November 28, 2025 • 39 mins
Kelly and Chip discuss the new reality of texting being the most used format for communication in our culture in 2024. They debate on certain texting etiquette, response times, lack of response at all and how a lot of the issues still boil down to bad communication skills.
"It's like our technology has evolved with mass communication, but our emotional intelligence has not."
Kelly also brings up the difference between generations on response time via text and it's actually the opposite of what you may assume.
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HOSTS:
Kelly Henderson // @velvetsedge // velvetsedge.com
Chip Dorsch // @chipdorsch
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Happy Friday.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Chip.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Hi, Hey, g motherfucking aya, is.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
It gonna be another beautiful weekend here in Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I don't even know.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
My world has been so crazy this week that checking
the weather has not been top of my agenda.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I mean, like, I love this time of year because
it's like you for coming out of winter, you forget that,
like you're gonna have nice weather at some point, you know,
and then you start waking up and it's nice every day,
and you're like, there's no way this is going to continue.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I wish that the listeners could see you talking about
weather right now.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You are looking outside city.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
He has the biggest smile, he's using his hand, He's
very animated. Verry, you seem happy, joyous and free.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I mean because it's like now we can go drink
on patios and stuff. You know, there's nothing better than Yeah,
and Wave Country opens, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Oh God, can you tell the listeners about if you
are new to this podcast and you have not heard
Chip talk about Wave Country, you obviously haven't listened in
the summer. But it's about to be summer, so I
feel like you should give them some backstory because I'm
sure we will be hearing about it.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Yes. So Wave Country is I don't even know when
it opened, like probably early eighties or something.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
And so it's basically my age.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Yeah, it's like older than Kelly Cool and it is
owned by the city and it's just a big wavepool
that's got a it's got four slides, five slides. One
of them's for children and you know if you like
swimming with band aids.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Like, so this is where you and I could not
be more different because Chip loves a water park, like
living his last life.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
He will go by himself.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
He's the creepy guy in the wavepool by himself, right
I am.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I I will just like lay on a float. And
you know they're often playing like jack FM, and I
think that's a good enough Like every every city has
jack FM.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Now Jay does, well what kind of music because it likes.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
The best hits of today and yesterday, Like it's just
like kind of the best. It's like, you know, like
there's past hits, but then there's modern stuff too. There's
songs that everyone knows, you know, like any big karaoke.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Song is played on Did you want to give us
an example?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
You know, like, don't stop believing, you know, stop yeah,
or like sweet child of mine.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
But then that'll be like background music and dion.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah. So I will go there by myself and sit
on a float and just stare up at the sun
and sing out loud to jack them. And I know
everyone in the pool, including the lifeguards who are sixteen
and seventeen years old, right or like, who is this
crazy person?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Do you feel?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Do you feel like in case of an emergency, a
sixteen or seventeen year old child essentially could save you?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:03):
At wave Country, I just want to detect so cool.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
We have those like little floating torpedo things.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I don't know about those because I myself do not
go to water parks because I hate them.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Well they you know they use them at like on
day Watch, you know that thing like oh yeah, well that's.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
All I can put family Anderson running down the beach
in a red bikini carrying one of those. Yeah yeah,
they don't have her rescuing you from a wave pool.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I mean that'd be different. I would purposely drown.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Even the gay men love Pamela, who doesn't. I just
have this thing about sitting in water, and I know
there's chlorine it don't come at me about this, but
there's something about the wavepool that I find so disturbing.
First of all, you know, every single person in there
is peeing and I think probably doing other bathroom things
in there. Second of all, like you mentioned the band aids,
(03:54):
Like why are there always just floating band aids at
water parks? It's just so it just feels so unst
sanitary to me, and I can't get over it. And
I'm not even like OCD or germophobe or anything like
that normally, but that situation, it's something about sitting in water,
like I don't know, it just really grosses me out.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
I think the reason why band aids are there is
because they fall off in the water.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Oh sh shearlock, that's why they're there, and popped into
the waves.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yeah, to be clear, these are not band aids that
are still in their packaging. There's yeah, so they slid
off a toe or a finger, but that's a wound though, No,
you don't. But they get pushed to the shallow end
because of the waves and I'm in the deep end.
And also there's so much chlorine. It's like I went
(04:49):
there during COVID. I thought it was safer to go
to the wavepool than it was to go to the
grocery store. And I never I didn't get cold.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Well, you're outside, so yeah, with swimming in the bleach,
maybe you're onto something. They that was what saved you.
Because I've had COVID a lot of times.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Well I ended up having it, but never during the summer.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
I'm about to rock your world with this transition.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
So so anyway, so anyway, but what I was going
to say is the only time I feel like I
can't get in touch with Chip during the summer is
if he is at wave Country. And so if Chip
is not responding to my text, I immediately know where
he is. Like, that is the one place that Chip
does not get back to you on a text.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
I can't have my phone in the water.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Was that not good?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
That was good?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
So today I know blind sided you. So today I
really wanted to discuss not returning text and Chip and
I have kind of been going back and forth about
just all the reasons that this might happen. And it's
so interesting when you really think about our culture. Texting
(05:53):
is the number one form of communication at this point,
I feel in twenty twenty four. I personally feel like
I get more texts than phone calls, even more than
like emails. Like I told you before this, I get
booked on jobs via text a lot of times now,
like people check my availability via text. I mean it's
not all the time, but I would say that it's
(06:14):
become our number one format for texting. And because of
that and communicating sorry, yeah, And because of that, it
almost feels like we're to the place now where maybe
we need to talk about a little bit of etiquette
here and like what's appropriate, what is fair? Maybe what
are we missing and how are we going wrong with it?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And so I brought it to go ahead.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
And I was just going to say, and how do
we put the lid back on Pandora's box? You know,
Like I feel like it's because it's just going to
keep getting worse, Like I think that email is going
to become a thing of the past.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Well it's kind of interesting because I like, I don't yeah,
I don't know that it can or will or whatever
that'll look like, but I do. I did find myself
this week, like I said, I've been really busy and
kind of like running back to back to back to
back to back, and I'll get to the end of
the day and realize I have not opened my email,
and then it's like you open your email, there's a
whole nother world.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
And there's a whole nother world. You're like, oh wow, Well,
you know, it's like we now live in a world
where like a twenty five megabyte photo is too big
to send an email, but you can text it and
it comes through clearly. So I think we got like
it's weird. So I think that we're going to start
to see less email. I mean, I feel like I'm
(07:27):
it's I end up texting a lot more for work
stuff than email, and email is like a second class
citizen to me right now, and which is scary because
I prefer it and for work.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Of course, because you know why, it's the lack of urgency.
There's like a little more people.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Don't know when you read it.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
They don't know that it's like right there in your
like if you have to consciously go check an email
where a text is just flying into your phone. And
that was the main thing that you brought up about
this whole situation, like where we are now with our
culture with so much texting is being constantly on call kind.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Of So do you want to talk a little bit
about that?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah, well, I mean, first of all, I would like
to do a little bit of a breakdown because there
are so many different relationships that we have that communicate, right,
So we have work relationships, we have family relationships, we
have romantic relationships, and we have friendships. And the way
that I communicate or the expectations that I have in
(08:27):
those communications are different in all four of those categories.
