February 23, 2024 • 37 mins
Caroline is back with her yoga teacher and life guru, Christina Lentz, for the final episode of THE BURN mini-series!
IN THIS WEEK’S EPISODE, Caroline and Christina (who has 6 kids!!) talk about how to get your kids to open up to you, mutual trust and communication between parents and kids, the difference between respect and fear, how to discipline and have healthy conversations and teaching body positivity in today's changing world.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
And action. Action.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
We're on the floor.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
We're on the floor. I don't like it.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I like me on the floor.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Wait, I feel like I'm in a power seat. It
feels powerful. My spine is long, my cores engage.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yes, I got some legs bumby right here on the wall.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah you do, cap Di. We're back.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
This is Christina and Caroline four liburn.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
So this is episode five we've done. I think it
is our fifth episode. This is fifth. This is our
fifth episode we have done. And it has been so fun.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
This has been the longest mini series I have ever
done on my podcast because I'm obsessed.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
With Christina and I'm obsessed with you.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
And we have decided that we are not stopping, but
we are going to make it more interactive and we're
going to bring it over to Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yay.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
So starting next week on Thursday at eight forty five,
because we both have school drop off for kids and
all that stuff. Eight thirties a little fast, So eight
forty five on Thursdays, we're gonna be going on Instagram
Live and you can write in and ask questions. If
we're gonna make it interactive and we're just gonna make
this kind of like a hangout spot to we can
(01:18):
We're gonna share our life, We're going to share our story.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
I kind of love just watching this. We never see
our video when we're no.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
We're gonna make it a hangout spot to just gather
every week with you guys, share what's on our heart,
hear what's on your heart, and talk about it all.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I'm so excited, I know, and nervous because it's something
out of my comfort zone and I'm almost forty an
Instagram live thing, so I'm excited to learn something new.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
And push push it, push the boundaries.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Yeah, okay, So kro Hobby is my Instagram and yours
is Stop yoga Time, like stop hammer time, Stop yoga time.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yoga time is your Instagram private?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
I don't think so anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
It used to be you got to open that up.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Okay, I'll open it up. If it's not, I'll double check.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
So join us on Thursdays at eight forty five in
the morning. But also it will live on my Instagram
feed so you can come watch it forever on Caro Hobby.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
So Hi, with that being said, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
You know? I know we talked about just riding the
high and the joy of moving into this year, and
I feel like I'm still in that space's feeling great.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I'm still feeling great.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Of course, I've had a couple of little human things
that I think will inevitably be there. But I'm still
in a really good place, and you know, finding my
new footing and different ages of parenting and different ages
of learning who I am.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Because you have six kids at all different ages.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, all different ages.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I mean that is a doozy.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
So you're learning a new phase of each kid all
the time, all the time, and you're at a different
level of all of them all.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
The time all the time. Are you How are you
not insane?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
I mean I will say yoga, yoga, breath word or yoga,
Earth medicine, therapy, learning and growing and conversing with my
kids for what they need has been huge.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Okay, so you have like one on one time with
your kids? I do, But do you share with you?
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yes? And I will say, like, as we get into
more of this discussion today, I think conversation is the
most important thing in the world. That I didn't even
learn that that was important as a parent until not
too long ago.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
How do you get your kids to open up with you,
especially like your teenagers. Okay, so I'm working with my
four year old and she's been saying she has stomach aches,
to the point where it like sent me on a
wild goose chase, as like she's never complained about anything.
She does not like to be sick, and then she's
saying she has stomachaches, and like, I was like, what's
going on?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Could everything was normal?
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Her body poop like you know, active level, no fever, nothing,
And come to find out, turns out it's just a
little nervousness, a nervous stomachache, and it is a stomach
ache when you're nervous. But she's going to school a
little longer, taking naps now, and it's scary, and.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
So it's like, but it took me. So it was
so hard to get that out.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
You know, it took because she didn't know how to
express herself, and it's hard to express yourself as a kid.
So it's like, how do you get your kids to
express what they're actually feeling?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
One.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I love that you and Sonny are at this age
in parenting where the conversation and the option of non
is saying that's anxiety, belly and nervousness is an option.
I've suffered from anxiety my whole entire life and didn't
know that that's what it was when I was younger.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Because I get that stomach ache too.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, and I have two of my biological children that
have anxiety. And I will say, as a kid, I
had a stomach ache all the time.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Yeah, and you're nervous all the time.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
All the time. I would I want to do airquotes.
I would fake sick in kindergarten because my brother's room
was right next door. He was in first grade, just
so I could be with him and see him. But
I had separation anxiety, I had all these things. I
wanted to be home with my mom. You know.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
School was a hard thing for me.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
But I remember I legit felt sick to my stomach,
and the doctors, of course, were like, oh, she's fine,
it's not a virus. It's this you know, she's faking
for attention. And now I think that we've developed and
grew as a species to understand that those feelings are real.
And for sweet Sunny not being able to express that
(05:38):
she's nervous, that's what it is. Yeah, she feels it
in her tummy, she feels it in her gut, but
not being able to say it's not you know, I
have to throw up or go to the bathroom, like
I just need this place of comfort and I need
this and my physical realizations are true.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
So I know, I'm like, do I keep you? Then
I'm like, well, should we just stay at half days?
Speaker 3 (05:58):
But then like, I need to get work done, kid,
I know, anything done when your kid is home at noon,
which I love being.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
With her, But I'm like, it's just you know, I know,
so is it just growing pains? Is it just part
of it?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Here's the thing, what do you do for me? When
I was younger, I didn't have open communication with my
parents whatsoever. It was very much and I think a
lot of us were parents that way, where oh, get
over it, move on.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Like when our parents out their resources, nobody talked about it.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Their feelings didn't and for us, I think back then
for our parents was non existent. Oh dear god.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
No mental health people were like, whoa, no, we're fine,
tough enough.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Puts a nerd on it, yeah, yeah, yeah, no seriously,
But even in those conversations, I I didn't trust my
parents with my heart and I didn't have an open
conversation where we talked about our feelings, we talked about
our anxieties, we talked about our worries and problem solving ways.
(06:55):
And I believe it is so impactful for your kids
to be able to trust you and you to be
able to trust your kids to express what they're feeling
in a safe way. Are we going to get it perfect?
Absolutely not. Are we going to mess up, of course.
But one thing that I learned is asking the right questions,
not like, hey, how is your day at school? It's like, hey,
(07:17):
what brought you joy today? What was one thing you learned?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Is that? Do they respond to that?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yes? My conversations with my youngest because we drive to
school every day and some days it's a yeah, some
days it's a twenty five minute drive, some days it
can be an hour, and some days she sleeps the
whole way. But when we do have conversations to and from,
it is where I want her to ask me questions.
I want to ask her questions but wrap it her
(07:42):
all around of like you can trust me with anything, right.
I miss the mark with my older kids because I
didn't learn those things.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
You were a kid, Yeah, you're older kids.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
And again just in the past ten years, look at
the shift in mental health, I mean past five years,
past four years, this shift and attention to mental health
and how impactful conversing is. And I think we deal
with this not only as parents, but as teachers, as coaches.
Is all these things. I mean, you think Sonny's going
to day school and while she's there for a couple hours,
(08:16):
that's a couple hours with another adult that she needs
to trust and that they need to have a strong relationship.
And it's not just a business transaction. This is somebody
shaping your child, creating safety for your child. And I
think a lot of times we forget about the importance
of that, and even conversing with our kids, even Sonny
(08:39):
being little, about like what are the things that make
you feel safe with so and so? What are the
things you wish you could tell so and so? And
those conversations can be different based on different things. But
you know, I'm sorry that you're dealing with that with Sonny,
and I'm sorry that Sonny's experienced that.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I mean, it's not it doesn't freak me out or anything.
It's just like, oh, we're entering a new level that's what.
