July 2, 2024 • 17 mins
Is Bob Goff as awesome as he seems? What is Amy & Kat's favorite and least favorite part of their jobs? Can you have a successful marriage with a narcissist? How to make friends in a new city, and more!
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Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And today's quote is.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Coming from well Cat. Normally I read them.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I don't even know why you could read them more,
but I guess you found this one.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
I found well, I found this one. It comes from
Bob Gough, which.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Do you know him? Yeah, he's been on the podcast.
I was going to say, have you met him a
few times?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
Is he just the most pleasant person? Yes?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yes, he actually is.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I don't know that I've ever met anybody nicer, kinder
like just is what he is?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Consistent?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
You know, I think of him, I've ever met him,
But when I see his face in my head, I
just see like the sun.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
I don't know, he's just bright, he.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Is joy Yes.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Yeah, So this quote is from a long time ago
he posted on his Instagram and it says it's easy
to confuse a lot of activity with a purposeful life.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Do what lasts, let the rest fall away.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
When you hear that or read that, what do you
think about for yourself?
Speaker 4 (01:00):
When I am not busy, I feel worthless.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Sometimes I think of how you always have to have
something to look forward to too, or life is not good? Yeah,
why are we even living if we don't have something
to look forward to? People, Okay, we are going to
do a rapid but not totally so rapid fire Q
and a session for this episode questions you sent in
(01:24):
on Instagram. You want to rattle off some and we'll
start with a therapy one. They're not all this way,
I swear, but this was the most common one. Like
there was repeats from different people all asking how do
you pick a therapist?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
This is actually the most common question I get on
couch Talks, which is an episode I do on You
Need Therapy, where people writing questions. So the good news
is I've made this a post and it's on at
you Need Therapy podcast Instagram. Because it is hard, but
it's also simple in the say at the same time.
So the first thing I would say is figure out
what it is that you want to work on. Because
(01:59):
different therapists specialize in different things. So that's the first
thing is figure out what is it that I want
to go work on. So when I ask somebody for recommendation,
I can say I want to do this. The second
thing is ask people that you know, whether it's anybody
or if you know somebody goes to therapy. Ask them
if their therapists has recommendations, because word of mouth, I
think is the best recommendation. When you have actual experience
(02:21):
with somebody and somebody can say I love my therapist,
I trust her, let me ask her to see if
she has anybody.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Like I found my therapist through Kat. Yeah, you referred
to her to me and she's great, And through her
I found another therapist I use for something else, Linda
mm hmm. And then also through them, Ben and I
found the co parenting therapists that we used. Asking around
can definitely lead to.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Therapists know a lot of therapists. Yes, so that's really helpful.
I would also then if you get a list of people,
google them, look at their websites, see if they like everybody.
Most people that have a therapists we'll have a website.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
See if you resonate with what they're saying.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
And then this is the hardest thing to abide by,
but try them out and know that if you don't
like that therapist, you can try a different one.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
And that's okay. It doesn't mean you have to quit therapy.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
It doesn't mean the last time I just got a
new therapist and I went to a therapist. She wasn't
my vibe, and then I went to another one. It's
not one size fits all, so just go with the
open mind and knowing that you can try.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
A couple of people.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Okay, next question would be favorite part of your job
and least favorite part. My favorite part of my job
is just that I get paid to talk. I used
to get in trouble for talking in school, and now
I get to talk on the podcast here with Friends.
