Breaking Free & Living Fully: Embracing Emotional Resilience with Brooke DeBoer

Join host Nyomi Banks for this powerful episode featuring life coach, inspirational speaker, and author Brooke DeBoer. From surviving bullying and abusive relationships to building a life of freedom and purpose, Brooke's journey demonstrates how we can transform trauma into triumph and build unshakeable emotional resilience while rewriting our stories.
 🎯 What You'll Discover:
• How childhood bullying and abusive relationships can become catalysts for transformation
 • The difference between coping mechanisms and true healing
 • Why your body will force you to stop when you're not processing trauma
• Practical tools for building emotional resilience and rewriting your story
 • How to help children navigate bullying and build inner strength
• The power of reflection, journaling, and prayer in the healing process

💫 Brooke's Transformation Story: At 24, Brooke found herself a single mother escaping an abusive relationship while pregnant with her daughter. This pivotal moment forced her to ask: "What kind of mom do I want to be? What kind of example do I want to set?" Her journey from survival to thriving involved years of healing work, ultimately leading to a happy marriage, three daughters, and her book "Living the Free Life."

⚡ The Health Crisis Wake-Up Call: In her 30s, Brooke experienced a stress-induced thyroid crash that wasn't autoimmune-related. Her doctor's tests revealed the truth: years of stored trauma were manifesting physically. This health challenge became her invitation to finally process the pain she'd been carrying since childhood.

🌟 The Masterpiece Moment: A pivotal conversation with a church mentor changed everything: "God created you as a masterpiece. Are you treating yourself like a masterpiece?" This question became the foundation for Brooke's permission to rewrite her story and demand better treatment from herself and others.

🔥 Understanding Emotional Resilience: "Resilience is when you go through something hard, you take a moment, take a breath, and then you get back up again. It's putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes stopping and pausing to reflect before taking further steps

." 🛠️ Brooke's Resilience Process:

1. Stop and Reflect - Don't just push through pain
2. Journal - Process emotions and experiences on paper
3. Pray/Meditate - Connect with something greater than yourself
4. Recalibrate - Adjust your direction based on new insights
5. Take Next Steps - Move forward with intention and wisdom

💎 The Bullying Conversation: Both Nyomi and Brooke address the critical issue of childhood bullying, sharing personal experiences with their own children. Key insights:

• Help children distinguish between outside voices and their inner voice
• Ensure they have at least one supportive person to process feelings with
• Role-play scenarios and create action plans for handling bullies
• Connect them with trusted adults at school
• Practice using their authentic voice in safe spaces

🎭 Modern Challenges: Today's children face unprecedented challenges with 24/7 smartphone connectivity and social media pressure. Unlike previous generations who only compared themselves to local peers, today's youth face global comparison and constant external input about how to be, look, and act. 🌈 The Strategic Intervention Approach: Brooke's coaching method involves:

• Assessment - Using tools like the Wheel of Life to evaluate different life areas
• Goal Setting - Establishing clear vision for desired outcomes
• Backward Planning - Creating action steps from goal to present
• Challenge Anticipation - Preparing for obstacles and creating alternatives
• Relationship Analysis - Evaluating who gets access to different levels of your life

🏠 The House Metaphor for Relationships:

• Master Bedroom - Most intimate, trusted relationships
• Living Room - Close friends and family
• Front Door - Acquaintances you keep at a distance
• Outside - People you don't allow into your space at all

🧘‍♀️ Practical Tools for Daily Resilience: 1. The Body Compass Technique:

• Stand in a quiet space
• Ask your question
• If your body leans forward = YES
• If you feel resistance/lean back = NO

2. Morning Pages Journaling:

• Write 1-3 pages first thing in the morning
• No prompts, no plan - just brain dump
• Helps you understand your feelings and re-center

3. Guided Meditation:

• Use guided meditations if stillness is difficult
• Creates space for inner wisdom to emerge

💪 Key Insights on Healing:

• Trauma Processing is Essential - You can't just develop coping mechanisms; you must process and release stored trauma
• Your Body Will Force Rest - If you don't voluntarily process trauma, your body will eventually shut dow

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the season and Self Love Podcast. I am
your host, Namibank, saying, I am thrilled to have you
join me on this transformative journey. You see, every day
we dive into a powerful conversation about self discovery, healing
and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by ax
Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery or we believe that

(00:23):
loving yourself is the first step to live in a
fulfilling life.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
You can expect.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
Insightful discussions, practical tips, and inspiring stories. Plus were occasionally
welcome special guests who will share their unique perspectives on
self love and personal growth. So get comfy, grab your
favorite beverage, and let's embark on this journey together. Because
it's time to embrace the beautiful person that you are.

(00:50):
So let's elevate our lives one episode of time.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
Now, let's get started.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
All right, my beautiful people, to another episode of the
season in stephal Love Podcast. I'm your host, now me Banks,
And today we are diving deep into something I believe
that every single one of us needs, and that's emotional resilience. Well,
this month, we are embracing gratitude and abundance and what
better way to step into abundance than by breaking free

(01:18):
from the pain of our past. Well, today's episode is
called breaking Free and living fully embracing emotional resilience. And
I have someone very powerful in the building. I have Brooke.
Deborah Brooke is a life culture inspirational speaker and an
author of Living the Free Life. Her journey from bullying
and trauma to bold healing and freedom is nothing short

(01:41):
of incredible. And today she is going to help us
to unpack how we can build emotional resilience and truly.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Own our stories.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Before we get deep into this topic, let's take a
quick break. All right, it's you Gurtty, God is not
banks here on this season and Stephala podcast.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
Then we'll be right back Washington. Well was into two
folks because I'm healing always for me. If I look good,
then I feel good. If I feel good, then I
share the good. If I share the good, then I
celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then I
live the good. So I can be paid to be
my greatest. But I have to learn the good to

(02:18):
be the good.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
So what does it take to be the greatest?

