January 3, 2025 • 7 mins
The five personality pillars are Clean-Cut, Alternative, Risky, Grunge, and Whimsy. Every person you've ever met is a combination of two, including you. Detailed descriptions of each pillar are below:
Clean-Cut
You have your shit together. This may be in the form of having a steady job, a tidy apartment, an Excel-sheet budget, or likely all three of these things. This pillar is often associated with the "Type A" personality*. You are particular about things, very organized, and, for lack of knowing how to word this better, have a specific way of making sure shit works out the way you want it to. You may be especially skilled at driving, goal-setting, and sending follow-up emails. *If you have a problem with being labeled as Type A and think there is a better way to describe it, you are probably Clean-Cut.
Alternative (Alt)
You have objectively good style and taste, exhibited perhaps by the having of "cool tattoos," though this is not required. You pursue some form of art as your main source of income. Your friends may look to you for interior design, wardrobe, or restaurant advice. These artistic strengths may give way to self-importance, pretentiousness, or superiority (come on, all of these pillars have negatives so just sit back and accept it as you sip from your handmade speckled ceramic mug). Not everyone will approve of your lifestyle choices, but they can't deny that you are successful in your lane.
Risky
You are impulsive and often lucky. You enjoy extreme activities that fulfill your desire to face challenge and even danger, including but not limited to rock climbing, skiing, gambling, traveling abroad, performing live, etc. You may be more prone to overindulgence or addictive behaviors, with the possibility of leaning towards the "all or nothing" mentality. You are outgoing; a master of making new friends, but not so much at deciding which are the right ones to keep. Someone with the Risky pillar is likely to do things like park in the red and hope they don't get a ticket, move to a new city with no job and figure it out as they go, or answer their ex's 2am texts.
Grunge
You do things your own way on your own time, only putting on pants when it is absolutely necessary. This pillar doesn't exactly represent lack of cleanliness or hygiene, but it doesn't not. You just don't adhere to every etiquette guideline out there, and your little quirks and faux pas amuse your closest people. There is an overarching vibe of low-maintenance, rebellion, and zero-fucks that rules your decision making. You are skilled at eating anywhere (your car, in bed, during Zoom therapy, etc.) and bailing on parties that have been in your calendar for three months. You save your energy for the people and things that bring you the most joy, making you a very loyal friend to those worthy enough to get you up off your favorite little indent on the L-shaped couch. Those who are truly at peace in their Grungeness will claim this pillar confidently while others take a little more soul-searching to admit it.
Whimsy
You make others laugh. You lead with silliness and light-heartedness not only with your close circle, but in a room you just entered. This pillar is more than just having a good sense of humor and laughing at the right times; it is the ability to be funny and the intention to lighten the mood. You may be clumsy, lack a sense of style, or be considered "uncool" to others who take themselves more seriously. For example, an Alt person will turn their nose up at a Whimsy person's tattoo more times than not. (As a rule of thumb, Whimsy people should avoid getting tattoos before the age of 32 unless they want a pizza slice or cartoon ghost on their forearm forever… which they probably do, so I guess go for it.) You may find yourself in sticky or awkward situations, but you can almost always charm your way out of them.
The best way to figure out which combination you are is to discuss these pillars with your closest friends at your next dinner p...
Clean-Cut
You have your shit together. This may be in the form of having a steady job, a tidy apartment, an Excel-sheet budget, or likely all three of these things. This pillar is often associated with the "Type A" personality*. You are particular about things, very organized, and, for lack of knowing how to word this better, have a specific way of making sure shit works out the way you want it to. You may be especially skilled at driving, goal-setting, and sending follow-up emails. *If you have a problem with being labeled as Type A and think there is a better way to describe it, you are probably Clean-Cut.
Alternative (Alt)
You have objectively good style and taste, exhibited perhaps by the having of "cool tattoos," though this is not required. You pursue some form of art as your main source of income. Your friends may look to you for interior design, wardrobe, or restaurant advice. These artistic strengths may give way to self-importance, pretentiousness, or superiority (come on, all of these pillars have negatives so just sit back and accept it as you sip from your handmade speckled ceramic mug). Not everyone will approve of your lifestyle choices, but they can't deny that you are successful in your lane.
Risky
You are impulsive and often lucky. You enjoy extreme activities that fulfill your desire to face challenge and even danger, including but not limited to rock climbing, skiing, gambling, traveling abroad, performing live, etc. You may be more prone to overindulgence or addictive behaviors, with the possibility of leaning towards the "all or nothing" mentality. You are outgoing; a master of making new friends, but not so much at deciding which are the right ones to keep. Someone with the Risky pillar is likely to do things like park in the red and hope they don't get a ticket, move to a new city with no job and figure it out as they go, or answer their ex's 2am texts.
