August 7, 2025 • 48 mins
This week on Wake Up With Marci, we welcome sobriety coach and inspirational speaker Jen Hirst, who opens up about her powerful journey to sobriety. From battling addiction to finding freedom, Jen shares how she rebuilt her life with intention, grace, and purpose. Tune in to hear her story of hope, healing, and what it truly means to wake up to your most authentic self.
Connect with Jen:
Instagram: @jenleehirst
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Instagram: [@wakeupwithmarci]
Facebook: [Wake Up with Marci]
Website: [www.wakeupwithmarci.com]
Don’t miss this insightful conversation that could change lives! Like, comment, and subscribe for more inspiring content. 💡💬
Connect with Jen:
Instagram: @jenleehirst
Follow Wake Up with Marci:
Instagram: [@wakeupwithmarci]
Facebook: [Wake Up with Marci]
Website: [www.wakeupwithmarci.com]
Don’t miss this insightful conversation that could change lives! Like, comment, and subscribe for more inspiring content. 💡💬
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Wake Up with Marcy, a deep dive in
self discovery. I'm your host, Marty Hopkins, and this is
the space where we get real about life transformation and
finding our true selves. Hello all, and welcome back to
Wake Up with Marcy, where we share real stories, radical
healing and waking up to your worth. The raw truth
(00:23):
helps you move through life's hardest transitions and come out
stronger on the other side. I'm your host, Marcy Hopkins,
and I'm so grateful you are here with us today.
We are going to be diving into something that is
very close to my heart, and that is sobriety and
what it really takes to stay sober.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Whether you're newly.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Sober, sober curious, or supporting a loved one, you're going
to want to hear this. I am joined today by
Jen Hurst, founder of Lighthouse Sobriety, author of the One
Hundred Day Sober Journal, and someone who is doing incredible
work helping women to find confidence and connection in their
(01:07):
alcohol free journey. So Jin, thank you so much for
coming on wake Up.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Yes, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited
to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
You know we've found each other on Instagram which there's
such a great sober community there and I'm just so
impressed by the work that you're doing.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Oh thank you. I love Instagram because it's such a
powerful tool to meet other people in sobriety who are
going alcohol free. It has been the catalyst to growing
my business, to meeting and creating my sober community has
all been through Instagram, and so I think it is
(01:49):
a powerful tool if you choose to use it to
maybe you live in a place where you don't know
a lot of other people who are alcohol free, you
can meet people virtually with just a click of the button.
And women, I mean, especially for me, that I would
never know if I didn't come out about my sobriety.
And so it has been just huge for me in
(02:13):
my own sobriety. Who as someone who is living five
years four years in the sober closet to now expanding
and being so open about it, to then creating these
connections through.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
It, absolutely And that's the thing, like, if you're just
starting out.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I love that there is the ability.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
To find these connections virtually until you are more comfortable
with it. So let's talk about you for a little bit. Jen,
Please share with us like the moment that everything changed
for you. So the moment, right, there's that one moment
where we really maybe make that decision to create the
(02:53):
change for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
But there is that little.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Voice that's been going on in our head for a
very long time. So share with us what was happening
for you at the time you said enough is enough.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
That's such a loaded question because it was many years
leading up to it to where I finally made this
click in sobriety. I always like to call it this click.
I know it happens for many people. Some it's like
this pivotal moment that you wake up, and for some
it just happens over time, and then you're living an
alcohol free lifestyle and then you realize, I want to
(03:31):
keep feeling this way. I like how I feel, I
want to continue this. And so for me, when I
made this shift, when I finally got sober, and I
like to say, it took me a good year and
a half of actively trying, like really trying. I've been
to three impatients, eight out patients. I've done detalks twice,
I've gotten two dwys like I've.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Done it all.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
I've been to AA, I did everything and so it
got to a point where I was we sayed a
lot in sobriety and just in life where you're so
sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was
physically and I really felt myself at thirty one, So
I'm forty three now. At thirty one is when I
made that decision and ultimately got sober. But I found
(04:15):
myself my last day drinking, I was in detox and
I blew a point three four. And that wasn't the
highest I've heard. I've been to treatment. I've heard higher.
It's not like it's a competition, But the fact that
it scared me because I had been drinking like that
for the past two years, is that how often did
(04:37):
I come this close to not waking up? And I
physically felt myself, and I say this like with all seriousness,
dying and I didn't know if I was going to
wake up another day. I was very malnourished, I was
mixing adderall with alcohol, and at that point it was
(04:58):
kind of like I had an auto body experience. Is
I had been trying for a good year and a
half to do this, but I just wasn't ready, Like
I really wanted it, but I just wasn't to that
point where I wanted to give it up or let
it go, because it had such a hole in my
life that giving that up was giving up a huge
part of my life. And was I ready to do that?
(05:20):
And I think for me, it really came down to
my health. And I looked at myself out of my bed,
going through the withdrawals and anxiety and shakes and all
of those things that are unpleasant and early sobriety but
many of us have to go through. And I looked
at myself, I'm like, what are you doing? I had
lost literally everything as someone who had a great upbringing.
(05:42):
I had two great parents who rarely drank but had
alcohol in the house. I had a good upbringing. I
got great grades. I was a straight A student, I
got awards, I did really good at my job. But
inside I was holding onto this secret that I was
in my closet drinking to manage anxiety. And so I
(06:03):
always like to say it can happen to anybody. But
I looked at my life and throughout my journey, which
was about a ten year progression, I lost my job.
I always said, okay, well that hasn't happened to me, And.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Then it did.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
And then I lost my car, and then I got
my second DWY, I lost my license, I lost my
job as I was on the verge of losing my marriage,
and I made that decision.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I'm like, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
I'm so done, and I don't know what's going to happen.
I have no money, I have no car, my husband's
not talking to me, my parents don't know what to
do with me. I'm calling homeless shelters because no one
knows what to do because treatment was supposed to cure
me and it didn't, so what.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Were they going to do? They had to set those boundaries.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And I'm like, I didn't know what was going to happen,
and I had a lot of stuff to clean up.
But I knew, as long as I don't drink, I
can't make.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
This any worse.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
And so once I gave up fighting something thing that
I could not control, everything got easier.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
I was just like this huge weight of like, oh gosh.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
I don't expect anybody to believe me, especially not my
husband or my parents or anybody, because how often did
I say I promise this is the last time I'm done.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I'm done. I'm done.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
And then I broke that promise. I broke that promise.
I lied here and I lied there. But I knew
it within myself, and as long as I stayed true
to that, everything else just magically fell into place. And
like I said, there was a lot of things to
clean up. I had to do jail time, I had
to do house arrest. I had to pay thousands of
dollars in lawyer fees. I went to treatment again. I
(07:41):
got my car. You know. I had to get in
andtoxalizer for two years, all of these things. But it
was so much easier when you make that decision and
you make it black and white. I wasn't trying to
stay sober. I did not want to drink anymore.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I had.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Oh it made me just stick to my stomach to
even think about it. Of all the things that it
took for me, but in sobriety, all the things that
I get to take back. And it didn't happen overnight.
But it's amazing what can happen when you stop putting
this one thing into your body. And it's so crazy
how that can shape and form who you are. Your
(08:21):
connections your relationship with your husband. It makes such a
big impact. And so when you give that up, there's
this period and I know I'm kind of going more
into it, but there's this period like in your podcast
of self discovery of who am I? But that's what's
so amazing about sobriety. So yes too, at that moment,
I was in detox where I made that decision.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yes. So, but prior to you, like even trying to stop,
was your drinking affecting your relationships?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Yes and no, because again I did a lot of
my drinking and secret no one knew I waited, I
was know no and not even my husband until I
couldn't hide it. And so I stopped trying to hide
it a couple of days after we got married because
I physically clapped. I was so exhausted doing everything myself.
(09:16):
I was drinking around the clock. I had no breaks,
and I just so they.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Knew you, He knew you as a woman that had
alcohol in her system all the time.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Well, he didn't know I was drinking as much.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
As I was. He was, That's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Like, so you did your personality not change well?
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Once?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
And how I managed it? Yeah, You're like thaking for
so clever is when we read. I would stay up
and I would work, and then i'd just drink or
i'd speak it a little bit, but again being very
careful not to get too drunk too fast, so he
would notice. But over time, when he started, when I
came out and I stopped trying to hide it, and
(09:58):
then I was actively seeking variety. You know, he would
pick up on my quirks of I used to like
flare my nostrils like this, yeah, and I had no
recollection of doing that, And of course I would gaslight
him and being like, you're crazy, I'm not drinking. I
don't know what you're talking about. And so it just
created this tension in our marriage. But I think previously,
(10:19):
of course my parents.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Could catch on. They would see me drinking.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I think my sister kind of knew that I overdid
it a lot of times, but they didn't know how much.
And so when I came out and said I was
going to impatient or and Whalen would tell them. And
when I was getting sober, I didn't really want people
to know. It was really embarrassing at that point, and
I prevented me from getting sober for many years because
(10:45):
I didn't want that label of an alcoholic because my
view of that is someone who's wheet, and again this
is just a stereotypical version, someone who again the brown
paper bag, the homeless, Like you have a problem outcome,
you can't control it, So that would be met no. Yeah,
And so of course I didn't want this like dirty
(11:05):
laundry aired out. So Whalen was trying to go through
this by himself, connecting with my sister and all this,
And so when it finally came out that I wasn't
impatient and that I was really struggling, no one believed him.
