September 9, 2025 • 38 mins
Sometimes the path to healing starts with letting your imagination lead. In this episode, Lyndsay Soprano is joined by Deborah Weed for a conversation that blends creativity, resilience, and a fierce reclaiming of self-worth.
Deborah shares her story of being bedridden for three years—misdiagnosed, dismissed, and cut off from the life she once knew. But instead of giving up, she turned inward, channeling her pain into something powerful: a Broadway-scale musical and a character named Paisley the Porcupine who teaches kids (and grown-ups) about the power of self-worth. “Quills up,” she says, is the reminder we all need when it’s time to protect our truth and stand in our strength.
They talk about the difference between self-worth and self-esteem, the impact of childhood narratives, and how creativity isn’t just a passion, it’s a path to remembering who you are. Whether it’s theater, writing, music, or movement, pursuing what lights you up can be the most radical form of healing there is.
Tune in if you’ve ever felt silenced, sidelined, or small, and are ready to take your power back, one creative spark at a time.
Find Deborah Weed Online Here:
Website: selfworthinitiative.net
Instagram: @deborah.weed
Facebook: Deborah Weed
LinkedIn: Deborah Weed
Book: Paisley's Last Quill If Only
Find The Pain Game Podcast Online Here:
Website: thepaingamepodcast.com
Instagram: @thepaingamepodcast
Facebook: The Pain Game Podcast
LinkedIn: Lyndsay Soprano
YouTube: The Pain Game Podcast
Highlights:
(00:00) Introduction to Chronic Pain and Creativity
(02:38) Deborah's Journey from Bedridden to Broadway
(05:23) The Power of Creativity in Healing
(08:06) The Self-Worth Initiative and Its Impact
(11:13) The Story of Paisley the Porcupine
(14:00) Reclaiming Power and Self-Worth
(17:05) The Role of Empathy and Sensitivity
(20:01) The Importance of Community and Support
(22:40) Final Thoughts on Healing and Creativity
Deborah shares her story of being bedridden for three years—misdiagnosed, dismissed, and cut off from the life she once knew. But instead of giving up, she turned inward, channeling her pain into something powerful: a Broadway-scale musical and a character named Paisley the Porcupine who teaches kids (and grown-ups) about the power of self-worth. “Quills up,” she says, is the reminder we all need when it’s time to protect our truth and stand in our strength.
They talk about the difference between self-worth and self-esteem, the impact of childhood narratives, and how creativity isn’t just a passion, it’s a path to remembering who you are. Whether it’s theater, writing, music, or movement, pursuing what lights you up can be the most radical form of healing there is.
Tune in if you’ve ever felt silenced, sidelined, or small, and are ready to take your power back, one creative spark at a time.
Find Deborah Weed Online Here:
Website: selfworthinitiative.net
Instagram: @deborah.weed
Facebook: Deborah Weed
LinkedIn: Deborah Weed
Book: Paisley's Last Quill If Only
Find The Pain Game Podcast Online Here:
Website: thepaingamepodcast.com
Instagram: @thepaingamepodcast
Facebook: The Pain Game Podcast
LinkedIn: Lyndsay Soprano
YouTube: The Pain Game Podcast
Highlights:
(00:00) Introduction to Chronic Pain and Creativity
(02:38) Deborah's Journey from Bedridden to Broadway
(05:23) The Power of Creativity in Healing
(08:06) The Self-Worth Initiative and Its Impact
(11:13) The Story of Paisley the Porcupine
(14:00) Reclaiming Power and Self-Worth
(17:05) The Role of Empathy and Sensitivity
(20:01) The Importance of Community and Support
(22:40) Final Thoughts on Healing and Creativity
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about
the game of living in and with chronic pain and trauma,
get into the heart of how to heal. I am
your host, Lindsay Soprano.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
On the show, I plan on.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners, loved ones,
and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard
in the chronic pain and trauma world that we live in.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I always wanted to be Christine Daie in the Phantom
of the Opera.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I studied classical opera.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
From a young age, competed in many prestigious opera competitions,
mostly in California and Los Angeles, and so because that's
where the entertainment industry is big time, right outside of
New York. I received college scholarships to amazing opera programs
around the United States.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
But instead of pursuing.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
My voice and that gift that was given to me,
I chose my high school sweetheart and I stayed home.
How do you think that turned out, guys? Well, I
am not Christine Dae, That's how. But I still do
sing every single day, and I use the gift that
my source gave me on the daily, not quite the
same thing, singing up parties and weddings and dabbling in
(01:32):
fronts as being fronts for bands. But it is here now,
in this place, doing this show, where my voice is
now truly being used. And now this is a beautifully
safe place where I can merge my voice, my life experiences, creativity,
my empathy, my God, my empathy. I swear and humor
(01:54):
of course, to give pain purpose.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So today is going to be fun.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
We are going to chat with the sweetest voice you
will ever hear about how to reclaim the power when
we've given it away, how to reinvent yourself after grief,
trauma and loss, how creativity is your superpower and a
life force. So, without further ado, I would like to
introduce you today to my guest, Deborah Weed.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
My darling. It is so lovely to see your smiling face.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
Oh, Lindsey, you are such a love and I got
to hear your voice. It is spectacular.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Thank you. I appreciate it. It is pretty darn good.
I'm not gonna lie, but it is sad that.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
There are days where I'm like, oh man, I really
wish I was up on that stage. I was watching Chicago,
that we're listening to Chicago this morning the musical because
we're having a great Gatsby party at our home in
a few weeks, and I was just belting out in
all that jazz, and it was just perfect timing for
today because you are all that jazz. We are both
wearing Paisley, and you will understand why in a few minutes.
But let me bring it in real quick. So Deborah
(02:57):
is a creative force? Is she nothing else than that?
And founder of the Self Worth Initiative, from once being
bedridden to producing a Broadway scale musical, Paisley the Musical,
a metaphorical journey of reclaiming self worth. Debra's story is
one of transformation, resilience, and empowerment. Formerly in high profile
(03:17):
roles with City Bank and Kiamotors and Disney and all
the things, a personal health crisis led her to redefine
her value and dedicate her life to helping others do
the same. And we're going to get right into it today,
So I am rolling out the red carpet for you, babe.
I would like to start, if we could, about how
you were left bedridden for three years after being misdiagnosed
(03:40):
with like a bagillion different things and how that helped
lead you to share your transformative adventure and soul story.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
So I was a kind of kid who was extra
sensitive and an impact and I when I grew up,
I was like, you know, I want to be an artist.
But as I was growing older, there was that challenge
of your too sensitive, Your too sensitive. So I was like,
(04:09):
I'm going to show you. I'll show you. I'll go
from art something I love and I'll go into business. Yep,
that's exactly what I did. I ended up as the
director of development for Citybank nineteen branches in Florida, and
I also worked on a twenty six million dollar pavilion
(04:31):
for kmotors with Disney and Universal Consultants and a pavilion
lindsay just like, just so you know, it's kind of
like when you go to Disney World and you see
is a small world. After all, that's the pavilion. It's
a ride show. It's a whole big thing with the
engineers and creative people. And I got to work on
one of those, which is coat. But anyways, so I
(04:52):
am flying. So I think my ego thinks that I've
got it all under control until wo, I get a
health challenge, and not just any health challenge, but the
kind of health challenge where the pain felt as though
I was giving birth every day, the kind where I
would tell my husband, please take me to a hospital
(05:15):
parking lot and let's sit there, because if I die,
I want to know that you can get me at
least in there. Maybe I've got a chance. So I
did what any girl's going to do, right. I went
to doctors, and the first doctor says to me, I
think you have a mess. And the second doctor says
to me, I think you have Luke Garrett's And the
(05:38):
third doctor says to me, is all in your head.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
The worst.
Speaker 5 (05:45):
So here is somebody who's sensitive, an EmPATH, a career
woman on the top of the world, being questioned my
integrity Are you kidding me? During that time period. Also,
another thing that happen hapens to people like us who
have gone through health challenges is my family was really
(06:05):
with me until I'm getting different answers from different doctors.
