May 2, 2023 • 21 mins
What is one thing you wish you had learned earlier in life? Amy & Kat go over a whole list of things and share multiple quotes for you to keep in your back pocket when it comes to evolving/changing:
- "The measure of intelligence is the ability to change" -Albert Einstein
- "The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude" -Oprah Winfrey
- "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -Leo Tolstoy
HOSTS:
@Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast
Send questions/comments for the 5th Thing to: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
Thanks & Have The Day You Need To Have!!!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat and our quote today, Well,
I've got a couple that I want to share. First,
one is from Oprah. The greatest discovery of all time
is that a person can change his future by merely
changing his attitude boom beautiful. And then also when it
comes to rejection, did you know that Starbucks was turned
down by two hundred and seventeen of two hundred and
(00:28):
forty two investors that the founder initially spoke with.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Wait a second, that's a lot of rejection.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Think about how many times you have to go and
hear no, two hundred and seventeen people.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
But do you know what I wonder.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I don't know this to be true, but based on
what we were talking about last week with I wonder
if in his mind he just was like, this is
a great idea, and I'm going to find the investors
for it, and I'm going to keep going because I
see Starbucks on every single corner in all of the land.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
How long do you know how long ago that was
when Starbucks come about?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Let me while I look it up, tell your the
SI story is that her name is that?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
How you say it? Si. I don't know cy Wakeman.
I just learned about her yesterday you sang.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
You posted about her, and then I loved the post
so much that I went to her TikTok founder on YouTube.
I started watching different videos and I was like, Wow,
she just has such a straightforward perspective. She's she's someone
she's not about the drama, especially in the workplace. But
I feel like things that she's saying you could apply
to your home life. The drama in your home, the
(01:32):
drama with your kids, like different scenarios, but talk about
the posts that you put up.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
So yeah, I was just scrolling on TikTok looking for
a nonsense and this came up and I was like, oh,
maybe I needed to see this today. It must have
been some kind of seminar or something. She was talking
and she was talking about the question that she uses
to reframe a lot of stuff, and it is what
did I do to help?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
How can I help? How can you help? Just a
version of that.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
And what I loved about her and what caught my
eye at first is she was giving these scenarios of
chaos in the workplace, so she.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Used the example of it.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh my gosh, it just did this, and they've given
us all this new stuff and we don't have time
and we're going to miss our deadline. And she just
very calmly goes, okay, so we have some more work
that we need to do.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Go on.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
And then they didn't tell us this, and then they
did this, and now we're all going to be behind schedule.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Okay, so we are pushing a deadline. Tell me more.
And then the person keeps going. Then she goes, okay,
so what did you do to help?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
And the person says, well, I'm telling you about it. Yeah,
and she's like, well, this is not helping the situation
at all.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
She said, Oh, so you're using character assassination to gossip
about one of your team members. Is that what you're
doing to help? And it's so interesting because I do that.
I do that in my work life, I do that
in my personal life. I do that all the time.
And I was like, I'm not helping the situation. I'm
actually making it worse and I'm wasting time.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
So she went on to say that what she's really
hearing from this is that our it might need some support.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I didn't know I took it so personally, but it
was so cool for her to hear her say that,
Oh so it sounds like our friends over at it
are probably drowning and we might need to go check
on them, because usually it does get a bad reputation,
you know.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Oh yeah, the engineers, especially in radio.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
It's like, oh, they ruined this, and it's like, wait
a second, we wouldn't be here without them. And also
their job's really hard, So how can we go speak
with them? Because I'm sure they're not happy about this
situation either.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Another quote that I wanted to share is Leo Tolstoy.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
You were going to say, Leonardo de Ka, no, no,
everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks
of changing himself.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
And I thought that that was so good, because we
should all be striving for change and we should all
be trying to evolve, which again leads me to another
quote from Albert Einstein. The measure of intelligence is the
ability to change that's good and being open to it.
And so, like watching her vision, you realize some things
(04:01):
that you're doing. I realized some ways in which I
behave thought, Wow, okay, I'm really not adding anything to this.
I would rather show up with how can I help
and she said on the back of their little work
badges because or their lanyards or whatever, or their ID cards,
it says she printed it on there so that they're
reminded of it. Well, I guess sometimes they still forget
(04:23):
to me.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
What I hear in that is, how do I become
part of the solution instead of just another storyteller of
the problem.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, I would rather be part of the solution. I
would do And again, is it the solution in your home?
