Today on GET REAL Podcast...MOLLY FLETCHER!
As one of the first female sports agents, MOLLY has recruited and represented hundreds of SPORT’S BIGGEST NAMES including Hall of Fame pitcher, JOHN SMOLTZ, and broadcaster, ERIN ANDREWS.
She is now a 5x author, podcast host, and one of the MOST SOUGHT-AFTER KEYNOTE SPEAKERS in the world!
IN THIS EPISODE, we talk:
• The art of NEGOTIATION
• ENERGY management
• Setting and honoring personal BOUNDARIES
• How to negotiate with CONFIDENCE
• Living aligned with INTENTION and PURPOSE
Listen to MOLLY FLETCHER on GET REAL Podcast...NOW!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Caryl Lone.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
She's a queen talking if you so, you know, she's
getting really not afraid to feel its episode soul, just
let it flow.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
No one can do.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Requie like Cary Lone is sounding Caroline.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
I am just thrilled to be here with Molly Fletcher.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
You are like a legend in the sports agent sports world.
I mean literally, you are a game changer and you
have just you set the bar for women as you
were called. You are called the Jerry McGuire woman, like
the woman Jerry maguire in the sports agency world.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
You are such a boss and you are so smart.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
You have managed some of the biggest athletes or I
don't know, agent, what is.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
It cause it's called managing, is that it is?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Yeah, an agent managed the career sure.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Of some of the biggest athletes out there, negotiated huge contracts,
all alongside men, where women aren't normally the ones doing this.
And you're going neck and neck and just like rocking it.
And you have just gathered so much wisdom on how
to negotiate, how to conserve your energy and be wise
(01:24):
with your energy, how to be fearless.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
You just have You've written five books about this too.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
You have so much information that you have learned and
internalized and now shared with us, doing these huge deals
with the biggest power players in the industry for the
most money you could imagine. I'm sure, Like it's just
the stakes have been so high for you and you
just have like done it.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
It's awesome.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
It's been fun. I'm super grateful. I mean, we you know,
but these guys and Cal's do what they do on
the field, and for me to as an agent for years,
have an opportunity to help capitalize on that for them
on and off the field, it's it's a real pleasure
and a treat. I mean, they have such a short
window of time to do, you know, something that that
(02:13):
you know, they make it a lifetime or in four
years what most of us make in a lifetime and
and plus plus right, So to be trusted in that
very short window of time by them, you know, was
always just an absolute honor and I took it very seriously.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
But it really is so interesting, like the art and
negotiation what you talk about this a lot. And I
am definitely by no means a sports agent, but I
have a three year old and I am constantly negotiating
with her, and I have realized, like my approach how
I come in there and set the stage and set
up the situation with her determines if we're going to
(02:50):
have a meltdown, determines if we're gonna have if she's
gonna have fun with it, if we're gonna have a
good day for a while. Like literally, how I come
in mentally and set the stage with her affects the outcome.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
And so I'm just sitting there thinking if this is
like happening.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
With a three year old, like you know, like that's
just like such a small little example, but literally, human
beings are the same. Like how you go into a situation,
the energy that you come in with, the way you
set the stage, the way you go in for the deal,
all of that, like that determines whether I mean really
I mean not that like someone will probably have their
mind matup already if they're wanting leaning towards the deal
(03:28):
or not. But if it's like in debate or you're
trying to get something, I'm sure how you set it
up can make or break that situation and the energy
that you bring into it as the agent. So like
you said, to have the trust of these huge players.
For you to be the one navigating and negotiating their contracts,
(03:49):
that's huge. So talk to me about negotiation because I
really want to talk about this and energy, conserving your
energy and using your energy wisely because you study this
firsthand in the highest and the most intense playing arena
that you could possibly have a chance to study this,
Tell me about negotiation and setting the stage so you
have a successful negotiation.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Sure well, I mean, you know if for me as
an agent, you know, Caroline, I negotiated every day, all
day long because it was just the nature of that world.
I mean, be it you know, appearances or endorsements or
huge contracts, you know, navigating athletes through free agency and
arbitration and all the things that occur inside whether it's baseball,
(04:32):
whether it's golf, whether it's a broadcaster, and you know,
so for me, I've always believed that it's about relationships.
It's about building connection with the people that you're negotiating
with and understanding who you're negotiating with. In other words,
I think so often when people negotiate, they spend all
kinds of time thinking about what they want, oh oh yeah,
(04:53):
things that they need for this to be a win.
And I think you got to flip that on the
head and say, what do they need, what matters most
to them, what's going on in their world? What is
this person's And we teach this in our negotiation training,
what is this person's negotiation style?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
And you're talking about your not your client, the person
you're negotiating to deal with.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
The person that you're negotiating with. Absolutely, but but you
know to your point about setting the stage and and
and and building that foundation. You know, I was always
incredibly prepared for these kinds of conversations. And when you are,
you can approach them with more confidence, You can approach
them with with greater connection. For sure. It's important and
(05:37):
that you know, I saw a lot of mistakes, and
I made mistakes, right, I mean one of the biggest,
you know, things I see often is people don't pause
and build a great connection. If you lay the foundation,
if you even add value to the person that you're
negotiating with, which people think is counterintuitive, but if you
add value to them in advance of making the ask.
(05:58):
When you do ask for what you want, at some level,
you can pause and hold the space.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Oh oh, that's hard to pause.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
That is it's hard. It's hard. Probably it's a secret weapon.
And I wrote a book about negotiation, and that chapter,
in fact, is one of the ones that people really
found remarkably helpful, in addition to other areas of it.
But that pause piece, it's huge. And a pause can
be you know, fifteen seconds, thirty seconds, a minute, it
(06:25):
can be a week, a month. But when we pause,
particularly after we've laid the foundation and connected and all
those you ask for what you want and you just
stop because you've already done all that right, You've already
laid that foundation.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Now, it takes so much confidence to pause. And because
like my natural reaction I've been working on pausing too,
is oh my god, I need to fill that space
because like what I want them to like me, they're
not talking.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
But no, that's just that's absolutely the wrong mentality.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
It is and it you know, it's it's an I
saw it work so many times with the athletes, with
the general managers within hours. But it sends a message.
It sends a message that I've painted this picture for
you really clearly, and for me, I was representing athletes,
and so if I knew what my guy wanted and
(07:20):
I knew his level of confidence around it. I could
make that ask and pause. But I think to your
question earlier to Caroline, I mean, to me, one of
the main reasons people don't negotiate as much as they could.
I believe negotiation is everywhere all around us, all day long.
We've just got to stay creative, stay open, but we've
got to get the reps in. You know, the more
(07:42):
you do it, the more confident you get having these
kinds of difficult conversations. But one of the main reasons,
particularly women don't negotiate as much as men, is a
lack of confidence around it. And so then you pull
back and go, okay, well, how do we close that gap?
And it's practice, it's reps. It's you know, it's going
to Starbucks and getting a coffee and then just for fun,
(08:05):
trying to see if you can talk them into a
free shot of expresso. It's it's you know, I mean,
I negotiated, you know, with the orthodontis for my daughter's teeth.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
I mean, how did you do it? Tell me?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Well, and those are moments where you think, well, you
don't negotiate with an orthodonist who does that? Right? But again,
it's just reps in a small, low risk situation at
some level, right, not asking for a raise or a
you know. And so so long story short, we have
three girls. I mean now they're twenty nineteen and nineteen,
but we had three girls in twelve months. That's a
(08:38):
whole nother story. Care who it's unbelievable there. So they
were like six, six and seven, and you know, their
mouths look like land mines, and so I needed to
we needed to get braces. Well, now you know, it's
a racket, right, Like you get braces. This is what
you have to look forward to with your three year old.
(08:58):
You get braces or I don't know, twelve to twenty
four months, and then four or five years later you
do it again. You do phase one so they can
get all your money then and then you do phase two,
which is horrifying. I'm fifty one years old and I
can tell you, I mean, that didn't exist. When I
told my parents this, They're like, that's a racket. So anyway,
I'm sitting in this in the Orthodonis office. I've got
(09:20):
these three girls. Their mouths looks like land mines. They
definitely need braces, but I'm not really sold on this,
you know, a phase one, phase two, and it's already
you know, I think it was three grand a kid.
And so I'm sitting in the office. It's really crowded.
It's a great location. You know, there's two docs, but
(09:40):
I'm watching the whole thing. Once I kind of have
the girls visit it, you know, have the girls checked
and then get the quote. And the lady says to
me as we sit in the office, Hey, so here's
what we're gonna do with the girl. This is what
they need. And she walks me through it and says,
so it's you know, it's three grand a girl, so
it's nine grand. And I said, okay, cool. Now, meanwhile,
(10:00):
I've kind of taken in the whole vibe of the
whole place and I said wow. I said, so, like,
you guys are busy. I mean you're in an unbelievable location.
And she goes, oh, yeah, no, we yeah, we're so busy.
I mean we just brought in this other doc now
because you know how much demand we have. And I said, man,
so how many how many like people like me and
like this do you do a year? And she starts
(10:21):
telling me and I said, and you envoice them all
on this, you know, nine grand overtime monthly. She goes yeah,
and I'm like, wow, that's kind of a pain in
the ass, and she goes yeah for sure. I said,
uh wow. I said, well, do they always pay on time?
And she goes no, And I'm like, and they got
the braces on, so you don't have a whole lot
of leverage. And she's laughing, and I said, well, what
(10:43):
if we did something We're like, let's say, you know,
this invoicing sounds kind of like a pain for you.
It's a little bit of a source spot. I said,
what if we do I pay you in advance, all right,
you have check right now for six grand, and we'll
just do kind of like a BUYE two get one
free deal. What do you think?
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Rob?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And I just sort of stopped, and she like looks
at me and goes, wow, well, huh, let me go
ask the docs if that's something that we can do.
I mean, we've never really done that before. And she
comes back like a couple of minutes later and she goes, done.
Love it.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
So you're just so confident and you're so cool and
you're not like you're not showing nervousness in it.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Well, I think, and that's just a result of a
practicing and looking at these kinds of moments kind of
as fun as an opportunity to just get some reps
in practice. I mean, I was prepared for her to
say no and pay the retail price and do the
system and the process the way they do it. But
why not, like in kind of a fun, safe way
do that. But part of the reason I think that
(11:43):
it worked, and what I'm a big believer in is
is this, you got to get in their head and heart.
You got to know what they're worried about. And by
kind of watching the environment asking some questions, it gave
me also a little bit of confidence to make that
ask to understand that potentially I was in fat solving
a smitche of a problem for right both one. So
(12:05):
you know, the thing I encourage people to do and
I just was fortunate to have this platform as an
agent to negotiate constantly. And what I found was the
more I did it, the more confident I got, and
the more that you start to see what works what doesn't,
mistakes that I made along the way, And so you know,
(12:25):
that's my hope is that the more women can practice,
the more people can practice, the more confident they get,
and then they're more confident in the big moments, the
moments where they're asking for big stuff potentially at work
or you know, other huge purchases in their life, homes, cars,
things like that they have. You know, they've gotten some
reps in and they feel more confident in those moments.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
So you have a whole book on negotiating.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
So I think this is just such a great topic
that you go straight to the heart of the matter
for especially for women, because I just know as women,
we're just like we just doubt ourselves more than men.
And it's just I feel like the tides are turning,
especially women like you getting the message out there, but
there is still a lot of women who just don't
trust themselves and just don't think that they can negotiate
(13:08):
or don't feel like they have the confidence to do it.
So if you are going to do just like for
women listening, because a lot of women listen to this podcast,
and a lot of women know that they are capable,
and they just don't know how how what are some
easy steps like how could someone a woman or how
could someone start to negotiate for themselves in their everyday life,
like you just said with the orthodonics, like I wouldn't
(13:31):
have even known how to assess that situation like you
just did, or like you're even saying, like ask for
a shot of an express at Starbucks? How can we
start looking for opportunities to negotiate and then how do
we do it?
Speaker 3 (13:43):
How do you start.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Implementing it if you don't have the natural skill set
or you haven't practiced it.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Well, I mean, one way to do it would be,
you know, and I'm just literally sort of sharing this
off the fly, but I mean I would almost encourage
people to pull back and say, make a life list,
personally and professionally of all the things in your life
that you potentially have an opportunity to negotiate, right right, so,
(14:10):
and think about your life. You know, the things that
you pay for now right, you know, whether it's cars
or houses or clothes or you know the yard guy,
the gutter guy, that the car wash guy. That I mean,
just just make a list of the things, you know,
go back to your Amax and look at all the
(14:30):
outflaws and go okay, wait, wait a minute, I wonder,
right if if if I if I scheduled these cleaning
people every week for less time, maybe I could I
mean just make a list of all the things, and
then I would pull back and think, is there a
scenario by which you would be a little bit happier
with this deal? And then consider what is that individual
(14:53):
most worried about, what matters most to them, And then
begin to see if there's some opportunities where you could
make an ap ask that in fact might benefit the
other person, but it's in a safe, personal, potentially environment
where there's you would argue maybe a little bit less risk,
right And and I mean I'm talking about things like
(15:15):
you go to the grocery store and you have your
stack of coupons and three of the ten are expired.