And you know, like I do believe and even though
I don't practice it, I think that work life balance
is really important and it should be something that should
be respected on both sides. I tend to work in
a business that does not sleep, you know, so it's yeah,
it's really difficult to have that work life balance. And
(08:50):
now when texting is part of the conversation, it is
really hard to turn it off, you know. Like I
know that there are some companies out there that assistance
I think at WME or maybe at CA. These are
two big agencies. One of them, they're not allowed to
take their computers home and they don't have email on
their phone, so when they leave the office they can't.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Work, which is a nice looking fucking.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Brilliant, you know, like I went. You know, I worked
as late as my boss did, so I couldn't leave
until she left. And my first job as an assistant,
and so it trained me to just constantly because she
and she was single and had no kids, so she
worked really hard and you know, work was her life.
And so I started my career with no work life balance.
(09:35):
So I've never been able to really get it back. Yeah,
until I moved to Nashville, and we got a little
bit better because in New York and LA, people tend
to marry and have kids older, where if people start
families younger in the South, and there is a little
bit more of respect for the family life. So that's
been a nice little introduction. Anyway, I'm digressing, but I
(09:57):
you know, so for work stuff, I prefer it to
be email, so that there is a paper thread and
it's like you can kind of see back and forth,
and you can pull people in if you need certain
things answered, and it's a big conversation happening together, and
it's not just all these side texts that are hard
to search and hard, hard to save and hard to reference.
(10:19):
And but I feel like now everything everyone treats everything
with such urgency that it's a text, and I'm like,
I often like, I'm the same as you. At the
end of the day, I look at my email and
I'm like, oh, now I've got to deal with this shit.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Well, so that's work. But what were you gonna mention about?
What's your variation between work relationshipship?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
You know, obviously it's when you're in a relationship like
that person has expectations that they're supposed to feel like
the most important person in your life. Yeah, so, and
you know, also you probably should they should feel like
the most important person in your life. So it's you
want to constantly be chatting with them. So it's like that,
I prefer to be over text because then it's like
(11:02):
in constant communication. In fact, in my last relationship, it
was months before I had his email address. It was
all just text and phone calls. Like I didn't have
any reason.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
You really don't need it unless you're like booking a flight.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Yeah, booking a flight. Then you know my mom, it's
she doesn't text, so I have to call her. And
I prefer to talk to my family on the phone
because there it's a different kind of conversation unless it's
just me and my sister like bullshitting about stuff. So
it and then I guess friends is sort of all
(11:33):
over the place, like it's usually like group text with friends,
like making plans and stuff. It's it's very rare. I
do have a couple of friends that like to have
really long text conversations and then I'm just like, can
we just fucking talk for a minute. Yeah, this is
driving me crazy. Yeah, although it is really convenient to
like text and watch TV at the same time, you
can kind of do that.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
That's why I do it, is because I can be
doing other things right while I'm with you. Certain things
do you just need to make the calls. So what
you're saying or what I'm hearing you say, is you're
text to not text ratio or how you communicate with people,
what avenue is different based on what kind of relationship
that you have.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yes, yeah, I I yes, I think there is a
strata there and they.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Can't use words that the rest of us.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Now, well, it's just like there's it now, I want
to say delineation, like you just all those relationships are
treated a little differently, Like, for example, within work, if
if you need something from your boss. Yeah, and your
boss is a texter and your boss isn't responding to
your text. Yeah, it can be really stressful, but it's
(12:46):
also really irresponsible to be like, well, I texted my
boss and you know, like and just move on and
like don't get something done in time or whatever, or
you run the risk of being forced to make a
decision that might be counter to what your boss would
have had you do. Sure, but if your bossinn't responding,
like what is your recourse? So, I mean, I do
(13:07):
think it's you have to like learn people and learn
their expectations. Like for me, if I think I've gotten
to the point now where if something is really urgent,
a phone call, like if someone calls me, that means
something's important because that's like you cannot they need the
answer now. But text feels like it's just one step
(13:30):
short of that too, whereas emails like get to it
when you get to it, and then if you fucking
mail me something, you're lucky if I ever open it.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Carry your pigeon, God, what that was really.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Difficult for me if you've had a pigeon carrier.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I was watching this show The Gentleman on Netflix the
other day. It's so good, by the way, if you
guys need a new bin show, And in one of
the scenes, the guy prefers carrier pigeons, and I was dying.
I'm just like, oh my god, that is an actual thing.
He can send notes that way. I had no idea. Yeah,
but so that's interesting. So the point you're making is
it's varied between relationships. And I was saying to you
(14:10):
when I first even brought this topic up. One of
my big like pet peeves is when people don't respond.
And I know a lot of it is, like I
have I feel like it's almost disrespectful for me when
someone texts me to not respond. So like, if I'm
not responding to you, there's usually a reason. Either I'm
(14:31):
super busy or there's always a reason I'm super busy
and I have not been able to get to my phone.
But like, even when I'm really busy, I'm pretty good
about it, and I'm pretty good about it pretty quickly.
Or i'm driving obviously, or I've already told you the answer.
I've told I've set the boundary whatever you want to like,
whatever the situation was, and I'm not going to fucking
(14:53):
say it again. That's like, so it's an intentional note,
So it.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Isn't That is like not responding at that point? Is
your answer?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Is my response?
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Yes? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
But there are people in my life who don't operate
that way, and I don't feel obligated to respond to
all their texts if they are just like I'm just
in a place where I don't have the energy or whatever,
and I just have like a guilty conscience, like because
to me, I'm like, that's just communicating to that person
that they're not important to me. And I never want
to make anyone feel that way. But I just don't
(15:23):
think everyone feels that way. So what is the etiquette there? Like,
what is the reality?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I honestly, I don't know what it is because I
also think that you know, and people do put this
word around boundaries are important and we cannot make assumptions
about why someone's not responding to us every it's because
it's not the same reason. Every time I saw this,
it was funny because Kelly brought up this topic the
(15:50):
other day and then I a friend of mine posts
like shared this on history and I took a screenshot
of it. I don't know what the screenshot's from But
it's like someone poses like a question and then and
then someone just answers it. It looks like it might have
been on Reddit or something, but it's people who don't
who don't reply until days later. Why. It's a relatively
(16:10):
very new phenomenon that basically anyone in your life gets
access to you all the time. It was only twenty
years ago that if you left the house for the
day you were actually gone, you'd return messages when you
got back hours or even days later, and someone responded
the phone is there for my convenience. It is not
an electronic leash if it's not convenient for me to
talk to you for any reason. And this applies to
(16:33):
texting to including I'm just not feeling social right now.
I'm not obligated to answer. This is not rude. This
is a normal personal boundary. And that just made me think, like,
that's so right. But I too, like harbor guilt when
I don't respond. And the worst is when I know
I haven't responded and then I run into somebody and
(16:54):
it's like, oh my god, Oh, oh my god, I
bet it's a fact. Did that not go through My god?
