Therapy Thursday: How Do You Accept Something You Cannot Change?

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Good morning, Happy Friday, Eve. Thank you for being here with us
on the ellen K Morning Show Coastone h three point five. In case
you're just finding us, welcome.My name is Ellen K. And why
don't we go around the room justgive a quick fact like I'm Ellen K
and I had a flashback dream lastnight that Calvin was still a baby,
my son, and that I wasbreastfeeding him. Wow, don't say that

(00:22):
out loud, do you know why? I bet you because we've been Actually
I know exactly why Calvin was onthe other day, that's right, And
I think that resonated with you.Yeah, I think so. It was
pretty vivid. When I would breastfeedhim. He would take my chin and
he'd pushed my face left to right, left to right and start laughing.

(00:42):
Really yeah, yeah, So Ihad that vivid dream. That's awesome.
You're turn dar Okay. So myname is Darlene and I learned how to
ride a bike by being chased bya dog in an Ellie. Oh my
god, it was the scariest thing. I had training wheels yea. But
told me to follow him. Helived with us at the time, and

(01:02):
so I'm following my grandpa Jesse,and here comes around the corner. We're
turning down the alley, two hugepit bulls, just free, ready to
bite, ready to go. Hetells me, just follow me, don't
look back, follow me. Buthe could ride fast. And I'm on
training wheels. Well, you know, the alleys are kind of bumpy,
and the training wheels broke off andthere I went. I just started writing,

(01:26):
and that's how I. Oh,that is whoa, that is awesome.
It's amazing. Yeah, what aboutyou? Right, well, let
me go back, hold on beforewe get to mine. But I find
it interesting now because I feel likesince I've known you, you've always had
a pit bull. So that didn'tscar you know, because I've been bit

(01:46):
by so many types of dogs.Oh yeah, especially chihuahua's. They are
the meanest, right, the sweetestand the meanest. Let's see, okay,
I'm Ryan Manow and my very firstconcert, I think you guys know
this August of nineteen eighty seven,The Monkeys, the Monkey. Do you
know what I just realized about thatconcert was who the opening act was,

(02:09):
Oh, Richard Marx. Nope,Tears for Fears. No, I don't
think you'd ever guess it. Wecould stay here till ten o'clock? Who
was who weird? Al Yankovic?Really? Wow? Yeah? How entertaining?
Really super the whole show. Yeah. And I'm not going to judge
you on the Monkeys or anything becauseI know that you to this day are

(02:30):
like they're number one fan. Iused to tell time. This is how
I used to because I used tolove that TV show. It's so bad
though, you guys, have youseen it? Like we at all?
No, but I know how badit is. It's terrible, it's the
worst. But I used to loveit. And when I was a little
kid, you know, learning totell time, it wouldn't be like I'm
struggling to grasp the concept of fortyfive minutes, right. So we'd be

(02:53):
on a car trip and I'd say, Mom, how long till we get
there? And she would say oneand a half monkeys episode? Oh that's
smart, that's really smart. AndI was like, Okay, I get
that great mothering tip to Joe Amby, Yes, really good. Tell us
about you this morning eight hundred nineteennine kost. Then I saw her face

(03:14):
now posts one three point five Theellen k Morning Show. Text us anytime
at five one oh three five.You know I was a budding artist at
one time. I don't know ifyou believe me or not in that one
in what in what fields? Watercolorpaints? Okay, I'm going to rival

(03:38):
you after you'd share this. Ohyou are okay, and you hear this
one. Then I drew painted anowl after I pencil sketched it when I
was in the third grade with watercolors. It turned out so good my dad
framed it and had it in hisoffice and then later visibly prominent in the

(03:58):
home, every home they lived inmy owl in the wood frame. I
mean, I am sure that itwas a great ol like I know that,
but here you come. But butalso in the third grade with watercolors
at Southridge Elementary School with Vienna,we don't need to know all that I
painted a fish with feet, hadlegs and feet. Not only was it

(04:23):
framed, it was framed in theschool because it won best in show.
Take that you buried me, man, I'm probably still on the wall.
All right. Well, you canwin your way into enjoy art at Festival
of the Arts Patch of the Mastersin Laguna Beach. Collar twenty gets it
at eight hundred and nine two nineKost did wait, did the feet have

(04:45):
shoes? No, it's just fairfeet. One of three point five The
Ellen k Morning Show. Follow usat cost one O three five dot com.
Ryan, I understand you have anamazing happiness high. I do.
I do have a good hack.It's actually a hack that was given to
me by a dentist. Did youhave some dental stuff done recently? Yes,
just the cleaning first. Okay,So let's I'll go too white.

