April 29, 2025 • 48 mins
If you’re clinging to a relationship, a job, a dream, or an old version of yourself that you’ve outgrown, you’re not just holding yourself back — you’re showing your kids how to settle for less too. Today’s guest, Sensi Graves, is here to hand you the permission slip you’ve been waiting for. She built a successful brand, lived the dream… and then had the guts to walk away when it stopped serving her highest calling. We’re diving into how to:
✅ Why “being strong” isn’t the goal — rising is
✅ How to rewire your brain to celebrate yourself daily
✅ Building your "wins folder" to crush negativity and doubt
✅ Why your “why” must be bigger than your fear
✅ How to break free from the sunk cost fallacy
✅ Why letting go is the first act of building generational wealth — emotional, financial, and spiritual
Key Tools You’ll Walk Away With:
🎙 Announcements: Book a Free 1:1 Empowerment Call → Ready to heal, gain confidence, and finally attract the partner you deserve? Let’s create a strategy tailored just for YOU.
Click Here to Book your free call now!
💡 Join The Single Mom Collective → Get the coaching, community, and tools you need to transform your life. Join now here
💖 Watch the Magnetic Attraction Masterclass (FREE!) → If you’re tired of attracting emotionally unavailable men or wondering why you keep doing everything “right” and still not finding love—this is for you. Learn how to shift your energy, become the woman love can’t resist, and attract a high-value man who shows up. 👉 Watch it here now!
Connect with Sensi Graves
Website
Instagram
- Spot when it’s time to let go (even when it’s terrifying)
- Rebuild confidence from the inside out
- Break free from needing external validation
- Show your kids what rising looks like — even when it's messy
✅ Why “being strong” isn’t the goal — rising is
✅ How to rewire your brain to celebrate yourself daily
✅ Building your "wins folder" to crush negativity and doubt
✅ Why your “why” must be bigger than your fear
✅ How to break free from the sunk cost fallacy
✅ Why letting go is the first act of building generational wealth — emotional, financial, and spiritual
Key Tools You’ll Walk Away With:
- Nightly journaling prompts that reprogram your self-worth
- How to set up real, believable affirmations that actually work
- A full strategy to spot what you need to leave behind — and how to do it with confidence
🎙 Announcements: Book a Free 1:1 Empowerment Call → Ready to heal, gain confidence, and finally attract the partner you deserve? Let’s create a strategy tailored just for YOU.
Click Here to Book your free call now!
💡 Join The Single Mom Collective → Get the coaching, community, and tools you need to transform your life. Join now here
💖 Watch the Magnetic Attraction Masterclass (FREE!) → If you’re tired of attracting emotionally unavailable men or wondering why you keep doing everything “right” and still not finding love—this is for you. Learn how to shift your energy, become the woman love can’t resist, and attract a high-value man who shows up. 👉 Watch it here now!
Connect with Sensi Graves
Website
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Brave Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I help women overcome and pause her syndrome, create more
confidence in themselves, excel a mail damminated industries and entrepreneur spaces,
and really transform their self down into strategic sentences.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
We need all of this in our lives, and this
is going to be this whole episode.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
She's going to pour into you real quick before we
dive in. I have a gift for you.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
If you're ready to learn how to date as a
single momb and attract high value men without chasing or
having to settle, I want to give you my free
Magnetic Attraction Masterclass. I will teach you exactly how to
shift your energy, upgrade your standards, and finally become the
woman love can't resist. Watch it free right now. We'll
(00:45):
after listen to this episode. The link is in the
show notes for you.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Girl, how are letting things go that no longer serve you?
A girl? You need this episode?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Listen if you're a single mom, a woman trying to
figure out what's heck comes next in your life. Maybe
it's heartbreak, confusion, or starting over in your career, or
just you.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Need to start over.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
This episode is I feel like this is going to
be your spiritual caffeine shot. Okay, today I'm talking with
someone who maybe she's gonna laugh at this, you're gonna
love her. It's a new friend of mine. She didn't
just ride the wave, she became the damn wave and
that's going to make a lot of sense in a
couple of minutes.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Her name is Cincy Grave.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
She's a professional kiteboarder, well she likes to go by
a professional water sports athlete, which is pretty incredible.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Also a mother while she's doing this. Yeah, a wingfoiler.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I'm going to figure out what that is in just
a little bit and a confidence mentor.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
This woman is incredible.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
She founded a sustainable swimwear line and has recently let
that go to pursue new things.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
And we're going to hear her story.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
So get ready to laugh, get ready to cry, get
ready to be inspired, and ready to feel like, after this,
you're going to have the confidence to do the thing
that you've been putting off. I have a feeling that
then you're like, oh my god, I don't know if
I can do this, You're going to have the guts
to do it after this.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Cincy, thanks for coming on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Thank you, Amanda thanks so much for having me. I'm
thrilled to be here, and I'm really excited to dive
into what I believe is some super important, juicy conversation
and topic.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah, Okay, I want to go into your full story,
but first I want to go into confidence mentor. Okay,
what is it that you're I think if we understand
what you're doing now, we can understand the story of
how you got there. So what are you doing now?
As a confidence mentor for women.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I help women overcome imposter syndrome, create more confidence in themselves,
excel a mail daminated industries and entrepreneur spaces, and really
transform their self down into strategic success. And I do
that through speaking on those same topics and mentoring one
on one. And it's just the work that I'm so
thrilled to be doing and is so near and dear
(03:05):
to my heart. So I'm excited to get into the
backstort of how I ultimately got here.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Oh my god, I can't.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Okay, So we need all of this in our lives,
and this is going to be this whole episode She's
going to pour into you. But I think it does
mean a lot for us to understand how you got here.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
So this happened with water sports, like, can you explain?
Take us back?
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Well, first, actually take us back before that, like before
the waves, before those sports, before the stage, before you
built your own swimwear empire.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Who was sensy?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Okay, Okay, I love this, Okay, I well, le's going back.
I grew up in a really tiny town, three hundred people. Okay,
there were seven kids in my graduating class. And my
joke is not Victorian.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh my gosh, that's up.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I was always super entrepreneurial growing up. I never had
the opportunity to have a lemonade stand because I was
twenty minutes out of a dirt road, but I was like,
I always imagined myself as the little girl with the
lemonade stand. I started a little newspaper for my small
town called the Leggott Letter that I would go around
and take things off the bulletin boards and then compose
them into a clunky word document, and my mom and
(04:13):
I print them out and then go put them around.
And so I have always had this drive and wanted
to do something bigger and more important than just focus
on me. And I've always been super athletic. I grew
up with three brothers. We spent our time playing sports, basketball, volleyball, baseball,
doing water sports. We went wakeboarding, we snowboarded. Growing up.
(04:34):
We had a very active lifestyle. And so when I
went away to college to U SEE San Diego, I
went from this small town I'm the big fish in
the small pond to this massive university where I was
way in over my head and I was really like,
oh my gosh, what am I doing in the world.
And I had a lot of doubt come up. I
(04:55):
had a lot of fear around what I was going
to do next. And I kind of grew from I
can do everything to WHOA, I don't even know how
I'm going to exist in this world and I really
don't know how I'm going to show up, but I
have a lot of motivation to prove myself.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
So that was like my little growing up story as
small town girl in the woods three brothers, was the
valedatorian class, on the top of the charts in my school,
star of the basketball team, really driven, and then lunch
out into the world and like, whoa, Okay, it's a
big world out here, and now I'm filled with doubt.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Really so it was that shock.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
It was like, oh God, there's competition in this world
because maybe you didn't have competition before.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
That's totally right. I didn't have competition, and I was
because I was in such a small town. I could
really just do whatever I wanted, meaning like everyone was
super supportive of one another, is totally community oriented. And
like I said, if you were passionate and driven, you
could be the star of the baseball or the basketball team.
I mean, I have had athletic ability, of course, but
I got to participate in all of the school plays.
(06:04):
I got to experience a lot because I was motivated
and driven. And then when I went to school, same thing.
Still motivated and driven, but kind of been like a
oh my gosh, Okay, the world's pretty big. What am
I that would?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
So then, is that why you decided to continue to
pursue sports and it became in water sports because you
kept looking for I need to find a way that
I can succeed at something.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Great question? And no, I mean to be honest, I
fell into kiteboarding and wing flying or not wing flying,
and that'll come later. I'll talk about that. But kiteboarding
while I was in college, I actually learned to kite
which became my professional career shortly thereafter, when I was
eighteen years old. And it was because my mom actually
died when I was sixteen. And so going back to
(06:53):
this lack of confidence piece and like who am I
in the world. My mom was my cheerleader. She was
the one that was always at my basketball game videotaping.
She was my number one fan. She told me I
could do it before I really believed that I could,
before I really believed in myself. And when she died
(07:13):
from breast cancer at sixteen, my inner cheerleader hadn't quite
developed yet, you know, the person that we kind of
grow into that's like you can do this, You've got this,
you believe in you. And that wasn't that hadn't manifested yet.
I was, you know how teenagers. I was like all
wrapped up in my own head. And so moving into
(07:34):
college and losing my mom so young, like I said,
really held me back in that I didn't have that
a cheerleader that that I've grown up with. But after
she died, my dad had a wild hair to go
learn to kiteboard, and he took my three brothers and
I out to a spot in North Carolina on the
Outer Banks, beautiful part of the country, and he was like,
(07:56):
We're going to learn to kiteboard. There's a couple of
years after my mom died, and I was like, what
what are we going to do? I've never even heard
of this sport. And I think he just wanted something
that would bring us back together and also fill a
little bit of that space that she had left. And
so we went as a family to North Carolina, took
a week of kiteboarding lessons, and I remember being on
(08:17):
the water and just being like, WHOA, this is a
cool sport. WHOA, this is something that I am immediately
attracted to, something that you I'm imagining that a lot
of our listeners probably don't even know what kiteboarding is.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
No, I'm about to ask you yes, And like I'm
picturing you flying behind a boat right now with a
kite attached to a surfboard.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
That's close.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
That's cool.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
You have you're on a wakeboard similar to similar to
a wakeboard, like, but what you would be behind a boat?
You have a kite. Essentially you're driving your own boat.
