May 6, 2025 • 31 mins
If you’re in the trenches of a high-conflict custody battle, this episode is your lifeline. Amanda sits down with Family Law Liaison and legal coach Nicole Cox — a non-practicing attorney who helps single moms stay calm, protect their peace, and win in court. From the biggest mistakes women make in custody disputes to the most powerful strategies that actually work, this episode is packed with wisdom, hope, and step-by-step advice. You’ll learn:
👩👧 Join The Single Mom Collective: Start Your 7-Day Free Trial Here
📞 Book a Call with Nicole Cox: thefamilylawliaison.com
📲 Follow Nicole on Instagram: @thefamilylawliaison
🎙 Announcements: Book a Free 1:1 Empowerment Call → Ready to heal, gain confidence, and finally attract the partner you deserve? Let’s create a strategy tailored just for YOU.
Click Here to Book your free call now!
- What not to say to your ex (and what to say instead)
- The 3 most important actions to take right now
- How to protect your kids emotionally (and legally)
- Why documentation is your secret weapon
- Why you're not crazy — the system really is stacked
👩👧 Join The Single Mom Collective: Start Your 7-Day Free Trial Here
📞 Book a Call with Nicole Cox: thefamilylawliaison.com
📲 Follow Nicole on Instagram: @thefamilylawliaison
🎙 Announcements: Book a Free 1:1 Empowerment Call → Ready to heal, gain confidence, and finally attract the partner you deserve? Let’s create a strategy tailored just for YOU.
Click Here to Book your free call now!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Brave Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Log everything. Courts mediators. They love to see who's the
primary caregiver. Well, all the things that we do as moms.
We don't think about logging as an actual activity, right,
but it is and it matters in court. Every time
you go to the pediatrician, every time you pick up
from games, from activities, from extracurricules, when you go to
(00:24):
school and you're going to parent teacher conferences. Everything, log everything.
That's my biggest advice.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Hey, real quick before we dive into today's podcast, I
have a gift for you. If you are a single
mom that's tired of doing life alone, I want you
to check out my Single Mom Collective online community for.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Free for Mother's Day.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I have a special you get seven days completely for
free to check it out.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
We meet three times a week.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Monday's Motivation helping you manage your money, Wednesday's Wednesday Wisdom,
helping you with your parenting, keeping peace with your ex,
getting in the best shape of your life. And Thursday
we talk about dating, love relationships, how that you can
heal so that you can find love again. I want
to give this as a gift to you because I'm
on a mission to make sure that no single mom
(01:10):
ever feels as a loan and as afraid as I
did when I became one with three kids under four
postpartum two. In Diapers Girl, I created the community that
I wished I would have had.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Check it out for seven days for free. The link
is in the show notes.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
We're diving deep into the fire that many of us
have walked through high conflict family law battles.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
And I hate it.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
It's an overused phrase, but I think it's a great
description of our family court system. It's a dumpster fire
if any of you've been in it, like, it's an
absolute dumpster fire. And Nicole Cox is with us. She's
our guest. She's a family law liaison. She's an expert.
She's a non practicing and attorney that specializes in coaching
you through high conflict family law custody battles.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Thank you for coming, Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Thank you so much for having me, Amanda. I'm so excited.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
If you've ever felt like you're losing your mind dealing
with custody disputes, co parenting, nightmares, or feeling like the
court system just doesn't get it, this episode is for you.
I personally have been through this, like, I get it.
It feels like the end of the world. And I'm
really honored to welcome our powerhouse today, Nicole.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
She specializes in this.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
She works with clients to not only get better results
in court, but also to protect your peace, your power,
and your children. So let's get into it. How did
you get into this world? Because like, this is stressful.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
It is. It's stressful, but I now enjoy helping people
through it because I myself went through it. You know,
I spent about three and a half years stuck in
family court, and I had an amazing attorney, but you know,
even the best attorneys can't sometimes figure out how to
move forward if the other co parent isn't doing the
(02:58):
right things right you can, you can get stuck and
it's very costly. So yeah, so kids through college. Oh yeah,
it's actually sickening.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
And yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
It was actually my family law attorney that said, you
are so good at this, you worked half of your
own case. These are the things that you know you
should go out and help others. And so I took
that to heart and I am helping others.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
What are the biggest mistakes you see women making in
high conflict custody cases or divorce casees.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Okay, yes, there's so many. So, and just to get
this out of the way right now, I always say
my disclaimer. I'm not giving legal advice.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Yes, that's not my that's.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Not my role today, but just to coach. So I
think some of the biggest mistakes that women make is
being overly emotional, putting too much in writing. Okay, so yeah,
so I'm I'm very careful when I am coaching my
clients about what they should and shouldn't say to the
co parent, you know. So, and it's easy to get
(04:01):
so emotional. You want to call them names, you want
to say all those things. But just know that everything
that you say in writing, whether it's on you might
be using some of the family court text messaging programs.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Like are my Not stuff like that, Yeah, our.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Family Wizard and Talking Parents. A lot of my clients
use both. But know that anything you say is going
to come up in court. The other side will use
it against you, and it may come up in a deposition,
it may come up in hearing, the trial, It'll come
up somewhere. So that's one of the biggest I think
that's one of the biggest mistakes I see is people
(04:40):
getting overly emotional and putting saying too much to the
co parent, don't put me in writing, saying way too
much in writing, don't put anything in writing.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Oh, don't blow up an email like you talk to
them your mom.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
But yeah, yeah, I always say, and I have I
actually have them repeat my clients repeat sometimes in writing.
Let's stick to the needs and development of our children.
There and that way, you're not talking about who might
have cheated on who, who didn't show up at what time?
