November 19, 2025 • 36 mins
In this powerful episode of The Season of Self-Love Podcast, host Nyomi Banks sits down with Dr. Victoria “Dr. V” Medvec—speaker, mental health advocate, organizational psychologist, and author of Act Like an Ally, Work with an Ally—to explore how service, vulnerability, and allyship all connect back to self-love. Dr. V shares her deeply personal journey with mental illness, cancer, and alopecia—and how choosing to shave her head and “own” her baldness became an act of radical self-acceptance. She also talks about burning out in traditional workplaces, then creating a company that actually honors humanity, flexibility, and mental health. In This Episode, You’ll Hear About:
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.
"Thank you for spending this time with me on The Season of Self Love. Remember, self-love isn't selfish – it's sacred. You are worthy of the love you so freely give to others.
If today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs this reminder. And don't forget to rate and review the show – it helps us reach more beautiful souls.
Connect with me on Instagram @TheRealNyomiBanks and @TheSeasonofSelfLovePodcast
visit theseasonofselflovepodcast.com for resources and our downloadable workbook.
Until Monday – keep choosing YOU.
This is your girl, the goddess Nyomi Banks. Stay in your season."
- How living with invisible and visible challenges shaped Dr. V’s purpose
- Her decision to shave her remaining hair and why she sees that as winning, not losing
- What it means to build a workplace that doesn’t require people to sacrifice their well-being
- The moment she pulled her wig off on stage during a talk and reintroduced herself, fully vulnerable
- Why vulnerability is a bridge to deeper connection, not a weakness
- How to give from a place of overflow instead of depletion
- The real meaning of allyship—and why “ally” is not a label you give yourself
- How her book Act Like an Ally, Work with an Ally is literally two books in one, designed to be read in partnership
- Vulnerability as Strength: Sharing your story (cancer, mental health, alopecia, grief) can unlock connection, support, and healing—for you and others.
- Self-Love & Service: Serving others from a full cup is part of self-love; serving from depletion leads to resentment and burnout.
- Allyship as Action: Ally is a verb, not an identity. True allyship is a two-way partnership between the ally and the person they’re supporting.
- Daily Check-In Practice: Ask yourself:
- What’s one thing I did today that served others?
- What’s one thing I did today that served myself?
- Navigating your own healing while still wanting to serve
- Curious about real-world allyship (beyond buzzwords)
- Ready to embrace vulnerability as a pathway to deeper self-love and community
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.
"Thank you for spending this time with me on The Season of Self Love. Remember, self-love isn't selfish – it's sacred. You are worthy of the love you so freely give to others.
If today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs this reminder. And don't forget to rate and review the show – it helps us reach more beautiful souls.
Connect with me on Instagram @TheRealNyomiBanks and @TheSeasonofSelfLovePodcast
visit theseasonofselflovepodcast.com for resources and our downloadable workbook.
Until Monday – keep choosing YOU.
This is your girl, the goddess Nyomi Banks. Stay in your season."
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
What does it look like to turn your pain into purpose?
What if the parts of yourself that you've been hiding
are actually your greatest gifts to the world. But today's
conversation is about vulnerability, advocacy, and the radical apple that
shown up as your full self even when the world
(00:23):
isn't always ready for you. But I'm Naomi Banks, and
you're listening to the Season and Self Love. I'm joined
by doctor Victoria Madeline. She's a mental health advocate, a speaker,
and an author who has walked through invisible challenges, invisible
differences and transformed them into a mission of alleyship and healing.
(00:44):
We're talking about self advocacy, what it really means to
be an ally and why gaining back or giving back
from a place of a floor and not depletion is
the ultimate form of self love. This is going to
be powerful. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Season of
(01:07):
Self Love podcast, the Season of Healing Intentionally. I am
your host, Naomi Banks, and I am so glad that
you are here. This season, we are slowing down to
go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday, we're creating a space
of intentional healing, authentic conversations and the kind of self
(01:28):
love that transform from the inside out. This podcast is
brought to you by as Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. Well,
we believe that loving yourself intentionally is a foundation of
true transformation. So whether you're on your own journey of
rebirth navigating life transitions, we're simply choosing yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
This is your safe space.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So get comfort, grab your favorite beverage, and let's heal
together intentionally because you deserve to embrace that beautiful person
that you are. Now let's get.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Started, all right, my beautiful people.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Well, welcome back to because he's in a simpler podcast.
I am your host, Browny Banks, and I am truly honored.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
To be in this space with you today.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
You know, this month we are diving deep into that
what speaks deep directly to our hearts, and that's giving
back because sometimes the greatest way to love ourselves is
just pointing to others, but from a place of old
flaw and not depletion. You know, doctor will tell us
that all the time. Well, today's episode is called the
(02:36):
Power of Service and Community, Embracing Vulnerability and self love,
and I have a very special guest joining me today,
I have doctor Victoria Madeline. Now let me tell you
about Victoria. She is a powerhouse. She's a speaker, a
mental health advocate, and an author of an upcoming book
(02:56):
named Act Like an Ally, Work With an Ally. But
beyond the titles, she's a woman who has walked through
the fire, living with both invisible and visible challenges. It
has turned her pain into purpose. So get ready for
a heartfelt and powerful conversation about self love, vulnerability, and
now giving back to one of the most radical.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Acts of healing. But before we bring doctor v to
the stage, let's take a quil break.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
All right, it's a gritty goddess, I mean said on
this season and Self Love Podcast, and we'd be right back.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Washington wells into two focuses on healing. Always for me,
if I look good, then I feel good. If I
feel good, then I share the good. If I share
the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate
the good, then I live the good. So I can
be paid to be my greatest. But I have to
learn the good to be the good.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So what does it take to be the greatest.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
It's as simple as a free, fifteen minute consultation.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Be kind, to yourself and you'll always hey, it's your girl.
You got it now me Banks and make sure you.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Tune in every three Thursday night Naomi DGI podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
We'll we talk about everything you love, sex, relationship, cousture differences,
and so much more by bridging the gap between them
all and we even talk about our loveday.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
You need to stop by me and dot com my
podcast as well as the MeTV group.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
We have some amazing guests become full.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
You never know.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Just make sure you tune me at Thursday ninety six
pm six percent of time. Go to Aks Nyoma dot com.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
And tell the Miami teacher. Well, all right, beautiful people
will welcome back.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Well, hello, and welcome doctor Victoria Madealie.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Am I saying that last name right?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
You are?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
You are?
Speaker 5 (04:49):
Thanks for having me?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Thank you. I am truly excited for this conversation.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
But what I want to do first is I want
to just ground us before we get into topic.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Are you are you ready for that? You prepare for
that one?
Speaker 5 (05:00):
I'm ready for it?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
All right, My beautiful listeners, you know how we do.
