August 3, 2025 • 27 mins
Entrepreneur, coach, and Amazon bestselling author, Kat Sterling, sets the stage by asking the questions that most people avoid: "Why am I not where I want to be in life? Or, Why am I not winning?" Kat reveals that these questions are reflections born out of self-assessment and hard life lessons. Constantly surrounded by success, Kat felt that despite her corporate efforts and personal achievements, she was falling behind in life. For her, the most significant shift came from being terminated from her corporate gig. It’s an event that most would view as a catastrophic setback, yet Kat transformed it into her launchpad for entrepreneurship. Her motto has since become, “Feel the fear. Jump first, jump head-first!”
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Virgin.
(00:02):
Beauty.
Bitch.
Podcast.
Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear
of being defiantly different.
Your hosts.
Christopher and Heather.
Let's talk, shall we?
Have you ever asked yourself, "Why am I not where I want to be in life?"
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Or ever thought to yourself, "Why am I not winning at life?"
These powerful and personal questions come from our guest.
She is entrepreneur, writer, coach, and motivational speaker, Cat Sterling.
Welcome, Cat, to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
Thank you.
I'm so happy to be here.
I'm excited about this one.
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I'm a little overwhelmed.
I'm excited.
Okay.
Hi, look.
These questions you asked tied directly into your Amazon bestselling book, Why they are winning
and you are not.
The steps to finding success in life.
But I assume this book came out of life experiences that had you asking those challenging
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questions to yourself, what's that narrative all about?
Oh, man.
We could be here all day talking about that.
So we were, my husband and I, we've been in business.
We've done a lot of things.
And so we were always around people that were successful.
They were doing well.
And we were like, "Why is not not us?"
Like, "What are we doing wrong that they're getting what they want out of life?"
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And so we had to take a self-assessment of ourselves, right?
We had to look at what we weren't doing versus what they were doing.
And the average person won't do that.
They won't sit down and say, "You know what?
I'm watching TV instead of working on my business plan."
Or I'm afraid to go start that business because I don't have enough money.
I don't have enough time.
I think of all these excuses.
And so when we sit down and do a self-imritory and we start asking ourselves that and then
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change the narrative, I think that's when we can figure out what we want to do and find
success in it.
Is it your partnership that brought that on or is that something you think you would have
come to eventually even on your own?
I think it was probably my husband.
Yeah, because like he's always been an entrepreneur.
And I've always had the golden handcuffs, which is like, you know, working for for it
not to happen.
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And so I wanted to transition out of that.
But I was the average person.
And I was like, "Hmmm."
That's too risky.
Oh, I don't want to do that.
I don't have enough time.
And so it wasn't until I got terminated in 2022 that I had to figure it out.
And that was my opportunity to go figure it out.
That's a very scary place to be.
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But the world that we live in where you're let go and you need to reinvent yourself because
that's the demands of the moment.
And also that we have it within us in order to reinvent ourselves.
So for our listeners who may be going through that transition phase, maybe it's because
pushes come to shove like your story or maybe they're like, "Oh my God, I don't know if I
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can do this.
I'm thinking about it.
There's a lot of risk factors.
Could you help us like with your insights on what that transition of reinventing yourself
was like and maybe some tips on what helped you as you walked through that?
Trust the process.
It's all like I trust the process.
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I always say if you're in alignment with what you're supposed to be doing, sometimes the
universe has a way of moving you out of places you don't need to be in two spaces where
it wants you to be to fulfill your purpose.
I think everybody has purpose in this world.
And so sometimes you got to trust the process.
Is it an easy process?
Heck no, I was 43.
I think I was 43 and I had kids.
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I had a mortgage.
You know, when you're making good money, you have bills.
You have a car pay, all these things, but I just had to trust the process.
You know what happened when I did that?
We didn't miss any car payments.
We missed no house payments.
We missed no meals.
We still kind of functioned.
We had to cut back on some things, of course, but we still kind of functioned as status quo.
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But what I really want to say is, feel the fear, jump first, jump head first.
If it's something that you're passionate about, something that you really want to do, something
that you always wanted to do, that is your opportunity to do it.
That's God's way of giving you a way to go ahead and pursue that thing.
And so just go, just do it.
I don't want to be 50, 60, 70 years old and look back and say, I wish I should have what
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I could have.
Because now it's too late because I'm at the end of our open.
I can't do it now.
But man, when I was 30, 40, God wish I would have did it.
So this could be a sign for you to just persevere forward and get into that thing that you've
always wanted to do.
So you talk a lot of people and everyone has their own vision of what success is to them.
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What did that mean for you?
What did success look like for you?
Success means I wanted time freedom.
I wanted to retire at a certain age.
I wanted a certain amount of bank account.
That's success for me.
And then I talk about this in my book.
Everybody's success looks different, especially whatever stage you are in life.
So if you're younger, success may be chasing the paper.
And maybe I want $200 million and I want a nice rose voice and I want to think also the
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lake.
But when I progressed in my age, life had a different meaning and things had a different
meaning, especially, let me tell you the turning point for me was when I did lose my job,
things had a different meaning for me.
What looked like success a couple of years prior to that didn't look like success to me
when I lost my job.
You kind of put things from perspective for me about life and what's most important.
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So now success looks like to me, I want to have a successful company, absolutely.
But it also looks like raising great kids, making a stable life for them, having my husband
and I just retire together.
I want to stay married.
A lot of people, that's their goal.
I want to be married until we both die.
And so that's what success looks like to me.
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Back then, it was things.
There was a lot of things.
When I had to get rid of those things, I figured out life.
Yeah, I mean, I love what you've said because when you think about how scary these different
moments can be and when you reinvent yourself, you know, you're saying, trust the process
that it's not going to be an easy process, but, you know, aligning to yourself, your authentic
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self and your life's purpose, like the path meant for you, you know, if you continue to
walk it, even if it's little, little steps, you know, those things will start to be attracted
to like the momentum that you're building and what you are.
