May 29, 2020 • 26 mins
Kelly and Chip discuss the recent re-openings of many places after the coronavirus isolation period, how they feel about re-entry and what precautions they are taking. They also answer a listener email about a friendship breakup.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
So how are you feeling about re entry? Oh gosh,
I mean it depends on the day. Really, I'm anxious
for it. Well, you know, I'm single, and I mean
not about like in the dating sense, but I am single,
so I live alone. Um, so I'm kind of anxious
(00:24):
for just like human interaction. Yeah, and I've dip my
toe into it a little bit. And um, you know,
I went down to Florida and it's it's open there,
and one of the observations was like you almost wouldn't
even know that ship was going down. Really, yeah, it
feels fairly relaxed. See that makes me out though. Yeah, no,
(00:48):
it's but it didn't seem haphazard because it was there.
Um when when I was there, like rentals weren't available yet,
so it wasn't crowded. Um. It just seem like people
were trying to like find some normalcy without it being
totally weird. But I did find it strange because you know,
Florida is like where a lot of older people go
(01:10):
to retire, and we weren't seeing many people wearing masks,
so that was a weird thing. But it also was like,
I mean, I had my first meal at a restaurant
there and I did. It didn't hit me until like
halfway through that, like it was kind of a historic
personal moment, and it was like, oh my god, Like
I'm not the person that takes pictures of my food,
but I'm gonna take a picture of this meal. He
(01:32):
documented everything. It was Are you a blogger now? Coronavirus
made you a blogger? I mean basically, I mean basically
for me, all I heard in that is i'll see
you in two weeks. Just how are you feeling about
I was just about to say it's a big debate, right,
you know, And you and I have talked a little
(01:53):
bit about this because I do feel like my situation
is a little different from yours, because I've been isolating
with my boyfriend and his to children, and because of that,
I think that I'm a little slower to go back
to it. Like we've been out on his farm. I've
been kind of in this like little bubble almost, and
it's been great, to be quite honest, I don't know
(02:15):
what time in my life where I've stopped and slowed down,
And especially for he and I like that we're getting
to spend so much intensive tom together and like not
have all these distractions or pressures that we typically have.
It's actually been really great, and so I think that
I'm a little slower to go back because I have
so many questions. I still feel so confused. I'm like, wait,
(02:37):
are we seeing the numbers that we need to see?
Like I'm not seeing that anywhere, and so I'm just
feeling a little confused, a little stressed out. I do think,
like you know, for business purposes, a lot of people
are just ready to get back to work. I mean,
I'm ready to get back to work. With that. That's
I think that's what's driving the confusion. Is there their
(02:59):
actual needs and desires. They go beyond wanting to have
a drink with your friends, you know, But there's also
the flip side of that coin is protecting your health
and the health of your loved ones and the health
of strangers. So it's you know, it's a really interesting time.
Like none of us have lived through anything like this,
so you know, personally, like my struggle is like how
(03:22):
do you balance what's good for you and what's good
for everybody? And um, you know, I've I haven't been haphazard,
or at least I haven't felt that I've been a haphazard.
I'm sure some people might consider me going to Florida have,
you know, being haphazard, because some people are taking it
so much more strictly than I am. But right you know,
(03:46):
I haven't. I haven't gone to see my parents like
I could have driven. I could have worked from Virginia
for the last two months, and I mean I missed
them terribly, But the idea of me taking anything into
their house, it's terrified. I can't have that on my conscience.
So right, well, it's interesting because I do think everyone
(04:08):
kind of has to make the decision for themselves. You know,
I've been getting a lot of ship from our group
of friends because you guys have all kind of seen
each other and I haven't. They're like, You're gonna have
to get off the farm at some point, sister, Like
I'm learning to grow tomatoes, alright, Ship, I'm like going
to tractor on a Saturday. It's like, who am I anymore?
I don't even know, but it was much needed for
(04:31):
me and where I was in my life. However, I
came back to Nashville last night for a couple of
things I needed to do at my own house. Like like,
let me go check and make sure my house is
still there, and um it was, thank god. But yeah,
so I did end up going over to one of
our mutual friends houses and sitting outside, of course six
ft away. They asked me to take a picture at
(04:52):
one point and I was like, if you guys put
a mask ever both like yeah, They're like, damn mind,
but I was serious, like I can't quite get there yet,
and maybe I'm being extreme. I will totally admit that,
but um, a better safe than sorry is how I feel.
And it's like, until we know what the next couple
(05:14):
of weeks looks like, numbers was, I'm just not sold
that we're not just going to have this huge relapse yet,
right right, Well, you know, I've the people that I've
been seeing are the same people that I've been seeing,
and pretty um they've you know, they're they're seeing a
limited circle of people too, And I know there are
inherent risks, but I also understand like you um being
(05:39):
able to be preoccupied by your relationship and and getting
you know, the girls, and like there are things that
are distracting you from the need to like be hanging
out with friends. Really, they're real things that you're actually
like diving into and enjoying. And um, look, I could
probably I mean I have a list of things that
I probably should be diving into that I thought at
(06:00):
the beginning of this quarantine, like I'm going to read
every book on my shelf. My house is going to
be spick and span, like all of those things that
I didn't do, Like I was gonna, you know, stay
in my deck. I haven't even power washed it yet.
