May 4, 2025 • 29 mins
Dr. Kelly Barron is a powerhouse advocate for women's health and host of The KellFire Show, a podcast breaking taboos by empowering and supporting women through their menopausal journey. With her unique perspective as a doctor and a woman blazing through her own menopause, or as she calls it, her "wild woman phase." Dr. Barron is stripping away stereotypes and taboos about menopause as only a medical transition when it can be so much more — a true rebirth and an untapped chapter for women's self-discovery. Her conversation shatters outdated stereotypes, covers the emotional and physical shifts women experience during menopause, and highlights the importance of community, support, and unapologetic self-love. She shares practical advice for preparing for empty nest syndrome and how women can handle this difficult transition gracefully. Dr. Barron also introduces her online platform dedicated to helping women navigate menopause with fierce support and a personalized approach. She calls it Tempesta — aka, stormy.
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Episode Transcript
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Virgin, Bitch, Podcast (00:00):
Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique
(00:10):
life experiences without fear of being defiantly different.
Your hosts, Christopher and Heather, let's talk, shall we?
One powerful sign of women capturing space in a male-centric world is evident when you
look at the latest best-seller book lists.
And you see words that were taboo not that long ago, titles like Menopause.
(00:35):
And the topic is also the driving theme behind popular podcasts like the KellFire show
hosted by our guest, Dr. Kelly Barron.
Kelly, welcome to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
Thank you so much.
Thank you guys for having me on.
We're excited to have you.
Now, this podcast, Kelly, Virgin Beauty Bitch is literally based on taboo.
(00:56):
So we resonate with your podcast, Logan, which reads, "The KellFire show is here to
Shatter Taboos, defy stereotypes and empower women on their Menopause journey.
We reject outdated norms, provide fierce support and help women conquer the stage of life
with confidence and grace.
(01:18):
Love it."
Now, Kelly, you're a doctor.
So Menopause comes with your territory.
But how did it become the central topic in your practice?
Well, to be very honest, I'm 54.
So it became a spotlight in my own life.
And in my quest for answers and alternative and Western medicine approaches, I started
(01:45):
to just do research.
I started to see a lot of patients that were in this same age group and had the very same
questions.
And there wasn't a lot out there that really addressed it.
And if we did address it, it was very, we didn't want to really dig too much.
We didn't want to bring up certain subjects.
We felt shameful or that we weren't heard.
(02:08):
So I wanted that to be changed.
And I think like we were talking, Chris, I think that is happening as a whole.
It's becoming a movement, if you will.
But we've got a lot of work to do just in our own minds.
Speaking of minds, what have you seen shift in the mindset of that point in a woman's life?
(02:33):
Because it used to be nobody talked about it.
Right.
I thoroughly believe if you look at women and our lifespan and the roles that we play,
because we change roles several times in our life.
We're constantly transforming.
So, you know, we're puberty, we were not in the childbearing years.
(02:53):
Then we're in our childbearing years.
And it used to be you go from your childbearing years into your crone, if you will, or your wise
woman years.
And technology, modern medicine, has extended our life spans.
And so now we're seeing women that are coming out in their mid-40s, mid-50s.
(03:14):
They would have typically immediately transitioned into grandma role.
Their kids left the nest, those children would have babies sooner in their 20s, and we just
immediately go into grandma mode.
So we would always be caretakers.
Now there's this gap in this age group where our kids are either off to college or they're
(03:35):
out.
And nobody's having babies yet, not till they're 30s.
And so women have this chunk of time.
And it really, it can put a lot of women, do you in a headlight situation, because they don't
know what their purpose is anymore.
They're not taking care of the kids.
There's nobody little to take care of.
And it's just themselves and maybe themselves and their partner.
(03:58):
They just feel useless.
And at the same time, their biological purpose is winding down.
So this era now, they're calling it, it's got a few names.
I love the wild woman stage because now we're here.
We can focus on ourselves.
We do not have to wear the polyester pull-ups and the track suits and the orthotic sneakers.
(04:22):
We can get right back into that little black dress and still let us.
And we don't have to get home at any particular time because there's no children to relieve the
babysitter for.
So we can really focus on ourselves, our minds, our bodies.
And this is like an end.
You pretty much get into the point where you don't have to worry about becoming pregnant
(04:44):
and things like that.
So you can just go have a grand old time.
Oh my gosh, the wild women era.
I love that so very much for that phase.
And I think that yeah, I mean, like it's been bound by all of these, you know, very negative
connotations for far too long where I'm seeing more and more women just as you're saying,
(05:09):
seeing this as a huge opportunity to be foot loose and fancy free about what they wanted
to with their own time at their own pace or maybe even rediscover parts of themselves
that they had to, you know, divert not as much attention to when caring for other little
or being.
(05:29):
So how would you like to share with our listeners who may be entering their late 40s, 50s that
are worried about, you know, empty nest syndrome to make the change of, you know, what are these,
what are these, what is this chapter or period of my life going to be like?
(05:51):
I would say this, our mothers and our grandmothers never prepared us for what empty nest syndrome
would be.
And that's probably the biggest issue that I see with women is this depression.
You know, we talk about postpartum depression, but we don't talk about empty nest syndrome
(06:12):
nearly as much.
So I would tell women, it's unfortunate, but you need to prepare yourself well in advance.
So you need to start looking at that big picture.
Like you said, what is my life going to look like?
What hobbies can I start bringing into my life?
