my experience, you know. And like I said, if
there was an easier a I would have found it,
(09:44):
but there wasn't. Now today there's a lot more options.
They do have a lot more you know, trauma things
and connections and e MDR and all these things, Like
they didn't have any of that.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
I had to do it. I had to do it
old school, like feeling your feelings.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm still willing to bet that that's still the most
effective way. That's part of my work. We just sometimes
go slow with it when people are struggling. But I
equated to that wound that you're talking about. I look
at it as well. We if you have a big
(10:21):
gunshot wound in your stomach, you can just ignore that.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
No, so you really gotta look at it, you gotta
study it, you gotta clean it, and then you got
to lovingly stitch it up.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
And yes there's a scar, but then you can say, oh,
my goodness. Look at what I survived, and I was
I had the courage even though it was really painful
to look at it, to clean it and heal it,
so I can really have that for joy like you're
talking about. I like that. Most of my Yeah, most
(10:56):
of my experience has been like that.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Dude.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Can people get back are in small ways by trying
at their types of modelagy.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Or absolutely I'd like healing. Yeah, that's the thing. I
can find temporary relief. I have a talk that I do.
It's like, do you want relief or do you want peace?
Because they're two very different things. Like I can find
relief in five seconds, you know, but that's not going
to be genuine peace, like peace in my in my soul.
(11:25):
And there's when you get a taste of peace. If
you're somebody like me, you want more of it. And
let me tell you something. This is a girl who
came from a very chaotic, crazy background. When I first
got sober, people talked about like peace, sin, serenity. I
was like, I don't care about any of that. That'sunded
boring to me. I didn't even date peaceful guys like
(11:49):
that was boring to me. But once I got no.
Once I got a taste of real peace, I was like, oh,
now I know what they're talking about.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Now I know what it is. I had never had that.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
I was one big you know, I was undiagnosed ADHD
until very recent recently if you can even believe that,
and you know, an anxiety ridden my whole life.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
You know, I was just one big anxiety ball.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
So the fact that I can go and have any
moments of peace on the outside and the inside, that
was like unheard of for somebody like me with no medication.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
So how did that change your life once you found
that inner piece? How did it change your life?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (12:34):
So I feel like all the changes that have happened
in my life have been.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Incremental, right, you know, cumulative.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Everything that I feel or deal with or what have you.
And I get that little bits of freedom or joy
or peace or whatever else, and all those actions that
I'm making are self esteemable and I'm gaining self worth
and you know, and all those things kind of build
on each other.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
And I already forgot the question that you just asked me.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So it's okay, I'll stated again I remember, which is great, Chris. Yeah,
survivors are our memories sometimes that get apacted in and out. Yeah.
My question was, oh, yeah, now that you have some
peace in your life, how is your world, your life
(13:20):
different for you?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Oh okay, yeah, So back to that.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
So it's cumulative, Like I feel like there wasn't some
magic white light moment where I'm like, Okay, now I'm
peaceful and whatever.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Like I'm still me, Like I'm a fiery leo.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
You know, I'm I'm a lot which you know, I'm loud,
you know, I'm still all of those things. The difference
is is that I'm okay in my body today. I'm
okay in my soul today. Little incremental things that bring
me the piece change my perspective on things.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
And when you can change your perspective on things.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
You view them differently, obviously, and when you're viewing from
different vantage points, not just the once. I what was
the biggest game changer was real sting that everything that
I told myself in my head was a lie, or
most of it. Because before all of that, I believed
everything that I thought in my head, and I thought
I was pretty smart. So to believe that, to believe
(14:20):
that ninety nine percent of the stuff that I am
telling myself is a lie was a game changer, a
number one.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
That's the first thing.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
So when low spots come in, or you're sick, or
you don't get enough sleep, and those things happen, I
know I'm going to get some crazy negative thoughts coming in.
And that's when I'm like, yes, I'm not listening to you.
You can move on, and I just don't entertain them anymore.
