From Shame to Spotlight: Kayla Sullivan Reports on Going Viral & Finding Love After Single Mom Life

You’ve laughed at her viral “mom reports”… but today, Kayla Sullivan shares the story behind the satire. In this deeply honest and uplifting conversation, Kayla sits down with Amanda to talk about the real side of single motherhood—how shame kept her silent, how she built a new life through humor, and how she found unexpected love (and a new career) after heartbreak. If you’ve ever felt behind, broken, or unworthy of a happy ending—this episode will change the way you see your story. What You’ll Hear:

• The secret shame Kayla hid—even from her co-anchor
• How becoming a single mom launched her into virality
• Dating tips that actually worked (and how she found her husband!)
• Why single motherhood can be the most powerful season of your life
• How to stop surviving and start redefining success
• What's next for Kayla!  A New You Tube Series! 

👩‍👧 Join The Single Mom Collective: Start Your 7-Day Free Trial Here
📞 Book a Call with Nicole Cox: thefamilylawliaison.com
📲 Follow Kayla on Instagram: @kaylamariesully
📲 Follow Kayla on TikTok: @kaylareporting
📲 Follow Kayla on YouTube: @kaylareporting

🎙 Announcements: Book a Free 1:1 Empowerment Call → Ready to heal, gain confidence, and finally attract the partner you deserve? Let’s create a strategy tailored just for YOU.
Click Here to Book your free call now! 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Brave Podcast Network. Don't be ashamed of being a single mom.
I actually would lie to do my concher when he
asked me what my husband did for a living. I
just made something up because I was so ashamed to
be a single mom. I was on TV and I
thought that I had to have a husband, like I
thought that it was. It was embarrassing that I didn't.
I wish that I would have owned it. I wish
I would have been proud of it, because what I

(00:22):
was doing was actually really amazing. I think I was
more impressive for it. And I really hope that if
you're listening to this and you're a single mom, like
hear me when I tell you like you're amazing, Like
you are not any less than anyone else, And don't
be afraid to tell people that be proud.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
What is the thing you're most ashamed of ends up
being the thing that changes your life. This episode is
for you.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Welcome back to the single mom Collective.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
This is raw, hilarious, deeply moving conversation with viral sensation
and fellow single mom survivor. She's now really hear Tayla
Sullivan aka the mob Reporter.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
YE might recognize this from Instagram or TikTok.

Speaker 4 (01:01):
Hi kyles Alivan reporting live from the basement where my
kids continue leading the lights on here and around the home.
I can confirm this is not only hurting the environment,
it's draining my bank account. Take a look at how
easy it would be to quite literally flip a switch
on this behavior. Almost as easy as it would be

(01:21):
for me to throw away their Nintendo switch. Coming up
consequences if you forget to turn off a light, I
forget the new Wi Fi password back to you.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
That's actually how I met her, I commented on this
video and we stroke up a conversation. I just love
her one point two million followers on TikTok eight hundred
and thirty eight thousand on Instagram, and I am honored
to have her now here on the single mom collective.
We're going to talk about the shame that no one

(01:54):
sees the nights you cry alone, the career sacrifices no
one claps for, how all of it can lead to
something better than you ever imagined. If you've ever felt
like you're failing because you're doing it alone, or wondered
if you're shot at love and purpose already passed you
by this episode is for you, and let's get into it. Kayla,
thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
Thank you. I'm happy to be here, and I'm really
happy to be able to talk about this side of
my life. Typically I just talk about, you know, funny
mom relatable things, but this side was a big part
of my past and honestly my present in some ways,
because right now, I've been married a year and I

(02:37):
actually was never married to my child's father, so this
is my first marriage. So I'm navigating first time being married,
but I'm already I kind of skipped a step, you know,
like I was a mom before getting married, So it's
it's been such a fun learning curve. But I also
am so happy to have community in this way and

(02:57):
to be able to talk about this part of my
life with a community of single moms. And I know
when I was a single mom, that was the one
thing I was always craving was community. All of my
friends were married. I came from a traditional family, so
you know, being a single mom was just really foreign
to me and to my family. So it was all
just it was new and I didn't know how to

(03:18):
navigate it. There's no manual for parenting. But there's really
no manual for single parenting or step parenting for that matter.
So I am navigating all of this blind learning on
the fly and it's never boring, that's for sure. But community,
i think, is the one thing that I'm constantly craving.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yes, well, that's why I created this, the Single Mom Collective,
the podcast, and we have an online community. If you
want more information about it, the link is in the
show notes. You can try it out completely for free
if you want to join today and you get a
seven day free trial and after that it's a very
low monthly membership. We have to surround ourselves with the
right people. Let's go back a little bit, Kayla.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
So I know you like.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
Your gorgeous wedding pictures and all these funny videos and
I'm like obsessed, like you make my day when I
go on. But used to be a news reporter in Indianapolis.
Can you tell me your journey a little bit about
how you became the mom reporter on Instagram?

Speaker 1 (04:13):
Absolutely? So it's funny. I wanted to be a news
reporter since the fourth grade. I was very said, it
was pretty rare to see someone that young just know
exactly what they were going to do. And not only that,
but I was joining those school announcements and doing that.
Like everybody I knew knew I wanted to do that.
I was wearing blazers to school and talking to my newsboye.
So this was not a surprise to anyone who knew me.