Okay about like wakeboarding driving your own boat. You have
twenty meters of lines, a kite in the sky and
you're using the power the wind to pull you across
the water. It's crazy. It's crazy, so like I'd never
(09:01):
imagine myself doing that, And so when my dad introduced
my brothers and I to the sport, I was immediately
attracted to it. And then fast forward two years later,
that same company that we had learned at, a company
called Real Water Sports on the Otter Banks, they were
looking for kiteboarding instructors and I was not good. Let's
be honest. I was barely like limping along on my kiteboarding,
(09:23):
was just dabbling in it here and there as I could.
But I was like, that sounds like a super fun
summer job. Snap me up.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
To be honest with man, I think they were speaking
more to my brothers than to me when they're like, hey,
we're looking for coaches. You guys want to come out.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
But I was like, hey, there's confidence.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
That had to take a lot of confidence to do that,
you know, And it's not like I had no confidence.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
So I was more just that I lost my mom.
I had a lot been put on my plate and
I didn't have that cheer leader behind my back anymore.
And then that in a cheerleader had to develop, and
that's what we're going to dive into today. But then
I yeah, and learned to kiteboard, moved out to North
Carolina to become a kiteboarding coach. In between the summer
and my junior and senior year of college, Shell completely
(10:08):
in love with the sport. I met a boy as well.
It was the name John B.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
In the show Outer Banks.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
John B.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
That's so funny.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
No, but.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
I love it. I show Its hilarious anyway. And so
I actually went back to school my senior year of
college and then moved back to North Carolina and started
coaching full time and pursuing kite as a career and
then getting into lockering my bikini company. I'm sure we'll
get into that.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Oh my gosh, so okay, so small town. Then you
go to college and like, oh my god, you lose
your mom in high school?
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Do you still have the guts?
Speaker 3 (10:50):
You go away to college, get into a professional kiteboarding,
and now you're like, I'm guess what, Well, I could
do anything.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I'm gonna starting on swimmer line.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Okay, okay, but this is an important point because this,
you know, we're small down girl. Okay, I moved to
the beach for sue kiteboarding. I hadn't become a professional yet.
This is happening simultaneously, but I was in the water
every single day. I was in a bikini every single
day because I would wear it underneath my kiteboarding shirt,
(11:20):
my uniform, and so I was either surfing or kitiing
myself or teaching coaching, and I was in the water
and I was like, these bikinis at that time, it
was really limited. I was like, these bikinis sucked. I
want something that stays put, but it is also really
beautiful and function fun to wear. It's like, really feminine.
I'm twenty three years old, I want to look good.
(11:42):
At that time, it was really only Prana and Patagonia
that were more action oriented, and I was like, I
want swimsuits that inspire me and empower me to get
on the water and also are really super feminine. And
because I had always been entrepreneurial growing up, and because
I had a desire to prove myself, and this is
(12:02):
where you know, we get into this kind of bit
of worth. I was like, Okay, this is something I
need to do. And once I started telling people that
I wanted to start a swimmer line, I was like, ef,
I have to do it. Now, Like what now? I
told people to put it out there and now I
got to do it. And so it really came from
a place of grit and resilience and a desire to
(12:23):
prove and then that entrepreneur spark and I was like, Okay,
let's go, let's do it. But here's the important point.
When I launched that business at twenty three years old,
I did not believe in myself. I did not believe
that I could do it. And as I mentioned, it
really came from a place of I want to prove myself.
And now I told people I'm going to do this.
So I got to figure it out. And I'm really
(12:44):
resilient and resourceful and great at figuring things out. But
I make that point because that really started the journey
of this whole learning to believe in myself, learning to
create a confident and cultivate a confident mindset and really
super step into my power, my impact, which is where
I am.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Now, why didn't you believe in yourself? Do you think?
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Hmm?
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Wow, Amanda we're getting right into it. I think, no, no,
this is we.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
All have our own reasons. You know, well, you're a
young woman, you know.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I was a young woman and I thought that my
worth was external. I thought that I had to prove
that I was doing enough, and I thought that I
needed to hear someone say I'm.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Proud of you.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
And I couldn't do that for myself. And so it
was this desire to prove, as I mentioned, this combination
of this desire to prove, this losing my mamma at
a young age, and then my dad. He was not
very communicative. He never told me he was proud of me.
Growing up he was I was always told I wasn't
(13:50):
good enough. Oh, and so that perfect storm created this
I don't believe in myself kind of like it's like
you were trying to constantly prove to yourself that you
could believe in yourself.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
I relate to that, and I think single mom life
is a lot like that. Like sometimes we're so concerned
about other people's opinions because we're looking for our worth
based on other people's compliments or what other people think
about us, and that's why we choose poor relationships because
we feel like, if he loves me, then I'm worthy. Yes,
if he accepts me, then I'm worthy. And it does
(14:28):
start with my relationship with my dad too. And then
would I just wanted him. I didn't grow up with
living in the same state as him, and I just
kept wanting to get his attention. So I kept overperforming,
you know, in my career, and like I even went
into the radio type of radio that he that he
listened to in order to get his attention, right, So
(14:50):
I completely get that.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
And then that's one of the reasons.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Why as i'm you know, I have teenagers, and I
actually heard this the resonates with you. I don't necessarily
tell my kids I'm proud of them. I use a
different word because I feel like that means they have
to perform in order to be worthy of my love,
and I don't want them to think that. I tell
them I'm impressed because of that word. I was like,
(15:18):
no matter what, I love you. I was just like, Wow,
I'm really impressed about that decision. I just think that
using that word I'm proud of you implies some kind
of ownership or duty.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Oh, I love that so much. That is such a
great taking such ownership of the power of words because
they're super powerful. And that's something I didn't even realize.
I didn't even realize I wasn't allowing myself to be
proud of myself and tell tell the end of twenty nineteen, actually,
Aman and I would love to share a little story
(15:48):
about that.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Yes, tell me what. Yeah, where was the shift?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Yeah, the shift happened in the end of twenty nineteen,
which I started my Swimwhere company in twenty twelve. So
this is this is a long time building. I learned
a lot of confidence tools and things in that time.
But the shift I'm proud of myself came with them
to twenty nineteen. And here's what prompted it, because it
was twenty nineteen, we're moving into twenty twenty new decade.
(16:13):
And every year at that time, I was involved with
a women's group where we would get together at the
beginning of the year and we would do previous year
reviews and looking at and new year goal setting and
so off that can I can I see.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
That group like, I'm so into that. I'm so into it.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Okay, keep it soun good, Like you know, a small
unit where we're pulling out all of our journals and
looking back over the past year, what are our successes,
what were our challenges? What are we proud of ourselves?
For all this nitty gritty, And because this is twenty
nineteen and we're moving into a new decade, we were
prompted to do a decade in review, And so I
went back and I pulled out all of my journals
(16:52):
from the past ten years. I looked at all of
my social media, I looked at everywhere that I had traveled.
I wrote down all of my accomplishments. I wrote down
everything I had done. You know, I dove into this
ten years and did a ton of pre work questions.
And then the morning of the retreat dawned and I'm
in this room with a few other women that I've
(17:14):
been with for years as a collective, and we have
all of our notes out in.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Front of us.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I have the past ten years laid out in front
of me, and the moderator is asking some questions and
I'm just looking at this past ten years, and all
of a sudden, I just felt like a huge, overwhelming,
almost stabbing the heart, and just like a gush of
emotion and I burst out crying. And I had to
(17:39):
remove myself and I went outside and I cried for
like ten minutes, sobbing, just huge racking sobs because when
I had the past decade in my life laid out
in front of me, I realized two things. Number One
that I was super proud of the woman that I was.
I was super proud of the woman that I become.
(18:00):
I was super proud of everything that I had done.
And number two, and this is why I was so
painful and why I was crying so much, because I
realized that I had never let myself feel that way.
I had never let myself feel that way, and I
was the only one that could tell myself that I
was proud, Like really, I'm the only opinion that matters.
And I just was like overcome with like wow, I've
(18:24):
been trying so hard to prove myself and this whole
time I could have just said you're doing enough, You're
doing a good job, like SELFI five cents a year,
rocking it, you know. So that was a pivotal shift
for me.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yeah, I'm fascinated as what you did next after that
moment because I think about, you know, relating it to
the single mom collective audience, and I think so often
we're beating ourselves up because we became single moms. But
then it's like for my own journey, and I look
back and I think, well, I'm moved across the country
(19:00):
with three kids. I got an after becoming a single mom.
I got a national radio show after to become a
single mom. I bought my own house on the only
name on that loan and raise some pretty great kids.
I'm like, why do I still feel judgment from society,
you know, instead of just going.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Good for you?
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Because I also think that makes it harder for us
to accept the right partners when we don't love ourselves.
Because if we don't fully love ourselves, if we're not
proud of ourselves, then we're going to accept somebody that's
less than what we deserve because we're so so it's important.
So I think I really need to know how you
(19:39):
got to that point where you could love yourself and
be proud of yourself, because I need my single moms
and the single mom collective to feel that same way
so that we can start businesses and so you can
make a better choice and a partner, because when you
love you, you don't accept breadcrumbs. Right, You're like, no,
I can love me better than you're.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Loving me right now, So I'll move on.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Yeah, so how do you how did you get to
the point after you you realize there was an issue?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
How did you fix it?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah? Okay, Well it's a tough answer because and you
you know, the listeners are not going to love this.
But it is a continual filling up of your own cup.
It is not one size mixshift. We want things to
go from being I don't believe in myself, I don't
feel worthy to all of a sudden, I do. And
I remember sitting in so many audiences and this is
(20:30):
why I love motivational speaking and why I want to
share stories because I remember sitting and listening to so
many speakers who are just.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
Like you know, I feel proud of yourself and do
all this stuff and believe in yourself and just do it.
And I'd be like, but I can't. Why don't I like?
Why what is stopping me from believing in myself? And
I just like, I just want to believe in myself
so badly, But it takes time. It takes a continued
filling up of your own cup. So I want to
give a few tangible tools, because there are totally tools that.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
You use and do. But I just want to set
the stage four to continue investing in yourself. So number one,
celebrate your wins and celebrate yourself. Acknowledge yourself every step
of the way. I started doing this is well before
twenty nineteen. I want to say I started doing practices
to acknowledge that I was doing enough, and so I
(21:21):
want to share a few of those.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Number one is at the end of every single day,
a few easy journal prompts, what am I proud of
myself for? What is something awesome that happened today? And
what am I celebrating? I'm to say them again, what
am I proud of myself for? What's something awesome that happened?
