June 22, 2025 • 34 mins
Dr. Jody Carrington is a fearless champion for authentic human connection. Her energy and genuine approach are to help people solve the most complex human-centered problems. In a rapidly disconnected world that leaves so many overwhelmed, lonely, and burned out, Dr. Jody boldly believes that all humans have the capacity for good. However, because of isolation and burnout, we have lost access to our reservoir of good.
Understanding how we got disconnected, what is needed to put the pieces back together, and how collectively we can find our way back home is Dr. Jody's passion. With a rare combination of authenticity, honesty, and levity, she never fails to inspire, motivate, and charm.
As the founder and principal psychologist at Carrington & Company, Dr. Jody has written three best-selling books, speaks on hundreds of stages globally each year, and hosts the podcast UNLONELY. She sets a high bar even with her own children: "I can't tell my kids how to be great. I have to show them." In this modern world, where we look but don't see, where we listen but don't hear, Dr. Jody shares with VBB an important message: We were never meant to do any of this alone.
Understanding how we got disconnected, what is needed to put the pieces back together, and how collectively we can find our way back home is Dr. Jody's passion. With a rare combination of authenticity, honesty, and levity, she never fails to inspire, motivate, and charm.
As the founder and principal psychologist at Carrington & Company, Dr. Jody has written three best-selling books, speaks on hundreds of stages globally each year, and hosts the podcast UNLONELY. She sets a high bar even with her own children: "I can't tell my kids how to be great. I have to show them." In this modern world, where we look but don't see, where we listen but don't hear, Dr. Jody shares with VBB an important message: We were never meant to do any of this alone.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Virgin, Beauty, Bitch, Podcast (00:00):
Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share
(00:09):
unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different.
Your hosts, Christopher and Heather, let's talk, shall we?
Heather and I are blessed.
Our guest today has been on our wish list for many, many years.
She's one of those rare individuals who can take you down the rabbit hole of really deep
(00:33):
thought.
Yet all the while, keep you giggling with the joy of discovering new things about life
and about yourself.
She's a clinical psychologist, author, podcaster, and a sought after global speaker renowned
for her ability to help humans reconnect to their good.
We welcome Dr. Jody Carrington to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
(00:57):
This is a dream Virgin Beauty Bitches.
This is so good.
Oh my gosh.
Like, come on.
You're right.
This has just been divine intervention to get this pulled together because it's been years.
Absolutely.
The thread never left us.
Awesome.
Now, Jody, it seems like, okay, a lifetime ago, it seems like now the pandemic forced us to
(01:19):
really appreciate the necessity of human connection.
But what, five short years later, the world is on fire again with global conflict, ancient
hates, and threats of war.
How can people hold faith in connection when dissonance in this conflict seems to be the
human trait that media at least encourages as our default?
(01:42):
Yeah.
It's really the thing that we're all up against the most in this human race.
And I think what is fascinating in times of overwhelm, which is really marked, if we take the
pandemic, I think it's sort of expedited the process significantly.
But we were well on our way prior to the pandemic in this sort of, I think, loneliness epidemic.
(02:02):
The introduction of the smartphone was 2006, introduction of the forward facing camera in 2009.
And the technological advances that we are a part of in this generation is beautiful to
witness in so many ways.
But the hard part about us as humans is that there's two rules, okay?
The first rule is we're neurobiologically wired for connection, okay?
So whoever made us, regardless of age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, gender identity,
(02:26):
we all start in exactly the same place.
We all, in exactly the same spot.
Race is a social construct.
So our DNA on this globe and this human race is 99.98% the same.
If you disconnect from an infant, they die.
So what we will never automate is relationship.
So I don't care how much we get good at the AI.
(02:47):
We are neurobiologically wired for connection.
You disconnect from an infant, they die. That will not,
we will never, ever,
and from a therapeutic perspective, as you can get as many bots as you want, there is a synergistic
change that happens when two people are in the same room, that you will never be able
to automate because at a cellular level, we will not be able to recreate that, okay?
Ever.
So if you want your business to be successful or your family system to be better, you'll
(03:09):
understand that the only AI that's going to matter in this next generation is authentic
interaction.
Okay, so that's rule number one.
We are neurobiologically wired for connection.
Now as a curve ball, whoever created us humans, sort of like, like, shook it up a little and
said the second rule is, despite the fact that I've made you neurobiologically wired for
connection, the hardest thing you will ever do is look at each other.
(03:34):
So we are up against it in this place where we need each other desperately.
Those who are the most well and the healthiest have community, have connection, are brave
enough to continue to look into the eyes of the people we love the most, even when especially
when it's the hardest.
Yet, the hardest thing we will ever do is look at each other and we've never had so many
opportunities to look away.
(03:55):
And when we stop looking, we stop seeing.
And when the world continues to evoke uncertainty, fear, and no end in sight, what happens
is our gaze goes inward, not to each other.
And the only way that we are going to survive any conflict is you have to do it in relationship
and in connection.
(04:15):
So the divisiveness that is the overwhelm of this world, we're sort of in this perfect spot
right now to see, you know, people ask me other times as psychologists are we in a mental
health crisis because we are killing ourselves faster for the first time in history from emotional
illness than we are dying from physical illness for the first time in history.
Yet, we've never had this much access to resources or research.
(04:35):
And so levels of anxiety and depression, we've never seen this high particularly in our
country in North America, suicide, ridiculous rates.
And so what's fascinating to me is I actually don't think, I think we're focusing on the
wrong side of things.
So I don't think we're in a mental health crisis.
I think we're in an understandable human response to loneliness of them.
(04:56):
Because remember, we are neurobiologically wired for connection.
And this stat gets me every time.
So our great grandparents, it's estimated that our great grandparents looked at their children
72% more the time than we look at our babies today.
So if this is what people are coming to the table with, if this is what our educators,
our police officers, our leaders are experiencing is a positive connection.
(05:19):
Our ability to lead well has not been forwarded.
We're all still beautiful humans are access to the best parts of ourselves has been significantly
compromised by this massive influx.
This is massive business, by the way.
The great big four, if I were just take them, Uber, Amazon, Meta and Apple, they own a 8.49
(05:42):
trillion market share capitalization, which means the idea to automate the land, to get
you to get things delivered on Amazon and Uber Eats and to stay home from people because
you're inundated all day long by your notifications on your Apple Watch and by your email.
Just stay home, okay.
We're like, yes, please, I hate people.
(06:04):
I still want to be invited.
I just want to throat-punch everybody.
Right?
Like it's all of us.
You know what I mean?
And we should be tired because we're like this.
We got shots of cortisol happening every day that our parents never did.
Our dad's came through the door at the end of the day and nobody could get them.
Can you imagine that?
(06:26):
Now we don't even pee.
And we have in the morning, we haven't even peed yet.
And we've checked our email.
We've taken a rip around all of our social media.
We know exactly which bitches are getting family pictures.
Who's worked out?
I'm not the colleague here.
You know, and you're being peed.
And then team snap bitches because I have three kids are connected to my watch.