(05:09):
Really okay for that? Because youknow how I overdo things, right,
Yeah, it's like anything worth doingis worth overdoing. Yes, that is
the creed of Ryan Man's right.I'll keep it simple, oh man.
Okay, So happiness hack. Let'sgo to Lolita. Good morning, Good
morning, Lolita. We love yourname. Thank you. You sound like

(05:31):
you're either at home you don't wantto wake people, or your at work
already. What time do you begin? Fine? Just like us? Uh
huh? So how do you doit every day? I'm just used to
it. Yeah, see, Inever get used to it. I've been
doing this for twenty something years.I never get used to it. It
feels like a door slamming on yourhead every time. Well, I wouldn't

(05:54):
say that. I mean, Ienjoyed getting up early, but I never
get used to it. I alwayshave to, you know, set a
snooze. Okay, but Lolita,happiness hack Ryan, which you got?
Okay? So I went to thedentist and the dentist was telling me that
she loves essential oils, and Isaid, omg, I'm big intosential oils.
We have a whole collection here inthe studio. She said, for

(06:16):
the healthiest gums. If you wantlike your gums to never recede, if
you want to bring them back,just rub a Regano essential oil on your
gums every morning. What yep,are you kidding? No? Essential oil
and it just like makes your gumsjust full as the day you were born.
Wow, oh gums. So swallowyour Teethlita, how do you like

(06:39):
that? I could try, youcan't do it, honestly, It's like
good for your mouth health. Okay, thank you. What's the name of
your dentist? I forgot her name? Okay, Well, my dentist all
my life growing up, doctor Fillmore. It's his real name Filmore, Yes,
doctor Phillimore Frank Fillmore. Like whatcame first the dentist or the name

(07:03):
tell all your friends about a regularon your gums. Okay, I will
oh, I tell all your friendsthat you wake up with us. Okay,
all right, thank There's more feelgood next on the L and K
Morning Show, Coast one oh threepoint five. Ducking cover. That's what
you do in a tornado. Growingup where we did in Indiana, they

(07:24):
were pretty common and they're really scaryand they're very loud. They're supposed to
go to a basement, take youdown to a shelter, just like in
the movies. The same thing.You have to get out of the way
and underground, and we used tohave to get out of the car and
get into this side of the roadditch and ducking cover until the danger was

(07:45):
over. I never did the ditchthing. I was in one tornado at
my grandparents' house and we had togo in the storm cellar. I mean,
just terrifying. Yeah, you hearthe sound of it above you and
feel it and everything's rattling. Yeah, it's wild. That's real life.
Twisters. The movie is actually sorealistic that you would think that you're in

(08:05):
the Twisters. So they say,if you feel it, chase it.
Isn't that kind of the metaphor forlife. It is, but not probably
for tornadoes. Well, the movie'smade for the big screen. I love
Glenn Powell, he is the star. Daisy Edgar Jones as well. Anthony
Ramos shot on location in Oklahoma,and you can feel everything. They have

(08:28):
real storm chasers during production, sothe visual effects are supposed to be the
best ever in any movie. That'sawesome. Can't wait to see it.
Opens Friday, Universal Pictures at TwistersCoast one O three point five. Catch
the Ellen k Morning Show on demandon the free iheartradios on Coast. It's
time you're cash on Coast. Itis bills. You have some bills to

(08:50):
pay. We've got one thousand dollarsfor you. Enter the keyword bills online.
It's so easy to get your thousanddollars bills at Coast one O three
five dot com. It's the LankMorning Show. Oh, you guys are
awesome. I really do appreciate youguys, And honestly, you guys are
on all the time, either onthe radio in the car or at home.
Coast one oh three point five.Today is the best day to make

