July 28, 2025 • 35 mins
Back on The Rewrite...She’s known for her humor and heart—but this time, Rachel Sobel (@whineandcheezits) is bringing something even deeper to The Rewrite.In this powerful conversation, Rachel opens up about her recent breast cancer diagnosis and the whirlwind 26 days between hearing the news and undergoing a double mastectomy.
We talk about:
Follow Rachel: @whineandcheezits
We talk about:
- How she told her young daughters
- The way her second (and final) husband truly showed up
- The role humor played in surviving the hard days
- The community she’s built—and what it means to be seen, heard, and held
- The messages that have resonated most
- And what The Rewrite means to her now, after this life-altering chapter
Follow Rachel: @whineandcheezits
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to The Rewrite, a podcast about divorce, choice and
new beginnings. I'm your host Wendy Sloan, former TV producer,
mom of two and one sweet golden retriever. This is
a space for real talk about the moments that break us,
the choices that define us, and the power we have
to begin again. You'll hear personal stories, heartfelt insights, and
(00:22):
honest conversations about healing relationships and reclaiming your life one
choice at a time. I'll be joined by experts in divorce, finance,
mental health, wellness and more and everything you need to
support your next chapter. The most powerful chapters might be
the ones you write next. Let's begin your rewrite together.
This episode is brought to in part by the Needle
(00:44):
Kuda Law Firm guidance that moves lives forward. Welcome back
to the Rewrite. I'm your host Wendy Sloan, and I'm
thrilled to welcome back my guest today. She's authentic, raw, honest,
and I love her to death. Last time she was here,
she shared her divorce experience meeting her second and final husband.
She talked about her two daughters, building a community and
supporting people going through divorce, and so much more.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
She's an award winning.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Author, speaker, writer, do over wife, mom to two girls,
short order cook show for a booboo, kisser, and so
much more.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I love her.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Welcome back, Rachel Soble.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I am so happy to be here and see your
beautiful face this morning.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Back at you.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
You're one of my all time favorite people ever, just
because you're you. And it's like, even the first time
we met, I felt like we were best friends and
totally souls and there was just something about you that
we just because me and you could go a mile
a minute with each other.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So those are the best connections though, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I know, and I can just like message DM you
and you're like right there, and I just I love
that about you and everything about you, and so much
has happened since the last time we spoke, So I'm
just going to have you like get into it.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, so much has happened, you know why?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
You said before my platform talked a lot about divorce,
and it did. And I think that one of the
hallmarks of my account is that it's kind of evolved
as my life has evolved, like a lot of people
who share their personal stories, and so you never really
know what the next chapter is going to be. Sometimes
it's presented to you on a silver platter, and sometimes
you have to like do some soul searching. Mine was
(02:18):
being diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer on May first of
this year, and I had a double misectomy and reconstruction
direct to implant at the same time, so like a
five hour surgery on May twenty seven, So twenty six
days after my diagnosis, I was on the table having
(02:40):
them removed, and you know, hoping that I would wake
up with boobs.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
That's basically it's been a whirlwind.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
It's crazy when I told you when we first connected,
and you were like what and you didn't know.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
That's how it's been in my real life.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
When I see people who I haven't seen, who maybe
don't follow my account, and they're like, what do you
mean you had breast cancer? I saw you two months
ago and you were fine. It's just a testament to
you know, shit happens.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
It just does.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
And we can fall apart and we can wallow, and
we can be in the fetal position and there's nothing
wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
I was raised by a.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Woman who is a Jersey born fighter, and that is
genetically hardwired into me, even though I'm a Nato Fluridian.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
And she is also a breast cancer survivor. And there's a.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Piece of advice that her doctor gave her when she
was diagnosed thirteen years ago that I have used so
many times, not just with my own breast cancer but
in real life, that I always share with everyone because
it's so important. And it was when her doctor when
she was diagnosed, her doctor said to her, You're allowed
to fall apart, go home, go cry, let it out,
(03:47):
whatever emotions you need to feel. But tomorrow I need
you to stand up, pick yourself up, and fight and
stop with the pity party, because it's time to get
serious and fight.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
And while that's obviously incredibly powered.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
When you're talking about breast cancer, I actually think it's
like one of the best pieces of life advice I've
ever heard. And every time I feel like something is
trying to knock me down, I think it's very easy
to fall and stumble. It just is because it's easy
to give up and let go and just fall. It's
a lot harder, I think, to stand in the face
of something, even though you're terrified or whatever feelings you're
(04:21):
feeling and just get through it. And I chose to
do the same thing with breast cancer as I did
with everything in my life, my divorce, my miscarriage, all
the messy things that have happened.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I haven't let it take me down. And I'm not cancer.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Certainly wasn't going to because we're lucky enough to have
so many tools and screenings and all these advocacy things
to help us navigate it. And so yeah, that's how
I spent the last couple months of my life.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
And you know so many things I love about you,
and I love this even more that it's and I've
always said, it's how it's how you rise.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
You can get yap and it's how you rise. Is
similar to what.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
You said, you're when what your doctor took, what your
doctor said, the doctrine said, you can get and go
home and have a pity part and do what you
need to do, but then get right back up, which
is what I think we both did with our.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Divorce right totally totally. And I think too that you know,
with any life experience, we're going to get knocked down,
like stuff is going to come at us that is
going to knock us down. And we can't really control
that because those are external forces, whether they're circumstances or
people or whatever it is that is causing you to stumble.
We can't control that, but we can control how we
(05:34):
react to situations. And I have you know, fortunately or unfortunately,
I don't know which word you use because it's such
a weird paradox, but I know so many people in
my life who have faced cancer, different kinds of cancer,
and the ones who really just had a positive attitude
about it and tried to go into it with a
clear head and that mentality of I'm going to take
(05:55):
care of this, I'm going to handle it. Those are
the people that were the most resilient, and those are
the people that I think about in my mind when
I go through things like this, including my mom. You know,
I have been through a lot worse in my life,
and people left me when I said that my divorce
was worse than breast cancer because breast cancer has It's
(06:19):
almost like people who do really well in math, which
I never did like. They like math because there's definitive answers, right,
It's not like writing an essay. It's not like subjective.
