Ending the Need for Validation

Air Date - 10 July 2024

Ending the Need for Validation: Breaking Free to Achieve Your Dreams

Life is hard enough.  Needing validation from other people’s approval only drains your energy, leaves you second-guessing yourself, and distracts you from your truth.

When we work hard to try to fit in or make others happy, we stop being ourselves, which creates disease, disconnection, depression, and more…

Discover why it’s so important to honor you, pay attention to your truth, and live your life on your terms..

Skip the waitlist and get instant access to a free masterclass to awaken you to your best life – https://www.katherinemcintosh.com/LSASMC

https://www.katherinemcintosh.com

#Validation #KatherineMcIntosh #TrustingYourGut #Intuition #Consciousness #Lifestyle #BodyAwareness #Health #Wellness

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Episode Transcript

(00:09):
Be bold, be brave, beextraordinary, be vulnerable, be real,
be curious, be true. Beyou. Welcome to Trusting your gut with
world class energy Intuitive Katherine Macintosh,a show designed to awaken you to enjoy
the process of evolving, have funalong the way, and learn to listen

(00:32):
to those silent in between moments.You are the expert of your own life
and nobody knows more about the nextsteps to take in your journey than you,
So please listen to your gut anddiscover what's waiting for you to explore.
Here is your host, Katherine Macintosh. All right, my magical friend,

(00:56):
so welcome to today's show. Asalways, I'm so greatful well to
be here. And if you're justjoining us for the first time, I
just want to say, if youdon't know, we do accept live callers.
So one of my gifts in theworld that I didn't know was a
gift. I mean I kind ofdid, but I wasn't really in a

(01:19):
family that knew what to do withmy intuitive capacities. So I shut it
down for a long time. Andone of the things I'm able to do
is read energies, read pictures,read businesses, read contracts, and from
an energetic perspective. And so Ialways take live callers and you can ask

(01:42):
any question you want, just navigatingthis there you go. And so yeah,
I love all these people that alwayscome in and say hello. So
thank you for joining us on theradio show. So if you have a
question that you're like I, Iwould like some intuitive download about my situation,

(02:04):
you're welcome to call us at twozero two five seven zero seven zero
five seven. So kind of alongthe lines of what I was just sharing
in my own upbringing of you know, at a very young age, found
myself in the back of my ofmy closet as a kid growing up,

(02:27):
we're talking three years old, fouryears old, five years old. I
had all these stuffed animals in theback of my closet and I would hang
out in the back of my closetand I would and it was dark,
right, it was this instead ofa wide closet, it was deep and
long in the back, right,and so there was this tiny, little
sort of cubicle type thing in theback of my closet. I'd hang out

(02:52):
and talk to my stuffed animals.Well, little did I know that at
that age, right, kids havemassive imaginations, and children also have this
brilliant ability to connect to things andenergies and people that can't be seen.
And so here I was, asthis tiny little child, having these like

(03:14):
channeled conversations with my stuffed animals,but it was actually downloads from my ancestors
who had passed on the other side. It was channeled information from other places,
and I would come out of thecloset. And one time I was,
you know, around the age ofsix, and I was told to
go give my dad a message fromone of his relatives who had passed on

(03:38):
the other side, right, AndI went to my dad and I gave
him this information and it really freakedhim out right, God bless his soul.
He's on the other side, andinterestingly enough, he's been coming into
my field and into my world quitesignificantly lately. My dad's favorite band was

(03:59):
the Rolling Stones, probably still isfrom the other side. And I went
to a Rolling Stones cover band thislast weekend camping in Paonia, Colorado,
and just like had the best time. This band called Emotional Rescue. If
you ever get a chance and youlike the Rolling Stones, they were phenomenal,

(04:19):
highly recommend them. But the pointthat I want to make And the
topic of today's sort of conversation is, is this idea right of ending the
need for validation right? And Ithink this is a really big topic.
And so this idea of ending theneed for validation is to break yourself free