And the piece comes from the different perspectives that there
were certain things like forgiveness wasn't even on the table
(14:51):
for lots of things in my life, because there was
a lot of unforgivable things that were never going to
be forgetting in this lifetime. And that's changed my willingness
even be willing to forgive some of the things that
I said were unforgivable is amazing. Let alone forgiving some
of those things, let alone.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
All of those things. Am I done forgiving everything and everyone? No?
Speaker 4 (15:14):
But where I am at is there is nothing that
I'm not willing to forgive today for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
And because again.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
With the pain and freedom and peace and joy, with
the forgiveness aspect, the more I'm willing to forgive, the
more compassion I attained, which I didn't even know I
had in me, but that was the gift of the
forgiveness piece. So it's like each one of these things.
Each time I become willing to look at something in
(15:43):
myself that I did not want to look at, and
that's work anything that triggers me or any place inside of.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Me that I don't want to go and I try
to escape from.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Every time I do do it, I get a gift
from it, and unexpected gift. Like like I said, with
the forgiveness, that's just more recent one, right. So the
more I'm willing to forgive, the more compassion I get,
which is awesome, because I'm so hard myself, you know,
and so to have for you know, half forgiveness and
compassion for myself, let alone all the unforgivable things out
(16:13):
there is huge. I'm not the same person. I don't
treat other people or myself the same way. And even
though I'm still hard on myself. If you met me
twenty years ago, we're talking about to.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
People, Yeah, I mean you said something about learning more
about our thoughts. Was you know a game changer?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
I tell people that all the time, Like it's counseling
and having somebody really smart. Sometimes it's hard because when
they are really smart, you believe the shit that's in
your head, even if there's no evidence.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
I'm telling a bit very destructive and you know what,
Like I I hate to say like nine to nine
percent of the stuff I create is a lie, but
a lot of it is a lot of it is
just my interpretation of it.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
And then you know, I'm not a scientist or a
neuro doctor or anything like that. There is science to
the things that when the reason that we make up
things in our head or whatever else is it's your
brain takes in the information, but it also wants to
keep you safe, and if it needs to lie to
you to keep.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
You safe, that's what it'll do.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
And if I correlate just that into my childhood, I
had to make up a lot of things, and I'm
sure my brain had it, you know, delusionally or whatever
the word is, make up some stuff to keep me safe.
Otherwise I probably wouldn't be on this call right now.
(17:52):
So it makes that right now. It didn't make sense
to me at the time. I'm like, I don't lie
to myself. What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah? Yeah, again, we just assume until we have therapy
or read something that says, you know, study your thoughts,
question your thoughts, analyze your thoughts. I teach clients tools
all the time to how to do that. It's it's
really important work. Okay, So tell me what your work
(18:25):
with clients looks like now that you have felt the
pain and also felt the piece. How what does that
mean in your work? How does that show up in
your work?
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (18:35):
So working with clients and doing talks and speaking and
things like that usually looks like in today's world that
the clients that I'm most attracting now are sort of
like me. They're like type A people who don't know
or never learned how to be still or get still
(19:00):
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Like those are my people because study.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
Right, So mostly it's type A people who are completely
burnt out, stressed out. I've quit jobs and rebuilt my
life countless amounts of dusk and I highly recommend it.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
And although terrifying in the moment, it's freeing.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
And you know what, you say, I don't have enough
time and I don't have enough money, and you try
and be super mom and super everything to everyone and
hold five jobs. You know, there's nothing heroic in any
of that, and there's nothing there's no self care in
any of that, there's no self worth in any of that.