But then also my main job on the Bobby Bone Show,
and then that meeting listeners kind of where they are
(03:47):
that day. Maybe if they needed a laugh and we
help them laugh, or they needed to cry and we
help them cry, or they just wanted to play a
fun game, or they wanted to forget about the news
because that's depressing, and they turn on our show and
just beating them where they are in their car.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I used to be in their cars, but a lot.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Of people listen on podcasts now too, even the Bobby
Bone Show.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
But the least favorite part would be the hours, just
waking up early.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
But then also we get done early, so there's it's
given to all terrible.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
What about you? I have a lot of favorite parts
of my job.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
But I would say my favorite part of my job
is almost kind of like the same is my job
is creating relationships with people, and what more can I
ask for? And that and I get to be a
person that a lot of people, which I feel like
a lot of people are like, Oh, you shouldn't get
anything out of it, you should do it selfishly. No,
I get something out of my job, and that's why
maybe I'm good at doing it because I have motivated
(04:34):
to keep doing it. But I really enjoy that I
get to be one of the most trusted people in
people's lives. I think that's really cool. And my least
favorite part of my job is any kind of paperwork
or any kind of networking. I hate networking.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Gotta do it, and that paperwork to do you gotta
do it, you gotta do it.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Next question would be can you have a successful marriage
with a narcissist? That was the easiest one to put
in here because there was a lot of questions. Yeah,
more than I felt like, wow, this is interesting, but this.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Is one of those that's hard to answer.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
So people are really out here wanting to be in
relationships with narcissists.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Or not wanting to be and trying to figure out
what the heck to do.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
But so one I would say, I have a couple.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I have two episodes on narcissism on UNI therapy podcasts
that could be more helpful than what I'm about to say,
and it goes into a lot more detail.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
But census is rapid fire.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
I'm just going to go with a relationship with one
person who is a narcissist or has a lot of
traits of narcissism can be successful if both people.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
In the relationship are unhealthy.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
When one person decides they want to work on themselves
or becomes healthy, you're going to constantly find chaos.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I feel like that even applies if it's not a narcissist,
and there's if one person is really working on themselves
and the other is not, there's just going to be.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
It works if you're both unhealthy. When one thing about codependency,
if we're both codependent, it's great. When one person starts
to work with their codependency, there's gonna be so much
chaos in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I had some codependent behavior that even if Ben was
codependent too, which there were times where we both had it.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
But some of my behavior was a little far out
there to where it was not.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Going to work.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
It was interesting the things that I would do, but
I didn't realize that we're you know, bad not bad.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
On your codependency also was probably tied to some of
Ben's stuff too.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I was so apt because you're right, Okay, So I
was reacting to that. Looking back on some of it,
I was like, well, this is an all time low. Yeah,
in my life. I can't believe that I just did that.
But I had to do it because I'm codependent. But
I didn't even realize that that was codependent behavior. Yeah,
And I feel like I'm not giving details because they're,
(06:55):
you know, not my details to give. But some of
my behavior was it's funny to laugh about now, how
to make friends in a new city. And I'll say
what worked for me was workout classes like hobbies. It
was it yoga's, it's a gym, and then just being
sort of bold. There was a time at a body
(07:16):
pump class at Golds Gym when I first moved to
North Carolina because Ben was going to where he was
at a Fort Bragg and we didn't know anybody. We
moved to Southern Pines because Fort Bragg's in Fayetteville, but
a lot of the officers could live further away, and
so a lot of his friends lived in Southern Pines
and so we went to visit there. So cute, so
(07:36):
quaint loved it. Okay, we're living here. But he had
like a thirty minute drive to work every day. And
then he was also gone a lot, and I had
no friends and Kate. I went up to her after
body Pump and I was like, turns out her husband
was in the Army, Ben was Air Force, but they
had worked in similar groups, so they knew the same circle.
They became friends, We became friends, everyone's friends all because
(07:59):
I went up to her at body Pump.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
What did you say, though, do you want to be friends?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Probably something like, hey, do you come here often?
Speaker 4 (08:09):
You didn't say that. I don't sure what I said.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
So did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I don't know. I didn't like us pickup lines, but
I definitely just started making conversation and then got her number,
and then we ended up going to the same yoga place,
and yeah, we had friends.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
And then I got to know my neighbors.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And then I got to know my friends Sunday who
owned a boutique, and that just was because her boutique
was below my yoga studio, so before and next to
a coffee shop. So sometimes before yoga, I'd go get
a coffee and then I go wander around her shop,
and then I'd go up to yoga, and then finally
she's like, I see you in here wandering a lot,
and I'm like, I like your store.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I've just been waiting for you to talk to me.
