August 18, 2025 • 43 mins
Join host Nyomi Banks for this deeply transformative Wisdom Wednesday episode featuring nutritionist, food relationship coach, and yoga teacher Abby Mallard. After her own recovery from disordered eating, Abby now empowers others to embrace food freedom, self-acceptance, and emotional well-being as pathways to building authentic resilience from the inside out.
🎯 What You'll Discover:
• How disordered eating becomes a coping mechanism for deeper emotional wounds
• The connection between food relationships and authentic self-discovery
• Why emotional resilience starts with feeling and naming your emotions
• Practical daily tools for building emotional strength and body acceptance
• How to navigate social media criticism while maintaining authenticity
• The powerful link between nutrition and mental/emotional health
💫 Abby's Transformation Story: Starting around age 11, Abby felt alone and like she didn't fit in the world. When major family changes occurred, she turned to controlling food as a coping mechanism - developing bulimia, binging, purging, and anorexia that lasted from ages 13-17. What began as seeking control became a cry for help that her family never noticed, until she finally asked her mother for support at 17.
⚡ The Healing Journey: With the help of a nutritionist/dietitian who served as both food expert and therapist, Abby began her recovery. Her dietitian's tough love - threatening not to let her move away for college unless she gained weight and "got her shit together" - provided the necessary wake-up call to commit to healing.
🌟 The Food-Emotion Connection: Abby reveals how disordered eating consumed 100% of her mental space, leaving no room for processing emotions or discovering her authentic self. When food becomes an obsession, it's not about control - it controls you. Healing her relationship with food created space to:
🎯 What You'll Discover:
• How disordered eating becomes a coping mechanism for deeper emotional wounds
• The connection between food relationships and authentic self-discovery
• Why emotional resilience starts with feeling and naming your emotions
• Practical daily tools for building emotional strength and body acceptance
• How to navigate social media criticism while maintaining authenticity
• The powerful link between nutrition and mental/emotional health
💫 Abby's Transformation Story: Starting around age 11, Abby felt alone and like she didn't fit in the world. When major family changes occurred, she turned to controlling food as a coping mechanism - developing bulimia, binging, purging, and anorexia that lasted from ages 13-17. What began as seeking control became a cry for help that her family never noticed, until she finally asked her mother for support at 17.
⚡ The Healing Journey: With the help of a nutritionist/dietitian who served as both food expert and therapist, Abby began her recovery. Her dietitian's tough love - threatening not to let her move away for college unless she gained weight and "got her shit together" - provided the necessary wake-up call to commit to healing.
🌟 The Food-Emotion Connection: Abby reveals how disordered eating consumed 100% of her mental space, leaving no room for processing emotions or discovering her authentic self. When food becomes an obsession, it's not about control - it controls you. Healing her relationship with food created space to:
- Acknowledge and feel emotions instead of suppressing them
- Build a relationship with her authentic self
- Create a peaceful, joyful life beyond food obsession
- Name Your Top 3 Emotions using an emotion wheel (Google it!) - go beyond happy/sad/angry
- Ask Key Questions: What's causing this feeling? What is this emotion telling me I need?
- Take the Next Small Right Action to move through the feeling with compassion, not to fix or eliminate it
- Name the emotion triggered by mean comments
- Talk it out with trusted friends/spouse instead of stuffing feelings
- Stand up for yourself without engaging in back-and-forth arguments
- Set boundaries - you don't have to tolerate internet bullies
- Emotional Check-ins - especially on harder days
- Deep breathing and stepping away from screens
- Getting outside for fresh air and perspective
- Talking to friends or journaling to get emotions out of your body
- Nourishing your body - 40% of nutrients go directly to your brain!
- Somatic movement - yoga, shaking, spiraling hips to release stuck emotions
- Downward dog heel bounces - like "twerking" but for emotional release
- Getting adequate protein and vegetables
- Staying hydrated
- Not aiming for perfection, but consistent nourishment
- "When something has that much control over you, you don't have space for emotions or figuring out who you are"
- "We don't have to tolerate bullies - internet bullies are a real thing"
- "I can love everyone and hold compassion, but I don't have to let them have access to my heart"
- "It's exhausting when you have to put a mask on all the time"
- "Resilience lives inside of you - it's not something you earn, it's something you already have"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Season and Self Love Podcast. I am
your host, Miami Banks, and I am thrilled to have
you join me on this transformative journey. You see, every
day we dive into a powerful conversation about self discovery,
healing and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by
AX Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. What we believe
(00:22):
that loving yourself is the first step to live in
a fulfilling life. You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips,
and inspiring stories. Plus we are occasionally welcome special guests who.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Will share their unique perspectives on self love and personal growth.
So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's embark
on this journey together. Because it's time to embrace the
beautiful person that you are. So let's elevate our lives
one episode of the time.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Now, let's get started, all right, my beautiful people, who
Welcome to another episode the Season of Self Love Podcast.
I'm your host Naomi Banks, and this month we are
diving into a theme of emotional resilience. What it means
to build strength from the inside out, especially in the
face of life challenges. Well, today's conversation is one that's
close to my heart, and I know it will speak
(01:18):
to so many of you too. We're talking about how
our relationship with food, Yes, with food, with our bodies,
and with our inner narrative place a powerful role in
cultivating resilience and joining me. Is someone who truly embodies
this message is Abbe Mallard. Abby is a nutritionist, a
food relationship coach, and a yoga teacher who turned her
(01:40):
personal healing journey into a mission of empowering others after
walking through her own recovery from disorder eating. Abby now
helps people embrace food, freedom, self acceptance, and emotional well being. Y'all,
this is one is going to be deep, real and
filled with so much healing energy. But before me bring
(02:00):
Abby to the stage, let's take a quick breaker, right it,
Sugurty Goddess. Let me banks here all this season and
stuff Love podcast and we'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Washington wells into two focuses on healing always for me.
If I look good, then I feel good. If I
feel good, then I share the good. If I share
the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate
the good, then I live the good. So I can
be paid to be my greatest. But I have to
learn the good to be the good.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
So what does it take to be the greatest?
Speaker 3 (02:32):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be
kind to yourself and you'll always.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Hey Straagurty, got it now me Banks and make sure
you tune in three Thursday night at Naomi.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
You have podcast when we talk about everything.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
You love, sex, relationship, put the differences and so much
draws by bridging the gap between them all. And we
even talk about this pure livening. If you need to
stop by me and dot com as well as the
bet you have some amazing gifts to comfort for you
never know. Just make sure you tune me Thursday night
six pm or six percent of time. Go to exlam
(03:10):
dot com and tell them Miami season all right now
before people will welcome back, Hey Edby, how are you?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Hey Naomi, I'm great?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
How are you? I am so good? I am so
ready for this conversation because I need this right now.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
All right. So usually before we get into the topic
to hand, we round ourselves first before we start to talk.
All right, So, my beautiful people out there the Season
and stuff for love. You know how we do it.