You know, those things, those gets you in trouble, like
(05:17):
going down that road.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I like that almost, so that's like a line that
you can even win your I always say to my
client because I coach single moms to like, let's after
they're through it, to let's go create a better life.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
So I always say like, which I love. By the way, Amanda,
it's awesome, thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I really love what I do.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
As I always say, like, always choose dignity and everything
you say because it will be used against you. And
almost like it's a line, so say that line again
that we can whenever we feel triggered, because we always
want I say, don't RSVP yes to every fight you're
invited to there you go.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So I like that a lot.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
So and then so instead if they're if they're fighting you,
if they're they're teasing you into it and they're do
something to get you to react, or if they send
something what's that line again, let's stick to.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
The knees and the development of our children or.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Child that's so good. I probably could have used that
like ten years ago.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And it is sad, but that is a strategy for people,
you know, I mean, attorney's other side, the opposing party
probably really wants the other person to go crazy and
to say things that they can use in court. It's
a hard thing I've ever been through my life, you know,
and I know I tell my clients. I mean, you
get to the point where you look at your emails
(06:33):
and your text messages and you start to have like
post traumatic stress disorder. It's like, oh my god, I'm
having a panic attack. What's next in this email? What
did the opposing party file on me this time?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
You know, I still think every time I get the
sound of an email, it's triggering. Now that little ding
like nothing's going on, it is still freaking triggering.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yes, Okay, see you understand. Yes, it triggers you when
you see those names and you're like, no.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
No, no, I don't want to open this. Let's talk
about that.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
So, like, you know, one of the things that I
noticed that just myself and other people I've heard that
have gone through this, like we can be real good
at paperwork, and we can be good at like, Okay,
I'm not going to mcps to the fights, and we
can use our the proper language and not putting anything
in writing. But when we're in the courtroom, yeah, awesome,
And often I felt completely powerless, and I also felt
(07:28):
like I couldn't be heard. My attorney was talking for me,
and like like I wanted to be heard, and even
I remember being asked like can she speak?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
And I wasn't allowed to speak.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
What can you do if you feel powerless in the
courtroom and you feel like you're being ignored, what can
you do to shift the dynamics sometimes instead of like
just wanting to shrink right now?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
That's a tough one because it really depends on teamwork
with your attorney. I feel like, and a way to
shift the dynamic would be you wait, I mean, I
definitely don't interrupt in the court room. That's never a
good thing. Wait until you get on the stand, and
then it is absolutely okay to take a deep breath
and say your honor. I am I am a little
(08:08):
bit nervous right now, and I need a minute to
breathe and collect myself and this, yeah, and this is
really upsetting. And then I think that will help shift
dynamic because people are like, okay, let's give her a
moment to take a deep breath, and then they're ready
to listen. So I feel like it, Yeah, it kind
(08:29):
of changes the whole mood in the room. So that's
how you can control the scenario. That's really good advice
is asking for a minute.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Ask just for a minute.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
And it also I mean not that we're not playing games,
but it humanizes you.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Like, hey, right, and I'm going through a lot right now. Yeah,
this hurts, and so scarer ability it's not that bad.
Instead of showing fight like fight or flight, right, you
want to breathe. And also, I mean, there's a lot
of different techniques, but it's okay to cry. It truly
is okay to shed a few tears. Now, would I
(09:07):
say go up and just ball? Probably not like crying
your eyes out but a few tears and being very
somber and quiet. That's okay, Yeah, that's okay. This is
an emotional process.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Let me ask you this, And I don't mean to
be critical of the world that you work in at.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
All, and it's okay.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Do you think it's as broken as the people say
it is?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
So? For me, I think that it worked in my favor.
I think the part that's broken is that the person
that has the most money in the deepest pockets typically
can force it to the point where they win. And
I think that part's broken. I think sometimes we need
to do more evaluations, and they are costly, and so
(09:51):
I feel like the people that can't afford the evaluations,
and then it looks like a broken system, you know.
And I do openly fight for what we call Caden's Law,
which is never to be able. A child should never
be put in the hands of an abuser. If you're
if you are guilty of domestic violence, then you should
(10:14):
not have a child without being supervised. Yep.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And I think that was one of my mistakes. And
if if anyone's listening to this, you know, we are
all on so many different stages. My biggest mistake was
not filing the domestic violence reports. They were happening. So
many of us do, and so I couldn't. I didn't
have that, I didn't have the evidence. It was my
word against his.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
So my biggest, my biggest thing is police, call the cops.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
That's all my God always right, always, Amanda. I am
with you on that, And it happens over and over
again every single one of my clients. And I was
guilty of it as well. Don't call the police. But
here's why we don't call the police because we're afraid
of what the repercussions are going to be. You know,
I don't want to a half year old baby. Where
(11:01):
were we going to live, where were we going to go?
Who was going to you know, provide? So I understand
why women don't call the police for so many reasons,
but you really need that documentation, you know. And back
to the to the part of the broken court system.
I think right now we're seeing what I think is
broken is we're seeing too many allegations of parental alienation.
(11:26):
And I am very much against in California as one
of the states, but I am very much against any
state that puts a child enforced therapy, reunification therapy or
reunification camps that I am very much against. So I
think that that part is broken. I do, yeah, it is.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
And when in my experience in California was just even
the it was so impacted.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Even to get a.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Mediator or to be able to get one of those
court appointed therapists have it was months and months and months,
so the way and even those people were kind of
the lowest.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
They were the.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Bottom of the barrel as far as quality, and it
was like, well, I can't even do this, like you
didn't even have any options.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
That's where I saw the brokenness of it.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You made such a good point. And California, I do
coach quite a few people in California. That is one
of the states that I do believe is broken. And
for one of the reasons is is that you take
a mediator and you sit with them for five or
ten minutes. I have a client who had the same situation,
has two autistic boys, nonverbal. The mediator didn't listen to
(12:33):
her at all, nothing, and then because her attorney didn't
buy all the proper declarations of paperwork. So then what
ends up happening in is is that a mediator goes
in and tells a judge what a recommendation is and
they've spent five or ten minutes or twenty minutes with
these people. That is not okay. Yeah yeah, So I mean,
I think custody evaluations are so good, yeah, but they're
(12:56):
so expensive. So in my mind, and it's always been
one of my initiatives, is that CUSSE the evaluation should
be readily available to anyone. There should Yeah, there should
be a third party of appointed someone to come in
and say who's the better parent, you know, but you
shouldn't have to pay thirty thousand dollars to do it,
(13:19):
like one of my clients just did. Now we're challenging one.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
I'm going to get to strategies that work in two minutes.