(06:47):
And so they're all buzzing me and everything because I didn't bring my kid the right shirt
and shit.
And like they have so much access to us before we even pee that we're just not designed
for this much noise.
Who in the end does this serve?
I mean, it sounds like the imminent battle of nature versus nurture.
(07:10):
So nature has prepared us for connection.
Nurture seems to be pulling us apart and separating us.
Yeah, I mean, I think I don't know if it's nurture particularly.
I think it's like the world, the access to expediting process.
We come from a generation when the world was much slower that really emphasized hustle
(07:33):
that really didn't want us to sleep.
Right?
And so I remember this very much from my dad.
I just lost my dad to dementia.
We buried him two months ago. So sorry.
And thank you.
And I really, I loved so much about this guy because he, I think, created my work ethic.
And you know, he was super successful.
He came from zero and just built this beautiful empire that my brother and I sort of got a front
(07:55):
row seat of watching how you make business work.
And tell you everything was based on a handshake.
And, you know, he was such a cool dude.
And he was so committed to like working so hard and playing so hard.
And I remember him ever, you know, coming up the stairs in our house like it on the farm.
And like I would jump off the couch so fast if I could hear him because I knew there was
(08:18):
going to be like, what are you doing?
Like you're lazy.
And the truth is, like that, that was true.
Because you only had eight to 10 hours in a day to get shit done because that's when you
could have access to people.
And then, you know, you had to make hay while the sun rose or shan.
And that in one generation has changed so much.
(08:42):
And so what we don't have as much time for now is rest, but we're filled with these bodies
that suggest if you slow down, particularly as in anybody who's experienced marginalization
at any capacity, you know, has to work that much harder.
So the idea is now you don't rest.
And so what we're seeing is a loneliness epidemic and burnout of higher levels than ever.
(09:05):
One and two would identify as people who are not across industry and organization in our
country right now.
And that's significant.
I really resonate with what you're saying when it comes to the hustle culture because it
feels like my generation and millennials hustle culture, you know, women getting ahead, the
only way that women can get ahead is if you're in the top 40 under 40 kind of deal.
(09:27):
And I love that actually with the next generation with the zoomers, they're denouncing hustle
culture.
They're like, you know, I actually do need to have a rest.
How much they're doing it is probably questionable because they're all doing dance moves on TikToks
and making money off of it, which, hey, all the power to you.
If you're having fun while making some money, go for it, girl.
I want to bring it back to like where you started, which was, you know, all of these kind of major
(09:53):
conglomerates that are emerging almost as world leaders with those big four in the tech world,
you know, purposefully driving people apart and knowing that part of like our human condition,
you know, that we do all face different levels of insecurity or feeling dismissed, gaslit,
shamed.
(10:13):
So I'm just so interested with your work when it comes to reframing some of these deeper
insecure questions that especially women ask themselves, but all genders ask themselves
at different points of their day or their life or their month.
You know, you've really shifted things from that internal voice saying, what's wrong with
(10:33):
you to what happened to you.
And so I was wondering if you could unpack that for our listeners because I think that that's
really a special thing.
Yeah, I love that.
So I think I told you this, but I worked at the Alberta Children's Hospital for 10 years,
so that was my first job when I became a psychologist.
So the hitters, the kickers, the biters, those are my babies. I love them, right.
(10:55):
And what we were taught in any healthcare profession where when we're really trying to
sort of figure out how to be helpful is to ask that question, what's wrong here?
And Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey wrote a book of the same title where they switched the
focus from not what is wrong here because it's like, they got the ADHD.
This one's a narcissist.
What's going on with this person?
Like we're trying to label all the things, but the question then becomes what happened here?
(11:18):
And when you switch that perspective to what is wrong with this one, to what happened
with this one, it evokes in us human connected undeniable human connection, this thing called empathy.
And when I start to sort of understand what is going on with what happened to you, it allowed
it gives me some permission to take a step back.
(11:39):
And get back to my good because when I'm overwhelmed and exhausted and dysregulated, I lose access
to the best parts of myself.
Not my ability to be great, but my access to it.
And so if we think about the fact that we, you know, we're in one generation, we live in
bigger houses, far more single parent households, less siblings, less access to grandparents or
(12:00):
grandparents like figures.
Many of us are working at least part time from home.
The capacity to be regulated in community has been significantly compromised, which means
access to the best parts of ourselves has also been compromised because the only way you
get back there is when people walk you through it.
And you know, it always comes back to me for this round, this round, this quote, I'm sure
(12:22):
I shared it with you and we, so I, each other years ago, he said this and he said, we are all
just here walking each other home.
And I, that is the embedded to everything that I do when I get the opportunity to speak
to a community or at the United Nations or, you know, all of these opportunities I've seen
over this last 10 years has been so awesome and it never changes.
(12:44):
You, nobody gets out of here alive.
There's no need to get to the end fast, right?
Why would you want to do that?
We're just walking each other home.
Give me the best you can with what you got on any given day and you're not that good.
You will not single handedly be able to undo racism.
You are not good enough to just make your babies be the best they can be.
(13:07):
All I need you to do is give me the next best right kind thing.
And when we give ourselves permission, you know, to say, I say this all the time right now,
it's just title of the next book, I think, is, you're not that good.
And it's not a, it's not a criticism.
It's a liberation because we really need to come back here, which is the most, the most
(13:28):
long-standing data, okay?
Across every religion, across every spiritual practice, across every ancient teaching that
has ever been a part of the generations that have come before us.
The idea to come back to stillness and quiet, to understand that in hours at a cellular level,
that's where the answers live.
(13:49):
And we've never been more far from it than we are in this moment.
Not because I think the likes of Amazon or Uber or Steve Jobs are trying to destroy humans.
I think it is just such a sexy lucrative business that there's no other, like, that's what's
taking over, right?
Not an evil attempt to destroy humanity.
(14:09):
I just think business is business and they're like, look at this, huh?
And when the hardest thing you will ever do is look at each other, this, it's never been
easier to monetize it.
Well, that's a thing, yeah, economy seems to be superseding humanity.
And always in the history of the free world, that has remained true, right?
(14:30):
Like, if I take you back to any major war, any major crucifixion, it's always been about
how, what is the financial, how do we look after our people to the best of the financial
gain so that we can give the riches the rich or our community the best or our tribe the
better?
And this is just what's happening.
And again, right, like there's the sentiment again and again, the rich get richer in this
(14:52):
place because when you start to monetize things that are so, that people just desperately feel
as though they need, right?
The beauty industry in particular.
There was this data yesterday.
I was reading John Heit talks about this.
He wrote the ink generation.
He said there's this like astronomically horrific data where teenage girls will, if they
(15:13):
delete six or seven selfies of themselves, up will pop a beauty hat.
So it's triggered to know that I'm not liking how I look in this moment.
So I mean, I have a 12 year old daughter and the Sephora conversations are fucking relentless.
And that's how I maintain a relationship.
I'm like, you bet.
Let's go to Sephora.
And I'm like, I'm encouraging me.
