September 28, 2025 • 45 mins
Annie Izmirliyan is heralded as a financial maverick. With over 20 years of experience in wealth management, financial planning, and sales leadership, her true superpower is transforming misplaced trust and betrayal, which left her on the brink of financial disaster, into her greatest asset. From adversity, Annie created a unique approach that focuses on guiding people through tough times while acknowledging their strengths. It's a philosophy that combines empathy, reassurance, and practical financial guidance. Annie's story embodies hope and empowerment, showing that even life's harshest lessons — yes, even betrayal — can lead to profound personal growth and overwhelming abundance.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Virgin.
(00:02):
Beauty.
Bitch.
Podcast.
Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear
of being defiantly different.
Your hosts.
Christopher and Heather.
Let's talk, shall we?
A life fulfilled versus a fulfilling life.
(00:25):
Which are you living and do you realize there's a difference?
To live a life of fulfilling expectations requires social validation.
You know, you know, get it, get educated.
Graduate.
Start a career, fall in love, get married, build a home, have children and wait for your Hollywood
ending.
(00:46):
How many women commit their lives to the script only to find that life has other plans?
Annie is Merleyn, can certainly speak about a life fulfilled that doesn't end as scripted,
but also about creating her own fulfilling life.
Welcome, Annie, to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
(01:07):
Thank you.
I'm so excited to be here with you guys and to share in the message that your podcast,
you know, is really helping so many people with.
Thank you so much.
It's great to have you, Annie.
I want to ask you, was there a time when you felt that all the boxes for a fulfilled life
were checked?
You know, you had a successful career that spans 20 years in wealth management and financial
(01:32):
planning.
You had a comfortable home, marriage with a husband, beautiful child, everything but the walk
into the sunset.
I believe your story is one of resilience.
One that many women can identify with and hopefully find motivation after hearing it from
you.
Well, you're right.
I've been 20 years in financial services in Canada and I've helped thousands of individuals
(02:02):
and couples and families with their financial planning goals and needs and thinking of all
the what if scenarios and all the potential outcomes and what might be the best one for them.
I've also coached and mentored hundreds of advisors on their own practice and how to navigate
those circumstances with their clients as well.
(02:26):
I've been called ambitious and bold and one feature cover article called me a maverick.
And I was like, that's cool.
And you know, it's so nice to get to this point where you know, I've studied for a year after
a year for almost the 20 years to get all those fancy letters after my last name and be able
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to help others with and consider all possible scenarios and plan for everything.
I'm actually a natural planner in life.
I'm always considering, you know, what is the best way and the only way to do that is to look
at all the potential paths.
And yet there was a time when things were not always as they appeared.
(03:11):
So I clearly distinctly remember a cold November morning 2016.
And there I was with my two year old in her room sleeping away.
And there I was with my then husband's phone.
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I'd never done anything like this before.
Never had a need to.
Why would I?
So there I was, shaken in my roots, so to speak.
I'm in my PJs.
And I just look at the phone and I just swipe.
(03:56):
And it opened up.
And I found messages and pictures.
That no partner ever should.
My heart was beating so fast I had to fall to my knees on the ground in my room.
(04:21):
I was alone.
And I thought I'm gonna die.
Have you ever experienced when your heart beats so fast that you can't even count the beats?
And you feel like everything's just falling apart around you.
And in the still and quiet of that morning, it felt like my ears were on fire.
(04:49):
From the rush of the blood, going through my head, down to my heart, down to my feet.
And I thought, what am I gonna do?
What are people gonna think?
What will they say?
Nobody knows what I'm going through.
(05:10):
Nobody knew what I'd been going through.
Because I was so good at putting up the front and looking like everything was great and fine.
That facade of, like you said, having the husband and the child in the home and a great career.
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Meanwhile, I felt like the curtains had opened.
The lie was revealed.
The lie of my life that I was living.
And shaking so hard I thought, what do I do now?
(06:02):
I did nothing at first.
Absolutely nothing.
Got up, get ready, get my daughter ready.
Good morning to the husband.
And when about my days?
The anxiety level had kicked in so hard that it was affecting my stomach.
(06:25):
I couldn't keep anything in.
I was losing weight.
My body felt like in a perpetual knot.
And my mind was swimming with thoughts and shame and fear that the family was broken.
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Time went on and as things happened in life, one thing led to another.
One discovery led to another discovery, one lie led to another lie.
And it wasn't until I found a document in our dresser.
And it was a loan for $2000 at some exorbitant interest rate like 36%.
(07:13):
Now I'm in financial planning.
I understand what this means.
And I just remember approaching him and saying, what was this for?
He doesn't know what I know.
So I said, what is this for? What was the money used for?
And the response was, you went through my stuff.
(07:37):
And you know that sinking feeling you get like, I'm not going to get the answers here.
And it doesn't really matter.
Because now I know.
And what I was beating myself up for for the longest time was, you're in financial planning.
Like you advise people all the time about these kinds of things.
(08:00):
Because it wasn't just that document.
When I took a moment, I was like, wait a second.
How did I get here?
Where we both work.
I earned half a visit and come at that time.
And I was paying all the bills.
I had taken on his debt because I thought I was being a good wife.
(08:23):
And I had a promotion rate on my card.
So my Kate, let's pay this off sooner and save towards our house.
Money was disappearing out of my wallet and out of my bank account.
Because I gave him a pen at one time.
My pen code. And I just thought, how can you, the financial planner, the person who gives the advice to people to be smart with their money?
(08:47):
The person who thinks of all potential paths.
How did I not see this coming?
How did I get to a place where I made these kinds of decisions?
That if you told me now I'd be like, that is not a smart move.
And I still did nothing.
I was just swimming in anxiety and frozen in the life that I was living.
(09:12):
Until one day my mom called me out of the blue.
And I said, hey mom, how do you know that I needed you to call me?
What is it, Annie?
And I'm trying to hold it all in, right? Because she doesn't know what has been going on in my life.
And I said, well, I know you believe in marriage forever.
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And so do I.
But what would you say if that wasn't the case for me?
And without hesitation, she said, I'd say you're very smart girl.
I said, okay mom.
And I started to cry.
And I said, I've got some things to do.
And I've got some decisions to make.
But when I, when I can, I'll call you and I'll tell you everything, okay?
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And she said, okay, Annie, I'll talk to you soon.
And she hung up.
When I reflect on that now, I'm like, man, she was brave.
Because if my daughter called me without telling me everything, I'd be like, wait!
I need to know.
Let me help you. Let me take care of it. But she did the right thing.
(10:18):
And I wasn't prepared to say anything anyway.
I remember the day, the first time, that I walked into the family lawyer's office.
And I said, I have my CFP.
I have my certified financial planning designation.
Because you see at that moment, I felt like it was the only thing I had going for me.
(10:43):
And even then, I felt grateful because I know that most people don't have even that.
So over time, I worked with some key people.
I asked questions. I tried to let out some of the feelings, but really I was in survival mode.
I had to make some changes for my daughter, who had just turned three.