It is there is a right and a wrong. I
feel like with breast cancer, we are so advanced in
so many screenings and knowledge and all these things that
there are ways to combat it and even beat it
if you depending on the cards you've been dealt. Whereas
(06:41):
when you're dealing with people in your life, whether it's divorce, estrangement,
whatever it is, you can't control those other people, and
then they're in your life forever and you can't shake
them and you can't get rid of them. I knew
I could get rid of the breast cancer, and so
in my mind it felt even though it was heavy,
and it felt serious, and obviously cancer is serious. I
had no doubt in my mind that I was going
(07:02):
to rise up and stand because I wasn't going to
let it take me down. I found it early because
I'm vigilant about my screenings. I'm vigilant about checking my
own breasts, and I found a lump, and that is
the reason why I was able to come out fairly
unscathed with I still look down at my chest, though,
I'm like, whose boobs are these?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Because I can't even never.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
I mean, they're great, but I look at them and
I'm like, whose are these like I can't even wrap
my head around because there's you know, anyone who's gone
through any kind of sectomy or even reconstruction, whatever it is,
whether it's cancer related or not, there's no nerve and
you know, your nerves are all disconnected, and so like
I can't feel my boobs, like I cannot feel them
and they're on my chest, and I'm like, you know what,
(07:46):
this is like a pretty.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Good consolation prize.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I call them my insurance titties because I didn't have
to pay for them, and so, and I also joke,
because I have dark humor, that it was almost worth
it to be able to get beautiful.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
New, healthy boobs paid by insurance.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
I'll be it's a joke, which some people don't like
me joking about cancer, but I'm never going to stop.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Nope, you're not.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
And in your spirit is what your spirit, your energy,
your your you know, positivity, that's what got you through.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
And what a role model for your girls too.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
That was I think the thing that really was the
kicker for me. And they were very different conversations, and
people were like, how did you tell your kids? And
you know, I have a teenager and I have an
eight year old and my teenager is my firstborn. We
are we you know, we had many years where it
was just her and eye before I, you know, started
dating and got remarried, and so we have a very
special bond and a very we share the very same
(08:37):
sardonic and dark sense of humor. And so when I
went in her room and I was like listen, I
told her immediately, you know, I have breast cancer, and
she said are you going to die?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
But like very sarcastically, and I go now, and she
was like OK.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And then she flipped the switch really quick and was like, well,
if you want me to go with you to the
plastic surgeon, just show them what you want for your
after I'm happy to do that for you.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
And I go, oh, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
So she combats things with the sarcasm in humor the
same way I do. And I think the biggest miscconception
that people have when you act like that is that
you're making light of it or you're disrespecting something serious.
And I actually look at it totally opposite, as you're
taking power away from it. And I think it's the
same reason why I joke about a lot of serious
(09:25):
things in my life. It's not because I'm in denial
or I don't take it seriously. It's that I know
that if I can make fun of something or you know,
just make it a little, find the humor in it,
it makes it less serious, takes the power away, and
it empowers me. And that's what I wanted my girls
to see. I didn't want them to see me laying
there feeling sorry for myself. I wanted them to see me, Yeah,
(09:48):
I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And guess what, I
still have to do laundry and I still have to
take you to camp and I still have to you know,
you don't stop functioning. And I think it's an important
lesson to teach our kids about resiliency everything we go through, because.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
They're going to go through the same stuff when.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
They're older, on varying levels, and especially having daughters. It
hit me harder with breast cancer since it can be
genetically you know, bound and stuff like that. And my
older one did say, am I going to get this?
And that's a hard question to be asked, And the
truth is, I don't know. But the good news is
you will be okay because technology will be even better then,
(10:23):
and I'm going to be up your ass about getting
screenings and all that stuff. My little one was a
little harder to understand, and she was like, but I
don't understand how they're going to take your boobs out
and give you new ones. And I looked at her
and I go, it's kind of like when you go
to buildeber And she was like, oh, okay, and then
was totally fine and even asked me that night. She
(10:44):
was going home with a friend the day of my surgery,
and she was like, she wants to know why I'm
going home with her.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Can I tell her it's because you have cancer.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
So like, automatically I knew that they were treating it
in a lighter way, and I felt like, okay, good,
I got it. I got the tone across the way
that I wanted to. And everyone does it differently, you know,
you don't. No one has to do it like I do,
and nobody has to not have a pity party. If
that makes you feel better and empowered. I think as women,
(11:12):
there's so much that we are that is so oppressive,
right divorce, marriage, There's so many things about interpersonal relationships
and the things that we experience as women. That crosses
over well beyond healthcare, that we should.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Be able to do things the way we want to
do it.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
We should cope the way we want to cope with everything,
and nobody has the right to judge us for that, right.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Wow, So you said earlier that your divorce was harder
than yeah, yeah, yeah that for a minute.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
You know, I think when you when you go through
a divorce, whether it's something you want or not, or
you know what, you're just a participant along for the ride,
whatever the dynamics are.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I think that you know you are now going.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Through a situation where if you children, yes, your life
is changed where you may not be married to that person,
but this is still going to be part of your
family dynamic because you now share a child with someone.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Right.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
So it's not like when you break up with someone
in college or high school and you're like, I don't
have to see that person again and I have no ties.
Now you're talking about being tied to someone, another family,
another set of all these different varying levels of people, friends,
all those things. You can't get rid of that stuff
so easily when you go through a divorce. Whereas I
felt like with breast cancer. There was a very definitive plan, right,
(12:36):
We're going to biopsy, then we're going to see what's
going on. Then we're going to take out the cancer.
Then we're going to buyap see that. Then we're going
to let you know if you need treatment. Then we're
going to give you healthy new boobs. Then you're going
to be on medication. It's this finite plan of what's
going to happen, and it may evolve along the way,
but you don't have that person stuck in your life
(12:57):
or people stuck in your life that you still have
to find ways to exist with. And for me, and
maybe people would disagree, but for me, it just felt
a lot easier to tackle the cancer.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I hear you.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
I'm so happy that you're healthy and well and the
way you handle this and like everything else. And we're
gonna take a quick break for one of our sponsors,
but I'm going to ask you when we come back
about your powerful.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Community, an engaging community.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
That you built, and what does it mean to you
to be seen in this space, and especially now that
this is a whole other topic that we're talking about.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
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I'm back with Rachel Soilbel. What a conversation, what a
story like? I feel like I this where was during
(15:00):
this time? I'm so sorry that I didn't know this,
and now thank you for sharing this and spreading the
awareness about this.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I have to share it.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I you know, I didn't share it right away because
and I thought about sharing it in real time. I
didn't share it like the moment it happened because I
really wanted to kind of have my ducks in a
row and know exactly what I.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Was doing before I shared.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Because whenever you share something online, you're met with opinions,
you're met with you know, people get aggressive sometimes, and
I'm lucky that in my community, which you mentioned before,
I don't get a lot of that. I really really don't,
and I think that's purposeful. I think that you get
the energy that you put out. People match what you
put out, and so you can have differing views on everything,
(15:43):
but if your tone is the same, I think you
find common ground and the community part of this. When
I announced my cancers, came out with cancer, as I say,
was really interesting because I did not cry when I
was dig well. I cried for like five seconds when
I was diagnosed. I didn't cry throughout most of the experience.
(16:04):
I sobbed when I read people's messages in my community
that they sent me. I'm gonna get like choked even
thinking about it. But like people who I don't even know,
who I'll never meet in my life, who live across
different parts of the globe saying things like you are
the big sister we all needed. And I don't know
if you realize this, but for your younger readers, you
(16:24):
are actually parenting us who have not been parented with
love and empathy, and it's I'm sorry. It is impactful,
and it is humbling, and it is you know it
doesn't I know some people things like that may get
to their heads sometimes. For me, it actually knocks me
down in the best way possible by making me feel
(16:46):
human and making me feel like I'm not just writing
things and putting things into an echo chamber, that there
are people receiving these messages.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Whether I know it or not.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
And the amount of women that reached out to me
and said, I have been scared out of my mind
to get a mamogram and I just booked one because
you lit a fire under my ass. That to me
is everything. If nothing else happens to me and the
rest of my life, success wise, with my community or whatever.