So I promise you we're going to go to the
positivity like the last I want to go to positive. Well,
I've even heard I have one client that actually I
don't even know you could do this, but because they
had money, you're a judge privately, No, she not heard
of that. They found a way. She hired a private
(13:45):
judge to make the decision. So I'm like, you're kidding
me that they're even making money on the side. I
was like that you can just be like, I'm just
going to hire a private judge, get it done quickly.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Wow. But it looks like an arbor trader that.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Was in the state of main which even shows you
that the system is broken because it works faster if
you have more money.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
It does Again, it's the deep pockets and you can
keep it going.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
So these are all the problems.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
We all know all the problems, and so what I
want to give the single mom collective here on this
podcast is give us strategies that work. Can you give
me like three strategies? Like you find yourself in this situation.
We've all been through it, like it's going to be okay,
what do we do well?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
And I think I touched on it earlier. The first
thing to do is always stay calm and level headed, right,
don't okay, always follow every single court order. Right, That's
so important. And this is a little bit of a process, right,
it takes time. The other strategy is if somebody is
I use this a lot with my coaching clients. If
(14:54):
somebody is making allegations about you, there's nothing wrong with saying, okay,
you want to say this I'll go in, I'll get
a vocational assessment. I'll go ahead and I'll get on
sober link and I won't drink when the kids are around,
or I'll show you that I'm not an alcoholic. I've
had people do that. That's always a good strategy, you know.
(15:14):
And then another strategy is log everything. Documentation is so
make sure and I know that it's kind of hard
to understand, but courts mediators, especially in California at different states,
they look to see who's the primary caregiver.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Well, all the.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Things that we do as moms. We don't think about
logging as an actual activity, right, but it is, and
it matters in court. And you can take journals and
you can take logs into court. So that means every
time you go to the pediatrician, every time you pick
up from games, from activities, from extracurriculules, when you go
(15:54):
to school and you're going to parent teach, your conferences, everything,
log every You think that's my biggest advice that I
think is the best piece of strategy.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
How do you do that? When you say log everything?
Is it easy to just like pick keep it?
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Just go to Barnes and Noble, get a journal and
like write dates and times we.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Can and people do it so much differently. I mean
I have one client that had a big calendar and
just wrote down every day what was happening, so you
could do one of those planners on the calendar. I
did this at this time. I picked up though, and
so you know that that actually works. I have one
that's in it. She's really techy and so she's on
(16:33):
her computer. Everybody chooses to log differently. And documentation. Keep
all your documentation in order. Like every time there's an
issue or an incident with the co parent, you know,
document that. I do have clients that send journals back
and forth and they talk about how the week was
(16:55):
with the kiddos, and then the other parent gets a journal.
Some people don't want to do that. You can do
that online as well.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
So the top three must dos if you're going through
a high conflict custody battle is.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
You have to follow your court order.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Follow court orders and get notes of everything. Log every document, dogument, document.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
And also so now what was that self care? Self care? Yeah,
you have to take care of yourself. I don't know
if that's a strategy, but that's just a must.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
It is well.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
I feel like if we're not, I always draw the
analogy like if you owned a million dollar racehorse, Like
like if you were like one of those owners that
got to go to the Kentucky Derby and you're wearing
the fun hats right in the dress and like, you know,
if this horse wins, you're gonna really like hit ten
million bucks or something.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
It's like, how would you care for that million dollar
race horse?
Speaker 3 (17:51):
What kind of healthcare would it have, what kind of
trainers would it have, what kind.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Of food would it be?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
That's a great analogy.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
You are the million dollar especially when it comes to
solo parenting.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Your value is that. So if you've got to be
taking care of.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Yourself really well, you're the million dollar race hours I
would say, exactly, exactly, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Go to bed early, girl, go to bed early.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Right, let's talk about the kids. So we talked about
the problems, talked. I wanted to talk to you about
the things that we're supposed to do, strategies to overcome
instead of just saying it's bad, I'm gonna quit.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
What don't do that? Don't quit?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Don't quit?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Right, what's your advice on how to protect the kids
during while all this is going.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
On, Right, that's a that's a tough one. Now, the
cords will say, and it's obviously makes sense. You don't
talk about the other parent in front of the children, right.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Which is so freaking hard.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, I know, yeah, you can't bring them up. I
mean for me, and every situation is different. A lot
of the times the kids don't want to go with
the code parent, but you have to encourage them and
make them be like, You're gonna have so much fun
with your dad. It's gonna be great. I know that's hard,
you know, but at the same time, you want to
(19:11):
protect them, right And in some cases I have had
clients call well checks in, I mean, to see if
the kids are okay. I've had situations where kids were
kidnapped basically, and I mean, the state of California can
come back for a year, finally did. Yeah, So within reason,
(19:32):
I think everybody should know that you can always contact
the non emergency number for the police if you really
feel like there's a safety issue, right, and then emotionally
protecting them, I would say, you know, counseling is good,
and that's actually a really good strategy as well, because
then you have another professional that has notes that you
(19:54):
can use as evidence in certain areas, and then the
kids feel supported and they have someone they can talk to.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Yeah, and it's also very hard to find them, so
I would say keep doing your due diligence. It was
very difficult for me to find someone that actually had
the capabilities and then the openings and then also was
willing to report back to court.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
So they sometimes sometimes they're not, so just don't give up.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
I did eventually find one and it worked out to
our favor, but just just keep digging.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
So I'm glad you brought that up. So important to
do for the kids.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Very and if you can't find one that reports right away,
you can always put them in like some type of
play therapy. Well that's a good play in art therapy
is very good for the younger.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
If a child is voice and concern, I don't want
to go with this parent.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
How do you make sure the court's listening to the kid?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Right? Well that's the whole thing. They really don't until
they're like between twelve and sixteen years old, right, So
that's when you want to get an evaluator involved. Some
people get I mean and for several different reasons. Not
normally just because the child doesn't want to go to
(21:12):
the other parents. But you can get guardian EnL items
you can get in some cases they're called best interest attorneys. Again,
a custody evaluator. Every state has something different, but you
could get a third party involved if it's getting that bad,
you know, I would say counseling. Also, I have had
my clients talk to the school counselors at school to
(21:36):
let them know what's going on, and have the school
counselor me with the kiddos or the child on a
regular basis and check in. And remember they are court
appointed reporters, so if a child says something, even to
a school counselor that there's some harm happening, they have
to report that.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
So those are some of the resources for sure to
keep them safe. And then also just having really good,
clear open communication with your.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Kids give us some hope.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
I know, like this is a serious topic, but and
I always like to make sure I'm always speaking life
and possibility.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
This will end, It will come to an end. You
will get bathed.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
It feels like you won't. I always say this too
shall pass, and all my reels and everything on my
Instagram for family La Liaison. I tell everybody, I promise
this will pass. It feels like it won't, you know,
And that is the hope is that it does go.