I want to be.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Friends, so just wandering shops workouts. If you go to church, like,
how can you get involved and plugged in there?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I don't know what else? What would you say?
Speaker 3 (09:02):
I would say that that's the same vibe that I
feel works best for most people is being bold and
making eye contact and approaching people starting a conversation.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
You never know where it can lead.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
And you might start a conversation and just say like, hey,
how is your day to dead? Nothing happens, and then
you keep seeing them at that spot and then eventually
it blooms into something.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
But I've found so many of my.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Friends in workout classes just because I see the same
person over and over.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
So there you go. Yeah, hopefully you like to work out,
But what are if you don't like?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
What are the I mean you said coffee shops. If
you go to the same coffee shop, if you see
the same person there every single day, like you can
start saying hi. A lot of people meet friends at work.
The way my job works. I've made some friends, but
I work with the same people every single day and
those can't be the only community I have. And so
any kind of hobby that you have, any place that
you frequent a lot, keep your eyes open and make
eye contact with people.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
You can become friends with the cashier at Trader Joe's.
You know, you just start talking.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
That's how my dad was. He talked to everybody.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Everybody was he the meat guy at the meat counter,
at the grocery store, the seafood counter, he knew them all,
to check out counter. He always talked to everybody. I
was always very impressed by that. It's not like he
was friends with them or hanging out. But actually when
he passed away, like some of them actually commented on
my Instagram post when I posted that he was no
longer with us, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I
(10:23):
know your dad from HB, but that he used to
always talk to me.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Your dad grew up in the world where he didn't
have a phone all the time, and then when he
did have a phone, he couldn't be on it looking
at stuff all the time. And now I feel like
every time we go somewhere, and I'm guilty of this,
I'll be checking out somewhere and instead of talking to
the person, I'll be looking at answering text or looking
on Instagram. And so we're not in spaces where we
actually create relationship that way anymore, or we are in
(10:49):
the spaces, but we're not doing it.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
So just being intentional about that.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
So your phone away, put your phone away, just be
more observant situational awareness, well, Ben you so I say
that from when he was in the military, like knowing
your surroundings always, but you could just be have situational
awareness for making friends, so like always be on the
lookout for ways you can strike, or you can go
(11:14):
up to somebody. Best hair products for humidity, which I
have very curly hair. Humidity and my hair do not mix.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
My hair does that mix with some people?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Some people are not affected by humidity. Mine is very much.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
So sometimes I have extensions, sometimes not, but more times
than not, I have extensions in which don't always curl
up as much as my natural hair.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
And so sometimes we'll.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Go to Radner and if it's really humid, my natural
hair will just like frizz up, and then I just
have these like longer type strings of hair. I've never
noticed that, Well, yeah happens. I haven't noticed it's happening
either until I get my car and I look in
the mirror and I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't
believe we're just walking like that. But oh well, yeah,
(12:09):
I am gonna try out this product. I'm recommending this
without using it, but I saw someone else say that
it's awesome, and so this question actually reminded me that
I want to order it.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
So purchase at your own risk.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
But it's that Living Proof brand, the one you see
like Jennifer Anison.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
They have like the dry shampoo and stuff. Yeah, I've
used the dry sh it smells so good.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
So there's a bottle it's called Frizz, but it's got
a line through it clever. Oh right, Yes, it's like
no frizz and it's an instant d frizzer. It says
it softens and shines anytime, get smooth between shampoos, and.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
I believe it so living proof. It does have good.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Reviews and over fourteen thousand likes at sephora dot com.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
So will you give us a review of it after
you get it?
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Yeah, I'm sure they have this on Amazon on too,
but I just pulled it up at seppoor dot com.