(11:05):
And I listened.
And since then, day after day, weeks and months go by.
I went from being in five-figure debt to having six figures in savings.
I went from earning half of his income, and we separated and divorced.
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To now, like eight years later, earning six figures in income,
which was about triple what I was making up the time.
And I currently exceed his income.
I went from being a team member to being a team leader to being a CEO of my own businesses,
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which I never could have imagined.
It wasn't in the realm of possibility because I didn't know what I was capable of.
I didn't know what was possible for me.
But once I made that decision, everything started to fall into place.
And more importantly, I went from saying, "Okay, yes."
(12:12):
To saying, "No." Period. And that's the end of it.
I learned to trust my instincts and listen to my voice and let it speak.
And I allowed my voice to connect with my heart, so they were aligned.
What is that mechanism?
(12:34):
I mean, that's what we're talking about here, right?
Is living this fulfilled life, having all the things line up in a row.
So everyone can know who you are or who you pretending to be.
What was the mechanism that took you from that to a fulfilling life,
to a life internal, a life about you?
(12:56):
What was that magic thing or what were the mechanisms that took you there?
I don't know that there was any magic involved per se.
The magic came later.
The mechanism was that when I was on the floor with my heart beating,
like I was about to die and thinking, "For a millisecond, maybe that's better for all."
(13:21):
Maybe it's best that it won't exist.
There was a stronger voice that said, "No, you need to live."
You need to live for your daughter because no one will love her like you will.
No one will protect her like you will, and no one will show her the beauty of life like you will.
(13:42):
And for the longest time, that was my driving force.
And I first, you kick in into survival mode.
And you kind of stay there for a while.
You know, you've got tasks that need to get done.
You have lawyer conversations you need to do.
You have money conversations, maybe even exchanging hands.
(14:05):
You have custody issues to work out.
It's a whole new routine.
How do you explain it to people?
It's hard to just step right into the real you when you're trying to sort through it all.
And it took me a few years.
(14:26):
And I was seeing a therapist.
I made sure to get the appropriate professional help.
I listened to my lawyer.
But also, what I started to do was sit more into my instincts.
What was right for me?
What was okay for me?
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What I no longer allow.
And yeah, you got to do the reflective work of like, how did I get here?
How did I even get here in the first place?
How did I allow this?
And although that was probably one of the biggest change catalysts of my life.
And it was painful.
(15:11):
It would have been easier to just put the blinders on and keep going.
But I couldn't anymore.
I had negotiated myself out of so many red flags along the way.
And we'd been together for 10 years.
I mean, the red flags started in month two of our relationship.
Okay, month two.
(15:34):
And somehow I was like, it's okay.
We'll work it out.
So, as I started to kind of process all of it.
And yes, it was tough.
But I found a gratitude and an appreciation for the catalyst.
The situation that helped me to become the person I was meant to be.
(15:58):
And it's a constant evolution.
It's not like you walk off into the sun, said, and ta-da, you're done.
Right?
It's their cycles.
And what I've come to get better at is writing those waves, allowing them to come and go.
Giving myself permission to not be perfect, not always be on, not always feel happy and joyful.
(16:28):
And that was really important as well.
Because I knew I was modeling behavior for my daughter.
So I got good at apologizing to my kid and working on it.
I got more comfortable with saying, I'm doing my best.
Or I'm really tired right now.
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And that's okay.
And just having the conversation around, and this is something that I came to learn over time, is what is your body telling you?
Like, if you're a type A achieving female leader,
you are great at intellectualizing and compartmentalizing.
And we've learned to just operate in that way, because that's what the corporate environment nurtures and supports.
(17:17):
But we're ignoring our bodies.
And our bodies hold memories.
And they tell us the truth.
And when it got to moments where my body was like, I give up.
You know what? I'm just going to take you out.
You haven't been listening. I've been trying to give you clues to take a moment.
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And now I'm just going to knock you out for a while.
Maybe then you'll kind of figure it out.
That happened to me a couple of times, like more than twice.
So a few times to the point where I was like, oh my god, like when am I going to get the message?
And so, like I told you, the magic happens later,
was when I started to take things as they are.
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Not try to fit myself into a box, and not try to do that for others either.
Really see my strengths and accept them.
Like I went on a retreat with a good friend of mine.
We're good friends, but this was our first retreat together.
And at one point, we're bawling our eyes out. We're digging deep.
(18:24):
We're uncovering a bunch of stuff because it's always evolving, and we're healing.
And at one point she turns to me and says, and you're amazing.
And I looked at her and said, where do you see that?
Like how do you see that? I'm not seeing what you're seeing.
And I needed to get to that place for myself, but also to surround myself with the people
(18:47):
that would remind me of those things.
And I can tell you that my situation is completely different now.
My life is in a different place. My daughter blossomed almost immediately after I made the decision to separate.
And I wasn't expecting that. Like I knew it was the right decision,
but I didn't know that she would blossom, which means that there was things happening for her,
(19:08):
that she was also trying to like, in her own little three-year-old, two-year-old way,
manage in the best way she knew that I hadn't seen.
And so I have full custody of my daughter, which is rare.
She sees her dad regularly, but I have full decision-making authority.
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That in itself, I think, was really empowering, because not only did I have full decision-making authority
over this little life, this, my daughter, but I realize I have full decision-making authority over my life.
And so it's definitely been a journey.
(19:50):
And now I talk about it, about those moments, you know, what I hope is a very open and vulnerable way.
And even when I, on part time, I teach financial planning and insurance in financial planning at a local college.
And I share parts of that story to my class, because I know that, you know,
(20:16):
learning the basics, like from a textbook is one thing, but putting it into context of a real-life situation
is what helps you remember the concepts.
So I'm now at a place that I'm okay sharing these parts.
And I'm very careful about the parts that I share, because there's a lot more to the story.
But I know that my daughter, who's still very young, it's part of her story, too.
(20:42):
And until she's at the stage where she's okay to share, I'm going to honor that, that part of it.
But when I share that in the class, I had a student, so a female student come up to me and break and say,
"Professor, thank you so much for sharing that story. It really means a lot to me.
(21:03):
I really resonated with it because I'm about to go into marriage.
And this was really good for me. Now, I don't know where she was coming from, what part resonated, or what it meant for her.
But it was, first of all, I thought it was courageous for her to even come up and say that to me.
And yes, it was validating for me to hear that. But more than anything, I thought, this is why.
(21:29):
This is why I do it. And that's what I told her. I said, this is why I share it, because we need to talk about these things more.
We need to be open about it. I didn't know anyone that was separated or divorced when I was going through it.
But one by one, I started to connect with people, men, women who were going through it or been through it, and before when I was married.
(21:58):
I think it's quite natural to have that element of judgment. Well, I'm married. Right. I'm great. I have a whole whole.
Oh, those people that are separated divorced, there must be something wrong there.
And I learned a sense of humility as well. As I was going through it, I'm like, no, people are just people doing their best, going through these things.
