September 20, 2024 • 22 mins
Is 35 minutes really the perfect amount of time for sex? Plus, Clint & Dr. Jenn discuss old lovers, what they remember, and what they'd do differently.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Doctor Jen another short one. That's what she said, but
I'm glad to be on with you.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Sure but girthy.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Right, it may be sure, but its sheer is skinny.
I think I used that last week.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Oh yeah, yeah, I think we make the same probably
sex jokes. I mean we've been doing this for a
long time. There's no doubt we said some of the
same jokes I used to have about.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Rob or still do a buddy hundreds of times hundreds,
But this one I don't think i've said before. My
buddy Rob Vanderpool used to say he's the one who
came up with it may be short, but it's sure
is skinny, And then.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
He'd go, it's short, but it's got the girth of
a beer can. Oo.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, I just made most of my lady bits cringe.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Right, Oh, I wonder if this is going to make
you cringe. Last week we were talking about an article
that I found. It's a very short article. It's one
of those things I wonder, Well, it's it's a pole
and they only pulled women for this, so consider you
know what you're about to hear and whether it's professional
in quotations or not.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
But yeah, well it was it. Yeah, I doubt it
was a real poll. I'm already assuming it was a
bullshit poll.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Well, we'll we'll see. This is yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
So I'm not sure if this number sounds right to
you or not, or maybe you're more of a marathon
or in the sack or maybe a sprinter to any
guys listening. But a pole says the average American who
has a good sex life thinks the average role in
the sack should last a total of thirty five minutes.
But they say, don't worry, less than half of that
time is actually spent knocking boots. They say thirty five
(01:32):
minutes includes fifteen minutes afore play, fifteen minutes of doing it,
and five minutes of cuddling, and the numbers can vary
like depending on what time of day you're getting it
on the pole also found on the bedroom rodeo. Sessions
as they call it, at night tend to last the longest.
The shortest sessions are midday like the quickies. Does this
sound about right to you or is there even a
specific average?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Well, this is most people, at least in long term relationships,
their sexy time no way last thirty five minutes unless
they're including you know in four play, like sitting and
having a conversation over a glass of waters.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, for me, it's the drive home included, right, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I find it fifteen minutes of Well, so here's the thing.
I'm just going to point to the immediately problematic aspect
of this. This is all based around penis in the vagina,
which is primarily beneficial to men, and not that there's
not pleasure for women, but majority of women will not
experience an orgasm that way. So to call everything else
(02:38):
for play is what's counted in quote unquote foreplay, Like
going down on a woman and her having an orgasm?
Is that all foreplay? But it doesn't count as the
real thing because it's not you know, him pounding away anyway,
I'd like to know how they make those divisions of
time minutes for actual intercourse.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
That seems like a lot to me.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
It's way longer than the average, Yes, way way longer,
and most like I don't, I don't. I don't want
that myself.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
You don't really included.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I like all of this other stuff, you know, like
again like the quote unquote four play huddling, like all
of the other stuff around it is particularly enjoyable and
more so focused on my pleasure specifically, you know, directly
my pleasure.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
So yeah, I I don't know. I'm trying to think
of back to my best my best days, and I
don't know. I mean, I think actual penetration. I think
I'm lucky to be. I'll just say it. I mean, well,
depends on where my brain is at. Like if I'm
all into it, hot and bothered, which you probably are
just by doing that, but let's say it's your top
(03:52):
of your like it's the.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Best ever, you're into it.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I'm thinking like maybe a minute, like no joke, and
then I can go longer than that if I'm thinking
about many other things, But then I'm not quite as stiff.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yes, right, Baseball just doesn't give you the stiffy you need.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
What sucks is when I was younger, I could think
about groceries and baseball and cars and I'd be fine.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
But now, like melons, like, what were you thinking about? Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Well, you know, honestly, I wasn't the thing for me
is I had to think about other things. I mean,
how many times have comedians actually joked about this? But
to last longer, I had to think about everything but
what I was doing to last at all.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
But the thing is, when you're younger, you can keep
a stiffy like.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
That Boston rob And then but now I'm literally like,
my head's got to be in the game or it
ain't happening.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah, yes, well yeah, our bodies shift a lot with age.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, I mean, honestly, doctor Jen, no joke, I'm not kidding.