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I have so many relationships where I talk to certain
friends so regularly that if I don't respond, because I'm
such a normal responder, they're like, are you okay? Like
the bathtop, like literally and so like what you just
said is interesting to me because I hear what that
person is saying, and I don't really know that I
(17:31):
understand why you can't just say, hey, I'm trying to
be off my phone or something like. If it's a
person that's important to you for sure specifically, or a
person you talk to regularly, I don't think that it's
too much to ask to send a text that says, hey,
I just need to be off my phone today or hey,
I'm busy. I find this to be the biggest issue
(17:54):
with like our culture is we don't know how to
fucking communicate. Yet we have so much access to all
the communication possible, like you're saying, like we're so easily
reached at all times now because we have text, email, Instagram,
like there's all these things whatever that you can find
people and see where they are and all this stuff, right,
(18:16):
Yet basic communication skills like simply saying one sentence to
explain something to someone else or just to kind of
be like, hey, get I'll get to this in a.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Mid or whatever. It's not that difficult.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yet it seems so complex for so many people to me,
and to me when I look at it, because I
know so much about the like anxious avoidant dynamic, it
just creates this perpetual cycle of fucking with everyone's head
and anyway, like I don't I think it's like a
person's responsibility to take care of their own needs. If
you're not getting a response and like you're spiraling out,
(18:53):
like that's on you. You got to go like figure
out what's happening. But I also just think I'm like,
what it be so difficult, especially for a romantic relationship,
but even a friendship, like just send the fucking text
or like when you do get back to it, you know, sorry,
super big, I've been super busy or whatever whatever it is.
I just think, like, communication is not that difficult, and
(19:16):
so why is it so fucking difficult?
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Yeah, you know, it's funny. As you were talking, I
started thinking about like sometimes I'll send friends like a
funny song or a video or a meme or whatever,
and of course it's always nice to get some sort
of like haha or a response, but you know. I've
got friends that don't, but I know that they're watching
them and they just know it's me like thinking of
them back in you know, like when I was in
(19:38):
high school. Like if I was if I thought of you,
I might like send you a postcard and I didn't
expect a postcard in return.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Then in my face, message is what we do?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Oh my god. We didn't have computer people or aim,
remember Aim?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Oh my god, Aim, that was nothing gearing up for
this one.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Did they even have that ever?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Oh wow? Well right, I'm a couple of old.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I found this article on wiki how and it said
it was like talking about text anxiety. Like a lot
of people have text anxiety. So if you're not if
someone's not responding to your text, like I said earlier,
it might trigger certain people. But they said, don't worry.
They may just be taking time to process your text. Okay,
this is the most basic, like no shit Sherlock article ever,
(20:23):
But I'm gonna I'm gonna give you us some points. Anyway,
they're just processing what you said, which is they might be,
you know, taking their time to understand and reply like okay, cool.
They're experiencing text anxiety for some people. Texting can cause
a flood of anxious feelings. I've actually experienced this with
other people where if they have a lot going on
(20:46):
or don't know what to say, they just don't say anything.
But I'm like, then say I don't know what to
say again, right back to my communication issues. They're experiencing
digital burnout. That is real, and I totally support taking
like a step back from your phone. They're struggling with
their mental health, they have condition, a condition that impacts
(21:07):
focus like ADHD. They're avoiding conflict, they're giving you the
silent treatment, they're ghosting you. They're genuinely busy.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
I was gonna say, like, please tell me they are busy?
Is on this list?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
It is, and that is a valid excuse, I believe. However,
did you hear so many of the other ones are
completely just about not knowing how to process feelings, deal
with emotions, and communicate properly. So again, it becomes a
relationship issue if you really think about it.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Yeah, yeah, I think the thing that makes it, like,
why we're even having this conversation is because text is
I mean, it is a new form of communication. Like yeah,
I mean it's not that new, but it is, yeah
that it's like this. Yeah, it's like everyone text now
except for my mom and my dad text and he's
(22:01):
older than her. But I can remember when I was
at my first job in New York City. It's when texting.
I was a very early adopter to texting. But it
was even like cell phones. It was like knew that
cell phones were widely available and everything had them, and
I remember thinking like it was a privilege to have
(22:23):
someone's cell phone number, like all the executives at our company,
like it was not in their signature. It was like
their assistance email or phone number, maybe their direct work
line and their email, and that was how you had
to communicate with these people because the cell phone was sacred.
It was like, you know, the bat phone to them,
and you weren't just running And even on business cards people,
(22:45):
we never put our cell phones on business cards.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
It was just like emergency only are you're really close to.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
The person if you and it meant it was really
meant to be a work thing, like I wasn't meant
so that you could like chat with your friends all day, right,
And now it's become like it is our life, flying
to the world like we do everything with our phones.
You know, in some countries they only use Apple Pay
and Samsung or Google Pay or whatever. Like people don't
even carry wallets anymore. You know.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Do you remember when the text you had to do
the numbers and it was like you'd hit three, you
had hit one like three times to get to pay
or something.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Yes, yeah, no, let a little Nokia. But then it
was like predictive text started coming and I'm like, shit,
I'm really on my phone.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah, but what you said earlier, you were like, we've
come so far yet is it the right thing? And
so I brought up the younger generations because I've been
experiencing frustration with texting with younger generations.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
Yep, well, well I didn't know if I was getting
ready to interrupt you if you were finish. Thought I,
you know, not to defend them, but also to defend them.
Like every fucking day someone myself included, thinks or says
out loud, I hate my fucking phone. I wish i
(23:59):
could deal it all and throw this thing away, or
I'm moving to a flip phone or whatever, And maybe
they're actually wising up and not and this is like
their reaction to that and they're taking their lives back.
Maybe it's actually a good thing. We have just become
accustomed to that expectation. You know. Look, I think it
(24:21):
is never good to be a poor communicator. Okay, I
can get you know, like you like, taking your life back.
Is not like I get to be a poor communicator
because I'm taking my life back. You can say I'll
follow up in the morning, like I'm I don't work
at night, you know, or whatever. It is, like, there
is a way to communicate. I'm not texting you right now,
(24:42):
it's not even if.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
It's after Yeah, that there's no like that makes sense
to me. But let me give an example. Okay, So okay,
first of all, just in general the younger generations. It's
interesting to me because as much as our culture seems
built on urgency and excessive ability, there is a lack
of urgency in the younger generations.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
And I'm I'm not saying this, I don't know, like
I don't think that we've necessarily created the healthiest culture.
I agree with that as well. And so you're right,
there are some things that are ingrained in me because
like what you said earlier about your earlier work, experience.
That's how I've been taught to work too, and that's
how you kind of have to work in our business
if you want it. Like it's one of those jobs.
(25:27):
It's like if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
So who's going to work the hardest and like keep
you know, the hustle going and whatever, And that's usually
who succeeds. And so I think I'm shocked sometimes, like
when I have people working for me, or in this
specific instance, I was trying to hire someone to film
something for me, and a lot of the video people
(25:49):
that I know are on the road on the weekends
and it's on a Friday, so there, you know, they
were already out town. So I'm getting references from people
and just all the things. And I was told to
message this one kid because I was like, is there
anyone like younger that's just trying to get started, because
like what I need is pretty straightforward and basic. And
so I was asking around on set one day and
(26:10):
I got this guy's number. He's like probably early twenties,
and so I texted him and like it was the
middle of a work day. I didn't feel the need
to call him, like because that's how I've learned to
communicate or whatever. But I didn't hear back from him.