It just makes me realize. It's like, oh, as soon
as people say this all the time, as soon as
you get comfortable with one level, here comes the next one. Yeah,
you know, And like you think it's hard when you
have a baby because it's so exhausting, but really it
just the work really begins when they can communicate and
(09:20):
talk and have real feelings and they're interacting with peers
and yeah, you know the world.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Well, I laugh. I think about when our kids are
babies and they don't have the verbiage to express their feelings.
It comes back as teenagers because as much as they have,
you know, a language, as much as they have expression,
you're trying to decipher every look, every everything known to man,
(09:46):
and you know, biologically. I had two boys and two girls,
and then we adopted our two boys, so at four
boys and two girls, and I said, I never wanted
a daughter until I had my daughters. And they're both
completely different. But with my b it was different. I mean,
my boys and I had we could joke and we
could talk about serious things and it was never like
(10:07):
this pole back and forth. Of course we've butt heads sometimes,
but like with my oldest daughter, Kylie. We've gone rounds
because she is stubborn. She's a good kid, she's been
in trouble one time in her life. Like great kid
made the Deans list at university this year. I could
(10:28):
trust her probably home at twelve years old, and you know,
she would take care of stuff. She was just very
black and white. But she's stubborn and I was stubborn,
and us trying to communicate when we didn't have the
understanding of each other was I know it was very
hard on mean as a parent, and I'm sure very
(10:48):
hard on her as a kid, even though I was
doing the best I could with what you had, with
what I had, and I'm learning, I mean, sadly, parenting
is trial and error. I think I feel like I'm
getting better and better, but I don't want any more kids.
I feel I'm getting better with my twelve year old,
but honestly, I'm still going to mess up. So I
feel like with you as Sonny, as much as you
(11:09):
can hear from other people's experience, Sonny's going to be
completely different from any kid that I've ever had. From
who you were, who Michael was, and creating conversations now
even when she doesn't have the vocabulary to express in
an adult way. I think keeping those conversations over from
(11:29):
where she knows I can trust telling my mom anything.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And that's what I say. I say this her all
the time.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
I was like, listen, Sonny, you will never be in
trouble if you tell me the truth. We will work
things out. We may have to like have some conversations
about stuff, and like, you know, we're going to analyze
what's going on, but you're not going to be in
trouble if you tell me the truth. And I thought
about that because that's a big statement to say, because
there could be something she does that she needs to
be in trouble for.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
But I'm like, I'm not going to punish her. If
she comes to me when.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
She's made a mistake, yeah, and tells me about it,
I'm gonna be like, Okay, let's figure this out and
how to turn this around, and let's learn what we
need to learn so we move forward and don't do
it again.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Because I feel like the fear is what keeps.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Sometimes kids from like coming to their parents, And I'm like,
I always want her to come to me.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, I'm always.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Gonna hear what she has to say no matter what
she's done, and I'm going to be thankful that she
told me the truth.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Well, and I don't you think there is a such
a huge difference between respect and fear. Yeah, I want
my children to respect me. I want my children to
respect the rules and the things that I put into
place for safety, for protection, for guidance. But I don't
(12:44):
want them to fear me where they're so scared of
messing up that they don't allow themselves to fail sometimes
And if they're so scared of messing up, they're not
going to tell me when they mess.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Up exactly, They're just gonna tuck it.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah. I tucked a lot of stuff and it comes out,
and it comes out.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
It don't proved to know.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
It comes out.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
It's not going away. You can't chuck it and it disappears.
Is that this magic thing that if you just ignored
it goes.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
No, no, no, no, no, it does not. It just
reappears in different places side. Yeah. And I as much
as things are going to come out in different ways,
we're not perfect. I never ever want my child to
be scared to ask.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
For my help.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yes, and know that you're going to be a team
and figure it out. Yeah, because we've made mistakes.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
When I hear as a boss, as a leader, when
I hear adults say I know this is a dumb question,
I'm sorry to ask, it breaks my heart. I'm like,
there's no dumb questions. Ask if I don't have the answer,
or if it's a simple answer, we're going to find
it out. But some things are not clear. They're not
black and white. And what makes me sad about that
(14:00):
is I know it comes from either childhood, either parenting,
either a teacher, either a previous job, or even friendship
or romantic relationship. I know my dad would always say
there's never any dumb questions, but the dumbest thing you
could do is not ask. And I had a fourth
grade teacher that I moved and from Michigan to Tennessee,
(14:23):
and it was a traumatic move and all that stuff,
and I remember asking a question in the middle of
class and in front of everybody, said, that is the
stupidest question you were in fourth grade And I was like,
never gonna ask another a teacher. Now there's a lots
of underlying stuff, but I do you know, I mean,
I'm not gonna say I never asked a question again,
(14:44):
But that will shut you down. It shut me down,
and it shaped a lot of my school experience from
there on us.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
That's huge in that age, it is any age.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I mean if someone called me on from my peers
right now and said I asked a dumb question, I
would be shut down. So imagine when you're fourth grade. Yeah,
of course it's going to and then you're embarrassed. And
then do they make fun of you or who even
knows if they do, But you're thinking everyone's thinking you're stupid.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, which is my biggest fear anyway, it is. I
don't like looking dumb. No, I mean, who does No,
I don't like looking dumb. But again, I have the
foundation from home where my dad was like, ask whatever
you want, ask and if he didn't know the answer,
he's like, let's find a way to look it up. Yeah,
or you would tell me where to look it up.
But that one impactful moment of a teacher, somebody that
(15:29):
I was supposed to trust as a leader, as my
second parent. Because how many hour is it, like seven
hours that you're in school every day? I don't know
something like that.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
It's a long time.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It's a long time with another human that you're supposed
to trust, and that one moment got it. So here's
the thing that life is going to happen to our kids,
as much as we would love to protect them, like,
those things are going to happen, But how can we
soften the blow at home and be that supportive thing?
And not to say that I do not discipline because
I do discipline. How do you discipline? And well, I'm
(16:01):
going to tell you this, I'm sure most parents do this.
Well I'm never going to do this. I'm never gonna
do this. Life hits you and you do this.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
I'm not going to give my kid an iPad. I'm
never gonna let them be sure, right, I.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Mean never, I'm gonna do this when I have kids
and then life hit you and you go through all
this thing.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Anyway, I have a freaking kick head and an iPad
and we're going to ride in a car for six hours.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah we're going to have a fun time. Yeah, Mammany's drive.
But with all of my kids, I learned different things
and different things that were better each time, and I
learned from my mistakes. So there's there's repercussions, of course,
and there's conversations. I did not learn this until probably
(16:43):
I mean ten years ago, when I was in the
thick of teenagers, and it's still it's taken a long
time in the thick of preteens, teenagers and when Laila's baby.
But We're going to talk about what went wrong, and
I'm going to ask you questions for you to answer.
How can you do better? How can I support you
better as a parent. And there's moments where I failed
(17:05):
that and that's all went out the window, and I've
been like, get in your room. I don't want to
talk to you. I mean, I'm a parent. There's been
many of moments.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
But having six kids at one time, what if they
all have something going on at the same time, Well,
here's the time my system shutdown.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
System shutdowns.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yes, as somebody that has sensory overload. I have sensory
issues and self diagnosed with many of things and clinically
diagnosed with other things. Have you ever seen that Jennifer
Coolidge moment where she's.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Like Lassie dibey, Lessie Dibbe.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
I feel like that was me all the time, screaming
internally like nobody's.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
They all and it would just free have they all
gotten going at the same time where they need you,
and then they're frustrated and there's problems. You have six
people wanting you at one time, plus your husband probably
wants something not to mention you want you to get
down with them.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Too, right, I have nothing else. I give you luck away,
luck away, I mean car rights. We had a third
row seated suv and at one point I had four
teenager teenage boys and then two girls and they would
be in the back like play fighting and all this
stuff when I'm trying to drive, and I'm like, I'm
(18:14):
trying to have a nervous breakdown here, trying not to
have a nervous breakdown. We need to get it from
point A to point B and be alive, y'all.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Like they all have to do different sports and activities
and things, and you got to get them there.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
And it all costs a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Costs a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Gosh, I know what one costs. I can't imagine what
six costs.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Let me tell you, yeez, Christina, you really you really
went hard, You really went for it with the kids.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
It is you know what, It wasn't intentional, Caroline. Some
was intentional some was not. Some was like, well, you're mom,
you're loving it, but I wasn't. I'm not gonna lie.