So like, what are you talking about, Jen? Like rarely drinks.
They didn't know all of the drinking that I was
doing in secret before we would go out. And I
started this well before I even met my husband, to
(11:28):
manage my anxiety. I would get really bad social anxiety.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I'd get really nervous because if you.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Think about it, when I it's not the same for everybody.
But when I had my first drink, I was fifteen.
I was just starting to like date meet people, meet
my friends and going to college. I didn't really even
know how to go on a date without alcohol. Or
go I to feel dirty without it.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah, I feel that's a pretty common story, right, that
it helps with our confidence, it eases kind of that
anxiety that we have. And I align with so many
of the things that you've shared, because I'm almost ten
years sober and I yeah, thank you. But I was
(12:14):
hiding it and I had all the struggles and I
tried to get sober for me. The twelve step program worked,
but the first time I went in, I thought I
really wanted it, but I didn't really want it. I
still felt a little uncomfortable when I said, I'm an alcoholic.
Who wants to say that, right? I love that we
now have an understanding more around alcohol use disorder, but
(12:37):
it took me a good year approving myself to myself.
I was absolutely an alcoholic and I had a problem
with alcohol, and I almost lost everything, my husband, my
family at you know, and my final straw was a
dui and it was that clique that you're talking about.
(12:59):
It's like that next morning I went to bed a
victim and angry and it was everyone else's fault, and
my husband was around more and it was this and that.
But that next morning I woke up surrendered and I
was ready to do whatever it took. I didn't have
to convince myself anymore.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Ready. Yeah, get that.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
And that's the whole thing, is that you have to
really want it and you have to be ready. And
the same goes. We were just talking in my Lighthouse
community yesterday about even coming out of the sober closet
on social if you want to is that you got
to be ready to do that. It's to not force
yourself or feel pressured to do that. But it's such
a liberating choice when you Yeah, I admit that and
(13:44):
claim that on social it was just a pivotal point.
I have two markers in my sobriety of the day
I got sober the day I came out, and both
changed my life forever.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
But this whole notion.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
That you got to be ready and sometimes continue to
work until you get there.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
The thing is also it's just we've been so programmed
to that this is a shameful thing and that you know,
and you touched on this before about it's willpower possibly
you know, or our moral compass, like if we my
mother was an alcoholic, and I now say, like if
(14:23):
my mother really had a choice, which she really choose
the bottle of vodka over me, I don't think so
if she was in her right mind and not coping
with this disease, which it truly is a disease. And
that's what I love, kind of moving into how you're
helping others with this disease. Right, And there's six habits
(14:48):
that you talk about. So what are these habits and
how do they work? Why do they work so?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Well, I started to implement menting these habits, and I
don't know if you ever did seventy five hard?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Did you ever do seventy five hard? Heard of it?
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Not?
Speaker 1 (15:07):
No?
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Well I did this in twenty twenty one, actually when
I started moving to the country, and I started implementing
some of these habits because they made me feel so
good mentally, and many of them I have been doing already.
But I think there comes a point in your sobriety,
especially in early sobriety, when we feel this dip in
dopamine because we're going through withdrawal of having this high
(15:29):
dopamine from alcohol. Is that we can feel low for
a little bit. But also just because we're not drinking
doesn't mean we can can't do other things to feel better,
to produce dopamine naturally, and so what I like to do,
and I think anyone who is willing to go alcohol
free their go getter and they want to. They love
(15:51):
having a tracker, they love having other things to do
to number one, fill the time, but again help them
feel better, boost that dopamine, increase their happiness in this process,
especially during this step. And so it also gives them
some structure, gives them some goals to achieve when we're
(16:11):
not drinking, because I think this big void happens when
we stop drinking. It's like, Okay, if I was drinking
a lot, what do I do with that time? These
habits can help give that structure, provide goals, and also
to boost that confidence and fill that time. So one
of the habits that really goes a long way, and
I think everybody should get involved in is exercise. If
(16:33):
you go to my Instagram, you will see I might
not post about it all the time, but I'm definitely
sharing in my stories every single workout that I do.
And I've been doing that from the beginning with running
and things like that. Now at entering perimenopause, I'm really
focused on building strength, but the mental benefits. And I
think a lot of people think of exercise for the
(16:54):
physical benefits, the mental benefits for your sobriety and just
in general share our way any other thing. I mean,
it's the number one thing that everybody, if you're physically
able to do, should do. And it doesn't have to
be a lot to start. I always go in these
ten minute walks. Now it's twenty minutes because I'm trying
to balance my hormones and blood sugar and all this stuff.
(17:17):
But a ten minute walk is fantastic to help you sleep,
which also can be something that happens in early sobriety.
You might struggle with sleep, you might be dealing with
early sobriety fatigue. So getting outside moving your body or
if you would like to do strength training, running, anything
that just gets you moving, gardening, biking. And what it's
(17:37):
so cool is a lot of the women who join
my programs have found recovery in the roads of putting
on their sneakers, going for a walk, going for a
run is that it can also help process feelings. That
also helps regulate our breathing as well. So there's so
many benefits to exercise from boosting your energy to helping
(17:58):
you sleep. So one of the habits, especially in my program,
is to move your body for thirty minutes a day.
Thirty minutes a day is two percent of your day.
And if you think about all the time you spent drinking,
put that same effort into moving your body. A great
time to do it is during your trigger hour, during
that time you usually drink. I always say the best
(18:18):
time to work out number one is when you get
it in. But the best time is the morning because
then you get to keep the benefits all day to
boost that doping we're all seeking.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Now.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Another one is water, and why is that important? Especially
in early sobriety Number one, we're dehydrated, so especially in withdrawal,
we want to hydrate. And I think a lot of
us aren't drinking enough just pure water. And when I
say pure plain water, a lot of the women are like, what,
so I can't add anything to it. I'm like, no,
it's easy to do. It's also easy to not do.
(18:51):
Now why is this important? It can help curve cravings,
it helps detoxify or liver, It helps carry nutrients to ourselves.
It can boost that energy and make feel better reduce
any brain fog early, sobriety brain fog that we have.
So water are super important and being sure you're staying hydrated,
and to drink not just when you're thirsty, but even
(19:11):
when you're not thirsty, especially in the morning. So one
of the habits is drink half your body weight and
ounces of water every single day. Now the next one
is reading, So I encourage women to read ten pages
of a physical book every single day. And why this
is important is because I always say what Maya Angelo
says is when you know better, you do better. They're
(19:32):
not going to tell you the effects of what alcohol
does to your body and your brain. That's up to
you to do the research. And I made this profound
shift in my overall happiness and clarity is when I
started reading personal development in twenty seventeen. My first book
was You Are a Badass by Jen Cinco, and then
other books like mel Robbins or even Quit Lit. But
(19:55):
like Beyond Booze or This Naked Mind. It is so
helpful for you to get clarity on your past and
also how you can do better in your future. I
have learned so much from podcasts from books that I
can apply to my daily life and then also to
my coaching life.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Of just again, we.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Want to input into our brain what we want to think,
how we want to feel. Feed a good things, not
just news and all that other stuff. Feed at what
you want to believe and we believe but think right,
So ten pages every day. Then the next one is gratitude.
So I really like to do gratitude in the morning
or at night. But here's the thing is that with gratitude,
(20:38):
and it's been shown and all of these are science
back to improve happiness, increase dopamine and doorphins, all of that.
But with gratitude, it's easy to say, Okay, I'm grateful
for my health, I'm grateful for my family. But when
I got specific, and I got this actually from Rachel
Hollis who wrote Girl Wash Your Face. Highly recommend you
check out that book. She completely changed my life. Was
(20:59):
that writing five things that you're grateful for for the
past twenty four hours. It's when you really get specific
and look for those moments. You can call them glimmers,
call them these moments of joy from yesterday, or you
could even do this practice at night, looking through your
day and asking yourself what went well, what were those
(21:20):
little things that made my life easier. I can even
take out what I wrote this morning, which some days
were harder for others. I know for me, when I started,
it was really really hard to think of what I
was grateful for. So I looked on Google.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
And I asked, what can I be grateful for?
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I have no idea. Yeah, I didn't know what this
thing was. I was super excited that the gas station
yesterday had a can of condensed milk so me and
my daughter could make these bars because I'd forgot it
at the grocery store. I'm like, oh my gosh, I
don't have to drive all the way to the grocery store.
That's a specific moment that made my life easier, so
(21:56):
we could make some bars. So those little things, and
it can be hard in the beginning, but when you
do this every single day, five things that you're grateful
for for the past twenty four hours, you're gonna be
on the lookout for those as you're going throughout your
day of like, oh, man, I should write that down
tomorrow morning, or I should make a mental note. I'm
gonna put it in my notes app on my phone
(22:18):
so I can remember it the next day, so over
time you're gonna notice what's going right instead of feeling
this isn't happening. See, this isn't happening. I have no friends.