(04:45):
right to achieve your dreams, tolive your best life, to stop looking
for someone else to acknowledge your gifts. And so as somebody who grew up
very into it, a very psychicand I used it in certain areas of
my life. So the easiest areafor me to get validation and praise for

(05:08):
my psychic abilities, for my intuitivegifts was on the sports field. So
I was excellent at soccer. Iknew where to be before the ball was
going to be there. I knew, you know, how to sort of
shift the entire field with my energy. I just knew how to play the

(05:28):
game. And I applied that insoccer. I applied it in volleyball,
and I also applied it in downhillski racing. And I don't know how
I did it, but I did. It was so easy, right,
And like then in my adult life, it was like I knew where parking
spots were, I knew how toget into shows and find like the best
spot right. I knew how tomeet the band members afterwards. Like I've

(05:54):
always used my gifts in certain areas, but in the areas where I felt
insecure and unaware and sort of likeI was at a disadvantage. I dealt
with depression, I dealt with aneating disorder. I dealt with a lot
of areas. And the truth isis that I was gifted in the areas

(06:19):
where I was having the most struggle. And I hope that people can hear
this. I was gifted in theareas where I was having the most struggle
because I didn't know I was gifted, and so I was picking up information
and picking up energies that were sortof the shadow side of the gift,

(06:43):
thinking that I wasn't good enough.I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't skinny
enough, you know, I wasn'tsexy enough. I wasn't wealthy enough,
like all those things. So Iused it against me and it wasn't until
I went, wait a second.I've been looking for some to validate my
gifts so that I can have mygifts and what I know and what I

(07:06):
deal with with a lot of peoplefrom all over the world, in all
walks of life, is this deepdesire that everybody has to want to either
be validated, to be seen,to be heard, or to feel like
they fit in. And the truthis is that almost none of us fit

(07:28):
in. But we can create ourown world, we can create our own
reality. We can surround ourselves withpeople and energies who support us, who
see us, who hear us.But it's not from a place of validation,
because if you're waiting to be validatedsee my add I'm like, oh

(07:49):
my pillow thripped. So if I'mwaiting to be validated before I'll show up
as my gifts, I will alwaysfeel at the effect of my gifts like
it's a problem, like it's ashadow side, like it's something to kind
of, like, you know,hide from or be ashamed of. And

(08:11):
I don't know about you, butshame has been coming up a lot in
my world, not just with meand my life and looking at my past
and my parents and how I wasraised, my relationships, but shame in
the sense that a lot of peopleI've dealt with they tend to be afraid

(08:35):
to share the things that they thinkare the worst parts about them. And
I don't know about you, butwhen people are vulnerable with me, instead
of feeling like it turns me awayfrom them or kind of you know,
like does this like opposite effect?What actually happens is those who reveal their

(08:58):
fears, their most loneunerable pieces andplaces about them that they've probably spent their
whole lives trying to hide. Right, those are the moments where I want
to just lean in and give thema hug. I want to know more
about them. I feel closer tothem, I feel safer because they've actually

(09:20):
revealed something that they feel is scaryabout them. And so now more than
ever, I believe that if you'relistening to this, you're probably have some
form of intuition. You probably lookto open up your world. You probably
are constantly seeking information. You likethe idea of being able to create your

(09:46):
own life, but you might notknow exactly how. You might not be
super clear on your purpose, andmaybe you are. But the point is
is that if you're seeking to bevalidated from an outside source before you acknowledge
the gift within you. And bythe gift, I mean you might have

(10:09):
a gift like one of my closestfriends the most phenomenal human being I know.
And she has this incredible gift tomake people come alive, right.
She has this gift to make peoplelike like feel like it's okay to receive
and be taken care of, andshe does it so naturally. Right.