I think of some of the responses she was saying
and like, oh, this would work with my kids, this
is work with my kids, or this would work on me,
Like I need someone to tell me this because sometimes
But what I don't get is what if we need
to just vent?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Right?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
So I think that's a difference in hers is Obviously
everything that she's talking about is pretty much tailored towards
the workplace, and she does a lot of leadership council
and stuff like that. So I think there's a place
for that. But that can easily turn into toxic behavior.
So there's a place if I'm going to my boss
and I just say I need to vent, my boss
might not be the best person for me to vent
(05:11):
to maybe I go to another coworker, or maybe I
go to a partner or friend, because I might just
be exacerbating a.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Problem, right, Okay, gotcha.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
But if you're in your home life and something, well,
if something in your friendships is a problem and you
come to me, I think it's okay to get some
of that out. But at the end of it, that's
where I mean we've talked about before, like are you
looking for solutions? Are you looking to vent? If you're
looking for solutions, then what did you do to help?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Okay? But if you're just here to vent, Okay, what
do you need for me?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I have one email I'm going to get to before
we talk about life lessons you wish you'd learn sooner.
And it's from Allison. She said, Hey, Amy, could you
share the outfit details in this picture? It's so cute
and so my style. And I scrolled down. She attached
a screenshot from Morgan Wallin's fan club account, and it's
(06:03):
me interviewing Morgan Wallen at iHeart Country or no, not
even iHeart Country, iHeart Festival in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
He was one of the country acts.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
And it's this denim on denim situation like a sleeveless
denim button down with these denim flares and it's showed
me your MUMU. That's the brand, and I think they
still have it last time I checked.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
And it is such a cute outfit.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And the great thing is you can wear it together,
or you can wear those pants separately with something else,
or you can wear that denim top separately, although I
do think it looks so cute together. And I'm very
I'm getting ready for iHeart Country Festival in Austin soon
and I think I'm doing another denim look a joke that, yeah,
(06:49):
what did U something like Mario and Luigi because that's
from the video game, right, Yeah, I guess we'll think
of the joke the Mario brothers. Yeah, what kind of
I'm making those up. I've told it before, but I
don't know. But it's like, what kind of pants do
the Mario brothers wear? Denim?
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Denham denim or what were their pants are made of?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Okay, So life obviously is filled with lessons, and if
we learn from them, then we're less likely.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
To repeat mistakes.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
And some of the lessons, honestly, it would have been
much more helpful had we learned them early in our lives.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
But here we are.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
So when it comes to time, it's the one thing
you can't replace, so don't waste it. Oh and also,
anyone who doesn't respect your time doesn't respect you and
thinks that their time is more important. I know that
I've been that person that hasn't been respectful of someone
else's time. But I'm getting better at time. But I
mean being on time, managing my time. It's hard, it is.
(07:51):
But then like the Joe just spends the stuff that
I've been talking about lately, or Eckhart toole or whatever,
there is no time.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
It's now as the now so crazy right now, I.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Know because I'm still trying time, still trying to understand it.
I know there's obviously time like on a clock, and
I have to be there. But in terms of what
we want in our lives, just being in the now
is the best place we could be. Okay, Health, you
only get one run through in this life, and no
one gets out alive. Make the best of it by
(08:27):
making yourself the best you can be. See a doctor
regularly if you can with your body, Eat nutritious things,
and don't make it too much of a habit of
abusing yourself, like talking badly to yourself or dark abusing yourself,
you know, like I think of the years I spend
(08:47):
time in eating disorder. Actually I said it in my
gratitude journal very recently that I was so thankful I'm
no longer binging and purging because of how I felt
during that time, and it was so exhausting.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I don't know where I heard this.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
It could have actually been you, but I heard the
metaphor of what if you only got one car your
whole life, how would you treat it? And that's how
you should be treating your body and your mind, because,
to be honest, I don't really take care of my car.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
I'm not taking it in every year.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I have waited far too long to get oil changes
at certain times.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I don't get it cleaned as often as I probably should.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
But if I only had one and I could never
get another one, you better believe my behavior would be different.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
But that's our bodies. It's a really good analogy. You
didn't hear it from you me.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Okay, but yeah, I want to start to use that
daily of okay, you get one, let's go.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Love is the next one. Don't put yourself in the
why didn't I do that? Category? The people you love
know how much you appreciate them. When they're gone, it's
too late and you'll be stuck with the regret. The
things I regret about my parents passing is just not
enough really thoughtful questions at Q and A sessions with
(10:17):
them coming from both of us, and just learning more
about them in their life and things, and writing down
certain recipes. So that is something I would definitely recommend.