If you all just get into a nice comfortable position
and close your eyes, all right, take a deep breathing
through your nose and hold it for a moment. Now, excel,
(04:00):
Slowly feel your body grounding at this moment. Now, I
want you to imagine a warm and support of life
gently wrapping around you. Remind me that you are of
the strength that you carry within. I want you to
(04:23):
breathe in calm and breathe out the tension. Now, anfirm
to yourself. I am resilient, I am worthy of nourishment,
and I am enough. Breathe in again, Excel, and when
(04:49):
you are ready, gently open your eyes. All right, maybeutiful
people will welcome back. First of all, thank you for
sharing that space with me. And if you are new
here to the Season and Cuphlo podcast, it's something we
do every day Monday through Friday. It's just the ground
that's before we get into the topic. All right, So
this get into this topic happy. First of all, thank
you for being here again, and I want to start
(05:12):
right from where the heart is your story. Can you
share a bit about your journey and what led you
to this work. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Yeah, So I always felt kind of alone and like
I didn't fit in in the world. I think that
that resonates with a lot of people, and just felt
really lonely and struggled with some depression and anxiety and
growing up. Home life was pretty good up till about eleven,
(05:41):
and then there was a big change in our family's
life and just kind of brought all of that loneliness
and suffering up to the surface. Really felt isolated, not
cared for, and so it started to turn into a
coping mechanism for me, which was an eating disorder and
(06:02):
really controlling my food, controlling what went in, controlling what
went out, you know, feeling like I had something that
I could control in life. And long story shorts, I
started struggling when I was around thirteen or fourteen, mainly bulimia, binging, purging,
some anarexia thrown in there, kind of a back and forth,
(06:25):
and I think a little bit.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Of it, Naomi.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
It was coping, but it was also almost a cry
for help of if I am not doing well enough,
maybe someone will notice me. And my family never noticed,
and I think that was really hard for me. But
I ended up asking for help from my mom when
I was around seventeen, four or five years after I
(06:48):
started struggling, and I'm very very grateful that she was
responded well and got me the support and help that
I needed. Worked with a nutritionist and I titian therapist,
and my dietitian. I loved her so much. She could
see things going on below the surface, and she was
(07:12):
really like a therapist to me as well, not just
a dietitian, and she really really helped me heal and
gave me some tough love. I was going into, you know,
graduating from college and I wanted to move out and
move states away, and my dietitian was like, if you
don't start to make some progress and you don't gain
(07:33):
some weight back and like get your shit together here, essentially,
I'm not going to let you go. And that was
really hard to hear, but I think it gave me
that kind of like kick to Okay, I need to
actually control this part of it now so that I
can go get what I need in life to be
able to heal and get to a better place. So
(07:56):
I ended up going to college for nutrition after doing
a lot of healing work. We can get into more
of the nitty gritty healing stuff if you want. But
now I am so grateful and honored to be at
a place where I am free from that struggle and
can now support people who are in the same space
(08:16):
that I was, you know, kind of that struggle of food,
but also body image and just not prioritizing yourself, feeling lonely,
all of those different pieces that I think it's really
a big struggle for a lot of us in life,
whether it's a clinically diagnosed eating disorder or not.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, you know, first of all, I want to say
thank you, thank you for just being vulnerable enough to
share your story. You know, a lot of times we
think that we are by ourselves when we're going through
this journey, and it's hard for you know, to show face,
to show your face as if we say, a mask
and allow people to know. But you just don't understand
(08:53):
how many people that you truly resonate with. It's just
amazing that you started ed let's say eleven. You really
started as such a young age with with the whole
you know, disorder of eating. But then when I hear you,
there was so much I hear abandonment, I hear so
many things that was happening right in with that, and
I guess even your relationship with food, we don't look
(09:15):
at it as having a relationship with food, but really
that was your struggle. You figure, if someone's gonna love
me and it's gonna be the food that I eat,
it's gonna love me back.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Yeah, yeah, you know. And I hope, oh go ahead, no,
And I hope who's ever listening right now that you
you know, because now that I'm sitting here and I'm
thinking about this whole episode right now, and I had
it planned to go one way, and it just feels
(09:50):
like it's getting ready to go a whole total, a
whole total different way. So I'm just gonna surrender and
I'm allow it to go that way. So, so if
there's anyone that's listening right now to this episode right
here with myself an Abbey, I truly want you to
know is that you are not alone in this at all,
(10:11):
whether it is as she said that you have been
clinical diagnosed with her or even going up on the
up and down yo yo, diets just having a relationship
with eating the food that we put in our bodies
is very essential to us, especially right now. There are
so many different chemicals and everything that are in these
(10:34):
different foods that we get in from the stores or whatever,
that we have to be aware. I am a very
spiritual person right now, and so the things that I
tend to put in my body right now there for nourishment,
There for nourishment for my spirit and my soul. And
even right now going through surgery, actually rebuilding myself. My
(10:59):
surgery was ex planner, so I removed toxic bags in
my body, and so now I'm rebuilding a wholeness of
myself with having a better relationship with food and just
being committed to honoring my body, you know what I mean.
I love the way that you said that even with
(11:20):
your mom, that her being receptive with you and being there,
being that courage that you needed, you needed that support,
you know, just going through that. You know, because I
see so many women that go through and let's not
just say women, men as well go through it. Right
(11:40):
now with social media being so prevalent out there. I'm
a little older than you, I believe so, and so
back in the day when I was growing up a teenager,
I didn't we didn't have social media. We didn't have
any of this, and so my comparison was the girl
next door or the girl that played on the other
basketball teams. So there was not a variety guide of
people that we compare ourselves too. And when you see
(12:03):
that social media does that with that, you know with it,
and it's so disheartening for you. Was there ever a
time that you compared yourself to social media or somebody
else that probably put, like I want to say, put
the battery in your back to do it more. Does
(12:24):
that make sense?
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Yeah, yeah, that totally makes sense. That's a really good,
good question, and I want to answer that, but I
want to really come back quick to something that you
said about your ex plant surgery and healing your relationship
with food. That's also healing your relationship with your body, right,
like accepting yourself for who you are. I just think
that that's really beautiful. Not that there's anything wrong, you know,
(12:46):
with plants, those types of things, but I think it's
really beautiful when you can really accept and appreciate your
body for what it is and not always be constantly
fighting to change it and look a different way, look
a certain way, all of that which is a lot
of the comparison peace right, and yes, to answer your question, yes,
(13:12):
I always felt a little bit compared to my sister
growing up, my older sister, and like my parents wanted
to be me to be more like her. Not necessarily physically,
but that kind of was how I internalized some of that.
She was a lot thinner than I was, more of
(13:32):
that tall, skinny, you know build, and I think that
that was probably the closest person to me that I
kind of compared with. I wasn't on social media a
lot growing up.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I was.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
I grew up in a very conservative, strict family household,
so we didn't really have access to internet and social
media and all of those things. But different people, you know,
at the church that I grew up in or the
youth group that I went to, like, there was definitely
some of that comparison piece of oh I'm supposed to
(14:10):
look more like this person, or you know, the comments
that people make of that maybe aren't intentionally harmful, but
then are internalized to oh, well, maybe I shouldn't look
this way, or I should lose some weight or look
at different a different way.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, So let me ask you this. I
want to dive into the emotional resilience, you know some
for you, what does it mean to What does it
mean to you, especially through the lens of healing in
full of emotional resilience.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Yeah, that's a big question. I think there's lots of
lighters to it, and I think that for me, one
of the biggest pieces of emotional resiliency is is being
okay with feeling emotions, right, because so often we're taught
(15:08):
to stuff everything down inside, to not verbalize it to
you know, not be angry, not feel the quote unquote
negative emotions. Where I think that it's really important and
really healing to be able to speak that emotion into
like get it out of your body, talk about it,
tell someone how you're feeling, really identify how you're feeling,
(15:31):
rather than just pushing everything down inside and like accept
yourself through that feeling. Right. I have a practice that
I work on a lot with my clients where it's
you know, identifying kind of your top three emotions. We
use the emotion wheel, which if you google, like that's
a really helpful tool to just kind of like give
(15:52):
language to emotions. I don't think a lot of us
are taught that growing up like we know, happy said, angry,
the main ones, but then getting more in depth, so
kind of naming your top three emotions, noticing how you're
feeling when you're feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated or anxious or
stressed or whatever that kind of big feeling is, and
(16:15):
then really breaking it down, like what's causing me to
feel this way? What is this feeling telling me that
I need right now? And then what is like the
next small right thing that I can do for myself
to help myself move through this feeling, not necessarily to
fix it or get rid of it, but to help
(16:38):
move through it in a more gentle and compassionate way
instead of the beating ourselves up, pushing it all down inside,
being hard on ourselves. So I feel like that's a
really big piece of emotional resilience for me.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Yeah, you know, I love that. I love that you
said compassion along with that. You know, we here at
the season and Stufflob, we always start self. Love starts first.
That's how we speak to ourselves, especially when we're struggling.
But it's another thing. What I love you said is
about acknowledging what that negative is and what that you know,
what that hurt is because we have to give a
(17:14):
definition or what or what it is. And I love
that you said, it's more than that happy anger or
said or whatever it is. Let's give a definition with
it so we can work through it. Because, as my
my resident theory is doctor Will said, we are always
healing because in the back of our mind there is
something that will trigger it, that will always come up.
(17:36):
But the longest we have the tools to understand that
this is a moment right now that we need to
honor and embrace. Let's get through this. Let's go move
forward and go it. And having the language and the
twos to do so is an amazing thing. I thank you.