Work the lady at the thing and say, look, it
was just last week. I mean, I'm just talking about
like two hour thirties. That's gotta jeez. I mean, no,
you think maybe you could just just just recognize this
cubpint even though it's just last week, Like just have
fun in all these little moments. You go pick out
(15:36):
a dress for an event and it's got a little
stain on it, a little mark on it, and you
walk up to the lady and she, you know, rings
it up and you just sort of point this spot
out that maybe you're not that worried about You don't
really care about it, it doesn't bother you that much.
But how about you, you know, start at twenty twenty
five percent off and you might settle it ten or
fifteen percent off, but fun, just have fun with it
(15:57):
in those moments, right because they're they're they're they're literally everywhere.
And so what I would encourage people to do is
look at all the things that you pay for and
then consider the ways in which you can lean into
these little moments. And then what happens inevitably in that
you start to get confidence and then you start to
(16:20):
you know, maybe step into bigger moments. Maybe it's it's
you know, cars, maybe it's houses, maybe it's your job,
your career, and you build up that confidence and the
wraps to to lean into those bigger ones. So I
would say that would be a good way. I mean
that that is just sort of a lifestyle approach at
(16:42):
some level to gaining confidence. And you know, it's a
little suffocating, a little bit of the fear that bubbles
up inside of us when we've got to step into
these moments.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
I love that, and I love it you have fun
with it, and you don't. You're not You're just assessing
the situation. You're just looking at all the opportunities out
looking at everything as an opportunity and then seeing, Okay,
let me just try this, let me see how.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
I could be helping someone else.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
But not being scared to ask and to go in there.
I feel like that's another thing that can hold people
back is being too scared to even speak up or
ask when you do have an idea, like to negotiate
or to try to get a you know, to try
to work a situation.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
But like just being just being cool to ask for.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
It, ask what you want in spot and say something
whatever you see like that could be a deal, like
say it out loud.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah. And part of that, like I learned a ton
from my mom, honestly, Like my mom and I mean,
and here's another lifestyle example, right, Like we'd go to
a show and I was fourteen, and the underage price
for the ticket was thirteen and under, but I just
turned fourteen right like two weeks ago, and my mom
would work that chick at the front ticket counter to
(17:57):
get me in at the thirteen rate versus the fourteen,
but she was prepared to pay the extra five bucks
if she had to. But like, that's an example of
just those moments where we can practice right. And you know,
So the only thing I would say is I was
not born confident in this, right. I had it modeled
a little bit at home, and then I stepped into
(18:19):
a career. So the one thing I would say to
women is, we're not born confident. Right. We get confident
through actions, through behaviors, through through through through a through
a shift at some level through our behavior that begins
to change our mindset, and the and the self talk
and the story that sometimes we tell ourselves in these
moments when we think you got to be crazy, like
(18:41):
you're not going to do this. I mean if you
change your story to what's at risk? What's at risk?
If I fail? What's at risk if this doesn't work?
And you know, in these little lifestyle opportunities and moments,
often the risk is low. And you know, and I
would encourage you know, like you said, I love how
you said that. I mean, and it's true you have
fun you.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Yeah, you say that, Like that's what I like is
that you're saying, have fun with this, and you said,
this is like your mission statement. You have so many
like just nuggets of information. You were saying, people settling
for less than their full potential breaks your heart.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
And you are someone who broke.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Into the sports industry as an outsider, as a woman,
and you could have easily not gone for your full potential.
There's a million reasons for you to step back, for
you to play small. So you have made it your
life's mission for to help people step into their full potential.
And that's hard for a lot of us to do.
I feel like, I feel like it's scary because you
(19:39):
have to be confident, you have to be willing to negotiate.
You also talk about living fearlessly, how do we live fearlessly?
And then energy management because these are such key things,
especially for someone like you who was like I was
listening to some other podcasts that you did, and you
were talking to someone about energy management and a time
when you really felt like you weren't manage your energy well.
(20:01):
You had all of these high client, high power client
athletes on your roster, Like you picked your parents up
for the airport and you were having lunch with them,
and you love being with your parents so much, and
you were literally like on your phone NonStop, like people
had emergency for emergency. It felt like emergencies. You know,
it's like life and death with these athletes, and so
it's like you're like answering the call and you're not
being able to be present with your parents who came
(20:24):
in town to see you, who you love to be with.
And that was like a moment where you're like, Okay,
I need to work on energy, Like I got to
switch this more or less. I feel like that's what
I gathered from that situation. So talk to me about energy,
managing your energy, using your energy wisely, how to know
where to put your energy and where not to and
especially with like these athletes who are having people come
(20:46):
at them all the time with I'm sure wonderful opportunities
like brand deals and like big paying deals, but it's
like you can't say yes to all of them, and
so deciding where to say yes, when to say no.
How do you know how to do that? How do
you decipher that? I feel like that is a huge
lesson I have been learning. I used to say yes
to everything because I didn't know what I wanted, and
(21:08):
so I like wanted to say yes to all this
because like, well maybe that's what I want, Maybe that's
what I need to try this, I need to try this.
And now it's like no, I'm going to say no
first until I can absolutely figure out why it's going
to be a yes. But that's taken me forty years
to just figure out, right.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yeah, Well to your first part, I mean, it does
it breaks my heart people that don't live to their fullest.
And what I mean by that, I gave a Ted
talk that kind of went viral and it was all
about how you know, it's it's it's not about talent,
it's about drive. Because I saw a lot of talented
people not have the level of success whatever they deemed
(21:48):
that word to mean to them, that they anticipated potentially
as an athlete and so and then I think, but
I think about drive differently from the perspective that it's
that it's about fulfillment, not achievement. You know, I've seen,
sadly a lot of people with a lot of achievements,
a lot of money, trophies, accolades, but they're not fulfilled.
(22:11):
And I think, and that breaks my heart. I mean.
I had a friend of mine, a female who's a
big time executive at a company, and we were to
gather one day for lunch and she was just having
a hard time, and I said, what's going on? And
she said, look, I feel like I'm disconnected from my
kids and my husbands, you know, gain and weight. We're
arguing all the time. I'm never taking time to exercise.
(22:32):
I'm traveling more than I ever have. I got a promotion,
but they're not giving me a raise until the end
of the year. And you know, I'm just going and
burning it at both ends, which you know, Caroline, we're
hearing from everybody right now. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
And the thing is, like you say too, when you're
a leader and you have all these skills, people are going.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
To just take and take and take because you get
it done.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Leaders get it done, make it happen, you do an
excellent job. So it's like the more you will say yes,
the more people are going to put on your plane.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Absolutely totally. And so I looked at her and I said,
what are you What are you chasing? And she goes,
what are you talking about? I said, what are you chasing?
She goes, what the hell? Kind of question is that?
And I said, well, what's it all for? I mean,
what is this all for? The promotion? The what are
(23:21):
you chasing? You know? And she goes, you know, Molly,
I don't think I know. And I go, okay, cool,
Well let's work on that. Let's figure that out. Let's
gain some clarity there, and I can help you with that,
right And to me, I'm a huge fan. And you
reference personal mission statements. I think we need purpose statements
in our own companies have purpose statements, mission statements that
(23:43):
they lean into to guide their decisions on yes and no.
I think people need them too, But we need personal
mission statements, purpose statements to guide are to your point
earlier yeses and nos, so that we're ensuring that we're
there are ladders up against the right wall, that that
the things that we value the most, that our behavior
(24:06):
is aligning with.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
That, Oh that's so good, that's so good, instead of
just getting swept up in the cyclone of life.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
And that was and you know, Caroline, that was a
result of me misaligning a lot, and that was where
I got the clarity. And you told that story. I mean,
I had just moved down to Atlanta, I was trying
to get a job in the sports space. I had
I had gotten the job. My parents had come down
to visit me, and the entire time we were at
launch after I picked them right up from the airport,
I was so excited. I mean, my parents and I
(24:40):
were so close, and my phone rang, and I just
kept jumping up from the table, and it was one
athlete after another, one coach after another, and and it
was a moment when I realized, Wow, Okay, I have
to I have to do a better job of number one.
I had to have the confidence to let my guys know,
(25:00):
look for this one hour. I'll call you back in
an hour, right, Like we have to be able to
set bound. And I think, you know, one of the
things that I teach in our energy training, and I
wrote a book called the Energy Clock around Energy because
I think energy, particularly for us as women, can solve
a lot of problems for us. Yeah, and I think
(25:22):
women we and I say women a lot. I know
that's a lot of your listeners, but I think this
is you know, this is non gender specific per se,
But I think we have to get really clear on
what gives us energy, Like why what gives you energy, Like,
what are the five, ten, fifteen things? Because what we
can't do is we can't wait until you know, four
(25:42):
months till easter break and the vacation that we have planned.
We've got to find out how can we ensure that
we infuse energy in ourselves consistently? Oh, manage the level
of demand because here's the deal. The level of demand
on people right now is exceeding their camp and the
impact that the level of demand has had inside of
(26:03):
COVID on women, particularly in the workforce, is horrifying. Right,
So we have to make sure we train, literally train
ourselves to manage the demand. And that creates intention. That
requires intentionality that create requires systems. So what I tend? Yeah,
systems I mean and what So we've got to figure
(26:26):
out what gives us energy. We got to figure out
what drains our energy. And part of this, Caroline is
my like, you know, twenty years in the sports space
working with athletes and coaches who didn't operate against calendars
the way business people do. Right, Athletes they have very
little awareness per se and don't operate against it. They
(26:48):
operate against their playing schedule and the kind of energy
they need to perform at their best in the big moments.
And then I get out into the business world. When
I stepped away and now I speak, you can write,
and I was. It was amazing to me the level
of intensity, if you will, around calendars, less so around
performance and having the energy for the moments that matter. Right,
(27:12):
Like often business people we just accept except yes I'll
go to that cocktailer, Yes I'll go to that lunch meeting.
Yes I'll go to that coffee meeting. And then we
get there and we're pushing all this energy into the
potentially less important. Now we don't have the energy to
perform at our best in the important moments. Yes, So
I think we've got to say, what are the things
that give us energy, and we've got to put those
(27:34):
in our calendars first. Okay, yes, you know, if it's
if it's working out, if it's yoga, if it's a walk,
if it's whatever it is for you, time in the morning,
quiet times, prayer, whatever it is for you, put that
in first. Right. Then put your personal you know, family, children, spouse,
(27:56):
in vers.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
I love that, especially for women, Yeah, because.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
You don't, because if you don't have energy, how good
are you for your children? For colleagues for your spouse,
you're not now. And this was counterintuitive for me because
I grew up in a home with very unselfish parents
who didn't always put themselves first. They they they they
were giving constantly. So this was a shift for me
(28:22):
mindset wise. I was like, wait, this feels really selfish,
This isn't right. But what I thought, what I found
through my own mistakes, was if if I didn't take
care of myself, nothing else works.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
I mean, you have no energy to give.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I wasn't showing up as the kind of mom, the
kind of employee, the kind of spouse, the kind of friend,
the kind of parishioner at my church, nothing if I
didn't have any energy. So we've got to put that
in our calendars, right then we put in you know,
our kids' sports events, our their their piano recital, our spouse,
our date night once week, whatever it is. Put it
(28:59):
in and create some non negotiables around those, and now.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Then we can begin to protect that really matters to you.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
You have to protect it.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Right and then you react to the requests that come
in based on now your current platform of availability, because
you've already ensured that you're giving energy and attention to
the things that you are, that you're clear on matter
most to you.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
That's first.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
I love that your health, your rest, your feeling. Now granted,
I'm not suggesting that every single person I mean but
has has perfect that has total control over their calendar.
But what I do believe is we can be more
more intentional about our energy. I mean, I'll give you
an example. We do energy training all over the country.
We trained about twenty six hundred people for John Dere Dealers. Now,
(29:51):
these are people that stand at a counter all day
long with people that come in with their tractor, their
lawnmower or whatever that's broken. So these people don't operate
as rigorously on a schedule. But what we help them
do is understand the level of intention that they could
live into throughout the day by stepping outside for a minute,
by ensuring they take the breaks they need, by by
(30:13):
fueling their body with healthy snacks throughout the day, by
ensuring they get the kind of rest they need the
night before, by by building in these micro breaks right
and just looking at their schedule through the lens of
energy versus the lens of time. I love that it's easy,
(30:36):
It's a big deal. I mean, this book did really well.
In our training program that we train people with does
really well. And it's just so you know, burnout to
me is really at some level a result of a
couple of things. Number One, I think it's hard to
get burnt out if you're living your purpose.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
If you're living on your purpose.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Okay, Like I would argue Tom Brady, he wasn't burned out.
He just felt like he couldn't win a Super Bowl anymore.
That's why he stepped away.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
And I'm not trying to gossip, but you would be
someone who I feel like just left. Do you feel
like he was glad that he came back and blew.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Up his whole life or was that just like you
just couldn't stop playing football, Because I'm like, then, god,
oh and now you retire the next year. But I'm
sure there's so much sports. So anyway, we don't have
to talk about tomber I.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
I don't know Tom personally enough to really speak to it.
But what I but what I have seen historically with
athletes towards the end of their career, if they don't
have a clear purpose in life beyond what they do,
it gets really hard to step away. And I've seen
that with a lot of athletes and coaches, men and
(31:44):
women across all different sports. And that's why I always,
when I represented athletes, always tried to ensure that they
had fulfillment outside of it when the jersey wasn't on
their back.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Oh god, you're such a agent. Could you see the
whole person?