(22:25):
And one of the things I discovered was that the family and friends around me, as I started to slowly uncover and tell them what was going on for years, and then my most recent discoveries,
was that they wanted to help me and they didn't know how. And they did, some of them didn't ask either.
(22:47):
And so when somebody's going through that, and you want to help, but you don't know how, and you don't want to impose, and you don't want to make it worse, so you don't say anything.
Right. And you don't ask, how could I, what can I do? It actually makes that person feel more alone.
And they're already in survival mode. They're just like, I got to get the food, I got to do the house, I got to go to the work, I got to pay that bill, all that kind of, I got to drive her back and forth, all that kind of stuff.
(23:22):
And it's important, though, for someone like me that was going through it, you know, you get really good at compartmentalizing, surviving, getting things done.
That type of served me well in that moment. And then I had to learn to be open and vulnerable. I had to learn to ask for help. That was huge.
One of the things that you had highlighted was, and we've had some amazing conversations on this, that, you know, when you have rose colored glasses on at the beginning of a relationship, and you know that you're seeing red flags, and I think we've all been there.
(23:56):
Like, it isn't just even the rose colored glasses for the individual. It's the rose colored glasses, as you said, for the life, the husband, the picture perfect, the feeling fulfilled in whole.
I'm just wondering if there's elements, I think you've already really beautifully touched on it in, you know, listening to your body and understanding that we live in a very corporate world that's instructed us to tune out of when we're tired.
(24:25):
When we're bringing pieces of our energy that are depleted to work to shut it down. So to really tune into your body to listen to when it's telling you it's a red flag.
I'm wondering if you can elaborate on either those red flags that like you would want other people to notice or ways that you allowed your body to feel what it needed to feel to call it what it was.
(24:52):
That's a big question. Questions. I think there's a lot of great resources on what red flags and relationships look like. For me, mine were like huge red flags, but I thought I was so in love that we could work through anything.
(25:13):
So my red flags were, and it's hilarious, I joke about this in my in my in the college class that I teach because I'm like, guys, can you believe that this is this is what I was okay with?
The red flags were two months into the relationship long enough for me to fall in love. Right.
He tells me, by the way, I'm getting divorced. And I'm like, I didn't know you were married. And I'm about to claim bankruptcy.
(25:46):
And I've been in financial services long enough at this point. There was this little part of me that was like, what hell no. And I was like, no, no, you stay.
And what I said was, it's okay. We'll get through it together. If you ask me now, I'm like, are you out of your mind?
I'm in financial service. And it's just been two months. You don't know the man anything.
(26:10):
Now, I will never regret that my daughter came out of that situation because that is the biggest one of the biggest blessings of my life.
But two months in, making that kind of a huge decision to commit and knowing that I'm, I've got the financial background.
Knowing what it means to be smart with your money, be responsible. I mean, those are two big red flags.
(26:36):
However, I mean, we get, we fall in or we're falling in love. We make someone, they seem to be hitting all the right notes on our keyboard.
Yeah. And we don't want to lose the potential of what that could be. And we don't want to be wrong to admit we're wrong, right? To bail out.
(26:57):
Well, I'm going to use your metaphor for the keyboard for a second.
All the notes of the keyboard are seem to be hitting the right way. But we don't have the right audio in place.
Because the keys are screeching. And what we're hearing is this beautiful melody because that's what we want to hear.
(27:19):
We want to find that one person, we want everything to work out beautifully on paper when I first met him.
Everything okay, good job. You know, physically met some key points, like all that kind of stuff. And what didn't help though at the time was my mom, who hadn't met him yet in the beginning, was already like, he's not right for you.
(27:46):
And me going into full rebel mode, I was like, you don't even know. You have never met the person yet. Like, how could you know?
And that was really dangerous. Because instead of being open to listening and then really being honest with myself and giving things time more time, I went into defensive mode, which, which kind of pulled me right back into his corner.
(28:20):
It's gasoline on the fire. Yeah. And I obviously I wasn't aware or consciously aware of all this stuff that was happening. Right. Now what it did do for me though was, especially being in the financial planning world, I'm like, okay, so I got an upfront seat to bankruptcy processes.
And how you rebuild credit now fortunately, fortunately, it didn't impact me directly right away. But over time, the financial decisions that were being made from the other person were more and more questionable.
(28:59):
And I got to a place where I'm like, what's going on? Like, none of this is making sense. And it did start to affect my credit because me trying to be the good wife took on some of his debt onto mining. And so my debt, my credit score got affected. It was, it was low. It wasn't like, I don't know, it was like the low 600 or the high 500s. It was low.
(29:21):
It means acceptable, but low. When I recently checked my credit score, it was 840. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, Celine Dion. I got a lick now.
I have black with all whatever fancy credit card that she has because you have such an awesome credit score. And I have an appreciation for that now. I also have a humility for people who have that credit.
(29:52):
Or they, you know, they've made some irresponsible decisions, but they haven't, they are working on it. And it's, I think it's really important, especially in the work that I do with people, to say, hey, not only do I, I know what you're feeling literally, but this doesn't define you. And I'm going to help you work through it.
(30:16):
Because it's not just about the numbers black and white on a piece of paper. It's about the human being behind it. And I just, if I can, I just love to help people remove that shame around it, the fear around it.
You know, the anger around it. Let's just, let's just get to a place where I hear you, I see you. Let's work on it in a productive way.
(30:46):
Is that what sets you apart as a financial person? What is it about you that I come to you? What can I not anticipate getting from you that I will get from you that sets you apart that makes you different, that makes you unique and special.
What would that, what would you say that is? I think when the key tag lines on my website, which kind of came about organically, it wasn't really planned, but it's financial empowerment through a soulful wisdom.
(31:15):
And that's really uncommon in this industry. I've worked with advisors in their teams. I've coached advisors.
You know, I've, like I said, I've helped thousands of people directly with their plans. And my style evolved over time. And the one thing that I couldn't seem to escape from was just to the humanity part of it.
(31:39):
And if I can be there for you in the way that maybe I didn't have at first, I had it maybe in bits and pieces from people who are doing their best to try to support and help me guide me along the way.
I think that that builds trust and loyalty in the relationship and the communication. Because obviously in most instances when you hear about relationship breakup, communication is a big factor there.
(32:07):
So I do that. And I also try to uncover and help people see their strengths. I know your strengths. You know my strengths. Let's operate from a position of power, empowerment. And I'm going to get you there. I'm going to guide you there. Step by step.
If there's something I don't know, I'm either going to find out or get you the right person. In the beginning of my career, and there's a lot of parts of this career that are very ego driven. And I was kind of raised like that.
(32:39):
You know, just from the environment that you grow up in in this in this industry. It didn't sit well with me after while. And I had some key people along the way.
Kind of saying, you know what any that's not working so well. And they were right. Some of the toughest lessons I've had have been the most valuable to getting me to the better version of myself.
(33:05):
And that's what I like to do for others as well.
I'm acknowledging that they've been through this tough things. It's it doesn't define them. The past doesn't define them. And where they are now is not where they'll end up.