But if you were to break it down into some of those initial steps, like, what kind of helps
you get over maybe some mental hurdles or maybe other barriers that you went through
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to like kind of stick to it, even if maybe the path ahead doesn't isn't like clear.
It's not clearly in front of you.
Oh, man, I haven't breakdowns every day.
Right?
Yeah, girl, that is real talk.
It's not clear.
But, you know, what would it mark move King's day?
Take the first step.
So when we started taking steps, you know, people would come in our paths or we would be
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aligned with money and resources, it was just the craziest thing.
And so, as I said before, when you are aligned, I'm telling you, you take that first step and
things will start magnetically come, magnetically coming to you.
Like it, okay.
So, for example, you know, we first started our journey, we didn't have a way to start our
business.
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Like we were, you know, I got terminated or whatever.
And then the next year we thought about starting this business, we didn't have a way to do
that.
But when we put it out there in the atmosphere, all of a sudden, these people started coming
and introducing us to, you know, manufacturers, you know, roars of the mushrooms, coffee maker.
Like they started aligning us with all these different people.
Then we found a partner.
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You know, it was just crazy.
And we still have hiccups to this day.
Don't get me wrong.
It's not like it's just smooth sailing and we don't have hiccups.
We still have hiccups to this day.
But it's like, if I believe I trust I have faith and I pray, it just kind of aligns itself
and it's, it's the weirdest thing.
I don't know what happens, but it's the weirdest thing.
So you would say what I'm hearing from you is that the most important element is purpose.
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Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And they, they, they, they, they this big for me.
Explain that for, for those who do not have faith.
Right.
Okay.
So, so I am a course of Christian, you know, I'm of course, of course, of course, a Christian.
So I, you know, pray every morning, I meditate every morning and I make sure that my will or
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what I'm supposed to do is an align with, you know, what God has for me.
So what I mean by that is, do I hear the still small voice in the back of my head that's
telling me to go this direction or this direction?
I don't hear that. I don't move.
I don't move.
I don't partner.
I don't make a decision.
I don't spend money.
I make sure I hear that voice or that confirmation in my heart that lets me know to keep forward.
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And if I don't hear that, then I am not moving on that because I've messed up too many things
in my life to where I've gotten off course.
Right.
I mean, we've all done it.
You know, you've gotten off course and you wish you would have taken this road and you
took that road and led you down this road.
You're supposed to be over here. So it takes you like 10, 20 years to come back over here,
right?
And I've done that too much in my life.
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And I'm like, now I'm at a point where I want to stay in alignment with whatever God has
for me and what his purpose is for me.
I'm glad you mentioned that because there's a quote by Albert Einstein.
He says, "Failure is success in progress."
However, we condemn failure as just your loser.
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Yeah.
It's not, I don't look at it as failure.
Somebody asked me on a podcast the other day, like, what are some mistakes that you made
along the way?
And I'm like, well, you know, I don't consider anything a mistake.
I consider everything a learning lesson.
Because I learned, as long as you learn from that mistake or that error and judgment, then
it's all a learning lesson in your journey to wherever you're supposed to be.
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You know, it's a stepping stone.
Where did you learn to make that differentiation?
Because a lot of people feel that they fail and then they give up.
"Hmm, happening to me a lot."
"Affending me a whole lot."
And as I said earlier, I'm like at this age of my life, I am committed to moving forward
at all costs.
You know, I'm committed to staying the course because I've quit too many times.
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I got hard.
And I've quit too many times in my life.
And I'm like, now I want to pursue something and I want to make sure I see it out good or
bad.
I want to make sure I see it out before I just let it go and quit because I don't want
to do that.
I've done it all my life and the majority of us have.
And you know, it's not good.
Like I said, we look back with the rents and we're like, "Oh, I should have did that.
I should have continued that.
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What would have happened if I would have done this?"
I give an example in my book.
We were doing, my husband and I were doing wholesaling back in 2017.
That was when the Atlanta market was so hot.
It was so hot.
I mean, you can buy houses here for like $10,000, $5,000.
I mean, it was crazy.
So I started wholesaling houses, properties.
And so I was doing really, really good at it.
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I got really, really good at it.
And I had just one client that had seven properties that I had under contract.
And so right before like a day or two before he calls me, he's like, "I don't want them all.
I don't want them."
I don't like, "It's two days before we supposed to close."
"What about supposed to do?
I can't find a buyer for all these houses that quickly."
You're like, "What are you kidding me?"
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And so right then, I lost my confidence because I was like, "Oh, I'm going to be embarrassed
because the real estate agent is going to be mad at me.
The seller is going to be mad at me.
All these people are going to be mad at me."
I just lost my confidence.
I went and hit under a rock.
And I went back to work.
And so I say to people, "It's going to happen.
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You're going to have these ebbs and flows.
Things are going to happen."
But if you stay at a course, persevere, pass those obstacles that are going to come.
They are going to come to knock you off your game.
You got to keep going.
You got to keep going because they don't last forever.
It's a season a lot of times.
You go through seasons.
I'm sure you guys go through it in business.
It's a season.
And so once that season over, yeah, you're going to have more seasons.
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But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
You know, when other people hear your vulnerability or reach out, there's a round, "Oh my gosh,
this did not work out the way that I thought it was going to."
And I don't know if I'm actually good at this thing that I thought that was going to be
amazing for me.
It just helps, I think, to know that bumps are absolutely going to happen.
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But there's a whole other, like you said, there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah.
And right now, we've going through bumps in our business.
Like, you know, we're going through different phases.
So we're having to shift.
And so I think knowing when to pivot and knowing when to change your strategy.
Maybe that's not the strategy you take.
Maybe you change your strategy.
That's what we're in the process doing.
Changing strategies because we're not going to give up.
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I'm not just going to give in and quit, but I'm going to change my strategy and see if I
can weather the storm that way.