If you could just get into a nice comfortable position,
all right.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Finding comfortable space, close your eyes, and take a deep
breath in. Oh, no, excel slowly. I want you to
feel your body grounding into this moment. Imagine a warm
(05:29):
light within you, radiating strength, compassion, and connection. Now, with
each breath, I want you to invite a sense of openness,
ready to serve, to heal, and to connect. Now, when
(05:53):
you breathe in, I want you to breathe in love
and I want you to breathe out fear. This is
your time, this is your space.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Let's begin, all right, my beautiful people, again, thank you
for just sharing that space with me. And if you
are new here to the season and Stephfler podcasts, this
is something we do everyday Monday through Fridays, just to
help ground us.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Before we get into the topic, I'll write doctor V.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
You know, so I had a chance to read part
of your profile and stuff like that, and it's such
a powerful story, one that touches mental health out of
piece show and your journey just towards radical self acceptance.
Can you walk us through how you know, how you
found your way through those moments of darkness into your
mission of advocacy right now?
Speaker 5 (06:49):
Yeah, So I started my workplace inclusion journey back in
twenty sixteen twenty seventeen working in the women in Leadership
space and how do we get more women into leadership roles?
You know, you look at most organizational hierarchies and the
(07:09):
higher up you go, the lesson less women there are.
And that really, you know, started my own journey into
this workplace inclusion space. And then I realized it's so
much more intersectional than just men and women or black
and white, or straight or LGBTQ. Right, there's so many
different intersections of identities that we have that the workplace
(07:32):
and leaders particularly can do a better job accommodating for.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Right.
Speaker 5 (07:36):
And so there's parents, and then there's people with invisible disabilities,
and that could be you know, mental illness, it could
be cancer, you know, it could be you know, some
other chronic disease. Right, there's there's there's visible differences in
the workplace. And I've given a talk on that I had.
I have alopecia, and it's been manageable most of my life.
(07:59):
I've had it since I was but it's always come back.
I get a little bald spot, it would come back,
you know, it was just like a cycle. And then
last year in twenty twenty four. I lost it over
the course of about nine months, and in October of
last year, I made the decision to just shave that
thirty percent that was remaining. You can't hide it when
(08:20):
you're missing so much of it, right, And that was
so liberating because you can't lose what you don't have.
Like I took control of that situation, that narrative by deciding, well,
my hair's going to fall out, and I'm just going
to be bald, so I can't fall out anymore, right,
And so I wear different wigs when I do video,
(08:43):
you know, meetings or appearances like today, sometimes I'll go
full bald, but I like wearing the wigs. But when
I'm when I'm out on about, I'll wear like a
head wrap, and I feel like that's a nice compromise
for me because it's comfortable. But it's still like being bald.
It feels like being naked. It's like naked on top
of your head when you were naked on your head,
you know. Like, So learning how to accept that through
(09:06):
my challenges with mental illness, my challenges with death with
cancer that you know I had, I have that resilience
now that my latest battle with alopecia. Even though some
might think I lost because I'm bald, I feel like
I won because I didn't let it consume, you know,
(09:28):
my happiness, my joy.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
So yeah, thank you for sharing. And I love that.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
I love that you you took it in your own hands,
you shaved off your hand. And I love when you
say I can't worry about something that I don't have.
I can't worry about losing something that I don't have,
and that's a very powerful thing. So I'm gonna share
a story with you really really fast. When I was forty,
I had found out that I was pregnant with my
last child, and beforehand, I was told that I was
(09:55):
unable to have any babies, a less I had help
like if I'm went and stuff like that. So myself
and my husband now we didn't think we were going
to have any you know, have any more children. I
already had two daughters from a previous marriage, and so
when that came about, that was so surprising to me
and I was just that actually had me created to
(10:17):
where I retired from performing in front of the camera
on line. But I remember going through a process that
I was sitting and I was like Okay, I wanted
anew and I know it's nothing like Hallapecia. But what
happened was I shaved my entire haird I just shaved
every I just shaved, and it was so it was
(10:38):
so free for me because my hair. I was taught
that my hair is my crown. Yes, I taught that
my hair was my crown. And so as you I
had over two hundred, three hundred weeks.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
You know, this was just even before I shaved my hair.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
But you know, just always having new hairstyles. Now I
have natural locks as you see right now, and I'm
just embracing it. But I said that at probably a
few years, I probably would just shave it again because
I don't want my identity to be outside of me.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, you know, and that's where. But I love that
you truly took it in your own hair.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
And it's like a radical type of feel when you
do that, of a radical self acceptance of that.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
So how did you How did you.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Realize the shift from your path not only in your
own life, but in your professional mission as well.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I think.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
My initial shift was becoming a business owner. I never
thought that was in the cards for me, but I
had burnt out at my last job, and I found
it so ironic because is you know, I'm an organizational psychologist,
(12:03):
like I help people.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Not burn out.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
I feel like I was a lung lung doctor out
the backsmoke in a packagday and getting lung cancer. I
can't be an organizational psychologist burning out, right. So I
took the summer off, and when I came back, before
I went on the job market, I was reflecting how
people have told me I was entrepreneurial. I didn't really
(12:26):
know what that meant, never open started a business before.
I was like, could I get a client?
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Like?
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Could I get a client? And I did, and I
was like, could I get another client? You could I
make excellent out with revenue or whatever. But also what
I was doing as I hit all those milestones and
then decided to go all in, I was creating a
workplace that didn't exist for me in the past. So
my last job, I burnt out. At the job before that,
I was under challenged having to navigate you know, I
(12:56):
struggle with depression, having to navigate that as an employee
and how do you advocate for yourself? But still like
be a good employee and like where's that balance being
a mom needing flexible hours? Right, Like, so I created
a workplace that accommodated for all those different aspects, not
only my identity, but others identity in the workplace as well.
For example, one of our employees is non binary and
(13:20):
they're pronouncers?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Are they them?
Speaker 5 (13:21):
And you know, I made sure I'm slack before I
was like, hey, there pronounces are they them? So like
just everyone knows and they come in their first days
tomorrow and like that. You know, So just little things
like that, but it all accumulates. You know, we weren't
overwork society, over and over worked organization or over work culture.
You know, we did good work. We got it done,
(13:42):
but it was never at the expense of anyone's well being.
So I think that was a big shift for me
that I can create a space that's healthy and accommodating
and just recognizes our humanity even though we're coming to work,
we're in our human bodies and our human minds, and
so we need to be treated as such.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
So now let's talk about vulnerability, and so many of
us we fear being seen, especially when we're struggling. But
you found the vulnerability and actually the strengths to for
your ability to serve. Can you share how embracing your
own story has deepened your connections to others?
Speaker 5 (14:27):
Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (14:27):
So.
