May 9, 2024 • 51 mins
Join Nyomi and Dr. Will as they explore the profound concept of "compassion" in the Season of Self-Love during the month of May. Together, they delve into the power of this word and how it can transform our relationships with ourselves and others. Tune in for an insightful discussion that will inspire you to cultivate compassion in your daily life.
#SelfLove #Compassion #DrWill #Nyomi #Podcast #May #Empowerment #PersonalGrowth #Mindfulness #Wellness #Authenticity #InnerPeace
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#SelfLove #Compassion #DrWill #Nyomi #Podcast #May #Empowerment #PersonalGrowth #Mindfulness #Wellness #Authenticity #InnerPeace
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Season of Self Love, your daily dose of inspiration and encouragement.
I'm your host, Nami Banks,and I am thrilled to be here
with you today. This podcast isbrought to you by Aks Naomi and Elevating
Me Self Discovery. Are you readyto elevate your mindset and embrace the power
of self love? Or if youcome to the right place Each day,
(00:20):
we'll dive into topics that will empowerand inspire you on your journey towards self
discovery and personal growth. Whether you'relooking to cultivate healthy relationships, boost your
confidence, or find balance in yourlife, this podcast is here to support
your every step on the way.We believe that self love is the foundation
(00:41):
of living and fulfill and joyful life, and together we explore practical tips,
insightful interviews, and transforming ve storiesthat will leave you feeling inspired in most
so, join me Monday through Fridayas we embark on this daily adventure of
self love. Tune into the Seasonof Self Love podcast to start your day
on a positive note and discover thelimitless potential within yourself. All right,
(01:08):
good morning, could even get afternoonto day? It's Thursday, May nine,
twenty twenty four, and welcome mybeautiful people to another episode of the
season and self Love podcast. Iam your host, Diami Bankson today today
we are diving into a truly transformativeword. You know, May is all
about using our words with whatfe withus. I was about to say authenticity
(01:32):
impeccably, and I think this compassionis compassion and this may as everything around
us blooms and girls. We arefocusing on using our words impeccably to enhance
our self love journey. And todayjoining us is our resident therapist, Doctor
Will of Washington Wellness Institute. Hey, doctor Will, what is going on?
(01:57):
It feels amazing. I feel freeand fresh, free and for rest
fresh. Yes, it's a beautifulday in Ohio. What is beautiful here?
That is good? That is that'sgood? Well, I'm glad we
are back. You know, wetook a week off last week. You
know kept I missed you. Imissed you too, Yeah the sun?
(02:22):
So you ready for this month?You ready? Ready for this? Yeah?
I mean being a week I mightbe rusty because I know how hard
your questions are. So I'm gonnaget back. You have a little grace
and we're gonna be okay, havea little bit of grace. I think
we kind of roll together. Werolled with it together. What it what
(02:42):
the show begins to be when I, you know, I kind of mold
it to be. It never comesout that way. It comes out the
way that it's supposed to. Thatis what I have learned. Mm hmm,
your show blossoms. I'll say,you're definitely all right, So listen,
just let's take a quick breaking andwhen we come back, we're going
to start this conversation about the wordcompassion and how we can definitely use this
(03:05):
word in our daily life. Yes, how we can use it in our
daily life. Yes, we canin a positive way. All right,
it's to go to you, Guttis. Let me Banks here on this season
of Self Love Podcast and we'll beright. Welcome to the season of Self
Love Podcast with Naomi Banks, whereevery day is a chance to embrace self
(03:25):
discovery and personal growth. Join Naomion a transformative journey streaming exclusively on Spotify
and Breaker with daily episodes from Monday. Drew Friday Podcast is your daily dose
of inspiration, motivation, and selflove. Dive deep into engaging conversations about
self care, mindfulness, and personaldevelopment. NAY only grades you expert insights,
(03:50):
practical tips, end uplifting stories fromthought leaders in the field. Embark
on a journey at self discovery andunlock the power of self love. Mark
your calendars and two hints of theSeason of Self Love podcast, available every
weekday on Spotify and Speaker. Rememberit's time to prioritize yourself and embrace the
(04:11):
beautiful season of self Love. Getinspired and join Naomi Banks on the Season
of Self Love podcast. Washington wasinto two focuses on healing. Always for
me, if I look good,then I feel good. If I feel
good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then
I celebrate the good. If Icelebrate the good, then I live the
(04:31):
good. So I can be paidto be migrative, but I have to
learn the good to be the good. So what does it take to be
the greatest. It's as simple asa free fifteen minute consultation. Be kind
to yourself, and He'll always allright, Well, welcome back, as
(04:53):
you ready got it, let mebring it's here on the Season is Love
podcast, And I'm here with doctorWill. He Hey, what's going on?
Doctor Will? Feeling good and gratefulfeeling good and grateful. Feeling good
and grateful, That's what I'm talkingabout, all right. So the month
of May, it's all about usingour words impact, right, and a
word for today is compassion. Soyou know how we used to do it
(05:14):
Before we get into this episode,start off with a nice little short,
a short un guided meditation to justcenter our thoughts and open the heart.
You want to do the for youyou? Yeah? Yeah, yeah for
the rock Yeah yeah, yeah,I got it. Yeah I would love
(05:35):
to. Yeah, let's do this. So let's just get comfortable first.
Try. I invite you and justfind what makes you feel comfortable, what
makes you feel free, what makesyou feel fresh, what makes you feel
still? And allow your breath.Go in with your nose, out with
your mouth, and with your noseout with your mouth. I want you
(06:00):
to notice what your body is feeling. There might be heat, coldness,
stiffness, looseness. Just allow yourselfto just feel. Allow your breath to
be a reminder to feel. Youspend all day working, talking, exchanging
(06:28):
energy, but sometimes you forget tojust feel. Allow your breath to be
a reminder to feel. Notice whatyour body is telling you. What are
(06:49):
some words that come up. Whenyou listen to the feeling of your body,
what does it need from you?What does your body need from you?
(07:15):
Just listen to it and as youlearn what it needs from you,
thank it for opening up to youand trusting you to handle the responsibility.
(07:41):
Allow your breath to be a reminderto feel and as you come back,
give yourself about ten seconds to justthank your body for doing what it needed
to do today to be present withus. Allow your hearts to be open
(08:01):
to our words. Come back,well, it's your time. Well,
thank you, thank you, DoctorWill, thank you all. So if
you are new here to the seasonand Self Love Podcast is something that we
do every Monday, the further thatwe do to center ourselves before we get
(08:24):
to the top of a hand.And today it's all about compassion and understanding
what compassion is and how we coulduse it into our daily lives. As
the month of May, it's allabout using our words impeccably in our self
love journey. Again, thank youfor that. But I also want to
thank you our listeners for joining mein this peaceful moment. And as always,
(08:48):
it's always a pleasure to have DoctorWill here with us. I did
I truly did miss you last week. I actually missed the whole show last
week of doing Oh yeah, it'stherapeutic for me on a daily I kid
you not. It truly is doingit. So let's get into it.
(09:09):
Let's explore more into the what happenedthere? What the fast commercial? I
was like, get on the break, me get my walking real quick.
I was like I came back,like they told you, I gotta keep
up with you. I was,I was over here and it was just
(09:31):
doing this the podcast so much likeI can get back into this this podcast.
All right, Well, you knowwatching him wellness wants to come in
and just do a nice little plugreally really quick. Just remind us of
who doctor Will is and where he'scoming from. You like that that sponsors
(09:54):
at his sponsors. So today isall all about compassion and having self compassion
about ourselves. And today we're goingto explore on how to integrate compassion into
our lives that can profoundly affect ourmental will being and in our interpersonal relationships.
(10:15):
So doctor Will, doctor Will foryou, how can we can you
share how this is shown up inour work? In your work? How
does compassion show up in your work? So I didn't tell you this now
(10:35):
me, but I am actually anexpert in secondary trauma. So I am
an expert in burnout, compassion,fatigue, and job life satisfaction. Mm
hm, So that is one ofmy expertise specifically. And so the way
that compassion has shown up in thisworld has completely transformed from pre pandemic in
(11:01):
this recent post pandemic. The waythat it's being seen right now is how
I show care for other people.That's what compassion is being seen as.
But it's a lot deeper and alot more internalized than we're actually giving it
acknowledgment for it. And so I'mreally happy that today we're going we're focusing
(11:26):
on specifically understanding compassion being impeccable withthat, because I think that we've kind
of we've become misaligned with how welook at compassion now, and so I'm
kind of hoping we can kind ofreset the arm right. When the arm
breaks, you got to reset it, right. So I'm hoping that we
can kind of reset this kind ofbroken bone of our understanding of compassion and
(11:50):
a little more nurturing and nurturing andself love way. You know, I
love how you say that you know, I got a whole bunch of words
for you. I mean a wholebunch of questions for you. Right.
Oh, The thing is, wedo talk about self compassion. You know.