I used to dread getting called up again. Comedians talked
about this for how many years, know, all the time
as a high schooler, I would dread being called to
the chalkboard or the dry erase board because I had
a boner. I mean, it seemed like twenty hours a
day and.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
No shit, oh my, you actually thinking sexual thoughts, or
you'd look at some girl that was cute and it
would turn you on.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
No one would no, the wind would blow.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
And it literally was okay, it's just it's I mean,
I'm exaggerating, but let's say and then now I'll be honest.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I would say, if I was in class six periods
a day, and those periods are forty minutes forty five,
let's just call it five hours a day, right, I'll
bet you in school sitting down every single period, every
single day, Monday through Friday. I would at least five
to ten minutes out of that period just for no reason,
(05:49):
like I was, like what that I was. I would
get angry at myself like I would because I really, yes,
sometimes I'd be thinking about sex. But then there were
times I'd be like, what the hell's going on? And
so I and I'm gonna be straight with you. I
missed those days. Now it's like I do. I met
an older guy in twenty fifteen riding through Sturgis, and
(06:12):
he was two older guys, and he said something that
has resonated with me since twenty fifteen, and now I
understand what he means. Although when I say older, he
was in his seventies, mid to late seventies anyway, you know,
and I'm not even close to that. But he said
one piece of advice for you, young man. I go, yeah,
he goes, never pass up a heart on and never
pass up a free meal. And I'm like, okay, thanks buddy. Yeah,
(06:36):
And now I'm going he's right, and I'm.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Waiting for the herr ya.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Oh god, that's so. I mean, first of all, I've
never heard this extreme of an example of somebody talking
about their teenage years. A man talking about that, that
just seems so insanely embarrassing and awkward. And I just
I can't even imagine.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
It was brutal and like looking back.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
And this is only because now I've been in radio
and on TV, and I just honestly I say things
now that I never would have said back in the day.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I wouldn't have had the nuts.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
But here's the thing I think now, because it was
years ago, it's harder for me to relate to my
younger self because I was so embarrassed and so mortified, mortified,
But now I go, okay, here it is enjoyable.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh that's true. You still would not get up in
front of a room of people with a visible heart.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
It depends on the room, doctor Jen. I'm not kidding,
like I'd be so proud at this point, and I'm
not joking. I'd be so proud at this point. I mean,
I'd keep it in my pants. And if it were
my buddies, I'd be like, hey, look what God for
one right, it ain't happening again very soon, So take
a gander.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Oh no, it's just.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I look, if you've got kids and you're listening to
this boys and and you know there are I am
telling you, I go.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
It was mortifying, It was terrifying. I remember.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
It makes me no.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I remember putting a book a notepad. In fact, I
can recall one particular time like it was yesterday. I say,
it's years ago. I remember this doctor not doctor sorry,
mister mister hoy called me up in class as a
I believe I was a junior, I think. And I
(08:33):
was getting up so slowly because when your blood goes
cold and you're that freaked out, it will go down,
but not instantly, but it does work quickly to like,
you know, come down. But I'm talking like thirty seconds
if you're lucky. Like like I had to pretend like
I dropped a book and I picked up my folder
and I put it on the desk. I acted like
(08:54):
it was hard to get out of the desk. I
couldn't stand up. And then finally I was.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Like, okay, I'm good enough. It was like half oh, yeah,
it was terrible.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
We're going to go your butterfingers. It was direction boy, terrible.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Oh. It makes me sad that this is you know,
probably still the case today. But that between boys with
that and girls like with their periods, that there's still
just so so much embarrassment around something that is just
our back bodies going through processes and the natural thing
that it does. So because we're animals and we're programmed approcreate,
(09:35):
it makes me sad. Okay, wait, I want to circle
back to the initial fifteen fifteen five oh yes, yes,
of timing. I was thinking, because there are I need Truly,
I feel like in my lifetime I've only talked to
a handful of women like this who really do can
orgasm through intercourse and reliably do it often like they
(10:01):
want to be on top and they're writing and then
they may be touching themselves their clit, or they may
be using a vibrator or something, or they're angling it
in a right position that they're still getting stimulated in
a way that they need and that they are able
to have an orgasm that way. And so I could see,
you know, I could see the fifteen minutes, particularly if
(10:24):
both folks are orgasming and working towards that. So I
just wanted to throw that in that is so so
clearly not me and how I'm wired. So but I
hear it's the thing.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
God it, I mean, if you don't, I just wonder,
is it like having a second job making that happen?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I don't know, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:48):
What like, isn't that I mean for the man, not
for you. I'm saying, like, isn't that a lot more
work required from the man and he? I mean, you,
of course will communicate that, but I don't know if
a lot of people will. Good, Like if I'm scrambling
in the dark when I'm single and I didn't know
this about you know, some of the women that I
was with, it would have been good to know that, but.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
I don't ever know.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah, no, it would have been great to know. No,
that's part of the reason why so many women take
orgasm because their bodies don't do it. I'm particularly younger women,
and they think there's something wrong with them, and they
don't want to insult the male that they're with or
make them feel bad, and then they want it to
(11:30):
be over. They want the intercourse to be over, so
then they take it and with nobody knowing that. That's
you know, not how most women are able to org
of them.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I don't know if I ever shared this with you
and I would never share the name. But there is
a woman who back in the day when I was
dating her, she could not have an orgasm, could.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Not and never had never had.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
But being that I was in my twenties and thinking
I can conquer the world, I thought I'm going to
be the guy to do it. And what's funny is
I think it was right there, probably a month before
we decided, you know, when I, you know, said I'm done,
and not because of that.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
This was the one.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
This was the one that I was totally into and
she just was not as into me. But I remember
us having an open conversation, not like she would tell
me she can't and then I would ask her periodically,
did you have you do you think you can?
