Welcome to the '5th Thing' with Amy & Kat!! Today’s quote is: “Everyone compliments the jumpsuit when you wear it out, but when you get to the bathroom, it’s just you and your choices.” Lol. So true, so true! Amy then shares with Kat a pile of stories she’s saved over the last week about the following things: tips to help you fall asleep, morning habits that ruin your sleep cycle, millions of people hit the snooze button every morning (why science says that’s a problem), things to let go of to be a happier mom (or person if you’re not a mom), and why people are more likely to befriend someone with a similar body odor (shout out to Amy’s fave perfume: Bacarat 540).
Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta + @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
Please send emails for the '5th Thing' to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com!
ShopEspwa.com for all items that support Haiti!
TheShopForward.com/pimpinjoy to support building a home for a veteran hero
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. I'm Amy and I'm Cat. Welcome to the
Fifth Thing. Our quote for today comes from I guess
originally maybe a Twitter post that got turned into an
Instagram post, but the original person was maybe Sarah Marion Seltzer,
and she put up everyone compliments the jumpsuit when you
wear it out, but when you get to the bathroom,
(00:26):
it's just you and your choices. And I'm like, isn't
that so true? Jumpsuits are so cute and then you've
got to go to the bathroom and not cute. It's
and I feel like a lot of times when I'm
wearing like a romper or jumpsuit, I'm like, it's so comfortable,
and then you're in the bathroom and you're just like
naked in the bathroom. And I don't know if you
feel this, but I'm like, what if somebody comes in
(00:46):
and I'm just sitting here naked. Not that anybody would
come in, but that's my fear. We were talking on
the Bobby Bones Show the other day about how some
really wealthy people that travel from New York to the
Hampton's are getting botox in their bladders so that they
don't have to stop and Pete on the way stop it. No,
they're not. I guess that's an option. They're not doing that,
(01:07):
they really are. There was a whole article and the
nurse called in and said that they do do that
for certain patients, not for these these rich Hampden's people,
but for patients that actually need it for something. So
it is being done thing. It's not she said, it's
not first choice, but it is a thing that can happen,
so in your Yeah, but you would have to. I mean,
(01:30):
it's probably super expensive. It's not just to how if
you get botox in your face is just like a
little needle like poop, Like I think it's more invasive
than that because it's an organ in your body. And
then it keeps you from having to tea as much
any Hoosi. Speaking of the Bobby Bones show, I do
a pile Amy's pile of stories. I have an everyday
(01:51):
segment that airs during the show where I compile about
three sometimes maybe four, but mostly three stories that I
find interest thing and I share. And I was pulling
different things for this fifth thing, and it felt like
my pile. So I'm just gonna I mean, it's gonna
be more than three things. Actually, some of it I
even pulled from the pile that I didn't end up
(02:12):
using on the show, and I saved it in this
little folder. I created a Manila folder titled Fifth Thing.
It's so organized of you, and I carried it around
in my four Things to and I just add things
to it that I think would be interesting to talk
about because we do listener emails a lot of the
times here on the Fifth Thing, So please keep sending
those four things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com.
(02:32):
But just gonna be real with you that I haven't
gone over there checked the email in a little bit,
and I didn't have the bandwidth to do it today
or the yesterday or the day before because I want
to read the emails and then I want to reply,
and then I'm not always the best at replying. But
I do appreciate those that take the time to email.
(02:53):
It's not lost on me that you're emailing someone that
you haven't met, but that hopefully feels like a friend.
I did a listener Q and A several weeks ago
with a listener Emma Bailey, and she sent me a
thank you card and some smuckers damn, because she works
for smuckers, you know, the jelly and she in the
card she put that she feels like we're friends, Like, oh,
(03:15):
that's that's that's the point. That's the point, that's it's
that's a compliment and so and she just sent an
email and that's how she got on the listener Q
and A. She lives in Ohio. Shout out, hey, Emma,
if you're listening, which if you're my friend, I'm sure
you listen to every episode. Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
I have lots of friends that don't listen at all.
But I'm gonna roll through like a wood, a pile
(03:37):
of stories, and then we can comment on it after
you're done. Well, each article we'll talk, we can discuss.
It's like things that you will find interesting in tips,
Like one of the things I'm gonna get to is
tips from TikTok to help you fall asleep, because we
are the experts. The people on TikTok, for sure, they
know what they're But before we get into my fifth
Thing pile of stories, I would like for you to
(03:59):
share clip with everyone because a few weeks ago we
had an episode in the Fifth Thing where we were
talking about almond versus almond, and you didn't think anybody
out there said almond. And I was pretty adamant that No.
People say it both ways, almond, almond, con pecan, caramel, caramel.
(04:20):
There's just different ways that people say certain things. And
so why don't you share what you got? Go ahead
and tell us share with the world. You want me
to play this, yeah, play it right up into the microphone. Okay,
who sent this to you? Samantha Martinez sent this to
me so like a listener. Listener d M this, and
I immediately opened it because it said you don't need
(04:40):
At first, I thought she was just like sending me
like some cool real and she said, you don't need
this product. Just listen to how she says almond. So
it's a video reel of someone's like doing something to
show off a product. Okay, hit it first. Up, you
will need a half a cup of dark chocolate chips,
one hope banana, and then you will need one tablespoon
(05:01):
of almond butter, pop of almond milk, and of so
almond butter and almond milk. And the funny part is
I got this message when I was at your house,
and so I immediately opened it, and I was like,
oh man, but she for sure says almond. I think
(05:21):
this is what I think happened. I think that this
person that made the real which it wasn't from the listener.
It was somebody else's real. I think she probably is
a listener of the show, and she was like, I'm
going to do this to prove a point. That's what
I think. No, she's not. Anyway, you can say almond
or almond however you want. I just have never heard
(05:42):
of that before. Okay, So let's get into the tips
from TikTok to help you fall asleep. Toss a pillow.
I guess if you think of something that you need
to remember in the morning and it's keeping you awake.
Someone on TikTok says that avoid your phones. That way,
you're not like typing it into anything. The dualize it.
Putting the urgent thought into a pillow and then throwing
(06:03):
it off your bed. In the morning, you see your
pillow and it'll jog your memory and it'll come back
to you. So if you have a spare pillow on
your bed, you throw it on the ground. I use
this with my wedding ring. I'll move it to my
right hand, because I don't ever have it on my
right hand, and I'm hoping that when I moved it,
I moved it to remember something, and it'll jog my
memory and I'll remember what I moved it for. And
(06:24):
that way, I don't forget something because I don't have
a way to write it down or do anything in
that moment, so I move it over to the other hand.
So what they're saying is, if a thought is keeping
you up at night, let it go. Put it into
the pillow and toss the pillow on the floor, and
that way you give your brain like, hey, I'm going
to remember what this is later. Also, keeping a journal
with a pencil buy your night's hand would work well.
(06:44):
I was about to say, why can't you just write
it down, because that would require having a journal at
a pencil, But or your phone. You can put it
in your phone. That's what they're saying. You don't want
to have to open up your phone because if you
open your phone and put it on your phone, then
you might read a text message, to might click on Instagram,
or you see the light the blue light then keeps
upright Jorenal and a pencil make it chilly. So if
(07:11):
you lower the temperature in your bedroom and it'll help
you fall asleep faster. Maybe bruce some camera mil tea
to help calm your body down about a half hour
or an hour before bedtime. It'll help signal your brain
wind down. I don't think I like camera mil tea.
Do I have peppermint tea before I go to bed?
Does that help? Does that send a signal to your brain?
(07:31):
I don't know what it does to my brain, but
to me, it's very warm and it feels cozy, and
so it helps me just I guess ready for bedtime.
Calming a virtual for me. Tap into your breathing, so
forget you know, counting sheep, try counting breaths instead. Honestly,
I've tried to count my breath. It hasn't really worked
(07:52):
for me. But I do do my four seven eight
when I'm trying to wind down, which is you breathe
in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. And
I try to do that, especially if my mind is racing.
When my head hits the pillow, I'll be like, okay,
let's focus on breath and I count the four, and
I count the seven, and I count the eight. Like
really intentionally. So that's sort of you know, tapping into
(08:13):
your breathing, breathing, counting breaths. I guess I do do that.