Speaker 5 (14:28):
When I had cancer a few years ago, I was
very careful to not really share much about that. It
felt too personal and too just like no one's business,
you know. But towards the end of my journey, like
getting surgery and waiting for test results and all that,
(14:49):
like I really needed community, I really needed it. Felt
I felt very alone. You know, I don't know anyone
in my who directly who has cancer. You know, I
wasn't in any support groups, and so I just put
the message out. And Facebook's mostly my friends and family,
whereas install and LinkedIn is more like my professional and
public network. But like I put a message out on
(15:12):
Facebook and I said like hey, and it was a
picture it says cancer stuff or it said f cancer,
but not put the forward and shared a little about
my journey and like I'm waiting for test results, like
just sy goodvise my way And the amount of outpouring
I received from that people who either had cancer and
I never knew or had a direct loved one who
(15:33):
had cancer and like so many positive stories and just
so much reassurance and like that was wonderful, and it
also made me understand like, well, people are going through
it and no one's really talking about it, and we're
missing out on opportunities for connection because of that fear
of vulnerability. So if we can get over that fear
and put it out there, we're gonna get so much
(15:56):
back as a result, and we're gonna make a safer,
more inclusive place for others who didn't feel like they
could be sharing about that, you know, Like I with
my alopecia, I did a disrupt HR talk, which are
five minute talks about something disruptive to the field of
know HR. And my talk was on visible differences in
the workplace, and my very first slide was a quote
(16:18):
from jay Z and it said, allow me to reintroduce myself.
And I stood on stage and I pulled my wig
off and stowed it out in the audience and gave
the rest of the talk completely bald, you know, and
like I just wanted to own it. I wanted to
own it to empower others to own it as well.
And yes, as I said before, being bald is like
(16:39):
having a naked head. So I had a naked head
on stage with three hundred people potential clients and collaborators
and partners in the room. But I just owned it
and they loved it. I got such great response. It's
been like the top performing talk on disrupting Charlie nationwide.
You know, like it's great. So I feel like there's
a lot of benefit we get from vulnerability to get
(17:00):
over that fear of it.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Yeah, you know, when we talk here on the season
of self love with vulnerability, that is our strength, that
is our superpower of the vulnerability, because within that vulnerability,
that's where we find our authentic self. We talk a
lot about pulling that mask off, and I love when
you say, you know, let me reintroduce myself. When you
pulled off that wig, and I'm just imagining it, it
(17:24):
was like you pulled off a full mask of your
whole life right there, just going into something new that's beautiful,
That was truly beautiful, you know. So I also see
that you talk about self love, how self love helps
us to serve others without losing ourselves, And you know,
I know that is so very powerful, But how do
(17:45):
you keep your own cup full when you're constantly giving.
Speaker 5 (17:54):
It's first identifying what brings you joy. So you know,
some people would say I garden, or I do music,
or I dance or a color, I watch old movies,
but like those aren't the right answers. The right answer
is what can you do that truly lights up your
(18:15):
heart and soul and gives you joy because that's the
only way we can fill our cups. And for me,
it's spending time with my husband and my son, it's
seeing live music, it's being in nature. But I know
that those are the right, that's right formula for me,
and everyone has their own formula. So a figuring out
what that formula is and be really committing to making
(18:37):
the time for it. You know, like I need to
put that in my schedule. If it's not in my schedule,
it doesn't happen. So even if I'm putting a hike
in or yoga in, or you know, date nights go
to see live music, it's in my calendar and I follow.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Through on it.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
I try to follow through on it as much as
I would for a job or any other obligation that
I have, right and so it's prioritized the way we
prioritize everyone else. And as you said, you can't pour
from an empty cup. So taking care of yourself is
just as much as part of the work as it
(19:11):
is serving others.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yeah, it truly is.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
I found well when I first heard of not pouring
from an empty cup. And I'm old, Well, I'm older.
I'm fifty two years old. I'll be fifty three this year.
And the first time I heard about this was probably
about two years ago when I brought doctor Will onto
this platform with me and he had said to me,
(19:36):
he was like, you know, you have to stop pouring
from an empty cup.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
You have to allow your cup to overflow. And I
was like what.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
But when he explained it to me, I truly understand
what that meant. You know what that meant One thing
about me is with the joy, with joy enlighten me up.
Is helping others. That truly lights me up.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
My phone used to always ring all the time.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
But what I've learned, especially going through my spiritual journey,
is that everyone is not accessible to your energy and
your piece. Everyone is not accessible to it, meaning that
they they don't even have the capacity for what you
have to offer right now, you know, so your steady
(20:28):
poured into a cup with a.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Whole in it.
Speaker 5 (20:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
So when I got that in my mind, when I
when I saw that, I was like wow, And I
really started to see a lot of things change for
me physically and emotionally with doing that. And it also
made me appreciate just a giving back or just being
on this platform along even appreciate it even more because
(20:57):
when you speak, when you talk, and when you're there,
like right now, you're glowing, you know, you you attract
more of that.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Does that make sense? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. You know.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
When we talk about self love, people don't always connect
service with self love or even self care. But you've
shown that you can be one in the same. What
does that look like to give from a place of authenticity?
Speaker 5 (21:37):
So I think it's a matter of understanding our purpose
and our mission. What are we here to do? And
especially with making building my own company right, like the
work that I did, the service that I did was
(21:57):
because I've always wanted to make the workplace a better
experience for humans. So that was always like very clear,
and I would either work for other companies or have
my own company that was fulfilling like that mission. So
and then that makes the work super authentic, right. And
what was challenging in the early days of my business
(22:18):
was monetizing my work because I would do it for free,
you know, like I'm doing the thing I set out
to do, but your girls got to pay bills and
overhead and you know, salary, Like I need to monetize this, right,
And so I think it's a matter of finding something
(22:39):
that you would do for free, but if you can
get paid for it, that means it's a twofer. You know,
You're not spending forty hours a week working for money
and then another twenty hours a week volunteering because that's
your passion, you know, But like how can you double
up essentially, because I mean, I don't have much time
for volunteering, but I don't do much volununteering. I work
(23:00):
with just a couple of organizations. But I feel like
I'm getting my personal desire for like doing impactful work
that makes human lives better even just a little bit,
you know, Like I'm not a brain surgeon, I'm not
a therapist. Like I'm not someone who's going to like
really transform someone, but if I can make their experience
(23:23):
at work just a little bit better, you know, that's
so many waking hours we spend, like in the office
or at our job. You know, if I can make
that just a little better, I think the overall effect,
you know, is really powerful over time.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
You know.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, you know, I think anything that someone can give
you that is a positive of a growth for you
is a part of their transformation. So don't make yourself
small in that aspect, you know what I mean? All Right,
So you're all about building compassion and exclusive communities. What
role has Alli Ship played in your work and your
(23:57):
healing journey?
Speaker 5 (23:59):
Allyship? I'm sorry, Yeah, it's been paramount.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Okay, I'm so.
Speaker 5 (24:07):
I'm a first generation college student. I come from a
low SES background. You know, I didn't. I didn't have
the resources or the guidance that you know, other kids have.
So like my allies when I was young, like teachers particularly,
you know, going out of the way and helping me
(24:27):
with the college application process or recommending that I take
the SAPs or you know, like and I've had allies.
