A football coach was allegedly knocked unconscious by an opposition fan while walking to the bathroom during a junior tournament in Auckland on Sunday.
The Ellerslie FC coach was reportedly attacked from behind by a man believed to be the parent of a Papakura City FC player, shortly after her under-10 girls’ team had beaten Papakura in a semi-final match.
Former All-White and Northern Rovers coach Chris Milich joined D'Arcy to unpack the controversy.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
You're listening to the Sports Talk podcast with Duncy Wildergrave
from News Talks.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
It'd be we're talking sideline behavior now mostly good when
it's bad, though it is hideous. We're joined by Chris Millic,
director of football for the Northern Rovers, and always great
to have you on board. Chris. It may be not
in the best circumstances, but it is something we have
(00:34):
to talk about.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Well, thanks for having me, and yeah, this is an
issue that we've all got to confront.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I think we're basing this on the Alleleie FC coach
hospitalized after allegedly being struck by a parent and junior
Auckland football in a tournament that's been reported by our
New Zealand hero Bonnie Jansen across that one and after,
of course, the referee was hit from behind a big
(01:01):
back push after awarding a penalty try in a game
over the weekend in rugby. It keeps happening now, Chris,
to a lot of us, We'll go, okay, these are outliers.
These are people that from time to time blow their call.
I suppose we have to accept it. But you're involved
at that level, you see it. It's a lot deeper
(01:21):
than that, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yeah, it is deeper than that. I think fundamentally, there's
clearly an explosion in these people's brains because there is
no good outcome for them. The player they're desperately trying
to do something with will get removed from the club,
they'll get bands, et cetera, et cetera. So they are
the outlier because the violence is the outlier because it
(01:46):
is very rare. Well, what's not rare is the instances
of parents arguing with each other on the sideline from
opposition teams, yelling instructions at the referee, making sure the
referee or the linesman is getting a verbal in the year.
It also goes down to the point where the parents
are yelling instructions their own and children, and all of
(02:08):
it is endemic of, in my opinion, a pursuit not
to embarrass the parents. So I think a lot of
it's tied up with the fact that my little Johnny
or little Jane's going to play a game and I'm
not going to let them fail so that I don't
get embarrassed when she fails or he fails. And that's
(02:28):
the only reason I can think it happens because every
piece of research will tell you the more you yell
instructions at your kids, the less likely they are to
develop any skills that will be commensate with the level
you think they're going to play with. And the more
you yell at other parents and you perform on the sidelines,
your kids tend to not want to continue to play
(02:50):
sport because they're fundamentally embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Parents can't see this, which I find utterly bizarre that
they don't realize the effect they're having not only on
their children, but on other children and on other parents. Yes,
maybe the vible and doesn't rear its ugly head all
the time, but the verbal violence does. How can this
be curbed? Chris and your experience, because you've been around
(03:15):
the trap for quite some time.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I think it's there is. It's not a simple fix.
It it's not an easy fix, but it's a pretty
It needs to happen. I believe that what needs to
happen is the children in a team need to come
together with their coach or a manager or someone within
the club and they put down almost the behavior that
they will accept from their parents. And then you've got
(03:40):
to bring the parents in and you explain the children
which to talk to you. The children then say, we
don't want to be yelled at. We just want to
be supported. You've got to get us to training, but
we don't want you on the field. We don't want
you yelling at coaches, we don't want you young at referees.
And the parents then have to sign something because in
signing that they agreed to not a code of conduct,
but they agree to a manner of behavior that their
(04:03):
own children will find accept And I think that that's
quite confronting to a lot of parents that suddenly you're
not in charge of this child. The child is telling
you what they are prepared to accept playing their sport.
And in that case the parents can either go, well,
I don't do that, and the kid can go okay, fine.
(04:26):
But the moment they step over that line, that the
coach or the manager has every right to say, look,
you sign this document and you're outside the bounds of
what has been accepted as the values of this football team.
And I think the more ownership we can give to
the children and their environment, and not necessarily the coach,
but the children, gives them the power to say to
(04:48):
mom and dad, please don't yell at me when I'm
playing football or playing netball or whatever. You've somehow got
to make people aware that their behavior is so counterproductive
to the child, to the environment and what's going on,
that you are the baddie. Now most of them say, well,
it's not me, it's given me. The ninety five percent
(05:08):
of people are brilliant. It's set five percent. But if
you go talk to the five percent, they go, they go, yeah,
those people are really bad, and you're going that there's
a total disconnect between their behavior and what they think
they're doing. So it's kind of like a mental block.