(04:34):
I did it in high school, I did in college,
and then I became a news reporter, and so I
always stayed in Indiana for news reporting. I started out
in West Lafayette, Purdue area, and then I went to Indianapolis.
But while I was in West Lafayette, I was their
main anchor there and I unexpectedly got pregnant, and for me,
I always wanted to be a mom, like that was
also my dream. But my two dreams were be a

(04:56):
news reporter be a mom. And because being a mom
became so much sooner than I had originally planned, I
was like, no, I still want to accomplish my goals
as a news reporter. So my goal was always to
be a news reporter in Indianapolis, and I actually accomplished
that dream shortly after I had Alan, my son, and
I got a job at Indy. But I was a
single mom, so it was really difficult being a news

(05:17):
reporter and being a mom. I mean, I just felt
like I was always If I was being a really
good mom at the time, then I felt like my
job was suffering. I wasn't getting good enough story ideas,
I wasn't alert enough, I wasn't on top of it.
But then if I was really good at my job,
then my son was spending more time with my mom
and my sister and starting to call the mommy and started,
you know, and I was dying inside on both ends.

(05:39):
And so I realized that something had to change. And
I was like, you know what, news will always be there,
but my son isn't going to be young forever. So
I decided to step away from news and I took
a nine to five PR job in Oklahoma. At the time,
I was a state house reporter. So I transitioned to
PR at the Statehouse in Oklahoma. And so I moved.

(06:02):
I was a single mom, moved to Oklahoma news state
didn't have my community anymore. But I really loved that
it was just me and my son because I really
needed to make up for lost time because like I said,
he was like calling my mom and sister mom because
he was spending so much time with them, and he
was two at the time when I moved. So anyway,
I moved to Oklahoma, but I missed reporting so much,

(06:22):
and I ended up posting these little, funny, satirical news
reports on my son, just kind of because I missed
being on camera and I missed doing the news voice,
and I thought it was, you know, funny, and I
was kind of making fun of the old version of myself.
And that's what I do, is, you know, I'll nod
like a news reporter, I'll talk exactly like a news reporter,

(06:42):
and I'll talk in terms like I used to talk
on the news, but as a mom reporting the realities
of motherhood. And it just kind of took off, and
so I was able to still do what I love,
but now I'm combining two dreams. I'm combining motherhood and reporting,
and it just kind of took off and it became
my career, which was such a dream come true that
I never even knew that I had. So then all

(07:04):
of a sudden, I started doing this and I saw
a different avenue. I actually ended up getting a TV
job from satirical news reporting. I got to have my
own kid, segment. It was called Kidding with Kayla on
a local I got to move back home to Indy
and I got to be on local TV again. That
didn't work out long term, so now I'm doing full
time social media again. But for a while I was

(07:26):
on TV again, but as a mom reporter, and that
was so much fun. So it's just led to so
many great opportunities. But it also led me to my husband.
You know, he saw my videos. He actually was a
fan of my news reporting, so he followed me on
Twitter firstus my state House news reporting. So he worked
at the state House, so he was a professional. He was,

(07:46):
you know, in the state House all the time. But
we had never met. We always talk about how many
times we were at the same press conferences and all
of these things, but we never actually met. And so
he was already following me. But then he saw some
of my satirical news reporting, so then thought that was funny.
And then he saw me on a dating website and
was like, hey, like, I know your stuff. I've been
following you since you were a real reporter. And then
that's how we kind of started talking. But it's funny

(08:09):
how all of this led to not only a career,
but also meeting my husband.

Speaker 5 (08:14):
I have chills because like, okay, single mom, listen to this, Okay,
we think sometimes we all do, Oh my god, this
is gonna be the end of the world, right, and
what's going to happen?

Speaker 2 (08:27):
At least I felt that way. Maybe not all, but
I did, And I remember feeling like I was ruined.
I was thrown out with the trash, like how am
I ever going to recover from this? But then it
ended up being the thing that I do for a
living and almost the thing that gives me the most
inspiration fulfillment in life. You wanted to be a mom,
you wanted to be a reporter, You became a mom,
report your whole story. Do you feel like, like now,

(08:51):
looking back, maybe I wouldn't change anything.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
Yes, And I'm literally on the verge of tiers because
I want to talk about something too, because I am
remembering this feeling that I used to have, and I
hope that who's ever listening to this, here's me. But
I used to feel so much shame, like so much
shame for being a single mom, so much so I
hope it o't gora so much so that I actually
would lie to do my co anchor when he asked

(09:16):
me what my husband did for a living, I just
made something up because I was so ashamed to be
a single mom that like, and he was my idol,
just this co ancher was my idol. So, Bob Donaldson,
if you're listening, I'm sorry, I lie, you know, I
just made up some cool because at the time, like
I was on TV and I thought that I had
to have a husband, like I thought that it was

(09:36):
it was embarrassing that I didn't. And then so like,
don't be ashamed, don't be ashamed of being a single mom.
Like I wish that I would have owned it. I
wish I would have been proud of it because what
I was doing was actually really amazing and I was
I think I was more impressive for it. And I
think my mind, my brain, like the sick part of me,

(09:56):
like thought that like I was less sand because I
was a And I really hope that if you're listening
to this and you're a single mom, like hear me
when I tell you, like you're amazing, Like you are
not any less than anyone else, And don't be afraid
to tell people that, be proud to tell people that
because that's the one thing I would do differently, is

(10:17):
I would I would not let myself feel the intense
shame that I used to feel about being a single mom,
because that was really crippling and I don't like that
I felt that and nobody made me feel that way,
Like this was coming from my own brain. By the way. Now,
once I started going viral, there were a lot of
people like saying like, where's the father and you need

(10:37):
to get a husband for that boy, and you need
to get a father, you know, like and that kind
of bothered me. But other than that, like society itself,
I felt like they weren't like I feel like if
I would have told my conker that I was a
single mom, he would have been like, oh, you know,
like all right, y'all grew good for you, But like
in my mind, he would have thought less of me.
And I just I don't know why I did that
to myself, And so I hope that anybody listening won't

(11:01):
do that to themselves, or if you are doing that,
stop because you'll regret it later, like you really will,
and there's nothing to be ashamed of in your story.
And like we said, you know, in my case, it
became my identity in many ways. It helped me in
my career in many ways, and it helped me to
do the things that I was meant to do, which
my two passions were being a mom and being a