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Well, that was what being a woman. I'll be honest
with you. You know, it's funny I think being a woman.
People sometimes will ask me that at keynotes, right, like,
boy was at a I get the question a lot
of different ways, which is kind of fun. Was that
a disadvantage to be a woman? Or sometimes what was
it like being a woman? How hard was it being
I mean, I get the question a lot of ways,
which is always interesting to decipher. But you know, to me,
(32:25):
it was it was a secret weapon from the perspective
of I wasn't their wife, I wasn't their sister, I
wasn't their girlfriend, I wasn't their mother. But I had been.
I was a student athlete at Michigan State, so I
had played at a D one level, but never professionally.
So I felt like I got it a little bit, certainly,
not at that level. But being a woman, I think
(32:47):
at some level I took a little bit more of
a holistic approach. And I would have wives say to
the athlete, if it was a male, ninety percent of
the people I represented were guys. You know, they would say, look,
I don't even know your agent, Like they don't care
when you get traded, and I'm sitting here with a
car and house and I'm pregnant, And I got like
(33:08):
this lady cares about all of us. And for you,
by the way, to go do what you do as
a golf For a baseball player, it's a lot more effective.
You're a lot more effective when everything at home feels right.
And I think we all can relate to that, right,
Like if I feel misaligned with my husband or my
kids or my I am less productive at work, Yeah,
(33:31):
totally feel that connection.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
So athletes are the same way. Right, they're human beings.
I mean, yes, they have an enormous ability to navigate
amazing capacity on a public stage, but they're human beings.
I mean, Tiger, I would argue, went through some windows
a time where he didn't perform at his best, and
you could say, huh, I wondered if that was because
(33:54):
of the mess that was happening off away from the
golf course, and so you know, I definitely saw that
and wanted to put my arms around the entire family,
not just the athlete.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Oh, Mollie, And that's so awesome. And I do feel
like that is you being a woman, but like holding
your boundaries so you didn't sacrifice yourself to be in
a man's world, and then also holding boundaries for your
clients so they didn't have to sacrifice every single thing
in their life so they could have this career and
then have their whole life blow up around it.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
That's just so profound.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
So what did you tell your friend, because I want
to kind of circle back, your friend executive who was
having a burnout, who got her promotion but wasn't gonna
get paid, her home life was suffering, husband, kids, not connected.
What because like, I feel like that sometimes the hard
part when when you're climbing the ladder, when you're trying
to establish your name, when you're trying to become this
(34:50):
person in your industry that's respected, and you know you're
putting in all these hours, you're doing all this stuff
because you want to build your career. But how how
do you tell someone like that which you had this
conversation with your friend, how do you put those boundaries
in place when no one else that you're working with
or the people above you don't care if you have
boundaries and really prefer you not to have boundaries because
(35:12):
they want to take all your time.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Mm hmm. Well it starts with clarity and awareness, right,
I mean you got to get really really clear.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Did she get her mission statement? Did y'all get it knocked?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
That's right? And so we pulled back and said, okay,
let's build. Let's build a personal mission statement. Now, let's
look at our existing life physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally and
spiritually and ask ourselves what where are the gaps? What
do we need to begin to say no to, What
do we need to pull off of our plate? What
(35:43):
can we give away and delegate? What are the things
that drain your energy across all of those energy categories mental, emotional, physical,
and what are those drainers? And how can we ensure
that we consistently and effectively attempt to remove those slowly
over time. Now, part of this means means that we
have to manage up down and around. Right, at some level,
(36:04):
you've got to pull back, and that's what I coached
her to do as a friend, was we need to
sit down in our personal life and have some conversations
to attempt to realign around the physical, mental, emotional, relational
best version of yourself and in turn what that means
you have to say no to And then we've got
(36:25):
to do that professionally.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
And then if you're scared, what if you're scared you're
going to lose your job because they're like, you're not,
how do you not lose your job and do the boundaries?
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Well, I think if it's a bit of a conversation
around if we want me to perform at this level
over a long period of time, this is in fact
what I think is going to allow us to do
that together. I also think you've got to build a
great foundational relationship in advance of this kind of a conversation,
(36:55):
which probably and hopefully exists right with those above around
and beside you. But at some level it requires having
the conversation with self awareness, with love, with understanding what
they're worried about, what matters most to them, their priorities,
but helping them see that for me to sustain and
(37:18):
contribute over time and at scale inside of the current demands.
Here's the kind of schedule and intentionality I need to
do that. And sometimes here's the thing you're lying. Sometimes
it's just hey to my assistant. Hey, if you schedule
a one hour call for me, give me fifteen minutes
(37:39):
before the next one. Just let me stand up, move around,
step outside, you know, say a prayer, call a friend,
respond to a call my child. But give me a gap,
because what isn't sustainable is seven or eight hours of
back to back to back to back, because then you
know what that becomes. The woman sitting in her bed
(38:02):
with her laptop on her lap after three glasses of wine,
with her husband beside her, who she doesn't want to
talk to because she's got to respond to the two
hundred emails that came in that she never could respond
to all day long. But if we manage our schedule effectively,
we build in the space and the capacity to allow
for our ability to react to those things without being
(38:26):
that person consistently with a laptop in our bed.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Oh that's so wise.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Building it, like you were saying with the John Deere people,
building in those micro brakes, building in those breaks for movement,
those breaks for your mind to have a time off
the breaks to get some other work done. That's so smart.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Well, Caroline, I think that. Look, stress and demand are
definitely impacting burnout for sure, But the other issue is
just a lack of intentional recovery. In other words, it's
not usually stress that actually creates the burnout. It's the
lack of recovery. It's the lack of space and time
(39:05):
to fuel yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally. That's the gap.
It's resilience, it's recovery. I mean, it's that lack of
recovery over a long period of time is what's creating
an environment of significant burnout.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Yeah, so what if you don't have a lot of
space for recovery, how do you work in some small
recoveries to keep yourself going?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Well, I mean number one, I would coach people to
pull back and go. I mean first we've got to
start with the energy aughdit I teach and people can
go to Mileyfletcher dot com. It's there. It's a free download,
but basically, you go, what gives me energy? Get really clear,
write that down, write down everything from things that take
two minutes, one minute, five thirty two days a day.
What write those down? What are the drainers? Write all
(39:52):
those down? Now, go to your schedule for the next
thirty days and look at your schedule and because actually
it's fairly well baked potentially right or sixty or whatever
that looks like for you, and begin to say, how
can I make some adjustments? Are there things that I
can delegate? Can I tighten some things up? Should I
(40:13):
push some things out that aren't necessarily urgent?
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Right?
Speaker 1 (40:16):
How can I look at each and every weekend day
and get intentional about inserting whether it's two minutes, three minute,
you know, five fifty whatever, these little micro brakes. But
also are there things that I can push out, give away,
delegate or remove fully?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
Right?
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Then, what I encourage people to do is go out
even farther and start to protect the time in your
calendar for the morning, workout, the evening, the date nights,
the kids schedule, all that. Now you've got a little
bit more of a blank slate to deal with, potentially, right,
So go load that up with the things that you've
(40:55):
already gotten clear on that you need to give you energy,
that are important to you, that align with your purpose
in your mind, that aligned with your values, and that
align with what matters most. My assistant would go out
when my girls were playing sports in high school. She
would load everything in all the games, everything so there.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
You didn't miss games.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
No, heck heck, yeah, you were there, even though most
agents missed all the games.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
No, I was.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
I mean, I'm not saying I was. That I did
miss some, but the big ones I was. I was
sure to be there. I mean, but I did miss.
I mean I wasn't at one hundred percent, but I
would say I was at eighty five to ninety percent
of the mud. But that's just a scheduling. I mean,
that was just intention, That's all that was. That was
making sure that if there was the you know, the
state championship first round, that my office didn't schedule a
(41:51):
dinner that night, that I didn't need to do that
particular night right now. Yeah, I dealt with real fire drills,
an athlete getting fired or hired or call up to
the big leagues, And those were moments where I had
to in that situation evaluate right, like am I gonna
be at the game or are they playing them? Again
in a week and a half, and I can miss
that because I got to be at this big league
(42:12):
call up that didn't happen very much.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
Man, you just that's so great. You set yourself up
for success. So then when you do have those fire drills,
you really have a template and a system to evaluate it,
and you don't feel like you've been neglecting your life,
and so you can make the decision that you need
to make in that moment, because your life isn't a
fire drill. You just have moments that are those fire drills.
(42:37):
But like your whole life, you have under control and
you have it aligned with your values, and it just
takes that, like you said, being intentional thinking about it,
making these lists, going into your life planning. I mean,
you have to set yourself up for success.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
You really do it. Guess not come naturally?
Speaker 1 (42:57):
No, it doesn't. I mean, and you know this isn't
on with I find you know, people who are high
performers over a long period of time have been incredibly
intentional with taking care of themselves so that they can
recover effectively. Now here's the deal, though, I would say
(43:18):
this My biggest thing, particularly to women is I mean
my husband, and I had three kids in twelve months.
I mean I had and I was running around like
a maniac as an agent. So I would say this,
look it took. I made a lot of mistakes. I'm
fifty one now. That's gotten me to a place of
a lot more confidence and clarity around the power of
this system, of this ritual, if you will. And that's
(43:41):
a result of I'll tell you a story. My mom
had flown down to Atlanta my parents live in Michigan
still to help my husband. I was going to be
gone for four or five keynotes in a week, and
it was a busy week. I generally like to cap
it at two or three at the most, but it
was a busy week. And and so I was like
(44:05):
Atlanta to Dallas, Dallas to New York, New York to
La La to you know, Detroit. I mean, it was
just it was just a zigzag. And I remember on
Thursday calling my mom and breaking down into tears and
I said, Mom, how are the girls? And she goes,
They're great, They're they're awesome, they're doing great, they're having
(44:27):
a great time at school. And I said, I'm absolutely exhausted.
And I talk about performance and I've got to walk
on a stage tomorrow in front of five hundred I
think it was medical device sales folks and talk about
performance and I am bride and she said, you know, look,
(44:49):
well here's the deal. I mean, the girls are fine,
but when you get back, we got to figure this out,
like we got to sit down and create some systems
for you. And that in part, and then there was
a lot. There was other moments like that, right, And
my mom's that person for me, like I'll just pick
up the phone and call her sometimes and just burst
into tears. I'm exhausted. I got you it. And but
this happens a lot less than it did. You know,
(45:11):
call it fifteen years ago, because that's when she and
I began to say, okay, wait a minute. And that's
when she started saying, look, you got to look at
your schedule more intentionally, and you got to make sure
that you have the energy for these moments. And by
the way she reminded me, which I was grateful for.
You know, I'd call my mom and dad and say, man,
(45:32):
I'm on a boat, Jordan's here. We're flying private to
the Bahamas for a dinner that night, coming back, you know,
and then I got and I mean they didn't give
a shit about any of it, Like they didn't care.
I would finish this montage of all this cool stuff
I was doing and meeting people in these places, and
she would just pause when I would say all of it,
(45:53):
and she'd go, how are the girls? Hou's Fred? Everybody good?
And it makes me terry, But it was so good
because honestly, I could have lost my way totally.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
You could have lost your whole family life on accident. Absolutely,
but as absolutely, And I think that's why.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
I talk about drive from the perspective of fulfillment, not achievement,
because we have to get really aligned with our purpose
and and what fulfillment is to us. Otherwise what happens
is we unintentionally chase the unimportant m And by the way,
(46:39):
when you get to those moments, which I've seen a
lot of people get to, it's it's a lot. It's
fun for a couple of days. These guys just won
the super Bowl. It's a blast for a couple days,
but then it's over. So if you're not chasing a
lifestyle of getting better every day, of just pursuing a
better version of yourself, so that you can more adequately
(47:01):
contribute to the world around you when you get there
wherever there is.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Then what because you've seen people actually, I mean and
you yourself reaching your highest dreams and your achievements, you've
seen people reach the peak of success as far as
accolades like what you can actually achieve in your career
as an athlete. You have seen people firsthand and you've
(47:27):
helped walk with them achieve their highest dream So, yeah,
a little bit more about that. I love that because
that's not everyone's like, I just got to get here,
get here, get here.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
If I get this, then I'll be happy. That's not it.
But if you are.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
And I interviewed some other people earlier, they really focus
on who would I interview, was it?
Speaker 3 (47:47):
No?
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Oh yeah, these two girls who just read this book,
The Sunshine Mine, and they were talking about like if
your internal self as well, then when you actually like
and this kind of couples with what you're saying, when
you actually achieve these moments, you can enjoy them for
what they are.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
But it's not your whole identity, and it's not it's.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
And it's not a finite thing, right, Like I believe
in living a life committed to pursuing better versus a
life anchored only in goals, because if you have goals
and you get there, then what And we see this
all the time, sadly, we see this all the time
in life, right, And so I think you've you've you've
(48:27):
got to get really clear on your purpose, on what
you're chasing. And I think you've got to pull back
and say, why do I do what I do? I
had a friend of mine telling me a story about
a tennis player who came in and he was talking
to my buddy and he said he said to her
and she had been declining in her in her game.