And it's just like the whether it's society or how
you are raised or whatever, these ideals that we as
(19:43):
women especially put upon ourselves that.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
We need to do in a day. Like I look
at these women with I have that high power jobs,
three kids.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
At home, and they wonder why they're you know, using
their they call it zanny for their Xanax and wine
at the end of the day, you know, to man
into their life, but they don't have time to.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
They like I don't have time to meditate. I don't
have time to do some self care. I don't have
time to do self work.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
And I basically show them how not only do they
have time, they have not only hours in their day,
they have days in their day, you know.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
I teach them how to work.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Smarter, not harder, and to get their lives back and
then to maybe even start choosing things that they align
with on a soul level where it feels good to them.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
And a lot of times they're.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
They you know, they're didn't really that they would be
quitting that high power job for something that feels a
lot better. And so those are usually the people that
I attract.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Yeah, people that all the money in the world they
make will will not give them peace.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
It doesn't give you peace or joy.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
And we're only here for a certain amount of time,
Like we're not meant to be robots to just run
and run, run, run, run run. And yes, it's like
I live. I'm a queen of living by the checklist. Yes, yes, yes,
everything off my list today. But when you're overextended and
exhausted and insane at the end of the day, where
are we going? Where are we going with any of that?
(21:08):
That is not why what I want to I want
my life to mean something. I want I want to
be an example for not only for my son, but
for my grandkids and you know, and whoever else I'm
supposed to be a legacy for and be that example.
I have to walk the talk.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
You know, beautiful. Okay. And with your clients, do you
individual coaching or do you have group coaching? Do you
have workshops? Tell me a little bit more about that.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Yeah, So usually it starts out, I mean, unless somebody
call me in that either got a referral from somebody
or what have you. But usually it'll start off with
I'm either doing a workshop or an event or a group.
You know, we do like online groups, and it's basically
like the power of the group usually gets people to
open up because a lot of times people know they
have whatever, but when they hear or you know, twenty
(22:01):
other people say, oh yeah, me too, me too, me too.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Kind of the magic in the group happens.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
And then some people want to take it further and
do like one on ones and you know, so I
have different things for some people only want to do
it for like a weekend, like a retreat kind of thing,
like individual or even group retreats, and then other people,
you know, move on to maybe work with you for three,
six or nine months or a year or whatever. Everybody's different,
(22:26):
you know, I'm not. I don't have a cooky cutter course.
I like live interactions with people. So most of the
stuff is you know, pans on as far as you know, I'm.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Concerned for now anyway, and I like it that way.
I like connection piece.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah, can you do you remember the name of the
talk that you're going to do for the summit?
Speaker 4 (22:51):
I think it's probably about like choosing yourself, because I
think that that's like the biggest thing, because if you're
I feel like, oh yeah, I think it's like Joe,
yourself benefits everybody because I feel like working with clients
and even for myself, you know, I can easily tell myself, oh,
I want to, you know, be thoughtful or helpful for
(23:12):
the next person, like let me not you know, even
something simple as you're at the dinner table with family
and there's like a last piece of potato on the
table and somebody's like, you can have it.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Now, you can have it.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
You can have it, and you think you're like doing
somebody a favor. And that's just a small thing. But
the fact is is if you want the potato, eat
the potato, because if you're doing what you want, it
aligns with everybody if you keep sacrificing what you want,
and it could be as silly as a potato, but
it could be as big as well. I didn't want
(23:43):
to make waves over here, or I didn't want to,
you know, not say anything to my boss, or I
didn't want to whatever. That's when you start selling your soul.
And so it's about that. It's kind of about how
choosing yourself really benefit all. It's just a different way
to view it.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I am so excited to hear your talk. So those
of you listen, you know, please register for summit. We'll
have a link in the show notes. But you don't
want to miss Jackie's talk. It sounds like it's going
to be fun.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Well, we'll see what happens.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
I mean, it's my life, so whatever's going to come
out is going to come out.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
And I love live, so that's even better.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
I would be the one doing eighteen thousand takes, so
Live is good for me because you can't take it back.
Whatever happens happens, and that's what it's time to happen.
It's been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for
your having me on.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
No, it's been my pleasure. So those of you listening,
the best way to reach Jackie to learn more about
her is your website.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
You on dot com.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Dot you grillan. She made it super easy for you.