It will find some type of a resolution. Is it
always exactly the way we want it? And maybe not?
(22:40):
But I do think it allows you to go on
with your life, you know, because you're in such a
folding pattern, you just don't really know what to expect.
How are you going to move forward with life? But
then once there's a parenting plan in place, you know,
and those things are handled, then you know how to
move forward. And then and you will. You will make
(23:00):
it and you will move forward, and then you'll realize
that and I know you know this too. You can
get through anything once you've gone through something like.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
This, right.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
I don't know if you can share it because I
know there's a lot of privacy. So if this is
the answer is now, I'll cut this out of the podcast.
But I always think it's nice. Do you have a
story of a transformation you witness that can show how
the right strategy and the right mindset when you're going
through a high conflict battle, a custody battle like this
(23:33):
as a single mom can really.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Help, right, I do. One of my clients that I
was sharing with you that basically her kids were kidnapped.
She yeah, there was strong on this side, parental alienation
from the father. He had them on YouTube channels and videos.
We started out with nothing during Christmas time, and we
(23:59):
had to go into court multiple times. When I say we,
she did with her attorney, but I coached her right
multiple times, asking the judge please, like this is you
know these kids have been taken from me. This man
has and the youngest was like ten. I mean, that's
a young little boy, right. So it took a year
(24:23):
literally to get this man to take those kids out
of Oklahoma come back into the court system. They had
to go through like two different mediators, I don't know
how many hearings, and then finally they were able to prove,
you know that he was he had stolen the kids
(24:44):
and he was coaching them to say things on the stand.
It took us a year, but she got her kids back,
She got her babies back, and then through that process
getting the kiddos back, she was able to take half
of the assets of the house and and you know,
there was a lot of therapy that needed to be
involved for the kids after what had happened. But they're
(25:06):
living happily ever after. Right now, you know she's got
her kids A good job to the strong mama, good forever.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
You can get through that.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
So what would your expert advice be to the woman,
a single mom who's gone through this right now? Maybe
she's exhausted, maybe she's just scared to death, wondering if
she's ever going to get her peace and her family
back after this.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
What would you tell her?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Well, the thing I always tell my clients is you
have to remember to put your oxygen mask on first,
otherwise you're not going to be any good for the family,
the kiddos. So you've got to take care of yourself.
And then my second piece of advice is never give up.
But also you know, it's easy to just focus on
(25:51):
what's wrong every single day, So I always say, like,
pick up a hobby, do something for yourself, you know,
and also carve out time when you do have your
children to create special traditions and do new fun activities,
and that's helpful. And just don't give up, don't give up,
(26:14):
just keep going.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
And I just want to remind you. You don't have to
figure this out all alone. I think that's one of
the biggest lies we tell ourselves as single moms is
we isolate and we think I'm alone in this and
no one gets it.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
We get it.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Where you have. You have an amazing community which I
want to be a part of and help out you. Yeah. No,
You're not alone. And that's another message. So seek support
in any way you can, through family, through friends, through
a counselor through a coach, all those things. I offer
a lot of emotional support. Yeah yeah, in my coaching.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Good. You don't have to keep fighting in the dark.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
So in the notes to this podcast, I'm going to
put all kinds of information and so information about the
single Mom Collective. If you want to join our community,
we're all about future focus, growing, and if you are
in that high conflict place and you need a coach,
I'll put all the information about how to connect with Nicole.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I'm thinking your Instagram. What's the best way that we
could connect with you.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
My Instagram is great. My instagram is great. The Family
Law lay is on and I do have a website
that's the familylawlays on dot com as well.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Again, Yeah, all the links will be in the show
notes for you. Very easy to connect and just do
as so, do me a favor and just don't stay
stuck and don't stay alone, isolation stale. I never right,
we are here, So yeah, And there was a reason
why Nicole does this. There's a reason why I do this.
I always say I'm on a mission to make sure
no single mom feels as a loan and as afraid
(27:47):
as I did.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Right, I became one because no one really plans this.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
There's no seal spreadsheet and I don't know really anyone
that has an extra savings account for this in cases. Yeah, right,
that's correct because we all think it's not going to
happen to us, but it does happen. And is there
anything Nicole that I didn't ask you about what you
do this current situation we're in with family court how
(28:12):
to survive it that you would like to add?
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah, I'm just honestly stay as positive as possible, and
like I said, the most the important stuff is like
every single day, just takes some time to organize your
documentation otherwise it's going to get overwhelming, right, So just
take a few hours a day to journal. Definitely do
(28:36):
the journaling about just the everyday activities and then take
some time and just be like, Okay, I'm going to
put this, organize this in this pile, you know. And
I do that a lot with my clients to help
them out. Obviously, don't give up. And there is light
at the end of the tunnel.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, there is. There's love and closeness. I have to say,
you know, even going through a lot of this myself.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Kind of backfired on the other party because now we're
closer than ever, right and my kids know I fought
for them. Yeah, thank you so much for your time
and sharing all your wisdom and pouring into the collective.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
And I hope it was helpful. Very I know I
definitely want to come back. Yay.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Sound good, isn't Nicole amazing? I'm so glad you witnessed
this episode.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Do me a favor, and if you have a friend
that really needs this information, send it to them, like
just copy the link, send it to them in a
tax and be like, hey, girl, you need this. It
will change everything for you. You're a good friend for
doing that. And maybe if you're in this situation right
now and you need the support of a loving community,
around you.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I want to give you a free offer.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
I have this cool online group it's called the Single
Mom Collective, and together we encourage each other. We meet
three times a week online. On Mondays we talk about
motivation and how to make more money, how to manage
our money better. On Wednesdays, we talk about our health
when it comes to health fitness, what we're eating, our parenting,
how to keep.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Peace with our ex.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
And then on Thursdays Thursday Thursdays, we talk about dating
and relationships. How you can heal from the wound of
your past relationship so that you can have a better
picker and find love again, the one that you deserved
in the first place, and give your kids a great
example of a loving relationship. I'm going to give that
to you for seven days for free because you are
(30:32):
a loyal podcast listener. So check out the link for
the seven day free trial in the show notes to
the Single Mom Collective. And I'm not going to gatekeep
or hide anything after that. It's super affordable. It's just
thirty seven bucks a month after a seven day free trial.