If your parents are still alive and they have good recipes,
make sure they're written down. Bad things happen. No matter
how great you are, life will kick your butt on occasion.
And as Rocky Balboa said, it's not about getting hit,
(10:40):
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep
moving forward to the future, moving forward, thinking ahead.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Family.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
No one had the Brady Bunch upbringing. All families have
their screwed up aspects. They're all crazy, and there's nothing
written in stones. Saying that you have to like all
of them either is a life lesson. I feel like
sometimes people feel like they have to put up with
certain types of behavior because it's family.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Well, I think a lot of that differs culturally too,
because different communities view family very differently, whether it's your
biological family or not. And I know that from being
a therapist and getting to talk with people from different
cultures and communities. But for some people, it's not that
(11:28):
easy to hear that, like, it's not written in stone anywhere,
that you don't have to like so and so, or
you don't have to do this, because in some places,
in some people's lives, that feels like the worst thing
I could ever do.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I mean it's not actually written in stone, but it
is ingrained.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Feel so deeply that, yeah, and then we end up
hurting ourselves in order to follow through. So I have
so much compassion for that because I believe that, and
I know it's not as easy done as it is said.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Friends choose them wisely and make it a point to
spend time with people you and joy you can learn from,
you can grow from, and the friends that challenge you
to be the best you possible.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Crappy people, Oh.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Gosh, there are eight billion people in the world and
not all of them are going to like you, and
you're not going to like them.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
That's okay, move on, period. I wish that that is
something that could be written on everybody's forehead.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
There are eight billion people in the world. They're not
all going to like you, and that's okay. Move on. Yeah,
social media it's not real.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
It's nice to show off and show the world the
good things in your life, but you're real friends to
have your phone number and actually talk to you. Plus,
when you step away from social media, you realize that
there's a real world going.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
On, and it's awesome.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
What I love about some friends is we're dming on
social media, but we're also texting at the same time,
and it's like I can see you in a minute.
Maybe we're across the room from each other. There's a
lot of different communication happening. Yes, social media it's not real,
but also some parts can be real, and it can
be a way to connect and keep up.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
And know what's going on. I think it's just hard
to keep out of check.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, keep it in check, yeah, Because I mean, honestly,
my sister sometimes that is our communication is in the
DMS and she's my own sister, and then later I'll
talk to her somewhere else. But she sent me this
video of the other day of this older woman that
she follows that reminds her of our mom, and it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
I've started following her to you. I can't.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
I don't have to look up the account. I don't
know that anybody else would be interested in it.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
But she has my mom's haircut.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
She's very wise, she's a spiritual leader and christy. My
sister was like, oh, she kind of looks like mom.
But she also says things that Mom would possibly say.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Money.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Money is nice, but it's far from everything. If you're
a miserable hump port, you'll be a miserable hump wealthy.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I don't know the word hump here.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
We could just say person, Okay, if you're a miserable
person poor, you'll be a miserable person wealthy. Yeah, Money's
not nothing from the outset is going to fix your
internal happiness.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Have you ever seen the documentary Happy, No, it's pretty old,
but when it was made sometime in the two thousands,
the statistic was after obviously this is going to be
impacted by inflation, but after like seventy thousand dollars in
a family, anything any more money than that does not
impact the happiness internally of that family. So basically it
(14:25):
was saying like, as long as the basic needs can
be met and people aren't like stressed every day paycheck
to paycheck, having more money doesn't make you more happy.
Being able to live comfortably does. But having a billion
dollars versus one hundred thousand a year no impact.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Wow, that's good to think of. I want to kind
of go watch that.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
It's really good because it goes and looks at other
communities around the world and how they might have I mean,
think about how much we are surrounded by just materialism everywhere,
just literally part of our culture. In other communities where
they're literally making every piece of clothing, and they're living
in homes with multiple families in there, and they're eating
(15:07):
very basic foods. Yet their happiness levels and their depression
levels were lower, and their happiness levels were higher in
these communities.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
It's pretty cool to see.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Have you ever watched any of those shows like The
Lottery Ruined My Life or whatever? No, I'm trying to
see what station it was on. I don't remember because
it's been a minute since I watched it. I don't
even know if they still well, it says here the
Lottery changed my life, But I would say most of
the time when I was watching the episodes, it was
changed for the worst worse.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I'm sure it solves some.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Immediate problems of things maybe you want to take care
of and buy, but then it caused because you weren't.
