April 25, 2023 • 31 mins
Language (in your head & out loud) is powerful, but did you know that your behavior is just as important? Yep, put those two things together and they can be quite the little team when it comes to how you want to show up and your successes in life. Henry Ford's famous quote kicks off a lot of what Amy & Kat talk about in this episode: 'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.' Now, take that quote (the "think you can" part since we are talking positively here) a step further by throwing in behavior and start acting like you're already who you want to be and everything else will follow!
Amy shares an inspiring story that she heard from Trevor Moawad on Tom Bilyeu's show about a guy's life completely changing after he got a very unexpected high SAT score. He suddenly felt smart and started acting as such. The trajectory of his life changed, but years later he found out the scores were mixed up and he actually scored very low. However, just thinking all those years that he had a high score changed his life!!! Wish we knew this guy's name...so Amy & Kat try to find out if the story is 100% true...but either way...it's encouraging and will challenge you to change your thoughts, your language, and your behavior to match what you want to do!
HOSTS:
@Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat and our quote today is
from Henry Ford. Whether you think you can or whether
you think you can't, You're right boom boom, because we're
going to talk about the power of our minds, our thinking,
and whether or not we think we can or we
think we can't. But we shouldn't think that we can't
because we're trying to think that we can. I am
(00:29):
I think I can. What I think is actually impossible?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
What do you mean?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Fine?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Oh, but it's not. Oh you mean if I think
I can?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Oh, okay, I can be thinking positively, you know, like
with my arms like spread. Okay, Okay, I get what
you're saying.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Within reason.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
That's not within reason, correct, Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
It's more so the narrative, the ongoing narrative that I
am really working through. We talked about this at the
live is this limiting belief that I'm not smart, and
I've put a lot of work into it, I'm working
on it, but it still pops up into my head
when I'm thinking certain things, or I'm not capable or oh,
(01:09):
you know whatever. So I am choosing to believe that
I can and there's this story that I heard recently,
and I've been trying to google if the person's real,
if this story is real.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
But I guess it really doesn't.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Matter if it's real, because the story is still going
to share what I'm trying to say about the power
of our minds and what we think of ourself. So
it was Trevor Moad I think, is how you say
his name? That's why I first heard this story, and
then I googled it to pull it up and read
it as I was trying to find the man's name,
(01:43):
and I have no idea who he is or if
he's real, if anybody.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Knows him, what if he's listening.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
So in this note four things with Amy Brown at
gmail dot com, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Maybe he's passed away. How old is the SAT?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I mean, I guess I've never thought about that. I
thought it's just been around since school has been around.
When did they start making people take SATs and acts
to get into school?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Okay, so in nineteen twenty six, the SAT is administered
to high school students for the first time. Wow, nineteen
twenty six.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I don't know. I think it just depends on where
you're from.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Because some people only take the ACT, some people take
only the SAT. I, for whatever reason.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Took both.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
You're so lucky.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Actually not, because.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I got scores that were not very Okay, here's the thing.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
I think. Were you about to say they weren't very good?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Well, to me, I thought I could get higher, especially
because I took those prep courses and I took the
SAT three times. I was down, and then I went
up the second time, and then down the third time.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Third time was my lowest score.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
You'd think by the third time, I haven't figured out
third times a charm. Well, I wanted to go to
Texas A and M. That's the only school I applied to,
and then I didn't get in. So your score because
of my GPA, apparently my.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
All these things, maybe my personality, my.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Grades, my essay, my extracurricular activities.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I'm sure you know they look at it all.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
But I for some reason just thought, well, that's where
I'm gonna go, so it's the only place I'm gonna apply.
And people from my school it was very diverse, but
a lot of people in my friend group, they were
going out of state, they were some IVY League. It
was just some of them that was very expected, like
that's what their families would want them to do for sure. Meanwhile,
(03:38):
my parents didn't ask to see my report card ever,
so I just had a very different like, oh, you
want to go to college upbringing up, I know, I
mean my sister went to Texas A and M. So
I think I just that made sense that that's where
I would go. And my dad went to college, but
my mom did not. But anyway, I did not get in.
And then suddenly I had this hugh. But all my
(03:59):
friends they got into the schools they wanted to go to.
So I had to go to a junior college for
my freshman year, which was Blinn. It was the feeder
school into Texas A and M. So I went and
lived in College Station and almost acted as if I
went to Texas A and M.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
But I didn't.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I went to Blinn and I.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Got a three point nine and got into Texas A
and M the next year. I'm wondering, though, if it
was me acting as if I go to A and M.
I'm here in College Station, I'm living this life as
if I'm an A and M student, I pretty much
would let it just be assumed I went to Texas
A and M. And then I got real bummed if
someone asked me specifically, and then I'd have to tell them.
(04:41):
But there is no shame in that, Like if people
go to junior college, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
This was my eighteen year old brain.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
It's probably I mean, I get that because you said
all your friends kind of were doing the trajectory of
what they applied to the school that they want to
go to, and then.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
They went they applied to multiple and then they had choice.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Well, that's what I was going to say. That's interesting
that you applied to to just one. You're like, really,
that's good that you're really confident about this one choice.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
That's not so bad. But you know one school.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Oh, I don't think it was about confidence.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
I think it was like that I don't want to
do more than one education.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, I think it is that I didn't know what
I wanted to do, and that's where my sister went.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
So that's what made sense.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
So because of the way you said your parents weren't
that interested in even your report cards. You didn't go
on like college visits to like look at schools to
see where you That wasn't a thing. No Okay, did
you only had Yeah, I only went to a couple
because I for some reason, I didn't care that much.
But I went to I went and looked at Auburn,
I went to look at Alabama the school. I went
(05:38):
to a Southern mess. I went there a million times
because my sister played soccer there. So we went and
looked at schools and talked to the professors and did
that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh yeah, No, I had none of that. But it's fine.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I went and did my thing at Blynd, but I
had the potential there. I'm thinking back on it now
and it's like, look at what I was able to do.
And then I got into A and M and just
went back to my old ways. I didn't keep on
that path, which I wonder if I would have.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
What was your major in college?