Do you have mentors?
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
I think that is the most important thing that you need.
Especially if you are going into entrepreneurship or anything, even if you're going into leadership,
you need a mentor.
Absolutely.
And you need a group of people that can give you honest feedback, just people in your circle
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that are going to give you honest feedback.
Because, you know, it's so funny because when I started my entrepreneurial journey, my family
was like, my family, my friends were like, what are you doing?
And like, go back to work.
Like, oh, like, I thought I was crazy.
They were like, what the heck are you doing?
Like, that's the stupidest thing ever.
You're going to get that.
And maybe that's the season where you got to, you got to transition into new friendship
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and new surrounding because people will limit your thoughts, people will limit your beliefs
and people will limit what you can do, what you feel like you can do on yourself.
So they'll impose their limitations on you.
So you really got to shift and get a circle where there are people who are like-minded,
who are going to help you grow, get mentors in the space that you want to be in.
We have a ton of them.
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A ton of them.
There are people, I think somebody explained it to me one day.
They said you are at 50%, but your mentor needs to be at 100%.
Because in order to be for you to get to 75, you've got to have somebody that's going to
stretch you at 100.
And so you've got to have those people that are doing way better than you or have been in
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your steps or have hit rope blocks and can tell you how to move out of it because you're
normal friends that aren't doing that can't do that.
You're going to be at an island of one.
It's so true.
Yeah.
An island of one because sometimes it's like when things are too risky, a lot of people just
want, like you said, those golden handcuffs and anything outside of that is like, oh, you've
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hit a roadblock.
We'll see.
I told you, you're going to try this.
This is too risky.
And you're like, okay, I understand that this is a roadblock, but what I'm needing is like,
okay, we're going to pivot.
We're going to see a different way rather than I told you so.
But they don't understand that.
They don't understand any of that.
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They haven't been in that walked them out on that shoe.
So they don't know.
I mean, they'll never know if they don't step out of their comfort zone.
So that's the thing.
It's like, because I feel like, you know, I have friends, but the friends that I had, I don't
associate with them as much since I started this journey because it's, I don't have anything
to talk about.
Yeah.
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Because what I want to talk about, they won't understand.
So they're like, just go get a job.
Right?
So I'm like, you know, it's an island of one.
It's me and my husband.
And I just sit alone.
And I think with my thoughts all the time, because it's just an island of one.
I find that really amazing, especially if you're a child of someone like you and your husband
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to get a different perspective on what it is your potential could be.
If you're not limited by what the system says you should be.
Correct.
So how do you, how do you hang on to that as a beacon for your children?
Oh, man.
I take them to work with me.
So we do a lot of like events around the city.
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And so a lot of times I take them to work with me.
And I tell my daughter all the time, I'm like, you can do whatever you want to do.
You just have to follow a path.
Like you have to really stick to your guns, persevere and work hard because it doesn't
happen overnight.
And these kids today, they think it just like you become a hit overnight.
Are you going to go on YouTube and make a million dollars?
And I'm like, no, she sees me.
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I put her front and center in front of everything I do.
And I make her see that I am here.
I'm sticking it out.
Good, bad or ugly.
This is my life.
And I want you to follow whatever path you want.
But you got to stay with it and you've got to work hard because it doesn't happen overnight.
It doesn't happen over.
Where does that come from?
Because I think most parents feel that they have to be perfect in the eyes of their children.
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Not when they become teenagers.
I mean, hey, it's a love-hate relationship.
I think she thinks I make a lot of mistakes.
But you know, you do the best you can.
We're not perfect.
I mean, I recognize that.
You know, I'm not perfect.
And I make a lot of mistakes.
And I just try to, I try to instill in her everything that I, like I said, I don't like to say mistakes.
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But everything that I wish I could have did differently, try to instill it in her now.
So hopefully she won't make the same path.
You know what I'm saying?
She won't have the same rope blocks.
But you know, these kids, they just have a mind of their own.
I mean, you got to just kind of let them go because a lot of them, it goes in one ear
and out the other.
And they think we're stupid.
And I'm like, so yeah, I've lived.
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I'm 45 years old.
I've lived.
She doesn't think that.
So.
So true.
I mean, I feel like with each generation, in some ways you try to embark your own wisdom.
And in other ways, they're like, they got to find their own way and their own path and
hit their own roadblocks.
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And then one day, be like, ah, shoot.
Mom might have been on to something.
I'm like, you can play enough.
I said, no, it wasn't.
I didn't learn those lessons.
So I was over like, well, in my 20s.
And then I was like, ah, man, she was right.
And then I don't want to go back and say she was right.
She was right.
She was right.
Right.
Oh, I remember that too.
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I'm like, ah, dang it.
She was on to something.
So true.
It's sort of a catch-dirty too because, yes, do you have these wise individuals in your
life, however your learning has to come through experience?
Yes.
So yes, you're going to ignore the sage advice you get because you have to walk down that
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path and trip and fall and break something before you learn.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
A lot of times we don't want to listen to the advice that comes from our inner circle
or our friends or our parents or whatever.
So like, for example, like my husband would tell me stuff all the time.
I'm like, that's not true.
Now I'm not listening to that, whatever.
And then all of a sudden it's like, OK, he was right.
So she is vice versa.
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He doesn't say anything to me.
So she was like the people that are right next to you that you did not the advice from the
most.
So crazy.
We love to ask our guests, Kat, you know, are we these three names in the title of our show?
They mean a lot to different people, especially to women.
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And some of them even have had their own journey with the word over time.
Yes.
But is there one of the virgin, the beauty and the bitch that brings something out in you
that you'd like to share?
Well, I've been called a bitch many times in my life.
Same girl, me too.
Well.
[LAUGHTER]
Just think, you know, it's horrible because I just think when you are a strong woman who
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knows what you want and you're outspoken, people get it confused or you're passionate, people
get it confused with your bitch, especially when I was in corporate.