(15:35):
She got more soldy-genero than your average, you know, so I'm just trying to stay connected
to her.
She says, "Soldy-genero is the way to my heart."
So I'm all in and I'm perpetuating the idea that a 12 year old meets 15,000 bottles of
body spray
is exhausted.
(15:56):
What do we do?
I have a question.
I love what you're saying for the concept of that new book because I mean, we're almost
relentlessly told with, you know, self-affirmations.
You know, I would say one of the most common self-affirmations is, "I am enough."
You know?
And it's, again, it's, I'm not.
I'm not that nauseam.
(16:16):
And so to flip it on its head to make sure that it's like, "Okay, can we just understand
that both sides of that I am enough or I'm not enough is still ego."
So like, let's just cut that up for a second.
I'm in.
And so, like we're, so we're shopping us right now with our literary age in the US who
I just break into work.
(16:37):
And, you know, it's like, we can say, so Glenn and Abby have long talked about like,
you could do hard things.
But the question is, like, do you fucking have to all the time?
And like, then the idea is like, let them, or should it, Mel, who I adore, right?
Let them, let them.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, you do not let them.
No, thank you.
There is a time.
And the imposter phenomenon, I also think really needs to be challenged because we're like,
(17:00):
you know, we've spent so many times coding the ego around the fact like, no, it's just
an imposter like you are supposed to be here.
No, you're fucking not.
Sometimes you should feel like you're out of your lane when you're at the beginning
of your career.
When you start anything new, you shouldn't be good at this.
And as a leader in today in building a business right now, nobody's got to script for this.
(17:21):
So should you feel like an imposter?
Yes.
Because you are.
So you're not that good.
Like, our job is to get in there and just do the next best right kind thing.
And so when you consider that we need a reckoning for the brilliant, for the broken, for the
bone tired, now is the time that we need to do that.
And we need to do that in community.
(17:42):
I think that also leads into something you're very passionate about.
Rage that beneath the burnout for many people and I'm just going to dive in for women identified
people currently, suppressed rage that burnout isn't always about being too busy, but about
feeling alone.
(18:04):
So and not being able to vocalize when you're angry about something, not being able to
be real with your emotions.
And one of the things Christopher said at one point, just owning your right to be right.
That so many women will just let it be someone else's idea or you got my order wrong, but
it's okay.
I'm just going to eat what you brought me.
(18:25):
And that over time that builds up into a very deep anger into a rage.
So we'd love to hear your thought with rage burnout and boundary repair.
So just a small question.
I'm just like in a nutshell, I'll tell you what.
It's mostly connected if you could just put all those things together.
(18:47):
So what came to mind is like I worked with a kid, a kid once who taught me that she's 12
and she said, don't you know that mad is just sad's bodyguard.
Wow.
I love that.
As she took my breath away and I've never met a mad that wasn't sad.
And burnout is not a function of the work you do or how much you have in your plate.
(19:09):
There are people doing our work, people that are fighting for feminine understandings and
ideals and the equality of humans around this planet right now in in far worse circumstances
than we can even contemplate.
So burnout isn't a function of the work we do.
It is a function of your ability or lack thereof to rest, to refuel, to have community.
(19:34):
And oftentimes people who only have each other, that's all that they have is community.
In fact, high stride suicide in this country is middle aged white men.
Okay.
Those that are identified as the most privileged among us.
If you are white straight able body, then you have a penis irrefutably.
You will have access to the most resources.
What you do with them is, you know, I can go to toe to toe to anybody who wants to talk
(19:55):
with that any day.
You have access to that exact same cohort more than anybody else on this globe is killing
themselves at higher rates.
And the question often is, the answer I'll take the answer real quick is because we've taught
boys, particularly white men that boys don't cry.
And anxiety and depression will not kill you, not talking about it might.
(20:18):
As a settler to this country as a white woman, I never have walked into a room and looked
for other white people to figure out whether I'm going to be safe or not.
People of color, many marginalized humans are looking for connection even in rooms that
they walk into.
That is not an experience particularly for white men.
They are looking for competition.
(20:40):
And so when that comes to the protection of the heart, the data would suggest that those
who seem to be the most privileged among us have access, the least access to connected
communities.
That's what keeps us alive.
And that's what we don't have access to now, right?
So when you're a visible minority and you can pick somebody who looks like you, do we have
(21:03):
the same cultural traditions, immediately you're like, oh my god, where are you from?
You have this connection.
And I can maybe get this a little bit.
If I'm touring in a foreign land and I see another Canadian flag, it's that same like,
you don't even know if they're a
psychopathic serial killer,
but you don't
because you have that community or that connection or at least that landing point, right?
(21:27):
And so that's one of the conversations about why this becomes such an interesting conversation
because anxiety, depression will not kill you.
They're just emotions, but not talking about it might.
And women historically are much more equipped with an emotional language.
Those who identify as women are much more equipped with an emotional language, not because,
and listen, I have two sons and a daughter.
(21:49):
This isn't about what you're born with.
All of us have the same emotional capacity.
But we are far better able with those who identify as women or our daughters of providing
an emotional language, using emotional words, giving toys that evoke emotions, that you
can practice nurturing babies, dolls, feeding, yeah?
(22:10):
Versus like, I'm going to shoot you with my hog, Houston.
And so we are, it's in our bones.
And I've written books about it and still I very much watch myself and my partner with
our boys versus our girls.
I see a big difference, right?
And I mean, I coach minor hockey in this little town.
I heard this yesterday, boys, you're skating like a girl.
(22:31):
Oh, you should.
And so we think we're better at it and we're not.
So this idea of an emotional language community connection, I really think needs to be light
by women.
Those who identify as women, not because we're any better or any worse, but because we
have this one thing with the universe is going to need more than anything in this next generation.
And that's the capacity to create community and connection.
(22:55):
That is so profound.
I mean, Heather and I talk about these things all the time.
What I don't get is this giving permission.
Boys don't feel they have permission to emote.
How do we get them to understand?
They already have this capacity.
(23:15):
How can we give them permission to do that?
We need people like you in positions to show them.
So this podcast is a place.
You can't tell anybody how to feel.
You have to show them.
You can't tell anybody how to be anti-racist or inclusive or kind.
You have to show them.
You have to create spaces where they watch you making it happen.
(23:38):
So as a human of color, a woman who can, you know, serve a podcast platform, the two of you
together in this crazy space where you're blowing up the world, people are listening, yes,
but they're watching.
How do you do it?
You did this.
(23:59):
How do you navigate this?
What are the conversations you're talking about?
So you know, I say this all the time.
People ask me as a woman, like, oh my god, like, are you always on the road?
Are you ever worried that you're screwing up your kids?
Like, is this hard on your marriage?
Yes, yes, and yes, and all the things.
But I can't tell my kids how to be great.
I have to show them.
Right?
So we're in this first generation of women in particular where roles have never been so
(24:22):
unclear.
If you were born with a vagina, a couple of generations ago, you very much knew exactly
your plan, whether you wanted it or not, right?
If you want to get role-sealing, you might go to school for a year or two.