The fact that there are women out there who I
(17:17):
don't I couldn't even pick them out of a crowd
because they are essentially strangers, but they don't feel like
strangers because we are all part of this community who
lean on each other for different things that we need.
And I am honored and humbled that people took my
story and took action from it and took care of
themselves and learned how to advocate. I mean, the messages
have not stopped coming in like that, and it makes
(17:38):
me feel proud and just it makes me feel part
of you know, I say, every time there's a messy
thing in my.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Life, there's been a sisterhood.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yes, you know, every time when I got divorced, people
come out of the wool work boom sisterhood who people
have been through it, had a miscarriage boom, sisterhood, cancer.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
It's a whole different kind of sisterhood.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
And they're incredible women with incredible stories who are just
strong and amazing and resilient. And I don't I also
didn't want the same way you talked about my girls earlier,
the same way I didn't want my kids to for
the rest of their lives hear the word cancer and
think it was a death sentence, which yes, sometimes it is.
Sometimes it sucks, and sometimes there's no hope, and you
(18:19):
do people die from cancer all the time. That is
a fact that we cannot change. But the fact that
my girls got to see a different side of it
and that I was able to reframe it and away
with them. I don't want them to have anxiety every
time they hear someone has cancer. I want them to think, Okay, well,
you know, we're going to deal with it and we're
going to see what happens. And I feel like I
did that with my kids, and I feel like I
(18:40):
did that with my community.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Absolutely, And it's even you haven't even a bigger purpose now, right,
A whole another, a whole other realm. And what about
your second and final husband, how was he?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
He is amazing? I mean, I knew I married him
for a reason.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's not like I married someone hoping it work out,
married someone knowing I was marrying the right person. But
I will tell you, and I've joked about this with
other people, I think that everyone should have to go
through Not that I want anyone to have to have
any kind of illness, but theoretically, it would be amazing
if everyone had to go through some kind of health
crisis with the person they were with before they got married,
(19:20):
because you really see what someone is made of. And
not that I ever doubted for a minute this man
would take care of me. But when I tell you that,
I did not lift a finger for a solid month
and this man just stepped in. The kids got dressed
for camp, the kids had breakfast, Like he didn't even
wake me up. He let me sleep because I had
drains in my body and I was tired and I
(19:41):
was mentally exhausted. And you know, we also had humor
between us. I remember standing across each other before my
surgery and I'm just the like the whole surrealness of going,
oh my god, there is cancer in my body. Like
I'm walking around cancer in my body. And he looked
at me and he's like, you look really hot right now.
And I was like, really, do you think it's the cancer,
(20:02):
and he goes, I mean cancer looks good on you.
So like we had that back and forth of that
really dark humor that made it palatable for both of
us to not again curl into the fetal position, and
that even extended to when he was changing my disgusting,
bloody dreams, emptying my dreams, which is the most it's
not more vulnerable. That to me is more intimate than sex.
(20:22):
That is like, you have this man who you want
to view you as, this sexy goddess who he's attracted you,
and next thing you know, you're standing in a shower
with him with nothing but a drain belt hanging from
your body, and he is the person charged with washing
you and cleaning you and emptying those And he never
looked at me differently, and he told me.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
He'd bend me over right there if he could, you
know what I mean. He made jokes to me.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
I'm like, welled up, that's so me.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Really, he is a rock of all rocks, and he
has his moments, you know, he definitely when it all
was over and they the doctors came out and told
him my margins were clear, my nodules were clean, and
the cancer was gone and all that stuff. You know,
that was his moment to kind of fall apart then,
But he is.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
He's strong, and he is loving and caring and gentle and.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Just I think about I thought about a lot what
it would have been like in my old life to
go through this, and it made me even more thankful
that I went through it now with him, because he
took care of me in every way. I didn't worry
about anything, like even things that were going on before,
like business related things or legal related things, whatever things
were going on in our life.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
He literally was like, don't worry about it. I got it.
And I've never had that before. I've never had.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Someone who didn't expect you to play some kind of role,
no matter what condition you were in, right, physical, mental,
whatever it was. And this man quite literally took everything
off my plate and my only job was to heal.
And I think that's also why I bounced back fairly quick,
is because I had a true partner who just stepped
(21:59):
in and did everything.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
I hope everyone that's listening realizes that there are those
men out there, There are those partners there are those
people out there. You have me well up when you
were saying.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
I want women, I want women. I want to piggyback
on what you just said. I want I hope that
any woman who is listening to this and is questioning
if she is in a functional marriage or if you
know she knows salvage. I know it sounds weird to say,
but picture yourself for a moment in a situation where
(22:35):
your health might come into question, you might really need help.
Can you really, like really have that hard conversation with yourself.
Can you see yourself going through a medical crisis, a
health crisis, a family crisis with the person that you
are sleeping next to and feel safe and seen and secure.
And if you're even wavering on that question, I think
(22:56):
you need to have some hard conversations with yourself. You
need to talk to a therapist, talk to your partner.
Because I'm not saying you should jump ship and get divorced,
but I'm just saying it puts things in perspective.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
And I know wholeheartedly I would not have had the.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Same experience you know, decades ago, and I just every
woman deserves to have a partner who is going to
do the heavy lifting, not just because she needs it,
but because they want to see you be okay and
do better. And I could see in this man's eyes
every day the way he looked at me and was
so loving and never stop telling me how much he
(23:31):
loved me and how proud of me he was and
all that stuff, and those things matter.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Those matter to your.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Mental health, and your mental health affects your physical health
as much as you want to deny it, you know.
So yes, any woman out there who's questioning you really
need to think about that, because you don't want to
wait until you're in a situation with God forbid, where
you are with that person who you feel like might
hate you or not love you completely, and then you're
relying on.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Him or you feel more alone with that person.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Yes, yes, wow, you did well me up. So he
is he is the final husband him even more now.
And I was going to ask you if there's something
that you shared and expectedly that resonated with people, And
there's so many and I'm.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Sure this is probably one of the biggest ones the story.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Yeah, I think that I think that people in general,
everyone likes to see pieces in themselves in other people's stories,
because relatability is something that makes things more digestible, right,
whether it's positive or negative, And I think that everything.
Whenever something tumultuous has happened in my life, I have
(24:42):
shared it in a very raw and emotional, authentic way.
Some people like that and some people don't, and that's okay,
but you know it's all right.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
That's why we scroll and move past.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
And I even had someone, a man who has followed
me for a while.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
He's one of.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
The there's like a handful of men I've never blocked
beca They're not creepy and weird, and they genuinely engage
in like conversations and.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I love it. And this guy was like, you know,
when you shared about the cancer, it made me think
about all the other like heavy stuff you've shared. And
if you go to a lot of other people's pages.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Whether they're influencers or writers or whatever their title is,
they're always met with some version of trolls, right, and
the comments or whatever. He's like, I'm looking at all
these comments and there's not one negative thing, and that.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
I never thought of that.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Right, You, as a creator, you always worry about how
Pete not worry, but like you don't want to deal
with negativity when you're trying to put things out there
to help people and help yourself and have this cathartic moment.
