April 3, 2019 • 51 mins
Kelly talks to longtime client and country superstar, Dierks Bentley, about what getting started in the music business actually looks like, what it feels like to be the Susan Lucci of Country music award shows and the pros and cons of being famous. Dierks also describes what true success looks like and why making sure his kids “grow up to not be assholes” is one of them.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up? You guys are listening to a velvets Edge podcast.
I had the opportunity this week to interview country music
superstar Dirk Spentley. He's also been a client of mine
for almost ten years now, so if you know anything
about my history, I have done hair and makeup for
about fifteen years. It's obviously turned into a lot of
different things, styling now, the blog Velvet's Edge, and the podcast,
(00:21):
but Dirk's has remained a kind of mine throughout all
of that. He is an amazing boss, but he's also
an even better person, and I just wanted you guys
to be able to see that side of him. So
obviously we talked about music because that's what he's known for,
but I wanted to know deeper things like how he
got his start, what made him be so persistent in music,
and then also what it feels like now that he's
(00:41):
reached the level of success that he has. What does
that feel like? That's so fascinating to me, just as
a seeker and a person chasing things right now, what
does it feel like? So we talked about all things life, family, relationships, kids,
all of that stuff. Um, I hope you guys enjoy
a darks ask you in trouble, what do you mean
(01:12):
podcast gets you in trouble? Just gonna I'm not I
never watched what I say so, and I never go
back and listen to it. But um, yeah, you just
never know what you're gonna. Is this like that unfiltered
Dirk Spenley that we're about to get you? You've had
a lot unfiltered me over the years, a lot of
unfiltered other go get that unfiltered. That's uh, that's that's
(01:33):
band level unfiltering that you know about. But let's talk
pretty pretty unfiltered. Yeah, okay, let's see what happens every
interview I do, like newspapers or radio, I never like
there's something off limits, and I don't usually just see
what'sever on my mind. Much's too my sugar and later on.
But yeah, let's let's dig into it. This is an
(01:54):
interesting thing, by the way, podcast, I don't know why
do you ask me that I could? I feel like
I could have been like one, You could have been
number one. It could have been your first but that
was it was a rough time you had album. Really,
it was in the show like you also wanted to
see they wanted to tape us on TV doing this
for Very Cavalry. Yeah, of course they did. Why wouldn't they.
(02:15):
That's interesting, it's fascinating. I know the show was amazing. Also,
did you want to see kind of what the podcast
was going to be befofore you signed up? Honest? No,
I so well at the time. And they get a
start with the shot of tequila in your podcast, and yeah,
that was right, like the rules. And then I don't know,
(02:37):
I just the TV taping thing, the album's coming out.
I just kind of was like, yeah, I think I
just been been in l A doing some looking at
some TV stuff. I just kind of like, I don't know.
The TV thing probably threw me off. That was a
big one. Yeah, we'll get you on Very Cavalry later.
I need to be on the show I hung out
with the other night. We were all hanging out. The
j was at the Whiskey Row and what after my
(03:00):
Oh yeah, be buddies. You'll be assumed to be reality
star too. I don't think Jay Keyler ever thought he
would be one, so you just never know. That's what
makes me great is he just does not fit that mold.
When I was googling. I kind of like to do
research because obviously I've known you for almost ten years. Yeah,
(03:21):
I mean I feel like I know everything about you.
I could probably do your interviews for you, really could. Yeah,
this is actually Kelly speaking for me. She actually she's
the only one in the room right now. But well,
I go back in because I'm like, there's got to
be stuff I don't know, or I look for a
different angle because I need to know what people would
think was interesting about you. And the first thing that
(03:41):
comes up, of course, is that your name was really Frederick. Yeah,
did you always go by Dirks? Though? Fred I always
have gone by Dirks. My mom named was all like
we have like a family name first, actually both my
names are family names, but like that's my grandfather's name
is Frederick, and then our middle name is what we
go by. So my sisters like Katherine Vanessa, Right, Okay,
(04:02):
there's my brother really got the short in the sick
I thought fred was bad. My brother's name is Newell.
What is that? W E L. Grandfather's name too, So
he goes five. He goes by five, which is that's
my dad's family name. So that's a cool name. It's
pretty messed up. Yeah, Fred Bentley did not have the
same ring to I retire, you know, I want to
(04:23):
go off and hide and hide out and be unknown
and obscure. I'll pick up Fred. Maybe Fred in the Mountains,
I could see that. Yeah. Okay, So obviously people mostly
know you for country music, so we have to talk
a little bit about that. Um, I do want to
not like, I'm not going to break down every song
or album or anything like that, because you can just
google that, but will you tell people a little bit
(04:44):
about how you got your start? Yeah, I really we're
gonna start with you know, I listen to country music
with my dad. But what I love about country music
for me is it's it's really been like my own journey.
My dad listened to it and we loved listening to
it together in the car, and it was always kind
of his music, and I didn't mind it. I liked
it because my dad liked it, but it wasn't really
(05:04):
like my necessarily like my my thing. And when I
turned thirteen and discovered the electric guitar, it definitely wasn't
my thing. I just didn't listen to any more country
music at all. I still liked it, because my dad
liked it and it was, you know, kind of like
older people's music and all that. And then when I
was seventeen, I went through all sorts of phases to like,
between thirteen and seventeen, dove deep into like heavy metal
(05:25):
and playing a lot of power chords on electric guitar.
But when I turned seventeen, I had this moment. I've
had a couple of these in my life where it's
just you know, like I don't know how to describe.
It would be like a coin going out a slot
machine and hitting all the right levers. Where I just
heard this. A friend of mine stopped me and played
me this Hank Junior song, and it just I knew
exactly what I was, like, I want to do with
(05:47):
the rest of my life. It was crazy. It was seventeen.
I remember like sitting down into a chair and being like, WHOA,
that's it. That's the sound that I've been like looking for.
And it was so different than my dad's country music.
Was Hank Junior, you know, screaming electric guitars and he's
singing about naked women and beer. And I was seventeen, going, yeah,
this is like this country music. Wow. I want to
do this, and so then I got into like right,
(06:09):
I mean from that moment on that day, I probably
listened to I know, I listened to Marty Stewart's a
song called That Country, and I started listening to y
Yoakum and Alan Jackson. I mean, he just could not
get enough of it. And it really continues to this day.
I'm always digging, digging deeper for you know, going back
in music. UM. Anyway, so I moved out to Nashville
when I was nineteen. I went to school for a
year in Vermont and I did the best that could
(06:29):
have transferred to Vanderbilt. And the same friend that turned
me on the country music, he was going to school here,
his family gone to school here, and definitely UH wrote
a good recommendation help me get into. My grades were terrible,
but I got in. The day I got here, I
got a job at the c m a UM interning
for free work in the Country Music Association. Worked all
(06:50):
over town temping organizations I I tempted everywhere, just trying
to learn how to make that work. And it was
all over Lord Broadway listening to bands playing. I was
writing songs with people and it took like eight nine
years long story, but I had to get down LAWD Broadway.
That's such a long story. But um, you know, let's
just say after like eight to nine years of moving here,
I got a publishing deal and that led to record deal.
(07:11):
But it started with publishing once you decided this is
what I want to do. Though, do you think because
you talked about the mail room, I feel like you've
told me a story where used to be an extra
in video. It's like just trying to be around it
as much as possible, right, Yeah. I mean I have
a plaque in the wall that I've had since I
was about seventeen. It's a quote from uh Herbert Hoover,
the President, but um, it's about nothing takes a place
(07:33):
of a persistence or determination, right Like you can be
education won't, Talent won't, genius, note won't persistence and determination
or omnipotent omnipotent and just talks about That's been my
whole thing is just like there's a lot better singers
than me out there, a lot better songwriters out there
than me, and I think everyone's town's better guitar player
than me. But I just I worked harder. You know,
(07:54):
I'm not saying that's the reason why I'm and I
got lucky. But you know, I had had the I
bought a p A system. I'd play yard barbecues and
crawfish boils and tailgate parties and weddings and so many
times without a p A just playing against the wall
and no one's even were just blended in with the wallpaper.
And I I was also working trying to make money,
so I was I was a p A on. I
worked for the National networking for CMT, and I was
(08:17):
one of the people backstage of the ward shows with
them headset Mike On and Uh. I worked at these
terrible I worked a terrible reality TV show where these
like three girls trying to get one Guy's know that
this is not like yours, George is good. This one
was bad. It was It was so bad. It was
like the three girls were competing for this one guy.
I can't think the name, like a Limitate or something
like that, like a bad version of The Bachelor, like
(08:40):
a kind of kind of like a like a Tennessee Ver, yeah,
kind of down. It was actually shot down to Antioch
version in The Bachelor, not not Los Angeles, but lower
lower Antioch version of this thing, and um, yeah, I
was just so it was just the way the guy
was talking to the girls, So it was just maybe
uncomfortable and I had to walk off the set. I lost.
(09:00):
I missed out on my hundred dollar payday that day.
But yeah, and also all sorts of crazy jobs. I'm
just trying to kind of stay in the game long
enough to you know, to get my my craft going.
That is kind of how Nashville works, or that's how
it's been for me too. It's once you get in
and just get around it, you meet one person and
then that person connects you to another. Yeah, it's the
greatest lesson in like this door closes in your face.
(09:23):
He thinks, like the one that was meant to be,
you know. I remember playing the Bluebird and so and
so supposed to show up and it was a It
wasn't these bluebird gigs. You have to audition for him,
the Monday night ones. You have to audition for him,
and then they gave you a letter and saying, hey,
in six months you can if you made it it,
wait like six months. It was crazy, and I did,
And there's my big night down there and this guy
didn't show up. And it's like, oh, well, there goes
(09:44):
my whole career. You know, it's like you learned like that.
There's just you have to just keep like staying around
meeting people and and for me, it wasn't so much
about like a work thing or business things, just because
I love doing it. I love being lower Broadway, listening
to bands. I love, you know, being able to ask
happ and running songs my fellow unsigned writers, and I
love being around the business. When I was tempting for
(10:05):
ranstat staffing organization, so it was just, you know, I
never really was worried or anything because I just I
didn't know anything what else to do, and I was
really loved what I was doing, and I felt like
I was Yeah, there's obviously low moments, but I feel
like I was like in the in in Nashville, Tennessee.
You know, it was it was fun, it was in
the yeah, living. So would you if someone I'm sure
(10:26):
you get asked this question a ton, but if you
were going to say, what's the keyban too your success?
It's just obviously persistent. Yeah, if it's if you, I mean,
do it for the right reasons? Obviously? What do you
mean by that? Daughter there day. It's like saying, because
you love to sing, you know, uh, not because you
want to be fun house engineer because you love mixing songs,
be a modern engineer because you love being close to
(10:46):
stage and work with bands. I mean, whatever you're doing,
make sure you're doing because you love to do it.
And that's the case, and you'll be able to do forever.
You know. I was, I was down a lower Broadway
and I was there and Joe Nichols got signed and
I'm still playing the bars and I was kind of bummed.
So I'm waiting in my shop, but well I've got
another set, so here we go. It's fun. Yeah, I
loved what I was doing. And if you have that love,
it makes the persistence in the determination a lot easier. Um,
(11:10):
you know, because I just just really love what you're doing.
Was there any one person that taught you that? Or
did you just did you look at anyone else's career
and see them doing that? Or you just naturally did that?
I credit everything, just do a crazy I just love
of country music. I just love it. And when I
moved down here, I moved here not to be a star.
I moved here to like to find the source of
(11:31):
this thing that I love so much, And remember getting
here and being on Music Grow and seeing everyone kind
of dressed like Arth Brooks and I don't dress that
way and kind of be like, dang, I don't really
dress that way, but I love this music, but I
don't really wear the stars wranglers and the you know,
the line down the front. The wranglers had the line
pressed right in there and the belt buckles. Everyone's it's
(11:52):
kind of like a Garth, you know. Not to say
everyone was trying to be like Garth, but it was
kind of like he was having a huge moment that
was look man, and I was like that not mean.
But then I found ot people that weren't writing their
own songs, and that was such a revelation to me.
