January 20, 2025 • 6 mins
BOB, Boeing's Chief Safety Officer, is seated at the head of a table in a conference room. He is surrounded by Boeing's Quality Control team, including LIZ, the Chief Safety Engineering Officer.
BOB (looking at a clock that reads 1:30 PM): Thank you all for making this emergency standup first thing in the morning. I know everyone has a busy day of folding paper planes and setting them on fire, but we are at Code Red after another devastating crash.
LIZ (stacking a house of cards): My God. How could this happen?
BOB: We don't know. Sometimes unforeseeable mysteries happen that are simply beyond comprehension or government accountability. Sometimes they happen again. Sometimes unforeseeable mysteries simply beyond comprehension happen a few more times, and it looks like this is our latest vagary of fate.
LIZ: Is it bad?
BOB (looking at a computer running Windows 95): Extremely. Stocks are down 5%. I just don't understand how these planes keep crashing. Where's the Independent Inspector for the FAA?
WILLIAM E. BOEING III: Right here, Sir. I personally vetted that plane, from the moment it came off the assembly line to the moment of my lunch break. It looked perfectly fine.
BOB: Well, we did everything we could. Meeting adjourned.
Everyone begins to get up.
LIZ (nonplussed): But what about damage control?
CARTER, Chief Factory Safety Officer, walks to the end of the room to pick up a broom and fire extinguisher.
BOB: Not so fast, Carter. She was speaking metaphorically.
CARTER: No Sir, it appears a machine has broken and the factory is on fire.
LIZ: My God. How could this happen?
BOB (indignantly): Carter, if you can't make these important meetings and fulfill your job responsibilities, maybe we should have a different conversation entirely.
CARTER (putting down the extinguisher and dialing 912): Not a problem, Sir.
BOB: Take a seat, team. Liz is right. We have to go into damage-control mode and get to the bottom of this crash. But we need to ask the right questions.
LIZ: How could this happen?
BOB: Wrong question.
CARTER: Who's responsible?
BOB: Even more wrong.
WILLIAM: Who can we blame?
BOB: Bingo. Someone's head has to roll. We've crashed jets before, but this one takes the cake, and there have to be disciplinary measures.
CARTER: A russian missile.
WILLIAM: King Jong Un.
LIZ: Concrete walls.
The doors swing open and BOB's assistant ALEX barges into the room. LIZ's house of cards collapses from the gust.
LIZ (looking at her house of cards): My God. How could this happen?
ALEX: Sir, I've got it. Birds!
BOB: Birds?
ALEX: Birds. They're saying a bird hit the plane and got stuck in the wing. Pilots call it a "bird strike."
BOB: First the DOJ, then Congress; now a tactical bird attack? Unbelievable.
CARTER: But I thought the jet tried to land without its wheels deployed…
ALEX: The birds must have knocked them off.
BOB (pensively): Maybe it was birds all along.
CARTER: What about the plane that crashed from engine failure?
ALEX: Bird in the turbine.
CARTER: The cabin door that flew off mid-flight?
ALEX: Bird in the stratosphere.
CARTER: Crash from the automated nosedive error?
ALEX: Bird in the computer.
BOB (trembling): It's a full-on bird invasion.
LIZ: My God
BOB (interrupting LIZ): Save the thoughts and prayers for the vigils and Senate hearings. 'Cause there will be plenty. People are really pissed this time. Don't they know you gotta crack a few 800,000-pound deathtraps to make a mega-corporation that's too big to fail?
WILLIAM (dejectedly): Why couldn't this happen after inauguration day?
BOB (to WILLIAM): Looks like we'll have to play defense for a few weeks. Even if this crash occurred entirely because of an all-out avian assault, we need to keep it from occurring again. Brainstorming, go!
LIZ: Parachutes for planes.
CARTER: Declare war against bird-kind.
WILLIAM: Transition to hydrogen-powered blimps.
CARTER: A more transparent control process.
Everyone boos.
LIZ: How about takeout? Maybe Korean?
BOB: Liz, you're a visi...
BOB (looking at a clock that reads 1:30 PM): Thank you all for making this emergency standup first thing in the morning. I know everyone has a busy day of folding paper planes and setting them on fire, but we are at Code Red after another devastating crash.