Speaker 3 (12:26):
You know?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
And I wouldn't push it, but she did say to me,
I'll never forget this.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
She did say to me.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Toward the end, I say, gosh, you know you've you've
never had it when I just want you to experience it.
I feel bad, like, you know, I'm not doing the job.
She goes, Oh no, she goes, no, I never have,
like I told you, but you sure have given it
the old college try.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
That's what she said.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
And it always I got to be honest, It always
bothered me. Yeah, less to a lesser extent now that
I've been talking with you for the last few years,
because you've let me know that's not all that uncommon.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
But yeah, and it's a weird like balance, you know,
and we're clear we're just talking heterosexual couples here. It's
a weird balance for men to strike in situations like
that because one, you want men to care, you know,
so they're not just there for their own pleasure and
that they get off and that the woman's not getting off.
(13:21):
So you want the man to care, but he needs
to care truly in a way that is supportive and
helpful to the woman, and not care in a way
that's really about his ego or his performance, because then
once again something that was just supposed to be about
the woman then becomes about the manning yep, And that
is it's such a fine line to walk.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
It's pressure, yeah, that you need to care, but you
need to care in the way that's meaningful and helpful
to her but doesn't put pressure on her and isn't
making it about you. So for me, I have to
be honest it with a lot of emotional maturity.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
What's that.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, for me, it was both. If I'm being honest,
it was I really wanted her to experience for her,
but I wanted it to be me that helped her.
So it was both For me, I have to admit
I was. It was not completely selfless at all.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
But yeah, you know that's hard then, because as soon
as we feel any pressure around orgasm, then it kicks
in performance anxiety. For many folks. Oh yeah, and then
our you know, our nervous system and anxiety works against us.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Well, Like you know, even let's say today, Let's say
today I ran into her. I've thought about, you know,
two different things. One just going, oh my god, please
tell me by now somehow, some way you've you've experienced that,
And then it would give me great joy for her
if she had. At the same time, I'd be like,
damn it, I couldn't get it done, but some other
dude did.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Wait, I have another question. If you actually ran into
her today, would you feel like it was appropriate to
bring up Oh? I would never her ability.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
I would never.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It was in my mind like the what if factored there,
There's no way I would ever ever.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Ask for that.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
What and is that because you're a married man.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Oh well, and she's a married woman. Oh okay you
Oh yeah, both both sides.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
If she were single and I were single and we
but it wouldn't be like right off the bet, Hey,
how you doing?
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Good to see you? Have you ever had an orgasm yet?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I don't know you?
Speaker 3 (15:22):
No, this would be.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
And now this I would do if I were single
and she were single, and let's say I ran into
her and we ended up having a drink together. If
it were going as comfortably as it always was to
talk to her.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
You'd put another shot.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
No, well, yeah that too, But no, I would.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I would lean in and I would say, look, I'm
gonna say something because I'm an idiot, but I just
have to know, after all these years.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Have you had the big O? You can be honest?
Speaker 1 (15:49):
And I would absolutely do that if we were both
single and comfortably talking for a while, not like in
the grocery store aisle, Hey I need bananas?
Speaker 3 (15:57):
By the way, Did I make you have an O?
Speaker 4 (16:00):
I know?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Exactly interesting. It'd be fascinating to be able to go
back and talk to early lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends and such
and see what people actually remember having your sex life
together and like what impact it had on them, how
(16:23):
it shaped them positively negatively, right they remember or don't.
