What are people doing in their relationships when they are “phubbing”?

Can Clint guess what people are doing in their relationships when they are “phubbing”? Dr. Jenn has to retract last week’s statement about “Testes Estes.” And what skill does Clint excel at, at shotgun weddings?

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Doctor, jan You're away somewhere right, Yes, I am calling you from
are you are calling me? I'min Miami. You're in Miami? Yeah?
Okay, that is well a coincidence. I'll explain why that's a coincidence
coming up. But what are youdoing there? I had to talk this
morning for women as kickstart to Women'sHistory Month, and the topic was we

(00:24):
have the right to rewrite our storiesaround intimacy. Uh perfect, Yeah,
one of the women told me afterwardsat lunch, So I had two hours
some of our interactive seminar with WHIM. It was about thirty women. It's
fantastic, And it's all about lookingat all the stories that we heard growing

(00:46):
up about sex, about our bodies, what it is to be a woman,
what we've experienced in relationships and coercionand orgasm or lack of orgasm,
all of this stuff, and howit's all created stories for us that we
believe about ourselves, what's possible orwhat's not possible. And so this was
all about shining a bright light onthat, having compassion empathy towards ourselves and

(01:08):
then realizing, you know what,if this isn't working for you, how
do you start rewriting stories for yourselfso you could step into new possibility.
So that was pretty powerful. Youknow, there was women tearing up at
the end. One of the womenafterwards said she goes, yeah, my
husband was texting me questions during it, and she's like, it's not like
this, she goes, It's notabout that, because I think he was

(01:29):
probably asking questions about like how toimprove their sex life, like you know,
like technical or something like that,how to give better blowjobs. I
was like, no, that's notwhat we're talking about. It's very a
lot about emotional intimacy, a lotabout shame and embarrassment and you know,
just crappy stuff that happened in thepast and then creating this space to turn

(01:51):
it around. So it was veryinteractive. It was a lot of journaling.
I had music, like different vibesof music for different activities. I
was having them do it and beautifuland then we got to have lunch outside
in this beautiful location. I'm inan area of Miami called Windwood, which
is known for its street art andits murals. Actually, in about forty
five minutes, I'm going to doa get on a golf cart and do

(02:13):
a street art tour for an hour. It's just a very very cool,
artsy area. We're in this spacethat was like this like the Sacred Space
or something like that, this littlelike oasis in the middle of this kind
of weird area. Anyway, itwas beautiful. What's that? Where is
this again? This isn't wind Wood. It's like just north of like downtown

(02:38):
and Miami. Well, actually Idon't know where downtown Miami is. I
can see I just see tall buildingsthat aren't that far away, so I'm
making that assumption. But it's notthat far, you know, north of
Miami Beach, so is a veryup and coming area. It is very
cool, artsy, funky, loudat nighttime music, like very cool restaurants

(02:59):
and bars both has like this coollike beachy margaritea place vibe and also this
very upscale, classy Yeah it's andthen this just mural street art everywhere.
So sounds cool. Yeah, it'svery cool. So Miami uh is where
one of the new bosses in thebuilding is from. So I thought that

(03:20):
that was quite coin. Yeah yeah, well you have. Okay, Well,
so we got a couple of thingstoday. One I have even though
we did our ten words. Ihave another word to quiz you on because
I like doing this. I wrotesomething from last time for us to talk
about, and it's his friend textingabout and then that's literally all I wrote.

(03:43):
Oh, I think we did followup. The guy thought I was
in a documentary or something. Didwe end up talking about that last time?
Yes, No, he thought itwas. He thought we were in
a documentary and someone named doctor Jenother than you. Probably not two ends
all that, but anyway, eitherway, Yeah, that was in the
end of a documentary with Bam Margera, who, as you know from Jackasses,
going through some stuff. But apparentlyhe's been sober for like one hundred

(04:05):
and twenty one days now, whichis great. Oh, but it's about
you know, all of that withhim from a documentary in the past.
And I thought, I even saidto my buddy before I asked you,
I'm like, I'm pretty sure she'dhave told me if she was in some
documentary with Bam Mar Jared. It'spretty bad. I don't even know who
that is. That's not my that'snot my jam Are you kidding me?