I remember I didn't have the best home situation in
growing up, and my boyfriend his dad would drive me
home every night, so I'd come over and have dinner
at their house, you know, hang out in the evening,
and he would drive me home at like ten o'clock
(24:48):
every night, like right before I had to go to bed,
because he knew it wasn't a good situation there and
that I was safer and more comfortable at his place, right,
So he almost essentially took me in for a year
or two. So like early like foundational who I am absolutely,
And then in my professional career, I mean, it's mostly
been male allies helping me navigate mother you know, being
(25:12):
a woman in the workplace, a mother in the workplace,
and then most recently, my former business partner. You know,
she was my ally when my father passed away. She
was my ally when I got cancer. She was my
mental health ally when I had a mental health crisis,
you know. And the funny thing is, like she's a
black woman, so people look at us and they think, oh,
(25:35):
doctor Bee must be the ally because she's a white woman.
And in racial situations, of course, I will do whatever
I can be to be a good ally to her.
But she's been my ally in so many different ways,
so many different ways. So all that being said, like
allyship is a really beautiful thing because it by definition
(25:59):
to be ally, you cannot be one and the same.
America cannot be an ally to America, right, Like, so
we need to have some sort of difference of our
identities that we are crossing, we are bridging, Like my
male allies or my mental health allies. You can't be
a mental health ally if you yourself are going through
mental health crisis. You need to be mentally stable to
be a mental health ally, right. So, like, we're going
across these differences to help make the world a better
(26:24):
place for the marginalized and underrepresented groups.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Right.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
We were leveraging our power, our status, our privilege to
do that. So it's a beautiful thing because it's helping
change power differentials. It's getting us to work together across
our differences. It's taking away this us versus them and replacing.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
It with just us. Right beautiful.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
So let me ask you this, what is one way,
one powerful way that we can start being better allies
not just to others, but to ourselves.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
Yeah, so that self piece is really important. So I
gave a really powerful keynote recently to an organization about
mental health and allyship in the workplace, and I used
the same framework that I use in my book Act
Like an Ally, Work with an Ally, which is allyship
is a two way partnership. It is not just what
(27:22):
the ally does, it's what the ally does and what
I call the partner, who's the person who's benefiting from
that allyship. And so this keynote I gave, I talked
about three areas of you know, mental health advocacy that
we can have both as allies but also as self advocates,
as a partner the person needing an ally right and
(27:43):
so so being able to come at it from both
of those perspectives. And knowing that allyship is a two
way partnership, that you know both parties have roles to play.
So whether you are trying to be an ally to
someone from an underrepresented a marginalized group, or whether you
(28:05):
are from that underrepresented a marginalized group, there's certain things
that we could do to work better together. Because I
think about you know, I would say ally means action.
It is not an identity. You cannot just say I'm
an ally. I say, don't even call yourself an ally.
Wait for someone to give that designation to you. And
that's how you know you're.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Doing it right.
Speaker 5 (28:25):
So if we don't if we aren't calling ourselves allies,
we need to make sure that the work that we're
doing as allies is aligned with the people who were
trying to help and serve. And so you need to
have communication and partnership. You need to work together to
figure out, Okay, if ally means action, what actions can
(28:45):
I take to make sure I'm actually benefiting the individual
or group that I'm trying to serve?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Right?
Speaker 5 (28:51):
So that relationship, that partnership is just pivotal for allyship
to work.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Right. So the one thing is what I love to
do is I love to get very practical.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
So do you have any daily week of weekly rituals
around the service or community care?
Speaker 2 (29:12):
I think it can be two.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
Very simple questions you can ask yourself either at the
beginning of the day or the end of the day.
But first is what's one thing I can do today
to serve others? And what's one thing I can do
today to serve myself? Or at the end of the day,
what's one thing I did today that served others And
what's one thing I did today that served myself? And
(29:38):
knowing that question is coming at the end of the
day when you're getting ready for bed, or whatever. That
looks like it's an excellent reminder to make that time
and stays for taking care of others and ourselves.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Yeah, beautiful.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
All right, So I want to take this moment for
you to actually talk about your book right now. For
listeners who want to pick up your book, what can
they get from your book?
Speaker 5 (30:05):
Yeah? So, as I shared before, it's it's two books
in one. It's literally two books. So when you pick
it up, it says on one side, act like an Ally.
You flip it over it says work with an Ally
books then reference each other. So you'll be reading, you know,
in the in the partner book that work with an
Ally book, it will say I told allies on page
(30:27):
a forty two to be courageous, So give them something
courageous to do. And then I want them to be like,
what is she saying on a forty two and like
turn the book over and look at that side.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
So what you're going to.
Speaker 5 (30:40):
Get from the book is a dual perspective of what
it means to both act like an Ally and work
in partnership with an Ally to get stuff done. Even
though you might pick it up for one side or
the other you're probably going to end up reading both sides,
(31:02):
you know, because as I mentioned with my former business partner,
like I've been her ally, she's been my ally, you know,
like we both needed both sides of those skills to
you know, effectively work together. So I think that's that's
the biggest thing. You're gonna get a lot of actionable strategies.
I try to make it as tactical and easy to
(31:22):
you know, implement as possible. I'm all about behavior change,
So what are the behaviors that we can do? And
the chapters are structured as such as a chapter on
vulnerability and empathy and building trust, you know, and like, actually,
how do we do that together? And it's also one
final thinking from the book is you can buy two
(31:44):
and give it to the person that you want to
be working with. So if you want to work with
an ally, buy one for your ally. If you are
an ally I want to work or someone else, buy
it for them. You can read it together, maybe the
opposite side, right, and then flip it or something, and
like it could be like a a group experience, a
group exercise.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
That's beautiful. I like that. When you first were saying,
I was like, oh, Wow, that is such a gift. Balance.
That's what That's what I heard. Gift give me balance,
That's what I heard.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
But now as you talk about it and you say,
well you can get two, you can get one for
whoever you're working with, which is a thing because now
we're really on the same accord with the questions and
the answers, so we can kind of sit together and
kind of go through those things.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Wow. I like that. That was I like that. You
go back to me. All right, family, Well, here's your
call to action for this week. I want you to
take a moment and reflect.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
I want you to ask yourself, who can I serve
today and how can I show up authentically for them
or for myself?
Speaker 2 (32:50):
And here's another journaling part for you.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
I want to reflect on the time that you experienced
and gave genuine service and how did it transform you?
So to v remember what I said, don't make yourself small.
These little things right here can help transform someone in.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Every little way.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
And also I encourage you to check out Victoria's incredible
work and our upcoming book. And I want to make
sure that I'm saying the right website is that Matterlessolutions
dot Com slash allyship. Yes all right, so let it
inspire you both as an ally and a beacon of
healing in our community. Doctor V, again, I want to
(33:31):
thank you so much to just bringing a whole heart
to our conversation. You know, you reminded us of the
vulnerability when embraced that it becomes the root of compassion.
The healing is communal and it's giving back and we've
done it all in love and fees and souls. And
to all our listeners, I want you to remember, don't
have to change the world in a day. One kind word,
(33:53):
one act of love, one moment of authenticity. That's when
the revolution begins. So I want to ask you, doctor Van,
do you have any last words for our listeners today, Just.