Next one is have a banana because it's packed with magnesium,
which is a mineral that can help your mind relax.
And then it also has potassium, which helps relax your muscles,
which I drink that calm stuff. Have you ever had calm?
It's a white powder that you mix in water. It's
full of magnesium calm. I feel like, well, I don't know.
(08:37):
I've definitely talked about on the podcast before, so I
guess I listened to your show. Yeah, well, not have
talked about it. Sometimes I'll ask guests on the Four
Things Thursday episodes during Four Things Gratitude, I'll get specific
with them and say, name a book, a TV show,
a drink, and an Instagram followed that you're thankful for,
(08:57):
just to like spice it up. Yeah, give recommendations to people.
And my sister that was her drink recommendation one time.
Most people bring a coffee to drink or a little
concoction or cocktail, and my sister is like, um, the
calm drink at night? Is it tastes good. I get
the lemon raspberry flavor, and I think it's good. It's subsitrucy.
I don't know why. When you said it to me,
(09:19):
I imagine it being this like thick white drink. Why
did I picture that It's not. It's a white powder
that you mixed with water. I have some I can
put it in as a pluck backy for you. You
can take it home, just don't travel with it because
it might look like something else, and as a pluck bag,
which I used to travel with my vital proteins that way.
And it's a black bag and it definitely looked like
drugs for sure, But I was like, no, this is
(09:39):
my collagen trick your brain. Putting pressure on yourself to
sleep can make you feel more anxious. So someone on
TikTok said that tell yourself that you're taking a nap
(10:01):
to trick your brain into letting you rest. I don't
really know how I feel about that. One watch your
comfort show. Turn on the show that you can quote
in your sleep, and it may help soothe your anxiety
and let your mind slip into that calm, familiar space
so that you can sleep. What would be a comfort
show for you, New Girl, I really watch it over
and over and over and over again. It's so funny.
(10:21):
I just started Gray's Anatomy from season one, episode one.
Okay over, However, that is not a comfort show, no,
but it was what I watched before bed the other night.
But that sharing it with you, I don't know it
was comforting, but it was cute. And Gray's Nattie has
been a part of my life for a really long time. Now,
I am not caught up on all the latest seasons,
and I quit watching forever ago. But going back to
(10:44):
season one, episode one, there's some you knows They're like, oh,
McK dreamy, this is how we started. I guess I
think of that show as like a lot of death
and chaos. And I just finished watching where I'm caught up.
But there's two more episodes of Stranger Things, and every
time I watched an episode of that before I went
to bed, I had to watch an episode of New
Girl after before I went to bed, because it's scary season.
(11:08):
It's so scary horror category. Yeah yeah, I closed my
eyes and my ears for the majority of it, but
I got through it. Now, I know. We just went
over tips from experts on TikTok, which really by experts
I mean I don't know random people on TikTok that
who knows if they even know what they're talking about.
But some of those things might end up working for you.
But I do have a list from the c d
(11:30):
C of morning habits that ruin your sleep cycle. And
I found this particularly interesting because it says on here,
not getting enough natural light, we'll throw off your rhythm,
and I'm like, yes, so I'm talking about I've been
trying to get my natural life first thing in the
morning when I wake up. Not during the week because
(11:51):
I can't do it during weekdays because of the show,
but on the weekends, I take my four Things Gratitude
journal and I go outside and I get the natural
light in the morning for thing, so that it sets
my body up and gets my circadian rhythm on track
and my body starts producing melatonin for a nighttime, and
then come night time I sleep better. I have not
done this on myself enough to know if it's working
(12:14):
on me, but I enjoy it, Well, then it doesn't work.
Then you can still do it if you enjoy it. Yeah,
that's a habit that's ruining your sleep cycle is if
you're not getting enough natural lights so that the habit
would be I don't have the details. You can't give
us half of what we should do. Well, I don't
ask me that google it because I don't know any here.
(12:38):
Maybe while I'm reading the next one, I can say
how much natural light should a human get in a
day human being person, because I'm sure you know for
animals they need natural light too, but it's probably different. Well,
you're looking it up, Okay, so I'll drink okay, drinking
too much caffeine. Caffeine is in our system for six
(12:59):
hours after we drink it, so keep in mind from
the time you have your final cup of coffee. So
when you're trying to go to sleep, waking up at
totally different times of the day, it just throws your
rhythm off. Not making a to do list for the
next day. You can't worry about the next day if
you have it to do list. So that's similar to
like if you have something that's in your head, like
the throwing the pillow or writing it down, it's like
(13:21):
if you just get it out of your brain and
onto paper, then your body can let it go. Can
you go back up a little bit, because when you
said too much caffeine, do you know how much too
much caffeine is? I'm sure for every person it's just different.
Good answer. That's a good answer. Could people process caffeine differently?
Stashire On. My daughter can drink a gallon of mountain dew.
(13:44):
She wouldn't really have that much, but I'm just for
sake of story, which has a lot of caffeine, and
she could fall straight to sleep. It doesn't matter. My
go to concoction in college to pump myself up was
a diet mountain dew and on mind altogether, and that
got me a rocket like that caffeine Because the mixture
of my doll has caffeine. I was gonna say, what
(14:05):
now I do has caffeine and when you take them together,
there was something glorious that happened with it, and that's
what and that would keep me I would not be
able to fall asleep. However, we're not giving medical recommendations. No,
that was just my concaution. Do you want to know
how much natural lights somebody should get? Yes, it depends
on your skin tone, age, health history, diet, and where
(14:26):
you live. Okay, so in general is different. Everyone's different.
In general, scientists think five to fifteen minutes up to
thirty if you're darker skinned, is about right to get
the most out of it without causing any health problems.
So that's web md, that's always right. Um. I have
another article about how millions of people hit the snooze
button every morning, and here's why. Science says that that's
(14:48):
a problem, that the snooze button is not a handy tool,
even though we have been led to believe that because
I snoozed, and I was a proud snoozer for many,
many years most of my life until the last few
years quit and I don't snooze anymore. But so many
people I think we are like me, where they might
even set their alarm earlier so that they can have
(15:11):
the pleasure of pressing snooze. Do you snooze or not?
I set multiple alarms, go off, I go back to sleep,
and then I get to have a little bit more
of a sleep time. Yeah, well, we think we're gaining
more sleep, but you're not. Um. Okay, it says here
hundreds of millions of people use their snooze button every
(15:32):
day because they're sleep deprived when their alarms to go off.
Their first thought isn't time to get up? Their first
thought is I need to sleep longer. The real problem
isn't inconvenience. The real problem is sleep deprivation, and the
snooze button doesn't solve it. In simple terms, the latter
part of the sleep cycle is the restorative sleep state,
also known as the rim or dream sleep. The nine
(15:55):
minutes of sleep that you get after hitting the snooze
button that is not restorative sleep. You may be asleep,
but you aren't getting the full benefits from that sleep.
You're better off setting your alarm for nine minutes later
because those nine minutes are likely to be a lot
better for you than the snooze minutes that you're getting. Okay,
so I believe that's probably correct. And what if it
(16:17):
makes me happy? Okay, it made me happy for a
long time too. But you don't know what's really going
on inside of you in regards to sleep, and sleep
is such a priority now it's the new thing. What
was old? Well for me, it used to be that
I prioritized, you know, working out or food or I
would sacrifice sleep for eleven pm even though I desperately
(16:42):
need to go to bed in order to get in
a workout because I needed to check that box for
the day. And now I'm wise enough to know that
I'm probably adding more stress trying to get that workout
in and that's not as important to me, and I
would choose the sleep in a heartbeat. Yeah, I mean,
I think you're right, and um, I will continue to snooze. Well,
(17:02):
I'm reading this. It's an article from inc dot com.
I am only able to share with you my personal
experience and how as a former snoozer, I can see
the benefits in myself. And now I have time. I
set my alarm when I need to get up. I
don't have to play this game of like, oh if
I pressed news this many times, or if I set
this many alarms, then I'll be able to get up.