But he's right, and I think that speaks to the
sense of community and what the cycle of what we
give each other. You know, people think I'm doing this
(25:54):
and I'm helping them, but they're helping me. That community
the way that people. I had someone who I've never
met life who donated to my meal train Okay, I
never met my life stranger who found, you know, my
email whatever it was, and sent me like a really
generous uber Eeds gift card, and it was such a
you know, yes, it's it's it's tangible, materialistic thing, but
(26:17):
it's really not she spent her money on someone she
doesn't know, because there's some kind of bond that we
all feel when we share information with each other and
we see that information, and I always want to be
that space for people. So right now, it's cancer, right
because that's what happened in my life. But that's what
it's always going to be, and that's why my account
is always going to be dynamic and change because I'm
(26:38):
always going to share whatever I'm going through in the
hopes that someone will relate to it and find what
they need to have some peace in their life.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
That's what's so special about you, amongst so many other things.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
I'm just going you're well and okay.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
And answer free answer.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
I mean, this happened. I feel like it was like boo.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I mean, I know that, and you know it was
a little bit longer in your time, but in reality,
it was.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Like a minute.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
It was twenty six days from diagnosis to surgery. And
I also want to say about that because that's not
the norm. And I know that's not the norm, but
I think that with this, as if anything with your life,
especially divorce, like you talk about it a lot, we
do have power. We have voices, and we have the
ability to advocate for ourselves in whatever that means, whether
(27:28):
it's you know, you're going through a divorce and you're
not comfortable with your attorney, fire your attorney, get a
new attorney, like there's you have choices and you can't
control everything, but you've got to focus on the things
that you can control to make your life easier and better.
And that was the same for me with cancer. And
I'm excited to share more about kind of the behind
the scenes stuff, because there are a lot of women
(27:48):
who don't know how to advocate for themselves and they
don't know what questions to ask. And I'm not an expert.
This is new for me too, but we're all kind
of learning together, and I'm going to be transparent about
that and make sure that everything that I've learned that
I didn't do or that I learned to do during
the process, I share to make someone's life even that
much easier if they have to go through it, you know,
and it's all transferable.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Right.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
We can talk about cancer, but all these skills we
talked about rising up and getting knocked down and being
resilient and advocating for yourself can relate to almost any
hard situation.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
That you go through in your life.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Well, kudos to you for everything and for sharing this,
I mean, for people need to they need to hear
that they're there. You could you could do this with
humor too, and totally work to handle it. And how
you're gonna how you're going to like we said before,
how you're going to rise?
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yeah, I don't know when we became people who you know,
you look at any story that's posted online, whether it's
from a publication or a creator, and there's always someone
who's got something to say, and a lot of it
is judgmental.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
And I don't know when we became like that.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I don't know, not to say there weren't always mean
girls and things like that, but even little stupid things
like everyone talking about you know, Jeff Bezos and Lauren
Sanchez's fifty million dollar wedding. I understand is a lot
of money, but like I'm watching all these people saying,
how dare they spend this money? And maybe this is
unpopular opinion, why do you have the right and to
(29:17):
say everyone spends their money and why do you care
enough to get angry about it? And just FYI, While
I do believe that everyone on this planet has some
responsibility to be, you know, philanthropic and charitable, whether it's
with time or resources and money. If someone works really
hard and is a gazillionaire, you don't get to tell
them how much to give to charity or whether it's
(29:39):
right or wrong, or they.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Don't It has literally has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
And I think people get really judgmental, and I've seen
it with cancer too. I had one person did sign
it into my DMS and was like, it's really annoying
when someone makes cancer their whole personality. Like, for example,
I had a friend who, before she even knew if
she was gonna need chemo or not, she shaved her head.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Well, why do you care? If that made.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Your friend feel empowered and it made her feel better
about the situation, who were you to say how she
should handle it?
Speaker 2 (30:11):
And why is it?
Speaker 3 (30:12):
It just makes me so upset, not even what people say,
the fact that they have a right to say anything.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
And we have to.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Work really hard to tune that noise out, and it's
not easy because, like I said in the beginning, I
am genetically wired to be a fighter, So my initial
instant someone comes for me is to punch back. And
it's taken a lot of self control for me to
ignore that stuff throughout my career, and I think that's
why I ended up with the community that I have.
You know, I don't have people coming at me. I
really don't, And I think that is because I don't engage.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
In it, don't.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
I don't want that. I don't want that energy, I
don't want that stress. It's unnecessary, and I think that
we especially as women need to stop doing that to
each other about everything. Stop judging people for how they're
getting divorced, how they're co parenting, if they're you know,
just because it's not something that you could see yourself
doing doesn't mean that you have a right to say
anything about.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
That's what I'm so happy for Lawrence Sanchez.
Speaker 5 (31:07):
She rewrote her life a million times over and living
her best life and so and who cares what she's
wren and how she worn't and how the you know,
Kylie Jenner showed up and this and that, Like, just
let them have their It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
There's literally needs to be no conversation.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
I mean, you want to talk with your girlfriends and
gossip about it, I get it, But like to come
out publicly and start bashing other women because of choices
they've made. I know some people think that that's what
you sign up for when you are a public figure,
but I think that's actually disgusting to think that. Because
someone shares pieces of their life, whether they're a celebrity
or a creator with ten thousand followers, who are you
(31:47):
to judge how they share something that is personal to
them If you don't like it unfollow, you know, unsubscribe whatever, right.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
We don't all have to like each to them that
us women should support each other, we should all really together. Okay, Rachel,
if you could go back to the version of yourself
when you were going through your divorce, what would you
whisper in her ear?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
You're doing everything the best that you can and it's
going to be okay, it's going to be okay. You
got to get through the storm. And I don't know
if I've shared this with you before. I have on
my actually have on my body one of my many tattoos.
I have a palm tree right here. I know this
is not visual, but I have a tiny little palm tree.
It is purposely bent and purposely a little bit messy
(32:33):
because when I first went back to therapy, after you know,
realizing how much PTSD I had from past abuse and
relationships and all these things in my life that I
really hadn't therapized myself for. My therapist gave me a
really good piece of symbolism that sticks with me through everything,
including my most recent battles with cancer, is that when
(32:56):
you are rigid in any toughs situation you're going through
and you're not willing to navigate it by bending and
flowing with the storm. Right, It's it doesn't mean you're strong.
Because those trees that look like the oak trees that
are never going to fall, the ones in hurt. I'm
in Florida, so you know where hurricane central. Those trees
(33:17):
are the ones that are most commonly knocked down because
they don't move, So they just get knocked down because
they're not willing to move. The palm trees that bend
and sway and learn the patterns of the storm and
figure out where it's safe for them to go and bend,
those are the ones that are still standing at the end.
And so I'm going to choose to be a fucking
palm tree with every single thing that I go through,
(33:38):
because you can't. Everything's fluid, it's not. You can't be
so rigid and how you face things, because you will
not be resilient without some flexibility. And I think that
telling my old self that, you know, just because I
didn't leave the second I saw red flags or felt
uncomfortable or whatever it was, doesn't make me weak. I
(33:58):
did things the best that I could, and you know,
I still am learning from a lot of it. As
I replay bits and pieces of my past, but I
would whisper in her ear that she's going to be okay.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
I love them, I love you, thank you for sharing
your journey.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
I love you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Rachel Silva, We'll have all of her social up there.