Speaker 5 (34:07):
That when it comes to our experience, whether they're at
work and community organizations and family, just know that all
we really want is to feel valued, respect and seen
and heard. So whatever we can do throughout the day,
whether it's a slight smile, whether it's a hug, whether
(34:27):
it's eye contact, whether it's getting someone's name right, getting
their pronouns right, these little things we can do can
have such a big difference on our human experience. So
they take care of yourself and others. That that's how
I want to add.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Beautiful Thank you, I write a beautiful people, And next
week we're going to go even deeper with more powerful topics.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
So until then, I want you to remember.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
That if this podcast, that this episode has resonated with
you and you think if someone needs.
Speaker 5 (35:00):
To share it, share it, share it, share it, share.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
All right someone.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Until next time, keep loving yourself, keep loving yourself, and
move forward.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Have an amazing day, have a good one.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Thank you so much for joining me today on this
journey of intentional healing. I hope that this conversation has
filled your cup and reminded you of the beautiful and
worthy person that you are. I want you to remember
healing isn't about rushing. It's about showing up for yourself
with love and intention, one day at a time. So
(35:37):
I'll see you back here Monday and Wednesday for another
episode of the Season of Healing Intentionally right here on
the Season of Self Love podcast. So until then, keep
choosing you and visit us at the Season of Self
Love podcast dot com for show notes and resources, and
remember to connect with me on Instagram at the real
(35:58):
Naomi Banks This has been brought to you by ax
Naomi and elevating me self discovery because your healing matters.
You are loved, you are worthy, and you are exactly
where you need to be.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Take care of
What does it look like to turn your pain into purpose?
What if the parts of yourself that you've been hiding
are actually your greatest gifts to the world. But today's
conversation is about vulnerability, advocacy, and the radical apple that
shown up as your full self even when the world
(00:23):
isn't always ready for you. But I'm Naomi Banks, and
you're listening to the Season and Self Love. I'm joined
by doctor Victoria Madeline. She's a mental health advocate, a speaker,
and an author who has walked through invisible challenges, invisible
differences and transformed them into a mission of alleyship and healing.
(00:44):
We're talking about self advocacy, what it really means to
be an ally and why gaining back or giving back
from a place of a floor and not depletion is
the ultimate form of self love. This is going to
be powerful. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Season of
(01:07):
Self Love podcast, the Season of Healing Intentionally. I am
your host, Naomi Banks, and I am so glad that
you are here. This season, we are slowing down to
go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday, we're creating a space
of intentional healing, authentic conversations and the kind of self
(01:28):
love that transform from the inside out. This podcast is
brought to you by as Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. Well,
we believe that loving yourself intentionally is a foundation of
true transformation. So whether you're on your own journey of
rebirth navigating life transitions, we're simply choosing yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
This is your safe space.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So get comfort, grab your favorite beverage, and let's heal
together intentionally because you deserve to embrace that beautiful person
that you are. Now let's get.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Started, all right, my beautiful people.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Well, welcome back to because he's in a simpler podcast.
I am your host, Browny Banks, and I am truly honored.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
To be in this space with you today.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
You know, this month we are diving deep into that
what speaks deep directly to our hearts, and that's giving
back because sometimes the greatest way to love ourselves is
just pointing to others, but from a place of old
flaw and not depletion. You know, doctor will tell us
that all the time. Well, today's episode is called the
(02:36):
Power of Service and Community, Embracing Vulnerability and self love,
and I have a very special guest joining me today,
I have doctor Victoria Madeline. Now let me tell you
about Victoria. She is a powerhouse. She's a speaker, a
mental health advocate, and an author of an upcoming book
(02:56):
named Act Like an Ally, Work With an Ally. But
beyond the titles, she's a woman who has walked through
the fire, living with both invisible and visible challenges. It
has turned her pain into purpose. So get ready for
a heartfelt and powerful conversation about self love, vulnerability, and
now giving back to one of the most radical.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Acts of healing. But before we bring doctor v to
the stage, let's take a quil break.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
All right, it's a gritty goddess, I mean said on
this season and Self Love Podcast, and we'd be right back.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Washington wells into two focuses on healing. Always for me,
if I look good, then I feel good. If I
feel good, then I share the good. If I share
the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate
the good, then I live the good. So I can
be paid to be my greatest. But I have to
learn the good to be the good.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So what does it take to be the greatest.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
It's as simple as a free, fifteen minute consultation.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Be kind, to yourself and you'll always hey, it's your girl.
You got it now me Banks and make sure you.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Tune in every three Thursday night Naomi DGI podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
We'll we talk about everything you love, sex, relationship, cousture differences,
and so much more by bridging the gap between them
all and we even talk about our loveday.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
You need to stop by me and dot com my
podcast as well as the MeTV group.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
We have some amazing guests become full.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
You never know.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Just make sure you tune me at Thursday ninety six
pm six percent of time. Go to Aks Nyoma dot com.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
And tell the Miami teacher. Well, all right, beautiful people
will welcome back.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Well, hello, and welcome doctor Victoria Madealie.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Am I saying that last name right?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
You are?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
You are?
Speaker 5 (04:49):
Thanks for having me?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Thank you. I am truly excited for this conversation.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
But what I want to do first is I want
to just ground us before we get into topic.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Are you are you ready for that? You prepare for
that one?
Speaker 5 (05:00):
I'm ready for it?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
All right, My beautiful listeners, you know how we do.
If you could just get into a nice comfortable position,
all right.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Finding comfortable space, close your eyes, and take a deep
breath in. Oh, no, excel slowly. I want you to
feel your body grounding into this moment. Imagine a warm
(05:29):
light within you, radiating strength, compassion, and connection. Now, with
each breath, I want you to invite a sense of openness,
ready to serve, to heal, and to connect. Now, when
(05:53):
you breathe in, I want you to breathe in love
and I want you to breathe out fear. This is
your time, this is your space.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Let's begin, all right, my beautiful people, again, thank you
for just sharing that space with me. And if you
are new here to the season and Stephfler podcasts, this
is something we do everyday Monday through Fridays, just to
help ground us.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Before we get into the topic, I'll write doctor V.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
You know, so I had a chance to read part
of your profile and stuff like that, and it's such
a powerful story, one that touches mental health out of
piece show and your journey just towards radical self acceptance.
Can you walk us through how you know, how you
found your way through those moments of darkness into your
mission of advocacy right now?
Speaker 5 (06:49):
Yeah, So I started my workplace inclusion journey back in
twenty sixteen twenty seventeen working in the women in Leadership
space and how do we get more women into leadership roles?
You know, you look at most organizational hierarchies and the
(07:09):
higher up you go, the lesson less women there are.
And that really, you know, started my own journey into
this workplace inclusion space. And then I realized it's so
much more intersectional than just men and women or black
and white, or straight or LGBTQ. Right, there's so many
different intersections of identities that we have that the workplace
(07:32):
and leaders particularly can do a better job accommodating for.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Right.
Speaker 5 (07:36):
And so there's parents, and then there's people with invisible disabilities,
and that could be you know, mental illness, it could
be cancer, you know, it could be you know, some
other chronic disease. Right, there's there's there's visible differences in
the workplace. And I've given a talk on that I had.