Speaker 3 (02:21):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation, be
kind to yourself and you'll always.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Hey, it's your gird.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
You got it now me banks, and make sure you
tune in every free Thursday night at Naomi Pug you
have podcast what we talk about everything you love, sex, relationship,
coastal differences and so.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
Much norse by bridging the gap.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Between them all, and we even talk about the spiritual
of monning. You need to stop buy mean dot com
cod as well as the BETG three so you have
some amazing guests that come from you never know.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Just make sure you tune met Thursday night six pm.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Six percent of times go to exlaim dot com.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
In telefamis all right?

Speaker 1 (03:10):
Maybe before people will welcome back, Well, welcome, bruh.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
How are you?

Speaker 4 (03:15):
Thank you? I'm doing great today and I'm so grateful
to be here to share.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yes, i am truly excited about this conversation and I'm
going to share something with I I saw this past
weekend too, and I think that fits perfectly in this
topic as well. But before we get into the topic,
as our listeners, knowing you're new to this, and we
do a nice guided meditation just to ground us before
we get into the topic in hand, so at this time,

(03:41):
if you all just get comfortable and close your eyes
for a moment, all right, remember your ful people, You're
good to close your eyes, don't take a deep breath
then in Hell through your nose, feeling a fullness in
your test, sing your belly.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Now, I want you to.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
Exhale, slowly, releasing any tension in judgment. Again in Hell, now,
exhale now with each breath, I want you to seek
deeper into your presence. Feel the gratitude for your body

(04:31):
as it is strong, as it is resilient, as it
is deserving of love and care. Welcome your body to
this sacred space. Welcome your mind to this sacred space

(04:54):
of self love and healing. Take a few more deep
breath then, and when you are ready, gently open your eyes.
I write my beautiful people again, thank you for sharing

(05:16):
that space with me. And if you're new, here to
the Season and Self Love podcast again. It's something we
do everyday Monday through Friday, just to get us grounded
before we get into the topic.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
Well Brook, welcome to the Season and Self Love. I
am truly happy to have you here.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
I am for those who may not know about your story.
Can you take us back to the beginning and what
brought you on this path.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
Sure, I found myself at twenty four a single mom.
I had had a series of sort of tumultuous relationships
prior to that and ended up with somebody who was
definitely not right for me. It was not a smooth
or peaceful relationship, and I tried, We tried to make

(06:03):
it work, but there was some abuse going on. And
I found myself pregnant and then expecting a daughter, and
so I had to really take a look at the
path my life was going down. Once I became pregnant
with my daughter, it was like, okay, you know, unfortunately

(06:28):
we endure things as humans that we probably wouldn't endure
or choose for our children. Hopefully, in some cases kids
have to go through this too, which is tough. But
for me, I made a decision at that point that
I needed to decide what kind of mom I wanted

(06:49):
to be for my daughter and what kind of example
I wanted to be. And so I separated from her
biological father and you know, went on my own, and
he didn't follow. He has not been part of her experience,
which is unfortunate. I think more for him than for

(07:10):
her and I began to rebuild my life, and the
healing process has been many years long. I am fifty
years old now and have three grown daughters. One just graduated,
my youngest just graduated from high school. And the book
was released just last July, and it was my story,

(07:33):
and it didn't I probably didn't. I had a really
major health challenge when I was Gosh, I don't know
exactly the age. I'm not even sure if that's in
the book, but in my thirties, I had a health
challenge and it was a thyroid crash and I went
to the doctor and I'm like, Okay, nobody in my
family has this, Like what's going on? And spoke with

(07:54):
the doctor and he ran some tests and it wasn't
anything autoimmune, and we finally came to the conclusion that
this was stress induced, and I realized in my conversations
with him that I had stored up trauma for many,
many years and I had developed coping mechanisms. Though I now,

(08:15):
I am in a very happy marriage with the father
of my other two daughters, and he's also the father
of my first because he's been the only father in
her experience, and which is that's a story on its own,
but long story short, there was a realization when the
health challenge happened that I needed to process through the
trauma that had happened to me in order to release it.

(08:37):
And I hadn't really done that yet. You know, I
had developed survival mechanisms and coping mechanisms for just perfectionism
and working and being the best, and I'd married a
great man, so there was lots of opportunity to kind
of explore what I wanted to do and be a
good mom to the girls. But at the end of
the day, I wasn't really taking care of my heart completely,

(09:00):
and so that process began, and it was a great
healing process. It's very difficult physically. I wasn't doing very well,
so I had to build back my strength and everything,
and in the process, I couldn't do a lot of
other things. So I began to just do a lot
of self exploration. I worked with the counselor, I spent

(09:22):
a lot of time. One of the doctor's orders was,
you're not to do dishes, You're not to do laundry.
Everybody else in your family can pick up the slack
for a little while. Why you heel and I was
supposed to get therapeutic massages every other week, and I
actually have stuck to that since that time. It's probably
been about fifteen years, and I still do that unless

(09:45):
we have something going on. But I go for the
self care things. I make it a priority. In my experience,
it's not just physical, but it's also emotional. I meet
with a counselor once a month, even if something isn't
going on. I I talked to her about how I'm
feeling about things we processed through. So I mean that's