Which speaking of Amazon, one of the questions was favorite
four things. So I think they were just asking like,
what are we liking? And I'm springing this on you
so I can do three and you can do one.
Yours doesn't have to be from Amazon, but mine are
going to be. It's just an easy way for me
(13:18):
to say my favorite things. So I'm doing this actually
right now. If you go to radioamy dot com and
then you scroll down, it says my favorite things Amazon,
you click on that and then it'll show my favorite things.
So I'm going to share some things that I love
from here. Speaking of hair care, maybe they have something
for Friz. But Monday is a shampoo. I found it
(13:40):
at Target, but Amazon has it. See these pink bottles
Monday hair Care.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I thought you were gonna say Mondays your favor, one
of your favorite things.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I do like Mondays though, I like stuff.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Okay, Yes, the shampoo and conditioner I'm really loving and
they're a good price and I have found that they've
been really good on my hair too, So that is
one of my favorite things right now. And then I'm
going to talk about my planters, which I have mentioned
because those are from Amazon. There's three different sized planters
(14:11):
that you can get and they're under home and kitchen.
Actually I haven't even added them, so i'll add them
right now. And they're awesome. They look like concrete. They
are a weathered concrete finish and they have some concrete
in them. But they're also fiberglass so they're not heavy,
but they look heavy.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
I did not know those are from Amazon.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Amazon. Those look so nice. Thanks, You're welcome. You're probably
thinking the plants look nice, look great. I potted those
and they're still alive. I'm watering them. I take care
of them also. I take care also under home in
kitchen section, is you know the Miss Myer spray to
clean countertops?
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Use that?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, I love cleaning calentertops. Do you know this about me? Love?
Cleaning a countertop always.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
When it's dirty, when it's clean.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Little dirty lottery whatever. I just like a clean countertop.
But not just any Missus Meyers spray. It's the honeysuckle,
and that one is hard to find at a store.
You can't find just honeysuckle anywhere. Sometimes you might get
lucky and find it at Target whatever. But Amazon does
have a pack of three honeysuckle and it's amazing. It's
(15:23):
the best smell ever ever. It brings me joy. Those
are my three things. Okay, three favorite things right now
from Amazon. Well, but again doesn't have to be Amazon.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Well, I was going to try to go through Amazon,
but I actually just went to go because maybe it
will spark my brain. I just went to my Amazon.
I don't order as much from Amazon as I assumed
that I did. Maybe I just return everything that I order.
So I'm going to go with something. I don't know
if I've ever talked about this on here, but one
of my favorite things is my newly Box.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Have I told you about this?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yes, it's a clothing subscription for renting clothes. They're owned
by Anthropology, which is one of my favorite stores, so
I can rent a lot of these clothes that I
would normally either want to buy or buy and wear
like once or twice, and I get to rent them
and give them back when I don't want them anymore,
and they get a new box of clothes.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Smart.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I almost signed up for that.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Maybe I will gets better in the winter time because
it's easier to Sometimes in the summer I get things
I'm like, oh that doesn't fit because you just don't know.
But in the winter, when you're renting, like sweaters and
things that are generally like looser, anything kind of works.
So maybe start it when fall starts around. It is
so nice to have all these different sweaters in your closet.
(16:40):
I think snow sweaters every month.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Boom.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I like it. Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
I added the concrete planters to my Amazon see.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Oh, maybe I'll go there and buy them. I don't
know where i'd put them in my house, but they're nice.
Speaker 4 (16:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
So it's under the home and Home in kitchen is
what I have that one labeled it really need to
share to organize my Maybe I'll give that to her
as a job to really just organize and tidy things
up on here. Okay, So hope y'all are having the
day that you need to have.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Kat, where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
At Cat dot Defada on Instagram and at You Need
Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
I'm at Radio Amy and then obviously I just told
you about Radio Amy dot com. And we'll see you
next Tuesday for the fifth thing.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
But before that, it'll.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Be Thursday, and I'll be here with you for four things,
and then there's Outweigh on Saturday, and then Kat's podcast
You Need Therapy is every Monday and every Wednesday.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
All right, bye bye,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And today's quote is.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Coming from well Cat. Normally I read them.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I don't even know why you could read them more,
but I guess you found this one.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
I found well, I found this one. It comes from
Bob Gough, which.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Do you know him? Yeah, he's been on the podcast.