I'm like, what, like I'm looking for like this authentic
like genre of music and the source of this river
of music that I love so much, and like this
(12:12):
kind of like it feels like people are kind of
dressed in a certain way because that's what's they're supposed
to do. Maybe they're writing these songs because they're not
writing songs, and which you know, I have total respect
now for songwriters in the community. But the time, I thought,
just I just didn't realize that's how it worked, and
so trying to put me off. Um, So for me
it was just I feel lucky that had this like
(12:33):
inner kind of mused guiding me towards trying to find
this authentic thing which I found in bluegrass. Uh the
same year I moved down here. Um, now I guess
I've had that. So within like a year or two
being down there, discovered the station in and kind of
found what I was looking for. And so I guess
those people kind of taught me about um, doing it
for the love of doing it, because that's why you
(12:55):
don't play bluegrass to make money. It's not it's not
the commercial success that you would see also of as
they would say, picking and singing. Right, let's talk about
what makes a good song, because I do think it's
like you get this record deal, you get this publishing deal,
and then all of a sudden, like the real work
actually starts to like that's not the end of the road,
So you have to create all these amazing songs. Why
(13:16):
do you think certain songs work and certain ones don't,
Because we've always talked about that is the ones that
I like on your album don't do well on Me. Yeah,
well it's funny, you said, because that's like that the
song on the Mountain, and you know it talks about
you know, when you just when you think you get
to the top, there's always in their peak. I mean,
the whole business is all about like you get to
the top of one thing and then you you start
all over again. Right. Yeah. You get a publishing deal
(13:37):
and it's like, oh, I'm a ground zero. You get
a record deal on the ground zero. You find to
get a headline your first gig, get a club, and
it's like, oh, there's bigger venues like theaters and eventually arenas.
So it's all about just like um constantly look, you know, climbing.
But because it's that's the thing that makes it music,
you know, songs you try to like when I make
a record, then someone asked me about It's like, it's
(13:58):
called music. I can't it's not math. I can't describe
the record to you. It's get to listen to it,
internalize and you tell me what you think. If I
could just like you know, quantify, it would be a
totally different It wouldn't be music. So it's like what
makes a hit songs so especially because nobody knows. It's
like the stock market or something. It's like you can't.
I mean, I keep hearing like about technology that's like
(14:20):
coming along. It's gonna can actually like be able to
like predict a hit song based on like some sort
of crazy algorithm or something which sounds so like unsexy.
That's terrible, right, Like this computer is deciding what you
need to listen to. But I'm sure it's probably already happening.
But I think that's so cool about songs as nobody
knows and the song he thinks like really slow and
you look like strawberry wine for you know, Dinna Carter's
(14:41):
like the song never work it's a massive hit or
you just never know. What's just so cool about songs?
But um, what I have learned. You know, we're just
talking earlier about people not writing their own music about
three three albums in, I really should have started like
leaning on the Nashville songwriting community a lot more than
I was, because I was trying to write everything. And
I don't know if you're gonna you can pick hits,
you know, it's not a guaranteed, but you're gonna have
(15:03):
a lot. Bet there's a chance of success. You know,
picking songs and writers that are doing it every day.
You know, their pencils are sharp, they got their ear
to the you know knows the grindstone. They're they're listening
to the poles. They have their finger on the pulse
of Nashville what's working. So definitely rely heavily on those folks,
whether co writing or or just you know, using their songs. Um,
(15:24):
they have the best idea of what hit is because
I don't. The song is mind of their hits. I
didn't think we're hits until they became its, you know,
like drunk. Yeah, so many people thought that song was
going to tank, and me I did. My buddy Jaren Johnson,
He's like Rednecks don't fly. It's never gonna work. And
it's like your biggest song, right, it's pretty big. Do
(15:44):
you get super attached? I've heard I mean, I could
answer this question for you. This is one of them
you get asked a lot, But how do you just
throw a song out there and not get super attached
to people loving it or being a number one song?
Or yeah, does that matter? Did your dear feelings get
hurt if it's not like, what does that feel like? Yeah,
it's a great question. I mean, like the very first
(16:07):
single I put out, what was I thinking, you know,
the day got released. I've just done like a ninety
radio station visit over four months, and my hometown stations
didn't add the song right in Phoenix, and I was like,
so I was angry, I was piste off. I'm like,
I don't know what. Yeah, I didn't understand the business
of it at the time, and now I don't really
get I really don't take offense to someone adding an
(16:27):
adding the song because there's so many other factors involved,
and and you know, it's I've been luckier than most.
I could work with a great record label, and I
get a better shot than most, do I think, and
being a guy too, better shot than most of having
a song have a chance of having success. But I
don't take anything personally at all when it comes to
like a song being played or not being played anymore.
(16:48):
And maybe I can say that because I've had some
success to kind of lean back on, but it's it's
not a it's not you know, it was really personal
for me. Was that movie only the Brave movie? In
a movie, like I want to ask Josh Broland, like,
how do you move on from a movie? Because that
movie didn't do very well, which is crazy because it's
so good. I was so invested in that movie, that song,
(17:10):
the movie. It came out in papers that like it,
you know, hadn't done well, and I was like, it
still hurts me now, I mean I still I just
actually want to bracelet that it just took off yesterday
about those those nineteen hot shot firefighters that I still
keep touch with a lot of those families, and so
that movie like that hurt that that movie didn't do
as well, not for we had nothing to my personal success.
(17:30):
I was just like all in on this story and
this movie so personal to me and the people I know,
and like, you know, I don't know how it's doing
on demand or you know, secondary markets, but that crushed me.
I don't know, actors move on from like a project
like that because you know, you know, it would hurt too.
I guess I've been lucky. All my albums has done
pretty well. The Mountain had not done well, that would
have like really overall this that was a really personal yeah,
(17:53):
that would be like you know, but as far as
like things that you can't control. I mean like award shows,
and I was going to bring that up. You can't
control that stuff, so you drive yourself. You drive so crazy,
and it's just kind of a dump thing to focus on.
So you just feel like, I mean, let's just be honest,
you're basically the Susan Lucci of country music. I am.
I've I mean, hey, at least I don't even know
(18:14):
if she was if she hadn't lost never one, here's radar.
I think of the one award to have. I got
the Flame War, the award that Jake won in two
thousand three for Best Appearance, and I got my Red Rocks.
I don't have any. I don't really have a lot
of awards around because I haven't won many. I guess. No.
I have won a few things, but not not a lot.
(18:35):
Do you not get disappointed? I mean, or how much
does that weigh into your validation that you're doing something right?
If you win, it validates your entire career, right If
you lose this all politics, Okay, that's the healthiest way
to look at it. No it I mean, this sounds
like such a stock answer, but if you just think
(18:56):
about it for a second. It's such a it's a
kind of bizarre thing, like voting on a song and
you know all the stuff that we all know what
that goes on, Like, hey, these people are voting for this,
so we're gonna vote for this person. A lot of
block voting happens, whatnot. I mean, if you would, it's
it's awesome to win and the people that win are
totally deserving and and they should be and uh, it's
it's awesome and just to be in that room and
being nominated is is crazy awesome. Um, as far as
(19:20):
validation goes, I mean, you got a microphone on stage
every night, and people spend all this money to come
out and see you. I mean, like think about the
money that goes into coming and seeing a show. I
look out there. I don't like to see a mass
of people. I see like individual people. And I you know,
I know from personal experience, going to show what a
what a pain it is, And like you got to
get a babysitter, and the money and the parking and
(19:41):
the T shirts and the drinks and eight dollar beers
and it's like that's a pretty good validation that you're
doing something right and someone gets off their button to
come see you. You know, you get every weekend, every weekend,
and like there's people come through town that I love,
and I'm like, oh man, it's nine thirty. That's sad,
I don't think so. So for someone to come out
(20:01):
and see your show is like the ultimate validation to me.
Do you feel like that helps you? Because I feel
like you still have this passion for the music aspect
of it, but this is a business. So do you
feel like that helps you? If you ever get bogged
down with just like passion, it's just a job. I
never the day that feels like it's just a job.
I would like I'd be done so fast. I would say,
(20:23):
like be like a NASCAR driver that's just like kind
of out there so other people can go around him.
You know, it's like I have no desire in doing that.
I would be. I would be. I would definitely just
hanging up because that's just a waste of everybody's time.
And that's like that's not good for me, not good
for my band, not good for the fans, you know.
So for me, and I talked to the guys in
the band about all the time, it's like every night
(20:43):
feels like I'm learning something new. You know, I'm learning
some new physically about the way I'm moving a lot
of dance moves or anything, but like just way I
interpret I have the one move I got the well
if you have the hot country nights, I have have
a lot. But Doug has a lot more moves than
I do. But uh, you know, just finding way a
song makes you move physically on stage, the way I
sing something, the way I find a new way to
(21:05):
connect with somebody. And I always feel like every show
is just a little bit I don't say better, but
there's more growth with every show. And I talked to
the guys in the band, and you know, they might
not be like up front singing and song, but they're
trying things behind me, they're going for stuff there, they're
they're they're engaged. And that is it can never just
feel like a show, Like we're not out there to
(21:26):
go put on a show. It's like it has to
be some sort of like growth learning process and has
to be some goal of getting better, not necessarily getting
bigger and playing bigger shows and having more people come out,
which is always awesome, and but just the main focus
is just like always being a student. I'm a student
of of lead singers and how to be the best
lead singer, and how to interpret my songs, old songs,
(21:48):
how to make them feel current, how to make them
connect to people, you know, what to say it leading
into them, where to physically go on stage, maybe leave
the stage, maybe bring somebody up on stage. So it's
just that is what makes me, makes it interesting and
fun and and and uh and keeps me moving on
and you know, and making albums too. I'm just kind
of starting to think about maybe another album, and it's
(22:09):
really fun because I feel like you get to kind
of adopt a character. You know, you get to go
inside yourself and see like what part of you is
like kind of speaking the loudest, and you know, with
Riser Knox have been Born and that was kind of
new Twists and my album Black Cast and I've been
married for ten years, that was interesting. And obviously the
Mountain was a lot of my energy was going towards
thinking about the West and maybe I'm moving out there,
(22:30):
and so I'm kind of looking forward to exploring the
next thing. But I was actually going to bring that
up next. I feel like your albums, even since I've
worked with. You are always pretty attached to where you
are in life. You know, you mentioned Knox, but it
was also your dad passing, and then yeah yeah and
then casts and then The Mountain is so much more
than just moving out west. To me, it's just like,
(22:51):
well else, this whole like it where I'm from. Yeah,
I will be. It's it's such a big part of
who I am. It's it's like acceptance. I've seen any
you too. Yeah, I feel like with that one too,
it's the most comfortable I've been like and I feel
it's just like the stage. The albums are the same way.
It's like any more and more comfortable of trying stuff,
going for stuff, reaching for songs. You know, I feel
(23:13):
like everyone has songs that aren't necessarily made it begin with,
they become me, which is kind of a weird thing.
But I'm always trying to like grow in that regard
to But yeah, The Mountain feels like the most Definitely
everyone says this it's the most personal album, but it's
definitely the most like, Uh, I just felt from the
top to bottom, like truly like really extra authentic about
(23:36):
you know, who I am, and and that that side
of me that, uh, and the way not just physically
the mountains the West, but just the song Living was
kind of the corner stone on the album. It kind
of has like a lot of my current attitude and
views on life and and my experience in the album.
So there's a lot going on there. How do you
feel like you've changed through the years with through your
(24:00):
car like what you just mentioned, I mean, it's a
totally different mentality. I feel like there was such a
striver type just chasing everything at the beginning, and now
you're getting to this place where you're you've got a
whole new level of success. So what does that feel like?
Like You've you've worked so hard to get here in
some ways, now you're here, what does that feel like? Yeah,
(24:22):
I mean I think all my albums and all my
career are really closely mirroring like kind of where I
am in my personal life, you know, I think it's
all a big part of it. I'm not I don't know,
I'm not making albums that kind of go back and
talk a lot about I'm trying not to make it,
write songs that that kind of tap back into like
nostalgia or or like the way this is an idea
(24:43):
of doing something that this I don't do anymore. You know,
I'm not gonna I'm I don't, I can't, like I'm
not gonna go right, What was I thinking? Again? You know?