I love that you said that. And the thing is
do we say this a lot? Yes? We do, But
(17:57):
you have another language. And this is something that I
tell all of my beautiful guests, my guests turn into
coworkers or teammates. You're my teammate now teammates, is that
we all speak a different language. And I just don't
know who is listening today that they might speak your language,
that it might resonate even more about understanding with those
(18:19):
words is understanding. Okay, this is how I feel today.
It has a meaning and why is that? And I
love that.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
So let's talk about food. Let's talk about food. How
did healing your relationship with food become a gateway to
a deeper emotional freedom for you?
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Oh God, I mean in so many ways, because when
I had a really bad, unhealthy, negative disordered relationship with food,
food was the only thing that I thought about, Like literally,
twenty four to seven, only thing in my brain was food, food,
(19:00):
what I'd eaten, if I was allowed to eat per
my standards or my eating disorder voice inside of my head.
You know, all all of the obsessive thoughts around food
that was that took up all of my brain space.
And you know, when you're when you're completely one hundred
(19:21):
percent obsessed over something, which it's so funny when I
think back, is funny and sad when I think back
to it. You know, I feel like my eating disorder
came as a way of coping. But then that turns
into such something that has such control over you. It's
not something that you control. It's not a coping mechanism
(19:42):
of control, even when it feels like it in the moment.
But when something has that much control over you, and
you are so obsessively thinking about that all of the time,
you don't have space for other things. You don't have
space to acknowledge the emotions, you don't have space to
(20:04):
really like feel what you're feeling because it's all wrapped
up around one thing. And so I think healing my
relationship with food really helped me to create some space
in my life, not just for emotions, but to also
like figure out who Abby was and build a relationship
(20:30):
with myself and build a life that I loved and
was peaceful and joyful, rather than completely obsessing and thinking
over food all of the time.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Yeah. Yeah, you know, as you as you were talking
right here, it was just something that just came. I
apologize first, It's just something just came just over me completely.
When I when I when I think about addiction, and
you know, and I know everybody a lot of people
(21:10):
can agree with me, you don't think about food being
an addiction. So when you said when you made that
statement about when you're in that when you're in that
process and you're eating and eating, and you're eating and
there is nothing else that you can do, and I
think about my father used to be an alcoholic before
he passed away. And so I remember, like, you know,
you're not supposed to drink, but he would constantly continue
(21:32):
to keep drinking because it was something that he needed.
You know, that was a part of his addiction. And
you don't know what addiction is until you've been in
that space. And so what I love that you said
is that I had to figure out who Abby was
without that external satisfaction for me, and I was hoping,
(21:53):
my prayer is that the listeners got that, and that's
why I needed to come back and say that. Is
that what you were saying is that I had to
truly find out who Abby was without the external validation,
the external comfort, all of that external things. Yes, exactly
what self love, the season of self love is all about,
(22:13):
is finding who you are from within of your own
and not outside external satisfaction. I remember I wanted to
share this with you really fastest. I remember I was
at this up and down, you know, go go type
of diet because all of my life I've spent in
front of the camera, so it's always been be this
(22:35):
way tall, such and such and such and such. As
I neared the age of fifty, I was like forty
eight years old, and I was looking at pictures and
I was like, wow, you actually look good for forty eight.
But in my mind, I'm thinking like, oh my god,
I'm much bigger than when I was, when I was twenty,
when I was thirty. Yes, you have three children, you've
(22:58):
birthed three children. Getting older, your metapolism is getting slower.
But when you were smaller, you were wishing you had
the hips. Now you have the hips, so now let's
embrace that. But I remember before then, before it clicked,
I remember having those unhealthy relationships with food. It might
(23:18):
look different from somebody else, but mine is where I
would sit there and just eat, eat, eat, eat, and
feel this y'all. When I tell you it felt excuse me, life,
It felt like an ultimate orgaism. Really, when I was
eating and I said, wait, hold on, this is not
what the supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be
(23:40):
coming off a full Yeah, you know, I understand the AFRODIZI,
but this is food that was not afrodize. It was
just anything a burger. I have burger. It was just
anything that was just feeling my thing. But what I
found out what that was is that that was a
part of my insecurities of getting older. That was a
(24:01):
part of my insecurities of finding my and I don't
want to say new person, but finding that that authentic
part of me that now I have to reveal myself
exactly who I am and not the Naomi Banks persona.
So in that process it was it kind of toled
me up a little bit. I ain't golt abby, but
me even going through my spiritual journey, it helped me
(24:24):
so much to you know, kind of like all right,
this is what this is.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Yeah, yeah, I love that, And I love how you
talk about like it really is about finding yourself without
the external validation, right, and then being okay with moving
through the world as the person that you are without
needing the external validation, which is so not what society
and culture tells us. Right. It's hard to break free
(24:51):
of that pattern. It's hard to you know, always feel
secure and who you are without needing the external validation.
But I think that that such an important piece of
healing and then also emotional resiliency is being able to,
you know, show up as yourself. And I think it's
really beautiful too. When we show up authentically as ourselves,
(25:13):
we really attract our people, but we also create safe
space for other people to show up as themselves, and
I think that we need so much more of that
in the world right now.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yes, you are so right, and I just want to
say again, thank you. And I have to when I
have guests on I say this all the time because
it is hard to be I'm gonna say, naked in
front of the world, you know, especially in the day
of time where you know, social media do give people
permission to have an opinion, and sometimes opinions are not
(25:48):
so nice. But for you, I understand you went through
your healing process. What does that look like for you
when you are on social media, when you are creating
this safe space for you? How have you been now
with that?
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Hmm? I had a little bit of noise, So can
you repeat that question one more time?
Speaker 1 (26:10):
How has it been now that you've been through your
healing process and you go on social media and you
post and you you know, you're doing your thing. How
are you now relating to those comments or whatever on there?
What do you do the better enhance or mentally help
you with your emotional resilience? There we go that.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good question. Okay. So I have
dealt with my fair share of mean comments, and especially
as I moved more into the real abbey and showing
up authentically, you know, that ruffles some people's feathers. And uh,
it used to really it used to really tear me
(26:55):
down when people would you know, make me in comments
or send me a mean message. And a big part
of it for me, Naomi, was that piece of like
naming the emotion, like, Okay, what is this bringing up
in me? What am I feeling?
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Like?
Speaker 4 (27:09):
It's okay to feel angry when someone sends you something mean,
It's okay to feel hurt, instead of just stuffing it
all down inside having lots of conversations with my husband
or my you know, closest friends of like Okay, this
person said this, and I'm not okay and I just
need to get it out. But now, you know, it's
(27:33):
still I still feel that anger, and that hurts sometimes
when those comments or messages pop up. But I think
that now the main difference is I stand up for myself.
I don't have a back and forth conversation with someone
because that's not beneficial for me or for them, and
(27:57):
I don't have the time or energy that I want
to spend on that, but I will send something back
instead of just ignoring it or you know, kind of
having like a conversation curiosity. You know, curiosity is important,
but sometimes you just need to shut it down. And
so that's a big difference now like in the past,
(28:17):
when I would kind of be hurt or feel really
anxious about having a conversation with someone or feel you know,
like I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Now I'll
just you know, kindly respond and stand up for myself, like, Okay, no,
the way that you said this was not respectful, and
I would appreciate if you didn't talk to me in
(28:39):
that way, or you know, maybe you didn't mean it
in this way, but this is.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
What you're doing.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
You are you know, you are shaming, You are placing guilt,
whether that's how you you know, want it to come
across or not. Yeah. Yeah, So I think that biggest
piece is just like standing up for myself and knowing
that you know, I'm important and I don't have to
tolerate boys, like we don't have to tolerate bullys, and
(29:07):
internet bullies are a real thing, Like people are a
lot more brave behind the screen than they are in
real life. Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Oh yeah, you know it's something that I learned well,
you know, with my transformation and going from one part
of my life to another part of the life. You know,
I get it all the time. And I remember it's
a dear friend of mine. She'd be ready to just
to jump on, and I said, nope, we're not going
to give them that same energy. So we're not going
to give there. I say, said, if anything we we killed,
(29:37):
that would love because I love everyone. But what I've
what I've learned to understand is that everybody is not
at the same emotional space that I am, you know,
And I got there by this amazing book Before Agreements.