(17:24):
I get up, I make my bed, I do my journal,
I start my day. So two thoughts. One, I think
that I do less snoozing and I do more well.
I snooze like I alarm goes off, I shut it off.
I like to have time in my bed before I
have to get out of bed, So I don't like
(17:46):
my alarm goes off, I have to get up. I
like my alarm goes off. Oh I still have twenty minutes.
I could lay here, I could read something. You could
call me maybe, because sometimes you call me at six am.
But like that, I think that's what I like, not
just having to wake up and get up out of bed.
The other thing is maybe we do a case study
and I have thirty days of no snooze. Yeah, okay,
(18:10):
that sounds good. What That's how What I did on
the Bobby Bone Show was Bobby paired me up with
a listen, a listener that was a big time snoozer
and wanted to quit, and we were accountability partners and
we made it through. I don't know if she's still
snoozes or not, but you're a proud non snoozer. But
I'm proud non snoozer. My life is better now that
I don't snooze. Here from moms dot Com, that's the thing.
(18:45):
They put out a list of things to let go
of to be a happier mom. But I honestly think
it could apply to anybody, even if you're not a mom.
Just like letting go some of these you might not
be able to relate to, but like comparing in general,
that's something we all need to let go of and
not only causes doubt about your own parenting, but it's
the source of a lot of pressure that moms feel.
(19:06):
But you might feel that like as a cat, you're
not a mom. But how do you deal with comparison? Well,
I could compare myself to somebody my age who might
have kids, of like, should I be doing that? Is
my choice in the way that I'm living my life wrong?
Are they happier versus me? I could? That could apply
And I think moms might do that too that have kids. Yeah,
(19:28):
of like, is this worth it? I don't know. I
can't speak to that because of kids. I don't know
that people say that it's worth it. Kids, if you're listening,
we love you. Pinterest perfect like letting go of the
instagram worthy type birthday parties or events that are having
I get that sometimes I look at some of these
birthday parties that some mom's throw and I'm like, mine
(19:50):
is not going down that way. But that's okay. I
don't ever try to keep up. I will say Stashire's
fifteen birthday party, had I posted a bunch of it
on Instagram, it would have been kind of worthy because
she pulled actually in spo from Pinterest, and she was
sending me pictures of certain things she wanted, not because
she was trying to live up something online. She just
we had a party at our house, and she had
(20:10):
some ideas of balloons and colors and themes. But I
was like, I was thankful for the how she was
helping planet. That's probably about his instagram worthy or pinterest
perfect that I've ever been well. Actually, gosh, her first
birthday party here in America, we got a Bounty House,
but we had to put in the front yard because
it didn't fit my backyard. But doing that, it doesn't
(20:33):
mean you're doing Pinterest. When I hear that, it's like
you have the little details that are perfect in this
and that everything is set up and it's beautifully curated
versus like a fun I mean that might be a
fun picture to the Bounty house. But yes, and some
people the beautiful curated spread is them and that's what
they want. But if it's that's not you don't chase it.
(20:55):
Because like my sister is that way when she's hosting
or doing something, she loves it. It would stress me out.
And so if it's cause it like that's how you
weigh whether or not it's worth doing something. And that's
not even just for your kid's birthday party or mom
things again, it's just life in general. I was gonna
say this has nothing to do with being a mom,
but I am the maid of honor in one of
(21:15):
my friend's weddings and we're in the process of planning
her bachelortte party, and I got so stressed out looking
at things online for bachelortte parties because I'm like, I
don't have the capacity to plan this much. I also
don't want to spend that much of money on I'm
like imagining how much money off these decorations cost. But
I'm like, wait a second. You put more energy, and
(21:36):
a lot of people need more energy in the planning
of these things than the energy they feel when they're
actually in them. I can't I can't do I can't
do it. Yeah, and you're the one in charge. Yeah,
I'm just kidding. I did ask. She's younger than me,
so I enlisted one of her friends that is her age,
and I was like, I need you to help me
because I don't think that you want this to be
(21:57):
like a thirty two year old bachelortte party. Yeah, it's
a little different. Yeah, I'll be the mom. You got
a year old guide. That's good, uh the past. Stop
beating yourself up for mistakes and errors of judgment that
you've made in life or as a mom. Again, this
article is geared towards moms, but I think it can
be for anybody. It's not helping you in the present
(22:18):
and can lead to the dreaded mom guilt or just
any kind of guilt that we feel. And that's something
just me personally, just in life. I'm trying to focus
on being in the present and not living in the
past or living in the future. Be in the present. Boom.
Why is that important? Because that's what you have, I know,
But what does it prevent? Are you asking me as
a human being or a therapist both? So you were
(22:41):
actually you had something in mine. You're bidding me to
say what I'm about to say, and I was hoping
you would just like do it, okay, So this is
I'm sending it to tell I got it, I gotta,
I gotta, I got it. When you are in the present,
it prevents you from feeling anxiety of the future and
depression of the past. Yeah, wote me quote her? Okay,
(23:02):
the next thing is guilt, it says here, another tough
one to give up, but will be so much better
off without guilt. The quicker. We can accept that what
others think of us doesn't matter and let go of
the expectations the sooner will feel happier. Which I feel
like you're making a face to that one, so go
ahead and explain. Yeah, I just it's the part about
the sooner. We accept that what other people think of
(23:22):
us doesn't matter. That's what it says in there, right.
I don't love that because what's been actually really helpful
for me as a human, not like a therapist, but
is to be able to hold that, for some reason,
it does matter what other people think of me, and
to then go from there and figure out what that
leads to, rather than tell myself it doesn't matter, because
(23:43):
it does. And I don't think that we can just like,
just like we can't force ourselves to feel a feeling,
we can't force ourselves to not care about something. What
about that quote what other people think of oh me
is none of my business because it does matter. But
then it's like what we do with it, what you
do with it. That's yeah, that's one of my favorite
quotes is what other people think of me as one
(24:03):
of my business, because yeah, it's really not unless our
friends are trying to help us out with something, because
what my friends say matter. But then sometimes I might, Yeah,
if it's somebody else that isn't a close friend, I
might spend so much time with it, or even in
a relationship if I'm like, it's like literally causing me
like I'm overthinking it too much, Like I kind of
(24:25):
have to let it go. I can't force something. Well.
I had experience this week actually where I was processing
something in my own therapy session. I was the client,
and it got down to the fact that I was
worried about what a group of people were going to
think about me. And then we took that idea and
(24:46):
just like peeled it apart, and it led me to
this big realization that was very important for my life.
And so I think that the reason I don't like
this is because it's just saying throw it out versus
be curious about it could lead you something you're could
be curious about why that matters to you, versus tell
yourself it doesn't and then move on. Just like feelings
(25:07):
are like guides that would be a guide to something
you might need. Yeah, I think that there is more
conversation around that quote of like what other people think
of me is none of my business. It's not just
a blanket statement. You can apply to anything that anybody
says to you or thinks of you. It's very circumstantial. Yeah,
(25:30):
you can use it in different scenarios. But even when
it comes down to it, I think that quote that
you just said can still fit even though it matters.
Does that make sense, Like it can be none of
my business but it still matters. Yes, absolutely, it can
still but and it can still be important. But then
what you end up doing with it? Right? What am
I gonna do with it? And also I think it's
(25:52):
from Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic. I don't know, I'm
sure multiple everywhere. My boss. My boss told me that
when I first started as a therapist, when I was
worried about a client not liking me, she was like,
what do people think about you? Was none of your business?
And I was like, thank you, And I used that
and that has helped me. But at the same time,
it's still important to me underneath why I care so
(26:14):
much about what people think about me. I love it.
