October 13, 2024 • 14 mins
Original Air Date: October 13, 2024
Nancy Carbone is the founder of Friends Of Firefighters, which provides free mental health therapy to all NYC firefighters & their families, active or retired.
Nancy Carbone is the founder of Friends Of Firefighters, which provides free mental health therapy to all NYC firefighters & their families, active or retired.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Sunday points on art radios about his years Timary War
Timeary Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I want to reintroduce you to a dear friend of
mine and a woman I call a saint sent to
us from heaven. Nancy Carbone is the founder of Friends
of Firefighters. If you're not familiar with Friends of Firefighters,
they do an extraordinary job of providing free mental health
(00:33):
therapy to firefighters, current and retired and their families. And
what you know, we know the stresses of firefighters, and
we know the stresses of those who have survived nine
to eleven. But what people don't know is how high
(00:53):
the suicide risk is with firefighters. We're including the EMS
here and so mental health and actually we're recording this
on World Mental Health Day. Ironically or appropriately, people just
this is not front and center in the minds of
New Yorkers, but it should be. And that's why I
(01:17):
have been an advocate for Friends of Firefighters. And they're
having a huge gala this coming Thursday at the Edison Ballroom,
and I believe Nancy Carbone, my saint, my sister, I
believe there are still tickets available and this is the
time to come out and help this fantastic organization.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
That's all I'd want to follow Shelley. First of all,
let's strike the saint. There's no saint. I am so
lucky to work with the best people, and we work
for the best people. So I'm surrounded by people who
take care of others, and so that doesn't put a
label of saint on me. Just I'm a lucky, lucky person. Yeah.
(02:06):
You know, the reason we don't look at our first
responders and think, oh, they need help is because they
help us and they are very strong. But it is
a peek into the world of repeated traumas that eventually
do sometimes wear down even the bravest among us. I
always like to say that it's very, very difficult and
(02:28):
a brave thing to pick up the phone and ask
for help for anyone. But when it's a first responder,
they have been trained to help others. And there's currently
there's more of a focus on mental health, but all
first responders internationally do need a place to go and
it needs to be a place where they feel comfortable.
So we operate out of an old firehouse in Brooklyn,
(02:52):
and we also have telehealth so they can go online
if that's necessary. I love to see the people come
in because the firefighter their faces light up at their home,
they feel comfortable. But also then I get to see
remotely and sometimes the benefits of the firefighters that come
in and they look like they are troubled, and then
(03:14):
over time you see that they start to lighten up
and oftentimes they turn around and start to volunteer for us,
which is when I know that it's been successful. But
the reality of suicide is frightening. It's frightening the idea
that someone is so alone that they can't pick up
a phone and get help in their darkest moment. We
(03:38):
would love to strike that. We would love everyone to
know you pick up the phone, there is someone there,
There is another day, and sometimes that's hard to see
when you're in it.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Nancy, I want to get to the to your story
because how this all came about is just extraordinary. So
take us through what started Friends of Firefighters because this
was inspired by nine to eleven.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yes, that was the impetus for me to start the organization.
My mom's uncle was killed line of duty prior to
my birth, so I was raised with the understanding that firefighters.
My mom would say a cut above. They were a
cut above. They're a different breed, and everyone assumed. I
think for years and years they didn't need help. You know,
they're the ones you go to for help. But I
(04:37):
think nine to eleven was when I saw that the
complete devastation. Some firehouses lost up to nineteen members. How
do the survivors get through after that? I know the
families were taken care of, and the families will always
be friends and center, but what happens to those who
did survive? So I went to a local firehouse with
(05:00):
my daughter, and then I met John Sarantino at Engine
two o five and he gave me a list, which
I still have, of things that they would need. And
he said he needed bunting for the firehouse, buglers for
the funerals, and counselors. Now this is on day two.
How this guy came up with that? Because I really
(05:22):
was shocked at the counselors, and I also didn't know
where to start. I wasn't a counselor. I'm a mom,
and that's how I started. I'm a mom. Moms get
things done, So I just kept pushing. So I guess
ultimately I was the pain in the ass. That just
wouldn't go home, and thinking it would last a few
months that I could get counselors to go to the firehouses,
(05:42):
which the firehouse fire department rather was doing very well.