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Well, I started off as political science and I hated it.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
I don't know why. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I didn't want to be a politician. I maybe wanted
to work in government somehow.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
So isn't that I think that's so crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
And I think that there should be a movement that
there should be and I think other countries do this
gap years between high school and college because we go
to college and people are like, what do you want
your major to be? And you're like, political science. I
picked nursing. I would be the worst nurse in the
entire world. But I didn't know, like I didn't know
that I had options. And I thought, well, if I
was a business major, I had to be a businesswoman
(06:45):
and work in this big office. And if I did that,
like if I was a marketing major, the only thing
I would be doing is making ads for something. I
didn't understand the career options embedded in all of the majors.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
So wait, you changed, though, I'm assuming yes.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So freshman year was it blend. So my sophomore year
at A and M Polysci. But I was taking sort
of the basics and then I went into some By
my junior year, I was taking more of the specific
polypsy classes and thought, this is horrible. So I went
to my advisor and I said, I would still like
to graduate with all my friends next year senior year,
(07:22):
but I have got to change my major.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
Your junior year, you changed your major.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Yes, And she said, okay, Well, here's the deal.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
You can switch to agricultural development, which we called ag
development at A and m is an AG school. They
had a business school now the legit business, but this
was more like AG business. So my economics class that
I eventually had to end up taking was about, you know,
the supply and demand of corn, and I took things
(07:51):
like turf management with an entomology what is that the
study of bugs or insects? But my my professor would
teach the class sometimes with hissing roaches all over him.
What And one time we had a pot luck and
he brought us termite pizza and yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,
(08:12):
and he said bugs are and all the food we're
eating anyways, So stop, I don't even wanny thing about that. Okay,
so what was your major AG development? But the reason
why she said that? And it ended up taking me
four and a half years to get out, which was normal.
A lot of my friends were doing that too anyway,
so I was fine with that. But I had to
have an emphasis if your AGG development, you don't have
to have a minor, but you have to have an
emphasis in something which is a twelve hour chunk of classes.
(08:37):
And so all my polyci stuff, while off twelve hours,
scooed it on over. So technically I have an ag
development degree with an emphasis and POLYPI.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Interesting and has that prepared you for the career that
you're in.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
No, Okay, back to the story that I wanted to tell,
so I'm just going to read it as is. So
Trevor Moad related the story that his father told him
about one of the most successful magazine entrepreneurs in the world.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
World.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Now where this successful magazine entrepreneurs And why we don't
know his name?
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I'm not sure.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Well, he could be like dead because if the SAT
has been around since nineteen twenties, I was thinking he
was like a forty year old, but he could be
five years old.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
This is older.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So the man was failing out of high school and
struggled growing up. He was raised by a single mom
in the Midwest. He promised his mother he'd take the
SAT test. He didn't expect to get a good score.
His score came back. He got a fourteen eighty out
of sixteen hundred on the SAT. His mother, knowing her kid,
asks did you cheat? He swore to her that he
didn't cheat. In his senior year, he realizes he's smart
(09:42):
and he decides to attend classes. He stops hanging out
with his old crowd. The teachers and kids seem to notice.
They start treating him differently. He graduates, attends community college,
goes on to Wichita State, and then eventually to an
IVY league.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
He goes on to become a six Festiful magazine entrepreneur.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
You think he's smart, He just needed the standardized test
to unlock his potential. Well, no, this isn't the story.
What comes next is the important part. Twelve years later,
the man gets a letter in the mail from Princeton,
New Jersey. He doesn't really think anything about it. The
next day's wife asks them if he's going to open
the letter.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
He opens it.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
It turns out that the SAT board periodically reviews their
test taking procedures and policies. He was one of thirteen
people sent the wrong SAT score. His actual score was
seven forty. People say his whole life changed when he
got the fourteen eighty. What really happened is his behavior changed.
He started acting like a person with a fourteen eighty
(10:44):
and started doing what someone with a score like that does.
Trevor says, language. This back to what Trevor Moad was saying.
He says, language is powerful, but your behavior is way
ahead of your success. The lesson is, in addition to language,
how you feel about the past shouldn't determine who you
are in the future. The keys are language and behavior.
(11:05):
And when I think about how I get stuck in
the past, I need to see myself in the future
as a capable, smart, successful person. And that's what I
was doing yesterday when I did the longest meditation I've
ever done. It was thirty five minutes, and I started crying.
I don't know, maybe when I was releasing my old
(11:28):
self or really working on that.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I'm not sure.
Speaker 4 (11:31):
Do you remember, like the emotion that you were feeling.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
It just tears came to the tap and then like
two little tears, one on each side, streamed down. But
I was keeping my eyes closed and my palms open,
like it was in my little meditation seat.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
It was guided.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
So at one point it's almost as if I was
picturing myself hovering above myself, and then I was picturing
younger me and sort of letting go of her, and
me now hovering over me, sitting there meditating and waving
at younger me like it's okay, you can go now.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
I've done with you now.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I mean, I know she's an important part of me,
but the parts of her that lie to me.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
You can go now, like the voice that says I'm
not smart, the voice that has all those beliefs that
really aren't true.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Right, that's what you're saying, goodbye.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Good yeah, letting go.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
And so I think that maybe there was an emotional
release of Okay, we're doing this and it is one
of those things you have to keep doing it over
and over until you don't have to do it anymore.
And maybe it's something I'm going to have to keep
doing for I don't know how long.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
What's the meditation? You do? Is that through an app?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Or I just find different ones on YouTube. This one
was from Joe Despenza and someone compiled I think some
of his meditations and created this thirty five minute one
of him speaking with the music or guiding you through it.
But there's a warning at the beginning of it that says,
do not drive or operate heavy equipment within an alur.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Did you abide by that?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (13:04):
Okay, I did it.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
In the morning, and then I made sure and it
was a Saturday morning, so I made sure no driving.
I didn't have to drive anywhere immediately. But I thought, okay,
I was even shocked I could do it for thirty
five minutes. Yeah, because this morning I did a meditation
and it was nine.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Does your mind you mean like your mind floats like
I don't. I wouldn't think i'd be able to stay
because I think in meditation a lot of people have
those interrupting thoughts.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Oh yeah, yes, and I've learned that's okay.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I used to think, well, I'm not good at this.
I can't meditate, and to hear experts that meditate say,
oh no, that means you're doing it.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
You're doing it. Keep going.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Acknowledge the thought, release the thought. So I, you know,
sometimes start planning.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
My grocery list, or what about these shoes?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Or oh oh shoot, I need to do this laundry
or clean out here. I really need to clean out
my attic. Yes, I have all these thoughts upon into
my head, but I try to. Okay, yes, that is true,
I need to clean out my attic. Now release that thought.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
But that and that's not what you mean by it.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
I didn't think I could do it because I think
some people might think that that like I won't be
able to pay attention for that long, so I won't
be able to do it. But that's not really what
it is.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah, you don't have to be in this.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I mean, I'm sure hopefully one day I'll get to
a state where those thoughts cut are less and less
and less, But right now they're what would I just
go back to the present. So it's interesting because I'm
working really hard on just being in the present and
not being in the past, but also being in the future,
being in the future in my brain, like acting as
(14:38):
if I am already this smart, accomplished person, like I've
already achieved things.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
So I'm in the now.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I'm happy and content with where I am because in
the future, I have done it.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Which is like a crazy thing to think about it.