And our last name is is.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Just grill on, like turn the grill on.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I didn't want to bring up your middle school trauma,
but okay.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Listen, you've got to embrace the trauma subsize. You got
to make it easier for people because if I go
with my name really is Jacqueline Rion, that usually doesn't
go over well. And let's face it, the only time
anybody's ever called me Jacqueline was when my grandmother was
yelling at me. So I'm good with Jackie.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Well, I'm going to say both sound beautiful. But thank
you so much for being on this podcast today and
for being a sponsor and a speaker at the upcoming summit.
I very much appreciate you.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
And I'm looking so forward to Thanks so much, and
thank you all for listening.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Thank you for listening in today. Please join us next week,
same day and time. Also, I would love for you
to check out my website, He'll Thrive dream dot com
Welcome to the Heal Thrive Dream Podcast, where trauma survivors
become healthy thrivers. Each month will feature a theme in
the trauma recovery and empowerment field to promote your recovery,
healing and learning how to build dreams. Here's your host,
Karen Robinson, transformational coach and therapist.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome to the Heal Thrived Podcast Today. Our guest is
also a summit speaker and a sponsor for my upcoming
summit Finding Connection after Relationship Trauma. It is coming out
the summit October seventeenth and eighteen, twenty twenty four. After
(00:48):
this episode. If it's way past that date, please get
in contact with us because we will have resales. I'm sorry,
replaced for people to just if they would like, so
please check that out. My guest today is Jaquie. No,
(01:09):
I'm tired.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Jackie is fired.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Your name is not Jacquie, it's Jackie. Right.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Yeah, you're doing great.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
You're too kind. I butchered your name and that was
supposed to be the easy part. Oh, you're doing great, Okay,
we got again. Welcome to the Heel Through I Dream Podcast. Today.
Our guest is Jackie Grian. I want to start by thinking, Jackie,
(01:42):
for being a summit speaker and a sponsor from my
upcoming summit Finding connection after relationship trauma. It is the
summit is happening October seventeenth and eighteen, twenty twenty four.
If it's past that date you're listening to this or
(02:03):
watching this in the future, please get in contact. If
this summit sounds like it resonates with you, as we
will have replays that you can purchase now onto Jackie.
Jackie is an accomplished speaker, teacher, and counselor. Her need
to excavate her own pain took her on a journey
(02:27):
from pain to peace. She is an expert in emotional
trauma and abuse. She inspires and challenges her audiences and
clients to make measurable shifts, not only in their lives,
but also in their business. Thank you, Jackie for being
here today and being patient with me.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Pleasure, Pleasure. I'm so happy to be here, Jackie.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Can you say a little bit about why it was
important for you to be involved in the summit?
Speaker 4 (02:59):
Oh uh, just the name of it alone. The whole
point of anything to do with emotional trauma and abuse is.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
It speaks to my soul. Unfortunately, unfortunately.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
You know, what I used to view as look at life,
what life is doing to me, I now view as
I am the exact person that I am right now
because of all of that, and you know, and it's
sort of, you know, morphs into a super power believe
it or not, later on in handling people in situations.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
And so just spoke to me a deep level.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
That's beautiful to hear. It's interesting how our pain. I
love how you send your biof A lot of times,
if we do the work around our pain, it can
be very transformative, freeing, peaceful. What about your own trauma
history are you comfortable and sharing with us today?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Well, I've had a lot of it, very well versed
in it.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
I grew up infinitly where you know, there was a
lot of let's just say unhealed or people who came
from their own wounding. You know that weren't able to
deal with that. And because of that, you know, when
you don't heal and you don't take the deep dives
to do this kind of work to from it, you
kind of pass it on to the next generation and
(04:23):
the next generation. And so, you know, I feel like
I'm probably the first generation in my family to even
remotely touch or dive deep into this work. So there
was just a lot of unhealed things growing up. So
you know, there was I mean my family, in the
family line, there's all kinds of emotional abuse, sexual abuse,
traumas of all kinds. You know, it's it's not unheard of.
(04:48):
I mean, you know, we're the people coming to the
summit are coming because they come from very similar.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Things, right right, and the people listening to this podcast episode.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
Absolutely that's podcast about yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
And so what did your recovery from your dramas look like?
What was the most helpful?