You know, it was like, no, I just want what you say you're going to do.
If you're going to do something and you say you're going to do it, I want you to do it
and do it right.
That's it.
I held you to a standard.
And so people get mad and they call you all kinds of names and you hold people to a standard,
hold them accountable.
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And so it's just unfair.
It's just an unfair term that people.
But, you know, I'll rock it.
[LAUGHTER]
I'll rock it.
[LAUGHTER]
It's all about you going to get a headlight.
I'll rock it.
[LAUGHTER]
Heather and I are actually working up on putting together a program around that word and
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it's traditional use and it's actual power.
[LAUGHTER]
Ah, got it.
That's pretty cool.
Very cool.
Obviously, you've lived it.
You've lived both sides of it.
Yes.
Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
I had to evolve though.
I learned that in the derogatory word of bitch, when I was probably a bitch, I've learned
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that you can catch more flies with honey, right?
So the way that I go about doing things, it's stern, but it's not bitchful.
No.
[LAUGHTER]
Bitchful, I love that.
I love that so much.
[LAUGHTER]
Because I have to.
I have to be a little bit different now that I own my own business because if I don't get
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vendors to cooperate or if I don't get certain people to cooperate, that can terminally affect
my business.
And so, as an entrepreneur, a small business entrepreneur, I had to kind of pivot and I had to
kind of be a little bit less aggressive, but less, less, you know, less bitchy, more professionally,
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more professionally, more professional, I guess, you know, and get my way versus, you know.
OK, let me ask you this.
Does your husband have to do the same thing?
Hell no.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, no.
Hell no.
No.
He calls his black and white.
I'm just being black and white.
I mean, it'll just be a matter of fact.
And I'm like, oh, but when I do it, because I've gotten called that offline a couple times
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too, but when I do it, it's like it's a bitch.
It's automatically a shit bitch.
It's like, no, I'm just holding accountable.
If you say you're going to deliver something, if you say you're going to do something,
you say you're going to give me something.
If it's supposed to be a certain quality, I'm going to hold you accountable.
I'm paying for a service.
Especially if I'm paying for a service, I demand that it is a certain caliber, you know.
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And so, but he doesn't, he won't get the same thing.
That's why a lot of times he'll ask to talk to the people versus me because I'll come
up with a bitch.
And you know, it's unfortunate.
You know, all races get it.
Black women get it the most.
It's unfortunate.
We get it the most.
Like when we're passionate about something, it comes across as bitch.
And a lot of times people are like, ah, I can't work her because she's a bitch.
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I'm like, no, it's not, it's not that I'll be a bitch.
I'm just being passionate about something and I want it done this way.
I have expectations.
So, but it's unfair.
I experienced that a lot in corporate.
And so it's just unfair.
I think that's so important what you've like highlighted there because like Christopher
have, and I have gone into this word and in so many different ways that like for some
women, they'll avoid being called bitch like the plague.
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And so that leads women to be placating and nice and sweet and overly accommodating and
catering and like, that's not honoring yourself at all, right?
That's not honoring your standards, what you bring, what you want, your expectations,
like you're saying.
But I appreciate what you've said with like intersectionality of different races and
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how like women are perceived to be bitchy when other, when men are, you know, being assertive,
let's say.
But then that much more for like different types of expectations based off of race.
And so like the purpose of this program that Christopher and I are putting together are,
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you know, to not throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to how people perceive
the bitch.
Yes.
But what are the powerful points that she only she only that part of yourself bring to the
table because you're not going to accept anything less than these standards and expectations
that you've set showing up in your authentic self and being able to communicate your needs.
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So, but we do have a fun, some fun little play on words around different types of the
bitch that exist and how they interact in the world.
So I'm really looking forward to the program.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
Yeah, let me know about it.
I'm looking forward to that.
That's awesome.
You know, it's funny though too.
Why you go, let's go back to that.
So it's so funny because I could say things in certain meetings and I'm like, okay, people
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looking at me like I'm crazy.
But somebody else said the same thing and it was just like, you're going to let them say
that in public?
Oh my gosh.
And they didn't get fired or written up.
Oh my gosh.
It's like it was just such a stark transition of who could say what could, what could be done
in different meetings.
I was like, wow.
This is crazy.
There is, there really is a difference.
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There's a difference between sexes.
There's a difference.
There's a huge difference.
There's a gap.
There's a gap.
And there is also establishing a standard for yourself.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
As well, that when you say something, it's taken differently than when someone else who hasn't
established that.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Now we are really, really looking forward to this process of putting this together.
(25:36):
So thank you for throwing some coal into that fire.
I had to ignite it.
Tell us a little bit about your, what you do and how people can connect and take advantage
of what it is you have to offer.
All right.
(25:57):
So I run a business.
It's called Nuspira. N U S P I R A..
We have mushroom coffees.
We also have a detox drink and we have a liquid vitamin.
So we can be found on www.nuspira.com or you can see us on TikTok shop.
Walmart.com, or Amazon.
Nice.
And your book.
Come on.
Don't forget your book.
I'm sorry.
(26:17):
Oh, Why They Are Winning and You Are Not - The steps to finding success in life, is on Amazon.
So you can get on Amazon as well.
Thank you.
I forgot about that.
This is wonderful.
It was just such a vibrant spirit.
It's wonderful to talk to you.
Thank you.
Thank you guys for making me.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
(26:38):
Thank you so much.
Yes.
And you have been listening to the Virgin and the bitch with the bitch program.
Hi.
Find us.
Like us.
Share us.
Please.
Bring your friends.
Let's have some fun.
Come on.
Come on.
Can you come a partner in the VBB community?
We invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.
(27:04):
Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn and share us with people who are defiantly different
like you.
Until next time.
Thanks for listening.
(upbeat music)
Virgin.
(00:02):
Beauty.
Bitch.
Podcast.
Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear
of being defiantly different.