Grunge
You do things your own way on your own time, only putting on pants when it is absolutely necessary. This pillar doesn't exactly represent lack of cleanliness or hygiene, but it doesn't not. You just don't adhere to every etiquette guideline out there, and your little quirks and faux pas amuse your closest people. There is an overarching vibe of low-maintenance, rebellion, and zero-fucks that rules your decision making. You are skilled at eating anywhere (your car, in bed, during Zoom therapy, etc.) and bailing on parties that have been in your calendar for three months. You save your energy for the people and things that bring you the most joy, making you a very loyal friend to those worthy enough to get you up off your favorite little indent on the L-shaped couch. Those who are truly at peace in their Grungeness will claim this pillar confidently while others take a little more soul-searching to admit it.
Whimsy
You make others laugh. You lead with silliness and light-heartedness not only with your close circle, but in a room you just entered. This pillar is more than just having a good sense of humor and laughing at the right times; it is the ability to be funny and the intention to lighten the mood. You may be clumsy, lack a sense of style, or be considered "uncool" to others who take themselves more seriously. For example, an Alt person will turn their nose up at a Whimsy person's tattoo more times than not. (As a rule of thumb, Whimsy people should avoid getting tattoos before the age of 32 unless they want a pizza slice or cartoon ghost on their forearm forever… which they probably do, so I guess go for it.) You may find yourself in sticky or awkward situations, but you can almost always charm your way out of them.
The best way to figure out which combination you are is to discuss these pillars with your closest friends at your next dinner p...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The new astrology. You are a combination of two of
these five pillars. The five personality pillars are clean cut, alternative, risky, grunge,
and whimsy. Every person you've ever met is a combination
of two, including you. Detailed descriptions of each pillar are below.
(00:20):
Clean Cut. You have your shit together. This may be
in the form of having a steady job, a tidy apartment,
an excel sheet budget, or likely all three of these things.
This pillar is often associated with a type of personality star.
You are particular about things, very organized, and for lack
(00:43):
of knowing how to word this better, have a specific
way of making sure shit works out the way you
want it to. You may be especially skilled at driving,
goal setting and sending follow up emails asterisk. If you
have a problem with being labeled as type A and
think there is a better way to describe it, you
are probably clean cut, alternative alt. You have objectively good
(01:07):
style and taste, exhibited perhaps by the having of cool tattoos,
though this is not required. You pursue some form of
art as your main source of income. Your friends may
look to you for interior design, wardrobe or restaurant advice.
These artistic strengths may give way to self importance, pretentiousness,
(01:29):
or superiority. Come on, all of these pillars have negatives,
so just sit back and accept it as you sip
from your handmade speckled ceramic mug. Not everyone will approve
of your lifestyle choices, but they can't deny that you
are successful in your lane. Risky you are impulsive and
often lucky. You enjoy extreme activities that fulfill your desire
(01:53):
to face challenge and even danger, including but not limited to,
rock climbing, skiing, gam traveling abroad, performing live, et cetera.
You may be more prone to overindulgence or addictive behaviors,
with the possibility of leaning towards the all or nothing mentality.
(02:14):
You are outgoing a master of making new friends, but
not so much a deciding which are the right ones
to keep. Someone with a risky pillar is likely to
do things like park in the red and hope they
don't get a ticket, move to a new city with
no job and figure it out as they go, or
answer their exes two am texts. Grunge. You do things
(02:37):
your own way, on your own time, only putting on
pants when it is absolutely necessary. This pillar doesn't exactly
represent lack of cleanliness or hygiene, but it doesn't not.
You just don't adhere to every etiquette guideline out there,
and your little quirks and faux pas use your closest people.
There is an overarching vibe of low maintenance, rebellion and
(03:00):
zero fux that rules your decision making. You are skilled
at eating anywhere, your car, in bed, during zoom therapy,
et cetera, and baling on parties that have been in
your calendar for three months. You save your energy for
the people and things that bring you the most joy,
making you a very loyal friend to those worthy enough
(03:22):
to get you up off your favorite little indent on
the l shaped couch. Those who are truly at peace
in their grungeness will claim this pillar confidently, while others
take a little more soul searching to admit it. Whimsy
you make others laugh. You lead with silliness and lightheartedness,
not only with your close circle, but in a room
(03:43):
you just entered. This pillar is more than just having
a good sense of humor and laughing at the right times.