She was, you know, one number one in the world
once and then she was really struggling on the court.
(48:50):
And he looked at her and he said, why do
you play tennis? And she goes, well, what the what
the hell kind of question is that? I mean, I
don't know. I mean I played it because I want
to be number one.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
In the world.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
And he goes, cool, So, if on your tombstone it
says Mary, I'll use the name Mary. Mary was number
one in the world in tennis. Is that cool with you?
Is that what you want your tombstone? She said, no,
that sounds horrible. He goes, okay, cool, why do you
why do you play tennis? Your coach wanted me to
meet with you because he said, you're not yourself anymore.
(49:20):
You're not enjoying it. You're you're not enjoying practice, you're
not having fun in matches, You're throwing matches. You're so what.
I want to help you, but I gotta know why
you play tennis. And she goes, well, I get to
buy my parents, like they have a lot of cool stuff.
Like I bought my parents a couple of cars. I
actually paid off their house. And he goes, cool, So
if I just on your tombstone, if it says she
(49:42):
had a lot of stuff and she paid for other
people to have stuff, is that cool? She goes, no,
that's horrible and literally, and then finally he said, well, look,
I want to help you, but I gotta know why
you do this, Like I gotta know why you do
this for me to help you. And she leaves this
(50:02):
meeting and she looks at her coach and goes, that
was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.
I don't understand what the hell this guy's trying to
get out of me. So then like three days later
she had reflected on it and she goes, I got
to go meet back with that guy again. And he goes,
what's up, and he goes, I got to go meet
with her, and so he goes back. She goes back
in and meets with him, and he goes, what's up.
You figure it out? And she goes yeah. He goes,
why do you play tennis? She goes, because I get
(50:24):
to be a ray sunshine to all these people that
get to experience me on the court. I get to
make them smile. I get to make them experience something
that maybe they've never experienced quite like this before. I
get to make them smile. I get to make their
kids smile. I get to be a place where business
people can bring their colleagues and create an outing in
(50:46):
a way that they can enjoy being together. I get
to create and do something that makes other people's lives
just a little bit better. And he said, okay, cool.
So if you're too, Stone said, you know, she she
was a tennis player who made other people's lives better,
made them smile, made them feel How does that sound?
(51:08):
She goes, perfect, I love it. So I say that
only because I think we've got to We've got it
before it gets too late. We've got to say that
to ourselves, right, what do we want our tombstone to say?
And what I would say is generally, it's about others.
It's not about us, you know. I think the things
(51:29):
that bring all of us the greatest joy is the
things that we do for others, the people that we
make smile, the people that we lift up, the people's
lives we change and impact. I mean, for me, you know,
my legacy is absolutely these three girls who are tracking
in life. And they're tracking because when I was, when
(51:52):
they were really young, I took the time and the
energy to gain a lot of clarity so that I
didn't miss my one and only opportunity to be mother,
you know. And I always tell people lots of people
can be their coach, their teacher, you know, all these
other things in their life, but I'm the only one
that can be their mother.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
Oh you're getting me in the heart. Well, it's true,
because like what happens if you don't prioritize the switch,
so many of us fall victim too because we just
don't have the resources tools we don't know that that's
an option, and then you miss it. You miss it
all well.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
And if we aren't intentional about managing our energy, because
I do think energy solves a lot of problems for us,
then what you know, we see often right as you
come home from a tough day at work and you
know your child is there or you pick them up
from daycare or whatever that might be for you or women,
we walk in the other room and we don't have
(52:50):
the energy for them, and they're who matter most. So
being intentional about managing our energy and our schedule so
that we don't drain the tank in the all day
and that we leave some in there for the people
in our lives that matter most, because sadly, right, a
lot of people come home from the office or come
(53:11):
out of their office and they don't say I'll have
a tall glass of water and a spinach salad, right,
they say, for me a vodka soda. It's a poor, red,
badass bottle of red glass red. And you know know, Johnny,
I don't want to go play baseball in the backyard,
(53:31):
And no, I don't want to sit and color in
the calling book with you, And no, I don't want
to hear about all the friend drama at school today.
But if you manage our energy, we walk out and
we have the capacity because we've created the space in
our life to give the energy to the people of matter.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
Moons, Mollie, I am so glad you are speaking everywhere
and writing books and sharing this wisdom. This is so
incredible and so needed, especially in this world that we
live in where women do it all and I feel
like they don't get to have a break, and if
they do take time for themselves or prioritize, they're gonna everything.
Speaker 3 (54:12):
They're going to not be able to advance or have
a career or have.
Speaker 2 (54:16):
You know, we try to do it all without taking
care of ourselves, and this is the key. It's so incredible,
And I just want to talk about one more thing
that you do that I think was so amazing. Before
we wrap up, you were saying that you would before
like you started your day sometimes whenever you were talking
about your clients and like really trying to see like
(54:37):
what they needed, you would like mentally step into their lives.
Speaker 3 (54:41):
You would like spend some like a couple of.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Minutes each each morning, and you would like get into
their mindset you would get into their lives, get into
i'm sure like their family life, go into the whole
vortex of who they are, what matters to them, so
you could really visualize and feel what they need and
want for their particular life, not just across the board. Okay,
(55:04):
let me just do this because this is the most
money or this is whatever. It's like, you really stepped
into your clients. Tell to me a little bit about that,
because that is powerful.
Speaker 1 (55:13):
Well yeah, and I mean honestly carely. That's a result
of mistakes that I made. I remember when I was
early in my career, I picked up the phone and
I called a baseball player. I got into the office
at eight thirty or nine, and I called the baseball
player and I was like, and he answers the phone.
He's like hello. I'm like, what's up, Maynor? Nice night
last night, and he goes, dude, call me after twelve, Mom,
I didn't get home from the park to one right,
(55:33):
And I was like, and that was just you know,
and I made mistakes like that, And so what I
prioritize now is stepping into their world just for a
minute before you before you connect. And I try to
do that personally and professionally. You know, I try to
think before I call my mom or my dad, I
think about what did they do yesterday? What can I
(55:56):
maybe ask him about to connect, to show him that
I've I'm always listening and I care about what you're doing,
and you know, so we can do this, deploy this
personally and professional in our lives. But basically it was
a It was because of a mistake. So I would
you know, I had nine agents, about three hundred athletes
and coaches, and I would get into the office and
(56:18):
I would step into their world and I would get
this report. This is pre Twitter, pre Instagram, pre you know,
I would get this report of last nights yesterday as
if you will, activity on the field, court, course, wherever
they were. And that gave me an opportunity to go, okay,
what happened in their world? Because you can't pick up
(56:38):
the phone and call a baseball player who hit a
bomb to win the game last night and call them
and go, hey, what's up man, how you doing? You
gotta go, dude, unbelievable feel bomb two for four last night? Nice?
Right when they've just won the game the night before
and their agent calls them and goes, hey, what's up, man?
Speaker 3 (56:58):
You got to be on their level.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
Well yeah, and you got to know what they're doing, right,
Like you can't. I mean, you have to be in
their world. And I think it's the same way with
any human being, right, like, how can we take the
time to know?
Speaker 2 (57:12):
You know?
Speaker 1 (57:12):
And I would go out in time and do this too, Caroline.
I'd go out like I'd see a I'd have a
baseball player, maybe that I was recruiting. For example, this
was one of the guys I was recruiting once and
he was going to be out in San Diego playing
the Padres and I looked at the pitching rotation and
I went, oh, man, based on this rotation, he's gonna
have an off day in San Diego and he's not
(57:33):
pitching the next day. This guy loves to play golf.
I thought, I'm gonna call Tory Pines and try to
get him on the golf course and set him up
at tea time. And so I called him up one
day and I said, hey, man, it looks like based
on the rotation when you're in San Diego, like, do
you want me to I got your tea time at
Tory Pines at you know, eleven thirty, take three through
your buddies, whatever, and you know that they that's anticipation,
(57:56):
that's demonstrating care and authenticity. This isn't this isn't something
I make any money off of, but it's an opportunity
to pour into them. So I just always encourage people
to say, who are the five, ten, fifty to fifty
you know, most important relationships in your life, and how
can you step into their world every day or create
a system that you can do that to be intentional,
(58:19):
about about driving connection, about adding value, about anticipating their gaps,
their needs to create and drive a better relationship and
to serve them better.
Speaker 3 (58:30):
That's amazing. This is brought up one thought with afore
will wrap up?
Speaker 2 (58:33):
With all these people, with all this high intensity, with
all this stuff, you're bound to upset people from time
to time, just not because of anything you're doing, just
because situations don't play out the way someone wants them
to or they're upset. And I don't know if you
could be someone that could get the blame for some
of this stuff because you are in the middle of.
Speaker 3 (58:54):
All this, how do you deal.
Speaker 2 (58:57):
With energy coming your way when you've done everything you could,
and you really are trying your best to give your
clients everything that they want and and like your partners
the partnerships that you're doing for these clients. How do
you deal with things that don't work out and people
mad at you, how you are upset with you or
questioning your decisions? How do you clear that energy and
(59:20):
like keep the terms good because there's a lot of
big things happening.
Speaker 3 (59:24):
Around you all the time.
Speaker 1 (59:25):
Sure well, I mean, at the core my belief is
tell the truth, tell it fast, and tell it yourself.
So if I had a coach that didn't get a
job that he wanted, and this happened once with one
of my guys, it was tell the truth, tell it fast,
and tell it yourself. Own it right, communicate with authenticity
(59:46):
and transparency and do it yourself. To me is incredibly important.
I had a coach once, So you can get a
job that you wanted, and at two thirty in the morning,
it's on the ticker of the coach. You know, one
coach turned it down, and another one turned it down,
and then third one took it, and he's watching it.
He calls me at you know, two thirty in the
morning and I answer my phone, and he just goes
insane on me. I can't believe we didn't get this job.
(01:00:11):
And you know, I I we you know, to me,
it was about telling the truth, telling it fast, and
telling it myself. But I think the other thing is
you also have to anticipate these moments and speak the
truth into him. And I said, and I and I
in a loving way, a respectful way. But I stayed
(01:00:32):
pretty firm with what he had guided me to do,
what he wanted most reminded him of what he had
asked for and that this didn't align with it. So
he was just an ego hit at some level. But
but you know, so I think that's important. I think
the other thing though, that I would say is you
have to ask yourself. You know, here's what I would
(01:00:55):
tell people to do here. If you're listening, think about
people who call you on the phone. They call you
on your phone, You look down at your phone and
you go, oh shit, like you see their name and
you're like, you got it? What do you want me?
So whenever I, you know, share that sometimes in a keynote,
people they all start laughing, and you know, because we
(01:01:16):
have people like that, So we have to say, do
they deserve our energy? You know? Are they better than
their problems? I had a client. She drove me insane,
she called me all the time, and I finally was like,
is she better than her problems? Because she's absolutely exhausting me?
And what would it look like if I let this,
let this relationship go. Does she deserve all this energy?
(01:01:37):
Is she better than her problems? And she wasn't, and
I needed to let it go. And the amount of
energy I was giving that one relationship, by the way,
was way more than I even realized. Like, when I
let that relationship go, it's like a breakup with a dude. Right,
you go over there and you get your ear rings
and your neck less and your right. But like I,
when I let it go, the amount of energy I
was giving her was off the chain. Like I, I
(01:01:58):
had no idea. You know, sometimes we're getting sucked dry
from something. We don't really realize how significant of a
drainer it was until after. You know, we've been in
those moments where we go, oh my god, I had
no idea how much that was weighing on me, right, right,
So I think, tell the truth, tell it fast, and
tell yourself and then have the courage to ask yourself,
(01:02:18):
are they better than their problems? And some of them
are so, then you maybe have to have a difficult
conversation and realign.
Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
That's amazing, Molly.
Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
You are so wise and you're so practical, and it
makes so much sense, and you know how to handle
the biggest situations most effectively. It's just such a pleasure
to get a peek into your brain and all the
knowledge that you've accumulated over your life. Thank you for
sharing this. I always wrap up with leader light, what
do you want people to know? It's just super open ended.
Speaker 1 (01:02:50):
I would say as you lean into some of these
things that I shared, just be gentle on yourself. You
know you're gonna have some great days, some tough days,
some moments that you nail at, some moments that you don't,
some situations that work and don't work, And there was
a ton that didn't work for me, and there was
some that did, and so I would just say, be
gentle on yourself along the way and give yourself some grace.
Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
Amazing, where can everyone find you? You have a lot
of outpourings of information. Where can everyone be Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:03:19):
No, my podcast? I mean I have a podcast too,
and I love it. I'm grateful for it. It's game
changers with Molly Fletcher. I just encourage people to start there.
There's a lot of great I've been fortunate to have
some wonderful people. And then my website's Miley Fletcher dot com.
Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
And you have courses people can sign up for, you
have books to read. Yeah, you literally you are one
of those who can get your information out into a
form that can be accessed by other people. So thank
you for just taking the time to give all this
information to us in all different ways. This is stuff
(01:03:51):
that really can change your life, and you are just
such a great guide for so many of us.
Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
So I appreciate you more than you know. Molly, thank
you for coming on here.
Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
Absolutely, it was it was. It was super fun. Thanks
for having me.
Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
I appreciate it. And I hope I see you out
there someday.