How am I doing? I hope not. That's just not
who I am? But you know what I mean, Like,
I know those are hits. It's like I got all
right songs reflect like who I am now, and when
I get to put a song on the really it's
a huge hit. But also it's like like so authentic,
like women and men like burning Man, like living these
(25:05):
three songs right now, Like it's like almost a joke
that they're they were that stuff that's so me and
not necessarily like down the road country radio or country
lifestyle at all. That they work is uh is is
like that's the best feeling at all. Um doing Traveling
Light on the a c MS with Brandy Carlisle, it's
(25:26):
like I feel like I'm kind of getting to cheat
the system a little bit, you know, by getting I
don't have to play the game at this point, I
can kind of put out songs they're like so me
and so passionate and important to me, and and uh
and and see them work. So that's been and every albums,
but everyone's been kind of snapshot of where I am.
And I feel like now I'm just gonna you know,
I'm really There's a lot of wisdom that comes for me,
(25:46):
has come in my forties, and I feel like I'm
getting a chance to apply that with more in a
more brave way. On on these albums, would you describe
yourself as satisfied? Is that what it feels like? I
feel satisfy id at times, Um, but I'm not like, well,
I feel like now, but I'm not content, that makes sense, right,
Like still like I feel really achieved more than I
(26:10):
ever had dreamed of, you know, Like I and they
playing Maddi Square Garden. That was like something I wanted
to just so bad, but I didn't even dare dream
extended me just I don't want to be so disappointed
when it never happened, right, I was like, it's just
never gonna happen to him, Like, I just don't even
dream that one, so to sell that out as it
was ridiculous. And also playing like hometown show here in
Nashville like a couple of times. Now, that's like I
just never thought it would actually happen. And the things
(26:33):
that the Music Festival seven Peaks, all that stuff. I mean,
there's these there's things that happened. They are beyond what
I could have dreamed that if it ended now, it
would be fine. Um, but there's still like this crazy fire.
I mean, like this last run was really hard and
I was totally fried after mid this Canadian the Midwest run,
and I was just like you needed to break so bad.
But I was like watching my ten an eight year
(26:54):
old do like children's theater and I just feel like
that it's like a sharp smelling blood. I'm like, God,
I cannot wait to get back out my thing. Like
I'm just like it's such a cool yeah, like like
I'll appreciate what they're doing, but it's just like being
on stage and and getting to perform a front of
people and the experiences like it's still really uh, it's
(27:15):
really fun for me. And I just so I was like,
here I'm watching them, I'm thinking about like, you know, Toledo, Ohio,
I'm gonna come in so hot, I can't wait. I'm
gonna destroy it. So it's still there. But yeah, I
you know, there's there's just a lot going on, you know,
with the family stuff too. So there's I wouldn't be
doing if it wasn't like super super fun and right
(27:36):
now for me, because you know, I have these kids
are so fun to hang out with and do stuff with,
and it's busy. Weekends are busy, so it's definitely sacrifice
to get out there and do that. But so I
wouldn't do it if I didn't didn't. Still, I really
love it. Well, let's talk a little bit about your
family lives. Since you keep it pretty private, why is
that exceps coffee, trying to just need instant on Facebook
(28:01):
and Twitter off my phone. I definitely going major major.
I know that's that's a key to life. Variety and
like everything you do except relationships that's actually friend upon
but and everything else. Um, I think variety is like
the key, right. I mean, I think one of the
reasons why I went to the podcast with you to
begin with because I wanted to have I think the
(28:22):
major reasons because I would have like an honest conversation.
I was really into like not eating meat, not eating dairy,
not drinking, saying no to using a flip phone. I
was like way hardcore at that period in my life,
and I just wasn't really comfortable like talking about that
with an album coming out and people like, well, especially
in country music. All right. It's like I told Karen Fersch,
(28:43):
I was we wanted to go see YouTube play And
I was at this laughter party and Caleb Follower I
was there from King's Leon and uh in the little
big towns there who I love. And I wasn't drinking,
you know. It was just there's the most trying last
year and I was gonna get some shipped for it.
And then I was time to Karen and I said, oh, yeah,
I'm actually I da meat either, and she starts laughing.
She goes, you can't be a country singer and not
(29:06):
eating meat if you're like not drinking, not eating meat,
Like that's more like an emo album. Not know, but
it was just something that's like to do it this long,
you have to, like for in life and jail, you
just have to, like you gotta switch things up. I mean,
people ask what your favorite viny to play. It's like
(29:26):
it's the variety. If I played like Mad Score Garden
every night, it would get old after a couple. It's
just changing up. Never know what you're getting into and
I think, like from longevity standpoint and health standpoint and
not just like I want to be healthy, like going
on stage and being optimal, like being giving my audience
peak energy every night. I have to like very up
insides as well as like what I do outside right, So,
(29:47):
like you cannot eat the same food over and over again.
It's just like our diet is so well. Humans have
been around for like, you know, two million years, almost
sapiens for seventy thousand years up until like you know,
six thousand years ago. We ate everything. Now we just
eat like wheat. You know. It's like you have to
(30:07):
like find a way to bury up your food. You're
going to be it's just not gonna be a good situation. So, um,
I was just trying some stuff last year. But this
year it's like the exact opposite. It's like I start
off the year like drinking heavily, eating anything everything I
want to, not working out, not getting up early, not
doing the cold plunges, being back on my iPhone. Um,
And I was actually really happy for a little while,
(30:28):
but I'm starting to kind of rain it back in
a little bit. Not with the food, but the food
thing is because it taught me just starting a lot
more vegetables in general. But actually this year I'm gonna
be like, I'm like, I'm gonna go I'm planning my
my deer hunt in the fall. So I'm going, well,
I'm on YouTube like I'm going full opposite direction this year.
It's amazing. Yeah, full. I'm totally embracing the Tennessee. Yeah
(30:53):
they do, because I'm like, are they supportive? Oh, totally,
They're We're like such our our group is like such
a homogeneous up. It's crazy, like when one person kind
of starts switching to diet, we did, right, I'll try
to practice like a vegan um diet at least and
then and then we remember one night we were playing
somewhere and I was so damned hungry and they were
(31:14):
these huge like I didn't know what kind of it
was a huge bone with a piece of meat on
it even right. It wasn't turkey like, it was like
it's like crazy like buffalo rib or something. And I
was like, I grabbed two of and ran back the bus.
I walked on there when anythink over would he would
be on there and Cassie feeds me our bass player
was gnawing on one, and he was like the most
hardcore about the diet of any of us. I'm like, dude,
he's like, I need protein. I'm like me too. So
(31:37):
we've like we've all come off it. Now we're all
back to eating meat and talking about and yeah, we're
going to the exact opposite direction this year. But yeah,
I'm like, you don't know. My family, Um grew up.
My dad hunted birds and stuff. But by the time
I was born, he was fifty and he was just
over it. So I didn't have that like influence growing up.
But I recently got some land out west of town,
(31:59):
and I'm like, just you know, you're out there, you
appreciate the land. You start appreciating the water and the
animals and the lifestyle. It's like, I'm just getting really
into that right now. So I'm fascinating. I was at
I was at the gun range yesterday. I mean, if
you guys only knew it, last year, looked like National
Armory shooting at my couple of pistols that I got.
(32:21):
I mean, you always keep us guessing. I'll give you that.
I won't bring up gun control. That's the sensitive topic.
I posted something from my friend and just give a
buddy of mine a little good on you for being
passionate about something. And I don't, you know, I don't
really I still know what the fallout was. I know, people,
I just freaked out. I don't and I hardly use
(32:43):
Instagram at all. I mean when I the way muse
Instagram now. And I recommend this book to anybody Digital minimalism.
It's a great book. Um, but just you know, it's
your Your time is equals their money. And if you don't,
if you can find times in your life to kind
take a little break, you know, just do for me.
I'm talking to myself personally. I got I'm just so
(33:04):
bad when I'm on the road. Yeah, you know what
the roads like. You go out there sitting their phones
all day long. We're on them all day long. There's
no living. And when you're back here, naturally you have
your life, You routines your stuff, Okay, you can kind
of like balance it. But when you're on the road,
it's just kind of dark. You're a way from family,
away from friends, you're away from like nature, and then
you're just on your phone all time. So I had
(33:24):
to like find a way to kind of balance that
um on the road. So for me, it was like
kind of taking off my phone doing on my computer
so I can kind of like or my eye texting device,
my iPad texting advice. Yeah, this big iPads. Okay, it's
to be a little more like intentional about it because
I'm just I'm just bad on it out there. But anyway,
so I don't know what the comments were. I don't
look at that stuff. But yikes, uh, just not a
good topic. Yeah, I mean, shout out with my buddy
(33:46):
Blake there for being passionate about kids and and stuff
and uh you know, but yeah, well I'm gonna go
back to families since You've completely change the topic. I
don't fit this day age. I'm like, I'm like, uh,
I don't do teams. I'm not I don't don't do politics.
That's probably smart, I would say, I mean even independent,
(34:10):
like an independent, Like I'm not even that because that's
like something I don't everybody like you do you? That's
how I feel cast as a marathon runer, I'm always like,
that's like we used the analogy for our kids, like
run your own race, your race, I'll run mine, like
and let's at least let's have a common goal of
getting in the end together. It's not the way. That's
not the world we live in now. So speaking of cass, Well,
(34:33):
you had a lot of questions when I asked my
followers what they wanted to know. How did you guys meet?
We met in eighth grade, That's one of the questions. Yeah,
that was a band practice ester you were. I mean,
they submitted some really good, interesting questions that they might
not get asked because my mom would be Really it's
funny we met eighth grade. We want both of the
public school, uh school called Engleside. It was like this
(34:56):
big school. I want to say, I was like four
or kids in the is your four or kids and
eighth grade? Or four kids in seven eighth grade? But um,
I yeah, I liked her a lot then, you know,
and she was she was dating one of my friends.
I was dating one of her friends. We all kind
of did a lot of double dating together. And that's
(35:17):
really funny. Yeah, you know, and I, you know, liked
the girl that I was dating at the time, but
I also kind of like gas and uh and uh
it just over the you know, I think it came
back for a few weddings and stuff. You know, we
just kind of started actually started dating over like seventeen.
I guess we started dating a little bit, but Um
(35:37):
obviously left for school and for Nashville. We just kind
of dated here and there. Never could find the right
time to make it work. And then I was playing
a show for opening for George straight Um two thousand
February two tho five of Yeah in Las Vegas, and
she came out to the show and I was I
thought she was kind of coming as a friend, and
I was like, yeah, I come out. I'll be on
the bus. And she came to the buses in the
(35:58):
back of the bus watching Old School for the hundred
millions of because we don't because I have Instagram, so
I did coming Girls. I guess Instagram is actually better
than just watching the same like Will Ferrell movies over
and over again. At least you're maybe learning something. But uh,
and then uh, she came out and I was like, wow,
the moment she walked to the bus is like right,
because you always hear the right time, right person, right
(36:19):
place has to be all three, and I was like,
this just feels like it's all three, and we Um
eloped at the end of that year. It was fun.
We met in Vengas, met in Las Vegas, and we
got engaged in Las Vegas in December, so it's like
within a year and three days later went to Mexico
got got married. So you just say, you've told me
before when she came on the bus and you were like,
I'm going to marry that. Yeah, I knew right away.
(36:40):
How did you see? Much like hearing country music is
the first time hearing like the same and the moment
just be like wow, I this is like so clear,
because okay, we I'm bringing up the kind of broken
engagement type thing because you have that in comment, So
you've had tried before, and obviously in those moments you
would know right with the girl before I tried to
(37:01):
marry Yeah, so I tried to marry some once before
I didn't work out a little but um, But so
then what was different with Cass Well, that was just
like well, I want to I want to say maturity,
because I was not many much much more mature, But
the first time around was more like out of desperation.
I was just like trying to make this relationship work,
and I was trying to solve a lot of problems
(37:23):
with that, which is a terrible reason to get married.
Thank god she kind of recognized that. Um with Cass,
it was just like just something that's clicked. I don't
know what it was. I think you know, been on
the road for some of us. You know, you see
why there's so many young artists get married right now,
Like Luke Hombs is getting married and he's married, and
(37:47):
Marion is married and and all, but like no, tr
and and uh f gl guys. I mean they like
all got married really young. I think people in this
were like, why are you getting married? So you like
stay single, you keep grinding and keep working, having fun,
and it's like it just gets kind of lonely out there.