It's one of those things that makes my brain do
like cartwheels when you said that, Like, it's okay to
act as if I've done it already because in the future,
I'm going to do that, so I don't have to
have that. You know, if you're thinking about going to
school or getting this job or being in this relationship,
you don't have to wait until you have those like
letters after your name to actually believe that you will
(15:12):
one day have those letters as your.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, your name and feel the fullness yeah the content
like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I mean, listen, I'm still working through it. I'm still
learning it. But it is very interesting. And I get
down these because it's YouTube. It always is brings up
another video when you're done, or over to the side.
There's suggested videos that are similar. And this is how
I spend my Friday nights.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
This is what you and Big P do.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Every Friday.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Earlier, before we started recording, I said that Henry Ford
quote and you were like, oh, I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Why is that a quote that you love?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Because it's true.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
I think a lot of things in my life that
I have gone through, whether they ended up being positive
or they didn't happen, it started with that belief in myself.
I mean, even think about dating, and you have an
inside view of my dating life the past. However, many years,
if you think a date's going to go bad, or
you think somebody's not going to like you, you're going
(16:25):
to show up not as your full self, or you're
going to show up more insecure. You're going to show
up and you're already putting that out there and you've
again created that narrative and then you find evidence for it.
And the same thing if I go into I wasn't
a very good test taker, But if I go into
a test being like, I'm going to fail this, I'm
going to second guess every single answer on the test,
versus you know what I've studied, I am able to
(16:46):
talk about this stuff.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
I reviewed my whatever note cards.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
I'm going to pass this test, then you're going to
go in and you're going to feel more confident about
whatever you're doing. So I think when I read that,
I don't know when it was years ago, I was like,
this puts just very simple words to a very complicated
true phenomenon in a sense. Also, I'll say I've also
used a version of that with clients a lot when
(17:11):
they're talking about wanting something, whether it is a relationship
or a job or to learn a new skill. A
lot of times I'll say, well, if you don't think
you can, you definitely won't. But if you think you can,
you're giving yourself a shot. And everybody deserves to give
themselves a shot at whatever it is that they want
(17:32):
out of life, because again, we can't predict one hundred
percent of the future, and so I like that way
of framing it.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
But it comes up all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
So there's a story while you were talking about I
was trying to look for it because I heard this
as well somewhere on YouTube. This is an article titled
what Bill Buckner said nineteen days before Game six of
the nineteen eighty six World Series.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
Who's Bill Buckner?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
He is a Major League Baseball player. He either for
the Boston Red Sox or the Mets. Because I think
that's who was, if my memory served me correctly, that's
who was in the World Series in nineteen eighty six.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
Do you remember that one?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I remember that one.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
This was what he said nineteen days before the game.
The dreams are that you're going to have a great
series and win. The nightmares are that you're gonna let
the winning run score on a ground ball through your legs.
Those things happen, you know. I think a lot of
it is just fate. And so that's what he said.
And then nineteen days later he's at the World Series
(18:35):
and they lose because of a groundball that he missed
there his legs. Yeah, oh my god, I don't have
exactly like threw his legs, but it says you're eventually,
Buckner was able to poke fun at his own mishap.
In twenty eleven, he appeared in an episode of Curb
Your Enthusiasm where he redeems himself by catching a baby
(18:55):
whose mother throws it from a burning building. Gosh, he
was able to catch the baby, but he said that
it's just something everyone remembers about him.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
But it's crazy that he said it. And you know,
we've talked.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Before on the podcast about our brain having a negative
bias and negative thinking is gonna take up more space
than the positive. So trying to shift your language to
have more positive words attached to it, even if you're
saying something negative or that something can't happen, or like,
(19:28):
instead of no, you can't do that, Hey we'll do
that later, or hey, we're gonna go do this right
now instead As an example of something, how I'm trying
to speak to my kids about things and whatnot instead
of telling them no or you can't do that. So anyway,
some of the negativity can stay inside of our head.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
But the minute we voice it.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I don't know, I was reading that it gives it
ten times the power when it's spoken out loud, which
is what he did about the ball.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
When he probably visualized that happening.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yeah, and it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
So what we should visualize to stick with the baseball
analogy is that we're going to catch the balls and
we're going to win the World Series and we're going
to do great things, and I'm going to get a
good SAT score.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Because I'm now I want to retake it.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
I would actually love you to go take the SAT
and see what you would get.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Now, maybe if I actually took it on with some
help with my ADHD, like if I took it with
medication and then also did some breathing exercises before and
did some You.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Also should take a refresher class because they're going to
ask you like things about like the different types of triangles,
and I feel like stuff that like leaves our brain
if we don't use it. What isoceles triangle is? Do
you remember something about the sides, the lengths.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
Of the sides. There's isauceles obtuse and then.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
My new obtuse.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Now I'm looking them up. I don't know that I
know how to spell isauceles.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
I like, how honest you were about that?
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Okay, here we go isaciles in geometry and Isoceles triangle
is a triangle that has two sides of equal length,
and then I guess the third side is shorter.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Okay, like a like a party hat. Yes, I would.
I would have ways to remember that now.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I would say, I am wearing a party hat.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
I sauciles.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
See.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I feel like if I were to go back and
take it now, I would have all these tools for myself,
including of course before the test, I would do a
long meditation and see myself in the.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Future wearing a party hat, celebrating your great score.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Exactly. I am capable of doing that.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Well. So anyway, wherever you are in your day or
whatever you have ahead of you, my encouragement, because is
what I'm going to be doing, is focusing on my
future self and trying not to spend so much time
in my past self. As a therapist, Do you feel
like that's what a lot of us do when we're
showing up with all these things. Is it because we're
(22:10):
just stuck in the past.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Well, you're stuck with the the past narratives you have.