And what am I celebrating? So you're acknowledging that you've
(21:42):
done enough, You're proud of yourself for something and something
awesome happened. Because we know how the brain works. When
you look for things in your environment, you train your
brain to look for things in your environment, your brain's
going to start deeming those things important. And now we'll
serve it up more so, the reticular activating system in
the brain. We scan our environment constantly, scanning. Thousands of
(22:05):
bits of information are coming at us. And what we
tell our brain is important is what we're going to
be filtered and receive more of. It's not Woo Woo's science.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Your thoughts, thoughts become things. Your thoughts provoke your life. Yes,
you're preaching to the choir here.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yes, we don't need to dive down the whole rabbit
hole it looks we want to. But training yourself to
really look for those awesome things that are happening. That
doesn't mean that negative things are going to happen, but
it's reaffirming that good things are coming your way. You're
doing enough, and you're proud of yourself looking for small things.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yeah that's number one. That's number one.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Okay, I'll share just two more little proud of your
self tools and then we can go into other things.
But another way to celebrate your wins and celebrate yourself
is to start taking screenshots of any nice thing that
anyone sends you, or any comment they leave on your Instagram,
any email that says something awesome about you, any reminder
(23:08):
to yourself that you're doing a great job. I would start.
I started screenshotting. I have a folder on my phone
called winds, and I screenshot thinks and take screenshots on
my computer. Have a folder on my computer also called wins.
I've the some multiple places, and any time I have
something that I'm like, ooh, someone left a great comment,
or look at this awesome email that I got, I'm
(23:30):
going to say that, or oh my gosh, this is
a magazine artist Caden that came out that I'm proud of.
I put it in my wins folder so that it
does a few things. Firstly, if I'm ever feeling down,
am I not feeling good enough? I can go on
my wins folder. I'm gonna be like, look, here is
the evidence that I'm doing a great job. And then
secondly it trains my brain again to look for those things.
(23:52):
And then thirdly, in the moment when I take that
screenshot by cool Sincy patting, I'm back, you're doing it,
and that gets my dopamine going and it gets me
or actually I think it's oxytocin the love hormoney. You're like,
I'm doing a great job, I'm doing enough, and it
just makes you feel good. And so those two practices
I think are something we can start incorporating the right now.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I love it because so often it's like, you know,
I don't know about you, but I get a lot
of haters on my Instagram sometimes and those are the
ones that stick out the most instead of the nice ones.
And then I'm like that, I like, I've started just
deleting them instead of recite, don't respond anymore.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I'm just like, I don't want that. I don't not
do that. I'm hiding anything. I just don't want the
negativity around. But we said we need to delete those
but replace them with the winds. I love that.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, I mean speaking about the negative things just for
a second. That's so hard because it also can prevent
you from showing up because you're like, oh, I get
so attached to the thing. And I actually I have
a quote on my wall behind me my why I
wrote it out. I say I'm strong enough to withstand
criticism in order to serve my higher purpose of lifting
(25:01):
up other women.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I love that because you're always going to get criticism,
whether it's on social either you're just walking down the
street and I think it's just the single moms listening
and it's like people are going to throw stones at
you for being a single mom. Many things that go
back to your why go back to I need to
do this.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
You know. I have a course for single moms, the
very first one when your new single moms called Metamorphosis
Method Twelve steps to read to do your life after
everything falls apart.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
And the very first thing we do is write a
why statement. I love it.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
That's the very first module, very first lesson is write
that why statement and write it down. Because there's this book,
I don't know if you've read it, classic by Victor
frankel Man, Search for Meaning.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
It's about how to find meaning during times of suffering.
And there's a famous line from a philosopher, Frederick Meechi
in the book, and it says, he who has a
why to live can bear anyhow.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
I only changed one word of that. She who has
a why to live can bear how right. So, no
matter how hard those days are, you go back to
your why statement, no matter how exhausted you are by
doing everything on your own.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
No matter how frustrated you are of building your business
or whatever. It's like, why am I doing this? Oh? Yeah,
I'm going to keep going. I love it that you
have that.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, so be powerful. It's so powerful and I love that. Yeah,
you know, you put it first because that's the most
important thing. I actually just film the real yesterday. That
is like, if I was starting a business in twenty
twenty five, I would start with why I was doing it.
And I want to bring this all the way back, Amanda,
because when I started my swimmer company at twenty three
years old, my why was not deep enough. Because I
want to take it one step further. You actually it's
(26:40):
you need to have a why, but you need to
have a why that's connected to something greater than yourself.
And for a lot of single moms that's going to
be their kids. But for a lot of business owners,
I'm going to invite you into thinking deeper. Because when
I started my summer company, I was like, Okay, my
why is to make awesome bathing suits and have freedom
to travel and make money. Okay, level, we need to
(27:01):
get deeper because when things got hard in my business,
my company was called Sensi Graves Swim and so it
was named after me. And so because I had a
surface level why when things would get hard in the
business or I would fail, I took it so personally,
I know, those first couple of years, the swimsuits were bad.
I let's let me be honest, they were not good.
(27:22):
I did not have a manufacturing or sewing or business
background at all. So like the first few production runs
were horrible, and people tell me that they would just
be trying to be bad to be like, oh, you
can improve this, you can improve that, And I would
take that. So personally, when someone said the suits were bad,
I took it to mean that I was to add right,
(27:43):
and I just wanted to hide them under the table,
and I just wanted to give up. But if I
would have had a why that was deeper and connected
to my purpose and my surface, which is what I
have now was speaking and mentoring, Yeah, then I would
have been able to continue showup because it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if I look stupid, it doesn't matter
if suits are bad. I'm doing this for my client,
(28:03):
my customer, and the audience.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Because you find that fulfillment through changing other people's lives
instead of just changing yours. I think that's probably why
I think your white changes because originally, you know, when
my kids were little, my ex left. I had three
kids under four, you know, and so I called them
my sunshines because of that song. They make me happy
when skys are gray, you know that you are my sunshine.
(28:28):
So and I would say, nope, I'm just I'm going
to give my sunshines the life they always deserved. But also,
you know it didn't have anything to do with me,
and so I started or my dreams and or what
my what would fulfill me the most? I think now
that they're teenagers and driving, the last person they want
to hang out with is their mom.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Although my nineteen year old girl, she's like, come back
and to hang out with me.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
But now it's like, my why is I want to
stop the poverty cycle and the scarcity cycle of single mothers.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, I want to change their family story. So that
feels like a much deeper and more fulfilling why that's
so important. I love that I interrupted your stick too.
Did we have a step three?
Speaker 2 (29:16):
So? Did I have a step three?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
We had?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
We had our journal.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Gosh, we were riding at night and we had our
wind folder.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yeap was our step three?
Speaker 1 (29:26):
We'll go back, ye go.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I think affirmations yes were my step three? Another my
step three. I don't think I want of prefaces with
saying that sometimes affirmations can feel both untrue because we're like,
I don't believe that I'm a millionaire, I don't believe
that I can do this. I'm pushing it further away,
(29:48):
and also not helpful a little bit, like I said, woo,
it could feel like, oh me, just saying this thing
is gonna help manifest it. But it is true because
we are trying in our brain to step into the
power of who we want to be and who we
want to become. So writing down I am an inspiration,
I am an inspiration, I'm an inspiration is something that
(30:10):
I did for a really long time until I believed
that I was and I didn't have to write it anymore.
So I really think that affirming and writing down what
you want to step into, and sometimes it might be
I'm working on becoming an inspiration or I'm working on
believing myself. If it feels like when you write down
(30:32):
I believe myself or I am worthy enough doesn't feel
true and resonant, yes, that will push it a little
bit further away. It will feel like a lie. We
want to start feeling like it's possible and enabling us
to dream about that next level, like what are the
things that you really want to feel in your most
magnificent life, Like we're going for magnificent on every level,
(30:53):
and so writing affirmations helps us create guideposts for where
we want to go. I believe myself. I believe myself,
and they help us to really expand into that next level,
because if you don't know where you're going, you're not
going to get there. And also if you're not continually
filling up your own cup, then we're going to keep
looking for things that affirm the opposite, which is I'm
(31:16):
not good enough, I'm not doing enough. And that's what
our society is really good at. Our souidety is really
good at being like you need to buy this thing
in order to feel like enough, or you need to
be doing this, or you know, you're comparing someone to
yourself to someone on Instagram and you're not good enough,
and so we really have to work on filling our
own cups up. And so just to restate that affirmation piece,
(31:42):
if it feels like you writing I am I believe
in myself, it's not possible yet, right, I am working
on believing myself, but really take the time to identify
a few things that would make your life magnificent. Once again,
we're going for magnificent and write them every single day
so that you have those guiding guiding lights to that
(32:03):
next level you and so you can really say I'm enough,
because we got to change the words we tell ourselves,
because what I used to do was just I'm not
good enough. I didn't even notice that was the story
happening in my head. You have to notice completely.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
And then when we don't, when we're not doing that again,
we're accepting breadcrumbs from somebody who just gives the tiniest
little affirmations, the tiniest little compliment, when we're worthy.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Of so much more as mothers especially, And I like that.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
I call that the ladder of believability is just doing
small steps of manifestation.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
It's like, you know, so we all want to be millionaires.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Maybe, but if I'm writing I am a millionaire, I
probably don't believe it yet, right, you know, like wright
or I am working on building a great business.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Like that's something that I can say. I love that.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I absolutely love that.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
So question for you about the difference between what you
write in your journal at night, I love that and
the winds or that that's the windfolder. But what you
write your journal at night? The im statements, Do.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
You do that at night? Do you do it in
the morning when you start your day?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I do in the morning.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Yeah, I love that. Okay. My grandma always says your
mind is like jello. You got to put in all
the good stuff before it sets.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
And I'd like, that's so true.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
But I love the fact that you have the nighttime
journal as well.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Do you like?
Speaker 3 (33:23):
So help us implement that, Like keep it by my bedside,
because then you're going to bed. I would imagine thinking
of all the good stuff that happened that day instead
of going to bed thinking about all the stuff you
didn't get done.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
That's exactly it, okay, And I love your pointing out.
How can we implement this because habits are hard to
create new habits. Humans work on the subconscious level. We
go on autopile a lot, and that's how habits get created.