I remember when that book was given to me and
told to me, and I read it, I listened to it.
(29:58):
I did, and that's the book I listened to every
few months just to remind me of something. And just
not too long ago, I had an amazing guest on
and she said, Naomi, have you ever read The Four Agreements?
I hadn't read it in a few months, and I said, yes,
that is my favorite book. But thank you, because that
was telling me that I need to go back to
reading that book, because now when people post comments I
(30:22):
said that ain't even about me, that's not they ain't
got nothing to do with me. That's that has to
do with them. So now what are you going to
do to help them? That's that's now. It's my biggest
thing is when people have these negative comments, It's like, Okay,
what what tools can you give them through your reaction
to your response? You know? And that's my thing. And
(30:44):
people say, are you you always nice? No, I'm not
always nice, But why even give them the energy of
negative when I know they need a hug? Yeah? For real?
Speaker 4 (30:57):
Yeah. I had a friend recently ask me, like, how
do you keep your heart open and don't how do
you not put up all of these walls when you've had,
you know, these experiences and and my response was like,
I don't think my heart is open to everyone. Like
I can love everyone and hold compassion and kindness for everyone,
(31:22):
but I don't have to have that trust and let
them have access to my heart like they might have
had in the past before they did something that showed
me their true colors or you know, like I think
that's when we hold those boundaries and are able to
approach people with kindness and love, but while not letting them,
you know, get into that like hurt and into your
(31:48):
personal space. Then you can hold more more space for everyone.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yeah, you know, I love that you say. I don't
think that. I don't think that we really know well,
we know it, but I think a lot of people
really don't understand about what boundaries are. When people think
about boundaries, they think about we're cutting everything off. It's
you know, like this and no. There can be different
levels to the boundaries depending on what relationship that you
might have with one another or what people on the outside.
(32:15):
The whole thing is making sure that you continue to
be your authentic self, that you don't have to be
able to put on a mask to be able to
have a conversation with somebody, that it is just the
real authentic because that is what you require for that
person to communicate with you. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so exhausting when you have to
put a mask on all the time.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Is time it has been. You know, this is the
most freeoust that I've ever felt. I say this all
the time when people they say, naomen you you don't know.
I am so good. I am so overflowing with joy
you know, do I have some days, Oh yeah, it
might be a good hour or something like that that
(33:00):
I have. But then I sit in gratitude and I
understand how far I've come where I'm at right now,
and understand exactly where God is taking me. I'm living
in my purpose. It's amazing that I'm here able to
sit on this platform and speak to amazing people like
you who are looking to do the same thing I do,
is to serve one another, to use our pain as
(33:23):
purpose and our experience as a purpose in life. And
when you get that, that's it.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
Yeah. I love that. It's like you said, it's living
out your purpose. It's so fulfilling and it's yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
And even if it's not using pain for purpose, I mean,
I think we all have opportunities for that. But when
you're able to really show up as your authentic self
and create that safe space, like that's so purposeful in
and of itself.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
You are so correct, You are so right or so.
I got a few more questions. What are some daily
to that you use or recommend for to help build
up that emotional strength.
Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, I think the emotional check in activity that I
was talking about earlier is a good one, especially, you know,
if you're having a harder day or just feeling a
little bit more overwhelmed. I like to pull that out.
Deep breathing, getting outside, just the simple things, right, like
taking a deep breath, stepping away from the screens for
(34:30):
five to ten minutes, talking to a friend, getting it,
you know, getting it out of your body. If you
don't have a friend to talk to, writing it out
on paper, just kind of getting it out of your
brain can be helpful. Yeah, getting outside, fresh air. But
then also like taking really good care of your body.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
You know.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
I think that a lot of times we don't think
about the way that food impacts our brain and our emotions,
and food has a big impact on how we feel
physically and mentally, and so something that I always love
to throw out the statistic that forty percent of the
nutrients that you eat go directly to your brain. That's
(35:12):
almost half of the food that you're eating. I don't
think we think about that a lot, but that really
packs like how you're able to think clearly, and your
mood and emotions and all of those things. So making
sure that you know, maybe I'm not eating like clean,
that's not my mission that's not my focus. But I'm
(35:33):
still making sure that I'm getting some protein, getting some vegetables,
drinking my water, things like that that are going to
help support my body. And then I really like somatic movement.
So yoga is really beautiful. I absolutely love yoga. I
teach it obviously, so I must love it. But also
(35:54):
somatic movement, So shaking, spiraling the hips, shaking out the hips,
areas that we really keep emotions stuck in the body
can be really really helpful, especially if I'm feeling like
really kind of triggered or angry or anxious. Sometimes just
like shaking out the hands really fast, just getting a
(36:14):
little bit of movement can be really beneficial. So just
some simple things, because I think that you know, in
our normal day to day life, we don't have a
lot of time for extensive end up things. But those
are some of the small things that have been helpful
for me. Yes, I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
I hope y'all right?
Speaker 4 (36:33):
And is there.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Food? Right, It's not just food. It's about the freedom,
it really is. And just as you said that that's
a reminder for me, is that usually when especially when
I'm interviewing different people and I have life back to
back to back interviews, and sometimes depending on who I'm
talking to, I'm very sensitive when it comes to energy,
and so energetically I'm you know, I grab the energy,
(36:58):
and sometimes I don't have enough time to do the
whole staging, do the whole print to get it out,
you know. So I'm glad that you're reminded me of that, Like, okay,
that is just a few less flicks up the wrists,
you know, get it out. Yeah, thank you for that.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
You're welcome. Another good one, shaking downward facing dog. You
know that post you don't know, Google it for those
of you listening Downward facing Dog, and then you bounce
your heels up and down really fast, so it's almost
like you're but you're not.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
But it's just shaking.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
It's another method of shaking that is really good for
just kind of releasing stuck emotions in your body.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Right right, beautiful, Thank you for that one. Thank you
for getting that one. Well, you know, at the time
of recording right now, I've been preparing for a major
transformation physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and one thing that I
realized is that resilience shows up in the smallest moments
in the smallest moments and choosing you know, true it's
just yourself to rest, speak and kindly of yourself when
(38:05):
it's really hard, when it's hard for me. This whole month,
I have to prepare for surgery for next month, like
you know, no certain vitamins or herbals and you know
those things like that, and so that alone trying to
figure out, Okay, what's gonna make your body good. So
(38:26):
when you do go through that, then it's the aftercare
as well for it and knowing like okay, we're not
gonna put this back in there. But what I do
love is that I understand to be compassionate with myself
in this process. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:42):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be perfect.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah yeah, yeah, that is what I've been learning. I
am retired perfections.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Me too.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
It's a daily struggle. The healing never stops. Like you
said earlier, it's ups and it's out there exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
It is ups and down all right, my family. So
you know, I love to leave with something that you
can do right now. So I got a many challenge
for you. I want you to start each morning with
one affirmation. One affirmation and this one says I am
worthy of nourishment. I trust myself and my body is
not my enemy. It is my home. It is my home.
(39:26):
So before your next meal, I wanted to take thirty
seconds to thank your body, tune into your hunger cubes,
and eat with presents. That's something that when I decided
that I was going to do an X plant, I
remember sitting at my altar and I remember thinking my
implants because it allowed me a platform when I was
(39:49):
in the industry and just in the industry period, to
do so many amazing things, you understand, And so I
know now it's no longer aligned with me, you know,
now it's kind of working again. But I've honored that.
I honored the decision and the choice that I made,
and I understand what the process is and where I'm
going with it. So it actually allowed me to truly
(40:11):
live beyond my purpose when I thought it was just
self love and this something else totally created, you know,
from that whole choice and decision for that. And so
for me, all that does is just help me build
more emotional resilience as I continue in life. And so
I want to tell you the listeners, is that every
(40:33):
choice that we may know and believe that it's a
lesson behind that. It's a lesson behind that. My whole
thing is that just be open to receiving. With that
lesson is yeah, yeah, with that lesson is all right.
So we have come to the end of our show
(40:54):
and it's been amazing talking to you, so Abby. If
you can just tell my listeners what can they find
you at. What's something that you have new coming up,
either if it's a book or class, or give it
to us.
