October 19, 2025 • 37 mins
Temi Ajibewa is a Personal Brand Expert, Business Coach for Coaches, Author, Mentor, and Transformational Speaker. However, Temi will tell you herself that she is more than her list of impressive titles. Listen to her speak and you will hear stories of family dysfunction, personal struggle, self-discovery, resilience, and reinvention. From battling chronic people-pleasing syndrome to becoming an Amazon best-selling author, Temi is passionate about helping individuals and organizations express their full potential.
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(00:00):
Virgin, Bitch, Podcast, Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique
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life experiences without fear of being defiantly different.
Your hosts, Christopher and Heather, let's talk, shall we?
Here's a question very few women dare think out loud.
What does empowerment mean to you?
The media tells us it's women who've earned titles like, you know, power, president,
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CEO, superstars like Taylor Swift, women bosses, bad ass women, but one group of women and
actually the largest group of women are often excluded from the empowerment conversation.
Who are they?
They are the stay-at-home mom, the housewife, the dependent woman.
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Today we bring her into the empowerment conversation and there is no better person to talk to on
the topic than the founder of the millionaire housewife Academy.
Temi Agibir.
Temi, welcome to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
Thanks, Mom.
Thanks, Mom.
Thank you.
(01:14):
Now, Temi, I understand, I understand the millionaire housewife Academy, which is led
by you, our team of visionary women committed to the impact, to impact as many sit-at-home
women as possible by giving them the right education, tools and opportunities they need
to be mentally and financially independent.
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But who is Temi and where did this visionary idea even come from?
Oh, wow.
Thank you so much.
It's been a while since anyone asked me who is Temi.
So that's like, OK.
So Temi is a very visionary woman.
I say very because I feel I'm a bit over the edge of majority of visionaries.
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So this person who is very driven by my quest for significance.
And what I mean to me is when people's lives are better because they came across me.
So I like to say, I'm not someone you meet.
I'm someone you encounter.
And so I love it when people's lives get better.
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They're able to do better.
They're able to have more because they encountered me.
So I'm moved by my quest for significance.
I'm moved by my quest for freedom.
I love my soul to be free.
Freedom of location, freedom of decision, freedom to be me.
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I love it.
I have something I say.
I say I have an unusual disease known as LFT.
That is low frustration threshold.
I know what to be frustrated.
I'm not this school of long suffering.
I'm sorry I'm not.
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I believe in hard work.
I believe in perseverance.
I believe in grit passion.
But long suffering.
Why should I suffer so long?
I should be able to get myself out of the rods as quickly as possible.
And that's why I leverage heavily on people, on mentors, on coaches to get me out of my
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suffering so that it does not end up being long.
So I'm moved by my quest for freedom and also my quest for luxurious comfort.
I love to be comfortable in a very luxurious manner that I can afford.
I'm not trying to impress anybody.
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One of my ruling principles in life is from ProVap 29, 2022.
I'm a Christian by the way.
And it says that the fear of people's opinions, decibels.
So when you are afraid that people, or people think about you, it ends up in a form of
disability, mental disability, vision, disability, your dreams disability.
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So I do not leave my life in the fear of what people would say or their opinion.
So I'm very decisive.
And yes, I am married with children.
You know, I somehow always money to sit at a pot of milk last.
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I was like, "Woo!"
Most women start with, "You know, I'm married.
I have children.
I'm like, I'm sorry.
Without you guys as amazing as you are, I have two boys.
There is a teamy.
There is a me outside of you, right?
I am right at the front of my line, of my own line.
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You know, there's a queue in front of me.
And I believe that women who are not married should not feel any less than those who are married.
Women who don't have kids, either by choice or by chance, should not feel any less.
So there is always a you.
So I always say, when we strip you of all your accolades, of all your certifications, of
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the titles and the positions, who's left at home?
When I knock in, like, with that, right, beyond all the accolades.
So I always say, who I am from what motivates me, from my vision, from why I do what I do from
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my beliefs, why I woke up this morning grateful, right?
So, yes, so that's who I am.
I hope that kind of manages it.
I'm sure it's just the tip of the iceberg.
It occurs to me that a lot of things you just said, a lot of women are ashamed to admit.
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Why is that?
Do you find that in your work and working with women?
Oh, you think so.
They are ashamed to put themselves the first thing that they talk about.
Oh, yes.
Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.
I just thinking about it, I have a list of people in my head coming up already.
You know, a lot of women feel the need to use external factors to define themselves.
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And it's because of this lie that you are not good enough.
And so it's like, you know, there's this advert I hear used to be the thing in America where
you used to say, "Coke is the real thing."
I'm not promoting Coca-Cola.
I don't even drink it.
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But they say it's the real thing.
We didn't have that advert in Nigeria when I heard it, I'd say it's a thing here.
And so that real thing, a lot of women begin to pour on it oil that covers the real thing.
Just things are fluted.
So you can come in from the marriage, in from the associations, in from of their jobs,
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in from children.
Some even add glitters.
So that's the oil that they pour on the real thing.
It's just the surface.
So they ask you, "Who are you?"
"Oh, I'm a doctor."
You know, I'm a lawyer.
I'm a physician.
I'm a this.
I'm a coach.
I'm married.
I have children.
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I'm a veteran.
They tell you all the surface things that they have used to cover the real thing.
And it's because when we are growing up with the media, either the TV, the radio, the,
you know, social media needs these, what is being celebrated?
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Just go, just go, just go, go and link it.
What is being celebrated is the new job.
It's the new position.
It's the new car, the new house.
So the new certificates, the new degree, the admission.
So all those things begin to form a list of how we define ourselves.
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So when you say, "Who are you?"
You're thinking of, "Oh, those things, you know, that I use it every myself."
Not, "Who are you?"
"What are your idiosyncrasies?"
What makes you unique?
Like your fingerprints.
You begin to forget those things.