I have alopecia, and it's been manageable most of my life.
(07:59):
I've had it since I was but it's always come back.
I get a little bald spot, it would come back,
you know, it was just like a cycle. And then
last year in twenty twenty four. I lost it over
the course of about nine months, and in October of
last year, I made the decision to just shave that
thirty percent that was remaining. You can't hide it when
(08:20):
you're missing so much of it, right, And that was
so liberating because you can't lose what you don't have.
Like I took control of that situation, that narrative by deciding, well,
my hair's going to fall out, and I'm just going
to be bald, so I can't fall out anymore, right,
And so I wear different wigs when I do video,
(08:43):
you know, meetings or appearances like today, sometimes I'll go
full bald, but I like wearing the wigs. But when
I'm when I'm out on about, I'll wear like a
head wrap, and I feel like that's a nice compromise
for me because it's comfortable. But it's still like being bald.
It feels like being naked. It's like naked on top
of your head when you were naked on your head,
you know. Like, So learning how to accept that through
(09:06):
my challenges with mental illness, my challenges with death with
cancer that you know I had, I have that resilience
now that my latest battle with alopecia. Even though some
might think I lost because I'm bald, I feel like
I won because I didn't let it consume, you know,
(09:28):
my happiness, my joy.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
So yeah, thank you for sharing. And I love that.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
I love that you you took it in your own hands,
you shaved off your hand. And I love when you
say I can't worry about something that I don't have.
I can't worry about losing something that I don't have,
and that's a very powerful thing. So I'm gonna share
a story with you really really fast. When I was forty,
I had found out that I was pregnant with my
last child, and beforehand, I was told that I was
(09:55):
unable to have any babies, a less I had help
like if I'm went and stuff like that. So myself
and my husband now we didn't think we were going
to have any you know, have any more children. I
already had two daughters from a previous marriage, and so
when that came about, that was so surprising to me
and I was just that actually had me created to
(10:17):
where I retired from performing in front of the camera
on line. But I remember going through a process that
I was sitting and I was like Okay, I wanted
anew and I know it's nothing like Hallapecia. But what
happened was I shaved my entire haird I just shaved
every I just shaved, and it was so it was
(10:38):
so free for me because my hair. I was taught
that my hair is my crown. Yes, I taught that
my hair was my crown. And so as you I
had over two hundred, three hundred weeks.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
You know, this was just even before I shaved my hair.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
But you know, just always having new hairstyles. Now I
have natural locks as you see right now, and I'm
just embracing it. But I said that at probably a
few years, I probably would just shave it again because
I don't want my identity to be outside of me.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, you know, and that's where. But I love that
you truly took it in your own hair.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
And it's like a radical type of feel when you
do that, of a radical self acceptance of that.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
So how did you How did you.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Realize the shift from your path not only in your
own life, but in your professional mission as well.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I think.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
My initial shift was becoming a business owner. I never
thought that was in the cards for me, but I
had burnt out at my last job, and I found
it so ironic because is you know, I'm an organizational psychologist,
(12:03):
like I help people.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Not burn out.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
I feel like I was a lung lung doctor out
the backsmoke in a packagday and getting lung cancer. I
can't be an organizational psychologist burning out, right. So I
took the summer off, and when I came back, before
I went on the job market, I was reflecting how
people have told me I was entrepreneurial. I didn't really
(12:26):
know what that meant, never open started a business before.
I was like, could I get a client?
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Like?
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Could I get a client? And I did, and I
was like, could I get another client? You could I
make excellent out with revenue or whatever. But also what
I was doing as I hit all those milestones and
then decided to go all in, I was creating a
workplace that didn't exist for me in the past. So
my last job, I burnt out. At the job before that,
I was under challenged having to navigate you know, I
(12:56):
struggle with depression, having to navigate that as an employee
and how do you advocate for yourself? But still like
be a good employee and like where's that balance being
a mom needing flexible hours? Right, Like, so I created
a workplace that accommodated for all those different aspects, not
only my identity, but others identity in the workplace as well.
For example, one of our employees is non binary and
(13:20):
they're pronouncers?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Are they them?
Speaker 5 (13:21):
And you know, I made sure I'm slack before I
was like, hey, there pronounces are they them? So like
just everyone knows and they come in their first days
tomorrow and like that. You know, So just little things
like that, but it all accumulates. You know, we weren't
overwork society, over and over worked organization or over work culture.
You know, we did good work. We got it done,
(13:42):
but it was never at the expense of anyone's well being.
So I think that was a big shift for me
that I can create a space that's healthy and accommodating
and just recognizes our humanity even though we're coming to work,
we're in our human bodies and our human minds, and
so we need to be treated as such.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
So now let's talk about vulnerability, and so many of
us we fear being seen, especially when we're struggling. But
you found the vulnerability and actually the strengths to for
your ability to serve. Can you share how embracing your
own story has deepened your connections to others?
Speaker 5 (14:27):
Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (14:27):
So.
Speaker 5 (14:28):
When I had cancer a few years ago, I was
very careful to not really share much about that. It
felt too personal and too just like no one's business,
you know. But towards the end of my journey, like
getting surgery and waiting for test results and all that,
(14:49):
like I really needed community, I really needed it. Felt
I felt very alone. You know, I don't know anyone
in my who directly who has cancer. You know, I
wasn't in any support groups, and so I just put
the message out. And Facebook's mostly my friends and family,
whereas install and LinkedIn is more like my professional and
public network. But like I put a message out on
(15:12):
Facebook and I said like hey, and it was a
picture it says cancer stuff or it said f cancer,
but not put the forward and shared a little about
my journey and like I'm waiting for test results, like
just sy goodvise my way And the amount of outpouring
I received from that people who either had cancer and
I never knew or had a direct loved one who
(15:33):
had cancer and like so many positive stories and just
so much reassurance and like that was wonderful, and it
also made me understand like, well, people are going through
it and no one's really talking about it, and we're
missing out on opportunities for connection because of that fear
of vulnerability. So if we can get over that fear
and put it out there, we're gonna get so much
(15:56):
back as a result, and we're gonna make a safer,
more inclusive place for others who didn't feel like they
could be sharing about that, you know, Like I with
my alopecia, I did a disrupt HR talk, which are
five minute talks about something disruptive to the field of
know HR. And my talk was on visible differences in
the workplace, and my very first slide was a quote
(16:18):
from jay Z and it said, allow me to reintroduce myself.
And I stood on stage and I pulled my wig
off and stowed it out in the audience and gave
the rest of the talk completely bald, you know, and
like I just wanted to own it. I wanted to
own it to empower others to own it as well.
And yes, as I said before, being bald is like
(16:39):
having a naked head. So I had a naked head
on stage with three hundred people potential clients and collaborators
and partners in the room. But I just owned it
and they loved it. I got such great response. It's
been like the top performing talk on disrupting Charlie nationwide.
