September 29, 2020 • 13 mins
This is Amy’s ‘5th Thing’ (a bonus episode). ‘4 Things With Amy Brown’ comes out every Thursday, but on Tuesdays Amy shares emails from you guys and answers questions y’all have sent in. On today’s episode Amy addresses: two songs with the same theme of ‘everything is okay’, a listener who is battling depression, but has found ways to overcome it, and commenting on people's bodies and how that may just be adding fuel to the fire.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Happy Tuesday, everybody. Welcome to the Fifth Thing of the
Fourth Thing podcast. I'm Amy and this is the episode
where I go over emails that you've sent into the
podcast email, which is four Things with Amy Brown at
gmail dot com. So please send me your thoughts or
questions and they might get addressed in the Tuesday Bonus episode.
And we always start off with a quote, so today's
(00:25):
comes from Glenn and Doyle, who we have had on
the podcast before, which was an awesome interview. If you
missed it, you can go back and check it out.
But she said, people who need help sometimes look a
lot like people who don't need help. And I chose
this quote because it lines up with a lot of
the emails that I'm going to go over today, which
were in response to last Thursday's Four Things episode about
(00:47):
mental health and September being suicide Awareness month suicide prevention month.
It is September twenty nine right now, so we got
a few more days of the month to try to
focus on this mental health and it's not something that
I'm gonna let go because I as I'm hearing from
so many of you, similar to outweigh with the eating
(01:07):
disorder stuff, A lot of people are going through things,
especially in and when we start talking about it, especially
in our community. Again, the goal here is for anybody
to not feel alone whatever they're going through. And while
I can't relate to every single thing that somebody is
going through, when you guys share your stories and I'm
(01:28):
able to then relay them to other people, then who
knows it may resonate with them. Okay, first email, I'm
gonna get into us from Crystal. She said, you have
a new four Thing shirt that says it's fine, I'm fine,
everything is fine. And I was listening to the radio
and heard the song Truth be Told by Matthew West
and it totally reminded me of the shirts. If you
haven't heard it before, definitely take a list in. It's
(01:50):
so good. So Krystal, I hadn't heard it before, and
I did listen to it, and the song is very powerful,
and I'm gonna go ahead and play a clip of
it here in case others want to check it out.
I say, I'm fine, Yeah, I'm fine, fine him fine,
but I'm not. I'm broken. And when it's out of
control to say it's under ConTroll but it's not that,
(02:13):
you know, it. I don't know what sat to admit
it when being honesty is the only way to fix it.
There's no failure, no fall, there's no sin you don't already,
no solift, the truth. And then continuing with the email
(02:33):
from Crystal, another song I just heard to go along
with the shirt is Demi Lovado and Marshmallows new song
called Okay to not be Okay. Maybe I have been
needing to hear this message because this is two songs
and one day kind of about the same thing. So
I pulled that song as well, and here's a clip,
(02:54):
don't get lost in home and I'll give up when
you're closes, So you'll need body to say it's okay
enough to feel okay, it's okay, need to okay when
it's okay okay. So thank you Crystal for sharing with
(03:24):
us some songs that relate to the topic of I'm
fine when we're really not fine and it's actually okay
to not be fine. And the new music recommendations. I'm
sure those are songs that people can check out. And
music can be so powerful and healing and allow you
to release a lot of emotions that you may need
to get out. So I highly recommend you listen to
some music if you need to. Next email is from anonymous.