You haven't want to share any of your ups or
downs with It's like you know one to like, you know,
you got an award show and there's you don't even
(38:08):
want to share that experience with her, and they're all
these amazing things that are happening in your life for
the first time, it's like no one's like they really
talked to him about us. So, uh when Cass, when
I just thought about her, that moment was just like yeah,
and then I didn't once I said I got the
marriage train rolling, I was. I definitely try to tap
the brake brakes a few times, and I'm like, whoa, Okay,
(38:29):
it's working better than I expected. Like this is really
going fast. You're moving to Nashville. Yeah, so it was
like your idea and then you were like, yeah, yeah,
it's like and honestly, it probably took me like eight
years like recover, uh, like to musically kind of get
back on track, because I feel like everything I've done
(38:51):
was like geared towards this, like single guy on the road,
you know it's knowing's like the hardest working guy in
country music. We did like forty one shows in forty
five days one time. I mean in a row. I
was just working NonStop. Loved the road, loved the bus,
love the lifestyle. That's kind of who I was. That trained.
That's like it's like train building up. Momentum is going
(39:12):
faster and faster and faster and faster. This is your guy,
not too I never used like the term brands and
all stuff, but you're kind of creating your own lane,
right and like it gets it's there's more heat and
you're nominated for stuff. And things are happening, and then
you get married and it just feel like, as a songwriter,
I'm like an identity I didn't know. It's like I
gotta find this. I don't who this person? Whom I
(39:33):
you know? And then one starts coming out to you're like, oh,
you can write songs about being married. Here everyone just
looks at you differently and even though you kind of
feel the same, and so it's almost like you have
to stop that train, which takes a long time to do,
and like back it into the station and go start
up a whole new one. That's why I really feel
like it was for me. And I don't think you know,
because if you're not trying to go back and sing
(39:53):
songs about the single days, that but doesn't resonate with
me because that's not who I am down U. I
really feel like for me, it wasn't like two thousand
and uh. I mean the blue Grass Record was a
depart in two thousen ten. Home wasn't kind of an
attempt in that direction for sure, And then I feel
like like with with Riser and two thousand twelve was
(40:14):
probably like okay, start back, yeah, and me embracing this
whole life, embracing all there is to write about from
from that standpoint. I mean, so much more to write
about for me after I've done all the other stuff,
you know, the heartbreak stuff like being married and everything
goes along with that, and certainly having kids a lot
or you don't have to write sing songs about kids,
(40:35):
but they teach you so much more about to have
taught meat le so much more about life. And I
just find I could write deeper and better songs. Uh
and and and we'll just not be afraid to go
there and and embrace that. You know. I think there's
also some fear that you're gonna like, you know, alien
eight totally. Yeah, it's a hard business to have a
serious relationship. And I would say I always think that
(40:57):
about I actually think I might do a podcast with
Cash just talking to out what it's like from her perspective,
because your your career is kind of navigate or you
have to navigate through that with your whole entire friendly
Yeah you wives podcast to be interesting. You know, I
could never do what she did. I would you know,
be on the road and and just you know the
(41:18):
parties we have after the show and stuff, or you know,
it's nothing. Nothing's not doing anything wrong, not do anything
right either, but you're not. Differently, I doesn't doing anything wrong.
But it's just like why we haven't you know, why
are you doing this? Why why are you? You know?
For me, it's like, hey, it's Saturday. You know these
right the people get a Thursday, Friday, they get their weekends.
I don't get a weekend. I don't get to go
to the local bar. And so we create a bar.
You know, we have our we have fun and hanging
(41:41):
and uh, I would be the worst. I would be
so jealous. I could never handled it at all. Like, yeah,
she's like a night I'm like, where are you? Yeah, exactly.
So there's a lot, a lot of growing, a lot
of me having to grow up. You know, Cass has
been so amazing how she's like pulled me through every
(42:02):
like major man life hurdle. You know, I think like
this day and age is so it's so much harder
now to do what you're supposed to do as a
guy because of the phone. I mean, there's just everything
he wants at your fingertips. It's just like, why would
you take these bigger steps when like you really don't
have to. You know. It's just like I'll just go
to my phone and hit up one of these social
(42:22):
like dating apps and stuff. So to me, like the
marriage thing was babe, then like help me kind of
really adjust to that. And then having a kid, you know,
it's like I I think of myself of wanting a kid,
but do I really want one? That's a lot of it,
you know, you know, or even getting a second dog
was Gas's idea. And then that's kind of helped me along.
You know, she's give me the stepping stones and having
a kid, thank god we had, you know, she pulled
(42:44):
me along and and made that happen, and the second
one and talking about the third one. You know, it's
like these are not my Um, these are not things
I was leading the charge on. But once she kind
of pulled me through them, I'm so thankful she, you know,
had the wisdom that women have to to do that,
because I'm so you know, I would hate it, would
have missed out on a lot, obviously, UM said the least.
(43:05):
So I don't know what the hell we're talking about here. Well,
right now you have three kids, you have it feels
like a thousand because you have three dogs. Is that right? Three? Yeah,
there's a lot going on here and we're all sleeping
in one room. This situation blows my mind. Why you know,
you just as a parent, there's no blueprint, and you
(43:29):
know you think when you have kids, you're like you're
not say it's any new parents out there. They're listening. Um,
it's like you know, they need to be in the room.
And they regimated, you know, and a lot of it's
like for cast with but Navy was born. It's like
we just want some time to be lundering some wine.
And didn't you know like so like you got to
we had a pretty good schedule. You now you did this.
There's a book called baby Wise. It like has the
scheduling mapped out. Okay, in like seventh third, like be
(43:50):
in your room, you know, go to have to sleep
so we can like hang for a little bit. Here.
She'd be screaming and you know she hated be in
the room. I didn't reverse the locks on her door
so she could get out. She'd be like staring with
one eye under the door, like screaming like that. I
know I found it later on Aby it's been alone,
But I didn't know that at the time, but really
(44:11):
right now, it's just there's so many moving parts at night.
It's just like when they usually come in their room anyway.
So it's kind of like threw matches on the floor
and I was reading this book. Um oh was the
last book I just read? Crap I can oh it's
called Go Wild. Great book. But you know, we're all
in country in the world, like the majority of the world.
(44:33):
Everyone sleeps in one room. They were sleeping. Oh yeah,
like they would think it's like child abuse to make
a kid sleeping by themselves. It's just so unnatural for
the millennia that we've been around. We all slept on
a campfire before fire. We're all just kind of near
each other. It's safety, you know. It's like you know,
someone is always up, Like the older people would be
up later kind of watching the group, the camps, the tents, whatever,
(44:53):
and then these these people get really early in the
middle night or something. Someone gets up early in the morning.
There's always someone awake around. It's how you sleep well.
Knowing that can you get to know the sounds of
the fire or the animals that you know people sleeping
nearby you, and it's what makes you feel safe, throw
a kid in a room by themselves. For some kids,
it's just it's a really terrifying experience. So we're just
like now the kids a little older, but they're still
(45:16):
enjoy It's like everyone's gonna matches on the floor. Bedroom
looks like hell, but everyone's sleeping good, which is the
only that really matters. And uh, it kind of makes
sense to me right now. I just kind of calling
the wolf pack wolf in. Was it different for you
because you have two girls? And then Knox came along
and we've obviously been spending a lot of time with Knox.
We just filmed the living video to be so cute.
(45:39):
It's amazing. Um, So, anyway, what was there any difference
like with having a boy? Did that change you in
any different way? You know, I think any most guys
out there probably want a boy for the first kid
because that's all they really know. And then if you're lucky,
you get a girl, and you know, every just totally
change the shape of my heart. She's just like it's
(46:02):
she's just amazing, you know, She's just what she did
to me. And then have another girl. I want another
girl after Evy because I wanted to have sisters because
my wife has a sister and that's a unique bond.
The third one, I was kind of, ye, all right,
gonna get a get a boy here, And it's definitely.
I mean, he's like such a mini me. I got
so lucky with Knox. He just loves everything I love
and he's a total comedian and he's also really kind too.
(46:24):
I think having older sisters has taught him a lot
about like being a nice person. Um. But yeah, it's uh,
you know, I think when you talk about people I
talked about. Some of this food stuff I try are
the ice bass, the plunges are exercise stuff. A lot
of it's about obviously wanted to feel now, and you
feel great in the present moment, but planning, you know what,
what how I wanted to look feel ten years down
(46:46):
the road when Knox is fourteen, when Jordan's eighteen and
Evy's twenty, Like I want to be able to hang
in there with him and be active and and and so.
But certainly with Knox, Yeah, he's a Yeah, he loves
we play hockey together. He plays hockey. I stopped playing
hockey because he plays more than I do. Now he's
only five and he's there three times a week and
(47:07):
it's a great skier. He and I just want to
call OUTO together, just the two of us. It was
it was awesome. We he goes ski school at ski
and then come back. He'd get a sprite, I get
a few beers and some food and go home and
watch Star Wars and do it all over again. It
was like, he's like kind of like my you know,
as far as my male friends goes. He's my my
best friend. So we have a unique relationship. So he
(47:29):
calls me as a brother because we're not having any
more kids. So I was like, I will be your brother.
I will do all the dumb stuff with you. Um
and so he kind of he calls your brothers where
you like that with your dad because you guys were
really close. I was older so my dad by the time.
My dad had two kids before me with his first wife,
and she she had brain cancer and she passed away.
(47:51):
So he remarried my mom, and so he had me
when he was fifty and he there twenty years apart,
and my brother when he was sixties. So he was
that he was He did stuff with me and he
taught me a lot of mechanics, working on like lawn
mores and and just a how to drive boats and
cars and stuff. But he wasn't as physical as I
(48:12):
am with Knox. You know, Knox and I fight daily. Yeah. Um,
but my brother who's ten years younger than me. Um,
I feel like the relationship I have with Knox is
a lot like the one I have my brother five
because um, I was ten years older than him and
we did everything together, and it's I still feel like I'm,
you know, a teenager. You know most of my Yeah, well,
(48:32):
they feel like either feel like I'm a teenager. I
feel like I'm like eighty years old. That's like that.
That's what I never feel. What you're doing age, And
I'm always like either feeling really young on stage or
playing with Knox, or I feel like it's incredibly exhausted.
What is that? Like? I think about you a lot
because you're very hands on with your kids, and you
can go play these huge venues and literally you walk
(48:53):
off the stage. Let's say I don't know wherever you are.
You come home and they don't give a ship that
you're a dark spill. It doesn't matter at all to them.
It doesn't matter at all, no, make that transition. It's
the best though. I mean it really is. The think
anyone would tell you that. It's like having that waiting
for you at home is like the best, Like you
can just come home and be like and I work
(49:16):
really hard to maintain that as far as like with
the house looks and stuff I've line around. There's like guitars,
not too many guitars and guitars and mandolin's aren't lying
around stuff. There's no like pictures of me on gold
records or anything. You know, I don't want them. I
want them to treat me like you know, I don't
want them treat me like crap, which they they can
do something now, but now I just wanted to like
(49:37):
just be known as Dad. And you know I've trained
them to like they will not they won't leave me alone.
I mean they know I'm like mister activity guys. So
it's like the backyard like dad, Dad, Dad Dad, you know,
let's will plays hockey, let's go play basketball, let's go um.
They they're just I'm kind of like they're big, like
I a camp camp counselor more than I'm like anything
(49:58):
else with these guys. And but I'm you know, I'm
trying to be pretty trying to do the best I can.
There's no blueprint for this ship. So you're just like,
how do you, you know, raise kind, nice, compassionate kids
and um and and try to help them, you know,
find with whatever they're interested in. So is that the
most important thing for you to teach them? You think?
I think? Yeah, I think for them to have like
(50:21):
you know, just yeah, compassion was looking for the truth
and every situation and um being you know, yeah, be nice,
respectful and it wouldn't need it. You know, Jordan's very vocal.
As girls, we teach them to be like, you know,
be vocal and say what you want to go after
what we want to do and and uh, you know
(50:43):
in that regard and um. But yeah, I just I
think being compassionate is is huge us to consider they're
my kids and they're really fortunate. Exactly. I hope you
guys are enjoying the Derek's conversation just as much as
I did. I did ask a lot of the questions
that you guys sent into Velvet Edge on my Instagram,
and he answered, I swear you guys are perfect, though,
(51:05):
because every time I ask what you guys want to
know from a guy, y'all ask what his favorite sexual
position is. So, of course I'm here for the people,
so I asked. So we did a bunch of rapid
fire questions, found out what's next on the horizon for him,
and I asked the one question I've always wanted to
ask him. So listen next week on The Velvet Edge
Podcast with more Dirk Spentley
What's up? You guys are listening to a velvets Edge podcast.
