Signs You Have A Lousy Spouse And Jenn Calls Clint Out About Something He's Been Doing...

Signs You Have A Lousy Spouse And Jenn Calls Clint Out About Something He's Been Doing...

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Doctor Jen, how just join usthe world Traveler that you aren't you gone
next week? Uh? Just uhtomorrow Tomorrow I fly to Salt Lake City.
Uh. And I'll actually go toPark City for the first time,
which is lovely. I've never beenthere. I have want to go for
biking for a few hours and checkit out, and and then the next
day I'm leading a retreat down inSundance. Actually the little town of Sundance.

(00:25):
You're gonna be in Sundance. That'sa place I want to go.
Yeah. Well, so apparently theSundance Festival is not there. I think
the Sundance Festival is in Park City. So Sundance itself is actually not even
a little town. There's a Sundanceresort, and my guess is maybe that's
where the Sundance Festival started, butthere's actually uh yeah, it's yeah.

(00:46):
Anyway, I'm not gonna let youruin my good time. I still want
to go. Yeah, and apparentlyit's supposed to there's supposed to be some
snow Friday morning when I'm there.So I was it's so funny because right
we live at San Diego and it'sMay. So I was like, Bapa,
and I was like, ah,should ProAb check the weather there?
And then it was like, ohmy god, it's forty degrees right now
there. I was like, ohshit, Yeah, so world traveler that

(01:10):
you are, thanks for taking thetime with a little old me. Well,
so, okay, you've got acouple of topics to bring up.
But I have a topic to bringup as well, which is a little
it's a little heavier. It's gonnabe a little process for us to walk
through. No, boy, whenyou say us, you mean me to
listen to it because it's gonna breakmy heart or something. It's gonna be

(01:32):
heavy. I mean not really,no, No, Okay. So you
know how, like conflict resolution andbeing able in couples and relationships is super
important, right, so that you'renot brushing things under the rug, you're
not building resentments that boil over atsome point or lead to divorce or the

(01:53):
other side of it is people whodo address their conflicts but not in a
healthy way, and they say thingsthey don't mean, they undermine the other
person, they're not responsible anyway.So in the vein of all of that,
I actually have a bit of aresentment that I would like to clear
the air with you about Oh boy, here we go because of the podcast.

(02:15):
Right, well, so I'm gonnawalk through it. So the process
is so so often when we havea conflict, we are conflating the facts
of the situation with our interpretations ofit, right, the meaning that it
has for us, the stories we'retelling about it, and then with our

(02:35):
feelings, and all of those thingsget glombed together, and then we're really
upset with someone else. And sothe important part of the process of actually
really being able to talk through anysort of conflicts or resentments with another to
be able to separate those things out. So I would like, first of
all, do I have your permissionto do this? Unfortunately, yes,
Well this is good. Look atus, we are role modeling for other

(02:58):
people. They're relationships ships. Well, so I am. But I will
be owning my interpretations and my emotionsaround it. So that's the value of
this process. So you're so,for our listeners at home, Clint is
completely squirming in his seat. Idon't like making people upset, angry or

(03:21):
sad, and I think I mighthave done the least the angry part with
you. Okay, So, okay, here are the facts. So four
and you get to agree or disagreewith the facts or let me know if
I'm missing anything important. So forthe past two weeks we have her our
conversation a couple of weeks ago thatYou're like, I'm overwhelmed, I've got
too much. We talked about iton the podcast that if buddy of yours

(03:43):
even said maybe you should stop doingthe podcast. But then you and I
talked and You're like, can youcan we start doing it in studio again
and record a couple out of timeAnd I was like, yes, absolutely,
let's do it. I'll make ithappen. So and because I'm coming
to you, and so I putit in my calendar for the past two
weeks, I blocked off like aseveral hour time period to be able to
drive there because it's about a twentyfive minute drive often and then about two

(04:08):
hours to be there and otherwise,and the past two weeks, the day
before you have canceled those and saidyou couldn't do it and asked if I
could switch to zoom and so thenwe found a zoom time and that was
all fine. So because you hadconflicts that came up. So my interpretation

(04:28):
of that is first of all,both that I get you are overwhelmed and
your schedule is nutty, and yeah, and that that I know that doesn't
sure, I know that doesn't,but I know that doesn't. Hold on,
let me just I'll do the process. And I know that doesn't and
I know that doesn't feel good foryou, secon. Another interpretation is and

(04:53):
I'm going to switch between interpretation andemotions because they're sort of blended, but
I will say an emotion I feelis definitely frustrated because I did block it
into my schedule. An interpretation alittle bit, and this is what I
decided to bring this topic up,is that like, you can't possibly be

(05:15):
like the business man and person withthe amount of responsibility that you have and
be doing this to other people.So the interpretation and the emotion kind of
a mix of emotion. Interpretation iskind of feeling like not prioritized or blown
off. And part of that isI should have added this into the facts.