And I think having that sense of humanity holding space because money is a tool. It's a tool.
(33:30):
But we make decisions emotionally. Like in my case, it's okay. We'll get through it together. Let me take on your debt and put it in my name.
Right? That's not logical. That was completely emotional. And if if we can have people who can guide us through, you know, not just the key parts of our life.
(33:53):
Because that's really what a lot of advisors are for us. Like the key parts, key moments of our life, the biggest transitions of our life. But it's that in between phases too.
It's connecting with your relationship with money, which is really not about money at all. And that informs so many other things in our life relationships with everything.
So I'm wondering if off what you were just saying there is there one of the archetypes or the words that we dive into in this show that really spoke to you or had an impact or brought something up for you out of the virgin, the beauty and the bitch.
(34:28):
I love this question.
You know, we start out, you know, especially in our careers or when we start, when we feel like we're starting in life, because now we're in a relationship and then we get married.
We're like, all right, I achieved these things. I am set. I'm an adult now. Right? And even when you start in your career, you're like, oh, great. I got a job. I earned money. Now I got a promotion. Like I'm the bomb.
(34:59):
And what I realized over time, the things that the thing that I felt was I was criticized for but became my strength was the innocence and the purity.
You know, when I was a kid, my dad used to say to me, honey, because he's Armenian.
(35:20):
Why do you have to be mother to result time? And you can clearly see how that played out because I was being a mother to Lisa in the wrong.
But what it allowed me as I evolved over time to the point where I'm at now and it's ongoing is I came to see that innocence and that purity as a strength to look at things through the eyes of a child, like with a sense of wonder.
(35:49):
The possibilities. And so in terms of the word virgin, I would say that I definitely resonate with that at the same time.
Bitch is the word that I would resonate with because I will protect that purity and that innocence. And I learned to find my strength and my power in a healthy way.
(36:16):
While still maintaining and creating my boundaries as I discover them and being unapologetic about it and just being authentically me.
And the beauty has been in the journey to get there beautifully said.
I mean, what's beneath the surface of each one of those words is and what they mean to each individual is it's been very illuminating to go beyond what originally comes up for you.
(36:44):
What what it's meant to you over time and I the the protectress in you for what is the virgin as a concept. I think that is is really like a warrior warrior as kind of spirit as well.
Thank you for that.
And I want to answer some in you say Christopher about magic when I said the magic came later it's there was elements of magic throughout my life.
(37:09):
But it was not open to seeing them and embracing them when I say the magic came later is because as I settled more and more I went from high anxiety survival mode to just settling in kind of grounding myself.
Giving myself permission to go through things how I needed to feel my feelings while still being ambitious and going for things and developing myself and all of that.
(37:38):
And the magic the way that I feel it now is things I allow things to flow.
I surrender more even when things are not quite working out or there's a delay with something or maybe I got rejected for something but it redirected me into a better opportunity.
(38:05):
So the magic has come with time me being open to seeing the magic that's such a beautiful feeling to.
And I mean even this year alone there's been three big key things that have come up that I didn't plan.
Totally unplanned but perfectly aligned and to me that's such a beautiful thing again kind of with you know the name of your podcast I allowed myself to see the beauty of that part of the journey.
(38:41):
And the purity and innocence of being open to these possibilities and then to embrace them and then kind of step into my power to be like hell yeah.
You know just just do it go for that thing speak up create the opportunity to yourself go you know follow follow the flow.
(39:04):
I'll give you some of our magic and some of our magic is that when we were thinking of doing this podcast together so many years ago and we're trying to find a name these three words just came to me and I presented them to Heather and she fell in love with them immediately but in the beginning they were just words virgin beauty bitch we have our old knowledge of these words but they sound great together and they're provocative.
(39:32):
As far as marketing goes they were like perfect great words over time there seems to be magic in the reasons why these words came together to us in that order and you just express that perfectly these are not just words that fall into place and have a traditional meaning to them they're living entities in our lives.
(39:59):
And we need to explore them to their fullest in order to have fulfilled lives so thank you for opening that door to these words that are more than words thank you so much for doing that for us yeah and I think you touched on something there too there's dates there's dates of being and but you're never in one state all the time exactly.
(40:23):
Yes, yes, they're beyond the lifestyle there beyond the way of being they're just life and do you indulge in it do you see the advantages of it the can you can you use them to your you know to your advancement as a human being those words are there for that if that's what you want if they want to go down that rabbit hole it's there yeah if I want to work with you because I love everything you say like 100.
(40:52):
How do people get a whole of you because you're amazing people have to learn more about you I appreciate that and I accept that that compliments I've got a website it's you know triple w any is merleon calm spell that out because that's not a common word name right so it's a N N i e and then it would be my last name which is i said m like Mary I R
(41:21):
L I Y a N like Nancy dot com when he is merleon dot com and you can find me on LinkedIn as well I'm also some of the other projects I work on that are also kind of tied into these things is my friend and I just started a podcast as well it's called two moms and some business and we talk about things like corporate leadership and you know mindful you know some mindful parenting and we just
(41:50):
had a guest about personal branding all tied into the the complexities of the corporate world and so and then the other thing I'm starting is my own YouTube channel and to your point about the name the name came to me which was any unleashed will be I'll be posting soon but it was funny you know it's funny because I asked a couple friends in the very
(42:17):
you know close circle I said hey what do you think of this name you know and a couple of them were like oh awesome love it go for a girl and one friend said is there like another word for unleash like maybe this or that and I was like nope that's exactly why I've got to use that
because of all the things that I've been through it's you know tastefully and professionally respectfully it's got to be me speaking out and speaking up in my voice in my way.
(42:46):
I repressed it and suppressed it for so long yes for based on limiting beliefs and old programming and it was just me reinforcing those things that didn't make any sense and so having that lightness and that freedom to be able to speak on topics like so my YouTube channel will be about things like taking financial
(43:14):
planning concepts and making them relatable in a way that I haven't really seen done so far speaking about mindful parenting things like marriage divorce and separation you know we've got to be comfortable talking about these things because if it's not us going through it somebody that we know going through it.
What we have to do is we have to have you back because there's so much to explore I mean today was great to have your personal story however how you can help so many different people in your knowledge will have to have you back and explore even further okay so sure I love that I would love to have you the last area though because it's I got to honor it's important.
(43:59):
The fourth area that I would like to touch on in my channel is my daughter's wisdom's because even though she's so young still she says things sometimes I'm like oh my god that is so wise and she goes not really mommy it's just real life.
What is that so we have some really cool conversations that I feel compelled to share until she's able to do that for herself one day but there's such beauty in that as well in what I see in the person that she's becoming.
(44:34):
I have to share that but yes I'm happy to come back and help out and share and keep sharing these stories as well definitely keep in touch you know I have had some phenomenal conversation so hopefully that will continue as well but in the meantime people find this phenomenal human being and connect it with me well with you well in the meantime you've been listening to the Virgin. The Beauty.
(45:03):
And the Bitch. Find us. Like us. Share us. Come on back. If you enjoy this conversation let us know because we want to continue them with your participation so thank you.