So it's like I could be. It's like if I
were taking it to the same level of seriousness that
(06:20):
you are the social distancing, then I would have checked
a lot of those things off my my my list, right, Um,
but I think they're they're also a little different than
human interaction and like I think so too relationship. I
also think that we're all doing the best we can
right now. And this is, like you said, something that
none of us have ever been through, and you kind
of just have to go with what you need and
(06:43):
what what feels right to you and hopefully be as
responsible as possible. But you know, I think it is
it's a case by case scenario. Um, I did get
an email. You know, it's we're kind of in Nashville
easing into phase two. And so I got an email
from my hair's lawn, which, lord, no know this We've
needs some fucking love. Let me just say, I have
(07:03):
a dreadlock in the back of my hair that I
cannot get out, Like it is like there, she might
have to cut it out. I don't even know. Yeah,
I got real hair. That's sad. Yes, So that's the
problem is the real hair is dreaded around my weave.
So it's just like, I mean, it is a situation.
(07:24):
It's a situation. But the email that they sent actually,
you know, it's like because you read about hair salons
and like that interaction just being so close and um
also when you're talking to your stylists, like that's how
they're saying coronavirus is transmitted now and so you know
the droplets or whatever from speaking or are coughing or
heavy breathing even and so hair salon is actually like
(07:48):
a pretty high risk situation. And so I was like,
I really need my hair done, but do I go,
like do I risk it? And the email really did
kind of make me feel better, like they're very they're
taking it very seriously, Like you check in from your
phone outside, you get your temperature chake it taken before
you go in. You're required to wear a mask, which
I don't know how that's going to work with hair color,
(08:09):
but I'm sure we'll figure it out. Um, you check
out with a card on file, Like there's all these
different things that they're doing that. Actually I was like, okay,
at least because I know they're taking it seriously. It
makes me feel a lot more comfortable because at some
point we are going to have to like re enter
into real life. Right. Yeah. I was Also I got
(08:32):
a buzz Feed article notification um, and it was like
these pictures of people around the world because restaurants are
starting to reopen. How was that? By the way, Like
when you went, where was everyone wearing masks? Like what
did it look like? Well, the first place were trying
to go was on a weight and so we put
our names down and then when you like went to
try and go to a couple of other places, it
(08:53):
was a wait. This is insane, So that many people
are going to restaurants. Wow, they told it, told us
it was a three hour wait. Part of that is
you know they, um, they've reduced the capacity. So I
don't have as many tables. But um, so we were like, okay,
well let's walk over to another couple of places and
to see if we can just get in right now.
And um, the first place we went did not have
(09:15):
any tables, but they were like, but you can. If
you want to order something from the bar to go,
you can get it. Um, and everyone there was wearing masks.
And then so we got a drink. And then we
went to another place and they were on a wait too,
and that was because their tables were really well spaced
out and they were all wearing masks. And then we
got a text saying that our table was ready another place,
(09:35):
so we went back to it and um, none of them,
we didn't see any None of the staff were wearing masks.
And I asked our waitress and it was like, is
that is this a choice that you're given or are
they asking you not to wear a mask? And she said,
we've actually been open for a couple of weeks and
it's totally the The managers have said it's up to
us if we want to wear a mask. But we're
(09:57):
washing our hands like millions of time tonight. But see, okay,
that's what's interesting to me because there's a big debate.
I mean, I think washing your hands is very important,
and they do say like if you touch something with
the virus on it and then touched your mouth, that
would be a way to transmit. But they're also now
saying that that kind of transmission like surface to surface
(10:19):
isn't as great as the particles in the air. Correct.
So that is confusing to me. See this is what
I'm saying. I'm just confused here. I mean, look, I've
been embarrassed most of my life for being a mouth breather. Well, really,
I've really narrowed. I've really narrow passageways. But honestly, I
think it's I've been narrow nasal passageways. Interesting. Okay, so
(10:45):
I've breathed through my mouth mostly, and I actually think
that it's been helpful with this because I read somewhere
that it's not your mouth that you need to worry
about because there are acids in your mouth and virus.
It's your mucous membranes, your nose, in your eyes, so
you don't want to touch that. Oh. Interesting, the fact
(11:05):
that I'm not drinking through my nose. Maybe it's saving
have helped you know, wow, that's interesting. Nasal it's narrow
nasal passageways. I learned something new about you today. Um well,
back to the buzz feeda article. It was all around
the world, different places like Rome, Amsterdam, Tokyo, all these
(11:26):
different places in different ways that they are going about
re entry with restaurants, and a lot of places are
doing the plastic shields, like have you seen that at
grocery stores in Nashville when you go check out, they
have the plastic shield so they'll have that like at
the bar or um even between tables. And then in
Amsterdam there was this crazy one that was like these
(11:49):
I don't know if they were plastic, but there were
these outdoor greenhouses and you dine an individual greenhouse, so
like if it's you and another person or whoever, you're
in your own little individual green in house that's completely
separate from everyone else, which I thought, yeah, it was
really interesting. So I mean, they're you know, and they're
separating tables by plastic shields. Most of the chefs are
(12:13):
wearing face masks. They have either paper menus or this
is that That thought was pretty cool. There's a QR
code that some places were using, and you scan it
with your phone from when the server comes to your
table and it pulls up the menu on your phone,
because like if you use paper menus, I'm like, okay,
so we're gonna kill the environment now, like what It's like,
you know, it's a hard call which would go. But
(12:35):
I thought that was a really great idea of ways
to have menus so you're not touching the same thing
that a lot of other people did, you know. Yeah,
it's just really interesting. I mean I have to go
to the grocery after this, which I always wear my
mask everywhere I go, and I'm always fascinated, like when
people aren't wearing them, I'm like it did I don't know,
I just I feel confused, like everyone has their own judgments,
(12:57):
and I mean everyone has every right to do that,
but I feel like, you know, why not do your
part wear a mask? Why not? Like what is it
we're gonna hurt? Actually I actually still wear gloves and
the grocery store to well. I mean the thing about
the gloves I think is you know they said that
that it doesn't really matter. Yeah it doesn't because a
lot of people are like putting on the same gloves
(13:18):
over and over again, it's true rum and then it's
you know, for me, I've got hand sanitizer on my
key chain, and I spray everything before I take my
phone out of my pocket. Anything. Yeah, I spray my hands.