Speaker 4 (41:06):
Yeah, yeah, thank you, Thank you so much for having me.
If you want to find me, my business name is
health my Friend. That's me on Instagram, Health my Friend.
That's my main social platform website, Healthmfriend dot com, podcast,
Help my Friend. I really try to keep everything streamlined
so it's easy to find me. If you need more
(41:28):
grounding tools, reach out. I can give you more those different,
you know, small things throughout the day and then something
coming up. I don't have anything virtually coming up in
the near future, but if you're in the Charlotte, North
Carolina area or local, I am starting to teach booty
(41:52):
yoga b U t I and it's a very somatic
practice with a lot of that shaking inspiraling that we
were talking about and working on getting a little bit
of an online platform for those classes as well, so
you know, if you want to connect, just follow me
and I'll get you plugged in for all the updates.
And if your local, I'd love to have your beautiful,
(42:14):
beautiful and what is your website again, healthmfriend dot.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Com Health with a thh not a P because I
was listening, so it's health, Yes, yes, yes, beautiful beautiful.
All right, my listeners, I want you all to remember
that resilience live inside of you. It's not nothing you earn,
it's something that you already have. So if you have
resonated with this episode, please share this with the hashtag
(42:40):
the Season and Stuff Love, and don't forget to follow
Abby as well. And I guess we will see y'all
next week as we continue diving into this transforming challenges
of your resilience to kid again, have an amazing, amazing day.
Thank you for tuning in, Thank you for joining us
on this journey of discovering it here at the Season
(43:01):
and Self Love Podcast. Remember, embracing self love is a
continuous journey and we're so glad to have you with us.
So if you enjoy today's episode, Please leave us a review,
and don't forget to join our community on Facebook at
Season and self Love. Connect with like minded individuals who
are also on their self love journey. Now, if you
(43:23):
have any questions or topics that you'd like for us
to explore, we love to hear from you. Email us
at seasonousseelf Love at gmail dot com and let your
voice be heard. So until next time, take a moment
for yourself today and remember you are worthy of love, joy,
and all the beautiful things that life has to offer.
Welcome to the Season and Self Love Podcast. I am
your host, Miami Banks, and I am thrilled to have
you join me on this transformative journey. You see, every
day we dive into a powerful conversation about self discovery,
healing and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by
AX Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. What we believe
(00:22):
that loving yourself is the first step to live in
a fulfilling life. You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips,
and inspiring stories. Plus we are occasionally welcome special guests who.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Will share their unique perspectives on self love and personal growth.
So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's embark
on this journey together. Because it's time to embrace the
beautiful person that you are. So let's elevate our lives
one episode of the time.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Now, let's get started, all right, my beautiful people, who
Welcome to another episode the Season of Self Love Podcast.
I'm your host Naomi Banks, and this month we are
diving into a theme of emotional resilience. What it means
to build strength from the inside out, especially in the
face of life challenges. Well, today's conversation is one that's
close to my heart, and I know it will speak
(01:18):
to so many of you too. We're talking about how
our relationship with food, Yes, with food, with our bodies,
and with our inner narrative place a powerful role in
cultivating resilience and joining me. Is someone who truly embodies
this message is Abbe Mallard. Abby is a nutritionist, a
food relationship coach, and a yoga teacher who turned her
(01:40):
personal healing journey into a mission of empowering others after
walking through her own recovery from disorder eating. Abby now
helps people embrace food, freedom, self acceptance, and emotional well being. Y'all,
this is one is going to be deep, real and
filled with so much healing energy. But before me bring
(02:00):
Abby to the stage, let's take a quick breaker, right it,
Sugurty Goddess. Let me banks here all this season and
stuff Love podcast and we'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Washington wells into two focuses on healing always for me.
If I look good, then I feel good. If I
feel good, then I share the good. If I share
the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate
the good, then I live the good. So I can
be paid to be my greatest. But I have to
learn the good to be the good.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
So what does it take to be the greatest?
Speaker 3 (02:32):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be
kind to yourself and you'll always.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Hey Straagurty, got it now me Banks and make sure
you tune in three Thursday night at Naomi.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
You have podcast when we talk about everything.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
You love, sex, relationship, put the differences and so much
draws by bridging the gap between them all. And we
even talk about this pure livening. If you need to
stop by me and dot com as well as the
bet you have some amazing gifts to comfort for you
never know. Just make sure you tune me Thursday night
six pm or six percent of time. Go to exlam
(03:10):
dot com and tell them Miami season all right now
before people will welcome back, Hey Edby, how are you?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Hey Naomi, I'm great?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
How are you? I am so good? I am so
ready for this conversation because I need this right now.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
All right. So usually before we get into the topic
to hand, we round ourselves first before we start to talk.
All right, So, my beautiful people out there the Season
and stuff for love. You know how we do it.
If you all just get into a nice comfortable position
and close your eyes, all right, take a deep breathing
through your nose and hold it for a moment. Now, excel,
(04:00):
Slowly feel your body grounding at this moment. Now, I
want you to imagine a warm and support of life
gently wrapping around you. Remind me that you are of
the strength that you carry within. I want you to
(04:23):
breathe in calm and breathe out the tension. Now, anfirm
to yourself. I am resilient, I am worthy of nourishment,
and I am enough. Breathe in again, Excel, and when
(04:49):
you are ready, gently open your eyes. All right, maybeutiful
people will welcome back. First of all, thank you for
sharing that space with me. And if you are new
here to the Season and Cuphlo podcast, it's something we
do every day Monday through Friday. It's just the ground
that's before we get into the topic. All right, So
this get into this topic happy. First of all, thank
you for being here again, and I want to start
(05:12):
right from where the heart is your story. Can you
share a bit about your journey and what led you
to this work. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Yeah, So I always felt kind of alone and like
I didn't fit in in the world. I think that
that resonates with a lot of people, and just felt
really lonely and struggled with some depression and anxiety and
growing up. Home life was pretty good up till about eleven,
(05:41):
and then there was a big change in our family's
life and just kind of brought all of that loneliness
and suffering up to the surface. Really felt isolated, not
cared for, and so it started to turn into a
coping mechanism for me, which was an eating disorder and
(06:02):
really controlling my food, controlling what went in, controlling what
went out, you know, feeling like I had something that
I could control in life. And long story shorts, I
started struggling when I was around thirteen or fourteen, mainly bulimia, binging, purging,
some anarexia thrown in there, kind of a back and forth,
(06:25):
and I think a little bit.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Of it, Naomi.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
It was coping, but it was also almost a cry
for help of if I am not doing well enough,
maybe someone will notice me. And my family never noticed,
and I think that was really hard for me. But
I ended up asking for help from my mom when
I was around seventeen, four or five years after I
(06:48):
started struggling, and I'm very very grateful that she was
responded well and got me the support and help that
I needed. Worked with a nutritionist and I titian therapist,
and my dietitian. I loved her so much. She could
see things going on below the surface, and she was
(07:12):
really like a therapist to me as well, not just
a dietitian, and she really really helped me heal and
gave me some tough love. I was going into, you know,
graduating from college and I wanted to move out and
move states away, and my dietitian was like, if you
don't start to make some progress and you don't gain
(07:33):
some weight back and like get your shit together here, essentially,
I'm not going to let you go. And that was
really hard to hear, but I think it gave me
that kind of like kick to Okay, I need to
actually control this part of it now so that I
can go get what I need in life to be
able to heal and get to a better place. So
(07:56):
I ended up going to college for nutrition after doing
a lot of healing work. We can get into more
of the nitty gritty healing stuff if you want. But
now I am so grateful and honored to be at
a place where I am free from that struggle and
can now support people who are in the same space
(08:16):
that I was, you know, kind of that struggle of food,
but also body image and just not prioritizing yourself, feeling lonely,
all of those different pieces that I think it's really
a big struggle for a lot of us in life,
whether it's a clinically diagnosed eating disorder or not.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, you know, first of all, I want to say
thank you, thank you for just being vulnerable enough to
share your story. You know, a lot of times we
think that we are by ourselves when we're going through
this journey, and it's hard for you know, to show face,
to show your face as if we say, a mask
and allow people to know. But you just don't understand
(08:53):
how many people that you truly resonate with. It's just
amazing that you started ed let's say eleven. You really
started as such a young age with with the whole
you know, disorder of eating. But then when I hear you,
there was so much I hear abandonment, I hear so
many things that was happening right in with that, and
I guess even your relationship with food, we don't look
(09:15):
at it as having a relationship with food, but really
that was your struggle. You figure, if someone's gonna love
me and it's gonna be the food that I eat,
it's gonna love me back.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Yeah, yeah, you know. And I hope, oh go ahead, no,
And I hope who's ever listening right now that you
you know, because now that I'm sitting here and I'm
thinking about this whole episode right now, and I had
it planned to go one way, and it just feels
(09:50):
like it's getting ready to go a whole total, a
whole total different way. So I'm just gonna surrender and
I'm allow it to go that way. So, so if
there's anyone that's listening right now to this episode right
here with myself an Abbey, I truly want you to
know is that you are not alone in this at all,
(10:11):
whether it is as she said that you have been
clinical diagnosed with her or even going up on the
up and down yo yo, diets just having a relationship
with eating the food that we put in our bodies
is very essential to us, especially right now. There are
so many different chemicals and everything that are in these
(10:34):
different foods that we get in from the stores or whatever,
that we have to be aware. I am a very
spiritual person right now, and so the things that I
tend to put in my body right now there for nourishment,
There for nourishment for my spirit and my soul. And
even right now going through surgery, actually rebuilding myself. My
(10:59):
surgery was ex planner, so I removed toxic bags in
my body, and so now I'm rebuilding a wholeness of
myself with having a better relationship with food and just
being committed to honoring my body, you know what I mean.