So I text the guy who gave me the referral,
and he was like, oh, he does travels. It was
like a Tuesday though he does travels sometimes work. Let
(26:33):
me text him and check in, and he like texts
the guy and the guy writes him back and says, yeah,
I'm he was doing something, but I don't really know what.
They didn't tell me, but I didn't get the sense
that he was like traveling or whatever. He responds to
me the next day, and I was so turned off
because it was a work Like it wasn't like I'm
(26:55):
just texting you whatever, but like I was texting about
a work opportunity and also like I can't move forward
or it kept me having to like go through are
you gonna be able to do this? Like I have
to cover my ass and find someone so like, and
I just don't understand it because when I was starting
my career, I mean I was like working for free.
I was like, get me on set, I'll be wherever.
(27:16):
I If someone texts me about a job, I'm responding
right away, Like if you have a job opportunity, for me,
I am there in two many like it's like I
don't understand not having that, Like that's so weird, but
that's this is not my first experience with this, That's
what I'm saying. So then when it came back in
the next day and was very nonchalant, like I still
(27:37):
needed somebody actually at that point, but I like went
out of my way to find someone else who responded
in a timely manner and had a little more urgency.
But anyway, I guess my point is just like I
hear what you're saying, and maybe they are taking their
life back ish, but I'm also like, where's the line
(27:58):
between like taking care of responsibility, working hard, building something,
especially if you're an entrepreneur, and learning how to fucking
communicate in business Because if you can't fucking respond to
a text of mine, I'm not hiring you.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Well, that's the thing, especially when it's like because this
example is like you are offering someone a job.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
You tried to charge me a lot, and I was like, okay.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Bye, bitch bye. Yeah You're like not we good, Yeah
we good.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
That was just on the cake.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
But yeah, you're like, yeah, it was really about the
communication because I'm just like, if you're not to me,
what that said was you're not reliable. I don't I
don't want to have to be waiting on you to
be there on time because I don't trust you now.
And I also am like, what if you got flaky
the day of, Like it just produced a lot of
different feelings than me that I didn't know that about
(28:55):
that person, and I still don't know that to be
true about that person. But because of the lack of
urgency or or just communicating hey, I'm on set, can
I text you about this tomorrow for details, right, I
would have been like, sure, great, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
I mean and that is that's clear communication.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
All I'm asking for averagehip is clear communications because with men.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
It all comes down to that.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
And if you can't do basic communication, you're telling me
so much about you, that's it.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Anyway, it might it might be that you're just an
anxious person and that's fine because you don't want an anxious.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Person geography fire this right now.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
I'm not no, I'm not saying I'm saying you might.
The non response might just be that you're an anxious
person and you're like, I can't deal with two things
at once. I'm not saying you're the.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Anxious Oh I thought you were calling me saying a non.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Response might be because someone's anxious about it, and then
you're like, I don't want to work with that person
any like if they're too high strong, Like yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
It's interesting because women are so good at doing multiple
things at a time, and I think men are a
little more laser focused on the one thing they're doing.
And so I feel like this creates a really weird dynamic,
especially with texting, because I hear so many girls being like, well,
they're like, well, he's at work, but like, so what,
I'm still like they're texting all day every day, you know,
(30:24):
and they're just get so frustrated, and I'm like, okay,
well he is at work, Like there are boundaries, but
I hear what they're saying too, of like he could
say hey, babe, like I'm at work, and when I'm
at work, like I can't respond right away all the
time or whatever it is like or double click of
heart heat up d Yeah it ain't that hard.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
I'm alive, but my job is stressful. Right later, Yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Think that's all so basically all that I'm asking for
here from this conversation to anyone listening who's feeling me
at all, or maybe feels the opposite, it's like all
that I think, I think that this problem could be resolved,
and I don't think texting is going anywhere, so I
think that we have to kind of consider how to
resolve these things. But I just think it's like, think
(31:09):
about what actually the person is asking of you, Like
I do think a lot of people get anxious and
overwhelmed and then they shut down because they're like I
didn't know what to say, And it's like, are they
asking you to solve the problem though? Are they just
asking like a question? And if you don't know what
to say, you could say, hey, I don't really know
what to say to that, or let me think about this.
Can I get back to you by five point thirty
(31:31):
on Friday or something? You know, give a time, give
us specific But it's just like we have to learn
better basic communications because our culture is not slowing down
with the mass communication. Like it's almost like we've built
the technology, but our brains and our like emotional intelligence
has not grown yet right to match it.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I also think too, we need to put a little
onus on the first person who reaches out too, like
if something is urgent, you should say that, you should
say urgent all caps, or like hey, sorry to bother you,
sorry to bother you at night, but I need to
get this done, or hey, I'm sorry. I'm just like
(32:15):
reaching out out of the blue like I'm in a
pickle or whatever it is, so that it says like
I need a response, like you can't sit around on this,
or like I know you're at work, I'm dying to
know this, or yeah, whatever it is. You can't just
be like, hey, do you want to get dinner tonight
and expect someone to think that like you urgently need
that answer.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
But you know what's worse is because texting you can't
hear tones. The person could be like crying they're having
a terrible day, and they're like, hey, you want to
get dinner tonight, and then you don't respond and you
but so it's like, okay, so.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Now I know how you really feel.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
You yeah, you just internalize it.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
You never you think they hate you whatever it is,
and it's like, okay, Well, if you had started the
text of saying, hey, I'm having a really hard day,
is there a chance that you're available for dinner. I
could really use a friend or something. But it's like
we also are so many humans don't want to actually
communicate the truth about what they're feeling, or they're not
aware of what they're feeling. So it's like again goes
(33:12):
back to Okay, get in touch with what's actually happening
for you and then just be honest. Like people respond
so much better to that than I think you would
think they do. Like, yes, that has been something I've
learned in the last three years and it's genuinely changed
my entire life to just shoot people straight kindly, but
like just be straight up, like, hey, I'm super overwhelmed
(33:34):
right now, Like this is big for me in dating.
It's just like I'm super overwhelmed right now. I am
really interested in meeting you. This is just not a
good time for me or something like. It's just like
I'm not trying to blow you up. Just say the
fucking truth. It doesn't have to be so complex and difficult, right,
you know.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I I'm so like averse too. I don't I'm not.
I don't like conflicts, so I try to avoid it.