I had the opportunity this week to interview country music
superstar Dirk Spentley. He's also been a client of mine
for almost ten years now, so if you know anything
about my history, I have done hair and makeup for
about fifteen years. It's obviously turned into a lot of
different things, styling now, the blog Velvet's Edge, and the podcast,
(00:21):
but Dirk's has remained a kind of mine throughout all
of that. He is an amazing boss, but he's also
an even better person, and I just wanted you guys
to be able to see that side of him. So
obviously we talked about music because that's what he's known for,
but I wanted to know deeper things like how he
got his start, what made him be so persistent in music,
and then also what it feels like now that he's
(00:41):
reached the level of success that he has. What does
that feel like? That's so fascinating to me, just as
a seeker and a person chasing things right now, what
does it feel like? So we talked about all things life, family, relationships, kids,
all of that stuff. Um, I hope you guys enjoy
a darks ask you in trouble, what do you mean
(01:12):
podcast gets you in trouble? Just gonna I'm not I
never watched what I say so, and I never go
back and listen to it. But um, yeah, you just
never know what you're gonna. Is this like that unfiltered
Dirk Spenley that we're about to get you? You've had
a lot unfiltered me over the years, a lot of
unfiltered other go get that unfiltered. That's uh, that's that's
(01:33):
band level unfiltering that you know about. But let's talk
pretty pretty unfiltered. Yeah, okay, let's see what happens every
interview I do, like newspapers or radio, I never like
there's something off limits, and I don't usually just see
what'sever on my mind. Much's too my sugar and later on.
But yeah, let's let's dig into it. This is an
(01:54):
interesting thing, by the way, podcast, I don't know why
do you ask me that I could? I feel like
I could have been like one, You could have been
number one. It could have been your first but that
was it was a rough time you had album. Really,
it was in the show like you also wanted to
see they wanted to tape us on TV doing this
for Very Cavalry. Yeah, of course they did. Why wouldn't they.
(02:15):
That's interesting, it's fascinating. I know the show was amazing. Also,
did you want to see kind of what the podcast
was going to be befofore you signed up? Honest? No,
I so well at the time. And they get a
start with the shot of tequila in your podcast, and yeah,
that was right, like the rules. And then I don't know,
(02:37):
I just the TV taping thing, the album's coming out.
I just kind of was like, yeah, I think I
just been been in l A doing some looking at
some TV stuff. I just kind of like, I don't know.
The TV thing probably threw me off. That was a
big one. Yeah, we'll get you on Very Cavalry later.
I need to be on the show I hung out
with the other night. We were all hanging out. The
j was at the Whiskey Row and what after my
(03:00):
Oh yeah, be buddies. You'll be assumed to be reality
star too. I don't think Jay Keyler ever thought he
would be one, so you just never know. That's what
makes me great is he just does not fit that mold.
When I was googling. I kind of like to do
research because obviously I've known you for almost ten years. Yeah,
(03:21):
I mean I feel like I know everything about you.
I could probably do your interviews for you, really could. Yeah,
this is actually Kelly speaking for me. She actually she's
the only one in the room right now. But well,
I go back in because I'm like, there's got to
be stuff I don't know, or I look for a
different angle because I need to know what people would
think was interesting about you. And the first thing that
(03:41):
comes up, of course, is that your name was really Frederick. Yeah,
did you always go by Dirks? Though? Fred I always
have gone by Dirks. My mom named was all like
we have like a family name first, actually both my
names are family names, but like that's my grandfather's name
is Frederick, and then our middle name is what we
go by. So my sisters like Katherine Vanessa, Right, Okay,
(04:02):
there's my brother really got the short in the sick
I thought fred was bad. My brother's name is Newell.
What is that? W E L. Grandfather's name too, So
he goes five. He goes by five, which is that's
my dad's family name. So that's a cool name. It's
pretty messed up. Yeah, Fred Bentley did not have the
same ring to I retire, you know, I want to
(04:23):
go off and hide and hide out and be unknown
and obscure. I'll pick up Fred. Maybe Fred in the Mountains,
I could see that. Yeah. Okay, So obviously people mostly
know you for country music, so we have to talk
a little bit about that. Um, I do want to
not like, I'm not going to break down every song
or album or anything like that, because you can just
google that, but will you tell people a little bit
(04:44):
about how you got your start? Yeah, I really we're
gonna start with you know, I listen to country music
with my dad. But what I love about country music
for me is it's it's really been like my own journey.
My dad listened to it and we loved listening to
it together in the car, and it was always kind
of his music, and I didn't mind it. I liked
it because my dad liked it, but it wasn't really
(05:04):
like my necessarily like my my thing. And when I
turned thirteen and discovered the electric guitar, it definitely wasn't
my thing. I just didn't listen to any more country
music at all. I still liked it, because my dad
liked it and it was, you know, kind of like
older people's music and all that. And then when I
was seventeen, I went through all sorts of phases to like,
between thirteen and seventeen, dove deep into like heavy metal
(05:25):
and playing a lot of power chords on electric guitar.
But when I turned seventeen, I had this moment. I've
had a couple of these in my life where it's
just you know, like I don't know how to describe.
It would be like a coin going out a slot
machine and hitting all the right levers. Where I just
heard this. A friend of mine stopped me and played
me this Hank Junior song, and it just I knew
exactly what I was, like, I want to do with
(05:47):
the rest of my life. It was crazy. It was seventeen.
I remember like sitting down into a chair and being like, WHOA,
that's it. That's the sound that I've been like looking for.
And it was so different than my dad's country music.
Was Hank Junior, you know, screaming electric guitars and he's
singing about naked women and beer. And I was seventeen, going, yeah,
this is like this country music. Wow. I want to
do this, and so then I got into like right,
(06:09):
I mean from that moment on that day, I probably
listened to I know, I listened to Marty Stewart's a
song called That Country, and I started listening to y
Yoakum and Alan Jackson. I mean, he just could not
get enough of it. And it really continues to this day.
I'm always digging, digging deeper for you know, going back
in music. UM. Anyway, so I moved out to Nashville
when I was nineteen. I went to school for a
year in Vermont and I did the best that could
(06:29):
have transferred to Vanderbilt. And the same friend that turned
me on the country music, he was going to school here,
his family gone to school here, and definitely UH wrote
a good recommendation help me get into. My grades were terrible,
but I got in. The day I got here, I
got a job at the c m a UM interning
for free work in the Country Music Association. Worked all
(06:50):
over town temping organizations I I tempted everywhere, just trying
to learn how to make that work. And it was
all over Lord Broadway listening to bands playing. I was
writing songs with people and it took like eight nine
years long story, but I had to get down LAWD Broadway.
That's such a long story. But um, you know, let's
just say after like eight to nine years of moving here,
I got a publishing deal and that led to record deal.
(07:11):
But it started with publishing once you decided this is
what I want to do. Though, do you think because
you talked about the mail room, I feel like you've
told me a story where used to be an extra
in video. It's like just trying to be around it
as much as possible, right, Yeah. I mean I have
a plaque in the wall that I've had since I
was about seventeen. It's a quote from uh Herbert Hoover,
the President, but um, it's about nothing takes a place
(07:33):
of a persistence or determination, right Like you can be
education won't, Talent won't, genius, note won't persistence and determination
or omnipotent omnipotent and just talks about That's been my
whole thing is just like there's a lot better singers
than me out there, a lot better songwriters out there
than me, and I think everyone's town's better guitar player
than me. But I just I worked harder. You know,
(07:54):
I'm not saying that's the reason why I'm and I
got lucky. But you know, I had had the I
bought a p A system. I'd play yard barbecues and
crawfish boils and tailgate parties and weddings and so many
times without a p A just playing against the wall
and no one's even were just blended in with the wallpaper.
And I I was also working trying to make money,
so I was I was a p A on. I
worked for the National networking for CMT, and I was
(08:17):
one of the people backstage of the ward shows with
them headset Mike On and Uh. I worked at these
terrible I worked a terrible reality TV show where these
like three girls trying to get one Guy's know that
this is not like yours, George is good. This one
was bad. It was It was so bad. It was
like the three girls were competing for this one guy.
I can't think the name, like a Limitate or something
like that, like a bad version of The Bachelor, like
(08:40):
a kind of kind of like a like a Tennessee Ver, yeah,
kind of down. It was actually shot down to Antioch
version in The Bachelor, not not Los Angeles, but lower
lower Antioch version of this thing, and um, yeah, I
was just so it was just the way the guy
was talking to the girls, So it was just maybe
uncomfortable and I had to walk off the set. I lost.
(09:00):
I missed out on my hundred dollar payday that day.
But yeah, and also all sorts of crazy jobs. I'm
just trying to kind of stay in the game long
enough to you know, to get my my craft going.
That is kind of how Nashville works, or that's how
it's been for me too. It's once you get in
and just get around it, you meet one person and
then that person connects you to another. Yeah, it's the
greatest lesson in like this door closes in your face.
(09:23):
He thinks, like the one that was meant to be,
you know. I remember playing the Bluebird and so and
so supposed to show up and it was a It
wasn't these bluebird gigs. You have to audition for him,
the Monday night ones. You have to audition for him,
and then they gave you a letter and saying, hey,
in six months you can if you made it it,
wait like six months. It was crazy, and I did,
And there's my big night down there and this guy
didn't show up. And it's like, oh, well, there goes
(09:44):
my whole career. You know, it's like you learned like that.
There's just you have to just keep like staying around
meeting people and and for me, it wasn't so much
about like a work thing or business things, just because
I love doing it. I love being lower Broadway, listening
to bands. I love, you know, being able to ask
happ and running songs my fellow unsigned writers, and I
love being around the business. When I was tempting for
(10:05):
ranstat staffing organization, so it was just, you know, I
never really was worried or anything because I just I
didn't know anything what else to do, and I was
really loved what I was doing, and I felt like
I was Yeah, there's obviously low moments, but I feel
like I was like in the in in Nashville, Tennessee.
You know, it was it was fun, it was in
the yeah, living. So would you if someone I'm sure
(10:26):
you get asked this question a ton, but if you
were going to say, what's the keyban too your success?
It's just obviously persistent. Yeah, if it's if you, I mean,
do it for the right reasons? Obviously? What do you
mean by that? Daughter there day. It's like saying, because
you love to sing, you know, uh, not because you
want to be fun house engineer because you love mixing songs,
be a modern engineer because you love being close to
(10:46):
stage and work with bands. I mean, whatever you're doing,
make sure you're doing because you love to do it.
And that's the case, and you'll be able to do forever.
You know. I was, I was down a lower Broadway
and I was there and Joe Nichols got signed and
I'm still playing the bars and I was kind of bummed.
So I'm waiting in my shop, but well I've got
another set, so here we go. It's fun. Yeah, I
loved what I was doing. And if you have that love,
it makes the persistence in the determination a lot easier. Um,
(11:10):
you know, because I just just really love what you're doing.
Was there any one person that taught you that? Or
did you just did you look at anyone else's career
and see them doing that? Or you just naturally did that?
I credit everything, just do a crazy I just love
of country music. I just love it. And when I
moved down here, I moved here not to be a star.
I moved here to like to find the source of
(11:31):
this thing that I love so much, And remember getting
here and being on Music Grow and seeing everyone kind
of dressed like Arth Brooks and I don't dress that
way and kind of be like, dang, I don't really
dress that way, but I love this music, but I
don't really wear the stars wranglers and the you know,
the line down the front. The wranglers had the line
pressed right in there and the belt buckles. Everyone's it's
(11:52):
kind of like a Garth, you know. Not to say
everyone was trying to be like Garth, but it was
kind of like he was having a huge moment that
was look man, and I was like that not mean.
But then I found ot people that weren't writing their
own songs, and that was such a revelation to me.