(03:47):
I think the next few emails are from people who
wanted to share stories but not their names, which is
totally fine. I can always keep your name off if
you just tell me, or I'll reply back to you
and ask if you would like to have your name
or not. So here's the email. Amy. Thank you so
much for the very informative episode of four Things. If
you're looking for stories to share that might make a difference,
(04:08):
I would like to use mine. I'm fourteen years old
with serious depression and anxiety. I don't always know how
to get across that. Even though I tell my system
I'm fine, sometimes I need a check in. My parents
hid things for me, and then I found out, and
then they denied for years, and then the truth came
out that I'm struggling with this stuff. They don't believe
in therapy and just don't understand the big deal that
(04:30):
it is and how it impacts me. If it wasn't
for counselors at school, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Having someone noticed that you're literally falling apart on the
inside and willing to help you when people in your
house aren't is major. I was always packed with sports,
many extracurricular activities, school, and my at home life. I
had a habit of leaving my house and going into
(04:51):
a new environment, completely new, without anyone having a clue
what was actually going on with me or what I
was feeling. This makes you feel no like you're living
a double life, having to fill yourself with other things
that distract you from the problem. Learning when you're thirteen
that what you feel is a confirmed thing after years
(05:12):
of convincing yourself that you were making it up, is
not maddening, but rather confirmation. Figuring out that taking time
out of your day to just write or talk is
so valuable. Choosing to share my story and a piece
of me allows me to help others that are as
young as me that are stuck and don't think that
you can receive help. When you can ask at school,
(05:32):
find someone you trust and talk to them, something small
that is an issue will become bigger. I can't change
my depression or anxiety, but I can squash it before
it gets to the point where it's unmanageable. I would
like to remain anonymous. If you choose to share this,
So of course I did, and I emailed back with
her and she was excited that I was going to
read it. Because whether you're a teenager or an an adult,
(05:54):
if you're going through someone and you're surrounded by people
that don't think what you have is a real thing,
that anxiety is not real or depression is not real,
that can add to the problem and magnify it. I
can't imagine how lonely that must feel, and how difficult
to not have someone supporting you. But I'm so thankful
that this girl was able to turn to a school
counselor So, whether you're a young person listening to me,
(06:18):
hopefully you can reach out to someone in your life
that can help you and affirm what you're feeling and
give you the tools that you need to start navigating
through it, or maybe someone at church, or if you're
an adult, can you see a therapist, Can you talk
to a friend, Can you start putting in the work,
and like this young, sweet fourteen year old girl said,
getting ahead of it before it gets worse, Like obviously
(06:41):
there's times where she has to check in with herself
and just right or take time to talk and it
could help things out before they get so much worse.
And again, I can't even imagine what it's like to
be in a home with parents that maybe deny what
you have going on and aren't supportive. So also too,
I just want that to be encouragement to parents that
are listening right now. If you're seeing signs in your
(07:01):
kids and maybe you don't necessarily believe what they're going through,
I would ask you to have a little compassion and
grace and step back and do some research of your
own so that you can be there for your child
and not use whatever stigma you have against certain things
and projected onto them, because they really could be struggling
and they really might need you. And maybe this is
an opportunity for everybody in your family to do some work. Okay,
(07:23):
next email again is from someone anonymous. Hey, Amy, I
wanted to reach out because I heard you talking on
the Bobby Bones Show recently about how you discourage people
from talking about how someone looks. I had heard you
talk about this before on the radio show in your
four Things podcast, but didn't fully understand the importance of
this until recently. Well. I don't have an eating disorder.
I have been battling a deep depression lately. Over the
(07:46):
past couple of months, I have lost about fifteen pounds,
and not on purpose. I was struggling with eating hardly anything,
so the weight fell off pretty quickly. I was not
happy about it, because I knew it was because of
the depression, but it was something that I just couldn't
get myself to get up and do any thing about.
One day, one of the people that I supervised asked
me if I had lost weight. I told him I had,
and he said, you can tell, you look great. Another
(08:08):
girl was there said excitedly, yeah, you can definitely tell.
I was so ashamed. I didn't know how to respond.
I couldn't just say thanks, I haven't been eating because
I'm depressed. You have mentioned this before and that it's
not just for people with eating disorders, because depression can
also have a drastic physical effect on people. You never
know what someone is going through. Thanks for being an
(08:29):
advocate for people who struggle with these comments and for
educating those who may not know why it's an issue.