Being a hero is the final thing that we need
to let go of, especially if you're a mom. Moms
are great at making sure everyone else has everything they need,
but sometimes forget about themselves and that's not helping mom's
mental health or well being. No one saying moms have
to put themselves first every time, but at least every
once in a while. I I gotta put myself first
(26:37):
or I'm not gonna be able to take care of
my kids. Well, be the hero of your own story. Yes,
Donald Miller shout out, we love Donald. Hey Don, I'm
sure he listens to the podcast now, so yeah, I
don't know. We're not vibing with the guilt one for sure,
and then the being, I mean being the hero, Like
you want to be the hero. This is saying everyone
(26:59):
else this hero. Want to be your own hero. You
want to be your own hero. You have to be
your own hero in order to be the hero that
you need to be for your children or other people
in your life. We got there, Okay. I pulled this
last one because of body odor and smelling the same
we create our smell because of the baccarat, which Originally,
(27:21):
I got to say, I learned about from my friend
Michelle Louis. She's married to my husband's best friend, Kevin,
and he's Dr Lewis and Austin. Some of my listeners
go to him. It's a small world. But she came
to visit us in Nashville one time and she was
wearing this Baccarat fifty four or whatever. It's Baccarat something
(27:45):
and it's red, and it's very expensive, too much, so
very very too much expensive for a perfume, but it
smells so good. And then I don't know if Mary
already knew about it from somewhere else, or she got
learned about it from me after I learned about it
from She'll not sure, but she wears it. I wear it.
(28:07):
My other friend Kat, not you a different cat, she
wears it. We even started to split little things, like
she'll buy one and we'll split it, and then I
think I've given you a travel tube, But then Cat
you found at the Baccarat knockoff? Yeah, I wear it,
but I wear the knockoff. Yeah, and I have I
bought a knockoff bottle too. It smells a little bit different,
but that's okay. Listen, if you never knew, you wouldn't know.
(28:29):
It's because I know, and I can compare it. But
when I put it on, it still has the hint
of the same. Well, the reason I found the knockoffs
because I gave my friend a hug and I said,
what perfume are you wearing? And she said, it's not
what you think, and then she sent me the link
to the knockoff right, which is like a lt like
Alternate Fragrances dot com or something. This is not knockoff
(28:52):
at all for baccarat or alt fragrances. But it says
here that a study is found that people are more
likely to have and make new friends with people who
have similar body odor as they do, which that's this
is like natural body talking about natural body odor, and
it's like this probably subconscious thing that's happening. But listen,
(29:14):
I only pulled it because I thought me and all
my friends we smell alike. Was a baccarage. Wait a second,
why it's saying that we make friends that naturally smell
the same as us? Well as articles from y'all who
cat And it says here when dogs encounter another dog,
they sniff each other typically each other's backsides to get
a feel for what that other dog is like, where
they've been, and whether they're friend or foe. So that's dog.
(29:39):
What my thought was, what this is interesting that we
have this like article about research that people are doing
about our smells. Why are we researching that? I guess
just to see what attracts people to each other. Because
in the experiment they had people mingle with strangers in
close proximity for a few minutes and then they asked
the people who do you feel like you clicked with?
(30:01):
Having the people that ended up clicking had the same
smell patterns. What, We're going to start a matchmaking service
and we're going to match people based on the DNA
of their body odor. Okay, good luck with that. Sounds
like a lot of science that could be easier than
dating apps for people. Think I'll just find something that
(30:22):
smells like you. I grew up in Austin and ran
Town Lake a lot which now is called Ladybird Lake.
But if you've some people call it Town Lake the
Hike and Bike but lady Bird Lake is the official
name now, so if you've just moved there, but anybody
listening from Austin knows what I'm talking about. It's across
from Austin High which is where I went to high school.
Shout out. But I ran there and after I graduated
(30:45):
college and moved back to Austin, and I would go
meet my friends to run there, and we were all single.
And I had a dating like connection idea for the trail,
and it was that you would wear this little chip
on your shoe while you're running, or like a bracelet
that would send information to like you would have to
register with it, and then as you're running, when you
passed other single people on the trail, like it would
(31:10):
and it would get information. But if it was someone
that matched with like your profile things, then it would
send you each other's information. You wouldn't have connect right
there on the trail, but it would be like, Hey,
at seven pm, you're on the trail, and so was
Daniel and he also happens to love Matt cell Rancho
and he'd like to meet you there tomorrow for dinner.
(31:30):
I don't know something like that, and I feel like
eventually someone came up with something like that. I think
it would be nice if this was years ago, This
was like early two thousands that could be okay, no,
what could be cool? We should we should actually work
on this. Take that idea and let's make it bigger.
Because everybody has these dating apps now. But like people
are less likely to conversate in person because dating apps
(31:54):
has has taken away the need for us to be
vulnerable and all that, and we're like scared of like, oh,
I'm afraid to get rejected, blah blah blah. Patrick, my
boyfriend said, he never would have come up to me.
If you would have seen me somewhere, you would have
been way too nervous. So if you have your dating
app so you don't have to have your phone out
when you're at a place where there's going to be people,
(32:15):
When you're near somebody that is a match for you,
your phone vibrates and then you open it. It's like
so and so to your left, and then you can
just go up to them and you already know that
you guys, are a match. What is that one app
where it gives you people in the proximity of where
you are, the one dating app? Which one is that?
I mean all of them, because we know they all
don't know. Back in the day, Bumble did it. I
(32:35):
was with some single friends in Haiti and they pulled
up their app and they're like, oh, what are some
matches that I have here in Haiti that are like
also visiting and but you hi proximity, but you you
would do a dating profile, so it's like matching you
as somebody who has like similar interests and stuff. So
when you're just at a place and you're with your
friends and then your phone vibrates and you open it
(32:56):
up and it's like you're like, oh, I should go
talk to that guy. Yeah, it could do it with
a dating or friends. If you're people finding friends friends,
it's hard. Yeah, finding a job, you're just like getting
your oh perfect and fully just walked in the bar perfect.
Maybe it's exactly what you're looking for. Um, okay, well
(33:16):
I hope you all liked a little pile. Don't steal
our over today that because you're not really doing this
dating appite. If you take my idea, then I want credit. Okay.
It's like I had an idea for Netflix in college
before Netflix did. My roommate and I we wanted to
go to Blockbuster, but we didn't want to drive there,
(33:37):
and you're like, ah, we should start a business or
someone should where they go to Blockbuster and pick it
up for us and bring it to us. So you
thought of Uber and we also thought of Netflix at
the same time. Cool, Well, you should get a cut.
It's like door Dash meats Netflix. You should get a cut.
That reminds me of what was that company that you
(33:58):
wanted to start where people come over to your house
and they reach for things for you places you can't
reach dot Com. Yeah, like when you're better do that
before somebody else takes it. When you're self tanning and
you can't reach your back, like someone will come and
just put it on your back for you if you
happen to be all alone, or if you've got to
(34:18):
change some light bulbs that are really high up in
the ceiling, or you've got to get something down from
a shelf and you don't have a tall enough ladder,
or there's you know, well, I actually think somebody did
do that already. What there's something I just learned about this.
There's this thing called task Rabbit, and you just like
hire somebody to come to a task at your house.
So it could be like can you get that mug
out of the count, so you'd be like, could you
(34:39):
put self tanner back? But that's like tackle kind of
Have you heard a tackle? That's another app where they'll
come to your house and do something handy. So that's
so I never thought heard of these things, but I
guess because my dad is very good at all that
kind of stuff, and he lives close by. I've never
I'm like, I need to hang your picture for him.
I'm like, Dad, will you come over tomorrow? Like? Sure? Ye,
(35:00):
which is amazing, what a blessing. I think he would be.
His feelings would be hurt if I used task grabbit
or tackle. Yeah, but I also think he'd be annoyed
if I asked him to come over so he could
get a mug out of a cabinet I couldn't reach
or put myself. Dan would be weird. That would be
weird to have your dad self. Okay, Well, we hope
that y'all are having a great day. Whenever day it
(35:22):
is you're listening to this. Hopefully you downloaded this on
it comes pops up on your phone on a Tuesday,
and you're just so eager to listen, you listen right away.