You know. In the beginning, I was very stricted about
wearing my mask, and then it's like a couple of
(13:40):
times recently I forgot to bring it with me and
it actually thought like I didn't go into liquor store
because it looked like you had assignments that you how
to be wearing it and hopefully give you one when
you walk in. Oh wow, maybe get a bunch stuck up.
I'm gonna go several times today, change my outfit, like
to get some water every time. Um. But yeah, I um,
(14:10):
there have been sometimes like I definitely feel weird if
I'm not doing it, But then you get in the
store and people aren't wearing them. Yeah, that's what I
can't figure out. I don't know. All I can do
is do my part. And I mean we debated if
this is even a casual topic, because we're like, well,
do you act casual in this scenario or do you
actually not act casual? And I think that's like the
(14:30):
big debate and kind of your call on how you
want to handle it. And I also think, like we'll
see what's going to happen in the next couple of
weeks and stuff starts to reopen. There could be a
big relapse and we have to go back into isolation
like we were. I don't know, I just I can't
fully wrap my mind around like, oh, this is just over.
Like that just feels weird to me. Yeah. No, I
(14:52):
mean it's like that's that's the fear. Wouldn't it be
great if it was awesome? Well, okay, that's a c
but to be fully be honest, like there's a part
of me that's kind of like I don't know if
I'm ready, Like I don't know if I want to
go back to the high stress and all the business.
Like the simplicity of this time has actually been very
nice for me. Yeah. Well, I mean it's funny too,
(15:14):
because it's like, even though I shouldn't be as busy
as I was, somehow I've managed as busy as I was.
So I'm like, maybe it's just me, you know, maybe
that's just the way that I function, and I need
to I need to set better boundaries for myself just
(15:35):
for like mental health and and to to make the time.
What can I think about all the ship that I
find time to do that I'm like, okay, I'm not
that busy, like come on, like yeah yeah, And you know, thankfully,
it's like I work in a business where it's like
it isn't like I have to be at work from
eight am to four thirty. I get an hour lunch break.
(15:56):
Everything's like very I can it's sort of edge and
flows like I can go for a run in the
afternoon and be like I'll deal with that ship when
I get back because I can work till eight o'clock,
nine o'clock and that's fine, you know if am I
so choose to so yeah, um, it'll be interesting. Yeah.
So I honestly like I wanted to go away so
(16:20):
that people can get back to work, so that people
aren't scared, so that people aren't dying. But I am
kind of liking the the slow down of my social
life and having something just like me time finally. Um,
but I do fear that it's not going to go away.
(16:41):
I guess we'll see. I mean, and not only do
we have this huge pandemic going on, but like this
ship just keeps on coming. Did you read about the
cicada's Of course, not that they really do anything to it.
They're harmless. They're just really loud, and it's like they're
going to come this year, like they don't come every year.
(17:01):
I think that would have been like seven seven years.
So you know, it's it's a regional thing too. So
it's like I remember it happening not that long ago
in a different region. Um So, but I saw this.
I watched this video of a guy named the bug Doctor,
and he's like he was like, I'm not talking We're
not talking about like thousands or millions. There can be
(17:24):
billions of these things coming out of the ground. And
you know what's really cool about them, though, is they
shed their they shed their skin and they leave it
on the tree. And as a kid, I grew up
in Virginia and we had cicadas, and you know, they're
terrifying looking bugs to a kid, because they're big and
clunky and they're they're heavy bugs, and you know, they're
(17:45):
they're sort of really like they look like they're from
the dinosaur times, you know. And but yeah, they'll they'll
land on a tree and their back splits open and
they slide out, and they leave a shell of their
skin which is perfectly shaped like them without the wings.
It's kind of crazy. You're way more fascinated by this
(18:09):
and my sister's hair. I'm just like at this point,
it was like, first it was the killer hornets. That mean, well,
first it was the pandemic, that it was the killer hornets,
and now it's Cicada's and I'm like, okay, what is next?
Like this year is so bizarre and wild I can't
even talk about it. Um okay. Well, so basically our
(18:32):
summary of that is this might be not casual moment.
It might not be and it's kind of up to
you to decide what's best for you. I encourage everyone
to just you know, be safe, be safe out there. Yeah,
be safe, and you know, like, don't don't just be safe,
try and be as respectful of other people, right. I
(18:52):
know that, I know that I've probably said some things
that make people think that I'm not being respectful of others,
but like I do stay away. I try to stay
six ft away from people, and I'm cognizant of what
I'm doing. Mouth breathe on people, spittle on them when
I talked to, which I struggle with sometimes, but well,
(19:13):
well we all appreciate that for me, thank you. Yeah,
even even in good times, it's not good to spit
on somebody when he talks. You know. That's always the worst.