It wasn't always a great mom. And I've had a
lot to apologize for because you can apologize, yeah, I
mean I have to apologize. I'm gonna have to continue
to apologize and work and grow. And you know, as
(18:59):
much as we laugh and have these conversations, you know,
my older kids are like, Lala, you got it made,
You've got it this, and I'm like, because I was
quick with tools, better of understanding, and sorry, y'all were
my trial and error, like I learned through you and
now figuring out now, hope you're okay now, trying to
(19:20):
figure out how to be a good parent to adults
and a good parent to my daughter that just you know,
she's in college for her first year and living in
a dorm on her own and all these things. And
you know, with my boys and girls, don't get me wrong,
I know there was insecurities. There was a lot of
things with my boys too, but with Kylie, like it's
(19:42):
a whole new shape of things. Growing up, I was
ninety pounds, soaken, wet, and people would say stuff about
my body and stuff all the time, which at that time,
because I was skinny, there wasn't a stigma about calling
people like being poul or sticker, skeletor yeah, all these things.
It was just how I was. And now in an
(20:03):
age where body awareness is more there and talking to
my child about her health and you know, her presence
and stuff in a healthy way where it doesn't impact
her the way. I mean I had body dysmorphia. I
still have body dysmorphia. I still worry about stuff. And
it's not that there were big ugly things. There were
small impactful things that got me. And I know we've
(20:25):
talked about this. You face the same things in different ways.
And I mean, I can look at you. You're a
beautiful woman, like you're a desirable woman.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Do you asire me? Christina?
Speaker 1 (20:34):
I desire you in the most platonic way ever, But
you're beautiful.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Well, you can't feel like you lose your desirability. A yeah,
this point in life when you're just like in the throes,
going through the motion all of it, you're like, oh
my gosh, I used to feel sexy.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
You're like, what is this? But how do you feel
it sexy again? I'm getting my sexy meg.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
How do you with Sonny like talk about not only
body positive, but like who she is? Like how do
you speak to her identity differently than you were spoken to?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Well, I say that all the time, and I yoga
is huge for me. I'm like, Sonny, Mom's going to
yoga because I have to stay healthy and strong, and
it is so important for me to have energy, and
it is so important for me to be able to
use my body because I want to be able to
have a strong, healthy body so I can play with you.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
And like yesterday we were on the floor like pretending we.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Were cats, you know, And I'm like, if I don't
keep my body healthy, I can't do these things. And
so I want to. And I just started this whole
health cleanse too, and she came with me. Actually it
started because of her stomach aches. We ended up going
to like a allergy specialist and her name is doctor
Summer White.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
She's really cool.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
She like tests allergies by holding things over you. It's like, uh,
you know, a little holistic, which I love. And turns
out I have a parasite a worm, which is great.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
So now I'm doing kolanics and all this stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
But I just bring her along with me and I
just like show her that, Okay, I'm just like learning
about my body. Like when I get new information, it's
like dairy and gluten and sugar or causing that's awesome.
She's having a little bit of reaction to that. That's
causing your stomach to hurt. So like let's cut that out.
And like I'll tell her that. With sweets, it's like
I want you to have sweets. I want you to
(22:17):
have cake, I want you to have all this stuff.
But like if you eat too much, your stomach's gonna hurt. Yeah,
if you eat too much, you're gonna get cavities. If
you eat too much, you're not gonna feel good. So
let's have it. But like I just don't want you.
It's my job to keep you healthy. It's my job
to keep you safe, and so I'm teaching you about
this stuff so you can have a healthy body a
(22:37):
healthy mind. And like with sleep, I'm like, she doesn't
want to go to bed.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
I'm like, we got to go.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
To bed because if you don't get sleep, then your
brain's not gonna grow correctly and you need to have
lots of I mean, I don't know if that's the
right thing to say. Not.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
By the way, I am not a doctor, and this
could all be wrong. Your brain's not gonna grow right
if you don't get sleep.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
So if you eat a watermelon seed, it's gonna grow
in your belly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I just do the best. I'm at a point where
I think I need to start getting books. My sister
sent me a whole bunch of books to read. But like, ultimately,
I just want her to know that, like everything I
tell her, it is not for her to physically look
a certain way. It's so she can feel good, and
it's so she can have a healthy brain. And I
never talk about my body with her ever. Actually I've
(23:20):
completely stopped talking about that in general. And now it's like, Okay,
I just want to be healthier. If you know, if
we've come off of the holidays and we've been eating
a lot of like fried foods, cakes, cookies, all the stuff,
it's like, Okay, it's time to like get healthy again
because I want my.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Body to feel good. Yeah, not because I want to
look good because I feel good.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
I do think that has been a big shift, don't
you think in general, conversation and media conversation and conversation
we have with ourselves about health overall. Like you know,
so we're taking care of ourselves for mental health, for
physical health, for longevity, and not necessarily what we physically
(24:07):
look like exactly. And while that may be, you know,
a secondary thing that happens, I do think that's important
to stretch or to stress taking care of ourselves for longevity.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
So we feel good and we can use our bodies. Yeah,
because that's the goal.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yeah, that's the whole reason why you know, we fall
in love with different physical activities or different arts, you know, dance,
any of those things, because it makes us feel good,
not only physically but mentally emotionally. We feel like we
have a connection to something. And I will say that
(24:43):
was my hardest part of shifting to parenting a teenage
girl and body changes, because I didn't have anybody even
sharing with me what that would mean. And all I
heard at the time was, you know, from boys or
men as I got older, over what my body should
(25:04):
look like or what's a desirable looking woman. Not a
healthy body, not a strong body, not an active body,
and definitely not a strong minds, not a powerful presence. Yes,
it was all on how I looked. And I got
my first set of breast and plants at nineteen years old. Now,
(25:24):
I'm not judging anybody for doing it if it makes
you feel good within reason, you know.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
But but you did it because you were trying to
achieve this image that you felt like you needed to have.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Yes, because without them, I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't
feel desirable. And I will tell you some of that
came from my mom, and it was stuff that she
didn't deal with. And again, my mom, like it wasn't
deep rooted mean things. It would be simple things of like,
oh honey, you need to put on some makeup you
look tired, or oh honey, have you gained a little
(25:55):
bit of way, Like little conversations like that.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
I used to be except because women back and even this,
just this last generation, beauty was such the standard. If
you're just not this certain and I'm not saying it
doesn't exist anymore, but a lot has gone to change that. Yeah,
if you weren't this idealistic standard of beauty.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Then you know you got to fix it.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Yeah, and now we're just like no, no, no, let's
be healthy and we all have different body shapes and
we're all built different and it's such a different conversation now,
But like that was your mom's generation. Yeah, if she
didn't look the way she needed to look, she probably
didn't feel good about herself.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, so I will say, like having these open conversations
with my child where I'm still learning. Like you said,
you're not a doctor, I'm not a doctor. It is
trial and error. It's hearing different things, that's reading different things,
and that is pivoted and shift. You know, that changes
all the time. What to expect when you're expecting. What
to expect the first year is I read all those
books and stuff maybe similar, but science has changed. Different
(27:01):
studies have changed, especially like how you mentally and emotionally
parent your children. And we're just continuing to learn and
grow and fortunately and unfortunately it is trial and error.
We're gonna mess.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Up because we're just good old humans. Yeah, flawed human being, flawed,
just raising another one.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Just raising another one. I'm like, why did anybody trust
me to raise another.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
The whole human experience is just wild. I'm literally like
the ego.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
So I went, oh gosh, so I got a chronic
yesterday because I have.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Worms, get those worms out, queen.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
So I mean I've had worms before, which is exciting,
and then you see them come out in the klonic
and it's terrifying. So I'm doing like a two week
parasite cleanse and then I'm going to get a chlonic again,
and I'm gonna do like before I do it, I'm
gonna do the lymph lymphatic cleansing and then I'm gonna
do this like ozone radiation, like uh, what are those
(27:58):
sauna and like really activate these worms to come out.