If you're just playing the lottery and you win it, like,
it's very different than if you've gone out and been
working towards something and earned something, and maybe you are
also working on yourself. Like who knows who's going to
win the lottery and what type of mindset they're in
when they come into all this money and then what
it does.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
And also the people around you, how they start to
treat you differently.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Absolutely, maybe it is I don't know, change my life,
ruined my life whatever, there's also my so called life.
Did you watch that back in the day? What are
we that big of a difference in age?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
You know? I haven't watched a lot of TV. Okay,
what are you watching now? Nothing? I'm out.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
I don't have a show. I mean ted Lasso that
only one episode comes out a week?
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Do you in Big Pe? Do y'all watch Succession?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I tried, and I got three episodes in and I
just looked at him and said, I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
It's so boring to me. No, you need to keep going.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
I did because I heard that recently there was the
best episode of television ever, so I was like, Okay,
let's try it again.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
It's so boring to me. What about beef? Is that
a show? Show like? It's such a topic.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
It's a show on Netflix, but it's not about beef
that you eat.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It's about like a beef I've heard about that.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I have only a few episodes in, but I really
like it. But it's one of the highly acclaimed shows
on Netflix right now. I'm trying to give you some
ideas unless you want to go back, you know, to
the early two thousands and watch the Lottery in my life.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
But I am going to watch Happy Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
It's good true friends anyone will hang around you when
things are great. Your real friends will be there when
things suck, and we'll listen to the same conversation over
and over again until you don't have to have it anymore.
And then success it means something different to everyone. Find
your happy place and strive for it and then keep going.
(17:30):
So there you go, boom. It's from Alpha in life lessons.
You wish you'd learned sooner. Are you reading any books
right now?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Listening to Harry Potter?
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Still, there's a lot of them, and they're they are
like twenty five hours long.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Okay, did you watch the movies first? And then you
just watched the movies.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Now I'm going back and listening to each book, and
then after I finish this book, I'm watching that movie again.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Okay, I'm on the fifth book. I've gotten pretty far.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
So when do you listen to it in the morning
when I'm getting ready. I don't like listening to in
the car. It's usually why I'm getting ready or if
I'm like cooking dinner or something.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Okay, I'm listening to break up with the Habit of
being yourself. It's Joe Dispenser, same guy I've been talking about.
But it's a lot to take in. I listened to
the first four chapters. I'm just listening to it on audible,
and then I realized I didn't know if I took
a lot of it in, So then I went back
and listened to the first four chapters again, and now
(18:30):
I'm making my way through, but I think I might
go back again. It's just a lot to take it,
and it makes me want to order the physical copy too,
so I can have it and maybe highlight. My sister
is a highlighter underliner all the things when she reads,
and I think that I need to start doing that.
But it says here under the description you are not
doomed by your genes and hardwired to be a certain
way for the rest of your life. A new science
(18:51):
is emerging that empowers all human beings to create the
reality they choose and breaking the habit of being yourself.
Joe Dispensa, who's the author's beece researcher. Chiropractor combines the
fields of quantum physics, neuroscience, brain chemistry, biology, and genetics to.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Show you what is truly possible.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
And you know a story that I've had in my
head because both my parents have cancer, is that imn
have cancer. But I don't want to get powered to that.
But anyway, as a thought, I'm trying to eliminate, and
I know that doesn't have to be the case.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I am not going to. If I do, we'll cross
that birdroom we get there, but we don't have to
live in that right now.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Right I don't have to think that my genes. Just
because of where I came from, I can alter things
just like and one thing he says too that really
really really made sense to me, because you can you
know how your negative thoughts can make you sick, the stress,
the anxiety, the inflammation, all the things that show up
from that. So why is it so hard sometimes for
(19:48):
us to grasp that positive thoughts.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Can heal you?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
So if for thinking in a different way instead of
thinking the negative, and I think it's very very easy
for us to believe that that makes us. We believe
that research it shows up. But I'm speaking for myself.
I have a really hard time believing that I can
be healed because I'm now thinking a different way.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
But this guy has some crazy stories.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Find him on YouTube Joe dis Venza.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Okay, anyway, Kat, where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
On Instagram at cat dot defauda and at Unied Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
And I am at Radio Amy.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You can also hit up Radioamy dot com and I'll
see you Thursday for four Things, on Saturday for Outweigh
and then Kat will be.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Back next Tuesday. And then did you say your episodes?