When you're having a conversation and their spit lands on
your cheek and you're like this a way and they're
trying to act like you didn't. It's really upward if
you don't know the person. Well, like, if it was you,
(19:34):
I would be like, what the funk? Man? But I've
had people like like lands on your lip and it's
just so awkward. Okay, well, let's move on to the
listener email for this week. We actually forgot to do
it last week. Did you realize that? I know, we
(19:55):
really got wrapped up in that topic, and we do.
We want we need some more emails, y'all come on. Yeah,
email us at at casual at Velvet's Edge dot com.
It can be about anything, dating, relationships, sex, just anything
you have questions about that you want Chip and I'd discuss.
We're open, We're wild and free on this topic. We're
happy to research, We're happy to talk off the cuff.
We're happy to literally have the least expert opinion ever.
(20:18):
Right that, I'm sure that entices people like we're the
least experts ever email us. Okay, well this comes from
Liz dack coff dick off, dick off? Is this somebody
joking with us? Diff? I don't know. Okay, that's great. Um, anyway,
(20:40):
Liz ask She said, my best friend and I met
because we live in the same neighborhood. There are about
eight couples that hang out, but there are four couples
that are really close, like vacation together, et cetera. My
best friend and I very are very different and have
recently decided it's best to not be friends anymore. Very
grown up. We stopped talking for the most part. When
(21:02):
we used to talk in text all day long. With Corona,
we haven't had to be around each other much this summer.
When oh but this summer, when this is all over,
there will be lots of social situations, and I'm really
anxious for how awkward it's going to be for me
and our other friends. Have a great day. Okay, I
guess the question is like, what how can how should
(21:24):
she handle this? I mean friend breakups? Man hoof brutal. Well,
I mean, it's like it's like the nicest friend breakup
I've ever read, Like we decided to not be friends anymore.
It was like a conscious uncoupling of a friend. I mean, look,
I mean, I think the key is here is to
be casual, to act casual, you know, like, yeah, clearly
(21:47):
you're going to be in each other's lives. I actually
had a situation earlier in my life where I was
like really good friends with these people and then we
had a big falling out and it really just took
time because I knew them as people and I knew
what happened wasn't like them to their core. It was
(22:07):
just like some business stuff came between us and it
is yeah, and it was one of those things where
it's like I just didn't want them in my life,
they didn't want to be in my life. And then slowly,
over time, like when that business stuff wasn't in either
of our lives, we sort of figured our way back
to friendship. Our friendship is obviously different now because we're
not nearly as close, but I think that you know,
(22:30):
if you go in and keep things casual, then like
you don't have the pressure that you had by like
forcing a friendship that was not meant to ultimately be
what it was. Sure, I mean what I hear in
this first of all, is you know they just decided
to take some space or whatever that you want to
call that, and they also have se many mutual friends.
(22:51):
And any situations where there are mutual friends, I feel like,
what are you doing right now? Sorry? I opened my desk.
Oh my god, I couldn't even keep my shraining of thought. Wow,
just shuffle around your desk. I'm so glad you were
so engaged by what else saying? Sorry? Cool? That sounds
(23:15):
fun um Anyway, I think that if there's a situation
where there's other people involved, like it's groups that you're
going to be around. I just think it's like you
put on your big girl panties. You at cordial. You
don't like have to talk to them the whole time,
but you just keep it surface and like make it
okay so that everyone else feels okay. Because that's the
(23:38):
bigger thing, right is you don't want to lose the
other friendships too, Like this person is not y'all are
really different and you need to go your separate ways. Fine,
but it sounds like the scenario with all of the
group of friends is pretty cool, especially if it's like
a neighborhood thing. It's nice to have neighbors that you
can hang out with and you can focus on the
other the other people in a good distraction. And I think,
(24:02):
you know it is important not to like walk in
and be an ice queen and like make the room
feel weird and ignore that person, so I acknowledge each other,
be cordial, and then then put your focus on the
other people in the room. Yeah, sometimes friendships are just
like you realize that they're just not made to laugh?
Are you and that person don't need to have that
intensive of a friendship, Like I've had situations like that.
(24:26):
I'm really trying to keep this friendship breakup real PC
right now to topic for me. She also said that
they used to talk at text all day long. I mean,
that's exhausting on any relationship. So you know, look, it's
obviously we don't know the full situation or know these
people at all, but like maybe you just needed a
(24:47):
break and maybe once you're you're forced to be around
each other again, like you're having this break will make
you recognize like that you've missed each other, and or
the positives of that person, like maybe need to text
and all that stuff all day. But they were in
your life for a certain reason because there's something about
them that you like. So yeah, just focus on those things.
(25:09):
I think keeping it peace like, keeping it very cordial
is going to be the way to go. You know,
you might find your way back to friendship or you
might not, and that's that's fine. Just be you know,
being an adult about it. Yeah, Liz at Casual, be
an adult. Put on your big girl paintings. You got this.
I really think you got this. Yeah, it sounds like
you have seven other friends anyway, right, was it eight
(25:34):
couples or eight friends? I think it was probably four couples,
eight friends, eight couples. Wow, Yeah, you'll be fine. You
don't even have to talk to that person. Stay on
the other side of the room anyway, you guys, keep
the emails coming. We love to talk to you and
engage so and just to know what's happening in y'all's
lives too. So if you have any questions or topic
(25:55):
ideas for us, email us at at Casual at velvets
edge dot com, or you can slide into my d
ms on Instagram. It's at velvet's edge. Let us know
what you want to know, Chip. Do you have any
closing remarks? No, not really just remember to always act casual.