Before going through this experience, I would not have understood
the issue with comments like this. Thank you so much
for sharing this email, and I used to compliment people's
bodies all the time, not knowing that I could be
feeding into uh a needing disorder problem like adding fuel
to the fire complimenting them on that, or I could
(08:52):
be complimenting a weight loss that people don't want because
they have something serious going on, like depression, or maybe
they have a disease or can answer insert anything in there.
I've learned it's just not cool commenting on people's bodies, period,
and we need to start putting it out there so
that we can all stop doing it. Next email is
(09:21):
also anonymous. Hey, Amy, writing this email is definitely not
my norm. I just had to reach out to you
in hopes that you see this. Thank you for the
I'm Fine podcast. Even if you've never experienced the direct
impact of suicide, the podcast reached me in a positive way.
Two years ago, I lost two people to suicide within
six weeks of each other, a dear friend and an uncle.
(09:43):
I can't tell you the lasting devastation something like that
has on a person. I work as a medical assistant
and at the time there was a social worker in
the office. She confronted me in a safe way, and
exactly what I told her is I'm fine. It was
after my uncle's death that I came to her because
I clearly wasn't okay. I'm continuing on my journey working
(10:04):
on my mental health and how I process loss. Suicide, depression,
mental health are all topics that have this giant stigma
surrounding them. So I'm glad that we're able to have
the conversation here. Yeah, I just want to say thank
you for sharing that. Again, Guys, I just want to
encourage you it's okay to not be okay. And when
you answer i'm fine, you may be trying to hide
(10:25):
that you're fine, or it might be such a sarcastic
i'm fine, kind of like the irony of the I'm
fine shirts, Like you can wear that shirt and kind
of be like, oh, it's like I'm not okay, I'm fine,
it's fine, everything is fine. But there also might be
something really deep rooted in there, like lying deep under that.
Like I think there's different levels of that I'm fine,
and only you know how you really feel. So please
(10:48):
check in with yourself, check in with who you can
have these conversations with, who you can be honest with,
because I don't want you to go through this alone
and if we learned anything from last week's episode, it's
just how mental health issues are very real and there
shouldn't be a stigma attached to it, and suicide rates
are higher than I even realized. So I just want
(11:11):
to make sure that we're all taking care of ourselves
and doing the best that we can, and that hopefully
you can find a safe place to land where there
is no stigma surrounding in for now. If podcasts like
the Four Things podcast, which I'll say, we don't always
focus on mental health each episode, but I hope overall
it is a positive space for you to be and
(11:32):
you can feel comfortable when you listen to the podcast,
and it's not going to be anything that triggers you
or makes you feel negative in any sort of way,
and if it does, I would like to hear from you.
I mean, there was feedback I got, you know when
I first started, how many different things I did unknowingly
that we're triggering people with eating disorders because I was
stuck in my own disordered eating pattern and I'm sorry
(11:53):
for that, but I learned from it and I grew.
But also I grew from people emailing me letting me know, like, hey,
I can't listen to your podcast anymore because when you
continue to talk about detoxes or different things that I
can't really be a part of, it's a trigger. And
I will say I was on the defense for a
little bit because I just didn't understand, and then once
(12:13):
my eyes were open to it, and now that I
really do. I try to be careful of how I
approach things, and my podcast isn't going to be for everybody,
but if there is a way I can make it better,
and for those of you that are going through things,
I would like the opportunity at least hear from you
and what your thoughts are so that I can be
open to maybe taking things a different direction or growing
(12:36):
myself and how I put content out there for you
to consume. So I really feel more and more like
this podcast isn't just mine, it's ours, especially here during
the fifth thing, where I'm sharing things that you have
sent in. So when I'm putting an episode together, I'm
I'm doing it for you, So just know that. And
I hope y'all are doing well. I hope you're taking
(12:56):
care of yourselves. And I do still get messages about
those or things shirts and where to find them. And
I'll just say again, because I don't think people always hear,
but radio amy dot com is where you can find
links to everything, whether it's pimp and joy espoa, my
Amazon Favorites things, links to the Bobby Bones Show. All
of that is there on that homepage at radio amy
dot com
Happy Tuesday, everybody. Welcome to the Fifth Thing of the
Fourth Thing podcast. I'm Amy and this is the episode
where I go over emails that you've sent into the
podcast email, which is four Things with Amy Brown at
gmail dot com. So please send me your thoughts or
questions and they might get addressed in the Tuesday Bonus episode.