She's offended, she's raw, she's honest, and.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
We're winning author, speaker, writer, She's everything. I love you
so much, thank.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
You for I love you back, and I'm so happy
to have you in my orbit.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
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(34:54):
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(35:17):
three five five seven nine five zero zero
Welcome to The Rewrite, a podcast about divorce, choice and
new beginnings. I'm your host Wendy Sloan, former TV producer,
mom of two and one sweet golden retriever. This is
a space for real talk about the moments that break us,
the choices that define us, and the power we have
to begin again. You'll hear personal stories, heartfelt insights, and
(00:22):
honest conversations about healing relationships and reclaiming your life one
choice at a time. I'll be joined by experts in divorce, finance,
mental health, wellness and more and everything you need to
support your next chapter. The most powerful chapters might be
the ones you write next. Let's begin your rewrite together.
This episode is brought to in part by the Needle
(00:44):
Kuda Law Firm guidance that moves lives forward. Welcome back
to the Rewrite. I'm your host Wendy Sloan, and I'm
thrilled to welcome back my guest today. She's authentic, raw, honest,
and I love her to death. Last time she was here,
she shared her divorce experience meeting her second and final husband.
She talked about her two daughters, building a community and
supporting people going through divorce, and so much more.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
She's an award winning.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Author, speaker, writer, do over wife, mom to two girls,
short order cook show for a booboo, kisser, and so
much more.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I love her.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Welcome back, Rachel Soble.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I am so happy to be here and see your
beautiful face this morning.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Back at you.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
You're one of my all time favorite people ever, just
because you're you. And it's like, even the first time
we met, I felt like we were best friends and
totally souls and there was just something about you that
we just because me and you could go a mile
a minute with each other.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So those are the best connections though, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I know, and I can just like message DM you
and you're like right there, and I just I love
that about you and everything about you, and so much
has happened since the last time we spoke, So I'm
just going to have you like get into it.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, so much has happened, you know why?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
You said before my platform talked a lot about divorce,
and it did. And I think that one of the
hallmarks of my account is that it's kind of evolved
as my life has evolved, like a lot of people
who share their personal stories, and so you never really
know what the next chapter is going to be. Sometimes
it's presented to you on a silver platter, and sometimes
you have to like do some soul searching. Mine was
(02:18):
being diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer on May first of
this year, and I had a double misectomy and reconstruction
direct to implant at the same time, so like a
five hour surgery on May twenty seven, So twenty six
days after my diagnosis, I was on the table having
(02:40):
them removed, and you know, hoping that I would wake
up with boobs.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
That's basically it's been a whirlwind.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
It's crazy when I told you when we first connected,
and you were like what and you didn't know.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
That's how it's been in my real life.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
When I see people who I haven't seen, who maybe
don't follow my account, and they're like, what do you
mean you had breast cancer? I saw you two months
ago and you were fine. It's just a testament to
you know, shit happens.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
It just does.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
And we can fall apart and we can wallow, and
we can be in the fetal position and there's nothing
wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
I was raised by a.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Woman who is a Jersey born fighter, and that is
genetically hardwired into me, even though I'm a Nato Fluridian.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
And she is also a breast cancer survivor. And there's a.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Piece of advice that her doctor gave her when she
was diagnosed thirteen years ago that I have used so
many times, not just with my own breast cancer but
in real life, that I always share with everyone because
it's so important. And it was when her doctor when
she was diagnosed, her doctor said to her, You're allowed
to fall apart, go home, go cry, let it out,
(03:47):
whatever emotions you need to feel. But tomorrow I need
you to stand up, pick yourself up, and fight and
stop with the pity party, because it's time to get
serious and fight.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
And while that's obviously incredibly powered.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
When you're talking about breast cancer, I actually think it's
like one of the best pieces of life advice I've
ever heard. And every time I feel like something is
trying to knock me down, I think it's very easy
to fall and stumble. It just is because it's easy
to give up and let go and just fall. It's
a lot harder, I think, to stand in the face
of something, even though you're terrified or whatever feelings you're
(04:21):
feeling and just get through it. And I chose to
do the same thing with breast cancer as I did
with everything in my life, my divorce, my miscarriage, all
the messy things that have happened.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I haven't let it take me down. And I'm not cancer.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Certainly wasn't going to because we're lucky enough to have
so many tools and screenings and all these advocacy things
to help us navigate it. And so yeah, that's how
I spent the last couple months of my life.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
And you know so many things I love about you,
and I love this even more that it's and I've
always said, it's how it's how you rise.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
You can get yap and it's how you rise. Is
similar to what.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
You said, you're when what your doctor took, what your
doctor said, the doctrine said, you can get and go
home and have a pity part and do what you
need to do, but then get right back up, which
is what I think we both did with our.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Divorce right totally totally. And I think too that you know,
with any life experience, we're going to get knocked down,
like stuff is going to come at us that is
going to knock us down. And we can't really control
that because those are external forces, whether they're circumstances or
people or whatever it is that is causing you to stumble.
We can't control that, but we can control how we
(05:34):
react to situations. And I have you know, fortunately or unfortunately,
I don't know which word you use because it's such
a weird paradox, but I know so many people in
my life who have faced cancer, different kinds of cancer,
and the ones who really just had a positive attitude
about it and tried to go into it with a
clear head and that mentality of I'm going to take
(05:55):
care of this, I'm going to handle it. Those are
the people that were the most resilient, and those are
the people that I think about in my mind when
I go through things like this, including my mom. You know,
I have been through a lot worse in my life,
and people left me when I said that my divorce
was worse than breast cancer because breast cancer has It's
(06:19):
almost like people who do really well in math, which
I never did like. They like math because there's definitive answers, right,
It's not like writing an essay. It's not like subjective.
It is there is a right and a wrong. I
feel like with breast cancer, we are so advanced in
so many screenings and knowledge and all these things that
there are ways to combat it and even beat it
if you depending on the cards you've been dealt. Whereas
(06:41):
when you're dealing with people in your life, whether it's divorce, estrangement,
whatever it is, you can't control those other people, and
then they're in your life forever and you can't shake
them and you can't get rid of them. I knew
I could get rid of the breast cancer, and so
in my mind it felt even though it was heavy,
and it felt serious, and obviously cancer is serious. I
had no doubt in my mind that I was going
(07:02):
to rise up and stand because I wasn't going to
let it take me down. I found it early because
I'm vigilant about my screenings. I'm vigilant about checking my
own breasts, and I found a lump, and that is
the reason why I was able to come out fairly
unscathed with I still look down at my chest, though,
I'm like, whose boobs are these?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Because I can't even never.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
I mean, they're great, but I look at them and
I'm like, whose are these like I can't even wrap
my head around because there's you know, anyone who's gone
through any kind of sectomy or even reconstruction, whatever it is,
whether it's cancer related or not, there's no nerve and
you know, your nerves are all disconnected, and so like
I can't feel my boobs, like I cannot feel them
and they're on my chest, and I'm like, you know what,
(07:46):
this is like a pretty.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Good consolation prize.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I call them my insurance titties because I didn't have
to pay for them, and so, and I also joke,
because I have dark humor, that it was almost worth
it to be able to get beautiful.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
New, healthy boobs paid by insurance.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
I'll be it's a joke, which some people don't like
me joking about cancer, but I'm never going to stop.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Nope, you're not.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
And in your spirit is what your spirit, your energy,
your your you know, positivity, that's what got you through.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
And what a role model for your girls too.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
That was I think the thing that really was the
kicker for me. And they were very different conversations, and
people were like, how did you tell your kids? And
you know, I have a teenager and I have an
eight year old and my teenager is my firstborn. We
are we you know, we had many years where it
was just her and eye before I, you know, started
dating and got remarried, and so we have a very
special bond and a very we share the very same
(08:37):
sardonic and dark sense of humor. And so when I
went in her room and I was like listen, I
told her immediately, you know, I have breast cancer, and
she said are you going to die?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
But like very sarcastically, and I go now, and she
was like OK.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And then she flipped the switch really quick and was like, well,
if you want me to go with you to the
plastic surgeon, just show them what you want for your
after I'm happy to do that for you.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
And I go, oh, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
So she combats things with the sarcasm in humor the
same way I do. And I think the biggest miscconception
that people have when you act like that is that
you're making light of it or you're disrespecting something serious.