(04:25):
Guys who will like put plexiglass andscrew it together with their penises in it
and then have to run around surprising. That's not my jam hunt. Yeah,
you just I seem like the typeof woman who would be super into
that. Are you kidding? Whatabout ping pong balls up your ass?
That's what they do too. Well, if you could shoot them, then
that I would respect. What aboutusing toilets in like home depots or lows

(04:47):
that are not connected in the middleof the aisle and filming it? Oh?
Oh, they do stuff like this. I heard that they do stuff
like this. That's what they're knownfor. They do stuff that could kill
them if they're not careful. Say, wait, I need to go back
to the ping pong one because Ithink I'm not being appropriate as a sex
educator. Please do not put pingpong balls up your butt. Don't put

(05:08):
anything up your butt that does nothave a base to it, because otherwise
you could lose it up there andend up in the emergency room. I
would say, as the non healthprofessional, if you're going to, please
video and I will post it thereyou go. Hey, wait, speaking
of our nether regions, I havea retraction to make from last week.

(05:30):
Said penis I or not? No? Still not talking about your penis?
I I told everybody that my sistertold me, which is true, that
you pronounced estes park as testes.Sts kept doing sts testes testies. Yeah.
So apparently my sister was joking withme, and I didn't know it

(05:56):
was a joke. Okay, Soit is because I am one of those
people. Part of me is asociologist. I matter so much to me,
Like when I'm traveling anywhere around theworld, I don't want to pronounce
the names of people or places incorrectly, so I take them very seriously.
So she said it to me.It was apparently a joke. She goes,
you don't remember that joke. Idon't remember that joke. I was

(06:16):
like no, and she goes,so she had like a heart attack last
week when she's listening to the podcast, and I was like, my sister
told me that you pronounced as testes, So wait, awaute, I have
to say that is not correct.I was not in on the joke.
You know what I did that night? Also after our podcast, I went
to a friend's birthday dinner. Thatnight. There was like twelve people.

(06:40):
I'm telling everyone. I was like, oh, yeah, you know,
it's rhymes with testes, and oneof the guys. There goes, Oh,
you know what, I grew upin Bolder. He goes, I
never heard that. We didn't callit that. And I was like,
well, who knows, my sister, I've never heard anyone ever refer to
Bolder Colorado other than Bold Colorado.Oh, Boulder Colorado. Yeah, huh

(07:03):
yeah, wait what did I missthat? Wait? What do you know?
He's from Bolder? But he whichis close to Estes. It's only
like fifteen minutes away, right,Oh, And he's like, oh,
guy, got yeah. He saidhe's never heard Estas pronounced right right?
And no, I You're like,he pronounced bolder Did you know it rhymes

(07:29):
with ovary right? It's like,how do you mispronounced bolder? I bulgia.
Well, it's kind of like wetalked about this. Pasa robl Is
is actually Pasa robls. Well,no, that's only because they're afraid of
sounding Spanish. I think Spanish soundsexotic and cool. I know. But

(07:53):
when we were when when my boyfriendand I were up there last year,
I asked a woman and she goes, yeah, I know, it's a
supposed to be robless. She goes, but I feel uncomfortable saying that,
so I just stick to Robuls AndI was like, you know what,
That's not a good enough reason forme, really, because everyone I talked
to out there and I know wetalked about it. No, No,
I know, and I do thinkthat's how they say it, but I
yeah, but I feel I don'tknow. So you're saying we should say

(08:20):
ST's testes and we should just makethat our own. Is that what I'm
hearing? Well? Sure, whynot? Hey, I want to take
your testes to Esti's let's go.Yay. Hey wait, you have a
pretty big work announcement. Ah,yes, yes, So So the morning

(08:41):
show is up until a couple ofdays ago on one one five KGB and
San Diego is called Sarah Boyer andClint KGB Mornings with Sarah Boyer and Clinton.
Now. Boyer is a long timepersonality from DSc. He's been on
that station for more than thirty yearsand he is how a phenomenal talent.