(10:06):
the backstory. How I became a coach is a whole
nother story. How the book came about as a different story,
but I love to share all of this, and I'm
basically dedicating myself. Currently, I'm taking a tiny break because
I have a daughter getting married, the daughter who is
with me since the beginning, the daughter who is my

(10:26):
inspiration for healing and everything. Her name is Paige, and
she's getting married in two and a half weeks on Maui.
So we're taking a small break to support her in
this process and this transition and her future husband. And
then my youngest daughter, Our youngest daughter has just graduated
from high school. So we're preparing to be empty nesters

(10:48):
here in another month and a half, so it's a
big emotional time for us. But up until we took
a little break to celebrate the graduation and get my
daughter ready for being married and everything, I have been
promoting the book and just trying to get out there
and share with women about my experience because there was
bullying all the way through my school years and then

(11:09):
I got into an abusive relationship in high school and
then ended up in a very unhealthy one that I
was speaking of before. So I just want to help
women to know their worth, to do the work, to
process through the emotions and trauma if they've already had it,
and to create the life that they're hoping and dreaming for.

(11:31):
And until you do that, I feel like you're kind
of on a shaky foundation, you know. So yeah, it's
a process.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
First of all, thank you for sharing. Your survey is
a very powerful one. I can kind of mirror your
life just a little bit, just a little bit, and
I'm gonna share that lady, if we have time. But
it's one thing that I know that I read in
your profile that you say, and is that freedom isn't
about perfection. That freedom isn't about perfection. That is about permission,

(12:00):
is what you say.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
So what gave you the permission to start to rewrite
your story?

Speaker 1 (12:06):
Well?

Speaker 4 (12:07):
I think initially it's what I said. It was the
idea of what kind of example am I going to
be for my daughter? But that was still for somebody else.
And I think when the health challenge happened, you know,
I spoke with a friend from church. It was a
mentor for me, somebody who prayed with me through hard
times and difficult times, and she had just been a great,

(12:28):
great mentor in my experience. And when I was going
through the health challenge, she said, you know, God created
you as a masterpiece. Are you treating yourself like a masterpiece?
And that was a real pivotal moment for me. I
don't even know if she knows how pivotal that was,
but it just really impressed upon me the idea that

(12:50):
I am God's child and God's masterpiece and I was
created just as He wanted me to be created. So
if I'm changing myself or with somebody who's mistree reading
me so that I can't act and be the person
that God created me, to be, then it's time to
kind of take a look and see if there's something
needs to shift, you know. And it's not really helping

(13:13):
anybody else if you're staying with an abuser either, because
you're enabling that kind of behavior, that's obviously not helping
them either. But that's a whole other thing, you know,
that's just a side note, because the most important thing
is we teach people how to treat us exactly by
what we accept. So if we're accepting mistreatment, abuse, belittling comments, behavior, pushing, shoving,

(13:41):
whatever it is, you know, then we're we're teaching them.
We're in charge, you know. And it's also the same
doctor told my girls, because he was our family doctor.
He said, you know, you guys set the tone in
your relationships. And you know, while I honor men, and
I believe I have a great man that I'm married

(14:01):
to too, I do believe that it's very empowering to
teach women that they get to set the tone, you know,
for what the expectations are and hopefully it's two people
working together at the end of the day. But I
think women need to hear that we need a little
extra push, you know. So sorry, I thought my phone

(14:24):
was silenced, right, So yeah, we we I think unfortunately,
I think I don't know what it is, but I
feel like society or just the world kind of tells
us that we need to be nice and we need to,
you know, behave in a certain way and be perfect.

(14:46):
And social media doesn't help that. With all the images
that everybody's seeing all the time that are you know,
probably most of them doctored. Anyway, We're not perfect. We're
supposed to be just exactly who God created to be.
And that's what I believe, and that's what I hope
to help women see beautiful.

Speaker 1 (15:06):
You know, thank you for that. I want to just
go back a little bit. I heard you say about
when you were a teenager, you were being bullied, you know,
going through trauma.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
You were even in an abusive relationship.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
So I guess my question is at such a young
age being in an abusive relationship with someone probably the
same age as you can, I ask you, was that
something that you witnessed at home that you thought that
it was more acceptable for of was it something that
you were searching for that you felt that that person
was giving you through the abuse, if that makes sense.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
Yeah, no, that makes total sense. I didn't have abuse
at home. I had a I like to speak carefully
about this because I have a very close relationship connection
to both of my parents and my dad. But my
dad was. He worked and it was as it was
a necessity for our family. I don't know the amount

(15:59):
of hours that he worked, but I think he was
a workaholic, and so he was gone a good portion
of my childhood or distracted, you know. So I think
some of it was attention. I'm not saying it's his fault,
but I think some of it was attention and kind
of having like a strong person in my experience. You know,

(16:20):
I'm not saying either he wasn't strong. He was a
very good man. But that's the only explanation I can
really come up with. The other thing is I think
I don't know. I think I just had a certain
personality where I like to challenge, and I see that
in one of my other daughters too, and I think

(16:42):
it was just the wrong kind of challenge. I think,
you know, I was very I wanted to be good,
and I wanted to perform and do well. And so
maybe it is back to the attention thing, you know.
I don't really know, but I once it started, it
was it was hard to stop or get out of.

