February 18, 2025 • 35 mins
Amy and Kat cover everything from a recent misunderstanding they had as friends/colleagues to why Kat has paper origamis all over her house to other things that will be more helpful in your life like:
- QUOTE: "Are you giving Level 10 access to people with Level 3 responsibility?"
- The 4 Types of Showers Women Take
- Learning to Read Between the Lines: Amy shares a perspective from Gabriella Kovalenko about how people’s lack of accountability, honesty, or self-awareness often shows up in subtle but telling ways
- Maturing at Work: Amy goes over a list of key lessons on navigating the workplace with more balance and self-compassion
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Vanburen // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and I'm Kat
and today's quote is unknown. I'm not quite sure who
said it, but I saw it written somewhere and I
was like, Bam, that's powerful. Stop giving levelton access to
people with level three responsibility.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I like that because on my side, I like to
show up the same with everybody, Like I like to
just make sure that whoever I'm with, I'm showing up
it's the same kind of person. But that becomes a
problem when I'm giving time and energy and consideration and
thought and all of this stuff to somebody who doesn't
really care about me, if that makes sense, And it's like, well,
(00:41):
I want to be the same person all the time.
But also that's not a good use of my energy.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Yeah no, And then that's when resentment comes in. So
ain't nobody got time for resentment?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Well, you know, and then it becomes my problem, like
I'm creating the problem. I'm resenting you, but it's because
I'm giving you energy that I don't have to give you.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well, speaking of energy, your sweet husband of one year, which,
by the way, happy one year anniversary, Thank you. He
put a lot of energy into a bunch of origamis
that I see. Kat and I were recording on zoom
today because my kids have been sick and just didn't
want to be near her in person just in case.
And paper origamies are everywhere. Why did he put so
(01:23):
much energy into that?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Ah, So your first anniversary is paper like the gifts
or whatever. I don't really know what that means, but
I just know I looked it up and was paper.
By the way, you and multiple other people thought that
I got my anniversary wrong because I got married on
a Friday and my anniversary was Sunday, and one of
my friends was like, oh my gosh. I was like
(01:46):
wanting to say something to you that you got the
date wrong, but I didn't because I didn't want to
like upset you. But it was just because it was leapier.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I definitely was a little bit confused, but then I
remembered the leap your situation, and so I'm I'm sure
in years to come, y'all may get your anniversary a
little bit wrong, but you think you're one, you.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Get it right right.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So why paper orgami's? I mean, I get the paper
part for a year, but why origami and why are
there seven of them, and I feel like there's a
deeper meaning here.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
So it's not that deep. It's really sweet. He puts
so much energy into it and like was I was like,
how do you know how to do origami? They're paper cranes,
and he said, I youtubed it, but I guess a
couple of years ago. Obviously we've been together for three years.
His first like work trip he went on, he wanted
to bring me back a gift, which was just sweet,
and like any normal guy, he picked up my gift
(02:39):
in the airport and he brought me home this like
ceramic hummingbird. And when I opened it was one of
those gifts where you opened and you're like, oh, is
there a gift card in the bottom of the box.
It was so Ryan dumb. I wish he videotaped me
(03:03):
opening it, because one, he didn't need to get me
a gift, but I'm like, why this ceramic bird? It
means like we didn't have an inside joke or anything
about this bird. And he said, oh, I just saw
this hummingbird in the airport and I thought it it
reminded me of you. So now so now whenever he
sees a humming bird, he like wants to buy it,
(03:24):
and it's become just like a little inside joke. So
he said a paper crane was the closest thing he
could make to look like a hummingbird. Kind of looks
like a hummingbird.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, I can see that. That's sweet. While you're talking,
I just pulled up fun facts about hummingbirds. They're the
only birds that can fly backwards. But you maybe knew
that one because you can see them flying back, but
they're the only bird that can do it. And the
name hummingbird comes from the humming noise that their wings
make because they beat so fast. They're the smallest migrating bird.
They don't migrate in flocks like other species, and they
(03:58):
typically travel alone fro up to five hundred miles at
a time. Now that's depressing.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Wait, I don't know that. I want that to be
our relationship with God.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Happy one year. I can't wait to live life alone.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Okay, we gonna have to get a new bird.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
The average weight of a hummingbird is less than a nickel.
Their tiny legs are only used for perching and moving
sideways while perched, and they drink the nectar found in
feeders by moving their tongue in and out about thirteen
times per second. Wow, what hey, interesting? Okay, these are boring.
(04:33):
I'm going to stop the fun facts about humming brains.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I also feel really bad because I, well, he's not
gonna listen to this, so it won't matter. His gift
has not come in yet, he has not received it,
and I feel really bad because he went above and beyond.
He did a lot of really cute things yesterday. My
gift ended up having nothing to do with paper, But
it started with the idea of paper because I thought
to get him one of those maps that you put
(05:00):
like the pushpin in everywhere you've traveled, because we've started
traveling a lot together, and so on my search to
find one of those maps, I found a really cool
version that was made out of wood and ordered that.
So the thought was paper, But the gift is actually
gonna be made out of wood. It's like a nice
one that you would like hang on your wall. Do
you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah, I've seen it. But what is your five.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Well I know, but I really wanted this one.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Well, so you're just manifesting five years right right, right right?
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yes, but we're gonna make it. We're gonna make it
five years and then I'm just like, oh, I already
got your your gift for year five. But the problem
is I ordered this a couple of weeks ago, not
realizing where I ordered it from, and I ordered it
from Ukraine, so it's taken a little longer to get
here than I thought. But he's really gonna love it
when he gets it.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I'm sure he is, And I love that. Like You're like,
since we love to travel together now, which is really
you just desperately needing to have plans on your calendar
in places to go, So like when one trip is over,
you're like, what am I going to look forward to next?
Because ever since your wedding ended a year ago, You're like,
I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.
Like my wedding is the best day of my life,
(06:14):
and now that it's over, I have nothing to live for.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Look forward to.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
It's so dramatic. So you fill that void with all
your little trips everywhere. But I do think it's cool
that you're gonna document it on the map. Yeah, I
need to get one of those.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Maybe it'll help motivate you.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Motivate me, encourage me to travel because, as we know,
if I have time off, I typically go to Colorado,
which is not a bad thing. I love seeing my sister,
but I do need to spread my wings like a
little hummingbird.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
But not travel alone.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Not alone, yeah, gosh, up to five hundred miles alone.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I don't know that I've seen a hummingbird fly. I've
only just seen one hover.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yeah, but you've seen them go backwards. Yes, They're the
only bird that can do that, that can fly backwards.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
So if you get that.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
In a trivia question, you're welcome. There are four types
of showers that women have, and I did the Yes
Queen shower yesterday because Kat and I were supposed to
have this whole photo shoot thing. And the Yes Queen
shower is exfoliate, shave, condition hair, like I did a
deep treatment on my hair. Even when I got out,
(07:25):
my shower was extended because I self tanned. I feel
like that's part of the whole cleaning process, like when
you're going all in, like I'm going to feel my
best when I emerge from this situation. And that's the
shower I gave myself yesterday. So there's the quick body
wash that's the first type. There's the hair and body wash,
(07:46):
the yes queen, which is all the things, and then
there's the stare at the wall, evaluate all life decisions
and hope the water washes away you're stressed type of shower.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Which maybe might be the best kind. Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I may stare at the wall, but I also may
do a very dramatic lean my back up against the
wall and slowly go down, slut to my knees, like
squat down and just lay there and let the water
hit me.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
There's that tipe too. I feel like I need a
bench in my shower so I can like just like
sit and just do that that way, because standing sometimes
it's too much and I don't always want to lay
on the ground.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I've been looking online. I'll let you know if I
find one for a bamboo stool. I'm not looking for
a bench, but I do want a stool for my shower,
just because I think it would be cute. When I
moved into my house, I renovated my bathroom and that
was part of my vision. Day one. When I was
designing the bathroom, I was like, a stool will look
so cute right here, and my shower's all glass you
can see in, and I just thought, oh, a little
(08:49):
bamboos stool, we'll look great here. How many months later
are we I still haven't found the right bamboo stool
or I guess taken a lot of time. But I
keep looking on Amazon, and maybe that's my problem. I
need to look elsewhere.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah. I also have heard people call the Yes Queen
shower a dolphin shower. Why we'll think of a dolphin, Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I think dolphins are in the water, dancing around and
having conversations with their friends.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Okay, you're going somewhere different. A dolphin is just like
sleek and shiny and smooth. I think that's the point.