That's like one last door dash a week.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Okay, thank you, I'm here for you.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
I created the community that I wished I would have
had when I became a single mom. On my watch,
no single mom ever walks alone or feels as alone
and as afraid as I did.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I am with you.
Brave Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Log everything. Courts mediators. They love to see who's the
primary caregiver. Well, all the things that we do as moms.
We don't think about logging as an actual activity, right,
but it is and it matters in court. Every time
you go to the pediatrician, every time you pick up
from games, from activities, from extracurricules, when you go to
(00:24):
school and you're going to parent teacher conferences. Everything, log everything.
That's my biggest advice.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Hey, real quick before we dive into today's podcast, I
have a gift for you. If you are a single
mom that's tired of doing life alone, I want you
to check out my Single Mom Collective online community for.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Free for Mother's Day.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I have a special you get seven days completely for
free to check it out.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
We meet three times a week.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Monday's Motivation helping you manage your money, Wednesday's Wednesday Wisdom,
helping you with your parenting, keeping peace with your ex,
getting in the best shape of your life. And Thursday
we talk about dating, love relationships, how that you can
heal so that you can find love again. I want
to give this as a gift to you because I'm
on a mission to make sure that no single mom
(01:10):
ever feels as a loan and as afraid as I
did when I became one with three kids under four
postpartum two. In Diapers Girl, I created the community that
I wished I would have had.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Check it out for seven days for free. The link
is in the show notes.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
We're diving deep into the fire that many of us
have walked through high conflict family law battles.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
And I hate it.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
It's an overused phrase, but I think it's a great
description of our family court system. It's a dumpster fire
if any of you've been in it, like, it's an
absolute dumpster fire. And Nicole Cox is with us. She's
our guest. She's a family law liaison. She's an expert.
She's a non practicing and attorney that specializes in coaching
you through high conflict family law custody battles.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Thank you for coming, Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Thank you so much for having me, Amanda. I'm so excited.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
If you've ever felt like you're losing your mind dealing
with custody disputes, co parenting, nightmares, or feeling like the
court system just doesn't get it, this episode is for you.
I personally have been through this, like, I get it.
It feels like the end of the world. And I'm
really honored to welcome our powerhouse today, Nicole.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
She specializes in this.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
She works with clients to not only get better results
in court, but also to protect your peace, your power,
and your children. So let's get into it. How did
you get into this world? Because like, this is stressful.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
It is. It's stressful, but I now enjoy helping people
through it because I myself went through it. You know,
I spent about three and a half years stuck in
family court, and I had an amazing attorney, but you know,
even the best attorneys can't sometimes figure out how to
move forward if the other co parent isn't doing the
(02:58):
right things right you can, you can get stuck and
it's very costly. So yeah, so kids through college. Oh yeah,
it's actually sickening.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
And yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
It was actually my family law attorney that said, you
are so good at this, you worked half of your
own case. These are the things that you know you
should go out and help others. And so I took
that to heart and I am helping others.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
What are the biggest mistakes you see women making in
high conflict custody cases or divorce casees.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Okay, yes, there's so many. So, and just to get
this out of the way right now, I always say
my disclaimer. I'm not giving legal advice.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Yes, that's not my that's.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Not my role today, but just to coach. So I
think some of the biggest mistakes that women make is
being overly emotional, putting too much in writing. Okay, so yeah,
so I'm I'm very careful when I am coaching my
clients about what they should and shouldn't say to the
co parent, you know. So, and it's easy to get
(04:01):
so emotional. You want to call them names, you want
to say all those things. But just know that everything
that you say in writing, whether it's on you might
be using some of the family court text messaging programs.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Like are my Not stuff like that, Yeah, our.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Family Wizard and Talking Parents. A lot of my clients
use both. But know that anything you say is going
to come up in court. The other side will use
it against you, and it may come up in a deposition,
it may come up in hearing, the trial, It'll come
up somewhere. So that's one of the biggest I think
that's one of the biggest mistakes I see is people
(04:40):
getting overly emotional and putting saying too much to the
co parent, don't put me in writing, saying way too
much in writing, don't put anything in writing.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Oh, don't blow up an email like you talk to
them your mom.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
But yeah, yeah, I always say, and I have I
actually have them repeat my clients repeat sometimes in writing.
Let's stick to the needs and development of our children.
There and that way, you're not talking about who might
have cheated on who, who didn't show up at what time?