So they're thinking, like my husband, who's a lawyer, it's like, well,
if they're all saying something different, something's off. Maybe it
is all in your head. And you start to get
that from more and more and more people. So I
(06:28):
ended up in bed for three years, three years just
literally holding on, not knowing what was wrong, feeling like
I was dying, being told all kinds of things, wanting
to die because not only was the pain horrific, but
also there was a lot of shame associated with that.
(06:51):
Because I didn't know what to tell people. I had
no voice until until I heard about a penny. And
this penny, it could be worth a million dollars. It's
a nineteen forty three pure copper penny. Usually pennies have
steel inside, and there was only fifteen of them that
(07:14):
got away or through the process with no steal inside.
And that's what made them so rare. They were made
by mistake. And I'm thinking, hey, if a penny's worthless
and hardly anybody could pick it up, then what could
I do with that? So I'm in bed feeling like
my life is over, but still creativity, the artist in me,
(07:36):
the gift who I really was, was still very much alive.
So no health, no friends, no family, creativity, creativity. So
I decided, well do what I've always done. I used to.
I've done shows ever since I was sixteen because my
mom had a talent agency. So it was like second
(07:56):
nature to use my imagination. Let me create a musical
and a book called The Luckiest Penny, And it's going
to be about two pennies. One penny is alistair. He's perfect,
never been touched. He's like he's in a case and
he knows he's worth a million dollars. And then there's Henry,
and Henry was like me and maybe so many of us.
(08:17):
Henry's been in the garbage can. Henry's been in somebody's
lucky penny. He's been on a street alone, he's been
in the washing machine. He's had a lot of experience
as a ventures. And the whole thing of the story
is who's worth more and why? What are they going
to find out at the auction? Is it the one
that's never been touched, perfection perfect or is it the
(08:39):
one who's tarnished and has had so many experiences? So
that kept me busy, kept me going yeah, and what
I you know? I created all that, And then I
find out after three years that a genius doctor, who
should all the doctors should have figured it out, like yes,
he said, I checked your iron, and your iron is
(09:01):
between the three and the six you know, one day
it was a three, one day of six. He says,
I don't even know how you're alive. Iron's supposed to
be a fifteen. That's how you live, that's how you survived.
But everybody during this time said, you look good. We've
all heard that.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
Right, None, everything's going good.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
They're like, well they look terrible.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
Yeah, I know. It was like but and what they
found is they found a tumor the size of a
grape group that had been hidden behind my uterus. And
this was during the time period where they didn't have
an ultrasound for the inside of you. It was only
on the outside. That's how they missed it. So I
had been bleeding out for all that all that time,
(09:46):
and when I had gone to a gynecologist, they had said, oh, well,
it's just perimenopause, just heavy periods, even though I was literally, you.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Know, hemorrhaging twenty four hours of bloody day.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
Eggs egg exactly. No, that's exactly what was happening. And
it was like, so that's when I learned this is
I know, it's a long story, but we're getting to
do at the end of it.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Hell, you're doing great, you do it great.
Speaker 5 (10:12):
That's where I learned that self worse, my self worth
was nil zippity doo dah, and I set out for
the rest of my life to make a difference for others.
So coming back from that, I founded the Self Worth Initiative,
and The Luckiest Penny was the first book and musical
where we performed in New York. We performed in Miami
(10:36):
for so many kids and so many parents, and the
backtok after this story where the kids were talking about
what they believe about self worth made this a.
Speaker 4 (10:46):
Mez oh wow, yeah, you know, you think about it.
It's when we first spoke about the penny thing. My
sweetie and I have a penny thing. We have a
big jar of pennies that we've had over the years.
We've collected because every time when we first started out,
we were actually he was married and I was married,
so I know, sorry guys, but it is what it is.
Life happens, and we fell in love instantaneously. And every
(11:07):
time we would get together, our secret little swarees and
wherever we would do our thing, even just like going
to lunch, every time we would show up wherever we
would go, there would be a penny in the parking lot,
or there would be like the change on the table,
there would be like five dollars.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And one penny.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Like it just started coming to be our thing. And
in fact, we just recently finished some construction in our
home and we created in our entire bar area with
this penny tile behind it, and we've named it the
Penny Bar, and we have the penny lounge.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
That sits right in front of it.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
And so it's something that it's something so insignificant, like
you say, it's like, it's not why don't they get
rid of the penny? My mom actually said that to
me a couple of weeks ago, randomly, I'm like, the penny,
like this one.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I know, I know she almost had a heart attack. Guys,
we've got you alive.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
We're can't bet you alive.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Don't die on my show, damn it.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
But these little insignificant things are when you build them
all up, they turn into millions.
Speaker 5 (12:03):
That is, and that's what I You know that this
little penny started this whole thing for me. I went
from corporate, which I could have just jumped back into
and really owned that, because how else do you tell
a child how much there work? Yeah, but how much
do we tell how how do we even tell ourselves?
Like we can hear it all the time. But if
(12:24):
you think, oh, my gosh, you mean there could be
a penny in my pocket or a purse right now,
right it's worth a million dollars.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Well, a million dollars to a kid.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Well, a million dollars to anybody is a lot of
money unless you're you know, the billionaires. But a million
dollars to a kid is like, you got to be
kidding me, Like that's nuts. I mean, we think about
like the tooth fairy and all that, Like when we
got like a quarter under I think parents now give
like one hundred dollars bill for a tooth or something ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
That is crappy parenting, by the way, if you're doing
that to your kid.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
But what's so interesting, In fact, I just was recording
an episode right before this in regards to our inner
child and how we heal our inner child, and how
the first seven years of our development in our brain
is so much of this programming all that we're like
downloading all this information and we're forming our views of
the world and reforming the views of the people that
are around us. In our lives and who we want
(13:20):
our friends to be like. And we're watching our parents,
and we're watching our dogs or our hamsters or whatever
it is that we're doing. And we're going to school
and maybe we're getting bullied, or maybe we don't have friends,
or maybe we're the most popular in class. And do
you know how hard it is to be popular. It's
almost as hard as it is to be bullied, because
we're bullied too. I was very popular in high school,
so I can speak to that. But I was also
a bully. But I was also bullied even being popular. Like,
(13:42):
there's so many things that we don't realize our happening
when we're kids, that we bring into our adulthood that
we have no idea what's happening. So being able to
give these kinds of lessons at such a young age
and being able to touch these children one penny at
a time, it was such a beautiful thing. So how
so you started the penny I'm calling it the penny
project right now, So.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
The petty project. And you're in bed your bedroom.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
Now we've got this musical in Miami and Florida and
in New York and all of these things. You're meeting
all these children. What was going on with your health
through at this point?
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Now, well, I got a hysterectomy. As soon as I
got the as soon as I got the tumor out,
I was restored.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Unbelievd, I was restored, you know.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
And it was like it was like sometimes when you're
in those positions, you're like, I don't understand. I would
sit there and go, I have so much to give.
Why am I sidelined? I don't get it. And I
really didn't think I was gonna make it. I sincerely,
hand on heart, and there were times where I didn't
want to make it, you know, I just wanted to
(14:45):
check out. Yeah. So so, but when I look back
in retrospect, I really feel as though that was a
prime time to rearrange, reinvent, go back to who I was,
and I learned so much. I learned that self worth
and self esteem are totally different. I never knew that before.
(15:09):
I don't think most people know that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
No, I agreed. I think they are definitely separate.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
And it's like pain was came to for you in
its own weird, diabolical way. So can you talk to
me about a little bit about how what your feelings
are about how creativity just makes is a superpower.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
It really is because I figure it this way. I
figured that we have trauma or pain. It really is
kind of like a boulder. I don't know about you,
but my whole life I learned how to put it down,
Oh yeah, hide it so that I could look good,
or divert so that I didn't have to feel it.
But creativity is almost like the rain. It's almost like
(15:51):
it's guidance from above comes through us, and if we
let it out, it's like it washes away that trauma.
I don't know how it does that, but I do.
You truly have come to believe that we are so like.
One of our addictions is trying to solve problems. Right,
It's like, you have a problem. It's like, let me
fix it. What can I do? Well?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It's definitely a.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Yes, but it's also when else. I mean, I don't know.
I can't even imagine how many times did I sit
there going if I could be healed, then I can
do this, So let me solve the problem of healing
instead of just doing that. Anyways, it was always let
me solve this to get over there. It doesn't work
but creativity is an energy force. It is a superpower.