So a couple of days ago, I got a nomination to be conferred an honorary degree.
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Honorary doctorates, doctorate degree.
So I told my mother in love.
I love her to pick pieces.
She's my best friend, my husband's mother.
I'm like, "Mom, you know, I'm gonna get this degree at this honorary doctorate."
She's like, "Oh, wow."
So you become Dr. Mrs. Tami Agibewa.
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I said, "No, I will become Dr. Tami Agibewa."
You're like, "No, what happens to the Mrs?"
I'm like, "Hello."
You don't say Dr. Mista, "Tunday Agibewa."
My husband is "Tunday."
So why would you say Dr. Mrs. Tami Agibewa?
He said, "But how will they know you're married?"
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I'm like, "Why do they need to know how married?"
Why?
She's like, "Okay, how will they know I'm a woman?"
You should see her ask, "How will they know you're a woman?"
I'm like, "How will they know he's a man?"
Why should they even know?
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You're like, "Ah, what you know?"
We have this couple around us.
You know, one is Dr. Chris.
The other is Dr. Mrs. Chris.
I said, "That's right there."
He's wrong.
Don't do that, mommy.
Don't do it.
They are both Dr. Chris's.
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You can say Dr. Steve Chris and Dr. Betty Chris.
That way you get to know who is who.
You don't just slalom the means to like, "Oh, wow."
Suddenly I feel so wrong.
Like, "Amena, no, no, no, it's okay.
It's okay.
You didn't know.
You know I wear, but now you are wear."
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It's now your responsibility to educate other people.
And she's way back in Nigeria, in a village in Nigeria.
But she happens to be a retired school principal.
She is very well read, you know, as a school principal, a secondary school principal.
Like a college, you know, not college, college is university.
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Like a middle and high school, high school principal, you know.
She's like, "Oh, wow, now I know."
You know, I say, "Yes, do change that."
Now, that's a kind of conditioning that we still have to achieve.
We still have to touch the misses.
To wear us, the man is not compelled.
He's just a doctor on that set.
You know, so it's from all the things that are being celebrated, the things that are being
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re-interredated and reinforced in our minds.
Back in Nigeria, at least growing up, women would stay in abusive marriages like very
abusive.
And they would say that they are staying for their children.
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And these children will grow to blame the mothers.
I have a close friend who right now, he's having a friction with her husband.
And the husband always says that it seems my friend is punishing her for her further,
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punishing him for giving me, punishing him for her father's maltreatment of her mother.
I'm like, "What?"
And so I asked her, she said to me, "I can't help it."
That my mom took too many shit, forgive my friend, too many shit from my father.
It was just too much.
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She just keeps thinking of the nonsense of her nonsense that she kept accepting from
him.
And so she grew up hating her and do loving her father.
I'm like, "Why?
Why?
Why?"
She said because she just does.
She hates why any human being would take so much.
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She had opportunities to have worked out, to have just gone, but he would just abuse her,
make her feel small, she stopped going to school, she just killed herself.
And she would say she was only for her kids.
Now this, the just two of them, according to her, she detests her.
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Ananlegh.
Gosh.
Look at that.
All of that for what?
And so I don't advocate divorce, not ordinarily, but I say the moment you stop being your
priority, the moment you lose your peace, the moment you stop being your priority, the
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moment you stop being the reason why you are in the marriage.
That's a good time to check out.
You can't be there for the children, you can't be there for what people would say, for
the in-laws, or for the money, or for all those things.
It has to be for your peace of mind is very, very important.
So I see lots of women, they just cover.
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It has the word I want to use.
They just cover their heads to the other titles that we have, that we see.
And they don't say I am this.
So who should you be?
You should be your own identity.
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Your reason for living should be why you are, should be you.
Your purpose in life should be you.
Your passions should be you.
You know your, your subjects matters that excites you should be you.
Your likes, your dislikes should be you.
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You know, those are things that should define you before anything else.
Why?
Because those are the things you can share in common with other people.
There will be thousands of doctors, thousands of mothers, millions of mothers, right?
Thousands of people, thousands of sisters, thousands of girlfriends, thousands of people,
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but you see when we put together your reason for being what the Chinese would call your
Ikigai.
When we put that together, there are few people that can compete with that.
And that is how you want to keep defining yourself, not just with the labels.
Amen.
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Wow.
Isn't that?
Wow.
I think that's what we've been doing.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
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We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
It's your responsibility to make sure all these people around you are cared for and you're
at the bottom of the list.
So you know, everything that you've spoken towards here to really build up that sense
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of self that is beyond who you are to other people or even the accolades that you have
or the certificates and really get to know that person that your likes, your dislikes,
what motivates you so that you have something that no matter what the circumstances around
you are, change.
You still have that.
You can come back home.
Come back home.
Come back home.
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And when you do that, you are able to also let other people be themselves.
You are able to extend more grace to other people.
You are able to serve not from your full cup, but from your overflow.
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You don't serve from your full cup.
Nothing in your cup is for you.
Your full cup is for you, baby.
It's what you have.
So when you keep pouring into yourself, you pour self love, self care, self compassion,
self confidence, you keep pouring that into your, you begin to overflow.
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Then and only then can you begin to serve from your saucer.
And everyone is happy because you are full.
And if you keep pouring from your full cup, you keep pouring from your full cup.
As soon as it goes on, you're going to be empty.
Your full cup is yours.
Say it with me.
My full cup is mine.
My cup is mine.
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Yes.
Here's a, here's a deep problem.
Is that your core identity as a female is devalued.
The moment you're born female.
So filling that cup that is devalued by everyone around you is so difficult.
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How did you manage to understand your own value, your own worth?
Yeah.
Thank you so much for saying that, for asking that question.
Because this brings me right back to the beginning of my life.
So I grew up as a bastard.
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And a bastard is a child without a father or legally, you know, speaking.