Where am I going to put my focus or the different areas of my job that I can look at that I want
(06:33):
to kind of, you know, dive into, but just start preparing that, I mean, to be honest, it's
going to hurt like hell.
It is going to hurt when that last child flies off and doesn't need you nearly as much.
It's going to hurt.
So you have to be prepared.
If you're not, a lot of women will spiral and they won't know what to do with themselves.
(06:54):
And they may, you know, turn to food, they may stop exercising, you know, things along
lines of depression can happen and they are real.
So I want women to know that this, this to look forward to this, even though it's scary
to not have that purpose of caregiving, but this is your rebirth.
This is not, you know, we're wind and life down.
(07:15):
Now shops closed, we're done.
We don't have a reason to be here.
We actually were in the middle of a rebirth and we should embrace it just as we did in our
20s when we were coming out of our teens and we were like, oh, we're in our 20s.
Like this is the best time in the world.
Well, here we are.
We're back at the 20s, chapter two, we're reliving it.
I love how you phrase that because to me, it's a calling.
(07:40):
Like you've said that in some ways kind of shakes so much of what, you know, traditional
values has painted our quote unquote purpose, which kind of makes me cringe a little bit
and throw up in my mouth a little bit.
Where a woman's body is no longer oriented in itself to be serving to be providing care.
(08:06):
Since we're not making babies, we're not in the cycling through those different phases
of our hormonal cycles.
We are actually having that time to stop, stop apologizing, claim up space and try new things
that maybe you haven't done before.
So I love that you've said that it's a rebirth period because I'm seeing so many women in
(08:31):
their 50s saying, what like really what does this next, you know, I've done 50 years, you
know, if I'm lucky enough to have another 50 ahead of me, what am I doing with those
next?
That next half of life.
I agree.
And a big chunk too is because we look at ourselves and we say, oh, we no longer serve the purpose
(08:52):
of childbearing.
And then you have the hormone fluctuation.
So some physical things are going on.
Women start to either feel less sexy or just not sexy at all.
And that infiltrates every part of their lives, especially with their partner, but also in
their own self image and how they approach things, confidence starts to go away.
(09:15):
You know, they start turning inward versus turning outward.
One of the best things that I ever did was I just wanted to try something new and I wanted
to, I was like, I'm not dead.
Like I got a lot left to meet a youth.
So I went and found a pull fitness studio and lo and behold, pull fitness classes.
(09:36):
And there's all age groups, but there are a lot of women in my age group.
And we've got battle scars.
We're fighting injuries left and right.
You know, hormones are going everywhere, but they're all there for that same purpose is
to try to feel sexy, to bring that out in us, to reclaim who we were, but not the version
(09:58):
we were, to reclaim the girl, but a better version of her, a new version.
So I think that right there, like talking about when you want to talk about taboo, getting
into that, that sexual end of it, that side, that being that still lives inside of you.
So I'm hearing a lot of the mental, emotional aspects of that period.
(10:23):
What's going on physically that women need to maybe not believe as far as old talk about
menopause?
So if you look at it from the standpoint of a rebirth or a transformation, like I said
in the beginning, your body, there was a biological process that it was meant to do.
(10:49):
Your body has to physically shut that whole process down.
So imagine you're shutting down a manufacturing plant.
There are things that happen.
That's why the hormones fluctuate.
But within that, it becomes new purposes, new processes, hormones change, organs change.
Everything starts to adapt to, okay, this is your new body, if you will, say.
(11:13):
So there's growth change is always uncomfortable.
It's the same thing physically.
Like your body will have to go through some uncomfortable symptoms as it's transforming
and changing.
But there's so many ways to deal with those.
And instead of looking at all these things that are happening to you as symptoms and hot
(11:35):
flashes and night sweats and oh, this is my rage and my hormones.
This is terrible.
You start dealing with it.
You find ways to deal with it.
Whether that's hormone replacement therapy, yoga, diet and exercise, a combination of
those. But instead of dealing with the symptom as a problem, you just take care of it and
(11:58):
you keep moving on.
You keep moving forward.
And you might not find the right combo of things at first, but eventually you will.
I appreciate what you're saying there.
Because I think that's so much of how we paint menopause from a medical standpoint is that
these hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings are symptoms to manage rather than perhaps signals
(12:22):
that our bodies are trying to say to us that things are changing.
And it's okay to tune in to recalibrate, to listen to your body for how many years your
body was responding to the needs of other people.
Now your body is kind of demanding.
That's what you're going to put me first because I'm going to demand it in this moment because
(12:45):
I am flipping hot right now.
And so that's going to take some attention.
So you know, to me, it almost feels like a signal that the body is saying it is a good
time to focus on you.
Exactly.
Mm-hmm.
If you look at pregnancy, I try to tell women this all the time.
Is that ever a comfortable experience?
(13:05):
Absolutely not.
You're sweating.
You're getting huge.
You're swelling up.
You're swollen.
I mean, it's so uncomfortable.
There's so many symptoms with pregnancy, but because we're bringing a child into the world,
we view all that with very positive and upbeat, you know, thought process in our minds.
Like, yes, this is the worst, most uncomfortable thing.
Labor is not fun.
(13:27):
But that's okay because there's going to be this little prize at the end that I created.
Well, menopause is uncomfortable and it's similar symptoms do happen, but you're
re-birthing yourself.
So we look at it negatively because we go, well, what's the prize at the end of this, all
these symptoms when it finally gets under control and where post menopause, what's the
(13:47):
prize?