Speaker 1 (01:04:07):
I gotta come to Nashville. I gotta see you on stage.
Maybe you can roll that back out for me.
Speaker 3 (01:04:11):
I want to see you on stage. I need to
come to one of your talks next time you're here.
I want to catch it.
Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
Oh well, I'll tell you, Okay, awesome, Thank you Molly,
have a great
Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
Day, Thanks so much by
Caryl Lone.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
She's a queen talking if you so, you know, she's
getting really not afraid to feel its episode soul, just
let it flow.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
No one can do.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Requie like Cary Lone is sounding Caroline.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
I am just thrilled to be here with Molly Fletcher.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
You are like a legend in the sports agent sports world.
I mean literally, you are a game changer and you
have just you set the bar for women as you
were called. You are called the Jerry McGuire woman, like
the woman Jerry maguire in the sports agency world.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
You are such a boss and you are so smart.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
You have managed some of the biggest athletes or I
don't know, agent, what is.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
It cause it's called managing, is that it is?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Yeah, an agent managed the career sure.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Of some of the biggest athletes out there, negotiated huge contracts,
all alongside men, where women aren't normally the ones doing this.
And you're going neck and neck and just like rocking it.
And you have just gathered so much wisdom on how
to negotiate, how to conserve your energy and be wise
(01:24):
with your energy, how to be fearless.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
You just have You've written five books about this too.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
You have so much information that you have learned and
internalized and now shared with us, doing these huge deals
with the biggest power players in the industry for the
most money you could imagine. I'm sure, Like it's just
the stakes have been so high for you and you
just have like done it.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
It's awesome.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
It's been fun. I'm super grateful. I mean, we you know,
but these guys and Cal's do what they do on
the field, and for me to as an agent for years,
have an opportunity to help capitalize on that for them
on and off the field, it's it's a real pleasure
and a treat. I mean, they have such a short
window of time to do, you know, something that that
(02:13):
you know, they make it a lifetime or in four
years what most of us make in a lifetime and
and plus plus right, So to be trusted in that
very short window of time by them, you know, was
always just an absolute honor and I took it very seriously.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
But it really is so interesting, like the art and
negotiation what you talk about this a lot. And I
am definitely by no means a sports agent, but I
have a three year old and I am constantly negotiating
with her, and I have realized, like my approach how
I come in there and set the stage and set
up the situation with her determines if we're going to
(02:50):
have a meltdown, determines if we're gonna have if she's
gonna have fun with it, if we're gonna have a
good day for a while. Like literally, how I come
in mentally and set the stage with her affects the outcome.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
And so I'm just sitting there thinking if this is
like happening.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
With a three year old, like you know, like that's
just like such a small little example, but literally, human
beings are the same. Like how you go into a situation,
the energy that you come in with, the way you
set the stage, the way you go in for the deal,
all of that, like that determines whether I mean really
I mean not that like someone will probably have their
mind matup already if they're wanting leaning towards the deal
(03:28):
or not. But if it's like in debate or you're
trying to get something, I'm sure how you set it
up can make or break that situation and the energy
that you bring into it as the agent. So like
you said, to have the trust of these huge players.
For you to be the one navigating and negotiating their contracts,
(03:49):
that's huge. So talk to me about negotiation because I
really want to talk about this and energy, conserving your
energy and using your energy wisely because you study this
firsthand in the highest and the most intense playing arena
that you could possibly have a chance to study this,
Tell me about negotiation and setting the stage so you
have a successful negotiation.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Sure well, I mean, you know if for me as
an agent, you know, Caroline, I negotiated every day, all
day long because it was just the nature of that world.
I mean, be it you know, appearances or endorsements or
huge contracts, you know, navigating athletes through free agency and
arbitration and all the things that occur inside whether it's baseball,
(04:32):
whether it's golf, whether it's a broadcaster, and you know,
so for me, I've always believed that it's about relationships.
It's about building connection with the people that you're negotiating
with and understanding who you're negotiating with. In other words,
I think so often when people negotiate, they spend all
kinds of time thinking about what they want, oh oh yeah,
(04:53):
things that they need for this to be a win.
And I think you got to flip that on the
head and say, what do they need, what matters most
to them, what's going on in their world? What is
this person's And we teach this in our negotiation training,
what is this person's negotiation style?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
And you're talking about your not your client, the person
you're negotiating to deal with.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
The person that you're negotiating with. Absolutely, but but you
know to your point about setting the stage and and
and and building that foundation. You know, I was always
incredibly prepared for these kinds of conversations. And when you are,
you can approach them with more confidence, You can approach
them with with greater connection. For sure. It's important and
(05:37):
that you know, I saw a lot of mistakes, and
I made mistakes, right, I mean one of the biggest,
you know, things I see often is people don't pause
and build a great connection. If you lay the foundation,
if you even add value to the person that you're
negotiating with, which people think is counterintuitive, but if you
add value to them in advance of making the ask.
(05:58):
When you do ask for what you want, at some level,
you can pause and hold the space.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Oh oh, that's hard to pause.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
That is it's hard. It's hard. Probably it's a secret weapon.
And I wrote a book about negotiation, and that chapter,
in fact, is one of the ones that people really
found remarkably helpful, in addition to other areas of it.
But that pause piece, it's huge. And a pause can
be you know, fifteen seconds, thirty seconds, a minute, it
(06:25):
can be a week, a month. But when we pause,
particularly after we've laid the foundation and connected and all
those you ask for what you want and you just
stop because you've already done all that right, You've already
laid that foundation.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Now, it takes so much confidence to pause. And because
like my natural reaction I've been working on pausing too,
is oh my god, I need to fill that space
because like what I want them to like me, they're
not talking.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
But no, that's just that's absolutely the wrong mentality.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
It is and it you know, it's it's an I
saw it work so many times with the athletes, with
the general managers within hours. But it sends a message.
It sends a message that I've painted this picture for
you really clearly, and for me, I was representing athletes,
and so if I knew what my guy wanted and
(07:20):
I knew his level of confidence around it. I could
make that ask and pause. But I think to your
question earlier to Caroline, I mean, to me, one of
the main reasons people don't negotiate as much as they could.
I believe negotiation is everywhere all around us, all day long.
We've just got to stay creative, stay open, but we've
got to get the reps in. You know, the more
(07:42):
you do it, the more confident you get having these
kinds of difficult conversations. But one of the main reasons,
particularly women don't negotiate as much as men, is a
lack of confidence around it. And so then you pull
back and go, okay, well, how do we close that gap?
And it's practice, it's reps. It's you know, it's going
to Starbucks and getting a coffee and then just for fun,
(08:05):
trying to see if you can talk them into a
free shot of expresso. It's it's you know, I mean,
I negotiated, you know, with the orthodontis for my daughter's teeth.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
I mean, how did you do it? Tell me?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Well, and those are moments where you think, well, you
don't negotiate with an orthodonist who does that? Right? But again,
it's just reps in a small, low risk situation at
some level, right, not asking for a raise or a
you know. And so so long story short, we have
three girls. I mean now they're twenty nineteen and nineteen,
but we had three girls in twelve months. That's a
(08:38):
whole nother story. Care who it's unbelievable there. So they
were like six, six and seven, and you know, their
mouths look like land mines, and so I needed to
we needed to get braces. Well, now you know, it's
a racket, right, Like you get braces. This is what
you have to look forward to with your three year old.
(08:58):
You get braces or I don't know, twelve to twenty
four months, and then four or five years later you
do it again. You do phase one so they can
get all your money then and then you do phase two,
which is horrifying. I'm fifty one years old and I
can tell you, I mean, that didn't exist. When I
told my parents this, They're like, that's a racket. So anyway,
I'm sitting in this in the Orthodonis office. I've got
(09:20):
these three girls. Their mouths looks like land mines. They
definitely need braces, but I'm not really sold on this,
you know, a phase one, phase two, and it's already
you know, I think it was three grand a kid.
And so I'm sitting in the office. It's really crowded.
It's a great location. You know, there's two docs, but
(09:40):
I'm watching the whole thing. Once I kind of have
the girls visit it, you know, have the girls checked
and then get the quote. And the lady says to
me as we sit in the office, Hey, so here's
what we're gonna do with the girl. This is what
they need. And she walks me through it and says,
so it's you know, it's three grand a girl, so
it's nine grand. And I said, okay, cool. Now, meanwhile,
(10:00):
I've kind of taken in the whole vibe of the
whole place and I said wow. I said, so, like,
you guys are busy. I mean you're in an unbelievable location.
And she goes, oh, yeah, no, we yeah, we're so busy.
I mean we just brought in this other doc now
because you know how much demand we have. And I said, man,
so how many how many like people like me and
like this do you do a year? And she starts
(10:21):
telling me and I said, and you envoice them all
on this, you know, nine grand overtime monthly. She goes yeah,
and I'm like, wow, that's kind of a pain in
the ass, and she goes yeah for sure. I said,
uh wow. I said, well, do they always pay on time?
And she goes no, And I'm like, and they got
the braces on, so you don't have a whole lot
of leverage. And she's laughing, and I said, well, what
(10:43):
if we did something We're like, let's say, you know,
this invoicing sounds kind of like a pain for you.
It's a little bit of a source spot. I said,
what if we do I pay you in advance, all right,
you have check right now for six grand, and we'll
just do kind of like a BUYE two get one
free deal. What do you think?
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Rob?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And I just sort of stopped, and she like looks
at me and goes, wow, well, huh, let me go
ask the docs if that's something that we can do.
I mean, we've never really done that before. And she
comes back like a couple of minutes later and she goes, done.
Love it.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
So you're just so confident and you're so cool and
you're not like you're not showing nervousness in it.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Well, I think, and that's just a result of a
practicing and looking at these kinds of moments kind of
as fun as an opportunity to just get some reps
in practice. I mean, I was prepared for her to
say no and pay the retail price and do the
system and the process the way they do it. But
why not, like in kind of a fun, safe way
do that. But part of the reason I think that
(11:43):
it worked, and what I'm a big believer in is
is this, you got to get in their head and heart.
You got to know what they're worried about. And by
kind of watching the environment asking some questions, it gave
me also a little bit of confidence to make that
ask to understand that potentially I was in fat solving
a smitche of a problem for right both one. So
(12:05):
you know, the thing I encourage people to do and
I just was fortunate to have this platform as an
agent to negotiate constantly. And what I found was the
more I did it, the more confident I got, and
the more that you start to see what works what doesn't,
mistakes that I made along the way, And so you know,
(12:25):
that's my hope is that the more women can practice,
the more people can practice, the more confident they get,
and then they're more confident in the big moments, the
moments where they're asking for big stuff potentially at work
or you know, other huge purchases in their life, homes, cars,
things like that they have. You know, they've gotten some
reps in and they feel more confident in those moments.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
So you have a whole book on negotiating.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
So I think this is just such a great topic
that you go straight to the heart of the matter
for especially for women, because I just know as women,
we're just like we just doubt ourselves more than men.
And it's just I feel like the tides are turning,
especially women like you getting the message out there, but
there is still a lot of women who just don't
trust themselves and just don't think that they can negotiate
(13:08):
or don't feel like they have the confidence to do it.
So if you are going to do just like for
women listening, because a lot of women listen to this podcast,
and a lot of women know that they are capable,
and they just don't know how how what are some
easy steps like how could someone a woman or how
could someone start to negotiate for themselves in their everyday life,
like you just said with the orthodonics, like I wouldn't
(13:31):
have even known how to assess that situation like you
just did, or like you're even saying, like ask for
a shot of an express at Starbucks? How can we
start looking for opportunities to negotiate and then how do
we do it?
Speaker 3 (13:43):
How do you start.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Implementing it if you don't have the natural skill set
or you haven't practiced it.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Well, I mean, one way to do it would be,
you know, and I'm just literally sort of sharing this
off the fly, but I mean I would almost encourage
people to pull back and say, make a life list,
personally and professionally of all the things in your life
that you potentially have an opportunity to negotiate, right right, so,
(14:10):
and think about your life. You know, the things that
you pay for now right, you know, whether it's cars
or houses or clothes or you know the yard guy,
the gutter guy, that the car wash guy. That I mean,
just just make a list of the things, you know,
go back to your Amax and look at all the
(14:30):
outflaws and go okay, wait, wait a minute, I wonder,
right if if if I if I scheduled these cleaning
people every week for less time, maybe I could I
mean just make a list of all the things, and
then I would pull back and think, is there a
scenario by which you would be a little bit happier
with this deal? And then consider what is that individual
(14:53):
most worried about, what matters most to them, And then
begin to see if there's some opportunities where you could
make an ap ask that in fact might benefit the
other person, but it's in a safe, personal, potentially environment
where there's you would argue maybe a little bit less risk,
right And and I mean I'm talking about things like
(15:15):
you go to the grocery store and you have your
stack of coupons and three of the ten are expired.
Work the lady at the thing and say, look, it
was just last week. I mean, I'm just talking about
like two hour thirties. That's gotta jeez. I mean, no,
you think maybe you could just just just recognize this
cubpint even though it's just last week, Like just have
fun in all these little moments. You go pick out
(15:36):
a dress for an event and it's got a little
stain on it, a little mark on it, and you
walk up to the lady and she, you know, rings
it up and you just sort of point this spot
out that maybe you're not that worried about You don't
really care about it, it doesn't bother you that much.