I was going to say, have you met him a
few times?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
Is he just the most pleasant person? Yes?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yes, he actually is.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I don't know that I've ever met anybody nicer, kinder
like just is what he is?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Consistent?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
You know, I think of him, I've ever met him,
But when I see his face in my head, I
just see like the sun.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
I don't know, he's just bright, he.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Is joy Yes.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Yeah, So this quote is from a long time ago
he posted on his Instagram and it says it's easy
to confuse a lot of activity with a purposeful life.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Do what lasts, let the rest fall away.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
When you hear that or read that, what do you
think about for yourself?
Speaker 4 (01:00):
When I am not busy, I feel worthless.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Sometimes I think of how you always have to have
something to look forward to too, or life is not good? Yeah,
why are we even living if we don't have something
to look forward to? People, Okay, we are going to
do a rapid but not totally so rapid fire Q
and a session for this episode questions you sent in
(01:24):
on Instagram. You want to rattle off some and we'll
start with a therapy one. They're not all this way,
I swear, but this was the most common one. Like
there was repeats from different people all asking how do
you pick a therapist?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
This is actually the most common question I get on
couch Talks, which is an episode I do on You
Need Therapy, where people writing questions. So the good news
is I've made this a post and it's on at
you Need Therapy podcast Instagram. Because it is hard, but
it's also simple in the say at the same time.
So the first thing I would say is figure out
what it is that you want to work on. Because
(01:59):
different therapists specialize in different things. So that's the first
thing is figure out what is it that I want
to go work on. So when I ask somebody for recommendation,
I can say I want to do this. The second
thing is ask people that you know, whether it's anybody
or if you know somebody goes to therapy. Ask them
if their therapists has recommendations, because word of mouth, I
think is the best recommendation. When you have actual experience
(02:21):
with somebody and somebody can say I love my therapist,
I trust her, let me ask her to see if
she has anybody.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Like I found my therapist through Kat. Yeah, you referred
to her to me and she's great, And through her
I found another therapist I use for something else, Linda
mm hmm. And then also through them, Ben and I
found the co parenting therapists that we used. Asking around
can definitely lead to.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Therapists know a lot of therapists. Yes, so that's really helpful.
I would also then if you get a list of people,
google them, look at their websites, see if they like everybody.
Most people that have a therapists we'll have a website.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
See if you resonate with what they're saying.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
And then this is the hardest thing to abide by,
but try them out and know that if you don't
like that therapist, you can try a different one.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
And that's okay. It doesn't mean you have to quit therapy.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
It doesn't mean the last time I just got a
new therapist and I went to a therapist. She wasn't
my vibe, and then I went to another one. It's
not one size fits all, so just go with the
open mind and knowing that you can try.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
A couple of people.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Okay, next question would be favorite part of your job
and least favorite part. My favorite part of my job
is just that I get paid to talk. I used
to get in trouble for talking in school, and now
I get to talk on the podcast here with Friends.