You did? Did you say Monday? Oh? You can listen
to you need therapy.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Monday and Wednesday we do a couch Talks, which is
me answering questions that y'all send into.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Me, and we'll get back to answering more questions here
on the fifth thing too. If y'all want to send emails,
you can to four things with Amy Brown at gmail
dot com.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
All right, have the day you need to have. Bye,
Bye you
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat and our quote today, Well,
I've got a couple that I want to share. First,
one is from Oprah. The greatest discovery of all time
is that a person can change his future by merely
changing his attitude boom beautiful. And then also when it
comes to rejection, did you know that Starbucks was turned
down by two hundred and seventeen of two hundred and
(00:28):
forty two investors that the founder initially spoke with.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Wait a second, that's a lot of rejection.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Think about how many times you have to go and
hear no, two hundred and seventeen people.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
But do you know what I wonder.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I don't know this to be true, but based on
what we were talking about last week with I wonder
if in his mind he just was like, this is
a great idea, and I'm going to find the investors
for it, and I'm going to keep going because I
see Starbucks on every single corner in all of the land.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
How long do you know how long ago that was
when Starbucks come about?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Let me while I look it up, tell your the
SI story is that her name is that?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
How you say it? Si. I don't know cy Wakeman.
I just learned about her yesterday you sang.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
You posted about her, and then I loved the post
so much that I went to her TikTok founder on YouTube.
I started watching different videos and I was like, Wow,
she just has such a straightforward perspective. She's she's someone
she's not about the drama, especially in the workplace. But
I feel like things that she's saying you could apply
to your home life. The drama in your home, the
(01:32):
drama with your kids, like different scenarios, but talk about
the posts that you put up.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
So yeah, I was just scrolling on TikTok looking for
a nonsense and this came up and I was like, oh,
maybe I needed to see this today. It must have
been some kind of seminar or something. She was talking
and she was talking about the question that she uses
to reframe a lot of stuff, and it is what
did I do to help?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
How can I help? How can you help? Just a
version of that.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
And what I loved about her and what caught my
eye at first is she was giving these scenarios of
chaos in the workplace, so she.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Used the example of it.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh my gosh, it just did this, and they've given
us all this new stuff and we don't have time
and we're going to miss our deadline. And she just
very calmly goes, okay, so we have some more work
that we need to do.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Go on.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
And then they didn't tell us this, and then they
did this, and now we're all going to be behind schedule.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Okay, so we are pushing a deadline. Tell me more.
And then the person keeps going. Then she goes, okay,
so what did you do to help?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
And the person says, well, I'm telling you about it. Yeah,
and she's like, well, this is not helping the situation
at all.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
She said, Oh, so you're using character assassination to gossip
about one of your team members. Is that what you're
doing to help? And it's so interesting because I do that.
I do that in my work life, I do that
in my personal life. I do that all the time.
And I was like, I'm not helping the situation. I'm
actually making it worse and I'm wasting time.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
So she went on to say that what she's really
hearing from this is that our it might need some support.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I didn't know I took it so personally, but it
was so cool for her to hear her say that,
Oh so it sounds like our friends over at it
are probably drowning and we might need to go check
on them, because usually it does get a bad reputation,
you know.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Oh yeah, the engineers, especially in radio.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
It's like, oh, they ruined this, and it's like, wait
a second, we wouldn't be here without them. And also
their job's really hard, So how can we go speak
with them? Because I'm sure they're not happy about this
situation either.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Another quote that I wanted to share is Leo Tolstoy.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
You were going to say, Leonardo de Ka, no, no,
everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks
of changing himself.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
And I thought that that was so good, because we
should all be striving for change and we should all
be trying to evolve, which again leads me to another
quote from Albert Einstein. The measure of intelligence is the
ability to change that's good and being open to it.
And so, like watching her vision, you realize some things
(04:01):
that you're doing. I realized some ways in which I
behave thought, Wow, okay, I'm really not adding anything to this.
I would rather show up with how can I help
and she said on the back of their little work
badges because or their lanyards or whatever, or their ID cards,
it says she printed it on there so that they're
reminded of it. Well, I guess sometimes they still forget
(04:23):
to me.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
What I hear in that is, how do I become
part of the solution instead of just another storyteller of
the problem.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, I would rather be part of the solution. I
would do And again, is it the solution in your home?
I think of some of the responses she was saying
and like, oh, this would work with my kids, this
is work with my kids, or this would work on me,
Like I need someone to tell me this because sometimes
But what I don't get is what if we need
to just vent?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Right?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
So I think that's a difference in hers is Obviously
everything that she's talking about is pretty much tailored towards
the workplace, and she does a lot of leadership council
and stuff like that. So I think there's a place
for that. But that can easily turn into toxic behavior.