My life is so boring in sobriety to be like, hey,
life is pretty good. The sun is out.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah, it's truly life changing.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Yeah yeah, wells do you have a gratitude problem?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Oh god, it's you know those are That's one of
the main things that started changing my life and the
way that I think. And it's it's an amazing thing,
like just another one. Like I I'm always seeing things
I'm grateful for, but the other day, like you get
a parking space in a in a place that's very
(23:01):
hard to get one, you're like, I'm like, thank you, God,
thank you, thank you, you know, like be grateful, like,
don't get oh, oh I was lucky. That's time, you know,
be grateful.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
I was good, right right, And it's those moments and
I really feel like you really feel the gratitude is
when things like the power goes out and my god, man,
I don't even actually appreciate the fact that I have electricity,
or that I have hot water or all of these
other things are oh gosh, that my phone is, you know, working,
(23:33):
or any of those things. And so that's when I
think it really hits, is like, man, all of those
things are going right on a day to day basis,
and we just kind of blow them by, right, and
so many things, yes, And of course the biggest one
is to stay sober.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
So I have six habits.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
The biggest one above all else, that is more important
than anything else, is to stay sober. And so if
you can't do any of the other habits, staying sober
is your guess goal. But the other habits help you
to stay sober because again they're going to boost open
mean so you're not going to feel that need to
want to escape because you're going to feel so much
better with exercise and water, gratitude reading. And then the
(24:15):
last one is connecting with your sober community. And this
can be just a simple check in like I'm just
going to check the app, I'm going to call someone,
I'm going to list what my gratitude is. I'm going
to join a meeting. It can look however you want
it to look. You can engage as little as you want,
but to engage with someone else, a group who is
(24:37):
also alcohol free because connection is the biggest thing that
women come to me or that they do not have.
And so who is it Johann Hari that says the
opposite of addiction is connection. Is that is how actually
AA started was one person helping another person. And what
I love about my programs is that I started with
(24:58):
private coaching, but then I really wanted to do group
coaching because I wanted us to do this together. I
wanted us to have a start date. I want them
to have a big group, but then also smaller groups.
And that is the magic of the programs is that
we're all doing the same things, starting at the same point,
and we all have this one thing in common that's
connecting us. And so it makes women feel less alone, happier,
(25:23):
like we have friends, and it boosts our confidence we
can support each other and help keep each other accountable.
And so that's the six. And so I don't expect perfection.
I just want you to try and if you if
one of the habits is what you feel good with,
focus on one. But then I also have women who
are go getters, who are sprinters, who are like I
(25:43):
want to do all six. I'm gung ho and I
freaking want to do this because this helps keep me sober.
It helps give me structure and that's what I need.
So yeah, and then I give them trackers, we have
check ins, all of that.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
All great stuff.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
So let's talk about the self discovery piece. Right, we
lose ourselves in our addiction, whatever it is, and how
once we do start connecting with ourselves right, and who
we really are and we start loving ourselves again and
releasing that shame and releasing our guilt. How can someone
(26:24):
start to discover who they are and get to that
place where they're not hating themselves anymore.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Yeah, I think the number one thing to do is
to start talking about it, you know, whether it's to
one person, and I think a good book and good
books to check out. Someone who's great at this is
Brene Brown. I mean, she's a queen of shame and
I read The Power of Vulnerability and I thought that
(26:53):
was such a great book. But I think starting to
just share it, whether it's with one person, whether it's
with a group, whether it's online and you create like
anonymous sober account, just to start telling your story can
release so much.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
But also if you want to.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Put pen to paper, and just start journaling and start
writing out how you're feeling. I think that can go
in so many ways to help reduce that Now. It's
not going to happen overnight, It's going to happen over time.
But also what I tell women is to try new
things because, like I said, everything changes, which can be
(27:29):
really scary in sobriety, but a lot changes when you
decide to go alcohol free, because it has such a
big impact on your friendships, on your marriage, on your relationships,
on your interests. Is that you need to try everything
again and maybe multiple times alcohol free to see how
(27:49):
you feel. And this is a really good indication. Now
Number one, try new things if you don't know what
to do. I list all of these different activities that
you can try and so variety on my Instagram page
because when I got sober, I started asking myself what
do I do? Yeah, I'm like, who am I? And
I think through the process of reading, through the process
(28:13):
of trying new things in sobriety, and when you're at
these things, focus on how do I feel after and
even during do I feel really good? Does it give
me energy? How does it drain me? And so is
it a battery or is it a vacuum? Are the
people that I'm around? And this can also impact your friendships.
(28:33):
Do I want to hang out with these people? Do
we have enough in common? When their alcohol isn't involved?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Things change a lot with and you need to change
those people, places and things, because those are the triggers
that can that make you relax, because your brain, it's
like you automatically see that person and it triggers the
idea of wanting to have a drink. Yeah, you drink
with that person. So those are things really important to
(29:03):
recognize and create the change in our lives.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Also, yeah, absolutely, And that part really was hard for
me in the beginning, right, Yeah, They're like the only
thing you have to change is everything. I'm like, wait, wait, wait,
I have to change my friends. And I didn't say
I didn't just naturally cut them out. We're still connected,
we just didn't do as many things together. I stopped
getting invited to the get togethers, and that really sucks.
(29:30):
But I also invited new connections, new friends, all of that.
Once I started to open up and I started to connect,
it just naturally happens, and the ones who truly are
your friend will stick around, they will, and they'll appreciate
you and love you no matter what. And then if
others fade, we can just accept that and let them
(29:52):
go as they do. Because as long as you're showing
up as yourself, you're going to meet those people that
are connecting with you, that are falling in love with
you and want to spend time with you, the real you,
not just the fake version of you, or you who
you thought you should be and who alcohol made you,
because it is two different people. And so yeah, I
(30:15):
would say just writing, sharing, talking, trying new things with
an open mindset. Don't knock it until you try it.
I mean gardening, I didn't think that was my thing.
I like it, I love it.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
I know. I've discovered so many new interests too, And
oh my goodness, well I started getting really curious, honestly,
Like history became really important to me. Cultural different cultures
became really interesting to me. Not important, but interesting to me.
(30:50):
I wanted to know more, whereas before everything was just
about where I was going to get that next drink.
The other thing that's become really satisfying for me is well,
I'm in love with audio books. I swear I don't
want to use the word a addiction, but I can't
stop listening to my audio books and I love that,
(31:16):
and so it's just really interesting. And the other thing
is what I realized that I love is I love
some alone time. I used to feel so uncomfortable with
that and in time with my kids that didn't have
to revolve around drinking. So you know, those are a few.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Isn't that crazy because I'm the same way with alone
time is that when I was alone, I would that
was my time to drink because I was so nervous
and awkward to be with me.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
It was different, right, it was the alone time was different.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
Yeah, And then now I crave it. I'm like, if
I can just get especially now in the summer, kids
are home, full time job, all of that, Like, if
I could just get a few hours to myself, I
replenish being by myself. And so I know, and that's
what's so cool about sobriety is understanding I'm actually not
(32:07):
an extrovert. I drink to become extrovert because I thought
that's what people wanted. Actually an introvert, I feel so good,
And so what I do, like I know you like
a long time too, is I get these hotel stays
by myself to replenish, to reboot my batteries, because who
I come back as is black and white. I come
(32:29):
back so relaxed, so happy, and that's how I know. Okay,
I love solitude and that brings me peace, and so
how can I find these little moments throughout the day
where I can get a little bit of solitude. So
I started going on these silent walks, which is really
hard for me. I also love audio books and podcasts
(32:49):
just to listen to myself. Yeah, just to off, like
again on these little moments if you can't get a
hotel stay again. I don't do this all the time.
I do it a few times a year. And how
could I do that throughout the day so I don't
break down? So okay, after lunch or at this I
just I need like a little five to ten minute
pick me up. I'm just going to go outside and
(33:11):
go for a walk. And so I did go throughout
the day to energize.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, yeah, I noticed in the beginning, and this has
become something that's kind of I guess the ritual if
you will, is I needed a lot of sleep in
the beginning, a lot of rest because our bodies are
going through so much, right, we are recovering and our
brains are on overdrive with the rewiring that's happening, right,
(33:39):
So just think of you're getting over a disease of
any sort. Your body's healing. So I say, give yourself grace.
And I used the afternoon a lot of times, you know,
that kind.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Of two o'clock lull. I was like, I've got to lay.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Down and replenish my soul and reboot. And I would
lay down and I still do, whether it's fifteen minutes
to thirty minutes, and I do a guided meditation and
so sometimes I'm very present in the meditation, or sometimes
I just need a little sleep and then I'm back
at it. You've just got to give yourself some grace
(34:17):
and just recognize what you're going through. And we all
need that reboot. And it's okay not to constantly be
on the hamster wheel or please everybody or that perfectionism.
And I know that's a big thing that we have
to let go of.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Also, yeah, absolutely absolutely, And I think a hard thing
to do is that rest, But it's so needed, right,
we all need to What is it that one saying,
everything works better if you unplug it. For Yeah, just
like my computer before this call, I just had to
reboot it. It needed a reboot. It was working way
too hard. And then it's like, yeah, okay, I'm back.
(34:55):
So give the same grace to yourself. And like you
were saying, the early sobriety fatigue, that's one hundred percent.
My clients go through it, one hundred percent of those
and they're so surprised when they learn about it. But
it can last, you know, one to three months, you know,
usually thirty to sixty days. But again, treat yourself with
so much kindness and the fact that if you do
(35:17):
choose this, you only have to go through it once,
which is so good. And the rest that you are
getting is so much better than when you were drinking.