And we always start off with a quote, so today's
(00:25):
comes from Glenn and Doyle, who we have had on
the podcast before, which was an awesome interview. If you
missed it, you can go back and check it out.
But she said, people who need help sometimes look a
lot like people who don't need help. And I chose
this quote because it lines up with a lot of
the emails that I'm going to go over today, which
were in response to last Thursday's Four Things episode about
(00:47):
mental health and September being suicide Awareness month suicide prevention month.
It is September twenty nine right now, so we got
a few more days of the month to try to
focus on this mental health and it's not something that
I'm gonna let go because I as I'm hearing from
so many of you, similar to outweigh with the eating
(01:07):
disorder stuff, A lot of people are going through things,
especially in and when we start talking about it, especially
in our community. Again, the goal here is for anybody
to not feel alone whatever they're going through. And while
I can't relate to every single thing that somebody is
going through, when you guys share your stories and I'm
(01:28):
able to then relay them to other people, then who
knows it may resonate with them. Okay, first email, I'm
gonna get into us from Crystal. She said, you have
a new four Thing shirt that says it's fine, I'm fine,
everything is fine. And I was listening to the radio
and heard the song Truth be Told by Matthew West
and it totally reminded me of the shirts. If you
haven't heard it before, definitely take a list in. It's
(01:50):
so good. So Krystal, I hadn't heard it before, and
I did listen to it, and the song is very powerful,
and I'm gonna go ahead and play a clip of
it here in case others want to check it out.
I say, I'm fine, Yeah, I'm fine, fine him fine,
but I'm not. I'm broken. And when it's out of
control to say it's under ConTroll but it's not that,
(02:13):
you know, it. I don't know what sat to admit
it when being honesty is the only way to fix it.
There's no failure, no fall, there's no sin you don't already,
no solift, the truth. And then continuing with the email
(02:33):
from Crystal, another song I just heard to go along
with the shirt is Demi Lovado and Marshmallows new song
called Okay to not be Okay. Maybe I have been
needing to hear this message because this is two songs
and one day kind of about the same thing. So
I pulled that song as well, and here's a clip,
(02:54):
don't get lost in home and I'll give up when
you're closes, So you'll need body to say it's okay
enough to feel okay, it's okay, need to okay when
it's okay okay. So thank you Crystal for sharing with
(03:24):
us some songs that relate to the topic of I'm
fine when we're really not fine and it's actually okay
to not be fine. And the new music recommendations. I'm
sure those are songs that people can check out. And
music can be so powerful and healing and allow you
to release a lot of emotions that you may need
to get out. So I highly recommend you listen to
some music if you need to. Next email is from anonymous.