I think so, I think that goes to what you
were saying earlier as we grab on to the negative
stuff more so when we live in the past, and
we most of the time people coming to therapy that
are doing that are living in the past with those
negative experiences versus the all of the wonderful things that
happened in their past too.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Well.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Another thing about our past that I gathered from YouTube.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
Yeah, we share.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
I don't know why I went to school and why
it didn't just go to YouTube.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
And this one actually had a nice little illustration that
went with it, or animated thing that showed like a
brain and then like file folders, and our memories are
not accurate, no, so when we're thinking back on something
that happened, so there's the original when it happened, and
then we remember it, We remember it that and then we.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
File it away in our brain.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
The next time we pull up that memory, we remember
it that way, and then something about it may alter,
and then we remember it and file it away in
our brain that way, and so so on and so
on continues to happen, so it gets distorted and we
think that that is actually what happened.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Which is so crazy to think about because after I
learned that, and it's interesting too, because when somebody associates,
or when somebody locks a trauma or something in their
brain and they don't have access to it, when they
do find access to it, it is the actual how
it happened, because they're not repeating the story and telling
it and changing every time. But that makes me think.
When I learned that, I was like, so every single
(23:40):
memory I have is not right?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
You know, like, how do you totally far?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (23:45):
But it's like, how do I trust myself after that?
But it's not yet. We're not changing like the huge
parts of it.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
But sometimes we change like words we if you're in
some kind of conflict with somebody, you can change the
words they said, You can change the tone they set
it in.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
You can change the order of how things happened.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
It's still usually the general idea, but it's not that photographic,
videotaped memory that we think we have.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Well, And if you think of how many different things
you see during a day or experience, and there's a
part in the night when you're sleeping that your brain
decides what to keep and what to get rid of.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Don't ask me which you wish you could be just
a real awake part of conscious that decision.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Yeah, but your brain like while you're sleeping, it's like
flipping through its little file cabinets.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Like, oh, get rid of that, get rid of that. Oh,
I'm holding on to this one. And then that's when
you wake up.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
That's what you have left with you, is what your
brain decided to to filter out.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
So I thought that was interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I mean, on YouTube, there's so many great neuroscientists that
talk about this sort of thing, so definitely lean into
what they're saying, not what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
You have a favorite YouTuber, Yeah, let me.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Get his name.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
He's the guy that invented or was one of the
original creators of the Quest bar.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
No way, do you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
No, I didn't know he was a neuroscientist.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
He's not.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
Oh, he has.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Neuroscientists on more than just that.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
He has a lot of really thought leaders, highly educated,
world renowned, game changing type people on. And his name
is Tim Tom excuse me, Tom Beloo. Yeah, he's the
co founder of Quest Nutrition and he and his partners
they sold Quest for one billion dollars. What I think
too smart foods or something like that.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
I remember when those were new and I would like
order them from their website. It was like such a
treat for me because they were like four dollars a bar.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
It's very special.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
No, oh, did you ever microwave them?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
I did, but I usually would eat them on the go.
But they were supposed to be like a few microwave them,
that'd be like a cookie.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Or something, right, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
I tried to really tasted like a cookie, but I
tried to.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Eat one on the go the other day and I
was like, this isn't it Just like I don't remember it?
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Tom, And so I have other bars that I definitely like,
but that's there. Those are available like at gas stations
if you're on And I'm like, oh, okay, I kind
of remember liking this, but hm, I don't quite remember
it like I used to, so I must have filed
it away.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Differently than it's coming up.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
But hey, good for him, like they him and it
is like him and three other guys. One of the
guy's wife's she's the one that created it in her kitchen,
like the quest bar, and then they just did it right.
And he's someone that I think he got a nine
hundred something on his sat. Tom and what I learned
from him in one of his things is to he
just started to eliminate the story of you know, I'm
(26:41):
not smart or I am smart, because he didn't feel
smart for a long time, but that he's a learner
and he's a hard worker.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
So now he says I'm a learner instead of I'm smart.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yeah, I mean, because he's like people always assume I'm
very smart, I say I'm a learner, and he's like
that shifting that changed the game for him when it
came to learning.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Which I really do like that because remember do you
remember when you were talking to my dad and he
was like, she's really she doesn't have a lot of
common sense, but she's smart and she's whatever and she's
our smart kid or whatever.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yeah, it was really sweet.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
He was complimenting your work and your career and your
how you are in school and talking about how he
doesn't even know how you do it.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
It's so crazy.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
And then when it comes to street smarts or whatever,
like that's where you struggle.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
But I always go back to that because I'm not
somebody who retains information. Well, I have to reread things.
I have to go back and relearn things like things
that I do daily. I obviously can hold that because
I'm doing it every day, but my brain when I'm asleep,
it throws a lot of stuff away that I really
would like to keep when it comes to like stuff
(27:51):
like that, especially with work. But I like that idea
that my brain doesn't figure things out easily. But I
am a learner and so I'm able to go back
and learned something as many times as I need to
do it.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
But I wonder if it's that, like even just hearing
you say, my brain doesn't retain information, so therefore you're
reiterating the story to your brain that it doesn't retain information,
So it's not going to retain information.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
So it's like, you're right, we have to go do
our job and not retain the information.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Or how do we shift that? Because I'm with you,
I say the same thing. But when you start to
pay attention to this stuff, you realize how the things
that you're saying become this self fulfilling prophecy. So I say, yeah,
it's hard for me to take standardized tests, but how
long has that been my narrative and how long has
it been my story? And is am I bad at
(28:38):
taking those tests? Because I keep telling myself that I'm
bad at taking those tests, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Yeah, But it goes back to.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
The question of, well, what if I'm telling myself that
I can fly, but there's no way that I can
actually fly with wings on my back that are attached
to my actual flesh.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Okay, I'll give you that, But what if we just
shift it and say I and working on retaining information.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
Yeah, that's better.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Right, So then you're not giving your brain that story
over and over because it's something that just comes out
because it's like what you've believed about yourself because it
has shown up to be true. However, whether you can
or whether you can't, you're right, right, Henry Ford and scene. Okay, well,
hopefully this stuff made sense to your brains because we're
(29:28):
over here just two non neuroscientists hashing it out. But
the Tom guy, the Tom Blue guy, he's new to me,
but his YouTube channel I think has like three million
subscribers or something, so you know, I'm sure other people
are like, h yeah, duh, Tim Blue obviously, how do
(29:51):
you not know him? Oh, he's the founder of impact theory,
which is igniting human potential. So that's what he's all
about He's a very good interviewer, very cure, asked really
great questions. And now I want to go to his
YouTube to make sure I have the Yeah, wow, you
should look at what my look at what my brain retained.
He has three point four to six million subscribers. Wow
(30:13):
sort of what I yeah, yeah, you should get him
on four Things.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
I would be.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Very intimidated to talk with him, so I I was
about to say I am not supporting, but then now
here we are. Yeah, I should be like, wow, yeah,
that would be amazing. I would be honored to have
him on. I am capable of talking to talking to him.