So it's when I have to give even if it's
like I'm not even it's not a fight, like if
I have to give someone a bad bad news or
I'm like, you know, just saying no, Like I I
(34:13):
hate it, but there is nothing better. There's no better
feeling than when you just fucking rip the band they'd
off and do it because you're just it frees you
of the anxiety of having to do it.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
By the building doing it, putting it off, it has
to be so much worse. I don't relate to that,
so it's hard, but I just I know the times
where I've had the anticipation of stuff is really the
thing that's making me crazy versus the actual experience or whatever,
conversation or whatever.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Yeah, so like the build up.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
But then oh I had a thought and I lost it.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
It's going to be so epic, y'all, Like so epic
and so good. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
It was about the avoiding conflict. Oh, what I was
gonna say is I a in one of my relationships
recently that was like a big thing and he didn't
feel good about conflict ever, very much like you like
just a kind soul, but like would try to avoid
conflict and so that created problems in our relationship though,
(35:16):
because I'm like, if you just communicate with me, like,
I'm not going to fight with you. If you don't
communicate with me, and I have to guess that is
when I get pissed off, and that is what that
produces conflict, because I'm just like making up all these
stories in my head about what's happening by your behavior,
and if.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
You just told me what was happening.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
It wouldn't really be an issue, you know, And so
I just think it creates actually more problems to not
communicate and if people are responding poorly to your honest truth,
especially if you say it in a kind way, do
you really want those relationships in your life anyway?
Speaker 3 (35:51):
Right? Yeah? The people who are good will respect you, right.
I guess It's where it gets gray. Is like when
it's family or your boss or you know, a work thing.
It's someone that you're like doing business with that you
don't even really know. That's when it really gets harry.
It's like when you're dealing with someone like I don't
know this fucking person, you know, Like, yeah, so you
(36:12):
don't even know what to expect. But totally, I mean,
I think it all boils down to like we should
all just sort of respect each other. We should respect
each other's privacy, we should expect each other's work life balance,
we should respect each other's time, and we should respectfully
respond to people in whatever way is the most respectful way, Like.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Well, it's really vague, but maybe want to say, like
respect the way that our cold. Like I don't know
that this is changing, you know, I mean, do you
take care of you? But like there have been that's
like basically saying like I wish the internet would go away,
and maybe it all will. I don't know, but as
of right now, it doesn't seem like that. So leaning
(36:55):
in a little more to maybe having I don't know,
kinder etiquette. I feel like we're like we're like the
texting police today.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
If we're like old people now are like I so
foul that.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
You guys, you have to respond. It's rude.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
You know what the rudest thing is is to start responding.
I mean this is for only Apple users, Like you
start responding so the person you see the bubbles and
then you stop. Nothing will make me crazier. I'm literally
all right, all your bubbles, you know what's fucked up?
Is I have a gift of that, so I can
send someone that gift and it just looks like I'm typing,
(37:29):
and so I'm gonna send it to you right now,
so you have.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
A great stuck with my head.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Anyway, I'm curious what you guys think about this. Are
you a person who feels obligated to text at all times?
Are we missing the mark here by being so available
all the time. Do you think it'll change in our culture?
Or are you the person who's like, bitch, I'm not
available all the time, and I have boundaries around it,
and I have some things to say to what you said.
You can email us at the edge at Velvet Edge,
(38:00):
or I would love to hear this via voicemail. You
can check out the voicemail on my Instagram page and
the link in bio. Also, oh sorry, I'm at Velvet's Edge.
Chip also put it in his bio and one day
we're going to get him to start posting about the
podcast too.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
So bad at promoting myself, but you can follow me
and not see any post because I rarely post. At
Chip doors it's Chip d r sc ch.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
You sold yourself and then you took it back because
you were like, you can follow me, except I never post.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
You can't do it work.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
I post stories more than in feed.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Well, as you guys go into the weekend and Chip
works on promoting himself, I hope that you are living
on the edge and well.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
Fuck you don't act casual when Kelly texts you.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
If I text you, you better not be acting fucking casual.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Okay, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
You.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Guys can act as casual as you want because it's
the week all right. As you guys go into the
weekend and you're living on the edge, I hope you
always remember too.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Bye casual, Bye Bye.
Happy Friday.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Chip.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Hi, Hey, g motherfucking aya, is.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
It gonna be another beautiful weekend here in Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I don't even know.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
My world has been so crazy this week that checking
the weather has not been top of my agenda.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I mean, like, I love this time of year because
it's like you for coming out of winter, you forget that,
like you're gonna have nice weather at some point, you know,
and then you start waking up and it's nice every day,
and you're like, there's no way this is going to continue.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I wish that the listeners could see you talking about
weather right now.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You are looking outside city.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
He has the biggest smile, he's using his hand, He's
very animated. Verry, you seem happy, joyous and free.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I mean because it's like now we can go drink
on patios and stuff. You know, there's nothing better than Yeah,
and Wave Country opens, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Oh God, can you tell the listeners about if you
are new to this podcast and you have not heard
Chip talk about Wave Country, you obviously haven't listened in
the summer. But it's about to be summer, so I
feel like you should give them some backstory because I'm
sure we will be hearing about it.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Yes. So Wave Country is I don't even know when
it opened, like probably early eighties or something.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
And so it's basically my age.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Yeah, it's like older than Kelly Cool and it is
owned by the city and it's just a big wavepool
that's got a it's got four slides, five slides. One
of them's for children and you know if you like
swimming with band aids.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Like, so this is where you and I could not
be more different because Chip loves a water park, like
living his last life.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
He will go by himself.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
He's the creepy guy in the wavepool by himself, right
I am.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I I will just like lay on a float. And
you know they're often playing like jack FM, and I
think that's a good enough Like every every city has
jack FM.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Now Jay does, well what kind of music because it likes.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
The best hits of today and yesterday, Like it's just
like kind of the best. It's like, you know, like
there's past hits, but then there's modern stuff too. There's
songs that everyone knows, you know, like any big karaoke.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Song is played on Did you want to give us
an example?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
You know, like, don't stop believing, you know, stop yeah,
or like sweet child of mine.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
But then that'll be like background music and dion.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah. So I will go there by myself and sit
on a float and just stare up at the sun
and sing out loud to jack them. And I know
everyone in the pool, including the lifeguards who are sixteen
and seventeen years old, right or like, who is this
crazy person?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Do you feel?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Do you feel like in case of an emergency, a
sixteen or seventeen year old child essentially could save you?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:03):
At wave Country, I just want to detect so cool.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
We have those like little floating torpedo things.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I don't know about those because I myself do not
go to water parks because I hate them.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Well they you know they use them at like on
day Watch, you know that thing like oh yeah, well that's.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
All I can put family Anderson running down the beach
in a red bikini carrying one of those. Yeah yeah,
they don't have her rescuing you from a wave pool.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I mean that'd be different. I would purposely drown.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Even the gay men love Pamela, who doesn't. I just
have this thing about sitting in water, and I know
there's chlorine it don't come at me about this, but
there's something about the wavepool that I find so disturbing.
First of all, you know, every single person in there
is peeing and I think probably doing other bathroom things
in there. Second of all, like you mentioned the band aids,
(03:54):
Like why are there always just floating band aids at
water parks? It's just so it just feels so unst
sanitary to me, and I can't get over it. And
I'm not even like OCD or germophobe or anything like
that normally, but that situation, it's something about sitting in water,
like I don't know, it just really grosses me out.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
I think the reason why band aids are there is
because they fall off in the water.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Oh sh shearlock, that's why they're there, and popped into
the waves.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yeah, to be clear, these are not band aids that
are still in their packaging. There's yeah, so they slid
off a toe or a finger, but that's a wound though, No,
you don't. But they get pushed to the shallow end
because of the waves and I'm in the deep end.