I love the way that you said that even with
(11:20):
your mom, that her being receptive with you and being there,
being that courage that you needed, you needed that support,
you know, just going through that. You know, because I
see so many women that go through and let's not
just say women, men as well go through it. Right
(11:40):
now with social media being so prevalent out there. I'm
a little older than you, I believe so, and so
back in the day when I was growing up a teenager,
I didn't we didn't have social media. We didn't have
any of this, and so my comparison was the girl
next door or the girl that played on the other
basketball teams. So there was not a variety guide of
people that we compare ourselves too. And when you see
(12:03):
that social media does that with that, you know with it,
and it's so disheartening for you. Was there ever a
time that you compared yourself to social media or somebody
else that probably put, like I want to say, put
the battery in your back to do it more. Does
(12:24):
that make sense?
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Yeah, yeah, that totally makes sense. That's a really good,
good question, and I want to answer that, but I
want to really come back quick to something that you
said about your ex plant surgery and healing your relationship
with food. That's also healing your relationship with your body, right,
like accepting yourself for who you are. I just think
that that's really beautiful. Not that there's anything wrong, you know,
(12:46):
with plants, those types of things, but I think it's
really beautiful when you can really accept and appreciate your
body for what it is and not always be constantly
fighting to change it and look a different way, look
a certain way, all of that which is a lot
of the comparison peace right, and yes, to answer your question, yes,
(13:12):
I always felt a little bit compared to my sister
growing up, my older sister, and like my parents wanted
to be me to be more like her. Not necessarily physically,
but that kind of was how I internalized some of that.
She was a lot thinner than I was, more of
(13:32):
that tall, skinny, you know build, and I think that
that was probably the closest person to me that I
kind of compared with. I wasn't on social media a
lot growing up.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I was.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
I grew up in a very conservative, strict family household,
so we didn't really have access to internet and social
media and all of those things. But different people, you know,
at the church that I grew up in or the
youth group that I went to, like, there was definitely
some of that comparison piece of oh I'm supposed to
(14:10):
look more like this person, or you know, the comments
that people make of that maybe aren't intentionally harmful, but
then are internalized to oh, well, maybe I shouldn't look
this way, or I should lose some weight or look
at different a different way.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, So let me ask you this. I
want to dive into the emotional resilience, you know some
for you, what does it mean to What does it
mean to you, especially through the lens of healing in
full of emotional resilience.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Yeah, that's a big question. I think there's lots of
lighters to it, and I think that for me, one
of the biggest pieces of emotional resiliency is is being
okay with feeling emotions, right, because so often we're taught
(15:08):
to stuff everything down inside, to not verbalize it to
you know, not be angry, not feel the quote unquote
negative emotions. Where I think that it's really important and
really healing to be able to speak that emotion into
like get it out of your body, talk about it,
tell someone how you're feeling, really identify how you're feeling,
(15:31):
rather than just pushing everything down inside and like accept
yourself through that feeling. Right. I have a practice that
I work on a lot with my clients where it's
you know, identifying kind of your top three emotions. We
use the emotion wheel, which if you google, like that's
a really helpful tool to just kind of like give
(15:52):
language to emotions. I don't think a lot of us
are taught that growing up like we know, happy said, angry,
the main ones, but then getting more in depth, so
kind of naming your top three emotions, noticing how you're
feeling when you're feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated or anxious or
stressed or whatever that kind of big feeling is, and
(16:15):
then really breaking it down, like what's causing me to
feel this way? What is this feeling telling me that
I need right now? And then what is like the
next small right thing that I can do for myself
to help myself move through this feeling, not necessarily to
fix it or get rid of it, but to help
(16:38):
move through it in a more gentle and compassionate way
instead of the beating ourselves up, pushing it all down inside,
being hard on ourselves. So I feel like that's a
really big piece of emotional resilience for me.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Yeah, you know, I love that. I love that you
said compassion along with that. You know, we here at
the season and Stufflob, we always start self. Love starts first.
That's how we speak to ourselves, especially when we're struggling.
But it's another thing. What I love you said is
about acknowledging what that negative is and what that you know,
what that hurt is because we have to give a
(17:14):
definition or what or what it is. And I love
that you said, it's more than that happy anger or
said or whatever it is. Let's give a definition with
it so we can work through it. Because, as my
my resident theory is doctor Will said, we are always
healing because in the back of our mind there is
something that will trigger it, that will always come up.
(17:36):
But the longest we have the tools to understand that
this is a moment right now that we need to
honor and embrace. Let's get through this. Let's go move
forward and go it. And having the language and the
twos to do so is an amazing thing. I thank you.
I love that you said that. And the thing is
do we say this a lot? Yes? We do, But
(17:57):
you have another language. And this is something that I
tell all of my beautiful guests, my guests turn into
coworkers or teammates. You're my teammate now teammates, is that
we all speak a different language. And I just don't
know who is listening today that they might speak your language,
that it might resonate even more about understanding with those
(18:19):
words is understanding. Okay, this is how I feel today.
It has a meaning and why is that? And I
love that.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
So let's talk about food. Let's talk about food. How
did healing your relationship with food become a gateway to
a deeper emotional freedom for you?
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Oh God, I mean in so many ways, because when
I had a really bad, unhealthy, negative disordered relationship with food,
food was the only thing that I thought about, Like literally,
twenty four to seven, only thing in my brain was food, food,
(19:00):
what I'd eaten, if I was allowed to eat per
my standards or my eating disorder voice inside of my head.
You know, all all of the obsessive thoughts around food
that was that took up all of my brain space.
And you know, when you're when you're completely one hundred
(19:21):
percent obsessed over something, which it's so funny when I
think back, is funny and sad when I think back
to it. You know, I feel like my eating disorder
came as a way of coping. But then that turns
into such something that has such control over you. It's
not something that you control. It's not a coping mechanism
(19:42):
of control, even when it feels like it in the moment.
But when something has that much control over you, and
you are so obsessively thinking about that all of the time,
you don't have space for other things. You don't have
space to acknowledge the emotions, you don't have space to
(20:04):
really like feel what you're feeling because it's all wrapped
up around one thing. And so I think healing my
relationship with food really helped me to create some space
in my life, not just for emotions, but to also
like figure out who Abby was and build a relationship
(20:30):
with myself and build a life that I loved and
was peaceful and joyful, rather than completely obsessing and thinking
over food all of the time.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Yeah. Yeah, you know, as you as you were talking
right here, it was just something that just came. I
apologize first, It's just something just came just over me completely.