It is the ability to be funny and the intention
to lighten the mood. You may be clumsy, lack a
sense of style, or be considered uncool to others who
take themselves more seriously. For example, an all person will
(04:06):
turn their nose up at a wnsy person's tattoo more
times than not. As a rule of thumb, wensy people
should avoid getting tattoos before the age of thirty two
unless they want a pizza slice or a cartoon ghost
on their forearm forever, which they probably do, so I
guess go for it. You may find yourself in sticky
(04:26):
or awkward situations, but you can almost always charm your
way out of them. The best way to figure out
which combination you are is to discuss these pillars with
your closest friends at your next dinner party. For now.
Here are some examples to help you get the hang
of assigning pillars. Billie Eilish equals all slash Grunge started
(04:48):
one of the biggest fashioned trends of her generation, but
it was just wearing a big S T shirt. Taylor's
swift equals clean cut slash, risky, perfectionist about her music.
Queen of the Basic Bitches rides in helicopters does not
care about the repercussions of calling out every single person
(05:08):
who has ever wronged her. SpongeBob's SquarePants equals risky slash
Whimsie lives in a pineapple under the effing sea, positive
and light hearted, isn't scared of getting stung by jellyfish.
Probably doesn't have health insurance or a four to oh
one K. Mister Crabs would never provide employee benefits my
(05:31):
old roommates. Sadie equals clean cut slash grunge. Always books
two airbuns for a trip just in case one of
the host's cancels on her religiously checks that the stove
burner is off every single night before bed sits her
bare ass, hence her vagina on the shared couch, uses
her hands to serve herself seconds at a dinner party.
(05:53):
It's not a cultural thing. It was Linguini chapel wone
equals all slash risky wore a pig knows at the
Grammys after party, then one year later publicly confronted the
red carpet photographer who was mean to her at said party,
demanding an apology in front of everyone. Pretty Much every
(06:14):
straight male stand up comedian equals whimsy slash grunge. Barack
Obama equals clean cut slash alt President of the United
States puts out a playlist of his favorite songs every
year that I look forward to more than my own.
Spotify rapped Hannah from Girls equals risky slash grunge. Freelance
(06:36):
writer Dave Psychos shoves Q tips too far in her ear,
has her giant bush out in every other episode. My
boyfriend Tom equals clean cut slash whimsy, short hair, maxes
out his roth Ira every year. Sends a bullet pointed
response when I text him to ask how his day was.
(06:57):
Writes silly songs about beans, Frankie Mimu and comb trees
for the Internet that are unanimously beloved. Had terrible clothes
before he met me. Tiger Woods equals clean cut slash risky,
really good at golf, repeatedly cheated on his wife. My
dad equals risky slash grunge. Sixty four year old man
(07:20):
whose skis off of cliffs parks wherever he wants, calls
our waitress by the name Beautiful, does not have hand
soap in his bathroom, used to pick me up from
school with no shirt on. Great at first impressions. Everyone
loves the guy. So, which combination are you yours? Truly Ellen,
(07:41):
Risky slash whimsye
The new astrology. You are a combination of two of
these five pillars. The five personality pillars are clean cut, alternative, risky, grunge,
and whimsy. Every person you've ever met is a combination
of two, including you. Detailed descriptions of each pillar are below.
(00:20):
Clean Cut. You have your shit together. This may be
in the form of having a steady job, a tidy apartment,
an excel sheet budget, or likely all three of these things.
This pillar is often associated with a type of personality star.
You are particular about things, very organized, and for lack
(00:43):
of knowing how to word this better, have a specific
way of making sure shit works out the way you
want it to. You may be especially skilled at driving,
goal setting and sending follow up emails asterisk. If you
have a problem with being labeled as type A and
think there is a better way to describe it, you
are probably clean cut, alternative alt. You have objectively good
(01:07):
style and taste, exhibited perhaps by the having of cool tattoos,
though this is not required. You pursue some form of
art as your main source of income. Your friends may
look to you for interior design, wardrobe or restaurant advice.
These artistic strengths may give way to self importance, pretentiousness,
(01:29):
or superiority. Come on, all of these pillars have negatives,
so just sit back and accept it as you sip
from your handmade speckled ceramic mug. Not everyone will approve
of your lifestyle choices, but they can't deny that you
are successful in your lane. Risky you are impulsive and
often lucky. You enjoy extreme activities that fulfill your desire
(01:53):
to face challenge and even danger, including but not limited to,
rock climbing, skiing, gam traveling abroad, performing live, et cetera.