Well, you are the prize.
You, your new life, centering in on yourself, taking time for yourself, that's the prize.
I mean, that's something that we talk about on this show all the time is making yourself
the prize and not feeling shame or guilt about it.
It is a burden that women carry all for those 50 or 45 years, leading up to that moment to
(14:14):
make that switch in understanding and viewing yourself in a different way and putting you
first becomes very difficult.
Does it not?
Oh, it's extremely difficult.
It's not how we're wired.
We're wired to not think of ourselves, put ourselves first, take care of ourselves.
We're wired to take care of everyone else.
(14:35):
The one we do finally look inward and say, you know what, I'm going to work on myself,
I'm going to spend time.
I'm going to spend some money on myself.
I'm going to, you know, I'm going to dress in that little cocktail outfit and the heels.
And yes, there's so many people that are going to look at it and say, oh, you're in your
50s.
It's totally inappropriate.
Well, you know, it's not about them.
(14:55):
And it's about us and it's about loving ourselves and cherishing ourselves and bringing
out the best in ourselves.
It's just to come into what society in the past has told us we're supposed to do when we
reach this age.
(15:15):
There's a quote that I saw saying, you know, things that you should never wear after 50
as a woman on the end of the caption is other people's expectations of what you shouldn't
wear.
Exactly.
Absolutely, exactly.
I have three boys.
21, 23, 25.
I thought, you know, for a long time, and this happens to many, many, many women, you think
(15:40):
will my child approve of this outfit?
Will my child, you know, will he be ashamed, especially boys?
Well, you know what, daughter is a pretty bad too.
They'll rip the mom apart.
But you think about that.
I just happen to have this attitude and carry it with me that I didn't care.
(16:01):
And because of that, because I said, you know, this is who I am and nobody's going to change
me.
And my children actually think that that's really even laugh at me.
They're like, you weren't out.
You look like you're about to go to the grocery store.
What are you doing?
Good on you for putting that out there, though.
Yeah.
Can you tell us about Tempesta and what it is and why you built it?
(16:27):
So tempesta came out of this idea.
I was working with a lot of women in my practice.
And the age was coming around now where women were dealing with, you know, not only just physical
everyday stuff that we go and see a chiropractor for, but now the hormones were coming into play.
(16:50):
Mental aspects were coming in.
And, you know, I could see, wow, these women aren't getting enough information or they
feel like they're not being heard by their regular doctors.
So I went and got certified as a menopause specialist and did all the things you need to do
to learn hormones and both sides, not just like chiropractic is very alternative, somewhat
(17:15):
Eastern medicine.
I wanted to know all of it because I want every woman to have every choice and have all
the tools at their disposal to make the best decision for them.
And I started to think I want to reach more women.
And a lot of women were telling me they're really ashamed to go into the doctor's office
(17:36):
and talk to their doctors or they feel like they only get five minutes with their doctors.
So I thought, well, why don't we take this online?
Why don't we go to a telehealth platform and why don't we give as many options as we
can to these women, let them know they're supported and they don't have to be ashamed and there's
no judgment.
So we started Tempesta, which is the Italian word for stormed for tempest and that's kind
(17:59):
of what menopause is.
And we have now, so you can go online, you can have a telehealth visit with a doctor if
you need prescription medication for menopause symptoms.
Or we have supplement line that I curated.
If you want to support that or you just want to go that route and we have fitness and nutrition
(18:20):
guidance because that is very, very important at this stage.
It's so under looked as a key to helping with these symptoms.
And then I do a lot of mindset coaching, as you can tell, I want to bring this fire to
women.
So we started this company and we are in our seventh or eighth month of being up and running
(18:43):
and I love every second of it.
What has been, were you surprised at the reaction or how people have connected to it or are you
where are you with that process that's so new?
Well I'll tell you, I started the podcast as well to sort of give women a voice to tell
(19:03):
their stories and to bring on some folks that could be experts in certain little aspects
of it.
And that podcast started, I have a fear of public speaking.
I have hated it my entire life, just sweating, drenched, but I was sitting talking with a
few women that weren't close to me and I happened to say one thing about, kind of joked around
(19:30):
about night sweats.
And topic just erupted and these women just started sharing their stories and what surprised
me is how many people are experiencing the same things and are not talking about it and they're
not reaching out.
So that was the biggest, most surprising thing is how quiet everyone is about it but when
(19:52):
you tap into it within a support situation, women will just talk endlessly about it.
They're excited.
They're like, oh finally I felt so ashamed.
I didn't want to talk about this.
Like most extra, things like that.
I didn't want to talk about it.
What can I do about it?
And that really surprised me and only just fueled me on.
(20:13):
It sounds like those conversations have been very raw, unstoppable, wild and cleansing.
Very.
So that's right.
Mm-hmm.
Oh yeah.
But that's what I think is really so fantastic about what you've created is that you've
almost got rage and ritual coming together to create a space for women to like that.
(20:39):
I like that.
I really like that.
I really like that.
That's definitely what I feel from what you've started.
So a huge congratulations for getting that off the ground and what you're continuing to
see come of that.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's, I mean Heather and I, we created this platform so we talk about the taboo
(21:01):
topics and you've focused in on one specific one.
But it's about giving women an opportunity to express something that's been suppressed
for so long.
And as you found out yourself as a woman that other women actually want to talk about this.
They do.
They really do.
