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September 5, 2024 12 mins

Jack brings us back to Target's adult sex toy aisle for a complete, stripped-down analysis of the product line...

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I feel like that's too much air. One more thing,
I'm strong, andy thing, have ye hyperventilated? So I'm uncomfortable
with talking about this, even though everything I'm going to
mention here is a product on the shelf at Target

(00:20):
down low, at the height of the average seven year old,
and you know, right there in public. So by that standard,
I'm not doing anything dirty. I hate to even use
that word, or adult or whatever. I guess they don't
think it's a delta Target if your kid can be
reading the box I was talking about. I was in

(00:41):
a couple of things I had to buy at Target
in the like the pharmacy ish area, and I needed
some vitamins and some melatonin and everything like that. I
turned around, WHOA, They're right. There's the magnum condoms like
giant boxes. What is your lifestyle where you're buying them
by the gross but anyway, and then below the common
down low where the kids can see him in nice

(01:02):
bright colors, all the various pleasuring devices for men and women,
and there's like forty different choices.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
Well, and back when it was merely vibratorus you could
get away with that. I mean, because I've got like
a massage gun.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
And where you stick it.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Oh no, trust me, you tried to use that for
like sexual gratification, you'd be hospitalized.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
It's definitely not for that. It's for pound those muscles. Uh.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
But you know if it was just like a massage one, well,
sometimes when net kit's tense, you know, you could make
the argument. But it goes far beyond that, Oh, a
target massage.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
These are pure sexual ones. There's all kinds of different
brands and whatnot. The Plus one vibrating bullet, it's only
sixteen dollars, it says here. It's portable and discrete, waterproof
and USB rechargeable. Got to like that. No batteries, the portable.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Why do you need to carry that around?

Speaker 4 (01:52):
Case?

Speaker 3 (01:52):
You just get like an urge.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
I don't never travel on the street, and you're just like,
all of a sudden, you're so damn I'm so horny.
If I don't get off now, I don't know what
I can do with myself. Well, it comes in different
sizes that which I don't quite understand. But maybe i'd
have to read the instructions or something. Well, different sizes

(02:15):
of what I could explain it to you. But I
think you could probably figure it out for yourself. I
am somewhat a man of the world, and I realize
people come in different shapes and sizes. I get that,
but the boxes are different sizes.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
And not only that, but sometimes you want a small
challenge and sometimes you want to really prove something to yourself.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
Right, Sometimes I get the single patty cheeseburger, and sometimes
I get the double patty. Exactly. It's much bigger, and
I'm in the mood for it. But like, I don't
understand the box of this is much bigger, and it
doesn't say anything on the outside. What more am I
getting for this bigger box? But I suppose I could
make some assumptions. There's the Bounce Vibe, not a lot

(02:57):
on the front of the box. It tells you what
that is. There's a quote from a woman holding the
Bounce Vibe in her hand, and she's got a big
smile on her face, so she seems to be very
happy with this product, although she's fully clothed. So why
are you carrying around the Bounce Vibe fully clothed, standing smiling? Hey,
look what I brought to the picnic. M And it
says it literally set me into bliss. That is the

(03:20):
quote on the front of that box.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Is that written by like a Chinese company with a
bad translator.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
The more expensive ones are all from the Hello Cake Company.
Hello Cake as in cake by the Ocean, as in
cake as a euphemism for sex. I guess right, Hello Cake.
You got the Hello Cake pocket wand a mighty powerful
vibrating wand for her it looks like a water tower
in a small town if you drink, if you can picture,
that's that's what it's shaped like. And it's pink. Then

(03:50):
there's the Hello Cake little sucker, an air suction toy
for her. Not oh suction, I thought it was. You
said it was blowing earlier. Do you have any idea
what this is? Without getting too sink of it, it's
for the spot.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Air suction, okay, any spot that enjoys suction.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
All right.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
It looks like something you would use to like clean
out of child's ears.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
It does. Yeah, it looks like you got That's why
I'm buying it. You've got too much wax in your ear.
That's what I look at child in their waxy waxy
and uh and uh. Then there's all kinds of good
clean love, almost naked personal lubricant ninety five percent organic.
I do appreciate sustainable lubricants. I don't want to damage.

(04:38):
I don't want my carbon footprint to be too big
when I go into the bedroom.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
You know, I'm delighted to discuss people's genitalian and how
they pleasure those places. But what the hell does ninety
five percent organic mean?

Speaker 1 (04:51):
I don't know. Ky warming liquid if you're not warm
enough already, and then all kinds of different jellies and
lubricants and stuff like that. But back to the pleasuring devices.
Then they got the mail section which is right next
to it again down low child height, so your kid
would ask, what's a vibrating stroker?

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Dad?

Speaker 1 (05:09):
I don't want to talk to you about a vibrating stroker, son,
but I'm sure glad Target put it eye level height
for a child in a big colorful package that really
looks like it's aimed getting the attention of a kid.
I mean, I can't help, but that's just what it
looks like.

Speaker 3 (05:25):
It's very bright, it's very colorful.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
Yeah, the words are in that font that's kind of
for kids. Stuff. That's weird. Why wouldn't you make it
semi discreete that I mean, because these aren't impulse buys.
I don't think you don't go to buy some soap
and shampoo, A hey, a vibrating stroker. I've been thinking

(05:48):
about getting some sort of thing that vibrates me at
night because I don't have a girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
It's like when you walk by the batteries at the Lows,
you're like, oh, that's right, I need batteries. Yes, So
it's no nobody ever said that about the vibrating stroker.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
So it's not an impulse buy. So you don't need
to have the picture of what it is on the
outside and the colorful letters and everything like that. You know,
have it somewhere and it's a you know whatever, more
more antiseptic terms for men.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, Michael, you know what My question is, what whatever
happened to romance?