But how about you, you know, start at twenty twenty
five percent off and you might settle it ten or
fifteen percent off, but fun, just have fun with it
(15:57):
in those moments, right because they're they're they're they're literally everywhere.
And so what I would encourage people to do is
look at all the things that you pay for and
then consider the ways in which you can lean into
these little moments. And then what happens inevitably in that
you start to get confidence and then you start to
(16:20):
you know, maybe step into bigger moments. Maybe it's it's
you know, cars, maybe it's houses, maybe it's your job,
your career, and you build up that confidence and the
wraps to to lean into those bigger ones. So I
would say that would be a good way. I mean
that that is just sort of a lifestyle approach at
(16:42):
some level to gaining confidence. And you know, it's a
little suffocating, a little bit of the fear that bubbles
up inside of us when we've got to step into
these moments.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
I love that, and I love it you have fun
with it, and you don't. You're not You're just assessing
the situation. You're just looking at all the opportunities out
looking at everything as an opportunity and then seeing, Okay,
let me just try this, let me see how.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
I could be helping someone else.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
But not being scared to ask and to go in there.
I feel like that's another thing that can hold people
back is being too scared to even speak up or
ask when you do have an idea, like to negotiate
or to try to get a you know, to try
to work a situation.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
But like just being just being cool to ask for.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
It, ask what you want in spot and say something
whatever you see like that could be a deal, like
say it out loud.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah. And part of that, like I learned a ton
from my mom, honestly, Like my mom and I mean,
and here's another lifestyle example, right, Like we'd go to
a show and I was fourteen, and the underage price
for the ticket was thirteen and under, but I just
turned fourteen right like two weeks ago, and my mom
would work that chick at the front ticket counter to
(17:57):
get me in at the thirteen rate versus the fourteen,
but she was prepared to pay the extra five bucks
if she had to. But like, that's an example of
just those moments where we can practice right. And you know,
So the only thing I would say is I was
not born confident in this, right. I had it modeled
a little bit at home, and then I stepped into
(18:19):
a career. So the one thing I would say to
women is, we're not born confident. Right. We get confident
through actions, through behaviors, through through through through a through
a shift at some level through our behavior that begins
to change our mindset, and the and the self talk
and the story that sometimes we tell ourselves in these
moments when we think you got to be crazy, like
(18:41):
you're not going to do this. I mean if you
change your story to what's at risk? What's at risk?
If I fail? What's at risk if this doesn't work?
And you know, in these little lifestyle opportunities and moments,
often the risk is low. And you know, and I
would encourage you know, like you said, I love how
you said that. I mean, and it's true you have
fun you.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Yeah, you say that, Like that's what I like is
that you're saying, have fun with this, and you said,
this is like your mission statement. You have so many
like just nuggets of information. You were saying, people settling
for less than their full potential breaks your heart.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
And you are someone who broke.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Into the sports industry as an outsider, as a woman,
and you could have easily not gone for your full potential.
There's a million reasons for you to step back, for
you to play small. So you have made it your
life's mission for to help people step into their full potential.
And that's hard for a lot of us to do.
I feel like, I feel like it's scary because you
(19:39):
have to be confident, you have to be willing to negotiate.
You also talk about living fearlessly, how do we live fearlessly?
And then energy management because these are such key things,
especially for someone like you who was like I was
listening to some other podcasts that you did, and you
were talking to someone about energy management and a time
when you really felt like you weren't manage your energy well.
(20:01):
You had all of these high client, high power client
athletes on your roster, Like you picked your parents up
for the airport and you were having lunch with them,
and you love being with your parents so much, and
you were literally like on your phone NonStop, like people
had emergency for emergency. It felt like emergencies. You know,
it's like life and death with these athletes, and so
it's like you're like answering the call and you're not
being able to be present with your parents who came
(20:24):
in town to see you, who you love to be with.
And that was like a moment where you're like, Okay,
I need to work on energy, Like I got to
switch this more or less. I feel like that's what
I gathered from that situation. So talk to me about energy,
managing your energy, using your energy wisely, how to know
where to put your energy and where not to and
especially with like these athletes who are having people come
(20:46):
at them all the time with I'm sure wonderful opportunities
like brand deals and like big paying deals, but it's
like you can't say yes to all of them, and
so deciding where to say yes, when to say no.
How do you know how to do that? How do
you decipher that? I feel like that is a huge
lesson I have been learning. I used to say yes
to everything because I didn't know what I wanted, and
(21:08):
so I like wanted to say yes to all this
because like, well maybe that's what I want, Maybe that's
what I need to try this, I need to try this.
And now it's like no, I'm going to say no
first until I can absolutely figure out why it's going
to be a yes. But that's taken me forty years
to just figure out, right.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yeah, Well to your first part, I mean, it does
it breaks my heart people that don't live to their fullest.
And what I mean by that, I gave a Ted
talk that kind of went viral and it was all
about how you know, it's it's it's not about talent,
it's about drive. Because I saw a lot of talented
people not have the level of success whatever they deemed
(21:48):
that word to mean to them, that they anticipated potentially
as an athlete and so and then I think, but
I think about drive differently from the perspective that it's
that it's about fulfillment, not achievement. You know, I've seen,
sadly a lot of people with a lot of achievements,
a lot of money, trophies, accolades, but they're not fulfilled.
(22:11):
And I think, and that breaks my heart. I mean.
I had a friend of mine, a female who's a
big time executive at a company, and we were to
gather one day for lunch and she was just having
a hard time, and I said, what's going on? And
she said, look, I feel like I'm disconnected from my
kids and my husbands, you know, gain and weight. We're
arguing all the time. I'm never taking time to exercise.
(22:32):
I'm traveling more than I ever have. I got a promotion,
but they're not giving me a raise until the end
of the year. And you know, I'm just going and
burning it at both ends, which you know, Caroline, we're
hearing from everybody right now. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
And the thing is, like you say too, when you're
a leader and you have all these skills, people are going.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
To just take and take and take because you get
it done.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Leaders get it done, make it happen, you do an
excellent job. So it's like the more you will say yes,
the more people are going to put on your plane.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Absolutely totally. And so I looked at her and I said,
what are you What are you chasing? And she goes,
what are you talking about? I said, what are you chasing?
She goes, what the hell? Kind of question is that?
And I said, well, what's it all for? I mean,
what is this all for? The promotion? The what are
(23:21):
you chasing? You know? And she goes, you know, Molly,
I don't think I know. And I go, okay, cool,
Well let's work on that. Let's figure that out. Let's
gain some clarity there, and I can help you with that,
right And to me, I'm a huge fan. And you
reference personal mission statements. I think we need purpose statements
in our own companies have purpose statements, mission statements that
(23:43):
they lean into to guide their decisions on yes and no.
I think people need them too, But we need personal
mission statements, purpose statements to guide are to your point
earlier yeses and nos, so that we're ensuring that we're
there are ladders up against the right wall, that that
the things that we value the most, that our behavior
(24:06):
is aligning with.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
That, Oh that's so good, that's so good, instead of
just getting swept up in the cyclone of life.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
And that was and you know, Caroline, that was a
result of me misaligning a lot, and that was where
I got the clarity. And you told that story. I mean,
I had just moved down to Atlanta, I was trying
to get a job in the sports space. I had
I had gotten the job. My parents had come down
to visit me, and the entire time we were at
launch after I picked them right up from the airport,
I was so excited. I mean, my parents and I
(24:40):
were so close, and my phone rang, and I just
kept jumping up from the table, and it was one
athlete after another, one coach after another, and and it
was a moment when I realized, Wow, Okay, I have
to I have to do a better job of number one.
I had to have the confidence to let my guys know,
(25:00):
look for this one hour. I'll call you back in
an hour, right, Like we have to be able to
set bound. And I think, you know, one of the
things that I teach in our energy training, and I
wrote a book called the Energy Clock around Energy because
I think energy, particularly for us as women, can solve
a lot of problems for us. Yeah, and I think
(25:22):
women we and I say women a lot. I know
that's a lot of your listeners, but I think this
is you know, this is non gender specific per se,
But I think we have to get really clear on
what gives us energy, Like why what gives you energy, Like,
what are the five, ten, fifteen things? Because what we
can't do is we can't wait until you know, four
(25:42):
months till easter break and the vacation that we have planned.
We've got to find out how can we ensure that
we infuse energy in ourselves consistently? Oh, manage the level
of demand because here's the deal. The level of demand
on people right now is exceeding their camp and the
impact that the level of demand has had inside of
(26:03):
COVID on women, particularly in the workforce, is horrifying. Right,
So we have to make sure we train, literally train
ourselves to manage the demand. And that creates intention. That
requires intentionality that create requires systems. So what I tend? Yeah,
systems I mean and what So we've got to figure
(26:26):
out what gives us energy. We got to figure out
what drains our energy. And part of this, Caroline is
my like, you know, twenty years in the sports space
working with athletes and coaches who didn't operate against calendars
the way business people do. Right, Athletes they have very
little awareness per se and don't operate against it. They
(26:48):
operate against their playing schedule and the kind of energy
they need to perform at their best in the big moments.
And then I get out into the business world. When
I stepped away and now I speak, you can write,
and I was. It was amazing to me the level
of intensity, if you will, around calendars, less so around
performance and having the energy for the moments that matter. Right,
(27:12):
Like often business people we just accept except yes I'll
go to that cocktailer, Yes I'll go to that lunch meeting.
Yes I'll go to that coffee meeting. And then we
get there and we're pushing all this energy into the
potentially less important. Now we don't have the energy to
perform at our best in the important moments. Yes, So
I think we've got to say, what are the things
that give us energy, and we've got to put those
(27:34):
in our calendars first. Okay, yes, you know, if it's
if it's working out, if it's yoga, if it's a walk,
if it's whatever it is for you, time in the morning,
quiet times, prayer, whatever it is for you, put that
in first. Right. Then put your personal you know, family, children, spouse,
(27:56):
in vers.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
I love that, especially for women, Yeah, because.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
You don't, because if you don't have energy, how good
are you for your children? For colleagues for your spouse,
you're not now. And this was counterintuitive for me because
I grew up in a home with very unselfish parents
who didn't always put themselves first. They they they they
were giving constantly. So this was a shift for me
(28:22):
mindset wise. I was like, wait, this feels really selfish,
This isn't right. But what I thought, what I found
through my own mistakes, was if if I didn't take
care of myself, nothing else works.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
I mean, you have no energy to give.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I wasn't showing up as the kind of mom, the
kind of employee, the kind of spouse, the kind of friend,
the kind of parishioner at my church, nothing if I
didn't have any energy. So we've got to put that
in our calendars, right then we put in you know,
our kids' sports events, our their their piano recital, our spouse,
our date night once week, whatever it is. Put it
(28:59):
in and create some non negotiables around those, and now.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Then we can begin to protect that really matters to you.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
You have to protect it.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Right and then you react to the requests that come
in based on now your current platform of availability, because
you've already ensured that you're giving energy and attention to
the things that you are, that you're clear on matter
most to you.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
That's first.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
I love that your health, your rest, your feeling. Now granted,
I'm not suggesting that every single person I mean but
has has perfect that has total control over their calendar.
But what I do believe is we can be more
more intentional about our energy. I mean, I'll give you
an example. We do energy training all over the country.
We trained about twenty six hundred people for John Dere Dealers. Now,
(29:51):
these are people that stand at a counter all day
long with people that come in with their tractor, their
lawnmower or whatever that's broken. So these people don't operate
as rigorously on a schedule. But what we help them
do is understand the level of intention that they could
live into throughout the day by stepping outside for a minute,
by ensuring they take the breaks they need, by by
(30:13):
fueling their body with healthy snacks throughout the day, by
ensuring they get the kind of rest they need the
night before, by by building in these micro breaks right
and just looking at their schedule through the lens of
energy versus the lens of time. I love that it's easy,
(30:36):
It's a big deal. I mean, this book did really well.
In our training program that we train people with does
really well. And it's just so you know, burnout to
me is really at some level a result of a
couple of things. Number One, I think it's hard to
get burnt out if you're living your purpose.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
If you're living on your purpose.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Okay, Like I would argue Tom Brady, he wasn't burned out.
He just felt like he couldn't win a Super Bowl anymore.
That's why he stepped away.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
And I'm not trying to gossip, but you would be
someone who I feel like just left. Do you feel
like he was glad that he came back and blew.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Up his whole life or was that just like you
just couldn't stop playing football, Because I'm like, then, god,
oh and now you retire the next year. But I'm
sure there's so much sports. So anyway, we don't have
to talk about tomber I.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
I don't know Tom personally enough to really speak to it.
But what I but what I have seen historically with
athletes towards the end of their career, if they don't
have a clear purpose in life beyond what they do,
it gets really hard to step away. And I've seen
that with a lot of athletes and coaches, men and
(31:44):
women across all different sports. And that's why I always,
when I represented athletes, always tried to ensure that they
had fulfillment outside of it when the jersey wasn't on
their back.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Oh god, you're such a agent. Could you see the
whole person?
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Well, that was what being a woman. I'll be honest
with you. You know, it's funny I think being a woman.