(11:23):
news reporter. So they both ended up working out for me.
I think it was because I took that leap of
faith to leave news and to do what felt right
for me. I think you just have to be willing
to take the risk, but also in a smart way
quit without having a job lined up. I didn't quit,
you know. I didn't just go and do something super irresponsible.
I knew what was happening wasn't what I needed at

(11:45):
the time, and it wasn't what was best for my
son and best for me. So I left knowing that
I could potentially go back if I worked hard enough.
And I did go back, but in a way that
I never imagined.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
I love that story. I think the more of us
that are bold and confident in our single motherhood, we
erased the shame for all those that are coming up.
But I also did the same thing, Kayla. When I
my ex husband left with three children for another woman
and my kids were four to and eight, weeks old
and I had just gone back from attorney leave. I

(12:18):
was doing a morning radio show in Washington, d C.
For Christian radio station, and I kept it a secret
for six months because I was just afraid of all
that shame. I think religious culture puts a lot of
it on I think a lot. That's where a lot
of it comes from. But I should have as soon
as I broke down and told everybody, all I got
was support and help, And I was like, why did
I wait so long? So really, the shame is in

(12:40):
our own heads. It so is, yes, And the more
you talk about it, I think the more support that
you're going to get. So and also again, I think
we erased the shame of single motherhood when we are
bold and confident as single mothers, and it just makes
it easier for all of us. I'm so glad you
went there. So you start doing all of these great

(13:04):
reporting on your Kayla Sullivan mom reporter accounts and you
start to go viral. Can you tell us what that
ride was like? Like, Oh my god, this is actually
going to be a thing.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
It was surreal. I mean I was used to being
in front of you know, like I grew up doing theater,
I was always in front of a camera. I was
the main a throwing myself yet, so it was used
to people seeing what I did and being in front
of other people. So that part wasn't totally strange for me,
but it was. It was so fun to get real
time feedback, and I think it was really healing for

(13:39):
me to see how many people related to what I
was going through because I was I was being vulnerable.
I'm very self deprecating in my videos. Like I'm talking,
it's more so like about my parenting or just the
realities of what it's like to be a mom, you know.
I think in the video that you commented on, you know,
I'm teasing about how the kids are leaving the lights

(14:00):
on all the time, and how you know, I could
I could take their Nintendo switches if they're not willing
to switch on the lights, you know, just kind of
a play on words. I love play, I love puns,
I love you know, just being kind of silly in
that way. And so it's just all things that people
can relate to. But then you get this sense of
community in the comment section. And I replied to your
comment because that's honestly one of My favorite parts is

(14:21):
replying to people, you know, and the funny things that
they come up with in the comments, and just it's
where my community is, is my comment section. So that's
kind of what helped me through single mothering. Too. Is
I did some reports on being as single mom and
dating as a single mom, and so my comment section
became that, you know, that community that I was craving,

(14:42):
So in some ways I used it as a healing
tool on my journey and also just to see, like,
who else was struggling with this. You know, my kid
is throwing his shoes in the car. It's driving me nuts.
You know, I'm going to report on my kids throwing
his shoes. See how many other parents are dealing with
their kids throwing their shoes in the car, you know.
And so I'm excited to see it grow. If I
do end up having another child, which I would love to,

(15:02):
I would love to have at least one more. No,
I never reported on what it was like to be pregnant,
so I think that would be really fun too, is
reporting on pregnancy, because there's a lot of things about
that that I kind of wish I would have kept
track of and know the cravings or whatever you go
through swollen ankles. There's so many reports I could do
on being a pregnant woman, so I think that would
be fun. But if that never happens for me, you know,

(15:24):
there's just plenty of different avenues that I could take
with it. The one thing that remains is that people
look for relatability, and they look for a sense of
the community, and that's what I've been able to provide
for them in my comment section. And I want to
keep going because it's really healing for me. But I
know that some people have also reached out saying it's
really healing for them. Just talking about this stuff where
I used to hide it and feel shame around it,

(15:46):
but now I have an online community where we can
all talk about it and make it feel less of
a big deal has been really helpful.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
It seems like this is the thing that really helped
you get through your single motherhood. Is like, I'm going
to create this content, and is there anything else that
maybe you haven't shared about that journey of creating this
content as your single momming it giving. I think humor
is very healing, you know, maybe just putting some humor

(16:13):
onto a situation that's like insane. Do you think that
was the thing that helped you?

Speaker 1 (16:19):
Oh, definitely having that since the community in the comments
section sharing that, you know, being vulnerable, I had a
really good support system with my family, you know, having
them there and helping me through it. I think, however
you can find support as a single mom is so important.
I do wish I would have had more single mom friends,
like I wish I would have joined something like this

(16:39):
where I had a whole community where we could bounce
off ideas talk about dating, like, because nobody knows is
it the right time to date? Should I introduce my
son to this person? Should I? You know, I ended
up I was dating a guy and I ended up
moving in with him, and I have regrets about that,
you know, Like I have regrets that I moved in
with someone that I didn't end up being marrying and

(17:02):
it ended really badly by the way I was cheated on,
and so like it was like I was, I felt
so silly for having exposed my son to this environment
and making him feel like he had a family with
this person who wasn't myfe forever. And so I promised
myself after that, like if I was going to move

(17:22):
in with a guy, I was going to be married
to him. So I didn't move in with my husband
until we were already like I mean, we were a
couple weeks from being married, but basically married, because I
was really adamant that I wasn't going to do that
to my son again because I felt so guilty that
he lived with someone who wasn't his stepfather and didn't
stick around. And so I think for me, you know,

(17:43):
if I could give that advice to someone, but at
the same time, you know, it's best for you, and
maybe I needed to learn that lesson. Like I hate
saying I regret it because in all reality, like you
really you don't, you don't know what you don't know?
You know, I thought that guy was going to be
my forever at the time, but he wasn't, you know,
So I think I don't. I don't want to shame
anyone if they do end up living with a guy

(18:04):
and having their kids, but I know there are some
things that I just I wish that I would have
had more single moms to consult at the time, like hey, yeah,
like hey, like what do you think about this or whatever?
Because I think the people that I had were all married.
They didn't really know what I was going through. They
just wanted to see me happy, so they didn't really
know what advice to give me. So just finding people
who are in similar situations I think are is really helpful.