So hopefully I'll talk we can talk about this on
Instagram life. Hopefully a lot of worms will be coming
out next time and it's gonna be disgusting and amazing.
But anyway, so I was talking to the colonic lady
who is also an intuitive. Hyeah, she is like, you
know she can. I guess it's like psychic is another word. Yeah,
(28:20):
And she was like, you know, I'm also an intuitive,
which I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited, Like
this is like a dream come true. Not only am
I getting a quonic, but now I'm also talking to
an intuitive can help read me. And she was just
saying we're in the middle of a huge spiritual awakening.
And I know that to be true because the ego
way of running the world is it's not working, you know.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I mean it is, but.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
It's like I feel like everything's like imploding on itself
because we got to get back to God. We got
to get back to higher calling. We got to get
back to not trying to like.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Please the ego, but like please the spirit.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
You know. Yeah, And I think it's affecting everyone. And
finally we're at this point where it's like the world's
got to shift a little bit. We've got to get
back to like letting the spirit lead.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
You know, your physical worms, you gotta get rid of those.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
She said that too, she knows other worms. You gotta
let them out.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
She's like, you got to get these parasites out because
the parasites are affecting your brain. I mean, she's like,
get your body clean and clear and be like a
pure vessel so you can get downloads and not be
intercepted by parasites. And like, some people think that's totally
like weird, and that's fine, but like I'm like, yes,
I feel.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
This, it's there.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
It's your journey worm free twenty twenty four. It would
have been better and rhymed worm free twenty twenty three,
but you know what, we get a redo in twenty
twenty four. Yeah, worm free, I know. But I love
that also that you're sharing with Sonny and a healthy
way of how you're taking care of you so that
you can show up for her and you can be
(29:49):
a strong and intentional mother for her and for yourself.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Yes, like she already says, I can't wait till I
can go to yoga with you.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
She's like, I want to go to my gymnasta so
I can start learning my yoga moves.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
And I'm like, stomp it, baby, you get your yoga on.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
And I'm like I want her to like think that
that's cool, you know, I know, to take care of yourself,
not to be skinny and look a certain way, but
to be healthy.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
You know what I love about it. I mean, I
love so many things about yoga. And I know we
talk about this all the time, but yoga is not
a sport. It is a spiritual practice if you allow
it to be, and you're not competing with anybody else.
It's not for a gold it's not for this. It's
not for that. It's for you, and that's why I
love it. It's for me. It's not to achieve anything
(30:37):
on a leaderboard. It's not to be like I have
done this. It's to show up and take care of
me inside and out. So yes, Sonny, you're gonna get
a yoga and you're gonna make it happen. It could
start now and there's a little kids yoga and we
can do that together. Yeah, you can learn all those things.
And I will say back to Kylie, this was one
(30:59):
thing that I struggled with because with her body and
her changing place and she just turned nineteen. Uh, she's
she struggled with her teeth and with that she was
born with. I don't I'm not a dentist, so I
don't know the correct terms. Oh my gosh, stop, So
what these teeth are? They grew in super tiny and
(31:21):
super small, and she had braces when she was younger
because she had a gap and she tried to pull
those teeth down as much as she could and they
ended up bonding them. And then there's a space and
her teeth just even with braces and all the money
we spent, even with that bonding. They she's not happy
with them, she does not feel confident, she doesn't smile
with her teeth. She laughs and she'll cover her lip,
(31:42):
and it's just it's heartbreaking. And then I also had
an internal battle of I don't want to talk about
that with her because he feel so cod no and
not having that open conversation. I was just like, Kylie,
you're beautiful, Like, don't worry about that. We've done this,
and I shut down her feelings. And so last last
(32:04):
year she had told me, she was like, Mom, I
really want to get my teeth fixed. And I was like, honey,
you're beautiful, and she was like, you're not listening to me.
And I will say it's a big investment to get
them fixed again because again we've got one hundred kids
and we work normal jobs. And I'm like, oh gosh.
But during Christmas this year, she was like, I don't
want anything for Christmas or my birthday, like can you
help me fix my teeth? And I wanted to cry
(32:27):
because I didn't listen to her.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Keep keeping to express that like coming back and say
and not shutting.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
It down, not shutting it down because again me, I'm
equating her teeth to my breast, implants of like, I'm
just doing this to whatever I.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Want her to feel like.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
She's not perfect, yes as her mom, but as her
mom she is.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
But we know what it's like to want to fix
stuff on ourselves because it doesn't make you feel your best.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
So I did that with my whole hair journey, and
I'm back to book because I want to be one.
I feel better once what you want to do, you
feel better if honestly, just for my dad making a
Dennis I know, ye transfer that happens when you get
your teeth done.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
It makes you feel like a million bucks.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
So my sweet obsessive self that just looks and goes
and goes and goes, I beam smile design and Nashville
doctor Clegg. I looked at her before and afters, and
I reached out to her and she ran a skin
and she's like, we're gonna get your baby right, We're
going to take care of her. And she showed me
progress of other teeth and so I'm excited to start
that for her.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
So she's gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
She's gonna do it, and she's gonna tell me yours.
She said, not only like thank you as a birthday gift.
But she was like, thank you for listening to me,
and it was like this sweet, beautiful interaction. But also
I was like, crap, I didn't listen to you because
I was projecting my own insecurities and while I was
trying to protect her. So I'm so excited to watch
(33:47):
a journey for her.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
But you were trying to let her know that she's perfect.
But she's saying, mom, thank you, But I just feel
self conscious about my teeth because I want them to
look like a full I get it.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Yeah, but it's hot.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
That's where that's the line that's so hard because it's
like you don't want to give her a complex and
think that like she needs to fix stuff about herself.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
But like I also understand when you want to fix
your teeth.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yeah, I want to fix your teeth.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
I mean, I mean, I understand it more than anyway.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
My dad does it for his profession. I've seen the
absolute transformation. So the fact that like you found someone
that's great here in Nashville that's gonna help her fix
her teeth and like gets it, and it's oh, that's
so it's so hard though, I mean, this.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Line is so hard.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
The line of knowing when to help them make the
change and like actually do something cosmetic to themselves. Yeah,
and when not to because you don't want to like
start that process of thinking they need to change itself.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
It is crazy. It is I mean, the amount of
conversations that I have with friends and my husband and
my deep rabbit hole of looking up stuff. I'm not
going to have the answers, and I'm just trying to
figure it out and I'm doing the best I can.
(35:07):
And I just hope that not only my kids I
don't want to say appreciate it. I do mean appreciate it,
but they know that mom did everything they could to
support them in the healthiest way possible, and that Mom's
trying to do everything she can to take care of
herself and the healthiest way possible. That's my place in
(35:30):
parenting right now, I think is keeping conversations open and
really listening and with my adults, especially trusting them as
adults that I raise them the best I could to
get to this point to make decisions, and to keep
that open conversation just in a new way.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Oh, you're doing a great job.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
You're doing a great job.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
We're all in all you moms listening out there, and dads,
if you're on here, you're doing a great job. That
you care means you're doing a great job.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
And we've all just been given the tools that we've
all just been equipped in the way that we've been
equipped and where you've been born and what you've learned,
and like, we're all just trying to learn and get
better and it's constantly an evolution. And I just like
it's so easy to beat ourselves up when we hit
a moment where our kid is like frustrated or feeling like,
you know, our kid is sad or lost, and then
(36:24):
you immediately internalize it because you're.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Like, oh my gosh, like what's going on?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Yeah, like I thought about that. I'm like, have I failed?
Speaker 3 (36:30):
You know, because like Sonny's having anxiety, Like am I failing?
You know?
Speaker 2 (36:34):
And then it's like, no, this is just life.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
It's life. It's life.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
It's just life, you know, and it's just hard.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
But it's great and it's hard and it's awful and
it's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
And here we are. And that's why I have to
go to.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
You and here we are, all right, I love you.