(10:33):
So I was the person I travelI've traveled around the world, I've taught
classes all over and for a longtime I would have people who would host
my classes, right, and Iput them, you know, I'd teach
in hotels or in you know,event centers, and these hosts would be

(10:54):
like, well, you can staywith us. And there was always this
moment where I was like, no, I don't feel sae to do that.
I don't feel safe to do that. One night, she looked at
me and she goes, I reallywant you to just come sleep over.
And I was like, oh,I don't feel safe doing that. I
don't feel safe doing that. Butsomething in me knew that if I allowed

(11:16):
her to host me in a waythat felt safe, it would change my
world. And it did. Isaid yes, had to sleepover. I
got nurtured and cared for and laughterand tears and tea and late night conversations
and it was just a sort ofrevelatory experience for me that changed my life.

(11:41):
And so for all of you outthere hiding who you are from the
world because it doesn't feel safe,then I hope this conversation resonates with you
because I think that most of ushave been there without acknowledging that we're we've
been in there. We're all lookingto fit in somewhere. And I could

(12:03):
tell you from personal experience, fromsomebody who's spent her whole life doing a
really good job at pretending to fitin. You don't fit. You don't
fit anywhere. And so instead ofspending all of your energy trying to fit
in somewhere where you'll never actually belong, what if you spent your energy on

(12:24):
getting clear on your truth. I'mgetting clear on your energy, right,
I'm getting clear on your values andwhat matters to you. Because when you
embody your truth, you will attractyour tribe, right, and then you
don't need to fit in because you'vejust created your tribe. You've created the

(12:45):
people that make you come alive.You've created the environment that helps you thrive
and be inspired and be nurtured andbeing cared for. And it doesn't matter
where you've come from, what yourupbringing is, how you know self made
you are, how successful you arefrom all walks of life. Every single

(13:11):
person I work with has this somewherein their world. It's like, man,
I just want to make this work. I just want to make this
fit. I just want to fit. I just want to find my purpose.
I want to find where I belong. I want to stop. You
know, all the entrepreneurs out therewho are working their butts off right and

(13:33):
are just exhausted and still having toput on a face that it's okay.
I we hear you, we seeyou, it is okay. And the
point is is when you stop tryingto scramble to make things work right.
All my entrepreneurs out there know whatI'm talking about, and you start getting

(13:54):
really clear on your values, onwhat you want to create, on who
you want to impact, what youwant to accomplish and create in the world,
and what you want your life tofeel like. You will start to
attract the people and the energies,the opportunities, the situations and the experiences

(14:15):
that allow you really to rest intoYou don't need to spend your energy fitting
into someone else's circle. You getto spend your energy being clear on you
so that then you create the worldthat you want to live in. Right,

(14:39):
it's easy to look at what isn'tworking. It's actually far more challenging
to focus your energy on what isworking if you're so used to spending your
time fixing a problem. One ofmy favorite healers in the world, he

(15:00):
used to say to me when weworked together. He would say, what
if there's nothing to fix, noproblem to solve, and nothing wrong with
you? And I've been saying thisfor a while. I can't take credit
for it, but I will tellyou when I started to shift my mindset
from I need to fix this aboutmy body, or I need to fix

(15:22):
this about my business, or Ineed to fix this about my friendships,
or this about my relationships or thisabout my parenting. And I started to
focus my energy instead of looking atwhat I need to fix, or what
problem do I need to solve?What can I be grateful for? What
can I energize? What do Ilike? It really shifted my world.

(15:46):
And there's four, actually five questionsthat you can ask yourself every day.
I've repeated these in some of thepast episodes. So if you haven't listened
to the last four episodes that havebeen and on here highly recommend going back
and listening. So the four questionsare what am I grateful for? What

(16:07):
are my wins? Right? Whatdo I want to let go of?
What do I want to focus onand energize? And then what's my ideal
day? And again I've taken theselike Robin Sharma has done a version of
these, Loose House has done aversion of these. I've heard a lot

(16:27):
of other people talk about it.And so you can take these questions right,
what am I grateful for? Whatare my wins? What do I
want to let go of? Whatdo I want to focus on or energize
today? Right? So not youdon't wake up going, oh, I

(16:48):
hope to focus and energize problems today, because the more you focus on problems,
the more problems you see, themore problems you get busy with fixing,
and then all of a sudden,your dreams, what you thought would
be your dream life, you endup spending all your precious energy right on