It's kind of like we kind ofgooss over you know, we kind
of go ass over the self compassionbecause it is a part of, you
(12:11):
know, of our self love journey. That's a part of this I want
to say journey. I want tosay just the living, the lifestyle,
the self love lifestyle, and Idon't we talk about it and not?
You know, you're right and yousay that we when compassion comes as always
about having compassion for someone else,having empathy for someone else. But one
thing that we miss, the thingis having self compassion for ourselves and knowing
(12:35):
and understanding what that means in ourlife. So, for you, how
can we cultivate a deeper sense ofcompassion towards ourselves? Yeah, So when
you break it down, you breakit down the two ways. The first
way is what is my concern aboutthis and where are my considerations about this?
(12:56):
When it comes to compassion, it'sbased upon the concern of others and
the consideration of others. So that'swhere compassion comes from. But the self
compassion is understanding what am I concernedabout right now in my life right and
(13:18):
where are some things have I notconsidered yet that might be a factor to
my inability to have the type ofI have actual sympathy for myself. A
lot of times we're taught, oh, don't have sympathy for yourself, or
no, don't self pity, butbeing sympathetic for yourself is actually a natural
healing tool. We've been taught tonot be that way. Yeah, So
(13:43):
I think those are the first twothings, the concern and the consideration.
Those are the first steps. Ilike that. Ooh ooh, you know
what when you say right down mybody tingling is tingling right now because when
you talk about having self compassion andthe word pity ourselves don't have self that's
(14:13):
a word that I feel that hasbeen misused a lot when it comes to
allowing someone to And I spoken yesterdaymorning about us being in the moment and
not every moment have to be ahappy moment. Just because I'm living in
the moment now doesn't mean that momenthas to be happy. I still need
to honor what that moment is orwhat that experience is in that moment,
(14:39):
whether it's for me to cry,to yell, scream, or whatever it
is, for that moment, Ineed to acknowledge and recognize that in that
moment. A lot of times that'sbeen told to us that no, we
need to either sweep it under therug, get past it, be a
bigger person, move on, forgetabout it that was old, but never
to concentrate on that. You knowwhat that is? And so why I'm
(15:01):
saying that is because more of thatcomes with the self pity. So's if
we if we sit in something thathas affected us in somewhere somehow, we're
told to move on from that,and it's like, well, wait a
minute from that. Whether I've doneit to myself or I allow someone else
to do it to me, Ifeel this way right, So for me
(15:28):
to feel this way, can canI can I just sit in it for
a minute and it can I allowmyself to have that conversation with myself and
say, you know what, it'sokay. What did we learn from that?
This is where that conversation comes withthat self talk, that health talk,
and it's always positive. It's thatself talk of that self awareness.
(15:50):
You know, what I'm saying tosay, this is what this say is
you know what I mean? Like, this is what we can be able
to find out what is going on? Why did that trigger you? That's
where you go to ask those differentquestions. Okay, why did it dis
trigger you? Was it? This? Was it? This? Was it?
This? You know what I'm saying. Have those intimate conversations with yourself
(16:12):
so you can understand on truly howto love yourself compassion. If you can
truly have that true compassion, thatself compassion for yourself, it's just an
automatic thing when it comes to somebodyelse, because a lot of times when
we get compassion to somebody else,is it really genuine mhm? A lot
(16:33):
of times it's usually in pity orguilt or our own projections based upon what
we haven't actually dealt with. Yes, yeah, and I and I and
I love the fact that you talkedabout self compassion and you defined it because
a lot of times compassion could bea big word that many have people many
people have used religiously and not healingwise and so and so for them,
(17:00):
the compassion is based upon the example, right, and it doesn't have the
same internal affect it doesn't. Mmhmm, it doesn't. Mm hmmm mm
hmm. You know, maybe're goingto come back and talk about that that
word self pity too and understand whatthat word is. Yeah, yeah,
(17:22):
yeah, we should, we shoulddefine. Yeah, we should do that.
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Youknow listeners, if you guys don't
understand, I like to take thingsand I like to kill them apart.
I like to just get every singlelayer of it because I need to understand.
And as I'm I'm understanding more,I would love for everybody else to
(17:45):
understand, because I truly believe thiswill allow us to understand who we are,
not for what somebody else tell uswho we are. But that intimate,
that conversation that you have with self, you know what I mean,
conversation that you have with yourself.How can we have this strong intuition and
(18:06):
we don't know what it is.We don't know what this is. We
don't know what this is, youknow what I'm saying. We don't know
what different persons, but you knowwe can go to a different personal bodies.
Right. We talked about this onMonday about the chakras and a different
affirmations and what it means you knowthroughout to keep us balanced. You know
a lot of people we don't knowthat because that is not talk to us
at all, not at all.Nowhere near we talked to pray, but
(18:33):
I would talk to pray. Iwould just talk to to speak words or
things that we want, right,and everybody always whenever I do prayers for
people, they're always like, I'mnot realist, but like that they didn't
feel like a prayer that was reallyfull and very prosperous. I'm like,
well, because you have to knowthat there's a language to prayer. There's
(18:55):
a language to prayer, right,and so if you don't know the language
to prayer is gonna sound stupid.It's gonna feel stupid, it's gonna feel
not authentic because you never taught youwere never taught how to center intentions.
(19:15):
You know what I just said,like a whole let yeah into the matrix?
Yeah yeah, all right, herego another question. How can practicing
self compassion impact that overall well beingin relationship? So let me go back
(19:45):
no answer that and answer that,because I think you're gonna answer it away
and you're gonna come go back withyou don't answer that, all right?
So say the question again, soI can center, all right, how
can practicing self compassion impact that overallwell being in relationships? If you actually
practice true self compassion, it expandsyour ability to have grace, to actually
(20:11):
resolve forgiveness, to truly resolve forgiveness, and also be able to confront the
problem and not the person. Alot of times when my couples and my
polyamory people, they get so focusedon the people that they don't actually focus
on the problem. And so Ihave to deconnect, disconnect them, really
(20:37):
understand what they individually have tease toself compassion, so then they can look
at the problem as so, oh, this is a problem affected both of
us so that we couldn't be connected. Yeah, and so it's really important
to understand that. So the graceto forgiveness and then the actual act of
(20:57):
reconnecting with self compassion to deal withthe problem. M hm, yes,
I like that, deal with it. So you just said polyamory, so
you have you know in that,I mean, yeah, I've I've had
I've had many polyamors couple or groups. Yeah, groups nice. So the
(21:17):
how does that work in that dynamicwhen when counseling them, when sing them
in a matter. You know,I'm used to couples, but when you
have multi dimensional of people that's inthat relationship because a lot of things,
(21:41):
especially when you heard yeah, whenyou see it, you know, they
say you have to be a strongindividual to be in that type of relationship,
in that dynamic. You know fromthere what has been and I probably
need to wait for this, butno, we're gonna go ahead. I
got it right now. What isthe most biggest concern when it comes to
(22:03):
them being in a relationship that bringthem to you, Like, what's the
most common like the problem? Mostcommon problem is it's simply the origin of
emotional expectation. So a lot ofthem do not understand why they became one,
(22:26):
why they started it, or ifthey did, it's because of something
emotionally unresolved, or they realize aboutthemselves about how their love is so expansive.
But then there is there no there'sno language for it, but there's
a feeling for it. So you'retranslating multiple different languages into a community or
commune, but they don't have thesame emotional origin. So like, for
(22:51):
instance, I might start here,you might start here. Some much might
start here. If so much arehere. Okay, great, that's fine,
okay, but we all got toget right here. M h.
What is the risk relationship? Right, it's almost like a tribe. Okay,
these people are together, but whatis the role here? Who are
the roles? What are the roles? What is the boundary? What's the
(23:12):
limitation is? Who's the who's thecommunicator, who's not the communicator, who's
like? And this is no differentthan when you look at a family dynamic
system. Right. The difference isusually in in in family stories, there's
origin, parents, kids, cousins, family like, right, there's all
there's there's like a hierarchy based uponbiological difference. But in this it's about
(23:36):
the emotional difference. Who came towhom first, then came to to whom?
How do you value and change thedynamic of that. It's what they
want is a horizontal, horizontal leadership, but humanistically, that's not how we're
designed. So we're designed vertically.We're designed vertically, right, and then
(23:56):
we're conditioned vertically. And so theturn that into a horizontal relationship, everybody
has to turn in. And thatis the hardest thing is being able to
teach internal communication. Right. Theinterpersonal communication and be like, what are
(24:18):
we saying about us? What didwe go through? Yeah? Right,
right? And that's and that's whyfor me, my pronouns are he,
him, his, and we,because I understand the collective energy and the
collective responsibility of human development. Iprefer you, if you prefer us.
I prefer us if you prefer us, right, Like, I need us
(24:41):
both to understand that we are onein all this. And so when my
poly people come together, it's it'sreally important that we understand what is your
emotional origin? How did you cometo this? Right? Right? Because
if you do not understand your originof why you've come to this, you
will begin fracturing that commune. Notbecause you didn't not because you wanted to,
(25:06):
It's because you didn't know why youexisted in there. Everybody needs a
purpose in a relationship, right,a relationship, right, all right?