(09:11):
this move in a relationship. It'syour Thursday your Friday Eve. We're the
LNK Morning Show, you're LLENKQ andA. We give you the question and
the answer. But what is Thursdaythe best day to do in a relationship.
I think it would be making restaurantreservations and then saying, hey,
I got this reservation, so andso let's go. I'm going to say

(09:33):
saying I love you. Oh that'snice. Watch a TV show. Oh
that's a good one too, becauseyou know tomorrow's Friday. Yeah it is
breakup? Oh thinking about it?Yeah, I do it today. Thursday's
the best. And this is whatscience says. It doesn't interfere with your
work week. So if you doit on Tuesday or Wednesday, you're totally

(09:54):
focused on that. Right. Ifyou do it on a Thursday, then
you're almost done with week. Andit also gives you a ramp to the
weekend. So you you know,it's kind of equal weight, right.
Sure, you're at the end ofa you know, the work week,
but then the beginning of the weekend. So they say that if you're thinking
about breaking up, Thursday is thebest day to do it. And if

(10:16):
that is, you find someone totake to the Greek and be Collared twenty
at eight ninety nine. Kost isthat Cold Coast? One oh three point
five The llen K Morning Show.Text us anytime at five to one oh
three five. We're the ellen KMorning Show. We love being here with
you. Oh, let's the phonesare in. Let's go to line seven.

(10:37):
Hi Jackie, Yeah, Hi,good morning, good morning. Well
I found something at the bus stop. Oh you did? Huh? Okay,
well hang on, what did Jackiefind at the bus stop? So
Ryan, let's find out what Jackiefound at the bus stop. Yeah,

(10:58):
that was a cliffhanger. Okay,Jackie, what is it? We?
Uh, fifty years ago I foundmy husband at the bus stop, you
know, at the same place thatwas fifty years ago. A daughter and
and granddaughter later, and God blessthem. Wow, oh my gosh,
what's his name? Ten Kenny boys? Oh humor and he makes me laugh.

(11:24):
Jackie, You're so lucky you foundlove at the bus stop forever love.
Oh yeah, we'd be talking tothe next thing. I know.
The next bus would go by anhour later. Isn't that funny? You
guys got lost in each other.It's the best kind of love. Oh
god, Oh, pick your battlesand let things roll off your back like
a duck. The water rolls offthe back of a duck. Just pick

(11:46):
your battles and nobody has to win. Right. Yeah, wow, that
is great advice. Yeah yeah,you guys, have a nice morning.
And God bless you Jackie. Okay, I love you guy. It's fine.
Good morning, Coast one of threepoint five. Thank you for being
up with us first thing in themorning. I'm a radio station, so

(12:07):
listen to you guys wake me upand it's amazing. Thank you so much
for making my morning so much easierto wake up too. The LNK Morning
Show on Coast one of three pointfive. Who's here, my sister on
the radio, Carrie Steele. It'stherapy Thursday. I just want to say,
what's your problem? You're here,Sarah and Nicol. Every time I

(12:30):
heard that, Meet Carrie, Carrie, Meet Sarah, you two hera,
you too, Hash. I can'twait to hear this one. Well,
it's so funny because everybody thinks Ilive this perfect life, right, but
I too struggle and here's my challenge. So I feel like I'm a I'm
a seeker of justice. I seeinjustices, I see someone I care about
being treated wrongly by somebody. They'retrusting somebody maybe they shouldn't trust. A

(12:56):
situation comes up, I battle tonot insert myself because I feel like that's
not my lane. I've been burnedtoo many times. Then everybody turns on
me, even though I'm trying tocoming from what I think is a place.
Listen to me, justified, Soyou want to make other people's business,
You're right, I know that.I know that intellectually, but in

(13:16):
my heart, I feel like I'mdoing the right thing for someone like you
know. And it's so, howdo you advise people to stay in their
lane and trust the process? Ithink you said what's really important is that
in your heart, you're doing theright thing. So you are very highly
motivated to take care of people tomake them feel better, probably to protect

(13:37):
people. And sometimes we have torealize that other people can take care of
themselves. See that just hurt alittle bit when you said, oh,
tell me what, well, youknow, because people can take care of
themselves. I guess that's where Ireally struggle. I feel like, you
know, I do not have tocure everybody's ales, right. I have

(14:00):
to believe that and some people maybehave to have that experience. They do.
It's really the only way we learn. And my question for you is,
who are you if you're not wearingthe Wonder Woman cape? Oh my
gosh, who are you? Ah, she's Carrie Stay, I'm a foyer
that's observing everybody else's business. Iwonder did you learn this? Have you
been doing this all your life?I've been the caretaker of my whole life?