My mother met my father when she was 26 years old.
My father was married and had, I think, three children.
But it was a Muslim.
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And so back in Nigeria, Muslims are allowed to have up to four wives, which is another form
of nonsense.
Anyway, but hey, it's a culture and you just don't want to tamper with that.
So they met in Nigeria.
My father used to live in the UK because he used to work with it with an airline.
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So his wife was in the UK and then my father's relatives said, oh, you are back in Nigeria.
I'm in your wife home, but my father's wife, my stepmom back in the UK did not want to come
back to Nigeria.
So his relatives said, well, if your legal wife will not come to Nigeria, then you have to
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keep your second wife because you just can't be here by yourself.
You need to have a wife here with you.
And it was allowed.
It was legal.
And so my mother was supposed to be the second wife.
Now, there's this thing we have in our culture, Yuruba Lad, where the woman needs to get
pregnant to prove her fertility before the marriage, another form of discrimination.
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So my mother had to get pregnant to prove her fertility.
So when that happened, my father said, oh, yeah, so now I can get married to you.
Unfortunately, my stepmother caught a whiff of the whole arrangement and then threatened
to sue my father in the courts in the UK.
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And then he said, once you come in here in Nigeria, yes, you're good, but don't expect to come
in here.
And I will not sue you for bigger me.
And so my father lost his balls and told my mother to abort mission, mission right here.
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And then she said, no, I'm 27 years old, never falling pregnant before.
And I would not abort this mission.
And so at the time, when being a single mother was not sexy, at the time when, originally,
child by yourself was never encouraged.
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My mother chose the headway out.
Let my father and chose, because my father said if you would have that child, it would be
your, he or she would be your sole responsibility.
So my mother chose that path.
Then, God, she did, because I was our only child until she passed 16 years ago when I
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was 21.
She passed.
And so my mother raised me by herself, single mother, who were poor, who were really poor.
But she gave me the best of education.
She sent me to private schools.
She worked hard as a marketer, as an insurance marketer.
She never really remarried.
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She remarried one time, not fully.
She was also required to prove her fertility to make things legal, but she couldn't have
a child.
So she was like halfway in and then out from there, because she could not have a second child.
Look at that.
Where else she did, she did it with me so easily.
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And so, it was just the two of us.
I grew up independent.
I grew up.
My mom was very strong woman.
She had a shop.
She would sell groceries from water to milk to biscuits to chocolate to beer.
And she had to do everything to just for the two of us to survive.
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So I saw for the rejection firsthand.
At any occasion with other people, any fights, those kids on the street would call me a
bastard.
For a long time, my middle name was a bastard.
So I was Tammy, bastard, lost my son.
My son named was La Waal.
Tammy, bastard, La Waal.
Tammy, bastard.
I mean, for a long time.
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My mother was tagged a prostitute because when you have a child, you don't know the father,
supposedly, or people don't know the father because she knew the father.
But they don't know.
They don't see him around.
You were tagged a prostitute because it was assumed that you were sleeping around.
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And they, you could, so in our context, that's what we call prostitute.
Not necessarily the professional guys.
So, that was it.
So I grew up with that stigma.
And it was a thing for me.
And I just wanted to show my father what a bastard he was.
And so I grew up wanting to just prove the point.
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I had this point that I wanted to prove.
But to be successful, to make money, you know, I met him when I was 17 years old.
I looked for him.
I found him.
And he still wasn't responsible, you know.
I really wanted to show him.
That was my reason.
That was my first motivation for success until I did.
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I placed him on a monthly salary.
I remember there was a month he called me to ask for the money.
That was about 80 years ago.
Oh, you know, I didn't see my monthly allowance.
And I'm like the nerve.
You, you know.
And then I knew I had shown my father.
And so in 2018, I was at a conference by Tony Robbins in London.
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And he said something.
He taught something about reframing your mind,
reframing what happened to you.
And not saying you are here despite of what happened to you,
but that you are here because of what happened to you.
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I remember breaking down.
And then he said, be grateful for everything
that was done to you because they were done for you.
Ursh.
Just thinking about it now, you know, I'm in that space again.
And so that began my healing journey.
2018, where I became grateful for my father,
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that I'm here because of him.
Every single thing you did, every rejection, every rape I suffered
because I was not protected.
Every abortion I had to have because of--
because I was not protected.
I was looking for love everywhere, looking for acceptance.
Every gray head man was a center of attraction,
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strong poo for me because I was just looking for a father.
And this man took advantage of me, severally over and over.
So thinking about all of that and saying that I went through all
of that and I should be grateful for that.
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It was a huge hurdle I had to cross.
But I'm grateful for the conference with Tony Robbins.
It was the only list of power within conference.
That conference changed my life.
And that was how I was able to break away from that.
And it's been a journey ever since because she
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keeps happening.
I have to keep reframing.
Like, you have to keep reframing, right?
So that was it for me.
Even losing my mother, becoming grateful for that too,
was underfinity entirely again.
Was under layer.
And like, why did she have to die?
Just when I was about to start making it,
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she was ill for a year.
She never enjoyed life really.
It was just-- but I had to also refrain.
She had to because of this, this, this, this.
And I'm here now.
I'm better now.
Now I can't empathize.
Now I can feel five years ago, I lost over $200,000 of mine
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and other people's money to a bad investment, a high-risk
investment in crypto.
And I personally guaranteed this people's money, foolishly.
And so I've had to pay people back their money
from my personal income, back in Nigeria.
And I'm like, why did it have to happen to me?
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Why me?
I did a refrain as well.
Now I'm able to help other people.
And I've read several messages I brought tears to my eyes.
And people keep mentioning the word, your heart, your heart.
And I'm like, when you pay for my coaching programs,
I do not put my heart on the list of things you would get.
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I don't say you get my heart, my dust.
I just say, I'll teach you this.
But they keep saying your heart.