I'd probably just let him talk.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
All right.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Hope, y'all are having the day that you need to have, and.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Until next time, I'll see you Thursday for Four Things,
Saturday for Outweigh and Kat where can people find you.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
On Instagram at Kat dot defada and at any Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
And I'm at Radio Amy and then also you can
hit up Radioamy dot com.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
All right, bye bye to you and you p
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat and our quote today is
from Henry Ford. Whether you think you can or whether
you think you can't, You're right boom boom, because we're
going to talk about the power of our minds, our thinking,
and whether or not we think we can or we
think we can't. But we shouldn't think that we can't
because we're trying to think that we can. I am
(00:29):
I think I can. What I think is actually impossible?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
What do you mean?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Fine?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Oh, but it's not. Oh you mean if I think
I can?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Oh, okay, I can be thinking positively, you know, like
with my arms like spread. Okay, Okay, I get what
you're saying.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Within reason.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
That's not within reason, correct, Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
It's more so the narrative, the ongoing narrative that I
am really working through. We talked about this at the
live is this limiting belief that I'm not smart, and
I've put a lot of work into it, I'm working
on it, but it still pops up into my head
when I'm thinking certain things, or I'm not capable or oh,
(01:09):
you know whatever. So I am choosing to believe that
I can and there's this story that I heard recently,
and I've been trying to google if the person's real,
if this story is real.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
But I guess it really doesn't.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Matter if it's real, because the story is still going
to share what I'm trying to say about the power
of our minds and what we think of ourself. So
it was Trevor Moad I think, is how you say
his name? That's why I first heard this story, and
then I googled it to pull it up and read
it as I was trying to find the man's name,
(01:43):
and I have no idea who he is or if
he's real, if anybody.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Knows him, what if he's listening.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
So in this note four things with Amy Brown at
gmail dot com, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Maybe he's passed away. How old is the SAT?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I mean, I guess I've never thought about that. I
thought it's just been around since school has been around.
When did they start making people take SATs and acts
to get into school?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Okay, so in nineteen twenty six, the SAT is administered
to high school students for the first time. Wow, nineteen
twenty six.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I don't know. I think it just depends on where
you're from.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Because some people only take the ACT, some people take
only the SAT. I, for whatever reason.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Took both.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
You're so lucky.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Actually not, because.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I got scores that were not very Okay, here's the thing.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
I think. Were you about to say they weren't very good?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Well, to me, I thought I could get higher, especially
because I took those prep courses and I took the
SAT three times. I was down, and then I went
up the second time, and then down the third time.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Third time was my lowest score.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
You'd think by the third time, I haven't figured out
third times a charm. Well, I wanted to go to
Texas A and M. That's the only school I applied to,
and then I didn't get in. So your score because
of my GPA, apparently my.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
All these things, maybe my personality, my.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Grades, my essay, my extracurricular activities.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I'm sure you know they look at it all.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
But I for some reason just thought, well, that's where
I'm gonna go, so it's the only place I'm gonna apply.
And people from my school it was very diverse, but
a lot of people in my friend group, they were
going out of state, they were some IVY League. It
was just some of them that was very expected, like
that's what their families would want them to do for sure. Meanwhile,
(03:38):
my parents didn't ask to see my report card ever,
so I just had a very different like, oh, you
want to go to college upbringing up, I know, I
mean my sister went to Texas A and M. So
I think I just that made sense that that's where
I would go. And my dad went to college, but
my mom did not. But anyway, I did not get in.
And then suddenly I had this hugh. But all my
(03:59):
friends they got into the schools they wanted to go to.
So I had to go to a junior college for
my freshman year, which was Blinn. It was the feeder
school into Texas A and M. So I went and
lived in College Station and almost acted as if I
went to Texas A and M.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
But I didn't.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I went to Blinn and I.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Got a three point nine and got into Texas A
and M the next year. I'm wondering, though, if it
was me acting as if I go to A and M.
I'm here in College Station, I'm living this life as
if I'm an A and M student, I pretty much
would let it just be assumed I went to Texas
A and M. And then I got real bummed if
someone asked me specifically, and then I'd have to tell them.
(04:41):
But there is no shame in that, Like if people
go to junior college, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
This was my eighteen year old brain.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
It's probably I mean, I get that because you said
all your friends kind of were doing the trajectory of
what they applied to the school that they want to
go to, and then.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
They went they applied to multiple and then they had choice.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Well, that's what I was going to say. That's interesting
that you applied to to just one. You're like, really,
that's good that you're really confident about this one choice.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
That's not so bad. But you know one school.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Oh, I don't think it was about confidence.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
I think it was like that I don't want to
do more than one education.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, I think it is that I didn't know what
I wanted to do, and that's where my sister went.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
So that's what made sense.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
So because of the way you said your parents weren't
that interested in even your report cards. You didn't go
on like college visits to like look at schools to
see where you That wasn't a thing. No Okay, did
you only had Yeah, I only went to a couple
because I for some reason, I didn't care that much.
But I went to I went and looked at Auburn,
I went to look at Alabama the school. I went
(05:38):
to a Southern mess. I went there a million times
because my sister played soccer there. So we went and
looked at schools and talked to the professors and did
that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh yeah, No, I had none of that. But it's fine.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I went and did my thing at Blynd, but I
had the potential there. I'm thinking back on it now
and it's like, look at what I was able to do.
And then I got into A and M and just
went back to my old ways. I didn't keep on
that path, which I wonder if I would have.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
What was your major in college?
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Well, I started off as political science and I hated it.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
I don't know why. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I didn't want to be a politician. I maybe wanted
to work in government somehow.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
So isn't that I think that's so crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
And I think that there should be a movement that
there should be and I think other countries do this
gap years between high school and college because we go
to college and people are like, what do you want
your major to be? And you're like, political science. I
picked nursing. I would be the worst nurse in the
entire world. But I didn't know, like I didn't know
that I had options. And I thought, well, if I
was a business major, I had to be a businesswoman
(06:45):
and work in this big office. And if I did that,
like if I was a marketing major, the only thing
I would be doing is making ads for something. I
didn't understand the career options embedded in all of the majors.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
So wait, you changed, though, I'm assuming yes.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So freshman year was it blend. So my sophomore year
at A and M Polysci. But I was taking sort
of the basics and then I went into some By
my junior year, I was taking more of the specific
polypsy classes and thought, this is horrible. So I went
to my advisor and I said, I would still like
to graduate with all my friends next year senior year,
(07:22):
but I have got to change my major.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
Your junior year, you changed your major.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Yes, And she said, okay, Well, here's the deal.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
You can switch to agricultural development, which we called ag
development at A and m is an AG school. They
had a business school now the legit business, but this
was more like AG business. So my economics class that
I eventually had to end up taking was about, you know,
the supply and demand of corn, and I took things
(07:51):
like turf management with an entomology what is that the
study of bugs or insects? But my my professor would
teach the class sometimes with hissing roaches all over him.