Your hosts.
Christopher and Heather.
Let's talk, shall we?
Have you ever asked yourself, "Why am I not where I want to be in life?"
(00:26):
Or ever thought to yourself, "Why am I not winning at life?"
These powerful and personal questions come from our guest.
She is entrepreneur, writer, coach, and motivational speaker, Cat Sterling.
Welcome, Cat, to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
Thank you.
I'm so happy to be here.
I'm excited about this one.
(00:47):
I'm a little overwhelmed.
I'm excited.
Okay.
Hi, look.
These questions you asked tied directly into your Amazon bestselling book, Why they are winning
and you are not.
The steps to finding success in life.
But I assume this book came out of life experiences that had you asking those challenging
(01:07):
questions to yourself, what's that narrative all about?
Oh, man.
We could be here all day talking about that.
So we were, my husband and I, we've been in business.
We've done a lot of things.
And so we were always around people that were successful.
They were doing well.
And we were like, "Why is not not us?"
Like, "What are we doing wrong that they're getting what they want out of life?"
(01:33):
And so we had to take a self-assessment of ourselves, right?
We had to look at what we weren't doing versus what they were doing.
And the average person won't do that.
They won't sit down and say, "You know what?
I'm watching TV instead of working on my business plan."
Or I'm afraid to go start that business because I don't have enough money.
I don't have enough time.
I think of all these excuses.
And so when we sit down and do a self-imritory and we start asking ourselves that and then
(01:54):
change the narrative, I think that's when we can figure out what we want to do and find
success in it.
Is it your partnership that brought that on or is that something you think you would have
come to eventually even on your own?
I think it was probably my husband.
Yeah, because like he's always been an entrepreneur.
And I've always had the golden handcuffs, which is like, you know, working for for it
not to happen.
(02:15):
And so I wanted to transition out of that.
But I was the average person.
And I was like, "Hmmm."
That's too risky.
Oh, I don't want to do that.
I don't have enough time.
And so it wasn't until I got terminated in 2022 that I had to figure it out.
And that was my opportunity to go figure it out.
That's a very scary place to be.
(02:37):
But the world that we live in where you're let go and you need to reinvent yourself because
that's the demands of the moment.
And also that we have it within us in order to reinvent ourselves.
So for our listeners who may be going through that transition phase, maybe it's because
pushes come to shove like your story or maybe they're like, "Oh my God, I don't know if I
(02:58):
can do this.
I'm thinking about it.
There's a lot of risk factors.
Could you help us like with your insights on what that transition of reinventing yourself
was like and maybe some tips on what helped you as you walked through that?
Trust the process.
It's all like I trust the process.
(03:18):
I always say if you're in alignment with what you're supposed to be doing, sometimes the
universe has a way of moving you out of places you don't need to be in two spaces where
it wants you to be to fulfill your purpose.
I think everybody has purpose in this world.
And so sometimes you got to trust the process.
Is it an easy process?
Heck no, I was 43.
I think I was 43 and I had kids.
(03:39):
I had a mortgage.
You know, when you're making good money, you have bills.
You have a car pay, all these things, but I just had to trust the process.
You know what happened when I did that?
We didn't miss any car payments.
We missed no house payments.
We missed no meals.
We still kind of functioned.
We had to cut back on some things, of course, but we still kind of functioned as status quo.
(04:00):
But what I really want to say is, feel the fear, jump first, jump head first.
If it's something that you're passionate about, something that you really want to do, something
that you always wanted to do, that is your opportunity to do it.
That's God's way of giving you a way to go ahead and pursue that thing.
And so just go, just do it.
I don't want to be 50, 60, 70 years old and look back and say, I wish I should have what
(04:22):
I could have.
Because now it's too late because I'm at the end of our open.
I can't do it now.
But man, when I was 30, 40, God wish I would have did it.
So this could be a sign for you to just persevere forward and get into that thing that you've
always wanted to do.
So you talk a lot of people and everyone has their own vision of what success is to them.
(04:45):
What did that mean for you?
What did success look like for you?
Success means I wanted time freedom.
I wanted to retire at a certain age.
I wanted a certain amount of bank account.
That's success for me.
And then I talk about this in my book.
Everybody's success looks different, especially whatever stage you are in life.
So if you're younger, success may be chasing the paper.
And maybe I want $200 million and I want a nice rose voice and I want to think also the
(05:10):
lake.
But when I progressed in my age, life had a different meaning and things had a different
meaning, especially, let me tell you the turning point for me was when I did lose my job,
things had a different meaning for me.
What looked like success a couple of years prior to that didn't look like success to me
when I lost my job.
You kind of put things from perspective for me about life and what's most important.
(05:35):
So now success looks like to me, I want to have a successful company, absolutely.
But it also looks like raising great kids, making a stable life for them, having my husband
and I just retire together.
I want to stay married.
A lot of people, that's their goal.
I want to be married until we both die.
And so that's what success looks like to me.
(05:56):
Back then, it was things.
There was a lot of things.
When I had to get rid of those things, I figured out life.
Yeah, I mean, I love what you've said because when you think about how scary these different
moments can be and when you reinvent yourself, you know, you're saying, trust the process
that it's not going to be an easy process, but, you know, aligning to yourself, your authentic
(06:17):
self and your life's purpose, like the path meant for you, you know, if you continue to
walk it, even if it's little, little steps, you know, those things will start to be attracted
to like the momentum that you're building and what you are.
But if you were to break it down into some of those initial steps, like, what kind of helps
you get over maybe some mental hurdles or maybe other barriers that you went through
(06:43):
to like kind of stick to it, even if maybe the path ahead doesn't isn't like clear.
It's not clearly in front of you.
Oh, man, I haven't breakdowns every day.
Right?
Yeah, girl, that is real talk.
It's not clear.
But, you know, what would it mark move King's day?
Take the first step.