LIZ (stacking a house of cards): My God. How could this happen?
BOB: We don't know. Sometimes unforeseeable mysteries happen that are simply beyond comprehension or government accountability. Sometimes they happen again. Sometimes unforeseeable mysteries simply beyond comprehension happen a few more times, and it looks like this is our latest vagary of fate.
LIZ: Is it bad?
BOB (looking at a computer running Windows 95): Extremely. Stocks are down 5%. I just don't understand how these planes keep crashing. Where's the Independent Inspector for the FAA?
WILLIAM E. BOEING III: Right here, Sir. I personally vetted that plane, from the moment it came off the assembly line to the moment of my lunch break. It looked perfectly fine.
BOB: Well, we did everything we could. Meeting adjourned.
Everyone begins to get up.
LIZ (nonplussed): But what about damage control?
CARTER, Chief Factory Safety Officer, walks to the end of the room to pick up a broom and fire extinguisher.
BOB: Not so fast, Carter. She was speaking metaphorically.
CARTER: No Sir, it appears a machine has broken and the factory is on fire.
LIZ: My God. How could this happen?
BOB (indignantly): Carter, if you can't make these important meetings and fulfill your job responsibilities, maybe we should have a different conversation entirely.
CARTER (putting down the extinguisher and dialing 912): Not a problem, Sir.
BOB: Take a seat, team. Liz is right. We have to go into damage-control mode and get to the bottom of this crash. But we need to ask the right questions.
LIZ: How could this happen?
BOB: Wrong question.
CARTER: Who's responsible?
BOB: Even more wrong.
WILLIAM: Who can we blame?
BOB: Bingo. Someone's head has to roll. We've crashed jets before, but this one takes the cake, and there have to be disciplinary measures.
CARTER: A russian missile.
WILLIAM: King Jong Un.
LIZ: Concrete walls.
The doors swing open and BOB's assistant ALEX barges into the room. LIZ's house of cards collapses from the gust.
LIZ (looking at her house of cards): My God. How could this happen?
ALEX: Sir, I've got it. Birds!
BOB: Birds?
ALEX: Birds. They're saying a bird hit the plane and got stuck in the wing. Pilots call it a "bird strike."
BOB: First the DOJ, then Congress; now a tactical bird attack? Unbelievable.
CARTER: But I thought the jet tried to land without its wheels deployed…
ALEX: The birds must have knocked them off.
BOB (pensively): Maybe it was birds all along.
CARTER: What about the plane that crashed from engine failure?
ALEX: Bird in the turbine.
CARTER: The cabin door that flew off mid-flight?
ALEX: Bird in the stratosphere.
CARTER: Crash from the automated nosedive error?
ALEX: Bird in the computer.
BOB (trembling): It's a full-on bird invasion.
LIZ: My God
BOB (interrupting LIZ): Save the thoughts and prayers for the vigils and Senate hearings. 'Cause there will be plenty. People are really pissed this time. Don't they know you gotta crack a few 800,000-pound deathtraps to make a mega-corporation that's too big to fail?
WILLIAM (dejectedly): Why couldn't this happen after inauguration day?
BOB (to WILLIAM): Looks like we'll have to play defense for a few weeks. Even if this crash occurred entirely because of an all-out avian assault, we need to keep it from occurring again. Brainstorming, go!
LIZ: Parachutes for planes.
CARTER: Declare war against bird-kind.
WILLIAM: Transition to hydrogen-powered blimps.
CARTER: A more transparent control process.
Everyone boos.
LIZ: How about takeout? Maybe Korean?
BOB: Liz, you're a visi...
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boeing's quality control team meets to discuss safety and burd attacks. Bob,
Boeing's chief safety officer, is seated at the head of
a table in a conference room. He is surrounded by
Boeing's quality control team, including l I Z, the chief
Safety engineering Officer. Bob looking at a clock that reads
(00:22):
one thirty pm, thank you all for making this emergency
stand up first thing in the morning. I know everyone
has a busy day of folding paper planes and setting
them on fire, but we are a code read after
another devastating crash. Liz stacking a house of cards. My god,
how could this happen? Bob? We don't know. Sometimes unforseeable
(00:47):
mysteries happen that are simply beyond comprehension or government accountability.