But we get it. Some people listen, you know, whenever
you can or whenever you think of it. And since
we mentioned dollar Donald Miller in this episode, I would
recommend that that's another four Things podcast you could go
back and listen to a Thursday episode. Cat joined me
(35:42):
for that, so that's like a little throwback that you
could go listen to from a few weeks ago. That
was just a really great chat. And uh yeah, I
guess we'll see you on Thursday for four Things. Speaking
of that, Cat, where can people find you? You can
find me on Instagram at you Need there Be podcast
Asked and at cat dot de Thoughta and you can
(36:03):
find me every Monday and Wednesday. You Need Therapy podcast
wherever you listen, Yeah, wherever you listen to podcasts. And
that's our show. Thank thank you. Still working on that
Happy Tuesday. I'm Amy and I'm Cat. Welcome to the
Fifth Thing. Our quote for today comes from I guess
originally maybe a Twitter post that got turned into an
Instagram post, but the original person was maybe Sarah Marion Seltzer,
and she put up everyone compliments the jumpsuit when you
wear it out, but when you get to the bathroom,
(00:26):
it's just you and your choices. And I'm like, isn't
that so true? Jumpsuits are so cute and then you've
got to go to the bathroom and not cute. It's
and I feel like a lot of times when I'm
wearing like a romper or jumpsuit, I'm like, it's so comfortable,
and then you're in the bathroom and you're just like
naked in the bathroom. And I don't know if you
feel this, but I'm like, what if somebody comes in
(00:46):
and I'm just sitting here naked. Not that anybody would
come in, but that's my fear. We were talking on
the Bobby Bones Show the other day about how some
really wealthy people that travel from New York to the
Hampton's are getting botox in their bladders so that they
don't have to stop and Pete on the way stop it. No,
they're not. I guess that's an option. They're not doing that,
(01:07):
they really are. There was a whole article and the
nurse called in and said that they do do that
for certain patients, not for these these rich Hampden's people,
but for patients that actually need it for something. So
it is being done thing. It's not she said, it's
not first choice, but it is a thing that can happen,
so in your Yeah, but you would have to. I mean,
(01:30):
it's probably super expensive. It's not just to how if
you get botox in your face is just like a
little needle like poop, Like I think it's more invasive
than that because it's an organ in your body. And
then it keeps you from having to tea as much
any Hoosi. Speaking of the Bobby Bones show, I do
a pile Amy's pile of stories. I have an everyday
(01:51):
segment that airs during the show where I compile about
three sometimes maybe four, but mostly three stories that I
find interest thing and I share. And I was pulling
different things for this fifth thing, and it felt like
my pile. So I'm just gonna I mean, it's gonna
be more than three things. Actually, some of it I
even pulled from the pile that I didn't end up
(02:12):
using on the show, and I saved it in this
little folder. I created a Manila folder titled Fifth Thing.
It's so organized of you, and I carried it around
in my four Things to and I just add things
to it that I think would be interesting to talk
about because we do listener emails a lot of the
times here on the Fifth Thing, So please keep sending
those four things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com.
(02:32):
But just gonna be real with you that I haven't
gone over there checked the email in a little bit,
and I didn't have the bandwidth to do it today
or the yesterday or the day before because I want
to read the emails and then I want to reply,
and then I'm not always the best at replying. But
I do appreciate those that take the time to email.
(02:53):
It's not lost on me that you're emailing someone that
you haven't met, but that hopefully feels like a friend.
I did a listener Q and A several weeks ago
with a listener Emma Bailey, and she sent me a
thank you card and some smuckers damn, because she works
for smuckers, you know, the jelly and she in the
card she put that she feels like we're friends, Like, oh,
(03:15):
that's that's that's the point. That's the point, that's it's
that's a compliment and so and she just sent an
email and that's how she got on the listener Q
and A. She lives in Ohio. Shout out, hey, Emma,
if you're listening, which if you're my friend, I'm sure
you listen to every episode. Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
I have lots of friends that don't listen at all.
But I'm gonna roll through like a wood, a pile
(03:37):
of stories, and then we can comment on it after
you're done. Well, each article we'll talk, we can discuss.
It's like things that you will find interesting in tips,
Like one of the things I'm gonna get to is
tips from TikTok to help you fall asleep, because we
are the experts. The people on TikTok, for sure, they
know what they're But before we get into my fifth
Thing pile of stories, I would like for you to
(03:59):
share clip with everyone because a few weeks ago we
had an episode in the Fifth Thing where we were
talking about almond versus almond, and you didn't think anybody
out there said almond. And I was pretty adamant that No.
People say it both ways, almond, almond, con pecan, caramel, caramel.
(04:20):
There's just different ways that people say certain things. And
so why don't you share what you got? Go ahead
and tell us share with the world. You want me
to play this, yeah, play it right up into the microphone. Okay,
who sent this to you? Samantha Martinez sent this to
me so like a listener. Listener d M this, and
I immediately opened it because it said you don't need
(04:40):
At first, I thought she was just like sending me
like some cool real and she said, you don't need
this product. Just listen to how she says almond. So
it's a video reel of someone's like doing something to
show off a product. Okay, hit it first. Up, you
will need a half a cup of dark chocolate chips,
one hope banana, and then you will need one tablespoon
(05:01):
of almond butter, pop of almond milk, and of so
almond butter and almond milk. And the funny part is
I got this message when I was at your house,
and so I immediately opened it, and I was like,
oh man, but she for sure says almond. I think
(05:21):
this is what I think happened. I think that this
person that made the real which it wasn't from the listener.
It was somebody else's real. I think she probably is
a listener of the show, and she was like, I'm
going to do this to prove a point. That's what
I think. No, she's not. Anyway, you can say almond
or almond however you want. I just have never heard
(05:42):
of that before. Okay, So let's get into the tips
from TikTok to help you fall asleep. Toss a pillow.
I guess if you think of something that you need
to remember in the morning and it's keeping you awake.
Someone on TikTok says that avoid your phones. That way,
you're not like typing it into anything. The dualize it.
Putting the urgent thought into a pillow and then throwing
(06:03):
it off your bed. In the morning, you see your
pillow and it'll jog your memory and it'll come back
to you. So if you have a spare pillow on
your bed, you throw it on the ground. I use
this with my wedding ring. I'll move it to my
right hand, because I don't ever have it on my
right hand, and I'm hoping that when I moved it,
I moved it to remember something, and it'll jog my
memory and I'll remember what I moved it for. And
(06:24):
that way, I don't forget something because I don't have
a way to write it down or do anything in
that moment, so I move it over to the other hand.
So what they're saying is, if a thought is keeping
you up at night, let it go. Put it into
the pillow and toss the pillow on the floor, and
that way you give your brain like, hey, I'm going
to remember what this is later. Also, keeping a journal
with a pencil buy your night's hand would work well.
(06:44):
I was about to say, why can't you just write
it down, because that would require having a journal at
a pencil, But or your phone. You can put it
in your phone. That's what they're saying. You don't want
to have to open up your phone because if you
open your phone and put it on your phone, then
you might read a text message, to might click on Instagram,
or you see the light the blue light then keeps
upright Jorenal and a pencil make it chilly. So if
(07:11):
you lower the temperature in your bedroom and it'll help
you fall asleep faster. Maybe bruce some camera mil tea
to help calm your body down about a half hour
or an hour before bedtime. It'll help signal your brain
wind down. I don't think I like camera mil tea.
Do I have peppermint tea before I go to bed?
Does that help? Does that send a signal to your brain?
(07:31):
I don't know what it does to my brain, but
to me, it's very warm and it feels cozy, and
so it helps me just I guess ready for bedtime.
Calming a virtual for me. Tap into your breathing, so
forget you know, counting sheep, try counting breaths instead. Honestly,
I've tried to count my breath. It hasn't really worked
(07:52):
for me. But I do do my four seven eight
when I'm trying to wind down, which is you breathe
in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. And
I try to do that, especially if my mind is racing.
When my head hits the pillow, I'll be like, okay,
let's focus on breath and I count the four, and
I count the seven, and I count the eight. Like
really intentionally. So that's sort of you know, tapping into
(08:13):
your breathing, breathing, counting breaths. I guess I do do that.
Next one is have a banana because it's packed with magnesium,
which is a mineral that can help your mind relax.
And then it also has potassium, which helps relax your muscles,
which I drink that calm stuff. Have you ever had calm?
It's a white powder that you mix in water. It's
full of magnesium calm. I feel like, well, I don't know.