Is like it's like a deep, clean shower where you're
like actually shaving, which some people are surprised to know that.
I mean some people do this, but I don't shave
my legs every day, Like that's such a task to me,
do you?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Well, I got laser hair removal. But do some people
shave their legs every single day?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I think some people do. Huh.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
When I shaved my legs, I didn't do every day.
I mean there would just be days. I totally avoided
that are weeks. Actually, I'd be like, let's see, my
friend was in a car accident in November. And this
was years back, but she participated in no Shave November.
And her car wreck was at the end of November
(10:09):
and they had to cut off her clothes because of
her injuries. She ended up being okay, but as the
paramedics are cutting off her clothes and she's like.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I've been doing no shave November, and I need you
to know that I normally am not this unkept, but
I am doing no shave November.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
And do you know when you said dolphin? It took
me back to Junior High? This kid ishmael. He would
always say that I look like a dolphin, and anytime
I walked by him, he would make dolphin noises. And
he put a picture of a dolphin in my locker.
One day, I opened it up and this picture fell out.
And anyway, when you told that story, that's where it
(10:50):
took me. My brain instantly went back to Junior High. Hey, hey, hey.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Stop, Yes, that's what he would do. Yes. So I
have a couple follow up questions to that. One did
he like you?
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I have no idea?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
And two did that feel like he was bullying you.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
No, I wasn't necessarily offended by a dolphin. I kind
of thought, Okay, dolphins are cute, I guess, but I'm
not sure what his intent was, so I just let
it go.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
That sounds like a guy who doesn't know how to flirt.
So he's like, I'm just gonna make dolphin noises around her.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
And then when I see a picture of a dolphin
that I like, I'm gonna go stick it in her locker.
That'll really show her.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So, hey, we learned something new because I had no
idea that was called a dolphin shower. Back to the quote,
Because I did want to go somewhere with that, having
the stop giving level to access to people with level
three responsibility back to the quote, because I did want
(11:57):
to go somewhere with that, having the stop giving level
to access to people with level three responsibility. We could
all do a little bit better at times learning to
read between the lines, because we sometimes receive very clear
messages from people that either we decide to ignore for
a little bit, or we're believing the best so they
(12:17):
just go right over our head. And sometimes we may
be the ones giving this energy out, so it goes
both ways obviously. But I saw a list of how
to learn to read between the lines. It was something
that was posted and I just took a screenshot of it.
You know, I've got like one million screenshots in my
phone and I'm trying to put them to use. So
you know, four Things episode maybe last month or something,
(12:40):
kat One of my things was talking about how people
with ADHD tend to screenshot everything, and I didn't want
my screenshots to go to waste. So I went through
my phone and just sort of like screenshot roulette. I
just picked random ones or I was like, oh, okay,
well I'm going to share this screenshot so that it
doesn't go to waste.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
I wish I was one of those people that screenshotted
things and then organized it into a folder in my phone.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
People do that, Oh yeah, I could never I tried
to organize my apps and that was too much.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it's just
like not working, Like I don't have a good system
on my phone at all. Do you know something that
I learned from Bobby that I had no idea you
could do? So I'm going to share it here. Because
this is such a good tip when you are texting somebody,
say it's late at night or early in the morning
and you don't want it to go out yet. Did
you know you can schedule your text to be delivered
at a certain time, because I did not know this.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
A girl who works at three Chords told me that
last week, but she didn't tell me how to do it.
She just said that you can do it.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Okay, So when you pull up someone's name to text them,
there's by the message part, there's a little plus sign.
You hit the plus sign and it'll give you options camera, photos, stickers, Apple, Cash,
audio store, and then there's send later. If you hit
send later, you can put in the time.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
That has to be like a new update thing. Right.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Apparently it's been a right for a while. I just
never knew it was there. So you're welcome to anybody
that wants to do that. And so Bobby said, he'll
type up a bunch of things, especially because he wakes
up so early in the morning and you won't want
to send him out that early, and then he'll just
schedule him to all go out at like nine thirty
in the morning. And instantly I was concerned that what
if all those people start replying to him at the
(14:20):
same time, that would get very overwhelming for me.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah, but you don't have to answer them at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Oh and nor would I, because that when I get overwhelmed,
I'm just start ignoring. That's why I have five hundred
and fifty one unread oh my gosh text messages, and
I swear to you over Christmas time when I was
stuck on an airplane, I went through and got it
down to zero.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
But a lot of those are probably like promo like
ad stuff, right.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, or maybe like big group texts of people where
everybody just starts pinging. But then there's definitely some in
here that I need to go open up, and I
really really want to. I just freeze. So I just
hope people don't take it person and maybe I'm sending
a message.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I was gonna say, maybe you're sending them a sign
and they need to hear that.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Learn to read between the lines. No, really, there's some
people that I love deeply that I need to to
get back to, but if they lack accountability, they'll shift blame.
Like that is an example of learning to read between
the lines. Like if they start shifting the blame. It's like, oh,
maybe this person is teaching me they have zero ability
(15:26):
to take accountability.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, and that is a period. There's no way for
us to force them to do that.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
If they lack communication skills, they'll say you're arguing.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Yeah, like if you're just trying to communicate a point,
they'll make it more dramatic than it probably is.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Which, by the way, this screenshot it was a promotion
for a book called Falling Up, A Path to Self Realization.
I've never read the book, don't know the book, don't
even know when I took this screenshot.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
So I love the title of that book, though. There
you go.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
If they lack emotion intelligence, they'll call you sensitive. If
they lack self awareness, they'll criticize others for the very
flaws they possess. If they lack honesty, they'll distort the
truth to fit their narrative. If they lack boundaries, they'll
overstep yours. And if they lack integrity, they'll justify their wrongdoings.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
So there you go.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
That's a list of things that will help you really
read between the lines on somebody. And that's not to
say if they do that once that means that they're
someone you need to cut out in any way, shape
or form. We all need a little grace at times
because we can even realize, like, oh, shoot, I acted
that way. Like Kat and I had a text conversation
yesterday about something that was misunderstood, and I realized pretty quickly.