I don't remember many details about past people like at.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
All I do, and it drives me nuts, like.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
It's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Oh yeah, and some of the stupid ways I acted
non sexually, I mean, but just with girls that I
was really into that back in the day. I thought like,
there was one named Vicki, and I don't even know
where she's at these days, but I was just she
was smoking hot, and I worked with her in a
restaurant and we went on a date one night, and
(16:57):
if you call it a date, it was back to
my house and then we went somewhere.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
But just an idiot, like.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
I just if I just knew then what I know
now about not bragging about yourself and not trying to
be the big shot, and like I literally remember, and
of all things, cardigans in my gosh damn closet, shoot
me now. But I opened the closet and she's kind
(17:22):
of looking around the room and I go, yeah, see,
I got a lot of nice clothes.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
It's like, why why would you say that? And why
would she care?
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I look back at that statement, and go, no, wonder
you didn't go out with her again?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
You jackass open closet door to show her your nice.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Gown clues because I thought that that would impress her.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
And she goes, oh yeah, those are nice. Now I
know what she thought was dick weed.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Oh my god, that is so funny. I've ever heard
doing that. That's amazing. I wonder if you remember these details. Wait,
so how long have you been married?
Speaker 3 (17:59):
I've been married twenty two years.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah, and then you've been but you've been together how long.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
I've been to get well, since ninety eight. So what
is that?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
That's uh years? Yeah, twenty six years.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Okay, no, there's no way.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Ninety eight yeah, ninety eight to twenty four Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Wait, only twenty four plus two.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
But we weren't together. We were hold on, we were measured.
We were married in two thousand and one. No, we're
celebrating twenty three years, like coming up in nine days.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Yeah. So I'm wondering if, because you know, your dating stuff,
you're remembering is like mostly from your twenties, and things
stand out like I literally have in my brain dating
stuff from eighteen till you know, now fifty one because
you know, my long's relationship was five years. I'm wondering
(18:59):
if I was just had so many experiences and things
blur together. I just don't remember. I don't remember a
lot of details, and I don't at all. I don't
remember the sexual peace. I don't remember what it felt
like or what it was like to be with it,
like I have just sort of general sense of what
they were like, but I have I don't. I don't
(19:19):
remember at all, like I have no Like people that
maintained spank banks for past sexual partners, I I don't
have that. It doesn't store in my brain that way
as a tied to like memory and sexual excitement, which
I'm actually incredibly grateful for.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Is it because you think maybe you would like maybe
there's things you want to put out of your head
from back then.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
No?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
No, no, not at all. No, No, it's just not there.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Wow, it's yeah, Well, fellas if you've been with doctor
Jenn and in the early years you did not impress her.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Whatever. I like, I know my current boyfriend and my
only sexual partner, like I know clearly what it is
like to be with.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Him, and let me let me help you out, doctor Jen.
Just because you always help people out in this arena.
Just in case he hears this, you would remember him
for years and years because he's that good.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Okay, sure, sure, yeah, there we go disrect what you
guys need to hear it is. No, I just don't.
But I think it's really valuable that I don't remember that.
And because I don't know, it sort of freaks me out.
How many men do they can actually remember what it
was like to be with a previous partner, And I
was like, oh geez, like they remember it and then
they could probably sort of feel it inside. I can't
(20:44):
evoke those types of memories, like sexual things don't stay
with me that way, So which I'm like, I said,
I'm actually grateful for it helps leave the past in
the past.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, I mean on one and you're right, that's god.
That's actually kind of awesome really because it's almost like
your boyfriend is the only guy.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Kind of sort of right right.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Well in terms of if something's evoking like a sense
of sexual excitement, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yeah, yeah, it is pretty interesting. But yeah, it's uh,
I don't know, I'm curious. I'm curious what that means.
Differences in people's brains and how we maintain memories that
the memories as they are connected to specific like sensations
and emotions. So I don't know. Yeah, it's just curious.
(21:39):
It just doesn't stay in me that way. So anyway,
I believe you need to get going.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I do.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I'm gonna I'm gonna do my thang from three to
seven pm on one one five kg B film San
Diego and the iHeartRadio app Loosen Lives, Doctor Jenn.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Have a great weekend.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Hey, I'm going to be gone next two weeks, so
we won't be recording.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Oh that's okay. Yeah, you've had enough, folks.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
No, I have a two week European trip coming up.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
I just real quick before you go, is it all
on your own, all with the boyfriend or at least
fifty to fifty?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It is one with the boyfriend and I am tagging
on on another work trip for his We're going to
three countries. He's speaking in those countries at conferences.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Love it.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Love that you guys do that together. That's awesome, It's amazing.