The restorative sleep, the rem sleep that you're getting, even
if you're not getting a lot, especially if you use
to drink to fall asleep, it will balance out. You'll
find new tactics. But I always say, two hours of
(35:39):
sober sleep is still way better than eight hours of
drinking sleep.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
And so again, yes.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
Take that nap, go to bed early, don't you know,
leave the dishes, don't clean the house, just really.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Be gracious with yourself.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Absolutely, So what are some of the ways, Like, let's
say somebody out there is question I mean, they're drinking, right,
and we're all at different levels. What are some ways
that they can maybe get the help that they need.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
Yeah, and I think it's so the amount that they're
drinking or what they would like is so different where
they want to take a break, or maybe they're just questioning.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Their relationship with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
I listed some questions on my Instagram the other day
where you know, instead of asking yourself and am I
an alcoholic? Just ask yourself, would my life be better
if I drink or if I didn't drink? What is
the goal when I drink? Why am I drinking? What
is it that I'm looking for? In that of just
a lot of questions. And so if you're questioning your
relationship or just maybe want to give it a try,
(36:45):
I always say, give yourself and take it for a
test drive. Take sobriety or alcohol free for a test drive.
Give it at least thirty days. If not, I mean,
if you really want to see a difference, go ninety days.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Yeah, there's so much.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Happening in the brain where dopamine can start to restore.
I mean so many and I think any break from
alcohol is fantastic. But what we're doing with thirty day
breaks is we're just going through the hard stuff over
and over again for these month long breaks. If you
really want to get to the good stuff, go longer.
But let's not bite off more than we can chew.
(37:22):
Consider if you're open to taking a thirty day break,
but even before that, start reading.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
So some good books.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
My two favorites are This Naked Mind and Beyond Boost.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Pick those up.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I think they're so helpful to understand and learn more
about it and different approaches of okay, what does alcohol
do to my body?
Speaker 2 (37:44):
To my brain?
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Learn more about it before you even stop, and to
again if you would like, and really starting to get
that inner work of how you feel about it, especially
in this process, or even before start writing out how
you're feeling all of these feeling that you're having, Start
writing it out, getting it out. So often the answers
are already inside of you. You're just not giving yourself
(38:07):
the opportunity to figure out what that is. And maybe
you don't know the answer, but whatever you're feeling and thinking,
get it out and see if there's anything more to it.
But my number one thing is start asking some questions,
maybe even consider could I have a non alcoholic drink instead?
You know, if I'm going to a sporting event, could
(38:30):
I do this experiment and go to it and not
drink and not have a fifteen dollars beer and actually
have a ten dollars soda I don't know how much
they is, or or could I have a second water,
or could I have an an athletic brewing? Could I
have an any beer and see how I feel? Okay,
could I do this concert? Can I actually not drink
(38:52):
or maybe even just have one drink instead of getting hammered.
It's a lot of these experiments, and so often these
women and of course men too, they'll go to these things.
They're like, oh my god, I had a great time.
I can't believe I thought I needed alcohol to enjoy
this and to watch a baseball game. And so we
have to prove and de brainwash ourselves from these beliefs
(39:16):
that were ingrained from early on that you need alcohol
to do this, do this, do this, but you be
open to just trying it. Okay, I'm just gonna puy
and you can always go back to drinking, right, But
have you ever tried it without drinking or treating yourself
in other ways? So maybe, for instance, instead of getting
the fifteen to twenty dollars beer, you're going to spend
(39:37):
that on dippin' dots And you're like, that's my sober
treat today and I don't have to pay for it.
I or, of course I have to pay for it,
but not the next day unless I'm lactose intolerant. But
in different ways that you can treat yourself that you
don't have to regret.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Right, Yeah, so you're all good.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I just we already talked about. You can go on
Instagram or or Facebook, find groups, find communities, and start
getting a little more educated. And also understand you're not alone.
I love that there are sober coaches like you. Someone
can really help them through this, so you don't feel
like you have to do it alone. Someone can actually
(40:16):
teach you through and guide you through. And then there's
mindfulness drinking coaches.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
There's twelve step.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Online if you want to check that out. Obviously, if
you're drinking excessively, go to rehab, talk to your doctor
because you should not detox on your own. That is
very very dangerous, right, So if you're drinking to a
certain degree, like really taking a look at that. But
there's so much more help out there, and there's also
(40:46):
medical support with the cravings and such, and I'm really
interested in that. And then obviously it's not just about
putting down that drink. The real work is about how
you are are rewiring your brain and changing your thinking
and your mindset. And that sounds like a lot of
what you do, Jen. So this one hundred day journal
(41:12):
that you have tell us about that.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Yeah, it was. I've been thinking about it for a
while and I started it. I think at my second program,
where a client was like, you should really have a
journal for this stuff, I'm like, oh, okay. And a
lot of the things that I create come from client feedback,
and I adjust my programs based on that. Now, I'm
not going to take every make every single change based
on the feedback, but it started as something to guide
(41:36):
them through my programs, where it lists the gratitude, it
lists your goals, it lists a to do list, it
lists your workout for the day, and it lists your
day's alcohol free And so I created what I would
have wanted, and what I guide the women through in
this process. Where on one side and in the beginning
(41:57):
pages I introduce you to the journal with having you
set just one goal, writing it as if it's already happened.
Then we get into why that's important, because if you
don't have a strong why, that's the whole.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Basis of this.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
You're going to fall back on that the entire your
entire life of why am I doing this? Why is
it important to me? And then we're going to remind
ourselves that throughout the throughout the journal and then giving
them these little tips throughout the first ten days of
what you might experience and what you can do to help.
So every single day has a saying at the top
to motivate you or a simple tip to add to
(42:33):
your sober toolkit. And on the left hand page is
a page to jot down, maybe a to do list
to write out, like I was saying, how you're feeling.
I think, gosh, if there's one thing I regret, I
wish I would have saved my journal pages from early sobriety.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
I actually I wish I would journaled more.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
I get it, I do.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
Yeah, yeah, if I could have had those to look
back on the mindset shift, it would have been huge
that I want you to journal I want you to
write this out, how am I feeling, what is happening,
and then we list the gratitude. You're going to list
your goal. There's a brain dump how to plan out
your day, your workout. So I just giving you a
(43:14):
structure where it's not love it complicated. It's not a
complicated journalist and ask you these deep questions. It's to
keep you on track. So you're showing up for your workouts,
You're listing your day's alcohol free, You're listing your gratitude.
So it's everything all in one place to guide you
through one hundred days.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
I love it. So what's the one thing you want
the listeners to walk away with today, especially if they're
feeling stuck, unsure, or questioning their relationship with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
Well, number one, you don't have to have everything all
figured out, you know. I always like to stay stay
in the next twenty four hours, focus on the next
twenty four hours in front of you, and you don't
have to think of not drinking forever. I always say,
take drinking off forever, off the table, and just focus
on the next twenty four hours. What do you want
for the next twenty four hours? How do you want
(44:08):
to feel in the next twenty four hours. But I
also feel like the key to sobriety and the key
to growth is being able to feel discomfort and not
run from it. And one thing I say to myself
all the time is that I'm not gonna die from
anything that I feel nervous about, even before recording this
podcast or before I do anything nervous. And now my
(44:30):
kids say it, going to school on the first day, Hey,
You're not going to die from feeling anxiety, from feeling nervous.
And it sounds so stupid, but for me, when I'm anxious,
I feel like it's life threatening. I feel like I'm
going to die. When I can say, hey, okay, you're
not gonna die, then I'm like, Okay, I'm not gonna
(44:50):
die no matter what. This will not kill me. And
I think a lot of us drink to cope with
stress and anxiety and nerves. And my son even says it,
He's like, I know, mom, but I feel like I'm
going to die. I know, but you will not die
from giving this presentation. What if it all works out.
So your ability to feel emotions, whether it's to celebrate
(45:12):
when you're feeling sad or anxious, whatever you're drinking to
cope with to change how you feel, remind yourself it's okay. Like,
the key to sobriety is being able to feel discomfort
and knowing that you're not always going to feel this
way and it.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Will get better.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
But the key to growth is being able to sit
with it and invite in tools to help you process
it in a healthier way. So you're not going to
die if you cannot fall asleep, right, You're not going
to die from going to a party, and you're the
only one alcohol free. You're not going to die from
any of this stuff.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
The key is just feel it.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
And once you can get through those hard things, you're like,
oh my god, that's going to boost your confidence in
so many ways.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
So and you do yet so much more confident when
you are sober, after you do all this work. It's amazing.
I used to drink to be confident, but it really
made me weaker.
Speaker 3 (46:11):
Isn't that crazy? I drink to be happier and to
make me unhappy. I drink because I was anxious and
it just made me more anxious.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
Exact, whatever you're using.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
Alcohol for, you're going to get that back tenfold.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
Thee oh there was going to be amazing. Yeah, it's
a beautiful thing. Jim. Thank you so much for coming
on wake Up and for your wisdom and for being
vulnerable and for all the work that you're doing. It's
just been fabulous having you on.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Thank you, I appreciate it was so good to chat
with you. And if anybody has any questions, you can
find me on Instagram. I'm always an open book. If
you're looking for a community, I have my Lighthouse Sobriety community.
I have my Dry one hundred group coaching program if
you're looking to remove alcohol for one hundred day break
to see how you feel, And of course you can
(47:01):
always email me or check out my website too.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Absolutely well, whether you're sober, sober, curious, or just wanting
to change change with your relationship with alcohol. I hope
today gave you hope. And Jin's next group coaching program
begins October six, and you can find more about that
(47:25):
at join Lighthouse sobriety dot com and of course her Instagram,
which is amazing. You just talked about it. At jin
Lee Hurst and we'll have everything in the show notes
and it's always if you're looking for more support on
your healing journey, I also have a tool that will
help you, and that is my book, Chaos to Clarity,
(47:46):
Seeing the Signs and Breaking the Cycles. And please, if
this touched you, share with someone who needs to hear this,
because there's so much information and we need to spread
the word about this, And if you'd like to hear
more or see more, please subscribe for more real, honest conversations.