Bye bye
So how are you feeling about re entry? Oh gosh,
I mean it depends on the day. Really, I'm anxious
for it. Well, you know, I'm single, and I mean
not about like in the dating sense, but I am single,
so I live alone. Um, so I'm kind of anxious
(00:24):
for just like human interaction. Yeah, and I've dip my
toe into it a little bit. And um, you know,
I went down to Florida and it's it's open there,
and one of the observations was like you almost wouldn't
even know that ship was going down. Really, yeah, it
feels fairly relaxed. See that makes me out though. Yeah, no,
(00:48):
it's but it didn't seem haphazard because it was there.
Um when when I was there, like rentals weren't available yet,
so it wasn't crowded. Um. It just seem like people
were trying to like find some normalcy without it being
totally weird. But I did find it strange because you know,
Florida is like where a lot of older people go
(01:10):
to retire, and we weren't seeing many people wearing masks,
so that was a weird thing. But it also was like,
I mean, I had my first meal at a restaurant
there and I did. It didn't hit me until like
halfway through that, like it was kind of a historic
personal moment, and it was like, oh my god, Like
I'm not the person that takes pictures of my food,
but I'm gonna take a picture of this meal. He
(01:32):
documented everything. It was Are you a blogger now? Coronavirus
made you a blogger? I mean basically, I mean basically
for me, all I heard in that is i'll see
you in two weeks. Just how are you feeling about
I was just about to say it's a big debate, right,
you know, And you and I have talked a little
(01:53):
bit about this because I do feel like my situation
is a little different from yours, because I've been isolating
with my boyfriend and his to children, and because of that,
I think that I'm a little slower to go back
to it. Like we've been out on his farm. I've
been kind of in this like little bubble almost, and
it's been great, to be quite honest, I don't know
(02:15):
what time in my life where I've stopped and slowed down,
And especially for he and I like that we're getting
to spend so much intensive tom together and like not
have all these distractions or pressures that we typically have.
It's actually been really great, and so I think that
I'm a little slower to go back because I have
so many questions. I still feel so confused. I'm like, wait,
(02:37):
are we seeing the numbers that we need to see?
Like I'm not seeing that anywhere, and so I'm just
feeling a little confused, a little stressed out. I do think,
like you know, for business purposes, a lot of people
are just ready to get back to work. I mean,
I'm ready to get back to work. With that. That's
I think that's what's driving the confusion. Is there their
(02:59):
actual needs and desires. They go beyond wanting to have
a drink with your friends, you know, But there's also
the flip side of that coin is protecting your health
and the health of your loved ones and the health
of strangers. So it's you know, it's a really interesting time.
Like none of us have lived through anything like this,
so you know, personally, like my struggle is like how
(03:22):
do you balance what's good for you and what's good
for everybody? And um, you know, I've I haven't been haphazard,
or at least I haven't felt that I've been a haphazard.
I'm sure some people might consider me going to Florida have,
you know, being haphazard, because some people are taking it
so much more strictly than I am. But right you know,
(03:46):
I haven't. I haven't gone to see my parents like
I could have driven. I could have worked from Virginia
for the last two months, and I mean I missed
them terribly, But the idea of me taking anything into
their house, it's terrified. I can't have that on my conscience.
So right, well, it's interesting because I do think everyone
(04:08):
kind of has to make the decision for themselves. You know,
I've been getting a lot of ship from our group
of friends because you guys have all kind of seen
each other and I haven't. They're like, You're gonna have
to get off the farm at some point, sister, Like
I'm learning to grow tomatoes, alright, Ship, I'm like going
to tractor on a Saturday. It's like, who am I anymore?
I don't even know, but it was much needed for
(04:31):
me and where I was in my life. However, I
came back to Nashville last night for a couple of
things I needed to do at my own house. Like like,
let me go check and make sure my house is
still there, and um it was, thank god. But yeah,
so I did end up going over to one of
our mutual friends houses and sitting outside, of course six
ft away. They asked me to take a picture at
(04:52):
one point and I was like, if you guys put
a mask ever both like yeah, They're like, damn mind,
but I was serious, like I can't quite get there yet,
and maybe I'm being extreme. I will totally admit that,
but um, a better safe than sorry is how I feel.
And it's like, until we know what the next couple
(05:14):
of weeks looks like, numbers was, I'm just not sold
that we're not just going to have this huge relapse yet,
right right, Well, you know, I've the people that I've
been seeing are the same people that I've been seeing,
and pretty um they've you know, they're they're seeing a
limited circle of people too, And I know there are
inherent risks, but I also understand like you um being
(05:39):
able to be preoccupied by your relationship and and getting
you know, the girls, and like there are things that
are distracting you from the need to like be hanging
out with friends. Really, they're real things that you're actually
like diving into and enjoying. And um, look, I could
probably I mean I have a list of things that
I probably should be diving into that I thought at
(06:00):
the beginning of this quarantine, like I'm going to read
every book on my shelf. My house is going to
be spick and span, like all of those things that
I didn't do, Like I was gonna, you know, stay
in my deck. I haven't even power washed it yet.