(16:38):
It's the thing that moves you. And when it moves you,
all the chemicals in your body start to change, all
the feel good chemicals start to come in, and all
of a sudden, you're not even thinking about the problem
because your imagination has like gone, it's on fire, it's
ready to go.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Absolutely so okay, so our little penny, and now can
we can we hop into your children's musical about an
empathetic porcupine for a moment, please, because that's where the
real magic is starting to begin.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
Yes, absolutely positively. I had another health challenge tells seemed
to start these things for me, But what came out
of that, what came out of this one. The next
one was how often I gave away my power? How
often do we give away our power? So I needed
a protagonist, something that would really showcase the whole idea
(17:35):
of giving one's power away, and for me, that ended
up being a porcupine. And the reason why is because
when you think about it, porcupines they put up their
quills to protect themselves, They put their backs to the world,
and then that's what keeps them safe, right right, But
for this porcupine I needed to give her quills away.
(17:55):
So what better world than the fashion world. Imagine this
little porcupine by the name of Paisley, who would take
her porcupine quills and be forced maybe forced, because in
the animal fashion world, Divanna is the coture diva. She rules,
she rules the fashion forest, but porcupines are seen as pincushion.
(18:19):
They must give away their quills to her to pin
up her cuature over the top designs. But the animals
in this world, they go through everything from body positivity
to how they feel and what they're wearing, just everything
that we as women go through, and they're not comfortable
in these couture outfits. Like Divanna is creating glow worm
(18:42):
and goldfinch gowns for a tiger, and the tigers like,
get me out of here. I want to roar, what
have you done to me? And so here comes to
meek little Paisley taking her quills, making everything great, rearranging
so that Tiara and or all the animals feel better
about themselves. But she's giving away a piece of herself
(19:03):
every single time. And then when she's down to her
last quill, who stands up for her? Where did she
reclaim her power. So I wrote and illustrated a book
called Paisley's Last Quill, and it got all five stars.
The little girls who were reading it, they fell in
(19:25):
love with Paisley. The moms, oh my gosh. They came
back to me and they were so excited. But you
know what they said, Lindsay, They said, forget about our kids.
This is for us, for the children.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Kind of like that.
Speaker 5 (19:40):
Better like that.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
That is my last interview too.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
She she just put a children's book out and she
was like, the adults got more out of it than
the kids.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
It's because that.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
Little girl inside of us, those those children inside of us.
I feel like maybe we should stop reading so many
self help books and just start going to the children's
book section.
Speaker 5 (19:58):
It's so true. So they so after COVID, when I
had to put down the live shows that I had
been doing with this self worth initiative, and after another
health challenge, I think that's sometimes in life, when you
hit so much and you're in I'm in chronic pain
everybody every day, but people you know would.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Never know, right, So that's that's how we roll.
Speaker 5 (20:21):
But on the other hand, it's like when you've been
down for the count so many times. Why not go
for that big, over the top dream that's just like
out of the box. I mean, like if you're gonna
die or call a celebrity and say, hey, can you
help me? Which looks worse. Okay, So I decided to
go for my big over the top dream, take Paisley
(20:43):
and turn it into a full scale musical, to the
scale of Wicked, if that's even possible, because the storyline
of magical realism. And what I know is this journey
will leave with the patrons of theater. And also the
songs I know for me, songs like they sing to
(21:05):
my soul. You know, we have songs that we sing
when were happy, when we're sad, when we're this, when
we're that. Well, what about songs to reclaim our power
and know who we are? What about songs like one
of the characters e grew she's a plus size model
with a plus size heart. I mean, you know, so
it's got like that country by I mean, how about
that kind of stuff that we're singing and we see
(21:28):
the journey and it's experiential.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I love it well. And if there's anybody right now
that I believe that could do it.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
It's you.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
The energy that you have and the passion that you
have for it is one of the things that I
just love you. Plus, like I said in the beginning,
it is absolutely love your sweet voice. And I've got
this like low, raspy voice, even though I say I'm
a color of Taurus, so I sing super super high.
But man, I was just like, it was like, because
I'm doing back to back recordings today because I'm batching
like crazy, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Have to find something Paisley in my closet.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
I did not know that I had so much Paisley
stuff in my closet actually, and so.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I had to choose a pick and I was like,
oh my god, it's perfect for her.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
And it's just it's you're timing for coming into this
show and the things that we're talking about and the
energy that you bring, and that reminding me how important
using my creativity and using the gifts that have been
given to me that not necessarily that I've taken advantage of,
but that I kind of put on the back burner
(22:26):
because I was sick and I was tired and I
lost my voice for like two years.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I couldn't sing. It was like, oh my god, even cry.
It was devastating. I'm like, I sing all the time.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
I did not know how much I actually sang all
day long, but I sing like from the second I
wake up, go to bed, I might sleep, I might
sing in my sleep for all I know.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
And I had no voice. I was I couldn't even
barely speak.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
And with lime disease because I have lime as well,
because why not, let's just throw that into the bag.
With lime it attacks a lot of vocal cords. In fact,
Shania Twain went through the same thing. She lost her voice.
And you have a lot of these incredible singers. I mean,
you look at that talk about health is She's got
Celine Dion, You've got Sound of the Music, Sound of Music.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
What's her name, Juliandras.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
Yeah, these wonderful voices, these people that we remember growing
up with and that are part of our our everything.
You lose your voice, it's like, oh my god, where's
my voice? And so it kind of was a representation
of not only did I lose my singing voice, I
was like, I'm losing my actual voice in this world.
And I got to find it and I got to
find it quick. And so by doing doing the show
(23:30):
and finding people like you, I am singing like I
haven't sung in about a decade, and I am like,
holy moly, we are back, baby, Haisley's coming for me.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah, watsup conditioning for Broadway with you?
Speaker 5 (23:47):
Baby? I want you to Hey, that's not even a joke.
I have on my website that I am going to
be looking for singers, dancers, producers, writers.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Oh my gosh, I love and this is a roll call.
Lindsay is now Paisley. You never know, Oh my gosh,
that would be amazing. Well, and that's and something that's
so amazing about creativity.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
I remember my as an insomniac.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
I've been an insomniac since I was a little girl,
and so my parents were like, I don't know what
the hell to do with you. And my parents gave
me freedom to do whatever I wanted to within the
four walls and the ceiling in the floor of my room.
They were like, do you want to paint your room?
Paint your room? You want to, you know, whatever you
want to do. And so my parents would come at
like two o'clock in the morning. I'm like, painting my ceiling.
My dad would be so cool. You would help me,
(24:33):
like repaint it, and then I'd paint again. My little
boyfriend's in high school would help me paint stuff. I
always I was always either painting or singing, or moving
furniture from one side of the room to the other
and color coding and everything. I didn't know what else
to do with myself. So really good things came out
of that. I'm super organized. OHCD came out of that.
I don't know if that's great, but so many wonderful
(24:54):
things with the creativity part of me. That the sadness
of getting getting ill and losing my voice and feeling
like it was going to be gone forever was very,
very depressing. It wasn't depressed per se, but it was
just depressing and heavy, like, am I ever going to
be able to sing again?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
And here we are?
Speaker 5 (25:11):
Oh my gosh, you know, And I think that that's
so how so many people feel when when we have
a physical challenge, it's the loss of voice. It's reclaiming
the voice. I have this thing, quills up, will love
everybody Up. I'm doing the quills Up movement, And essentially
all that is is hashtag quills up, take your power back.
(25:33):
I love it because I truly believe we don't get
stuck because of fear, but because we have given away
our power or quills quilled by quill and we you know,
we do it because we want to be loved, because
we want to fit in, because we want to be heard.
Sometimes it's because we're so desperate that a doctor who
(25:54):
can potentially save us can hear us. They hit and
they can't. So it's like that lost of voice, that
loss of creativity is it feels like a disconnection from
God because that created whatever you feel like God is
to you, right, because that is the gift we that
(26:17):
were was buried in us, and if we can't express it,
it's almost like we wither your way.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, and I think a lot of listeners can identify
with that. I mean, you you.
Speaker 4 (26:31):
Your little girl, and everyone's like, okay, what do you
want to be when you grow up? You know, the
standard issue thing. Everybody wanted to be a doctor or
a lawyer. I think I wanted to be a veterinarian.