They can't even hear themselves doing it, and they think
they're helping. I don't know what they think they're doing,
(05:30):
but it's really that is the best way I found
to make it. Parents back off almost.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Chris middle saise, that's putting a lot of pressure on
the kids, though a lot of responsibility on them to
in essence confront their parents to go this is not
good enough. Is it entirely right?
Speaker 3 (05:49):
You say that. But the weird thing is if that
all the kids do it together, that the parents that
are the bad ones will get policed by the other
parents on the sideline, not by the children. So if
you had ten groups of parents in a group, and
there's one set that are just one of these types
of pearance, and the other nine have signed this thing,
(06:09):
all standing silon, and the parents start yelling someone next
to them, we go, hoy, we don't do that, And
suddenly there's a reminder there. So the children aren't the
ones managing that. It's actually being managed by the other
parents and the team. Because human beings follow the pack,
you know, and it can become quite confronting when somebody
within your so called pack or group says to you, oh,
(06:32):
we've all agreed not to do this, let's cut that out.
And then it does give the next tool. If it
continues that you can actually lift it to higher levels.
And people now need to be kicked out of clubs.
It's happened at our club, et cetera, et cetera, it
happens at most clubs. People now need to be removed
from the club and said you are no longer welcoming
this club, please leave. Your behavior is not suitable for
(06:54):
the values that we hold, dear, because that then scends
a pretty distinct message. Sure, they'll go to another club,
but that if all the clubs did that, they would
very quickly find themselves nowhere to go. The incidence on
the weekend that parent from whichever club it was, he
would have been behaving with intensity, not just over the weekend,
(07:16):
he'd have been doing it for quite some time and
nobody has pulled them up. I often say to people,
people go, oh, the club does this, and the club
does that and this thing. No, we are the club.
Everybody in a club is the club, the values of
the club. What they'll accept, what they don't accept is
the club. As adults in youth sport, every adult there
(07:36):
has to have be empowered to go, hey, we've agreed
to this, you need to stop. And if they continue,
don't confront them, just raise it to another level. And
then the club or the management of the next level's
got to say, you're now band for four weeks, you
now a lot to come in. We had an instance
of racism at Northern Robism and the group that we're
doing it they were suspended for a long period of
(07:58):
time this year and it's sort of it all out.
Instead of thinking we've got to try and soak up
humanity's ills, as it were, everybody has to be brave
enough to say we don't accept that behavior, please leave.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Where's the behavior the worst? From what you've seen? Is
it more of it parents? At the youth level. Does
it expand as they go through the grades? Is there
a hot point for this?
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Well, I think if you go back to young as
in young under nine, there's an I call them the
helicopter parents. But kids are running around the field and
parents are right on the sideline. They're desperate to step
over that sideline, especially with the kid that might be
standing staring at the sky, but they don't. They want
the kids to all be doing it. So that's the
start of it where they're kind of like, oh, I've
(08:44):
got to get in there, and I've got to know
I've got to help. And then when they go into
more structured sporting environments, whatever it may be, they are
then going their whole thing there is I don't want
my kid to miss out from the top teams, the
bottom teams, this team, that team. They're in there, and
I put it all down to a fear of missing out.
But when it starts to really seem to hit is
(09:06):
that moment when mum or dad goes my kid's not
that good. And the moment they do that, for whatever reason,
kid might want to play the sport he can. He
or she doesn't care they can't run as fast as
the others. They might have skills in other areas. But
the moment that happens, that's when it hits. The parents
(09:26):
are now actively saying, I'm going to make sure my
boy or my girl ends up on the highest team
I can. I'm going to make sure I manage this team.
I'm going to make sure and on the weekend when
something goes against them or the referees picking, and I'm
going to make sure my kid knows that I'm in
there and I'm supporting. And they think it's about supporting
the kid because they're in there trying to make sure
(09:47):
that everything they think he or she wants, they're going
to deliver it. Instead of saying, you're on your own
single swim and you go see what happens, which is
the whole point of sport. They're in there with a
fear of missing out and ensuring that their child has
the opportunity to play in whatever team they deem suitable.
(10:07):
And they never ever think if you put a kid
in a team or in an environment which they're not
quite capable of doing it. It will destroy their confidence,
it will destroy their ability because that kid sits there,
going I really shouldn't be in this team, but I'm
in this team. It's a miserable environment for them to
(10:28):
be in by themselves.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
For more from Sports Talk, listen live to News Talks.