So when we started taking steps, you know, people would come in our paths or we would be
(07:04):
aligned with money and resources, it was just the craziest thing.
And so, as I said before, when you are aligned, I'm telling you, you take that first step and
things will start magnetically come, magnetically coming to you.
Like it, okay.
So, for example, you know, we first started our journey, we didn't have a way to start our
business.
(07:24):
Like we were, you know, I got terminated or whatever.
And then the next year we thought about starting this business, we didn't have a way to do
that.
But when we put it out there in the atmosphere, all of a sudden, these people started coming
and introducing us to, you know, manufacturers, you know, roars of the mushrooms, coffee maker.
Like they started aligning us with all these different people.
Then we found a partner.
(07:45):
You know, it was just crazy.
And we still have hiccups to this day.
Don't get me wrong.
It's not like it's just smooth sailing and we don't have hiccups.
We still have hiccups to this day.
But it's like, if I believe I trust I have faith and I pray, it just kind of aligns itself
and it's, it's the weirdest thing.
I don't know what happens, but it's the weirdest thing.
So you would say what I'm hearing from you is that the most important element is purpose.
(08:11):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And they, they, they, they, they this big for me.
Explain that for, for those who do not have faith.
Right.
Okay.
So, so I am a course of Christian, you know, I'm of course, of course, of course, a Christian.
So I, you know, pray every morning, I meditate every morning and I make sure that my will or
(08:33):
what I'm supposed to do is an align with, you know, what God has for me.
So what I mean by that is, do I hear the still small voice in the back of my head that's
telling me to go this direction or this direction?
I don't hear that. I don't move.
I don't move.
I don't partner.
I don't make a decision.
I don't spend money.
I make sure I hear that voice or that confirmation in my heart that lets me know to keep forward.
(08:56):
And if I don't hear that, then I am not moving on that because I've messed up too many things
in my life to where I've gotten off course.
Right.
I mean, we've all done it.
You know, you've gotten off course and you wish you would have taken this road and you
took that road and led you down this road.
You're supposed to be over here. So it takes you like 10, 20 years to come back over here,
right?
And I've done that too much in my life.
(09:17):
And I'm like, now I'm at a point where I want to stay in alignment with whatever God has
for me and what his purpose is for me.
I'm glad you mentioned that because there's a quote by Albert Einstein.
He says, "Failure is success in progress."
However, we condemn failure as just your loser.
(09:39):
Yeah.
It's not, I don't look at it as failure.
Somebody asked me on a podcast the other day, like, what are some mistakes that you made
along the way?
And I'm like, well, you know, I don't consider anything a mistake.
I consider everything a learning lesson.
Because I learned, as long as you learn from that mistake or that error and judgment, then
it's all a learning lesson in your journey to wherever you're supposed to be.
(10:00):
You know, it's a stepping stone.
Where did you learn to make that differentiation?
Because a lot of people feel that they fail and then they give up.
"Hmm, happening to me a lot."
"Affending me a whole lot."
And as I said earlier, I'm like at this age of my life, I am committed to moving forward
at all costs.
You know, I'm committed to staying the course because I've quit too many times.
(10:24):
I got hard.
And I've quit too many times in my life.
And I'm like, now I want to pursue something and I want to make sure I see it out good or
bad.
I want to make sure I see it out before I just let it go and quit because I don't want
to do that.
I've done it all my life and the majority of us have.
And you know, it's not good.
Like I said, we look back with the rents and we're like, "Oh, I should have did that.
I should have continued that.
(10:44):
What would have happened if I would have done this?"
I give an example in my book.
We were doing, my husband and I were doing wholesaling back in 2017.
That was when the Atlanta market was so hot.
It was so hot.
I mean, you can buy houses here for like $10,000, $5,000.
I mean, it was crazy.
So I started wholesaling houses, properties.
And so I was doing really, really good at it.
(11:04):
I got really, really good at it.
And I had just one client that had seven properties that I had under contract.
And so right before like a day or two before he calls me, he's like, "I don't want them all.
I don't want them."
I don't like, "It's two days before we supposed to close."
"What about supposed to do?
I can't find a buyer for all these houses that quickly."
You're like, "What are you kidding me?"
(11:25):
And so right then, I lost my confidence because I was like, "Oh, I'm going to be embarrassed
because the real estate agent is going to be mad at me.
The seller is going to be mad at me.
All these people are going to be mad at me."
I just lost my confidence.
I went and hit under a rock.
And I went back to work.
And so I say to people, "It's going to happen.
(11:46):
You're going to have these ebbs and flows.
Things are going to happen."
But if you stay at a course, persevere, pass those obstacles that are going to come.
They are going to come to knock you off your game.
You got to keep going.
You got to keep going because they don't last forever.
It's a season a lot of times.
You go through seasons.
I'm sure you guys go through it in business.
It's a season.
And so once that season over, yeah, you're going to have more seasons.
(12:06):
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
You know, when other people hear your vulnerability or reach out, there's a round, "Oh my gosh,
this did not work out the way that I thought it was going to."
And I don't know if I'm actually good at this thing that I thought that was going to be
amazing for me.
It just helps, I think, to know that bumps are absolutely going to happen.
(12:29):
But there's a whole other, like you said, there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah.
And right now, we've going through bumps in our business.
Like, you know, we're going through different phases.
So we're having to shift.
And so I think knowing when to pivot and knowing when to change your strategy.
Maybe that's not the strategy you take.
Maybe you change your strategy.
That's what we're in the process doing.
Changing strategies because we're not going to give up.
(12:51):
I'm not just going to give in and quit, but I'm going to change my strategy and see if I
can weather the storm that way.
Do you have mentors?
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
I think that is the most important thing that you need.
Especially if you are going into entrepreneurship or anything, even if you're going into leadership,
you need a mentor.
Absolutely.
And you need a group of people that can give you honest feedback, just people in your circle
(13:14):
that are going to give you honest feedback.