(05:38):
Yesterday morning, you texted me andsaid, we don't have anything in
the calendar this week for our podcast, do we? And I wrote back
and I go, no, actually, we're blocked off tomorrow morning for me
to come into the studio with youand that so I got frustrated and my
interpretation was, why the hell ishe not putting our things in his calendar?

(06:03):
And my emotion, I guess andthis one, this is not intended
to crush you, but I thinkit was a little bit of disappointment.
I don't blame you, no rightto feel that way, and you are
correct. Well, no, no, you're correct in feeling disappointed. But
well, I mean what, weall have our emotions. They're not correct
or not, but like how whatdo we do with them is what really

(06:25):
matters? Right And by the way, when I say feel this bothers me
when my wife or anybody says,oh, I'm sorry you feel that way,
because to me, it seems likeit's invalidating what they're feeling. But
maybe I'm wrong about that. That'snot how I'm However, the thing is,
our feelings are not facts. Thefeelings are our It's like they matter,
they can be honored, but theyare not facts and so and they

(06:46):
are all individual to us. Sorecognizing that sometimes you do something and somebody
has a feeling and you're like,wow, that feeling makes no sense to
me. Oh, but I couldget how you're feeling that if they explain
it to you and you're like genuinelyyou're like, oh my yeah, I'm
so sorry you're feeling that. Likeyou say that in a genuine way.
People that are like, no,you need to apologize for doing it,
not for my feelings, and Iwas like, no, nope, you

(07:10):
play a role in this also.So anyway, the final part of it
is like a request requests for needs, and so I don't know, I'm
not quite sure how to do arequest for needs. I'm actually I'm gonna
wait for that and give you aspace to talk now if you want to
speak through your interpretations and emotions aroundit. Please. The intent is never,

(07:35):
ever, ever, ever, everto make you feel like less of
a priority than anything else I havegoing on. The thing in my head
is one was work, I think, or where they both work. I'm
trying to remember because my brain isscattered, and that is no excuse,
it's just I'm really trying to remember. One was I didn't get the studio
time, if I remember that correctly, and then I asked for it and

(07:56):
I said, hey, you know, let me give you guys a week's
heads up, and you know,when doctor Gen's coming in. I gotta
do this. The other one yesterday, what was supposed to be this morning.
So you said you were going tobe I think something may Ride or
you're gonna be on the news formay Ride. Yes, sorry, yes,
so what happened there was in mymind I went, gosh, damn

(08:18):
it. I hope that because it'smy only chance to do this. Getting
this exposure in another media area,Yeah, other than radio is huge for
may Ride. And I'm and I'mand I'm stressed, and I'm again,
this does not, this should notaffect you, but it did, and

(08:39):
I'm sorry. So it was neverthat you were less of a priority ever.
Ever, I was just hoping thatby giving you a little bit of
notice, like not day up assoon as I found out. Yeah,
no, I mean, and youshouldn't say no opportunities like that, neither
of us should. I mean,we're we're shifting around our zoom times all
the time. Yeah, and doingthat for each other. And that worked.

(09:00):
It's fine. It's more because oflike the blocking of the big block
of time. Yeah, And Iagree with you one percent. And that's
why so this this case, Idid think I'm hoping that doctor Jen understands,
though. I will tell you thatyour time is very valuable and I'm
lucky to be doing a podcast withyou. To be honest, and I

(09:20):
value you as a friend. No, I'm serious. And the reason I
say that if you're listening, isbecause I can see doctor Jen on the
zoom called it. Otherwise you'd belike, what's he doing. I can
see some of the some of thereaction, and she's I want you to
know it's sincere. So the thingis, I value you as a friend.
I totally value you as a apodcast partner. But I thought,
Okay, I think she'll understand.I hope she'll understand because this was a

(09:41):
one time opportunity for this year andI was like, oh my god,
it's I'm trying to do everything Ican to get may Red going now.
Unfortunately for me, I get intoa panic mode. And I've been in
a panic mode and a bit ofa that's the word, not a depression,
maybe very stressed, very anxious,and it's because I'm so afraid that