You know, like it's great. So I feel like there's
a lot of benefit we get from vulnerability to get
(17:00):
over that fear of it.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Yeah, you know, when we talk here on the season
of self love with vulnerability, that is our strength, that
is our superpower of the vulnerability, because within that vulnerability,
that's where we find our authentic self. We talk a
lot about pulling that mask off, and I love when
you say, you know, let me reintroduce myself. When you
pulled off that wig, and I'm just imagining it, it
(17:24):
was like you pulled off a full mask of your
whole life right there, just going into something new that's beautiful,
That was truly beautiful, you know. So I also see
that you talk about self love, how self love helps
us to serve others without losing ourselves, And you know,
I know that is so very powerful, But how do
(17:45):
you keep your own cup full when you're constantly giving.
Speaker 5 (17:54):
It's first identifying what brings you joy. So you know,
some people would say I garden, or I do music,
or I dance or a color, I watch old movies,
but like those aren't the right answers. The right answer
is what can you do that truly lights up your
(18:15):
heart and soul and gives you joy because that's the
only way we can fill our cups. And for me,
it's spending time with my husband and my son, it's
seeing live music, it's being in nature. But I know
that those are the right, that's right formula for me,
and everyone has their own formula. So a figuring out
what that formula is and be really committing to making
(18:37):
the time for it. You know, like I need to
put that in my schedule. If it's not in my schedule,
it doesn't happen. So even if I'm putting a hike
in or yoga in, or you know, date nights go
to see live music, it's in my calendar and I follow.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Through on it.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
I try to follow through on it as much as
I would for a job or any other obligation that
I have, right and so it's prioritized the way we
prioritize everyone else. And as you said, you can't pour
from an empty cup. So taking care of yourself is
just as much as part of the work as it
(19:11):
is serving others.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yeah, it truly is.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
I found well when I first heard of not pouring
from an empty cup. And I'm old, Well, I'm older.
I'm fifty two years old. I'll be fifty three this year.
And the first time I heard about this was probably
about two years ago when I brought doctor Will onto
this platform with me and he had said to me,
(19:36):
he was like, you know, you have to stop pouring
from an empty cup.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
You have to allow your cup to overflow. And I
was like what.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
But when he explained it to me, I truly understand
what that meant. You know what that meant One thing
about me is with the joy, with joy enlighten me up.
Is helping others. That truly lights me up.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
My phone used to always ring all the time.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
But what I've learned, especially going through my spiritual journey,
is that everyone is not accessible to your energy and
your piece. Everyone is not accessible to it, meaning that
they they don't even have the capacity for what you
have to offer right now, you know, so your steady
(20:28):
poured into a cup with a.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Whole in it.
Speaker 5 (20:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
So when I got that in my mind, when I
when I saw that, I was like wow, And I
really started to see a lot of things change for
me physically and emotionally with doing that. And it also
made me appreciate just a giving back or just being
on this platform along even appreciate it even more because
(20:57):
when you speak, when you talk, and when you're there,
like right now, you're glowing, you know, you you attract
more of that.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Does that make sense? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. You know.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
When we talk about self love, people don't always connect
service with self love or even self care. But you've
shown that you can be one in the same. What
does that look like to give from a place of authenticity?
Speaker 5 (21:37):
So I think it's a matter of understanding our purpose
and our mission. What are we here to do? And
especially with making building my own company right, like the
work that I did, the service that I did was
(21:57):
because I've always wanted to make the workplace a better
experience for humans. So that was always like very clear,
and I would either work for other companies or have
my own company that was fulfilling like that mission. So
and then that makes the work super authentic, right. And
what was challenging in the early days of my business
(22:18):
was monetizing my work because I would do it for free,
you know, like I'm doing the thing I set out
to do, but your girls got to pay bills and
overhead and you know, salary, Like I need to monetize this, right,
And so I think it's a matter of finding something
(22:39):
that you would do for free, but if you can
get paid for it, that means it's a twofer. You know,
You're not spending forty hours a week working for money
and then another twenty hours a week volunteering because that's
your passion, you know, But like how can you double
up essentially, because I mean, I don't have much time
for volunteering, but I don't do much volununteering. I work
(23:00):
with just a couple of organizations. But I feel like
I'm getting my personal desire for like doing impactful work
that makes human lives better even just a little bit,
you know, Like I'm not a brain surgeon, I'm not
a therapist. Like I'm not someone who's going to like
really transform someone, but if I can make their experience
(23:23):
at work just a little bit better, you know, that's
so many waking hours we spend, like in the office
or at our job. You know, if I can make
that just a little better, I think the overall effect,
you know, is really powerful over time.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
You know.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, you know, I think anything that someone can give
you that is a positive of a growth for you
is a part of their transformation. So don't make yourself
small in that aspect, you know what I mean? All Right,
So you're all about building compassion and exclusive communities. What
role has Alli Ship played in your work and your
(23:57):
healing journey?
Speaker 5 (23:59):
Allyship? I'm sorry, Yeah, it's been paramount.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Okay, I'm so.
Speaker 5 (24:07):
I'm a first generation college student. I come from a
low SES background. You know, I didn't. I didn't have
the resources or the guidance that you know, other kids have.
So like my allies when I was young, like teachers particularly,
you know, going out of the way and helping me
(24:27):
with the college application process or recommending that I take
the SAPs or you know, like and I've had allies.
I remember I didn't have the best home situation in
growing up, and my boyfriend his dad would drive me
home every night, so I'd come over and have dinner
at their house, you know, hang out in the evening,
and he would drive me home at like ten o'clock
(24:48):
every night, like right before I had to go to bed,
because he knew it wasn't a good situation there and
that I was safer and more comfortable at his place, right,
So he almost essentially took me in for a year
or two. So like early like foundational who I am absolutely,
And then in my professional career, I mean, it's mostly
been male allies helping me navigate mother you know, being
(25:12):
a woman in the workplace, a mother in the workplace,
and then most recently, my former business partner. You know,
she was my ally when my father passed away. She
was my ally when I got cancer. She was my
mental health ally when I had a mental health crisis,
you know. And the funny thing is, like she's a
black woman, so people look at us and they think, oh,
(25:35):
doctor Bee must be the ally because she's a white woman.
And in racial situations, of course, I will do whatever
I can be to be a good ally to her.
But she's been my ally in so many different ways,
so many different ways. So all that being said, like
allyship is a really beautiful thing because it by definition
(25:59):
to be ally, you cannot be one and the same.