But that heart is a seed.
It's a wounded heart.
That heart has been shamed, has been punched,
has been brutally battered.
And what's the word I'm looking for?
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Brutalized?
I don't know.
But it's been--
That's terrible.
That's terrible.
But I'm able to grow out of all of that
because of the constant, consistent work
of how to be doing on my heart.
And I won't be able to always pray God and large my heart,
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and large my heart to be able to accommodate more people.
So I'm able to feel.
I'm able to empathize.
I'm able to--
when I share my story of losing money, people are like,
oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness, go tell me, how do you survive that?
Maybe they are all in like 10K.
And they hear that I'm coming out of 200K dead.
Like what?
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It's mind blowing for them.
And it keeps me grateful and keeps me humble every single time.
So the short answer to your question
is it's been a tough rough journey
having to come out of that space to where I'm saying
I'm feeling my call for myself.
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It's everyday work.
It's reading.
It's studying.
It's coaching.
It's mentoring to be the best vision of myself.
I can be every single day.
That is so beautiful.
And it really brings light to a question
that we love to ask our guests.
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And I would love to hear your perspective
given everything that you've just shared here.
What does feminine mean to you?
I think the closest word I can--
I can say for me is multiplication.
I think multiplication when I go feminine.
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And it's not having a child.
I'll show you my best friend.
If I grow-- is it grown now or grew up in America,
I most likely would never have had children.
You know, I'm just going to just
women that have kids.
I love my kids to pieces.
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They have been nominal boys.
I would have seven of them if I was guaranteed
I'll keep having these kind of kids.
But I just think of a being that has capacity to just multiply.
So just--
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I won't say give.
So that is what we seem to have printed.
But to be multiple things.
You can be this, you can be that, you can be that.
So good.
So excellently strong and good in your outputs
that every bit of you that is experienced is beautiful.
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It is excellent.
It is whole sum.
It is amazing.
Every single bit of you, every flick of your hair,
every flot of your lashes, every ton of your fingers,
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everything you touch, every multiplication of you
is a wonder.
You are magnificent.
If I came back to the world at million times,
I would not want to be anything but a woman,
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like a woman.
That this woman I am right here, there's
nothing I would change about that.
So when I think of a woman, I just think of this.
I think of somebody that's sometimes like a rainbow,
an octopal.
Someone who knows is equally excellent in all.
How expressions.
(32:17):
Yeah.
That's the word.
That is absolutely.
We've heard so many responses to that question.
And each is so unique in their own way.
But you just bring such a vibrancy to that conversation.
So thank you for that.
People who want to work with you, because I want to work with you.
(32:38):
How do they connect to work with you?
Thank you.
So the closest place you can catch me is my website,
www.tami@gbawa.
That's T-E-M-I-A-J-I-B-E-W-A.
(32:59):
Tami@gbawa.com.
I'm also very active on Instagram.
Tami@gbawa as well.
I'm active on LinkedIn.
LinkedIn.com/ins/tami@gbawa.
I'm active on Facebook.
Tami@gbawa.
You can email me as well.
Tami@gbawa.com.
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So currently I serve as an expert monetization coach for third leaders,
women and men who have a body of knowledge.
They have passion.
They have this expertise that they want other people to know more about.
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They want to shine their light and be shameless about it.
Find your purpose, find your calling, and just turn the lights on that calling.
And make money from it.
That's my jam.
I love to help people make money, to create wealth, to become known,
become visible, you know, get recognized for who you are, you know, your person.
(34:10):
You know, I love that.
So that's how we can stick connected.
Thank you so much.
I want you to share something.
We spoke last week just briefly that both of us were motivated by Tony Robbins
to power with him.
And it was at that event where I, as a man,
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sat down for the first time and heard women speak about their true experience in this life.
Just as you have shared with us today, I spent days and days and days listening to women speak on that level.
And that is what motivated me to do what I do and have a partner like Heather to help me in that journey.
(34:53):
So I definitely want to acknowledge that common connection that brought us going in this same direction
and how powerful it is, how necessary it is, and why we are so committed to it.
Thank you for sharing your story.
It puts everything in context as to why we do what we do.
(35:18):
Thank you so much.
Thank you for being part of that journey.
You know, after my experience in 2018, it was so good.
I got back to Nigeria.
I sent to my husband that you have to be the next one.
So I give, tell him the experience, the flights, the tickets, the hotels, everything.
I said, we are going.
So 2019 we're dead together.
(35:39):
And I remember at the end of the fourth day, as we go to our hotel,
my head held my head in his hands, kissed my forehead and he said, take me, you are a life changer.
And my husband has not been the same again.
The following day, I remember him buying three tickets for the following edition.
(36:00):
He said, we would come and we must bring a friend to join us for the next edition.
Unfortunately, COVID happened.
So we couldn't go.
So we had to do the virtual one, you know, after that.
But that was, it was a really, it was a pivotal moment in my life.
It was a turning point for me.
I began to see things differently.
(36:22):
And I'm really happy for where I am today, despite because of all I've been through.
Yes.
Thank you so much.
I really pray that women who are hearing this, men who are hearing this, have an opportunity
to look within and see their own power.
(36:43):
And to express that power to change the world around them.
I pray that that is the outcome of this conversation.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for joining us.
And you have been listening to the Virgin, the beauty and the bitch.
Find us.
Like us.
Share us.
We welcome you back.
To become a partner in the BBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.
(37:10):
Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
And share us with people who are defiantly different.
Like you.
Until next time, thanks for listening.
(upbeat music)
[Music]
Virgin, Bitch, Podcast, Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique
(00:10):
life experiences without fear of being defiantly different.
Your hosts, Christopher and Heather, let's talk, shall we?
Here's a question very few women dare think out loud.
What does empowerment mean to you?
