MAGAmmendments to the Ten Commandments

1st Commandment: Thou shall not have any other gods before me. And by me, I mean me, Trump. This God of yours had a good run, hell of a guy, but let's face it, he's been on his way out for awhile now.
1st Commandment addendum: Thou shall not make me into graven imaginary (not to include bitcoin, NFTs, fake bibles, limited edition coins and plates, hats, shot glasses, and more to be amended at a later date).
2nd Commandment: Thou shall not take the Lord's name in vain, which is definitely a big one. Unless you're willing to cut me in on the deal and let me get my beak wet, then you can take it in vain to your heart's content. Let's set up a meeting.
3rd Commandment: Observe the sabbath day and keep it holey. Get it? Like a golf hole, "holey ". Anyway yeah, get in at least one round of eighteen holes each and every Sunday.
4th Commandment: Honor thy mothers and father. If you're hot and limber, honor thy father by sitting on his lap while wearing skimpy outfits, that's probably the best way.
5th Commandment: Thou shall not commit murder, but c'mon, let's be realistic. Just do your best to keep your own hands clean and I'll do what I can from my end, for the right price .
6th Commandment: Thou shall not commit adultery wasn't originally in the Ten Commandments, did you know that? It was snuck in by sleepy Joe and the crooked left wing radical media.
7th Commandment: Thou shall not steal. In fact, do everything in your power to stop the steal!! No commandment has ever been treated this poorly, it's a true disgrace.
8th Commandment: Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor unless its absolutely necessary to do so in order to get what you want, or to completely destroy anyone who opposes you. And it's not bearing false witness if YOU believe it!
9th Amendment: Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's house , and luckily why would I need to ? Check out this house !! Look at all of this gold, man! Even the toilet is made of gold! So yeah, how about you not covet MY house. Your house sucks.
10th Commandment: Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife, who, let's face it, is maybe a four at best. As for me, I date models, and let me tell you, when you're a big celebrity like me, they let you do whatever you want. Kiss them, grab their pussies, you can do it all.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And made amendments to the ten commandments. First commandment, thou
shalt not have any other gods before me, and by me,
I mean me Trump. This god of yours had a
good run. Hell of a guy, but let's face it,
he's been on his way out for a while now.
First commandment a dindum, thou shalt not make me into

(00:22):
graven imaginary not to include bigcoin n f t's, fake bibles,
limited edition coins and plates, hats, shod glasses, and more
to be amended at a later date. Second commandment thou
shalt not take the Lord's name in vain, which is
definitely a big one. Unless you're willing to cut me

(00:43):
in on the deal and let me get my beek wet,
then you can take it in vain to your heart's content.
Let's set up a meeting. Third commandment, Observe the Sabbath
day and keep it holy. Get it like a golf
hole holy anyway, Yeah, get in at least one round
of eighteen holes each and every Sunday. Fourth commandment, Honor

(01:07):
thy mothers and father. If you're hot in limber, honor
thy father by sitting on his lap while wearing skimpy outfits.
That's probably the best way. Fifth commandment thou shalt not
commit murder, But come on, let's be realistic. Just do
your best to keep your own hands clean, and I'll
do what I can for my end, for the right price.

(01:31):
Sixth commandment thou shalt not commit adultery wasn't originally in
the Ten Commandments? Did you know that it was snuck
in by sleepy Joe and the crooked left wing radical media.
Seventh commandment thou shalt not steal. In fact, do everything
in your power to stop the steal. No commandment has

(01:52):
ever been treated this poorly. It's a true disgrace. Eighth
commandment thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor
unless it's absolutely necessary to do so in order to
get what you want or to completely destroy anyone who
opposes you. And it's not bearing false witness if you
believe it. Ninth amendment thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house.

(02:16):
And luckily, why would I need to check out this house?
Look at all of this gold man, even the toilet
is made of gold. So yeah, how about you not
covet in why house? Your house sucks tenth commandment, thou
shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, who, let's face it,

(02:37):
is maybe a four at best. As for me, I
date models, and let me tell you, when you're a
big celebrity like me, they let you do whatever you want,
kiss them, grab their pusses. You can do it all.