Speaker 1 (06:23):
I was thick of the same thing. You got the
vibrating stroker there and the shelf at Walmart. What is that? Well,
they got the vibrating stroker next to the stroker. So
the stroker is a double sided toy for him.

Speaker 3 (06:34):
That's manual.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
Yeah, it does not vibrate. It's only twenty dollars a
double sided toy for him. And I can't tell by
looking at it what it is.

Speaker 4 (06:45):
It looks like like a silicone matt that you would
put down on your counter prior to putting something hot
down that you can fold and flip inside out, because
there's texture on one side and there's not on the other.
I am so regretting going to this website to look
at these products, you.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
Know, but then if you pay for the vibrating that's
and that doubles the price. He goes from twenty to
thirty five. Yeah, but you never regret buying quality. In
my experience, a ribbed massager for him looks like a
shark's about to eat me. That picture. I don't know
if that's what I'm looking for.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
You know.

Speaker 4 (07:16):
I have to say, as like, as a woman, if
I was with a guy and he said hey and
like pulled out any of these, I'd go or head
I'll see you later.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
This is weird.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
It's weird to me. Yeah, I assume, uh there, you know,
there's an interesting topic right there. If we're going to
go all doctor ruth, I feel like, uh, based on
my life experience, that it's perfectly acceptable for women to say,
would you mind if I bring out a I need
a little help, and most guys are sure. Whereas if
a guy says, would you mind if I bring out something,

(07:50):
a woman's gonna say what the hell and leave? I
think I don't know that well, and you don't.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
You don't, sir, you really shouldn't that sort of help.
You got everything you need right there.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
I love I love this one. I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (08:05):
It's a bright pink box with a kind of teali
ish product called the buzzy Butt.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
They didn't have that on the shelf. I'm sure the
website has things that I assume they have things that
they don't put on the shelf store. Oh it does, Okay,
it's the buzzy Butt. Would you like me to try
to explain that one to you?

Speaker 4 (08:24):
Jack?

Speaker 1 (08:27):
Well, I haven't seen the picture, but I haven't yet.
I know that one. I have a guess. I don't seriously,
I hate to come off as prude like you know,
like Tipper Gore. You know, I don't want to come
off of that. But I don't want If I got
an eight year old girl and I'm shopping and getting vitamins,
I don't want to say, what's a buzzy butt? Dad?

(08:48):
What's the vibrating stroker. I don't want that Target or
Walmart or any of the other corporations that have these
down low for the children and brightly colored and pictures
on the front. What are you doing if you're not
trying to introduce sexual products to children? What are you doing?
Because it doesn't make any sense merely as advertising to adults.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
Well, and sexualizing children is absolutely an aspect of the
neo Marxism we're always talking about. It's a perverse part
of that philosophy. But trust me, it fits into their
whole rubric. Yeah, that's about what I expected, Katie. Katie
just sent a picture of the old the B.

Speaker 4 (09:27):
Squared but it looks like Okay, I know I made
this joke earlier.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
It is a toy, but this looks like something for
a child.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
The color, the font, the name cake.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
I guess I need something next to that to have
perspective of size, But at least from the picture, that
looks like.

Speaker 3 (09:43):
The size of a hammer jack, much more than I want.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
It looks like you can put Christmas lights on it.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
I was gonna say, Michael, it looks like I'm building
one of those big elaborate train sets in my basement,
and I need some pine trees or it would.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
Make a wonderful door stop. Huh wow again, I mean,
do you tell me again? I feel like a prude
saying that. Tell me that you think that that's okay
to have three feet off the ground at Target where
your kid's looking at it. The buzzy butt in that thing,
now a vibrating toy for backside play. You're trying to

(10:21):
sexualize kids.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
I don't think there's any solid argument to be made
in favor of making everything public, everything humans do behind
closed doors, in the privacy of an intimate relationship.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
It's just it's it's it's course it don't you it's primitive,
it's animal like.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Wouldn't you agree that that looks like font design to
appeal to children? The Hello cake, I mean, that really
looks like a kid product. Buzzy butt a vibrating toy
for backside play. That's a weird man out myself. We've
we've crossed, we've crossed some line of something.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
I gotta think Target's gonna get a lot of flak
for this type of stuff.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
Well, I guess it's in I don't know, Walmart Walmart
has a section too. I don't know if they have
the same stuff in the same package.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
At night. I went to their their website.

Speaker 4 (11:13):
It's it's all the same stuff, limit much less available
quote in store.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
But honest to god, if anybody is listening that knows,
make the argument that this is not an attempt to
sexualize children or introduce people at a younger age to this.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
Stuff, it's it's it's awful. Not only that, but they
charged me five dollars for shipping on.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
The buzzy But you just like saying, but five dollars.

Speaker 4 (11:39):
Looks like Targets started carrying sex toys in March of
twenty twenty two, so this has been going on for
a couple of years.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yeah, that's that's pretty damned recent. That was my point
when we were talking about this on the radio show.
We didn't used to think this was okay to be
in the store, especially in a in an open section
down where kids look at it. And now and now
we do or does Target think we do and we
actually don't. That's my question. Well, I guess that's it.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
Get distracted looking at the buzzy button, Michael, Is that
what was going on there?

Speaker 4 (12:15):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (12:16):
No I got one word for that ouch.
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