And the platform that you guys give them, I mean, it's amazing because they can and they
(21:26):
can feel good about it and they can feel supported when they're talking to you.
It's, it's amazing.
So Kelly, can you give it to a straight that if there's women out there right now, they're
going through this phase?
What's the suggestion that you have for them when perhaps they're feeling very, you know,
(21:47):
low or sad or moving through things?
What's something that they can stop doing, you know, in order to embrace this new chapter?
Two things, stop the negative talk.
Just, just stop it.
Take a piece of paper, write down all the things you've accomplished, all the things that
you think are good about yourself.
(22:08):
Then reread that and you're going to be amazed.
You're going to look and go, I'm a rock star.
How did, you know, I, wow, I had kids.
I did this.
I did that.
Like, look at all the things I've done in my life.
So, but stop the negative self talk.
Like that, it has to go away.
And that's hard to do.
It's very hard to do.
And then the second thing, and I think this is hugely important, find a support group.
(22:31):
Whether that's a friend, a sister, whether it's coming on your podcast to tell the story,
get it out of your body.
Let your mouth speak it.
Because as soon as you do that, it's just going to come pouring out and you're going to
find out that you are not alone, that people are going through the exact same thing.
And then it's absolutely okay.
(22:53):
Those are really great reminders.
And I love to kind of also, like, continue that conversation with what is something that
they can start doing.
Well, I would say find something.
I'd even go, for me, I'd go as far to say, find something that is a little scary or uncomfortable
for you and just do it.
(23:15):
Because you're going to feel, if you follow through, you're going to feel so great.
And then again, you're going to be like, I'm cool.
Look what I just did.
You're going to find something that you really enjoy and haven't taken up or haven't
spent enough time in it and pursue it or do something that's so far out of your comfort
zone and just go for it.
Because you're going to fail a million times in life and that's normal.
(23:38):
And at one time, you're going to succeed.
So whether you succeed or fail, it's all part of your journey.
I love that.
I think that's a good segue into one of the questions that we enjoy asking our guests.
Is there one of the names in our title that you have, like, a relationship with or a story
(23:59):
that comes up for you a reaction of the virgin, the beauty, and the bitch?
I took a long time to think about this one because the obvious one would have been to
go with bitch.
It would have just flowed with the theme.
And I thought, no, no, it didn't resonate enough with me.
And the reason that it did is because, I mean, typically, virgin means someone who's
(24:23):
unexperienced or hasn't experienced something.
But to me, it's not about this untouched innocence.
It's more about untouched potential.
So this goes with the transforming several times through your life.
You're going to end up being a virgin of a particular stage of your life, two to three
(24:45):
to four times.
And it's this potential that's inside of you.
And again, getting uncomfortable with something, getting uncomfortable, being comfortable, putting
yourself in that position.
So I think there's this beauty and this radiance that you can be 54, 64, 35 and be considered
(25:05):
a virgin because there's this raw, just unpotential, untapped things you haven't done, layers to
you that if you don't let society dictate that name, like your virgin, just do it.
Just go explore it.
It makes you feel young.
And that's why I chose that word because I think every woman has this in her in some form
(25:29):
or fashion.
She has something inside of her and in the mindset, it, you know, come on, you're not the
old lady anymore.
Now you're the virgin.
It's kind of sexy.
You cannot say how much we appreciate your perspective on this.
I mean, when Heather and I first chose these words, they were just really cool words, really
(25:53):
provocative, cool words.
Over time, messages like the one you just expressed is what these words have brought to us.
And they have become the driving force behind what it is, these words used to mean and
what they can mean.
And you've just expressed what they can mean and it's endless.
(26:15):
It is absolutely endless.
So thank you for first not going with that first instinct, but really thinking through what
it is these words mean and then drawing out that meaning in such an eloquent way.
Thank you so much for taking that time to do that for us because we want to, we want
(26:40):
women and men to understand these words beyond just the facade that they carry.
And we really appreciate when someone is able to really think behind the wall.
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
It was thought-promoking.
And like I said, I stared at those for a while and I thought, wow, there's so many ways
(27:01):
you can go with these words.
So I appreciated that question actually.
Fantastic.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Yeah, well, yeah, everything you've shared, doctor has been really illuminating and you
know, for every woman out there, so many different chapters of our lives.
So to really reshape, I feel like what you do with your work, doctor, not only changes
(27:26):
the narrative on menopause, but you're torching the entire former script.
We're making it hot.
Yeah, that's what we are.
I'm getting the tote bag.
I'm getting the tote bag, range and ritual.
I'm getting that tote bag.
I love it.
I want to get it too.
Sign me out, girl.
I am there.
So how do women know that we've, you know, peaked to their interest?
(27:53):
How do they connect?
How do they take advantage of what it is you have to offer?
So our website is mytempesta.com, but you can find us on social media.
We have my Instagram is my tempesta.
My personal social media that I try, I mean, I think I'm funny.
I don't know if I'm truly funny, but I put a lot of stuff out there and it's open is
(28:16):
I am KELFIRE.
Those are two really good ways that KELFIRE show also is on Instagram.
So you can find us on social media and through that, you know how it goes.
You'll find all the places that you can find us.
Thank you so much.
It's been a really, for me, you know, standing on the outside looking in and it's always enlightening
(28:39):
to hear the other side of the human experience.
It's for me, it's enlightening and I really appreciate your freedom to talk about it in such
a way that is so encouraging and helpful for others.
We appreciate you doing that.