But then also my main job on the Bobby Bone Show,
and then that meeting listeners kind of where they are
(03:47):
that day. Maybe if they needed a laugh and we
help them laugh, or they needed to cry and we
help them cry, or they just wanted to play a
fun game, or they wanted to forget about the news
because that's depressing, and they turn on our show and
just beating them where they are in their car.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I used to be in their cars, but a lot.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Of people listen on podcasts now too, even the Bobby
Bone Show.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
But the least favorite part would be the hours, just
waking up early.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
But then also we get done early, so there's it's
given to all terrible.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
What about you? I have a lot of favorite parts
of my job.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
But I would say my favorite part of my job
is almost kind of like the same is my job
is creating relationships with people, and what more can I
ask for? And that and I get to be a
person that a lot of people, which I feel like
a lot of people are like, Oh, you shouldn't get
anything out of it, you should do it selfishly. No,
I get something out of my job, and that's why
maybe I'm good at doing it because I have motivated
(04:34):
to keep doing it. But I really enjoy that I
get to be one of the most trusted people in
people's lives. I think that's really cool. And my least
favorite part of my job is any kind of paperwork
or any kind of networking. I hate networking.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Gotta do it, and that paperwork to do you gotta
do it, you gotta do it.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Next question would be can you have a successful marriage
with a narcissist? That was the easiest one to put
in here because there was a lot of questions. Yeah,
more than I felt like, wow, this is interesting, but this.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Is one of those that's hard to answer.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
So people are really out here wanting to be in
relationships with narcissists.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Or not wanting to be and trying to figure out
what the heck to do.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
But so one I would say, I have a couple.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I have two episodes on narcissism on UNI therapy podcasts
that could be more helpful than what I'm about to say,
and it goes into a lot more detail.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
But census is rapid fire.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
I'm just going to go with a relationship with one
person who is a narcissist or has a lot of
traits of narcissism can be successful if both people.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
In the relationship are unhealthy.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
When one person decides they want to work on themselves
or becomes healthy, you're going to constantly find chaos.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I feel like that even applies if it's not a narcissist,
and there's if one person is really working on themselves
and the other is not, there's just going to be.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
It works if you're both unhealthy. When one thing about codependency,
if we're both codependent, it's great. When one person starts
to work with their codependency, there's gonna be so much
chaos in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I had some codependent behavior that even if Ben was
codependent too, which there were times where we both had it.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
But some of my behavior was a little far out
there to where it was not.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Going to work.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
It was interesting the things that I would do, but
I didn't realize that we're you know, bad not bad.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
On your codependency also was probably tied to some of
Ben's stuff too.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I was so apt because you're right, Okay, So I
was reacting to that. Looking back on some of it,
I was like, well, this is an all time low. Yeah,
in my life. I can't believe that I just did that.
But I had to do it because I'm codependent. But
I didn't even realize that that was codependent behavior. Yeah,
And I feel like I'm not giving details because they're,
(06:55):
you know, not my details to give. But some of
my behavior was it's funny to laugh about now, how
to make friends in a new city. And I'll say
what worked for me was workout classes like hobbies. It
was it yoga's, it's a gym, and then just being
sort of bold. There was a time at a body
(07:16):
pump class at Golds Gym when I first moved to
North Carolina because Ben was going to where he was
at a Fort Bragg and we didn't know anybody. We
moved to Southern Pines because Fort Bragg's in Fayetteville, but
a lot of the officers could live further away, and
so a lot of his friends lived in Southern Pines
and so we went to visit there. So cute, so
(07:36):
quaint loved it. Okay, we're living here. But he had
like a thirty minute drive to work every day. And
then he was also gone a lot, and I had
no friends and Kate. I went up to her after
body Pump and I was like, turns out her husband
was in the Army, Ben was Air Force, but they
had worked in similar groups, so they knew the same circle.
They became friends, We became friends, everyone's friends all because
(07:59):
I went up to her at body Pump.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
What did you say, though, do you want to be friends?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Probably something like, hey, do you come here often?
Speaker 4 (08:09):
You didn't say that. I don't sure what I said.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
So did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I don't know. I didn't like us pickup lines, but
I definitely just started making conversation and then got her number,
and then we ended up going to the same yoga place,
and yeah, we had friends.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
And then I got to know my neighbors.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And then I got to know my friends Sunday who
owned a boutique, and that just was because her boutique
was below my yoga studio, so before and next to
a coffee shop. So sometimes before yoga, I'd go get
a coffee and then I go wander around her shop,
and then I'd go up to yoga, and then finally
she's like, I see you in here wandering a lot,
and I'm like, I like your store.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I've just been waiting for you to talk to me.