But other than that, you're going to get back home and start making buns and having
a place, okay?
Now there is so much comfort in that in some ways because you don't have to...
(24:46):
This is the expectation.
Zero freedom, lots of clarity.
Now we're flipping that on its head, which comes with multiple freedoms, but no role clarity.
Which we're not really sure what to do with that because as a woman, am I supposed to...
Okay, all right.
So I can do all of these things, but also, like, oh, you didn't come to the meeting.
My children are equally as bad.
(25:07):
Like this morning, I just had a knockdown shootout with my daughters.
You're like, "Wooohhh!"
You're not coming to my dance on Friday.
Do you know every mom is going to be at the dance on Friday?
I was like, "Listen.
I'm fairly sure."
And for...
I'm going to be in Chicago talking to a bunch of teachers about changing the world, okay?
So you could...
If you would like me to talk to people about the expectation of, "Can you do it all?"
(25:31):
Is certainly on us own as in having conversations like you do every day on here.
About this is supposed to feel hard.
This is supposed to...
There's going to be pushback and it doesn't mean we're doing it wrong.
I want to ask you this.
Of all the things you could have done with your life, how did you end up trying to save
the world pretty much is what you're doing?
(25:53):
What did that come from?
Oh my God.
I don't know if that's true.
I think that the older I get, as I might have told you, I'm 50 now, I'm so interested
in the universe.
I'm so interested in sole contracts.
I'm so interested in this being so much bigger than the rest of us.
And I, in this lifetime, however that happened, I've...
(26:17):
I'm so privileged.
I started on third base.
White, straight, able-bodied.
I had every opportunity to
be surrounded by regulated people.
And when I reflect on that in my moments of gratitude,
the only thing that comes to me is I better fucking use it.
So that's the motivation all the time.
(26:39):
To be in a room of oil field workers or a bunch of men that I know nobody has ever told
them they're amazing, hockey coaches, people that have the capacity to not only change lives
but save it.
And if I can use my position, my privilege to have conversations that will evoke change
in emotion, put me in.
This...
(26:59):
I mean, use me really is what I think about all the time.
And it's been just such a beautiful journey to be able to meet the humans that I have,
who've taught me the most.
And it's always, always, the lessons have always come, you know, on a l locked psychiatric
in-patient unit, or in the back of a Legion Hall in fucking Drumheller when some, you know,
(27:21):
Indigenous woman is saying to me, like, just a second, that is not how you say
the name of this treaty territory.
And I was like, oh, like, you know, like, those
are where the greatest lessons of all time have come.
And so, like, being able to be knowing that we're wired for connection, the amount of people
I get to hug in a year.
So I'm on a hundred stages a year for the last four years globally now.
(27:44):
And it is the greatest gift of my life to bear witness to other people's stories, to be
invited into their community.
I mean, as a psychologist, this was great one-on-one, you know, in a caseload, you know, you
can see however many people you can in a year that was great.
This is that on a magnitude that I couldn't imagine.
(28:05):
And it's just such an honor to be asked to come into an organization, into a community,
into a, you know, Nipawin Saskatchewan fundraiser for the women's YWCA, you know.
And then you show up and they got like all the Ukrainian women making you snacks and somebody
knitted you a nishcloth.
Like, is it hard to be away from your kids?
(28:28):
No!
running at Ramada with Marty, drinking wine and taking all gift baskets and knitted dish cloths.
Like, this is the best job that's ever happened
you know,
and so when you love your shit, when you love your work this much, I think it just, it just,
the universe just keeps allowing you to do great stuff.
(28:50):
Or that's, if that's the intention behind it.
Speaking of that, for our listeners who are seeing some of the clips, they'll see
unlonely with Dr. Jody behind you.
Can you tell us a little bit about your podcast?
Oh, yes I can.
Oh yeah.
So this is season two and listen, I am not nearly as savvy in this podcast game as you
(29:13):
are.
We, I speak a lot, why I write to wear this into the fourth book now and I've always been
amazed at people who can handle, who can do podcasts well because I think it's a platform
where you can have some of the most incredible opportunities and provide a stage for people
to raise their voices.
And so of all the people that we sort of got to meet as we sort of doing these things,
(29:34):
I was like, wouldn't it be cool if we could create this place where everybody comes from
somewhere and really demonstrate that.
So that was the first season.
And then the second season we decided to call Unlonely because we really moved it more
into having experts have a conversation around why as this human race, we need to do better
at simply looking and seeing.
And it's just that general reminder every couple of weeks that it's like you have everything
(29:57):
you need to not only change the world but save it.
All I need is you.
That's it.
Full stop.
So it's been, it's been an honor to do this season and I think we're going to, you know,
we're going to continue I think in the next.
I don't do nearly as many episodes as you.
But it's, it's great.
We're loving that.
Well, it's been such a pleasure to have you on the show.
We've been so looking forward to having you.
And can you tell us about some of your books like we've no Feeling Seen, Kids These Days,
(30:22):
and Teachers These Days, where can people find more about you and find more about your books?
Listen, I would love your community to be a part of ours.
We are on social media, jodycarrington.com is where everything lands.
And yeah, I mean, Kids These Days came out of my work with teachers and parents who were
just like have the holiest work on the planet and feel like we're all screwing it up.
(30:45):
And I have to say this, you know, like that, I mean, that book is freaking good.
Like every time I read it, I'm like, this is so fucking good.
And if you ever watch me with my own personal children, you wouldn't buy the book.
Because I wrote that thing when I was regulated.
Okay.
And this is just the point for most of us parents is that we are so good.
Our kids are so lucky.
(31:05):
But in the, in the really hard moments, we forget that.
And so it's not our ability.
It's our access to it.
And so that was the impedance for kids.
And then Teachers really came out of it really being sort of similar to it.
Just really wanting to have a resource for teachers who spend more waking hours with
our children than us primary caregivers doing the run of a week.
We really need to care for them deeper, I think, in this next generation.
(31:25):
And then Feeling Seen was really just a call to action for all of us who I think can change
the world.
And then the next one is that we're pitching in the fall is, you know, that good.
So it's going to be the permission to for all of us to just get back in the game.
The minute that we got on together here, I noticed you're a very beautiful, fully dressed
(31:46):
or top.
And I mentioned that it was very feminine.
And one of the questions we love to ask our guests and get their perspective on is, from
your perspective, what is feminine to you?
Oh, I love that question.
And I saw it in the notes and I was like, I hope we ran out of time.
(32:08):
Um, I grapple with that so much.
And I think as I sort of evolve in this place of understanding the universe, the divine
feminine energy is really just this sense to me.
The feminine is really when I think about the mother earth, the safetyness that can bring
call home, the sense of whatever you have to bring.
(32:31):
That's what a true feminine means to me is that it really is.
And all of us have the capacity.
All of us have the ability to watch my husband do that with my children.
I'm, I'm, I'm miss that the most in my father.
It is the most, I think, genuinely genuine creation of safety.
We love asking that question because we have been asking it for how many years now and we
(32:52):
are yet to hear an exact repetition of an answer.