Some firefighters didn't want to talk to anyone related to
the job. They didn't want it to get back to
the fire department. So that is why I brought in
some counselors. It was a band aid for a time
and very welcomed, but you know, I didn't have the
(06:06):
I only had my gut to go by that if
I interviewed somebody for the position, and it was volunteered,
by the way, after nine to eleven, I just chose
the ones that I would feel comfortable talking with, and
I would say that was one out of twenty. You know,
I also, I'm a bit stubborn. I think that was
working a little bit until about December of one that
(06:28):
same firefighter said, can you find a spot outside so
that we can go somewhere else so no one knows
we're talking to somebody. So I partnered at the time
with Safe Horizon and they supplied the counselors. And again
I rejected one out of ten because it just I
didn't want the firefighters to feel interviewed, and I think
(06:50):
some of the training at the time was that they
were interviewing. And I've learned with firefighters you really just
need to sit there and be quiet and they will talk,
you know, if they're comfortable. So I think it was
late two thousand and three where we started hiring our
own because prior to it was all volunteer work, very
hard to sustain an organization or even a few staff members,
(07:15):
and myself it was tough to work without any income,
so I did have to switch how we did it.
And then I thought it would last three to five years,
and here we are twenty three years later. We have
a three hundred plus percent increase in services from twenty nineteen.
There is no slowing down. Now we're up to thirteen counselors.
(07:38):
They all have full rosters. They're working evenings and weekends
to meet the demand. I am so pleased to say
that we now have a really good relationship and understanding
with the Counseling Services Unit. So they have been sending
us firefighters when they can, you know, when there's something
that is out of their wheelhouse, which is family. Mostly
(08:01):
they don't take family members and they're kind enough and
caring enough to send them to us. So now we
are starting a children's program because we have enough children
now coming for assistance, and being the child of a
first responder is a whole different kind of stress. All
children are feeling stress, especially in this day and age,
(08:21):
and especially after COVID, But these are children whose parents
went in. They went into the unknown, and that was
a terrifying place to be. So we're finding that there's
a lot of anxiety. There's PTS, but PTS I think
is the most prevalent diagnosis that comes in. But the
(08:42):
anxiety is through the roof, I think for everyone, particularly
with first responders.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I'm speaking with Nancy Carbonci is the founder of Friends
of Firefighters, which provides free mental health therapy for firefighters,
whether they are current or retire, and their families free. Nancy,
what were you doing for a living when all this
started in two thousand and one.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
I actually I was doing postpartum home care and I
was the co director of a duelist service. So I
was drawn. I know this sounds a little macab but
I was drawn to the families that where the baby
did not survive, so that we would provide the extra help.
But I've had a whole lot of different positions that
(09:31):
I think at the time I was just trying to
make a living. But I see how every one of
those jobs have come into play. I was a preschool
I was a teacher of a preschool class. I did
the threes and the four classes. I loved that, and
I see where that comes in today. You know, just
(09:53):
having a sense of humor and letting things ride, you know,
just and not correcting, just listening. So that was that
that came into play. I think, more than anything, just
being a mom is what's the most important job I've
ever had, and I do want to mention that in
one of the most important things is already there in
(10:14):
the firehouse. These firefighters help each other and there's a
bond that is tribal, and so in recognition and respect,
we have started a peer program that is really really helpful.
It's for those firefighters that just they need to talk,
but they don't need to go into a long term therapy,
(10:34):
and we are finding that that's been very successful as well.
It is about bonding, it is about it is about
making sure no one is alone. We did just return
from a bike ride fundraiser in Ireland. The bikers, not me.
The bikers rode from Dublin to Kinsale, which is two
(10:54):
hundred and fifty miles in three days, and it was
thirty seven firefighters and what happened in that trip was transformative.
I think the thing we're hearing most is that it
changed everyone's lives and a lot of that was the
day in, day out. There was a challenge ahead. That's
one of the days is one hundred and seven miles.