What And one time we had a pot luck and
he brought us termite pizza and yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,
(08:12):
and he said bugs are and all the food we're
eating anyways, So stop, I don't even wanny thing about that. Okay,
so what was your major AG development? But the reason
why she said that? And it ended up taking me
four and a half years to get out, which was normal.
A lot of my friends were doing that too anyway,
so I was fine with that. But I had to
have an emphasis if your AGG development, you don't have
to have a minor, but you have to have an
emphasis in something which is a twelve hour chunk of classes.
(08:37):
And so all my polyci stuff, while off twelve hours,
scooed it on over. So technically I have an ag
development degree with an emphasis and POLYPI.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Interesting and has that prepared you for the career that
you're in.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
No, Okay, back to the story that I wanted to tell,
so I'm just going to read it as is. So
Trevor Moad related the story that his father told him
about one of the most successful magazine entrepreneurs in the world.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
World.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Now where this successful magazine entrepreneurs And why we don't
know his name?
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I'm not sure.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Well, he could be like dead because if the SAT
has been around since nineteen twenties, I was thinking he
was like a forty year old, but he could be
five years old.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
This is older.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So the man was failing out of high school and
struggled growing up. He was raised by a single mom
in the Midwest. He promised his mother he'd take the
SAT test. He didn't expect to get a good score.
His score came back. He got a fourteen eighty out
of sixteen hundred on the SAT. His mother, knowing her kid,
asks did you cheat? He swore to her that he
didn't cheat. In his senior year, he realizes he's smart
(09:42):
and he decides to attend classes. He stops hanging out
with his old crowd. The teachers and kids seem to notice.
They start treating him differently. He graduates, attends community college,
goes on to Wichita State, and then eventually to an
IVY league.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
He goes on to become a six Festiful magazine entrepreneur.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
You think he's smart, He just needed the standardized test
to unlock his potential. Well, no, this isn't the story.
What comes next is the important part. Twelve years later,
the man gets a letter in the mail from Princeton,
New Jersey. He doesn't really think anything about it. The
next day's wife asks them if he's going to open
the letter.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
He opens it.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
It turns out that the SAT board periodically reviews their
test taking procedures and policies. He was one of thirteen
people sent the wrong SAT score. His actual score was
seven forty. People say his whole life changed when he
got the fourteen eighty. What really happened is his behavior changed.
He started acting like a person with a fourteen eighty
(10:44):
and started doing what someone with a score like that does.
Trevor says, language. This back to what Trevor Moad was saying.
He says, language is powerful, but your behavior is way
ahead of your success. The lesson is, in addition to language,
how you feel about the past shouldn't determine who you
are in the future. The keys are language and behavior.
(11:05):
And when I think about how I get stuck in
the past, I need to see myself in the future
as a capable, smart, successful person. And that's what I
was doing yesterday when I did the longest meditation I've
ever done. It was thirty five minutes, and I started crying.
I don't know, maybe when I was releasing my old
(11:28):
self or really working on that.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I'm not sure.
Speaker 4 (11:31):
Do you remember, like the emotion that you were feeling.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
It just tears came to the tap and then like
two little tears, one on each side, streamed down. But
I was keeping my eyes closed and my palms open,
like it was in my little meditation seat.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
It was guided.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
So at one point it's almost as if I was
picturing myself hovering above myself, and then I was picturing
younger me and sort of letting go of her, and
me now hovering over me, sitting there meditating and waving
at younger me like it's okay, you can go now.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
I've done with you now.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I mean, I know she's an important part of me,
but the parts of her that lie to me.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
You can go now, like the voice that says I'm
not smart, the voice that has all those beliefs that
really aren't true.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Right, that's what you're saying, goodbye.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Good yeah, letting go.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
And so I think that maybe there was an emotional
release of Okay, we're doing this and it is one
of those things you have to keep doing it over
and over until you don't have to do it anymore.
And maybe it's something I'm going to have to keep
doing for I don't know how long.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
What's the meditation? You do? Is that through an app?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Or I just find different ones on YouTube. This one
was from Joe Despenza and someone compiled I think some
of his meditations and created this thirty five minute one
of him speaking with the music or guiding you through it.
But there's a warning at the beginning of it that says,
do not drive or operate heavy equipment within an alur.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Did you abide by that?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (13:04):
Okay, I did it.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
In the morning, and then I made sure and it
was a Saturday morning, so I made sure no driving.
I didn't have to drive anywhere immediately. But I thought, okay,
I was even shocked I could do it for thirty
five minutes. Yeah, because this morning I did a meditation
and it was nine.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Does your mind you mean like your mind floats like
I don't. I wouldn't think i'd be able to stay
because I think in meditation a lot of people have
those interrupting thoughts.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Oh yeah, yes, and I've learned that's okay.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I used to think, well, I'm not good at this.
I can't meditate, and to hear experts that meditate say,
oh no, that means you're doing it.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
You're doing it. Keep going.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Acknowledge the thought, release the thought. So I, you know,
sometimes start planning.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
My grocery list, or what about these shoes?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Or oh oh shoot, I need to do this laundry
or clean out here. I really need to clean out
my attic. Yes, I have all these thoughts upon into
my head, but I try to. Okay, yes, that is true,
I need to clean out my attic. Now release that thought.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
But that and that's not what you mean by it.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
I didn't think I could do it because I think
some people might think that that like I won't be
able to pay attention for that long, so I won't
be able to do it. But that's not really what
it is.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah, you don't have to be in this.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I mean, I'm sure hopefully one day I'll get to
a state where those thoughts cut are less and less
and less, But right now they're what would I just
go back to the present. So it's interesting because I'm
working really hard on just being in the present and
not being in the past, but also being in the future,
being in the future in my brain, like acting as
(14:38):
if I am already this smart, accomplished person, like I've
already achieved things.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
So I'm in the now.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I'm happy and content with where I am because in
the future, I have done it.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Which is like a crazy thing to think about it.