People sometimes will ask me that at keynotes, right, like,
boy was at a I get the question a lot
of different ways, which is kind of fun. Was that
a disadvantage to be a woman? Or sometimes what was
it like being a woman? How hard was it being
I mean, I get the question a lot of ways,
which is always interesting to decipher. But you know, to me,
(32:25):
it was it was a secret weapon from the perspective
of I wasn't their wife, I wasn't their sister, I
wasn't their girlfriend, I wasn't their mother. But I had been.
I was a student athlete at Michigan State, so I
had played at a D one level, but never professionally.
So I felt like I got it a little bit, certainly,
not at that level. But being a woman, I think
(32:47):
at some level I took a little bit more of
a holistic approach. And I would have wives say to
the athlete, if it was a male, ninety percent of
the people I represented were guys. You know, they would say, look,
I don't even know your agent, Like they don't care
when you get traded, and I'm sitting here with a
car and house and I'm pregnant, And I got like
(33:08):
this lady cares about all of us. And for you,
by the way, to go do what you do as
a golf For a baseball player, it's a lot more effective.
You're a lot more effective when everything at home feels right.
And I think we all can relate to that, right,
Like if I feel misaligned with my husband or my
kids or my I am less productive at work, Yeah,
(33:31):
totally feel that connection.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
So athletes are the same way. Right, they're human beings.
I mean, yes, they have an enormous ability to navigate
amazing capacity on a public stage, but they're human beings.
I mean, Tiger, I would argue, went through some windows
a time where he didn't perform at his best, and
you could say, huh, I wondered if that was because
(33:54):
of the mess that was happening off away from the
golf course, and so you know, I definitely saw that
and wanted to put my arms around the entire family,
not just the athlete.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Oh, Mollie, And that's so awesome. And I do feel
like that is you being a woman, but like holding
your boundaries so you didn't sacrifice yourself to be in
a man's world, and then also holding boundaries for your
clients so they didn't have to sacrifice every single thing
in their life so they could have this career and
then have their whole life blow up around it.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
That's just so profound.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
So what did you tell your friend, because I want
to kind of circle back, your friend executive who was
having a burnout, who got her promotion but wasn't gonna
get paid, her home life was suffering, husband, kids, not connected.
What because like, I feel like that sometimes the hard
part when when you're climbing the ladder, when you're trying
to establish your name, when you're trying to become this
(34:50):
person in your industry that's respected, and you know you're
putting in all these hours, you're doing all this stuff
because you want to build your career. But how how
do you tell someone like that which you had this
conversation with your friend, how do you put those boundaries
in place when no one else that you're working with
or the people above you don't care if you have
boundaries and really prefer you not to have boundaries because
(35:12):
they want to take all your time.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Mm hmm. Well it starts with clarity and awareness, right,
I mean you got to get really really clear.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Did she get her mission statement? Did y'all get it knocked?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
That's right? And so we pulled back and said, okay,
let's build. Let's build a personal mission statement. Now, let's
look at our existing life physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally and
spiritually and ask ourselves what where are the gaps? What
do we need to begin to say no to, What
do we need to pull off of our plate? What
(35:43):
can we give away and delegate? What are the things
that drain your energy across all of those energy categories mental, emotional, physical,
and what are those drainers? And how can we ensure
that we consistently and effectively attempt to remove those slowly
over time. Now, part of this means means that we
have to manage up down and around. Right, at some level,
(36:04):
you've got to pull back, and that's what I coached
her to do as a friend, was we need to
sit down in our personal life and have some conversations
to attempt to realign around the physical, mental, emotional, relational
best version of yourself and in turn what that means
you have to say no to And then we've got
(36:25):
to do that professionally.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
And then if you're scared, what if you're scared you're
going to lose your job because they're like, you're not,
how do you not lose your job and do the boundaries?
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Well, I think if it's a bit of a conversation
around if we want me to perform at this level
over a long period of time, this is in fact
what I think is going to allow us to do
that together. I also think you've got to build a
great foundational relationship in advance of this kind of a conversation,
(36:55):
which probably and hopefully exists right with those above around
and beside you. But at some level it requires having
the conversation with self awareness, with love, with understanding what
they're worried about, what matters most to them, their priorities,
but helping them see that for me to sustain and
(37:18):
contribute over time and at scale inside of the current demands.
Here's the kind of schedule and intentionality I need to
do that. And sometimes here's the thing you're lying. Sometimes
it's just hey to my assistant. Hey, if you schedule
a one hour call for me, give me fifteen minutes
(37:39):
before the next one. Just let me stand up, move around,
step outside, you know, say a prayer, call a friend,
respond to a call my child. But give me a gap,
because what isn't sustainable is seven or eight hours of
back to back to back to back, because then you
know what that becomes. The woman sitting in her bed
(38:02):
with her laptop on her lap after three glasses of wine,
with her husband beside her, who she doesn't want to
talk to because she's got to respond to the two
hundred emails that came in that she never could respond
to all day long. But if we manage our schedule effectively,
we build in the space and the capacity to allow
for our ability to react to those things without being
(38:26):
that person consistently with a laptop in our bed.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Oh that's so wise.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Building it, like you were saying with the John Deere people,
building in those micro brakes, building in those breaks for movement,
those breaks for your mind to have a time off
the breaks to get some other work done. That's so smart.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Well, Caroline, I think that. Look, stress and demand are
definitely impacting burnout for sure, But the other issue is
just a lack of intentional recovery. In other words, it's
not usually stress that actually creates the burnout. It's the
lack of recovery. It's the lack of space and time
(39:05):
to fuel yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally. That's the gap.
It's resilience, it's recovery. I mean, it's that lack of
recovery over a long period of time is what's creating
an environment of significant burnout.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Yeah, so what if you don't have a lot of
space for recovery, how do you work in some small
recoveries to keep yourself going?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Well, I mean number one, I would coach people to
pull back and go. I mean first we've got to
start with the energy aughdit I teach and people can
go to Mileyfletcher dot com. It's there. It's a free download,
but basically, you go, what gives me energy? Get really clear,
write that down, write down everything from things that take
two minutes, one minute, five thirty two days a day.
What write those down? What are the drainers? Write all
(39:52):
those down? Now, go to your schedule for the next
thirty days and look at your schedule and because actually
it's fairly well baked potentially right or sixty or whatever
that looks like for you, and begin to say, how
can I make some adjustments? Are there things that I
can delegate? Can I tighten some things up? Should I
(40:13):
push some things out that aren't necessarily urgent?
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Right?
Speaker 1 (40:16):
How can I look at each and every weekend day
and get intentional about inserting whether it's two minutes, three minute,
you know, five fifty whatever, these little micro brakes. But
also are there things that I can push out, give away,
delegate or remove fully?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
Right?
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Then, what I encourage people to do is go out
even farther and start to protect the time in your
calendar for the morning, workout, the evening, the date nights,
the kids schedule, all that. Now you've got a little
bit more of a blank slate to deal with, potentially, right,
So go load that up with the things that you've
(40:55):
already gotten clear on that you need to give you energy,
that are important to you, that align with your purpose
in your mind, that aligned with your values, and that
align with what matters most. My assistant would go out
when my girls were playing sports in high school. She
would load everything in all the games, everything so there.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
You didn't miss games.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
No, heck heck, yeah, you were there, even though most
agents missed all the games.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
No, I was.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
I mean, I'm not saying I was. That I did
miss some, but the big ones I was. I was
sure to be there. I mean, but I did miss.
I mean I wasn't at one hundred percent, but I
would say I was at eighty five to ninety percent
of the mud. But that's just a scheduling. I mean,
that was just intention, That's all that was. That was
making sure that if there was the you know, the
state championship first round, that my office didn't schedule a
(41:51):
dinner that night, that I didn't need to do that
particular night right now. Yeah, I dealt with real fire drills,
an athlete getting fired or hired or call up to
the big leagues, And those were moments where I had
to in that situation evaluate right, like am I gonna
be at the game or are they playing them? Again
in a week and a half, and I can miss
that because I got to be at this big league
(42:12):
call up that didn't happen very much.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
Man, you just that's so great. You set yourself up
for success. So then when you do have those fire drills,
you really have a template and a system to evaluate it,
and you don't feel like you've been neglecting your life,
and so you can make the decision that you need
to make in that moment, because your life isn't a
fire drill. You just have moments that are those fire drills.
(42:37):
But like your whole life, you have under control and
you have it aligned with your values, and it just
takes that, like you said, being intentional thinking about it,
making these lists, going into your life planning. I mean,
you have to set yourself up for success.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
You really do it. Guess not come naturally?
Speaker 1 (42:57):
No, it doesn't. I mean, and you know this isn't
on with I find you know, people who are high
performers over a long period of time have been incredibly
intentional with taking care of themselves so that they can
recover effectively. Now here's the deal, though, I would say
(43:18):
this My biggest thing, particularly to women is I mean
my husband, and I had three kids in twelve months.
I mean I had and I was running around like
a maniac as an agent. So I would say this,
look it took. I made a lot of mistakes. I'm
fifty one now. That's gotten me to a place of
a lot more confidence and clarity around the power of
this system, of this ritual, if you will. And that's
(43:41):
a result of I'll tell you a story. My mom
had flown down to Atlanta my parents live in Michigan
still to help my husband. I was going to be
gone for four or five keynotes in a week, and
it was a busy week. I generally like to cap
it at two or three at the most, but it
was a busy week. And and so I was like
(44:05):
Atlanta to Dallas, Dallas to New York, New York to
La La to you know, Detroit. I mean, it was
just it was just a zigzag. And I remember on
Thursday calling my mom and breaking down into tears and
I said, Mom, how are the girls? And she goes,
They're great, They're they're awesome, they're doing great, they're having
(44:27):
a great time at school. And I said, I'm absolutely exhausted.
And I talk about performance and I've got to walk
on a stage tomorrow in front of five hundred I
think it was medical device sales folks and talk about
performance and I am bride and she said, you know, look,
(44:49):
well here's the deal. I mean, the girls are fine,
but when you get back, we got to figure this out,
like we got to sit down and create some systems
for you. And that in part, and then there was
a lot. There was other moments like that, right, And
my mom's that person for me, like I'll just pick
up the phone and call her sometimes and just burst
into tears. I'm exhausted. I got you it. And but
this happens a lot less than it did. You know,
(45:11):
call it fifteen years ago, because that's when she and
I began to say, okay, wait a minute. And that's
when she started saying, look, you got to look at
your schedule more intentionally, and you got to make sure
that you have the energy for these moments. And by
the way she reminded me, which I was grateful for.
You know, I'd call my mom and dad and say, man,
(45:32):
I'm on a boat, Jordan's here. We're flying private to
the Bahamas for a dinner that night, coming back, you know,
and then I got and I mean they didn't give
a shit about any of it, Like they didn't care.
I would finish this montage of all this cool stuff
I was doing and meeting people in these places, and
she would just pause when I would say all of it,
(45:53):
and she'd go, how are the girls? Hou's Fred? Everybody good?
And it makes me terry, But it was so good
because honestly, I could have lost my way totally.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
You could have lost your whole family life on accident. Absolutely,
but as absolutely, And I think that's why.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
I talk about drive from the perspective of fulfillment, not achievement,
because we have to get really aligned with our purpose
and and what fulfillment is to us. Otherwise what happens
is we unintentionally chase the unimportant m And by the way,
(46:39):
when you get to those moments, which I've seen a
lot of people get to, it's it's a lot. It's
fun for a couple of days. These guys just won
the super Bowl. It's a blast for a couple days,
but then it's over. So if you're not chasing a
lifestyle of getting better every day, of just pursuing a
better version of yourself, so that you can more adequately
(47:01):
contribute to the world around you when you get there
wherever there is.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Then what because you've seen people actually, I mean and
you yourself reaching your highest dreams and your achievements, you've
seen people reach the peak of success as far as
accolades like what you can actually achieve in your career
as an athlete. You have seen people firsthand and you've
(47:27):
helped walk with them achieve their highest dream So, yeah,
a little bit more about that. I love that because
that's not everyone's like, I just got to get here,
get here, get here.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
If I get this, then I'll be happy. That's not it.
But if you are.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
And I interviewed some other people earlier, they really focus
on who would I interview, was it?
Speaker 3 (47:47):
No?
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Oh yeah, these two girls who just read this book,
The Sunshine Mine, and they were talking about like if
your internal self as well, then when you actually like
and this kind of couples with what you're saying, when
you actually achieve these moments, you can enjoy them for
what they are.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
But it's not your whole identity, and it's not it's.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
And it's not a finite thing, right, Like I believe
in living a life committed to pursuing better versus a
life anchored only in goals, because if you have goals
and you get there, then what And we see this
all the time, sadly, we see this all the time
in life, right, And so I think you've you've you've
(48:27):
got to get really clear on your purpose, on what
you're chasing. And I think you've got to pull back
and say, why do I do what I do? I
had a friend of mine telling me a story about
a tennis player who came in and he was talking
to my buddy and he said he said to her
and she had been declining in her in her game.
She was, you know, one number one in the world
once and then she was really struggling on the court.
(48:50):
And he looked at her and he said, why do
you play tennis? And she goes, well, what the what
the hell kind of question is that? I mean, I
don't know. I mean I played it because I want
to be number one.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
In the world.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
And he goes, cool, So, if on your tombstone it
says Mary, I'll use the name Mary. Mary was number
one in the world in tennis. Is that cool with you?