(17:03):
I allowed myself to be talked into things and have
influences of other friends around me, and then once I
got in, it was really hard to get out because
I just I became attached to the familiarity of the relationship,
you know, and I didn't want to be alone. It
was really scary to think about being alone. So in

(17:25):
high school is a hard environment for young women. I
mean for everybody. Everybody's trying to figure out who they are.
And I had for some reason, I had a particularly
difficult high school experience. In't my peer group. It just
there was bullying from girls. There was this abusive situation

(17:50):
that happened with a boy. I had another girlfriend who
I found out later was in an abusive relationship, and
she actually passed away. She died my suicide because she
couldn't get out. So I do. I do think it's

(18:10):
very common for kids to get into relationships in high
school and be over their head with the problem, you know,
whatever's going on, not know how to sort them out.
And then mine just became abusive, which was very difficult.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
So yeah, so let me tell you why.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
I when I went back there to that this this
past weekend, I saw this, this moving video about this
young lady. She was talking about her daughter who was
in high school as well, that was being bullied. And
there was one question that she asked her mom. She said,
why can't I make them be my friends? Why why
they don't like me? And I am a mother of three.

(18:53):
I am a mother of three. My first, my first
baby I had at nineteen years old, you know, that
was my she good with everyone, no bullies. My second baby.
We grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood, so we
were like the only black family that was in a neighborhood,
maybe two or three black children that was in her school.

(19:13):
And so she always saw herself as being different than
everyone else. And for that, you know, she saw that
she felt like she had to be a certain way
or look a certain way, and she had some bullying,
you know, and some bud We kind of nipped that
in a bud. But once we moved to Las Vegas
from California, it kind of changed because we now have
put her in another dynamic of another culture.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
Now she was in a culture where there was more
black people.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
There were more Latino people she saw, you know, more
people that looked like her, but she didn't know how
to interact with them. And she talks very proper. She
talks very proper, and usually when you see a black girl,
dark skin, pretty black girl speaking proper language, to say,
you're trying to be white.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
And so she had to deal with.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
That bullying in an aspect of am I not black
enough because of the way that I speak? And I
kind of saw her trying to change her dialect of
how she was talking, and it did what it took
me back to when I was a younger. When I
was a young child, I used to talk very proper
because my mother made sure that I used the right words,
right things. And when I got around family members, they say,

(20:23):
you sound white.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
Which in return, I wish that I had somebody to
tell me like, no, you sound great. You sound you're.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
Using the proper English that it's supposed to be used,
So go ahead and do that. I reverted and like
dumbed my language down to fit in with everyone else.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
So I had spoke to my daughter about that, you
know about like, no, you you speak very well. That's
how I said.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
I wish I would have stayed speaking well, you know,
in that language, you know. But then with my little one,
she has problems where I actually took her out of
school so we homes her now because of the bullying
and the influence that she's seen with her own eyes
of people bullying her friends and people threatening and things
of that sort. Well, this young lady that I'm talking

(21:12):
about the video, she actually underlived herself, but in the
process of her unlive in her so she was trying
to figure out, how can I fight this battle? How
can I grow my resilience? How can I do this
at such a young age. And it's like us as parents.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
What do you say?

Speaker 1 (21:28):
And you know you've been I've never been bullied or
being on a bully's side. How what will be the
words that a parent can say to a child to
help them to get over that mental to help them.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
With their resilience? If that makes sense.

Speaker 4 (21:42):
I hope I'm saying the right Warriors, Yeah, I mean,
I can only really speak from my experience parenting my
own daughters and myself. And I suppose you know, I've
coached actually a couple of women who've been in bullying
environments at work too, and the main thing is to

(22:03):
just trust your inner voice and to hear that in
her voice. Sometimes we have to get a little bit quiet,
you know. And we also have to make sure only
you only need one friend, one supportive family member, one
person who has your back and can help you just
process and talk through some of these feelings. I think

(22:25):
it's really important to understand everything that's coming from the
outside and make sure that you separate that from your
inner voice, because if you start taking on the outside
voices as your own, You're never going to be the
authentic you that God created that you are, you know,
And so I think it's just really important to take

(22:45):
the time to make that distinction. Get a supportive friend
or partner to help you, or maybe it's your mom.
You're a great mom, so your kids can come to
you and talk these things through with you. I know
it's a little hard as they become teenagers. Sometimes it
is helpful to have somebody else. But there's I mean,
I'm just I'm if I see that I'm not as

(23:07):
a mom helping my daughters or connecting to them in
a way that they need it, then I'm not afraid
to call in help. Right, So we had family counselors
working with all of our kids at various points and
just so that they could process their feelings and make
sure that they could reconnect to their own inner voice.
Because I think it's just like what you said, like,

(23:28):
it doesn't matter really if what is the issue at hand.
From a human standpoint, it's always voices from the outside
telling you you need to be a certain way. And
then when you start shifting away from your authentic self
or from what your family culture is or you know,
what you're learning and being taught, hopefully it's good and

(23:50):
hopefully you have parents who aren't you know, causing the problem,
because we do have a lot of kids experiencing abuse
at home. But in this case, you know, I think
it's just important to help your child reconnect to their
own voice and to be strong and to practice using it.
Sometimes we're not good at it at first. Yeah, it

(24:11):
might just look like asking a bold question in a classroom,
or you know, saying no if you're under pressure and
then having somebody to back you up, you know, role
playing a little bit like if you're getting bullied at school,
what are some options of how you could handle the
bully so that you don't end up, you know, in

(24:32):
a bad situation or compromising your values, and then role
playing some examples of what you could do or who
can help you in that case if you need it
at school and connecting to a good person at the
school or something, you know what I mean, like a
plan of action.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, so beautiful, you know, thank you.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
And I didn't want to go down that road, but
something just said go down that road because I'm really
thinking right now that I probably should just do a
whole series on this bully and like really, so I will.