When I when I when I think about addiction, and
you know, and I know everybody a lot of people
(21:10):
can agree with me, you don't think about food being
an addiction. So when you said when you made that
statement about when you're in that when you're in that
process and you're eating and eating, and you're eating and
there is nothing else that you can do, and I
think about my father used to be an alcoholic before
he passed away. And so I remember, like, you know,
you're not supposed to drink, but he would constantly continue
(21:32):
to keep drinking because it was something that he needed.
You know, that was a part of his addiction. And
you don't know what addiction is until you've been in
that space. And so what I love that you said
is that I had to figure out who Abby was
without that external satisfaction for me, and I was hoping,
(21:53):
my prayer is that the listeners got that, and that's
why I needed to come back and say that. Is
that what you were saying is that I had to
truly find out who Abby was without the external validation,
the external comfort, all of that external things. Yes, exactly
what self love, the season of self love is all about,
(22:13):
is finding who you are from within of your own
and not outside external satisfaction. I remember I wanted to
share this with you really fastest. I remember I was
at this up and down, you know, go go type
of diet because all of my life I've spent in
front of the camera, so it's always been be this
(22:35):
way tall, such and such and such and such. As
I neared the age of fifty, I was like forty
eight years old, and I was looking at pictures and
I was like, wow, you actually look good for forty eight.
But in my mind, I'm thinking like, oh my god,
I'm much bigger than when I was, when I was twenty,
when I was thirty. Yes, you have three children, you've
(22:58):
birthed three children. Getting older, your metapolism is getting slower.
But when you were smaller, you were wishing you had
the hips. Now you have the hips, so now let's
embrace that. But I remember before then, before it clicked,
I remember having those unhealthy relationships with food. It might
(23:18):
look different from somebody else, but mine is where I
would sit there and just eat, eat, eat, eat, and
feel this y'all. When I tell you it felt excuse me, life,
It felt like an ultimate orgaism. Really, when I was
eating and I said, wait, hold on, this is not
what the supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be
(23:40):
coming off a full Yeah, you know, I understand the AFRODIZI,
but this is food that was not afrodize. It was
just anything a burger. I have burger. It was just
anything that was just feeling my thing. But what I
found out what that was is that that was a
part of my insecurities of getting older. That was a
(24:01):
part of my insecurities of finding my and I don't
want to say new person, but finding that that authentic
part of me that now I have to reveal myself
exactly who I am and not the Naomi Banks persona.
So in that process it was it kind of toled
me up a little bit. I ain't golt abby, but
me even going through my spiritual journey, it helped me
(24:24):
so much to you know, kind of like all right,
this is what this is.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Yeah, yeah, I love that, And I love how you
talk about like it really is about finding yourself without
the external validation, right, and then being okay with moving
through the world as the person that you are without
needing the external validation, which is so not what society
and culture tells us. Right. It's hard to break free
(24:51):
of that pattern. It's hard to you know, always feel
secure and who you are without needing the external validation.
But I think that that such an important piece of
healing and then also emotional resiliency is being able to,
you know, show up as yourself. And I think it's
really beautiful too. When we show up authentically as ourselves,
(25:13):
we really attract our people, but we also create safe
space for other people to show up as themselves, and
I think that we need so much more of that
in the world right now.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yes, you are so right, and I just want to
say again, thank you. And I have to when I
have guests on I say this all the time because
it is hard to be I'm gonna say, naked in
front of the world, you know, especially in the day
of time where you know, social media do give people
permission to have an opinion, and sometimes opinions are not
(25:48):
so nice. But for you, I understand you went through
your healing process. What does that look like for you
when you are on social media, when you are creating
this safe space for you? How have you been now
with that?
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Hmm? I had a little bit of noise, So can
you repeat that question one more time?
Speaker 1 (26:10):
How has it been now that you've been through your
healing process and you go on social media and you
post and you you know, you're doing your thing. How
are you now relating to those comments or whatever on there?
What do you do the better enhance or mentally help
you with your emotional resilience? There we go that.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good question. Okay. So I have
dealt with my fair share of mean comments, and especially
as I moved more into the real abbey and showing
up authentically, you know, that ruffles some people's feathers. And uh,
it used to really it used to really tear me
(26:55):
down when people would you know, make me in comments
or send me a mean message. And a big part
of it for me, Naomi, was that piece of like
naming the emotion, like, Okay, what is this bringing up
in me? What am I feeling?
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Like?
Speaker 4 (27:09):
It's okay to feel angry when someone sends you something mean,
It's okay to feel hurt, instead of just stuffing it
all down inside having lots of conversations with my husband
or my you know, closest friends of like Okay, this
person said this, and I'm not okay and I just
need to get it out. But now, you know, it's
(27:33):
still I still feel that anger, and that hurts sometimes
when those comments or messages pop up. But I think
that now the main difference is I stand up for myself.
I don't have a back and forth conversation with someone
because that's not beneficial for me or for them, and
(27:57):
I don't have the time or energy that I want
to spend on that, but I will send something back
instead of just ignoring it or you know, kind of
having like a conversation curiosity. You know, curiosity is important,
but sometimes you just need to shut it down. And
so that's a big difference now like in the past,
(28:17):
when I would kind of be hurt or feel really
anxious about having a conversation with someone or feel you know,
like I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Now I'll
just you know, kindly respond and stand up for myself, like, Okay, no,
the way that you said this was not respectful, and
I would appreciate if you didn't talk to me in
(28:39):
that way, or you know, maybe you didn't mean it
in this way, but this is.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
What you're doing.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
You are you know, you are shaming, You are placing guilt,
whether that's how you you know, want it to come
across or not. Yeah. Yeah, So I think that biggest
piece is just like standing up for myself and knowing
that you know, I'm important and I don't have to
tolerate boys, like we don't have to tolerate bullys, and
(29:07):
internet bullies are a real thing, Like people are a
lot more brave behind the screen than they are in
real life. Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Oh yeah, you know it's something that I learned well,
you know, with my transformation and going from one part
of my life to another part of the life. You know,
I get it all the time. And I remember it's
a dear friend of mine. She'd be ready to just
to jump on, and I said, nope, we're not going
to give them that same energy. So we're not going
to give there. I say, said, if anything we we killed,
(29:37):
that would love because I love everyone. But what I've
what I've learned to understand is that everybody is not
at the same emotional space that I am, you know,
And I got there by this amazing book Before Agreements.
I remember when that book was given to me and
told to me, and I read it, I listened to it.
(29:58):
I did, and that's the book I listened to every
few months just to remind me of something. And just
not too long ago, I had an amazing guest on
and she said, Naomi, have you ever read The Four Agreements?
I hadn't read it in a few months, and I said, yes,
that is my favorite book. But thank you, because that
was telling me that I need to go back to
reading that book, because now when people post comments I
(30:22):
said that ain't even about me, that's not they ain't
got nothing to do with me. That's that has to
do with them. So now what are you going to
do to help them? That's that's now. It's my biggest
thing is when people have these negative comments, It's like, Okay,
what what tools can you give them through your reaction
to your response? You know? And that's my thing. And
(30:44):
people say, are you you always nice? No, I'm not
always nice, But why even give them the energy of
negative when I know they need a hug? Yeah? For real?
Speaker 4 (30:57):
Yeah. I had a friend recently ask me, like, how
do you keep your heart open and don't how do
you not put up all of these walls when you've had,
you know, these experiences and and my response was like,
I don't think my heart is open to everyone. Like
I can love everyone and hold compassion and kindness for everyone,
(31:22):
but I don't have to have that trust and let
them have access to my heart like they might have
had in the past before they did something that showed
me their true colors or you know, like I think
that's when we hold those boundaries and are able to
approach people with kindness and love, but while not letting them,
you know, get into that like hurt and into your
(31:48):
personal space. Then you can hold more more space for everyone.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yeah, you know, I love that you say. I don't
think that. I don't think that we really know well,
we know it, but I think a lot of people
really don't understand about what boundaries are. When people think
about boundaries, they think about we're cutting everything off. It's
you know, like this and no. There can be different
levels to the boundaries depending on what relationship that you
might have with one another or what people on the outside.
(32:15):
The whole thing is making sure that you continue to
be your authentic self, that you don't have to be
able to put on a mask to be able to
have a conversation with somebody, that it is just the
real authentic because that is what you require for that
person to communicate with you. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so exhausting when you have to
put a mask on all the time.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Is time it has been. You know, this is the
most freeoust that I've ever felt. I say this all
the time when people they say, naomen you you don't know.