So it's like I could be. It's like if I
were taking it to the same level of seriousness that
(06:20):
you are the social distancing, then I would have checked
a lot of those things off my my my list, right, Um,
but I think they're they're also a little different than
human interaction and like I think so too relationship. I
also think that we're all doing the best we can
right now. And this is, like you said, something that
none of us have ever been through, and you kind
of just have to go with what you need and
(06:43):
what what feels right to you and hopefully be as
responsible as possible. But you know, I think it is
it's a case by case scenario. Um, I did get
an email. You know, it's we're kind of in Nashville
easing into phase two. And so I got an email
from my hair's lawn, which, lord, no know this We've
needs some fucking love. Let me just say, I have
(07:03):
a dreadlock in the back of my hair that I
cannot get out, Like it is like there, she might
have to cut it out. I don't even know. Yeah,
I got real hair. That's sad. Yes, So that's the
problem is the real hair is dreaded around my weave.
So it's just like, I mean, it is a situation.
(07:24):
It's a situation. But the email that they sent actually,
you know, it's like because you read about hair salons
and like that interaction just being so close and um
also when you're talking to your stylists, like that's how
they're saying coronavirus is transmitted now and so you know
the droplets or whatever from speaking or are coughing or
heavy breathing even and so hair salon is actually like
(07:48):
a pretty high risk situation. And so I was like,
I really need my hair done, but do I go,
like do I risk it? And the email really did
kind of make me feel better, like they're very they're
taking it very seriously, Like you check in from your
phone outside, you get your temperature chake it taken before
you go in. You're required to wear a mask, which
I don't know how that's going to work with hair color,
(08:09):
but I'm sure we'll figure it out. Um, you check
out with a card on file, Like there's all these
different things that they're doing that. Actually I was like, okay,
at least because I know they're taking it seriously. It
makes me feel a lot more comfortable because at some
point we are going to have to like re enter
into real life. Right. Yeah. I was Also I got
(08:32):
a buzz Feed article notification um, and it was like
these pictures of people around the world because restaurants are
starting to reopen. How was that? By the way, Like
when you went, where was everyone wearing masks? Like what
did it look like? Well, the first place were trying
to go was on a weight and so we put
our names down and then when you like went to
try and go to a couple of other places, it
(08:53):
was a wait. This is insane, So that many people
are going to restaurants. Wow, they told it, told us
it was a three hour wait. Part of that is
you know they, um, they've reduced the capacity. So I
don't have as many tables. But um, so we were like, okay,
well let's walk over to another couple of places and
to see if we can just get in right now.
And um, the first place we went did not have
(09:15):
any tables, but they were like, but you can. If
you want to order something from the bar to go,
you can get it. Um, and everyone there was wearing masks.
And then so we got a drink. And then we
went to another place and they were on a wait too,
and that was because their tables were really well spaced
out and they were all wearing masks. And then we
got a text saying that our table was ready another place,
(09:35):
so we went back to it and um, none of them,
we didn't see any None of the staff were wearing masks.
And I asked our waitress and it was like, is
that is this a choice that you're given or are
they asking you not to wear a mask? And she said,
we've actually been open for a couple of weeks and
it's totally the The managers have said it's up to
us if we want to wear a mask. But we're
(09:57):
washing our hands like millions of time tonight. But see, okay,
that's what's interesting to me because there's a big debate.
I mean, I think washing your hands is very important,
and they do say like if you touch something with
the virus on it and then touched your mouth, that
would be a way to transmit. But they're also now
saying that that kind of transmission like surface to surface
(10:19):
isn't as great as the particles in the air. Correct.
So that is confusing to me. See this is what
I'm saying. I'm just confused here. I mean, look, I've
been embarrassed most of my life for being a mouth breather. Well, really,
I've really narrowed. I've really narrow passageways. But honestly, I
think it's I've been narrow nasal passageways. Interesting. Okay, so
(10:45):
I've breathed through my mouth mostly, and I actually think
that it's been helpful with this because I read somewhere
that it's not your mouth that you need to worry
about because there are acids in your mouth and virus.
It's your mucous membranes, your nose, in your eyes, so
you don't want to touch that. Oh. Interesting, the fact
(11:05):
that I'm not drinking through my nose. Maybe it's saving
have helped you know, wow, that's interesting. Nasal it's narrow
nasal passageways. I learned something new about you today. Um well,
back to the buzz feeda article. It was all around
the world, different places like Rome, Amsterdam, Tokyo, all these
(11:26):
different places in different ways that they are going about
re entry with restaurants, and a lot of places are
doing the plastic shields, like have you seen that at
grocery stores in Nashville when you go check out, they
have the plastic shield so they'll have that like at
the bar or um even between tables. And then in
Amsterdam there was this crazy one that was like these
(11:49):
I don't know if they were plastic, but there were
these outdoor greenhouses and you dine an individual greenhouse, so
like if it's you and another person or whoever, you're
in your own little individual green in house that's completely
separate from everyone else, which I thought, yeah, it was
really interesting. So I mean, they're you know, and they're
separating tables by plastic shields. Most of the chefs are
(12:13):
wearing face masks. They have either paper menus or this
is that That thought was pretty cool. There's a QR
code that some places were using, and you scan it
with your phone from when the server comes to your
table and it pulls up the menu on your phone,
because like if you use paper menus, I'm like, okay,
so we're gonna kill the environment now, like what It's like,
you know, it's a hard call which would go. But
(12:35):
I thought that was a really great idea of ways
to have menus so you're not touching the same thing
that a lot of other people did, you know. Yeah,
it's just really interesting. I mean I have to go
to the grocery after this, which I always wear my
mask everywhere I go, and I'm always fascinated, like when
people aren't wearing them, I'm like it did I don't know,
I just I feel confused, like everyone has their own judgments,
(12:57):
and I mean everyone has every right to do that,
but I feel like, you know, why not do your
part wear a mask? Why not? Like what is it
we're gonna hurt? Actually I actually still wear gloves and
the grocery store to well. I mean the thing about
the gloves I think is you know they said that
that it doesn't really matter. Yeah it doesn't because a
lot of people are like putting on the same gloves
(13:18):
over and over again, it's true rum and then it's
you know, for me, I've got hand sanitizer on my
key chain, and I spray everything before I take my
phone out of my pocket. Anything. Yeah, I spray my hands.