(48:09):
Know that you're worth it and we're walking this road together.
So thanks for waking up with me and jin today
and I'll see you next time on the show. Bye.
Welcome to Wake Up with Marcy, a deep dive in
self discovery. I'm your host, Marty Hopkins, and this is
the space where we get real about life transformation and
finding our true selves. Hello all, and welcome back to
Wake Up with Marcy, where we share real stories, radical
healing and waking up to your worth. The raw truth
(00:23):
helps you move through life's hardest transitions and come out
stronger on the other side. I'm your host, Marcy Hopkins,
and I'm so grateful you are here with us today.
We are going to be diving into something that is
very close to my heart, and that is sobriety and
what it really takes to stay sober.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Whether you're newly.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Sober, sober curious, or supporting a loved one, you're going
to want to hear this. I am joined today by
Jen Hurst, founder of Lighthouse Sobriety, author of the One
Hundred Day Sober Journal, and someone who is doing incredible
work helping women to find confidence and connection in their
(01:07):
alcohol free journey. So Jin, thank you so much for
coming on wake Up.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Yes, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited
to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
You know we've found each other on Instagram which there's
such a great sober community there and I'm just so
impressed by the work that you're doing.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Oh thank you. I love Instagram because it's such a
powerful tool to meet other people in sobriety who are
going alcohol free. It has been the catalyst to growing
my business, to meeting and creating my sober community has
all been through Instagram, and so I think it is
(01:49):
a powerful tool if you choose to use it to
maybe you live in a place where you don't know
a lot of other people who are alcohol free, you
can meet people virtually with just a click of the button.
And women, I mean, especially for me, that I would
never know if I didn't come out about my sobriety.
And so it has been just huge for me in
(02:13):
my own sobriety. Who as someone who is living five
years four years in the sober closet to now expanding
and being so open about it, to then creating these
connections through.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
It, absolutely And that's the thing, like, if you're just
starting out.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I love that there is the ability.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
To find these connections virtually until you are more comfortable
with it. So let's talk about you for a little bit. Jen,
Please share with us like the moment that everything changed
for you. So the moment, right, there's that one moment
where we really maybe make that decision to create the
(02:53):
change for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
But there is that little.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Voice that's been going on in our head for a
very long time. So share with us what was happening
for you at the time you said enough is enough.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
That's such a loaded question because it was many years
leading up to it to where I finally made this
click in sobriety. I always like to call it this click.
I know it happens for many people. Some it's like
this pivotal moment that you wake up, and for some
it just happens over time, and then you're living an
alcohol free lifestyle and then you realize, I want to
(03:31):
keep feeling this way. I like how I feel, I
want to continue this. And so for me, when I
made this shift, when I finally got sober, and I
like to say, it took me a good year and
a half of actively trying, like really trying. I've been
to three impatients, eight out patients. I've done detalks twice,
I've gotten two dwys like I've.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Done it all.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
I've been to AA, I did everything and so it
got to a point where I was we sayed a
lot in sobriety and just in life where you're so
sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was
physically and I really felt myself at thirty one, So
I'm forty three now. At thirty one is when I
made that decision and ultimately got sober. But I found
(04:15):
myself my last day drinking, I was in detox and
I blew a point three four. And that wasn't the
highest I've heard. I've been to treatment. I've heard higher.
It's not like it's a competition, But the fact that
it scared me because I had been drinking like that
for the past two years, is that how often did
(04:37):
I come this close to not waking up? And I
physically felt myself, and I say this like with all seriousness,
dying and I didn't know if I was going to
wake up another day. I was very malnourished, I was
mixing adderall with alcohol, and at that point it was
(04:58):
kind of like I had an auto body experience. Is
I had been trying for a good year and a
half to do this, but I just wasn't ready, Like
I really wanted it, but I just wasn't to that
point where I wanted to give it up or let
it go, because it had such a hole in my
life that giving that up was giving up a huge
part of my life. And was I ready to do that?
(05:20):
And I think for me, it really came down to
my health. And I looked at myself out of my bed,
going through the withdrawals and anxiety and shakes and all
of those things that are unpleasant and early sobriety but
many of us have to go through. And I looked
at myself, I'm like, what are you doing? I had
lost literally everything as someone who had a great upbringing.
(05:42):
I had two great parents who rarely drank but had
alcohol in the house. I had a good upbringing. I
got great grades. I was a straight A student, I
got awards, I did really good at my job. But
inside I was holding onto this secret that I was
in my closet drinking to manage anxiety. And so I
(06:03):
always like to say it can happen to anybody. But
I looked at my life and throughout my journey, which
was about a ten year progression, I lost my job.
I always said, okay, well that hasn't happened to me, And.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Then it did.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
And then I lost my car, and then I got
my second DWY, I lost my license, I lost my
job as I was on the verge of losing my marriage,
and I made that decision.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I'm like, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
I'm so done, and I don't know what's going to happen.
I have no money, I have no car, my husband's
not talking to me, my parents don't know what to
do with me. I'm calling homeless shelters because no one
knows what to do because treatment was supposed to cure
me and it didn't, so what.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Were they going to do? They had to set those boundaries.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And I'm like, I didn't know what was going to happen,
and I had a lot of stuff to clean up.
But I knew, as long as I don't drink, I
can't make.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
This any worse.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
And so once I gave up fighting something thing that
I could not control, everything got easier.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
I was just like this huge weight of like, oh gosh.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
I don't expect anybody to believe me, especially not my
husband or my parents or anybody, because how often did
I say I promise this is the last time I'm done.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I'm done. I'm done.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
And then I broke that promise. I broke that promise.
I lied here and I lied there. But I knew
it within myself, and as long as I stayed true
to that, everything else just magically fell into place. And
like I said, there was a lot of things to
clean up. I had to do jail time, I had
to do house arrest. I had to pay thousands of
dollars in lawyer fees. I went to treatment again. I
(07:41):
got my car. You know. I had to get in
andtoxalizer for two years, all of these things. But it
was so much easier when you make that decision and
you make it black and white. I wasn't trying to
stay sober. I did not want to drink anymore.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I had.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Oh it made me just stick to my stomach to
even think about it. Of all the things that it
took for me, but in sobriety, all the things that
I get to take back. And it didn't happen overnight.
But it's amazing what can happen when you stop putting
this one thing into your body. And it's so crazy
how that can shape and form who you are. Your
(08:21):
connections your relationship with your husband. It makes such a
big impact. And so when you give that up, there's
this period and I know I'm kind of going more
into it, but there's this period like in your podcast
of self discovery of who am I? But that's what's
so amazing about sobriety. So yes too, at that moment,
I was in detox where I made that decision.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yes. So, but prior to you, like even trying to stop,
was your drinking affecting your relationships?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Yes and no, because again I did a lot of
my drinking and secret no one knew I waited, I
was know no and not even my husband until I
couldn't hide it. And so I stopped trying to hide
it a couple of days after we got married because
I physically clapped. I was so exhausted doing everything myself.
(09:16):
I was drinking around the clock. I had no breaks,
and I just so they.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Knew you, He knew you as a woman that had
alcohol in her system all the time.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Well, he didn't know I was drinking as much.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
As I was. He was, That's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Like, so you did your personality not change well?
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Once?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
And how I managed it? Yeah, You're like thaking for
so clever is when we read. I would stay up
and I would work, and then i'd just drink or
i'd speak it a little bit, but again being very
careful not to get too drunk too fast, so he
would notice. But over time, when he started, when I
came out and I stopped trying to hide it, and
(09:58):
then I was actively seeking variety. You know, he would
pick up on my quirks of I used to like
flare my nostrils like this, yeah, and I had no
recollection of doing that, And of course I would gaslight
him and being like, you're crazy, I'm not drinking. I
don't know what you're talking about. And so it just
created this tension in our marriage. But I think previously,
(10:19):
of course my parents.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Could catch on. They would see me drinking.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I think my sister kind of knew that I overdid
it a lot of times, but they didn't know how much.
And so when I came out and said I was
going to impatient or and Whalen would tell them. And
when I was getting sober, I didn't really want people
to know. It was really embarrassing at that point, and
I prevented me from getting sober for many years because
(10:45):
I didn't want that label of an alcoholic because my
view of that is someone who's wheet, and again this
is just a stereotypical version, someone who again the brown
paper bag, the homeless, Like you have a problem outcome,
you can't control it, So that would be met no. Yeah,
And so of course I didn't want this like dirty
(11:05):
laundry aired out. So Whalen was trying to go through
this by himself, connecting with my sister and all this,
And so when it finally came out that I wasn't
impatient and that I was really struggling, no one believed him.
So like, what are you talking about, Jen? Like rarely drinks.
They didn't know all of the drinking that I was
doing in secret before we would go out. And I
started this well before I even met my husband, to
(11:28):
manage my anxiety. I would get really bad social anxiety.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I'd get really nervous because if you.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Think about it, when I it's not the same for everybody.
But when I had my first drink, I was fifteen.