To become a partner in the VBB Community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com. Like us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, and share us with people who are Defiantly Different like you.
(45:35):
Until next time thanks for listening.
(upbeat music)
Virgin.
(00:02):
Beauty.
Bitch.
Podcast.
Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear
of being defiantly different.
Your hosts.
Christopher and Heather.
Let's talk, shall we?
A life fulfilled versus a fulfilling life.
(00:25):
Which are you living and do you realize there's a difference?
To live a life of fulfilling expectations requires social validation.
You know, you know, get it, get educated.
Graduate.
Start a career, fall in love, get married, build a home, have children and wait for your Hollywood
ending.
(00:46):
How many women commit their lives to the script only to find that life has other plans?
Annie is Merleyn, can certainly speak about a life fulfilled that doesn't end as scripted,
but also about creating her own fulfilling life.
Welcome, Annie, to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
(01:07):
Thank you.
I'm so excited to be here with you guys and to share in the message that your podcast,
you know, is really helping so many people with.
Thank you so much.
It's great to have you, Annie.
I want to ask you, was there a time when you felt that all the boxes for a fulfilled life
were checked?
You know, you had a successful career that spans 20 years in wealth management and financial
(01:32):
planning.
You had a comfortable home, marriage with a husband, beautiful child, everything but the walk
into the sunset.
I believe your story is one of resilience.
One that many women can identify with and hopefully find motivation after hearing it from
you.
Well, you're right.
I've been 20 years in financial services in Canada and I've helped thousands of individuals
(02:02):
and couples and families with their financial planning goals and needs and thinking of all
the what if scenarios and all the potential outcomes and what might be the best one for them.
I've also coached and mentored hundreds of advisors on their own practice and how to navigate
those circumstances with their clients as well.
(02:26):
I've been called ambitious and bold and one feature cover article called me a maverick.
And I was like, that's cool.
And you know, it's so nice to get to this point where you know, I've studied for a year after
a year for almost the 20 years to get all those fancy letters after my last name and be able
(02:49):
to help others with and consider all possible scenarios and plan for everything.
I'm actually a natural planner in life.
I'm always considering, you know, what is the best way and the only way to do that is to look
at all the potential paths.
And yet there was a time when things were not always as they appeared.
(03:11):
So I clearly distinctly remember a cold November morning 2016.
And there I was with my two year old in her room sleeping away.
And there I was with my then husband's phone.
(03:34):
I'd never done anything like this before.
Never had a need to.
Why would I?
So there I was, shaken in my roots, so to speak.
I'm in my PJs.
And I just look at the phone and I just swipe.
(03:56):
And it opened up.
And I found messages and pictures.
That no partner ever should.
My heart was beating so fast I had to fall to my knees on the ground in my room.
(04:21):
I was alone.
And I thought I'm gonna die.
Have you ever experienced when your heart beats so fast that you can't even count the beats?
And you feel like everything's just falling apart around you.
And in the still and quiet of that morning, it felt like my ears were on fire.
(04:49):
From the rush of the blood, going through my head, down to my heart, down to my feet.
And I thought, what am I gonna do?
What are people gonna think?
What will they say?
Nobody knows what I'm going through.
(05:10):
Nobody knew what I'd been going through.
Because I was so good at putting up the front and looking like everything was great and fine.
That facade of, like you said, having the husband and the child in the home and a great career.
(05:34):
Meanwhile, I felt like the curtains had opened.
The lie was revealed.
The lie of my life that I was living.
And shaking so hard I thought, what do I do now?
(06:02):
I did nothing at first.
Absolutely nothing.
Got up, get ready, get my daughter ready.
Good morning to the husband.
And when about my days?
The anxiety level had kicked in so hard that it was affecting my stomach.
(06:25):
I couldn't keep anything in.
I was losing weight.
My body felt like in a perpetual knot.
And my mind was swimming with thoughts and shame and fear that the family was broken.
(06:49):
Time went on and as things happened in life, one thing led to another.
One discovery led to another discovery, one lie led to another lie.
And it wasn't until I found a document in our dresser.
And it was a loan for $2000 at some exorbitant interest rate like 36%.
(07:13):
Now I'm in financial planning.
I understand what this means.
And I just remember approaching him and saying, what was this for?
He doesn't know what I know.
So I said, what is this for? What was the money used for?
And the response was, you went through my stuff.
(07:37):
And you know that sinking feeling you get like, I'm not going to get the answers here.
And it doesn't really matter.
Because now I know.
And what I was beating myself up for for the longest time was, you're in financial planning.
Like you advise people all the time about these kinds of things.
(08:00):
Because it wasn't just that document.
When I took a moment, I was like, wait a second.
How did I get here?
Where we both work.
I earned half a visit and come at that time.
And I was paying all the bills.
I had taken on his debt because I thought I was being a good wife.
(08:23):
And I had a promotion rate on my card.
So my Kate, let's pay this off sooner and save towards our house.
Money was disappearing out of my wallet and out of my bank account.
Because I gave him a pen at one time.
My pen code. And I just thought, how can you, the financial planner, the person who gives the advice to people to be smart with their money?
(08:47):
The person who thinks of all potential paths.
How did I not see this coming?
How did I get to a place where I made these kinds of decisions?
That if you told me now I'd be like, that is not a smart move.
And I still did nothing.
I was just swimming in anxiety and frozen in the life that I was living.
(09:12):
Until one day my mom called me out of the blue.
And I said, hey mom, how do you know that I needed you to call me?
What is it, Annie?
And I'm trying to hold it all in, right? Because she doesn't know what has been going on in my life.
And I said, well, I know you believe in marriage forever.
(09:34):
And so do I.
But what would you say if that wasn't the case for me?
And without hesitation, she said, I'd say you're very smart girl.
I said, okay mom.
And I started to cry.
And I said, I've got some things to do.
And I've got some decisions to make.
But when I, when I can, I'll call you and I'll tell you everything, okay?
(09:57):
And she said, okay, Annie, I'll talk to you soon.
And she hung up.
When I reflect on that now, I'm like, man, she was brave.
Because if my daughter called me without telling me everything, I'd be like, wait!
I need to know.
Let me help you. Let me take care of it. But she did the right thing.
(10:18):
And I wasn't prepared to say anything anyway.
I remember the day, the first time, that I walked into the family lawyer's office.
And I said, I have my CFP.
I have my certified financial planning designation.
Because you see at that moment, I felt like it was the only thing I had going for me.
(10:43):
And even then, I felt grateful because I know that most people don't have even that.
So over time, I worked with some key people.
I asked questions. I tried to let out some of the feelings, but really I was in survival mode.
I had to make some changes for my daughter, who had just turned three.
(11:05):
And I listened.
And since then, day after day, weeks and months go by.
I went from being in five-figure debt to having six figures in savings.
I went from earning half of his income, and we separated and divorced.
(11:28):
To now, like eight years later, earning six figures in income,
which was about triple what I was making up the time.
And I currently exceed his income.