It'd be from seven pm weekdays, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio.
You're listening to the Sports Talk podcast with Duncy Wildergrave
from News Talks.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
It'd be we're talking sideline behavior now mostly good when
it's bad, though it is hideous. We're joined by Chris Millic,
director of football for the Northern Rovers, and always great
to have you on board. Chris. It may be not
in the best circumstances, but it is something we have
(00:34):
to talk about.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Well, thanks for having me, and yeah, this is an
issue that we've all got to confront.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I think we're basing this on the Alleleie FC coach
hospitalized after allegedly being struck by a parent and junior
Auckland football in a tournament that's been reported by our
New Zealand hero Bonnie Jansen across that one and after,
of course, the referee was hit from behind a big
(01:01):
back push after awarding a penalty try in a game
over the weekend in rugby. It keeps happening now, Chris,
to a lot of us, We'll go, okay, these are outliers.
These are people that from time to time blow their call.
I suppose we have to accept it. But you're involved
at that level, you see it. It's a lot deeper
(01:21):
than that, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yeah, it is deeper than that. I think fundamentally, there's
clearly an explosion in these people's brains because there is
no good outcome for them. The player they're desperately trying
to do something with will get removed from the club,
they'll get bands, et cetera, et cetera. So they are
the outlier because the violence is the outlier because it
(01:46):
is very rare. Well, what's not rare is the instances
of parents arguing with each other on the sideline from
opposition teams, yelling instructions at the referee, making sure the
referee or the linesman is getting a verbal in the year.
It also goes down to the point where the parents
are yelling instructions their own and children, and all of
(02:08):
it is endemic of, in my opinion, a pursuit not
to embarrass the parents. So I think a lot of
it's tied up with the fact that my little Johnny
or little Jane's going to play a game and I'm
not going to let them fail so that I don't
get embarrassed when she fails or he fails. And that's
(02:28):
the only reason I can think it happens because every
piece of research will tell you the more you yell
instructions at your kids, the less likely they are to
develop any skills that will be commensate with the level
you think they're going to play with. And the more
you yell at other parents and you perform on the sidelines,
your kids tend to not want to continue to play
(02:50):
sport because they're fundamentally embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Parents can't see this, which I find utterly bizarre that
they don't realize the effect they're having not only on
their children, but on other children and on other parents. Yes,
maybe the vible and doesn't rear its ugly head all
the time, but the verbal violence does. How can this
be curbed? Chris and your experience, because you've been around
(03:15):
the trap for quite some time.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I think it's there is. It's not a simple fix.
It it's not an easy fix, but it's a pretty
It needs to happen. I believe that what needs to
happen is the children in a team need to come
together with their coach or a manager or someone within
the club and they put down almost the behavior that
they will accept from their parents. And then you've got
(03:40):
to bring the parents in and you explain the children
which to talk to you. The children then say, we
don't want to be yelled at. We just want to
be supported. You've got to get us to training, but
we don't want you on the field. We don't want
you yelling at coaches, we don't want you young at referees.
And the parents then have to sign something because in
signing that they agreed to not a code of conduct,
but they agree to a manner of behavior that their
(04:03):
own children will find accept And I think that that's
quite confronting to a lot of parents that suddenly you're
not in charge of this child. The child is telling
you what they are prepared to accept playing their sport.
And in that case the parents can either go, well,
I don't do that, and the kid can go okay, fine.
(04:26):
But the moment they step over that line, that the
coach or the manager has every right to say, look,
you sign this document and you're outside the bounds of
what has been accepted as the values of this football team.
And I think the more ownership we can give to
the children and their environment, and not necessarily the coach,
but the children, gives them the power to say to
(04:48):
mom and dad, please don't yell at me when I'm
playing football or playing netball or whatever. You've somehow got
to make people aware that their behavior is so counterproductive
to the child, to the environment and what's going on,
that you are the baddie. Now most of them say, well,
it's not me, it's given me. The ninety five percent
(05:08):
of people are brilliant. It's set five percent. But if
you go talk to the five percent, they go, they go, yeah,
those people are really bad, and you're going that there's
a total disconnect between their behavior and what they think
they're doing. So it's kind of like a mental block.