They rode their bikes and they did it together and
(11:17):
when they came out, it's a very tight unit and
it reinforced to me the need for there to be
connection more than anything.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
What's interesting that she didn't mention, because you know, when
you first started going around to the firehouses in two
thousand and one, after the events of September eleventh and
the fire department losing three hundred and forty three members
on that one day, and you were going with your
daughter and now your daughter it changed her life because
she works for friends of Firefighters's.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yeah, yeah, my daughter. Actually she ended up going to
Columbia getting her degrees and she's a licensed counselor and
she sees the children predominantly. She sees others as well,
but predominant. So she's along with another staff member. She
started the children's program and it's fabulous. So we're rolling
that out. We're trying to raise money to get it
(12:11):
going the way we need it to go. Right now,
she is counseling the children, but we have this program
that would be on weekends, and we're going to get
the kids together and have different different activities for them,
and also to have something for the parents at the
same time. We'll find a lot of families are are struggling.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Okay, we only have less we have two and a
half minutes left. Let's sell some tickets for the gala Thursday,
late night at the Addison Ballroom.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Yeah, it's going to be a bless that I know.
We have wonderful honorees and I want to just mention
Shelley is one of them. Shelley has been a longtime
supporter of Friends of Firefighters. She serves on our advisory council,
she's been on our board of directors. And we are
just so so lucky, Shelley that you're in our lives
(13:03):
and I cannot I'd be remiss to not mention Evelyn
Tessori Yello, she I always mistake her any I apologize
all that, Evelyn, if you're listening, Evelyn put in forty
years with the Fire Department's assist Family Assistance Unit. It's
also Motorola Solutions has helped us out tremendously. Step Up
award is two firefighters, Danny Riley and Vinnie d. Gennaro
(13:23):
and the FDNY Ceremonial Unit and Shelley. You know how
much they do. The Ceremonial Unit is there for every
funeral and there unfortunately have been more than three hundred
and forty three deaths related to nine to eleven since
they're mostly to cancer. So yes, it's going to be
at the Edison Ballroom and that's at two to eight
(13:43):
West forty seventh Street next Thursday. Please go online get
tickets where it's the Friends of Firefighter, not the Friendsofirefighters
dot org and if you go there you can get tickets.
And it's going to be a great night. We have
the FDNY Emerald Society, pipes and drums and live music
and great food and most of all wonderful people. So
(14:05):
it's going to be a blass.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
And if you cannot make it. Of course, you can
always make a donation to friends of firefighters' daughter.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Work much appreciated. And if you can donate a table
or a ticket, it would go to a firefighter. And
that would be so wonderful to be able to continue
to fill the room with people that can meet the firefighters,
and the firefighters themselves and their families.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
And here again this is Nancy Carbone is an example
of Yes, one person can make a difference. Please take
that forward with you in your life. You can make
a difference like Nancy Carbone has made a difference.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
You've been listening to Sunsteen sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
three
Sunday points on art radios about his years Timary War
Timeary Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I want to reintroduce you to a dear friend of
mine and a woman I call a saint sent to
us from heaven. Nancy Carbone is the founder of Friends
of Firefighters. If you're not familiar with Friends of Firefighters,
they do an extraordinary job of providing free mental health
(00:33):
therapy to firefighters, current and retired and their families. And
what you know, we know the stresses of firefighters, and
we know the stresses of those who have survived nine
to eleven. But what people don't know is how high
(00:53):
the suicide risk is with firefighters. We're including the EMS
here and so mental health and actually we're recording this
on World Mental Health Day. Ironically or appropriately, people just
this is not front and center in the minds of
New Yorkers, but it should be. And that's why I
(01:17):
have been an advocate for Friends of Firefighters. And they're
having a huge gala this coming Thursday at the Edison Ballroom,
and I believe Nancy Carbone, my saint, my sister, I
believe there are still tickets available and this is the
time to come out and help this fantastic organization.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
That's all I'd want to follow Shelley. First of all,
let's strike the saint. There's no saint. I am so
lucky to work with the best people, and we work
for the best people. So I'm surrounded by people who
take care of others, and so that doesn't put a
label of saint on me. Just I'm a lucky, lucky person. Yeah.
(02:06):
You know, the reason we don't look at our first
responders and think, oh, they need help is because they
help us and they are very strong. But it is
a peek into the world of repeated traumas that eventually
do sometimes wear down even the bravest among us. I
always like to say that it's very, very difficult and
(02:28):
a brave thing to pick up the phone and ask
for help for anyone. But when it's a first responder,
they have been trained to help others. And there's currently
there's more of a focus on mental health, but all
first responders internationally do need a place to go and
it needs to be a place where they feel comfortable.