It's one of those things that makes my brain do
like cartwheels when you said that, Like, it's okay to
act as if I've done it already because in the future,
I'm going to do that, so I don't have to
have that. You know, if you're thinking about going to
school or getting this job or being in this relationship,
you don't have to wait until you have those like
letters after your name to actually believe that you will
(15:12):
one day have those letters as your.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, your name and feel the fullness yeah the content
like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I mean, listen, I'm still working through it. I'm still
learning it. But it is very interesting. And I get
down these because it's YouTube. It always is brings up
another video when you're done, or over to the side.
There's suggested videos that are similar. And this is how
I spend my Friday nights.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
This is what you and Big P do.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Every Friday.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Earlier, before we started recording, I said that Henry Ford
quote and you were like, oh, I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Why is that a quote that you love?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Because it's true.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
I think a lot of things in my life that
I have gone through, whether they ended up being positive
or they didn't happen, it started with that belief in myself.
I mean, even think about dating, and you have an
inside view of my dating life the past. However, many years,
if you think a date's going to go bad, or
you think somebody's not going to like you, you're going
(16:25):
to show up not as your full self, or you're
going to show up more insecure. You're going to show
up and you're already putting that out there and you've
again created that narrative and then you find evidence for it.
And the same thing if I go into I wasn't
a very good test taker, But if I go into
a test being like, I'm going to fail this, I'm
going to second guess every single answer on the test,
versus you know what I've studied, I am able to
(16:46):
talk about this stuff.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
I reviewed my whatever note cards.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
I'm going to pass this test, then you're going to
go in and you're going to feel more confident about
whatever you're doing. So I think when I read that,
I don't know when it was years ago, I was like,
this puts just very simple words to a very complicated
true phenomenon in a sense. Also, I'll say I've also
used a version of that with clients a lot when
(17:11):
they're talking about wanting something, whether it is a relationship
or a job or to learn a new skill. A
lot of times I'll say, well, if you don't think
you can, you definitely won't. But if you think you can,
you're giving yourself a shot. And everybody deserves to give
themselves a shot at whatever it is that they want
(17:32):
out of life, because again, we can't predict one hundred
percent of the future, and so I like that way
of framing it.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
But it comes up all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
So there's a story while you were talking about I
was trying to look for it because I heard this
as well somewhere on YouTube. This is an article titled
what Bill Buckner said nineteen days before Game six of
the nineteen eighty six World Series.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
Who's Bill Buckner?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
He is a Major League Baseball player. He either for
the Boston Red Sox or the Mets. Because I think
that's who was, if my memory served me correctly, that's
who was in the World Series in nineteen eighty six.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
Do you remember that one?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I remember that one.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
This was what he said nineteen days before the game.
The dreams are that you're going to have a great
series and win. The nightmares are that you're gonna let
the winning run score on a ground ball through your legs.
Those things happen, you know. I think a lot of
it is just fate. And so that's what he said.
And then nineteen days later he's at the World Series
(18:35):
and they lose because of a groundball that he missed
there his legs. Yeah, oh my god, I don't have
exactly like threw his legs, but it says you're eventually,
Buckner was able to poke fun at his own mishap.
In twenty eleven, he appeared in an episode of Curb
Your Enthusiasm where he redeems himself by catching a baby
(18:55):
whose mother throws it from a burning building. Gosh, he
was able to catch the baby, but he said that
it's just something everyone remembers about him.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
But it's crazy that he said it. And you know,
we've talked.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Before on the podcast about our brain having a negative
bias and negative thinking is gonna take up more space
than the positive. So trying to shift your language to
have more positive words attached to it, even if you're
saying something negative or that something can't happen, or like,
(19:28):
instead of no, you can't do that, Hey we'll do
that later, or hey, we're gonna go do this right
now instead As an example of something, how I'm trying
to speak to my kids about things and whatnot instead
of telling them no or you can't do that. So anyway,
some of the negativity can stay inside of our head.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
But the minute we voice it.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I don't know, I was reading that it gives it
ten times the power when it's spoken out loud, which
is what he did about the ball.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
When he probably visualized that happening.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yeah, and it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
So what we should visualize to stick with the baseball
analogy is that we're going to catch the balls and
we're going to win the World Series and we're going
to do great things, and I'm going to get a
good SAT score.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Because I'm now I want to retake it.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
I would actually love you to go take the SAT
and see what you would get.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Now, maybe if I actually took it on with some
help with my ADHD, like if I took it with
medication and then also did some breathing exercises before and
did some You.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Also should take a refresher class because they're going to
ask you like things about like the different types of triangles,
and I feel like stuff that like leaves our brain
if we don't use it. What isoceles triangle is? Do
you remember something about the sides, the lengths.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
Of the sides. There's isauceles obtuse and then.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
My new obtuse.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Now I'm looking them up. I don't know that I
know how to spell isauceles.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
I like, how honest you were about that?
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Okay, here we go isaciles in geometry and Isoceles triangle
is a triangle that has two sides of equal length,
and then I guess the third side is shorter.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Okay, like a like a party hat. Yes, I would.
I would have ways to remember that now.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I would say, I am wearing a party hat.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
I sauciles.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
See.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I feel like if I were to go back and
take it now, I would have all these tools for myself,
including of course before the test, I would do a
long meditation and see myself in the.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Future wearing a party hat, celebrating your great score.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Exactly. I am capable of doing that.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Well. So anyway, wherever you are in your day or
whatever you have ahead of you, my encouragement, because is
what I'm going to be doing, is focusing on my
future self and trying not to spend so much time
in my past self. As a therapist, Do you feel
like that's what a lot of us do when we're
showing up with all these things. Is it because we're
(22:10):
just stuck in the past.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Well, you're stuck with the the past narratives you have.
I think so, I think that goes to what you
were saying earlier as we grab on to the negative
stuff more so when we live in the past, and
we most of the time people coming to therapy that
are doing that are living in the past with those
negative experiences versus the all of the wonderful things that
happened in their past too.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Well.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Another thing about our past that I gathered from YouTube.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
Yeah, we share.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
I don't know why I went to school and why
it didn't just go to YouTube.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
And this one actually had a nice little illustration that
went with it, or animated thing that showed like a
brain and then like file folders, and our memories are
not accurate, no, so when we're thinking back on something
that happened, so there's the original when it happened, and
then we remember it, We remember it that and then we.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
File it away in our brain.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
The next time we pull up that memory, we remember
it that way, and then something about it may alter,
and then we remember it and file it away in
our brain that way, and so so on and so
on continues to happen, so it gets distorted and we
think that that is actually what happened.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Which is so crazy to think about because after I
learned that, and it's interesting too, because when somebody associates,
or when somebody locks a trauma or something in their
brain and they don't have access to it, when they
do find access to it, it is the actual how
it happened, because they're not repeating the story and telling
it and changing every time. But that makes me think.