(18:28):
And I really want to do that with with stepmothers too,
Like I don't know if you have a big stepmother following,
but you know, if you're a step mom, reach out
to me because I need that support and I've been
looking for that support because it is a totally different ballgame.
Something I want single moms to know is I used
to say to myself all the time, when I get married,

(18:50):
everything's going to be easier. I just to say, like, oh,
because I'd never been married before. So like in my
mind I built it up to like this, you need
a partner to feel whole, You need a partner to
so all your problems. That puts so so much on
your partner first of all, like to expect them to
a problems, but it also does it like there are
so many new challenges that you face. I love being married.

(19:12):
I wouldn't change it for the world, But that doesn't
mean that being married is easier than being single. In
some ways, it's it's more difficult because now you have
to consider someone else's opinion when you make parenting decisions
and when you do other things, like you know, when
you're a single mom, at least in my case, at
the time, I didn't have really a co parent to consult,
so I just made all the decisions myself. And of

(19:32):
course I thought there are great decisions because I made them,
you know. And so now when you have to consult
someone else, or if you have someone else to consider,
or you have you know, it's it's always going to
be difficult. So never tell yourself like when this thing happens,
my life is going to be better, because you don't
know what you don't know, and you can only do
the best the best job at the time and with
what you have, and so soaking in that alone time,

(19:53):
I wish I would have thought more about the positives
of being a single mom, Like how special was it
that I got these adorable like morning routines with my son,
just my son, no one else, because I don't have
it anymore now I have a husband, so, like you know,
and it was a big transition not sleeping with my
son anymore because I slept with my son every single night.
So when I got married, I was like, I can't

(20:13):
sleep with him anymore, Like I have to change, they
like and so, but how special was it that for
the first four years of my son's life he slept
with his mom every night? And like, you know, I
didn't do it when he was really young, and it,
like co sleeping was was was a scary thing. But
when he was old enough to sleep with me, I
loved it. I got to snuggle him every night, I
got to wake up with him, I got to have
these sweet little mornings where we sing and we made

(20:35):
breakfast together. And like, not every mom gets that, And
I think single moms should really relish in that time
that you get with your kids. And I have some
videos from that time of my life that sometimes I'll
just watch and I'll just like cry and just like
be like, oh, that was so special that I got
to have that with my son. And So, if I
have advice for any single mom, like, don't think of

(20:55):
that as a bad thing or a lonely thing. Think
of it as an opportunity that you wouldn't have had
otherwise if you weren't in this situation.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
You get to have an incredible bond with your children.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
You do.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
I mean, it's really interesting because too, I look back
on the journey of single motherhood. You know the old
videos that I think, now I've been married for almost
two years, not even a year and a half, and
I think, oh my god, that was so crazy and fun.
We got to do all of these things. And I
didn't ask anybody for permission. If it was a nice day,

(21:27):
I was like, get in the car, put your bike's
in the car. We're going to go on a bike ride.
And we have all of these things. And I look back,
see my mother raised me and my sister for several
years as a single mom. And it's interesting because I
remember looking back at that time going that was one
of the most fun times of my childhood. When we
were living in a two bedroom apartment in Indianapolis, and

(21:48):
my sister and I didn't just share a room, we
shared a bed in our room as but and we
had mac and cheese most nights for dinner and just
ended up laughing for hours at the table because it
was just us girls. I think, Wow, And then having
that knowledge and then going through it as myself is
really making some of those magical moments as a single
mom is in Okay, we'll do this, and realizing that

(22:11):
it's not a magic wand when you get married again
that takes away all the pain and realizing it just
as the next level. It's interesting because I we still
had we called ourselves like a band name. We called
ourselves Mama and the sunshines for a while, and it
was just it was a really special moment and we
still look back. And so if you can be thankful

(22:33):
for this time, and yes date and yes, find a
great partner, but really be thankful and enjoy it. And
I hope you're not mad at me for saying this,
because I do.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
I know how hard it is. Yeah, like, don't yell at.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Me right now. But there are moments of joy that
you get to experience that not every other mom gets
to experience. And I think, maybe, Kyla, the secret is
if we can pick those out with it, focus more
on those than all the things that are really really
freaking hard, like struggling with your career I think you know,
and having your career and all these things, maybe that

(23:07):
makes it a little bit better.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
I think it's okay to want to get married. I
think it's okay to want to find somebody, but I
think for me, I wish I wouldn't have made it
my whole personality at times, Like I feel like I
was like I think I was always like I on
the prize, like of like okay, like you know, I
need to find a husband, I need to find a
dad for him, I need to find all these things.
I feel like I put so much pressure on myself

(23:29):
when in reality, like all that was going to come,
and it actually came when I wasn't really looking for it,
you know, when I was kind of finally comfortable with
seeing motherhood. Of course that's when it comes, right. But
I think if I had advice for for single moms,
I would tell them, you know, like date, have fun,
let it happen, but enjoy this time because your kids

(23:51):
aren't going to be young forever and it's honestly so
special that you get this along with them, and like
do those fun things like you talk about, like have
cute nicknames for yourself. Go in the car, go and
bike ride, go, do these things that take trips. I
took my son to Denver like by myself, you know,
like just do things that are that are fun. Just
you and your kid, take pictures, take videos. I was