And I actually look at it totally opposite, as you're
taking power away from it. And I think it's the
same reason why I joke about a lot of serious
(09:25):
things in my life. It's not because I'm in denial
or I don't take it seriously. It's that I know
that if I can make fun of something or you know,
just make it a little, find the humor in it,
it makes it less serious, takes the power away, and
it empowers me. And that's what I wanted my girls
to see. I didn't want them to see me laying
there feeling sorry for myself. I wanted them to see me, Yeah,
(09:48):
I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And guess what, I
still have to do laundry and I still have to
take you to camp and I still have to you know,
you don't stop functioning. And I think it's an important
lesson to teach our kids about resiliency everything we go through, because.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
They're going to go through the same stuff when.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
They're older, on varying levels, and especially having daughters. It
hit me harder with breast cancer since it can be
genetically you know, bound and stuff like that. And my
older one did say, am I going to get this?
And that's a hard question to be asked, And the
truth is, I don't know. But the good news is
you will be okay because technology will be even better then,
(10:23):
and I'm going to be up your ass about getting
screenings and all that stuff. My little one was a
little harder to understand, and she was like, but I
don't understand how they're going to take your boobs out
and give you new ones. And I looked at her
and I go, it's kind of like when you go
to buildeber And she was like, oh, okay, and then
was totally fine and even asked me that night. She
(10:44):
was going home with a friend the day of my surgery,
and she was like, she wants to know why I'm
going home with her.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Can I tell her it's because you have cancer.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
So like, automatically I knew that they were treating it
in a lighter way, and I felt like, okay, good,
I got it. I got the tone across the way
that I wanted to. And everyone does it differently, you know,
you don't. No one has to do it like I do,
and nobody has to not have a pity party. If
that makes you feel better and empowered. I think as women,
(11:12):
there's so much that we are that is so oppressive,
right divorce, marriage, There's so many things about interpersonal relationships
and the things that we experience as women. That crosses
over well beyond healthcare, that we should.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Be able to do things the way we want to
do it.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
We should cope the way we want to cope with everything,
and nobody has the right to judge us for that, right.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Wow, So you said earlier that your divorce was harder
than yeah, yeah, yeah that for a minute.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
You know, I think when you when you go through
a divorce, whether it's something you want or not, or
you know what, you're just a participant along for the ride,
whatever the dynamics are.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I think that you know you are now going.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Through a situation where if you children, yes, your life
is changed where you may not be married to that person,
but this is still going to be part of your
family dynamic because you now share a child with someone.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Right.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
So it's not like when you break up with someone
in college or high school and you're like, I don't
have to see that person again and I have no ties.
Now you're talking about being tied to someone, another family,
another set of all these different varying levels of people, friends,
all those things. You can't get rid of that stuff
so easily when you go through a divorce. Whereas I
felt like with breast cancer. There was a very definitive plan, right,
(12:36):
We're going to biopsy, then we're going to see what's
going on. Then we're going to take out the cancer.
Then we're going to buyap see that. Then we're going
to let you know if you need treatment. Then we're
going to give you healthy new boobs. Then you're going
to be on medication. It's this finite plan of what's
going to happen, and it may evolve along the way,
but you don't have that person stuck in your life
(12:57):
or people stuck in your life that you still have
to find ways to exist with. And for me, and
maybe people would disagree, but for me, it just felt
a lot easier to tackle the cancer.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I hear you.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
I'm so happy that you're healthy and well and the
way you handle this and like everything else. And we're
gonna take a quick break for one of our sponsors,
but I'm going to ask you when we come back
about your powerful.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Community, an engaging community.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
That you built, and what does it mean to you
to be seen in this space, and especially now that
this is a whole other topic that we're talking about.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
When we write back, you're listening to the.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
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I'm back with Rachel Soilbel. What a conversation, what a
story like? I feel like I this where was during
(15:00):
this time? I'm so sorry that I didn't know this,
and now thank you for sharing this and spreading the
awareness about this.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I have to share it.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I you know, I didn't share it right away because
and I thought about sharing it in real time. I
didn't share it like the moment it happened because I
really wanted to kind of have my ducks in a
row and know exactly what I.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Was doing before I shared.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Because whenever you share something online, you're met with opinions,
you're met with you know, people get aggressive sometimes, and
I'm lucky that in my community, which you mentioned before,
I don't get a lot of that. I really really don't,
and I think that's purposeful. I think that you get
the energy that you put out. People match what you
put out, and so you can have differing views on everything,
(15:43):
but if your tone is the same, I think you
find common ground and the community part of this. When
I announced my cancers, came out with cancer, as I say,
was really interesting because I did not cry when I
was dig well. I cried for like five seconds when
I was diagnosed. I didn't cry throughout most of the experience.
(16:04):
I sobbed when I read people's messages in my community
that they sent me. I'm gonna get like choked even
thinking about it. But like people who I don't even know,
who I'll never meet in my life, who live across
different parts of the globe saying things like you are
the big sister we all needed. And I don't know
if you realize this, but for your younger readers, you
(16:24):
are actually parenting us who have not been parented with
love and empathy, and it's I'm sorry. It is impactful,
and it is humbling, and it is you know it
doesn't I know some people things like that may get
to their heads sometimes. For me, it actually knocks me
down in the best way possible by making me feel
(16:46):
human and making me feel like I'm not just writing
things and putting things into an echo chamber, that there
are people receiving these messages.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Whether I know it or not.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
And the amount of women that reached out to me
and said, I have been scared out of my mind
to get a mamogram and I just booked one because
you lit a fire under my ass. That to me
is everything. If nothing else happens to me and the
rest of my life, success wise, with my community or whatever.
The fact that there are women out there who I
(17:17):
don't I couldn't even pick them out of a crowd
because they are essentially strangers, but they don't feel like
strangers because we are all part of this community who
lean on each other for different things that we need.