So let me I'm gonna stop youright here, because we could go deep
and this is not the topic inhand, but this, this is the
type of that coming up on askingnaomism, Yes, because I got some
(25:29):
things going on right with it?Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I apology when he said that,that's just click I said, let
me ask this question right now,because it's kind of kind of research on
it a little bit more, tryingto take it to a whole nother level.
So you kind of yeah, Iwent down that rabbit hole. Yeah,
(25:51):
it was good. It was goodbecause it's still about compassion because you
have to remove yourself from the Youhave to remove yourself from the problem.
I understand this through the story asa whole, because that's going to create
the sympathy that's needed for how thesepeople were part of the problem. Right,
you need that, You need thatself compassion. Yeah, you have
(26:11):
to, and you have to getout of the pity. Yeah did you
say you have to get out ofthe pity? Okay, on that note,
we're gonna take a quick break andwe'll be right back. Hey,
(26:32):
it's your gird. You got Isnamnibanksand make sure you tune needs every Thursday
night to as I only reach intoGap podcast where we talk about everything love,
sex, relationship, culture, differencesand so much more by bridging the
gap between them all and we eventalk about spiritual uplifting. You need to
stop by Mean dot Com Mike Mikeas well as the BTGQ. We have
(26:53):
some amazing guests that come through.You never know. Just make sure you
tune me in Thursday night, sixpm. Ship extent of time. Go
to ask Naomi dot com and tellhim Naomi sent you. M all right,
it's gourdy got his m here onthis season of podcast and yep,
I did that. That was thatwas a wrong right there. I was
(27:18):
like, woo, that's gonna beon the edit floor, y'all. That
is going to be on the eddfloor when they come back in the morning.
She's talking about don't even worry youabout it. Just over and just
listen to us. That's that's thenext secret. That's the next secret.
All right, y'all. Integutty gothis back here on the season and seven
the podcasts I am here with DoctorWill have had. I'm happy and hopeful
(27:47):
today it's all about compassion. Isunderstanding what compassion is. This is impeccable
word for today. And before thebreak, Doctor Will was, she is
you know some things about compassion andwhat it is. And I know you
answer this question without me even askingthe question through when we will talking about
polyamorates with relationship with that, butI want to ask the questions so then
(28:12):
so that you can put the answerwith the question, all right, what
are some common barriers that prevent peoplefrom expressing compassion and how can we overcome
them? Yeah, I would sayremorse. So shame and guilt is a
very dividing emotional malignancy. Shame andguilt make us feel like our words aren't
(28:41):
valuable. It makes us feel asif our words don't have weight. It
makes us question the value of ourinputs. It makes us question the validity
that we hold with others, right, and it makes us question what the
worth is of our input to others'lives. And so a lot of times
it makes us disconnected or it makesus even feel unworthy to have compassion,
(29:07):
and so it's a very hard thing. But I think I think remorse a
lot of times, guilt and shameeven embarrassment because honestly, sometimes the truth,
they say, the truth is hard. I think the biggest thing the
truth that can be embarrassing, youknow. And I think a lot of
times we don't realize how much howembarrassing the truth is because it makes us
vulnerable to the to the reality ofour relationships with people. A lot of
(29:30):
times that vulnerability is something is actuallythe very same thing that we need even
though we're afraid of how people willlook at us, and so that compassion
can't enter. So that's a reallybig, really big barrier. So let
me ask you this with the truth. Is it the truth embarrassing because of
(29:51):
what you think somebody would think versusyou being truthful in your truth? Do
you understand that? Yeah? Yeah? I mean I mean, let me
ask you how many times have youwell, not now, because you've gone
you've grown so in so many ways, but how many times where you're in
a moment and you knew something wasn'tright or true, but then you're just
like, well, let me justsee what happens and it doesn't really affect
(30:14):
me that much. I'm just goingto go with the flow and just see
what happens. How many times haveyou done that in your life? Oh?
Probably a lot of times, youknow, not even thinking just you
know what I'm saying, it's noteven thinking, right, Yeah, we
just do it all the time,right just a second. Yeah, And
I guess that's why I asked thatquestion, because in that moment, it
was more of not about me livingmy truth about what I felt that someone
(30:37):
else would think because I'm speaking mytruth. Now, I can speak my
truth because it's mine. There's myship. Excuse me, but this is
mine. You had to get butyou had to get through there, right,
And like people have not worked,they haven't. People are afraid to
lose something that was never really theirs, right, And that's when you have
(31:03):
true self love. The only thingyou're worried about losing is your own heart
in the matter. Yeah, youknow, I don't think a lot of
people truly understand that it. No, they do not. And when you
just said that about losing their ownheart, and you know why, it's
because they're more concerned about other people'shearts than they are their own. And
(31:27):
so yes, yes, yes,and so when so when you're caring about
somebody else's heart more than your own, and you're more invested in that other
person's heart than your own, whenthat other person has gotten all of your
(31:48):
energy and they're gone, what doyou have? What do you have?
Nothing? Nothing? So what doesthat brand and that brings? But you
say, the shame and embarrassment,all of those them, the emotional malignancies,
right, rationalizing, remorse, regret, resentment, Yeah, right,
(32:14):
And what I have learned, isthat why we love on so many people
so much is because we don't knowhow to love ourselves. So we try
to take whatever we feel we needfor ourselves to put it on somebody else,
hope, hoping that automatically they're gonnashow us that when that's probably not
even what we need. Mm hmmm, nope. Yeah, people are our
(32:35):
reflections are parts of us. Yeah, so whatever we feel for somebody else
is a part of us actually beingactivated. But we never take the time
to think about that in the moment. We're just we're just experiencing. We're
not feeling, we're experiencing. There'sdefinitely being feeling and experiencing two different things.
All right, So here's it.I'm gonna get a little deep.
(32:58):
Well, no, I'm about toget a little nosey. Can you share
a personal experience, a personal experiencewhere you practicing self compassion that made a
significant difference for you? Yes,recently. So, I have been waiting
to talk to somebody for about fivemonths. I missed them. I love
(33:23):
them, They're great, But theurgency of me was I just wanted because
I know that my intentions are great. I know that I I know how
to deal with the heart, thegood, bad, and the ugly.
I had the language for it,I had the willingness for it, but
(33:44):
they didn't. And so for me, I went through an a real pity
where I was like, well,maybe I'm just not worthy. Maybe I'm
just not the one. Maybe I'mjust not maybe I'm just not the good
person. Maybe you know, they'regoing their way, I'm going my way.
Maybe we just can't be together.Maybe it won't work out. And
(34:07):
I stopped myself and I had torealize what I'm suffering from is the misfortune
of the connection I miss because whatdid that connection mean to me? It
made me feel valuable, It mademe feel desired, It made me feel
(34:30):
fool as a man. It allowedme to be a provider, which I
love. And I realized that I'mjust hurtful because I value those things so
much and I don't get to havethe same level of access. And so
I learned that what they needed hadnothing to do with me. I just
(34:53):
know that I was feeling. Iwas feeling like, oh, I just
miss being the person I know Ilove to be. Okay, well it's
my try to do that again.I'll just do it again, that's not
something that I lost, that's somethingthat I just missdoing very different. And
so I gave myself compassion because Iwas concerned about who I'm not going to
(35:20):
be, but I had to makeit be more considerate of the fact that
I have the power to still dothis. Yeah, So I gave myself
compassion. And now I'm just verypatient and you know, it feels good.
And so now I'm I actually like, really good about it. So
yeah, I think that that's areally good story of just how I came
through that, you know, andI went through the process of that,
(35:43):
you know, and I think that'simportant. I experienced it, I felt
it, and I resolved it atthe same time. I love that.
I love that. Yeah, Ido. Thank you for sharing that.
I love that. All right,So we're starting something a little bit here
and there we opened it up.I posed this question out earlier this week
(36:07):
to our listeners, and I wantedtet them to kind of join in the
conversation with this. And so whatI did was is that I posed a
question out this week about Compassion onsharing their stories for Compassion this week.
All right, So I'm gonna readthis letter to you I write it,
(36:30):
and I want you to get yourthing all right, dear Naomi, all
right, I mean okay. Ihope this letter finds you well. I
am from Vancouver, surrounded by busycities and life and beauty of nature,
but my thoughts drift towards a topicthat feels especially pointed today, and that's
compassion. Compassion is a word thatcarries in this weight and significance in our
(36:52):
lives, and it is the gentlenudge that reminds us to be kind,
to be understanding, into for oneanother in times of joy and sorrow.
So in a world that can oftenfeel disconnected and fast paced, compassion serves
as a beacon of light, guidingus towards unity and empathy. I have
(37:12):
come to realize that compassion is notjust a fleeting emotion, but it's a
way of being, in a wayof living that can transform our relationships and
our communities and ourselves. And itis the small gestures of kindness, that
the listening ear and the confronting embracethat will find the true essence of compassion.