We're trying to make our lives easy by automating. That's
what the brain does. And so in order to build
a new habit, we have to have a trigger and
(33:57):
a visual reminder and a trigger being connect it to
something else. So If you want to start a journal practice,
whether in the morning or a night, one of the
most helpful things is to connect it to something that
you already do. So let's just say you brush your
teeth in the morning. Maybe every time you brush your teeth,
you go right into the living room and you sit
down on the couch and you write journal. That would
(34:19):
be a trigger. Or let's say you go make a coffee,
connect it to the coffee machine. Put your journal right
next to your coffee machine, so you make your coffee.
That's a trigger for you to open your journal. And
your journal's right there, So that's your visual queue for
you to actually start sit your butt down and start
doing it. Because it is hard to create new habits.
And so yeah, I have my journal on my bedside
(34:40):
at night, and then sometimes it depends on kind of
like where I'm at and what I'm doing in my
life at that time. But I like to write those
journal questions at the end of the workday because that
seals with a bow the end of the workday. And
for me as an entrepreneur, I need some way to
say I'm done. I can train audition mentally and physically
(35:02):
into the rest of my life, go be with my baby,
and just like allow myself to do that. And so
when I write down those things at the end of
the day, I'm saying this is I'm closing the chapter.
It's a physical way to close the chapter of the
day and allow myself to go into my next next
part of my day.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
I love that that's that's better than because I think
that would make me more effective at It also helped
me end work because I just could be working all
the time write instead of sometimes I'm just so tired
at the end of the night, I'm just like fall
into bed and the last thing I'm.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Doing is like, okay, let me make up a tea,
do my journal. I just like pass out. Like that's perfect.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
And then it's also acknowledging that you're doing enough. You
one journal question that add to the end of the
workday is what did I do? And so you're writing
everything you did because with to do list, and this
will get into a whole other strategy you're on time management,
but to do list they always make us feel like
we're not doing enough because to do list never However,
we're going to get to the end of your to
do there's always more things. And so when I write
(36:04):
down at the end of my workday, what did I do?
What did I accomplish, I'm like, cool, look at all
the stuff I did, And that is both a pad
on the back and that permission to wrap up and
move on.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
I freaking love that. I love that. I'm in oh
burning question. I hope it's not too controversial. But you know,
right before we hit record on this podcast, one of
the questions I ask all my guests is it's like,
is there something that.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
You want to really make sure we talk about.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
I think that's nice, you know, I'm like, because usually
it's it's probably the best nugget. And you mentioned the
power of letting things go that are no longer serving you,
and I think that a lot applies to the single
mom collective. You know that maybe there's relationships we're holding
on to that are no longer serving us, jobs that
(36:53):
aren't paying us enough that we're holding on to that
no longer serve us.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
There's lots of things.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Is that why you got rid of the swimwear line?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Is that where that was from?
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Yeah, that's exactly right. At the end of twenty twenty four,
I shut down after thirteen years my swimmer company, and
it was it took me a long time to actually
make the decision to shut it down, and there was
a lot of grief and a lot of identity loss
and a lot of just processing is this the right decision?
Like I don't know, because I wanted to expand into
(37:29):
doing more speaking, more mentoring, and I also put on
women's supporting and wing wing camps and retreats. It's all
about empowering women. And the swimwear company was started to
empower women in water sports. And so I really had
this grand idea of me building this everything like supporting
one another. The brand it's called Sensi Grief Swim, So
me as a speaker is just going to elevate that
(37:50):
and it's all going to work really great. And so
I was remiss to let it go for a lot
of reasons. But I got to a place where I
was like, Okay, if I were to plot myself down
into this situation right now, let's let go of the
past thirteen years. If I was to come into the
situation right now, what would be my best course of action?
(38:13):
Would I want to be running this company? Would I
want to be spending the majority of my time selling swimsuits.
You know, I wasn't making them. I got the main
in LA but designing, doing all the production, just managing
a product based business. The answer is no, but I had.
(38:34):
Have you heard of sunk costs fallacy?
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Yeah, sun got fallacy for listeners that don't know, is
the more time we invest in something the more the
less less you're likely you are to let it go
because you're like, I've put all this time and energy
into something. And this really applies to relationships. I was
just gonna say, if we're like, oh, I've spent four
(38:56):
years with this with this person, that is all just
wasted time. If we break up, No, you're learning and
you're going always. But humans have this mental fallacy around
the more time we invest in something, the less likely
we are able to move on from it because it's
hard to let that time go. We think I'll just
(39:19):
you know, keep sticking it out. And I was doing
that for a number of years in the swimmer company.
But I came into if I was to plot myself
into it right now, let go of the past thirteen years.
Number One, I'm super proud of myself because I feel
a rad brand, and looking at it, I'm like, I
we had such a great community, and I'm so proud
of the brand and community that we made. Life is short,
(39:41):
and I want to do other things, and I want
to put my focus and my passion and my purpose
and my energy into something that I'm more excited about,
because I'm not excited about this anymore. And I was like,
I'm just hanging onto it because of all the time
of putting into it and the identity that's wrapped in
it and this idea of how I thought it was
supposed to look. But there's so much power in letting things.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
Go that's very brave.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
I think that just really helped me because I think
that it's been hard to.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Let go of my radio career.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
I spent twenty five years being Amanda Carroll on the radio,
but it wasn't serving me anymore, and I was ready
to do something. But I was like, but I put
twenty years in this career. I'm supposed to like keep
going to the next level. Why the heck would I
start over again? But wasn't serving me so and it
was hurting. I think there's there's only really you know,
we talked in the beginning of this episode about being proud,
(40:37):
doing things to make other people feel proud of us
when we don't feel proud of.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
Ourselves, and the importance of that.
Speaker 3 (40:43):
And I always constantly remind myself, you know, there's really
only two people that we have to make proud of.
And it's not our parents, and it's not even God,
he already loves us, right, It's the eight year old
version of us and the eighty year old version of us.
Because that eight year old version had a lot of
big dreams and we want to make her proud. The
eighty year old version would be pretty pissed if we
(41:03):
sticked with something that wasn't serving us.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
So I love that.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
So what would you say to a woman, a mother,
a single mother listening who's maybe for some reason, waiting
for permission to change something in her life, maybe to
leave a relationship, to better herself, to be proud of herself,
and the situation she's in is not serving her, but
(41:28):
she feels a little stuck.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
What would you say to her?
Speaker 2 (41:31):
I would say, to imagine yourself in three to five
years from now, and if you don't change anything, what
did your life look like? And I would say why
are you tolerating that? And I would say you are
so worthy and enough and you deserve a magnificent light.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Word, magnificent instead of just a normal life, a peaceful life,
a plain life, a magnificent story going for magnificent.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
I'm so inspired by you, I really am. And your
story and your commitment to fulfilling your passions by serving
other women and empowering other women is awesome.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
I don't know if I'm ever going to learn kiteboarding.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
That's okay, because it's like I don't like getting my
hair wet, and that's a problem for me.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
I think I could go and I would cheer everybody
on at the thing. I think last question for you,
maybe last question, but so your mom.
Speaker 3 (42:30):
Now you have your first child, You have a baby,
and it must be really interesting.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
It must be hard to do that without your mom.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
H Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Does it make you think about approaching parenthood differently?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
That's a great question. I don't know that it means
approaching it differently, because there I really believe in just
being in the present as much as possible and relishing
in the moment as much as possible. And perhaps I
know that more because life is leading and I lost
my mom at such a young age, and for sure
(43:05):
there's been some grief around that, you know, being pregnant
and just kind of being like I it brings up
more questions about I wish I could ask her this,
or I wish I could be in this experience with her,
but that's not the reality. And so going back to
leaning into what do I have control over and how
can I make the most of this experiences I have
it and how I've been given? And I believe that's
(43:27):
in practicing gratitude. And I would say that that's something
I really want to emphasize with the listeners as well.
I know we hear that like have a gratitude practice
and blah blah blah. But there's a great quote that goes,
no amount of worry can change the future, no amount
of regret can change the past, but any amount of
(43:47):
gratitude can change the present. And so just really sinking
into what's in this moment that I'm stoked on her?
What can I look around and be grateful for? And
like just I'm constantly saying how much how much gratitude
I have for my son? He's eight months old and
just our home and everything that we have. It's like, yes,
I have goals, but I'm also very content with where
(44:09):
I'm at because I practice saying that so much, Like
I really believe that life is this bounce of contentment
and stretching. Yeah, stretching is amazing. Goals are great. We
need goals. You're forty two percent more likely to achieve
a goal who write it down. And you are never
going to feel badass and enough unless you feel badass
(44:30):
and worthy right now, right where you're at today. And
so we don't need to wait for the man. We
don't need to wait for the career. We don't need
to wait to buy our own home. We don't need
to wait to make on a bunch of money. We
need to work on. And this is crucial. It doesn't
matter what level you get to, you need to work on.
I'm worthy and enough right where I'm at. I'm proud
of myself right where I'm at, and that is that contentment.
(44:52):
And so I really think that using those tools of
celebrating the winds, doing your journaling, doing those affirmations, and
being in gratitude.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
For what you do have.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Super crucial.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
I'm in thank you. So, how can we work with you?
How can we find more information about you? This mom
listening like, I need this in my life.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Senseicraves dot com okay and sense Craves on Instagram. It's
s E N S I G R A V E
S and I do one on one and mentoring on
mindset and confidence and helping emerging leaders really believe in
themselves so that they can lead awesome teams and also
aspire on entrepreneurs create believe in themselves so that they
(45:32):
can create businesses that light them up.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
I'll put all the links in the show notes for
you so you can access those to connect with her,
follow her, reach out to her.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
And tell her.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
Also give her something she can screenshot for her wins folder. Okay,
if there's something that you're like, if you loved this episode,
send her DM on Instagram and let her know how
what it meant to you.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Because that's going to be more. That's a gift to her.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
So I feel like, especially when another woman inspires us,
we shouldn't be quiet about it.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
We should build up that other woman. So I love that.