(09:01):
He will always, if you evertalk to him, downplay his role on
the radio. He will always downplayhis intelligence, his wit. He is
highly inappropriate and that is what Ilove about boy anyway. He is also
a phenomenal friend of mine. Hehas a kind heart. We've worked together
for over the last year plus beforethat doing Cross Breaks with DSc before they

(09:22):
retired. I got to know himvery well. Well. He was just
he's no longer with the show,and we are talking every day. In
fact, we're supposed to go hikingthis afternoon, have a beer tomorrow,
that type of thing. Coffee tomorrow. Was today his last day. No,
it was a couple of days ago, and it happened just so suddenly.
None of us knew. Wait,they just told him and that was
it. No more. Well,so I'll keep the details of that part

(09:46):
okay off, but I will tellyou that he texted me and Sarah.
We're all partners in the show.Hey, enjoy the show tomorrow, have
a good show tomorrow. Won't bethere. Well, in my mind,
it was about four something in theafternoon, I thought, oh, you
know, he did tell me awhile ago that he had to take his
mom to a doctor'sppointment on one ofthe mornings during the week. And he's
such a good son to both hismom and his stepmom that he helps them

(10:09):
out all the time. Yeah.No, he and he rarely misses work
rarely, but he had told usa while back, there is going to
be a morning I have to misstake her to the doctor. And I
thought, maybe I misremembered it's notin March, because that was in my
brain. Yeah, he meant itwas tomorrow. Okay. I said,
okay, dude, so taking yourmom to the doctor. And he wrote
back no, I was let go, and I was like, oh cow

(10:31):
oh yeah, So long story short. He talked to him. He's in
good spirits. He's in good spirits. And then my boss, Shawna was
also released. Now I don't knowany of the details. I'm sure it
has to do with financial whatever.And it's not a bad thing that I'm
saying. This is for anybody listeningfrom the company if they happen to hear

(10:52):
this, because it is part ofthe business. And even both parties involved,
my boss, Shauna and Boyer,they both said, you know,
hey, it's been a wonderful ride. It's been fun. It happens.
I mean, it happened to mein two thousand and eight. And you
know, we got to say goodbyeto Boyar on the air today, okay,
which is nice that they allowed that, and and that's actually I gotta

(11:16):
say quite a kudo to the companyfor doing that. Well, I think
that would have been frankly shitty ifthey didn't. But you remember, there's
you know, there's all from acorporate perspective, there's all kinds of legalities
when that happens, and they gotto be careful. So it was nice.
It was nice that they allowed it. But you're not just like,
you know, a normal job,like you guys are a team and like

(11:37):
you have people that every morning lookforward to hearing you and you are part
of their day, like and that'sto me a responsibility to the audience also,
Yeah, and that and you knowwhat, I think that they keep
that in mind too. But thething is, yeah, you know,
I think most of us in thebusiness have a story or two or three
about yeah like that, you know, and others like Dave, you know,

(11:58):
retire and they move on and they'vedone it for a long long time.
And so I'm gonna say this again, kudos to the company for that.
But it doesn't mean that my heartis any less broken that I won't
see my pal every morning. Butwe're still going to hang out and you
know, go do stuff together.And so that was what happened. I'm

(12:20):
sorry. That's like a big that'sa really big shock and shift and yeah,
and kind of scary for you too. Well, I will tell you
you have all of these mixed emotions, and I appreciate that, by the
way, doctrigen, but all ofthese mixed emotions. You know, I'm
I'm extremely grateful, I'm also feelingvery guilty. I'm also feeling very sad,

(12:41):
but I'm also feeling very happy,and then I'm feeling very like kind
of gross, like I like II don't know, like I how do
you see? Just like survivors guilt. Yes, that's it. And don't
get me wrong, I love myjob. I do. I love it
and I've loved it for years.I love working with Sarah. But you

(13:05):
know, there's just a it's justtough when it happens, no matter how
it happens. Yeah, because onthe other side of the coin, I've
had other friends that I really enjoyedworking with that just up and quit and
they were they were like, I'mout here over the years and that's that's
no better. Yeah, damn it. You know, you just you get
attached to people, and yeah,it happens in business. And you know,

(13:26):
it's just the only reason I wantedto point it out was that you
had mentioned Miami. Yeah, andthat is where one of the big bosses
who literally just came in a coupleof days ago as part of what has
happened there, the shifting the ohyeah, so yeah from Miami. So
yeah, Oh, that's so funny. Yeah. The group that I was

(13:46):
speaking to this morning, that oneof the women that was part of it,
but she's like an admin for thisgroup. She said, this week
they did a tour of the iHeartstudios here and that like the founders or
whoever's running it or whatever live localto hear, and this is like the
main area here in Miami. Sothat's so funny that was mentioned. Yeah,

(14:09):
yeah, And you know it's funny, doctor Jenks. Back in the
day when I was released and wesaid the same thing to the big wig.
One of the biggest wigs we weretalking to this week is yes,
Sarah and I. But years ago, I remember walking in on a Tuesday
morning to a Manila envelope with mydirect boss and her boss, and I
knew what was happening. I wasbeing lego and wow, the first thing