You may be more prone to overindulgence or addictive behaviors,
with the possibility of leaning towards the all or nothing mentality.
(02:14):
You are outgoing a master of making new friends, but
not so much a deciding which are the right ones
to keep. Someone with a risky pillar is likely to
do things like park in the red and hope they
don't get a ticket, move to a new city with
no job and figure it out as they go, or
answer their exes two am texts. Grunge. You do things
(02:37):
your own way, on your own time, only putting on
pants when it is absolutely necessary. This pillar doesn't exactly
represent lack of cleanliness or hygiene, but it doesn't not.
You just don't adhere to every etiquette guideline out there,
and your little quirks and faux pas use your closest people.
There is an overarching vibe of low maintenance, rebellion and
(03:00):
zero fux that rules your decision making. You are skilled
at eating anywhere, your car, in bed, during zoom therapy,
et cetera, and baling on parties that have been in
your calendar for three months. You save your energy for
the people and things that bring you the most joy,
making you a very loyal friend to those worthy enough
(03:22):
to get you up off your favorite little indent on
the l shaped couch. Those who are truly at peace
in their grungeness will claim this pillar confidently, while others
take a little more soul searching to admit it. Whimsy
you make others laugh. You lead with silliness and lightheartedness,
not only with your close circle, but in a room
(03:43):
you just entered. This pillar is more than just having
a good sense of humor and laughing at the right times.
It is the ability to be funny and the intention
to lighten the mood. You may be clumsy, lack a
sense of style, or be considered uncool to others who
take themselves more seriously. For example, an all person will
(04:06):
turn their nose up at a wnsy person's tattoo more
times than not. As a rule of thumb, wensy people
should avoid getting tattoos before the age of thirty two
unless they want a pizza slice or a cartoon ghost
on their forearm forever, which they probably do, so I
guess go for it. You may find yourself in sticky
(04:26):
or awkward situations, but you can almost always charm your
way out of them. The best way to figure out
which combination you are is to discuss these pillars with
your closest friends at your next dinner party. For now.
Here are some examples to help you get the hang
of assigning pillars. Billie Eilish equals all slash Grunge started
(04:48):
one of the biggest fashioned trends of her generation, but
it was just wearing a big S T shirt. Taylor's
swift equals clean cut slash, risky, perfectionist about her music.
Queen of the Basic Bitches rides in helicopters does not
care about the repercussions of calling out every single person
(05:08):
who has ever wronged her. SpongeBob's SquarePants equals risky slash
Whimsie lives in a pineapple under the effing sea, positive
and light hearted, isn't scared of getting stung by jellyfish.
Probably doesn't have health insurance or a four to oh
one K. Mister Crabs would never provide employee benefits my
(05:31):
old roommates. Sadie equals clean cut slash grunge. Always books
two airbuns for a trip just in case one of
the host's cancels on her religiously checks that the stove
burner is off every single night before bed sits her
bare ass, hence her vagina on the shared couch, uses
her hands to serve herself seconds at a dinner party.
(05:53):
It's not a cultural thing. It was Linguini chapel wone
equals all slash risky wore a pig knows at the
Grammys after party, then one year later publicly confronted the
red carpet photographer who was mean to her at said party,
demanding an apology in front of everyone. Pretty Much every
(06:14):
straight male stand up comedian equals whimsy slash grunge. Barack
Obama equals clean cut slash alt President of the United
States puts out a playlist of his favorite songs every
year that I look forward to more than my own.
Spotify rapped Hannah from Girls equals risky slash grunge. Freelance
(06:36):
writer Dave Psychos shoves Q tips too far in her ear,
has her giant bush out in every other episode. My
boyfriend Tom equals clean cut slash whimsy, short hair, maxes
out his roth Ira every year. Sends a bullet pointed
response when I text him to ask how his day was.
(06:57):
Writes silly songs about beans, Frankie Mimu and comb trees
for the Internet that are unanimously beloved. Had terrible clothes
before he met me. Tiger Woods equals clean cut slash risky,
really good at golf, repeatedly cheated on his wife. My
dad equals risky slash grunge. Sixty four year old man
(07:20):
whose skis off of cliffs parks wherever he wants, calls
our waitress by the name Beautiful, does not have hand
soap in his bathroom, used to pick me up from
school with no shirt on. Great at first impressions. Everyone
loves the guy. So, which combination are you yours? Truly Ellen,
(07:41):
Risky slash whimsye
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