(10:05):
this event will fail. And Ido this every year, but I've been
very good the last year or twowith it. This year, I don't
know what's happened to me? Notso much? And oh wow, So
I thought, take the opportunity wehave, do we need to? And
then I just found out that Iget another different different on KUSI Sunday morning,
May twelfth, which is Mother's Day, and I told my wife,

(10:26):
Honey, we're doing lunch. I'mjust gonna be gone for a couple hours
early morning because I need this exposurefor May and we need it and it's
for the troops in their funds,you know, the whole thing. And
she understood. So in my mind, I'm like, God, you know
you are right. I need torespect the time that you've blocked out.
Now there will be times once ina while that you and I probably have
something come up that could be eithercatastrophic or something that can't be avoided.

(10:46):
But sure, I do apologize.It was not meant, it never will
be never was meant to be thatyou're less of a priority. I just
hoped that you, and it seemedlike you did, I would understand and
go, you know, I getthat. And even if you did understand
that, which I know you do, it still doesn't make it right.
And and I'm not just saying that'spay lip service. It's not right.

(11:07):
It's not right, and I apologizeand and I want to not do that
in the future. And here's anotherthing for me. I don't want to
be known as the guy to youthat doesn't follow through with his word.
That's fucked. On my part,I don't want to be that guy.
I don't want to be the guythat's late, which I don't think I
am. I think I'm pretty goodabout being on time. But I don't
want to be the guy that's late, unreliable. I don't even want eighty

(11:30):
percent of the time he's reliable.I don't want that. I want it
every time. And may Ri Iit has been there's also been a little
bit of how do I put it, there's also been a little bit of
now I said it actually just kindof that in my mind. I'm telling
you, waking up at like oneo'clock in the morning and just oh my

(11:50):
god, I didn't do this andthat, and it just sucks. It's
really it sucks. Today is probablythe first day I've had in about a
week, maybe a week and ahalf, that I haven't just had this
shit feeling in my gut about aboutyou know, look, I'll just say
it. I'm not saying anything outof turn. What's happening with my job,

(12:13):
what's happening with people who I feellike? And this is weird you
say this. I feel not weird. I know how you feel because I
feel like I'm not a priority inso many Nope, I feel like I'm
not a priority in some cases,not so many cases, just some.
I have friends that will do anythingfor me. I'm always a priority as

(12:37):
they are to me. I lovemy job, I love the people I
work with, the people I workfor. I truly do. And I'm
not just saying this because maybe they'llhear this, but there's uncertainty right now
more than ever for me personally.Yeah, just killing my guts. Where
are you literally feeling it inside?Well, partly the throat, but really

(12:58):
the stomach and the chest. Yeah. And the other thing is and I
am not trying to get a reprieveat all, but my prostate thing.
He didn't any cancer. Oh good, well, yes, thank God for
that. And he put the scopeup there and this is a little bit
funny, having something going in thatshould be coming out. Yeah, and
that thing's bigger than I thought.And I said, you're gonna put that

(13:18):
where and he goes, trust me, it can handle a lot more.
I said, well, I don'twant to know about that. So my
point is it burned a little.It was a little bit, but my
but the result is this. Hesaid, We're gonna do an MRI.
Your prostate is larger than I thought. I didn't want to it, and
then we'll do a biopsy. There'sa possibility of one to two percent that
you can get sepsis from a biopsy, though it's very low. Because my

(13:39):
prostate is larger, there's a littlebit higher possibility. So I'm now I'm
going through my mind all these yearsI've asked about my prostate, had the
finger test and all that shit.Did they miss it? I don't know,
but I know that he said hecouldn't see any cancer in the bladder
or the or the prostate. ThankGod for visually, which is which again
thank you so me being a littlebit hypochondriacal, I've got that on top

(14:01):
of may ride and now might justgoing fuck and I so again, though
again, none of this should giveme a reason to do that to you.
And I apologize, and you andI need to come up with a
plan with you, or maybe it'sjust with myself. I don't know you'd

(14:22):
be the judge of that because you'rethe doctor, but of how No,
that's on me. I got tocome up with a way that when I
make it, Oh, we coulddo it together for sure, though we
could talk it through. Yeah,well I promise you, Jen, doctor,
Jen, you are a friend.I love you. I love our
time together. I value it,and I need to show that by not

(14:46):
rearranging. I wouldn't say ever,but as often so I apologize I do.
It's sincerely. No, I knowit, Thank you, thank you,
and I hope that means something becauseI need it when I say it,
and I hope you know I amnot. My intent is not to
make you feel guilty or shitty orto add more shit on your pile.
Okay, so listen, you are. You're doing what you do best,