When I was little and I didn't have dogs or
anything because my parents wouldn't let me have any animals.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Stuff for hamster and eternal.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
But anyway, you know, this just the patriarchal kind of
like you're going to do this, You're going to do that,
You're going to be that. You're going to be a
lawyer or a doctor, you know, or stay at home mom,
or you're gonna have your kids, you're gonna get married,
and it's like all these order of things. It's like
if you don't follow that, then you're not doing the
right thing. And then you've got all these creatives that
are like, well, bite me, I'm going to go do
(27:07):
my own thing. And I ended up doing what you did.
I ended up saying instead of going down my creative route,
I said, I'm going to go the business route, and
so I started my marketing agency and I did that
for twenty four years up until this past October, where
I said I'm done. I'm full time doing this show
and anything that comes up from it, whether it's auditioning
(27:27):
for a musical on Broadway, whether it's painting my ceiling.
I am not going to be stuck doing something I
don't want to freaking do anymore. And it wasn't that
I didn't have good opportunities within the corporate structure, within
the environment of.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Working in business.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
It just still like I got my creativity out and
my marketing stuff, but it still wasn't my voice, you know.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
I still every morning woke up.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
And although I was good at what I did, and
I was powerful and successful and all that stuff, my
voice was squashed. And so here we are, Oh, no
more squashing it.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
We can't.
Speaker 5 (28:03):
We're squashing it no matter. And if there's anybody listening
right now, oh gosh, now I'm going to be in tears.
If there's anybody listening right now who's in bed stuck,
feels like their life is over, feels like I've seen everything,
I've done everything, I give up. Let me tell you
you have not seen everything. You have not experienced it everything,
(28:26):
because your soul whatever you want to call that, is
recording everything that's going on. You might not see that
your significant other is in the other room, you know,
making you a special tea because you're in so much pain.
But you just gave that person an opportunity to shine
their soul. You know. It's so so just hang in there,
(28:48):
because everybody does have a gift, they really.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Do, absolutely, and it does take a village. It doesn't
need to be a big one, but we do. Small
villages are fine, and I have my village of people,
and I'm very great full and very fortunate that I
have an incredibly loving group of friends and found that
it's small though, because I had like, Okay, you've got.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
How we don't need that many friends like.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
You know what I mean, Like the close friends that
the people that you share your intimate stuff with where
you tell them everything they know when you go to
the bathroom in the morning because you're talking to them
on Instagram or whatever. You know, you've got your tight
knit group that you can tell everybody to. You can
be ugly, you can tell them about how scared you
are of dyeing. You can tell them how scared you
are that this is how you're going to live for
the rest of your life. You can share those things.
(29:32):
But then when you can come out of those and
do what you're doing, that's amazing, And thank you for
doing what you're doing, because it's you've brought a lot
of light into my life, that's for sure. And certainly
for our listeners, you guys are just going to die.
Just even going to her website alone will make you
just be like, oh my gosh, it's just beautiful.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Everything is.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
It makes life look beautiful, even in those dark and
twisty forests, you know, because you have to get through
some dark and twis forest. It reminds me of the
Princess Bride. You know, you got to go through and
you gotta beat off the warthogs, and you've got to
get through all the twisty vines, and you gotta fall
down a slope and you got to do all these.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Things to shine up and become the princess.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
You know, yeap, absolutely, I mean that's how I see Paisley.
Paisley it's an autobiography, really, I mean, you know here
she is, she means, well, she's trying to fit in,
do what's right, giving away a piece of herself, not
realizing at the end of the day when she has
one quill left, it's on her to kind of figure
(30:35):
out what's inside the magic that's always been there. It's
kind of like you know, the Dorothy thing, you know,
where she's clicking her heel. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, there's no place like home.
Speaker 5 (30:46):
There's no place like home. But in this instance, it's
it's kind of like that creative explosion, if you will,
of like I never really gave my power away, not really.
I just thought I.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Did the porcupines grow their quills back?
Speaker 5 (31:05):
Yes? They do.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
But man, I just was curious because I'm like, great,
she's got one left. What are we gonna do?
Speaker 4 (31:12):
Because I'm thinking about her playing the viy lne with it, like,
I got all kinds of ideas for her.
Speaker 5 (31:17):
You know what. I had to research that before because
I didn't want to. I didn't want Peta coming.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
After me this whole thing about a porcupine and doesn't
even know about what porcupines do with their quils. Really well,
I don't learn something today about the animal kingdom.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
They grow back. They grow back, which is great because that's.
Speaker 5 (31:35):
Actually a song there is.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
I love that because that that, I mean, that actually
shows that you can get your power back, right, I mean,
in its own way, growing it back by feeding your
soul with the creativity and the love and the soul.
I call it my soul food.
Speaker 5 (31:51):
Right.
Speaker 4 (31:51):
So when I'm singing or I'm writing, because I do
a lot of writing to maybe one day this book
will be finished, I'm writing, Oh my gosh, it's exhausting.
But man, jumping back into some of these passion projects
that I've had that have just been folders sitting in
a file cabinet for so long.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
And starting to weed through them.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
We recently moved into a new home and I was
like going through all of these boxes, I'm like, oh
my god, I totally forgot about this, and it's it's
a book I wrote like ten years ago. Well and
I don't have it anywhere in digital form, and I
thought it was gone forever and I just recently found it.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
I haven't had the I haven't had the guts to
it because I have no idea if it's just total
shit or not.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
But at least I found it and it kind of
like it kind of fired me up again, not unlike
you speaking with you about your musical and all the
creative work that you've done, the adversity that you've gone through,
and I just absolutely adore you.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
I mean, this is a you too. And you know
what I'm thinking as we're speaking, My inner dialogue is going,
isn't this interesting? Look at how a life vibrant, dynamic
Lindy is even though this is happening to her, And
look at yourself, like what you project out in the world,
(33:08):
and look at some of your close circle people who
are going through some really hefty challenges. What is it
that makes them almost I don't want to say shine brighter,
that's unfair, but it's almost as if the I don't
care anymore attitude just says I am going to be
(33:28):
authentically me. I am going to be all me, and
I'm going to get out there and no longer worry
about pulling back shrinking to help somebody else feel good
about themselves. You know, it's fascinating in a way.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
It's incredibly fascinating, and I am so excited to hear
the full musical and here. I mean, I've heard bits
and pieces of things and I'm just I'm so I'm
so proud of you for pushing through and not being
driven to a parking lot in front of a hospital
so you could die. And also for you just sharing
this incredible story and about being an EmPATH, because being
(34:09):
an mpath is truly a blessing and a curse. And
the too sensitive you're a woman, You're too sensitive all
of that, and to hear you're making it up, it's
all in your head. Women get that often and it
drives me absolutely bonkers.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
And it's not in your head.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
I mean, it might be in some people's heads, but
big picture, it's not. You know, we've got we have
so much to offer this world for the bit of
time that we're here. And whether you believe in past
lives or not, I'm like on my seven hundred and
eighty thousandth life, so I'm exhausted.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
But you know, we've.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Got to do the best that we possibly can with
what's been given to us. And when we feel shrunken
down and sad and alone and desperate, when especially when
we're challenged with health issues. And it's not just for
those that are challenged with health issues, there's also people
that just feel that way, you know, they whether it
comes from their up, their parents never you know, gave
them the tools to be stronger, didn't give them the
(35:05):
hugs that they needed and all that. Okay, okay, there's
plenty of things that didn't.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Happen to me when I was a kidding, plenty of
things that.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Shouldn't have happened to me when I was a kid,
and I'm still showing up those things happen, but that
can't be it.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
I just refuse to believe that this is it for
my body, right no chance.
Speaker 6 (35:24):
I absolutely love it, and I need to put an
exclamation mark on something you just said from the from
the standpoint of so many times when you have something
and somebody doesn't believe you and you don't know what
and they say that it's all in your head, or
or even worse.