(03:47):
I think the next few emails are from people who
wanted to share stories but not their names, which is
totally fine. I can always keep your name off if
you just tell me, or I'll reply back to you
and ask if you would like to have your name
or not. So here's the email. Amy. Thank you so
much for the very informative episode of four Things. If
you're looking for stories to share that might make a difference,
(04:08):
I would like to use mine. I'm fourteen years old
with serious depression and anxiety. I don't always know how
to get across that. Even though I tell my system
I'm fine, sometimes I need a check in. My parents
hid things for me, and then I found out, and
then they denied for years, and then the truth came
out that I'm struggling with this stuff. They don't believe
in therapy and just don't understand the big deal that
(04:30):
it is and how it impacts me. If it wasn't
for counselors at school, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Having someone noticed that you're literally falling apart on the
inside and willing to help you when people in your
house aren't is major. I was always packed with sports,
many extracurricular activities, school, and my at home life. I
had a habit of leaving my house and going into
(04:51):
a new environment, completely new, without anyone having a clue
what was actually going on with me or what I
was feeling. This makes you feel no like you're living
a double life, having to fill yourself with other things
that distract you from the problem. Learning when you're thirteen
that what you feel is a confirmed thing after years
(05:12):
of convincing yourself that you were making it up, is
not maddening, but rather confirmation. Figuring out that taking time
out of your day to just write or talk is
so valuable. Choosing to share my story and a piece
of me allows me to help others that are as
young as me that are stuck and don't think that
you can receive help. When you can ask at school,
(05:32):
find someone you trust and talk to them, something small
that is an issue will become bigger. I can't change
my depression or anxiety, but I can squash it before
it gets to the point where it's unmanageable. I would
like to remain anonymous. If you choose to share this,
So of course I did, and I emailed back with
her and she was excited that I was going to
read it. Because whether you're a teenager or an an adult,
(05:54):
if you're going through someone and you're surrounded by people
that don't think what you have is a real thing,
that anxiety is not real or depression is not real,
that can add to the problem and magnify it. I
can't imagine how lonely that must feel, and how difficult
to not have someone supporting you. But I'm so thankful
that this girl was able to turn to a school
counselor So, whether you're a young person listening to me,
(06:18):
hopefully you can reach out to someone in your life
that can help you and affirm what you're feeling and
give you the tools that you need to start navigating
through it, or maybe someone at church, or if you're
an adult, can you see a therapist, Can you talk
to a friend, Can you start putting in the work,
and like this young, sweet fourteen year old girl said,
getting ahead of it before it gets worse, Like obviously
(06:41):
there's times where she has to check in with herself
and just right or take time to talk and it
could help things out before they get so much worse.
And again, I can't even imagine what it's like to
be in a home with parents that maybe deny what
you have going on and aren't supportive. So also too,
I just want that to be encouragement to parents that
are listening right now. If you're seeing signs in your
(07:01):
kids and maybe you don't necessarily believe what they're going through,
I would ask you to have a little compassion and
grace and step back and do some research of your
own so that you can be there for your child
and not use whatever stigma you have against certain things
and projected onto them, because they really could be struggling
and they really might need you. And maybe this is
an opportunity for everybody in your family to do some work. Okay,
(07:23):
next email again is from someone anonymous. Hey, Amy, I
wanted to reach out because I heard you talking on
the Bobby Bones Show recently about how you discourage people
from talking about how someone looks. I had heard you
talk about this before on the radio show in your
four Things podcast, but didn't fully understand the importance of
this until recently. Well. I don't have an eating disorder.
I have been battling a deep depression lately. Over the
(07:46):
past couple of months, I have lost about fifteen pounds,
and not on purpose. I was struggling with eating hardly anything,
so the weight fell off pretty quickly. I was not
happy about it, because I knew it was because of
the depression, but it was something that I just couldn't
get myself to get up and do any thing about.
One day, one of the people that I supervised asked
me if I had lost weight. I told him I had,
and he said, you can tell, you look great. Another
(08:08):
girl was there said excitedly, yeah, you can definitely tell.
I was so ashamed. I didn't know how to respond.
I couldn't just say thanks, I haven't been eating because
I'm depressed. You have mentioned this before and that it's
not just for people with eating disorders, because depression can
also have a drastic physical effect on people. You never
know what someone is going through. Thanks for being an
(08:29):
advocate for people who struggle with these comments and for
educating those who may not know why it's an issue.
Before going through this experience, I would not have understood
the issue with comments like this. Thank you so much
for sharing this email, and I used to compliment people's
bodies all the time, not knowing that I could be
feeding into uh a needing disorder problem like adding fuel
to the fire complimenting them on that, or I could
(08:52):
be complimenting a weight loss that people don't want because
they have something serious going on, like depression, or maybe
they have a disease or can answer insert anything in there.