Speaker 5 (36:48):
Let's go to Yokah Bundel
Speaker 3 (37:04):
From Undel
And action. Action.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
We're on the floor.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
We're on the floor. I don't like it.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I like me on the floor.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Wait, I feel like I'm in a power seat. It
feels powerful. My spine is long, my cores engage.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yes, I got some legs bumby right here on the wall.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah you do, cap Di. We're back.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
This is Christina and Caroline four liburn.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
So this is episode five we've done. I think it
is our fifth episode. This is fifth. This is our
fifth episode we have done. And it has been so fun.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
This has been the longest mini series I have ever
done on my podcast because I'm obsessed.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
With Christina and I'm obsessed with you.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
And we have decided that we are not stopping, but
we are going to make it more interactive and we're
going to bring it over to Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yay.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
So starting next week on Thursday at eight forty five,
because we both have school drop off for kids and
all that stuff. Eight thirties a little fast, So eight
forty five on Thursdays, we're gonna be going on Instagram
Live and you can write in and ask questions. If
we're gonna make it interactive and we're just gonna make
this kind of like a hangout spot to we can
(01:18):
We're gonna share our life, We're going to share our story.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
I kind of love just watching this. We never see
our video when we're no.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
We're gonna make it a hangout spot to just gather
every week with you guys, share what's on our heart,
hear what's on your heart, and talk about it all.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I'm so excited, I know, and nervous because it's something
out of my comfort zone and I'm almost forty an
Instagram live thing, so I'm excited to learn something new.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
And push push it, push the boundaries.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Yeah, okay, So kro Hobby is my Instagram and yours
is Stop yoga Time, like stop hammer time, Stop yoga time.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yoga time is your Instagram private?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
I don't think so anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
It used to be you got to open that up.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Okay, I'll open it up. If it's not, I'll double check.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
So join us on Thursdays at eight forty five in
the morning. But also it will live on my Instagram
feed so you can come watch it forever on Caro Hobby.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
So Hi, with that being said, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
You know? I know we talked about just riding the
high and the joy of moving into this year, and
I feel like I'm still in that space's feeling great.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I'm still feeling great.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Of course, I've had a couple of little human things
that I think will inevitably be there. But I'm still
in a really good place, and you know, finding my
new footing and different ages of parenting and different ages
of learning who I am.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Because you have six kids at all different ages.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, all different ages.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I mean that is a doozy.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
So you're learning a new phase of each kid all
the time, all the time, and you're at a different
level of all of them all.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
The time all the time. Are you How are you
not insane?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
I mean I will say yoga, yoga, breath word or yoga,
Earth medicine, therapy, learning and growing and conversing with my
kids for what they need has been huge.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Okay, so you have like one on one time with
your kids? I do, But do you share with you?
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yes? And I will say, like, as we get into
more of this discussion today, I think conversation is the
most important thing in the world. That I didn't even
learn that that was important as a parent until not
too long ago.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
How do you get your kids to open up with you,
especially like your teenagers. Okay, so I'm working with my
four year old and she's been saying she has stomach aches,
to the point where it like sent me on a
wild goose chase, as like she's never complained about anything.
She does not like to be sick, and then she's
saying she has stomachaches, and like, I was like, what's
going on?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Could everything was normal?
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Her body poop like you know, active level, no fever, nothing,
And come to find out, turns out it's just a
little nervousness, a nervous stomachache, and it is a stomach
ache when you're nervous. But she's going to school a
little longer, taking naps now, and it's scary, and.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
So it's like, but it took me. So it was
so hard to get that out.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
You know, it took because she didn't know how to
express herself, and it's hard to express yourself as a kid.
So it's like, how do you get your kids to
express what they're actually feeling?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
One.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I love that you and Sonny are at this age
in parenting where the conversation and the option of non
is saying that's anxiety, belly and nervousness is an option.
I've suffered from anxiety my whole entire life and didn't
know that that's what it was when I was younger.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Because I get that stomach ache too.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, and I have two of my biological children that
have anxiety. And I will say, as a kid, I
had a stomach ache all the time.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Yeah, and you're nervous all the time.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
All the time. I would I want to do airquotes.
I would fake sick in kindergarten because my brother's room
was right next door. He was in first grade, just
so I could be with him and see him. But
I had separation anxiety, I had all these things. I
wanted to be home with my mom. You know.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
School was a hard thing for me.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
But I remember I legit felt sick to my stomach,
and the doctors, of course, were like, oh, she's fine,
it's not a virus. It's this you know, she's faking
for attention. And now I think that we've developed and
grew as a species to understand that those feelings are real.
And for sweet Sunny not being able to express that
(05:38):
she's nervous, that's what it is. Yeah, she feels it
in her tummy, she feels it in her gut, but
not being able to say it's not you know, I
have to throw up or go to the bathroom, like
I just need this place of comfort and I need
this and my physical realizations are true.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
So I know, I'm like, do I keep you? Then
I'm like, well, should we just stay at half days?
Speaker 3 (05:58):
But then like, I need to get work done, kid,
I know, anything done when your kid is home at noon,
which I love being.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
With her, But I'm like, it's just you know, I know,
so is it just growing pains? Is it just part
of it?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Here's the thing, what do you do for me? When
I was younger, I didn't have open communication with my
parents whatsoever. It was very much and I think a
lot of us were parents that way, where oh, get
over it, move on.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Like when our parents out their resources, nobody talked about it.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Their feelings didn't and for us, I think back then
for our parents was non existent. Oh dear god.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
No mental health people were like, whoa, no, we're fine,
tough enough.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Puts a nerd on it, yeah, yeah, yeah, no seriously,
But even in those conversations, I I didn't trust my
parents with my heart and I didn't have an open
conversation where we talked about our feelings, we talked about
our anxieties, we talked about our worries and problem solving ways.
(06:55):
And I believe it is so impactful for your kids
to be able to trust you and you to be
able to trust your kids to express what they're feeling
in a safe way. Are we going to get it perfect?
Absolutely not. Are we going to mess up, of course.
But one thing that I learned is asking the right questions,
not like, hey, how is your day at school? It's like, hey,
(07:17):
what brought you joy today? What was one thing you learned?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Is that? Do they respond to that?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yes? My conversations with my youngest because we drive to
school every day and some days it's a yeah, some
days it's a twenty five minute drive, some days it
can be an hour, and some days she sleeps the
whole way. But when we do have conversations to and from,
it is where I want her to ask me questions.
I want to ask her questions but wrap it her
(07:42):
all around of like you can trust me with anything, right.
I miss the mark with my older kids because I
didn't learn those things.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
You were a kid, Yeah, you're older kids.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
And again just in the past ten years, look at
the shift in mental health, I mean past five years,
past four years, this shift and attention to mental health
and how impactful conversing is. And I think we deal
with this not only as parents, but as teachers, as coaches.
Is all these things. I mean, you think Sonny's going
to day school and while she's there for a couple hours,
(08:16):
that's a couple hours with another adult that she needs
to trust and that they need to have a strong relationship.
And it's not just a business transaction. This is somebody
shaping your child, creating safety for your child. And I
think a lot of times we forget about the importance
of that, and even conversing with our kids, even Sonny
(08:39):
being little, about like what are the things that make
you feel safe with so and so? What are the
things you wish you could tell so and so? And
those conversations can be different based on different things. But
you know, I'm sorry that you're dealing with that with Sonny,
and I'm sorry that Sonny's experienced that.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I mean, it's not it doesn't freak me out or anything.
It's just like, oh, we're entering a new level that's what.
It just makes me realize. It's like, oh, as soon
as people say this all the time, as soon as
you get comfortable with one level, here comes the next one. Yeah,
you know, And like you think it's hard when you
have a baby because it's so exhausting, but really it
just the work really begins when they can communicate and
(09:20):
talk and have real feelings and they're interacting with peers
and yeah, you know the world.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Well, I laugh. I think about when our kids are
babies and they don't have the verbiage to express their feelings.