Speaker 5 (35:43):
You manifested this. Oh you manifested this. My experience in
life has been every person that has said that kind
of thing to me when they've had a challenge that
doesn't even even touch what I've experienced. They slip. So
(36:06):
anybody out there listening who's going through something, just realize
that nobody can understand until you walked that walk, unfortunately,
but it doesn't mean that you're not experiencing that. And
you don't have to spend your time proving anything to
anybody else. Just be your magnificent you.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
Well that's where we're gonna end this one, because that
is exactly the message of today. Be as magnificent as
you possibly can. And Okay, well, she's got all kinds
of things that are going on. Clearly, I'm gonna put
all of it in show notes, any NEMO marketing and
in social media and.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
All of that. But where we've got to go to Paisley's.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Fashionforest dot com. That's the first place I want you
to go.
Speaker 5 (36:49):
First.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
Take a look at the beautiful work that she's done.
It's colorful, it's gorgeous. It just it makes you.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
It makes you want to go play dress up. I
mean it does.
Speaker 4 (36:59):
It makes you want to go hunt for Paisley in
your closet, which I did today. Come to find out,
I like Paisley more than I thought I did.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
I would have never guessed. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
Well, thank you so much Deborah for your time today
with us, and I will definitely be sending you my
resume and my voice samples, which I know you already have.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Well, also her book before I forget to We've Got
Paisley's Last Quill, and she also has the book.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
If Only We've got the Pennies, We've got, We've got.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
We also have learned about the porcupine today and that
they grow the quills back. This is a full holistic
show here, guys. Thank you so much again for your
time and my love to your husband. I know he's
got some health challenges as well. Right now tell him
that we love him.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
Thank you. Lindsay, thank got it so much.
Speaker 4 (37:45):
You are exclusively invited to share this Paisley Powerful Quills
up vip pain journey together. Let's get to the heart
of how to Keeel with you by my side.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Please follow the Pain Game Podcast.
Speaker 4 (37:57):
Wherever you digest your podcast content, we will be there.
Visit us at the paygamepodcast dot com and follow us
on all the socials. Thanks for listening, my little VIPs.
Catch you on the other side.
This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about
the game of living in and with chronic pain and trauma,
get into the heart of how to heal. I am
your host, Lindsay Soprano.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
On the show, I plan on.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners, loved ones,
and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard
in the chronic pain and trauma world that we live in.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I always wanted to be Christine Daie in the Phantom
of the Opera.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I studied classical opera.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
From a young age, competed in many prestigious opera competitions,
mostly in California and Los Angeles, and so because that's
where the entertainment industry is big time, right outside of
New York. I received college scholarships to amazing opera programs
around the United States.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
But instead of pursuing.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
My voice and that gift that was given to me,
I chose my high school sweetheart and I stayed home.
How do you think that turned out, guys? Well, I
am not Christine Dae, That's how. But I still do
sing every single day, and I use the gift that
my source gave me on the daily, not quite the
same thing, singing up parties and weddings and dabbling in
(01:32):
fronts as being fronts for bands. But it is here now,
in this place, doing this show, where my voice is
now truly being used. And now this is a beautifully
safe place where I can merge my voice, my life experiences, creativity,
my empathy, my God, my empathy. I swear and humor
(01:54):
of course, to give pain purpose.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So today is going to be fun.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
We are going to chat with the sweetest voice you
will ever hear about how to reclaim the power when
we've given it away, how to reinvent yourself after grief,
trauma and loss, how creativity is your superpower and a
life force. So, without further ado, I would like to
introduce you today to my guest, Deborah Weed.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
My darling. It is so lovely to see your smiling face.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
Oh, Lindsey, you are such a love and I got
to hear your voice. It is spectacular.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Thank you. I appreciate it. It is pretty darn good.
I'm not gonna lie, but it is sad that.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
There are days where I'm like, oh man, I really
wish I was up on that stage. I was watching Chicago,
that we're listening to Chicago this morning the musical because
we're having a great Gatsby party at our home in
a few weeks, and I was just belting out in
all that jazz, and it was just perfect timing for
today because you are all that jazz. We are both
wearing Paisley, and you will understand why in a few minutes.
But let me bring it in real quick. So Deborah
(02:57):
is a creative force? Is she nothing else than that?
And founder of the Self Worth Initiative, from once being
bedridden to producing a Broadway scale musical, Paisley the Musical,
a metaphorical journey of reclaiming self worth. Debra's story is
one of transformation, resilience, and empowerment. Formerly in high profile
(03:17):
roles with City Bank and Kiamotors and Disney and all
the things, a personal health crisis led her to redefine
her value and dedicate her life to helping others do
the same. And we're going to get right into it today,
So I am rolling out the red carpet for you, babe.
I would like to start, if we could, about how
you were left bedridden for three years after being misdiagnosed
(03:40):
with like a bagillion different things and how that helped
lead you to share your transformative adventure and soul story.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
So I was a kind of kid who was extra
sensitive and an impact and I when I grew up,
I was like, you know, I want to be an artist.
But as I was growing older, there was that challenge
of your too sensitive, Your too sensitive. So I was like,
(04:09):
I'm going to show you. I'll show you. I'll go
from art something I love and I'll go into business. Yep,
that's exactly what I did. I ended up as the
director of development for Citybank nineteen branches in Florida, and
I also worked on a twenty six million dollar pavilion
(04:31):
for kmotors with Disney and Universal Consultants and a pavilion
lindsay just like, just so you know, it's kind of
like when you go to Disney World and you see
is a small world. After all, that's the pavilion. It's
a ride show. It's a whole big thing with the
engineers and creative people. And I got to work on
one of those, which is coat. But anyways, so I
(04:52):
am flying. So I think my ego thinks that I've
got it all under control until wo, I get a
health challenge, and not just any health challenge, but the
kind of health challenge where the pain felt as though
I was giving birth every day, the kind where I
would tell my husband, please take me to a hospital
(05:15):
parking lot and let's sit there, because if I die,
I want to know that you can get me at
least in there. Maybe I've got a chance. So I
did what any girl's going to do, right. I went
to doctors, and the first doctor says to me, I
think you have a mess. And the second doctor says
to me, I think you have Luke Garrett's And the
(05:38):
third doctor says to me, is all in your head.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
The worst.
Speaker 5 (05:45):
So here is somebody who's sensitive, an EmPATH, a career
woman on the top of the world, being questioned my
integrity Are you kidding me? During that time period. Also,
another thing that happen hapens to people like us who
have gone through health challenges is my family was really
(06:05):
with me until I'm getting different answers from different doctors.
So they're thinking, like my husband, who's a lawyer, it's like, well,
if they're all saying something different, something's off. Maybe it
is all in your head. And you start to get
that from more and more and more people. So I
(06:28):
ended up in bed for three years, three years just
literally holding on, not knowing what was wrong, feeling like
I was dying, being told all kinds of things, wanting
to die because not only was the pain horrific, but
also there was a lot of shame associated with that.
(06:51):
Because I didn't know what to tell people. I had
no voice until until I heard about a penny. And
this penny, it could be worth a million dollars. It's
a nineteen forty three pure copper penny. Usually pennies have
steel inside, and there was only fifteen of them that
(07:14):
got away or through the process with no steal inside.
And that's what made them so rare. They were made
by mistake. And I'm thinking, hey, if a penny's worthless
and hardly anybody could pick it up, then what could
I do with that? So I'm in bed feeling like
my life is over, but still creativity, the artist in me,
(07:36):
the gift who I really was, was still very much alive.
So no health, no friends, no family, creativity, creativity. So
I decided, well do what I've always done. I used to.
I've done shows ever since I was sixteen because my
mom had a talent agency. So it was like second
(07:56):
nature to use my imagination. Let me create a musical
and a book called The Luckiest Penny, And it's going
to be about two pennies. One penny is alistair. He's perfect,
never been touched. He's like he's in a case and
he knows he's worth a million dollars. And then there's Henry,
and Henry was like me and maybe so many of us.
(08:17):
Henry's been in the garbage can. Henry's been in somebody's
lucky penny. He's been on a street alone, he's been
in the washing machine. He's had a lot of experience
as a ventures. And the whole thing of the story
is who's worth more and why? What are they going
to find out at the auction? Is it the one
that's never been touched, perfection perfect or is it the
(08:39):
one who's tarnished and has had so many experiences? So
that kept me busy, kept me going yeah, and what
I you know? I created all that, And then I
find out after three years that a genius doctor, who
should all the doctors should have figured it out, like yes,
he said, I checked your iron, and your iron is
(09:01):
between the three and the six you know, one day
it was a three, one day of six. He says,
I don't even know how you're alive. Iron's supposed to
be a fifteen. That's how you live, that's how you survived.