(08:37):
I've definitely talked about on the podcast before, so I
guess I listened to your show. Yeah, well, not have
talked about it. Sometimes I'll ask guests on the Four
Things Thursday episodes during Four Things Gratitude, I'll get specific
with them and say, name a book, a TV show,
a drink, and an Instagram followed that you're thankful for,
(08:57):
just to like spice it up. Yeah, give recommendations to people.
And my sister that was her drink recommendation one time.
Most people bring a coffee to drink or a little
concoction or cocktail, and my sister is like, um, the
calm drink at night? Is it tastes good. I get
the lemon raspberry flavor, and I think it's good. It's subsitrucy.
I don't know why. When you said it to me,
(09:19):
I imagine it being this like thick white drink. Why
did I picture that It's not. It's a white powder
that you mixed with water. I have some I can
put it in as a pluck backy for you. You
can take it home, just don't travel with it because
it might look like something else, and as a pluck bag,
which I used to travel with my vital proteins that way.
And it's a black bag and it definitely looked like
drugs for sure, But I was like, no, this is
(09:39):
my collagen trick your brain. Putting pressure on yourself to
sleep can make you feel more anxious. So someone on
TikTok said that tell yourself that you're taking a nap
(10:01):
to trick your brain into letting you rest. I don't
really know how I feel about that. One watch your
comfort show. Turn on the show that you can quote
in your sleep, and it may help soothe your anxiety
and let your mind slip into that calm, familiar space
so that you can sleep. What would be a comfort
show for you, New Girl, I really watch it over
and over and over and over again. It's so funny.
(10:21):
I just started Gray's Anatomy from season one, episode one.
Okay over, However, that is not a comfort show, no,
but it was what I watched before bed the other night.
But that sharing it with you, I don't know it
was comforting, but it was cute. And Gray's Nattie has
been a part of my life for a really long time. Now,
I am not caught up on all the latest seasons,
and I quit watching forever ago. But going back to
(10:44):
season one, episode one, there's some you knows They're like, oh,
McK dreamy, this is how we started. I guess I
think of that show as like a lot of death
and chaos. And I just finished watching where I'm caught up.
But there's two more episodes of Stranger Things, and every
time I watched an episode of that before I went
to bed, I had to watch an episode of New
Girl after before I went to bed, because it's scary season.
(11:08):
It's so scary horror category. Yeah yeah, I closed my
eyes and my ears for the majority of it, but
I got through it. Now, I know. We just went
over tips from experts on TikTok, which really by experts
I mean I don't know random people on TikTok that
who knows if they even know what they're talking about.
But some of those things might end up working for you.
But I do have a list from the c d
(11:30):
C of morning habits that ruin your sleep cycle. And
I found this particularly interesting because it says on here,
not getting enough natural light, we'll throw off your rhythm,
and I'm like, yes, so I'm talking about I've been
trying to get my natural life first thing in the
morning when I wake up. Not during the week because
(11:51):
I can't do it during weekdays because of the show,
but on the weekends, I take my four Things Gratitude
journal and I go outside and I get the natural
light in the morning for thing, so that it sets
my body up and gets my circadian rhythm on track
and my body starts producing melatonin for a nighttime, and
then come night time I sleep better. I have not
done this on myself enough to know if it's working
(12:14):
on me, but I enjoy it, Well, then it doesn't work.
Then you can still do it if you enjoy it. Yeah,
that's a habit that's ruining your sleep cycle is if
you're not getting enough natural lights so that the habit
would be I don't have the details. You can't give
us half of what we should do. Well, I don't
ask me that google it because I don't know any here.
(12:38):
Maybe while I'm reading the next one, I can say
how much natural light should a human get in a
day human being person, because I'm sure you know for
animals they need natural light too, but it's probably different. Well,
you're looking it up, Okay, so I'll drink okay, drinking
too much caffeine. Caffeine is in our system for six
(12:59):
hours after we drink it, so keep in mind from
the time you have your final cup of coffee. So
when you're trying to go to sleep, waking up at
totally different times of the day, it just throws your
rhythm off. Not making a to do list for the
next day. You can't worry about the next day if
you have it to do list. So that's similar to
like if you have something that's in your head, like
the throwing the pillow or writing it down, it's like
(13:21):
if you just get it out of your brain and
onto paper, then your body can let it go. Can
you go back up a little bit, because when you
said too much caffeine, do you know how much too
much caffeine is? I'm sure for every person it's just different.
Good answer. That's a good answer. Could people process caffeine differently?
Stashire On. My daughter can drink a gallon of mountain dew.
(13:44):
She wouldn't really have that much, but I'm just for
sake of story, which has a lot of caffeine, and
she could fall straight to sleep. It doesn't matter. My
go to concoction in college to pump myself up was
a diet mountain dew and on mind altogether, and that
got me a rocket like that caffeine Because the mixture
of my doll has caffeine. I was gonna say, what
(14:05):
now I do has caffeine and when you take them together,
there was something glorious that happened with it, and that's
what and that would keep me I would not be
able to fall asleep. However, we're not giving medical recommendations. No,
that was just my concaution. Do you want to know
how much natural lights somebody should get? Yes, it depends
on your skin tone, age, health history, diet, and where
(14:26):
you live. Okay, so in general is different. Everyone's different.
In general, scientists think five to fifteen minutes up to
thirty if you're darker skinned, is about right to get
the most out of it without causing any health problems.
So that's web md, that's always right. Um. I have
another article about how millions of people hit the snooze
button every morning, and here's why. Science says that that's
(14:48):
a problem, that the snooze button is not a handy tool,
even though we have been led to believe that because
I snoozed, and I was a proud snoozer for many,
many years most of my life until the last few
years quit and I don't snooze anymore. But so many
people I think we are like me, where they might
even set their alarm earlier so that they can have
(15:11):
the pleasure of pressing snooze. Do you snooze or not?
I set multiple alarms, go off, I go back to sleep,
and then I get to have a little bit more
of a sleep time. Yeah, well, we think we're gaining
more sleep, but you're not. Um. Okay, it says here
hundreds of millions of people use their snooze button every
(15:32):
day because they're sleep deprived when their alarms to go off.
Their first thought isn't time to get up? Their first
thought is I need to sleep longer. The real problem
isn't inconvenience. The real problem is sleep deprivation, and the
snooze button doesn't solve it. In simple terms, the latter
part of the sleep cycle is the restorative sleep state,
also known as the rim or dream sleep. The nine
(15:55):
minutes of sleep that you get after hitting the snooze
button that is not restorative sleep. You may be asleep,
but you aren't getting the full benefits from that sleep.
You're better off setting your alarm for nine minutes later
because those nine minutes are likely to be a lot
better for you than the snooze minutes that you're getting. Okay,
so I believe that's probably correct. And what if it
(16:17):
makes me happy? Okay, it made me happy for a
long time too. But you don't know what's really going
on inside of you in regards to sleep, and sleep
is such a priority now it's the new thing. What
was old? Well for me, it used to be that
I prioritized, you know, working out or food or I
would sacrifice sleep for eleven pm even though I desperately
(16:42):
need to go to bed in order to get in
a workout because I needed to check that box for
the day. And now I'm wise enough to know that
I'm probably adding more stress trying to get that workout
in and that's not as important to me, and I
would choose the sleep in a heartbeat. Yeah, I mean,
I think you're right, and um, I will continue to snooze. Well,
(17:02):
I'm reading this. It's an article from inc dot com.
I am only able to share with you my personal
experience and how as a former snoozer, I can see
the benefits in myself. And now I have time. I
set my alarm when I need to get up. I
don't have to play this game of like, oh if
I pressed news this many times, or if I set
this many alarms, then I'll be able to get up.
(17:24):
I get up, I make my bed, I do my journal,
I start my day. So two thoughts. One, I think
that I do less snoozing and I do more well.
I snooze like I alarm goes off, I shut it off.
I like to have time in my bed before I
have to get out of bed, So I don't like
(17:46):
my alarm goes off, I have to get up. I
like my alarm goes off. Oh I still have twenty minutes.
I could lay here, I could read something. You could
call me maybe, because sometimes you call me at six am.