Is that what you want your tombstone? She said, no,
that sounds horrible. He goes, okay, cool, why do you
why do you play tennis? Your coach wanted me to
meet with you because he said, you're not yourself anymore.
(49:20):
You're not enjoying it. You're you're not enjoying practice, you're
not having fun in matches, You're throwing matches. You're so what.
I want to help you, but I gotta know why
you play tennis. And she goes, well, I get to
buy my parents, like they have a lot of cool stuff.
Like I bought my parents a couple of cars. I
actually paid off their house. And he goes, cool, So
if I just on your tombstone, if it says she
(49:42):
had a lot of stuff and she paid for other
people to have stuff, is that cool? She goes, no,
that's horrible and literally, and then finally he said, well, look,
I want to help you, but I gotta know why
you do this, Like I gotta know why you do
this for me to help you. And she leaves this
(50:02):
meeting and she looks at her coach and goes, that
was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.
I don't understand what the hell this guy's trying to
get out of me. So then like three days later
she had reflected on it and she goes, I got
to go meet back with that guy again. And he goes,
what's up, and he goes, I got to go meet
with her, and so he goes back. She goes back
in and meets with him, and he goes, what's up.
You figure it out? And she goes yeah. He goes,
why do you play tennis? She goes, because I get
(50:24):
to be a ray sunshine to all these people that
get to experience me on the court. I get to
make them smile. I get to make them experience something
that maybe they've never experienced quite like this before. I
get to make them smile. I get to make their
kids smile. I get to be a place where business
people can bring their colleagues and create an outing in
(50:46):
a way that they can enjoy being together. I get
to create and do something that makes other people's lives
just a little bit better. And he said, okay, cool.
So if you're too, Stone said, you know, she she
was a tennis player who made other people's lives better,
made them smile, made them feel How does that sound?
(51:08):
She goes, perfect, I love it. So I say that
only because I think we've got to We've got it
before it gets too late. We've got to say that
to ourselves, right, what do we want our tombstone to say?
And what I would say is generally, it's about others.
It's not about us, you know. I think the things
(51:29):
that bring all of us the greatest joy is the
things that we do for others, the people that we
make smile, the people that we lift up, the people's
lives we change and impact. I mean, for me, you know,
my legacy is absolutely these three girls who are tracking
in life. And they're tracking because when I was, when
(51:52):
they were really young, I took the time and the
energy to gain a lot of clarity so that I
didn't miss my one and only opportunity to be mother,
you know. And I always tell people lots of people
can be their coach, their teacher, you know, all these
other things in their life, but I'm the only one
that can be their mother.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
Oh you're getting me in the heart. Well, it's true,
because like what happens if you don't prioritize the switch,
so many of us fall victim too because we just
don't have the resources tools we don't know that that's
an option, and then you miss it. You miss it
all well.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
And if we aren't intentional about managing our energy, because
I do think energy solves a lot of problems for us,
then what you know, we see often right as you
come home from a tough day at work and you
know your child is there or you pick them up
from daycare or whatever that might be for you or women,
we walk in the other room and we don't have
(52:50):
the energy for them, and they're who matter most. So
being intentional about managing our energy and our schedule so
that we don't drain the tank in the all day
and that we leave some in there for the people
in our lives that matter most, because sadly, right, a
lot of people come home from the office or come
(53:11):
out of their office and they don't say I'll have
a tall glass of water and a spinach salad, right,
they say, for me a vodka soda. It's a poor, red,
badass bottle of red glass red. And you know know, Johnny,
I don't want to go play baseball in the backyard,
(53:31):
And no, I don't want to sit and color in
the calling book with you, And no, I don't want
to hear about all the friend drama at school today.
But if you manage our energy, we walk out and
we have the capacity because we've created the space in
our life to give the energy to the people of matter.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
Moons, Mollie, I am so glad you are speaking everywhere
and writing books and sharing this wisdom. This is so
incredible and so needed, especially in this world that we
live in where women do it all and I feel
like they don't get to have a break, and if
they do take time for themselves or prioritize, they're gonna everything.
Speaker 3 (54:12):
They're going to not be able to advance or have
a career or have.
Speaker 2 (54:16):
You know, we try to do it all without taking
care of ourselves, and this is the key. It's so incredible,
And I just want to talk about one more thing
that you do that I think was so amazing. Before
we wrap up, you were saying that you would before
like you started your day sometimes whenever you were talking
about your clients and like really trying to see like
(54:37):
what they needed, you would like mentally step into their lives.
Speaker 3 (54:41):
You would like spend some like a couple of.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Minutes each each morning, and you would like get into
their mindset you would get into their lives, get into
i'm sure like their family life, go into the whole
vortex of who they are, what matters to them, so
you could really visualize and feel what they need and
want for their particular life, not just across the board. Okay,
(55:04):
let me just do this because this is the most
money or this is whatever. It's like, you really stepped
into your clients. Tell to me a little bit about that,
because that is powerful.
Speaker 1 (55:13):
Well yeah, and I mean honestly carely. That's a result
of mistakes that I made. I remember when I was
early in my career, I picked up the phone and
I called a baseball player. I got into the office
at eight thirty or nine, and I called the baseball
player and I was like, and he answers the phone.
He's like hello. I'm like, what's up, Maynor? Nice night
last night, and he goes, dude, call me after twelve, Mom,
I didn't get home from the park to one right,
(55:33):
And I was like, and that was just you know,
and I made mistakes like that, And so what I
prioritize now is stepping into their world just for a
minute before you before you connect. And I try to
do that personally and professionally. You know, I try to
think before I call my mom or my dad, I
think about what did they do yesterday? What can I
(55:56):
maybe ask him about to connect, to show him that
I've I'm always listening and I care about what you're doing,
and you know, so we can do this, deploy this
personally and professional in our lives. But basically it was
a It was because of a mistake. So I would
you know, I had nine agents, about three hundred athletes
and coaches, and I would get into the office and
(56:18):
I would step into their world and I would get
this report. This is pre Twitter, pre Instagram, pre you know,
I would get this report of last nights yesterday as
if you will, activity on the field, court, course, wherever
they were. And that gave me an opportunity to go, okay,
what happened in their world? Because you can't pick up
(56:38):
the phone and call a baseball player who hit a
bomb to win the game last night and call them
and go, hey, what's up man, how you doing? You
gotta go, dude, unbelievable feel bomb two for four last night? Nice?
Right when they've just won the game the night before
and their agent calls them and goes, hey, what's up, man?
Speaker 3 (56:58):
You got to be on their level.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
Well yeah, and you got to know what they're doing, right,
Like you can't. I mean, you have to be in
their world. And I think it's the same way with
any human being, right, like, how can we take the
time to know?
Speaker 2 (57:12):
You know?
Speaker 1 (57:12):
And I would go out in time and do this too, Caroline.
I'd go out like I'd see a I'd have a
baseball player, maybe that I was recruiting. For example, this
was one of the guys I was recruiting once and
he was going to be out in San Diego playing
the Padres and I looked at the pitching rotation and
I went, oh, man, based on this rotation, he's gonna
have an off day in San Diego and he's not
(57:33):
pitching the next day. This guy loves to play golf.
I thought, I'm gonna call Tory Pines and try to
get him on the golf course and set him up
at tea time. And so I called him up one
day and I said, hey, man, it looks like based
on the rotation when you're in San Diego, like, do
you want me to I got your tea time at
Tory Pines at you know, eleven thirty, take three through
your buddies, whatever, and you know that they that's anticipation,
(57:56):
that's demonstrating care and authenticity. This isn't this isn't something
I make any money off of, but it's an opportunity
to pour into them. So I just always encourage people
to say, who are the five, ten, fifty to fifty
you know, most important relationships in your life, and how
can you step into their world every day or create
a system that you can do that to be intentional,
(58:19):
about about driving connection, about adding value, about anticipating their gaps,
their needs to create and drive a better relationship and
to serve them better.
Speaker 3 (58:30):
That's amazing. This is brought up one thought with afore
will wrap up?
Speaker 2 (58:33):
With all these people, with all this high intensity, with
all this stuff, you're bound to upset people from time
to time, just not because of anything you're doing, just
because situations don't play out the way someone wants them
to or they're upset. And I don't know if you
could be someone that could get the blame for some
of this stuff because you are in the middle of.
Speaker 3 (58:54):
All this, how do you deal.
Speaker 2 (58:57):
With energy coming your way when you've done everything you could,
and you really are trying your best to give your
clients everything that they want and and like your partners
the partnerships that you're doing for these clients. How do
you deal with things that don't work out and people
mad at you, how you are upset with you or
questioning your decisions? How do you clear that energy and
(59:20):
like keep the terms good because there's a lot of
big things happening.
Speaker 3 (59:24):
Around you all the time.
Speaker 1 (59:25):
Sure well, I mean, at the core my belief is
tell the truth, tell it fast, and tell it yourself.
So if I had a coach that didn't get a
job that he wanted, and this happened once with one
of my guys, it was tell the truth, tell it fast,
and tell it yourself. Own it right, communicate with authenticity
(59:46):
and transparency and do it yourself. To me is incredibly important.
I had a coach once, So you can get a
job that you wanted, and at two thirty in the morning,
it's on the ticker of the coach. You know, one
coach turned it down, and another one turned it down,
and then third one took it, and he's watching it.
He calls me at you know, two thirty in the
morning and I answer my phone, and he just goes
insane on me. I can't believe we didn't get this job.
(01:00:11):
And you know, I I we you know, to me,
it was about telling the truth, telling it fast, and
telling it myself. But I think the other thing is
you also have to anticipate these moments and speak the
truth into him. And I said, and I and I
in a loving way, a respectful way. But I stayed
(01:00:32):
pretty firm with what he had guided me to do,
what he wanted most reminded him of what he had
asked for and that this didn't align with it. So
he was just an ego hit at some level. But
but you know, so I think that's important. I think
the other thing though, that I would say is you
have to ask yourself. You know, here's what I would
(01:00:55):
tell people to do here. If you're listening, think about
people who call you on the phone. They call you
on your phone, You look down at your phone and
you go, oh shit, like you see their name and
you're like, you got it? What do you want me?
So whenever I, you know, share that sometimes in a keynote,
people they all start laughing, and you know, because we
(01:01:16):
have people like that, So we have to say, do
they deserve our energy? You know? Are they better than
their problems? I had a client. She drove me insane,
she called me all the time, and I finally was like,
is she better than her problems? Because she's absolutely exhausting me?
And what would it look like if I let this,
let this relationship go. Does she deserve all this energy?
(01:01:37):
Is she better than her problems? And she wasn't, and
I needed to let it go. And the amount of
energy I was giving that one relationship, by the way,
was way more than I even realized. Like, when I
let that relationship go, it's like a breakup with a dude. Right,
you go over there and you get your ear rings
and your neck less and your right. But like I,
when I let it go, the amount of energy I
was giving her was off the chain. Like I, I
(01:01:58):
had no idea. You know, sometimes we're getting sucked dry
from something. We don't really realize how significant of a
drainer it was until after. You know, we've been in
those moments where we go, oh my god, I had
no idea how much that was weighing on me, right, right,
So I think, tell the truth, tell it fast, and
tell yourself and then have the courage to ask yourself,
(01:02:18):
are they better than their problems? And some of them
are so, then you maybe have to have a difficult
conversation and realign.
Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
That's amazing, Molly.
Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
You are so wise and you're so practical, and it
makes so much sense, and you know how to handle
the biggest situations most effectively. It's just such a pleasure
to get a peek into your brain and all the
knowledge that you've accumulated over your life. Thank you for
sharing this. I always wrap up with leader light, what
do you want people to know? It's just super open ended.
Speaker 1 (01:02:50):
I would say as you lean into some of these
things that I shared, just be gentle on yourself. You
know you're gonna have some great days, some tough days,
some moments that you nail at, some moments that you don't,
some situations that work and don't work, And there was
a ton that didn't work for me, and there was
some that did, and so I would just say, be
gentle on yourself along the way and give yourself some grace.
Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
Amazing, where can everyone find you? You have a lot
of outpourings of information. Where can everyone be Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:03:19):
No, my podcast? I mean I have a podcast too,
and I love it. I'm grateful for it. It's game
changers with Molly Fletcher. I just encourage people to start there.
There's a lot of great I've been fortunate to have
some wonderful people. And then my website's Miley Fletcher dot com.
Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
And you have courses people can sign up for, you
have books to read. Yeah, you literally you are one
of those who can get your information out into a
form that can be accessed by other people. So thank
you for just taking the time to give all this
information to us in all different ways. This is stuff
(01:03:51):
that really can change your life, and you are just
such a great guide for so many of us.
Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
So I appreciate you more than you know. Molly, thank
you for coming on here.
Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
Absolutely, it was it was. It was super fun. Thanks
for having me.
Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
I appreciate it. And I hope I see you out
there someday.
Speaker 1 (01:04:07):
I gotta come to Nashville. I gotta see you on stage.
Maybe you can roll that back out for me.
Speaker 3 (01:04:11):
I want to see you on stage. I need to
come to one of your talks next time you're here.
I want to catch it.
Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
Oh well, I'll tell you, Okay, awesome, Thank you Molly,
have a great
Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
Day, Thanks so much by
Host
Caroline Hobby
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