I'm like, what, like I'm looking for like this authentic
like genre of music and the source of this river
of music that I love so much, and like this
(12:12):
kind of like it feels like people are kind of
dressed in a certain way because that's what's they're supposed
to do. Maybe they're writing these songs because they're not
writing songs, and which you know, I have total respect
now for songwriters in the community. But the time, I thought,
just I just didn't realize that's how it worked, and
so trying to put me off. Um, So for me
it was just I feel lucky that had this like
(12:33):
inner kind of mused guiding me towards trying to find
this authentic thing which I found in bluegrass. Uh the
same year I moved down here. Um, now I guess
I've had that. So within like a year or two
being down there, discovered the station in and kind of
found what I was looking for. And so I guess
those people kind of taught me about um, doing it
for the love of doing it, because that's why you
(12:55):
don't play bluegrass to make money. It's not it's not
the commercial success that you would see also of as
they would say, picking and singing. Right, let's talk about
what makes a good song, because I do think it's
like you get this record deal, you get this publishing deal,
and then all of a sudden, like the real work
actually starts to like that's not the end of the road,
So you have to create all these amazing songs. Why
(13:16):
do you think certain songs work and certain ones don't,
Because we've always talked about that is the ones that
I like on your album don't do well on Me. Yeah,
well it's funny, you said, because that's like that the
song on the Mountain, and you know it talks about
you know, when you just when you think you get
to the top, there's always in their peak. I mean,
the whole business is all about like you get to
the top of one thing and then you you start
all over again. Right. Yeah. You get a publishing deal
(13:37):
and it's like, oh, I'm a ground zero. You get
a record deal on the ground zero. You find to
get a headline your first gig, get a club, and
it's like, oh, there's bigger venues like theaters and eventually arenas.
So it's all about just like um constantly look, you know, climbing.
But because it's that's the thing that makes it music,
you know, songs you try to like when I make
a record, then someone asked me about It's like, it's
(13:58):
called music. I can't it's not math. I can't describe
the record to you. It's get to listen to it,
internalize and you tell me what you think. If I
could just like you know, quantify, it would be a
totally different It wouldn't be music. So it's like what
makes a hit songs so especially because nobody knows. It's
like the stock market or something. It's like you can't.
I mean, I keep hearing like about technology that's like
(14:20):
coming along. It's gonna can actually like be able to
like predict a hit song based on like some sort
of crazy algorithm or something which sounds so like unsexy.
That's terrible, right, Like this computer is deciding what you
need to listen to. But I'm sure it's probably already happening.
But I think that's so cool about songs as nobody
knows and the song he thinks like really slow and
you look like strawberry wine for you know, Dinna Carter's
(14:41):
like the song never work it's a massive hit or
you just never know. What's just so cool about songs?
But um, what I have learned. You know, we're just
talking earlier about people not writing their own music about
three three albums in, I really should have started like
leaning on the Nashville songwriting community a lot more than
I was, because I was trying to write everything. And
I don't know if you're gonna you can pick hits,
you know, it's not a guaranteed, but you're gonna have
(15:03):
a lot. Bet there's a chance of success. You know,
picking songs and writers that are doing it every day.
You know, their pencils are sharp, they got their ear
to the you know knows the grindstone. They're they're listening
to the poles. They have their finger on the pulse
of Nashville what's working. So definitely rely heavily on those folks,
whether co writing or or just you know, using their songs. Um,
(15:24):
they have the best idea of what hit is because
I don't. The song is mind of their hits. I
didn't think we're hits until they became its, you know,
like drunk. Yeah, so many people thought that song was
going to tank, and me I did. My buddy Jaren Johnson,
He's like Rednecks don't fly. It's never gonna work. And
it's like your biggest song, right, it's pretty big. Do
(15:44):
you get super attached? I've heard I mean, I could
answer this question for you. This is one of them
you get asked a lot, But how do you just
throw a song out there and not get super attached
to people loving it or being a number one song?
Or yeah, does that matter? Did your dear feelings get
hurt if it's not like, what does that feel like? Yeah,
it's a great question. I mean, like the very first
(16:07):
single I put out, what was I thinking, you know,
the day got released. I've just done like a ninety
radio station visit over four months, and my hometown stations
didn't add the song right in Phoenix, and I was like,
so I was angry, I was piste off. I'm like,
I don't know what. Yeah, I didn't understand the business
of it at the time, and now I don't really
get I really don't take offense to someone adding an
(16:27):
adding the song because there's so many other factors involved,
and and you know, it's I've been luckier than most.
I could work with a great record label, and I
get a better shot than most, do I think, and
being a guy too, better shot than most of having
a song have a chance of having success. But I
don't take anything personally at all when it comes to
like a song being played or not being played anymore.
(16:48):
And maybe I can say that because I've had some
success to kind of lean back on, but it's it's
not a it's not you know, it was really personal
for me. Was that movie only the Brave movie? In
a movie, like I want to ask Josh Broland, like,
how do you move on from a movie? Because that
movie didn't do very well, which is crazy because it's
so good. I was so invested in that movie, that song,
(17:10):
the movie. It came out in papers that like it,
you know, hadn't done well, and I was like, it
still hurts me now, I mean I still I just
actually want to bracelet that it just took off yesterday
about those those nineteen hot shot firefighters that I still
keep touch with a lot of those families, and so
that movie like that hurt that that movie didn't do
as well, not for we had nothing to my personal success.
(17:30):
I was just like all in on this story and
this movie so personal to me and the people I know,
and like, you know, I don't know how it's doing
on demand or you know, secondary markets, but that crushed me.
I don't know, actors move on from like a project
like that because you know, you know, it would hurt too.
I guess I've been lucky. All my albums has done
pretty well. The Mountain had not done well, that would
have like really overall this that was a really personal yeah,
(17:53):
that would be like you know, but as far as
like things that you can't control. I mean like award shows,
and I was going to bring that up. You can't
control that stuff, so you drive yourself. You drive so crazy,
and it's just kind of a dump thing to focus on.
So you just feel like, I mean, let's just be honest,
you're basically the Susan Lucci of country music. I am.
I've I mean, hey, at least I don't even know
(18:14):
if she was if she hadn't lost never one, here's radar.
I think of the one award to have. I got
the Flame War, the award that Jake won in two
thousand three for Best Appearance, and I got my Red Rocks.
I don't have any. I don't really have a lot
of awards around because I haven't won many. I guess. No.
I have won a few things, but not not a lot.
(18:35):
Do you not get disappointed? I mean, or how much
does that weigh into your validation that you're doing something right?
If you win, it validates your entire career, right If
you lose this all politics, Okay, that's the healthiest way
to look at it. No it I mean, this sounds
like such a stock answer, but if you just think
(18:56):
about it for a second. It's such a it's a
kind of bizarre thing, like voting on a song and
you know all the stuff that we all know what
that goes on, Like, hey, these people are voting for this,
so we're gonna vote for this person. A lot of
block voting happens, whatnot. I mean, if you would, it's
it's awesome to win and the people that win are
totally deserving and and they should be and uh, it's
it's awesome and just to be in that room and
being nominated is is crazy awesome. Um, as far as
(19:20):
validation goes, I mean, you got a microphone on stage
every night, and people spend all this money to come
out and see you. I mean, like think about the
money that goes into coming and seeing a show. I
look out there. I don't like to see a mass
of people. I see like individual people. And I you know,
I know from personal experience, going to show what a
what a pain it is, And like you got to
get a babysitter, and the money and the parking and
(19:41):
the T shirts and the drinks and eight dollar beers
and it's like that's a pretty good validation that you're
doing something right and someone gets off their button to
come see you. You know, you get every weekend, every weekend,
and like there's people come through town that I love,
and I'm like, oh man, it's nine thirty. That's sad,
I don't think so. So for someone to come out
(20:01):
and see your show is like the ultimate validation to me.
Do you feel like that helps you? Because I feel
like you still have this passion for the music aspect
of it, but this is a business. So do you
feel like that helps you? If you ever get bogged
down with just like passion, it's just a job. I
never the day that feels like it's just a job.
I would like I'd be done so fast. I would say,
(20:23):
like be like a NASCAR driver that's just like kind
of out there so other people can go around him.
You know, it's like I have no desire in doing that.
I would be. I would be. I would definitely just
hanging up because that's just a waste of everybody's time.
And that's like that's not good for me, not good
for my band, not good for the fans, you know.
So for me, and I talked to the guys in
the band about all the time, it's like every night
(20:43):
feels like I'm learning something new. You know, I'm learning
some new physically about the way I'm moving a lot
of dance moves or anything, but like just way I
interpret I have the one move I got the well
if you have the hot country nights, I have have
a lot. But Doug has a lot more moves than
I do. But uh, you know, just finding way a
song makes you move physically on stage, the way I
sing something, the way I find a new way to
(21:05):
connect with somebody. And I always feel like every show
is just a little bit I don't say better, but
there's more growth with every show. And I talked to
the guys in the band, and you know, they might
not be like up front singing and song, but they're
trying things behind me, they're going for stuff there, they're
they're they're engaged. And that is it can never just
feel like a show, Like we're not out there to
(21:26):
go put on a show. It's like it has to
be some sort of like growth learning process and has
to be some goal of getting better, not necessarily getting
bigger and playing bigger shows and having more people come out,
which is always awesome, and but just the main focus
is just like always being a student. I'm a student
of of lead singers and how to be the best
lead singer, and how to interpret my songs, old songs,
(21:48):
how to make them feel current, how to make them
connect to people, you know, what to say it leading
into them, where to physically go on stage, maybe leave
the stage, maybe bring somebody up on stage. So it's
just that is what makes me, makes it interesting and
fun and and and uh and keeps me moving on
and you know, and making albums too. I'm just kind
of starting to think about maybe another album, and it's
(22:09):
really fun because I feel like you get to kind
of adopt a character. You know, you get to go
inside yourself and see like what part of you is
like kind of speaking the loudest, and you know, with
Riser Knox have been Born and that was kind of
new Twists and my album Black Cast and I've been
married for ten years, that was interesting. And obviously the
Mountain was a lot of my energy was going towards
thinking about the West and maybe I'm moving out there,
(22:30):
and so I'm kind of looking forward to exploring the
next thing. But I was actually going to bring that
up next. I feel like your albums, even since I've
worked with. You are always pretty attached to where you
are in life. You know, you mentioned Knox, but it
was also your dad passing, and then yeah yeah and
then casts and then The Mountain is so much more
than just moving out west. To me, it's just like,
(22:51):
well else, this whole like it where I'm from. Yeah,
I will be. It's it's such a big part of
who I am. It's it's like acceptance. I've seen any
you too. Yeah, I feel like with that one too,
it's the most comfortable I've been like and I feel
it's just like the stage. The albums are the same way.
It's like any more and more comfortable of trying stuff,
going for stuff, reaching for songs. You know, I feel
(23:13):
like everyone has songs that aren't necessarily made it begin with,
they become me, which is kind of a weird thing.
But I'm always trying to like grow in that regard
to But yeah, The Mountain feels like the most Definitely
everyone says this it's the most personal album, but it's
definitely the most like, Uh, I just felt from the
top to bottom, like truly like really extra authentic about
(23:36):
you know, who I am, and and that that side
of me that, uh, and the way not just physically
the mountains the West, but just the song Living was
kind of the corner stone on the album. It kind
of has like a lot of my current attitude and
views on life and and my experience in the album.
So there's a lot going on there. How do you
feel like you've changed through the years with through your
(24:00):
car like what you just mentioned, I mean, it's a
totally different mentality. I feel like there was such a
striver type just chasing everything at the beginning, and now
you're getting to this place where you're you've got a
whole new level of success. So what does that feel like?
Like You've you've worked so hard to get here in
some ways, now you're here, what does that feel like? Yeah,
(24:22):
I mean I think all my albums and all my
career are really closely mirroring like kind of where I
am in my personal life, you know, I think it's
all a big part of it. I'm not I don't know,
I'm not making albums that kind of go back and
talk a lot about I'm trying not to make it,
write songs that that kind of tap back into like
nostalgia or or like the way this is an idea
(24:43):
of doing something that this I don't do anymore. You know,
I'm not gonna I'm I don't, I can't, like I'm
not gonna go right, What was I thinking? Again? You know?
How am I doing? I hope not. That's just not
who I am? But you know what I mean, Like,
I know those are hits. It's like I got all
right songs reflect like who I am now, and when
I get to put a song on the really it's
a huge hit. But also it's like like so authentic,
like women and men like burning Man, like living these
(25:05):
three songs right now, Like it's like almost a joke
that they're they were that stuff that's so me and
not necessarily like down the road country radio or country
lifestyle at all. That they work is uh is is
like that's the best feeling at all. Um doing Traveling
Light on the a c MS with Brandy Carlisle, it's
(25:26):
like I feel like I'm kind of getting to cheat
the system a little bit, you know, by getting I
don't have to play the game at this point, I
can kind of put out songs they're like so me
and so passionate and important to me, and and uh
and and see them work. So that's been and every albums,
but everyone's been kind of snapshot of where I am.