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Well, first, I you know, I you know, when you
when you come from these kinds of background, you tend
to escape however you can whenever that looks like, you know,
And when I was a kid, it was like going
in the woods and you know and hanging out, and
then you know, and then it was you get older
and it was drinking and drugs and you know, doing
all the wrong things and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
And you know, my my, I feel like my life
has there.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
Been one big coping mechanism after another, and they work
great until they don't, you know, there's there's people who
want relief and they get it in gratification.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
That's the kind of world we live in.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
And then there's people who go and want the deep piece,
and that's the work that you know we have to do.
But it's usually I mean, listen, I sign up to
go do this kind of work if it wasn't for
emotional pain leveling me until I had to get in
therapist office and lots of years and years and decades
of avoiding doing it in every other way, like trying
(06:11):
to have psychics and terror readers take away my pain.
There was lots of avenues to get there. The first thing,
the most important thing before I could do anything was
I needed to get conscious, and for that I had
to get sober, because I kind of took that to
another level, and then after I got conscious, it.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Was a lot easier to kind of dive into the
other things.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yeah, you make a great point. A lot of people
will say, you know a lot of negatives about drinking
and drug and of course there's a lot of counts
to it, but it's also reported. It's also important to
remember it is a coping skill, it's just not a
healthy coping skill. So I like to say, yes, yes,
(06:54):
alcohol and drugs absolutely can be helpful, but they ultimately
you end up with two problems, the original trauma and
the addiction.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
That's the thing, that's exactly the thing, The original problem
that you were escaping from, does not go anywhere. In fact,
sometimes you know, drinking or drugging or whatever you're doing
to avoid it. And you know, some people work too much.
Like you know, an addiction can be online. Whatever that
is for you, anything it's been I love. The definition
(07:24):
of addiction is andying to avoid intolerable reality. And let's
face it, look at the world we live in. There's
a lot of people avoiding intolerable reality right.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Now, in this moment, right absolutely right. So when you
were ready to do the to learn the coping skills
that would give you greater peace, can you share a
little bit what your coping skills became.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Okay, so it gets sober, I'm doing great, or I
think I'm doing great, and then emotional bottoms start coming.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Right.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
You know again, I'm not signing up because I'm some
virtuous person like, oh.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Let me, let's go do this work.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
I didn't land in a therapist's office because it was
a good place to go.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
It was my last resort.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
I tried everything to not go to that therapist's office.
I tried everything to heal myself. I'm very resourceful, and
believe me, if there was an answer out there, I
would have found it.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
And that doesn't mean that all the.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
Other avenues I found energy healing and things like that
cannot compliment your life and help with peace and meditation
and things like that and bring you peace and joy.
But they do not. They do not heal wounds. It
just doesn't heal wounds, and it doesn't really it doesn't
bring you real peace or joy at all. So my
(08:47):
way via pain is how I started to the more
pain I was willing to look at, the more peace
and joy I got in freedom on the other side
of that.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
You know, it was basic a direct result, like the
more I.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Was willing to go here, I got that much pain,
relief and peace and joy. But like real I didn't
even know what real I had sun And I knew
what love was I loved him or that I loved myself,
but I didn't know what joy felt like until I
started doing some of this work.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Because I could I now could see the word.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
But I could feel it in my heart and I
was like, oh, that's what that feelso like. But my
work has been the more I'm willing to deep dive
over here is to the wounds, the more freedom and
peace and joy I get on the other side. That's
been my experience, you know. And like I said, if
there was an easier a I would have found it,
(09:44):
but there wasn't. Now today there's a lot more options.