You know. In the beginning, I was very stricted about
wearing my mask, and then it's like a couple of
(13:40):
times recently I forgot to bring it with me and
it actually thought like I didn't go into liquor store
because it looked like you had assignments that you how
to be wearing it and hopefully give you one when
you walk in. Oh wow, maybe get a bunch stuck up.
I'm gonna go several times today, change my outfit, like
to get some water every time. Um. But yeah, I um,
(14:10):
there have been sometimes like I definitely feel weird if
I'm not doing it, But then you get in the
store and people aren't wearing them. Yeah, that's what I
can't figure out. I don't know. All I can do
is do my part. And I mean we debated if
this is even a casual topic, because we're like, well,
do you act casual in this scenario or do you
actually not act casual? And I think that's like the
(14:30):
big debate and kind of your call on how you
want to handle it. And I also think, like we'll
see what's going to happen in the next couple of
weeks and stuff starts to reopen. There could be a
big relapse and we have to go back into isolation
like we were. I don't know, I just I can't
fully wrap my mind around like, oh, this is just over.
Like that just feels weird to me. Yeah. No, I
(14:52):
mean it's like that's that's the fear. Wouldn't it be
great if it was awesome? Well, okay, that's a c
but to be fully be honest, like there's a part
of me that's kind of like I don't know if
I'm ready, Like I don't know if I want to
go back to the high stress and all the business.
Like the simplicity of this time has actually been very
nice for me. Yeah. Well, I mean it's funny too,
(15:14):
because it's like, even though I shouldn't be as busy
as I was, somehow I've managed as busy as I was.
So I'm like, maybe it's just me, you know, maybe
that's just the way that I function, and I need
to I need to set better boundaries for myself just
(15:35):
for like mental health and and to to make the time.
What can I think about all the ship that I
find time to do that I'm like, okay, I'm not
that busy, like come on, like yeah yeah, And you know, thankfully,
it's like I work in a business where it's like
it isn't like I have to be at work from
eight am to four thirty. I get an hour lunch break.
(15:56):
Everything's like very I can it's sort of edge and
flows like I can go for a run in the
afternoon and be like I'll deal with that ship when
I get back because I can work till eight o'clock,
nine o'clock and that's fine, you know if am I
so choose to so yeah, um, it'll be interesting. Yeah.
So I honestly like I wanted to go away so
(16:20):
that people can get back to work, so that people
aren't scared, so that people aren't dying. But I am
kind of liking the the slow down of my social
life and having something just like me time finally. Um,
but I do fear that it's not going to go away.
(16:41):
I guess we'll see. I mean, and not only do
we have this huge pandemic going on, but like this
ship just keeps on coming. Did you read about the
cicada's Of course, not that they really do anything to it.
They're harmless. They're just really loud, and it's like they're
going to come this year, like they don't come every year.
(17:01):
I think that would have been like seven seven years.
So you know, it's it's a regional thing too. So
it's like I remember it happening not that long ago
in a different region. Um So, but I saw this.
I watched this video of a guy named the bug Doctor,
and he's like he was like, I'm not talking We're
not talking about like thousands or millions. There can be
(17:24):
billions of these things coming out of the ground. And
you know what's really cool about them, though, is they
shed their they shed their skin and they leave it
on the tree. And as a kid, I grew up
in Virginia and we had cicadas, and you know, they're
terrifying looking bugs to a kid, because they're big and
clunky and they're they're heavy bugs, and you know, they're
(17:45):
they're sort of really like they look like they're from
the dinosaur times, you know. And but yeah, they'll they'll
land on a tree and their back splits open and
they slide out, and they leave a shell of their
skin which is perfectly shaped like them without the wings.
It's kind of crazy. You're way more fascinated by this
(18:09):
and my sister's hair. I'm just like at this point,
it was like, first it was the killer hornets. That mean, well,
first it was the pandemic, that it was the killer hornets,
and now it's Cicada's and I'm like, okay, what is next?
Like this year is so bizarre and wild I can't
even talk about it. Um okay. Well, so basically our
(18:32):
summary of that is this might be not casual moment.
It might not be and it's kind of up to
you to decide what's best for you. I encourage everyone
to just you know, be safe, be safe out there. Yeah,
be safe, and you know, like, don't don't just be safe,
try and be as respectful of other people, right. I
(18:52):
know that, I know that I've probably said some things
that make people think that I'm not being respectful of others,
but like I do stay away. I try to stay
six ft away from people, and I'm cognizant of what
I'm doing. Mouth breathe on people, spittle on them when
I talked to, which I struggle with sometimes, but well,
(19:13):
well we all appreciate that for me, thank you. Yeah,
even even in good times, it's not good to spit
on somebody when he talks. You know. That's always the worst.