The media tells us it's women who've earned titles like, you know, power, president,
(00:33):
CEO, superstars like Taylor Swift, women bosses, bad ass women, but one group of women and
actually the largest group of women are often excluded from the empowerment conversation.
Who are they?
They are the stay-at-home mom, the housewife, the dependent woman.
(00:54):
Today we bring her into the empowerment conversation and there is no better person to talk to on
the topic than the founder of the millionaire housewife Academy.
Temi Agibir.
Temi, welcome to Virgin Beauty Bitch.
Thanks, Mom.
Thanks, Mom.
Thank you.
(01:14):
Now, Temi, I understand, I understand the millionaire housewife Academy, which is led
by you, our team of visionary women committed to the impact, to impact as many sit-at-home
women as possible by giving them the right education, tools and opportunities they need
to be mentally and financially independent.
(01:35):
But who is Temi and where did this visionary idea even come from?
Oh, wow.
Thank you so much.
It's been a while since anyone asked me who is Temi.
So that's like, OK.
So Temi is a very visionary woman.
I say very because I feel I'm a bit over the edge of majority of visionaries.
(02:03):
So this person who is very driven by my quest for significance.
And what I mean to me is when people's lives are better because they came across me.
So I like to say, I'm not someone you meet.
I'm someone you encounter.
And so I love it when people's lives get better.
(02:26):
They're able to do better.
They're able to have more because they encountered me.
So I'm moved by my quest for significance.
I'm moved by my quest for freedom.
I love my soul to be free.
Freedom of location, freedom of decision, freedom to be me.
(02:50):
I love it.
I have something I say.
I say I have an unusual disease known as LFT.
That is low frustration threshold.
I know what to be frustrated.
I'm not this school of long suffering.
I'm sorry I'm not.
(03:11):
I believe in hard work.
I believe in perseverance.
I believe in grit passion.
But long suffering.
Why should I suffer so long?
I should be able to get myself out of the rods as quickly as possible.
And that's why I leverage heavily on people, on mentors, on coaches to get me out of my
(03:34):
suffering so that it does not end up being long.
So I'm moved by my quest for freedom and also my quest for luxurious comfort.
I love to be comfortable in a very luxurious manner that I can afford.
I'm not trying to impress anybody.
(03:56):
One of my ruling principles in life is from ProVap 29, 2022.
I'm a Christian by the way.
And it says that the fear of people's opinions, decibels.
So when you are afraid that people, or people think about you, it ends up in a form of
disability, mental disability, vision, disability, your dreams disability.
(04:21):
So I do not leave my life in the fear of what people would say or their opinion.
So I'm very decisive.
And yes, I am married with children.
You know, I somehow always money to sit at a pot of milk last.
(04:42):
I was like, "Woo!"
Most women start with, "You know, I'm married.
I have children.
I'm like, I'm sorry.
Without you guys as amazing as you are, I have two boys.
There is a teamy.
There is a me outside of you, right?
I am right at the front of my line, of my own line.
(05:02):
You know, there's a queue in front of me.
And I believe that women who are not married should not feel any less than those who are married.
Women who don't have kids, either by choice or by chance, should not feel any less.
So there is always a you.
So I always say, when we strip you of all your accolades, of all your certifications, of
(05:26):
the titles and the positions, who's left at home?
When I knock in, like, with that, right, beyond all the accolades.
So I always say, who I am from what motivates me, from my vision, from why I do what I do from
(05:47):
my beliefs, why I woke up this morning grateful, right?
So, yes, so that's who I am.
I hope that kind of manages it.
I'm sure it's just the tip of the iceberg.
It occurs to me that a lot of things you just said, a lot of women are ashamed to admit.
(06:11):
Why is that?
Do you find that in your work and working with women?
Oh, you think so.
They are ashamed to put themselves the first thing that they talk about.
Oh, yes.
Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.
I just thinking about it, I have a list of people in my head coming up already.
You know, a lot of women feel the need to use external factors to define themselves.
(06:40):
And it's because of this lie that you are not good enough.
And so it's like, you know, there's this advert I hear used to be the thing in America where
you used to say, "Coke is the real thing."
I'm not promoting Coca-Cola.
I don't even drink it.
(07:02):
But they say it's the real thing.
We didn't have that advert in Nigeria when I heard it, I'd say it's a thing here.
And so that real thing, a lot of women begin to pour on it oil that covers the real thing.
Just things are fluted.
So you can come in from the marriage, in from the associations, in from of their jobs,
(07:26):
in from children.
Some even add glitters.
So that's the oil that they pour on the real thing.
It's just the surface.
So they ask you, "Who are you?"
"Oh, I'm a doctor."
You know, I'm a lawyer.
I'm a physician.
I'm a this.
I'm a coach.
I'm married.
I have children.
(07:47):
I'm a veteran.
They tell you all the surface things that they have used to cover the real thing.
And it's because when we are growing up with the media, either the TV, the radio, the,
you know, social media needs these, what is being celebrated?
(08:11):
Just go, just go, just go, go and link it.
What is being celebrated is the new job.
It's the new position.
It's the new car, the new house.
So the new certificates, the new degree, the admission.
So all those things begin to form a list of how we define ourselves.
(08:34):
So when you say, "Who are you?"
You're thinking of, "Oh, those things, you know, that I use it every myself."
Not, "Who are you?"
"What are your idiosyncrasies?"
What makes you unique?
Like your fingerprints.
You begin to forget those things.
So a couple of days ago, I got a nomination to be conferred an honorary degree.
(08:58):
Honorary doctorates, doctorate degree.
So I told my mother in love.
I love her to pick pieces.
She's my best friend, my husband's mother.
I'm like, "Mom, you know, I'm gonna get this degree at this honorary doctorate."
She's like, "Oh, wow."
So you become Dr. Mrs. Tami Agibewa.
(09:19):
I said, "No, I will become Dr. Tami Agibewa."
You're like, "No, what happens to the Mrs?"