They do have a lot more you know, trauma things
and connections and e MDR and all these things, Like
they didn't have any of that.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
I had to do it. I had to do it
old school, like feeling your feelings.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm still willing to bet that that's still the most
effective way. That's part of my work. We just sometimes
go slow with it when people are struggling. But I
equated to that wound that you're talking about. I look
at it as well. We if you have a big
(10:21):
gunshot wound in your stomach, you can just ignore that.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
No, so you really gotta look at it, you gotta
study it, you gotta clean it, and then you got
to lovingly stitch it up.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
And yes there's a scar, but then you can say, oh,
my goodness. Look at what I survived, and I was
I had the courage even though it was really painful
to look at it, to clean it and heal it,
so I can really have that for joy like you're
talking about. I like that. Most of my Yeah, most
(10:56):
of my experience has been like that.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Dude.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Can people get back are in small ways by trying
at their types of modelagy.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Or absolutely I'd like healing. Yeah, that's the thing. I
can find temporary relief. I have a talk that I do.
It's like, do you want relief or do you want peace?
Because they're two very different things. Like I can find
relief in five seconds, you know, but that's not going
to be genuine peace, like peace in my in my soul.
(11:25):
And there's when you get a taste of peace. If
you're somebody like me, you want more of it. And
let me tell you something. This is a girl who
came from a very chaotic, crazy background. When I first
got sober, people talked about like peace, sin, serenity. I
was like, I don't care about any of that. That'sunded
boring to me. I didn't even date peaceful guys like
(11:49):
that was boring to me. But once I got no.
Once I got a taste of real peace, I was like, oh,
now I know what they're talking about.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Now I know what it is. I had never had that.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
I was one big you know, I was undiagnosed ADHD
until very recent recently if you can even believe that,
and you know, an anxiety ridden my whole life.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
You know, I was just one big anxiety ball.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
So the fact that I can go and have any
moments of peace on the outside and the inside, that
was like unheard of for somebody like me with no medication.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
So how did that change your life once you found
that inner piece? How did it change your life?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (12:34):
So I feel like all the changes that have happened
in my life have been.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Incremental, right, you know, cumulative.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Everything that I feel or deal with or what have you.
And I get that little bits of freedom or joy
or peace or whatever else, and all those actions that
I'm making are self esteemable and I'm gaining self worth
and you know, and all those things kind of build
on each other.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
And I already forgot the question that you just asked me.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So it's okay, I'll stated again I remember, which is great, Chris. Yeah,
survivors are our memories sometimes that get apacted in and out. Yeah.
My question was, oh, yeah, now that you have some
peace in your life, how is your world, your life
(13:20):
different for you?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Oh okay, yeah, So back to that.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
So it's cumulative, Like I feel like there wasn't some
magic white light moment where I'm like, Okay, now I'm
peaceful and whatever.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Like I'm still me, Like I'm a fiery leo.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
You know, I'm I'm a lot which you know, I'm loud,
you know, I'm still all of those things. The difference
is is that I'm okay in my body today. I'm
okay in my soul today. Little incremental things that bring
me the piece change my perspective on things.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
And when you can change your perspective on things.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
You view them differently, obviously, and when you're viewing from
different vantage points, not just the once. I what was
the biggest game changer was real sting that everything that
I told myself in my head was a lie, or
most of it. Because before all of that, I believed
everything that I thought in my head, and I thought
I was pretty smart. So to believe that, to believe
(14:20):
that ninety nine percent of the stuff that I am
telling myself is a lie was a game changer, a
number one.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
That's the first thing.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
So when low spots come in, or you're sick, or
you don't get enough sleep, and those things happen, I
know I'm going to get some crazy negative thoughts coming in.
And that's when I'm like, yes, I'm not listening to you.
You can move on, and I just don't entertain them anymore.
And the piece comes from the different perspectives that there
were certain things like forgiveness wasn't even on the table
(14:51):
for lots of things in my life, because there was
a lot of unforgivable things that were never going to
be forgetting in this lifetime. And that's changed my willingness
even be willing to forgive some of the things that
I said were unforgivable is amazing. Let alone forgiving some
of those things, let alone.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
All of those things. Am I done forgiving everything and everyone? No?
Speaker 4 (15:14):
But where I am at is there is nothing that
I'm not willing to forgive today for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
And because again.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
With the pain and freedom and peace and joy, with
the forgiveness aspect, the more I'm willing to forgive, the
more compassion I attained, which I didn't even know I
had in me, but that was the gift of the
forgiveness piece. So it's like each one of these things.