(15:09):
which is make people realize and owntheir shit like you call it. And
I got to own my shit.I'll make an issues all day long.
If I think I'm right, Iwill. I'll go No, I don't
see it that way, but Ido. I completely your point. You've
been more than patient and I needto treat you better. In that regard

(15:30):
as a friend and a podcast partnerperiod. That's it. Okay, we
can talk afterwards. Thank you.We don't have to put everybody through the
process of us figuring out what todo with this, but generally just so
folks at no home at home no, and then right, this is then
where folks a couple then will youknow, both talk about their needs around

(15:50):
things and then try to figure outhow what the request in there is or
how to have a compromise. SoI'd like to acknowledge you, Clint.
You did a really great job oftalking about your interpretations and your emotions and
sharing what's going on and not gettingdefensive with what I said, because sometimes
people do. But that's the powerof this process is that if you're doing

(16:11):
it well, it's less likely likeyou don't people don't feel good and there
it feels good to have somebody comeand you know, clear the air with
you in this way. However,like you know, people, if we're
doing it responsibly, like you couldbe like yep, nope, that makes
sense, yep. And they're owningtheir interpretations, yep, they're owning their
emotions yep. Get it. Sodo you and your wife do processes like

(16:33):
this probably not, probably shit underthe rug, I do all the time.
I bet she does too, butI do all the time. Yeah,
it's that whole yes man syndrome andnot wanting conflict and all that.
And just so you know, somebodysaid a second ago, I have no
right to be defensive in this case. So yeah, well people often don't
have the right to be defensive,but they're still defensive because I mean,

(16:56):
if I came charging in and waslike not owning my emotions and interpretations and
was like, you blew me offand you don't respect me, but dead
it to like all of that stuff, and I was presenting that as facts,
you'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. That
is that is not what's going on. So anyway, thank you, appreciate

(17:18):
it. I appreciate you. Yay, Okay, you've got some uh,
you've got some other stuff. You'vegot stuff connected to marriages, some like
well it's funny, Yeah, Igot a little something here that says how
to escape an unhappy marriage without gettinga divorce. And then I'm looking at
the time. We have about twelveminutes, yeah, and then five painfully
on assigned your allowsy spouse. Solet's assume we can get to both.

(17:40):
But okay, who if we hadto do one first to make sure we
get through it. Is it howto escape a unhapy mariage without getting a
divorce? Or is it five painfullyon assigned your a lousy spouse? Yeah?
Totally the second one. Yeah wait, wait, let me guess.
Okay, painfully obvious signs that you'rea lousy spouse. Yep, and there's
five of them. Okay, kindto think of what they might be painfully

(18:02):
obvious? I mean, first thingthat comes to mind is that you just
like genuinely don't spend any time withthem, like you're off always doing other
things, or you're off with theboys or the girls, and you're not
like ever prioritizing them and tie qualitytime between you two. Well I'll get
more into that with what I'm readinghere, but you just got one of

(18:23):
the five. Okay, another oneis painfully honest. I mean, I
don't know if this would be oneor not, but something that stands out
to me is if your partner isgenuinely unhappy with something and you are just
defensive all the time and you oryou won't work on anything or any other

(18:47):
concerns in your marriage anything, youknow. It doesn't say it specifically on
the header before the stuff I'll read, but who knows in there? Okay,
he's one of these things that couldbe there, and I do think
actually that should be in there.Ifa do they have any blatant ones like
you're cheating on them? Let's see. Uh, it does not go into

(19:10):
that. No, Okay, wellit's funny. I think you're going to
agree with these on top of yours. Yeah. Wait, let me see
if I can guess one more holdon, uh, the painfully honest,
Maybe that you don't help out athome at all, or there's not a
good division of labor. It doesn'tsay that, but I'm thinking you're right

(19:30):
about everything. Okay, so far, Okay, go ahead, dive into
the list. So by painfully onassigns your lousy spouse. Yours is number
number two, but number one.You keep a running log of every mistake.
You might even throw a temper,tantrums or pity parties when your partner
doesn't bend to your will to makethem behave better. Either way, if
they misstep, you're right there topoint it out to them. Doing this