Thank you, thanks for doing this for the single Mom Collective.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Thank you for having me isn't she amazing.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
I'm so glad you sat through this.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Whole episode, Girl.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
I hope it empowered you.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
It gave you the strength to open up your heart
to love again. Or maybe it gave you the strength
to realize, you know what, I don't have to be
a victim of my single motherhood. I want to become
the hero of my own story and a kind of
mom my.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
Kids will brag about.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
Well, then, if that's you, girl, I want to get
on the phone with you. I want to meet you,
and I want to help you develop a step by
step plan so that you can heal from your past relationship,
so you can find peace with your ex piece in
co parenting, and make more money and find love again,
the one that you deserved in the first place. If
(46:52):
you'd like that book a free one on one call
with me, The link is in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
I would love to meet you. I'm on a mission
to make sure that.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
No a mom ever feels as alone and as afraid
as I did when my ex left me with three
kids under four. Girl, I was still bretaisfading. I was
eight weeks postpartum, still wearing maternity.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
Clothes, Like I get it.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
I know where you're at, and I'm here to help
you learn from my mistakes and to propel you forward
and find that love that you deserved faster than it
took for me. Working together, we can achieve this, so
don't go through this alone. I'd also love it if
you shared this episode with a friend. Maybe there's someone
you're like, Oh my god, she needs to hear this.
(47:33):
Send it to her new text girl. Don't gey keep
this stuff and subscribe so you don't miss the next episode.
And if you want, you can join the single Mom Collective.
I offer you a seven day free trial and after
that it's just thirty seven bucks a month and you'll
learn how to make more money, increase your mindset, peacely,
co parent, get in the best shape of your life
(47:54):
with mere plans and workout plans, and heal so that.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
You can find love again. It's cheaper than a trip
to Target or whatever is in your Amazon cartgol final links.
Join the collective.
Speaker 3 (48:07):
It's all in the shunuts.
Brave Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I help women overcome and pause her syndrome, create more
confidence in themselves, excel a mail damminated industries and entrepreneur spaces,
and really transform their self down into strategic sentences.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
We need all of this in our lives, and this
is going to be this whole episode.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
She's going to pour into you real quick before we
dive in. I have a gift for you.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
If you're ready to learn how to date as a
single momb and attract high value men without chasing or
having to settle, I want to give you my free
Magnetic Attraction Masterclass. I will teach you exactly how to
shift your energy, upgrade your standards, and finally become the
woman love can't resist. Watch it free right now. We'll
(00:45):
after listen to this episode. The link is in the
show notes for you.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Girl, how are letting things go that no longer serve you?
A girl? You need this episode?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Listen if you're a single mom, a woman trying to
figure out what's heck comes next in your life. Maybe
it's heartbreak, confusion, or starting over in your career, or
just you.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Need to start over.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
This episode is I feel like this is going to
be your spiritual caffeine shot. Okay, today I'm talking with
someone who maybe she's gonna laugh at this, you're gonna
love her. It's a new friend of mine. She didn't
just ride the wave, she became the damn wave and
that's going to make a lot of sense in a
couple of minutes.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Her name is Cincy Grave.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
She's a professional kiteboarder, well she likes to go by
a professional water sports athlete, which is pretty incredible.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Also a mother while she's doing this. Yeah, a wingfoiler.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I'm going to figure out what that is in just
a little bit and a confidence mentor.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
This woman is incredible.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
She founded a sustainable swimwear line and has recently let
that go to pursue new things.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
And we're going to hear her story.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
So get ready to laugh, get ready to cry, get
ready to be inspired, and ready to feel like, after this,
you're going to have the confidence to do the thing
that you've been putting off. I have a feeling that
then you're like, oh my god, I don't know if
I can do this, You're going to have the guts
to do it after this.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Cincy, thanks for coming on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Thank you, Amanda thanks so much for having me. I'm
thrilled to be here, and I'm really excited to dive
into what I believe is some super important, juicy conversation
and topic.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah, Okay, I want to go into your full story,
but first I want to go into confidence mentor. Okay,
what is it that you're I think if we understand
what you're doing now, we can understand the story of
how you got there. So what are you doing now?
As a confidence mentor for women.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I help women overcome imposter syndrome, create more confidence in themselves,
excel a mail daminated industries and entrepreneur spaces, and really
transform their self down into strategic success. And I do
that through speaking on those same topics and mentoring one
on one. And it's just the work that I'm so
thrilled to be doing and is so near and dear
(03:05):
to my heart. So I'm excited to get into the
backstort of how I ultimately got here.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Oh my god, I can't.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Okay, So we need all of this in our lives,
and this is going to be this whole episode She's
going to pour into you. But I think it does
mean a lot for us to understand how you got here.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
So this happened with water sports, like, can you explain?
Take us back?
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Well, first, actually take us back before that, like before
the waves, before those sports, before the stage, before you
built your own swimwear empire.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Who was sensy?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Okay, Okay, I love this, Okay, I well, le's going back.
I grew up in a really tiny town, three hundred people. Okay,
there were seven kids in my graduating class. And my
joke is not Victorian.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh my gosh, that's up.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I was always super entrepreneurial growing up. I never had
the opportunity to have a lemonade stand because I was
twenty minutes out of a dirt road, but I was like,
I always imagined myself as the little girl with the
lemonade stand. I started a little newspaper for my small
town called the Leggott Letter that I would go around
and take things off the bulletin boards and then compose
them into a clunky word document, and my mom and
(04:13):
I print them out and then go put them around.
And so I have always had this drive and wanted
to do something bigger and more important than just focus
on me. And I've always been super athletic. I grew
up with three brothers. We spent our time playing sports, basketball, volleyball, baseball,
doing water sports. We went wakeboarding, we snowboarded. Growing up.
(04:34):
We had a very active lifestyle. And so when I
went away to college to U SEE San Diego, I
went from this small town I'm the big fish in
the small pond to this massive university where I was
way in over my head and I was really like,
oh my gosh, what am I doing in the world.
And I had a lot of doubt come up. I
(04:55):
had a lot of fear around what I was going
to do next. And I kind of grew from I
can do everything to WHOA, I don't even know how
I'm going to exist in this world and I really
don't know how I'm going to show up, but I
have a lot of motivation to prove myself.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
So that was like my little growing up story as
small town girl in the woods three brothers, was the
valedatorian class, on the top of the charts in my school,
star of the basketball team, really driven, and then lunch
out into the world and like, whoa, Okay, it's a
big world out here, and now I'm filled with doubt.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Really so it was that shock.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
It was like, oh God, there's competition in this world
because maybe you didn't have competition before.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
That's totally right. I didn't have competition, and I was
because I was in such a small town. I could
really just do whatever I wanted, meaning like everyone was
super supportive of one another, is totally community oriented. And
like I said, if you were passionate and driven, you
could be the star of the baseball or the basketball team.
I mean, I have had athletic ability, of course, but
I got to participate in all of the school plays.
(06:04):
I got to experience a lot because I was motivated
and driven. And then when I went to school, same thing.
Still motivated and driven, but kind of been like a
oh my gosh, Okay, the world's pretty big. What am
I that would?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
So then, is that why you decided to continue to
pursue sports and it became in water sports because you
kept looking for I need to find a way that
I can succeed at something.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Great question? And no, I mean to be honest, I
fell into kiteboarding and wing flying or not wing flying,
and that'll come later. I'll talk about that. But kiteboarding
while I was in college, I actually learned to kite
which became my professional career shortly thereafter, when I was
eighteen years old. And it was because my mom actually
died when I was sixteen. And so going back to
(06:53):
this lack of confidence piece and like who am I
in the world. My mom was my cheerleader. She was
the one that was always at my basketball game videotaping.
She was my number one fan. She told me I
could do it before I really believed that I could,
before I really believed in myself. And when she died
(07:13):
from breast cancer at sixteen, my inner cheerleader hadn't quite
developed yet, you know, the person that we kind of
grow into that's like you can do this, You've got this,
you believe in you. And that wasn't that hadn't manifested yet.
I was, you know how teenagers. I was like all
wrapped up in my own head. And so moving into
(07:34):
college and losing my mom so young, like I said,
really held me back in that I didn't have that
a cheerleader that that I've grown up with. But after
she died, my dad had a wild hair to go
learn to kiteboard, and he took my three brothers and
I out to a spot in North Carolina on the
Outer Banks, beautiful part of the country, and he was like,
(07:56):
We're going to learn to kiteboard. There's a couple of
years after my mom died, and I was like, what
what are we going to do? I've never even heard
of this sport. And I think he just wanted something
that would bring us back together and also fill a
little bit of that space that she had left. And
so we went as a family to North Carolina, took
a week of kiteboarding lessons, and I remember being on
(08:17):
the water and just being like, WHOA, this is a
cool sport. WHOA, this is something that I am immediately
attracted to, something that you I'm imagining that a lot
of our listeners probably don't even know what kiteboarding is.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
No, I'm about to ask you yes, And like I'm
picturing you flying behind a boat right now with a
kite attached to a surfboard.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
That's close.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
That's cool.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
You have you're on a wakeboard similar to similar to
a wakeboard, like, but what you would be behind a boat?
You have a kite. Essentially you're driving your own boat.
Okay about like wakeboarding driving your own boat. You have
twenty meters of lines, a kite in the sky and
you're using the power the wind to pull you across
the water. It's crazy. It's crazy, so like I'd never
(09:01):
imagine myself doing that, And so when my dad introduced
my brothers and I to the sport, I was immediately
attracted to it. And then fast forward two years later,
that same company that we had learned at, a company
called Real Water Sports on the Otter Banks, they were
looking for kiteboarding instructors and I was not good. Let's
be honest. I was barely like limping along on my kiteboarding,
(09:23):
was just dabbling in it here and there as I could.
But I was like, that sounds like a super fun
summer job. Snap me up.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
To be honest with man, I think they were speaking
more to my brothers than to me when they're like, hey,
we're looking for coaches. You guys want to come out.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
But I was like, hey, there's confidence.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
That had to take a lot of confidence to do that,
you know, And it's not like I had no confidence.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
So I was more just that I lost my mom.
I had a lot been put on my plate and
I didn't have that cheer leader behind my back anymore.
And then that in a cheerleader had to develop, and
that's what we're going to dive into today. But then
I yeah, and learned to kiteboard, moved out to North
Carolina to become a kiteboarding coach. In between the summer
and my junior and senior year of college, Shell completely
(10:08):
in love with the sport. I met a boy as well.
It was the name John B.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
In the show Outer Banks.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
John B.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
That's so funny.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
No, but.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
I love it. I show Its hilarious anyway. And so
I actually went back to school my senior year of
college and then moved back to North Carolina and started
coaching full time and pursuing kite as a career and
then getting into lockering my bikini company. I'm sure we'll
get into that.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Oh my gosh, so okay, so small town. Then you
go to college and like, oh my god, you lose
your mom in high school?