(24:14):
so grateful that, oh yes, yeah, I was so grateful that,
like I took a video of my son our morning routine.
He was only one at the time. I took a
video of our morning routine because morning routines were like
really popular back then. I wasn't an influencer yet, like
I wasn't a content creator, but I just did it
for fun. And I watched that video all the time,

(24:35):
like it is so precious to me because I was
getting ready for work with him. This was back when
I was a news reporter still, but he was, you know,
living with me in my little house that I bought us.
I loved that little house, like I would not have
changed just single thing about that first house I bought us,
Like it was so special. We had so many great
memories there, and like, you know, it's it's funny because
the whole time, I think in the back of my mind,
I had like the my eye on like married life,

(24:58):
I had my eye on all these things, which is
okay to but like I just I don't think I
realized at the time how special that time was. And
if I could go back, I would relish in it
a little bit more, and I would do some of
those things differently with a different mindset, and not think
that marriage would solve all my problems, because even though
it's great, I absolutely love this time in my life too,
and I should tell myself that I need to relish

(25:20):
in this moment. Everybody says like, yeah, like, relish in
the moment that you're in. But it's so true because
I think we're always and maybe it's my personality that
I'm always looking ahead. I'm always looking to the next
thing that I have to do or accomplish. But I
really need to learn to live in the moment because
a lot of good things just pass you by and
then you end up missing them. And so I think

(25:40):
I take a journal, Like if I could tell myself,
I wish that I would have journaled more as a
single mom and just journaled about even my dating life,
Like I wish I would have wrote down some of
the crazy things I encountered as a single mom, Like
that would become a book. If I would have done that,
it would have been a bestseller New York Times bestseller,
Like I need to think back on so maybe I
can go back to my messages to my friends of

(26:01):
like the recaps of my horrible dates, because seriously, it
was so fun. I want on so many bad first dates,
like so many, and I just I just was. I
was trying to have fun with it. But I also
I was, I was just I knew what I wanted,
So I was very ready to say no like I was.
I didn't feel bad when I was like, no, we're
not gonna have a second date.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
I think that was good. Yeah, I have want to learn.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
Let's get into that.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
Because one of the things I do in the single
Mom Collective, like we have got the community, and then
I have a couple of courses. We start with metamorphosis,
like you just became a single mom. Here's what you do.
You know money, how to get peace with your ex,
how to have an actual vision in new goals for
your life, and even take care of yourself. How do
we get that going? Then we go to dating. It's

(26:46):
called Love Unlocked, a dating revolution for single moms. And
what I found, which is really surprising to me, a
lot of single moms in our community scared to death
to start dating and believing in this. I call it
a false reward. That the false reward is it's a
lot safer for me and my kid if I don't
ever date until they're grown. And I actually think that's like, Okay,

(27:08):
you think that's safer, but really what it does is
like loneliness festers and you're making it harder on yourself
and it's really not safer. So what kind of advice
would you give to a single mom who's scared to
freaking date right now and get on a dating app.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
I just think it's fun, Like I had fun, Like
I think you're I think you're not thinking you can't
take it so seriously that you aren't having fun with it,
you know what I mean? Like I think because the story.
But I'm a storyteller, so I love to tell stories.
So like I actually kind of was in it for
the fly, like this is often. I was like all right,
like I can't wait. And I never actually like posted

(27:44):
about my bad DAIDs. Yeah, but I would tell my
friends about it, you know, like I would I would say,
oh my gosh, can you believe this question that this
guy asked? Or can you believe that he was talking
about high school the entire time? Or can you believe
you know, like whatever, and it was kind of fun.
It was it was a chance to get out, It
was a chance to you know, not at the time
that I was dating, my kid was you know, under four,

(28:06):
so you know, talking to adults was kind of a
reward sometimes, you know, just getting out there, having a drink,
having dinner, you know whatever, going going to a park
or museum with a guy like it was. It was fun.
And I think I think if you just don't put
so much pressure that it's this is my husband or
this is you know, you don't have to introduce your

(28:27):
kid to all of them. You don't have to introduce
your kid to any of them, you don't have to
involve your kid at all. But just getting out and
not being lonely and experiencing that I think is really fun.
But I do think that there are things that can
scare people off, like if if you put too much
pressure on it and then you end up feeling like,
oh my gosh, that was awful. I don't ever want

(28:48):
to do that again, or I feel rejected or I
got hurt or whatever. Like I think the fact that
I kept trying was why I was successful, Like why
I stayed on the dating apps, you know, I I
on lots of first dates that were bad, but I
didn't get down about it, Like I didn't give up
like just because it didn't work out. I actually found
it entertaining at times, like you know, like I was

(29:10):
just like, yeah, that's fine. It was like, you know,
it's work out or whatever. So I think you just
you got to not take yourself so seriously and you
have to know what you want. That's why I like
dating apps. Like I know a lot of people are
again singing apps. I mean I found my husband on
a dating app.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Me too.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
I like it because you have the power of saying
like like you have all the lists of things that
you want right, like I actually wanted someone who had
a kid. I actually wanted someone you know, like and
these are like filters that you can put on your
dating app, and so you know, figuring out what you want.
Like that's what I would do, is I would take
every day as I'm learning more about what I want.