Sometimes they happen again. Sometimes unforseeable mysteries simply beyond comprehension
happen a few more times, and it looks like this
is our latest vagary of fate. Liz, is it bad?
Bob looking at a computer running Windows ninety five, Extremely
(01:12):
stocks are down five percent. I just don't understand how
these planes keep crashing. Where's the independent inspector for the
FA William E boeing three. Right here, sir, I personally
vetted that plane from the moment it came off the
assembly line to the moment of my lunch break. It
(01:33):
looked perfectly fine. Bob, Well, we did everything we could.
Meeting adjourned. Everyone begins to get up. Liz, nonplus, but
what about damage control? Carter, chief factory safety officer, walks
to the end of the room to pick up a
broom and fire extinguisher. Bob, not so fast, Carter, speaking metaphorically. Carter, No, sir,
(02:04):
it appears a machine is broken and the factory is
on fire. Liz, my god, how could this happen? Bob?
Indignantly Carter. If you can't make these important meetings and
fulfill your job responsibilities, maybe we should have a different
conversation entirely, Carter, putting down the extinguisher and dialing nine
(02:26):
one two. Not a problem, sir, Bob, take a seat. Team.
Liz is right. We have to go into damage control
mode and get to the bottom of this crash. But
we need to ask the right questions. Liz, how could
this happen? Bob? Wrong? Question, Carter, Who's responsible? Bob? Even
(02:52):
more wrong? William who can we blame, Bob Bingo. Someone's
head has to We've crashed jets before, but this one
takes the cake, and there have to be disciplinary measures. Carter.
A Russian missile, William King, John Nunn, Liz concrete walls,
(03:16):
The doors swing open, and Bob's assistant Alex, barges into
the room. Liz's house of cards collapses from the gust.
Liz looking at her house of cards, My god, how
could this happen? Alex, sir, I've got it. Birds, Bob, Birds, Alex. Birds.
(03:39):
They're saying a bird hit the plane and got stuck
in the wing. Pilots call it a bird strike. Bob first,
the doj then Congress. Now a tactical bird attack. Unbelievable, Carter.
But I thought the jet tried to land without its
wheels deployed, Alex. The birds must have knocked them off,
(04:03):
Bob pensively. Maybe it was birds all along, Carter. What
about the plane that crashed from engine failure Alex? Bird
in the turbine, Carter, the cabin door that flew off
midflight Alex Bird in the stratosphere Carter, crash from the
(04:24):
automated nosedive error Alex bird in the computer. Bob trembling,
it's a full on bird invasion, Liz, My god, Bob
interrupting l I as he saved the thoughts and prayers
for the vigils and scented hearings, cause there will be plenty.
(04:45):
People are really pissed this time, don't they know? You
gotta crack a few eight hundred thousand pound death traps
to make a mega corporation that's too big to fail?
William dejectedly, Why couldn't this happen after Inauguration day? B
o B to William, looks like we'll have to play
defense for a few weeks. Even if this crash occurred
(05:07):
entirely because of an all out Alian assault, we need
to keep it from occurring again. Brainstorming, go Liz, parachutes
for planes. Carter declare war against birdkind. William transition to
hydrogen powered blimphs Carter a more transparent control process. Everyone booze, Liz,
(05:32):
how about take out maybe Korean b O B. Liz,
you're a visionary Alex. Promote Liz, Alex done b O
B and have a promotion yourself. Actually, everyone, have a
promotion and a bonus. Liz can the Chief Safety Officer
(05:55):
do that? B O B Alex ad financial to my title,
Alex very well, mister Chief Financial Safety Officer. The room
erupts in laughter and applause. B O B bounds from
his seat and bows B O B. Meeting adjourned. Carter,
(06:16):
you contend to the factory fire. Now, Carter runs at
full speed through the wall with a broom
Boeing's quality control team meets to discuss safety and burd attacks. Bob,
Boeing's chief safety officer, is seated at the head of
a table in a conference room. He is surrounded by
Boeing's quality control team, including l I Z, the chief
Safety engineering Officer. Bob looking at a clock that reads
(00:22):
one thirty pm, thank you all for making this emergency
stand up first thing in the morning. I know everyone
has a busy day of folding paper planes and setting
them on fire, but we are a code read after
another devastating crash. Liz stacking a house of cards. My god,
how could this happen? Bob? We don't know. Sometimes unforseeable
(00:47):
mysteries happen that are simply beyond comprehension or government accountability.