Each time I become willing to look at something in
(15:43):
myself that I did not want to look at, and
that's work anything that triggers me or any place inside of.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Me that I don't want to go and I try
to escape from.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Every time I do do it, I get a gift
from it, and unexpected gift. Like like I said, with
the forgiveness, that's just more recent one, right. So the
more I'm willing to forgive, the more compassion I get,
which is awesome, because I'm so hard myself, you know,
and so to have for you know, half forgiveness and
compassion for myself, let alone all the unforgivable things out
(16:13):
there is huge. I'm not the same person. I don't
treat other people or myself the same way. And even
though I'm still hard on myself. If you met me
twenty years ago, we're talking about to.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
People, Yeah, I mean you said something about learning more
about our thoughts. Was you know a game changer?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
I tell people that all the time, Like it's counseling
and having somebody really smart. Sometimes it's hard because when
they are really smart, you believe the shit that's in
your head, even if there's no evidence.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
I'm telling a bit very destructive and you know what,
Like I I hate to say like nine to nine
percent of the stuff I create is a lie, but
a lot of it is a lot of it is
just my interpretation of it.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
And then you know, I'm not a scientist or a
neuro doctor or anything like that. There is science to
the things that when the reason that we make up
things in our head or whatever else is it's your
brain takes in the information, but it also wants to
keep you safe, and if it needs to lie to
you to keep.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
You safe, that's what it'll do.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
And if I correlate just that into my childhood, I
had to make up a lot of things, and I'm
sure my brain had it, you know, delusionally or whatever
the word is, make up some stuff to keep me safe.
Otherwise I probably wouldn't be on this call right now.
(17:52):
So it makes that right now. It didn't make sense
to me at the time. I'm like, I don't lie
to myself. What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah? Yeah, again, we just assume until we have therapy
or read something that says, you know, study your thoughts,
question your thoughts, analyze your thoughts. I teach clients tools
all the time to how to do that. It's it's
really important work. Okay, So tell me what your work
(18:25):
with clients looks like now that you have felt the
pain and also felt the piece. How what does that
mean in your work? How does that show up in
your work?
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (18:35):
So working with clients and doing talks and speaking and
things like that usually looks like in today's world that
the clients that I'm most attracting now are sort of
like me. They're like type A people who don't know
or never learned how to be still or get still
(19:00):
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Like those are my people because study.
Speaker 4 (19:03):
Right, So mostly it's type A people who are completely
burnt out, stressed out. I've quit jobs and rebuilt my
life countless amounts of dusk and I highly recommend it.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
And although terrifying in the moment, it's freeing.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
And you know what, you say, I don't have enough
time and I don't have enough money, and you try
and be super mom and super everything to everyone and
hold five jobs. You know, there's nothing heroic in any
of that, and there's nothing there's no self care in
any of that, there's no self worth in any of that.
And it's just like the whether it's society or how
you are raised or whatever, these ideals that we as
(19:43):
women especially put upon ourselves that.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
We need to do in a day. Like I look
at these women with I have that high power jobs,
three kids.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
At home, and they wonder why they're you know, using
their they call it zanny for their Xanax and wine
at the end of the day, you know, to man
into their life, but they don't have time to.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
They like I don't have time to meditate. I don't
have time to do some self care. I don't have
time to do self work.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
And I basically show them how not only do they
have time, they have not only hours in their day,
they have days in their day, you know.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
I teach them how to work.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Smarter, not harder, and to get their lives back and
then to maybe even start choosing things that they align
with on a soul level where it feels good to them.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
And a lot of times they're.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
They you know, they're didn't really that they would be
quitting that high power job for something that feels a
lot better. And so those are usually the people that
I attract.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Yeah, people that all the money in the world they
make will will not give them peace.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
It doesn't give you peace or joy.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
And we're only here for a certain amount of time,
Like we're not meant to be robots to just run
and run, run, run, run run. And yes, it's like
I live. I'm a queen of living by the checklist. Yes, yes, yes,
everything off my list today. But when you're overextended and
exhausted and insane at the end of the day, where
are we going? Where are we going with any of that?