Because, you know, it's so funny because when I started my entrepreneurial journey, my family
was like, my family, my friends were like, what are you doing?
And like, go back to work.
Like, oh, like, I thought I was crazy.
They were like, what the heck are you doing?
Like, that's the stupidest thing ever.
You're going to get that.
And maybe that's the season where you got to, you got to transition into new friendship
(13:38):
and new surrounding because people will limit your thoughts, people will limit your beliefs
and people will limit what you can do, what you feel like you can do on yourself.
So they'll impose their limitations on you.
So you really got to shift and get a circle where there are people who are like-minded,
who are going to help you grow, get mentors in the space that you want to be in.
We have a ton of them.
(13:58):
A ton of them.
There are people, I think somebody explained it to me one day.
They said you are at 50%, but your mentor needs to be at 100%.
Because in order to be for you to get to 75, you've got to have somebody that's going to
stretch you at 100.
And so you've got to have those people that are doing way better than you or have been in
(14:19):
your steps or have hit rope blocks and can tell you how to move out of it because you're
normal friends that aren't doing that can't do that.
You're going to be at an island of one.
It's so true.
Yeah.
An island of one because sometimes it's like when things are too risky, a lot of people just
want, like you said, those golden handcuffs and anything outside of that is like, oh, you've
(14:39):
hit a roadblock.
We'll see.
I told you, you're going to try this.
This is too risky.
And you're like, okay, I understand that this is a roadblock, but what I'm needing is like,
okay, we're going to pivot.
We're going to see a different way rather than I told you so.
But they don't understand that.
They don't understand any of that.
(14:59):
They haven't been in that walked them out on that shoe.
So they don't know.
I mean, they'll never know if they don't step out of their comfort zone.
So that's the thing.
It's like, because I feel like, you know, I have friends, but the friends that I had, I don't
associate with them as much since I started this journey because it's, I don't have anything
to talk about.
Yeah.
(15:20):
Because what I want to talk about, they won't understand.
So they're like, just go get a job.
Right?
So I'm like, you know, it's an island of one.
It's me and my husband.
And I just sit alone.
And I think with my thoughts all the time, because it's just an island of one.
I find that really amazing, especially if you're a child of someone like you and your husband
(15:41):
to get a different perspective on what it is your potential could be.
If you're not limited by what the system says you should be.
Correct.
So how do you, how do you hang on to that as a beacon for your children?
Oh, man.
I take them to work with me.
So we do a lot of like events around the city.
(16:05):
And so a lot of times I take them to work with me.
And I tell my daughter all the time, I'm like, you can do whatever you want to do.
You just have to follow a path.
Like you have to really stick to your guns, persevere and work hard because it doesn't
happen overnight.
And these kids today, they think it just like you become a hit overnight.
Are you going to go on YouTube and make a million dollars?
And I'm like, no, she sees me.
(16:27):
I put her front and center in front of everything I do.
And I make her see that I am here.
I'm sticking it out.
Good, bad or ugly.
This is my life.
And I want you to follow whatever path you want.
But you got to stay with it and you've got to work hard because it doesn't happen overnight.
It doesn't happen over.
Where does that come from?
Because I think most parents feel that they have to be perfect in the eyes of their children.
(16:52):
Not when they become teenagers.
I mean, hey, it's a love-hate relationship.
I think she thinks I make a lot of mistakes.
But you know, you do the best you can.
We're not perfect.
I mean, I recognize that.
You know, I'm not perfect.
And I make a lot of mistakes.
And I just try to, I try to instill in her everything that I, like I said, I don't like to say mistakes.
(17:21):
But everything that I wish I could have did differently, try to instill it in her now.
So hopefully she won't make the same path.
You know what I'm saying?
She won't have the same rope blocks.
But you know, these kids, they just have a mind of their own.
I mean, you got to just kind of let them go because a lot of them, it goes in one ear
and out the other.
And they think we're stupid.
And I'm like, so yeah, I've lived.
(17:43):
I'm 45 years old.
I've lived.
She doesn't think that.
So.
So true.
I mean, I feel like with each generation, in some ways you try to embark your own wisdom.
And in other ways, they're like, they got to find their own way and their own path and
hit their own roadblocks.
(18:03):
And then one day, be like, ah, shoot.
Mom might have been on to something.
I'm like, you can play enough.
I said, no, it wasn't.
I didn't learn those lessons.
So I was over like, well, in my 20s.
And then I was like, ah, man, she was right.
And then I don't want to go back and say she was right.
She was right.
She was right.
Right.
Oh, I remember that too.
(18:23):
I'm like, ah, dang it.
She was on to something.
So true.
It's sort of a catch-dirty too because, yes, do you have these wise individuals in your
life, however your learning has to come through experience?
Yes.
So yes, you're going to ignore the sage advice you get because you have to walk down that
(18:50):
path and trip and fall and break something before you learn.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
A lot of times we don't want to listen to the advice that comes from our inner circle
or our friends or our parents or whatever.
So like, for example, like my husband would tell me stuff all the time.
I'm like, that's not true.
Now I'm not listening to that, whatever.
And then all of a sudden it's like, OK, he was right.
So she is vice versa.
(19:10):
He doesn't say anything to me.
So she was like the people that are right next to you that you did not the advice from the
most.
So crazy.
We love to ask our guests, Kat, you know, are we these three names in the title of our show?
They mean a lot to different people, especially to women.
(19:31):
And some of them even have had their own journey with the word over time.
Yes.
But is there one of the virgin, the beauty and the bitch that brings something out in you
that you'd like to share?
Well, I've been called a bitch many times in my life.
Same girl, me too.
Well.
[LAUGHTER]
Just think, you know, it's horrible because I just think when you are a strong woman who
(19:57):
knows what you want and you're outspoken, people get it confused or you're passionate, people
get it confused with your bitch, especially when I was in corporate.
You know, it was like, no, I just want what you say you're going to do.