Thank you.
I'm so pleased for giving me a platform to talk today because it was great and it's just
(29:04):
much needed for women.
I agree.
And you have been listening too.
The Virgin who is ever a new.
The beauty.
And the bitch that will tempt you first, but consider the eyes.
(29:25):
Just like us, Sheras, and bring your friends.
Come on back.
To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.
Like us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
And share us with people who are defiantly different like you.
(29:48):
Until next time, thanks for listening.
[Music]
Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique
(00:10):
life experiences without fear of being defiantly different.
Your hosts, Christopher and Heather, let's talk, shall we?
One powerful sign of women capturing space in a male-centric world is evident when you
look at the latest best-seller book lists.
And you see words that were taboo not that long ago, titles like Menopause.
(00:35):
And the topic is also the driving theme behind popular podcasts like the KellFire show
hosted by our guest, Dr. Kelly Barron.
Kelly, welcome to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
Thank you so much.
Thank you guys for having me on.
We're excited to have you.
Now, this podcast, Kelly, Virgin Beauty Bitch is literally based on taboo.
(00:56):
So we resonate with your podcast, Logan, which reads, "The KellFire show is here to
Shatter Taboos, defy stereotypes and empower women on their Menopause journey.
We reject outdated norms, provide fierce support and help women conquer the stage of life
with confidence and grace.
(01:18):
Love it."
Now, Kelly, you're a doctor.
So Menopause comes with your territory.
But how did it become the central topic in your practice?
Well, to be very honest, I'm 54.
So it became a spotlight in my own life.
And in my quest for answers and alternative and Western medicine approaches, I started
(01:45):
to just do research.
I started to see a lot of patients that were in this same age group and had the very same
questions.
And there wasn't a lot out there that really addressed it.
And if we did address it, it was very, we didn't want to really dig too much.
We didn't want to bring up certain subjects.
We felt shameful or that we weren't heard.
(02:08):
So I wanted that to be changed.
And I think like we were talking, Chris, I think that is happening as a whole.
It's becoming a movement, if you will.
But we've got a lot of work to do just in our own minds.
Speaking of minds, what have you seen shift in the mindset of that point in a woman's life?
(02:33):
Because it used to be nobody talked about it.
Right.
I thoroughly believe if you look at women and our lifespan and the roles that we play,
because we change roles several times in our life.
We're constantly transforming.
So, you know, we're puberty, we were not in the childbearing years.
(02:53):
Then we're in our childbearing years.
And it used to be you go from your childbearing years into your crone, if you will, or your wise
woman years.
And technology, modern medicine, has extended our life spans.
And so now we're seeing women that are coming out in their mid-40s, mid-50s.
(03:14):
They would have typically immediately transitioned into grandma role.
Their kids left the nest, those children would have babies sooner in their 20s, and we just
immediately go into grandma mode.
So we would always be caretakers.
Now there's this gap in this age group where our kids are either off to college or they're
(03:35):
out.
And nobody's having babies yet, not till they're 30s.
And so women have this chunk of time.
And it really, it can put a lot of women, do you in a headlight situation, because they don't
know what their purpose is anymore.
They're not taking care of the kids.
There's nobody little to take care of.
And it's just themselves and maybe themselves and their partner.
(03:58):
They just feel useless.
And at the same time, their biological purpose is winding down.
So this era now, they're calling it, it's got a few names.
I love the wild woman stage because now we're here.
We can focus on ourselves.
We do not have to wear the polyester pull-ups and the track suits and the orthotic sneakers.
(04:22):
We can get right back into that little black dress and still let us.
And we don't have to get home at any particular time because there's no children to relieve the
babysitter for.
So we can really focus on ourselves, our minds, our bodies.
And this is like an end.
You pretty much get into the point where you don't have to worry about becoming pregnant
(04:44):
and things like that.
So you can just go have a grand old time.
Oh my gosh, the wild women era.
I love that so very much for that phase.
And I think that yeah, I mean, like it's been bound by all of these, you know, very negative
connotations for far too long where I'm seeing more and more women just as you're saying,
(05:09):
seeing this as a huge opportunity to be foot loose and fancy free about what they wanted
to with their own time at their own pace or maybe even rediscover parts of themselves
that they had to, you know, divert not as much attention to when caring for other little
or being.
(05:29):
So how would you like to share with our listeners who may be entering their late 40s, 50s that
are worried about, you know, empty nest syndrome to make the change of, you know, what are these,
what are these, what is this chapter or period of my life going to be like?
(05:51):
I would say this, our mothers and our grandmothers never prepared us for what empty nest syndrome
would be.
And that's probably the biggest issue that I see with women is this depression.
You know, we talk about postpartum depression, but we don't talk about empty nest syndrome
(06:12):
nearly as much.
So I would tell women, it's unfortunate, but you need to prepare yourself well in advance.
So you need to start looking at that big picture.
Like you said, what is my life going to look like?
What hobbies can I start bringing into my life?
Where am I going to put my focus or the different areas of my job that I can look at that I want
(06:33):
to kind of, you know, dive into, but just start preparing that, I mean, to be honest, it's
going to hurt like hell.
It is going to hurt when that last child flies off and doesn't need you nearly as much.
It's going to hurt.
So you have to be prepared.
If you're not, a lot of women will spiral and they won't know what to do with themselves.
(06:54):
And they may, you know, turn to food, they may stop exercising, you know, things along
lines of depression can happen and they are real.