I went from being a team member to being a team leader to being a CEO of my own businesses,
(11:50):
which I never could have imagined.
It wasn't in the realm of possibility because I didn't know what I was capable of.
I didn't know what was possible for me.
But once I made that decision, everything started to fall into place.
And more importantly, I went from saying, "Okay, yes."
(12:12):
To saying, "No." Period. And that's the end of it.
I learned to trust my instincts and listen to my voice and let it speak.
And I allowed my voice to connect with my heart, so they were aligned.
What is that mechanism?
(12:34):
I mean, that's what we're talking about here, right?
Is living this fulfilled life, having all the things line up in a row.
So everyone can know who you are or who you pretending to be.
What was the mechanism that took you from that to a fulfilling life,
to a life internal, a life about you?
(12:56):
What was that magic thing or what were the mechanisms that took you there?
I don't know that there was any magic involved per se.
The magic came later.
The mechanism was that when I was on the floor with my heart beating,
like I was about to die and thinking, "For a millisecond, maybe that's better for all."
(13:21):
Maybe it's best that it won't exist.
There was a stronger voice that said, "No, you need to live."
You need to live for your daughter because no one will love her like you will.
No one will protect her like you will, and no one will show her the beauty of life like you will.
(13:42):
And for the longest time, that was my driving force.
And I first, you kick in into survival mode.
And you kind of stay there for a while.
You know, you've got tasks that need to get done.
You have lawyer conversations you need to do.
You have money conversations, maybe even exchanging hands.
(14:05):
You have custody issues to work out.
It's a whole new routine.
How do you explain it to people?
It's hard to just step right into the real you when you're trying to sort through it all.
And it took me a few years.
(14:26):
And I was seeing a therapist.
I made sure to get the appropriate professional help.
I listened to my lawyer.
But also, what I started to do was sit more into my instincts.
What was right for me?
What was okay for me?
(14:49):
What I no longer allow.
And yeah, you got to do the reflective work of like, how did I get here?
How did I even get here in the first place?
How did I allow this?
And although that was probably one of the biggest change catalysts of my life.
And it was painful.
(15:11):
It would have been easier to just put the blinders on and keep going.
But I couldn't anymore.
I had negotiated myself out of so many red flags along the way.
And we'd been together for 10 years.
I mean, the red flags started in month two of our relationship.
Okay, month two.
(15:34):
And somehow I was like, it's okay.
We'll work it out.
So, as I started to kind of process all of it.
And yes, it was tough.
But I found a gratitude and an appreciation for the catalyst.
The situation that helped me to become the person I was meant to be.
(15:58):
And it's a constant evolution.
It's not like you walk off into the sun, said, and ta-da, you're done.
Right?
It's their cycles.
And what I've come to get better at is writing those waves, allowing them to come and go.
Giving myself permission to not be perfect, not always be on, not always feel happy and joyful.
(16:28):
And that was really important as well.
Because I knew I was modeling behavior for my daughter.
So I got good at apologizing to my kid and working on it.
I got more comfortable with saying, I'm doing my best.
Or I'm really tired right now.
(16:49):
And that's okay.
And just having the conversation around, and this is something that I came to learn over time, is what is your body telling you?
Like, if you're a type A achieving female leader,
you are great at intellectualizing and compartmentalizing.
And we've learned to just operate in that way, because that's what the corporate environment nurtures and supports.
(17:17):
But we're ignoring our bodies.
And our bodies hold memories.
And they tell us the truth.
And when it got to moments where my body was like, I give up.
You know what? I'm just going to take you out.
You haven't been listening. I've been trying to give you clues to take a moment.
(17:40):
And now I'm just going to knock you out for a while.
Maybe then you'll kind of figure it out.
That happened to me a couple of times, like more than twice.
So a few times to the point where I was like, oh my god, like when am I going to get the message?
And so, like I told you, the magic happens later,
was when I started to take things as they are.
(18:03):
Not try to fit myself into a box, and not try to do that for others either.
Really see my strengths and accept them.
Like I went on a retreat with a good friend of mine.
We're good friends, but this was our first retreat together.
And at one point, we're bawling our eyes out. We're digging deep.
(18:24):
We're uncovering a bunch of stuff because it's always evolving, and we're healing.
And at one point she turns to me and says, and you're amazing.
And I looked at her and said, where do you see that?
Like how do you see that? I'm not seeing what you're seeing.
And I needed to get to that place for myself, but also to surround myself with the people
(18:47):
that would remind me of those things.
And I can tell you that my situation is completely different now.
My life is in a different place. My daughter blossomed almost immediately after I made the decision to separate.
And I wasn't expecting that. Like I knew it was the right decision,
but I didn't know that she would blossom, which means that there was things happening for her,
(19:08):
that she was also trying to like, in her own little three-year-old, two-year-old way,
manage in the best way she knew that I hadn't seen.
And so I have full custody of my daughter, which is rare.
She sees her dad regularly, but I have full decision-making authority.
(19:29):
That in itself, I think, was really empowering, because not only did I have full decision-making authority
over this little life, this, my daughter, but I realize I have full decision-making authority over my life.
And so it's definitely been a journey.
(19:50):
And now I talk about it, about those moments, you know, what I hope is a very open and vulnerable way.
And even when I, on part time, I teach financial planning and insurance in financial planning at a local college.
And I share parts of that story to my class, because I know that, you know,
(20:16):
learning the basics, like from a textbook is one thing, but putting it into context of a real-life situation
is what helps you remember the concepts.
So I'm now at a place that I'm okay sharing these parts.
And I'm very careful about the parts that I share, because there's a lot more to the story.
But I know that my daughter, who's still very young, it's part of her story, too.
(20:42):
And until she's at the stage where she's okay to share, I'm going to honor that, that part of it.
But when I share that in the class, I had a student, so a female student come up to me and break and say,
"Professor, thank you so much for sharing that story. It really means a lot to me.
(21:03):
I really resonated with it because I'm about to go into marriage.
And this was really good for me. Now, I don't know where she was coming from, what part resonated, or what it meant for her.
But it was, first of all, I thought it was courageous for her to even come up and say that to me.
And yes, it was validating for me to hear that. But more than anything, I thought, this is why.
(21:29):
This is why I do it. And that's what I told her. I said, this is why I share it, because we need to talk about these things more.
We need to be open about it. I didn't know anyone that was separated or divorced when I was going through it.
But one by one, I started to connect with people, men, women who were going through it or been through it, and before when I was married.
(21:58):
I think it's quite natural to have that element of judgment. Well, I'm married. Right. I'm great. I have a whole whole.
Oh, those people that are separated divorced, there must be something wrong there.
And I learned a sense of humility as well. As I was going through it, I'm like, no, people are just people doing their best, going through these things.
(22:25):
And one of the things I discovered was that the family and friends around me, as I started to slowly uncover and tell them what was going on for years, and then my most recent discoveries,
was that they wanted to help me and they didn't know how. And they did, some of them didn't ask either.