If you're going to do something and you say you're going to do it, I want you to do it
and do it right.
That's it.
I held you to a standard.
And so people get mad and they call you all kinds of names and you hold people to a standard,
hold them accountable.
(20:18):
And so it's just unfair.
It's just an unfair term that people.
But, you know, I'll rock it.
[LAUGHTER]
I'll rock it.
[LAUGHTER]
It's all about you going to get a headlight.
I'll rock it.
[LAUGHTER]
Heather and I are actually working up on putting together a program around that word and
(20:38):
it's traditional use and it's actual power.
[LAUGHTER]
Ah, got it.
That's pretty cool.
Very cool.
Obviously, you've lived it.
You've lived both sides of it.
Yes.
Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
I had to evolve though.
I learned that in the derogatory word of bitch, when I was probably a bitch, I've learned
(21:06):
that you can catch more flies with honey, right?
So the way that I go about doing things, it's stern, but it's not bitchful.
No.
[LAUGHTER]
Bitchful, I love that.
I love that so much.
[LAUGHTER]
Because I have to.
I have to be a little bit different now that I own my own business because if I don't get
(21:31):
vendors to cooperate or if I don't get certain people to cooperate, that can terminally affect
my business.
And so, as an entrepreneur, a small business entrepreneur, I had to kind of pivot and I had to
kind of be a little bit less aggressive, but less, less, you know, less bitchy, more professionally,
(21:53):
more professionally, more professional, I guess, you know, and get my way versus, you know.
OK, let me ask you this.
Does your husband have to do the same thing?
Hell no.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, no.
Hell no.
No.
He calls his black and white.
I'm just being black and white.
I mean, it'll just be a matter of fact.
And I'm like, oh, but when I do it, because I've gotten called that offline a couple times
(22:15):
too, but when I do it, it's like it's a bitch.
It's automatically a shit bitch.
It's like, no, I'm just holding accountable.
If you say you're going to deliver something, if you say you're going to do something,
you say you're going to give me something.
If it's supposed to be a certain quality, I'm going to hold you accountable.
I'm paying for a service.
Especially if I'm paying for a service, I demand that it is a certain caliber, you know.
(22:37):
And so, but he doesn't, he won't get the same thing.
That's why a lot of times he'll ask to talk to the people versus me because I'll come
up with a bitch.
And you know, it's unfortunate.
You know, all races get it.
Black women get it the most.
It's unfortunate.
We get it the most.
Like when we're passionate about something, it comes across as bitch.
And a lot of times people are like, ah, I can't work her because she's a bitch.
(22:58):
I'm like, no, it's not, it's not that I'll be a bitch.
I'm just being passionate about something and I want it done this way.
I have expectations.
So, but it's unfair.
I experienced that a lot in corporate.
And so it's just unfair.
I think that's so important what you've like highlighted there because like Christopher
have, and I have gone into this word and in so many different ways that like for some
women, they'll avoid being called bitch like the plague.
(23:21):
And so that leads women to be placating and nice and sweet and overly accommodating and
catering and like, that's not honoring yourself at all, right?
That's not honoring your standards, what you bring, what you want, your expectations,
like you're saying.
But I appreciate what you've said with like intersectionality of different races and
(23:42):
how like women are perceived to be bitchy when other, when men are, you know, being assertive,
let's say.
But then that much more for like different types of expectations based off of race.
And so like the purpose of this program that Christopher and I are putting together are,
(24:02):
you know, to not throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to how people perceive
the bitch.
Yes.
But what are the powerful points that she only she only that part of yourself bring to the
table because you're not going to accept anything less than these standards and expectations
that you've set showing up in your authentic self and being able to communicate your needs.
(24:26):
So, but we do have a fun, some fun little play on words around different types of the
bitch that exist and how they interact in the world.
So I'm really looking forward to the program.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
Yeah, let me know about it.
I'm looking forward to that.
That's awesome.
You know, it's funny though too.
Why you go, let's go back to that.
So it's so funny because I could say things in certain meetings and I'm like, okay, people
(24:51):
looking at me like I'm crazy.
But somebody else said the same thing and it was just like, you're going to let them say
that in public?
Oh my gosh.
And they didn't get fired or written up.
Oh my gosh.
It's like it was just such a stark transition of who could say what could, what could be done
in different meetings.
I was like, wow.
This is crazy.
There is, there really is a difference.
(25:12):
There's a difference between sexes.
There's a difference.
There's a huge difference.
There's a gap.
There's a gap.
And there is also establishing a standard for yourself.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
As well, that when you say something, it's taken differently than when someone else who hasn't
established that.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Now we are really, really looking forward to this process of putting this together.
(25:36):
So thank you for throwing some coal into that fire.
I had to ignite it.
Tell us a little bit about your, what you do and how people can connect and take advantage
of what it is you have to offer.
All right.
(25:57):
So I run a business.
It's called Nuspira. N U S P I R A..
We have mushroom coffees.
We also have a detox drink and we have a liquid vitamin.
So we can be found on www.nuspira.com or you can see us on TikTok shop.
Walmart.com, or Amazon.
Nice.
And your book.
Come on.
Don't forget your book.
I'm sorry.
(26:17):
Oh, Why They Are Winning and You Are Not - The steps to finding success in life, is on Amazon.
So you can get on Amazon as well.
Thank you.
I forgot about that.
This is wonderful.
It was just such a vibrant spirit.
It's wonderful to talk to you.
Thank you.
Thank you guys for making me.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
(26:38):
Thank you so much.
Yes.
And you have been listening to the Virgin and the bitch with the bitch program.
Hi.
Find us.
Like us.
Share us.
Please.
Bring your friends.
Let's have some fun.
Come on.
Come on.
Can you come a partner in the VBB community?
We invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.
(27:04):
Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn and share us with people who are defiantly different
like you.
Until next time.
Thanks for listening.
(upbeat music)
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