Sometimes they happen again. Sometimes unforseeable mysteries simply beyond comprehension
happen a few more times, and it looks like this
is our latest vagary of fate. Liz, is it bad?
Bob looking at a computer running Windows ninety five, Extremely
(01:12):
stocks are down five percent. I just don't understand how
these planes keep crashing. Where's the independent inspector for the
FA William E boeing three. Right here, sir, I personally
vetted that plane from the moment it came off the
assembly line to the moment of my lunch break. It
(01:33):
looked perfectly fine. Bob, Well, we did everything we could.
Meeting adjourned. Everyone begins to get up. Liz, nonplus, but
what about damage control? Carter, chief factory safety officer, walks
to the end of the room to pick up a
broom and fire extinguisher. Bob, not so fast, Carter, speaking metaphorically. Carter, No, sir,
(02:04):
it appears a machine is broken and the factory is
on fire. Liz, my god, how could this happen? Bob?
Indignantly Carter. If you can't make these important meetings and
fulfill your job responsibilities, maybe we should have a different
conversation entirely, Carter, putting down the extinguisher and dialing nine
(02:26):
one two. Not a problem, sir, Bob, take a seat. Team.
Liz is right. We have to go into damage control
mode and get to the bottom of this crash. But
we need to ask the right questions. Liz, how could
this happen? Bob? Wrong? Question, Carter, Who's responsible? Bob? Even
(02:52):
more wrong? William who can we blame, Bob Bingo. Someone's
head has to We've crashed jets before, but this one
takes the cake, and there have to be disciplinary measures. Carter.
A Russian missile, William King, John Nunn, Liz concrete walls,
(03:16):
The doors swing open, and Bob's assistant Alex, barges into
the room. Liz's house of cards collapses from the gust.
Liz looking at her house of cards, My god, how
could this happen? Alex, sir, I've got it. Birds, Bob, Birds, Alex. Birds.
(03:39):
They're saying a bird hit the plane and got stuck
in the wing. Pilots call it a bird strike. Bob first,
the doj then Congress. Now a tactical bird attack. Unbelievable, Carter.
But I thought the jet tried to land without its
wheels deployed, Alex. The birds must have knocked them off,
(04:03):
Bob pensively. Maybe it was birds all along, Carter. What
about the plane that crashed from engine failure Alex? Bird
in the turbine, Carter, the cabin door that flew off
midflight Alex Bird in the stratosphere Carter, crash from the
(04:24):
automated nosedive error Alex bird in the computer. Bob trembling,
it's a full on bird invasion, Liz, My god, Bob
interrupting l I as he saved the thoughts and prayers
for the vigils and scented hearings, cause there will be plenty.
(04:45):
People are really pissed this time, don't they know? You
gotta crack a few eight hundred thousand pound death traps
to make a mega corporation that's too big to fail?
William dejectedly, Why couldn't this happen after Inauguration day? B
o B to William, looks like we'll have to play
defense for a few weeks. Even if this crash occurred
(05:07):
entirely because of an all out Alian assault, we need
to keep it from occurring again. Brainstorming, go Liz, parachutes
for planes. Carter declare war against birdkind. William transition to
hydrogen powered blimphs Carter a more transparent control process. Everyone booze, Liz,
(05:32):
how about take out maybe Korean b O B. Liz,
you're a visionary Alex. Promote Liz, Alex done b O
B and have a promotion yourself. Actually, everyone, have a
promotion and a bonus. Liz can the Chief Safety Officer
(05:55):
do that? B O B Alex ad financial to my title,
Alex very well, mister Chief Financial Safety Officer. The room
erupts in laughter and applause. B O B bounds from
his seat and bows B O B. Meeting adjourned. Carter,
(06:16):
you contend to the factory fire. Now, Carter runs at
full speed through the wall with a broom
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