(29:45):
And this guy wasn't it. I don't like that, So
I'm never going to go back out with a guy
like that or I did like that, So I'm going
to find another guy that has that, but maybe this
time he has something else that I wanted or whatever,
like be picky because you can be. But then also
just like I think a lot of guys might think
that they want to date a single mom, or they

(30:06):
might think if they don't have kids or whatever, like
they might think they're ready for kids, or they might think.
But in my case, like I dated a guy that
didn't have a kid, who was clearly not ready to
have a kid. Who was you know, So figuring out
how mature the guy is is really important. I think
figuring out, you know, the real like are you really
ready for kids? Like do you really want that? Or

(30:26):
are you just telling yourself you want that? Like that's
always the scary That was the scary part for me
was you know. And I think that's why I ended
up going in the direction of I actually really want
someone who's already a dad, because for me, I needed
to see how they bothered before I picked them. I agree,
because I did not want that. But that might not
be the case for everyone because there's a lot of

(30:48):
challenges with him being a dad. One now you are
co parenting, like you're he's co parenting with someone else,
and you have to get through all these like you
have to really know yourself and what you're capable of
as a person. So if that it's not for you,
if you don't want to deal with an ex wife
and co parenting with the ex wife, and then you
probably should go with somebody who doesn't have kids. So

(31:08):
you've got to know yourself, You've got to know what
you want. But for me, I needed that reassurance that
he wants kids because he already has one, and he
wants kids because he's and he's going to be ready
for a kid because he already had one. And for me,
that was what made me feel comfortable moving forward. But
that may not be the case for everyone. So just
figuring out what you want in a low stakes way

(31:31):
I think is so important. And I mean but knowing
too that you don't have to have someone and getting
married is not going to solve your people. It's just
emphasis on that, Like it's not, but.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
It is very fun that.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
Like give yourself a year.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
I always say, like I say give yourself a year,
In most I think, wait six months, So that's okay,
Like if you just give yourself time to figure things
out and heal and then put yourself back out there
and then don't quit at all, because it reminds me
something I say with some of my clients when they're
on the dating app and it's been like, you know,
two bad dates and they're like, oh my god, this

(32:07):
is terrible. It's like no, no, just keep going. Dating
is like a circus, you kind of you have to
sit through the clon show first and then and then
you get through it and then you make some friends
and then I always think of that Tyler Perry video.
It was this speech that he did at a People's
Choice Award about just keep digging, about digging for wells,
and like how he kept digging these small wells. He
would quit and he'd go find to find water at

(32:29):
this property. He'd quit and go find it on another piece,
and then he'd they never found it, and then he
hired somebody finally that went back to the first well
where they went digging. It just had to dig a
little bit deeper and then hit it. Just keep digging,
Just keep going with any dream, whether it's your career
as a single mom, whether it is a new marriage,
a new relationship, is a single mom a new level

(32:50):
in parenting, Like if it's going to be hard, but
he just refused to quit. That's what success is. Success
doesn't it happen overnight with viral videos? Is you know, Kayla?
And I know that what happens is just a whole
series of not quitting on what you want.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
That is success.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
It is a single mom in my opinion.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
And a marriage, yeah, and in everything you do. Like
I mean, I can't quit on this marriage just when
it gets hard. I can't quit on you know, anything
that you want. You have to work for. Anything worth having,
you have to work for. And so I think for me,
like I just knew that that was what I wanted.
So I kept going on dates, but I was putting
not a lot of pressure on it. But I was

(33:32):
also really clear with the guys that I was going
on dates with with what I wanted, Like I told them, like,
I want at least one more kid. Are you going?
You know it's okay, Like put them on a small
Like if you don't want that, tell me now, because
I don't want to waste my time.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
I'm not a babysitting money on another date. Let me know.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
This is a good tip. This is a good tip.
My husband always teases me about this. So all of
my first date for lunch dakes. I never I never
got babysitters for a first date. So I would do
it during my work lunch break, and it'd be quick
and it'd be like it was like all right, what
do you got, you know? And then if they impressed me,
then they got like a real day. And so my
husband like passed a bad Yeah, then they earned a

(34:10):
babysitter because I wasn't about to waste a night out
on a guy that I didn't know. So yeah, every
guy had to like audition with a lunch date if
you will, and then and like be okay with like
making them take you out and making them, you know,
actually put in the effort, because if they're not willing
to do that, then why even waste your time. I Mean,
there's a lot of things about being a single mom

(34:30):
that they're gonna have to be flexible on, Like they're
gonna have to meet you for lunch because you're not
going to have a babysitter every time, or they're gonna
have to be okay with coming over. Like my husband
would come over at like ten thirty at night until
waited until my son was asleep, and then when my
son would wake up in the middle of that he
had to hide, like I'd be like hide hide. I
was very you know, protective of that. But then also

(34:52):
like how how telling was that that he was willing
to make those sacrifices for me. So he would wait
until ten thirty to come over. He was probably exhausted
at work, and I'd say, this is like a Thursday
and night, you know, and he would We'd watch shows,
we'd played games, we'd you know, have a char cruery
board or whatever, and like that was how we got
to know each other because I didn't have time to
you know, do that. And he we actually got married

(35:14):
and under a year, so he didn't have to wait
long to meet my son, you know, because I knew
when I met him, like I knew it was going
to work out, like I just I we we got
to know each other really well, and we talked all
day every day, you know, And and it was crazy
because he invited me on a trip to North Carolina
like within like the first month and a half, and
I was like, I'm coming, Like it's so funny to

(35:35):
me that like it can happen so fast for you.
But I share this because even though it was kind
of crazy that I did that really quickly. It's okay too,
Like if you feel that connection with someone and you
really have vetted them and you've asked all the right
questions and you really feel that connection, like there's hope
in the fact that it can happen quickly, because I
think some people are like, oh, no, I got a

(35:57):
date for at least four years before or whatever. You know,
do this, I gotta do, you know, and that that
can be a really daunting thought for someone to think
that they have to wait like a certain period of
time before they marry or before they have another kid
or whatever. And for me, like, it happened really quickly,
and I was happy about that because there was this
like I think another thing we should probably bring up

(36:19):
is the biological clock. If you do want to have children,
more children you think about like for me, I do
want to have one more. I'm thirty two, Like you know,
I know that women are having kids into their forties,
But do I really want to be that, you know, Like,
and I started getting in my head about like the
times and you can't let that like deter you from
I don't know, I just I'm glad that that wasn't