Speaker 4 (24:59):
Be coming great. Yeah, and I can prepare a little
bit too. It's a big problem. The statistics are not good,
and there's online bullying now, this rampant and kids need
to know how to handle it. And we're all getting information.
We used to okay, we used to go to school
and we would have input from kids at school, right,

(25:21):
and those kids were either positive or they were bullies,
or they were somewhere in between. Now we have we're
connected to our smartphones and so twenty four hours a
day if we want it, we can receive information from
the outside that's telling us how to be, what to
look like, how to act, what to say. What's right
politically this way or that way. You know, it's very overwhelming,

(25:45):
and so for kids, I don't know. I think many
kids are struggling much more than we even know, you know,
quietly and privately, because it's all they know. Like at
least we knew the difference. I knew the difference between
having a smartphone and not having one, so I could
feel the difference and make that distinction. But I still
have to control myself. You know, I've been off of

(26:06):
social media for over a month doing the family work
that we're doing, and I feel like a different person.
And I'm even just doing it to help people most
of the time, you know, So it's no, I totally understand.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
It is I, you know, I totally understand my My
husband and I we always had this conversation because I
was smallest one. She knows nothing but tech. She knows
nothing but the computer, you know, online, you know, that's
all she's coding. She knows how to call, like she
does all of those things. And like we joked a
lot of times, like we didn't even have cell phones
back then. We had the phones that was on the

(26:41):
ball that it didn't have no call waiting.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
It was you know, Oh, you know, so it's totally
different times.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
You know, exactly who we compared ourselves as with the
kids at school or the neighbors. We didn't wasn't comparing
ourselves with the world. So you're exactly right about, you know,
the the hardships of just being the being you, being who.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
You are and owning all of that. You know, only
all that.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
So I want to go back back to the topic
that we were talking about because we can stay on
this world. I want to get back to this because
it's all about gratitude. But I want to talk about resilience.
I want to I want to talk about that. So
for you, what exactly does that mean? Because a lot
of people don't know what resilience mean. But for you,
if that's the foundation of it all, what's that? Oh?

Speaker 4 (27:33):
For me, resiliences when you go through something hard, you know,
you take a moment, take a breath, and then you
get back up again. You know, it's putting one foot
in front of the others and some in front of
the other, and then sometimes stopping and pausing to and
reflecting before you take further steps. You know, for everybody's

(27:59):
been through hard things, there's no perfect human out there.
Some people are much more private about it or don't
share or don't even acknowledge. But for me, it's been
a process of just recognizing that everything has a season.
There's a time to heal, and then there's a time

(28:21):
to move forward, and sometimes we need to stop and
just really for me, I do. I try to pray
through things too. For me, that's you know, and that
may not work for everybody, but for me, I take
quiet time and I journal. My book is a lot
about reflection and journaling, and I think we find resilience

(28:44):
through reflection on what we've been through and then take
and then recalibrating, you know what I mean. It's like
a process. For me, resilience is not just a one
and done thing. And okay, now I'm one hundred percent resilient.
Like we have just things thrown out us in life
and we go through a process. And I found my

(29:05):
process and it is to stop and reflect that and
then pray through something and then take the next steps.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
Beautiful.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
You know, I love that because I can echo that
as well. That's something that we talk about a lot
here on the Season and stuff. Love is, you know,
first of all, acknowledging what is going on, acknowledge the
pain and knowledgey and sit in silence. You know, that's
one thing we always stay moving and stay going, and
sometimes we have to stay still and understand what that
is and what we're going through, you know. And I'm

(29:33):
all with the prayer and meditation. That's definitely something that
you know, we talk about here in the journaling. So
I'm so happy that you've included that into your book
as well as reflecting. You know, a lot of people,
as you say, a lot of people don't want to
reflect because sometimes it's too painful to reflect on some
of the stays that we had in life or even
some of the decisions that we had to make at

(29:54):
that time. But it's like all about embracing all of
this because that is who created who we are.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
You know.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
It was something that you said early on about you
going through the pains and their brusts and trauma as
a teenager because that allowed you to be who you
are today. And I love that I heard you say
that because a lot of people don't see that.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
A lot of peopley Okay, I'm cured.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
I'm gone, and I'm moving forward, and you're like, no,
I embraced all of that because.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
That is who you know I am as Brooke. That
is what created me.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
But also that gave me the tools that I can
be able to teach my girls and just a ripple effect,
you know, is going forward.

Speaker 4 (30:32):
Yeah, yeah, it's true. And I think I've been able
to help some of their friends too, which has been
a real blessing for me because I also think, I
don't know if you have this, but sounds like you
have a really interesting story as well. But I also
feel like we when you've been through tough stuff like this,
it gives you a better radar for it, and you're

(30:54):
better at sort of navigating the new things that come
if you've done your work like otherwise, I think if
you don't reflect and pause and journal and sort of
heal like what we've talked about, I mean everybody has
a different process for that, but I think you end
up just going through life like quite reactive, or at

(31:15):
least that's how I would have. If I wouldn't have,
I would have just been reacting and continuing to push
and work and do and try to be perfect, And
that was kind of my response to trauma. I would
if I got if anybody said anything not very nice
to me or.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (31:36):
I mean that was the big one. Like if I
felt like I got attacked in any way like i'd have,
I'd feel like I needed to, like what my counselor said,
like push somebody in a hole, and he's like, bro,
you actually don't have to push people in holes. They'll
fall in on their own and it's nothing you wish
for that on to somebody. But like you're expending all
this energy, like trying to defend yourself and trying to