And I feel like now I'm just gonna you know,
I'm really There's a lot of wisdom that comes for me,
(25:46):
has come in my forties, and I feel like I'm
getting a chance to apply that with more in a
more brave way. On on these albums, would you describe
yourself as satisfied? Is that what it feels like? I
feel satisfy id at times, Um, but I'm not like, well,
I feel like now, but I'm not content, that makes sense, right,
Like still like I feel really achieved more than I
(26:10):
ever had dreamed of, you know, Like I and they
playing Maddi Square Garden. That was like something I wanted
to just so bad, but I didn't even dare dream
extended me just I don't want to be so disappointed
when it never happened, right, I was like, it's just
never gonna happen to him, Like, I just don't even
dream that one, so to sell that out as it
was ridiculous. And also playing like hometown show here in
Nashville like a couple of times. Now, that's like I
just never thought it would actually happen. And the things
(26:33):
that the Music Festival seven Peaks, all that stuff. I mean,
there's these there's things that happened. They are beyond what
I could have dreamed that if it ended now, it
would be fine. Um, but there's still like this crazy fire.
I mean, like this last run was really hard and
I was totally fried after mid this Canadian the Midwest run,
and I was just like you needed to break so bad.
But I was like watching my ten an eight year
(26:54):
old do like children's theater and I just feel like
that it's like a sharp smelling blood. I'm like, God,
I cannot wait to get back out my thing. Like
I'm just like it's such a cool yeah, like like
I'll appreciate what they're doing, but it's just like being
on stage and and getting to perform a front of
people and the experiences like it's still really uh, it's
(27:15):
really fun for me. And I just so I was like,
here I'm watching them, I'm thinking about like, you know, Toledo, Ohio,
I'm gonna come in so hot, I can't wait. I'm
gonna destroy it. So it's still there. But yeah, I
you know, there's there's just a lot going on, you know,
with the family stuff too. So there's I wouldn't be
doing if it wasn't like super super fun and right
(27:36):
now for me, because you know, I have these kids
are so fun to hang out with and do stuff with,
and it's busy. Weekends are busy, so it's definitely sacrifice
to get out there and do that. But so I
wouldn't do it if I didn't didn't. Still, I really
love it. Well, let's talk a little bit about your
family lives. Since you keep it pretty private, why is
that exceps coffee, trying to just need instant on Facebook
(28:01):
and Twitter off my phone. I definitely going major major.
I know that's that's a key to life. Variety and
like everything you do except relationships that's actually friend upon
but and everything else. Um, I think variety is like
the key, right. I mean, I think one of the
reasons why I went to the podcast with you to
begin with because I wanted to have I think the
(28:22):
major reasons because I would have like an honest conversation.
I was really into like not eating meat, not eating dairy,
not drinking, saying no to using a flip phone. I
was like way hardcore at that period in my life,
and I just wasn't really comfortable like talking about that
with an album coming out and people like, well, especially
in country music. All right. It's like I told Karen Fersch,
(28:43):
I was we wanted to go see YouTube play And
I was at this laughter party and Caleb Follower I
was there from King's Leon and uh in the little
big towns there who I love. And I wasn't drinking,
you know. It was just there's the most trying last
year and I was gonna get some shipped for it.
And then I was time to Karen and I said, oh, yeah,
I'm actually I da meat either, and she starts laughing.
She goes, you can't be a country singer and not
(29:06):
eating meat if you're like not drinking, not eating meat,
Like that's more like an emo album. Not know, but
it was just something that's like to do it this long,
you have to, like for in life and jail, you
just have to, like you gotta switch things up. I mean,
people ask what your favorite viny to play. It's like
(29:26):
it's the variety. If I played like Mad Score Garden
every night, it would get old after a couple. It's
just changing up. Never know what you're getting into and
I think, like from longevity standpoint and health standpoint and
not just like I want to be healthy, like going
on stage and being optimal, like being giving my audience
peak energy every night. I have to like very up
insides as well as like what I do outside right, So,
(29:47):
like you cannot eat the same food over and over again.
It's just like our diet is so well. Humans have
been around for like, you know, two million years, almost
sapiens for seventy thousand years up until like you know,
six thousand years ago. We ate everything. Now we just
eat like wheat. You know. It's like you have to
(30:07):
like find a way to bury up your food. You're
going to be it's just not gonna be a good situation. So, um,
I was just trying some stuff last year. But this
year it's like the exact opposite. It's like I start
off the year like drinking heavily, eating anything everything I
want to, not working out, not getting up early, not
doing the cold plunges, being back on my iPhone. Um,
And I was actually really happy for a little while,
(30:28):
but I'm starting to kind of rain it back in
a little bit. Not with the food, but the food
thing is because it taught me just starting a lot
more vegetables in general. But actually this year I'm gonna
be like, I'm like, I'm gonna go I'm planning my
my deer hunt in the fall. So I'm going, well,
I'm on YouTube like I'm going full opposite direction this year.
It's amazing. Yeah, full. I'm totally embracing the Tennessee. Yeah
(30:53):
they do, because I'm like, are they supportive? Oh, totally,
They're We're like such our our group is like such
a homogeneous up. It's crazy, like when one person kind
of starts switching to diet, we did, right, I'll try
to practice like a vegan um diet at least and
then and then we remember one night we were playing
somewhere and I was so damned hungry and they were
(31:14):
these huge like I didn't know what kind of it
was a huge bone with a piece of meat on
it even right. It wasn't turkey like, it was like
it's like crazy like buffalo rib or something. And I
was like, I grabbed two of and ran back the bus.
I walked on there when anythink over would he would
be on there and Cassie feeds me our bass player
was gnawing on one, and he was like the most
hardcore about the diet of any of us. I'm like, dude,
he's like, I need protein. I'm like me too. So
(31:37):
we've like we've all come off it. Now we're all
back to eating meat and talking about and yeah, we're
going to the exact opposite direction this year. But yeah,
I'm like, you don't know. My family, Um grew up.
My dad hunted birds and stuff. But by the time
I was born, he was fifty and he was just
over it. So I didn't have that like influence growing up.
But I recently got some land out west of town,
(31:59):
and I'm like, just you know, you're out there, you
appreciate the land. You start appreciating the water and the
animals and the lifestyle. It's like, I'm just getting really
into that right now. So I'm fascinating. I was at
I was at the gun range yesterday. I mean, if
you guys only knew it, last year, looked like National
Armory shooting at my couple of pistols that I got.
(32:21):
I mean, you always keep us guessing. I'll give you that.
I won't bring up gun control. That's the sensitive topic.
I posted something from my friend and just give a
buddy of mine a little good on you for being
passionate about something. And I don't, you know, I don't
really I still know what the fallout was. I know, people,
I just freaked out. I don't and I hardly use
(32:43):
Instagram at all. I mean when I the way muse
Instagram now. And I recommend this book to anybody Digital minimalism.
It's a great book. Um, but just you know, it's
your Your time is equals their money. And if you don't,
if you can find times in your life to kind
take a little break, you know, just do for me.
I'm talking to myself personally. I got I'm just so
(33:04):
bad when I'm on the road. Yeah, you know what
the roads like. You go out there sitting their phones
all day long. We're on them all day long. There's
no living. And when you're back here, naturally you have
your life, You routines your stuff, Okay, you can kind
of like balance it. But when you're on the road,
it's just kind of dark. You're a way from family,
away from friends, you're away from like nature, and then
you're just on your phone all time. So I had
(33:24):
to like find a way to kind of balance that
um on the road. So for me, it was like
kind of taking off my phone doing on my computer
so I can kind of like or my eye texting device,
my iPad texting advice. Yeah, this big iPads. Okay, it's
to be a little more like intentional about it because
I'm just I'm just bad on it out there. But anyway,
so I don't know what the comments were. I don't
look at that stuff. But yikes, uh, just not a
good topic. Yeah, I mean, shout out with my buddy
(33:46):
Blake there for being passionate about kids and and stuff
and uh you know, but yeah, well I'm gonna go
back to families since You've completely change the topic. I
don't fit this day age. I'm like, I'm like, uh,
I don't do teams. I'm not I don't don't do politics.
That's probably smart, I would say, I mean even independent,
(34:10):
like an independent, Like I'm not even that because that's
like something I don't everybody like you do you? That's
how I feel cast as a marathon runer, I'm always like,
that's like we used the analogy for our kids, like
run your own race, your race, I'll run mine, like
and let's at least let's have a common goal of
getting in the end together. It's not the way. That's
not the world we live in now. So speaking of cass, Well,
(34:33):
you had a lot of questions when I asked my
followers what they wanted to know. How did you guys meet?
We met in eighth grade, That's one of the questions. Yeah,
that was a band practice ester you were. I mean,
they submitted some really good, interesting questions that they might
not get asked because my mom would be Really it's
funny we met eighth grade. We want both of the
public school, uh school called Engleside. It was like this
(34:56):
big school. I want to say, I was like four
or kids in the is your four or kids and
eighth grade? Or four kids in seven eighth grade? But um,
I yeah, I liked her a lot then, you know,
and she was she was dating one of my friends.
I was dating one of her friends. We all kind
of did a lot of double dating together. And that's
(35:17):
really funny. Yeah, you know, and I, you know, liked
the girl that I was dating at the time, but
I also kind of like gas and uh and uh
it just over the you know, I think it came
back for a few weddings and stuff. You know, we
just kind of started actually started dating over like seventeen.
I guess we started dating a little bit, but Um
(35:37):
obviously left for school and for Nashville. We just kind
of dated here and there. Never could find the right
time to make it work. And then I was playing
a show for opening for George straight Um two thousand
February two tho five of Yeah in Las Vegas, and
she came out to the show and I was I
thought she was kind of coming as a friend, and
I was like, yeah, I come out. I'll be on
the bus. And she came to the buses in the
(35:58):
back of the bus watching Old School for the hundred
millions of because we don't because I have Instagram, so
I did coming Girls. I guess Instagram is actually better
than just watching the same like Will Ferrell movies over
and over again. At least you're maybe learning something. But uh,
and then uh, she came out and I was like, wow,
the moment she walked to the bus is like right,
because you always hear the right time, right person, right
(36:19):
place has to be all three, and I was like,
this just feels like it's all three, and we Um
eloped at the end of that year. It was fun.
We met in Vengas, met in Las Vegas, and we
got engaged in Las Vegas in December, so it's like
within a year and three days later went to Mexico
got got married. So you just say, you've told me
before when she came on the bus and you were like,
I'm going to marry that. Yeah, I knew right away.
(36:40):
How did you see? Much like hearing country music is
the first time hearing like the same and the moment
just be like wow, I this is like so clear,
because okay, we I'm bringing up the kind of broken
engagement type thing because you have that in comment, So
you've had tried before, and obviously in those moments you
would know right with the girl before I tried to
(37:01):
marry Yeah, so I tried to marry some once before
I didn't work out a little but um, But so
then what was different with Cass Well, that was just
like well, I want to I want to say maturity,
because I was not many much much more mature, But
the first time around was more like out of desperation.
I was just like trying to make this relationship work,
and I was trying to solve a lot of problems
(37:23):
with that, which is a terrible reason to get married.
Thank god she kind of recognized that. Um with Cass,
it was just like just something that's clicked. I don't
know what it was. I think you know, been on
the road for some of us. You know, you see
why there's so many young artists get married right now,
Like Luke Hombs is getting married and he's married, and
(37:47):
Marion is married and and all, but like no, tr
and and uh f gl guys. I mean they like
all got married really young. I think people in this
were like, why are you getting married? So you like
stay single, you keep grinding and keep working, having fun,
and it's like it just gets kind of lonely out there.