But everybody during this time said, you look good. We've
all heard that.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
Right, None, everything's going good.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
They're like, well they look terrible.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
Yeah, I know. It was like but and what they
found is they found a tumor the size of a
grape group that had been hidden behind my uterus. And
this was during the time period where they didn't have
an ultrasound for the inside of you. It was only
on the outside. That's how they missed it. So I
had been bleeding out for all that all that time,
(09:46):
and when I had gone to a gynecologist, they had said, oh, well,
it's just perimenopause, just heavy periods, even though I was literally, you.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Know, hemorrhaging twenty four hours of bloody day.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
Eggs egg exactly. No, that's exactly what was happening. And
it was like, so that's when I learned this is
I know, it's a long story, but we're getting to
do at the end of it.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Hell, you're doing great, you do it great.
Speaker 5 (10:12):
That's where I learned that self worse, my self worth
was nil zippity doo dah, and I set out for
the rest of my life to make a difference for others.
So coming back from that, I founded the Self Worth Initiative,
and The Luckiest Penny was the first book and musical
where we performed in New York. We performed in Miami
(10:36):
for so many kids and so many parents, and the
backtok after this story where the kids were talking about
what they believe about self worth made this a.
Speaker 4 (10:46):
Mez oh wow, yeah, you know, you think about it.
It's when we first spoke about the penny thing. My
sweetie and I have a penny thing. We have a
big jar of pennies that we've had over the years.
We've collected because every time when we first started out,
we were actually he was married and I was married,
so I know, sorry guys, but it is what it is.
Life happens, and we fell in love instantaneously. And every
(11:07):
time we would get together, our secret little swarees and
wherever we would do our thing, even just like going
to lunch, every time we would show up wherever we
would go, there would be a penny in the parking lot,
or there would be like the change on the table,
there would be like five dollars.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And one penny.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Like it just started coming to be our thing. And
in fact, we just recently finished some construction in our
home and we created in our entire bar area with
this penny tile behind it, and we've named it the
Penny Bar, and we have the penny lounge.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
That sits right in front of it.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
And so it's something that it's something so insignificant, like
you say, it's like, it's not why don't they get
rid of the penny? My mom actually said that to
me a couple of weeks ago, randomly, I'm like, the penny,
like this one.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I know, I know she almost had a heart attack. Guys,
we've got you alive.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
We're can't bet you alive.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Don't die on my show, damn it.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
But these little insignificant things are when you build them
all up, they turn into millions.
Speaker 5 (12:03):
That is, and that's what I You know that this
little penny started this whole thing for me. I went
from corporate, which I could have just jumped back into
and really owned that, because how else do you tell
a child how much there work? Yeah, but how much
do we tell how how do we even tell ourselves?
Like we can hear it all the time. But if
(12:24):
you think, oh, my gosh, you mean there could be
a penny in my pocket or a purse right now,
right it's worth a million dollars.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Well, a million dollars to a kid.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Well, a million dollars to anybody is a lot of
money unless you're you know, the billionaires. But a million
dollars to a kid is like, you got to be
kidding me, Like that's nuts. I mean, we think about
like the tooth fairy and all that, Like when we
got like a quarter under I think parents now give
like one hundred dollars bill for a tooth or something ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
That is crappy parenting, by the way, if you're doing
that to your kid.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
But what's so interesting, In fact, I just was recording
an episode right before this in regards to our inner
child and how we heal our inner child, and how
the first seven years of our development in our brain
is so much of this programming all that we're like
downloading all this information and we're forming our views of
the world and reforming the views of the people that
are around us. In our lives and who we want
(13:20):
our friends to be like. And we're watching our parents,
and we're watching our dogs or our hamsters or whatever
it is that we're doing. And we're going to school
and maybe we're getting bullied, or maybe we don't have friends,
or maybe we're the most popular in class. And do
you know how hard it is to be popular. It's
almost as hard as it is to be bullied, because
we're bullied too. I was very popular in high school,
so I can speak to that. But I was also
a bully. But I was also bullied even being popular. Like,
(13:42):
there's so many things that we don't realize our happening
when we're kids, that we bring into our adulthood that
we have no idea what's happening. So being able to
give these kinds of lessons at such a young age
and being able to touch these children one penny at
a time, it was such a beautiful thing. So how
so you started the penny I'm calling it the penny
project right now, So.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
The petty project. And you're in bed your bedroom.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
Now we've got this musical in Miami and Florida and
in New York and all of these things. You're meeting
all these children. What was going on with your health
through at this point?
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Now, well, I got a hysterectomy. As soon as I
got the as soon as I got the tumor out,
I was restored.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Unbelievd, I was restored, you know.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
And it was like it was like sometimes when you're
in those positions, you're like, I don't understand. I would
sit there and go, I have so much to give.
Why am I sidelined? I don't get it. And I
really didn't think I was gonna make it. I sincerely,
hand on heart, and there were times where I didn't
want to make it, you know, I just wanted to
(14:45):
check out. Yeah. So so, but when I look back
in retrospect, I really feel as though that was a
prime time to rearrange, reinvent, go back to who I was,
and I learned so much. I learned that self worth
and self esteem are totally different. I never knew that before.
(15:09):
I don't think most people know that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
No, I agreed. I think they are definitely separate.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
And it's like pain was came to for you in
its own weird, diabolical way. So can you talk to
me about a little bit about how what your feelings
are about how creativity just makes is a superpower.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
It really is because I figure it this way. I
figured that we have trauma or pain. It really is
kind of like a boulder. I don't know about you,
but my whole life I learned how to put it down,
Oh yeah, hide it so that I could look good,
or divert so that I didn't have to feel it.
But creativity is almost like the rain. It's almost like
(15:51):
it's guidance from above comes through us, and if we
let it out, it's like it washes away that trauma.
I don't know how it does that, but I do.
You truly have come to believe that we are so like.
One of our addictions is trying to solve problems. Right,
It's like, you have a problem. It's like, let me
fix it. What can I do? Well?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It's definitely a.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Yes, but it's also when else. I mean, I don't know.
I can't even imagine how many times did I sit
there going if I could be healed, then I can
do this, So let me solve the problem of healing
instead of just doing that. Anyways, it was always let
me solve this to get over there. It doesn't work
but creativity is an energy force. It is a superpower.
(16:38):
It's the thing that moves you. And when it moves you,
all the chemicals in your body start to change, all
the feel good chemicals start to come in, and all
of a sudden, you're not even thinking about the problem
because your imagination has like gone, it's on fire, it's
ready to go.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Absolutely so okay, so our little penny, and now can
we can we hop into your children's musical about an
empathetic porcupine for a moment, please, because that's where the
real magic is starting to begin.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
Yes, absolutely positively. I had another health challenge tells seemed
to start these things for me, But what came out
of that, what came out of this one. The next
one was how often I gave away my power? How
often do we give away our power? So I needed
a protagonist, something that would really showcase the whole idea
(17:35):
of giving one's power away, and for me, that ended
up being a porcupine. And the reason why is because
when you think about it, porcupines they put up their
quills to protect themselves, They put their backs to the world,
and then that's what keeps them safe, right right, But
for this porcupine I needed to give her quills away.
(17:55):
So what better world than the fashion world. Imagine this
little porcupine by the name of Paisley, who would take
her porcupine quills and be forced maybe forced, because in
the animal fashion world, Divanna is the coture diva. She rules,
she rules the fashion forest, but porcupines are seen as pincushion.
(18:19):
They must give away their quills to her to pin
up her cuature over the top designs. But the animals
in this world, they go through everything from body positivity
to how they feel and what they're wearing, just everything
that we as women go through, and they're not comfortable
in these couture outfits. Like Divanna is creating glow worm
(18:42):
and goldfinch gowns for a tiger, and the tigers like,
get me out of here. I want to roar, what
have you done to me? And so here comes to
meek little Paisley taking her quills, making everything great, rearranging
so that Tiara and or all the animals feel better
about themselves. But she's giving away a piece of herself
(19:03):
every single time. And then when she's down to her
last quill, who stands up for her? Where did she
reclaim her power. So I wrote and illustrated a book
called Paisley's Last Quill, and it got all five stars.