(16:48):
I was like, gosh, I got defensive. But I also
know that I was very sensitive yesterday because I was
even getting defensive with other people. I knew my reaction
didn't feel in alignment with how I want to show up.
And so once I had that thought, I tried to
share it with you pretty immediately, just so that you
knew that I realized I got defensive and I shouldn't have.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
You do a good job of that in general of
if you do or say something, you'll take a moment
and then come back and kind of reopen that up.
But I also think the part about self awareness that
they're talking about, because when I told you, I said,
I'm sorry if what I said came off this way,
let me know if it did. I didn't mean to
(17:31):
sound that way or to be harsh or rude. And
part of that is with self awareness, I think having
it means sometimes we don't always have it and owning
that where like maybe I did come off wrong or
just mean, I don't know, but I can't always be
the judge of that because I'm inside of my own
(17:51):
feelings and thoughts and sometimes I need somebody else to
help me get that. And I think sometimes that gets misconstrued,
and people who think that they have self awareness mean
that they never need feedback, and that isn't true. You
hears all the time like I have really good self awareness,
like I would know, and I'm like, I have really
good self awareness, and that means sometimes I don't know,
I need somebody to be like Catherine, you don't sound
(18:12):
like yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, I feel like the epitome of self awareness is
knowing that you're not always one hundred percent aware, right.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Yeah, that's which is like counterintuitive, but also that's what
it is. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
It's like the minute you think you know everything, you
know nothing.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yes, that's a famous quote by somebody somebody, but like
I feel like lots of people have said that, but
I think like it goes back to who knows, like
Socrates or something, some really aristotle.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Prolific philosopher.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah, that's an interesting place to be to just be
aware of everything.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Wow, what's that?
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Like?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
You and I were not in a situation where we
could talk, And so that's just another example too of
sometimes how texts can just get really messy quick. And
if it was a phone cam conversation or you could
hear the other person's tone and voice, if you would
know exactly what was going on. But I feel like
if we were being tested, we did good check, like
(19:13):
if our friendship and work relationship was getting a little
tests and okay, I see a future for us. But
also if something's important to you, you want to approach
it with care and confrontation, Like I would rather confront
that right away, because old me would have maybe buried
some stuff and not had the talk, and then there
(19:37):
would have been some resentment that was totally unnecessary and
not even on both of our ends, because then you
wouldn't have been able to maybe you would have said
something to me. But I think if I had it
my old way, my patterns, I'd be like, oh, I'm
not going to say anything because I don't want to
make this like a thing.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
I think the other part of why that worked out
well is because we we both have an understanding, at
least on my side, I think we do that neither
of us is trying to do something to hurt the
other person, so it's easy for us to assume positive intent.
So when you said you got defensive, in my head,
(20:15):
I was like that one text that I was like, WHOA,
I think my text came out wrong was because I
know that she's not trying to like be defensive in
any way, but something's awry. So having the understanding with
somebody that you're communicating with that we both want the
best for the other person helps with that. So in
some relationships that might be harder to do. It might
(20:37):
be harder to have that like really good back and
forth where you don't jump to conclusions because you don't know,
you don't start from that like healthy spot. But which
is a clue that like that might not be the
healthiest relationship.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, what's the nickname I gave myself yesterday, sensitive Sandy.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Something like that.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
I think it's hormones or something. I just knew my
filter wasn't right, and because I had had encounters with
other people where it was brought to my intention that
I was being sensitive, and so then I was like, huh,
let me try to take this through my sensitive sandy
filter radar. And once I did that, alarms were going
(21:18):
off and I'm like, oh, dang, I just feel like
I took this out on Kat and like got defensive.
I just felt misunderstood. And people don't know the entire context,
so they're probably like, what what are y'all even talking
about right now? But I think it's just important to
nurture relationships. If they're important to you, then that's where
you want to pour this type of energy into. Yes,
(21:38):
And if you realize that you don't want to, then
maybe that's a sign that you need to evaluate the relationship,
like how safe do you feel with this person? And
if you realize it is important to you and you
don't feel like you can be safe, then maybe explore
why that is and then you can go from there.
That takes me into the next thing that I want
to talk about, which is mature at work and the
(22:01):
list of things that help you realize that you have
matured at work or in any relationship. And one of
the things on there is feedback is just feedback, Like
constructive feedback isn't an attack, It's an opportunity it's one
person's perspective. It's not a verdict on your worth in
any way, shape or form. It's just information. Take what
(22:21):
helps you grow, leave the rest behind, and keep moving forward.
I think it's just being open to that feedback as well,
because sometimes you might be in a place where you're
like what and you're not wanting to receive any of it.
And this is this is another thing that I screenshot
from some TEDx speaker on Instagram. It's peak performance with Julia.
Not familiar with any of her work beyond this, but
(22:44):
I feel like if you're invited to speak a TED
talk or a TEDx talk, you've done a lot of.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Research, Well, don't you pay to do those? Is that
how they do it? I think there's different kinds of
Ted talks, Like I think I can pay to be
a TED speaker. I'm sure you have to give an
audition tape, though they don't just like any in.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
I had no idea I thought that you were being invited.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Maybe it's a mixture of both. I just do know
that you can like pay to do it, because it's
it's a way for you to pay to give like
a keynote speech and be seen by tons of people.
Should we pay to do a ted talk, Like we
should pay and give.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
A whole ted talk on our can have in our friendship.
Not every problem is yours to solve. If you're maturing
at work, you will realize that, like you don't have
to carry every challenge on your shoulders, like learn to
help where you can, but remember that it's not fully
your responsibility. Which I work with someone like that, you
(23:39):
know her too, it's not my place to put her
stuff out there. But we both actually have worked with her,
and she has done an amazing job of releasing that
not every problem is her problem to solve, and she's
done it beautifully, so much so that now I try
to respect that so much that I even had to
talk with her the other day of like, normally I
would come to you with this, but I'm just so
(23:59):
proud of you and some of the boundaries that you've
put into place that I don't want to mess with those,
And she's like, oh, I still want you to be
able to come to me with this, but I'm just
so proud of the work that she's done, because it's
a lot to carry when you think that you know
you should try to help solve all the problems. You're
(24:27):
allowed to have an off week, bad days happen.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I like this.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I like permission to have an off week. I hate
it when I'm off like I hate it. But this too,
she'll pass. You got to just give yourself grace, reset,
and remember that you're more than your productivity in a
single week or a single day. I mean, honestly, I've
been doing the radio show, The Bobby Bone Show for
nineteen years coming up, and I had a few off years.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
So it was like an off week.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I had some off years, And I was thinking about
this the other day that we're past that now and
I've come out the other side and it feels so
good and I'm glad that I didn't get stuck in that.
So if you're in a rut, have faith.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I was talking about this at work with some of
the therapists I work with that we put pressure on
ourselves every session to be on our A plus plus
plus plus game because people are paying us for a service.