I want to be.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Friends, so just wandering shops workouts. If you go to church, like,
how can you get involved and plugged in there?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I don't know what else? What would you say?
Speaker 3 (09:02):
I would say that that's the same vibe that I
feel works best for most people is being bold and
making eye contact and approaching people starting a conversation.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
You never know where it can lead.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
And you might start a conversation and just say like, hey,
how is your day to dead? Nothing happens, and then
you keep seeing them at that spot and then eventually
it blooms into something.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
But I've found so many of my.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Friends in workout classes just because I see the same
person over and over.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
So there you go. Yeah, hopefully you like to work out,
But what are if you don't like?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
What are the I mean you said coffee shops. If
you go to the same coffee shop, if you see
the same person there every single day, like you can
start saying hi. A lot of people meet friends at work.
The way my job works. I've made some friends, but
I work with the same people every single day and
those can't be the only community I have. And so
any kind of hobby that you have, any place that
you frequent a lot, keep your eyes open and make
eye contact with people.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
You can become friends with the cashier at Trader Joe's.
You know, you just start talking.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
That's how my dad was. He talked to everybody.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Everybody was he the meat guy at the meat counter,
at the grocery store, the seafood counter, he knew them all,
to check out counter. He always talked to everybody. I
was always very impressed by that. It's not like he
was friends with them or hanging out. But actually when
he passed away, like some of them actually commented on
my Instagram post when I posted that he was no
longer with us, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I
(10:23):
know your dad from HB, but that he used to
always talk to me.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Your dad grew up in the world where he didn't
have a phone all the time, and then when he
did have a phone, he couldn't be on it looking
at stuff all the time. And now I feel like
every time we go somewhere, and I'm guilty of this,
I'll be checking out somewhere and instead of talking to
the person, I'll be looking at answering text or looking
on Instagram. And so we're not in spaces where we
actually create relationship that way anymore, or we are in
(10:49):
the spaces, but we're not doing it.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
So just being intentional about that.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
So your phone away, put your phone away, just be
more observant situational awareness, well, Ben you so I say
that from when he was in the military, like knowing
your surroundings always, but you could just be have situational
awareness for making friends, so like always be on the
lookout for ways you can strike, or you can go
(11:14):
up to somebody. Best hair products for humidity, which I
have very curly hair. Humidity and my hair do not mix.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
My hair does that mix with some people?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Some people are not affected by humidity. Mine is very much.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
So sometimes I have extensions, sometimes not, but more times
than not, I have extensions in which don't always curl
up as much as my natural hair.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
And so sometimes we'll.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Go to Radner and if it's really humid, my natural
hair will just like frizz up, and then I just
have these like longer type strings of hair. I've never
noticed that, Well, yeah happens. I haven't noticed it's happening
either until I get my car and I look in
the mirror and I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't
believe we're just walking like that. But oh well, yeah,
(12:09):
I am gonna try out this product. I'm recommending this
without using it, but I saw someone else say that
it's awesome, and so this question actually reminded me that
I want to order it.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
So purchase at your own risk.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
But it's that Living Proof brand, the one you see
like Jennifer Anison.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
They have like the dry shampoo and stuff. Yeah, I've
used the dry sh it smells so good.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
So there's a bottle it's called Frizz, but it's got
a line through it clever. Oh right, Yes, it's like
no frizz and it's an instant d frizzer. It says
it softens and shines anytime, get smooth between shampoos, and.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
I believe it so living proof. It does have good.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Reviews and over fourteen thousand likes at sephora dot com.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
So will you give us a review of it after
you get it?
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Yeah, I'm sure they have this on Amazon on too,
but I just pulled it up at seppoor dot com.
Which speaking of Amazon, one of the questions was favorite
four things. So I think they were just asking like,
what are we liking? And I'm springing this on you
so I can do three and you can do one.