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Do you still have the guts?
Speaker 3 (10:50):
You go away to college, get into a professional kiteboarding,
and now you're like, I'm guess what, Well, I could
do anything.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I'm gonna starting on swimmer line.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Okay, okay, but this is an important point because this,
you know, we're small down girl. Okay, I moved to
the beach for sue kiteboarding. I hadn't become a professional yet.
This is happening simultaneously, but I was in the water
every single day. I was in a bikini every single
day because I would wear it underneath my kiteboarding shirt,
(11:20):
my uniform, and so I was either surfing or kitiing
myself or teaching coaching, and I was in the water
and I was like, these bikinis at that time, it
was really limited. I was like, these bikinis sucked. I
want something that stays put, but it is also really
beautiful and function fun to wear. It's like, really feminine.
I'm twenty three years old, I want to look good.
(11:42):
At that time, it was really only Prana and Patagonia
that were more action oriented, and I was like, I
want swimsuits that inspire me and empower me to get
on the water and also are really super feminine. And
because I had always been entrepreneurial growing up, and because
I had a desire to prove myself, and this is
(12:02):
where you know, we get into this kind of bit
of worth. I was like, Okay, this is something I
need to do. And once I started telling people that
I wanted to start a swimmer line, I was like, ef,
I have to do it. Now, Like what now? I
told people to put it out there and now I
got to do it. And so it really came from
a place of grit and resilience and a desire to
(12:23):
prove and then that entrepreneur spark and I was like, Okay,
let's go, let's do it. But here's the important point.
When I launched that business at twenty three years old,
I did not believe in myself. I did not believe
that I could do it. And as I mentioned, it
really came from a place of I want to prove myself.
And now I told people I'm going to do this.
So I got to figure it out. And I'm really
(12:44):
resilient and resourceful and great at figuring things out. But
I make that point because that really started the journey
of this whole learning to believe in myself, learning to
create a confident and cultivate a confident mindset and really
super step into my power, my impact, which is where
I am.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Now, why didn't you believe in yourself? Do you think?
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Hmm?
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Wow, Amanda we're getting right into it. I think, no, no,
this is we.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
All have our own reasons. You know, well, you're a
young woman, you know.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I was a young woman and I thought that my
worth was external. I thought that I had to prove
that I was doing enough, and I thought that I
needed to hear someone say I'm.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Proud of you.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
And I couldn't do that for myself. And so it
was this desire to prove, as I mentioned, this combination
of this desire to prove, this losing my mamma at
a young age, and then my dad. He was not
very communicative. He never told me he was proud of me.
Growing up he was I was always told I wasn't
(13:50):
good enough. Oh, and so that perfect storm created this
I don't believe in myself kind of like it's like
you were trying to constantly prove to yourself that you
could believe in yourself.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
I relate to that, and I think single mom life
is a lot like that. Like sometimes we're so concerned
about other people's opinions because we're looking for our worth
based on other people's compliments or what other people think
about us, and that's why we choose poor relationships because
we feel like, if he loves me, then I'm worthy. Yes,
if he accepts me, then I'm worthy. And it does
(14:28):
start with my relationship with my dad too. And then
would I just wanted him. I didn't grow up with
living in the same state as him, and I just
kept wanting to get his attention. So I kept overperforming,
you know, in my career, and like I even went
into the radio type of radio that he that he
listened to in order to get his attention, right, So
(14:50):
I completely get that.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
And then that's one of the reasons.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Why as i'm you know, I have teenagers, and I
actually heard this the resonates with you. I don't necessarily
tell my kids I'm proud of them. I use a
different word because I feel like that means they have
to perform in order to be worthy of my love,
and I don't want them to think that. I tell
them I'm impressed because of that word. I was like,
(15:18):
no matter what, I love you. I was just like, Wow,
I'm really impressed about that decision. I just think that
using that word I'm proud of you implies some kind
of ownership or duty.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Oh, I love that so much. That is such a
great taking such ownership of the power of words because
they're super powerful. And that's something I didn't even realize.
I didn't even realize I wasn't allowing myself to be
proud of myself and tell tell the end of twenty nineteen, actually,
Aman and I would love to share a little story
(15:48):
about that.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Yes, tell me what. Yeah, where was the shift?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Yeah, the shift happened in the end of twenty nineteen,
which I started my Swimwhere company in twenty twelve. So
this is this is a long time building. I learned
a lot of confidence tools and things in that time.
But the shift I'm proud of myself came with them
to twenty nineteen. And here's what prompted it, because it
was twenty nineteen, we're moving into twenty twenty new decade.
(16:13):
And every year at that time, I was involved with
a women's group where we would get together at the
beginning of the year and we would do previous year
reviews and looking at and new year goal setting and
so off that can I can I see.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
That group like, I'm so into that. I'm so into it.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Okay, keep it soun good, Like you know, a small
unit where we're pulling out all of our journals and
looking back over the past year, what are our successes,
what were our challenges? What are we proud of ourselves?
For all this nitty gritty, And because this is twenty
nineteen and we're moving into a new decade, we were
prompted to do a decade in review, And so I
went back and I pulled out all of my journals
(16:52):
from the past ten years. I looked at all of
my social media, I looked at everywhere that I had traveled.
I wrote down all of my accomplishments. I wrote down
everything I had done. You know, I dove into this
ten years and did a ton of pre work questions.
And then the morning of the retreat dawned and I'm
in this room with a few other women that I've
(17:14):
been with for years as a collective, and we have
all of our notes out in.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Front of us.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I have the past ten years laid out in front
of me, and the moderator is asking some questions and
I'm just looking at this past ten years, and all
of a sudden, I just felt like a huge, overwhelming,
almost stabbing the heart, and just like a gush of
emotion and I burst out crying. And I had to
(17:39):
remove myself and I went outside and I cried for
like ten minutes, sobbing, just huge racking sobs because when
I had the past decade in my life laid out
in front of me, I realized two things. Number One
that I was super proud of the woman that I was.
I was super proud of the woman that I become.
(18:00):
I was super proud of everything that I had done.
And number two, and this is why I was so
painful and why I was crying so much, because I
realized that I had never let myself feel that way.
I had never let myself feel that way, and I
was the only one that could tell myself that I
was proud, Like really, I'm the only opinion that matters.
And I just was like overcome with like wow, I've
(18:24):
been trying so hard to prove myself and this whole
time I could have just said you're doing enough, You're
doing a good job, like SELFI five cents a year,
rocking it, you know. So that was a pivotal shift
for me.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yeah, I'm fascinated as what you did next after that
moment because I think about, you know, relating it to
the single mom collective audience, and I think so often
we're beating ourselves up because we became single moms. But
then it's like for my own journey, and I look
back and I think, well, I'm moved across the country
(19:00):
with three kids. I got an after becoming a single mom.
I got a national radio show after to become a
single mom. I bought my own house on the only
name on that loan and raise some pretty great kids.
I'm like, why do I still feel judgment from society,
you know, instead of just going.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Good for you?
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Because I also think that makes it harder for us
to accept the right partners when we don't love ourselves.
Because if we don't fully love ourselves, if we're not
proud of ourselves, then we're going to accept somebody that's
less than what we deserve because we're so so it's important.
So I think I really need to know how you
(19:39):
got to that point where you could love yourself and
be proud of yourself, because I need my single moms
and the single mom collective to feel that same way
so that we can start businesses and so you can
make a better choice and a partner, because when you
love you, you don't accept breadcrumbs. Right, You're like, no,
I can love me better than you're.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Loving me right now, So I'll move on.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Yeah, so how do you how did you get to
the point after you you realize there was an issue?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
How did you fix it?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah? Okay, Well it's a tough answer because and you
you know, the listeners are not going to love this.
But it is a continual filling up of your own cup.
It is not one size mixshift. We want things to
go from being I don't believe in myself, I don't
feel worthy to all of a sudden, I do. And
I remember sitting in so many audiences and this is
(20:30):
why I love motivational speaking and why I want to
share stories because I remember sitting and listening to so
many speakers who are just.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
Like you know, I feel proud of yourself and do
all this stuff and believe in yourself and just do it.
And I'd be like, but I can't. Why don't I like?
Why what is stopping me from believing in myself? And
I just like, I just want to believe in myself
so badly, But it takes time. It takes a continued
filling up of your own cup. So I want to
give a few tangible tools, because there are totally tools that.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
You use and do. But I just want to set
the stage four to continue investing in yourself. So number one,
celebrate your wins and celebrate yourself. Acknowledge yourself every step
of the way. I started doing this is well before
twenty nineteen. I want to say I started doing practices
to acknowledge that I was doing enough, and so I
(21:21):
want to share a few of those.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Number one is at the end of every single day,
a few easy journal prompts, what am I proud of
myself for? What is something awesome that happened today? And
what am I celebrating? I'm to say them again, what
am I proud of myself for? What's something awesome that happened?
And what am I celebrating? So you're acknowledging that you've
(21:42):
done enough, You're proud of yourself for something and something
awesome happened. Because we know how the brain works. When
you look for things in your environment, you train your
brain to look for things in your environment, your brain's
going to start deeming those things important. And now we'll
serve it up more so, the reticular activating system in
the brain. We scan our environment constantly, scanning. Thousands of
(22:05):
bits of information are coming at us. And what we
tell our brain is important is what we're going to
be filtered and receive more of. It's not Woo Woo's science.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Your thoughts, thoughts become things. Your thoughts provoke your life. Yes,
you're preaching to the choir here.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yes, we don't need to dive down the whole rabbit
hole it looks we want to. But training yourself to
really look for those awesome things that are happening. That
doesn't mean that negative things are going to happen, but
it's reaffirming that good things are coming your way. You're
doing enough, and you're proud of yourself looking for small things.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yeah that's number one. That's number one.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Okay, I'll share just two more little proud of your
self tools and then we can go into other things.
But another way to celebrate your wins and celebrate yourself
is to start taking screenshots of any nice thing that
anyone sends you, or any comment they leave on your Instagram,
any email that says something awesome about you, any reminder
(23:08):
to yourself that you're doing a great job. I would start.
I started screenshotting. I have a folder on my phone
called winds, and I screenshot thinks and take screenshots on
my computer. Have a folder on my computer also called wins.