So we operate out of an old firehouse in Brooklyn,
(02:52):
and we also have telehealth so they can go online
if that's necessary. I love to see the people come
in because the firefighter their faces light up at their home,
they feel comfortable. But also then I get to see
remotely and sometimes the benefits of the firefighters that come
in and they look like they are troubled, and then
(03:14):
over time you see that they start to lighten up
and oftentimes they turn around and start to volunteer for us,
which is when I know that it's been successful. But
the reality of suicide is frightening. It's frightening the idea
that someone is so alone that they can't pick up
a phone and get help in their darkest moment. We
(03:38):
would love to strike that. We would love everyone to
know you pick up the phone, there is someone there,
There is another day, and sometimes that's hard to see
when you're in it.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Nancy, I want to get to the to your story
because how this all came about is just extraordinary. So
take us through what started Friends of Firefighters because this
was inspired by nine to eleven.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yes, that was the impetus for me to start the organization.
My mom's uncle was killed line of duty prior to
my birth, so I was raised with the understanding that firefighters.
My mom would say a cut above. They were a
cut above. They're a different breed, and everyone assumed. I
think for years and years they didn't need help. You know,
they're the ones you go to for help. But I
(04:37):
think nine to eleven was when I saw that the
complete devastation. Some firehouses lost up to nineteen members. How
do the survivors get through after that? I know the
families were taken care of, and the families will always
be friends and center, but what happens to those who
did survive? So I went to a local firehouse with
(05:00):
my daughter, and then I met John Sarantino at Engine
two o five and he gave me a list, which
I still have, of things that they would need. And
he said he needed bunting for the firehouse, buglers for
the funerals, and counselors. Now this is on day two.
How this guy came up with that? Because I really
(05:22):
was shocked at the counselors, and I also didn't know
where to start. I wasn't a counselor. I'm a mom,
and that's how I started. I'm a mom. Moms get
things done, So I just kept pushing. So I guess
ultimately I was the pain in the ass. That just
wouldn't go home, and thinking it would last a few
months that I could get counselors to go to the firehouses,
(05:42):
which the firehouse fire department rather was doing very well.
Some firefighters didn't want to talk to anyone related to
the job. They didn't want it to get back to
the fire department. So that is why I brought in
some counselors. It was a band aid for a time
and very welcomed, but you know, I didn't have the
(06:06):
I only had my gut to go by that if
I interviewed somebody for the position, and it was volunteered,
by the way, after nine to eleven, I just chose
the ones that I would feel comfortable talking with, and
I would say that was one out of twenty. You know,
I also, I'm a bit stubborn. I think that was
working a little bit until about December of one that
(06:28):
same firefighter said, can you find a spot outside so
that we can go somewhere else so no one knows
we're talking to somebody. So I partnered at the time
with Safe Horizon and they supplied the counselors. And again
I rejected one out of ten because it just I
didn't want the firefighters to feel interviewed, and I think
(06:50):
some of the training at the time was that they
were interviewing. And I've learned with firefighters you really just
need to sit there and be quiet and they will talk,
you know, if they're comfortable. So I think it was
late two thousand and three where we started hiring our
own because prior to it was all volunteer work, very
hard to sustain an organization or even a few staff members,
(07:15):
and myself it was tough to work without any income,
so I did have to switch how we did it.
And then I thought it would last three to five years,
and here we are twenty three years later. We have
a three hundred plus percent increase in services from twenty nineteen.
There is no slowing down. Now we're up to thirteen counselors.
(07:38):
They all have full rosters. They're working evenings and weekends
to meet the demand. I am so pleased to say
that we now have a really good relationship and understanding
with the Counseling Services Unit. So they have been sending
us firefighters when they can, you know, when there's something
that is out of their wheelhouse, which is family. Mostly
(08:01):
they don't take family members and they're kind enough and
caring enough to send them to us. So now we
are starting a children's program because we have enough children
now coming for assistance, and being the child of a
first responder is a whole different kind of stress. All
children are feeling stress, especially in this day and age,
(08:21):
and especially after COVID, But these are children whose parents
went in. They went into the unknown, and that was
a terrifying place to be. So we're finding that there's
a lot of anxiety. There's PTS, but PTS I think
is the most prevalent diagnosis that comes in. But the
(08:42):
anxiety is through the roof, I think for everyone, particularly
with first responders.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I'm speaking with Nancy Carbonci is the founder of Friends
of Firefighters, which provides free mental health therapy for firefighters,
whether they are current or retire, and their families free. Nancy,
what were you doing for a living when all this
started in two thousand and one.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
I actually I was doing postpartum home care and I
was the co director of a duelist service. So I
was drawn. I know this sounds a little macab but
I was drawn to the families that where the baby
did not survive, so that we would provide the extra help.