(14:31):
I said out of my mouth.And I may have told you this.
I sat down and said, beforewe start, I said, as bummed
as I am, because I lovebeing here. I know that you guys
in your positions don't wake up onany morning ever going yay we get to
release people. I go, Iknow it's hard on you as well,

(14:52):
and I want you to know Iwon't take it personally. And then if
you guys ever want to have abeer, I'm in. And they both
remembered that eight and a half monthslater. I got hired back when it
was when it was available. Ohshut up, I didn't. I just
gonna hate you for this. Youhave integrity like that. Yeah, wow,

(15:13):
that's nice. Well that's the oldwhat's the old adage? You get
more flies with honey than vinegar?So it bees or is it flies?
You don't want flies? Yeah that'sinteresting. Do you want bees? Oh
no, I don't want to getstung either. How about it? You
get more testies with honey than vinegar. That's good. I had to bring

(15:37):
it back to that. We're alwayswe're gonna we're gonna make up a lot
of news. By the way,Rob Stiffy stiffy, Oh my God,
I don't think you listen. Idon't know this is to the podcast anymore
that son of a biscuit. Iknow. Okay, we gotta get on
because I have to believe in likenine minutes, because I have to do
my golf cart tour. Nope,drag me into this. We're doing it.

(16:00):
We okay, uh, okay,I'm gonna ask my word, all
right. Bubbing. Bubbing is okay, F no P h U, B
B I n G. Fubbing.It's something that has become common more common

(16:23):
in today's relationships. Fubbing. Okay, I'm picturing clothes on, no hands,
with the genitalia area, rubbing eachother in the special places without getting
inside the clothes. So it's sortof budgeting kind of, but you're not

(16:47):
but you're not trying to penetrate.You're just rubbing around and circles up and
down, kind of like a misterMiyagi wax on wax off, but with
your genitals. But with your genitals, and it can be any other part
of the body. You're just you'rejust yeah, it's clothes on, your
fubbing. You're you know what,We're gonna get our fub on and why
would that become more common now becauseof venarial diseases and our awareness and how

(17:11):
we don't want to use condoms andyou don't need condoms. Seen forty four
called then asked for its terminology back, okay, binarial disease, Fine,
all right, fine, how aboutthis? How about this? It's because
of the the idea that if DNAcan be extracted from your body, you

(17:33):
can get framed for something. Sothere's no way that will happen if you
keep your clothes on. Okay,boy, that would save close close.
No, not at all. No, So the the f the jees I
keeps saying f the pH part standsfor phone, and the ubbing part comes
from snubbing, so it's phone snubbingfubbing, so not calling back at all,

(18:00):
just going no. So it's notthat it is people in relationships intentionally
and with awareness, blowing off theirpartners because they want to be on their
phones, really fubbing. And sothe exam main example that I've read and
heard about this is like a coupleout to dinner and instead of doing the

(18:25):
intentional and maybe hard work of thinkingup a topic to talk about, or
showing curiosity and asking the other personsomething about their day and figuring out a
way to connect in that way ofchoosing instead to take the easy route and
picking up your phone and scrolling itand doing stuff on your phone. Uh
oh, so my wife, Idon't do that at the dinner table,

(18:48):
like if we're out to dinner.But I will tell you, yeah,
we fub we fub a lot.Well, tell me when you fub oh
sitting down to each other. It'smuch less fun than doing anything with your
genitals. But tell me when youfub Yeah, this is fubbed up.
Yeah. So I and I willoftentimes even look at each other and be
like, you know, we shouldget off our phones because we're on our

(19:10):
phones while we're watching a movie orwhile we're talking sometimes at hubs. Terror
I know, and I used touse it, but I fell off the
wagon and now you're reminding me.So don't yell at me. I'm yelling
at myself. I'm an asshole.You're such a fubber. I'm such an
e f and fubber. That's right, Hey, you know what fub off
fuf no, you know we Sothat makes total sense. Where in the

(19:36):
hell did you find this terminology?Though? Because that's a weird word.
It's a great word actually, becauseI got I got interviewed recently, right,
So I'm working. I hired thisPR woman who's getting me placements,
and one of them was with Mind, Body Green, which is a pretty
big online like magazine and news sourceand I don't know news but articles.