I've the some multiple places, and any time I have
something that I'm like, ooh, someone left a great comment,
or look at this awesome email that I got, I'm
(23:30):
going to say that, or oh my gosh, this is
a magazine artist Caden that came out that I'm proud of.
I put it in my wins folder so that it
does a few things. Firstly, if I'm ever feeling down,
am I not feeling good enough? I can go on
my wins folder. I'm gonna be like, look, here is
the evidence that I'm doing a great job. And then
secondly it trains my brain again to look for those things.
(23:52):
And then thirdly, in the moment when I take that
screenshot by cool Sincy patting, I'm back, you're doing it,
and that gets my dopamine going and it gets me
or actually I think it's oxytocin the love hormoney. You're like,
I'm doing a great job, I'm doing enough, and it
just makes you feel good. And so those two practices
I think are something we can start incorporating the right now.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I love it because so often it's like, you know,
I don't know about you, but I get a lot
of haters on my Instagram sometimes and those are the
ones that stick out the most instead of the nice ones.
And then I'm like that, I like, I've started just
deleting them instead of recite, don't respond anymore.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I'm just like, I don't want that. I don't not
do that. I'm hiding anything. I just don't want the
negativity around. But we said we need to delete those
but replace them with the winds. I love that.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, I mean speaking about the negative things just for
a second. That's so hard because it also can prevent
you from showing up because you're like, oh, I get
so attached to the thing. And I actually I have
a quote on my wall behind me my why I
wrote it out. I say I'm strong enough to withstand
criticism in order to serve my higher purpose of lifting
(25:01):
up other women.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I love that because you're always going to get criticism,
whether it's on social either you're just walking down the
street and I think it's just the single moms listening
and it's like people are going to throw stones at
you for being a single mom. Many things that go
back to your why go back to I need to
do this.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
You know. I have a course for single moms, the
very first one when your new single moms called Metamorphosis
Method Twelve steps to read to do your life after
everything falls apart.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
And the very first thing we do is write a
why statement. I love it.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
That's the very first module, very first lesson is write
that why statement and write it down. Because there's this book,
I don't know if you've read it, classic by Victor
frankel Man, Search for Meaning.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
It's about how to find meaning during times of suffering.
And there's a famous line from a philosopher, Frederick Meechi
in the book, and it says, he who has a
why to live can bear anyhow.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
I only changed one word of that. She who has
a why to live can bear how right. So, no
matter how hard those days are, you go back to
your why statement, no matter how exhausted you are by
doing everything on your own.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
No matter how frustrated you are of building your business
or whatever. It's like, why am I doing this? Oh? Yeah,
I'm going to keep going. I love it that you
have that.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, so be powerful. It's so powerful and I love that. Yeah,
you know, you put it first because that's the most
important thing. I actually just film the real yesterday. That
is like, if I was starting a business in twenty
twenty five, I would start with why I was doing it.
And I want to bring this all the way back, Amanda,
because when I started my swimmer company at twenty three
years old, my why was not deep enough. Because I
want to take it one step further. You actually it's
(26:40):
you need to have a why, but you need to
have a why that's connected to something greater than yourself.
And for a lot of single moms that's going to
be their kids. But for a lot of business owners,
I'm going to invite you into thinking deeper. Because when
I started my summer company, I was like, Okay, my
why is to make awesome bathing suits and have freedom
to travel and make money. Okay, level, we need to
(27:01):
get deeper because when things got hard in my business,
my company was called Sensi Graves Swim and so it
was named after me. And so because I had a
surface level why when things would get hard in the
business or I would fail, I took it so personally,
I know, those first couple of years, the swimsuits were bad.
I let's let me be honest, they were not good.
(27:22):
I did not have a manufacturing or sewing or business
background at all. So like the first few production runs
were horrible, and people tell me that they would just
be trying to be bad to be like, oh, you
can improve this, you can improve that, And I would
take that. So personally, when someone said the suits were bad,
I took it to mean that I was to add right,
(27:43):
and I just wanted to hide them under the table,
and I just wanted to give up. But if I
would have had a why that was deeper and connected
to my purpose and my surface, which is what I
have now was speaking and mentoring, Yeah, then I would
have been able to continue showup because it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if I look stupid, it doesn't matter
if suits are bad. I'm doing this for my client,
(28:03):
my customer, and the audience.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Because you find that fulfillment through changing other people's lives
instead of just changing yours. I think that's probably why
I think your white changes because originally, you know, when
my kids were little, my ex left. I had three
kids under four, you know, and so I called them
my sunshines because of that song. They make me happy
when skys are gray, you know that you are my sunshine.
(28:28):
So and I would say, nope, I'm just I'm going
to give my sunshines the life they always deserved. But also,
you know it didn't have anything to do with me,
and so I started or my dreams and or what
my what would fulfill me the most? I think now
that they're teenagers and driving, the last person they want
to hang out with is their mom.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Although my nineteen year old girl, she's like, come back
and to hang out with me.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
But now it's like, my why is I want to
stop the poverty cycle and the scarcity cycle of single mothers.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, I want to change their family story. So that
feels like a much deeper and more fulfilling why that's
so important. I love that I interrupted your stick too.
Did we have a step three?
Speaker 2 (29:16):
So? Did I have a step three?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
We had?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
We had our journal.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Gosh, we were riding at night and we had our
wind folder.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yeap was our step three?
Speaker 1 (29:26):
We'll go back, ye go.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I think affirmations yes were my step three? Another my
step three. I don't think I want of prefaces with
saying that sometimes affirmations can feel both untrue because we're like,
I don't believe that I'm a millionaire, I don't believe
that I can do this. I'm pushing it further away,
(29:48):
and also not helpful a little bit, like I said, woo,
it could feel like, oh me, just saying this thing
is gonna help manifest it. But it is true because
we are trying in our brain to step into the
power of who we want to be and who we
want to become. So writing down I am an inspiration,
I am an inspiration, I'm an inspiration is something that
(30:10):
I did for a really long time until I believed
that I was and I didn't have to write it anymore.
So I really think that affirming and writing down what
you want to step into, and sometimes it might be
I'm working on becoming an inspiration or I'm working on
believing myself. If it feels like when you write down
(30:32):
I believe myself or I am worthy enough doesn't feel
true and resonant, yes, that will push it a little
bit further away. It will feel like a lie. We
want to start feeling like it's possible and enabling us
to dream about that next level, like what are the
things that you really want to feel in your most
magnificent life, Like we're going for magnificent on every level,
(30:53):
and so writing affirmations helps us create guideposts for where
we want to go. I believe myself. I believe myself,
and they help us to really expand into that next level,
because if you don't know where you're going, you're not
going to get there. And also if you're not continually
filling up your own cup, then we're going to keep
looking for things that affirm the opposite, which is I'm
(31:16):
not good enough, I'm not doing enough. And that's what
our society is really good at. Our souidety is really
good at being like you need to buy this thing
in order to feel like enough, or you need to
be doing this, or you know, you're comparing someone to
yourself to someone on Instagram and you're not good enough,
and so we really have to work on filling our
own cups up. And so just to restate that affirmation piece,
(31:42):
if it feels like you writing I am I believe
in myself, it's not possible yet, right, I am working
on believing myself, but really take the time to identify
a few things that would make your life magnificent. Once again,
we're going for magnificent and write them every single day
so that you have those guiding guiding lights to that
(32:03):
next level you and so you can really say I'm enough,
because we got to change the words we tell ourselves,
because what I used to do was just I'm not
good enough. I didn't even notice that was the story
happening in my head. You have to notice completely.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
And then when we don't, when we're not doing that again,
we're accepting breadcrumbs from somebody who just gives the tiniest
little affirmations, the tiniest little compliment, when we're worthy.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Of so much more as mothers especially, And I like that.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
I call that the ladder of believability is just doing
small steps of manifestation.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
It's like, you know, so we all want to be millionaires.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Maybe, but if I'm writing I am a millionaire, I
probably don't believe it yet, right, you know, like wright
or I am working on building a great business.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Like that's something that I can say. I love that.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I absolutely love that.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
So question for you about the difference between what you
write in your journal at night, I love that and
the winds or that that's the windfolder. But what you
write your journal at night? The im statements, Do.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
You do that at night? Do you do it in
the morning when you start your day?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I do in the morning.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Yeah, I love that. Okay. My grandma always says your
mind is like jello. You got to put in all
the good stuff before it sets.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
And I'd like, that's so true.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
But I love the fact that you have the nighttime
journal as well.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Do you like?
Speaker 3 (33:23):
So help us implement that, Like keep it by my bedside,
because then you're going to bed. I would imagine thinking
of all the good stuff that happened that day instead
of going to bed thinking about all the stuff you
didn't get done.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
That's exactly it, okay, And I love your pointing out.
How can we implement this because habits are hard to
create new habits. Humans work on the subconscious level. We
go on autopile a lot, and that's how habits get created.
We're trying to make our lives easy by automating. That's
what the brain does. And so in order to build
a new habit, we have to have a trigger and
(33:57):
a visual reminder and a trigger being connect it to
something else. So If you want to start a journal practice,
whether in the morning or a night, one of the
most helpful things is to connect it to something that
you already do. So let's just say you brush your
teeth in the morning. Maybe every time you brush your teeth,
you go right into the living room and you sit
down on the couch and you write journal. That would
(34:19):
be a trigger. Or let's say you go make a coffee,
connect it to the coffee machine. Put your journal right
next to your coffee machine, so you make your coffee.
That's a trigger for you to open your journal. And
your journal's right there, So that's your visual queue for
you to actually start sit your butt down and start
doing it. Because it is hard to create new habits.
And so yeah, I have my journal on my bedside
(34:40):
at night, and then sometimes it depends on kind of
like where I'm at and what I'm doing in my
life at that time. But I like to write those
journal questions at the end of the workday because that
seals with a bow the end of the workday. And
for me as an entrepreneur, I need some way to
say I'm done. I can train audition mentally and physically
(35:02):
into the rest of my life, go be with my baby,
and just like allow myself to do that. And so
when I write down those things at the end of
the day, I'm saying this is I'm closing the chapter.