But I've had a whole lot of different positions that
(09:31):
I think at the time I was just trying to
make a living. But I see how every one of
those jobs have come into play. I was a preschool
I was a teacher of a preschool class. I did
the threes and the four classes. I loved that, and
I see where that comes in today. You know, just
(09:53):
having a sense of humor and letting things ride, you know,
just and not correcting, just listening. So that was that
that came into play. I think, more than anything, just
being a mom is what's the most important job I've
ever had, and I do want to mention that in
one of the most important things is already there in
(10:14):
the firehouse. These firefighters help each other and there's a
bond that is tribal, and so in recognition and respect,
we have started a peer program that is really really helpful.
It's for those firefighters that just they need to talk,
but they don't need to go into a long term therapy,
(10:34):
and we are finding that that's been very successful as well.
It is about bonding, it is about it is about
making sure no one is alone. We did just return
from a bike ride fundraiser in Ireland. The bikers, not me.
The bikers rode from Dublin to Kinsale, which is two
(10:54):
hundred and fifty miles in three days, and it was
thirty seven firefighters and what happened in that trip was transformative.
I think the thing we're hearing most is that it
changed everyone's lives and a lot of that was the
day in, day out. There was a challenge ahead. That's
one of the days is one hundred and seven miles.
They rode their bikes and they did it together and
(11:17):
when they came out, it's a very tight unit and
it reinforced to me the need for there to be
connection more than anything.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
What's interesting that she didn't mention, because you know, when
you first started going around to the firehouses in two
thousand and one, after the events of September eleventh and
the fire department losing three hundred and forty three members
on that one day, and you were going with your
daughter and now your daughter it changed her life because
she works for friends of Firefighters's.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yeah, yeah, my daughter. Actually she ended up going to
Columbia getting her degrees and she's a licensed counselor and
she sees the children predominantly. She sees others as well,
but predominant. So she's along with another staff member. She
started the children's program and it's fabulous. So we're rolling
that out. We're trying to raise money to get it
(12:11):
going the way we need it to go. Right now,
she is counseling the children, but we have this program
that would be on weekends, and we're going to get
the kids together and have different different activities for them,
and also to have something for the parents at the
same time. We'll find a lot of families are are struggling.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Okay, we only have less we have two and a
half minutes left. Let's sell some tickets for the gala Thursday,
late night at the Addison Ballroom.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Yeah, it's going to be a bless that I know.
We have wonderful honorees and I want to just mention
Shelley is one of them. Shelley has been a longtime
supporter of Friends of Firefighters. She serves on our advisory council,
she's been on our board of directors. And we are
just so so lucky, Shelley that you're in our lives
(13:03):
and I cannot I'd be remiss to not mention Evelyn
Tessori Yello, she I always mistake her any I apologize
all that, Evelyn, if you're listening, Evelyn put in forty
years with the Fire Department's assist Family Assistance Unit. It's
also Motorola Solutions has helped us out tremendously. Step Up
award is two firefighters, Danny Riley and Vinnie d. Gennaro
(13:23):
and the FDNY Ceremonial Unit and Shelley. You know how
much they do. The Ceremonial Unit is there for every
funeral and there unfortunately have been more than three hundred
and forty three deaths related to nine to eleven since
they're mostly to cancer. So yes, it's going to be
at the Edison Ballroom and that's at two to eight
(13:43):
West forty seventh Street next Thursday. Please go online get
tickets where it's the Friends of Firefighter, not the Friendsofirefighters
dot org and if you go there you can get tickets.
And it's going to be a great night. We have
the FDNY Emerald Society, pipes and drums and live music
and great food and most of all wonderful people. So
(14:05):
it's going to be a blass.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
And if you cannot make it. Of course, you can
always make a donation to friends of firefighters' daughter.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Work much appreciated. And if you can donate a table
or a ticket, it would go to a firefighter. And
that would be so wonderful to be able to continue
to fill the room with people that can meet the firefighters,
and the firefighters themselves and their families.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
And here again this is Nancy Carbone is an example
of Yes, one person can make a difference. Please take
that forward with you in your life. You can make
a difference like Nancy Carbone has made a difference.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
You've been listening to Sunsteen sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
three
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