I'm like, "Hello."
You don't say Dr. Mista, "Tunday Agibewa."
My husband is "Tunday."
So why would you say Dr. Mrs. Tami Agibewa?
He said, "But how will they know you're married?"
(09:42):
I'm like, "Why do they need to know how married?"
Why?
She's like, "Okay, how will they know I'm a woman?"
You should see her ask, "How will they know you're a woman?"
I'm like, "How will they know he's a man?"
Why should they even know?
(10:07):
You're like, "Ah, what you know?"
We have this couple around us.
You know, one is Dr. Chris.
The other is Dr. Mrs. Chris.
I said, "That's right there."
He's wrong.
Don't do that, mommy.
Don't do it.
They are both Dr. Chris's.
(10:29):
You can say Dr. Steve Chris and Dr. Betty Chris.
That way you get to know who is who.
You don't just slalom the means to like, "Oh, wow."
Suddenly I feel so wrong.
Like, "Amena, no, no, no, it's okay.
It's okay.
You didn't know.
You know I wear, but now you are wear."
(10:52):
It's now your responsibility to educate other people.
And she's way back in Nigeria, in a village in Nigeria.
But she happens to be a retired school principal.
She is very well read, you know, as a school principal, a secondary school principal.
Like a college, you know, not college, college is university.
(11:14):
Like a middle and high school, high school principal, you know.
She's like, "Oh, wow, now I know."
You know, I say, "Yes, do change that."
Now, that's a kind of conditioning that we still have to achieve.
We still have to touch the misses.
To wear us, the man is not compelled.
He's just a doctor on that set.
You know, so it's from all the things that are being celebrated, the things that are being
(11:39):
re-interredated and reinforced in our minds.
Back in Nigeria, at least growing up, women would stay in abusive marriages like very
abusive.
And they would say that they are staying for their children.
(11:59):
And these children will grow to blame the mothers.
I have a close friend who right now, he's having a friction with her husband.
And the husband always says that it seems my friend is punishing her for her further,
(12:21):
punishing him for giving me, punishing him for her father's maltreatment of her mother.
I'm like, "What?"
And so I asked her, she said to me, "I can't help it."
That my mom took too many shit, forgive my friend, too many shit from my father.
It was just too much.
(12:41):
She just keeps thinking of the nonsense of her nonsense that she kept accepting from
him.
And so she grew up hating her and do loving her father.
I'm like, "Why?
Why?
Why?"
She said because she just does.
She hates why any human being would take so much.
(13:05):
She had opportunities to have worked out, to have just gone, but he would just abuse her,
make her feel small, she stopped going to school, she just killed herself.
And she would say she was only for her kids.
Now this, the just two of them, according to her, she detests her.
(13:25):
Ananlegh.
Gosh.
Look at that.
All of that for what?
And so I don't advocate divorce, not ordinarily, but I say the moment you stop being your
priority, the moment you lose your peace, the moment you stop being your priority, the
(13:46):
moment you stop being the reason why you are in the marriage.
That's a good time to check out.
You can't be there for the children, you can't be there for what people would say, for
the in-laws, or for the money, or for all those things.
It has to be for your peace of mind is very, very important.
So I see lots of women, they just cover.
(14:08):
It has the word I want to use.
They just cover their heads to the other titles that we have, that we see.
And they don't say I am this.
So who should you be?
You should be your own identity.
(14:30):
Your reason for living should be why you are, should be you.
Your purpose in life should be you.
Your passions should be you.
You know your, your subjects matters that excites you should be you.
Your likes, your dislikes should be you.
(14:51):
You know, those are things that should define you before anything else.
Why?
Because those are the things you can share in common with other people.
There will be thousands of doctors, thousands of mothers, millions of mothers, right?
Thousands of people, thousands of sisters, thousands of girlfriends, thousands of people,
(15:13):
but you see when we put together your reason for being what the Chinese would call your
Ikigai.
When we put that together, there are few people that can compete with that.
And that is how you want to keep defining yourself, not just with the labels.
Amen.
(15:34):
Wow.
Isn't that?
Wow.
I think that's what we've been doing.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
(15:56):
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
We've been doing this for a long time.
It's your responsibility to make sure all these people around you are cared for and you're
at the bottom of the list.
So you know, everything that you've spoken towards here to really build up that sense
(16:16):
of self that is beyond who you are to other people or even the accolades that you have
or the certificates and really get to know that person that your likes, your dislikes,
what motivates you so that you have something that no matter what the circumstances around
you are, change.
You still have that.
You can come back home.
Come back home.
Come back home.
(16:36):
And when you do that, you are able to also let other people be themselves.
You are able to extend more grace to other people.
You are able to serve not from your full cup, but from your overflow.
(16:56):
You don't serve from your full cup.
Nothing in your cup is for you.
Your full cup is for you, baby.
It's what you have.
So when you keep pouring into yourself, you pour self love, self care, self compassion,
self confidence, you keep pouring that into your, you begin to overflow.
(17:20):
Then and only then can you begin to serve from your saucer.
And everyone is happy because you are full.
And if you keep pouring from your full cup, you keep pouring from your full cup.
As soon as it goes on, you're going to be empty.
Your full cup is yours.
Say it with me.
My full cup is mine.
My cup is mine.
(17:41):
Yes.
Here's a, here's a deep problem.
Is that your core identity as a female is devalued.
The moment you're born female.
So filling that cup that is devalued by everyone around you is so difficult.
(18:06):
How did you manage to understand your own value, your own worth?
Yeah.
Thank you so much for saying that, for asking that question.
Because this brings me right back to the beginning of my life.
So I grew up as a bastard.
(18:29):
And a bastard is a child without a father or legally, you know, speaking.
My mother met my father when she was 26 years old.
My father was married and had, I think, three children.
But it was a Muslim.