So there's a place if I'm going to my boss
and I just say I need to vent, my boss
might not be the best person for me to vent
(05:11):
to maybe I go to another coworker, or maybe I
go to a partner or friend, because I might just
be exacerbating a.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Problem, right, Okay, gotcha.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
But if you're in your home life and something, well,
if something in your friendships is a problem and you
come to me, I think it's okay to get some
of that out. But at the end of it, that's
where I mean we've talked about before, like are you
looking for solutions? Are you looking to vent? If you're
looking for solutions, then what did you do to help?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Okay? But if you're just here to vent, Okay, what
do you need for me?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I have one email I'm going to get to before
we talk about life lessons you wish you'd learn sooner.
And it's from Allison. She said, Hey, Amy, could you
share the outfit details in this picture? It's so cute
and so my style. And I scrolled down. She attached
a screenshot from Morgan Wallin's fan club account, and it's
(06:03):
me interviewing Morgan Wallen at iHeart Country or no, not
even iHeart Country, iHeart Festival in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
He was one of the country acts.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
And it's this denim on denim situation like a sleeveless
denim button down with these denim flares and it's showed
me your MUMU. That's the brand, and I think they
still have it last time I checked.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
And it is such a cute outfit.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And the great thing is you can wear it together,
or you can wear those pants separately with something else,
or you can wear that denim top separately, although I
do think it looks so cute together. And I'm very
I'm getting ready for iHeart Country Festival in Austin soon
and I think I'm doing another denim look a joke that, yeah,
(06:49):
what did U something like Mario and Luigi because that's
from the video game, right, Yeah, I guess we'll think
of the joke the Mario brothers. Yeah, what kind of
I'm making those up. I've told it before, but I
don't know. But it's like, what kind of pants do
the Mario brothers wear? Denim?
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Denham denim or what were their pants are made of?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Okay, So life obviously is filled with lessons, and if
we learn from them, then we're less likely.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
To repeat mistakes.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
And some of the lessons, honestly, it would have been
much more helpful had we learned them early in our lives.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
But here we are.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
So when it comes to time, it's the one thing
you can't replace, so don't waste it. Oh and also,
anyone who doesn't respect your time doesn't respect you and
thinks that their time is more important. I know that
I've been that person that hasn't been respectful of someone
else's time. But I'm getting better at time. But I
mean being on time, managing my time. It's hard, it is.
(07:51):
But then like the Joe just spends the stuff that
I've been talking about lately, or Eckhart toole or whatever,
there is no time.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
It's now as the now so crazy right now, I.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Know because I'm still trying time, still trying to understand it.
I know there's obviously time like on a clock, and
I have to be there. But in terms of what
we want in our lives, just being in the now
is the best place we could be. Okay, Health, you
only get one run through in this life, and no
one gets out alive. Make the best of it by
(08:27):
making yourself the best you can be. See a doctor
regularly if you can with your body, Eat nutritious things,
and don't make it too much of a habit of
abusing yourself, like talking badly to yourself or dark abusing yourself,
you know, like I think of the years I spend
(08:47):
time in eating disorder. Actually I said it in my
gratitude journal very recently that I was so thankful I'm
no longer binging and purging because of how I felt
during that time, and it was so exhausting.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I don't know where I heard this.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
It could have actually been you, but I heard the
metaphor of what if you only got one car your
whole life, how would you treat it? And that's how
you should be treating your body and your mind, because,
to be honest, I don't really take care of my car.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
I'm not taking it in every year.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I have waited far too long to get oil changes
at certain times.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I don't get it cleaned as often as I probably should.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
But if I only had one and I could never
get another one, you better believe my behavior would be different.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
But that's our bodies. It's a really good analogy. You
didn't hear it from you me.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Okay, but yeah, I want to start to use that
daily of okay, you get one, let's go.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Love is the next one. Don't put yourself in the
why didn't I do that? Category? The people you love
know how much you appreciate them. When they're gone, it's
too late and you'll be stuck with the regret. The
things I regret about my parents passing is just not
enough really thoughtful questions at Q and A sessions with
(10:17):
them coming from both of us, and just learning more
about them in their life and things, and writing down
certain recipes. So that is something I would definitely recommend.
If your parents are still alive and they have good recipes,
make sure they're written down. Bad things happen. No matter
how great you are, life will kick your butt on occasion.