(22:47):
And so when somebody's going through that, and you want to help, but you don't know how, and you don't want to impose, and you don't want to make it worse, so you don't say anything.
Right. And you don't ask, how could I, what can I do? It actually makes that person feel more alone.
And they're already in survival mode. They're just like, I got to get the food, I got to do the house, I got to go to the work, I got to pay that bill, all that kind of, I got to drive her back and forth, all that kind of stuff.
(23:22):
And it's important, though, for someone like me that was going through it, you know, you get really good at compartmentalizing, surviving, getting things done.
That type of served me well in that moment. And then I had to learn to be open and vulnerable. I had to learn to ask for help. That was huge.
One of the things that you had highlighted was, and we've had some amazing conversations on this, that, you know, when you have rose colored glasses on at the beginning of a relationship, and you know that you're seeing red flags, and I think we've all been there.
(23:56):
Like, it isn't just even the rose colored glasses for the individual. It's the rose colored glasses, as you said, for the life, the husband, the picture perfect, the feeling fulfilled in whole.
I'm just wondering if there's elements, I think you've already really beautifully touched on it in, you know, listening to your body and understanding that we live in a very corporate world that's instructed us to tune out of when we're tired.
(24:25):
When we're bringing pieces of our energy that are depleted to work to shut it down. So to really tune into your body to listen to when it's telling you it's a red flag.
I'm wondering if you can elaborate on either those red flags that like you would want other people to notice or ways that you allowed your body to feel what it needed to feel to call it what it was.
(24:52):
That's a big question. Questions. I think there's a lot of great resources on what red flags and relationships look like. For me, mine were like huge red flags, but I thought I was so in love that we could work through anything.
(25:13):
So my red flags were, and it's hilarious, I joke about this in my in my in the college class that I teach because I'm like, guys, can you believe that this is this is what I was okay with?
The red flags were two months into the relationship long enough for me to fall in love. Right.
He tells me, by the way, I'm getting divorced. And I'm like, I didn't know you were married. And I'm about to claim bankruptcy.
(25:46):
And I've been in financial services long enough at this point. There was this little part of me that was like, what hell no. And I was like, no, no, you stay.
And what I said was, it's okay. We'll get through it together. If you ask me now, I'm like, are you out of your mind?
I'm in financial service. And it's just been two months. You don't know the man anything.
(26:10):
Now, I will never regret that my daughter came out of that situation because that is the biggest one of the biggest blessings of my life.
But two months in, making that kind of a huge decision to commit and knowing that I'm, I've got the financial background.
Knowing what it means to be smart with your money, be responsible. I mean, those are two big red flags.
(26:36):
However, I mean, we get, we fall in or we're falling in love. We make someone, they seem to be hitting all the right notes on our keyboard.
Yeah. And we don't want to lose the potential of what that could be. And we don't want to be wrong to admit we're wrong, right? To bail out.
(26:57):
Well, I'm going to use your metaphor for the keyboard for a second.
All the notes of the keyboard are seem to be hitting the right way. But we don't have the right audio in place.
Because the keys are screeching. And what we're hearing is this beautiful melody because that's what we want to hear.
(27:19):
We want to find that one person, we want everything to work out beautifully on paper when I first met him.
Everything okay, good job. You know, physically met some key points, like all that kind of stuff. And what didn't help though at the time was my mom, who hadn't met him yet in the beginning, was already like, he's not right for you.
(27:46):
And me going into full rebel mode, I was like, you don't even know. You have never met the person yet. Like, how could you know?
And that was really dangerous. Because instead of being open to listening and then really being honest with myself and giving things time more time, I went into defensive mode, which, which kind of pulled me right back into his corner.
(28:20):
It's gasoline on the fire. Yeah. And I obviously I wasn't aware or consciously aware of all this stuff that was happening. Right. Now what it did do for me though was, especially being in the financial planning world, I'm like, okay, so I got an upfront seat to bankruptcy processes.
And how you rebuild credit now fortunately, fortunately, it didn't impact me directly right away. But over time, the financial decisions that were being made from the other person were more and more questionable.
(28:59):
And I got to a place where I'm like, what's going on? Like, none of this is making sense. And it did start to affect my credit because me trying to be the good wife took on some of his debt onto mining. And so my debt, my credit score got affected. It was, it was low. It wasn't like, I don't know, it was like the low 600 or the high 500s. It was low.
(29:21):
It means acceptable, but low. When I recently checked my credit score, it was 840. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, Celine Dion. I got a lick now.
I have black with all whatever fancy credit card that she has because you have such an awesome credit score. And I have an appreciation for that now. I also have a humility for people who have that credit.
(29:52):
Or they, you know, they've made some irresponsible decisions, but they haven't, they are working on it. And it's, I think it's really important, especially in the work that I do with people, to say, hey, not only do I, I know what you're feeling literally, but this doesn't define you. And I'm going to help you work through it.
(30:16):
Because it's not just about the numbers black and white on a piece of paper. It's about the human being behind it. And I just, if I can, I just love to help people remove that shame around it, the fear around it.
You know, the anger around it. Let's just, let's just get to a place where I hear you, I see you. Let's work on it in a productive way.
(30:46):
Is that what sets you apart as a financial person? What is it about you that I come to you? What can I not anticipate getting from you that I will get from you that sets you apart that makes you different, that makes you unique and special.
What would that, what would you say that is? I think when the key tag lines on my website, which kind of came about organically, it wasn't really planned, but it's financial empowerment through a soulful wisdom.
(31:15):
And that's really uncommon in this industry. I've worked with advisors in their teams. I've coached advisors.
You know, I've, like I said, I've helped thousands of people directly with their plans. And my style evolved over time. And the one thing that I couldn't seem to escape from was just to the humanity part of it.
(31:39):
And if I can be there for you in the way that maybe I didn't have at first, I had it maybe in bits and pieces from people who are doing their best to try to support and help me guide me along the way.
I think that that builds trust and loyalty in the relationship and the communication. Because obviously in most instances when you hear about relationship breakup, communication is a big factor there.
(32:07):
So I do that. And I also try to uncover and help people see their strengths. I know your strengths. You know my strengths. Let's operate from a position of power, empowerment. And I'm going to get you there. I'm going to guide you there. Step by step.
If there's something I don't know, I'm either going to find out or get you the right person. In the beginning of my career, and there's a lot of parts of this career that are very ego driven. And I was kind of raised like that.
(32:39):
You know, just from the environment that you grow up in in this in this industry. It didn't sit well with me after while. And I had some key people along the way.
Kind of saying, you know what any that's not working so well. And they were right. Some of the toughest lessons I've had have been the most valuable to getting me to the better version of myself.
(33:05):
And that's what I like to do for others as well.
I'm acknowledging that they've been through this tough things. It's it doesn't define them. The past doesn't define them. And where they are now is not where they'll end up.
And I think having that sense of humanity holding space because money is a tool. It's a tool.
(33:30):
But we make decisions emotionally. Like in my case, it's okay. We'll get through it together. Let me take on your debt and put it in my name.