Oh, I love that.
It is such a broad personal question.
We just miss love getting responses to how people see and how women view and live that
word.
Love that.
Thank you.
Yeah.
(33:13):
I love it.
I love it.
And we see a Doctor Jody that you are just like vibrant and living with your purpose and
it's such a pleasure to see.
So thank you so much for joining us.
Ah, thank you.
It was such an honor.
Thank you.
And we would have waited another 10 years to talk to you.
(33:35):
But today is a good day.
So thank you.
And do you have been listening to the Virgin and the Beauty and the Bitch.
Find us.
Like us.
Share us.
Bring all your friends.
Bring all your enemies.
Let's all get together.
Let's have some joy.
To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.
(34:02):
Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
And share us with people who are defiantly different.
Like you.
Until next time.
Thanks for listening.
(soft music)
Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share
(00:09):
unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different.
Your hosts, Christopher and Heather, let's talk, shall we?
Heather and I are blessed.
Our guest today has been on our wish list for many, many years.
She's one of those rare individuals who can take you down the rabbit hole of really deep
(00:33):
thought.
Yet all the while, keep you giggling with the joy of discovering new things about life
and about yourself.
She's a clinical psychologist, author, podcaster, and a sought after global speaker renowned
for her ability to help humans reconnect to their good.
We welcome Dr. Jody Carrington to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
(00:57):
This is a dream Virgin Beauty Bitches.
This is so good.
Oh my gosh.
Like, come on.
You're right.
This has just been divine intervention to get this pulled together because it's been years.
Absolutely.
The thread never left us.
Awesome.
Now, Jody, it seems like, okay, a lifetime ago, it seems like now the pandemic forced us to
(01:19):
really appreciate the necessity of human connection.
But what, five short years later, the world is on fire again with global conflict, ancient
hates, and threats of war.
How can people hold faith in connection when dissonance in this conflict seems to be the
human trait that media at least encourages as our default?
(01:42):
Yeah.
It's really the thing that we're all up against the most in this human race.
And I think what is fascinating in times of overwhelm, which is really marked, if we take the
pandemic, I think it's sort of expedited the process significantly.
But we were well on our way prior to the pandemic in this sort of, I think, loneliness epidemic.
(02:02):
The introduction of the smartphone was 2006, introduction of the forward facing camera in 2009.
And the technological advances that we are a part of in this generation is beautiful to
witness in so many ways.
But the hard part about us as humans is that there's two rules, okay?
The first rule is we're neurobiologically wired for connection, okay?
So whoever made us, regardless of age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, gender identity,
(02:26):
we all start in exactly the same place.
We all, in exactly the same spot.
Race is a social construct.
So our DNA on this globe and this human race is 99.98% the same.
If you disconnect from an infant, they die.
So what we will never automate is relationship.
So I don't care how much we get good at the AI.
(02:47):
We are neurobiologically wired for connection.
You disconnect from an infant, they die. That will not,
we will never, ever,
and from a therapeutic perspective, as you can get as many bots as you want, there is a synergistic
change that happens when two people are in the same room, that you will never be able
to automate because at a cellular level, we will not be able to recreate that, okay?
Ever.
So if you want your business to be successful or your family system to be better, you'll
(03:09):
understand that the only AI that's going to matter in this next generation is authentic
interaction.
Okay, so that's rule number one.
We are neurobiologically wired for connection.
Now as a curve ball, whoever created us humans, sort of like, like, shook it up a little and
said the second rule is, despite the fact that I've made you neurobiologically wired for
connection, the hardest thing you will ever do is look at each other.
(03:34):
So we are up against it in this place where we need each other desperately.
Those who are the most well and the healthiest have community, have connection, are brave
enough to continue to look into the eyes of the people we love the most, even when especially
when it's the hardest.
Yet, the hardest thing we will ever do is look at each other and we've never had so many
opportunities to look away.
(03:55):
And when we stop looking, we stop seeing.
And when the world continues to evoke uncertainty, fear, and no end in sight, what happens
is our gaze goes inward, not to each other.
And the only way that we are going to survive any conflict is you have to do it in relationship
and in connection.
(04:15):
So the divisiveness that is the overwhelm of this world, we're sort of in this perfect spot
right now to see, you know, people ask me other times as psychologists are we in a mental
health crisis because we are killing ourselves faster for the first time in history from emotional
illness than we are dying from physical illness for the first time in history.
Yet, we've never had this much access to resources or research.
(04:35):
And so levels of anxiety and depression, we've never seen this high particularly in our
country in North America, suicide, ridiculous rates.
And so what's fascinating to me is I actually don't think, I think we're focusing on the
wrong side of things.
So I don't think we're in a mental health crisis.
I think we're in an understandable human response to loneliness of them.
(04:56):
Because remember, we are neurobiologically wired for connection.
And this stat gets me every time.
So our great grandparents, it's estimated that our great grandparents looked at their children
72% more the time than we look at our babies today.
So if this is what people are coming to the table with, if this is what our educators,
our police officers, our leaders are experiencing is a positive connection.
(05:19):
Our ability to lead well has not been forwarded.
We're all still beautiful humans are access to the best parts of ourselves has been significantly
compromised by this massive influx.
This is massive business, by the way.
The great big four, if I were just take them, Uber, Amazon, Meta and Apple, they own a 8.49
(05:42):
trillion market share capitalization, which means the idea to automate the land, to get
you to get things delivered on Amazon and Uber Eats and to stay home from people because
you're inundated all day long by your notifications on your Apple Watch and by your email.
Just stay home, okay.
We're like, yes, please, I hate people.
(06:04):
I still want to be invited.
I just want to throat-punch everybody.
Right?
Like it's all of us.
You know what I mean?
And we should be tired because we're like this.
We got shots of cortisol happening every day that our parents never did.
Our dad's came through the door at the end of the day and nobody could get them.
Can you imagine that?
(06:26):
Now we don't even pee.
And we have in the morning, we haven't even peed yet.
And we've checked our email.
We've taken a rip around all of our social media.
We know exactly which bitches are getting family pictures.
Who's worked out?
I'm not the colleague here.
You know, and you're being peed.
And then team snap bitches because I have three kids are connected to my watch.
(06:47):
And so they're all buzzing me and everything because I didn't bring my kid the right shirt
and shit.
And like they have so much access to us before we even pee that we're just not designed
for this much noise.
Who in the end does this serve?
I mean, it sounds like the imminent battle of nature versus nurture.
(07:10):
So nature has prepared us for connection.
Nurture seems to be pulling us apart and separating us.
Yeah, I mean, I think I don't know if it's nurture particularly.
I think it's like the world, the access to expediting process.
We come from a generation when the world was much slower that really emphasized hustle
(07:33):
that really didn't want us to sleep.
Right?
And so I remember this very much from my dad.
I just lost my dad to dementia.
We buried him two months ago. So sorry.
And thank you.
And I really, I loved so much about this guy because he, I think, created my work ethic.
And you know, he was super successful.