So I want women to know that this, this to look forward to this, even though it's scary
to not have that purpose of caregiving, but this is your rebirth.
This is not, you know, we're wind and life down.
(07:15):
Now shops closed, we're done.
We don't have a reason to be here.
We actually were in the middle of a rebirth and we should embrace it just as we did in our
20s when we were coming out of our teens and we were like, oh, we're in our 20s.
Like this is the best time in the world.
Well, here we are.
We're back at the 20s, chapter two, we're reliving it.
I love how you phrase that because to me, it's a calling.
(07:40):
Like you've said that in some ways kind of shakes so much of what, you know, traditional
values has painted our quote unquote purpose, which kind of makes me cringe a little bit
and throw up in my mouth a little bit.
Where a woman's body is no longer oriented in itself to be serving to be providing care.
(08:06):
Since we're not making babies, we're not in the cycling through those different phases
of our hormonal cycles.
We are actually having that time to stop, stop apologizing, claim up space and try new things
that maybe you haven't done before.
So I love that you've said that it's a rebirth period because I'm seeing so many women in
(08:31):
their 50s saying, what like really what does this next, you know, I've done 50 years, you
know, if I'm lucky enough to have another 50 ahead of me, what am I doing with those
next?
That next half of life.
I agree.
And a big chunk too is because we look at ourselves and we say, oh, we no longer serve the purpose
(08:52):
of childbearing.
And then you have the hormone fluctuation.
So some physical things are going on.
Women start to either feel less sexy or just not sexy at all.
And that infiltrates every part of their lives, especially with their partner, but also in
their own self image and how they approach things, confidence starts to go away.
(09:15):
You know, they start turning inward versus turning outward.
One of the best things that I ever did was I just wanted to try something new and I wanted
to, I was like, I'm not dead.
Like I got a lot left to meet a youth.
So I went and found a pull fitness studio and lo and behold, pull fitness classes.
(09:36):
And there's all age groups, but there are a lot of women in my age group.
And we've got battle scars.
We're fighting injuries left and right.
You know, hormones are going everywhere, but they're all there for that same purpose is
to try to feel sexy, to bring that out in us, to reclaim who we were, but not the version
(09:58):
we were, to reclaim the girl, but a better version of her, a new version.
So I think that right there, like talking about when you want to talk about taboo, getting
into that, that sexual end of it, that side, that being that still lives inside of you.
So I'm hearing a lot of the mental, emotional aspects of that period.
(10:23):
What's going on physically that women need to maybe not believe as far as old talk about
menopause?
So if you look at it from the standpoint of a rebirth or a transformation, like I said
in the beginning, your body, there was a biological process that it was meant to do.
(10:49):
Your body has to physically shut that whole process down.
So imagine you're shutting down a manufacturing plant.
There are things that happen.
That's why the hormones fluctuate.
But within that, it becomes new purposes, new processes, hormones change, organs change.
Everything starts to adapt to, okay, this is your new body, if you will, say.
(11:13):
So there's growth change is always uncomfortable.
It's the same thing physically.
Like your body will have to go through some uncomfortable symptoms as it's transforming
and changing.
But there's so many ways to deal with those.
And instead of looking at all these things that are happening to you as symptoms and hot
(11:35):
flashes and night sweats and oh, this is my rage and my hormones.
This is terrible.
You start dealing with it.
You find ways to deal with it.
Whether that's hormone replacement therapy, yoga, diet and exercise, a combination of
those. But instead of dealing with the symptom as a problem, you just take care of it and
(11:58):
you keep moving on.
You keep moving forward.
And you might not find the right combo of things at first, but eventually you will.
I appreciate what you're saying there.
Because I think that's so much of how we paint menopause from a medical standpoint is that
these hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings are symptoms to manage rather than perhaps signals
(12:22):
that our bodies are trying to say to us that things are changing.
And it's okay to tune in to recalibrate, to listen to your body for how many years your
body was responding to the needs of other people.
Now your body is kind of demanding.
That's what you're going to put me first because I'm going to demand it in this moment because
(12:45):
I am flipping hot right now.
And so that's going to take some attention.
So you know, to me, it almost feels like a signal that the body is saying it is a good
time to focus on you.
Exactly.
Mm-hmm.
If you look at pregnancy, I try to tell women this all the time.
Is that ever a comfortable experience?
(13:05):
Absolutely not.
You're sweating.
You're getting huge.
You're swelling up.
You're swollen.
I mean, it's so uncomfortable.
There's so many symptoms with pregnancy, but because we're bringing a child into the world,
we view all that with very positive and upbeat, you know, thought process in our minds.
Like, yes, this is the worst, most uncomfortable thing.
Labor is not fun.
(13:27):
But that's okay because there's going to be this little prize at the end that I created.
Well, menopause is uncomfortable and it's similar symptoms do happen, but you're
re-birthing yourself.
So we look at it negatively because we go, well, what's the prize at the end of this, all
these symptoms when it finally gets under control and where post menopause, what's the
(13:47):
prize?
Well, you are the prize.
You, your new life, centering in on yourself, taking time for yourself, that's the prize.
I mean, that's something that we talk about on this show all the time is making yourself
the prize and not feeling shame or guilt about it.
It is a burden that women carry all for those 50 or 45 years, leading up to that moment to
(14:14):
make that switch in understanding and viewing yourself in a different way and putting you
first becomes very difficult.
Does it not?
Oh, it's extremely difficult.