(17:10):
problem solving instead of dream creating.Right. And so to all of you
out there, you don't need tofit in, you don't need validation you
need to know and trust that youare enough as you are. But here's
the deal, get honest with yourself. What are your values? And how
you know your values is what doyou spend your time thinking about? What

(17:33):
do you spend your time dreaming about? Right? What do you spend Like
someone might say, oh, Ivalue peace and calm. Right, they
might think that that's their value.But in reality, if you look at
their life, their trauma and dramaand their relationships, their trauma and drama
and their business, they're you know, gossiping about their neighbor or the planet,

(17:56):
or the state of the government,or you know the garbage collector right
or the milkman. Right. It'slike it's like, well, then you
don't actually value peace and comm youvalue trauma, drama. You value you
know, stirring, stirring the potand causing problems. And so for all

(18:18):
of you out there, look atwhat you spend money on, Like I
spend money on learning. I spendmoney on educating myself to become a better
version myself. And that could bein my financial world, right, I
like studying finances. It's the oneI probably avoid the most. But things
are changing in that department. Istudy relationship dynamics. I study you know,

(18:42):
science and anatomy and spirituality. Butin my own version, you know.
And so you want to look atwhat you value is basically what you
spend your money on. Right,Like I love going out to eat,
I value somebody else cooking for me. I love good food, I love

(19:03):
good conversation. I love great environments, and I'm willing to spend my money
on those things. Right. Someof you might really value adventure and sports
and getting out of nature, whichI do as well. You just want
to look at what you value.Do you value being at home creating stable

(19:26):
and comfortable home life. Do youvalue spending money not saving money? Right?
Look at your habits, look atwhat you spend money on. Look
at your behaviors and they're your thoughtpatterns. Look at the radio shows or
the podcasts or that you listen to. Look at who you surround yourself with,
look at the clothes you buy.Right, your life and what you

(19:48):
do on a daily basis will sharewith you right and give you a window
into what you value. Some ofyou value fitting in, but you're fitting
into the wrong cycle or the circles. And at the end of the day.
You feel depleted. You feel depressed, you feel like uninspired, you

(20:08):
feel like, oh man, I'mjust waking up and going through the motions
of my day. And if you'reseeking validation, you aren't creating your own
world. I'm going to say thatagain because I think it's really important.
If you're seeking validation, you aren'tcreating your own world. So let me

(20:29):
give you an example. My wholelife, I knew I was gifted at
bodies without knowing it. So thenI was pretty messed up in my own
journey with my own body. Ihad body dysmorphia. I hadn't eating disorder.
I still have body dysmorphia. Ijust know how to talk myself out

(20:49):
of it. I know how towork with my energy, I know how
to spend my time, and honestly, for the first time in my life,
I have a very differ relationship withmy body and food. And I've
done the work. Not that itwas easy, but I did it,
and so the oh, I wenton a tangent. Let me get back

(21:11):
to it. Oh. So,when I started to recognize it, I
was very gifted at working on bodies. Right. People always ask me,
how did you start your business,and I'm like by accident. Right.
My mother, when I was alittle kid, would go, oh my
gosh, my back hurts or myshoulder, so you touch me, and

(21:33):
I'd touch her in a completely differentplace and she'd be like, oh my
god, I feel so much better. She'd look at me, she goes,
I don't know how you do that. But yet she didn't really know
how to cultivate my intuition, right, or nurture me in that way.
And that's okay. My parents nurturedme in the sports. Look, my
parents amazing humans, amazing humans.I wouldn't be where I am without either

(21:56):
one of them. I had apretty messed up childhood, right, So
what who hasn't? Right? AndI think it's all time that we go,
Okay, let's move on. Let'screate a different future. Let's not
hang on to the stories of ourpast, or the traumas of our past,
or the pains of our past,because a lot of traumas that we

(22:18):
actually still have in our bodies areour little traumas, little ones, right,
Like let's say you know somebody looksat you wrong. Let's say like
my son has a trauma from hisnursery school, right, the woman in