You know, those things, those gets you in trouble, like
(05:17):
going down that road.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I like that almost, so that's like a line that
you can even win your I always say to my
client because I coach single moms to like, let's after
they're through it, to let's go create a better life.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
So I always say like, which I love. By the way, Amanda,
it's awesome, thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I really love what I do.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
As I always say, like, always choose dignity and everything
you say because it will be used against you. And
almost like it's a line, so say that line again
that we can whenever we feel triggered, because we always
want I say, don't RSVP yes to every fight you're
invited to there you go.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So I like that a lot.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
So and then so instead if they're if they're fighting you,
if they're they're teasing you into it and they're do
something to get you to react, or if they send
something what's that line again, let's stick to.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
The knees and the development of our children or.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Child that's so good. I probably could have used that
like ten years ago.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And it is sad, but that is a strategy for people,
you know, I mean, attorney's other side, the opposing party
probably really wants the other person to go crazy and
to say things that they can use in court. It's
a hard thing I've ever been through my life, you know,
and I know I tell my clients. I mean, you
get to the point where you look at your emails
(06:33):
and your text messages and you start to have like
post traumatic stress disorder. It's like, oh my god, I'm
having a panic attack. What's next in this email? What
did the opposing party file on me this time?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
You know, I still think every time I get the
sound of an email, it's triggering. Now that little ding
like nothing's going on, it is still freaking triggering.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yes, Okay, see you understand. Yes, it triggers you when
you see those names and you're like, no.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
No, no, I don't want to open this. Let's talk
about that.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
So, like, you know, one of the things that I
noticed that just myself and other people I've heard that
have gone through this, like we can be real good
at paperwork, and we can be good at like, Okay,
I'm not going to mcps to the fights, and we
can use our the proper language and not putting anything
in writing. But when we're in the courtroom, yeah, awesome,
And often I felt completely powerless, and I also felt
(07:28):
like I couldn't be heard. My attorney was talking for me,
and like like I wanted to be heard, and even
I remember being asked like can she speak?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
And I wasn't allowed to speak.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
What can you do if you feel powerless in the
courtroom and you feel like you're being ignored, what can
you do to shift the dynamics sometimes instead of like
just wanting to shrink right now?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
That's a tough one because it really depends on teamwork
with your attorney. I feel like, and a way to
shift the dynamic would be you wait, I mean, I
definitely don't interrupt in the court room. That's never a
good thing. Wait until you get on the stand, and
then it is absolutely okay to take a deep breath
and say your honor. I am I am a little
(08:08):
bit nervous right now, and I need a minute to
breathe and collect myself and this, yeah, and this is
really upsetting. And then I think that will help shift
dynamic because people are like, okay, let's give her a
moment to take a deep breath, and then they're ready
to listen. So I feel like it, Yeah, it kind
(08:29):
of changes the whole mood in the room. So that's
how you can control the scenario. That's really good advice
is asking for a minute.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Ask just for a minute.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
And it also I mean not that we're not playing games,
but it humanizes you.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Like, hey, right, and I'm going through a lot right now. Yeah,
this hurts, and so scarer ability it's not that bad.
Instead of showing fight like fight or flight, right, you
want to breathe. And also, I mean, there's a lot
of different techniques, but it's okay to cry. It truly
is okay to shed a few tears. Now, would I
(09:07):
say go up and just ball? Probably not like crying
your eyes out but a few tears and being very
somber and quiet. That's okay, Yeah, that's okay. This is
an emotional process.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Let me ask you this, And I don't mean to
be critical of the world that you work in at.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
All, and it's okay.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Do you think it's as broken as the people say
it is?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
So? For me, I think that it worked in my favor.
I think the part that's broken is that the person
that has the most money in the deepest pockets typically
can force it to the point where they win. And
I think that part's broken. I think sometimes we need
to do more evaluations, and they are costly, and so
(09:51):
I feel like the people that can't afford the evaluations,
and then it looks like a broken system, you know.
And I do openly fight for what we call Caden's Law,
which is never to be able. A child should never
be put in the hands of an abuser. If you're
if you are guilty of domestic violence, then you should
(10:14):
not have a child without being supervised. Yep.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And I think that was one of my mistakes. And
if if anyone's listening to this, you know, we are
all on so many different stages. My biggest mistake was
not filing the domestic violence reports. They were happening. So
many of us do, and so I couldn't. I didn't
have that, I didn't have the evidence. It was my
word against his.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
So my biggest, my biggest thing is police, call the cops.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
That's all my God always right, always, Amanda. I am
with you on that, And it happens over and over
again every single one of my clients. And I was
guilty of it as well. Don't call the police. But
here's why we don't call the police because we're afraid
of what the repercussions are going to be. You know,
I don't want to a half year old baby. Where
(11:01):
were we going to live, where were we going to go?
Who was going to you know, provide? So I understand
why women don't call the police for so many reasons,
but you really need that documentation, you know. And back
to the to the part of the broken court system.
I think right now we're seeing what I think is
broken is we're seeing too many allegations of parental alienation.
(11:26):
And I am very much against in California as one
of the states, but I am very much against any
state that puts a child enforced therapy, reunification therapy or
reunification camps that I am very much against. So I
think that that part is broken. I do, yeah, it is.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
And when in my experience in California was just even
the it was so impacted.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Even to get a.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Mediator or to be able to get one of those
court appointed therapists have it was months and months and months,
so the way and even those people were kind of
the lowest.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
They were the.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Bottom of the barrel as far as quality, and it
was like, well, I can't even do this, like you
didn't even have any options.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
That's where I saw the brokenness of it.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You made such a good point. And California, I do
coach quite a few people in California. That is one
of the states that I do believe is broken. And
for one of the reasons is is that you take
a mediator and you sit with them for five or
ten minutes. I have a client who had the same situation,
has two autistic boys, nonverbal. The mediator didn't listen to
(12:33):
her at all, nothing, and then because her attorney didn't
buy all the proper declarations of paperwork. So then what
ends up happening in is is that a mediator goes
in and tells a judge what a recommendation is and
they've spent five or ten minutes or twenty minutes with
these people. That is not okay. Yeah yeah, So I mean,
I think custody evaluations are so good, yeah, but they're
(12:56):
so expensive. So in my mind, and it's always been
one of my initiatives, is that CUSSE the evaluation should
be readily available to anyone. There should Yeah, there should
be a third party of appointed someone to come in
and say who's the better parent, you know, but you
shouldn't have to pay thirty thousand dollars to do it,
(13:19):
like one of my clients just did. Now we're challenging one.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
I'm going to get to strategies that work in two minutes.
So I promise you we're going to go to the
positivity like the last I want to go to positive. Well,
I've even heard I have one client that actually I
don't even know you could do this, but because they
had money, you're a judge privately, No, she not heard
of that. They found a way. She hired a private
(13:45):
judge to make the decision. So I'm like, you're kidding
me that they're even making money on the side. I
was like that you can just be like, I'm just
going to hire a private judge, get it done quickly.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Wow. But it looks like an arbor trader that.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Was in the state of main which even shows you
that the system is broken because it works faster if
you have more money.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
It does Again, it's the deep pockets and you can
keep it going.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
So these are all the problems.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
We all know all the problems, and so what I
want to give the single mom collective here on this
podcast is give us strategies that work. Can you give
me like three strategies? Like you find yourself in this situation.