Right? That's not logical. That was completely emotional. And if if we can have people who can guide us through, you know, not just the key parts of our life.
(33:53):
Because that's really what a lot of advisors are for us. Like the key parts, key moments of our life, the biggest transitions of our life. But it's that in between phases too.
It's connecting with your relationship with money, which is really not about money at all. And that informs so many other things in our life relationships with everything.
So I'm wondering if off what you were just saying there is there one of the archetypes or the words that we dive into in this show that really spoke to you or had an impact or brought something up for you out of the virgin, the beauty and the bitch.
(34:28):
I love this question.
You know, we start out, you know, especially in our careers or when we start, when we feel like we're starting in life, because now we're in a relationship and then we get married.
We're like, all right, I achieved these things. I am set. I'm an adult now. Right? And even when you start in your career, you're like, oh, great. I got a job. I earned money. Now I got a promotion. Like I'm the bomb.
(34:59):
And what I realized over time, the things that the thing that I felt was I was criticized for but became my strength was the innocence and the purity.
You know, when I was a kid, my dad used to say to me, honey, because he's Armenian.
(35:20):
Why do you have to be mother to result time? And you can clearly see how that played out because I was being a mother to Lisa in the wrong.
But what it allowed me as I evolved over time to the point where I'm at now and it's ongoing is I came to see that innocence and that purity as a strength to look at things through the eyes of a child, like with a sense of wonder.
(35:49):
The possibilities. And so in terms of the word virgin, I would say that I definitely resonate with that at the same time.
Bitch is the word that I would resonate with because I will protect that purity and that innocence. And I learned to find my strength and my power in a healthy way.
(36:16):
While still maintaining and creating my boundaries as I discover them and being unapologetic about it and just being authentically me.
And the beauty has been in the journey to get there beautifully said.
I mean, what's beneath the surface of each one of those words is and what they mean to each individual is it's been very illuminating to go beyond what originally comes up for you.
(36:44):
What what it's meant to you over time and I the the protectress in you for what is the virgin as a concept. I think that is is really like a warrior warrior as kind of spirit as well.
Thank you for that.
And I want to answer some in you say Christopher about magic when I said the magic came later it's there was elements of magic throughout my life.
(37:09):
But it was not open to seeing them and embracing them when I say the magic came later is because as I settled more and more I went from high anxiety survival mode to just settling in kind of grounding myself.
Giving myself permission to go through things how I needed to feel my feelings while still being ambitious and going for things and developing myself and all of that.
(37:38):
And the magic the way that I feel it now is things I allow things to flow.
I surrender more even when things are not quite working out or there's a delay with something or maybe I got rejected for something but it redirected me into a better opportunity.
(38:05):
So the magic has come with time me being open to seeing the magic that's such a beautiful feeling to.
And I mean even this year alone there's been three big key things that have come up that I didn't plan.
Totally unplanned but perfectly aligned and to me that's such a beautiful thing again kind of with you know the name of your podcast I allowed myself to see the beauty of that part of the journey.
(38:41):
And the purity and innocence of being open to these possibilities and then to embrace them and then kind of step into my power to be like hell yeah.
You know just just do it go for that thing speak up create the opportunity to yourself go you know follow follow the flow.
(39:04):
I'll give you some of our magic and some of our magic is that when we were thinking of doing this podcast together so many years ago and we're trying to find a name these three words just came to me and I presented them to Heather and she fell in love with them immediately but in the beginning they were just words virgin beauty bitch we have our old knowledge of these words but they sound great together and they're provocative.
(39:32):
As far as marketing goes they were like perfect great words over time there seems to be magic in the reasons why these words came together to us in that order and you just express that perfectly these are not just words that fall into place and have a traditional meaning to them they're living entities in our lives.
(39:59):
And we need to explore them to their fullest in order to have fulfilled lives so thank you for opening that door to these words that are more than words thank you so much for doing that for us yeah and I think you touched on something there too there's dates there's dates of being and but you're never in one state all the time exactly.
(40:23):
Yes, yes, they're beyond the lifestyle there beyond the way of being they're just life and do you indulge in it do you see the advantages of it the can you can you use them to your you know to your advancement as a human being those words are there for that if that's what you want if they want to go down that rabbit hole it's there yeah if I want to work with you because I love everything you say like 100.
(40:52):
How do people get a whole of you because you're amazing people have to learn more about you I appreciate that and I accept that that compliments I've got a website it's you know triple w any is merleon calm spell that out because that's not a common word name right so it's a N N i e and then it would be my last name which is i said m like Mary I R
(41:21):
L I Y a N like Nancy dot com when he is merleon dot com and you can find me on LinkedIn as well I'm also some of the other projects I work on that are also kind of tied into these things is my friend and I just started a podcast as well it's called two moms and some business and we talk about things like corporate leadership and you know mindful you know some mindful parenting and we just
(41:50):
had a guest about personal branding all tied into the the complexities of the corporate world and so and then the other thing I'm starting is my own YouTube channel and to your point about the name the name came to me which was any unleashed will be I'll be posting soon but it was funny you know it's funny because I asked a couple friends in the very
(42:17):
you know close circle I said hey what do you think of this name you know and a couple of them were like oh awesome love it go for a girl and one friend said is there like another word for unleash like maybe this or that and I was like nope that's exactly why I've got to use that
because of all the things that I've been through it's you know tastefully and professionally respectfully it's got to be me speaking out and speaking up in my voice in my way.
(42:46):
I repressed it and suppressed it for so long yes for based on limiting beliefs and old programming and it was just me reinforcing those things that didn't make any sense and so having that lightness and that freedom to be able to speak on topics like so my YouTube channel will be about things like taking financial
(43:14):
planning concepts and making them relatable in a way that I haven't really seen done so far speaking about mindful parenting things like marriage divorce and separation you know we've got to be comfortable talking about these things because if it's not us going through it somebody that we know going through it.
What we have to do is we have to have you back because there's so much to explore I mean today was great to have your personal story however how you can help so many different people in your knowledge will have to have you back and explore even further okay so sure I love that I would love to have you the last area though because it's I got to honor it's important.
(43:59):
The fourth area that I would like to touch on in my channel is my daughter's wisdom's because even though she's so young still she says things sometimes I'm like oh my god that is so wise and she goes not really mommy it's just real life.
What is that so we have some really cool conversations that I feel compelled to share until she's able to do that for herself one day but there's such beauty in that as well in what I see in the person that she's becoming.
(44:34):
I have to share that but yes I'm happy to come back and help out and share and keep sharing these stories as well definitely keep in touch you know I have had some phenomenal conversation so hopefully that will continue as well but in the meantime people find this phenomenal human being and connect it with me well with you well in the meantime you've been listening to the Virgin. The Beauty.
(45:03):
And the Bitch. Find us. Like us. Share us. Come on back. If you enjoy this conversation let us know because we want to continue them with your participation so thank you.
To become a partner in the VBB Community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com. Like us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, and share us with people who are Defiantly Different like you.
(45:35):
Until next time thanks for listening.
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