(22:38):
charge of the nursery school, thedaycare place, she went out to the
garage while they were napping. Myson woke up and couldn't find her and
freaked out. So he has thisgiant fear of abandonment that could have started
before. It could have been amemory in his body from a past lifetime.
We're working on changing that in hisworld. The point is is that

(23:02):
some traumas might just be really solid. Your parent doesn't acknowledge your hurt or
your pain, right, your sistersmacks you upside the head, your brother
gets met Like, There's these tinylittle traumas that over time sort of create
a big impact. And so thepoint is is that when I didn't know

(23:26):
that I was gifted at bodies,but I kind of had an idea and
I wanted to be I wanted tocheck it out. I was like,
let me work on ten people,right, ten people, and let me
get their feedback. And so Iworked on a hairdresser. I worked on
like one of the most expensive andwell known life coaches back in the day

(23:47):
when life coaching was like a brandnew thing. This is like over twenty
years ago, and I'm just justlike hey, can I get your feedback?
And I'd work on these people andthey'd be like, oh my god,
what did you do? And Iwas like, oh, okay,
obviously I'm onto something. And themore I opened up to my gifts,
the more the problems that I thoughtI had with my body went away.

(24:12):
And so when we have a problemand we're looking for validation, we're looking
to fit in, we're looking foracknowledgment, right, I was looking for
people. Now, this is afterI realized that I was gifted bodies.
I found myself sort of in witha company I was trying to fit in,
right, And so I so badlywanted their validation that I was a

(24:36):
really good healer, that I wasreally good at energy with bodies, and
that through somebody's body, I couldsee their lifelines. I could see their
past lives, I could see wherethey're stuck in their business. I could
see where they were stuck in theirrelationship. And I so badly wanted validation
from a few people from this company. And the more I tried to get
it, the more I couldn't it, Like it wrecked me. And so

(25:00):
guess what, the less validation orthe more I wanted their validation the more
I diminished the innate gift that Ihad. And so why am I telling
you this? I'm telling you thisbecause if you're desperately seeking to be validated,
it's probably a clue that you're tryingto fit in instead of understand you

(25:29):
so you can stand out and createthe world you want to create, so
you can surround yourself with the peopleyou want to surround yourself with. Right,
life ain't easy. It's been crazyride, and there's nothing worse than
being surrounded by a group of peopleand feeling completely alone. That's more lonely

(25:55):
than being alone by yourself and feelinglonely, right, or feeling bored when
you're by yourself. The worst placeyou can be in right is to be
surrounded by a group of people whoapparently love you, surrounded by your loved
ones in a relationship that you areloving, and yet there's something where you

(26:19):
feel alone. It's a clue thatyou're trying to fit in instead of unhide
you and be all of you.And when you start to unhide you,
guess what, you give other peoplearound you permission to unhide themselves. And

(26:41):
when you do that, it changesthe world. I know it's simpler,
like it's probably easier said than doneright, But the point is is that
validation right. Seeking validation, youwill then change who you are. You
will walk on eggshells, You willpeople please, You won't be honest with

(27:04):
yourself, you won't be in integrityor in alignment with yourself. And if
you're doing all those things right,you are dimming down your light. You
might be experiencing fatigue or depression,or anxiety or panic attacks. You might

(27:27):
be suffering with a physical ailment inyour body. I truly believe that all
physical ailments begin with an emotional root, and if you don't honor the emotional
root, the physical ailment will continueto get worse and worse and worse.

(27:48):
I think that most diagnoses at theroot cause is an emotion or a trauma
that never got released out of thebody. And then we rec create that
pain, we recreate that trauma,we recreate that story, and then we
take the story to the to thehealer, or to the therapist, or

(28:10):
to the chiropractor or to the doctor. Right, we take the story instead
of the emotion that started the story. And I believe that the most toxic
emotions that destroy our health, destroyour happiness, destroy our joy, our

(28:32):
shame, guilt, and anger,right, shame, guilt and anger,
those three emotions right, right,and fear. Shame, guilt, Let's
see what I say. Shame,guilt, my brain, my brain on
the radio show, My Brain onConsciousness. Shame, guilt, Oh my