He came from zero and just built this beautiful empire that my brother and I sort of got a front
(07:55):
row seat of watching how you make business work.
And tell you everything was based on a handshake.
And, you know, he was such a cool dude.
And he was so committed to like working so hard and playing so hard.
And I remember him ever, you know, coming up the stairs in our house like it on the farm.
And like I would jump off the couch so fast if I could hear him because I knew there was
(08:18):
going to be like, what are you doing?
Like you're lazy.
And the truth is, like that, that was true.
Because you only had eight to 10 hours in a day to get shit done because that's when you
could have access to people.
And then, you know, you had to make hay while the sun rose or shan.
And that in one generation has changed so much.
(08:42):
And so what we don't have as much time for now is rest, but we're filled with these bodies
that suggest if you slow down, particularly as in anybody who's experienced marginalization
at any capacity, you know, has to work that much harder.
So the idea is now you don't rest.
And so what we're seeing is a loneliness epidemic and burnout of higher levels than ever.
(09:05):
One and two would identify as people who are not across industry and organization in our
country right now.
And that's significant.
I really resonate with what you're saying when it comes to the hustle culture because it
feels like my generation and millennials hustle culture, you know, women getting ahead, the
only way that women can get ahead is if you're in the top 40 under 40 kind of deal.
(09:27):
And I love that actually with the next generation with the zoomers, they're denouncing hustle
culture.
They're like, you know, I actually do need to have a rest.
How much they're doing it is probably questionable because they're all doing dance moves on TikToks
and making money off of it, which, hey, all the power to you.
If you're having fun while making some money, go for it, girl.
I want to bring it back to like where you started, which was, you know, all of these kind of major
(09:53):
conglomerates that are emerging almost as world leaders with those big four in the tech world,
you know, purposefully driving people apart and knowing that part of like our human condition,
you know, that we do all face different levels of insecurity or feeling dismissed, gaslit,
shamed.
(10:13):
So I'm just so interested with your work when it comes to reframing some of these deeper
insecure questions that especially women ask themselves, but all genders ask themselves
at different points of their day or their life or their month.
You know, you've really shifted things from that internal voice saying, what's wrong with
(10:33):
you to what happened to you.
And so I was wondering if you could unpack that for our listeners because I think that that's
really a special thing.
Yeah, I love that.
So I think I told you this, but I worked at the Alberta Children's Hospital for 10 years,
so that was my first job when I became a psychologist.
So the hitters, the kickers, the biters, those are my babies. I love them, right.
(10:55):
And what we were taught in any healthcare profession where when we're really trying to
sort of figure out how to be helpful is to ask that question, what's wrong here?
And Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey wrote a book of the same title where they switched the
focus from not what is wrong here because it's like, they got the ADHD.
This one's a narcissist.
What's going on with this person?
Like we're trying to label all the things, but the question then becomes what happened here?
(11:18):
And when you switch that perspective to what is wrong with this one, to what happened
with this one, it evokes in us human connected undeniable human connection, this thing called empathy.
And when I start to sort of understand what is going on with what happened to you, it allowed
it gives me some permission to take a step back.
(11:39):
And get back to my good because when I'm overwhelmed and exhausted and dysregulated, I lose access
to the best parts of myself.
Not my ability to be great, but my access to it.
And so if we think about the fact that we, you know, we're in one generation, we live in
bigger houses, far more single parent households, less siblings, less access to grandparents or
(12:00):
grandparents like figures.
Many of us are working at least part time from home.
The capacity to be regulated in community has been significantly compromised, which means
access to the best parts of ourselves has also been compromised because the only way you
get back there is when people walk you through it.
And you know, it always comes back to me for this round, this round, this quote, I'm sure
(12:22):
I shared it with you and we, so I, each other years ago, he said this and he said, we are all
just here walking each other home.
And I, that is the embedded to everything that I do when I get the opportunity to speak
to a community or at the United Nations or, you know, all of these opportunities I've seen
over this last 10 years has been so awesome and it never changes.
(12:44):
You, nobody gets out of here alive.
There's no need to get to the end fast, right?
Why would you want to do that?
We're just walking each other home.
Give me the best you can with what you got on any given day and you're not that good.
You will not single handedly be able to undo racism.
You are not good enough to just make your babies be the best they can be.
(13:07):
All I need you to do is give me the next best right kind thing.
And when we give ourselves permission, you know, to say, I say this all the time right now,
it's just title of the next book, I think, is, you're not that good.
And it's not a, it's not a criticism.
It's a liberation because we really need to come back here, which is the most, the most
(13:28):
long-standing data, okay?
Across every religion, across every spiritual practice, across every ancient teaching that
has ever been a part of the generations that have come before us.
The idea to come back to stillness and quiet, to understand that in hours at a cellular level,
that's where the answers live.
(13:49):
And we've never been more far from it than we are in this moment.
Not because I think the likes of Amazon or Uber or Steve Jobs are trying to destroy humans.
I think it is just such a sexy lucrative business that there's no other, like, that's what's
taking over, right?
Not an evil attempt to destroy humanity.
(14:09):
I just think business is business and they're like, look at this, huh?
And when the hardest thing you will ever do is look at each other, this, it's never been
easier to monetize it.
Well, that's a thing, yeah, economy seems to be superseding humanity.
And always in the history of the free world, that has remained true, right?
(14:30):
Like, if I take you back to any major war, any major crucifixion, it's always been about
how, what is the financial, how do we look after our people to the best of the financial
gain so that we can give the riches the rich or our community the best or our tribe the
better?
And this is just what's happening.
And again, right, like there's the sentiment again and again, the rich get richer in this
(14:52):
place because when you start to monetize things that are so, that people just desperately feel
as though they need, right?
The beauty industry in particular.
There was this data yesterday.
I was reading John Heit talks about this.
He wrote the ink generation.
He said there's this like astronomically horrific data where teenage girls will, if they
(15:13):
delete six or seven selfies of themselves, up will pop a beauty hat.
So it's triggered to know that I'm not liking how I look in this moment.
So I mean, I have a 12 year old daughter and the Sephora conversations are fucking relentless.
And that's how I maintain a relationship.
I'm like, you bet.
Let's go to Sephora.
And I'm like, I'm encouraging me.
(15:35):
She got more soldy-genero than your average, you know, so I'm just trying to stay connected
to her.
She says, "Soldy-genero is the way to my heart."
So I'm all in and I'm perpetuating the idea that a 12 year old meets 15,000 bottles of
body spray
is exhausted.
(15:56):
What do we do?
I have a question.
I love what you're saying for the concept of that new book because I mean, we're almost
relentlessly told with, you know, self-affirmations.
You know, I would say one of the most common self-affirmations is, "I am enough."
You know?
And it's, again, it's, I'm not.
I'm not that nauseam.
(16:16):
And so to flip it on its head to make sure that it's like, "Okay, can we just understand
that both sides of that I am enough or I'm not enough is still ego."
So like, let's just cut that up for a second.
I'm in.
And so, like we're, so we're shopping us right now with our literary age in the US who
I just break into work.