And while I believe we can do the best that
we can every session, some days we are going to
be better than others. Like some days we're going to
(25:37):
have more stuff that we're trying to, you know, keep
outside of the therapy room that we're struggling with some
some days we're going to be more motivated. That's just
part of it. So there's a difference in like not
caring about your job and just not paying attention to
your clients and knowing that some days just literally are
better than others. It's just a fact of life. There's
(25:58):
nothing you can do about that, because I think when
we try to be perfect every single in every thing
we do, we end up actually not doing a good
job period because of that pressure.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, I just hope the day that I go see
my therapist just on our a game. But I mean
I get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
That feels really good.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I fully support what you're saying. O kay, no, no, no,
I have grace for that, and I think it's important
to remember.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
What also is interesting is we're our harshest critics. So
even you and radio like sure, sometimes people are gonna
tell like, oh, something was off, and what we think
is our a game. A client might not be even
paying attention to that because a client might just come
in and all they need that day is somebody to
sit there and listen to them and be present with them.
(26:45):
And so yeah, I might have not had my most
you know, insightful thoughts, but that might not be what
they need that day. So I think also knowing that
we are harshest critics, allow some of that pressure to
just dissipate. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I just thought of a time where I need you
to always have your A game, though not you as
the therapist, I just mean a profession in general. Yeah,
probably that I was going to say that time I
got my eyebrows micro bladed and they were horrible. Okay, yeah,
you know what, though I had grace, I had grace.
I've never once said, like really to anybody, like I
(27:22):
don't talk about it. For sure, wouldn't say it on
a public platform, but even privately, I don't talk about
who did it because I think she is talented and
I think she just had an off day and unfortunately
it was my face permanent and then I had to
have a lasered off. But things were made possible because
(27:43):
of that. And now I have since met Megan who
microblades now, and she is an amazing brow micro roblader,
and she's an amazing areola artist because she does that
for women who have had reconstructive breast surgery because as
a breast cancer and she'll tattoo on their areola aka nipples.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
And it's it looks real. She's incredible at it.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yeah, it's like three.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
D like the s D.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah, it's very very impressive. Okay, just to round out
the list of things that show that you're maturing at work,
we have got handle hard conversations and let go. Like
if you're able to do that, that is maturity at
work at its finest because you've addressed a conflict directly,
you've learned from it, and then you've let it go.
(28:34):
You don't let that single interaction weigh you down. You're
not losing sleep over it, which I got to say.
Our little interaction yesterday was friendship but mostly work related.
I didn't lose an ads to sleep over it because
we handled it. Yeah, we're maturing, but I think old
me would have thought over and over and over about it.
So who it's fun to celebrate little wins like that.
(28:56):
Set boundaries to protect your energy. Not everything needs a reaction,
Not every opinion like deserve space in your mind. So
if you want to respect your own limits, then that's
just more energy that you're going to have for what
really matters.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I want you to say that again, not every opinion
deserves your attention. Is that what it was? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Not every opinion deserves space in your mind.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
That is so simple and so good for outside of work,
just in general.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Carry on, you're gonna get that tattooed maybe on you,
and then lastly, practice self compassion. Growth isn't about being perfect.
It's about showing up, learning and improving over time.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Drop boom the mic boom.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Do people still say that? Is that's so cold? Drop
the mic?
Speaker 1 (29:45):
So I think they say mic drop.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Oh, mic drop.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I said psych to my kids last night and I
was like, do y'all know what that means? And they
both said, yeah, we know what it means, but we
don't say it, we don't do it, but we know
we know what it means. And I'm like, Okay, I'm
just checking because.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
I thought psych was coming back.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
That's what I thought too. But if it has, my
kids are not in on it yet, but now I'm
going to do it even more just to annoy them
and be like psych. I guess that was popular when
I was in junior high and there were a few
things we would say. We would say psych and we
do it just like that, and we go eh, and
then you'd go, anyways.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Wait, what's the end? What's that? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Maybe it's just the kind of school I went to,
but we did psych eh. And anyways, let me tell
you if my kids came home from school and they
were going eh to me or eh no.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
But what does that mean? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
I guess it's just a reaction we would give. I
feel like I would maybe even do those like in
a row. I'd be like psych eh.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
I was in sixth grade trying to fit in a cat.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Okay, that's like me saying sick all the time. I
started saying as a joke, and now I can't stop
saying it.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
And it's hilarious because you'll tell cat like one thing
and she'll just like something so that doesn't even deserve
a sick and she'll just look at it and sho
go up sick. And then Catrick y'all do it to
each other. It'll test you sick. Which how was y'all's
pottery making on Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Was it sick? It was sick? Actually, it wasn't as
sick as I wanted to be, because nobody told me
that the clay sticks to your working surface. So I
was getting really frustrated. I would make a really cool
shape and then I would try to pull it up
from the table and it would get all lushy. So
I did some research. But also, anybody listening, if you're
a dry clay pottery person, give me your tips for
(31:48):
rolling out the clay and how to keep it not stuck.
I think I needed like parchment paper or something so
I could peel it off. And then the other part
is I didn't realize that you can't paint it until
it dries, and it took two days to dry, so
we could only make our shape.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Anyways, you try to put the pin on there, and
the pottery was like, psych, see what we can use this? Okay, well,
so what does your make? Like little bulls?
Speaker 1 (32:20):
So I wanted to make a vase, but you know,
it wasn't working. So we made something called a pinch pot,
which you just take your thought. It's so it's really
easy to make. But this is what I learned about myself.
I get an idea in my head and I see
somebody do it, and I tell myself I can do
that too, even though those people might have been doing
(32:41):
that for months, years, however long. So instead of starting beginner,
I'm like, oh, I'm gonna start intermediate. I think that
has to do with my patience if I want to
skip the steps. So after a couple of failed attempts,
Patrick said, why don't you just do the beginner level thing?
And I said, how there. You minimize my talents here,
(33:03):
and you're right. So I made a pinch pot and
then he made the same thing. But then, of course
he had a one up me, and he added a
little handle to his. So he tried to make a mug.
But I don't think the handle's going to hold. I
think the handle's going to fall off. I hope it does. Yeah,
you started up beginner too, loser. This is my new thing.
(33:23):
So the nails are still going strong. That's still my hobby.
But I'm committed to become really good at pottery. So
get ready for a homemade birthday present.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I feel like people could walk into your kitchen at
a given time and be like, pick your hobby. Pick
your hobby. Do you want to paint?