Yours doesn't have to be from Amazon, but mine are
going to be. It's just an easy way for me
(13:18):
to say my favorite things. So I'm doing this actually
right now. If you go to radioamy dot com and
then you scroll down, it says my favorite things Amazon,
you click on that and then it'll show my favorite things.
So I'm going to share some things that I love
from here. Speaking of hair care, maybe they have something
for Friz. But Monday is a shampoo. I found it
(13:40):
at Target, but Amazon has it. See these pink bottles
Monday hair Care.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I thought you were gonna say Mondays your favor, one
of your favorite things.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I do like Mondays though, I like stuff.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Okay, Yes, the shampoo and conditioner I'm really loving and
they're a good price and I have found that they've
been really good on my hair too, So that is
one of my favorite things right now. And then I'm
going to talk about my planters, which I have mentioned
because those are from Amazon. There's three different sized planters
(14:11):
that you can get and they're under home and kitchen.
Actually I haven't even added them, so i'll add them
right now. And they're awesome. They look like concrete. They
are a weathered concrete finish and they have some concrete
in them. But they're also fiberglass so they're not heavy,
but they look heavy.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
I did not know those are from Amazon.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Amazon. Those look so nice. Thanks, You're welcome. You're probably
thinking the plants look nice, look great. I potted those
and they're still alive. I'm watering them. I take care
of them also. I take care also under home in
kitchen section, is you know the Miss Myer spray to
clean countertops?
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Use that?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, I love cleaning calentertops. Do you know this about me? Love?
Cleaning a countertop always.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
When it's dirty, when it's clean.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Little dirty lottery whatever. I just like a clean countertop.
But not just any Missus Meyers spray. It's the honeysuckle,
and that one is hard to find at a store.
You can't find just honeysuckle anywhere. Sometimes you might get
lucky and find it at Target whatever. But Amazon does
have a pack of three honeysuckle and it's amazing. It's
(15:23):
the best smell ever ever. It brings me joy. Those
are my three things. Okay, three favorite things right now
from Amazon. Well, but again doesn't have to be Amazon.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Well, I was going to try to go through Amazon,
but I actually just went to go because maybe it
will spark my brain. I just went to my Amazon.
I don't order as much from Amazon as I assumed
that I did. Maybe I just return everything that I order.
So I'm going to go with something. I don't know
if I've ever talked about this on here, but one
of my favorite things is my newly Box.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Have I told you about this?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yes, it's a clothing subscription for renting clothes. They're owned
by Anthropology, which is one of my favorite stores, so
I can rent a lot of these clothes that I
would normally either want to buy or buy and wear
like once or twice, and I get to rent them
and give them back when I don't want them anymore,
and they get a new box of clothes.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Smart.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I almost signed up for that.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Maybe I will gets better in the winter time because
it's easier to Sometimes in the summer I get things
I'm like, oh that doesn't fit because you just don't know.
But in the winter, when you're renting, like sweaters and
things that are generally like looser, anything kind of works.
So maybe start it when fall starts around. It is
so nice to have all these different sweaters in your closet.
(16:40):
I think snow sweaters every month.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Boom.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I like it. Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
I added the concrete planters to my Amazon see.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Oh, maybe I'll go there and buy them. I don't
know where i'd put them in my house, but they're nice.
Speaker 4 (16:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
So it's under the home and Home in kitchen is
what I have that one labeled it really need to
share to organize my Maybe I'll give that to her
as a job to really just organize and tidy things
up on here. Okay, So hope y'all are having the
day that you need to have.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Kat, where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
At Cat dot Defada on Instagram and at You Need
Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
I'm at Radio Amy and then obviously I just told
you about Radio Amy dot com. And we'll see you
next Tuesday for the fifth thing.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
But before that, it'll.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Be Thursday, and I'll be here with you for four things,
and then there's Outweigh on Saturday, and then Kat's podcast
You Need Therapy is every Monday and every Wednesday.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
All right, bye bye,
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