(31:57):
teach other people how to act and behave. And I
think when we learn that the work is really within
us and all we really need to focus on is
what we can control and how we take care of
our own heart, and then we'll be good for the
people that are in our life who are good to us,
you know, our family, our friends, that type of thing.
But if we're out there trying to correct every situation

(32:19):
in the world and trying to be like a superstar,
you're eventually going to wear out and burn out. And
that's what happened to me. I mean, I just my
body just said no more. You know, you're done. So
that was that. And if I wanted to heal. It
was I pretty much I had I mean I had

(32:39):
a choice. I guess I could have turned to drinking
or drugs or something else and taken pills and then
tried to be better. But for me, I wanted I
wanted to heal fully. Yeah, so I began to work.
It wasn't easy work. I'm never going to tell anybody
that this work is easy, because, like you said, when
you're processing trauma, processing heart experiences, it's really it's very painful,

(33:04):
and there's a lot of shame attached to it too.
I'll tell you. When I was about ready to release
my book, I was like I almost went into panic commode,
Like I p frascinated as long as I possibly could.
And finally the publishing company I was working with just
kind of pushed the little baby bird out of the
nest and said, nope, we're launching now. And I was like, okay, yuess,

(33:27):
I have no choice. So the book went out into
the world, and then the response I got was so amazing.
It was like so many people were coming and saying
I've been through something similar, or thank you for putting
this out there. You know, But I think if you
don't process, and you don't get comfortable sharing your story,
You'll never know that other people are going through similar
things that you were going to do. So there is

(33:49):
a lot of value in doing that hard work. At
the end of the day, it does pay off.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (33:54):
So I hope people can hear that women and men
and going through trauma.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Yeah, I love that. You know.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
Also, it's one thing that I know that you teach
and I love this. It's about rewriting your story. I'm
the same way exactly like that. Can you walk us
through how someone can begin that?

Speaker 4 (34:15):
Yeah? So I work with clients. I was trained as
a strategic intervention coach, which basically it's a fancy word
for saying there are tools for identifying your feeling, identifying
your trauma, identifying what it is that you want sort
of breaking that down and then taking steps to move forward.

(34:39):
So I trained with a couple which was great. I
had a husband and wife mentor influence through the Tony
Robbins organization, Mark and megale Patia, and they taught a
lot of really great tools for sort of taking a
look at where you are now and then processing whatever
emotions and then beginning to take steps forward towards where

(35:03):
you want to go, and before you take the steps,
you kind of establish your goals. What is my vision,
What is it that I'm dreaming to do. That can
be emotional goals, it can be physical goals, it could
be monetary goals, and then we sort of work backwards
from the goal to create action steps to get you
closer to that goal. And the other thing that Tony

(35:25):
Robbins teaches in a lot of if you've done any
of his stuff or if any of you listening, is
to anticipate challenges along the way. So I think it's
I think it's really helpful too when you're on a
journey of like crafting the life, that you want to
know that you are going to have bumps in the

(35:46):
road and to look ahead and anticipate them and then
create alternatives. And it's sort of a flexible way of
thinking about moving towards a goal, you know. So there's
lots of things as a life that I can work
with with people when they're beginning this journey, but you
can also do it yourself, you know. I mean, for me,

(36:07):
I'm always I'm constantly planning and designing what direction I
want to go and then recalibrating because sometimes my direction changes.
We grow and we change, right, our goals change. We
accomplish something and we think we wanted to accomplish something else,
but then at the end of the day sometimes you
lose your desire for that goal and you shift and

(36:27):
you change. So when I work with my clients, the
other real specific thing that I do, And there's some
of this in the book, so if people get the book,
there are some of these tools that you can start with,
like the Wheel of Life. This is a common one
that you know. It's like a circle and it has
all the different type parts of your life, so like

(36:47):
your financial life, your romantic life, your family life. You
can divide it however you want. You can give it
new labels if you want, and then you assess. So
you start with an assessment of where you feel you
are from zero to tech and then you kind of go, Okay,
I'm going to take one to two areas and I'm
going to break these down. What do I want more of,
what do I want less of in this area? And

(37:09):
then you begin working on establishing your goals for that area.
And I recommend not taking on too many things at once.
You don't want to just burn yourself out. And we're
not supposed to be working on ten things at once, right,
one or two is great to focus on. So, but
our life is not one dimensional, you know. We have

(37:31):
family and friends, we have intimate relationships, we have you know.
And then that's the other thing I've I like to
work with my clients on friendships too, and your relationships.
And there's lots of different metaphors and tools you can
use for like, because a lot of us have a tendency,
those of us that ten towards people pleasing, which I

(37:56):
think are a lot of the people that end up
in abusive situations because you're such good hearted people that
really care about pleasing people, and then you end up
in something that's not good for you. But to assess
your relationships too is really good because you kind of
need supportive partners to get your goals accomplished. If you

(38:16):
have people around you who are negatively affecting you, it's
going to be really hard to accomplish those goals. So
analyzing your friendships, looking at who you're bringing in close,
who you're letting like in your Like one of the
metaphors is a house and your master bedroom is you know,

(38:36):
who would you let in there this intimate private space,
versus who do you let into your living room? Versus
who do you just keep outside your front door? You know,
things like this. There's a lot of great work that
can be done to help you get more going in
the direction of your goals, but we kind of have

(38:57):
to clear out all the negative people, the abuse, all
of this, the trauma needs work before you can really
move forward, because if you move forward without that, you're
going to end up probably much like me, like just
working on goals, goals, goals, and then your emotional life
is kind of a house.

Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yeah, so I totally understand that. Just even that, just
I think, was it last week, well week before last,
I was, you know, ready to go, you know, I
have so many goals, so many projects going, so just movie, movie, moving.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
And my body completely shut down right after I'm.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
Coming home from a vacation. So I've already vacation right
and I got home. My whole entire body shut down.
But that wasn't the first time that my body did that.
My body has done that before because I am that
type of person that loves to be productive and love.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
To create new things.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
On a healing process for everybody else, you know, as
well as myself, but still my body got universe sity.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
No, we got to sit you down right now because
you're moving too fast.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
The movement of you moving too fast. You're missing things
that's happening for you, but not only for you, but
also for this platform that we've just blessed you with.
You understand what I'm saying, and you're not taking care
of yourself. So I love that you kind of like
shut it down for a full month so you can
not only ground yourself but also be connected with your

(40:21):
baby as she is transforming into a whole new life
on her own.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
So I a truly applaud you on that. You know,
go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 4 (40:32):
I'm sorry, yeah, No, I just I want to acknowledge
you for for what you went through because I think
when we go on vacation sometimes our body gets a
chance to kind of unwind, and I think maybe what
was happening is your nervous system was just like okay,
it's time for a break because it got a taste

(40:53):
of it, you know, and I think we we I
don't know if this is just a woman thing or
if it's a human thing. I would have to do
more research, but I feel like we get so wound
up and we don't even know like how we feel,
and we're just like on the hamster wheel. And I
feel like it's kind of an American thing. We've been
traveling a lot out of the country for my husband's

(41:14):
one of his dreams, which is racing cars, and so
this last year we've also been doing a lot of travel,
and I feel like they take more breaks than we do. Well,
they're not quite as productive. I don't know. Maybe it
should and that's on a podcast, but I mean it
feels like they're not as quickly productive. Maybe that's the word.
It's not that they're not productive people over there, it's

(41:36):
just they take a lot more breaks and a lot
more and I don't know. In a way, I wonder
if they're healthier, you know, because we really push hard
here in America.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
Yeah, we do.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
You know, even I've watched several different documentary and even
like going over there and spend some time where they
do they have breaks within the middle of the day
like everyone every you know, the vacation from Friday to
you know, Monday, like they make sure that their health
is the most important thing. And even with school, like

(42:08):
a lot of them, they don't have homework. You do
the work in school. We don't do homework at homework
And so you can see how that that kind of
helps with with even them society wise, you know, maybe
they have low you know, with crime and all of
that other things there is because they're more they're more
concerned on making sure they're taking care of your mental,

(42:30):
your emotions, your physical.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
There you know, to where we're here in this is
a whole something that's that's a whole.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Another We have podcasts for days, that's a whole different thing.
All right, So this is what i want to talk
about really really fast, and I'm scrolling down right here
because I want to go back to us talking about
reflection about you know, preparing you know, people for you know,

(43:00):
just for that transformation. You know, for me, as I
shared with you last weekend at the time of this recording,
I am preparing for a transformation. I'm getting my implants
removed and oh yes, yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
My implants removing.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
So for me that's very not only physical, but it's
also a spiritual, emotional, you know type of information for me.
So you know, when going through that's so many taking
different levels of resilience. So I don't even know if
I can even say that, but it is, it's different

(43:36):
levels of resilience when it comes with it. I just
remember earlier today doing the episode for This Morning, and
it was all talking about my why and as I'm
saying it again, this is the time of recording, and
I remember in me speaking my wife, I got so
emotional in it because at that moment, I was sharing
my fears. I was sharing, you know, my insecurities as

(43:59):
a thirty you're a woman getting implants after my second child,
you know. But also I kind of understood what every
stage in my life it brought me to that moment today,
you know. But even throughout that, it takes us through
so many different levels you know of it. But in
that process, I'm literally finding a new me, you know,

(44:22):
a new me through all of that.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (44:24):
Yeah, that's fantastic. Yeah, it's a courageous decision that you're making,
and I think it's beautiful and I would like to
follow your journey too to see how this, you know,
what changes you experience and how you feel afterwards. Thank you.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah, you know that's something that I committed to. I
was at my altar and praying and you know, and
meditating about it, and it was definitely, you know, something
to share. Share the preparation before and share you know,
the healing after the explant, you know, and.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
I'm ready for it.

Speaker 4 (44:59):
You know.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
That's something that my husband saying.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
You know, I'm gonna set up a camera so or
whenever you feel the moment that you want to go,
sit there and share your emotions and share it because
it's not just a woman thing.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
And that's what a lot of people think. I'm just
talking about the.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
BEI you know, the breast illness implant and expert. No,
we're talking about this period in life. We're talking about
certain things that we stay in beyond the season of
what it is.

Speaker 4 (45:21):
You know.

Speaker 1 (45:22):
I love that when you shared earlier, earlier in our
conversation about knowing when it was time to move on
from another relationship when it's time, like you knowing, Okay,
I have a little baby. I have a girl in
my wound, and I would never want her to go
through what I have to go to.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
So I can say it all, but I now have
to show her. It has to be my actions now
more than anything.

Speaker 1 (45:45):
And so when we tend to stay in jobs longer
than we supposed to, you know, when we're not, you know,
betting on ourselves, you understand what I'm saying. Or a
relationship longer than you know, sometimes it's.

Speaker 2 (45:59):
Time to more.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
That really is that you built up in those relationships,
are at that job that gave you the strength to
level up.