I was just starting to like date meet people, meet
my friends and going to college. I didn't really even
know how to go on a date without alcohol. Or
go I to feel dirty without it.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah, I feel that's a pretty common story, right, that
it helps with our confidence, it eases kind of that
anxiety that we have. And I align with so many
of the things that you've shared, because I'm almost ten
years sober and I yeah, thank you. But I was
(12:14):
hiding it and I had all the struggles and I
tried to get sober for me. The twelve step program worked,
but the first time I went in, I thought I
really wanted it, but I didn't really want it. I
still felt a little uncomfortable when I said, I'm an alcoholic.
Who wants to say that, right? I love that we
now have an understanding more around alcohol use disorder, but
(12:37):
it took me a good year approving myself to myself.
I was absolutely an alcoholic and I had a problem
with alcohol, and I almost lost everything, my husband, my
family at you know, and my final straw was a
dui and it was that clique that you're talking about.
(12:59):
It's like that next morning I went to bed a
victim and angry and it was everyone else's fault, and
my husband was around more and it was this and that.
But that next morning I woke up surrendered and I
was ready to do whatever it took. I didn't have
to convince myself anymore.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Ready. Yeah, get that.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
And that's the whole thing, is that you have to
really want it and you have to be ready. And
the same goes. We were just talking in my Lighthouse
community yesterday about even coming out of the sober closet
on social if you want to is that you got
to be ready to do that. It's to not force
yourself or feel pressured to do that. But it's such
a liberating choice when you Yeah, I admit that and
(13:44):
claim that on social it was just a pivotal point.
I have two markers in my sobriety of the day
I got sober the day I came out, and both
changed my life forever.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
But this whole notion.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
That you got to be ready and sometimes continue to
work until you get there.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
The thing is also it's just we've been so programmed
to that this is a shameful thing and that you know,
and you touched on this before about it's willpower possibly
you know, or our moral compass, like if we my
mother was an alcoholic, and I now say, like if
(14:23):
my mother really had a choice, which she really choose
the bottle of vodka over me, I don't think so
if she was in her right mind and not coping
with this disease, which it truly is a disease. And
that's what I love, kind of moving into how you're
helping others with this disease. Right, And there's six habits
(14:48):
that you talk about. So what are these habits and
how do they work? Why do they work so?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Well, I started to implement menting these habits, and I
don't know if you ever did seventy five hard?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Did you ever do seventy five hard? Heard of it?
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Not?
Speaker 1 (15:07):
No?
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Well I did this in twenty twenty one, actually when
I started moving to the country, and I started implementing
some of these habits because they made me feel so
good mentally, and many of them I have been doing already.
But I think there comes a point in your sobriety,
especially in early sobriety, when we feel this dip in
dopamine because we're going through withdrawal of having this high
(15:29):
dopamine from alcohol. Is that we can feel low for
a little bit. But also just because we're not drinking
doesn't mean we can can't do other things to feel better,
to produce dopamine naturally, and so what I like to do,
and I think anyone who is willing to go alcohol
free their go getter and they want to. They love
(15:51):
having a tracker, they love having other things to do
to number one, fill the time, but again help them
feel better, boost that dopamine, increase their happiness in this process,
especially during this step. And so it also gives them
some structure, gives them some goals to achieve when we're
(16:11):
not drinking, because I think this big void happens when
we stop drinking. It's like, Okay, if I was drinking
a lot, what do I do with that time? These
habits can help give that structure, provide goals, and also
to boost that confidence and fill that time. So one
of the habits that really goes a long way, and
I think everybody should get involved in is exercise. If
(16:33):
you go to my Instagram, you will see I might
not post about it all the time, but I'm definitely
sharing in my stories every single workout that I do.
And I've been doing that from the beginning with running
and things like that. Now at entering perimenopause, I'm really
focused on building strength, but the mental benefits. And I
think a lot of people think of exercise for the
(16:54):
physical benefits, the mental benefits for your sobriety and just
in general share our way any other thing. I mean,
it's the number one thing that everybody, if you're physically
able to do, should do. And it doesn't have to
be a lot to start. I always go in these
ten minute walks. Now it's twenty minutes because I'm trying
to balance my hormones and blood sugar and all this stuff.
(17:17):
But a ten minute walk is fantastic to help you sleep,
which also can be something that happens in early sobriety.
You might struggle with sleep, you might be dealing with
early sobriety fatigue. So getting outside moving your body or
if you would like to do strength training, running, anything
that just gets you moving, gardening, biking. And what it's
(17:37):
so cool is a lot of the women who join
my programs have found recovery in the roads of putting
on their sneakers, going for a walk, going for a
run is that it can also help process feelings. That
also helps regulate our breathing as well. So there's so
many benefits to exercise from boosting your energy to helping
(17:58):
you sleep. So one of the habits, especially in my program,
is to move your body for thirty minutes a day.
Thirty minutes a day is two percent of your day.
And if you think about all the time you spent drinking,
put that same effort into moving your body. A great
time to do it is during your trigger hour, during
that time you usually drink. I always say the best
(18:18):
time to work out number one is when you get
it in. But the best time is the morning because
then you get to keep the benefits all day to
boost that doping we're all seeking.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Now.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Another one is water, and why is that important? Especially
in early sobriety Number one, we're dehydrated, so especially in withdrawal,
we want to hydrate. And I think a lot of
us aren't drinking enough just pure water. And when I
say pure plain water, a lot of the women are like, what,
so I can't add anything to it. I'm like, no,
it's easy to do. It's also easy to not do.
(18:51):
Now why is this important? It can help curve cravings,
it helps detoxify or liver, It helps carry nutrients to ourselves.
It can boost that energy and make feel better reduce
any brain fog early, sobriety brain fog that we have.
So water are super important and being sure you're staying hydrated,
and to drink not just when you're thirsty, but even
(19:11):
when you're not thirsty, especially in the morning. So one
of the habits is drink half your body weight and
ounces of water every single day. Now the next one
is reading, So I encourage women to read ten pages
of a physical book every single day. And why this
is important is because I always say what Maya Angelo
says is when you know better, you do better. They're
(19:32):
not going to tell you the effects of what alcohol
does to your body and your brain. That's up to
you to do the research. And I made this profound
shift in my overall happiness and clarity is when I
started reading personal development in twenty seventeen. My first book
was You Are a Badass by Jen Cinco, and then
other books like mel Robbins or even Quit Lit. But
(19:55):
like Beyond Booze or This Naked Mind. It is so
helpful for you to get clarity on your past and
also how you can do better in your future. I
have learned so much from podcasts from books that I
can apply to my daily life and then also to
my coaching life.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Of just again, we.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Want to input into our brain what we want to think,
how we want to feel. Feed a good things, not
just news and all that other stuff. Feed at what
you want to believe and we believe but think right,
So ten pages every day. Then the next one is gratitude.
So I really like to do gratitude in the morning
or at night. But here's the thing is that with gratitude,
(20:38):
and it's been shown and all of these are science
back to improve happiness, increase dopamine and doorphins, all of that.
But with gratitude, it's easy to say, Okay, I'm grateful
for my health, I'm grateful for my family. But when
I got specific, and I got this actually from Rachel
Hollis who wrote Girl Wash Your Face. Highly recommend you
check out that book. She completely changed my life. Was
(20:59):
that writing five things that you're grateful for for the
past twenty four hours. It's when you really get specific
and look for those moments. You can call them glimmers,
call them these moments of joy from yesterday, or you
could even do this practice at night, looking through your
day and asking yourself what went well, what were those
(21:20):
little things that made my life easier. I can even
take out what I wrote this morning, which some days
were harder for others. I know for me, when I started,
it was really really hard to think of what I
was grateful for. So I looked on Google.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
And I asked, what can I be grateful for?
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I have no idea. Yeah, I didn't know what this
thing was. I was super excited that the gas station
yesterday had a can of condensed milk so me and
my daughter could make these bars because I'd forgot it
at the grocery store. I'm like, oh my gosh, I
don't have to drive all the way to the grocery store.
That's a specific moment that made my life easier, so
(21:56):
we could make some bars. So those little things, and
it can be hard in the beginning, but when you
do this every single day, five things that you're grateful
for for the past twenty four hours, you're gonna be
on the lookout for those as you're going throughout your
day of like, oh, man, I should write that down
tomorrow morning, or I should make a mental note. I'm
gonna put it in my notes app on my phone
(22:18):
so I can remember it the next day, so over
time you're gonna notice what's going right instead of feeling
this isn't happening. See, this isn't happening. I have no friends.
My life is so boring in sobriety to be like, hey,
life is pretty good. The sun is out.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah, it's truly life changing.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Yeah yeah, wells do you have a gratitude problem?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Oh god, it's you know those are That's one of
the main things that started changing my life and the
way that I think. And it's it's an amazing thing,
like just another one. Like I I'm always seeing things
I'm grateful for, but the other day, like you get
a parking space in a in a place that's very
(23:01):
hard to get one, you're like, I'm like, thank you, God,
thank you, thank you, you know, like be grateful, like,
don't get oh, oh I was lucky. That's time, you know,
be grateful.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
I was good, right right, And it's those moments and
I really feel like you really feel the gratitude is
when things like the power goes out and my god, man,
I don't even actually appreciate the fact that I have electricity,
or that I have hot water or all of these
other things are oh gosh, that my phone is, you know, working,
(23:33):
or any of those things. And so that's when I
think it really hits, is like, man, all of those
things are going right on a day to day basis,
and we just kind of blow them by, right, and
so many things, yes, And of course the biggest one
is to stay sober.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
So I have six habits.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
The biggest one above all else, that is more important
than anything else, is to stay sober. And so if
you can't do any of the other habits, staying sober
is your guess goal. But the other habits help you
to stay sober because again they're going to boost open
mean so you're not going to feel that need to
want to escape because you're going to feel so much
better with exercise and water, gratitude reading. And then the
(24:15):
last one is connecting with your sober community. And this
can be just a simple check in like I'm just
going to check the app, I'm going to call someone,
I'm going to list what my gratitude is. I'm going
to join a meeting. It can look however you want
it to look. You can engage as little as you want,
but to engage with someone else, a group who is
(24:37):
also alcohol free because connection is the biggest thing that
women come to me or that they do not have.