It comes back as teenagers because as much as they have,
you know, a language, as much as they have expression,
you're trying to decipher every look, every everything known to man,
(09:46):
and you know, biologically. I had two boys and two girls,
and then we adopted our two boys, so at four
boys and two girls, and I said, I never wanted
a daughter until I had my daughters. And they're both
completely different. But with my b it was different. I mean,
my boys and I had we could joke and we
could talk about serious things and it was never like
(10:07):
this pole back and forth. Of course we've butt heads sometimes,
but like with my oldest daughter, Kylie. We've gone rounds
because she is stubborn. She's a good kid, she's been
in trouble one time in her life. Like great kid
made the Deans list at university this year. I could
(10:28):
trust her probably home at twelve years old, and you know,
she would take care of stuff. She was just very
black and white. But she's stubborn and I was stubborn,
and us trying to communicate when we didn't have the
understanding of each other was I know it was very
hard on mean as a parent, and I'm sure very
(10:48):
hard on her as a kid, even though I was
doing the best I could with what you had, with
what I had, and I'm learning, I mean, sadly, parenting
is trial and error. I think I feel like I'm
getting better and better, but I don't want any more kids.
I feel I'm getting better with my twelve year old,
but honestly, I'm still going to mess up. So I
feel like with you as Sonny, as much as you
(11:09):
can hear from other people's experience, Sonny's going to be
completely different from any kid that I've ever had. From
who you were, who Michael was, and creating conversations now
even when she doesn't have the vocabulary to express in
an adult way. I think keeping those conversations over from
(11:29):
where she knows I can trust telling my mom anything.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And that's what I say. I say this her all
the time.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
I was like, listen, Sonny, you will never be in
trouble if you tell me the truth. We will work
things out. We may have to like have some conversations
about stuff, and like, you know, we're going to analyze
what's going on, but you're not going to be in
trouble if you tell me the truth. And I thought
about that because that's a big statement to say, because
there could be something she does that she needs to
be in trouble for.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
But I'm like, I'm not going to punish her. If
she comes to me when.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
She's made a mistake, yeah, and tells me about it,
I'm gonna be like, Okay, let's figure this out and
how to turn this around, and let's learn what we
need to learn so we move forward and don't do
it again.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Because I feel like the fear is what keeps.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Sometimes kids from like coming to their parents, And I'm like,
I always want her to come to me.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, I'm always.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Gonna hear what she has to say no matter what
she's done, and I'm going to be thankful that she
told me the truth.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Well, and I don't you think there is a such
a huge difference between respect and fear. Yeah, I want
my children to respect me. I want my children to
respect the rules and the things that I put into
place for safety, for protection, for guidance. But I don't
(12:44):
want them to fear me where they're so scared of
messing up that they don't allow themselves to fail sometimes
And if they're so scared of messing up, they're not
going to tell me when they mess.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Up exactly, They're just gonna tuck it.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah. I tucked a lot of stuff and it comes out,
and it comes out.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
It don't proved to know.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
It comes out.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
It's not going away. You can't chuck it and it disappears.
Is that this magic thing that if you just ignored
it goes.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
No, no, no, no, no, it does not. It just
reappears in different places side. Yeah. And I as much
as things are going to come out in different ways,
we're not perfect. I never ever want my child to
be scared to ask.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
For my help.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yes, and know that you're going to be a team
and figure it out. Yeah, because we've made mistakes.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
When I hear as a boss, as a leader, when
I hear adults say I know this is a dumb question,
I'm sorry to ask, it breaks my heart. I'm like,
there's no dumb questions. Ask if I don't have the answer,
or if it's a simple answer, we're going to find
it out. But some things are not clear. They're not
black and white. And what makes me sad about that
(14:00):
is I know it comes from either childhood, either parenting,
either a teacher, either a previous job, or even friendship
or romantic relationship. I know my dad would always say
there's never any dumb questions, but the dumbest thing you
could do is not ask. And I had a fourth
grade teacher that I moved and from Michigan to Tennessee,
(14:23):
and it was a traumatic move and all that stuff,
and I remember asking a question in the middle of
class and in front of everybody, said, that is the
stupidest question you were in fourth grade And I was like,
never gonna ask another a teacher. Now there's a lots
of underlying stuff, but I do you know, I mean,
I'm not gonna say I never asked a question again,
(14:44):
But that will shut you down. It shut me down,
and it shaped a lot of my school experience from
there on us.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
That's huge in that age, it is any age.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I mean if someone called me on from my peers
right now and said I asked a dumb question, I
would be shut down. So imagine when you're fourth grade. Yeah,
of course it's going to and then you're embarrassed. And
then do they make fun of you or who even
knows if they do, But you're thinking everyone's thinking you're stupid.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, which is my biggest fear anyway, it is. I
don't like looking dumb. No, I mean, who does No,
I don't like looking dumb. But again, I have the
foundation from home where my dad was like, ask whatever
you want, ask and if he didn't know the answer,
he's like, let's find a way to look it up. Yeah,
or you would tell me where to look it up.
But that one impactful moment of a teacher, somebody that
(15:29):
I was supposed to trust as a leader, as my
second parent. Because how many hour is it, like seven
hours that you're in school every day? I don't know
something like that.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
It's a long time.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It's a long time with another human that you're supposed
to trust, and that one moment got it. So here's
the thing that life is going to happen to our kids,
as much as we would love to protect them, like,
those things are going to happen, But how can we
soften the blow at home and be that supportive thing?
And not to say that I do not discipline because
I do discipline. How do you discipline? And well, I'm
(16:01):
going to tell you this, I'm sure most parents do this.
Well I'm never going to do this. I'm never gonna
do this. Life hits you and you do this.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
I'm not going to give my kid an iPad. I'm
never gonna let them be sure, right, I.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Mean never, I'm gonna do this when I have kids
and then life hit you and you go through all
this thing.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Anyway, I have a freaking kick head and an iPad
and we're going to ride in a car for six hours.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah we're going to have a fun time. Yeah, Mammany's drive.
But with all of my kids, I learned different things
and different things that were better each time, and I
learned from my mistakes. So there's there's repercussions, of course,
and there's conversations. I did not learn this until probably
(16:43):
I mean ten years ago, when I was in the
thick of teenagers, and it's still it's taken a long
time in the thick of preteens, teenagers and when Laila's baby.
But We're going to talk about what went wrong, and
I'm going to ask you questions for you to answer.
How can you do better? How can I support you
better as a parent. And there's moments where I failed
(17:05):
that and that's all went out the window, and I've
been like, get in your room. I don't want to
talk to you. I mean, I'm a parent. There's been
many of moments.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
But having six kids at one time, what if they
all have something going on at the same time, Well,
here's the time my system shutdown.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
System shutdowns.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yes, as somebody that has sensory overload. I have sensory
issues and self diagnosed with many of things and clinically
diagnosed with other things. Have you ever seen that Jennifer
Coolidge moment where she's.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Like Lassie dibey, Lessie Dibbe.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
I feel like that was me all the time, screaming
internally like nobody's.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
They all and it would just free have they all
gotten going at the same time where they need you,
and then they're frustrated and there's problems. You have six
people wanting you at one time, plus your husband probably
wants something not to mention you want you to get
down with them.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Too, right, I have nothing else. I give you luck away,
luck away, I mean car rights. We had a third
row seated suv and at one point I had four
teenager teenage boys and then two girls and they would
be in the back like play fighting and all this
stuff when I'm trying to drive, and I'm like, I'm
(18:14):
trying to have a nervous breakdown here, trying not to
have a nervous breakdown. We need to get it from
point A to point B and be alive, y'all.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Like they all have to do different sports and activities
and things, and you got to get them there.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
And it all costs a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Costs a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Gosh, I know what one costs. I can't imagine what
six costs.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Let me tell you, yeez, Christina, you really you really
went hard, You really went for it with the kids.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
It is you know what, It wasn't intentional, Caroline. Some
was intentional some was not. Some was like, well, you're mom,
you're loving it, but I wasn't. I'm not gonna lie.