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Because I have easels over here.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Do you want to do pottery, because I got this
over there, and then if you want to get your
nails done, then yeah, sit over there, and yeah we
got paper making station over here.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Like it's just like homemade pasta noodle station over here.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Welcome to cats Hobbies.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I just offered to bake a friend's wedding cake. No
you didn't, and I've done that before. Yeah, because I
think I.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Can do it, kat, this is one of the most
important items at the wedding historically.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yes, this person said they wanted to do donuts for
their dessert and I said, well, if you want to
do just do a cute small cake for cutting. You
could just have one of your friends make it, you know,
like I could probably do it because my thought is
I took a cake decorating class in eighth grade at
Joe Anne's and I've learned a couple things, not like
a teared cake. I can't do that, but yeah, you
(34:36):
got this, I could do it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Are you gonna do some practice rounds first or you're
just gonna go I.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Don't think she's going to let me do that, but
I'm just saying, if anybody wants me to make their
wedding cake.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Call me where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
You can DM me on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Kat van Buren and I am at Radio Amy and
Cat and I hope that you are having.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
The day you need to have.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Boom By ye bye
Happy Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and I'm Kat
and today's quote is unknown. I'm not quite sure who
said it, but I saw it written somewhere and I
was like, Bam, that's powerful. Stop giving levelton access to
people with level three responsibility.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I like that because on my side, I like to
show up the same with everybody, Like I like to
just make sure that whoever I'm with, I'm showing up
it's the same kind of person. But that becomes a
problem when I'm giving time and energy and consideration and
thought and all of this stuff to somebody who doesn't
really care about me, if that makes sense, And it's like, well,
(00:41):
I want to be the same person all the time.
But also that's not a good use of my energy.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Yeah no, And then that's when resentment comes in. So
ain't nobody got time for resentment?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Well, you know, and then it becomes my problem, like
I'm creating the problem. I'm resenting you, but it's because
I'm giving you energy that I don't have to give you.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well, speaking of energy, your sweet husband of one year, which,
by the way, happy one year anniversary, Thank you. He
put a lot of energy into a bunch of origamis
that I see. Kat and I were recording on zoom
today because my kids have been sick and just didn't
want to be near her in person just in case.
And paper origamies are everywhere. Why did he put so
(01:23):
much energy into that?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Ah, So your first anniversary is paper like the gifts
or whatever. I don't really know what that means, but
I just know I looked it up and was paper.
By the way, you and multiple other people thought that
I got my anniversary wrong because I got married on
a Friday and my anniversary was Sunday, and one of
my friends was like, oh my gosh. I was like
(01:46):
wanting to say something to you that you got the
date wrong, but I didn't because I didn't want to
like upset you. But it was just because it was leapier.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I definitely was a little bit confused, but then I
remembered the leap your situation, and so I'm I'm sure
in years to come, y'all may get your anniversary a
little bit wrong, but you think you're one, you.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Get it right right.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So why paper orgami's? I mean, I get the paper
part for a year, but why origami and why are
there seven of them, and I feel like there's a
deeper meaning here.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
So it's not that deep. It's really sweet. He puts
so much energy into it and like was I was like,
how do you know how to do origami? They're paper cranes,
and he said, I youtubed it, but I guess a
couple of years ago. Obviously we've been together for three years.
His first like work trip he went on, he wanted
to bring me back a gift, which was just sweet,
and like any normal guy, he picked up my gift
(02:39):
in the airport and he brought me home this like
ceramic hummingbird. And when I opened it was one of
those gifts where you opened and you're like, oh, is
there a gift card in the bottom of the box.
It was so Ryan dumb. I wish he videotaped me
(03:03):
opening it, because one, he didn't need to get me
a gift, but I'm like, why this ceramic bird? It
means like we didn't have an inside joke or anything
about this bird. And he said, oh, I just saw
this hummingbird in the airport and I thought it it
reminded me of you. So now so now whenever he
sees a humming bird, he like wants to buy it,
(03:24):
and it's become just like a little inside joke. So
he said a paper crane was the closest thing he
could make to look like a hummingbird. Kind of looks
like a hummingbird.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, I can see that. That's sweet. While you're talking,
I just pulled up fun facts about hummingbirds. They're the
only birds that can fly backwards. But you maybe knew
that one because you can see them flying back, but
they're the only bird that can do it. And the
name hummingbird comes from the humming noise that their wings
make because they beat so fast. They're the smallest migrating bird.
They don't migrate in flocks like other species, and they
(03:58):
typically travel alone fro up to five hundred miles at
a time. Now that's depressing.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Wait, I don't know that. I want that to be
our relationship with God.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Happy one year. I can't wait to live life alone.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Okay, we gonna have to get a new bird.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
The average weight of a hummingbird is less than a nickel.
Their tiny legs are only used for perching and moving
sideways while perched, and they drink the nectar found in
feeders by moving their tongue in and out about thirteen
times per second. Wow, what hey, interesting? Okay, these are boring.
(04:33):
I'm going to stop the fun facts about humming brains.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I also feel really bad because I, well, he's not
gonna listen to this, so it won't matter. His gift
has not come in yet, he has not received it,
and I feel really bad because he went above and beyond.
He did a lot of really cute things yesterday. My
gift ended up having nothing to do with paper, But
it started with the idea of paper because I thought
to get him one of those maps that you put
(05:00):
like the pushpin in everywhere you've traveled, because we've started
traveling a lot together, and so on my search to
find one of those maps, I found a really cool
version that was made out of wood and ordered that.
So the thought was paper, But the gift is actually
gonna be made out of wood. It's like a nice
one that you would like hang on your wall. Do
you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah, I've seen it. But what is your five.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Well I know, but I really wanted this one.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Well, so you're just manifesting five years right right, right right?
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yes, but we're gonna make it. We're gonna make it
five years and then I'm just like, oh, I already
got your your gift for year five. But the problem
is I ordered this a couple of weeks ago, not
realizing where I ordered it from, and I ordered it
from Ukraine, so it's taken a little longer to get
here than I thought. But he's really gonna love it
when he gets it.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I'm sure he is, And I love that. Like You're like,
since we love to travel together now, which is really
you just desperately needing to have plans on your calendar
in places to go, So like when one trip is over,
you're like, what am I going to look forward to next?
Because ever since your wedding ended a year ago, You're like,
I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.
Like my wedding is the best day of my life,
(06:14):
and now that it's over, I have nothing to live for.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Look forward to.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
It's so dramatic. So you fill that void with all
your little trips everywhere. But I do think it's cool
that you're gonna document it on the map. Yeah, I
need to get one of those.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Maybe it'll help motivate you.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Motivate me, encourage me to travel because, as we know,
if I have time off, I typically go to Colorado,
which is not a bad thing. I love seeing my sister,
but I do need to spread my wings like a
little hummingbird.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
But not travel alone.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Not alone, yeah, gosh, up to five hundred miles alone.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I don't know that I've seen a hummingbird fly. I've
only just seen one hover.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yeah, but you've seen them go backwards. Yes, They're the
only bird that can do that, that can fly backwards.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
So if you get that.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
In a trivia question, you're welcome. There are four types
of showers that women have, and I did the Yes
Queen shower yesterday because Kat and I were supposed to
have this whole photo shoot thing. And the Yes Queen
shower is exfoliate, shave, condition hair, like I did a
deep treatment on my hair. Even when I got out,
(07:25):
my shower was extended because I self tanned. I feel
like that's part of the whole cleaning process, like when
you're going all in, like I'm going to feel my
best when I emerge from this situation. And that's the
shower I gave myself yesterday. So there's the quick body
wash that's the first type. There's the hair and body wash,
(07:46):
the yes queen, which is all the things, and then
there's the stare at the wall, evaluate all life decisions
and hope the water washes away you're stressed type of shower.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Which maybe might be the best kind. Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I may stare at the wall, but I also may
do a very dramatic lean my back up against the
wall and slowly go down, slut to my knees, like
squat down and just lay there and let the water
hit me.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
There's that tipe too. I feel like I need a
bench in my shower so I can like just like
sit and just do that that way, because standing sometimes
it's too much and I don't always want to lay
on the ground.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I've been looking online. I'll let you know if I
find one for a bamboo stool. I'm not looking for
a bench, but I do want a stool for my shower,
just because I think it would be cute. When I
moved into my house, I renovated my bathroom and that
was part of my vision. Day one. When I was
designing the bathroom, I was like, a stool will look
so cute right here, and my shower's all glass you
can see in, and I just thought, oh, a little
(08:49):
bamboos stool, we'll look great here. How many months later
are we I still haven't found the right bamboo stool
or I guess taken a lot of time. But I
keep looking on Amazon, and maybe that's my problem. I
need to look elsewhere.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah. I also have heard people call the Yes Queen
shower a dolphin shower. Why we'll think of a dolphin, Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I think dolphins are in the water, dancing around and
having conversations with their friends.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Okay, you're going somewhere different. A dolphin is just like
sleek and shiny and smooth. I think that's the point.