When I learned that, I was like, so every single
(23:40):
memory I have is not right?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
You know, like, how do you totally far?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (23:45):
But it's like, how do I trust myself after that?
But it's not yet. We're not changing like the huge
parts of it.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
But sometimes we change like words we if you're in
some kind of conflict with somebody, you can change the
words they said, You can change the tone they set
it in.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
You can change the order of how things happened.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
It's still usually the general idea, but it's not that photographic,
videotaped memory that we think we have.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Well, And if you think of how many different things
you see during a day or experience, and there's a
part in the night when you're sleeping that your brain
decides what to keep and what to get rid of.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Don't ask me which you wish you could be just
a real awake part of conscious that decision.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Yeah, but your brain like while you're sleeping, it's like
flipping through its little file cabinets.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Like, oh, get rid of that, get rid of that. Oh,
I'm holding on to this one. And then that's when
you wake up.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
That's what you have left with you, is what your
brain decided to to filter out.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
So I thought that was interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I mean, on YouTube, there's so many great neuroscientists that
talk about this sort of thing, so definitely lean into
what they're saying, not what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
You have a favorite YouTuber, Yeah, let me.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Get his name.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
He's the guy that invented or was one of the
original creators of the Quest bar.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
No way, do you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
No, I didn't know he was a neuroscientist.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
He's not.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
Oh, he has.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Neuroscientists on more than just that.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
He has a lot of really thought leaders, highly educated,
world renowned, game changing type people on. And his name
is Tim Tom excuse me, Tom Beloo. Yeah, he's the
co founder of Quest Nutrition and he and his partners
they sold Quest for one billion dollars. What I think
too smart foods or something like that.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
I remember when those were new and I would like
order them from their website. It was like such a
treat for me because they were like four dollars a bar.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
It's very special.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
No, oh, did you ever microwave them?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
I did, but I usually would eat them on the go.
But they were supposed to be like a few microwave them,
that'd be like a cookie.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Or something, right, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
I tried to really tasted like a cookie, but I
tried to.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Eat one on the go the other day and I
was like, this isn't it Just like I don't remember it?
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Tom, And so I have other bars that I definitely like,
but that's there. Those are available like at gas stations
if you're on And I'm like, oh, okay, I kind
of remember liking this, but hm, I don't quite remember
it like I used to, so I must have filed
it away.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Differently than it's coming up.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
But hey, good for him, like they him and it
is like him and three other guys. One of the
guy's wife's she's the one that created it in her kitchen,
like the quest bar, and then they just did it right.
And he's someone that I think he got a nine
hundred something on his sat. Tom and what I learned
from him in one of his things is to he
just started to eliminate the story of you know, I'm
(26:41):
not smart or I am smart, because he didn't feel
smart for a long time, but that he's a learner
and he's a hard worker.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
So now he says I'm a learner instead of I'm smart.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yeah, I mean, because he's like people always assume I'm
very smart, I say I'm a learner, and he's like
that shifting that changed the game for him when it
came to learning.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Which I really do like that because remember do you
remember when you were talking to my dad and he
was like, she's really she doesn't have a lot of
common sense, but she's smart and she's whatever and she's
our smart kid or whatever.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yeah, it was really sweet.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
He was complimenting your work and your career and your
how you are in school and talking about how he
doesn't even know how you do it.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
It's so crazy.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
And then when it comes to street smarts or whatever,
like that's where you struggle.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
But I always go back to that because I'm not
somebody who retains information. Well, I have to reread things.
I have to go back and relearn things like things
that I do daily. I obviously can hold that because
I'm doing it every day, but my brain when I'm asleep,
it throws a lot of stuff away that I really
would like to keep when it comes to like stuff
(27:51):
like that, especially with work. But I like that idea
that my brain doesn't figure things out easily. But I
am a learner and so I'm able to go back
and learned something as many times as I need to
do it.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
But I wonder if it's that, like even just hearing
you say, my brain doesn't retain information, so therefore you're
reiterating the story to your brain that it doesn't retain information,
So it's not going to retain information.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
So it's like, you're right, we have to go do
our job and not retain the information.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Or how do we shift that? Because I'm with you,
I say the same thing. But when you start to
pay attention to this stuff, you realize how the things
that you're saying become this self fulfilling prophecy. So I say, yeah,
it's hard for me to take standardized tests, but how
long has that been my narrative and how long has
it been my story? And is am I bad at
(28:38):
taking those tests? Because I keep telling myself that I'm
bad at taking those tests, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Yeah, But it goes back to.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
The question of, well, what if I'm telling myself that
I can fly, but there's no way that I can
actually fly with wings on my back that are attached
to my actual flesh.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Okay, I'll give you that, But what if we just
shift it and say I and working on retaining information.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
Yeah, that's better.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Right, So then you're not giving your brain that story
over and over because it's something that just comes out
because it's like what you've believed about yourself because it
has shown up to be true. However, whether you can
or whether you can't, you're right, right, Henry Ford and scene. Okay, well,
hopefully this stuff made sense to your brains because we're
(29:28):
over here just two non neuroscientists hashing it out. But
the Tom guy, the Tom Blue guy, he's new to me,
but his YouTube channel I think has like three million
subscribers or something, so you know, I'm sure other people
are like, h yeah, duh, Tim Blue obviously, how do
(29:51):
you not know him? Oh, he's the founder of impact theory,
which is igniting human potential. So that's what he's all
about He's a very good interviewer, very cure, asked really
great questions. And now I want to go to his
YouTube to make sure I have the Yeah, wow, you
should look at what my look at what my brain retained.
He has three point four to six million subscribers. Wow
(30:13):
sort of what I yeah, yeah, you should get him
on four Things.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
I would be.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Very intimidated to talk with him, so I I was
about to say I am not supporting, but then now
here we are. Yeah, I should be like, wow, yeah,
that would be amazing. I would be honored to have
him on. I am capable of talking to talking to him.
I'd probably just let him talk.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
All right.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Hope, y'all are having the day that you need to have, and.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Until next time, I'll see you Thursday for Four Things,
Saturday for Outweigh and Kat where can people find you.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
On Instagram at Kat dot defada and at any Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
And I'm at Radio Amy and then also you can
hit up Radioamy dot com.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
All right, bye bye to you and you p
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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