And have a safe trip.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Thank you,
Doctor Jen another short one. That's what she said, but
I'm glad to be on with you.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Sure but girthy.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Right, it may be sure, but its sheer is skinny.
I think I used that last week.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Oh yeah, yeah, I think we make the same probably
sex jokes. I mean we've been doing this for a
long time. There's no doubt we said some of the
same jokes I used to have about.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Rob or still do a buddy hundreds of times hundreds,
But this one I don't think i've said before. My
buddy Rob Vanderpool used to say he's the one who
came up with it may be short, but it's sure
is skinny, And then.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
He'd go, it's short, but it's got the girth of
a beer can. Oo.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, I just made most of my lady bits cringe.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Right, Oh, I wonder if this is going to make
you cringe. Last week we were talking about an article
that I found. It's a very short article. It's one
of those things I wonder, Well, it's it's a pole
and they only pulled women for this, so consider you
know what you're about to hear and whether it's professional
in quotations or not.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
But yeah, well it was it. Yeah, I doubt it
was a real poll. I'm already assuming it was a
bullshit poll.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Well, we'll we'll see. This is yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
So I'm not sure if this number sounds right to
you or not, or maybe you're more of a marathon
or in the sack or maybe a sprinter to any
guys listening. But a pole says the average American who
has a good sex life thinks the average role in
the sack should last a total of thirty five minutes.
But they say, don't worry, less than half of that
time is actually spent knocking boots. They say thirty five
(01:32):
minutes includes fifteen minutes afore play, fifteen minutes of doing it,
and five minutes of cuddling, and the numbers can vary
like depending on what time of day you're getting it
on the pole also found on the bedroom rodeo. Sessions
as they call it, at night tend to last the longest.
The shortest sessions are midday like the quickies. Does this
sound about right to you or is there even a
specific average?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Well, this is most people, at least in long term relationships,
their sexy time no way last thirty five minutes unless
they're including you know in four play, like sitting and
having a conversation over a glass of waters.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, for me, it's the drive home included, right, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I find it fifteen minutes of Well, so here's the thing.
I'm just going to point to the immediately problematic aspect
of this. This is all based around penis in the vagina,
which is primarily beneficial to men, and not that there's
not pleasure for women, but majority of women will not
experience an orgasm that way. So to call everything else
(02:38):
for play is what's counted in quote unquote foreplay, Like
going down on a woman and her having an orgasm?
Is that all foreplay? But it doesn't count as the
real thing because it's not you know, him pounding away anyway,
I'd like to know how they make those divisions of
time minutes for actual intercourse.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
That seems like a lot to me.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
It's way longer than the average, Yes, way way longer,
and most like I don't, I don't. I don't want
that myself.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
You don't really included.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I like all of this other stuff, you know, like
again like the quote unquote four play huddling, like all
of the other stuff around it is particularly enjoyable and
more so focused on my pleasure specifically, you know, directly
my pleasure.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
So yeah, I I don't know. I'm trying to think
of back to my best my best days, and I
don't know. I mean, I think actual penetration. I think
I'm lucky to be. I'll just say it. I mean, well,
depends on where my brain is at. Like if I'm
all into it, hot and bothered, which you probably are
just by doing that, but let's say it's your top
(03:52):
of your like it's the.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Best ever, you're into it.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I'm thinking like maybe a minute, like no joke, and
then I can go longer than that if I'm thinking
about many other things, But then I'm not quite as stiff.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yes, right, Baseball just doesn't give you the stiffy you need.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
What sucks is when I was younger, I could think
about groceries and baseball and cars and I'd be fine.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
But now, like melons, like, what were you thinking about? Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Well, you know, honestly, I wasn't the thing for me
is I had to think about other things. I mean,
how many times have comedians actually joked about this? But
to last longer, I had to think about everything but
what I was doing to last at all.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
But the thing is, when you're younger, you can keep
a stiffy like.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
That Boston rob And then but now I'm literally like,
my head's got to be in the game or it
ain't happening.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah, yes, well yeah, our bodies shift a lot with age.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, I mean, honestly, doctor Jen, no joke, I'm not kidding.