Is like it's like a deep, clean shower where you're
like actually shaving, which some people are surprised to know that.
I mean some people do this, but I don't shave
my legs every day, Like that's such a task to me,
do you?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Well, I got laser hair removal. But do some people
shave their legs every single day?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I think some people do. Huh.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
When I shaved my legs, I didn't do every day.
I mean there would just be days. I totally avoided
that are weeks. Actually, I'd be like, let's see, my
friend was in a car accident in November. And this
was years back, but she participated in no Shave November.
And her car wreck was at the end of November
(10:09):
and they had to cut off her clothes because of
her injuries. She ended up being okay, but as the
paramedics are cutting off her clothes and she's like.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I've been doing no shave November, and I need you
to know that I normally am not this unkept, but
I am doing no shave November.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
And do you know when you said dolphin? It took
me back to Junior High? This kid ishmael. He would
always say that I look like a dolphin, and anytime
I walked by him, he would make dolphin noises. And
he put a picture of a dolphin in my locker.
One day, I opened it up and this picture fell out.
And anyway, when you told that story, that's where it
(10:50):
took me. My brain instantly went back to Junior High. Hey, hey, hey.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Stop, Yes, that's what he would do. Yes. So I
have a couple follow up questions to that. One did
he like you?
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I have no idea?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
And two did that feel like he was bullying you.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
No, I wasn't necessarily offended by a dolphin. I kind
of thought, Okay, dolphins are cute, I guess, but I'm
not sure what his intent was, so I just let
it go.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
That sounds like a guy who doesn't know how to flirt.
So he's like, I'm just gonna make dolphin noises around her.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
And then when I see a picture of a dolphin
that I like, I'm gonna go stick it in her locker.
That'll really show her.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So, hey, we learned something new because I had no
idea that was called a dolphin shower. Back to the quote,
Because I did want to go somewhere with that, having
the stop giving level to access to people with level
three responsibility back to the quote, because I did want
(11:57):
to go somewhere with that, having the stop giving level
to access to people with level three responsibility. We could
all do a little bit better at times learning to
read between the lines, because we sometimes receive very clear
messages from people that either we decide to ignore for
a little bit, or we're believing the best so they
(12:17):
just go right over our head. And sometimes we may
be the ones giving this energy out, so it goes
both ways obviously. But I saw a list of how
to learn to read between the lines. It was something
that was posted and I just took a screenshot of it.
You know, I've got like one million screenshots in my
phone and I'm trying to put them to use. So
you know, four Things episode maybe last month or something,
(12:40):
kat One of my things was talking about how people
with ADHD tend to screenshot everything, and I didn't want
my screenshots to go to waste. So I went through
my phone and just sort of like screenshot roulette. I
just picked random ones or I was like, oh, okay,
well I'm going to share this screenshot so that it
doesn't go to waste.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
I wish I was one of those people that screenshotted
things and then organized it into a folder in my phone.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
People do that, Oh yeah, I could never I tried
to organize my apps and that was too much.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it's just
like not working, Like I don't have a good system
on my phone at all. Do you know something that
I learned from Bobby that I had no idea you
could do? So I'm going to share it here. Because
this is such a good tip when you are texting somebody,
say it's late at night or early in the morning
and you don't want it to go out yet. Did
you know you can schedule your text to be delivered
at a certain time, because I did not know this.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
A girl who works at three Chords told me that
last week, but she didn't tell me how to do it.
She just said that you can do it.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Okay, So when you pull up someone's name to text them,
there's by the message part, there's a little plus sign.
You hit the plus sign and it'll give you options camera, photos, stickers, Apple, Cash,
audio store, and then there's send later. If you hit
send later, you can put in the time.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
That has to be like a new update thing. Right.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Apparently it's been a right for a while. I just
never knew it was there. So you're welcome to anybody
that wants to do that. And so Bobby said, he'll
type up a bunch of things, especially because he wakes
up so early in the morning and you won't want
to send him out that early, and then he'll just
schedule him to all go out at like nine thirty
in the morning. And instantly I was concerned that what
if all those people start replying to him at the
(14:20):
same time, that would get very overwhelming for me.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah, but you don't have to answer them at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Oh and nor would I, because that when I get overwhelmed,
I'm just start ignoring. That's why I have five hundred
and fifty one unread oh my gosh text messages, and
I swear to you over Christmas time when I was
stuck on an airplane, I went through and got it
down to zero.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
But a lot of those are probably like promo like
ad stuff, right.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, or maybe like big group texts of people where
everybody just starts pinging. But then there's definitely some in
here that I need to go open up, and I
really really want to. I just freeze. So I just
hope people don't take it person and maybe I'm sending
a message.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I was gonna say, maybe you're sending them a sign
and they need to hear that.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Learn to read between the lines. No, really, there's some
people that I love deeply that I need to to
get back to, but if they lack accountability, they'll shift blame.
Like that is an example of learning to read between
the lines. Like if they start shifting the blame. It's like, oh,
maybe this person is teaching me they have zero ability
(15:26):
to take accountability.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, and that is a period. There's no way for
us to force them to do that.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
If they lack communication skills, they'll say you're arguing.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Yeah, like if you're just trying to communicate a point,
they'll make it more dramatic than it probably is.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Which, by the way, this screenshot it was a promotion
for a book called Falling Up, A Path to Self Realization.
I've never read the book, don't know the book, don't
even know when I took this screenshot.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
So I love the title of that book, though. There
you go.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
If they lack emotion intelligence, they'll call you sensitive. If
they lack self awareness, they'll criticize others for the very
flaws they possess. If they lack honesty, they'll distort the
truth to fit their narrative. If they lack boundaries, they'll
overstep yours. And if they lack integrity, they'll justify their wrongdoings.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
So there you go.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
That's a list of things that will help you really
read between the lines on somebody. And that's not to
say if they do that once that means that they're
someone you need to cut out in any way, shape
or form. We all need a little grace at times
because we can even realize, like, oh, shoot, I acted
that way. Like Kat and I had a text conversation
yesterday about something that was misunderstood, and I realized pretty quickly.