(21:08):
That is not why what I want to I want
my life to mean something. I want I want to
be an example for not only for my son, but
for my grandkids and you know, and whoever else I'm
supposed to be a legacy for and be that example.
I have to walk the talk.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
You know, beautiful. Okay. And with your clients, do you
individual coaching or do you have group coaching? Do you
have workshops? Tell me a little bit more about that.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Yeah, So usually it starts out, I mean, unless somebody
call me in that either got a referral from somebody
or what have you. But usually it'll start off with
I'm either doing a workshop or an event or a group.
You know, we do like online groups, and it's basically
like the power of the group usually gets people to
open up because a lot of times people know they
have whatever, but when they hear or you know, twenty
(22:01):
other people say, oh yeah, me too, me too, me too.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Kind of the magic in the group happens.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
And then some people want to take it further and
do like one on ones and you know, so I
have different things for some people only want to do
it for like a weekend, like a retreat kind of thing,
like individual or even group retreats, and then other people,
you know, move on to maybe work with you for three,
six or nine months or a year or whatever. Everybody's different,
(22:26):
you know, I'm not. I don't have a cooky cutter course.
I like live interactions with people. So most of the
stuff is you know, pans on as far as you know, I'm.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Concerned for now anyway, and I like it that way.
I like connection piece.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah, can you do you remember the name of the
talk that you're going to do for the summit?
Speaker 4 (22:51):
I think it's probably about like choosing yourself, because I
think that that's like the biggest thing, because if you're
I feel like, oh yeah, I think it's like Joe,
yourself benefits everybody because I feel like working with clients
and even for myself, you know, I can easily tell myself, oh,
I want to, you know, be thoughtful or helpful for
(23:12):
the next person, like let me not you know, even
something simple as you're at the dinner table with family
and there's like a last piece of potato on the
table and somebody's like, you can have it.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Now, you can have it.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
You can have it, and you think you're like doing
somebody a favor. And that's just a small thing. But
the fact is is if you want the potato, eat
the potato, because if you're doing what you want, it
aligns with everybody if you keep sacrificing what you want,
and it could be as silly as a potato, but
it could be as big as well. I didn't want
(23:43):
to make waves over here, or I didn't want to,
you know, not say anything to my boss, or I
didn't want to whatever. That's when you start selling your soul.
And so it's about that. It's kind of about how
choosing yourself really benefit all. It's just a different way
to view it.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I am so excited to hear your talk. So those
of you listen, you know, please register for summit. We'll
have a link in the show notes. But you don't
want to miss Jackie's talk. It sounds like it's going
to be fun.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Well, we'll see what happens.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
I mean, it's my life, so whatever's going to come
out is going to come out.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
And I love live, so that's even better.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
I would be the one doing eighteen thousand takes, so
Live is good for me because you can't take it back.
Whatever happens happens, and that's what it's time to happen.
It's been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for
your having me on.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
No, it's been my pleasure. So those of you listening,
the best way to reach Jackie to learn more about
her is your website.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
You on dot com.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Dot you grillan. She made it super easy for you.
And our last name is is.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Just grill on, like turn the grill on.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I didn't want to bring up your middle school trauma,
but okay.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Listen, you've got to embrace the trauma subsize. You got
to make it easier for people because if I go
with my name really is Jacqueline Rion, that usually doesn't
go over well. And let's face it, the only time
anybody's ever called me Jacqueline was when my grandmother was
yelling at me. So I'm good with Jackie.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Well, I'm going to say both sound beautiful. But thank
you so much for being on this podcast today and
for being a sponsor and a speaker at the upcoming summit.
I very much appreciate you.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
And I'm looking so forward to Thanks so much, and
thank you all for listening.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Thank you for listening in today. Please join us next week,
same day and time. Also, I would love for you
to check out my website, He'll Thrive dream dot com
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.