It's a physical way to close the chapter of the
day and allow myself to go into my next next
part of my day.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
I love that that's that's better than because I think
that would make me more effective at It also helped
me end work because I just could be working all
the time write instead of sometimes I'm just so tired
at the end of the night, I'm just like fall
into bed and the last thing I'm.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Doing is like, okay, let me make up a tea,
do my journal. I just like pass out. Like that's perfect.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
And then it's also acknowledging that you're doing enough. You
one journal question that add to the end of the
workday is what did I do? And so you're writing
everything you did because with to do list, and this
will get into a whole other strategy you're on time management,
but to do list they always make us feel like
we're not doing enough because to do list never However,
we're going to get to the end of your to
do there's always more things. And so when I write
(36:04):
down at the end of my workday, what did I do?
What did I accomplish, I'm like, cool, look at all
the stuff I did, And that is both a pad
on the back and that permission to wrap up and
move on.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
I freaking love that. I love that. I'm in oh
burning question. I hope it's not too controversial. But you know,
right before we hit record on this podcast, one of
the questions I ask all my guests is it's like,
is there something that.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
You want to really make sure we talk about.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
I think that's nice, you know, I'm like, because usually
it's it's probably the best nugget. And you mentioned the
power of letting things go that are no longer serving you,
and I think that a lot applies to the single
mom collective. You know that maybe there's relationships we're holding
on to that are no longer serving us, jobs that
(36:53):
aren't paying us enough that we're holding on to that
no longer serve us.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
There's lots of things.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Is that why you got rid of the swimwear line?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Is that where that was from?
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Yeah, that's exactly right. At the end of twenty twenty four,
I shut down after thirteen years my swimmer company, and
it was it took me a long time to actually
make the decision to shut it down, and there was
a lot of grief and a lot of identity loss
and a lot of just processing is this the right decision?
Like I don't know, because I wanted to expand into
(37:29):
doing more speaking, more mentoring, and I also put on
women's supporting and wing wing camps and retreats. It's all
about empowering women. And the swimwear company was started to
empower women in water sports. And so I really had
this grand idea of me building this everything like supporting
one another. The brand it's called Sensi Grief Swim, So
me as a speaker is just going to elevate that
(37:50):
and it's all going to work really great. And so
I was remiss to let it go for a lot
of reasons. But I got to a place where I
was like, Okay, if I were to plot myself down
into this situation right now, let's let go of the
past thirteen years. If I was to come into the
situation right now, what would be my best course of action?
(38:13):
Would I want to be running this company? Would I
want to be spending the majority of my time selling swimsuits.
You know, I wasn't making them. I got the main
in LA but designing, doing all the production, just managing
a product based business. The answer is no, but I had.
(38:34):
Have you heard of sunk costs fallacy?
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Yeah, sun got fallacy for listeners that don't know, is
the more time we invest in something the more the
less less you're likely you are to let it go
because you're like, I've put all this time and energy
into something. And this really applies to relationships. I was
just gonna say, if we're like, oh, I've spent four
(38:56):
years with this with this person, that is all just
wasted time. If we break up, No, you're learning and
you're going always. But humans have this mental fallacy around
the more time we invest in something, the less likely
we are able to move on from it because it's
hard to let that time go. We think I'll just
(39:19):
you know, keep sticking it out. And I was doing
that for a number of years in the swimmer company.
But I came into if I was to plot myself
into it right now, let go of the past thirteen years.
Number One, I'm super proud of myself because I feel
a rad brand, and looking at it, I'm like, I
we had such a great community, and I'm so proud
of the brand and community that we made. Life is short,
(39:41):
and I want to do other things, and I want
to put my focus and my passion and my purpose
and my energy into something that I'm more excited about,
because I'm not excited about this anymore. And I was like,
I'm just hanging onto it because of all the time
of putting into it and the identity that's wrapped in
it and this idea of how I thought it was
supposed to look. But there's so much power in letting things.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
Go that's very brave.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
I think that just really helped me because I think
that it's been hard to.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Let go of my radio career.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
I spent twenty five years being Amanda Carroll on the radio,
but it wasn't serving me anymore, and I was ready
to do something. But I was like, but I put
twenty years in this career. I'm supposed to like keep
going to the next level. Why the heck would I
start over again? But wasn't serving me so and it
was hurting. I think there's there's only really you know,
we talked in the beginning of this episode about being proud,
(40:37):
doing things to make other people feel proud of us
when we don't feel proud of.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
Ourselves, and the importance of that.
Speaker 3 (40:43):
And I always constantly remind myself, you know, there's really
only two people that we have to make proud of.
And it's not our parents, and it's not even God,
he already loves us, right, It's the eight year old
version of us and the eighty year old version of us.
Because that eight year old version had a lot of
big dreams and we want to make her proud. The
eighty year old version would be pretty pissed if we
(41:03):
sticked with something that wasn't serving us.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
So I love that.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
So what would you say to a woman, a mother,
a single mother listening who's maybe for some reason, waiting
for permission to change something in her life, maybe to
leave a relationship, to better herself, to be proud of herself,
and the situation she's in is not serving her, but
(41:28):
she feels a little stuck.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
What would you say to her?
Speaker 2 (41:31):
I would say, to imagine yourself in three to five
years from now, and if you don't change anything, what
did your life look like? And I would say why
are you tolerating that? And I would say you are
so worthy and enough and you deserve a magnificent light.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Word, magnificent instead of just a normal life, a peaceful life,
a plain life, a magnificent story going for magnificent.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
I'm so inspired by you, I really am. And your
story and your commitment to fulfilling your passions by serving
other women and empowering other women is awesome.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
I don't know if I'm ever going to learn kiteboarding.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
That's okay, because it's like I don't like getting my
hair wet, and that's a problem for me.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
I think I could go and I would cheer everybody
on at the thing. I think last question for you,
maybe last question, but so your mom.
Speaker 3 (42:30):
Now you have your first child, You have a baby,
and it must be really interesting.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
It must be hard to do that without your mom.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
H Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Does it make you think about approaching parenthood differently?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
That's a great question. I don't know that it means
approaching it differently, because there I really believe in just
being in the present as much as possible and relishing
in the moment as much as possible. And perhaps I
know that more because life is leading and I lost
my mom at such a young age, and for sure
(43:05):
there's been some grief around that, you know, being pregnant
and just kind of being like I it brings up
more questions about I wish I could ask her this,
or I wish I could be in this experience with her,
but that's not the reality. And so going back to
leaning into what do I have control over and how
can I make the most of this experiences I have
it and how I've been given? And I believe that's
(43:27):
in practicing gratitude. And I would say that that's something
I really want to emphasize with the listeners as well.
I know we hear that like have a gratitude practice
and blah blah blah. But there's a great quote that goes,
no amount of worry can change the future, no amount
of regret can change the past, but any amount of
(43:47):
gratitude can change the present. And so just really sinking
into what's in this moment that I'm stoked on her?
What can I look around and be grateful for? And
like just I'm constantly saying how much how much gratitude
I have for my son? He's eight months old and
just our home and everything that we have. It's like, yes,
I have goals, but I'm also very content with where
(44:09):
I'm at because I practice saying that so much, Like
I really believe that life is this bounce of contentment
and stretching. Yeah, stretching is amazing. Goals are great. We
need goals. You're forty two percent more likely to achieve
a goal who write it down. And you are never
going to feel badass and enough unless you feel badass
(44:30):
and worthy right now, right where you're at today. And
so we don't need to wait for the man. We
don't need to wait for the career. We don't need
to wait to buy our own home. We don't need
to wait to make on a bunch of money. We
need to work on. And this is crucial. It doesn't
matter what level you get to, you need to work on.
I'm worthy and enough right where I'm at. I'm proud
of myself right where I'm at, and that is that contentment.
(44:52):
And so I really think that using those tools of
celebrating the winds, doing your journaling, doing those affirmations, and
being in gratitude.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
For what you do have.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Super crucial.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
I'm in thank you. So, how can we work with you?
How can we find more information about you? This mom
listening like, I need this in my life.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Senseicraves dot com okay and sense Craves on Instagram. It's
s E N S I G R A V E
S and I do one on one and mentoring on
mindset and confidence and helping emerging leaders really believe in
themselves so that they can lead awesome teams and also
aspire on entrepreneurs create believe in themselves so that they
(45:32):
can create businesses that light them up.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
I'll put all the links in the show notes for
you so you can access those to connect with her,
follow her, reach out to her.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
And tell her.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
Also give her something she can screenshot for her wins folder. Okay,
if there's something that you're like, if you loved this episode,
send her DM on Instagram and let her know how
what it meant to you.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Because that's going to be more. That's a gift to her.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
So I feel like, especially when another woman inspires us,
we shouldn't be quiet about it.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
We should build up that other woman. So I love that.
Thank you, thanks for doing this for the single Mom Collective.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Thank you for having me isn't she amazing.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
I'm so glad you sat through this.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Whole episode, Girl.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
I hope it empowered you.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
It gave you the strength to open up your heart
to love again. Or maybe it gave you the strength
to realize, you know what, I don't have to be
a victim of my single motherhood. I want to become
the hero of my own story and a kind of
mom my.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
Kids will brag about.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
Well, then, if that's you, girl, I want to get
on the phone with you. I want to meet you,
and I want to help you develop a step by
step plan so that you can heal from your past relationship,
so you can find peace with your ex piece in
co parenting, and make more money and find love again,
the one that you deserved in the first place. If
(46:52):
you'd like that book a free one on one call
with me, The link is in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
I would love to meet you. I'm on a mission
to make sure that.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
No a mom ever feels as alone and as afraid
as I did when my ex left me with three
kids under four. Girl, I was still bretaisfading. I was
eight weeks postpartum, still wearing maternity.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
Clothes, Like I get it.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
I know where you're at, and I'm here to help
you learn from my mistakes and to propel you forward
and find that love that you deserved faster than it
took for me. Working together, we can achieve this, so
don't go through this alone. I'd also love it if
you shared this episode with a friend. Maybe there's someone
you're like, Oh my god, she needs to hear this.
(47:33):
Send it to her new text girl. Don't gey keep
this stuff and subscribe so you don't miss the next episode.
And if you want, you can join the single Mom Collective.
I offer you a seven day free trial and after
that it's just thirty seven bucks a month and you'll
learn how to make more money, increase your mindset, peacely,
co parent, get in the best shape of your life
(47:54):
with mere plans and workout plans, and heal so that.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
You can find love again. It's cheaper than a trip
to Target or whatever is in your Amazon cartgol final links.
Join the collective.
Speaker 3 (48:07):
It's all in the shunuts.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.