And so who is it Johann Hari that says the
opposite of addiction is connection. Is that is how actually
AA started was one person helping another person. And what
I love about my programs is that I started with
(24:58):
private coaching, but then I really wanted to do group
coaching because I wanted us to do this together. I
wanted us to have a start date. I want them
to have a big group, but then also smaller groups.
And that is the magic of the programs is that
we're all doing the same things, starting at the same point,
and we all have this one thing in common that's
connecting us. And so it makes women feel less alone, happier,
(25:23):
like we have friends, and it boosts our confidence we
can support each other and help keep each other accountable.
And so that's the six. And so I don't expect perfection.
I just want you to try and if you if
one of the habits is what you feel good with,
focus on one. But then I also have women who
are go getters, who are sprinters, who are like I
(25:43):
want to do all six. I'm gung ho and I
freaking want to do this because this helps keep me sober.
It helps give me structure and that's what I need.
So yeah, and then I give them trackers, we have
check ins, all of that.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
All great stuff.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
So let's talk about the self discovery piece. Right, we
lose ourselves in our addiction, whatever it is, and how
once we do start connecting with ourselves right, and who
we really are and we start loving ourselves again and
releasing that shame and releasing our guilt. How can someone
(26:24):
start to discover who they are and get to that
place where they're not hating themselves anymore.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Yeah, I think the number one thing to do is
to start talking about it, you know, whether it's to
one person, and I think a good book and good
books to check out. Someone who's great at this is
Brene Brown. I mean, she's a queen of shame and
I read The Power of Vulnerability and I thought that
(26:53):
was such a great book. But I think starting to
just share it, whether it's with one person, whether it's
with a group, whether it's online and you create like
anonymous sober account, just to start telling your story can
release so much.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
But also if you want to.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Put pen to paper, and just start journaling and start
writing out how you're feeling. I think that can go
in so many ways to help reduce that Now. It's
not going to happen overnight, It's going to happen over time.
But also what I tell women is to try new
things because, like I said, everything changes, which can be
(27:29):
really scary in sobriety, but a lot changes when you
decide to go alcohol free, because it has such a
big impact on your friendships, on your marriage, on your relationships,
on your interests. Is that you need to try everything
again and maybe multiple times alcohol free to see how
(27:49):
you feel. And this is a really good indication. Now
Number one, try new things if you don't know what
to do. I list all of these different activities that
you can try and so variety on my Instagram page
because when I got sober, I started asking myself what
do I do? Yeah, I'm like, who am I? And
I think through the process of reading, through the process
(28:13):
of trying new things in sobriety, and when you're at
these things, focus on how do I feel after and
even during do I feel really good? Does it give
me energy? How does it drain me? And so is
it a battery or is it a vacuum? Are the
people that I'm around? And this can also impact your friendships.
(28:33):
Do I want to hang out with these people? Do
we have enough in common? When their alcohol isn't involved?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Things change a lot with and you need to change
those people, places and things, because those are the triggers
that can that make you relax, because your brain, it's
like you automatically see that person and it triggers the
idea of wanting to have a drink. Yeah, you drink
with that person. So those are things really important to
(29:03):
recognize and create the change in our lives.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Also, yeah, absolutely, And that part really was hard for
me in the beginning, right, Yeah, They're like the only
thing you have to change is everything. I'm like, wait, wait, wait,
I have to change my friends. And I didn't say
I didn't just naturally cut them out. We're still connected,
we just didn't do as many things together. I stopped
getting invited to the get togethers, and that really sucks.
(29:30):
But I also invited new connections, new friends, all of that.
Once I started to open up and I started to connect,
it just naturally happens, and the ones who truly are
your friend will stick around, they will, and they'll appreciate
you and love you no matter what. And then if
others fade, we can just accept that and let them
(29:52):
go as they do. Because as long as you're showing
up as yourself, you're going to meet those people that
are connecting with you, that are falling in love with
you and want to spend time with you, the real you,
not just the fake version of you, or you who
you thought you should be and who alcohol made you,
because it is two different people. And so yeah, I
(30:15):
would say just writing, sharing, talking, trying new things with
an open mindset. Don't knock it until you try it.
I mean gardening, I didn't think that was my thing.
I like it, I love it.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
I know. I've discovered so many new interests too, And
oh my goodness, well I started getting really curious, honestly,
Like history became really important to me. Cultural different cultures
became really interesting to me. Not important, but interesting to me.
(30:50):
I wanted to know more, whereas before everything was just
about where I was going to get that next drink.
The other thing that's become really satisfying for me is well,
I'm in love with audio books. I swear I don't
want to use the word a addiction, but I can't
stop listening to my audio books and I love that,
(31:16):
and so it's just really interesting. And the other thing
is what I realized that I love is I love
some alone time. I used to feel so uncomfortable with
that and in time with my kids that didn't have
to revolve around drinking. So you know, those are a few.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Isn't that crazy because I'm the same way with alone
time is that when I was alone, I would that
was my time to drink because I was so nervous
and awkward to be with me.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
It was different, right, it was the alone time was different.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
Yeah, And then now I crave it. I'm like, if
I can just get especially now in the summer, kids
are home, full time job, all of that, Like, if
I could just get a few hours to myself, I
replenish being by myself. And so I know, and that's
what's so cool about sobriety is understanding I'm actually not
(32:07):
an extrovert. I drink to become extrovert because I thought
that's what people wanted. Actually an introvert, I feel so good,
And so what I do, like I know you like
a long time too, is I get these hotel stays
by myself to replenish, to reboot my batteries, because who
I come back as is black and white. I come
(32:29):
back so relaxed, so happy, and that's how I know. Okay,
I love solitude and that brings me peace, and so
how can I find these little moments throughout the day
where I can get a little bit of solitude. So
I started going on these silent walks, which is really
hard for me. I also love audio books and podcasts
(32:49):
just to listen to myself. Yeah, just to off, like
again on these little moments if you can't get a
hotel stay again. I don't do this all the time.
I do it a few times a year. And how
could I do that throughout the day so I don't
break down? So okay, after lunch or at this I
just I need like a little five to ten minute
pick me up. I'm just going to go outside and
(33:11):
go for a walk. And so I did go throughout
the day to energize.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, yeah, I noticed in the beginning, and this has
become something that's kind of I guess the ritual if
you will, is I needed a lot of sleep in
the beginning, a lot of rest because our bodies are
going through so much, right, we are recovering and our
brains are on overdrive with the rewiring that's happening, right,
(33:39):
So just think of you're getting over a disease of
any sort. Your body's healing. So I say, give yourself grace.
And I used the afternoon a lot of times, you know,
that kind.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Of two o'clock lull. I was like, I've got to lay.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Down and replenish my soul and reboot. And I would
lay down and I still do, whether it's fifteen minutes
to thirty minutes, and I do a guided meditation and
so sometimes I'm very present in the meditation, or sometimes
I just need a little sleep and then I'm back
at it. You've just got to give yourself some grace
(34:17):
and just recognize what you're going through. And we all
need that reboot. And it's okay not to constantly be
on the hamster wheel or please everybody or that perfectionism.
And I know that's a big thing that we have
to let go of.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Also, yeah, absolutely absolutely, And I think a hard thing
to do is that rest, But it's so needed, right,
we all need to What is it that one saying,
everything works better if you unplug it. For Yeah, just
like my computer before this call, I just had to
reboot it. It needed a reboot. It was working way
too hard. And then it's like, yeah, okay, I'm back.
(34:55):
So give the same grace to yourself. And like you
were saying, the early sobriety fatigue, that's one hundred percent.
My clients go through it, one hundred percent of those
and they're so surprised when they learn about it. But
it can last, you know, one to three months, you know,
usually thirty to sixty days. But again, treat yourself with
so much kindness and the fact that if you do
(35:17):
choose this, you only have to go through it once,
which is so good. And the rest that you are
getting is so much better than when you were drinking.
The restorative sleep, the rem sleep that you're getting, even
if you're not getting a lot, especially if you use
to drink to fall asleep, it will balance out. You'll
find new tactics. But I always say, two hours of
(35:39):
sober sleep is still way better than eight hours of
drinking sleep.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
And so again, yes.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
Take that nap, go to bed early, don't you know,
leave the dishes, don't clean the house, just really.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Be gracious with yourself.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Absolutely, So what are some of the ways, Like, let's
say somebody out there is question I mean, they're drinking, right,
and we're all at different levels. What are some ways
that they can maybe get the help that they need.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
Yeah, and I think it's so the amount that they're
drinking or what they would like is so different where
they want to take a break, or maybe they're just questioning.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Their relationship with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
I listed some questions on my Instagram the other day
where you know, instead of asking yourself and am I
an alcoholic? Just ask yourself, would my life be better
if I drink or if I didn't drink? What is
the goal when I drink? Why am I drinking? What
is it that I'm looking for? In that of just
a lot of questions. And so if you're questioning your
relationship or just maybe want to give it a try,
(36:45):
I always say, give yourself and take it for a
test drive. Take sobriety or alcohol free for a test drive.