We've all been through it, like it's going to be okay,
what do we do well?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
And I think I touched on it earlier. The first
thing to do is always stay calm and level headed, right,
don't okay, always follow every single court order. Right, That's
so important. And this is a little bit of a process, right,
it takes time. The other strategy is if somebody is
I use this a lot with my coaching clients. If
(14:54):
somebody is making allegations about you, there's nothing wrong with saying, okay,
you want to say this I'll go in, I'll get
a vocational assessment. I'll go ahead and I'll get on
sober link and I won't drink when the kids are around,
or I'll show you that I'm not an alcoholic. I've
had people do that. That's always a good strategy, you know.
(15:14):
And then another strategy is log everything. Documentation is so
make sure and I know that it's kind of hard
to understand, but courts mediators, especially in California at different states,
they look to see who's the primary caregiver.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Well, all the.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Things that we do as moms. We don't think about
logging as an actual activity, right, but it is, and
it matters in court. And you can take journals and
you can take logs into court. So that means every
time you go to the pediatrician, every time you pick
up from games, from activities, from extracurriculules, when you go
(15:54):
to school and you're going to parent teach, your conferences, everything,
log every You think that's my biggest advice that I
think is the best piece of strategy.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
How do you do that? When you say log everything?
Is it easy to just like pick keep it?
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Just go to Barnes and Noble, get a journal and
like write dates and times we.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Can and people do it so much differently. I mean
I have one client that had a big calendar and
just wrote down every day what was happening, so you
could do one of those planners on the calendar. I
did this at this time. I picked up though, and
so you know that that actually works. I have one
that's in it. She's really techy and so she's on
(16:33):
her computer. Everybody chooses to log differently. And documentation. Keep
all your documentation in order. Like every time there's an
issue or an incident with the co parent, you know,
document that. I do have clients that send journals back
and forth and they talk about how the week was
(16:55):
with the kiddos, and then the other parent gets a journal.
Some people don't want to do that. You can do
that online as well.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
So the top three must dos if you're going through
a high conflict custody battle is.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
You have to follow your court order.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Follow court orders and get notes of everything. Log every document, dogument, document.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
And also so now what was that self care? Self care? Yeah,
you have to take care of yourself. I don't know
if that's a strategy, but that's just a must.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
It is well.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
I feel like if we're not, I always draw the
analogy like if you owned a million dollar racehorse, Like
like if you were like one of those owners that
got to go to the Kentucky Derby and you're wearing
the fun hats right in the dress and like, you know,
if this horse wins, you're gonna really like hit ten
million bucks or something.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
It's like, how would you care for that million dollar
race horse?
Speaker 3 (17:51):
What kind of healthcare would it have, what kind of
trainers would it have, what kind.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Of food would it be?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
That's a great analogy.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
You are the million dollar especially when it comes to
solo parenting.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Your value is that. So if you've got to be
taking care of.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Yourself really well, you're the million dollar race hours I
would say, exactly, exactly, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Go to bed early, girl, go to bed early.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Right, let's talk about the kids. So we talked about
the problems, talked. I wanted to talk to you about
the things that we're supposed to do, strategies to overcome
instead of just saying it's bad, I'm gonna quit.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
What don't do that? Don't quit?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Don't quit?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Right, what's your advice on how to protect the kids
during while all this is going.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
On, Right, that's a that's a tough one. Now, the
cords will say, and it's obviously makes sense. You don't
talk about the other parent in front of the children, right.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Which is so freaking hard.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, I know, yeah, you can't bring them up. I
mean for me, and every situation is different. A lot
of the times the kids don't want to go with
the code parent, but you have to encourage them and
make them be like, You're gonna have so much fun
with your dad. It's gonna be great. I know that's hard,
you know, but at the same time, you want to
(19:11):
protect them, right And in some cases I have had
clients call well checks in, I mean, to see if
the kids are okay. I've had situations where kids were
kidnapped basically, and I mean, the state of California can
come back for a year, finally did. Yeah, So within reason,
(19:32):
I think everybody should know that you can always contact
the non emergency number for the police if you really
feel like there's a safety issue, right, and then emotionally
protecting them, I would say, you know, counseling is good,
and that's actually a really good strategy as well, because
then you have another professional that has notes that you
(19:54):
can use as evidence in certain areas, and then the
kids feel supported and they have someone they can talk to.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Yeah, and it's also very hard to find them, so
I would say keep doing your due diligence. It was
very difficult for me to find someone that actually had
the capabilities and then the openings and then also was
willing to report back to court.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
So they sometimes sometimes they're not, so just don't give up.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
I did eventually find one and it worked out to
our favor, but just just keep digging.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
So I'm glad you brought that up. So important to
do for the kids.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Very and if you can't find one that reports right away,
you can always put them in like some type of
play therapy. Well that's a good play in art therapy
is very good for the younger.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
If a child is voice and concern, I don't want
to go with this parent.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
How do you make sure the court's listening to the kid?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Right? Well that's the whole thing. They really don't until
they're like between twelve and sixteen years old, right, So
that's when you want to get an evaluator involved. Some
people get I mean and for several different reasons. Not
normally just because the child doesn't want to go to
(21:12):
the other parents. But you can get guardian EnL items
you can get in some cases they're called best interest attorneys. Again,
a custody evaluator. Every state has something different, but you
could get a third party involved if it's getting that bad,
you know, I would say counseling. Also, I have had
my clients talk to the school counselors at school to
(21:36):
let them know what's going on, and have the school
counselor me with the kiddos or the child on a
regular basis and check in. And remember they are court
appointed reporters, so if a child says something, even to
a school counselor that there's some harm happening, they have
to report that.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
So those are some of the resources for sure to
keep them safe. And then also just having really good,
clear open communication with your.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Kids give us some hope.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
I know, like this is a serious topic, but and
I always like to make sure I'm always speaking life
and possibility.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
This will end, It will come to an end. You
will get bathed.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
It feels like you won't. I always say this too
shall pass, and all my reels and everything on my
Instagram for family La Liaison. I tell everybody, I promise
this will pass. It feels like it won't, you know,
And that is the hope is that it does go.
It will find some type of a resolution. Is it
always exactly the way we want it? And maybe not?
(22:40):
But I do think it allows you to go on
with your life, you know, because you're in such a
folding pattern, you just don't really know what to expect.