(16:37):
And, you know, it's like, we can say, so Glenn and Abby have long talked about like,
you could do hard things.
But the question is, like, do you fucking have to all the time?
And like, then the idea is like, let them, or should it, Mel, who I adore, right?
Let them, let them.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, you do not let them.
No, thank you.
There is a time.
And the imposter phenomenon, I also think really needs to be challenged because we're like,
(17:00):
you know, we've spent so many times coding the ego around the fact like, no, it's just
an imposter like you are supposed to be here.
No, you're fucking not.
Sometimes you should feel like you're out of your lane when you're at the beginning
of your career.
When you start anything new, you shouldn't be good at this.
And as a leader in today in building a business right now, nobody's got to script for this.
(17:21):
So should you feel like an imposter?
Yes.
Because you are.
So you're not that good.
Like, our job is to get in there and just do the next best right kind thing.
And so when you consider that we need a reckoning for the brilliant, for the broken, for the
bone tired, now is the time that we need to do that.
And we need to do that in community.
(17:42):
I think that also leads into something you're very passionate about.
Rage that beneath the burnout for many people and I'm just going to dive in for women identified
people currently, suppressed rage that burnout isn't always about being too busy, but about
feeling alone.
(18:04):
So and not being able to vocalize when you're angry about something, not being able to
be real with your emotions.
And one of the things Christopher said at one point, just owning your right to be right.
That so many women will just let it be someone else's idea or you got my order wrong, but
it's okay.
I'm just going to eat what you brought me.
(18:25):
And that over time that builds up into a very deep anger into a rage.
So we'd love to hear your thought with rage burnout and boundary repair.
So just a small question.
I'm just like in a nutshell, I'll tell you what.
It's mostly connected if you could just put all those things together.
(18:47):
So what came to mind is like I worked with a kid, a kid once who taught me that she's 12
and she said, don't you know that mad is just sad's bodyguard.
Wow.
I love that.
As she took my breath away and I've never met a mad that wasn't sad.
And burnout is not a function of the work you do or how much you have in your plate.
(19:09):
There are people doing our work, people that are fighting for feminine understandings and
ideals and the equality of humans around this planet right now in in far worse circumstances
than we can even contemplate.
So burnout isn't a function of the work we do.
It is a function of your ability or lack thereof to rest, to refuel, to have community.
(19:34):
And oftentimes people who only have each other, that's all that they have is community.
In fact, high stride suicide in this country is middle aged white men.
Okay.
Those that are identified as the most privileged among us.
If you are white straight able body, then you have a penis irrefutably.
You will have access to the most resources.
What you do with them is, you know, I can go to toe to toe to anybody who wants to talk
(19:55):
with that any day.
You have access to that exact same cohort more than anybody else on this globe is killing
themselves at higher rates.
And the question often is, the answer I'll take the answer real quick is because we've taught
boys, particularly white men that boys don't cry.
And anxiety and depression will not kill you, not talking about it might.
(20:18):
As a settler to this country as a white woman, I never have walked into a room and looked
for other white people to figure out whether I'm going to be safe or not.
People of color, many marginalized humans are looking for connection even in rooms that
they walk into.
That is not an experience particularly for white men.
They are looking for competition.
(20:40):
And so when that comes to the protection of the heart, the data would suggest that those
who seem to be the most privileged among us have access, the least access to connected
communities.
That's what keeps us alive.
And that's what we don't have access to now, right?
So when you're a visible minority and you can pick somebody who looks like you, do we have
(21:03):
the same cultural traditions, immediately you're like, oh my god, where are you from?
You have this connection.
And I can maybe get this a little bit.
If I'm touring in a foreign land and I see another Canadian flag, it's that same like,
you don't even know if they're a
psychopathic serial killer,
but you don't
because you have that community or that connection or at least that landing point, right?
(21:27):
And so that's one of the conversations about why this becomes such an interesting conversation
because anxiety, depression will not kill you.
They're just emotions, but not talking about it might.
And women historically are much more equipped with an emotional language.
Those who identify as women are much more equipped with an emotional language, not because,
and listen, I have two sons and a daughter.
(21:49):
This isn't about what you're born with.
All of us have the same emotional capacity.
But we are far better able with those who identify as women or our daughters of providing
an emotional language, using emotional words, giving toys that evoke emotions, that you
can practice nurturing babies, dolls, feeding, yeah?
(22:10):
Versus like, I'm going to shoot you with my hog, Houston.
And so we are, it's in our bones.
And I've written books about it and still I very much watch myself and my partner with
our boys versus our girls.
I see a big difference, right?
And I mean, I coach minor hockey in this little town.
I heard this yesterday, boys, you're skating like a girl.
(22:31):
Oh, you should.
And so we think we're better at it and we're not.
So this idea of an emotional language community connection, I really think needs to be light
by women.
Those who identify as women, not because we're any better or any worse, but because we
have this one thing with the universe is going to need more than anything in this next generation.
And that's the capacity to create community and connection.
(22:55):
That is so profound.
I mean, Heather and I talk about these things all the time.
What I don't get is this giving permission.
Boys don't feel they have permission to emote.
How do we get them to understand?
They already have this capacity.
(23:15):
How can we give them permission to do that?
We need people like you in positions to show them.
So this podcast is a place.
You can't tell anybody how to feel.
You have to show them.
You can't tell anybody how to be anti-racist or inclusive or kind.
You have to show them.
You have to create spaces where they watch you making it happen.
(23:38):
So as a human of color, a woman who can, you know, serve a podcast platform, the two of you
together in this crazy space where you're blowing up the world, people are listening, yes,
but they're watching.
How do you do it?
You did this.
(23:59):
How do you navigate this?
What are the conversations you're talking about?
So you know, I say this all the time.
People ask me as a woman, like, oh my god, like, are you always on the road?
Are you ever worried that you're screwing up your kids?
Like, is this hard on your marriage?
Yes, yes, and yes, and all the things.
But I can't tell my kids how to be great.
I have to show them.
Right?
So we're in this first generation of women in particular where roles have never been so
(24:22):
unclear.
If you were born with a vagina, a couple of generations ago, you very much knew exactly
your plan, whether you wanted it or not, right?
If you want to get role-sealing, you might go to school for a year or two.
But other than that, you're going to get back home and start making buns and having
a place, okay?
Now there is so much comfort in that in some ways because you don't have to...
(24:46):
This is the expectation.
Zero freedom, lots of clarity.
Now we're flipping that on its head, which comes with multiple freedoms, but no role clarity.
Which we're not really sure what to do with that because as a woman, am I supposed to...
Okay, all right.
So I can do all of these things, but also, like, oh, you didn't come to the meeting.
My children are equally as bad.
(25:07):
Like this morning, I just had a knockdown shootout with my daughters.
You're like, "Wooohhh!"
You're not coming to my dance on Friday.
Do you know every mom is going to be at the dance on Friday?
I was like, "Listen.
I'm fairly sure."
And for...
I'm going to be in Chicago talking to a bunch of teachers about changing the world, okay?
So you could...