(14:22):
Oh everybody? Okay, So Iknow that's where it comes from,
because you're not the first person I'veshared my vulnerabilities with. Right, how
are you taking care of yourself?Advocating much better in the last three months?
Okay? Good? But I haveto say it, and I need
to insert myself here, is thatthere were things on Carrie's plate that could

(14:45):
be addressed, but then fear setsin on But if I say this,
this might happen. Or so therewas a It's not at all a lack
of confidence, Carrie, because you'reconfident. It was more a fear of
the unknown. But in everything thatI've seen you go through, You've been
more than justified in standing up foryourself. I'm not a therapist, but
I have counseled Carrie before as shehas me, and I'll say, but

(15:09):
just but you have every right tosay that, right, I think is
it a matter of delivery that youworry about that you're not going to say
it in a way that it canbe heard that No, it's the consequences
that can come from that, whetherit's justified or not. Yeah, there's
only so much we can control,right, right, And that's probably the
takeaway. So Carrie, we can'tcontrol others. How do I fix?

(15:35):
That's carry? It is called radicalacceptance? Okay? Oh? Is that
what it's called. That's the therapistword for it. When we have to
make peace things and know that wejust simply can't do more than we can
do and things are beyond our control. And that's a tough pill to swallow
for a lot of people because itfeels scary when I see in the hallway

(15:56):
and I'm going to say radical acceptance. I make you to make your T
shirt like you think I don't haveone of Thank you, Sarah, Thank
Carrie, Thank you for opening upto Oh gosh, I'm an open book,
ladies. Next, So feel Goodcontinues next on The L and K

(16:19):
Morning Show. Coast one oh threepoint five. We asked you called,
thank you so much, Martha.Where did you find it? Where'd you
find love? I found love inthe hospital. You did tell us about
it. So I'm a registered nerve. I was actually going in for an
interview and I had two kind ofI would have to say, memorable encounters.

(16:44):
One of them was early on.I was very because I anqueestions officer
who was there, I guess supervisingand inmates, and he was, I
guess, just very confident. Andhe just approached me as I'm looking for
the building where the even Stritian builderwhere I was going to go interview,
and just butt wout, asking formy number and said he'd like to take

(17:04):
me on a date. And Idid that and he called me and we
went on a few days and thatdidn't work out. Apparently someone else had
kind of watched his encounter, whichit was my husband going there so now,
and he was kind of quick tosay to me after I started the
first week kids, so you're talkingto one of the officers here. He

(17:26):
probably was interested in dating you.Are you single? Was he bothering you?
What was going on there? Hi? Drama? I'm here for this
store. I keep going, yeah, and I kind of laughed a bit,
but I kind of blew him off, and I thought, like,
I'm going to start working here,and I don't want to be m Viddy

(17:47):
who firstly works here. My husbandwas persistent. He every day would come
to greet me, say hello,how was your day? Are you used
to seeing that guy? And atsome when we became friends, and my
husband said to me at the time, he wasn't. He just said,
look, I don't see it notworking out. You really got to give

(18:07):
me a chance. And after probablymaybe eight months, I said yes,
but he was right. So i''vebeen married for fifteen years and he's a
physician, so I got really lucky. He found me, pursued me,
and he was right. He wasgoing to work out this working out.
He was right. I picture alumberjack saw a giant tree and took him

(18:30):
eight months, and then finally thattree fell and he said, Timber,
I got it. I got Martha. That's exactly how he says it was.
He said he was ready, heknew, and he kind of said
he just kind of took me downand was like, he's the one,
She's the one. You're the one, Martha. How wonderful. I'm very

(18:52):
fortunate. Thank you for your story. I love you. Thanks, Yes,
those were three point five. Thankyou for listening at work in the
car wherever you are where the llenkmorning so we can stream us all the
time on the iHeartRadio app downloaded.There's also a microphone button there, so
you press that down and you comeright into our studio. It's your Tuck
gack Ellen, it's Nick. Ijust wanted to say my day totally could

(19:15):
have sucked and now it's going tobe good. Appreciate that. And little
advice for listeners. If you wantto do good things for the world,
be persistent. People will actually createobstacles to get in your way, and
that messed up. Oh a goodday, hy Nick, Hi, good
morning, Good morning, Nick.Where did you find love? Actually?