(36:39):
necessarily an issue for me, but I did in the
back of my mind. I was like, Okay, if this
doesn't work out, like what am I going to do?
Or am I just going to have to give up
that dream of having one more kid? Or am I
you know? So I think that that is something that
I feel for on single moms is is they they
do have that in the back of their minds, but
hopefully that doesn't draw their sole decision on whether they

(37:02):
should be with someone or not. There's always options and
what's meant to be is meant to be. But it
can happen quickly. Is my is my thing? Like you know,
sometimes it just feels right and it works out for you.
So don't think that you need that you're running out
of time or something, because if you meet the right person,
it could happen really quickly.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
But you know, it takes a long time sometimes to
meet that person. But just yeah, have some fun, make
some friends, go out on dates, and learn more about
yourself in the journey of like, oh wow, I like
a different kind of person now. I think dating is
also a journey in discovering who you are now because
we are different once we go through a couple of
years of single motherhood. It changes you forever.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
You don't think ye same partner always, and the things
you want to talk about change. Like my conversations were
so so much, you know, I'm sure stories about my
kid And that was one thing that I think Jonathan
and I our first date, all we did was talk
about our kids and we were cracking up, like we
were just sharing like hilarious stories about our kids. And
I love that. I love that I had someone that
I could do that with and that was something that

(38:02):
I never would have thought of being like a trait
that I wanted and a husband until that moment when
it started happening. So I think you're right. Discovering yourself
and dating is really fun and if you are afraid
to get out there, just know you'll learn a lot
about yourself and the process and you'll also gain You'll
gain confidence in a weird way too, Like sometimes it
burns like if somebody doesn't like you back or whatever,

(38:24):
you get hurt. But then sometimes it's a confidence booster.
How much people can can like you or how much
you you arnd up like oh wow, like I'm matching
with this guy or I'm matching with os Yeah yeah, wow,
like you know, so so the boosters and others, you know,
But don't be discouraged either way, I think is my
message is, you know it could go either way, but

(38:46):
don't be discouraged because honestly, the rejection is just getting
you that much closer to the one that you're meant
to be with. And don't ever let somebody feel like
make you feel like you're less sand because you have
a kid, because there are guys that will do that.
They'll call baggage. Those are not your guys, like nope.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
Well thanks, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
If they think of your kid as baggage, by like
And there's some people that are out there that will
think of it as such like I did. Like I
thought of my son or my husband's son as a plus.
Yes he's a dad, and I think he and I
think he thought the same thing about me. I think
he thought, Yes, she's a mom, she gets it, she's
gonna understand me. And I love her kid and she

(39:27):
loves mine. So there are people out there that are
going to love your kid and not in this city.
It doesn't have to be in the same way that
you love your biological kid. I think That was my
misconception about step motherhood. It's I was like, I have
to like have this exact same connection to my step
son as I have to my real safe. No, like
you have to treat them both with love, and you

(39:47):
have to you should love them both, but like there
can be a little bit of a difference, Like you
don't have to convince yourself that, like it's exactly the
same way I gave birth to this child, and no,
you didn't. Nobody expects you to feel that way. And
I think that that was one misconception that I had
about stepmotherhood was that I was like, you know, you
have to feel like this is your real son, and
I have to feel like that's my reals not necessarily

(40:08):
like you you have to love them, treat them with respect,
treat them, you know, not differently, but you know, love them.
Loving kids is easy, right, Like I feel like it's
and I think it's really fun to see my husband
and him, and I think it's really fun for my
husband to see me and my kid. And it's like

(40:28):
a different it's just a fun discovery of yourself and others.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
It is I remember to you know Amy Grant, is
I remember Amy Grant a long time ago, she married
Vince Gill. She was a Christian artist and a lot
she remember her talking about. She called Vince Vince Gill's
children her bonus kids bonus daughters instead of step and
I always thought, I was like, oh, got to use that.

(40:55):
I liked it. I like bonus and so.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
My bonus too. But I also so really want to
break the stigma with step two, Like I really don't
like that, like Disney and all of these other like
movies like have made stepmothers out to be like super evil,
I really don't. I also don't like the difference. I
complained about this pretty early on because I feel like
people treat my husband like, oh, you stepped up, you

(41:20):
stepped in, You're amazing, You're and then people treat me
like back off, lady, like you're too much. He's not
your real son. And then I'm like whoa, Like where's
this difference in like not only do dads get the
better end of the deal on like oh wow, you're
taking your son to the park. You're such a good dad.
Now it's like, oh wow, you married her, You're such
a good step dad. But yeah, I'm trying over here

(41:45):
here yeah, off.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Comes, Cayla, the payoff comes. So we're recording this the
day after Mother's Day, and you know, we have we
have all teenagers. We have five teenagers. Goodness is nineteen
sophomore in college and he came home from college. Of
course he's with and his mom's but you know, we
we ran into all each other at a restaurant and

(42:07):
he came up to me. He's like, oh, don't let
me forget. I have a card for you. Oh and
I tried not a Mother's Day card, and I tried
not to cry. And when nineteen year old I was like,
thanks Bud, that is and I was like, Okay, things
are going well. I was like, thank you. That was.

Speaker 1 (42:27):
There are a lot of those moments, and honestly, like
that's why I said earlier, you know, I need to
really relish in the moments right now too, because there
are a lot of like those little moments where you're like, oh,
he gave me a hug, or he said I love you,
or you know, and it's just like it's like your fault.
You get to fall in love with your husband and
your husband's kid, like you know, you're you're just like
it's such a fun it's it's different than anything you've

(42:50):
ever experienced, and nothing that you picture, Like nobody grows
up and is like I want to be a stepmom
when I grow up, Like no dreaming about that life.
But at the same time, like there are really great
rewards to it too, So like I don't know, that's
why I think community is so great, because just you
and I sharing, you know, the little life of step
motherhood could help us get through the dark times of

(43:12):
step motherhood too. And just like single moms sharing those
little single mom moments where you know, my son would say,
you know, Mommy, you're my favorite person in the world
or whatever, and like, oh my gosh. You know, like
if I wasn't a single mom, maybe he wouldn't see
me as like his whole world. Maybe he'd see, you
know a lot of different other people, or you know,
I don't know, Like there's just so there's something so

(43:32):
intimate about being a single parent and then also something
so intimate about being a stepparent and getting those little
moments with them. So there are positives about every path
of life, and I think focusing on the positives is
the really good way to get through the hard times.