It wasn't always a great mom. And I've had a
lot to apologize for because you can apologize, yeah, I
mean I have to apologize. I'm gonna have to continue
to apologize and work and grow. And you know, as
(18:59):
much as we laugh and have these conversations, you know,
my older kids are like, Lala, you got it made,
You've got it this, and I'm like, because I was
quick with tools, better of understanding, and sorry, y'all were
my trial and error, like I learned through you and
now figuring out now, hope you're okay now, trying to
(19:20):
figure out how to be a good parent to adults
and a good parent to my daughter that just you know,
she's in college for her first year and living in
a dorm on her own and all these things. And
you know, with my boys and girls, don't get me wrong,
I know there was insecurities. There was a lot of
things with my boys too, but with Kylie, like it's
(19:42):
a whole new shape of things. Growing up, I was
ninety pounds, soaken, wet, and people would say stuff about
my body and stuff all the time, which at that time,
because I was skinny, there wasn't a stigma about calling
people like being poul or sticker, skeletor yeah, all these things.
It was just how I was. And now in an
(20:03):
age where body awareness is more there and talking to
my child about her health and you know, her presence
and stuff in a healthy way where it doesn't impact
her the way. I mean I had body dysmorphia. I
still have body dysmorphia. I still worry about stuff. And
it's not that there were big ugly things. There were
small impactful things that got me. And I know we've
(20:25):
talked about this. You face the same things in different ways.
And I mean, I can look at you. You're a
beautiful woman, like you're a desirable woman.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Do you asire me? Christina?
Speaker 1 (20:34):
I desire you in the most platonic way ever, But
you're beautiful.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Well, you can't feel like you lose your desirability. A yeah,
this point in life when you're just like in the throes,
going through the motion all of it, you're like, oh
my gosh, I used to feel sexy.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
You're like, what is this? But how do you feel
it sexy again? I'm getting my sexy meg.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
How do you with Sonny like talk about not only
body positive, but like who she is? Like how do
you speak to her identity differently than you were spoken to?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Well, I say that all the time, and I yoga
is huge for me. I'm like, Sonny, Mom's going to
yoga because I have to stay healthy and strong, and
it is so important for me to have energy, and
it is so important for me to be able to
use my body because I want to be able to
have a strong, healthy body so I can play with you.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
And like yesterday we were on the floor like pretending we.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Were cats, you know, And I'm like, if I don't
keep my body healthy, I can't do these things. And
so I want to. And I just started this whole
health cleanse too, and she came with me. Actually it
started because of her stomach aches. We ended up going
to like a allergy specialist and her name is doctor
Summer White.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
She's really cool.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
She like tests allergies by holding things over you. It's like, uh,
you know, a little holistic, which I love. And turns
out I have a parasite a worm, which is great.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
So now I'm doing kolanics and all this stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
But I just bring her along with me and I
just like show her that, Okay, I'm just like learning
about my body. Like when I get new information, it's
like dairy and gluten and sugar or causing that's awesome.
She's having a little bit of reaction to that. That's
causing your stomach to hurt. So like let's cut that out.
And like I'll tell her that. With sweets, it's like
I want you to have sweets. I want you to
(22:17):
have cake, I want you to have all this stuff.
But like if you eat too much, your stomach's gonna hurt. Yeah,
if you eat too much, you're gonna get cavities. If
you eat too much, you're not gonna feel good. So
let's have it. But like I just don't want you.
It's my job to keep you healthy. It's my job
to keep you safe, and so I'm teaching you about
this stuff so you can have a healthy body a
(22:37):
healthy mind. And like with sleep, I'm like, she doesn't
want to go to bed.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
I'm like, we got to go.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
To bed because if you don't get sleep, then your
brain's not gonna grow correctly and you need to have
lots of I mean, I don't know if that's the
right thing to say. Not.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
By the way, I am not a doctor, and this
could all be wrong. Your brain's not gonna grow right
if you don't get sleep.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
So if you eat a watermelon seed, it's gonna grow
in your belly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I just do the best. I'm at a point where
I think I need to start getting books. My sister
sent me a whole bunch of books to read. But like, ultimately,
I just want her to know that, like everything I
tell her, it is not for her to physically look
a certain way. It's so she can feel good, and
it's so she can have a healthy brain. And I
never talk about my body with her ever. Actually I've
(23:20):
completely stopped talking about that in general. And now it's like, Okay,
I just want to be healthier. If you know, if
we've come off of the holidays and we've been eating
a lot of like fried foods, cakes, cookies, all the stuff,
it's like, Okay, it's time to like get healthy again
because I want my.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Body to feel good. Yeah, not because I want to
look good because I feel good.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
I do think that has been a big shift, don't
you think in general, conversation and media conversation and conversation
we have with ourselves about health overall. Like you know,
so we're taking care of ourselves for mental health, for
physical health, for longevity, and not necessarily what we physically
(24:07):
look like exactly. And while that may be, you know,
a secondary thing that happens, I do think that's important
to stretch or to stress taking care of ourselves for longevity.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
So we feel good and we can use our bodies. Yeah,
because that's the goal.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yeah, that's the whole reason why you know, we fall
in love with different physical activities or different arts, you know, dance,
any of those things, because it makes us feel good,
not only physically but mentally emotionally. We feel like we
have a connection to something. And I will say that
(24:43):
was my hardest part of shifting to parenting a teenage
girl and body changes, because I didn't have anybody even
sharing with me what that would mean. And all I
heard at the time was, you know, from boys or
men as I got older, over what my body should
(25:04):
look like or what's a desirable looking woman. Not a
healthy body, not a strong body, not an active body,
and definitely not a strong minds, not a powerful presence. Yes,
it was all on how I looked. And I got
my first set of breast and plants at nineteen years old. Now,
(25:24):
I'm not judging anybody for doing it if it makes
you feel good within reason, you know.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
But but you did it because you were trying to
achieve this image that you felt like you needed to have.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Yes, because without them, I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't
feel desirable. And I will tell you some of that
came from my mom, and it was stuff that she
didn't deal with. And again, my mom, like it wasn't
deep rooted mean things. It would be simple things of like,
oh honey, you need to put on some makeup you
look tired, or oh honey, have you gained a little
(25:55):
bit of way, Like little conversations like that.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
I used to be except because women back and even this,
just this last generation, beauty was such the standard. If
you're just not this certain and I'm not saying it
doesn't exist anymore, but a lot has gone to change that. Yeah,
if you weren't this idealistic standard of beauty.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Then you know you got to fix it.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Yeah, and now we're just like no, no, no, let's
be healthy and we all have different body shapes and
we're all built different and it's such a different conversation now,
But like that was your mom's generation. Yeah, if she
didn't look the way she needed to look, she probably
didn't feel good about herself.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, so I will say, like having these open conversations
with my child where I'm still learning. Like you said,
you're not a doctor, I'm not a doctor. It is
trial and error. It's hearing different things, that's reading different things,
and that is pivoted and shift. You know, that changes
all the time. What to expect when you're expecting. What
to expect the first year is I read all those
books and stuff maybe similar, but science has changed. Different
(27:01):
studies have changed, especially like how you mentally and emotionally
parent your children. And we're just continuing to learn and
grow and fortunately and unfortunately it is trial and error.
We're gonna mess.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Up because we're just good old humans. Yeah, flawed human being, flawed,
just raising another one.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Just raising another one. I'm like, why did anybody trust
me to raise another.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
The whole human experience is just wild. I'm literally like
the ego.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
So I went, oh gosh, so I got a chronic
yesterday because I have.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Worms, get those worms out, queen.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
So I mean I've had worms before, which is exciting,
and then you see them come out in the klonic
and it's terrifying. So I'm doing like a two week
parasite cleanse and then I'm going to get a chlonic again,
and I'm gonna do like before I do it, I'm
gonna do the lymph lymphatic cleansing and then I'm gonna
do this like ozone radiation, like uh, what are those
(27:58):
sauna and like really activate these worms to come out.