The little girls who were reading it, they fell in
(19:25):
love with Paisley. The moms, oh my gosh. They came
back to me and they were so excited. But you
know what they said, Lindsay, They said, forget about our kids.
This is for us, for the children.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Kind of like that.
Speaker 5 (19:40):
Better like that.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
That is my last interview too.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
She she just put a children's book out and she
was like, the adults got more out of it than
the kids.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
It's because that.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
Little girl inside of us, those those children inside of us.
I feel like maybe we should stop reading so many
self help books and just start going to the children's
book section.
Speaker 5 (19:58):
It's so true. So they so after COVID, when I
had to put down the live shows that I had
been doing with this self worth initiative, and after another
health challenge, I think that's sometimes in life, when you
hit so much and you're in I'm in chronic pain
everybody every day, but people you know would.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Never know, right, So that's that's how we roll.
Speaker 5 (20:21):
But on the other hand, it's like when you've been
down for the count so many times. Why not go
for that big, over the top dream that's just like
out of the box. I mean, like if you're gonna
die or call a celebrity and say, hey, can you
help me? Which looks worse. Okay, So I decided to
go for my big over the top dream, take Paisley
(20:43):
and turn it into a full scale musical, to the
scale of Wicked, if that's even possible, because the storyline
of magical realism. And what I know is this journey
will leave with the patrons of theater. And also the
songs I know for me, songs like they sing to
(21:05):
my soul. You know, we have songs that we sing
when were happy, when we're sad, when we're this, when
we're that. Well, what about songs to reclaim our power
and know who we are? What about songs like one
of the characters e grew she's a plus size model
with a plus size heart. I mean, you know, so
it's got like that country by I mean, how about
that kind of stuff that we're singing and we see
(21:28):
the journey and it's experiential.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I love it well. And if there's anybody right now
that I believe that could do it.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
It's you.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
The energy that you have and the passion that you
have for it is one of the things that I
just love you. Plus, like I said in the beginning,
it is absolutely love your sweet voice. And I've got
this like low, raspy voice, even though I say I'm
a color of Taurus, so I sing super super high.
But man, I was just like, it was like, because
I'm doing back to back recordings today because I'm batching
like crazy, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Have to find something Paisley in my closet.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
I did not know that I had so much Paisley
stuff in my closet actually, and so.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I had to choose a pick and I was like,
oh my god, it's perfect for her.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
And it's just it's you're timing for coming into this
show and the things that we're talking about and the
energy that you bring, and that reminding me how important
using my creativity and using the gifts that have been
given to me that not necessarily that I've taken advantage of,
but that I kind of put on the back burner
(22:26):
because I was sick and I was tired and I
lost my voice for like two years.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I couldn't sing. It was like, oh my god, even cry.
It was devastating. I'm like, I sing all the time.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
I did not know how much I actually sang all
day long, but I sing like from the second I
wake up, go to bed, I might sleep, I might
sing in my sleep for all I know.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
And I had no voice. I was I couldn't even
barely speak.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
And with lime disease because I have lime as well,
because why not, let's just throw that into the bag.
With lime it attacks a lot of vocal cords. In fact,
Shania Twain went through the same thing. She lost her voice.
And you have a lot of these incredible singers. I mean,
you look at that talk about health is She's got
Celine Dion, You've got Sound of the Music, Sound of Music.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
What's her name, Juliandras.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
Yeah, these wonderful voices, these people that we remember growing
up with and that are part of our our everything.
You lose your voice, it's like, oh my god, where's
my voice? And so it kind of was a representation
of not only did I lose my singing voice, I
was like, I'm losing my actual voice in this world.
And I got to find it and I got to
find it quick. And so by doing doing the show
(23:30):
and finding people like you, I am singing like I
haven't sung in about a decade, and I am like,
holy moly, we are back, baby, Haisley's coming for me.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah, watsup conditioning for Broadway with you?
Speaker 5 (23:47):
Baby? I want you to Hey, that's not even a joke.
I have on my website that I am going to
be looking for singers, dancers, producers, writers.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Oh my gosh, I love and this is a roll call.
Lindsay is now Paisley. You never know, Oh my gosh,
that would be amazing. Well, and that's and something that's
so amazing about creativity.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
I remember my as an insomniac.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
I've been an insomniac since I was a little girl,
and so my parents were like, I don't know what
the hell to do with you. And my parents gave
me freedom to do whatever I wanted to within the
four walls and the ceiling in the floor of my room.
They were like, do you want to paint your room?
Paint your room? You want to, you know, whatever you
want to do. And so my parents would come at
like two o'clock in the morning. I'm like, painting my ceiling.
My dad would be so cool. You would help me,
(24:33):
like repaint it, and then I'd paint again. My little
boyfriend's in high school would help me paint stuff. I
always I was always either painting or singing, or moving
furniture from one side of the room to the other
and color coding and everything. I didn't know what else
to do with myself. So really good things came out
of that. I'm super organized. OHCD came out of that.
I don't know if that's great, but so many wonderful
(24:54):
things with the creativity part of me. That the sadness
of getting getting ill and losing my voice and feeling
like it was going to be gone forever was very,
very depressing. It wasn't depressed per se, but it was
just depressing and heavy, like, am I ever going to
be able to sing again?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
And here we are?
Speaker 5 (25:11):
Oh my gosh, you know, And I think that that's
so how so many people feel when when we have
a physical challenge, it's the loss of voice. It's reclaiming
the voice. I have this thing, quills up, will love
everybody Up. I'm doing the quills Up movement, And essentially
all that is is hashtag quills up, take your power back.
(25:33):
I love it because I truly believe we don't get
stuck because of fear, but because we have given away
our power or quills quilled by quill and we you know,
we do it because we want to be loved, because
we want to fit in, because we want to be heard.
Sometimes it's because we're so desperate that a doctor who
(25:54):
can potentially save us can hear us. They hit and
they can't. So it's like that lost of voice, that
loss of creativity is it feels like a disconnection from
God because that created whatever you feel like God is
to you, right, because that is the gift we that
(26:17):
were was buried in us, and if we can't express it,
it's almost like we wither your way.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, and I think a lot of listeners can identify
with that. I mean, you you.
Speaker 4 (26:31):
Your little girl, and everyone's like, okay, what do you
want to be when you grow up? You know, the
standard issue thing. Everybody wanted to be a doctor or
a lawyer. I think I wanted to be a veterinarian.
When I was little and I didn't have dogs or
anything because my parents wouldn't let me have any animals.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Stuff for hamster and eternal.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
But anyway, you know, this just the patriarchal kind of
like you're going to do this, You're going to do that,
You're going to be that. You're going to be a
lawyer or a doctor, you know, or stay at home mom,
or you're gonna have your kids, you're gonna get married,
and it's like all these order of things. It's like
if you don't follow that, then you're not doing the
right thing. And then you've got all these creatives that
are like, well, bite me, I'm going to go do
(27:07):
my own thing. And I ended up doing what you did.
I ended up saying instead of going down my creative route,
I said, I'm going to go the business route, and
so I started my marketing agency and I did that
for twenty four years up until this past October, where
I said I'm done. I'm full time doing this show
and anything that comes up from it, whether it's auditioning
(27:27):
for a musical on Broadway, whether it's painting my ceiling.
I am not going to be stuck doing something I
don't want to freaking do anymore. And it wasn't that
I didn't have good opportunities within the corporate structure, within
the environment of.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Working in business.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
It just still like I got my creativity out and
my marketing stuff, but it still wasn't my voice, you know.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
I still every morning woke up.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
And although I was good at what I did, and
I was powerful and successful and all that stuff, my
voice was squashed. And so here we are, Oh, no
more squashing it.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
We can't.
Speaker 5 (28:03):
We're squashing it no matter. And if there's anybody listening
right now, oh gosh, now I'm going to be in tears.
If there's anybody listening right now who's in bed stuck,
feels like their life is over, feels like I've seen everything,
I've done everything, I give up. Let me tell you
you have not seen everything. You have not experienced it everything,
(28:26):
because your soul whatever you want to call that, is
recording everything that's going on. You might not see that
your significant other is in the other room, you know,
making you a special tea because you're in so much pain.