So it's in a city of diversethat live in Vancouver, filled with
(37:35):
people of all walks of life,and backgrounds, Compassion becomes a common thread
that binds us together. It isin the shared smiles, the helping hands,
and the moments of understanding that wetruly connect with one another on a
deeper level. As I navigate myown journey, I am constantly reminded of
(37:57):
the power of compassion to heal,to uplifts, and to aspire. It
is a reminder to look beyond ourselvesand to see the humanity in others,
and to extend a hand of supportwhenever it is needed. So let us
embrace compassion in all that it isforms in words, our actions, in
(38:17):
and our attentions. So let usbe listeners to confront the pillars of the
strength for those around us, andlet us remember that in the world that
comes sometimes feel chaotic, and I'mcertain compassion will always be our guide in
light with heartfelt warmth, Sarah,Sarah and Sarah, all right for you,
(38:45):
I like that letter. I likethat letter. Thank you, Sarah.
Doctor. Will do you have anythoughts on our listener's letter? Thank
you, Sarah, Thank you.Yeah. I think the way that they
explained it was a very a verybiblical way, right. We want to
(39:08):
be the example of compassion. Oncewe give compassion, people will also become
the lights that you are too.And I love the fact that there is
an exchange when it comes to compassion, and it is a healing energy that
can go through communities. And Ithink that a lot of us are trying
(39:30):
to figure out what is the toolthat they need to actually live in compassion.
A lot of us don't know thatwe're being compassionate. And then when
you meet somebody that has that compassion, you don't get something from them.
You become a part of that movement. And that's what makes the communities thrive,
(39:54):
is that it's passed down. SoI tell people compassion isn't just a
model, It's a gift, anda gift is only as good as you
give it. I can, Ican, I can have a beautiful chain
for you, but it will meannothing until I give it to you.
So I always say compassion is oneof the most human gifts you can offer,
(40:15):
you know, And I think thatis a healing tool and a lot
of us don't realize that all wehave to do is show up. Yeah
I can't think compassion, Yeah Ican't. I can't even speak compassion.
You have to be compassionate. Youhave to be that. And I think
that's one of the biggest goals thatI think healers want to achieve, is
(40:38):
the spiritual embrace and the embodiment ofcompassion because you are You're literally offering yourself
as a gift. You know,when even after reading this letter, and
I was just thinking about just say, for instance, just us being on
social media and you know someone workthat especially that you do, but you
(41:01):
know we do. When I thinkabout a lot of times when I'm speaking,
especially on these platforms, I tryto lead by example. That means
that I'm not just speaking or justdoing the research, that I'm truly living
(41:21):
on what I am saying, whatI'm doing. Do you understand what I'm
saying? And so, in thataspect, with compassion every day every day,
I am seeing compassion every day everyday, well myself more than anything,
because if I don't have compassion formyself, how can I how can
(41:46):
I be compassionate with others? Youunderstand what I'm saying? How can I
truly be genuine compassionate for others andnot feel shame or guilt? Like you
said earlier, what I'm saying andso for me, that's what makes it
important to be able to break thesedown, break every word of these down.
(42:07):
I'm going back to the book fourAgreements. That very first agreement is
about using our words impeccable. Youknow, words are powerful. That's why
even when you pray, even withthe words that you speak out of your
mouth, you want those words tobe as positive as possible because those words
(42:30):
whole weight. Yes, because ofthat behind them. Yeah. I tell
my upcoming therapist, I tell them, are you speaking at your client,
in your client or with your client? If you can't know the difference between
those three things in a sixty minutesession, then I need you to sit
(42:51):
with me first, because the truthis is that they're already dealing with life,
and so the words that you're addinginto them are either going to expand
them or decay them. Mm hm. And you don't. You don't destroy
if you decay them, because overtime those words will sit in them and
(43:12):
it lives your words, living people, and people don't think about that,
your words living people. Yeah,And so I'm i've you know, and
for my impasse out there, becareful about your compassion because sometimes if you
don't channel your compassion articulately enough itbecomes enabling. And that's a whole other
(43:36):
talk. Yeah, that had beenme, I said, had had I
said had that? That was thatwas me until I truly first of all,
because it was very dreaming. Mmhmm. It was very dreaming.
But not only did I have tomake myself accountable for that to that person,
(44:00):
but also I had to make thatother person accountable too to not to
you need to start showing up foryourself. And this is why you need
to start showing up for yourself,you know, is we can't keep doing
this over and over again the sameway and think that we're gonna have a
different outcome whatever it is in life, you know what I mean? So
(44:22):
we keep going through through this sametest. Did you learn anything from that
test? What did you take anyof those tests that you've been Did you
take anything away from that? Justsit in it for a moment, don't
think about don't try to answer myquestion before I finished with the question.
Just you know. And that's whatI see a lot of people that has
(44:45):
in my life. They always wantto answer the question before the question is
even sad, but not sit inthe question. And just sit in it
for a moment. You It couldtake you ten minutes to answer it doesn't
matter, right, But I wantyou to think about it, and I
(45:06):
want you to think about things inyour life that happened, whatever it was.
That's considering, right, that's consideringthat. That's consideration to make you
see like, Okay, what isthis? Why am I mm hmm?
Wait what is this? What amI? Okay? Is this something that
I really need to do? Becausesometimes we go around in that same circle
over and over again because we stillgoing around because that test, we failed
(45:30):
that test, and we're not lookingat ourselves for none of that. I
went around them for a few times. Hold up, I'm busy, way
I can come. I've told people, I'm like, hey, like come
back in five minutes because I cananswer this, But I don't know if
it's the answer that you're looking forthat that yeah, yeah, yeah,
(45:59):
yeah yeah. I think. Ithink, especially being a therapist, you
just I listen to so many storiesevery day. I listen to the minimum
of seven to eight stories a day. So so I do you think about,
like how many lives I'm listening toand how many people in those lives
that that person is being affected by, and then when they're speaking it to
(46:21):
me, I'm deciphering through it all, understanding what is the core of this
meaning. But then where I'm likeat the grocery store and you know,
I'm just trying to get by,like you know, just moving a car
around. People are asking me questionsat the grocery store, like hey,
do you know where the milk is? And I'm like, they're just asking
(46:42):
for milk. I don't have tobreak this down. I don't have to.
I can be right here with you, right. I'm just I'm just
getting the milk. And I haveto remind myself because being compassion, that
you be someone of compassion, youhave to remember when to turn it off,
yeah, because because some people aren'tready for your compassion because they don't
(47:05):
know what type of gift you reallyare. Yeah, And so you have
to accept what type of gift youare to other people. Also, you
have to think about what type ofgifts you are to people and realize when
things from some people, your giftis not a gift to them. You're
not a gift to everyone because somepeople may not see you as the gift.
So you have to ask yourself,what am I really offering the world,
(47:30):
and do I know what I'm actuallyoffering? And compassion is very intentional.
Yeah, it's not blind. Compassionis very direct. Love is blind,
but compassion is not. Mm hmmmmmm. That was good, Doctor
Will A little bit bit. Allright, my beautiful people. All right,
(47:57):
well, it has come time forus to you know, we gotta
wrap this up. We got towrap on this show all right now,
So as we wrap out this show, could you just share some more practical
ways that listeners can bring more compassioninto their everyday lives. Yeah, just
three simple things. One, makesure you know what you're giving to other
(48:20):
people. Two what type of giftsare you receiving from the people you're most
involved with now? And three howis your gratitude meter? A lot of
times, if you're not able toacknowledge the gratitude of others in your life,
you cannot build the compassion you havefor other people. So let's just
(48:45):
work on the growth of gratitude.It's a really great fuel mechanism for your
compassion. Yeah, and don't forgetto add it into your affirmation as well.
M yes, yes, added intoyour Actually, I choose to respond
with compassion reminds us to choose kindnessall the time, all the time.
(49:09):
All right, doctor will again,thank you so much for sharing your insights
today and just helping us to understandthe profound impact of compassion. You at
any last words, any last words, be kind to yourself and heal always.
(49:29):
I know that's right. All right, my beautiful people. Again,
I want to thank everyone for joiningus today and I want you to remember
that compassion start with us and itcan make all the difference. So tune
in next time for more exploration untilself love. So until then, keep
embracing compassion and all that you do. Have a good one. Thank you
(49:53):
for listening to the Season and SelfLove Podcast and we hope that you enjoyed
this fun feeling with inspiration and empowermentand self discovery. Remember, practicing self
love is a journey and not adestination. For more information and to stay
connected with us, visit our websiteat the Season of Self Love podcast dot
(50:19):
com and if you have any suggestionsor questions or feedback, feel free to
shoot us an email at Season ofSelf Love at gmail dot com. And
don't forget to follow us on Instagramand Facebook for daily doses of self love
tips, motivation and community support.So join our Facebook group The Season of
(50:39):
Self Love to connect with like mindedindividuals on their journey to self discovery and
self compassion. Thank you again forbeing a part of our community and dedicating
to nurturing self love and embracing selfwork. So stay tuned for more exciting
episodes and gets in the next season, and remember you are worthy of love,
(51:05):
kindness and all the happiness in theworld. So until next time,
take care of yourself and spread lovewherever you go. See you soon.