(28:56):
gosh. Fear. And there's oneother anger, the one that probably got
me the most. And so ifyou function from those places while trying to
get validation and fit in, youwill simultaneously avoid those emotions. Right.
You will avoid those emotions in yourself. You'll avoid those emotions if they're sort

(29:19):
of coming at you from someone inyour life that cares about you and they're
mad about something, they're shamed aboutsomething, they want to kind of clear
the air about something, you willavoid it. And I will tell you
personally right now, that is somethingI am working on. Right. I
have avoided anger most of my lifewhile also stuffing my own anger because anger

(29:45):
felt like a scary emotion, andthat anger came out in weird ways.
And anger can destroy your health,right, can destroy your mental clarity.
Shame, guilt, fear, allall of those they put us in a
situation where we then try to avoidit at all costs while simultaneously being at

(30:12):
the effect of it. It's areally powerful loop that most people really struggle
to get out of, and theeasiest way to do it is to really
begin to get honest with yourself.Right, look at the emotions you avoid,
and if you start to go,okay, what happens if I don't

(30:34):
avoid them? What happens if Ijust sit so in my personal life?
And I listened to Simon Sinek alot. He's amazing, and he talks
about how he was accused at onepoint in his life for being a terrible
listener, right from his friends andhis close relationships, and he's like,
what are you talking about. I'ma listener for a living. I'm an

(30:56):
excellent listener. And I was like, oh, I resonate with that,
right, I am an excellent listenerwhen it comes to my life, like
my business. Right, it's whatI do for a living. But when
it comes to my personal life,I realized that I have a hard time
listening if I think that I've causedsomeone I love harm. So I will

(31:19):
get defensive, I will go avoidant, I will deflect, right, I'll
do all these things which make mea terrible listener, and so I've been
working on going, Oh, it'sbecause I don't like how it feels right
when someone is upset or angry,and so then I'll create a story my

(31:42):
own stuff that I need to heal. And so I'm saying this to all
of you because it's okay to beexactly where you're at. But if you're
listening to this and something in youresonates, right, then it's about giving
yourself permission right to no longer holdthat avoidance of those emotions, to get

(32:07):
clear, to get curious, toask questions, to surrender the idea of
controlling that which makes you uncomfortable,and beginning to open up a space where
you go, you know what,I'm going to get curious about this thing
called anger. I'm gonna get curiousabout this thing called shame. Because I

(32:29):
know that my shoulder isn't doing well, or my thyroid isn't doing well,
or my leg or my knee ormy hip isn't doing well, all signs
that you're probably one trying to seekthe validation, two trying to fit in,
three trying to people please right,but four avoiding the emotion that is

(32:52):
controlling you, right, and onceyou go, okay, you know what,
I'm going to make friends with thisemotion. I'm gonna be curious about
it. I'm gonna release it out. I'm gonna fire myself from holding that
emotion, from hiding that emotion,from stuffing that emotion. I'm gonna fire

(33:12):
myself from that job. And I'mgonna let it go. Might be the
scariest thing I ever do, butlet it go. And once you do,
worlds will open up for you.So we're gonna take a quick break,
stay tuned, and we're gonna bringyou more about this really fascinating topic.

(33:37):
Sometimes TV, do you trust you? Do you trust your body?
What if the key to unlocking theweight pain, suffering, fear, anxiety,
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(34:00):
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(35:32):
You become an ambassador and a forcefor positive change. Own Times open
yourself to the possibilities. I wantto eat as I need to eat eat

(35:53):
apples? Why can I eat e? Thats? Support the Feeding America nationwide
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at Feedingamerica dot org. All right, my magical friends, so we are

(36:19):
back right talking about what I thinkis a very important topic for everybody,
and that's the need for validation.When you are looking to be validated,
it means that you're not trusting you. And look, I get it.
It can be so scary to go, Okay, I have this gift,
or I have this idea, orI have this business, or I have