(19:59):
Anyway, interviewed me a few weeksago for about mismatched desire and long term
relationships, and that article came out. But she told me, she goes,
have you heard of the term fubbing? And I was like no,
and she goes, yeah, Ijust wrote an article on it last month,
So that's where I first heard ofit and started reading about it.
So I'm not sure where the termfirst came from, but this is the

(20:19):
first has been on my radar.I mean, and I see couples out
all the time, especially younger onesdoing that, and I am so so
intentional, like in my relationship,Like I ask Rubin, I'm like,
I get you need to check yourphone sometimes and you need to do stuff,
but if we're in the middle ofa conversation or if I'm talking to

(20:40):
you, I need you to say, hey, babe, wait a second,
don't. I am not gonna ifhe picks up his phone and starts
doing something. I stopped talking andI was like, I literally know your
brain is not capable of doing boththose things at the same time because we
don't multitask. We switch between tasks. So I was like, I'm not
get if you have to do it, just tell me and ask and then

(21:03):
otherwise like mindlessly together. Not ifwe're looking to bond, watch a movie,
have a conversation. No, Like, I won't allow it in my
relationship. So I'm a bit ofa stickler for it. I don't blame
you. It is annoying when mywife does it, and yet I do
it just as much. So I'mI'm contradicting my own annoyance at that.

(21:27):
You're a hypocrite. Hypocrite, that'swhat it is. I know. I
was like, there's a word you'relooking for, and I know it.
By the way, Okay, wait, what else do we have to talk
about? Because I gotta get going. Bring this I'm going to brag.
Yeah. Last night the Shouthouse ShotgunWedding. Four couples got married. It's
a promotion on one one five kgbWe packed the house downtown. If you've

(21:48):
never been to the Shouthouse, itis a fun times low. It's been
years since I've been there. Ilove that. Wait that's the dueling piano
place. Yeah, you got it. I love it. Packed the house
before the weddings started, met somereally great people, had some friends down
there, my buddy Chuck and hisnow wife as of last night, Debbie
got married. They actually they actuallysubmitted and before we even realized it was

(22:11):
them, my friend they want theirletter email was one of the four that
got picked, and I was like, oh my god, this is my
friend Chuck after we picked him.So it was amazing. So before that,
Big Rich who's a former NFL player, big guy, quite the athlete
and beer chugger. We started talkingsmack yesterday morning and someone said, oh,

(22:36):
you guys should chug a beer forthe battle of KGBS FM versus AM
the stations because we have that ongoingrivalry. Oh funny. So a sixteen
ouncer on the stage and I smokedhis ass. Yeah that's right, I
believe it. I said, dude, you've been running, you've been wrestling,
you've been playing football. You area physical specimen. I said,

(22:56):
but you just challenged a guy who'sbeen training his entire adult life at the
table in the bar. You've you'vefound your rom to excel in. That's
right. Here, me a beer. I'll drink it pretty fine. I'm
so proud of you, Clint.Thanks, doctor jan I've been made.

(23:17):
Thank you all right. Part ofme wonders if he did hold up to
help to help me win. Butno, no, he didn't. No,
I wont oh. I believe you'reexcellent at this. I totally believe
you went it far at square.I know you gotta go. I do.
Yeah, we got we gotta leadsstart and I got a roll and
then I think it'll be a fewweeks till we record again. Okay,

(23:38):
no worries. I'll miss you andit was great talking to me. We
do you know? I told youwhere I'm flying? Yeah, you just
missed that completely, But go ahead, what'd you say? I said,
I'll miss you and it was greattalking to me. Ah, but well,
it would have been funny had youheard the first time where you flying
Italy. Oh my god, I'mjealous. You know, what do you

(24:00):
need? Like a baggage carrier orsomething, some kind of hand You're like
seventh on that list of people whohave offered, So I don't know.
At some point, if people throwin like massages and other things, maybe
I'll have a baggage carrier. Yeah. Anyway, Yeah, So you're going
to Florence for a few days onmy own, and then my boyfriend flies
in because he's got a conference.But we're going to be there for a

(24:22):
few days over my birthday and thenhis conference starts. So I'm going to
Florence and then we're we're going aroundTuscany to the little medieval towns and we'll
be there for my birthday and I'msuper excited. Have great travel, have
great sex, have great food,and have a great birthday. Thank you,
I appreciate it.