(19:52):
makes your partner feel but little badgeredand miserable. They wish you'd disappear when
you behave like that, And thelonger it goes on, the less they
even want to try to please you. Now, I'm gonna say what you'd
probably say. It all depends.That's subjective on how you tell them about
these mistakes, right, It's howyour communication skills are, right, It's
how you tell them. It's alsothe frequency, because I have worked with
some folks that they're like they veryresponsibily tell their partners what they like or

(20:18):
don't like, and they're doing therules, but they are constantly pointing things
out and that they are just unhappywith so much of what their partner does,
and some of it's just a differenceof opinions and values, not that
their partner's actually quote unquote doing anythingwrong. So okay, I mean,
that's a very it feels like avery specific one the way they frame that.
But I guess that's why it's maybepainfully obvious. But okay, go

(20:41):
ahead, right, Because if you'rethrowing temper tantrums, you're not communicating properly.
Yeah, you're being a dick.Yeah, second one yours, you
pack your schedule so full, youleave zero time for your partner. Lives
busy, and your dreams, desiresor responsibilities are important. However, in
marriage, health of the relationship isas important as anything else your life.
And I'll spare you from the restof it. But basically that's what you

(21:03):
said, is you pack your scheduleso full, zero time for your partner.
Yeah, got it. Number three. The sound of their voice or
chewing or breathing breaks your nerves.You cringe when they open their mouth because
you know they will say or dosomething you find a knowing. You pretend
you can't hear them, walk away, or just about do anything to avoid
them. When your spouse acts asif your mere breathing is as disgusting and

(21:27):
affronts them, or an affront tothem, you feel tortured and humiliated.
Why would anyone want to open theirhearts to someone who despises them? Doing
this is just me and if itkeeps up, your relationship won't last long.
Well, it's funny. When youwere first telling started with that,
I was like, wait, whichone's the lousy partner? The one who
choose too loud and sloppily, Ithought the same thing. Are you chewing?

(21:51):
Yeah, exactly, maybe we're bothwell maybe you and I in some
cases are the lousy spouse right exactly? Okay, and then four of the
five painfully on a signe allows yourspouse. You insist they never change when
actually they have. So you're you'reso busy thinking your partner's the same person.

(22:11):
You haven't talked with you know themabout them in forever? All you
talk about is you and what youwant. They feel diminished and unimportant to
you. They constantly wonder whether tryingto make the marriage work is even worth
it. So, in other words, they've made some changes. You never
recognize it. Yeah, but thenwait, but that's what I got in
the beginning. But then I didn'tget where that went. Then you're constantly

(22:33):
talking about yourself or wait, whatwas that piece? So I think they're
they're adding that to it. Yeah, you know what, they should have
made that a separate one. Letme reread that. Yeah, you're so
busy thinking your partner is the sameperson. You haven't talked with them about.
Wait what you're so, You're right, that's weird. You're so busy
thinking your partner is the same person. You haven't talked with them about them
and forever. Oh okay, youhaven't talked about their changes and their stuff

(22:56):
in front of all you talk aboutis you and what you want. They
feel minished, it unimportant to you. Yeah, and they wonder whether trying
to make the marriage work is evenworth it. So even when they do
change, you don't notice it.It's basically what they're saying. Yeah,
that's kind that's kind of oddly,it's very Yeah, I've noticed that more
and more in pieces that the editingis not so great because I think people
are just cranking out, so domists and stuff. Yeah, that's an

(23:21):
odd combination of things. But oneis certainly asking somebody always wanted to hear
about the other person and what mattersto them, and giving them the space
for that and being a generous listener. And then the other but I do
act like I'm listening. Yeah,that's all it matters. It's but the
other person thinks you're generous listening,right, And then the other piece of

(23:44):
this, and this is I seethis a lot. That like allowing your
partner the space to change, andthen you need to change your interpretation of
them. Right, if you're justassuming that they're saying the same you hear
them saying the same words, butyou're not giving the space that like,
no, they've actually changed all thishas different meaning, or they're doing something
different. I've fallen into that.I've like, I've had some early dating

(24:10):
with guys. This was before Ifound my current guy, thank God,
and that I will be being meand being emotionally aware and responsible and like
talking about stuff and emotions and all. And I've literally had a guy say
to me, he's like, you'rejust like all the women in my past.
And I was like, wait what, And he's like, yeah,

(24:30):
you're telling me what I should befeeling or something. I was like,
no, I actually I was tellingyou what I was feeling. I was
like, not, pretty sure,I'm not doing what other people do.
I was just dumbfound it. Iwas like, wait, what, Like,
I don't even know it's so obliviousto what you were saying. It
was all yeah, and that's thesame thing that people can do with It's