I am so good. I am so overflowing with joy
you know, do I have some days, Oh yeah, it
might be a good hour or something like that that
(33:00):
I have. But then I sit in gratitude and I
understand how far I've come where I'm at right now,
and understand exactly where God is taking me. I'm living
in my purpose. It's amazing that I'm here able to
sit on this platform and speak to amazing people like
you who are looking to do the same thing I do,
is to serve one another, to use our pain as
(33:23):
purpose and our experience as a purpose in life. And
when you get that, that's it.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
Yeah. I love that. It's like you said, it's living
out your purpose. It's so fulfilling and it's yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
And even if it's not using pain for purpose, I mean,
I think we all have opportunities for that. But when
you're able to really show up as your authentic self
and create that safe space, like that's so purposeful in
and of itself.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
You are so correct, You are so right or so.
I got a few more questions. What are some daily
to that you use or recommend for to help build
up that emotional strength.
Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, I think the emotional check in activity that I
was talking about earlier is a good one, especially, you know,
if you're having a harder day or just feeling a
little bit more overwhelmed. I like to pull that out.
Deep breathing, getting outside, just the simple things, right, like
taking a deep breath, stepping away from the screens for
(34:30):
five to ten minutes, talking to a friend, getting it,
you know, getting it out of your body. If you
don't have a friend to talk to, writing it out
on paper, just kind of getting it out of your
brain can be helpful. Yeah, getting outside, fresh air. But
then also like taking really good care of your body.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
You know.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
I think that a lot of times we don't think
about the way that food impacts our brain and our emotions,
and food has a big impact on how we feel
physically and mentally, and so something that I always love
to throw out the statistic that forty percent of the
nutrients that you eat go directly to your brain. That's
(35:12):
almost half of the food that you're eating. I don't
think we think about that a lot, but that really
packs like how you're able to think clearly, and your
mood and emotions and all of those things. So making
sure that you know, maybe I'm not eating like clean,
that's not my mission that's not my focus. But I'm
(35:33):
still making sure that I'm getting some protein, getting some vegetables,
drinking my water, things like that that are going to
help support my body. And then I really like somatic movement.
So yoga is really beautiful. I absolutely love yoga. I
teach it obviously, so I must love it. But also
(35:54):
somatic movement, So shaking, spiraling the hips, shaking out the hips,
areas that we really keep emotions stuck in the body
can be really really helpful, especially if I'm feeling like
really kind of triggered or angry or anxious. Sometimes just
like shaking out the hands really fast, just getting a
(36:14):
little bit of movement can be really beneficial. So just
some simple things, because I think that you know, in
our normal day to day life, we don't have a
lot of time for extensive end up things. But those
are some of the small things that have been helpful
for me. Yes, I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
I hope y'all right?
Speaker 4 (36:33):
And is there.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Food? Right, It's not just food. It's about the freedom,
it really is. And just as you said that that's
a reminder for me, is that usually when especially when
I'm interviewing different people and I have life back to
back to back interviews, and sometimes depending on who I'm
talking to, I'm very sensitive when it comes to energy,
and so energetically I'm you know, I grab the energy,
(36:58):
and sometimes I don't have enough time to do the
whole staging, do the whole print to get it out,
you know. So I'm glad that you're reminded me of that, Like, okay,
that is just a few less flicks up the wrists,
you know, get it out. Yeah, thank you for that.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
You're welcome. Another good one, shaking downward facing dog. You
know that post you don't know, Google it for those
of you listening Downward facing Dog, and then you bounce
your heels up and down really fast, so it's almost
like you're but you're not.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
But it's just shaking.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
It's another method of shaking that is really good for
just kind of releasing stuck emotions in your body.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Right right, beautiful, Thank you for that one. Thank you
for getting that one. Well, you know, at the time
of recording right now, I've been preparing for a major
transformation physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and one thing that I
realized is that resilience shows up in the smallest moments
in the smallest moments and choosing you know, true it's
just yourself to rest, speak and kindly of yourself when
(38:05):
it's really hard, when it's hard for me. This whole month,
I have to prepare for surgery for next month, like
you know, no certain vitamins or herbals and you know
those things like that, and so that alone trying to
figure out, Okay, what's gonna make your body good. So
(38:26):
when you do go through that, then it's the aftercare
as well for it and knowing like okay, we're not
gonna put this back in there. But what I do
love is that I understand to be compassionate with myself
in this process. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:42):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be perfect.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah yeah, yeah, that is what I've been learning. I
am retired perfections.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Me too.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
It's a daily struggle. The healing never stops. Like you
said earlier, it's ups and it's out there exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
It is ups and down all right, my family. So
you know, I love to leave with something that you
can do right now. So I got a many challenge
for you. I want you to start each morning with
one affirmation. One affirmation and this one says I am
worthy of nourishment. I trust myself and my body is
not my enemy. It is my home. It is my home.
(39:26):
So before your next meal, I wanted to take thirty
seconds to thank your body, tune into your hunger cubes,
and eat with presents. That's something that when I decided
that I was going to do an X plant, I
remember sitting at my altar and I remember thinking my
implants because it allowed me a platform when I was
(39:49):
in the industry and just in the industry period, to
do so many amazing things, you understand, And so I
know now it's no longer aligned with me, you know,
now it's kind of working again. But I've honored that.
I honored the decision and the choice that I made,
and I understand what the process is and where I'm
going with it. So it actually allowed me to truly
(40:11):
live beyond my purpose when I thought it was just
self love and this something else totally created, you know,
from that whole choice and decision for that. And so
for me, all that does is just help me build
more emotional resilience as I continue in life. And so
I want to tell you the listeners, is that every
(40:33):
choice that we may know and believe that it's a
lesson behind that. It's a lesson behind that. My whole
thing is that just be open to receiving. With that
lesson is yeah, yeah, with that lesson is all right.
So we have come to the end of our show
(40:54):
and it's been amazing talking to you, so Abby. If
you can just tell my listeners what can they find
you at. What's something that you have new coming up,
either if it's a book or class, or give it
to us.
Speaker 4 (41:06):
Yeah, yeah, thank you, Thank you so much for having me.
If you want to find me, my business name is
health my Friend. That's me on Instagram, Health my Friend.
That's my main social platform website, Healthmfriend dot com, podcast,
Help my Friend. I really try to keep everything streamlined
so it's easy to find me. If you need more
(41:28):
grounding tools, reach out. I can give you more those different,
you know, small things throughout the day and then something
coming up. I don't have anything virtually coming up in
the near future, but if you're in the Charlotte, North
Carolina area or local, I am starting to teach booty
(41:52):
yoga b U t I and it's a very somatic
practice with a lot of that shaking inspiraling that we
were talking about and working on getting a little bit
of an online platform for those classes as well, so
you know, if you want to connect, just follow me
and I'll get you plugged in for all the updates.
And if your local, I'd love to have your beautiful,
(42:14):
beautiful and what is your website again, healthmfriend dot.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Com Health with a thh not a P because I
was listening, so it's health, Yes, yes, yes, beautiful beautiful.
All right, my listeners, I want you all to remember
that resilience live inside of you. It's not nothing you earn,
it's something that you already have. So if you have
resonated with this episode, please share this with the hashtag
(42:40):
the Season and Stuff Love, and don't forget to follow
Abby as well. And I guess we will see y'all
next week as we continue diving into this transforming challenges
of your resilience to kid again, have an amazing, amazing day.
Thank you for tuning in, Thank you for joining us
on this journey of discovering it here at the Season
(43:01):
and Self Love Podcast. Remember, embracing self love is a
continuous journey and we're so glad to have you with us.
So if you enjoy today's episode, Please leave us a review,
and don't forget to join our community on Facebook at
Season and self Love. Connect with like minded individuals who
are also on their self love journey. Now, if you
(43:23):
have any questions or topics that you'd like for us
to explore, we love to hear from you. Email us
at seasonousseelf Love at gmail dot com and let your
voice be heard. So until next time, take a moment
for yourself today and remember you are worthy of love, joy,
and all the beautiful things that life has to offer.
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