And also there's so much chlorine. It's like I went
(04:49):
there during COVID. I thought it was safer to go
to the wavepool than it was to go to the
grocery store. And I never I didn't get cold.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Well, you're outside, so yeah, with swimming in the bleach,
maybe you're onto something. They that was what saved you.
Because I've had COVID a lot of times.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Well I ended up having it, but never during the summer.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
I'm about to rock your world with this transition.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
So so anyway, so anyway, but what I was going
to say is the only time I feel like I
can't get in touch with Chip during the summer is
if he is at wave Country. And so if Chip
is not responding to my text, I immediately know where
he is. Like, that is the one place that Chip
does not get back to you on a text.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
I can't have my phone in the water.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Was that not good?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
That was good?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
So today I know blind sided you. So today I
really wanted to discuss not returning text and Chip and
I have kind of been going back and forth about
just all the reasons that this might happen. And it's
so interesting when you really think about our culture. Texting
(05:53):
is the number one form of communication at this point,
I feel in twenty twenty four. I personally feel like
I get more texts than phone calls, even more than
like emails. Like I told you before this, I get
booked on jobs via text a lot of times now,
like people check my availability via text. I mean it's
not all the time, but I would say that it's
(06:14):
become our number one format for texting. And because of
that and communicating sorry, yeah, And because of that, it
almost feels like we're to the place now where maybe
we need to talk about a little bit of etiquette
here and like what's appropriate, what is fair? Maybe what
are we missing and how are we going wrong with it?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And so I brought it to go ahead.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
And I was just going to say, and how do
we put the lid back on Pandora's box? You know,
Like I feel like it's because it's just going to
keep getting worse, Like I think that email is going
to become a thing of the past.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Well it's kind of interesting because I like, I don't yeah,
I don't know that it can or will or whatever
that'll look like, but I do. I did find myself
this week, like I said, I've been really busy and
kind of like running back to back to back to
back to back, and I'll get to the end of
the day and realize I have not opened my email,
and then it's like you open your email, there's a
whole nother world.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
And there's a whole nother world. You're like, oh wow, Well,
you know, it's like we now live in a world
where like a twenty five megabyte photo is too big
to send an email, but you can text it and
it comes through clearly. So I think we got like
it's weird. So I think that we're going to start
to see less email. I mean, I feel like I'm
(07:27):
it's I end up texting a lot more for work
stuff than email, and email is like a second class
citizen to me right now, and which is scary because
I prefer it and for work.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Of course, because you know why, it's the lack of urgency.
There's like a little more people.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Don't know when you read it.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
They don't know that it's like right there in your
like if you have to consciously go check an email
where a text is just flying into your phone. And
that was the main thing that you brought up about
this whole situation, like where we are now with our
culture with so much texting is being constantly on call kind.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Of So do you want to talk a little bit
about that?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah, well, I mean, first of all, I would like
to do a little bit of a breakdown because there
are so many different relationships that we have that communicate, right,
So we have work relationships, we have family relationships, we
have romantic relationships, and we have friendships. And the way
that I communicate or the expectations that I have in
(08:27):
those communications are different in all four of those categories.
And you know, like I do believe and even though
I don't practice it, I think that work life balance
is really important and it should be something that should
be respected on both sides. I tend to work in
a business that does not sleep, you know, so it's yeah,
it's really difficult to have that work life balance. And
(08:50):
now when texting is part of the conversation, it is
really hard to turn it off, you know. Like I
know that there are some companies out there that assistance
I think at WME or maybe at CA. These are
two big agencies. One of them, they're not allowed to
take their computers home and they don't have email on
their phone, so when they leave the office they can't.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Work, which is a nice looking fucking.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Brilliant, you know, like I went. You know, I worked
as late as my boss did, so I couldn't leave
until she left. And my first job as an assistant,
and so it trained me to just constantly because she
and she was single and had no kids, so she
worked really hard and you know, work was her life.
And so I started my career with no work life balance.
(09:35):
So I've never been able to really get it back. Yeah,
until I moved to Nashville, and we got a little
bit better because in New York and LA, people tend
to marry and have kids older, where if people start
families younger in the South, and there is a little
bit more of respect for the family life. So that's
been a nice little introduction. Anyway, I'm digressing, but I
(09:57):
you know, so for work stuff, I prefer it to
be email, so that there is a paper thread and
it's like you can kind of see back and forth,
and you can pull people in if you need certain
things answered, and it's a big conversation happening together, and
it's not just all these side texts that are hard
to search and hard, hard to save and hard to reference.
(10:19):
And but I feel like now everything everyone treats everything
with such urgency that it's a text, and I'm like,
I often like, I'm the same as you. At the
end of the day, I look at my email and
I'm like, oh, now I've got to deal with this shit.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Well, so that's work. But what were you gonna mention about?
What's your variation between work relationshipship?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
You know, obviously it's when you're in a relationship like
that person has expectations that they're supposed to feel like
the most important person in your life. Yeah, so, and
you know, also you probably should they should feel like
the most important person in your life. So it's you
want to constantly be chatting with them. So it's like that,
I prefer to be over text because then it's like
(11:02):
in constant communication. In fact, in my last relationship, it
was months before I had his email address. It was
all just text and phone calls. Like I didn't have
any reason.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
You really don't need it unless you're like booking a flight.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Yeah, booking a flight. Then you know my mom, it's
she doesn't text, so I have to call her. And
I prefer to talk to my family on the phone
because there it's a different kind of conversation unless it's
just me and my sister like bullshitting about stuff. So
it and then I guess friends is sort of all
(11:33):
over the place, like it's usually like group text with friends,
like making plans and stuff. It's it's very rare. I
do have a couple of friends that like to have
really long text conversations and then I'm just like, can
we just fucking talk for a minute. Yeah, this is
driving me crazy. Yeah, although it is really convenient to
like text and watch TV at the same time, you
can kind of do that.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
That's why I do it, is because I can be
doing other things right while I'm with you. Certain things
do you just need to make the calls. So what
you're saying or what I'm hearing you say, is you're
text to not text ratio or how you communicate with people,
what avenue is different based on what kind of relationship
that you have.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yes, yeah, I I yes, I think there is a
strata there and they.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Can't use words that the rest of us.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Now, well, it's just like there's it now, I want
to say delineation, like you just all those relationships are
treated a little differently, Like, for example, within work, if
if you need something from your boss. Yeah, and your
boss is a texter and your boss isn't responding to
your text. Yeah, it can be really stressful, but it's
(12:46):
also really irresponsible to be like, well, I texted my
boss and you know, like and just move on and
like don't get something done in time or whatever, or
you run the risk of being forced to make a
decision that might be counter to what your boss would
have had you do. Sure, but if your bossinn't responding,
like what is your recourse? So, I mean, I do
(13:07):
think it's you have to like learn people and learn
their expectations. Like for me, if I think I've gotten
to the point now where if something is really urgent,
a phone call, like if someone calls me, that means
something's important because that's like you cannot they need the
answer now. But text feels like it's just one step
(13:30):
short of that too, whereas emails like get to it
when you get to it, and then if you fucking
mail me something, you're lucky if I ever open it.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Carry your pigeon, God, what that was really.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Difficult for me if you've had a pigeon carrier.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I was watching this show The Gentleman on Netflix the
other day. It's so good, by the way, if you
guys need a new bin show, And in one of
the scenes, the guy prefers carrier pigeons, and I was dying.