(18:50):
And so back in Nigeria, Muslims are allowed to have up to four wives, which is another form
of nonsense.
Anyway, but hey, it's a culture and you just don't want to tamper with that.
So they met in Nigeria.
My father used to live in the UK because he used to work with it with an airline.
(19:12):
So his wife was in the UK and then my father's relatives said, oh, you are back in Nigeria.
I'm in your wife home, but my father's wife, my stepmom back in the UK did not want to come
back to Nigeria.
So his relatives said, well, if your legal wife will not come to Nigeria, then you have to
(19:35):
keep your second wife because you just can't be here by yourself.
You need to have a wife here with you.
And it was allowed.
It was legal.
And so my mother was supposed to be the second wife.
Now, there's this thing we have in our culture, Yuruba Lad, where the woman needs to get
pregnant to prove her fertility before the marriage, another form of discrimination.
(20:05):
So my mother had to get pregnant to prove her fertility.
So when that happened, my father said, oh, yeah, so now I can get married to you.
Unfortunately, my stepmother caught a whiff of the whole arrangement and then threatened
to sue my father in the courts in the UK.
(20:26):
And then he said, once you come in here in Nigeria, yes, you're good, but don't expect to come
in here.
And I will not sue you for bigger me.
And so my father lost his balls and told my mother to abort mission, mission right here.
(20:46):
And then she said, no, I'm 27 years old, never falling pregnant before.
And I would not abort this mission.
And so at the time, when being a single mother was not sexy, at the time when, originally,
child by yourself was never encouraged.
(21:10):
My mother chose the headway out.
Let my father and chose, because my father said if you would have that child, it would be
your, he or she would be your sole responsibility.
So my mother chose that path.
Then, God, she did, because I was our only child until she passed 16 years ago when I
(21:31):
was 21.
She passed.
And so my mother raised me by herself, single mother, who were poor, who were really poor.
But she gave me the best of education.
She sent me to private schools.
She worked hard as a marketer, as an insurance marketer.
She never really remarried.
(21:52):
She remarried one time, not fully.
She was also required to prove her fertility to make things legal, but she couldn't have
a child.
So she was like halfway in and then out from there, because she could not have a second child.
Look at that.
Where else she did, she did it with me so easily.
(22:13):
And so, it was just the two of us.
I grew up independent.
I grew up.
My mom was very strong woman.
She had a shop.
She would sell groceries from water to milk to biscuits to chocolate to beer.
And she had to do everything to just for the two of us to survive.
(22:36):
So I saw for the rejection firsthand.
At any occasion with other people, any fights, those kids on the street would call me a
bastard.
For a long time, my middle name was a bastard.
So I was Tammy, bastard, lost my son.
My son named was La Waal.
Tammy, bastard, La Waal.
Tammy, bastard.
I mean, for a long time.
(22:57):
My mother was tagged a prostitute because when you have a child, you don't know the father,
supposedly, or people don't know the father because she knew the father.
But they don't know.
They don't see him around.
You were tagged a prostitute because it was assumed that you were sleeping around.
(23:18):
And they, you could, so in our context, that's what we call prostitute.
Not necessarily the professional guys.
So, that was it.
So I grew up with that stigma.
And it was a thing for me.
And I just wanted to show my father what a bastard he was.
And so I grew up wanting to just prove the point.
(23:41):
I had this point that I wanted to prove.
But to be successful, to make money, you know, I met him when I was 17 years old.
I looked for him.
I found him.
And he still wasn't responsible, you know.
I really wanted to show him.
That was my reason.
That was my first motivation for success until I did.
(24:03):
I placed him on a monthly salary.
I remember there was a month he called me to ask for the money.
That was about 80 years ago.
Oh, you know, I didn't see my monthly allowance.
And I'm like the nerve.
You, you know.
And then I knew I had shown my father.
And so in 2018, I was at a conference by Tony Robbins in London.
(24:26):
And he said something.
He taught something about reframing your mind,
reframing what happened to you.
And not saying you are here despite of what happened to you,
but that you are here because of what happened to you.
(24:48):
I remember breaking down.
And then he said, be grateful for everything
that was done to you because they were done for you.
Ursh.
Just thinking about it now, you know, I'm in that space again.
And so that began my healing journey.
2018, where I became grateful for my father,
(25:14):
that I'm here because of him.
Every single thing you did, every rejection, every rape I suffered
because I was not protected.
Every abortion I had to have because of--
because I was not protected.
I was looking for love everywhere, looking for acceptance.
Every gray head man was a center of attraction,
(25:39):
strong poo for me because I was just looking for a father.
And this man took advantage of me, severally over and over.
So thinking about all of that and saying that I went through all
of that and I should be grateful for that.
(25:59):
It was a huge hurdle I had to cross.
But I'm grateful for the conference with Tony Robbins.
It was the only list of power within conference.
That conference changed my life.
And that was how I was able to break away from that.
And it's been a journey ever since because she
(26:21):
keeps happening.
I have to keep reframing.
Like, you have to keep reframing, right?
So that was it for me.
Even losing my mother, becoming grateful for that too,
was underfinity entirely again.
Was under layer.
And like, why did she have to die?
Just when I was about to start making it,
(26:44):
she was ill for a year.
She never enjoyed life really.
It was just-- but I had to also refrain.
She had to because of this, this, this, this.
And I'm here now.
I'm better now.
Now I can't empathize.
Now I can feel five years ago, I lost over $200,000 of mine
(27:06):
and other people's money to a bad investment, a high-risk
investment in crypto.
And I personally guaranteed this people's money, foolishly.
And so I've had to pay people back their money
from my personal income, back in Nigeria.
And I'm like, why did it have to happen to me?
(27:26):
Why me?
I did a refrain as well.
Now I'm able to help other people.
And I've read several messages I brought tears to my eyes.
And people keep mentioning the word, your heart, your heart.