But like that, I think that's what I like, not
just having to wake up and get up out of bed.
The other thing is maybe we do a case study
and I have thirty days of no snooze. Yeah, okay,
(18:10):
that sounds good. What That's how What I did on
the Bobby Bone Show was Bobby paired me up with
a listen, a listener that was a big time snoozer
and wanted to quit, and we were accountability partners and
we made it through. I don't know if she's still
snoozes or not, but you're a proud non snoozer. But
I'm proud non snoozer. My life is better now that
I don't snooze. Here from moms dot Com, that's the thing.
(18:45):
They put out a list of things to let go
of to be a happier mom. But I honestly think
it could apply to anybody, even if you're not a mom.
Just like letting go some of these you might not
be able to relate to, but like comparing in general,
that's something we all need to let go of and
not only causes doubt about your own parenting, but it's
the source of a lot of pressure that moms feel.
(19:06):
But you might feel that like as a cat, you're
not a mom. But how do you deal with comparison? Well,
I could compare myself to somebody my age who might
have kids, of like, should I be doing that? Is
my choice in the way that I'm living my life wrong?
Are they happier versus me? I could? That could apply
And I think moms might do that too that have kids. Yeah,
(19:28):
of like, is this worth it? I don't know. I
can't speak to that because of kids. I don't know
that people say that it's worth it. Kids, if you're listening,
we love you. Pinterest perfect like letting go of the
instagram worthy type birthday parties or events that are having
I get that sometimes I look at some of these
birthday parties that some mom's throw and I'm like, mine
(19:50):
is not going down that way. But that's okay. I
don't ever try to keep up. I will say Stashire's
fifteen birthday party, had I posted a bunch of it
on Instagram, it would have been kind of worthy because
she pulled actually in spo from Pinterest, and she was
sending me pictures of certain things she wanted, not because
she was trying to live up something online. She just
we had a party at our house, and she had
(20:10):
some ideas of balloons and colors and themes. But I
was like, I was thankful for the how she was
helping planet. That's probably about his instagram worthy or pinterest
perfect that I've ever been well. Actually, gosh, her first
birthday party here in America, we got a Bounty House,
but we had to put in the front yard because
it didn't fit my backyard. But doing that, it doesn't
(20:33):
mean you're doing Pinterest. When I hear that, it's like
you have the little details that are perfect in this
and that everything is set up and it's beautifully curated
versus like a fun I mean that might be a
fun picture to the Bounty house. But yes, and some
people the beautiful curated spread is them and that's what
they want. But if it's that's not you don't chase it.
(20:55):
Because like my sister is that way when she's hosting
or doing something, she loves it. It would stress me out.
And so if it's cause it like that's how you
weigh whether or not it's worth doing something. And that's
not even just for your kid's birthday party or mom
things again, it's just life in general. I was gonna
say this has nothing to do with being a mom,
but I am the maid of honor in one of
(21:15):
my friend's weddings and we're in the process of planning
her bachelortte party, and I got so stressed out looking
at things online for bachelortte parties because I'm like, I
don't have the capacity to plan this much. I also
don't want to spend that much of money on I'm
like imagining how much money off these decorations cost. But
I'm like, wait a second. You put more energy, and
(21:36):
a lot of people need more energy in the planning
of these things than the energy they feel when they're
actually in them. I can't I can't do I can't
do it. Yeah, and you're the one in charge. Yeah,
I'm just kidding. I did ask. She's younger than me,
so I enlisted one of her friends that is her age,
and I was like, I need you to help me
because I don't think that you want this to be
(21:57):
like a thirty two year old bachelortte party. Yeah, it's
a little different. Yeah, I'll be the mom. You got
a year old guide. That's good, uh the past. Stop
beating yourself up for mistakes and errors of judgment that
you've made in life or as a mom. Again, this
article is geared towards moms, but I think it can
be for anybody. It's not helping you in the present
(22:18):
and can lead to the dreaded mom guilt or just
any kind of guilt that we feel. And that's something
just me personally, just in life. I'm trying to focus
on being in the present and not living in the
past or living in the future. Be in the present. Boom.
Why is that important? Because that's what you have, I know,
But what does it prevent? Are you asking me as
a human being or a therapist both? So you were
(22:41):
actually you had something in mine. You're bidding me to
say what I'm about to say, and I was hoping
you would just like do it, okay, So this is
I'm sending it to tell I got it, I gotta,
I gotta, I got it. When you are in the present,
it prevents you from feeling anxiety of the future and
depression of the past. Yeah, wote me quote her? Okay,
(23:02):
the next thing is guilt, it says here, another tough
one to give up, but will be so much better
off without guilt. The quicker. We can accept that what
others think of us doesn't matter and let go of
the expectations the sooner will feel happier. Which I feel
like you're making a face to that one, so go
ahead and explain. Yeah, I just it's the part about
the sooner. We accept that what other people think of
(23:22):
us doesn't matter. That's what it says in there, right.
I don't love that because what's been actually really helpful
for me as a human, not like a therapist, but
is to be able to hold that, for some reason,
it does matter what other people think of me, and
to then go from there and figure out what that
leads to, rather than tell myself it doesn't matter, because
(23:43):
it does. And I don't think that we can just like,
just like we can't force ourselves to feel a feeling,
we can't force ourselves to not care about something. What
about that quote what other people think of oh me
is none of my business because it does matter. But
then it's like what we do with it, what you
do with it. That's yeah, that's one of my favorite
quotes is what other people think of me as one
(24:03):
of my business, because yeah, it's really not unless our
friends are trying to help us out with something, because
what my friends say matter. But then sometimes I might, Yeah,
if it's somebody else that isn't a close friend, I
might spend so much time with it, or even in
a relationship if I'm like, it's like literally causing me
like I'm overthinking it too much, Like I kind of
(24:25):
have to let it go. I can't force something. Well.
I had experience this week actually where I was processing
something in my own therapy session. I was the client,
and it got down to the fact that I was
worried about what a group of people were going to
think about me. And then we took that idea and
(24:46):
just like peeled it apart, and it led me to
this big realization that was very important for my life.
And so I think that the reason I don't like
this is because it's just saying throw it out versus
be curious about it could lead you something you're could
be curious about why that matters to you, versus tell
yourself it doesn't and then move on. Just like feelings
(25:07):
are like guides that would be a guide to something
you might need. Yeah, I think that there is more
conversation around that quote of like what other people think
of me is none of my business. It's not just
a blanket statement. You can apply to anything that anybody
says to you or thinks of you. It's very circumstantial. Yeah,
(25:30):
you can use it in different scenarios. But even when
it comes down to it, I think that quote that
you just said can still fit even though it matters.
Does that make sense, Like it can be none of
my business but it still matters. Yes, absolutely, it can
still but and it can still be important. But then
what you end up doing with it? Right? What am
I gonna do with it? And also I think it's
(25:52):
from Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic. I don't know, I'm
sure multiple everywhere. My boss. My boss told me that
when I first started as a therapist, when I was
worried about a client not liking me, she was like,
what do people think about you? Was none of your business?
And I was like, thank you, And I used that
and that has helped me. But at the same time,
it's still important to me underneath why I care so
(26:14):
much about what people think about me. I love it.
Being a hero is the final thing that we need
to let go of, especially if you're a mom. Moms
are great at making sure everyone else has everything they need,
but sometimes forget about themselves and that's not helping mom's
mental health or well being. No one saying moms have
to put themselves first every time, but at least every
once in a while. I I gotta put myself first
(26:37):
or I'm not gonna be able to take care of
my kids. Well, be the hero of your own story. Yes,
Donald Miller shout out, we love Donald. Hey Don, I'm
sure he listens to the podcast now, so yeah, I
don't know. We're not vibing with the guilt one for sure,
and then the being, I mean being the hero, Like
you want to be the hero. This is saying everyone
(26:59):
else this hero. Want to be your own hero. You
want to be your own hero. You have to be
your own hero in order to be the hero that
you need to be for your children or other people
in your life. We got there, Okay. I pulled this
last one because of body odor and smelling the same
we create our smell because of the baccarat, which Originally,
(27:21):
I got to say, I learned about from my friend
Michelle Louis. She's married to my husband's best friend, Kevin,
and he's Dr Lewis and Austin. Some of my listeners
go to him. It's a small world. But she came
to visit us in Nashville one time and she was
wearing this Baccarat fifty four or whatever. It's Baccarat something
(27:45):
and it's red, and it's very expensive, too much, so
very very too much expensive for a perfume, but it
smells so good. And then I don't know if Mary
already knew about it from somewhere else, or she got
learned about it from me after I learned about it
from She'll not sure, but she wears it. I wear it.