Welcome to the Season of Self Love, your daily dose of inspiration and encouragement.
I'm your host, Nami Banks,and I am thrilled to be here
with you today. This podcast isbrought to you by Aks Naomi and Elevating
Me Self Discovery. Are you readyto elevate your mindset and embrace the power
of self love? Or if youcome to the right place Each day,
(00:20):
we'll dive into topics that will empowerand inspire you on your journey towards self
discovery and personal growth. Whether you'relooking to cultivate healthy relationships, boost your
confidence, or find balance in yourlife, this podcast is here to support
your every step on the way.We believe that self love is the foundation
(00:41):
of living and fulfill and joyful life, and together we explore practical tips,
insightful interviews, and transforming ve storiesthat will leave you feeling inspired in most
so, join me Monday through Fridayas we embark on this daily adventure of
self love. Tune into the Seasonof Self Love podcast to start your day
on a positive note and discover thelimitless potential within yourself. All right,
(01:08):
good morning, could even get afternoonto day? It's Thursday, May nine,
twenty twenty four, and welcome mybeautiful people to another episode of the
season and self Love podcast. Iam your host, Diami Bankson today today
we are diving into a truly transformativeword. You know, May is all
about using our words with whatfe withus. I was about to say authenticity
(01:32):
impeccably, and I think this compassionis compassion and this may as everything around
us blooms and girls. We arefocusing on using our words impeccably to enhance
our self love journey. And todayjoining us is our resident therapist, Doctor
Will of Washington Wellness Institute. Hey, doctor Will, what is going on?
(01:57):
It feels amazing. I feel freeand fresh, free and for rest
fresh. Yes, it's a beautifulday in Ohio. What is beautiful here?
That is good? That is that'sgood? Well, I'm glad we
are back. You know, wetook a week off last week. You
know kept I missed you. Imissed you too, Yeah the sun?
(02:22):
So you ready for this month?You ready? Ready for this? Yeah?
I mean being a week I mightbe rusty because I know how hard
your questions are. So I'm gonnaget back. You have a little grace
and we're gonna be okay, havea little bit of grace. I think
we kind of roll together. Werolled with it together. What it what
(02:42):
the show begins to be when I, you know, I kind of mold
it to be. It never comesout that way. It comes out the
way that it's supposed to. Thatis what I have learned. Mm hmm,
your show blossoms. I'll say,you're definitely all right, So listen,
just let's take a quick breaking andwhen we come back, we're going
to start this conversation about the wordcompassion and how we can definitely use this
(03:05):
word in our daily life. Yes, how we can use it in our
daily life. Yes, we canin a positive way. All right,
it's to go to you, Guttis. Let me Banks here on this season
of Self Love Podcast and we'll beright. Welcome to the season of Self
Love Podcast with Naomi Banks, whereevery day is a chance to embrace self
(03:25):
discovery and personal growth. Join Naomion a transformative journey streaming exclusively on Spotify
and Breaker with daily episodes from Monday. Drew Friday Podcast is your daily dose
of inspiration, motivation, and selflove. Dive deep into engaging conversations about
self care, mindfulness, and personaldevelopment. NAY only grades you expert insights,
(03:50):
practical tips, end uplifting stories fromthought leaders in the field. Embark
on a journey at self discovery andunlock the power of self love. Mark
your calendars and two hints of theSeason of Self Love podcast, available every
weekday on Spotify and Speaker. Rememberit's time to prioritize yourself and embrace the
(04:11):
beautiful season of self Love. Getinspired and join Naomi Banks on the Season
of Self Love podcast. Washington wasinto two focuses on healing. Always for
me, if I look good,then I feel good. If I feel
good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then
I celebrate the good. If Icelebrate the good, then I live the
(04:31):
good. So I can be paidto be migrative, but I have to
learn the good to be the good. So what does it take to be
the greatest. It's as simple asa free fifteen minute consultation. Be kind
to yourself, and He'll always allright, Well, welcome back, as
(04:53):
you ready got it, let mebring it's here on the Season is Love
podcast, And I'm here with doctorWill. He Hey, what's going on?
Doctor Will? Feeling good and gratefulfeeling good and grateful. Feeling good
and grateful, That's what I'm talkingabout, all right. So the month
of May, it's all about usingour words impact, right, and a
word for today is compassion. Soyou know how we used to do it
(05:14):
Before we get into this episode,start off with a nice little short,
a short un guided meditation to justcenter our thoughts and open the heart.
You want to do the for youyou? Yeah? Yeah, yeah for
the rock Yeah yeah, yeah,I got it. Yeah I would love
(05:35):
to. Yeah, let's do this. So let's just get comfortable first.
Try. I invite you and justfind what makes you feel comfortable, what
makes you feel free, what makesyou feel fresh, what makes you feel
still? And allow your breath.Go in with your nose, out with
your mouth, and with your noseout with your mouth. I want you
(06:00):
to notice what your body is feeling. There might be heat, coldness,
stiffness, looseness. Just allow yourselfto just feel. Allow your breath to
be a reminder to feel. Youspend all day working, talking, exchanging
(06:28):
energy, but sometimes you forget tojust feel. Allow your breath to be
a reminder to feel. Notice whatyour body is telling you. What are
(06:49):
some words that come up. Whenyou listen to the feeling of your body,
what does it need from you?What does your body need from you?
(07:15):
Just listen to it and as youlearn what it needs from you,
thank it for opening up to youand trusting you to handle the responsibility.
(07:41):
Allow your breath to be a reminderto feel and as you come back,
give yourself about ten seconds to justthank your body for doing what it needed
to do today to be present withus. Allow your hearts to be open
(08:01):
to our words. Come back,well, it's your time. Well,
thank you, thank you, DoctorWill, thank you all. So if
you are new here to the seasonand Self Love Podcast is something that we
do every Monday, the further thatwe do to center ourselves before we get
(08:24):
to the top of a hand.And today it's all about compassion and understanding
what compassion is and how we coulduse it into our daily lives. As
the month of May, it's allabout using our words impeccably in our self
love journey. Again, thank youfor that. But I also want to
thank you our listeners for joining mein this peaceful moment. And as always,
(08:48):
it's always a pleasure to have DoctorWill here with us. I did
I truly did miss you last week. I actually missed the whole show last
week of doing Oh yeah, it'stherapeutic for me on a daily I kid
you not. It truly is doingit. So let's get into it.
(09:09):
Let's explore more into the what happenedthere? What the fast commercial? I
was like, get on the break, me get my walking real quick.
I was like I came back,like they told you, I gotta keep
up with you. I was,I was over here and it was just
(09:31):
doing this the podcast so much likeI can get back into this this podcast.
All right, Well, you knowwatching him wellness wants to come in
and just do a nice little plugreally really quick. Just remind us of
who doctor Will is and where he'scoming from. You like that that sponsors
(09:54):
at his sponsors. So today isall all about compassion and having self compassion
about ourselves. And today we're goingto explore on how to integrate compassion into
our lives that can profoundly affect ourmental will being and in our interpersonal relationships.
(10:15):
So doctor Will, doctor Will foryou, how can we can you
share how this is shown up inour work? In your work? How
does compassion show up in your work? So I didn't tell you this now
(10:35):
me, but I am actually anexpert in secondary trauma. So I am
an expert in burnout, compassion,fatigue, and job life satisfaction. Mm
hm, So that is one ofmy expertise specifically. And so the way
that compassion has shown up in thisworld has completely transformed from pre pandemic in
(11:01):
this recent post pandemic. The waythat it's being seen right now is how
I show care for other people.That's what compassion is being seen as.
But it's a lot deeper and alot more internalized than we're actually giving it
acknowledgment for it. And so I'mreally happy that today we're going we're focusing
(11:26):
on specifically understanding compassion being impeccable withthat, because I think that we've kind
of we've become misaligned with how welook at compassion now, and so I'm
kind of hoping we can kind ofreset the arm right. When the arm
breaks, you got to reset it, right. So I'm hoping that we
can kind of reset this kind ofbroken bone of our understanding of compassion and
(11:50):
a little more nurturing and nurturing andself love way. You know, I
love how you say that you know, I got a whole bunch of words
for you. I mean a wholebunch of questions for you. Right.
Oh, The thing is, wedo talk about self compassion. You know.
It's kind of like we kind ofgooss over you know, we kind
of go ass over the self compassionbecause it is a part of, you
(12:11):
know, of our self love journey. That's a part of this I want
to say journey. I want tosay just the living, the lifestyle,
the self love lifestyle, and Idon't we talk about it and not?