(16:48):
I was like, gosh, I got defensive. But I also
know that I was very sensitive yesterday because I was
even getting defensive with other people. I knew my reaction
didn't feel in alignment with how I want to show up.
And so once I had that thought, I tried to
share it with you pretty immediately, just so that you
knew that I realized I got defensive and I shouldn't have.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
You do a good job of that in general of
if you do or say something, you'll take a moment
and then come back and kind of reopen that up.
But I also think the part about self awareness that
they're talking about, because when I told you, I said,
I'm sorry if what I said came off this way,
let me know if it did. I didn't mean to
(17:31):
sound that way or to be harsh or rude. And
part of that is with self awareness, I think having
it means sometimes we don't always have it and owning
that where like maybe I did come off wrong or
just mean, I don't know, but I can't always be
the judge of that because I'm inside of my own
(17:51):
feelings and thoughts and sometimes I need somebody else to
help me get that. And I think sometimes that gets misconstrued,
and people who think that they have self awareness mean
that they never need feedback, and that isn't true. You
hears all the time like I have really good self awareness,
like I would know, and I'm like, I have really
good self awareness, and that means sometimes I don't know,
I need somebody to be like Catherine, you don't sound
(18:12):
like yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, I feel like the epitome of self awareness is
knowing that you're not always one hundred percent aware, right.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Yeah, that's which is like counterintuitive, but also that's what
it is. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
It's like the minute you think you know everything, you
know nothing.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yes, that's a famous quote by somebody somebody, but like
I feel like lots of people have said that, but
I think like it goes back to who knows, like
Socrates or something, some really aristotle.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Prolific philosopher.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah, that's an interesting place to be to just be
aware of everything.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Wow, what's that?
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Like?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
You and I were not in a situation where we
could talk, And so that's just another example too of
sometimes how texts can just get really messy quick. And
if it was a phone cam conversation or you could
hear the other person's tone and voice, if you would
know exactly what was going on. But I feel like
if we were being tested, we did good check, like
(19:13):
if our friendship and work relationship was getting a little
tests and okay, I see a future for us. But
also if something's important to you, you want to approach
it with care and confrontation, Like I would rather confront
that right away, because old me would have maybe buried
some stuff and not had the talk, and then there
(19:37):
would have been some resentment that was totally unnecessary and
not even on both of our ends, because then you
wouldn't have been able to maybe you would have said
something to me. But I think if I had it
my old way, my patterns, I'd be like, oh, I'm
not going to say anything because I don't want to
make this like a thing.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
I think the other part of why that worked out
well is because we we both have an understanding, at
least on my side, I think we do that neither
of us is trying to do something to hurt the
other person, so it's easy for us to assume positive intent.
So when you said you got defensive, in my head,
(20:15):
I was like that one text that I was like, WHOA,
I think my text came out wrong was because I
know that she's not trying to like be defensive in
any way, but something's awry. So having the understanding with
somebody that you're communicating with that we both want the
best for the other person helps with that. So in
some relationships that might be harder to do. It might
(20:37):
be harder to have that like really good back and
forth where you don't jump to conclusions because you don't know,
you don't start from that like healthy spot. But which
is a clue that like that might not be the
healthiest relationship.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, what's the nickname I gave myself yesterday, sensitive Sandy.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Something like that.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
I think it's hormones or something. I just knew my
filter wasn't right, and because I had had encounters with
other people where it was brought to my intention that
I was being sensitive, and so then I was like, huh,
let me try to take this through my sensitive sandy
filter radar. And once I did that, alarms were going
(21:18):
off and I'm like, oh, dang, I just feel like
I took this out on Kat and like got defensive.
I just felt misunderstood. And people don't know the entire context,
so they're probably like, what what are y'all even talking
about right now? But I think it's just important to
nurture relationships. If they're important to you, then that's where
you want to pour this type of energy into. Yes,
(21:38):
And if you realize that you don't want to, then
maybe that's a sign that you need to evaluate the relationship,
like how safe do you feel with this person? And
if you realize it is important to you and you
don't feel like you can be safe, then maybe explore
why that is and then you can go from there.
That takes me into the next thing that I want
to talk about, which is mature at work and the
(22:01):
list of things that help you realize that you have
matured at work or in any relationship. And one of
the things on there is feedback is just feedback, Like
constructive feedback isn't an attack, It's an opportunity it's one
person's perspective. It's not a verdict on your worth in
any way, shape or form. It's just information. Take what
(22:21):
helps you grow, leave the rest behind, and keep moving forward.
I think it's just being open to that feedback as well,
because sometimes you might be in a place where you're
like what and you're not wanting to receive any of it.
And this is this is another thing that I screenshot
from some TEDx speaker on Instagram. It's peak performance with Julia.
Not familiar with any of her work beyond this, but
(22:44):
I feel like if you're invited to speak a TED
talk or a TEDx talk, you've done a lot of.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Research, Well, don't you pay to do those? Is that
how they do it? I think there's different kinds of
Ted talks, Like I think I can pay to be
a TED speaker. I'm sure you have to give an
audition tape, though they don't just like any in.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
I had no idea I thought that you were being invited.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Maybe it's a mixture of both. I just do know
that you can like pay to do it, because it's
it's a way for you to pay to give like
a keynote speech and be seen by tons of people.
Should we pay to do a ted talk, Like we
should pay and give.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
A whole ted talk on our can have in our friendship.
Not every problem is yours to solve. If you're maturing
at work, you will realize that, like you don't have
to carry every challenge on your shoulders, like learn to
help where you can, but remember that it's not fully
your responsibility. Which I work with someone like that, you
(23:39):
know her too, it's not my place to put her
stuff out there. But we both actually have worked with her,
and she has done an amazing job of releasing that
not every problem is her problem to solve, and she's
done it beautifully, so much so that now I try
to respect that so much that I even had to
talk with her the other day of like, normally I
would come to you with this, but I'm just so
(23:59):
proud of you and some of the boundaries that you've
put into place that I don't want to mess with those,
And she's like, oh, I still want you to be
able to come to me with this, but I'm just
so proud of the work that she's done, because it's
a lot to carry when you think that you know
you should try to help solve all the problems. You're
(24:27):
allowed to have an off week, bad days happen.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I like this.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I like permission to have an off week. I hate
it when I'm off like I hate it. But this too,
she'll pass. You got to just give yourself grace, reset,
and remember that you're more than your productivity in a
single week or a single day. I mean, honestly, I've
been doing the radio show, The Bobby Bone Show for
nineteen years coming up, and I had a few off years.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
So it was like an off week.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I had some off years, And I was thinking about
this the other day that we're past that now and
I've come out the other side and it feels so
good and I'm glad that I didn't get stuck in that.
So if you're in a rut, have faith.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I was talking about this at work with some of
the therapists I work with that we put pressure on
ourselves every session to be on our A plus plus
plus plus game because people are paying us for a service.