If you would like me to talk to people about the expectation of, "Can you do it all?"
(25:31):
Is certainly on us own as in having conversations like you do every day on here.
About this is supposed to feel hard.
This is supposed to...
There's going to be pushback and it doesn't mean we're doing it wrong.
I want to ask you this.
Of all the things you could have done with your life, how did you end up trying to save
the world pretty much is what you're doing?
(25:53):
What did that come from?
Oh my God.
I don't know if that's true.
I think that the older I get, as I might have told you, I'm 50 now, I'm so interested
in the universe.
I'm so interested in sole contracts.
I'm so interested in this being so much bigger than the rest of us.
And I, in this lifetime, however that happened, I've...
(26:17):
I'm so privileged.
I started on third base.
White, straight, able-bodied.
I had every opportunity to
be surrounded by regulated people.
And when I reflect on that in my moments of gratitude,
the only thing that comes to me is I better fucking use it.
So that's the motivation all the time.
(26:39):
To be in a room of oil field workers or a bunch of men that I know nobody has ever told
them they're amazing, hockey coaches, people that have the capacity to not only change lives
but save it.
And if I can use my position, my privilege to have conversations that will evoke change
in emotion, put me in.
This...
(26:59):
I mean, use me really is what I think about all the time.
And it's been just such a beautiful journey to be able to meet the humans that I have,
who've taught me the most.
And it's always, always, the lessons have always come, you know, on a l locked psychiatric
in-patient unit, or in the back of a Legion Hall in fucking Drumheller when some, you know,
(27:21):
Indigenous woman is saying to me, like, just a second, that is not how you say
the name of this treaty territory.
And I was like, oh, like, you know, like, those
are where the greatest lessons of all time have come.
And so, like, being able to be knowing that we're wired for connection, the amount of people
I get to hug in a year.
So I'm on a hundred stages a year for the last four years globally now.
(27:44):
And it is the greatest gift of my life to bear witness to other people's stories, to be
invited into their community.
I mean, as a psychologist, this was great one-on-one, you know, in a caseload, you know, you
can see however many people you can in a year that was great.
This is that on a magnitude that I couldn't imagine.
(28:05):
And it's just such an honor to be asked to come into an organization, into a community,
into a, you know, Nipawin Saskatchewan fundraiser for the women's YWCA, you know.
And then you show up and they got like all the Ukrainian women making you snacks and somebody
knitted you a nishcloth.
Like, is it hard to be away from your kids?
(28:28):
No!
running at Ramada with Marty, drinking wine and taking all gift baskets and knitted dish cloths.
Like, this is the best job that's ever happened
you know,
and so when you love your shit, when you love your work this much, I think it just, it just,
the universe just keeps allowing you to do great stuff.
(28:50):
Or that's, if that's the intention behind it.
Speaking of that, for our listeners who are seeing some of the clips, they'll see
unlonely with Dr. Jody behind you.
Can you tell us a little bit about your podcast?
Oh, yes I can.
Oh yeah.
So this is season two and listen, I am not nearly as savvy in this podcast game as you
(29:13):
are.
We, I speak a lot, why I write to wear this into the fourth book now and I've always been
amazed at people who can handle, who can do podcasts well because I think it's a platform
where you can have some of the most incredible opportunities and provide a stage for people
to raise their voices.
And so of all the people that we sort of got to meet as we sort of doing these things,
(29:34):
I was like, wouldn't it be cool if we could create this place where everybody comes from
somewhere and really demonstrate that.
So that was the first season.
And then the second season we decided to call Unlonely because we really moved it more
into having experts have a conversation around why as this human race, we need to do better
at simply looking and seeing.
And it's just that general reminder every couple of weeks that it's like you have everything
(29:57):
you need to not only change the world but save it.
All I need is you.
That's it.
Full stop.
So it's been, it's been an honor to do this season and I think we're going to, you know,
we're going to continue I think in the next.
I don't do nearly as many episodes as you.
But it's, it's great.
We're loving that.
Well, it's been such a pleasure to have you on the show.
We've been so looking forward to having you.
And can you tell us about some of your books like we've no Feeling Seen, Kids These Days,
(30:22):
and Teachers These Days, where can people find more about you and find more about your books?
Listen, I would love your community to be a part of ours.
We are on social media, jodycarrington.com is where everything lands.
And yeah, I mean, Kids These Days came out of my work with teachers and parents who were
just like have the holiest work on the planet and feel like we're all screwing it up.
(30:45):
And I have to say this, you know, like that, I mean, that book is freaking good.
Like every time I read it, I'm like, this is so fucking good.
And if you ever watch me with my own personal children, you wouldn't buy the book.
Because I wrote that thing when I was regulated.
Okay.
And this is just the point for most of us parents is that we are so good.
Our kids are so lucky.
(31:05):
But in the, in the really hard moments, we forget that.
And so it's not our ability.
It's our access to it.
And so that was the impedance for kids.
And then Teachers really came out of it really being sort of similar to it.
Just really wanting to have a resource for teachers who spend more waking hours with
our children than us primary caregivers doing the run of a week.
We really need to care for them deeper, I think, in this next generation.
(31:25):
And then Feeling Seen was really just a call to action for all of us who I think can change
the world.
And then the next one is that we're pitching in the fall is, you know, that good.
So it's going to be the permission to for all of us to just get back in the game.
The minute that we got on together here, I noticed you're a very beautiful, fully dressed
(31:46):
or top.
And I mentioned that it was very feminine.
And one of the questions we love to ask our guests and get their perspective on is, from
your perspective, what is feminine to you?
Oh, I love that question.
And I saw it in the notes and I was like, I hope we ran out of time.
(32:08):
Um, I grapple with that so much.
And I think as I sort of evolve in this place of understanding the universe, the divine
feminine energy is really just this sense to me.
The feminine is really when I think about the mother earth, the safetyness that can bring
call home, the sense of whatever you have to bring.
(32:31):
That's what a true feminine means to me is that it really is.
And all of us have the capacity.
All of us have the ability to watch my husband do that with my children.
I'm, I'm, I'm miss that the most in my father.
It is the most, I think, genuinely genuine creation of safety.
We love asking that question because we have been asking it for how many years now and we
(32:52):
are yet to hear an exact repetition of an answer.
Oh, I love that.
It is such a broad personal question.
We just miss love getting responses to how people see and how women view and live that
word.
Love that.
Thank you.
Yeah.
(33:13):
I love it.
I love it.
And we see a Doctor Jody that you are just like vibrant and living with your purpose and
it's such a pleasure to see.
So thank you so much for joining us.
Ah, thank you.
It was such an honor.
Thank you.
And we would have waited another 10 years to talk to you.
(33:35):
But today is a good day.
So thank you.
And do you have been listening to the Virgin and the Beauty and the Bitch.
Find us.
Like us.
Share us.
Bring all your friends.
Bring all your enemies.
Let's all get together.
Let's have some joy.
To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.
(34:02):
Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
And share us with people who are defiantly different.
Like you.
Until next time.
Thanks for listening.
(soft music)
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