And I am honored and humbled that people took my
story and took action from it and took care of
themselves and learned how to advocate. I mean, the messages
have not stopped coming in like that, and it makes
(17:38):
me feel proud and just it makes me feel part
of you know, I say, every time there's a messy
thing in my.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Life, there's been a sisterhood.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yes, you know, every time when I got divorced, people
come out of the wool work boom sisterhood who people
have been through it, had a miscarriage boom, sisterhood, cancer.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
It's a whole different kind of sisterhood.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
And they're incredible women with incredible stories who are just
strong and amazing and resilient. And I don't I also
didn't want the same way you talked about my girls earlier,
the same way I didn't want my kids to for
the rest of their lives hear the word cancer and
think it was a death sentence, which yes, sometimes it is.
Sometimes it sucks, and sometimes there's no hope, and you
(18:19):
do people die from cancer all the time. That is
a fact that we cannot change. But the fact that
my girls got to see a different side of it
and that I was able to reframe it and away
with them. I don't want them to have anxiety every
time they hear someone has cancer. I want them to think, Okay, well,
you know, we're going to deal with it and we're
going to see what happens. And I feel like I
did that with my kids, and I feel like I
(18:40):
did that with my community.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Absolutely, And it's even you haven't even a bigger purpose now, right,
A whole another, a whole other realm. And what about
your second and final husband, how was he?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
He is amazing? I mean, I knew I married him
for a reason.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's not like I married someone hoping it work out,
married someone knowing I was marrying the right person. But
I will tell you, and I've joked about this with
other people, I think that everyone should have to go
through Not that I want anyone to have to have
any kind of illness, but theoretically, it would be amazing
if everyone had to go through some kind of health
crisis with the person they were with before they got married,
(19:20):
because you really see what someone is made of. And
not that I ever doubted for a minute this man
would take care of me. But when I tell you that,
I did not lift a finger for a solid month
and this man just stepped in. The kids got dressed
for camp, the kids had breakfast, Like he didn't even
wake me up. He let me sleep because I had
drains in my body and I was tired and I
(19:41):
was mentally exhausted. And you know, we also had humor
between us. I remember standing across each other before my
surgery and I'm just the like the whole surrealness of going,
oh my god, there is cancer in my body. Like
I'm walking around cancer in my body. And he looked
at me and he's like, you look really hot right now.
And I was like, really, do you think it's the cancer,
(20:02):
and he goes, I mean cancer looks good on you.
So like we had that back and forth of that
really dark humor that made it palatable for both of
us to not again curl into the fetal position, and
that even extended to when he was changing my disgusting,
bloody dreams, emptying my dreams, which is the most it's
not more vulnerable. That to me is more intimate than sex.
(20:22):
That is like, you have this man who you want
to view you as, this sexy goddess who he's attracted you,
and next thing you know, you're standing in a shower
with him with nothing but a drain belt hanging from
your body, and he is the person charged with washing
you and cleaning you and emptying those And he never
looked at me differently, and he told me.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
He'd bend me over right there if he could, you
know what I mean. He made jokes to me.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
I'm like, welled up, that's so me.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Really, he is a rock of all rocks, and he
has his moments, you know, he definitely when it all
was over and they the doctors came out and told
him my margins were clear, my nodules were clean, and
the cancer was gone and all that stuff. You know,
that was his moment to kind of fall apart then,
But he is.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
He's strong, and he is loving and caring and gentle and.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Just I think about I thought about a lot what
it would have been like in my old life to
go through this, and it made me even more thankful
that I went through it now with him, because he
took care of me in every way. I didn't worry
about anything, like even things that were going on before,
like business related things or legal related things, whatever things
were going on in our life.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
He literally was like, don't worry about it. I got it.
And I've never had that before. I've never had.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Someone who didn't expect you to play some kind of role,
no matter what condition you were in, right, physical, mental,
whatever it was. And this man quite literally took everything
off my plate and my only job was to heal.
And I think that's also why I bounced back fairly quick,
is because I had a true partner who just stepped
(21:59):
in and did everything.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
I hope everyone that's listening realizes that there are those
men out there, There are those partners there are those
people out there. You have me well up when you
were saying.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
I want women, I want women. I want to piggyback
on what you just said. I want I hope that
any woman who is listening to this and is questioning
if she is in a functional marriage or if you
know she knows salvage. I know it sounds weird to say,
but picture yourself for a moment in a situation where
(22:35):
your health might come into question, you might really need help.
Can you really, like really have that hard conversation with yourself.
Can you see yourself going through a medical crisis, a
health crisis, a family crisis with the person that you
are sleeping next to and feel safe and seen and secure.
And if you're even wavering on that question, I think
(22:56):
you need to have some hard conversations with yourself. You
need to talk to a therapist, talk to your partner.
Because I'm not saying you should jump ship and get divorced,
but I'm just saying it puts things in perspective.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
And I know wholeheartedly I would not have had the.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Same experience you know, decades ago, and I just every
woman deserves to have a partner who is going to
do the heavy lifting, not just because she needs it,
but because they want to see you be okay and
do better. And I could see in this man's eyes
every day the way he looked at me and was
so loving and never stop telling me how much he
(23:31):
loved me and how proud of me he was and
all that stuff, and those things matter.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Those matter to your.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Mental health, and your mental health affects your physical health
as much as you want to deny it, you know.
So yes, any woman out there who's questioning you really
need to think about that, because you don't want to
wait until you're in a situation with God forbid, where
you are with that person who you feel like might
hate you or not love you completely, and then you're
relying on.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Him or you feel more alone with that person.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Yes, yes, wow, you did well me up. So he
is he is the final husband him even more now.
And I was going to ask you if there's something
that you shared and expectedly that resonated with people, And
there's so many and I'm.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Sure this is probably one of the biggest ones the story.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Yeah, I think that I think that people in general,
everyone likes to see pieces in themselves in other people's stories,
because relatability is something that makes things more digestible, right,
whether it's positive or negative, And I think that everything.
Whenever something tumultuous has happened in my life, I have
(24:42):
shared it in a very raw and emotional, authentic way.
Some people like that and some people don't, and that's okay,
but you know it's all right.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
That's why we scroll and move past.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
And I even had someone, a man who has followed
me for a while.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
He's one of.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
The there's like a handful of men I've never blocked
beca They're not creepy and weird, and they genuinely engage
in like conversations and.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I love it. And this guy was like, you know,
when you shared about the cancer, it made me think
about all the other like heavy stuff you've shared. And
if you go to a lot of other people's pages.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Whether they're influencers or writers or whatever their title is,
they're always met with some version of trolls, right, and
the comments or whatever. He's like, I'm looking at all
these comments and there's not one negative thing, and that.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
I never thought of that.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Right, You, as a creator, you always worry about how
Pete not worry, but like you don't want to deal
with negativity when you're trying to put things out there
to help people and help yourself and have this cathartic moment.