And while I believe we can do the best that
we can every session, some days we are going to
be better than others. Like some days we're going to
(25:37):
have more stuff that we're trying to, you know, keep
outside of the therapy room that we're struggling with some
some days we're going to be more motivated. That's just
part of it. So there's a difference in like not
caring about your job and just not paying attention to
your clients and knowing that some days just literally are
better than others. It's just a fact of life. There's
(25:58):
nothing you can do about that, because I think when
we try to be perfect every single in every thing
we do, we end up actually not doing a good
job period because of that pressure.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, I just hope the day that I go see
my therapist just on our a game. But I mean
I get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
That feels really good.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I fully support what you're saying. O kay, no, no, no,
I have grace for that, and I think it's important
to remember.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
What also is interesting is we're our harshest critics. So
even you and radio like sure, sometimes people are gonna
tell like, oh, something was off, and what we think
is our a game. A client might not be even
paying attention to that because a client might just come
in and all they need that day is somebody to
sit there and listen to them and be present with them.
(26:45):
And so yeah, I might have not had my most
you know, insightful thoughts, but that might not be what
they need that day. So I think also knowing that
we are harshest critics, allow some of that pressure to
just dissipate. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I just thought of a time where I need you
to always have your A game, though not you as
the therapist, I just mean a profession in general. Yeah,
probably that I was going to say that time I
got my eyebrows micro bladed and they were horrible. Okay, yeah,
you know what, though I had grace, I had grace.
I've never once said, like really to anybody, like I
(27:22):
don't talk about it. For sure, wouldn't say it on
a public platform, but even privately, I don't talk about
who did it because I think she is talented and
I think she just had an off day and unfortunately
it was my face permanent and then I had to
have a lasered off. But things were made possible because
(27:43):
of that. And now I have since met Megan who
microblades now, and she is an amazing brow micro roblader,
and she's an amazing areola artist because she does that
for women who have had reconstructive breast surgery because as
a breast cancer and she'll tattoo on their areola aka nipples.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
And it's it looks real. She's incredible at it.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yeah, it's like three.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
D like the s D.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah, it's very very impressive. Okay, just to round out
the list of things that show that you're maturing at work,
we have got handle hard conversations and let go. Like
if you're able to do that, that is maturity at
work at its finest because you've addressed a conflict directly,
you've learned from it, and then you've let it go.
(28:34):
You don't let that single interaction weigh you down. You're
not losing sleep over it, which I got to say.
Our little interaction yesterday was friendship but mostly work related.
I didn't lose an ads to sleep over it because
we handled it. Yeah, we're maturing, but I think old
me would have thought over and over and over about it.
So who it's fun to celebrate little wins like that.
(28:56):
Set boundaries to protect your energy. Not everything needs a reaction,
Not every opinion like deserve space in your mind. So
if you want to respect your own limits, then that's
just more energy that you're going to have for what
really matters.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I want you to say that again, not every opinion
deserves your attention. Is that what it was? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Not every opinion deserves space in your mind.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
That is so simple and so good for outside of work,
just in general.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Carry on, you're gonna get that tattooed maybe on you,
and then lastly, practice self compassion. Growth isn't about being perfect.
It's about showing up, learning and improving over time.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Drop boom the mic boom.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Do people still say that? Is that's so cold? Drop
the mic?
Speaker 1 (29:45):
So I think they say mic drop.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Oh, mic drop.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I said psych to my kids last night and I
was like, do y'all know what that means? And they
both said, yeah, we know what it means, but we
don't say it, we don't do it, but we know
we know what it means. And I'm like, Okay, I'm
just checking because.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
I thought psych was coming back.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
That's what I thought too. But if it has, my
kids are not in on it yet, but now I'm
going to do it even more just to annoy them
and be like psych. I guess that was popular when
I was in junior high and there were a few
things we would say. We would say psych and we
do it just like that, and we go eh, and
then you'd go, anyways.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Wait, what's the end? What's that? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Maybe it's just the kind of school I went to,
but we did psych eh. And anyways, let me tell
you if my kids came home from school and they
were going eh to me or eh no.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
But what does that mean? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
I guess it's just a reaction we would give. I
feel like I would maybe even do those like in
a row. I'd be like psych eh.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
I was in sixth grade trying to fit in a cat.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Okay, that's like me saying sick all the time. I
started saying as a joke, and now I can't stop
saying it.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
And it's hilarious because you'll tell cat like one thing
and she'll just like something so that doesn't even deserve
a sick and she'll just look at it and sho
go up sick. And then Catrick y'all do it to
each other. It'll test you sick. Which how was y'all's
pottery making on Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Was it sick? It was sick? Actually, it wasn't as
sick as I wanted to be, because nobody told me
that the clay sticks to your working surface. So I
was getting really frustrated. I would make a really cool
shape and then I would try to pull it up
from the table and it would get all lushy. So
I did some research. But also, anybody listening, if you're
a dry clay pottery person, give me your tips for
(31:48):
rolling out the clay and how to keep it not stuck.
I think I needed like parchment paper or something so
I could peel it off. And then the other part
is I didn't realize that you can't paint it until
it dries, and it took two days to dry, so
we could only make our shape.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Anyways, you try to put the pin on there, and
the pottery was like, psych, see what we can use this? Okay, well,
so what does your make? Like little bulls?
Speaker 1 (32:20):
So I wanted to make a vase, but you know,
it wasn't working. So we made something called a pinch pot,
which you just take your thought. It's so it's really
easy to make. But this is what I learned about myself.
I get an idea in my head and I see
somebody do it, and I tell myself I can do
that too, even though those people might have been doing
(32:41):
that for months, years, however long. So instead of starting beginner,
I'm like, oh, I'm gonna start intermediate. I think that
has to do with my patience if I want to
skip the steps. So after a couple of failed attempts,
Patrick said, why don't you just do the beginner level thing?
And I said, how there. You minimize my talents here,
(33:03):
and you're right. So I made a pinch pot and
then he made the same thing. But then, of course
he had a one up me, and he added a
little handle to his. So he tried to make a mug.
But I don't think the handle's going to hold. I
think the handle's going to fall off. I hope it does. Yeah,
you started up beginner too, loser. This is my new thing.
(33:23):
So the nails are still going strong. That's still my hobby.
But I'm committed to become really good at pottery. So
get ready for a homemade birthday present.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I feel like people could walk into your kitchen at
a given time and be like, pick your hobby. Pick
your hobby. Do you want to paint?
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Because I have easels over here.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Do you want to do pottery, because I got this
over there, and then if you want to get your
nails done, then yeah, sit over there, and yeah we
got paper making station over here.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Like it's just like homemade pasta noodle station over here.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Welcome to cats Hobbies.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I just offered to bake a friend's wedding cake. No
you didn't, and I've done that before. Yeah, because I
think I.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Can do it, kat, this is one of the most
important items at the wedding historically.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yes, this person said they wanted to do donuts for
their dessert and I said, well, if you want to
do just do a cute small cake for cutting. You
could just have one of your friends make it, you know,
like I could probably do it because my thought is
I took a cake decorating class in eighth grade at
Joe Anne's and I've learned a couple things, not like
a teared cake. I can't do that, but yeah, you
(34:36):
got this, I could do it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Are you gonna do some practice rounds first or you're
just gonna go I.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Don't think she's going to let me do that, but
I'm just saying, if anybody wants me to make their
wedding cake.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Call me where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
You can DM me on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Kat van Buren and I am at Radio Amy and
Cat and I hope that you are having.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
The day you need to have.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Boom By ye bye
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