So hopefully I'll talk we can talk about this on
Instagram life. Hopefully a lot of worms will be coming
out next time and it's gonna be disgusting and amazing.
But anyway, so I was talking to the colonic lady
who is also an intuitive. Hyeah, she is like, you
know she can. I guess it's like psychic is another word. Yeah,
(28:20):
And she was like, you know, I'm also an intuitive,
which I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited, Like
this is like a dream come true. Not only am
I getting a quonic, but now I'm also talking to
an intuitive can help read me. And she was just
saying we're in the middle of a huge spiritual awakening.
And I know that to be true because the ego
way of running the world is it's not working, you know.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I mean it is, but.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
It's like I feel like everything's like imploding on itself
because we got to get back to God. We got
to get back to higher calling. We got to get
back to not trying to like.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Please the ego, but like please the spirit.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
You know. Yeah, And I think it's affecting everyone. And
finally we're at this point where it's like the world's
got to shift a little bit. We've got to get
back to like letting the spirit lead.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
You know, your physical worms, you gotta get rid of those.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
She said that too, she knows other worms. You gotta
let them out.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
She's like, you got to get these parasites out because
the parasites are affecting your brain. I mean, she's like,
get your body clean and clear and be like a
pure vessel so you can get downloads and not be
intercepted by parasites. And like, some people think that's totally
like weird, and that's fine, but like I'm like, yes,
I feel.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
This, it's there.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
It's your journey worm free twenty twenty four. It would
have been better and rhymed worm free twenty twenty three,
but you know what, we get a redo in twenty
twenty four. Yeah, worm free, I know. But I love
that also that you're sharing with Sonny and a healthy
way of how you're taking care of you so that
you can show up for her and you can be
(29:49):
a strong and intentional mother for her and for yourself.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Yes, like she already says, I can't wait till I
can go to yoga with you.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
She's like, I want to go to my gymnasta so
I can start learning my yoga moves.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
And I'm like, stomp it, baby, you get your yoga on.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
And I'm like I want her to like think that
that's cool, you know, I know, to take care of yourself,
not to be skinny and look a certain way, but
to be healthy.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
You know what I love about it. I mean, I
love so many things about yoga. And I know we
talk about this all the time, but yoga is not
a sport. It is a spiritual practice if you allow
it to be, and you're not competing with anybody else.
It's not for a gold it's not for this. It's
not for that. It's for you, and that's why I
love it. It's for me. It's not to achieve anything
(30:37):
on a leaderboard. It's not to be like I have
done this. It's to show up and take care of
me inside and out. So yes, Sonny, you're gonna get
a yoga and you're gonna make it happen. It could
start now and there's a little kids yoga and we
can do that together. Yeah, you can learn all those things.
And I will say back to Kylie, this was one
(30:59):
thing that I struggled with because with her body and
her changing place and she just turned nineteen. Uh, she's
she struggled with her teeth and with that she was
born with. I don't I'm not a dentist, so I
don't know the correct terms. Oh my gosh, stop, So
what these teeth are? They grew in super tiny and
(31:21):
super small, and she had braces when she was younger
because she had a gap and she tried to pull
those teeth down as much as she could and they
ended up bonding them. And then there's a space and
her teeth just even with braces and all the money
we spent, even with that bonding. They she's not happy
with them, she does not feel confident, she doesn't smile
with her teeth. She laughs and she'll cover her lip,
(31:42):
and it's just it's heartbreaking. And then I also had
an internal battle of I don't want to talk about
that with her because he feel so cod no and
not having that open conversation. I was just like, Kylie,
you're beautiful, Like, don't worry about that. We've done this,
and I shut down her feelings. And so last last
(32:04):
year she had told me, she was like, Mom, I
really want to get my teeth fixed. And I was like, honey,
you're beautiful, and she was like, you're not listening to me.
And I will say it's a big investment to get
them fixed again because again we've got one hundred kids
and we work normal jobs. And I'm like, oh gosh.
But during Christmas this year, she was like, I don't
want anything for Christmas or my birthday, like can you
help me fix my teeth? And I wanted to cry
(32:27):
because I didn't listen to her.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Keep keeping to express that like coming back and say
and not shutting.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
It down, not shutting it down because again me, I'm
equating her teeth to my breast, implants of like, I'm
just doing this to whatever I.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Want her to feel like.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
She's not perfect, yes as her mom, but as her
mom she is.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
But we know what it's like to want to fix
stuff on ourselves because it doesn't make you feel your best.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
So I did that with my whole hair journey, and
I'm back to book because I want to be one.
I feel better once what you want to do, you
feel better if honestly, just for my dad making a
Dennis I know, ye transfer that happens when you get
your teeth done.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
It makes you feel like a million bucks.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
So my sweet obsessive self that just looks and goes
and goes and goes, I beam smile design and Nashville
doctor Clegg. I looked at her before and afters, and
I reached out to her and she ran a skin
and she's like, we're gonna get your baby right, We're
going to take care of her. And she showed me
progress of other teeth and so I'm excited to start
that for her.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
So she's gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
She's gonna do it, and she's gonna tell me yours.
She said, not only like thank you as a birthday gift.
But she was like, thank you for listening to me,
and it was like this sweet, beautiful interaction. But also
I was like, crap, I didn't listen to you because
I was projecting my own insecurities and while I was
trying to protect her. So I'm so excited to watch
(33:47):
a journey for her.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
But you were trying to let her know that she's perfect.
But she's saying, mom, thank you, But I just feel
self conscious about my teeth because I want them to
look like a full I get it.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Yeah, but it's hot.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
That's where that's the line that's so hard because it's
like you don't want to give her a complex and
think that like she needs to fix stuff about herself.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
But like I also understand when you want to fix
your teeth.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yeah, I want to fix your teeth.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
I mean, I mean, I understand it more than anyway.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
My dad does it for his profession. I've seen the
absolute transformation. So the fact that like you found someone
that's great here in Nashville that's gonna help her fix
her teeth and like gets it, and it's oh, that's
so it's so hard though, I mean, this.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Line is so hard.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
The line of knowing when to help them make the
change and like actually do something cosmetic to themselves. Yeah,
and when not to because you don't want to like
start that process of thinking they need to change itself.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
It is crazy. It is I mean, the amount of
conversations that I have with friends and my husband and
my deep rabbit hole of looking up stuff. I'm not
going to have the answers, and I'm just trying to
figure it out and I'm doing the best I can.
(35:07):
And I just hope that not only my kids I
don't want to say appreciate it. I do mean appreciate it,
but they know that mom did everything they could to
support them in the healthiest way possible, and that Mom's
trying to do everything she can to take care of
herself and the healthiest way possible. That's my place in
(35:30):
parenting right now, I think is keeping conversations open and
really listening and with my adults, especially trusting them as
adults that I raise them the best I could to
get to this point to make decisions, and to keep
that open conversation just in a new way.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Oh, you're doing a great job.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
You're doing a great job.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
We're all in all you moms listening out there, and dads,
if you're on here, you're doing a great job. That
you care means you're doing a great job.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
And we've all just been given the tools that we've
all just been equipped in the way that we've been
equipped and where you've been born and what you've learned,
and like, we're all just trying to learn and get
better and it's constantly an evolution. And I just like
it's so easy to beat ourselves up when we hit
a moment where our kid is like frustrated or feeling like,
you know, our kid is sad or lost, and then
(36:24):
you immediately internalize it because you're.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Like, oh my gosh, like what's going on?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Yeah, like I thought about that. I'm like, have I failed?
Speaker 3 (36:30):
You know, because like Sonny's having anxiety, Like am I failing?
You know?
Speaker 2 (36:34):
And then it's like, no, this is just life.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
It's life. It's life.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
It's just life, you know, and it's just hard.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
But it's great and it's hard and it's awful and
it's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
And here we are. And that's why I have to
go to.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
You and here we are, all right, I love you.
Speaker 5 (36:48):
Let's go to Yokah Bundel
Speaker 3 (37:04):
From Undel
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