When you're having a conversation and their spit lands on
your cheek and you're like this a way and they're
trying to act like you didn't. It's really upward if
you don't know the person. Well, like, if it was you,
(19:34):
I would be like, what the funk? Man? But I've
had people like like lands on your lip and it's
just so awkward. Okay, well, let's move on to the
listener email for this week. We actually forgot to do
it last week. Did you realize that? I know, we
(19:55):
really got wrapped up in that topic, and we do.
We want we need some more emails, y'all come on. Yeah,
email us at at casual at Velvet's Edge dot com.
It can be about anything, dating, relationships, sex, just anything
you have questions about that you want Chip and I'd discuss.
We're open, We're wild and free on this topic. We're
happy to research, We're happy to talk off the cuff.
We're happy to literally have the least expert opinion ever.
(20:18):
Right that, I'm sure that entices people like we're the
least experts ever email us. Okay, well this comes from
Liz dack coff dick off, dick off? Is this somebody
joking with us? Diff? I don't know. Okay, that's great. Um, anyway,
(20:40):
Liz ask She said, my best friend and I met
because we live in the same neighborhood. There are about
eight couples that hang out, but there are four couples
that are really close, like vacation together, et cetera. My
best friend and I very are very different and have
recently decided it's best to not be friends anymore. Very
grown up. We stopped talking for the most part. When
(21:02):
we used to talk in text all day long. With Corona,
we haven't had to be around each other much this summer.
When oh but this summer, when this is all over,
there will be lots of social situations, and I'm really
anxious for how awkward it's going to be for me
and our other friends. Have a great day. Okay, I
guess the question is like, what how can how should
(21:24):
she handle this? I mean friend breakups? Man hoof brutal. Well,
I mean, it's like it's like the nicest friend breakup
I've ever read, Like we decided to not be friends anymore.
It was like a conscious uncoupling of a friend. I mean, look,
I mean, I think the key is here is to
be casual, to act casual, you know, like, yeah, clearly
(21:47):
you're going to be in each other's lives. I actually
had a situation earlier in my life where I was
like really good friends with these people and then we
had a big falling out and it really just took
time because I knew them as people and I knew
what happened wasn't like them to their core. It was
(22:07):
just like some business stuff came between us and it
is yeah, and it was one of those things where
it's like I just didn't want them in my life,
they didn't want to be in my life. And then slowly,
over time, like when that business stuff wasn't in either
of our lives, we sort of figured our way back
to friendship. Our friendship is obviously different now because we're
not nearly as close, but I think that you know,
(22:30):
if you go in and keep things casual, then like
you don't have the pressure that you had by like
forcing a friendship that was not meant to ultimately be
what it was. Sure, I mean what I hear in
this first of all, is you know they just decided
to take some space or whatever that you want to
call that, and they also have se many mutual friends.
(22:51):
And any situations where there are mutual friends, I feel like,
what are you doing right now? Sorry? I opened my desk.
Oh my god, I couldn't even keep my shraining of thought. Wow,
just shuffle around your desk. I'm so glad you were
so engaged by what else saying? Sorry? Cool? That sounds
(23:15):
fun um Anyway, I think that if there's a situation
where there's other people involved, like it's groups that you're
going to be around. I just think it's like you
put on your big girl panties. You at cordial. You
don't like have to talk to them the whole time,
but you just keep it surface and like make it
okay so that everyone else feels okay. Because that's the
(23:38):
bigger thing, right is you don't want to lose the
other friendships too, Like this person is not y'all are
really different and you need to go your separate ways. Fine,
but it sounds like the scenario with all of the
group of friends is pretty cool, especially if it's like
a neighborhood thing. It's nice to have neighbors that you
can hang out with and you can focus on the
other the other people in a good distraction. And I think,
(24:02):
you know it is important not to like walk in
and be an ice queen and like make the room
feel weird and ignore that person, so I acknowledge each other,
be cordial, and then then put your focus on the
other people in the room. Yeah, sometimes friendships are just
like you realize that they're just not made to laugh?
Are you and that person don't need to have that
intensive of a friendship, Like I've had situations like that.
(24:26):
I'm really trying to keep this friendship breakup real PC
right now to topic for me. She also said that
they used to talk at text all day long. I mean,
that's exhausting on any relationship. So you know, look, it's
obviously we don't know the full situation or know these
people at all, but like maybe you just needed a
(24:47):
break and maybe once you're you're forced to be around
each other again, like you're having this break will make
you recognize like that you've missed each other, and or
the positives of that person, like maybe need to text
and all that stuff all day. But they were in
your life for a certain reason because there's something about
them that you like. So yeah, just focus on those things.
(25:09):
I think keeping it peace like, keeping it very cordial
is going to be the way to go. You know,
you might find your way back to friendship or you
might not, and that's that's fine. Just be you know,
being an adult about it. Yeah, Liz at Casual, be
an adult. Put on your big girl paintings. You got this.
I really think you got this. Yeah, it sounds like
you have seven other friends anyway, right, was it eight
(25:34):
couples or eight friends? I think it was probably four couples,
eight friends, eight couples. Wow, Yeah, you'll be fine. You
don't even have to talk to that person. Stay on
the other side of the room anyway, you guys, keep
the emails coming. We love to talk to you and
engage so and just to know what's happening in y'all's
lives too. So if you have any questions or topic
(25:55):
ideas for us, email us at at Casual at velvets
edge dot com, or you can slide into my d
ms on Instagram. It's at velvet's edge. Let us know
what you want to know, Chip. Do you have any
closing remarks? No, not really just remember to always act casual.
Bye bye
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