I used to dread getting called up again. Comedians talked
about this for how many years, know, all the time
as a high schooler, I would dread being called to
the chalkboard or the dry erase board because I had
a boner. I mean, it seemed like twenty hours a
day and.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
No shit, oh my, you actually thinking sexual thoughts, or
you'd look at some girl that was cute and it
would turn you on.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
No one would no, the wind would blow.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
And it literally was okay, it's just it's I mean,
I'm exaggerating, but let's say and then now I'll be honest.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I would say, if I was in class six periods
a day, and those periods are forty minutes forty five,
let's just call it five hours a day, right, I'll
bet you in school sitting down every single period, every
single day, Monday through Friday. I would at least five
to ten minutes out of that period just for no reason,
(05:49):
like I was, like what that I was. I would
get angry at myself like I would because I really, yes,
sometimes I'd be thinking about sex. But then there were
times I'd be like, what the hell's going on? And
so I and I'm gonna be straight with you. I
missed those days. Now it's like I do. I met
an older guy in twenty fifteen riding through Sturgis, and
(06:12):
he was two older guys, and he said something that
has resonated with me since twenty fifteen, and now I
understand what he means. Although when I say older, he
was in his seventies, mid to late seventies anyway, you know,
and I'm not even close to that. But he said
one piece of advice for you, young man. I go, yeah,
he goes, never pass up a heart on and never
pass up a free meal. And I'm like, okay, thanks buddy. Yeah,
(06:36):
And now I'm going he's right, and I'm.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Waiting for the herr ya.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Oh god, that's so. I mean, first of all, I've
never heard this extreme of an example of somebody talking
about their teenage years. A man talking about that, that
just seems so insanely embarrassing and awkward. And I just
I can't even imagine.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
It was brutal and like looking back.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
And this is only because now I've been in radio
and on TV, and I just honestly I say things
now that I never would have said back in the day.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I wouldn't have had the nuts.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
But here's the thing I think now, because it was
years ago, it's harder for me to relate to my
younger self because I was so embarrassed and so mortified, mortified,
But now I go, okay, here it is enjoyable.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh that's true. You still would not get up in
front of a room of people with a visible heart.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
It depends on the room, doctor Jen. I'm not kidding,
like I'd be so proud at this point, and I'm
not joking. I'd be so proud at this point. I mean,
I'd keep it in my pants. And if it were
my buddies, I'd be like, hey, look what God for
one right, it ain't happening again very soon, So take
a gander.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Oh no, it's just.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I look, if you've got kids and you're listening to
this boys and and you know there are I am
telling you, I go.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
It was mortifying, It was terrifying. I remember.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
It makes me no.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I remember putting a book a notepad. In fact, I
can recall one particular time like it was yesterday. I say,
it's years ago. I remember this doctor not doctor sorry,
mister mister hoy called me up in class as a
I believe I was a junior, I think. And I
(08:33):
was getting up so slowly because when your blood goes
cold and you're that freaked out, it will go down,
but not instantly, but it does work quickly to like,
you know, come down. But I'm talking like thirty seconds
if you're lucky. Like like I had to pretend like
I dropped a book and I picked up my folder
and I put it on the desk. I acted like
(08:54):
it was hard to get out of the desk. I
couldn't stand up. And then finally I was.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Like, okay, I'm good enough. It was like half oh, yeah,
it was terrible.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
We're going to go your butterfingers. It was direction boy, terrible.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Oh. It makes me sad that this is you know,
probably still the case today. But that between boys with
that and girls like with their periods, that there's still
just so so much embarrassment around something that is just
our back bodies going through processes and the natural thing
that it does. So because we're animals and we're programmed approcreate,
(09:35):
it makes me sad. Okay, wait, I want to circle
back to the initial fifteen fifteen five oh yes, yes,
of timing. I was thinking, because there are I need Truly,
I feel like in my lifetime I've only talked to
a handful of women like this who really do can
orgasm through intercourse and reliably do it often like they
(10:01):
want to be on top and they're writing and then
they may be touching themselves their clit, or they may
be using a vibrator or something, or they're angling it
in a right position that they're still getting stimulated in
a way that they need and that they are able
to have an orgasm that way. And so I could see,
you know, I could see the fifteen minutes, particularly if
(10:24):
both folks are orgasming and working towards that. So I
just wanted to throw that in that is so so
clearly not me and how I'm wired. So but I
hear it's the thing.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
God it, I mean, if you don't, I just wonder,
is it like having a second job making that happen?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I don't know, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:48):
What like, isn't that I mean for the man, not
for you. I'm saying, like, isn't that a lot more
work required from the man and he? I mean, you,
of course will communicate that, but I don't know if
a lot of people will. Good, Like if I'm scrambling
in the dark when I'm single and I didn't know
this about you know, some of the women that I
was with, it would have been good to know that, but.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
I don't ever know.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah, no, it would have been great to know. No,
that's part of the reason why so many women take
orgasm because their bodies don't do it. I'm particularly younger women,
and they think there's something wrong with them, and they
don't want to insult the male that they're with or
make them feel bad, and then they want it to
(11:30):
be over. They want the intercourse to be over, so
then they take it and with nobody knowing that. That's
you know, not how most women are able to org
of them.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I don't know if I ever shared this with you
and I would never share the name. But there is
a woman who back in the day when I was
dating her, she could not have an orgasm, could.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Not and never had never had.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
But being that I was in my twenties and thinking
I can conquer the world, I thought I'm going to
be the guy to do it. And what's funny is
I think it was right there, probably a month before
we decided, you know, when I, you know, said I'm done,
and not because of that.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
This was the one.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
This was the one that I was totally into and
she just was not as into me. But I remember
us having an open conversation, not like she would tell
me she can't and then I would ask her periodically,
did you have you do you think you can?