You know, you're right and yousay that we when compassion comes as always
about having compassion for someone else,having empathy for someone else. But one
thing that we miss, the thingis having self compassion for ourselves and knowing
(12:35):
and understanding what that means in ourlife. So, for you, how
can we cultivate a deeper sense ofcompassion towards ourselves? Yeah, So when
you break it down, you breakit down the two ways. The first
way is what is my concern aboutthis and where are my considerations about this?
(12:56):
When it comes to compassion, it'sbased upon the concern of others and
the consideration of others. So that'swhere compassion comes from. But the self
compassion is understanding what am I concernedabout right now in my life right and
(13:18):
where are some things have I notconsidered yet that might be a factor to
my inability to have the type ofI have actual sympathy for myself. A
lot of times we're taught, oh, don't have sympathy for yourself, or
no, don't self pity, butbeing sympathetic for yourself is actually a natural
healing tool. We've been taught tonot be that way. Yeah, So
(13:43):
I think those are the first twothings, the concern and the consideration.
Those are the first steps. Ilike that. Ooh ooh, you know
what when you say right down mybody tingling is tingling right now because when
you talk about having self compassion andthe word pity ourselves don't have self that's
(14:13):
a word that I feel that hasbeen misused a lot when it comes to
allowing someone to And I spoken yesterdaymorning about us being in the moment and
not every moment have to be ahappy moment. Just because I'm living in
the moment now doesn't mean that momenthas to be happy. I still need
to honor what that moment is orwhat that experience is in that moment,
(14:39):
whether it's for me to cry,to yell, scream, or whatever it
is, for that moment, Ineed to acknowledge and recognize that in that
moment. A lot of times that'sbeen told to us that no, we
need to either sweep it under therug, get past it, be a
bigger person, move on, forgetabout it that was old, but never
to concentrate on that. You knowwhat that is? And so why I'm
(15:01):
saying that is because more of thatcomes with the self pity. So's if
we if we sit in something thathas affected us in somewhere somehow, we're
told to move on from that,and it's like, well, wait a
minute from that. Whether I've doneit to myself or I allow someone else
to do it to me, Ifeel this way right, So for me
(15:28):
to feel this way, can canI can I just sit in it for
a minute and it can I allowmyself to have that conversation with myself and
say, you know what, it'sokay. What did we learn from that?
This is where that conversation comes withthat self talk, that health talk,
and it's always positive. It's thatself talk of that self awareness.
(15:50):
You know, what I'm saying tosay, this is what this say is
you know what I mean? Like, this is what we can be able
to find out what is going on? Why did that trigger you? That's
where you go to ask those differentquestions. Okay, why did it dis
trigger you? Was it? This? Was it? This? Was it?
This? You know what I'm saying. Have those intimate conversations with yourself
(16:12):
so you can understand on truly howto love yourself compassion. If you can
truly have that true compassion, thatself compassion for yourself, it's just an
automatic thing when it comes to somebodyelse, because a lot of times when
we get compassion to somebody else,is it really genuine mhm? A lot
(16:33):
of times it's usually in pity orguilt or our own projections based upon what
we haven't actually dealt with. Yes, yeah, and I and I and
I love the fact that you talkedabout self compassion and you defined it because
a lot of times compassion could bea big word that many have people many
people have used religiously and not healingwise and so and so for them,
(17:00):
the compassion is based upon the example, right, and it doesn't have the
same internal affect it doesn't. Mmhmm, it doesn't. Mm hmmm mm
hmm. You know, maybe're goingto come back and talk about that that
word self pity too and understand whatthat word is. Yeah, yeah,
(17:22):
yeah, we should, we shoulddefine. Yeah, we should do that.
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Youknow listeners, if you guys don't
understand, I like to take thingsand I like to kill them apart.
I like to just get every singlelayer of it because I need to understand.
And as I'm I'm understanding more,I would love for everybody else to
(17:45):
understand, because I truly believe thiswill allow us to understand who we are,
not for what somebody else tell uswho we are. But that intimate,
that conversation that you have with self, you know what I mean,
conversation that you have with yourself.How can we have this strong intuition and
(18:06):
we don't know what it is.We don't know what this is. We
don't know what this is, youknow what I'm saying. We don't know
what different persons, but you knowwe can go to a different personal bodies.
Right. We talked about this onMonday about the chakras and a different
affirmations and what it means you knowthroughout to keep us balanced. You know
a lot of people we don't knowthat because that is not talk to us
at all, not at all.Nowhere near we talked to pray, but
(18:33):
I would talk to pray. Iwould just talk to to speak words or
things that we want, right,and everybody always whenever I do prayers for
people, they're always like, I'mnot realist, but like that they didn't
feel like a prayer that was reallyfull and very prosperous. I'm like,
well, because you have to knowthat there's a language to prayer. There's
(18:55):
a language to prayer, right,and so if you don't know the language
to prayer is gonna sound stupid.It's gonna feel stupid, it's gonna feel
not authentic because you never taught youwere never taught how to center intentions.
(19:15):
You know what I just said,like a whole let yeah into the matrix?
Yeah yeah, all right, herego another question. How can practicing
self compassion impact that overall well beingin relationship? So let me go back
(19:45):
no answer that and answer that,because I think you're gonna answer it away
and you're gonna come go back withyou don't answer that, all right?
So say the question again, soI can center, all right, how
can practicing self compassion impact that overallwell being in relationships? If you actually
practice true self compassion, it expandsyour ability to have grace, to actually
(20:11):
resolve forgiveness, to truly resolve forgiveness, and also be able to confront the
problem and not the person. Alot of times when my couples and my
polyamory people, they get so focusedon the people that they don't actually focus
on the problem. And so Ihave to deconnect, disconnect them, really
(20:37):
understand what they individually have tease toself compassion, so then they can look
at the problem as so, oh, this is a problem affected both of
us so that we couldn't be connected. Yeah, and so it's really important
to understand that. So the graceto forgiveness and then the actual act of
(20:57):
reconnecting with self compassion to deal withthe problem. M hm, yes,
I like that, deal with it. So you just said polyamory, so
you have you know in that,I mean, yeah, I've I've had
I've had many polyamors couple or groups. Yeah, groups nice. So the
(21:17):
how does that work in that dynamicwhen when counseling them, when sing them
in a matter. You know,I'm used to couples, but when you
have multi dimensional of people that's inthat relationship because a lot of things,
(21:41):
especially when you heard yeah, whenyou see it, you know, they
say you have to be a strongindividual to be in that type of relationship,
in that dynamic. You know fromthere what has been and I probably
need to wait for this, butno, we're gonna go ahead. I
got it right now. What isthe most biggest concern when it comes to
(22:03):
them being in a relationship that bringthem to you, Like, what's the
most common like the problem? Mostcommon problem is it's simply the origin of
emotional expectation. So a lot ofthem do not understand why they became one,
(22:26):
why they started it, or ifthey did, it's because of something
emotionally unresolved, or they realize aboutthemselves about how their love is so expansive.
But then there is there no there'sno language for it, but there's
a feeling for it. So you'retranslating multiple different languages into a community or
commune, but they don't have thesame emotional origin. So like, for
(22:51):
instance, I might start here,you might start here. Some much might
start here. If so much arehere. Okay, great, that's fine,
okay, but we all got toget right here. M h.
What is the risk relationship? Right, it's almost like a tribe. Okay,
these people are together, but whatis the role here? Who are
the roles? What are the roles? What is the boundary? What's the
(23:12):
limitation is? Who's the who's thecommunicator, who's not the communicator, who's
like? And this is no differentthan when you look at a family dynamic
system. Right. The difference isusually in in in family stories, there's
origin, parents, kids, cousins, family like, right, there's all
there's there's like a hierarchy based uponbiological difference. But in this it's about
(23:36):
the emotional difference. Who came towhom first, then came to to whom?
How do you value and change thedynamic of that. It's what they
want is a horizontal, horizontal leadership, but humanistically, that's not how we're
designed. So we're designed vertically.We're designed vertically, right, and then
(23:56):
we're conditioned vertically. And so theturn that into a horizontal relationship, everybody
has to turn in. And thatis the hardest thing is being able to
teach internal communication. Right. Theinterpersonal communication and be like, what are
(24:18):
we saying about us? What didwe go through? Yeah? Right,
right? And that's and that's whyfor me, my pronouns are he,
him, his, and we,because I understand the collective energy and the
collective responsibility of human development. Iprefer you, if you prefer us.
I prefer us if you prefer us, right, Like, I need us
(24:41):
both to understand that we are onein all this. And so when my
poly people come together, it's it'sreally important that we understand what is your
emotional origin? How did you cometo this? Right? Right? Because
if you do not understand your originof why you've come to this, you
will begin fracturing that commune. Notbecause you didn't not because you wanted to,
(25:06):
It's because you didn't know why youexisted in there. Everybody needs a
purpose in a relationship, right,a relationship, right, all right?