I've learned it's just not cool commenting on people's bodies, period,
and we need to start putting it out there so
that we can all stop doing it. Next email is
(09:21):
also anonymous. Hey, Amy, writing this email is definitely not
my norm. I just had to reach out to you
in hopes that you see this. Thank you for the
I'm Fine podcast. Even if you've never experienced the direct
impact of suicide, the podcast reached me in a positive way.
Two years ago, I lost two people to suicide within
six weeks of each other, a dear friend and an uncle.
(09:43):
I can't tell you the lasting devastation something like that
has on a person. I work as a medical assistant
and at the time there was a social worker in
the office. She confronted me in a safe way, and
exactly what I told her is I'm fine. It was
after my uncle's death that I came to her because
I clearly wasn't okay. I'm continuing on my journey working
(10:04):
on my mental health and how I process loss. Suicide, depression,
mental health are all topics that have this giant stigma
surrounding them. So I'm glad that we're able to have
the conversation here. Yeah, I just want to say thank
you for sharing that. Again, Guys, I just want to
encourage you it's okay to not be okay. And when
you answer i'm fine, you may be trying to hide
(10:25):
that you're fine, or it might be such a sarcastic
i'm fine, kind of like the irony of the I'm
fine shirts, Like you can wear that shirt and kind
of be like, oh, it's like I'm not okay, I'm fine,
it's fine, everything is fine. But there also might be
something really deep rooted in there, like lying deep under that.
Like I think there's different levels of that I'm fine,
and only you know how you really feel. So please
(10:48):
check in with yourself, check in with who you can
have these conversations with, who you can be honest with,
because I don't want you to go through this alone
and if we learned anything from last week's episode, it's
just how mental health issues are very real and there
shouldn't be a stigma attached to it, and suicide rates
are higher than I even realized. So I just want
(11:11):
to make sure that we're all taking care of ourselves
and doing the best that we can, and that hopefully
you can find a safe place to land where there
is no stigma surrounding in for now. If podcasts like
the Four Things podcast, which I'll say, we don't always
focus on mental health each episode, but I hope overall
it is a positive space for you to be and
(11:32):
you can feel comfortable when you listen to the podcast,
and it's not going to be anything that triggers you
or makes you feel negative in any sort of way,
and if it does, I would like to hear from you.
I mean, there was feedback I got, you know when
I first started, how many different things I did unknowingly
that we're triggering people with eating disorders because I was
stuck in my own disordered eating pattern and I'm sorry
(11:53):
for that, but I learned from it and I grew.
But also I grew from people emailing me letting me know, like, hey,
I can't listen to your podcast anymore because when you
continue to talk about detoxes or different things that I
can't really be a part of, it's a trigger. And
I will say I was on the defense for a
little bit because I just didn't understand, and then once
(12:13):
my eyes were open to it, and now that I
really do. I try to be careful of how I
approach things, and my podcast isn't going to be for everybody,
but if there is a way I can make it better,
and for those of you that are going through things,
I would like the opportunity at least hear from you
and what your thoughts are so that I can be
open to maybe taking things a different direction or growing
(12:36):
myself and how I put content out there for you
to consume. So I really feel more and more like
this podcast isn't just mine, it's ours, especially here during
the fifth thing, where I'm sharing things that you have
sent in. So when I'm putting an episode together, I'm
I'm doing it for you, So just know that. And
I hope y'all are doing well. I hope you're taking
(12:56):
care of yourselves. And I do still get messages about
those or things shirts and where to find them. And
I'll just say again, because I don't think people always hear,
but radio amy dot com is where you can find
links to everything, whether it's pimp and joy espoa, my
Amazon Favorites things, links to the Bobby Bones Show. All
of that is there on that homepage at radio amy
dot com
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