And as Rocky Balboa said, it's not about getting hit,
(10:40):
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep
moving forward to the future, moving forward, thinking ahead.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Family.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
No one had the Brady Bunch upbringing. All families have
their screwed up aspects. They're all crazy, and there's nothing
written in stones. Saying that you have to like all
of them either is a life lesson. I feel like
sometimes people feel like they have to put up with
certain types of behavior because it's family.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Well, I think a lot of that differs culturally too,
because different communities view family very differently, whether it's your
biological family or not. And I know that from being
a therapist and getting to talk with people from different
cultures and communities. But for some people, it's not that
(11:28):
easy to hear that, like, it's not written in stone anywhere,
that you don't have to like so and so, or
you don't have to do this, because in some places,
in some people's lives, that feels like the worst thing
I could ever do.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I mean it's not actually written in stone, but it
is ingrained.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Feel so deeply that, yeah, and then we end up
hurting ourselves in order to follow through. So I have
so much compassion for that because I believe that, and
I know it's not as easy done as it is said.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Friends choose them wisely and make it a point to
spend time with people you and joy you can learn from,
you can grow from, and the friends that challenge you
to be the best you possible.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Crappy people, Oh.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Gosh, there are eight billion people in the world and
not all of them are going to like you, and
you're not going to like them.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
That's okay, move on, period. I wish that that is
something that could be written on everybody's forehead.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
There are eight billion people in the world. They're not
all going to like you, and that's okay. Move on. Yeah,
social media it's not real.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
It's nice to show off and show the world the
good things in your life, but you're real friends to
have your phone number and actually talk to you. Plus,
when you step away from social media, you realize that
there's a real world going.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
On, and it's awesome.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
What I love about some friends is we're dming on
social media, but we're also texting at the same time,
and it's like I can see you in a minute.
Maybe we're across the room from each other. There's a
lot of different communication happening. Yes, social media it's not real,
but also some parts can be real, and it can
be a way to connect and keep up.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
And know what's going on. I think it's just hard
to keep out of check.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, keep it in check, yeah, Because I mean, honestly,
my sister sometimes that is our communication is in the
DMS and she's my own sister, and then later I'll
talk to her somewhere else. But she sent me this
video of the other day of this older woman that
she follows that reminds her of our mom, and it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
I've started following her to you. I can't.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
I don't have to look up the account. I don't
know that anybody else would be interested in it.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
But she has my mom's haircut.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
She's very wise, she's a spiritual leader and christy. My
sister was like, oh, she kind of looks like mom.
But she also says things that Mom would possibly say.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Money.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Money is nice, but it's far from everything. If you're
a miserable hump port, you'll be a miserable hump wealthy.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I don't know the word hump here.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
We could just say person, Okay, if you're a miserable
person poor, you'll be a miserable person wealthy. Yeah, Money's
not nothing from the outset is going to fix your
internal happiness.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Have you ever seen the documentary Happy, No, it's pretty old,
but when it was made sometime in the two thousands,
the statistic was after obviously this is going to be
impacted by inflation, but after like seventy thousand dollars in
a family, anything any more money than that does not
impact the happiness internally of that family. So basically it
(14:25):
was saying like, as long as the basic needs can
be met and people aren't like stressed every day paycheck
to paycheck, having more money doesn't make you more happy.
Being able to live comfortably does. But having a billion
dollars versus one hundred thousand a year no impact.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Wow, that's good to think of. I want to kind
of go watch that.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
It's really good because it goes and looks at other
communities around the world and how they might have I mean,
think about how much we are surrounded by just materialism everywhere,
just literally part of our culture. In other communities where
they're literally making every piece of clothing, and they're living
in homes with multiple families in there, and they're eating
(15:07):
very basic foods. Yet their happiness levels and their depression
levels were lower, and their happiness levels were higher in
these communities.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
It's pretty cool to see.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Have you ever watched any of those shows like The
Lottery Ruined My Life or whatever? No, I'm trying to
see what station it was on. I don't remember because
it's been a minute since I watched it. I don't
even know if they still well, it says here the
Lottery changed my life, But I would say most of
the time when I was watching the episodes, it was
changed for the worst worse.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I'm sure it solves some.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Immediate problems of things maybe you want to take care
of and buy, but then it caused because you weren't.
If you're just playing the lottery and you win it, like,
it's very different than if you've gone out and been
working towards something and earned something, and maybe you are
also working on yourself. Like who knows who's going to
win the lottery and what type of mindset they're in
when they come into all this money and then what
it does.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
And also the people around you, how they start to
treat you differently.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Absolutely, maybe it is I don't know, change my life,
ruined my life whatever, there's also my so called life.