So let me I'm gonna stop youright here, because we could go deep
and this is not the topic inhand, but this, this is the
type of that coming up on askingnaomism, Yes, because I got some
(25:29):
things going on right with it?Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I apology when he said that,that's just click I said, let
me ask this question right now,because it's kind of kind of research on
it a little bit more, tryingto take it to a whole nother level.
So you kind of yeah, Iwent down that rabbit hole. Yeah,
(25:51):
it was good. It was goodbecause it's still about compassion because you
have to remove yourself from the Youhave to remove yourself from the problem.
I understand this through the story asa whole, because that's going to create
the sympathy that's needed for how thesepeople were part of the problem. Right,
you need that, You need thatself compassion. Yeah, you have
(26:11):
to, and you have to getout of the pity. Yeah did you
say you have to get out ofthe pity? Okay, on that note,
we're gonna take a quick break andwe'll be right back. Hey,
(26:32):
it's your gird. You got Isnamnibanksand make sure you tune needs every Thursday
night to as I only reach intoGap podcast where we talk about everything love,
sex, relationship, culture, differencesand so much more by bridging the
gap between them all and we eventalk about spiritual uplifting. You need to
stop by Mean dot Com Mike Mikeas well as the BTGQ. We have
(26:53):
some amazing guests that come through.You never know. Just make sure you
tune me in Thursday night, sixpm. Ship extent of time. Go
to ask Naomi dot com and tellhim Naomi sent you. M all right,
it's gourdy got his m here onthis season of podcast and yep,
I did that. That was thatwas a wrong right there. I was
(27:18):
like, woo, that's gonna beon the edit floor, y'all. That
is going to be on the eddfloor when they come back in the morning.
She's talking about don't even worry youabout it. Just over and just
listen to us. That's that's thenext secret. That's the next secret.
All right, y'all. Integutty gothis back here on the season and seven
the podcasts I am here with DoctorWill have had. I'm happy and hopeful
(27:47):
today it's all about compassion. Isunderstanding what compassion is. This is impeccable
word for today. And before thebreak, Doctor Will was, she is
you know some things about compassion andwhat it is. And I know you
answer this question without me even askingthe question through when we will talking about
polyamorates with relationship with that, butI want to ask the questions so then
(28:12):
so that you can put the answerwith the question, all right, what
are some common barriers that prevent peoplefrom expressing compassion and how can we overcome
them? Yeah, I would sayremorse. So shame and guilt is a
very dividing emotional malignancy. Shame andguilt make us feel like our words aren't
(28:41):
valuable. It makes us feel asif our words don't have weight. It
makes us question the value of ourinputs. It makes us question the validity
that we hold with others, right, and it makes us question what the
worth is of our input to others'lives. And so a lot of times
it makes us disconnected or it makesus even feel unworthy to have compassion,
(29:07):
and so it's a very hard thing. But I think I think remorse a
lot of times, guilt and shameeven embarrassment because honestly, sometimes the truth,
they say, the truth is hard. I think the biggest thing the
truth that can be embarrassing, youknow. And I think a lot of
times we don't realize how much howembarrassing the truth is because it makes us
vulnerable to the to the reality ofour relationships with people. A lot of
(29:30):
times that vulnerability is something is actuallythe very same thing that we need even
though we're afraid of how people willlook at us, and so that compassion
can't enter. So that's a reallybig, really big barrier. So let
me ask you this with the truth. Is it the truth embarrassing because of
(29:51):
what you think somebody would think versusyou being truthful in your truth? Do
you understand that? Yeah? Yeah? I mean I mean, let me
ask you how many times have youwell, not now, because you've gone
you've grown so in so many ways, but how many times where you're in
a moment and you knew something wasn'tright or true, but then you're just
like, well, let me justsee what happens and it doesn't really affect
(30:14):
me that much. I'm just goingto go with the flow and just see
what happens. How many times haveyou done that in your life? Oh?
Probably a lot of times, youknow, not even thinking just you
know what I'm saying, it's noteven thinking, right, Yeah, we
just do it all the time,right just a second. Yeah, And
I guess that's why I asked thatquestion, because in that moment, it
was more of not about me livingmy truth about what I felt that someone
(30:37):
else would think because I'm speaking mytruth. Now, I can speak my
truth because it's mine. There's myship. Excuse me, but this is
mine. You had to get butyou had to get through there, right,
And like people have not worked,they haven't. People are afraid to
lose something that was never really theirs, right, And that's when you have
(31:03):
true self love. The only thingyou're worried about losing is your own heart
in the matter. Yeah, youknow, I don't think a lot of
people truly understand that it. No, they do not. And when you
just said that about losing their ownheart, and you know why, it's
because they're more concerned about other people'shearts than they are their own. And
(31:27):
so yes, yes, yes,and so when so when you're caring about
somebody else's heart more than your own, and you're more invested in that other
person's heart than your own, whenthat other person has gotten all of your
(31:48):
energy and they're gone, what doyou have? What do you have?
Nothing? Nothing? So what doesthat brand and that brings? But you
say, the shame and embarrassment,all of those them, the emotional malignancies,
right, rationalizing, remorse, regret, resentment, Yeah, right,
(32:14):
And what I have learned, isthat why we love on so many people
so much is because we don't knowhow to love ourselves. So we try
to take whatever we feel we needfor ourselves to put it on somebody else,
hope, hoping that automatically they're gonnashow us that when that's probably not
even what we need. Mm hmmm, nope. Yeah, people are our
(32:35):
reflections are parts of us. Yeah, so whatever we feel for somebody else
is a part of us actually beingactivated. But we never take the time
to think about that in the moment. We're just we're just experiencing. We're
not feeling, we're experiencing. There'sdefinitely being feeling and experiencing two different things.
All right, So here's it.I'm gonna get a little deep.
(32:58):
Well, no, I'm about toget a little nosey. Can you share
a personal experience, a personal experiencewhere you practicing self compassion that made a
significant difference for you? Yes,recently. So, I have been waiting
to talk to somebody for about fivemonths. I missed them. I love
(33:23):
them, They're great, But theurgency of me was I just wanted because
I know that my intentions are great. I know that I I know how
to deal with the heart, thegood, bad, and the ugly.
I had the language for it,I had the willingness for it, but
(33:44):
they didn't. And so for me, I went through an a real pity
where I was like, well,maybe I'm just not worthy. Maybe I'm
just not the one. Maybe I'mjust not maybe I'm just not the good
person. Maybe you know, they'regoing their way, I'm going my way.
Maybe we just can't be together.Maybe it won't work out. And
(34:07):
I stopped myself and I had torealize what I'm suffering from is the misfortune
of the connection I miss because whatdid that connection mean to me? It
made me feel valuable, It mademe feel desired, It made me feel
(34:30):
fool as a man. It allowedme to be a provider, which I
love. And I realized that I'mjust hurtful because I value those things so
much and I don't get to havethe same level of access. And so
I learned that what they needed hadnothing to do with me. I just
(34:53):
know that I was feeling. Iwas feeling like, oh, I just
miss being the person I know Ilove to be. Okay, well it's
my try to do that again.I'll just do it again, that's not
something that I lost, that's somethingthat I just missdoing very different. And
so I gave myself compassion because Iwas concerned about who I'm not going to
(35:20):
be, but I had to makeit be more considerate of the fact that
I have the power to still dothis. Yeah, So I gave myself
compassion. And now I'm just verypatient and you know, it feels good.
And so now I'm I actually like, really good about it. So
yeah, I think that that's areally good story of just how I came
through that, you know, andI went through the process of that,
(35:43):
you know, and I think that'simportant. I experienced it, I felt
it, and I resolved it atthe same time. I love that.
I love that. Yeah, Ido. Thank you for sharing that.
I love that. All right,So we're starting something a little bit here
and there we opened it up.I posed this question out earlier this week
(36:07):
to our listeners, and I wantedtet them to kind of join in the
conversation with this. And so whatI did was is that I posed a
question out this week about Compassion onsharing their stories for Compassion this week.
All right, So I'm gonna readthis letter to you I write it,
(36:30):
and I want you to get yourthing all right, dear Naomi, all
right, I mean okay. Ihope this letter finds you well. I
am from Vancouver, surrounded by busycities and life and beauty of nature,
but my thoughts drift towards a topicthat feels especially pointed today, and that's
compassion. Compassion is a word thatcarries in this weight and significance in our
(36:52):
lives, and it is the gentlenudge that reminds us to be kind,
to be understanding, into for oneanother in times of joy and sorrow.
So in a world that can oftenfeel disconnected and fast paced, compassion serves
as a beacon of light, guidingus towards unity and empathy. I have
(37:12):
come to realize that compassion is notjust a fleeting emotion, but it's a
way of being, in a wayof living that can transform our relationships and
our communities and ourselves. And itis the small gestures of kindness, that
the listening ear and the confronting embracethat will find the true essence of compassion.