(28:07):
My other friend Kat, not you a different cat, she
wears it. We even started to split little things, like
she'll buy one and we'll split it, and then I
think I've given you a travel tube, But then Cat
you found at the Baccarat knockoff? Yeah, I wear it,
but I wear the knockoff. Yeah, and I have I
bought a knockoff bottle too. It smells a little bit different,
but that's okay. Listen, if you never knew, you wouldn't know.
(28:29):
It's because I know, and I can compare it. But
when I put it on, it still has the hint
of the same. Well, the reason I found the knockoffs
because I gave my friend a hug and I said,
what perfume are you wearing? And she said, it's not
what you think, and then she sent me the link
to the knockoff right, which is like a lt like
Alternate Fragrances dot com or something. This is not knockoff
(28:52):
at all for baccarat or alt fragrances. But it says
here that a study is found that people are more
likely to have and make new friends with people who
have similar body odor as they do, which that's this
is like natural body talking about natural body odor, and
it's like this probably subconscious thing that's happening. But listen,
(29:14):
I only pulled it because I thought me and all
my friends we smell alike. Was a baccarage. Wait a second,
why it's saying that we make friends that naturally smell
the same as us? Well as articles from y'all who
cat And it says here when dogs encounter another dog,
they sniff each other typically each other's backsides to get
a feel for what that other dog is like, where
they've been, and whether they're friend or foe. So that's dog.
(29:39):
What my thought was, what this is interesting that we
have this like article about research that people are doing
about our smells. Why are we researching that? I guess
just to see what attracts people to each other. Because
in the experiment they had people mingle with strangers in
close proximity for a few minutes and then they asked
the people who do you feel like you clicked with?
(30:01):
Having the people that ended up clicking had the same
smell patterns. What, We're going to start a matchmaking service
and we're going to match people based on the DNA
of their body odor. Okay, good luck with that. Sounds
like a lot of science that could be easier than
dating apps for people. Think I'll just find something that
(30:22):
smells like you. I grew up in Austin and ran
Town Lake a lot which now is called Ladybird Lake.
But if you've some people call it Town Lake the
Hike and Bike but lady Bird Lake is the official
name now, so if you've just moved there, but anybody
listening from Austin knows what I'm talking about. It's across
from Austin High which is where I went to high school.
Shout out. But I ran there and after I graduated
(30:45):
college and moved back to Austin, and I would go
meet my friends to run there, and we were all single.
And I had a dating like connection idea for the trail,
and it was that you would wear this little chip
on your shoe while you're running, or like a bracelet
that would send information to like you would have to
register with it, and then as you're running, when you
passed other single people on the trail, like it would
(31:10):
and it would get information. But if it was someone
that matched with like your profile things, then it would
send you each other's information. You wouldn't have connect right
there on the trail, but it would be like, Hey,
at seven pm, you're on the trail, and so was
Daniel and he also happens to love Matt cell Rancho
and he'd like to meet you there tomorrow for dinner.
(31:30):
I don't know something like that, and I feel like
eventually someone came up with something like that. I think
it would be nice if this was years ago, This
was like early two thousands that could be okay, no,
what could be cool? We should we should actually work
on this. Take that idea and let's make it bigger.
Because everybody has these dating apps now. But like people
are less likely to conversate in person because dating apps
(31:54):
has has taken away the need for us to be
vulnerable and all that, and we're like scared of like, oh,
I'm afraid to get rejected, blah blah blah. Patrick, my
boyfriend said, he never would have come up to me.
If you would have seen me somewhere, you would have
been way too nervous. So if you have your dating
app so you don't have to have your phone out
when you're at a place where there's going to be people,
(32:15):
When you're near somebody that is a match for you,
your phone vibrates and then you open it. It's like
so and so to your left, and then you can
just go up to them and you already know that
you guys, are a match. What is that one app
where it gives you people in the proximity of where
you are, the one dating app? Which one is that?
I mean all of them, because we know they all
don't know. Back in the day, Bumble did it. I
(32:35):
was with some single friends in Haiti and they pulled
up their app and they're like, oh, what are some
matches that I have here in Haiti that are like
also visiting and but you hi proximity, but you you
would do a dating profile, so it's like matching you
as somebody who has like similar interests and stuff. So
when you're just at a place and you're with your
friends and then your phone vibrates and you open it
(32:56):
up and it's like you're like, oh, I should go
talk to that guy. Yeah, it could do it with
a dating or friends. If you're people finding friends friends,
it's hard. Yeah, finding a job, you're just like getting
your oh perfect and fully just walked in the bar perfect.
Maybe it's exactly what you're looking for. Um, okay, well
(33:16):
I hope you all liked a little pile. Don't steal
our over today that because you're not really doing this
dating appite. If you take my idea, then I want credit. Okay.
It's like I had an idea for Netflix in college
before Netflix did. My roommate and I we wanted to
go to Blockbuster, but we didn't want to drive there,
(33:37):
and you're like, ah, we should start a business or
someone should where they go to Blockbuster and pick it
up for us and bring it to us. So you
thought of Uber and we also thought of Netflix at
the same time. Cool, Well, you should get a cut.
It's like door Dash meats Netflix. You should get a cut.
That reminds me of what was that company that you
(33:58):
wanted to start where people come over to your house
and they reach for things for you places you can't
reach dot Com. Yeah, like when you're better do that
before somebody else takes it. When you're self tanning and
you can't reach your back, like someone will come and
just put it on your back for you if you
happen to be all alone, or if you've got to
(34:18):
change some light bulbs that are really high up in
the ceiling, or you've got to get something down from
a shelf and you don't have a tall enough ladder,
or there's you know, well, I actually think somebody did
do that already. What there's something I just learned about this.
There's this thing called task Rabbit, and you just like
hire somebody to come to a task at your house.
So it could be like can you get that mug
out of the count, so you'd be like, could you
(34:39):
put self tanner back? But that's like tackle kind of
Have you heard a tackle? That's another app where they'll
come to your house and do something handy. So that's
so I never thought heard of these things, but I
guess because my dad is very good at all that
kind of stuff, and he lives close by. I've never
I'm like, I need to hang your picture for him.
I'm like, Dad, will you come over tomorrow? Like? Sure? Ye,
(35:00):
which is amazing, what a blessing. I think he would be.
His feelings would be hurt if I used task grabbit
or tackle. Yeah, but I also think he'd be annoyed
if I asked him to come over so he could
get a mug out of a cabinet I couldn't reach
or put myself. Dan would be weird. That would be
weird to have your dad self. Okay, Well, we hope
that y'all are having a great day. Whenever day it
(35:22):
is you're listening to this. Hopefully you downloaded this on
it comes pops up on your phone on a Tuesday,
and you're just so eager to listen, you listen right away.
But we get it. Some people listen, you know, whenever
you can or whenever you think of it. And since
we mentioned dollar Donald Miller in this episode, I would
recommend that that's another four Things podcast you could go
back and listen to a Thursday episode. Cat joined me
(35:42):
for that, so that's like a little throwback that you
could go listen to from a few weeks ago. That
was just a really great chat. And uh yeah, I
guess we'll see you on Thursday for four Things. Speaking
of that, Cat, where can people find you? You can
find me on Instagram at you Need there Be podcast
Asked and at cat dot de Thoughta and you can
(36:03):
find me every Monday and Wednesday. You Need Therapy podcast
wherever you listen, Yeah, wherever you listen to podcasts. And
that's our show. Thank thank you. Still working on that
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Death, Sex & Money
Anna Sale explores the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.