But you just gave that person an opportunity to shine
their soul. You know. It's so so just hang in there,
(28:48):
because everybody does have a gift, they really.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Do, absolutely, and it does take a village. It doesn't
need to be a big one, but we do. Small
villages are fine, and I have my village of people,
and I'm very great full and very fortunate that I
have an incredibly loving group of friends and found that
it's small though, because I had like, Okay, you've got.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
How we don't need that many friends like.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
You know what I mean, Like the close friends that
the people that you share your intimate stuff with where
you tell them everything they know when you go to
the bathroom in the morning because you're talking to them
on Instagram or whatever. You know, you've got your tight
knit group that you can tell everybody to. You can
be ugly, you can tell them about how scared you
are of dyeing. You can tell them how scared you
are that this is how you're going to live for
the rest of your life. You can share those things.
(29:32):
But then when you can come out of those and
do what you're doing, that's amazing, And thank you for
doing what you're doing, because it's you've brought a lot
of light into my life, that's for sure. And certainly
for our listeners, you guys are just going to die.
Just even going to her website alone will make you
just be like, oh my gosh, it's just beautiful.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Everything is.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
It makes life look beautiful, even in those dark and
twisty forests, you know, because you have to get through
some dark and twis forest. It reminds me of the
Princess Bride. You know, you got to go through and
you gotta beat off the warthogs, and you've got to
get through all the twisty vines, and you gotta fall
down a slope and you got to do all these.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Things to shine up and become the princess.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
You know, yeap, absolutely, I mean that's how I see Paisley.
Paisley it's an autobiography, really, I mean, you know here
she is, she means, well, she's trying to fit in,
do what's right, giving away a piece of herself, not
realizing at the end of the day when she has
one quill left, it's on her to kind of figure
(30:35):
out what's inside the magic that's always been there. It's
kind of like you know, the Dorothy thing, you know,
where she's clicking her heel. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, there's no place like home.
Speaker 5 (30:46):
There's no place like home. But in this instance, it's
it's kind of like that creative explosion, if you will,
of like I never really gave my power away, not really.
I just thought I.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Did the porcupines grow their quills back?
Speaker 5 (31:05):
Yes? They do.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
But man, I just was curious because I'm like, great,
she's got one left. What are we gonna do?
Speaker 4 (31:12):
Because I'm thinking about her playing the viy lne with it, like,
I got all kinds of ideas for her.
Speaker 5 (31:17):
You know what. I had to research that before because
I didn't want to. I didn't want Peta coming.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
After me this whole thing about a porcupine and doesn't
even know about what porcupines do with their quils. Really well,
I don't learn something today about the animal kingdom.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
They grow back. They grow back, which is great because that's.
Speaker 5 (31:35):
Actually a song there is.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
I love that because that that, I mean, that actually
shows that you can get your power back, right, I mean,
in its own way, growing it back by feeding your
soul with the creativity and the love and the soul.
I call it my soul food.
Speaker 5 (31:51):
Right.
Speaker 4 (31:51):
So when I'm singing or I'm writing, because I do
a lot of writing to maybe one day this book
will be finished, I'm writing, Oh my gosh, it's exhausting.
But man, jumping back into some of these passion projects
that I've had that have just been folders sitting in
a file cabinet for so long.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
And starting to weed through them.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
We recently moved into a new home and I was
like going through all of these boxes, I'm like, oh
my god, I totally forgot about this, and it's it's
a book I wrote like ten years ago. Well and
I don't have it anywhere in digital form, and I
thought it was gone forever and I just recently found it.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
I haven't had the I haven't had the guts to
it because I have no idea if it's just total
shit or not.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
But at least I found it and it kind of
like it kind of fired me up again, not unlike
you speaking with you about your musical and all the
creative work that you've done, the adversity that you've gone through,
and I just absolutely adore you.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
I mean, this is a you too. And you know
what I'm thinking as we're speaking, My inner dialogue is going,
isn't this interesting? Look at how a life vibrant, dynamic
Lindy is even though this is happening to her, And
look at yourself, like what you project out in the world,
(33:08):
and look at some of your close circle people who
are going through some really hefty challenges. What is it
that makes them almost I don't want to say shine brighter,
that's unfair, but it's almost as if the I don't
care anymore attitude just says I am going to be
(33:28):
authentically me. I am going to be all me, and
I'm going to get out there and no longer worry
about pulling back shrinking to help somebody else feel good
about themselves. You know, it's fascinating in a way.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
It's incredibly fascinating, and I am so excited to hear
the full musical and here. I mean, I've heard bits
and pieces of things and I'm just I'm so I'm
so proud of you for pushing through and not being
driven to a parking lot in front of a hospital
so you could die. And also for you just sharing
this incredible story and about being an EmPATH, because being
(34:09):
an mpath is truly a blessing and a curse. And
the too sensitive you're a woman, You're too sensitive all
of that, and to hear you're making it up, it's
all in your head. Women get that often and it
drives me absolutely bonkers.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
And it's not in your head.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
I mean, it might be in some people's heads, but
big picture, it's not. You know, we've got we have
so much to offer this world for the bit of
time that we're here. And whether you believe in past
lives or not, I'm like on my seven hundred and
eighty thousandth life, so I'm exhausted.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
But you know, we've.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Got to do the best that we possibly can with
what's been given to us. And when we feel shrunken
down and sad and alone and desperate, when especially when
we're challenged with health issues. And it's not just for
those that are challenged with health issues, there's also people
that just feel that way, you know, they whether it
comes from their up, their parents never you know, gave
them the tools to be stronger, didn't give them the
(35:05):
hugs that they needed and all that. Okay, okay, there's
plenty of things that didn't.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Happen to me when I was a kidding, plenty of
things that.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Shouldn't have happened to me when I was a kid,
and I'm still showing up those things happen, but that
can't be it.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
I just refuse to believe that this is it for
my body, right no chance.
Speaker 6 (35:24):
I absolutely love it, and I need to put an
exclamation mark on something you just said from the from
the standpoint of so many times when you have something
and somebody doesn't believe you and you don't know what
and they say that it's all in your head, or
or even worse.
Speaker 5 (35:43):
You manifested this. Oh you manifested this. My experience in
life has been every person that has said that kind
of thing to me when they've had a challenge that
doesn't even even touch what I've experienced. They slip. So
(36:06):
anybody out there listening who's going through something, just realize
that nobody can understand until you walked that walk, unfortunately,
but it doesn't mean that you're not experiencing that. And
you don't have to spend your time proving anything to
anybody else. Just be your magnificent you.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
Well that's where we're gonna end this one, because that
is exactly the message of today. Be as magnificent as
you possibly can. And Okay, well, she's got all kinds
of things that are going on. Clearly, I'm gonna put
all of it in show notes, any NEMO marketing and
in social media and.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
All of that. But where we've got to go to Paisley's.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Fashionforest dot com. That's the first place I want you
to go.
Speaker 5 (36:49):
First.
Speaker 4 (36:50):
Take a look at the beautiful work that she's done.
It's colorful, it's gorgeous. It just it makes you.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
It makes you want to go play dress up. I
mean it does.
Speaker 4 (36:59):
It makes you want to go hunt for Paisley in
your closet, which I did today. Come to find out,
I like Paisley more than I thought I did.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
I would have never guessed. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
Well, thank you so much Deborah for your time today
with us, and I will definitely be sending you my
resume and my voice samples, which I know you already have.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Well, also her book before I forget to We've Got
Paisley's Last Quill, and she also has the book.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
If Only We've got the Pennies, We've got, We've got.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
We also have learned about the porcupine today and that
they grow the quills back. This is a full holistic
show here, guys. Thank you so much again for your
time and my love to your husband. I know he's
got some health challenges as well. Right now tell him
that we love him.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
Thank you. Lindsay, thank got it so much.
Speaker 4 (37:45):
You are exclusively invited to share this Paisley Powerful Quills
up vip pain journey together. Let's get to the heart
of how to Keeel with you by my side.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Please follow the Pain Game Podcast.
Speaker 4 (37:57):
Wherever you digest your podcast content, we will be there.
Visit us at the paygamepodcast dot com and follow us
on all the socials. Thanks for listening, my little VIPs.
Catch you on the other side.
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