Speaker 3 (12:26):
You know?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
And I wouldn't push it, but she did say to me,
I'll never forget this.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
She did say to me.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Toward the end, I say, gosh, you know you've you've
never had it when I just want you to experience it.
I feel bad, like, you know, I'm not doing the job.
She goes, Oh no, she goes, no, I never have,
like I told you, but you sure have given it
the old college try.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
That's what she said.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
And it always I got to be honest, It always
bothered me. Yeah, less to a lesser extent now that
I've been talking with you for the last few years,
because you've let me know that's not all that uncommon.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
But yeah, and it's a weird like balance, you know,
and we're clear we're just talking heterosexual couples here. It's
a weird balance for men to strike in situations like
that because one, you want men to care, you know,
so they're not just there for their own pleasure and
that they get off and that the woman's not getting off.
(13:21):
So you want the man to care, but he needs
to care truly in a way that is supportive and
helpful to the woman, and not care in a way
that's really about his ego or his performance, because then
once again something that was just supposed to be about
the woman then becomes about the manning yep, And that
is it's such a fine line to walk.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
It's pressure, yeah, that you need to care, but you
need to care in the way that's meaningful and helpful
to her but doesn't put pressure on her and isn't
making it about you. So for me, I have to
be honest it with a lot of emotional maturity.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
What's that.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, for me, it was both. If I'm being honest,
it was I really wanted her to experience for her,
but I wanted it to be me that helped her.
So it was both For me, I have to admit
I was. It was not completely selfless at all.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
But yeah, you know that's hard then, because as soon
as we feel any pressure around orgasm, then it kicks
in performance anxiety. For many folks. Oh yeah, and then
our you know, our nervous system and anxiety works against us.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Well, Like you know, even let's say today, Let's say
today I ran into her. I've thought about, you know,
two different things. One just going, oh my god, please
tell me by now somehow, some way you've you've experienced that,
And then it would give me great joy for her
if she had. At the same time, I'd be like,
damn it, I couldn't get it done, but some other
dude did.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Wait, I have another question. If you actually ran into
her today, would you feel like it was appropriate to
bring up Oh? I would never her ability.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
I would never.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It was in my mind like the what if factored there,
There's no way I would ever ever.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Ask for that.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
What and is that because you're a married man.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Oh well, and she's a married woman. Oh okay you
Oh yeah, both both sides.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
If she were single and I were single and we
but it wouldn't be like right off the bet, Hey,
how you doing?
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Good to see you? Have you ever had an orgasm yet?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I don't know you?
Speaker 3 (15:22):
No, this would be.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
And now this I would do if I were single
and she were single, and let's say I ran into
her and we ended up having a drink together. If
it were going as comfortably as it always was to
talk to her.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
You'd put another shot.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
No, well, yeah that too, But no, I would.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I would lean in and I would say, look, I'm
gonna say something because I'm an idiot, but I just
have to know, after all these years.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Have you had the big O? You can be honest?
Speaker 1 (15:49):
And I would absolutely do that if we were both
single and comfortably talking for a while, not like in
the grocery store aisle, Hey I need bananas?
Speaker 3 (15:57):
By the way, Did I make you have an O?
Speaker 4 (16:00):
I know?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Exactly interesting. It'd be fascinating to be able to go
back and talk to early lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends and such
and see what people actually remember having your sex life
together and like what impact it had on them, how
(16:23):
it shaped them positively negatively, right they remember or don't.