It's not how we're wired.
We're wired to not think of ourselves, put ourselves first, take care of ourselves.
We're wired to take care of everyone else.
(14:35):
The one we do finally look inward and say, you know what, I'm going to work on myself,
I'm going to spend time.
I'm going to spend some money on myself.
I'm going to, you know, I'm going to dress in that little cocktail outfit and the heels.
And yes, there's so many people that are going to look at it and say, oh, you're in your
50s.
It's totally inappropriate.
Well, you know, it's not about them.
(14:55):
And it's about us and it's about loving ourselves and cherishing ourselves and bringing
out the best in ourselves.
It's just to come into what society in the past has told us we're supposed to do when we
reach this age.
(15:15):
There's a quote that I saw saying, you know, things that you should never wear after 50
as a woman on the end of the caption is other people's expectations of what you shouldn't
wear.
Exactly.
Absolutely, exactly.
I have three boys.
21, 23, 25.
I thought, you know, for a long time, and this happens to many, many, many women, you think
(15:40):
will my child approve of this outfit?
Will my child, you know, will he be ashamed, especially boys?
Well, you know what, daughter is a pretty bad too.
They'll rip the mom apart.
But you think about that.
I just happen to have this attitude and carry it with me that I didn't care.
(16:01):
And because of that, because I said, you know, this is who I am and nobody's going to change
me.
And my children actually think that that's really even laugh at me.
They're like, you weren't out.
You look like you're about to go to the grocery store.
What are you doing?
Good on you for putting that out there, though.
Yeah.
Can you tell us about Tempesta and what it is and why you built it?
(16:27):
So tempesta came out of this idea.
I was working with a lot of women in my practice.
And the age was coming around now where women were dealing with, you know, not only just physical
everyday stuff that we go and see a chiropractor for, but now the hormones were coming into play.
(16:50):
Mental aspects were coming in.
And, you know, I could see, wow, these women aren't getting enough information or they
feel like they're not being heard by their regular doctors.
So I went and got certified as a menopause specialist and did all the things you need to do
to learn hormones and both sides, not just like chiropractic is very alternative, somewhat
(17:15):
Eastern medicine.
I wanted to know all of it because I want every woman to have every choice and have all
the tools at their disposal to make the best decision for them.
And I started to think I want to reach more women.
And a lot of women were telling me they're really ashamed to go into the doctor's office
(17:36):
and talk to their doctors or they feel like they only get five minutes with their doctors.
So I thought, well, why don't we take this online?
Why don't we go to a telehealth platform and why don't we give as many options as we
can to these women, let them know they're supported and they don't have to be ashamed and there's
no judgment.
So we started Tempesta, which is the Italian word for stormed for tempest and that's kind
(17:59):
of what menopause is.
And we have now, so you can go online, you can have a telehealth visit with a doctor if
you need prescription medication for menopause symptoms.
Or we have supplement line that I curated.
If you want to support that or you just want to go that route and we have fitness and nutrition
(18:20):
guidance because that is very, very important at this stage.
It's so under looked as a key to helping with these symptoms.
And then I do a lot of mindset coaching, as you can tell, I want to bring this fire to
women.
So we started this company and we are in our seventh or eighth month of being up and running
(18:43):
and I love every second of it.
What has been, were you surprised at the reaction or how people have connected to it or are you
where are you with that process that's so new?
Well I'll tell you, I started the podcast as well to sort of give women a voice to tell
(19:03):
their stories and to bring on some folks that could be experts in certain little aspects
of it.
And that podcast started, I have a fear of public speaking.
I have hated it my entire life, just sweating, drenched, but I was sitting talking with a
few women that weren't close to me and I happened to say one thing about, kind of joked around
(19:30):
about night sweats.
And topic just erupted and these women just started sharing their stories and what surprised
me is how many people are experiencing the same things and are not talking about it and they're
not reaching out.
So that was the biggest, most surprising thing is how quiet everyone is about it but when
(19:52):
you tap into it within a support situation, women will just talk endlessly about it.
They're excited.
They're like, oh finally I felt so ashamed.
I didn't want to talk about this.
Like most extra, things like that.
I didn't want to talk about it.
What can I do about it?
And that really surprised me and only just fueled me on.
(20:13):
It sounds like those conversations have been very raw, unstoppable, wild and cleansing.
Very.
So that's right.
Mm-hmm.
Oh yeah.
But that's what I think is really so fantastic about what you've created is that you've
almost got rage and ritual coming together to create a space for women to like that.
(20:39):
I like that.
I really like that.
I really like that.
That's definitely what I feel from what you've started.
So a huge congratulations for getting that off the ground and what you're continuing to
see come of that.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's, I mean Heather and I, we created this platform so we talk about the taboo
(21:01):
topics and you've focused in on one specific one.
But it's about giving women an opportunity to express something that's been suppressed
for so long.
And as you found out yourself as a woman that other women actually want to talk about this.
They do.
They really do.
And the platform that you guys give them, I mean, it's amazing because they can and they
(21:26):
can feel good about it and they can feel supported when they're talking to you.
It's, it's amazing.
So Kelly, can you give it to a straight that if there's women out there right now, they're
going through this phase?
What's the suggestion that you have for them when perhaps they're feeling very, you know,
(21:47):
low or sad or moving through things?
What's something that they can stop doing, you know, in order to embrace this new chapter?
Two things, stop the negative talk.
Just, just stop it.