(36:42):
this sort of concept for my relationship, but I don't see any examples of
anyone doing it out in the world. So let me look for the closest
example I can find and then kindof replicate that energy. It doesn't work
that way because that is a formof validation rather than an acknowledgment that you

(37:06):
have something unique and different that youwant to create in the world, or
you want to create as your life, or you want to sort of open
up. And it can be soscary to take that leap of faith.
But the biggest thing that you wantto do is you want to start cultivating

(37:28):
not evidence from the outside world,but evidence from the inside world. And
so when I was a little girl, and my mom was like, can
you please rub my back? Orcan you please fix my shoulder? And
I would do these weird things andshe'd be like, how did you do
that? There's something in me,there's just new. I was like,
oh, yeah, I can fixthat. But as I got older and

(37:52):
that wasn't a normal thing, Istarted to go, oh, am I
a good soccer player? Oh mygood volleyball player. And the more I
sought validation from others, the lesssuccessful I was, the less I let
my light shine, right, Andthen the less I let my light shine,

(38:13):
the more I sought validation. Right. I'm watching my son go through
this in his own way at elevenyears old. Right. He loves sports.
He's quite talented, and I cansee he's like, I need validation.
I'm like, how about you workon your skills. How about you
work on trusting yourself? How aboutI help show you how to do that.

(38:38):
And as he's been doing it,he's seeking less and less validation,
and he's getting better and better atwhat he does. And so this is
a life lesson for all of us. If you're seeking validation, right,
it's probably because you're not being trueto you, right, you're not trusting

(39:02):
that unseen, unknown, un sortof explored world. And validation can be
a killer. And when we're inthat validation, we get stuck in people
pleasing. And when we get stuckin people pleasing, we can drain our
energy. It can impact our health, it can have all these detrimental adverse

(39:28):
effects on everything we do. AndI've been facilitating this. You know,
this group of people that anyone canjoin at any time. It's based on
people pleasing, right, it's calledpeople pleasing, the life shift awakening system.

(39:49):
And when you get how deeply embeddedyou might be in people pleasing,
right, when you're there, you'renot honoring you, you're not honoring your
truth. So it can affect yourfinances. It can affect your sex life,
It can affect your relationships. Itcan affect your business, It can

(40:09):
affect your investments, it can affectyour home life. Like I had no
idea how deeply rooted people pleasing isin most people. Right, we're taught
not to be dependent on people,so then we become independent. But being

(40:29):
so independent that you don't interact withothers, like me being so afraid to
have like a sleep over at mybest friend's house. I was like,
I don't want to inconvenience anyone thatwas like a too independent right, also
keeps you alone, keeps you byyourself, keeps you not being able to

(40:52):
sort of co create with people.So this idea of being independent, Yes,
there's a health the side of independence, but there's also an unhealthy side
of independence. There's a healthy sideof dependency, right, Like little children
they need to be dependent on theirparents. Right, there's a healthy side
of dependency. There's also a notso healthy side of dependency called codependency.

(41:17):
Most people try to avoid codependency.But there's this sort of balance of interdependence,
right, of being reliant on people, on gifting and receiving, on
being a contribution in the world.I'm being able to receive right when I

(41:39):
work with people, most of usget stuck in one or the other.
And a lot of people I workwith terrible at receiving, amazing at giving.
Right, and we work on it, right, we open the door.
The point is is, if you'relistening to this and you've been trying,

(42:00):
I do find where you fit.My invitation to you is to get
really clear on your own values,really clear, and what's important to you.
Look at your life. Where doyou spend your money? Do you
spend it on learning? Do youspend on healing? Do you spend it
on restaurants and good dinners out?Do you spend on buying flowers for friends?