They can't even hear themselves doing it, and they think
they're helping. I don't know what they think they're doing,
(05:30):
but it's really that is the best way I found
to make it. Parents back off almost.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Chris middle saise, that's putting a lot of pressure on
the kids, though a lot of responsibility on them to
in essence confront their parents to go this is not
good enough. Is it entirely right?
Speaker 3 (05:49):
You say that. But the weird thing is if that
all the kids do it together, that the parents that
are the bad ones will get policed by the other
parents on the sideline, not by the children. So if
you had ten groups of parents in a group, and
there's one set that are just one of these types
of pearance, and the other nine have signed this thing,
(06:09):
all standing silon, and the parents start yelling someone next
to them, we go, hoy, we don't do that, And
suddenly there's a reminder there. So the children aren't the
ones managing that. It's actually being managed by the other
parents and the team. Because human beings follow the pack,
you know, and it can become quite confronting when somebody
within your so called pack or group says to you, oh,
(06:32):
we've all agreed not to do this, let's cut that out.
And then it does give the next tool. If it
continues that you can actually lift it to higher levels.
And people now need to be kicked out of clubs.
It's happened at our club, et cetera, et cetera, it
happens at most clubs. People now need to be removed
from the club and said you are no longer welcoming
this club, please leave. Your behavior is not suitable for
(06:54):
the values that we hold, dear, because that then scends
a pretty distinct message. Sure, they'll go to another club,
but that if all the clubs did that, they would
very quickly find themselves nowhere to go. The incidence on
the weekend that parent from whichever club it was, he
would have been behaving with intensity, not just over the weekend,
(07:16):
he'd have been doing it for quite some time and
nobody has pulled them up. I often say to people,
people go, oh, the club does this, and the club
does that and this thing. No, we are the club.
Everybody in a club is the club, the values of
the club. What they'll accept, what they don't accept is
the club. As adults in youth sport, every adult there
(07:36):
has to have be empowered to go, hey, we've agreed
to this, you need to stop. And if they continue,
don't confront them, just raise it to another level. And
then the club or the management of the next level's
got to say, you're now band for four weeks, you
now a lot to come in. We had an instance
of racism at Northern Robism and the group that we're
doing it they were suspended for a long period of
(07:58):
time this year and it's sort of it all out.
Instead of thinking we've got to try and soak up
humanity's ills, as it were, everybody has to be brave
enough to say we don't accept that behavior, please leave.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Where's the behavior the worst? From what you've seen? Is
it more of it parents? At the youth level. Does
it expand as they go through the grades? Is there
a hot point for this?
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Well, I think if you go back to young as
in young under nine, there's an I call them the
helicopter parents. But kids are running around the field and
parents are right on the sideline. They're desperate to step
over that sideline, especially with the kid that might be
standing staring at the sky, but they don't. They want
the kids to all be doing it. So that's the
start of it where they're kind of like, oh, I've
(08:44):
got to get in there, and I've got to know
I've got to help. And then when they go into
more structured sporting environments, whatever it may be, they are
then going their whole thing there is I don't want
my kid to miss out from the top teams, the
bottom teams, this team, that team. They're in there, and
I put it all down to a fear of missing out.
But when it starts to really seem to hit is
(09:06):
that moment when mum or dad goes my kid's not
that good. And the moment they do that, for whatever reason,
kid might want to play the sport he can. He
or she doesn't care they can't run as fast as
the others. They might have skills in other areas. But
the moment that happens, that's when it hits. The parents
(09:26):
are now actively saying, I'm going to make sure my
boy or my girl ends up on the highest team
I can. I'm going to make sure I manage this team.
I'm going to make sure and on the weekend when
something goes against them or the referees picking, and I'm
going to make sure my kid knows that I'm in
there and I'm supporting. And they think it's about supporting
the kid because they're in there trying to make sure
(09:47):
that everything they think he or she wants, they're going
to deliver it. Instead of saying, you're on your own
single swim and you go see what happens, which is
the whole point of sport. They're in there with a
fear of missing out and ensuring that their child has
the opportunity to play in whatever team they deem suitable.
(10:07):
And they never ever think if you put a kid
in a team or in an environment which they're not
quite capable of doing it. It will destroy their confidence,
it will destroy their ability because that kid sits there,
going I really shouldn't be in this team, but I'm
in this team. It's a miserable environment for them to
(10:28):
be in by themselves.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
For more from Sports Talk, listen live to News Talks.
It'd be from seven pm weekdays, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio.
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