(19:37):
I found it at the university backin two thousand and nine. Were you
both students or tell us no,My wife was actually a student there,
and I was actually working with acompany that was actually building a section called
Middle Earth Student Center, and withthe truck driver delivering all the material,

(20:03):
and long story short, I metthis really shy, cute girl and it
kind of clicked the you know,first catches you see him, then you're
like, oh, I'll never seethat person again. Come back. I
was going there every day, caughta glimpse. Finally was able to get
in contact with her. And weboth are in the little rockabilly cloud crowd,

(20:26):
and we would go to Viva LasVegas, that big weekend here that
they have Easter weekend. We happenedto be in the same place at the
same time. Never wouldn't ever thinkwe would be in the same locations.
A week later, we actually goon our first date after we started talking
twelve years later, after a childand marriage. We started discussing things about

(20:52):
our past and it came out thatwe were missing equipment and we didn't know
what happened to it. And she'slike, oh, wait a minute.
While her friends were out partying onenight and they happened to take some of
our equipment. So it's we werein each other's past the whole time and
we didn't even know. And uh, we just enjoy each other. She's
my other half. That's awesome.Well, see, you knew, you

(21:15):
knew. She caught your eye andand you had to investigate and look what
happened there? You go. Well, listen, guys, I love your
show. I wait for you guysto come on and you get me through
my you get me through my dayof us. I'm an independent truck driver,
so you know I listen to youguys no matter what. Wow,
Nick, thank you so much.We are proud to be on in your
trun Yeah, and Ryan, Iloved your story. Oh thanks my friends.

(21:41):
Okay, Bank, this is coastone of three point five. We
want to know where did you findlove? Crystal? Spill it. Back
in the day before like a harmonyin all places they had dating services where
you can go a when and youtake some pictures like and you win the

(22:03):
mall, Yeah, and do alittle resume like I love beaches, I
love dogs, you know, littleall these things, and then you could
go to the agency of the placeand look at the binders and binders in
alphabetical order my last name, andlook at all the men's pictures, and
look at the women's pictures, andin the back of the picture it would
have been like stuff they like school, I like dogs. Thanks for being

(22:30):
here with us this morning. Weare so grateful for you. We love
love, love, sharing our morningswith you. I'm Elan Kay, I'm
Ryan Man, I'm Social Queen Darling, Carrie Steals. Next, don't miscarry
and don't miss your cash on coast. Don't not do it. Someone's gonna
win it twenty after every hour.Okay, today is Canello's birthday. God

(22:51):
a soft spot for him. What'syour guy? You know? This is?
This is why because out of thering he looks so unassumed. I
mean, of course he's proud.He carries himself, you know, like
he's this world champion, because heis. But he's also very soft.
Okay, Wyatt like thoughtful Smiley.Sure, four time world champion in four

(23:15):
different divisions, by the way,like he's done, he's won of them
all. Look at his hat overhere. His shrine keeps his hat on
display in here. No boxing,no life. He gave you which is
and I'll never forget the first timeyou met him. You came in and
you go, guys, he hadmuscles in places I never even felt people
have muscles, Like when you postwith him, Yeah, I had my

(23:36):
my hand was underneath his arm.And when he moved to the left of
the right, which I guess wouldbe like a hook or a sure,
you could feel muscles rippling, andI'm never He's wearing a turtleneck and a
blazer, so my hand was throughis a fabric. I could feel every
every single layer. Yeah, butCanelo Alvarez says, sometimes once a fight

(24:03):
starts, you have to do whatyou have to do to see three because
you went to three.