I'm just like, oh my god, that is an actual thing.
He can send notes that way. I had no idea. Yeah,
but so that's interesting. So the point you're making is
it's varied between relationships. And I was saying to you
(14:10):
when I first even brought this topic up. One of
my big like pet peeves is when people don't respond.
And I know a lot of it is, like I
have I feel like it's almost disrespectful for me when
someone texts me to not respond. So like, if I'm
not responding to you, there's usually a reason. Either I'm
(14:31):
super busy or there's always a reason I'm super busy
and I have not been able to get to my phone.
But like, even when I'm really busy, I'm pretty good
about it, and I'm pretty good about it pretty quickly.
Or i'm driving obviously, or I've already told you the answer.
I've told I've set the boundary whatever you want to like,
whatever the situation was, and I'm not going to fucking
(14:53):
say it again. That's like, so it's an intentional note,
So it.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Isn't That is like not responding at that point? Is
your answer?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Is my response?
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Yes? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
But there are people in my life who don't operate
that way, and I don't feel obligated to respond to
all their texts if they are just like I'm just
in a place where I don't have the energy or whatever,
and I just have like a guilty conscience, like because
to me, I'm like, that's just communicating to that person
that they're not important to me. And I never want
to make anyone feel that way. But I just don't
(15:23):
think everyone feels that way. So what is the etiquette there? Like,
what is the reality?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I honestly, I don't know what it is because I
also think that you know, and people do put this
word around boundaries are important and we cannot make assumptions
about why someone's not responding to us every it's because
it's not the same reason. Every time I saw this,
it was funny because Kelly brought up this topic the
(15:50):
other day and then I a friend of mine posts
like shared this on history and I took a screenshot
of it. I don't know what the screenshot's from But
it's like someone poses like a question and then and
then someone just answers it. It looks like it might have
been on Reddit or something, but it's people who don't
who don't reply until days later. Why. It's a relatively
(16:10):
very new phenomenon that basically anyone in your life gets
access to you all the time. It was only twenty
years ago that if you left the house for the
day you were actually gone, you'd return messages when you
got back hours or even days later, and someone responded
the phone is there for my convenience. It is not
an electronic leash if it's not convenient for me to
talk to you for any reason. And this applies to
(16:33):
texting to including I'm just not feeling social right now.
I'm not obligated to answer. This is not rude. This
is a normal personal boundary. And that just made me think, like,
that's so right. But I too, like harbor guilt when
I don't respond. And the worst is when I know
I haven't responded and then I run into somebody and
(16:54):
it's like, oh my god, Oh, oh my god, I
bet it's a fact. Did that not go through My god?
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I have so many relationships where I talk to certain
friends so regularly that if I don't respond, because I'm
such a normal responder, they're like, are you okay? Like
the bathtop, like literally and so like what you just
said is interesting to me because I hear what that
person is saying, and I don't really know that I
(17:31):
understand why you can't just say, hey, I'm trying to
be off my phone or something like. If it's a
person that's important to you for sure specifically, or a
person you talk to regularly, I don't think that it's
too much to ask to send a text that says, hey,
I just need to be off my phone today or hey,
I'm busy. I find this to be the biggest issue
(17:54):
with like our culture is we don't know how to
fucking communicate. Yet we have so much access to all
the communication possible, like you're saying, like we're so easily
reached at all times now because we have text, email, Instagram,
like there's all these things whatever that you can find
people and see where they are and all this stuff, right,
(18:16):
Yet basic communication skills like simply saying one sentence to
explain something to someone else or just to kind of
be like, hey, get I'll get to this in a.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Mid or whatever. It's not that difficult.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yet it seems so complex for so many people to me,
and to me when I look at it, because I
know so much about the like anxious avoidant dynamic, it
just creates this perpetual cycle of fucking with everyone's head
and anyway, like I don't I think it's like a
person's responsibility to take care of their own needs. If
you're not getting a response and like you're spiraling out,
(18:53):
like that's on you. You got to go like figure
out what's happening. But I also just think I'm like,
what it be so difficult, especially for a romantic relationship,
but even a friendship, like just send the fucking text
or like when you do get back to it, you know, sorry,
super big, I've been super busy or whatever whatever it is.
I just think, like, communication is not that difficult, and
(19:16):
so why is it so fucking difficult?
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Yeah, you know, it's funny. As you were talking, I
started thinking about like sometimes I'll send friends like a
funny song or a video or a meme or whatever,
and of course it's always nice to get some sort
of like haha or a response, but you know. I've
got friends that don't, but I know that they're watching
them and they just know it's me like thinking of
them back in you know, like when I was in
(19:38):
high school. Like if I was if I thought of you,
I might like send you a postcard and I didn't
expect a postcard in return.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Then in my face, message is what we do?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Oh my god. We didn't have computer people or aim,
remember Aim?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Oh my god, Aim, that was nothing gearing up for
this one.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Did they even have that ever?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Oh wow? Well right, I'm a couple of old.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I found this article on wiki how and it said
it was like talking about text anxiety. Like a lot
of people have text anxiety. So if you're not if
someone's not responding to your text, like I said earlier,
it might trigger certain people. But they said, don't worry.
They may just be taking time to process your text. Okay,
this is the most basic, like no shit Sherlock article ever,
(20:23):
But I'm gonna I'm gonna give you us some points. Anyway,
they're just processing what you said, which is they might be,
you know, taking their time to understand and reply like okay, cool.
They're experiencing text anxiety for some people. Texting can cause
a flood of anxious feelings. I've actually experienced this with
other people where if they have a lot going on
(20:46):
or don't know what to say, they just don't say anything.
But I'm like, then say I don't know what to
say again, right back to my communication issues. They're experiencing
digital burnout. That is real, and I totally support taking
like a step back from your phone. They're struggling with
their mental health, they have condition, a condition that impacts
(21:07):
focus like ADHD. They're avoiding conflict, they're giving you the
silent treatment, they're ghosting you. They're genuinely busy.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
I was gonna say, like, please tell me they are busy?
Is on this list?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
It is, and that is a valid excuse, I believe. However,
did you hear so many of the other ones are
completely just about not knowing how to process feelings, deal
with emotions, and communicate properly. So again, it becomes a
relationship issue if you really think about it.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Yeah, yeah, I think the thing that makes it, like,
why we're even having this conversation is because text is
I mean, it is a new form of communication. Like yeah,
I mean it's not that new, but it is, yeah
that it's like this. Yeah, it's like everyone text now
except for my mom and my dad text and he's
(22:01):
older than her. But I can remember when I was
at my first job in New York City. It's when texting.
I was a very early adopter to texting. But it
was even like cell phones. It was like knew that
cell phones were widely available and everything had them, and
I remember thinking like it was a privilege to have
(22:23):
someone's cell phone number, like all the executives at our company,
like it was not in their signature. It was like
their assistance email or phone number, maybe their direct work
line and their email, and that was how you had
to communicate with these people because the cell phone was sacred.