America cannot be an ally to America, right, Like, so
we need to have some sort of difference of our
identities that we are crossing, we are bridging, Like my
male allies or my mental health allies. You can't be
a mental health ally if you yourself are going through
mental health crisis. You need to be mentally stable to
be a mental health ally, right. So, like, we're going
across these differences to help make the world a better
(26:24):
place for the marginalized and underrepresented groups.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Right.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
We were leveraging our power, our status, our privilege to
do that. So it's a beautiful thing because it's helping
change power differentials. It's getting us to work together across
our differences. It's taking away this us versus them and replacing.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
It with just us. Right beautiful.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
So let me ask you this, what is one way,
one powerful way that we can start being better allies
not just to others, but to ourselves.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
Yeah, so that self piece is really important. So I
gave a really powerful keynote recently to an organization about
mental health and allyship in the workplace, and I used
the same framework that I use in my book Act
Like an Ally, Work with an Ally, which is allyship
is a two way partnership. It is not just what
(27:22):
the ally does, it's what the ally does and what
I call the partner, who's the person who's benefiting from
that allyship. And so this keynote I gave, I talked
about three areas of you know, mental health advocacy that
we can have both as allies but also as self advocates,
as a partner the person needing an ally right and
(27:43):
so so being able to come at it from both
of those perspectives. And knowing that allyship is a two
way partnership, that you know both parties have roles to play.
So whether you are trying to be an ally to
someone from an underrepresented a marginalized group, or whether you
(28:05):
are from that underrepresented a marginalized group, there's certain things
that we could do to work better together. Because I
think about you know, I would say ally means action.
It is not an identity. You cannot just say I'm
an ally. I say, don't even call yourself an ally.
Wait for someone to give that designation to you. And
that's how you know you're.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Doing it right.
Speaker 5 (28:25):
So if we don't if we aren't calling ourselves allies,
we need to make sure that the work that we're
doing as allies is aligned with the people who were
trying to help and serve. And so you need to
have communication and partnership. You need to work together to
figure out, Okay, if ally means action, what actions can
(28:45):
I take to make sure I'm actually benefiting the individual
or group that I'm trying to serve?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Right?
Speaker 5 (28:51):
So that relationship, that partnership is just pivotal for allyship
to work.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Right. So the one thing is what I love to
do is I love to get very practical.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
So do you have any daily week of weekly rituals
around the service or community care?
Speaker 2 (29:12):
I think it can be two.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
Very simple questions you can ask yourself either at the
beginning of the day or the end of the day.
But first is what's one thing I can do today
to serve others? And what's one thing I can do
today to serve myself? Or at the end of the day,
what's one thing I did today that served others And
what's one thing I did today that served myself? And
(29:38):
knowing that question is coming at the end of the
day when you're getting ready for bed, or whatever. That
looks like it's an excellent reminder to make that time
and stays for taking care of others and ourselves.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Yeah, beautiful.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
All right, So I want to take this moment for
you to actually talk about your book right now. For
listeners who want to pick up your book, what can
they get from your book?
Speaker 5 (30:05):
Yeah? So, as I shared before, it's it's two books
in one. It's literally two books. So when you pick
it up, it says on one side, act like an Ally.
You flip it over it says work with an Ally
books then reference each other. So you'll be reading, you know,
in the in the partner book that work with an
Ally book, it will say I told allies on page
(30:27):
a forty two to be courageous, So give them something
courageous to do. And then I want them to be like,
what is she saying on a forty two and like
turn the book over and look at that side.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
So what you're going to.
Speaker 5 (30:40):
Get from the book is a dual perspective of what
it means to both act like an Ally and work
in partnership with an Ally to get stuff done. Even
though you might pick it up for one side or
the other you're probably going to end up reading both sides,
(31:02):
you know, because as I mentioned with my former business partner,
like I've been her ally, she's been my ally, you know,
like we both needed both sides of those skills to
you know, effectively work together. So I think that's that's
the biggest thing. You're gonna get a lot of actionable strategies.
I try to make it as tactical and easy to
(31:22):
you know, implement as possible. I'm all about behavior change,
So what are the behaviors that we can do? And
the chapters are structured as such as a chapter on
vulnerability and empathy and building trust, you know, and like, actually,
how do we do that together? And it's also one
final thinking from the book is you can buy two
(31:44):
and give it to the person that you want to
be working with. So if you want to work with
an ally, buy one for your ally. If you are
an ally I want to work or someone else, buy
it for them. You can read it together, maybe the
opposite side, right, and then flip it or something, and
like it could be like a a group experience, a
group exercise.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
That's beautiful. I like that. When you first were saying,
I was like, oh, Wow, that is such a gift. Balance.
That's what That's what I heard. Gift give me balance,
That's what I heard.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
But now as you talk about it and you say,
well you can get two, you can get one for
whoever you're working with, which is a thing because now
we're really on the same accord with the questions and
the answers, so we can kind of sit together and
kind of go through those things.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Wow. I like that. That was I like that. You
go back to me. All right, family, Well, here's your
call to action for this week. I want you to
take a moment and reflect.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
I want you to ask yourself, who can I serve
today and how can I show up authentically for them
or for myself?
Speaker 2 (32:50):
And here's another journaling part for you.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
I want to reflect on the time that you experienced
and gave genuine service and how did it transform you?
So to v remember what I said, don't make yourself small.
These little things right here can help transform someone in.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Every little way.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
And also I encourage you to check out Victoria's incredible
work and our upcoming book. And I want to make
sure that I'm saying the right website is that Matterlessolutions
dot Com slash allyship. Yes all right, so let it
inspire you both as an ally and a beacon of
healing in our community. Doctor V, again, I want to
(33:31):
thank you so much to just bringing a whole heart
to our conversation. You know, you reminded us of the
vulnerability when embraced that it becomes the root of compassion.
The healing is communal and it's giving back and we've
done it all in love and fees and souls. And
to all our listeners, I want you to remember, don't
have to change the world in a day. One kind word,
(33:53):
one act of love, one moment of authenticity. That's when
the revolution begins. So I want to ask you, doctor Van,
do you have any last words for our listeners today, Just.
Speaker 5 (34:07):
That when it comes to our experience, whether they're at
work and community organizations and family, just know that all
we really want is to feel valued, respect and seen
and heard. So whatever we can do throughout the day,
whether it's a slight smile, whether it's a hug, whether
(34:27):
it's eye contact, whether it's getting someone's name right, getting
their pronouns right, these little things we can do can
have such a big difference on our human experience. So
they take care of yourself and others. That that's how
I want to add.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Beautiful Thank you, I write a beautiful people, And next
week we're going to go even deeper with more powerful topics.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
So until then, I want you to remember.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
That if this podcast, that this episode has resonated with
you and you think if someone needs.
Speaker 5 (35:00):
To share it, share it, share it, share it, share.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
All right someone.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Until next time, keep loving yourself, keep loving yourself, and
move forward.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Have an amazing day, have a good one.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Thank you so much for joining me today on this
journey of intentional healing. I hope that this conversation has
filled your cup and reminded you of the beautiful and
worthy person that you are. I want you to remember
healing isn't about rushing. It's about showing up for yourself
with love and intention, one day at a time. So
(35:37):
I'll see you back here Monday and Wednesday for another
episode of the Season of Healing Intentionally right here on
the Season of Self Love podcast. So until then, keep
choosing you and visit us at the Season of Self
Love podcast dot com for show notes and resources, and
remember to connect with me on Instagram at the real
(35:58):
Naomi Banks This has been brought to you by ax
Naomi and elevating me self discovery because your healing matters.
You are loved, you are worthy, and you are exactly
where you need to be.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Take care of
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