(42:22):
Do you spend it on you know, other things that maybe aren't so
healthy for you, Like what lookat your values? Look at what you
spend your time and money on,and that will give you a really good
window and your values. And thenyou want to look at these five questions
that I shared before. So thefive questions are number one, what are

(42:45):
you grateful for? Now? Ido this every day. Right, I
got away from it. I wentcamping for a few days. I went
to listen to a Rolling Stones coverband right, and I noticed this morning
I was like, I got toget back to it. It's been about
four days, but there was abouta three week period where every day these

(43:05):
five questions Number one, what areyou grateful for? Number two? What
are your wins? What are mywins? Number three? What am I
letting go of? Right? Numberfour? What do I want to focus
on or energize? Two day?And number five? Right number five is

(43:27):
what's my ideal? Day, Andwhen you start writing these out every day,
right, your ideal day will giveyou a window into what you value.
Your wins will give you an ideaof what you value. What you
want to let go of will giveyou an idea of where you've been functioning
from. Right, So, maybeyou want to let go of judgment.

(43:50):
Maybe you want to get let goof criticism. Maybe you want to let
go of lack or poverty mindset right, maybe you want to let go of
fear and thinking that you can't orit's too late, or you're too old,
or you're not enough. Right.Therese facilitating a call yesterday and a
woman on the call said, ohmy god, this woman that's on our

(44:13):
call, and she said it outloud. She goes, I love this
woman so much, but she intimidatesa crap out of me. And I
said, does she actually intimidate you? Or does being in her presence invite
a potency or power in you?That you've been sort of intimidated by your
own power. You don't believe you'rethat powerful, You don't believe you're that

(44:37):
amazing, that magical, that talented, that gift into an oh my,
like never thought of it, thatway. So anything that we feel at
the effect of, that we feela victim to, is usually a gift,
a capacity, an awareness and intuition. Right, it's also those places

(45:01):
where if we feel we're at theeffect that we're a victim to, we
will spend all of our energy tryingto fit in, be like, to
be accepted, find our tribe,instead of create our tribe, instead of
create our environment, instead of createour universe. And so you are not

(45:22):
wrong. There is nothing wrong withyou. There is no problem to solve.
There's an invitation for you right nowto start to get clear on your
truth. And the truth is throughevery phase of life, right from childhood
to adulthood, and sometimes in adulthoodwe go through ten different versions of ourselves.

(45:44):
We have to constantly be curious around, oh did we just have a
value shift? Oh did we changewhat we want in our lives? Like
I can tell you that a twentyyear old person's values is probably really different
than a seven something's. Your ownvalues, right, twenty something might want
to make something of themselves and havethe energy to create a business or create

(46:08):
a lifestyle, where the seventy somethingis like, wow, I just want
to like spend time with the peopleI love, want to pay attention to
my health, right, And twentysomethings probably off partying or being wild or
not really thinking about their longevity longterm. And so at every phase of

(46:30):
life, we're offered a chance toreflect on what's important and then change our
habits, change our thoughts, changeour friends, change our environment, change
our lifestyle according to what matters mostat that time period. And it's always

(46:52):
open for change. Right. So, for all of you out there seeking
validation, it's a clue that you'retrying to fit in. And the quickest
way to set yourself free so youcan truly achieve your dreams is to start
to focus on yourself instead of tryingto fit in. And I will tell

(47:15):
you when you focus on yourself,when you build from the inside out,
everything else in your life will makesense. So try out those questions,
those five questions, see what resonates. Do it for like a week or
two every day. It'll give youa platform to function off of, so

(47:36):
you can be really clear on what'sin your world. If you'd like more
information about the people pleasing, ifyou want to skip the wait list that
I currently have and go right toa free masterclass I have. We have
a link in the radio show descriptionright because it's specific, so go look
for it. As always, thankyou for listening, thank you for joining

(48:00):
us every week. Thank you foryour comments, thank you for your emails,
thank you for subscribing. Please feelfree to share this show with anyone
you think resonates with and go outthere, keep paying attention to your truth,
and don't ever give up on yourdreams. One day at a time,

(48:21):
My friends, you got this.Life is always a journey, and
I hope you're enjoying every moment ofit. Bye for now, and we'll
see you next time. Catherine isnot a medical practitioner nor a licensed therapist.
She has strong opinions and will expressthem and truly believes that you are

(48:45):
your best advocate for any and everyarea of your life. If you need
medical advice, please consult your physicianby po