So it's in a city of diversethat live in Vancouver, filled with
(37:35):
people of all walks of life,and backgrounds, Compassion becomes a common thread
that binds us together. It isin the shared smiles, the helping hands,
and the moments of understanding that wetruly connect with one another on a
deeper level. As I navigate myown journey, I am constantly reminded of
(37:57):
the power of compassion to heal,to uplifts, and to aspire. It
is a reminder to look beyond ourselvesand to see the humanity in others,
and to extend a hand of supportwhenever it is needed. So let us
embrace compassion in all that it isforms in words, our actions, in
(38:17):
and our attentions. So let usbe listeners to confront the pillars of the
strength for those around us, andlet us remember that in the world that
comes sometimes feel chaotic, and I'mcertain compassion will always be our guide in
light with heartfelt warmth, Sarah,Sarah and Sarah, all right for you,
(38:45):
I like that letter. I likethat letter. Thank you, Sarah.
Doctor. Will do you have anythoughts on our listener's letter? Thank
you, Sarah, Thank you.Yeah. I think the way that they
explained it was a very a verybiblical way, right. We want to
(39:08):
be the example of compassion. Oncewe give compassion, people will also become
the lights that you are too.And I love the fact that there is
an exchange when it comes to compassion, and it is a healing energy that
can go through communities. And Ithink that a lot of us are trying
(39:30):
to figure out what is the toolthat they need to actually live in compassion.
A lot of us don't know thatwe're being compassionate. And then when
you meet somebody that has that compassion, you don't get something from them.
You become a part of that movement. And that's what makes the communities thrive,
(39:54):
is that it's passed down. SoI tell people compassion isn't just a
model, It's a gift, anda gift is only as good as you
give it. I can, Ican, I can have a beautiful chain
for you, but it will meannothing until I give it to you.
So I always say compassion is oneof the most human gifts you can offer,
(40:15):
you know, And I think thatis a healing tool and a lot
of us don't realize that all wehave to do is show up. Yeah
I can't think compassion, Yeah Ican't. I can't even speak compassion.
You have to be compassionate. Youhave to be that. And I think
that's one of the biggest goals thatI think healers want to achieve, is
(40:38):
the spiritual embrace and the embodiment ofcompassion because you are You're literally offering yourself
as a gift. You know,when even after reading this letter, and
I was just thinking about just say, for instance, just us being on
social media and you know someone workthat especially that you do, but you
(41:01):
know we do. When I thinkabout a lot of times when I'm speaking,
especially on these platforms, I tryto lead by example. That means
that I'm not just speaking or justdoing the research, that I'm truly living
(41:21):
on what I am saying, whatI'm doing. Do you understand what I'm
saying? And so, in thataspect, with compassion every day every day,
I am seeing compassion every day everyday, well myself more than anything,
because if I don't have compassion formyself, how can I how can
(41:46):
I be compassionate with others? Youunderstand what I'm saying? How can I
truly be genuine compassionate for others andnot feel shame or guilt? Like you
said earlier, what I'm saying andso for me, that's what makes it
important to be able to break thesedown, break every word of these down.
(42:07):
I'm going back to the book fourAgreements. That very first agreement is
about using our words impeccable. Youknow, words are powerful. That's why
even when you pray, even withthe words that you speak out of your
mouth, you want those words tobe as positive as possible because those words
(42:30):
whole weight. Yes, because ofthat behind them. Yeah. I tell
my upcoming therapist, I tell them, are you speaking at your client,
in your client or with your client? If you can't know the difference between
those three things in a sixty minutesession, then I need you to sit
(42:51):
with me first, because the truthis is that they're already dealing with life,
and so the words that you're addinginto them are either going to expand
them or decay them. Mm hm. And you don't. You don't destroy
if you decay them, because overtime those words will sit in them and
(43:12):
it lives your words, living people, and people don't think about that,
your words living people. Yeah,And so I'm i've you know, and
for my impasse out there, becareful about your compassion because sometimes if you
don't channel your compassion articulately enough itbecomes enabling. And that's a whole other
(43:36):
talk. Yeah, that had beenme, I said, had had I
said had that? That was thatwas me until I truly first of all,
because it was very dreaming. Mmhmm. It was very dreaming.
But not only did I have tomake myself accountable for that to that person,
(44:00):
but also I had to make thatother person accountable too to not to
you need to start showing up foryourself. And this is why you need
to start showing up for yourself,you know, is we can't keep doing
this over and over again the sameway and think that we're gonna have a
different outcome whatever it is in life, you know what I mean? So
(44:22):
we keep going through through this sametest. Did you learn anything from that
test? What did you take anyof those tests that you've been Did you
take anything away from that? Justsit in it for a moment, don't
think about don't try to answer myquestion before I finished with the question.
Just you know. And that's whatI see a lot of people that has
(44:45):
in my life. They always wantto answer the question before the question is
even sad, but not sit inthe question. And just sit in it
for a moment. You It couldtake you ten minutes to answer it doesn't
matter, right, But I wantyou to think about it, and I
(45:06):
want you to think about things inyour life that happened, whatever it was.
That's considering, right, that's consideringthat. That's consideration to make you
see like, Okay, what isthis? Why am I mm hmm?
Wait what is this? What amI? Okay? Is this something that
I really need to do? Becausesometimes we go around in that same circle
over and over again because we stillgoing around because that test, we failed
(45:30):
that test, and we're not lookingat ourselves for none of that. I
went around them for a few times. Hold up, I'm busy, way
I can come. I've told people, I'm like, hey, like come
back in five minutes because I cananswer this, But I don't know if
it's the answer that you're looking forthat that yeah, yeah, yeah,
(45:59):
yeah yeah. I think. Ithink, especially being a therapist, you
just I listen to so many storiesevery day. I listen to the minimum
of seven to eight stories a day. So so I do you think about,
like how many lives I'm listening toand how many people in those lives
that that person is being affected by, and then when they're speaking it to
(46:21):
me, I'm deciphering through it all, understanding what is the core of this
meaning. But then where I'm likeat the grocery store and you know,
I'm just trying to get by,like you know, just moving a car
around. People are asking me questionsat the grocery store, like hey,
do you know where the milk is? And I'm like, they're just asking
(46:42):
for milk. I don't have tobreak this down. I don't have to.
I can be right here with you, right. I'm just I'm just
getting the milk. And I haveto remind myself because being compassion, that
you be someone of compassion, youhave to remember when to turn it off,
yeah, because because some people aren'tready for your compassion because they don't
(47:05):
know what type of gift you reallyare. Yeah, And so you have
to accept what type of gift youare to other people. Also, you
have to think about what type ofgifts you are to people and realize when
things from some people, your giftis not a gift to them. You're
not a gift to everyone because somepeople may not see you as the gift.
So you have to ask yourself,what am I really offering the world,
(47:30):
and do I know what I'm actuallyoffering? And compassion is very intentional.
Yeah, it's not blind. Compassionis very direct. Love is blind,
but compassion is not. Mm hmmmmmm. That was good, Doctor
Will A little bit bit. Allright, my beautiful people. All right,
(47:57):
well, it has come time forus to you know, we gotta
wrap this up. We got towrap on this show all right now,
So as we wrap out this show, could you just share some more practical
ways that listeners can bring more compassioninto their everyday lives. Yeah, just
three simple things. One, makesure you know what you're giving to other
(48:20):
people. Two what type of giftsare you receiving from the people you're most
involved with now? And three howis your gratitude meter? A lot of
times, if you're not able toacknowledge the gratitude of others in your life,
you cannot build the compassion you havefor other people. So let's just
(48:45):
work on the growth of gratitude.It's a really great fuel mechanism for your
compassion. Yeah, and don't forgetto add it into your affirmation as well.
M yes, yes, added intoyour Actually, I choose to respond
with compassion reminds us to choose kindnessall the time, all the time.
(49:09):
All right, doctor will again,thank you so much for sharing your insights
today and just helping us to understandthe profound impact of compassion. You at
any last words, any last words, be kind to yourself and heal always.
(49:29):
I know that's right. All right, my beautiful people. Again,
I want to thank everyone for joiningus today and I want you to remember
that compassion start with us and itcan make all the difference. So tune
in next time for more exploration untilself love. So until then, keep
embracing compassion and all that you do. Have a good one. Thank you
(49:53):
for listening to the Season and SelfLove Podcast and we hope that you enjoyed
this fun feeling with inspiration and empowermentand self discovery. Remember, practicing self
love is a journey and not adestination. For more information and to stay
connected with us, visit our websiteat the Season of Self Love podcast dot
(50:19):
com and if you have any suggestionsor questions or feedback, feel free to
shoot us an email at Season ofSelf Love at gmail dot com. And
don't forget to follow us on Instagramand Facebook for daily doses of self love
tips, motivation and community support.So join our Facebook group The Season of
(50:39):
Self Love to connect with like mindedindividuals on their journey to self discovery and
self compassion. Thank you again forbeing a part of our community and dedicating
to nurturing self love and embracing selfwork. So stay tuned for more exciting
episodes and gets in the next season, and remember you are worthy of love,
(51:05):
kindness and all the happiness in theworld. So until next time,
take care of yourself and spread lovewherever you go. See you soon.
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