I don't remember many details about past people like at.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
All I do, and it drives me nuts, like.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
It's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Oh yeah, and some of the stupid ways I acted
non sexually, I mean, but just with girls that I
was really into that back in the day. I thought like,
there was one named Vicki, and I don't even know
where she's at these days, but I was just she
was smoking hot, and I worked with her in a
restaurant and we went on a date one night, and
(16:57):
if you call it a date, it was back to
my house and then we went somewhere.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
But just an idiot, like.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
I just if I just knew then what I know
now about not bragging about yourself and not trying to
be the big shot, and like I literally remember, and
of all things, cardigans in my gosh damn closet, shoot
me now. But I opened the closet and she's kind
(17:22):
of looking around the room and I go, yeah, see,
I got a lot of nice clothes.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
It's like, why why would you say that? And why
would she care?
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I look back at that statement, and go, no, wonder
you didn't go out with her again?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
You jackass open closet door to show her your nice.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Gown clues because I thought that that would impress her.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
And she goes, oh yeah, those are nice. Now I
know what she thought was dick weed.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Oh my god, that is so funny. I've ever heard
doing that. That's amazing. I wonder if you remember these details. Wait,
so how long have you been married?
Speaker 3 (17:59):
I've been married twenty two years.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah, and then you've been but you've been together how long.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
I've been to get well, since ninety eight. So what
is that?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
That's uh years? Yeah, twenty six years.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Okay, no, there's no way.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Ninety eight yeah, ninety eight to twenty four Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Wait, only twenty four plus two.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
But we weren't together. We were hold on, we were measured.
We were married in two thousand and one. No, we're
celebrating twenty three years, like coming up in nine days.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Yeah. So I'm wondering if, because you know, your dating stuff,
you're remembering is like mostly from your twenties, and things
stand out like I literally have in my brain dating
stuff from eighteen till you know, now fifty one because
you know, my long's relationship was five years. I'm wondering
(18:59):
if I was just had so many experiences and things
blur together. I just don't remember. I don't remember a
lot of details, and I don't at all. I don't
remember the sexual peace. I don't remember what it felt
like or what it was like to be with it,
like I have just sort of general sense of what
they were like, but I have I don't. I don't
(19:19):
remember at all, like I have no Like people that
maintained spank banks for past sexual partners, I I don't
have that. It doesn't store in my brain that way
as a tied to like memory and sexual excitement, which
I'm actually incredibly grateful for.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Is it because you think maybe you would like maybe
there's things you want to put out of your head
from back then.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
No?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
No, no, not at all. No, No, it's just not there.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Wow, it's yeah, Well, fellas if you've been with doctor
Jenn and in the early years you did not impress her.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Whatever. I like, I know my current boyfriend and my
only sexual partner, like I know clearly what it is
like to be with.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Him, and let me let me help you out, doctor Jen.
Just because you always help people out in this arena.
Just in case he hears this, you would remember him
for years and years because he's that good.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Okay, sure, sure, yeah, there we go disrect what you
guys need to hear it is. No, I just don't.
But I think it's really valuable that I don't remember that.
And because I don't know, it sort of freaks me out.
How many men do they can actually remember what it
was like to be with a previous partner, And I
was like, oh geez, like they remember it and then
they could probably sort of feel it inside. I can't
(20:44):
evoke those types of memories, like sexual things don't stay
with me that way, So which I'm like, I said,
I'm actually grateful for it helps leave the past in
the past.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, I mean on one and you're right, that's god.
That's actually kind of awesome really because it's almost like
your boyfriend is the only guy.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Kind of sort of right right.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Well in terms of if something's evoking like a sense
of sexual excitement, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yeah, yeah, it is pretty interesting. But yeah, it's uh,
I don't know, I'm curious. I'm curious what that means.
Differences in people's brains and how we maintain memories that
the memories as they are connected to specific like sensations
and emotions. So I don't know. Yeah, it's just curious.
(21:39):
It just doesn't stay in me that way. So anyway,
I believe you need to get going.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I do.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I'm gonna I'm gonna do my thang from three to
seven pm on one one five kg B film San
Diego and the iHeartRadio app Loosen Lives, Doctor Jenn.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Have a great weekend.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Hey, I'm going to be gone next two weeks, so
we won't be recording.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Oh that's okay. Yeah, you've had enough, folks.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
No, I have a two week European trip coming up.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
I just real quick before you go, is it all
on your own, all with the boyfriend or at least
fifty to fifty?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It is one with the boyfriend and I am tagging
on on another work trip for his We're going to
three countries. He's speaking in those countries at conferences.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Love it.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Love that you guys do that together. That's awesome, It's amazing.
And have a safe trip.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Thank you,
Sex Talk with Clint & The Doc News
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