How are you going to move forward with life? But
then once there's a parenting plan in place, you know,
and those things are handled, then you know how to
move forward. And then and you will. You will make
(23:00):
it and you will move forward, and then you'll realize
that and I know you know this too. You can
get through anything once you've gone through something like.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
This, right.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
I don't know if you can share it because I
know there's a lot of privacy. So if this is
the answer is now, I'll cut this out of the podcast.
But I always think it's nice. Do you have a
story of a transformation you witness that can show how
the right strategy and the right mindset when you're going
through a high conflict battle, a custody battle like this
(23:33):
as a single mom can really.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Help, right, I do. One of my clients that I
was sharing with you that basically her kids were kidnapped.
She yeah, there was strong on this side, parental alienation
from the father. He had them on YouTube channels and videos.
We started out with nothing during Christmas time, and we
(23:59):
had to go into court multiple times. When I say we,
she did with her attorney, but I coached her right
multiple times, asking the judge please, like this is you
know these kids have been taken from me. This man
has and the youngest was like ten. I mean, that's
a young little boy, right. So it took a year
(24:23):
literally to get this man to take those kids out
of Oklahoma come back into the court system. They had
to go through like two different mediators, I don't know
how many hearings, and then finally they were able to prove,
you know that he was he had stolen the kids
(24:44):
and he was coaching them to say things on the stand.
It took us a year, but she got her kids back,
She got her babies back, and then through that process
getting the kiddos back, she was able to take half
of the assets of the house and and you know,
there was a lot of therapy that needed to be
involved for the kids after what had happened. But they're
(25:06):
living happily ever after. Right now, you know she's got
her kids A good job to the strong mama, good forever.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
You can get through that.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
So what would your expert advice be to the woman,
a single mom who's gone through this right now? Maybe
she's exhausted, maybe she's just scared to death, wondering if
she's ever going to get her peace and her family
back after this.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
What would you tell her?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Well, the thing I always tell my clients is you
have to remember to put your oxygen mask on first,
otherwise you're not going to be any good for the family,
the kiddos. So you've got to take care of yourself.
And then my second piece of advice is never give up.
But also you know, it's easy to just focus on
(25:51):
what's wrong every single day, So I always say, like,
pick up a hobby, do something for yourself, you know,
and also carve out time when you do have your
children to create special traditions and do new fun activities,
and that's helpful. And just don't give up, don't give up,
(26:14):
just keep going.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
And I just want to remind you. You don't have to
figure this out all alone. I think that's one of
the biggest lies we tell ourselves as single moms is
we isolate and we think I'm alone in this and
no one gets it.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
We get it.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Where you have. You have an amazing community which I
want to be a part of and help out you. Yeah. No,
You're not alone. And that's another message. So seek support
in any way you can, through family, through friends, through
a counselor through a coach, all those things. I offer
a lot of emotional support. Yeah yeah, in my coaching.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Good. You don't have to keep fighting in the dark.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
So in the notes to this podcast, I'm going to
put all kinds of information and so information about the
single Mom Collective. If you want to join our community,
we're all about future focus, growing, and if you are
in that high conflict place and you need a coach,
I'll put all the information about how to connect with Nicole.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I'm thinking your Instagram. What's the best way that we
could connect with you.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
My Instagram is great. My instagram is great. The Family
Law lay is on and I do have a website
that's the familylawlays on dot com as well.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Again, Yeah, all the links will be in the show
notes for you. Very easy to connect and just do
as so, do me a favor and just don't stay
stuck and don't stay alone, isolation stale. I never right,
we are here, So yeah, And there was a reason
why Nicole does this. There's a reason why I do this.
I always say I'm on a mission to make sure
no single mom feels as a loan and as afraid
(27:47):
as I did.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Right, I became one because no one really plans this.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
There's no seal spreadsheet and I don't know really anyone
that has an extra savings account for this in cases. Yeah, right,
that's correct because we all think it's not going to
happen to us, but it does happen. And is there
anything Nicole that I didn't ask you about what you
do this current situation we're in with family court how
(28:12):
to survive it that you would like to add?
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah, I'm just honestly stay as positive as possible, and
like I said, the most the important stuff is like
every single day, just takes some time to organize your
documentation otherwise it's going to get overwhelming, right, So just
take a few hours a day to journal. Definitely do
(28:36):
the journaling about just the everyday activities and then take
some time and just be like, Okay, I'm going to
put this, organize this in this pile, you know. And
I do that a lot with my clients to help
them out. Obviously, don't give up. And there is light
at the end of the tunnel.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, there is. There's love and closeness. I have to say,
you know, even going through a lot of this myself.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Kind of backfired on the other party because now we're
closer than ever, right and my kids know I fought
for them. Yeah, thank you so much for your time
and sharing all your wisdom and pouring into the collective.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
And I hope it was helpful. Very I know I
definitely want to come back. Yay.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Sound good, isn't Nicole amazing? I'm so glad you witnessed
this episode.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Do me a favor, and if you have a friend
that really needs this information, send it to them, like
just copy the link, send it to them in a
tax and be like, hey, girl, you need this. It
will change everything for you. You're a good friend for
doing that. And maybe if you're in this situation right
now and you need the support of a loving community,
around you.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I want to give you a free offer.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
I have this cool online group it's called the Single
Mom Collective, and together we encourage each other. We meet
three times a week online. On Mondays we talk about
motivation and how to make more money, how to manage
our money better. On Wednesdays, we talk about our health
when it comes to health fitness, what we're eating, our parenting,
how to keep.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Peace with our ex.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
And then on Thursdays Thursday Thursdays, we talk about dating
and relationships. How you can heal from the wound of
your past relationship so that you can have a better
picker and find love again, the one that you deserved
in the first place, and give your kids a great
example of a loving relationship. I'm going to give that
to you for seven days for free because you are
(30:32):
a loyal podcast listener. So check out the link for
the seven day free trial in the show notes to
the Single Mom Collective. And I'm not going to gatekeep
or hide anything after that. It's super affordable. It's just
thirty seven bucks a month after a seven day free trial.
That's like one last door dash a week.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Okay, thank you, I'm here for you.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
I created the community that I wished I would have
had when I became a single mom. On my watch,
no single mom ever walks alone or feels as alone
and as afraid as I did.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I am with you.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.