But he's right, and I think that speaks to the
sense of community and what the cycle of what we
give each other. You know, people think I'm doing this
(25:54):
and I'm helping them, but they're helping me. That community
the way that people. I had someone who I've never
met life who donated to my meal train Okay, I
never met my life stranger who found, you know, my
email whatever it was, and sent me like a really
generous uber Eeds gift card, and it was such a
you know, yes, it's it's it's tangible, materialistic thing, but
(26:17):
it's really not she spent her money on someone she
doesn't know, because there's some kind of bond that we
all feel when we share information with each other and
we see that information, and I always want to be
that space for people. So right now, it's cancer, right
because that's what happened in my life. But that's what
it's always going to be, and that's why my account
is always going to be dynamic and change because I'm
(26:38):
always going to share whatever I'm going through in the
hopes that someone will relate to it and find what
they need to have some peace in their life.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
That's what's so special about you, amongst so many other things.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
I'm just going you're well and okay.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
And answer free answer.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
I mean, this happened. I feel like it was like boo.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I mean, I know that, and you know it was
a little bit longer in your time, but in reality,
it was.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Like a minute.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
It was twenty six days from diagnosis to surgery. And
I also want to say about that because that's not
the norm. And I know that's not the norm, but
I think that with this, as if anything with your life,
especially divorce, like you talk about it a lot, we
do have power. We have voices, and we have the
ability to advocate for ourselves in whatever that means, whether
(27:28):
it's you know, you're going through a divorce and you're
not comfortable with your attorney, fire your attorney, get a
new attorney, like there's you have choices and you can't
control everything, but you've got to focus on the things
that you can control to make your life easier and better.
And that was the same for me with cancer. And
I'm excited to share more about kind of the behind
the scenes stuff, because there are a lot of women
(27:48):
who don't know how to advocate for themselves and they
don't know what questions to ask. And I'm not an expert.
This is new for me too, but we're all kind
of learning together, and I'm going to be transparent about
that and make sure that everything that I've learned that
I didn't do or that I learned to do during
the process, I share to make someone's life even that
much easier if they have to go through it, you know,
and it's all transferable.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Right.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
We can talk about cancer, but all these skills we
talked about rising up and getting knocked down and being
resilient and advocating for yourself can relate to almost any
hard situation.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
That you go through in your life.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Well, kudos to you for everything and for sharing this,
I mean, for people need to they need to hear
that they're there. You could you could do this with
humor too, and totally work to handle it. And how
you're gonna how you're going to like we said before,
how you're going to rise?
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yeah, I don't know when we became people who you know,
you look at any story that's posted online, whether it's
from a publication or a creator, and there's always someone
who's got something to say, and a lot of it
is judgmental.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
And I don't know when we became like that.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I don't know, not to say there weren't always mean
girls and things like that, but even little stupid things
like everyone talking about you know, Jeff Bezos and Lauren
Sanchez's fifty million dollar wedding. I understand is a lot
of money, but like I'm watching all these people saying,
how dare they spend this money? And maybe this is
unpopular opinion, why do you have the right and to
(29:17):
say everyone spends their money and why do you care
enough to get angry about it? And just FYI, While
I do believe that everyone on this planet has some
responsibility to be, you know, philanthropic and charitable, whether it's
with time or resources and money. If someone works really
hard and is a gazillionaire, you don't get to tell
them how much to give to charity or whether it's
(29:39):
right or wrong, or they.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Don't It has literally has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
And I think people get really judgmental, and I've seen
it with cancer too. I had one person did sign
it into my DMS and was like, it's really annoying
when someone makes cancer their whole personality. Like, for example,
I had a friend who, before she even knew if
she was gonna need chemo or not, she shaved her head.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Well, why do you care? If that made.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Your friend feel empowered and it made her feel better
about the situation, who were you to say how she
should handle it?
Speaker 2 (30:11):
And why is it?
Speaker 3 (30:12):
It just makes me so upset, not even what people say,
the fact that they have a right to say anything.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
And we have to.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Work really hard to tune that noise out, and it's
not easy because, like I said in the beginning, I
am genetically wired to be a fighter, So my initial
instant someone comes for me is to punch back. And
it's taken a lot of self control for me to
ignore that stuff throughout my career, and I think that's
why I ended up with the community that I have.
You know, I don't have people coming at me. I
really don't, And I think that is because I don't engage.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
In it, don't.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
I don't want that. I don't want that energy, I
don't want that stress. It's unnecessary, and I think that
we especially as women need to stop doing that to
each other about everything. Stop judging people for how they're
getting divorced, how they're co parenting, if they're you know,
just because it's not something that you could see yourself
doing doesn't mean that you have a right to say
anything about.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
That's what I'm so happy for Lawrence Sanchez.
Speaker 5 (31:07):
She rewrote her life a million times over and living
her best life and so and who cares what she's
wren and how she worn't and how the you know,
Kylie Jenner showed up and this and that, Like, just
let them have their It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
There's literally needs to be no conversation.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
I mean, you want to talk with your girlfriends and
gossip about it, I get it, But like to come
out publicly and start bashing other women because of choices
they've made. I know some people think that that's what
you sign up for when you are a public figure,
but I think that's actually disgusting to think that. Because
someone shares pieces of their life, whether they're a celebrity
or a creator with ten thousand followers, who are you
(31:47):
to judge how they share something that is personal to
them If you don't like it unfollow, you know, unsubscribe whatever, right.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
We don't all have to like each to them that
us women should support each other, we should all really together. Okay, Rachel,
if you could go back to the version of yourself
when you were going through your divorce, what would you
whisper in her ear?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
You're doing everything the best that you can and it's
going to be okay, it's going to be okay. You
got to get through the storm. And I don't know
if I've shared this with you before. I have on
my actually have on my body one of my many tattoos.
I have a palm tree right here. I know this
is not visual, but I have a tiny little palm tree.
It is purposely bent and purposely a little bit messy
(32:33):
because when I first went back to therapy, after you know,
realizing how much PTSD I had from past abuse and
relationships and all these things in my life that I
really hadn't therapized myself for. My therapist gave me a
really good piece of symbolism that sticks with me through everything,
including my most recent battles with cancer, is that when
(32:56):
you are rigid in any toughs situation you're going through
and you're not willing to navigate it by bending and
flowing with the storm. Right, It's it doesn't mean you're strong.
Because those trees that look like the oak trees that
are never going to fall, the ones in hurt. I'm
in Florida, so you know where hurricane central. Those trees
(33:17):
are the ones that are most commonly knocked down because
they don't move, So they just get knocked down because
they're not willing to move. The palm trees that bend
and sway and learn the patterns of the storm and
figure out where it's safe for them to go and bend,
those are the ones that are still standing at the end.
And so I'm going to choose to be a fucking
palm tree with every single thing that I go through,
(33:38):
because you can't. Everything's fluid, it's not. You can't be
so rigid and how you face things, because you will
not be resilient without some flexibility. And I think that
telling my old self that, you know, just because I
didn't leave the second I saw red flags or felt
uncomfortable or whatever it was, doesn't make me weak. I
(33:58):
did things the best that I could, and you know,
I still am learning from a lot of it. As
I replay bits and pieces of my past, but I
would whisper in her ear that she's going to be okay.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
I love them, I love you, thank you for sharing
your journey.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
I love you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Rachel Silva, We'll have all of her social up there.
She's offended, she's raw, she's honest, and.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
We're winning author, speaker, writer, She's everything. I love you
so much, thank.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
You for I love you back, and I'm so happy
to have you in my orbit.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Nito Kuda Divorce and Family Laws attorneys have guided Connecticut
and New York families through complex divorce actions, contested child custody,
and alimony disputes for over thirty years. Their Connecticut and
New York attorneys have extensive experience in family matters involving
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(34:54):
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(35:17):
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