Speaker 2 (46:08):
It gave you the strength to move forward.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
And that's where that resilience come in in so many
different levels.

Speaker 4 (46:16):
Yeah, yeah, I think we we do grow out of
situations we're supposed to. You know, if we weren't growing
and changing and evolving, then what are we doing here?
You know? So I think it's okay, it's good to
sort of expect that. It's like what Tony Robbins says, anticipate.

(46:36):
Maybe it's not anticipating a challenge, but anticipate the growth,
expect it, and then just be prepared to shift and
change go you know, And I'm going through that right now,
getting close to becoming an empty nester. You know, my
role in my kid's life is going to change dramatically,
and is same with my role with my husband. You know,

(46:56):
we love each other and we have a great time together.
So that's good, but we're going to have to rediscover
what this phase of life looks like. So and I
mean life is. We go through many changes like that
in life. So it's it's it's great work, you know,
if we embrace it.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Yeah, well I'm excited.

Speaker 4 (47:16):
It's a privilege to get.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
Yeah, I am truly excited for you, you know, to go.
You're going through so many transformation, You're at the threshold
of so many different things right now in your life.
But the beautiful thing is that you do have someone
there that is very supportive with you. Why you and
both of you standing at that threshold going through it,
it's just amazing. So I know our time has come up.

(47:43):
So I just want you to do one little favorite
for me, if you can just share a few tools,
a few tools that you know that our listeners can use,
and then also after that tell us where they can
find your book at and your social media platforms and
stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:01):
Okay, So one tool that popped into my mind. There's
so many, so I was like, oh, no, what am
I going to share it? But the one that popped
into my mind is one that one of my very
close personal friends and life coaches shared with me, and
you know, when you've been through hard stuff, sometimes it's
hard to listen to your own voice. And I talked
about that earlier, you know, when you're talking to your
kids and separating the outside voices from the inside voice.

(48:24):
But she taught me, if you're trying to make a
decision about something you're not sure which way to go,
just stand up in a quiet space, ask the question
and if your body leans slightly forward, that's a yes.
And if you feel like a resistance or of tipping
backwards just a little bit, that's a no. So it
was such a simple tool. Yeah that I was like,

(48:46):
how can this actually work? But I've used it lots
of times and it has proven to be very a
very good tool that really helps me when I'm feeling
a little bit of confusion or like I'm not quite
sure about this that. So that's one. Another tool is
to journal either the morning pages in the morning where

(49:07):
you do like a brain dump, write one to three
pages out in the morning, just your feelings and thoughts,
no plan, no prompts, no nothing, just do that first
thing in the morning, because then you kind of get
recentered again. You kind of understand where your feelings are at.
If there's something hard going on, it'll come out usually.
And then what else, I like your meditation. Meditation helps

(49:33):
me if I sit quiet, and I use guided meditations
because I'm not very good at sitting just totally in stillness.
But you can do that if you're good at it,
you know. So all three of those things are super helpful.
And then to just remind yourself that you are God's masterpiece,
you know, And if you don't believe in God, whatever
your belief system is, you are a masterpiece. You are

(49:54):
created by something somewhere, just as you were supposed to be.
And yeah, we're supposed to be and grow. But honor yourself.
Love yourself, love everything, even the quirks and the flaws.
The quirks are I think almost the best part of you.
It is a sense of humor too, it's even better
so and I think I'm getting better at that. So anyway,

(50:18):
and to find any of my books or I have
a children's book, and then I have this book for
women called Living the Free Life, which has a lot
of these tools in it. And I'm at the Brookdbor
dot com and I'm on Instagram I have TikTok too,
but I'm not just regular at updating. That Instagram's better
and that's at free Brook the word free and Brook

(50:40):
with an e.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Okay, thank you you know, first of all, thank you
for being here truly, thank you for just being such
a powerful example what it means to live in the
free life.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
Yeah. This has been a good one. Yeah you too.

Speaker 4 (50:55):
I'm now I'm really excited to follow your journey too,
and I'd love to hear more about your store. So
maybe we can connect soon.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
Yes, yes, yes, yes we will when I come back
from surgery. I'm taking like a nice month break off
with like talking and speaking to anyone, kind of just
being into my newness. And as I say this, once
I take my influence out, this will make my self complete.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
I'm able.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
Yeah, I am compeah Yeah great, well, I'll be praying
for you all.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
Right, Thank you so much. All right, my beautiful people. Again,
I want to thank.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
You all for just tuning in to this amazing Don't
forget to check out Brooks her book as well as
follow her on Instagram and everything else there.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
Now, if you love this episode, do me a favor.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
I want you to share with someone who needs to
hear that their past doesn't define who they are.

Speaker 2 (51:46):
And again, remember tack us.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
On social media why what's your favorite moment as well
and put hashtag self love rebirth because remember this is
the year of the rebirth for us here in twenty
twenty five. And so until next time, you guys, have
an amazing, amazing day, have a good one. Thank you
for joining us on this journey of discovering and empowerment

(52:09):
here at the Season and Self Love Podcast. Remember, embracing
self love is a continuous journey and we're.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
So glad to have you with us.

Speaker 1 (52:17):
So if you enjoy today's episode, please leave us a
review and don't forget to join our community on Facebook
at Season and Self Love connect with like minded individuals
who are also on their self love journey. Now, if
you have any questions or topics that you'd like for
us to explore, we love to hear from you. Email
us at Season usseelf Love at gmail dot com and

(52:40):
let your voice be heard. So until next time, take
a moment for yourself today and remember you are worthy
of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life
has to offer.