You haven't want to share any of your ups or
downs with It's like you know one to like, you know,
you got an award show and there's you don't even
(38:08):
want to share that experience with her, and they're all
these amazing things that are happening in your life for
the first time, it's like no one's like they really
talked to him about us. So, uh when Cass, when
I just thought about her, that moment was just like yeah,
and then I didn't once I said I got the
marriage train rolling, I was. I definitely try to tap
the brake brakes a few times, and I'm like, whoa, Okay,
(38:29):
it's working better than I expected. Like this is really
going fast. You're moving to Nashville. Yeah, so it was
like your idea and then you were like, yeah, yeah,
it's like and honestly, it probably took me like eight
years like recover, uh, like to musically kind of get
back on track, because I feel like everything I've done
(38:51):
was like geared towards this, like single guy on the road,
you know it's knowing's like the hardest working guy in
country music. We did like forty one shows in forty
five days one time. I mean in a row. I
was just working NonStop. Loved the road, loved the bus,
love the lifestyle. That's kind of who I was. That trained.
That's like it's like train building up. Momentum is going
(39:12):
faster and faster and faster and faster. This is your guy,
not too I never used like the term brands and
all stuff, but you're kind of creating your own lane,
right and like it gets it's there's more heat and
you're nominated for stuff. And things are happening, and then
you get married and it just feel like, as a songwriter,
I'm like an identity I didn't know. It's like I
gotta find this. I don't who this person? Whom I
(39:33):
you know? And then one starts coming out to you're like, oh,
you can write songs about being married. Here everyone just
looks at you differently and even though you kind of
feel the same, and so it's almost like you have
to stop that train, which takes a long time to do,
and like back it into the station and go start
up a whole new one. That's why I really feel
like it was for me. And I don't think you know,
because if you're not trying to go back and sing
(39:53):
songs about the single days, that but doesn't resonate with
me because that's not who I am down U. I
really feel like for me, it wasn't like two thousand
and uh. I mean the blue Grass Record was a
depart in two thousen ten. Home wasn't kind of an
attempt in that direction for sure, And then I feel
like like with with Riser and two thousand twelve was
(40:14):
probably like okay, start back, yeah, and me embracing this
whole life, embracing all there is to write about from
from that standpoint. I mean, so much more to write
about for me after I've done all the other stuff,
you know, the heartbreak stuff like being married and everything
goes along with that, and certainly having kids a lot
or you don't have to write sing songs about kids,
(40:35):
but they teach you so much more about to have
taught meat le so much more about life. And I
just find I could write deeper and better songs. Uh
and and and we'll just not be afraid to go
there and and embrace that. You know. I think there's
also some fear that you're gonna like, you know, alien
eight totally. Yeah, it's a hard business to have a
serious relationship. And I would say I always think that
(40:57):
about I actually think I might do a podcast with
Cash just talking to out what it's like from her perspective,
because your your career is kind of navigate or you
have to navigate through that with your whole entire friendly
Yeah you wives podcast to be interesting. You know, I
could never do what she did. I would you know,
be on the road and and just you know the
(41:18):
parties we have after the show and stuff, or you know,
it's nothing. Nothing's not doing anything wrong, not do anything
right either, but you're not. Differently, I doesn't doing anything wrong.
But it's just like why we haven't you know, why
are you doing this? Why why are you? You know?
For me, it's like, hey, it's Saturday. You know these
right the people get a Thursday, Friday, they get their weekends.
I don't get a weekend. I don't get to go
to the local bar. And so we create a bar.
You know, we have our we have fun and hanging
(41:41):
and uh, I would be the worst. I would be
so jealous. I could never handled it at all. Like, yeah,
she's like a night I'm like, where are you? Yeah, exactly.
So there's a lot, a lot of growing, a lot
of me having to grow up. You know, Cass has
been so amazing how she's like pulled me through every
(42:02):
like major man life hurdle. You know, I think like
this day and age is so it's so much harder
now to do what you're supposed to do as a
guy because of the phone. I mean, there's just everything
he wants at your fingertips. It's just like, why would
you take these bigger steps when like you really don't
have to. You know. It's just like I'll just go
to my phone and hit up one of these social
(42:22):
like dating apps and stuff. So to me, like the
marriage thing was babe, then like help me kind of
really adjust to that. And then having a kid, you know,
it's like I I think of myself of wanting a kid,
but do I really want one? That's a lot of it,
you know, you know, or even getting a second dog
was Gas's idea. And then that's kind of helped me along.
You know, she's give me the stepping stones and having
a kid, thank god we had, you know, she pulled
(42:44):
me along and and made that happen, and the second
one and talking about the third one. You know, it's
like these are not my Um, these are not things
I was leading the charge on. But once she kind
of pulled me through them, I'm so thankful she, you know,
had the wisdom that women have to to do that,
because I'm so you know, I would hate it, would
have missed out on a lot, obviously, UM said the least.
(43:05):
So I don't know what the hell we're talking about here. Well,
right now you have three kids, you have it feels
like a thousand because you have three dogs. Is that right? Three? Yeah,
there's a lot going on here and we're all sleeping
in one room. This situation blows my mind. Why you know,
you just as a parent, there's no blueprint, and you
(43:29):
know you think when you have kids, you're like you're
not say it's any new parents out there. They're listening. Um,
it's like you know, they need to be in the room.
And they regimated, you know, and a lot of it's
like for cast with but Navy was born. It's like
we just want some time to be lundering some wine.
And didn't you know like so like you got to
we had a pretty good schedule. You now you did this.
There's a book called baby Wise. It like has the
scheduling mapped out. Okay, in like seventh third, like be
(43:50):
in your room, you know, go to have to sleep
so we can like hang for a little bit. Here.
She'd be screaming and you know she hated be in
the room. I didn't reverse the locks on her door
so she could get out. She'd be like staring with
one eye under the door, like screaming like that. I
know I found it later on Aby it's been alone,
But I didn't know that at the time, but really
(44:11):
right now, it's just there's so many moving parts at night.
It's just like when they usually come in their room anyway.
So it's kind of like threw matches on the floor
and I was reading this book. Um oh was the
last book I just read? Crap I can oh it's
called Go Wild. Great book. But you know, we're all
in country in the world, like the majority of the world.
(44:33):
Everyone sleeps in one room. They were sleeping. Oh yeah,
like they would think it's like child abuse to make
a kid sleeping by themselves. It's just so unnatural for
the millennia that we've been around. We all slept on
a campfire before fire. We're all just kind of near
each other. It's safety, you know. It's like you know,
someone is always up, Like the older people would be
up later kind of watching the group, the camps, the tents, whatever,
(44:53):
and then these these people get really early in the
middle night or something. Someone gets up early in the morning.
There's always someone awake around. It's how you sleep well.
Knowing that can you get to know the sounds of
the fire or the animals that you know people sleeping
nearby you, and it's what makes you feel safe, throw
a kid in a room by themselves. For some kids,
it's just it's a really terrifying experience. So we're just
like now the kids a little older, but they're still
(45:16):
enjoy It's like everyone's gonna matches on the floor. Bedroom
looks like hell, but everyone's sleeping good, which is the
only that really matters. And uh, it kind of makes
sense to me right now. I just kind of calling
the wolf pack wolf in. Was it different for you
because you have two girls? And then Knox came along
and we've obviously been spending a lot of time with Knox.
We just filmed the living video to be so cute.
(45:39):
It's amazing. Um, So, anyway, what was there any difference
like with having a boy? Did that change you in
any different way? You know, I think any most guys
out there probably want a boy for the first kid
because that's all they really know. And then if you're lucky,
you get a girl, and you know, every just totally
change the shape of my heart. She's just like it's
(46:02):
she's just amazing, you know, She's just what she did
to me. And then have another girl. I want another
girl after Evy because I wanted to have sisters because
my wife has a sister and that's a unique bond.
The third one, I was kind of, ye, all right,
gonna get a get a boy here, And it's definitely.
I mean, he's like such a mini me. I got
so lucky with Knox. He just loves everything I love
and he's a total comedian and he's also really kind too.
(46:24):
I think having older sisters has taught him a lot
about like being a nice person. Um. But yeah, it's uh,
you know, I think when you talk about people I
talked about. Some of this food stuff I try are
the ice bass, the plunges are exercise stuff. A lot
of it's about obviously wanted to feel now, and you
feel great in the present moment, but planning, you know what,
what how I wanted to look feel ten years down
(46:46):
the road when Knox is fourteen, when Jordan's eighteen and
Evy's twenty, Like I want to be able to hang
in there with him and be active and and and so.
But certainly with Knox, Yeah, he's a Yeah, he loves
we play hockey together. He plays hockey. I stopped playing
hockey because he plays more than I do. Now he's
only five and he's there three times a week and
(47:07):
it's a great skier. He and I just want to
call OUTO together, just the two of us. It was
it was awesome. We he goes ski school at ski
and then come back. He'd get a sprite, I get
a few beers and some food and go home and
watch Star Wars and do it all over again. It
was like, he's like kind of like my you know,
as far as my male friends goes. He's my my
best friend. So we have a unique relationship. So he
(47:29):
calls me as a brother because we're not having any
more kids. So I was like, I will be your brother.
I will do all the dumb stuff with you. Um
and so he kind of he calls your brothers where
you like that with your dad because you guys were
really close. I was older so my dad by the time.
My dad had two kids before me with his first wife,
and she she had brain cancer and she passed away.
(47:51):
So he remarried my mom, and so he had me
when he was fifty and he there twenty years apart,
and my brother when he was sixties. So he was
that he was He did stuff with me and he
taught me a lot of mechanics, working on like lawn
mores and and just a how to drive boats and
cars and stuff. But he wasn't as physical as I
(48:12):
am with Knox. You know, Knox and I fight daily. Yeah. Um,
but my brother who's ten years younger than me. Um,
I feel like the relationship I have with Knox is
a lot like the one I have my brother five
because um, I was ten years older than him and
we did everything together, and it's I still feel like I'm,
you know, a teenager. You know most of my Yeah, well,
(48:32):
they feel like either feel like I'm a teenager. I
feel like I'm like eighty years old. That's like that.
That's what I never feel. What you're doing age, And
I'm always like either feeling really young on stage or
playing with Knox, or I feel like it's incredibly exhausted.
What is that? Like? I think about you a lot
because you're very hands on with your kids, and you
can go play these huge venues and literally you walk
(48:53):
off the stage. Let's say I don't know wherever you are.
You come home and they don't give a ship that
you're a dark spill. It doesn't matter at all to them.
It doesn't matter at all, no, make that transition. It's
the best though. I mean it really is. The think
anyone would tell you that. It's like having that waiting
for you at home is like the best, Like you
can just come home and be like and I work
(49:16):
really hard to maintain that as far as like with
the house looks and stuff I've line around. There's like guitars,
not too many guitars and guitars and mandolin's aren't lying
around stuff. There's no like pictures of me on gold
records or anything. You know, I don't want them. I
want them to treat me like you know, I don't
want them treat me like crap, which they they can
do something now, but now I just wanted to like
(49:37):
just be known as Dad. And you know I've trained
them to like they will not they won't leave me alone.
I mean they know I'm like mister activity guys. So
it's like the backyard like dad, Dad, Dad Dad, you know,
let's will plays hockey, let's go play basketball, let's go um.
They they're just I'm kind of like they're big, like
I a camp camp counselor more than I'm like anything
(49:58):
else with these guys. And but I'm you know, I'm
trying to be pretty trying to do the best I can.
There's no blueprint for this ship. So you're just like,
how do you, you know, raise kind, nice, compassionate kids
and um and and try to help them, you know,
find with whatever they're interested in. So is that the
most important thing for you to teach them? You think?
I think? Yeah, I think for them to have like
(50:21):
you know, just yeah, compassion was looking for the truth
and every situation and um being you know, yeah, be nice,
respectful and it wouldn't need it. You know, Jordan's very vocal.
As girls, we teach them to be like, you know,
be vocal and say what you want to go after
what we want to do and and uh, you know
(50:43):
in that regard and um. But yeah, I just I
think being compassionate is is huge us to consider they're
my kids and they're really fortunate. Exactly. I hope you
guys are enjoying the Derek's conversation just as much as
I did. I did ask a lot of the questions
that you guys sent into Velvet Edge on my Instagram,
and he answered, I swear you guys are perfect, though,
(51:05):
because every time I ask what you guys want to
know from a guy, y'all ask what his favorite sexual
position is. So, of course I'm here for the people,
so I asked. So we did a bunch of rapid
fire questions, found out what's next on the horizon for him,
and I asked the one question I've always wanted to
ask him. So listen next week on The Velvet Edge
Podcast with more Dirk Spentley
Host
Kelly Henderson
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