Give it at least thirty days. If not, I mean,
if you really want to see a difference, go ninety days.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Yeah, there's so much.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Happening in the brain where dopamine can start to restore.
I mean so many and I think any break from
alcohol is fantastic. But what we're doing with thirty day
breaks is we're just going through the hard stuff over
and over again for these month long breaks. If you
really want to get to the good stuff, go longer.
But let's not bite off more than we can chew.
(37:22):
Consider if you're open to taking a thirty day break,
but even before that, start reading.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
So some good books.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
My two favorites are This Naked Mind and Beyond Boost.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Pick those up.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I think they're so helpful to understand and learn more
about it and different approaches of okay, what does alcohol
do to my body?
Speaker 2 (37:44):
To my brain?
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Learn more about it before you even stop, and to
again if you would like, and really starting to get
that inner work of how you feel about it, especially
in this process, or even before start writing out how
you're feeling all of these feeling that you're having, Start
writing it out, getting it out. So often the answers
are already inside of you. You're just not giving yourself
(38:07):
the opportunity to figure out what that is. And maybe
you don't know the answer, but whatever you're feeling and thinking,
get it out and see if there's anything more to it.
But my number one thing is start asking some questions,
maybe even consider could I have a non alcoholic drink instead?
You know, if I'm going to a sporting event, could
(38:30):
I do this experiment and go to it and not
drink and not have a fifteen dollars beer and actually
have a ten dollars soda I don't know how much
they is, or or could I have a second water,
or could I have an an athletic brewing? Could I
have an any beer and see how I feel? Okay,
could I do this concert? Can I actually not drink
(38:52):
or maybe even just have one drink instead of getting hammered.
It's a lot of these experiments, and so often these
women and of course men too, they'll go to these things.
They're like, oh my god, I had a great time.
I can't believe I thought I needed alcohol to enjoy
this and to watch a baseball game. And so we
have to prove and de brainwash ourselves from these beliefs
(39:16):
that were ingrained from early on that you need alcohol
to do this, do this, do this, but you be
open to just trying it. Okay, I'm just gonna puy
and you can always go back to drinking, right, But
have you ever tried it without drinking or treating yourself
in other ways? So maybe, for instance, instead of getting
the fifteen to twenty dollars beer, you're going to spend
(39:37):
that on dippin' dots And you're like, that's my sober
treat today and I don't have to pay for it.
I or, of course I have to pay for it,
but not the next day unless I'm lactose intolerant. But
in different ways that you can treat yourself that you
don't have to regret.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Right, Yeah, so you're all good.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I just we already talked about. You can go on
Instagram or or Facebook, find groups, find communities, and start
getting a little more educated. And also understand you're not alone.
I love that there are sober coaches like you. Someone
can really help them through this, so you don't feel
like you have to do it alone. Someone can actually
(40:16):
teach you through and guide you through. And then there's
mindfulness drinking coaches.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
There's twelve step.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Online if you want to check that out. Obviously, if
you're drinking excessively, go to rehab, talk to your doctor
because you should not detox on your own. That is
very very dangerous, right, So if you're drinking to a
certain degree, like really taking a look at that. But
there's so much more help out there, and there's also
(40:46):
medical support with the cravings and such, and I'm really
interested in that. And then obviously it's not just about
putting down that drink. The real work is about how
you are are rewiring your brain and changing your thinking
and your mindset. And that sounds like a lot of
what you do, Jen. So this one hundred day journal
(41:12):
that you have tell us about that.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Yeah, it was. I've been thinking about it for a
while and I started it. I think at my second program,
where a client was like, you should really have a
journal for this stuff, I'm like, oh, okay. And a
lot of the things that I create come from client feedback,
and I adjust my programs based on that. Now, I'm
not going to take every make every single change based
on the feedback, but it started as something to guide
(41:36):
them through my programs, where it lists the gratitude, it
lists your goals, it lists a to do list, it
lists your workout for the day, and it lists your
day's alcohol free And so I created what I would
have wanted, and what I guide the women through in
this process. Where on one side and in the beginning
(41:57):
pages I introduce you to the journal with having you
set just one goal, writing it as if it's already happened.
Then we get into why that's important, because if you
don't have a strong why, that's the whole.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Basis of this.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
You're going to fall back on that the entire your
entire life of why am I doing this? Why is
it important to me? And then we're going to remind
ourselves that throughout the throughout the journal and then giving
them these little tips throughout the first ten days of
what you might experience and what you can do to help.
So every single day has a saying at the top
to motivate you or a simple tip to add to
(42:33):
your sober toolkit. And on the left hand page is
a page to jot down, maybe a to do list
to write out, like I was saying, how you're feeling.
I think, gosh, if there's one thing I regret, I
wish I would have saved my journal pages from early sobriety.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
I actually I wish I would journaled more.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
I get it, I do.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
Yeah, yeah, if I could have had those to look
back on the mindset shift, it would have been huge
that I want you to journal I want you to
write this out, how am I feeling, what is happening,
and then we list the gratitude. You're going to list
your goal. There's a brain dump how to plan out
your day, your workout. So I just giving you a
(43:14):
structure where it's not love it complicated. It's not a
complicated journalist and ask you these deep questions. It's to
keep you on track. So you're showing up for your workouts,
You're listing your day's alcohol free, You're listing your gratitude.
So it's everything all in one place to guide you
through one hundred days.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
I love it. So what's the one thing you want
the listeners to walk away with today, especially if they're
feeling stuck, unsure, or questioning their relationship with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
Well, number one, you don't have to have everything all
figured out, you know. I always like to stay stay
in the next twenty four hours, focus on the next
twenty four hours in front of you, and you don't
have to think of not drinking forever. I always say,
take drinking off forever, off the table, and just focus
on the next twenty four hours. What do you want
for the next twenty four hours? How do you want
(44:08):
to feel in the next twenty four hours. But I
also feel like the key to sobriety and the key
to growth is being able to feel discomfort and not
run from it. And one thing I say to myself
all the time is that I'm not gonna die from
anything that I feel nervous about, even before recording this
podcast or before I do anything nervous. And now my
(44:30):
kids say it, going to school on the first day, Hey,
You're not going to die from feeling anxiety, from feeling nervous.
And it sounds so stupid, but for me, when I'm anxious,
I feel like it's life threatening. I feel like I'm
going to die. When I can say, hey, okay, you're
not gonna die, then I'm like, Okay, I'm not gonna
(44:50):
die no matter what. This will not kill me. And
I think a lot of us drink to cope with
stress and anxiety and nerves. And my son even says it,
He's like, I know, mom, but I feel like I'm
going to die. I know, but you will not die
from giving this presentation. What if it all works out.
So your ability to feel emotions, whether it's to celebrate
(45:12):
when you're feeling sad or anxious, whatever you're drinking to
cope with to change how you feel, remind yourself it's okay. Like,
the key to sobriety is being able to feel discomfort
and knowing that you're not always going to feel this
way and it.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Will get better.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
But the key to growth is being able to sit
with it and invite in tools to help you process
it in a healthier way. So you're not going to
die if you cannot fall asleep, right, You're not going
to die from going to a party, and you're the
only one alcohol free. You're not going to die from
any of this stuff.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
The key is just feel it.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
And once you can get through those hard things, you're like,
oh my god, that's going to boost your confidence in
so many ways.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
So and you do yet so much more confident when
you are sober, after you do all this work. It's amazing.
I used to drink to be confident, but it really
made me weaker.
Speaker 3 (46:11):
Isn't that crazy? I drink to be happier and to
make me unhappy. I drink because I was anxious and
it just made me more anxious.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
Exact, whatever you're using.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
Alcohol for, you're going to get that back tenfold.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
Thee oh there was going to be amazing. Yeah, it's
a beautiful thing. Jim. Thank you so much for coming
on wake Up and for your wisdom and for being
vulnerable and for all the work that you're doing. It's
just been fabulous having you on.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Thank you, I appreciate it was so good to chat
with you. And if anybody has any questions, you can
find me on Instagram. I'm always an open book. If
you're looking for a community, I have my Lighthouse Sobriety community.
I have my Dry one hundred group coaching program if
you're looking to remove alcohol for one hundred day break
to see how you feel, And of course you can
(47:01):
always email me or check out my website too.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Absolutely well, whether you're sober, sober, curious, or just wanting
to change change with your relationship with alcohol. I hope
today gave you hope. And Jin's next group coaching program
begins October six, and you can find more about that
(47:25):
at join Lighthouse sobriety dot com and of course her Instagram,
which is amazing. You just talked about it. At jin
Lee Hurst and we'll have everything in the show notes
and it's always if you're looking for more support on
your healing journey, I also have a tool that will
help you, and that is my book, Chaos to Clarity,
(47:46):
Seeing the Signs and Breaking the Cycles. And please, if
this touched you, share with someone who needs to hear this,
because there's so much information and we need to spread
the word about this, And if you'd like to hear
more or see more, please subscribe for more real, honest conversations.
(48:09):
Know that you're worth it and we're walking this road together.
So thanks for waking up with me and jin today
and I'll see you next time on the show. Bye.
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