Take a piece of paper, write down all the things you've accomplished, all the things that
you think are good about yourself.
(22:08):
Then reread that and you're going to be amazed.
You're going to look and go, I'm a rock star.
How did, you know, I, wow, I had kids.
I did this.
I did that.
Like, look at all the things I've done in my life.
So, but stop the negative self talk.
Like that, it has to go away.
And that's hard to do.
It's very hard to do.
And then the second thing, and I think this is hugely important, find a support group.
(22:31):
Whether that's a friend, a sister, whether it's coming on your podcast to tell the story,
get it out of your body.
Let your mouth speak it.
Because as soon as you do that, it's just going to come pouring out and you're going to
find out that you are not alone, that people are going through the exact same thing.
And then it's absolutely okay.
(22:53):
Those are really great reminders.
And I love to kind of also, like, continue that conversation with what is something that
they can start doing.
Well, I would say find something.
I'd even go, for me, I'd go as far to say, find something that is a little scary or uncomfortable
for you and just do it.
(23:15):
Because you're going to feel, if you follow through, you're going to feel so great.
And then again, you're going to be like, I'm cool.
Look what I just did.
You're going to find something that you really enjoy and haven't taken up or haven't
spent enough time in it and pursue it or do something that's so far out of your comfort
zone and just go for it.
Because you're going to fail a million times in life and that's normal.
(23:38):
And at one time, you're going to succeed.
So whether you succeed or fail, it's all part of your journey.
I love that.
I think that's a good segue into one of the questions that we enjoy asking our guests.
Is there one of the names in our title that you have, like, a relationship with or a story
(23:59):
that comes up for you a reaction of the virgin, the beauty, and the bitch?
I took a long time to think about this one because the obvious one would have been to
go with bitch.
It would have just flowed with the theme.
And I thought, no, no, it didn't resonate enough with me.
And the reason that it did is because, I mean, typically, virgin means someone who's
(24:23):
unexperienced or hasn't experienced something.
But to me, it's not about this untouched innocence.
It's more about untouched potential.
So this goes with the transforming several times through your life.
You're going to end up being a virgin of a particular stage of your life, two to three
(24:45):
to four times.
And it's this potential that's inside of you.
And again, getting uncomfortable with something, getting uncomfortable, being comfortable, putting
yourself in that position.
So I think there's this beauty and this radiance that you can be 54, 64, 35 and be considered
(25:05):
a virgin because there's this raw, just unpotential, untapped things you haven't done, layers to
you that if you don't let society dictate that name, like your virgin, just do it.
Just go explore it.
It makes you feel young.
And that's why I chose that word because I think every woman has this in her in some form
(25:29):
or fashion.
She has something inside of her and in the mindset, it, you know, come on, you're not the
old lady anymore.
Now you're the virgin.
It's kind of sexy.
You cannot say how much we appreciate your perspective on this.
I mean, when Heather and I first chose these words, they were just really cool words, really
(25:53):
provocative, cool words.
Over time, messages like the one you just expressed is what these words have brought to us.
And they have become the driving force behind what it is, these words used to mean and
what they can mean.
And you've just expressed what they can mean and it's endless.
(26:15):
It is absolutely endless.
So thank you for first not going with that first instinct, but really thinking through what
it is these words mean and then drawing out that meaning in such an eloquent way.
Thank you so much for taking that time to do that for us because we want to, we want
(26:40):
women and men to understand these words beyond just the facade that they carry.
And we really appreciate when someone is able to really think behind the wall.
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
It was thought-promoking.
And like I said, I stared at those for a while and I thought, wow, there's so many ways
(27:01):
you can go with these words.
So I appreciated that question actually.
Fantastic.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Yeah, well, yeah, everything you've shared, doctor has been really illuminating and you
know, for every woman out there, so many different chapters of our lives.
So to really reshape, I feel like what you do with your work, doctor, not only changes
(27:26):
the narrative on menopause, but you're torching the entire former script.
We're making it hot.
Yeah, that's what we are.
I'm getting the tote bag.
I'm getting the tote bag, range and ritual.
I'm getting that tote bag.
I love it.
I want to get it too.
Sign me out, girl.
I am there.
So how do women know that we've, you know, peaked to their interest?
(27:53):
How do they connect?
How do they take advantage of what it is you have to offer?
So our website is mytempesta.com, but you can find us on social media.
We have my Instagram is my tempesta.
My personal social media that I try, I mean, I think I'm funny.
I don't know if I'm truly funny, but I put a lot of stuff out there and it's open is
(28:16):
I am KELFIRE.
Those are two really good ways that KELFIRE show also is on Instagram.
So you can find us on social media and through that, you know how it goes.
You'll find all the places that you can find us.
Thank you so much.
It's been a really, for me, you know, standing on the outside looking in and it's always enlightening
(28:39):
to hear the other side of the human experience.
It's for me, it's enlightening and I really appreciate your freedom to talk about it in such
a way that is so encouraging and helpful for others.
We appreciate you doing that.
Thank you.
I'm so pleased for giving me a platform to talk today because it was great and it's just
(29:04):
much needed for women.
I agree.
And you have been listening too.
The Virgin who is ever a new.
The beauty.
And the bitch that will tempt you first, but consider the eyes.
(29:25):
Just like us, Sheras, and bring your friends.
Come on back.
To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.
Like us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
And share us with people who are defiantly different like you.
(29:48):
Until next time, thanks for listening.
[Music]
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