Speaker 2 (43:48):
Yeah, we always keep a grateful journal, Kayla. Maybe this
is something you probably already do this, but it's one
of my favorite things. We talk about this inside the
single Mom Collective. We have little pillars of what keeps
us focused on the positive. And it's cheesy, but man,
there's nothing more than the science of being grateful. Like
every morning in our journals, we write down ten things,

(44:09):
ten things that I'm grateful for. And it's almost a
way now that I can look back, even because if
you only have the two minutes while your coffee is brewing,
you have two minutes to write down ten things. I
keep my journal, buy my coffee maker. But now I
look back and I have a history of all the
things that I was grateful for, and each one brings

(44:29):
back memories during that season of life. So even if
you don't have time to keep this long journal of everything,
you're like, I've got my grateful list. I'm like, oh yeah,
oh yeah, and it reminds you actually how good things were.
And I think if we were even to wrap this up,
is like, your journey as a single mom doesn't have
to be the worst thing that ever happened to you.

(44:50):
This actually can be the thing that defines you if
you play it right, and if you approach it with
this mindset and a little bit of humor like Kaylea,
some gratefulness and healing like I do, and choosing to
be brave no matter what. If you start doing all
of those things and just don't quit on your questifying

(45:13):
love again, it will work out. Is there anything else, Kayla,
that I didn't ask you that you really would like
to share with? As I call us the collective, the
single Mom's listening, I just.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Really want to open up dialogue to anyone that wants
to learn more about my story. There's a lot that
I don't share publicly for my son's sake, but if
you want to develop a relationship with me personally, if
you see yourself in my situation or whatever, Like, I'm
here because I love helping people. I love being that community.
So if you want to reach out to me on

(45:45):
my socials and tell me that you listen to this
podcast and you want to learn more or whatever, I'm
happy to share my dating experience with you, or my
motherhood experience or whatever. If you're a stepmom, reach out
because I'm looking for that community. So yeah, like I
just want to open my door of communication to people
because I really do think that helping each other through

(46:06):
this is the answer. And I really craved that sense
of community with other single moms. I crave it with
other stepmoms because like I said, I come from a
very traditional family. All my friends are very traditional in
the way that they've you know, things have worked out
for them in that way. But I'm just I'm so
happy that I'm at a place where I'm not ashamed
of my story. And I hope that anybody listening to

(46:28):
this does not feel shame for where they are in life,
because it's not something to be ashamed of. And like
you said, you said it beautifully. You know, sometimes this
can be what defines you and what brings you to
what you were meant to do in life. And that
is exactly what happened to me. And I never would
have guessed it. I thought this was the worst thing
to ever happened to me, and then it was the best.
So it's just it brought so much joy into my life.

(46:50):
And not to say that my life is easier. It's
hard in some ways, but it's it's just it's so
much fun to look back on and I love that
grateful journal idea. I need to do that. It's wish
I would have. I wish I would have sooner.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Yeah, it's an easy way to keep track of the good.
I like that because otherwise our brain just keeps tracking.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
Oh yeah, my brain tends to do that.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Like I'm just so thankful for you and how much
you're just poured into the collective, Like you're incredible. And
here you've got this new YouTube series coming up. I'm
really going to be addicted to it. Can you share
more about the YouTube?

Speaker 1 (47:26):
So I wanted to give some of my followers or
people who haven't followed me yet a way for longer
form content. And so what I'll be doing is, you know,
if you haven't seen myself, basically what I do or
our news reports, they're short little flips of one topic
or another. And now I want to do a newscast.
I want to be kind of talking to different stories.

(47:47):
There will be like a fifteen minute little newscast meant
for the whole family. Everything I do is very family family,
so your kids can listen a lot of time. So
if you're worried about your kids doing something unsafe on
the internet, you can tune into my channel because it
will be called the Kids News Network News with a Ze,
and so it'll just be very fun and very family

(48:08):
friendly and just a way to connect with your family
and relate.

Speaker 2 (48:11):
Give us all your socials and I'll link them up
in the show note.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
So the handle is Kayla Reporting and that's on TikTok
and YouTube, and then it's Kayla Marie Sully on Instagram.
Thanks for boring into our wants to invest absolutely, thanks
for having me. I really hope that inspired you.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
Just a final reminder, you're not behind, you're not broken.
Your single motherhood isn't a detour, it is thepath. And
what Kayla said, your story, just as it is, might
be the exact thing that leads you to your dreams.
And I want you to know that I'm here for you.
If you're craving real community, real tools, and real transformation,
I'd love to invite you to come check out the

(48:47):
Single Mom Collective. The link to join is in the
show notes. Just for you, my podcast listener, you can
try it out for steven days for free. We meet
three days a week online Monday, Wednesday and Thursday Mondays.
We talk about motive and money Wednesday Wisdom, you learn
about parenting co parenting, and right now we're going through
a health and exercise series, and on Thursday we talk

(49:09):
about dating and relationships and how do you even do
that as a single bomb? Check it out again. Seven
day free trial link is in the show notes. And
if you want even more, I do offer one on
one coaching. You can book a free coaching call with
me because you're a podcast listener. That link direct to
my calendar is in the show notes as well. And

(49:29):
together we are rewriting a story of single motherhood, not
alone anymore. Your next chapter starts now. Oh and Jimmy
a favor. If you think a friend might like this,
share this episode with them and subscribe. Thanks, see you
next time