And I'm like, when you pay for my coaching programs,
I do not put my heart on the list of things you would get.
(27:51):
I don't say you get my heart, my dust.
I just say, I'll teach you this.
But they keep saying your heart.
But that heart is a seed.
It's a wounded heart.
That heart has been shamed, has been punched,
has been brutally battered.
And what's the word I'm looking for?
(28:14):
Brutalized?
I don't know.
But it's been--
That's terrible.
That's terrible.
But I'm able to grow out of all of that
because of the constant, consistent work
of how to be doing on my heart.
And I won't be able to always pray God and large my heart,
(28:37):
and large my heart to be able to accommodate more people.
So I'm able to feel.
I'm able to empathize.
I'm able to--
when I share my story of losing money, people are like,
oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness, go tell me, how do you survive that?
Maybe they are all in like 10K.
And they hear that I'm coming out of 200K dead.
Like what?
(28:59):
It's mind blowing for them.
And it keeps me grateful and keeps me humble every single time.
So the short answer to your question
is it's been a tough rough journey
having to come out of that space to where I'm saying
I'm feeling my call for myself.
(29:21):
It's everyday work.
It's reading.
It's studying.
It's coaching.
It's mentoring to be the best vision of myself.
I can be every single day.
That is so beautiful.
And it really brings light to a question
that we love to ask our guests.
(29:41):
And I would love to hear your perspective
given everything that you've just shared here.
What does feminine mean to you?
I think the closest word I can--
I can say for me is multiplication.
I think multiplication when I go feminine.
(30:04):
And it's not having a child.
I'll show you my best friend.
If I grow-- is it grown now or grew up in America,
I most likely would never have had children.
You know, I'm just going to just
women that have kids.
I love my kids to pieces.
(30:26):
They have been nominal boys.
I would have seven of them if I was guaranteed
I'll keep having these kind of kids.
But I just think of a being that has capacity to just multiply.
So just--
(30:47):
I won't say give.
So that is what we seem to have printed.
But to be multiple things.
You can be this, you can be that, you can be that.
So good.
So excellently strong and good in your outputs
that every bit of you that is experienced is beautiful.
(31:13):
It is excellent.
It is whole sum.
It is amazing.
Every single bit of you, every flick of your hair,
every flot of your lashes, every ton of your fingers,
(31:34):
everything you touch, every multiplication of you
is a wonder.
You are magnificent.
If I came back to the world at million times,
I would not want to be anything but a woman,
(31:55):
like a woman.
That this woman I am right here, there's
nothing I would change about that.
So when I think of a woman, I just think of this.
I think of somebody that's sometimes like a rainbow,
an octopal.
Someone who knows is equally excellent in all.
How expressions.
(32:17):
Yeah.
That's the word.
That is absolutely.
We've heard so many responses to that question.
And each is so unique in their own way.
But you just bring such a vibrancy to that conversation.
So thank you for that.
People who want to work with you, because I want to work with you.
(32:38):
How do they connect to work with you?
Thank you.
So the closest place you can catch me is my website,
www.tami@gbawa.
That's T-E-M-I-A-J-I-B-E-W-A.
(32:59):
Tami@gbawa.com.
I'm also very active on Instagram.
Tami@gbawa as well.
I'm active on LinkedIn.
LinkedIn.com/ins/tami@gbawa.
I'm active on Facebook.
Tami@gbawa.
You can email me as well.
Tami@gbawa.com.
(33:24):
So currently I serve as an expert monetization coach for third leaders,
women and men who have a body of knowledge.
They have passion.
They have this expertise that they want other people to know more about.
(33:44):
They want to shine their light and be shameless about it.
Find your purpose, find your calling, and just turn the lights on that calling.
And make money from it.
That's my jam.
I love to help people make money, to create wealth, to become known,
become visible, you know, get recognized for who you are, you know, your person.
(34:10):
You know, I love that.
So that's how we can stick connected.
Thank you so much.
I want you to share something.
We spoke last week just briefly that both of us were motivated by Tony Robbins
to power with him.
And it was at that event where I, as a man,
(34:31):
sat down for the first time and heard women speak about their true experience in this life.
Just as you have shared with us today, I spent days and days and days listening to women speak on that level.
And that is what motivated me to do what I do and have a partner like Heather to help me in that journey.
(34:53):
So I definitely want to acknowledge that common connection that brought us going in this same direction
and how powerful it is, how necessary it is, and why we are so committed to it.
Thank you for sharing your story.
It puts everything in context as to why we do what we do.
(35:18):
Thank you so much.
Thank you for being part of that journey.
You know, after my experience in 2018, it was so good.
I got back to Nigeria.
I sent to my husband that you have to be the next one.
So I give, tell him the experience, the flights, the tickets, the hotels, everything.
I said, we are going.
So 2019 we're dead together.
(35:39):
And I remember at the end of the fourth day, as we go to our hotel,
my head held my head in his hands, kissed my forehead and he said, take me, you are a life changer.
And my husband has not been the same again.
The following day, I remember him buying three tickets for the following edition.
(36:00):
He said, we would come and we must bring a friend to join us for the next edition.
Unfortunately, COVID happened.
So we couldn't go.
So we had to do the virtual one, you know, after that.
But that was, it was a really, it was a pivotal moment in my life.
It was a turning point for me.
I began to see things differently.
(36:22):
And I'm really happy for where I am today, despite because of all I've been through.
Yes.
Thank you so much.
I really pray that women who are hearing this, men who are hearing this, have an opportunity
to look within and see their own power.
(36:43):
And to express that power to change the world around them.
I pray that that is the outcome of this conversation.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for joining us.
And you have been listening to the Virgin, the beauty and the bitch.
Find us.
Like us.
Share us.
We welcome you back.
To become a partner in the BBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.
(37:10):
Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
And share us with people who are defiantly different.
Like you.
Until next time, thanks for listening.
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