(24:51):
much easier when it's with the samepartner. But I was literally another woman
and got put into the category ofall women and got triggered. But so
we have to be careful with ourpartners. We can assume that we know
where they're going, what they're saying, what they're feeling, what they're doing,
and we need to give them spaceto change and grow. Then we
need to change and grow with that. Yeah, I mean that's true and

(25:11):
all right. So number five,you begrudge every minute they spend away from
you. In your head, marriagemeans you own your spouse. As such,
your spouse owes you their undivided attentionunless they're doing something you approve of
or permitted them to do. Nobodywants someone controlling them this way. That
servitude not marriage. Your partner havinga life of their own is not betraying
you. You trying to micromanage theresistance, however, is a betrayal to

(25:33):
them. So again, you begrudgeevery minute they spend away from me.
That's pretty obvious, right taste.Well, that's also those that's a dynamic
and abusive relationships. It's verbally abusiveor physically abusive or both. That is
a dynamic of it that you aremicromanaging their time and controlling and you need
to give them permission to do Youthink you give them a hard time for
spending time away, and it isoften presented in the beginning like I've seen

(25:57):
people in situations like this, Ohmy god, it's so romantic. He
hates when I spend time away fromhim and I haven't seen my friends in
a while. But it's like it'sbecause he just can't he he can't bear
to be away from me at all. And I'm like, fucking red flags,
red flu yes, and yeah,I've said that before and it was

(26:18):
not well received. It was.It's not that it wasn't well received,
but it was not heated at all, heated being h e ed ed ad
your a t ed Yes, nothey did not, and yeah, and
she got ugly. So anyway,yeah, no, that's awful controlling behavior,
but which I think, well,no, yeah, anyway, well

(26:42):
there too that I think that's noteven written here that it brings something up
with me. You tell me ifI'm wrong. Well, you're not gonna
tell me I'm wrong. It's justyou are wrong. Plan Well, you're
entitled to feel that way. Soa little bit of a spin off of
that one is if you are goingto say yes, it's okay for you

(27:04):
to go do these things, eventhough it's weird to even say it like
that. You shouldn't need permission,but I think you should have. You
should be considered of the other person'stime and say, look, I want
to spend time with you, buti'd like to go do this. Look
at me over these last six years. Yeah. And then but if you
agree to it, do not resentor give them shit with little pokes and

(27:27):
prods and yess exactly them going todo it because that happened too. No,
not fair. That's your own shitto sit with. And if you're
feeling resentful or something like that,then you come to them and say,
hey, I want to do theconflict resolution process that I heard clinton,
doctor Jendu, and here are thefacts and here's my interpretation, here's my

(27:48):
emotions instead of like being passive aggressive, because that's bullshit. I mean,
that's that's what those little pokes andprods are. It's being like passive.
You're unhappy with something, your needsand aren't met. You absolutely have a
right to responsibly voice that, butyou need to own it and then you
need to directly address it. Andby the way, I think we are

(28:10):
going to have to get to theother topic next weekcause I know you have
to get four o'clock. We havea minute. Yeah, I do want
to say I am not without faultin that regard either, Like if I
tell my wife, you know,go do something, I really mean it
and I don't ever give a crapabout that. But there are other things
that I do that little snide kindof kidding on the square remark about things
that I need to just get offmy ass and like you said, own

(28:30):
my shit and upfront say why I'mnot okay with it or why I have
an issue with it and then ashit out that way rather than you know,
afterwards going would you do? Good? Good? Yeah, stupid stuff
I do that you know, well, those little things, in the long
run undermine trust in a relationship thatyou don't trust what your partner's saying,

(28:51):
you don't trust being able to bevulnerable or open with them, and like
couples can drift apart and live morelike separate lives. So okay, wait,
so what are you what's the othertopic that we're going to do next
week? Then next week it willbe it will be how to escape an
unhappy marriage without getting a divorce.I'm very interested to see. Yes,

(29:15):
this is it. Wait, isit five ways or just to hop?
I don't know one. Three,Oh, I guess three. That's it.
Okay, But there's quite a bitin each three that I'll read and
then you tell me what's right orwrong or how you're interpreting. I'm very
curious what you think about divorcing.Yeah, that's interesting, Okay, cool,

(29:37):
I'm looking forward to that. Awesome. I want to acknowledge you again
for being a good friend and listeningand for your courage. So thank you.
Thank you for understanding because you certainlydon't have to, So thank you.
Thank you.