Did you watch that back in the day? What are
we that big of a difference in age?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
You know? I haven't watched a lot of TV. Okay,
what are you watching now? Nothing? I'm out.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
I don't have a show. I mean ted Lasso that
only one episode comes out a week?
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Do you in Big Pe? Do y'all watch Succession?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I tried, and I got three episodes in and I
just looked at him and said, I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
It's so boring to me. No, you need to keep going.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
I did because I heard that recently there was the
best episode of television ever, so I was like, Okay,
let's try it again.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
It's so boring to me. What about beef? Is that
a show? Show like? It's such a topic.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
It's a show on Netflix, but it's not about beef
that you eat.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It's about like a beef I've heard about that.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I have only a few episodes in, but I really
like it. But it's one of the highly acclaimed shows
on Netflix right now. I'm trying to give you some
ideas unless you want to go back, you know, to
the early two thousands and watch the Lottery in my life.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
But I am going to watch Happy Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
It's good true friends anyone will hang around you when
things are great. Your real friends will be there when
things suck, and we'll listen to the same conversation over
and over again until you don't have to have it anymore.
And then success it means something different to everyone. Find
your happy place and strive for it and then keep going.
(17:30):
So there you go, boom. It's from Alpha in life lessons.
You wish you'd learned sooner. Are you reading any books
right now?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Listening to Harry Potter?
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Still, there's a lot of them, and they're they are
like twenty five hours long.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Okay, did you watch the movies first? And then you
just watched the movies.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Now I'm going back and listening to each book, and
then after I finish this book, I'm watching that movie again.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Okay, I'm on the fifth book. I've gotten pretty far.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
So when do you listen to it in the morning
when I'm getting ready. I don't like listening to in
the car. It's usually why I'm getting ready or if
I'm like cooking dinner or something.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Okay, I'm listening to break up with the Habit of
being yourself. It's Joe Dispenser, same guy I've been talking about.
But it's a lot to take in. I listened to
the first four chapters. I'm just listening to it on audible,
and then I realized I didn't know if I took
a lot of it in, So then I went back
and listened to the first four chapters again, and now
(18:30):
I'm making my way through, but I think I might
go back again. It's just a lot to take it,
and it makes me want to order the physical copy too,
so I can have it and maybe highlight. My sister
is a highlighter underliner all the things when she reads,
and I think that I need to start doing that.
But it says here under the description you are not
doomed by your genes and hardwired to be a certain
way for the rest of your life. A new science
(18:51):
is emerging that empowers all human beings to create the
reality they choose and breaking the habit of being yourself.
Joe Dispensa, who's the author's beece researcher. Chiropractor combines the
fields of quantum physics, neuroscience, brain chemistry, biology, and genetics to.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Show you what is truly possible.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
And you know a story that I've had in my
head because both my parents have cancer, is that imn
have cancer. But I don't want to get powered to that.
But anyway, as a thought, I'm trying to eliminate, and
I know that doesn't have to be the case.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I am not going to. If I do, we'll cross
that birdroom we get there, but we don't have to
live in that right now.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Right I don't have to think that my genes. Just
because of where I came from, I can alter things
just like and one thing he says too that really
really really made sense to me, because you can you
know how your negative thoughts can make you sick, the stress,
the anxiety, the inflammation, all the things that show up
from that. So why is it so hard sometimes for
(19:48):
us to grasp that positive thoughts.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Can heal you?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
So if for thinking in a different way instead of
thinking the negative, and I think it's very very easy
for us to believe that that makes us. We believe
that research it shows up. But I'm speaking for myself.
I have a really hard time believing that I can
be healed because I'm now thinking a different way.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
But this guy has some crazy stories.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Find him on YouTube Joe dis Venza.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Okay, anyway, Kat, where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
On Instagram at cat dot defauda and at Unied Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
And I am at Radio Amy.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You can also hit up Radioamy dot com and I'll
see you Thursday for four Things, on Saturday for Outweigh
and then Kat will be.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Back next Tuesday. And then did you say your episodes?
You did? Did you say Monday? Oh? You can listen
to you need therapy.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Monday and Wednesday we do a couch Talks, which is
me answering questions that y'all send into.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Me, and we'll get back to answering more questions here
on the fifth thing too. If y'all want to send emails,
you can to four things with Amy Brown at gmail
dot com.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
All right, have the day you need to have. Bye,
Bye you
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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