It was like, you know, the bat phone to them,
and you weren't just running And even on business cards people,
(22:45):
we never put our cell phones on business cards.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
It was just like emergency only are you're really close to.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
The person if you and it meant it was really
meant to be a work thing, like I wasn't meant
so that you could like chat with your friends all day, right,
And now it's become like it is our life, flying
to the world like we do everything with our phones.
You know, in some countries they only use Apple Pay
and Samsung or Google Pay or whatever. Like people don't
even carry wallets anymore. You know.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Do you remember when the text you had to do
the numbers and it was like you'd hit three, you
had hit one like three times to get to pay
or something.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Yes, yeah, no, let a little Nokia. But then it
was like predictive text started coming and I'm like, shit,
I'm really on my phone.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah, but what you said earlier, you were like, we've
come so far yet is it the right thing? And
so I brought up the younger generations because I've been
experiencing frustration with texting with younger generations.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
Yep, well, well I didn't know if I was getting
ready to interrupt you if you were finish. Thought I,
you know, not to defend them, but also to defend them.
Like every fucking day someone myself included, thinks or says
out loud, I hate my fucking phone. I wish i
(23:59):
could deal it all and throw this thing away, or
I'm moving to a flip phone or whatever, And maybe
they're actually wising up and not and this is like
their reaction to that and they're taking their lives back.
Maybe it's actually a good thing. We have just become
accustomed to that expectation. You know. Look, I think it
(24:21):
is never good to be a poor communicator. Okay, I
can get you know, like you like, taking your life back.
Is not like I get to be a poor communicator
because I'm taking my life back. You can say I'll
follow up in the morning, like I'm I don't work
at night, you know, or whatever. It is, like, there
is a way to communicate. I'm not texting you right now,
(24:42):
it's not even if.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
It's after Yeah, that there's no like that makes sense
to me. But let me give an example. Okay, So okay,
first of all, just in general the younger generations. It's
interesting to me because as much as our culture seems
built on urgency and excessive ability, there is a lack
of urgency in the younger generations.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
And I'm I'm not saying this, I don't know, like
I don't think that we've necessarily created the healthiest culture.
I agree with that as well. And so you're right,
there are some things that are ingrained in me because
like what you said earlier about your earlier work, experience.
That's how I've been taught to work too, and that's
how you kind of have to work in our business
if you want it. Like it's one of those jobs.
(25:27):
It's like if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
So who's going to work the hardest and like keep
you know, the hustle going and whatever, And that's usually
who succeeds. And so I think I'm shocked sometimes, like
when I have people working for me, or in this
specific instance, I was trying to hire someone to film
something for me, and a lot of the video people
(25:49):
that I know are on the road on the weekends
and it's on a Friday, so there, you know, they
were already out town. So I'm getting references from people
and just all the things. And I was told to
message this one kid because I was like, is there
anyone like younger that's just trying to get started, because
like what I need is pretty straightforward and basic. And
so I was asking around on set one day and
(26:10):
I got this guy's number. He's like probably early twenties,
and so I texted him and like it was the
middle of a work day. I didn't feel the need
to call him, like because that's how I've learned to
communicate or whatever. But I didn't hear back from him.
So I text the guy who gave me the referral,
and he was like, oh, he does travels. It was
like a Tuesday though he does travels sometimes work. Let
(26:33):
me text him and check in, and he like texts
the guy and the guy writes him back and says, yeah,
I'm he was doing something, but I don't really know what.
They didn't tell me, but I didn't get the sense
that he was like traveling or whatever. He responds to
me the next day, and I was so turned off
because it was a work Like it wasn't like I'm
(26:55):
just texting you whatever, but like I was texting about
a work opportunity and also like I can't move forward
or it kept me having to like go through are
you gonna be able to do this? Like I have
to cover my ass and find someone so like, and
I just don't understand it because when I was starting
my career, I mean I was like working for free.
I was like, get me on set, I'll be wherever.
(27:16):
I If someone texts me about a job, I'm responding
right away, Like if you have a job opportunity, for me,
I am there in two many like it's like I
don't understand not having that, Like that's so weird, but
that's this is not my first experience with this, That's
what I'm saying. So then when it came back in
the next day and was very nonchalant, like I still
(27:37):
needed somebody actually at that point, but I like went
out of my way to find someone else who responded
in a timely manner and had a little more urgency.
But anyway, I guess my point is just like I
hear what you're saying, and maybe they are taking their
life back ish, but I'm also like, where's the line
(27:58):
between like taking care of responsibility, working hard, building something,
especially if you're an entrepreneur, and learning how to fucking
communicate in business Because if you can't fucking respond to
a text of mine, I'm not hiring you.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Well, that's the thing, especially when it's like because this
example is like you are offering someone a job.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
You tried to charge me a lot, and I was like, okay.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Bye, bitch bye. Yeah You're like not we good, Yeah
we good.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
That was just on the cake.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
But yeah, you're like, yeah, it was really about the
communication because I'm just like, if you're not to me,
what that said was you're not reliable. I don't I
don't want to have to be waiting on you to
be there on time because I don't trust you now.
And I also am like, what if you got flaky
the day of, Like it just produced a lot of
different feelings than me that I didn't know that about
(28:55):
that person, and I still don't know that to be
true about that person. But because of the lack of
urgency or or just communicating hey, I'm on set, can
I text you about this tomorrow for details, right, I
would have been like, sure, great, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
I mean and that is that's clear communication.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
All I'm asking for averagehip is clear communications because with men.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
It all comes down to that.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
And if you can't do basic communication, you're telling me
so much about you, that's it.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Anyway, it might it might be that you're just an
anxious person and that's fine because you don't want an anxious.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Person geography fire this right now.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
I'm not no, I'm not saying I'm saying you might.
The non response might just be that you're an anxious
person and you're like, I can't deal with two things
at once. I'm not saying you're the.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Anxious Oh I thought you were calling me saying a non.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Response might be because someone's anxious about it, and then
you're like, I don't want to work with that person
any like if they're too high strong, Like yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
It's interesting because women are so good at doing multiple
things at a time, and I think men are a
little more laser focused on the one thing they're doing.
And so I feel like this creates a really weird dynamic,
especially with texting, because I hear so many girls being like, well,
they're like, well, he's at work, but like, so what,
I'm still like they're texting all day every day, you know,
(30:24):
and they're just get so frustrated, and I'm like, okay,
well he is at work, Like there are boundaries, but
I hear what they're saying too, of like he could
say hey, babe, like I'm at work, and when I'm
at work, like I can't respond right away all the
time or whatever it is like or double click of
heart heat up d Yeah it ain't that hard.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
I'm alive, but my job is stressful. Right later, Yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Think that's all so basically all that I'm asking for
here from this conversation to anyone listening who's feeling me
at all, or maybe feels the opposite, it's like all
that I think, I think that this problem could be resolved,
and I don't think texting is going anywhere, so I
think that we have to kind of consider how to
resolve these things. But I just think it's like, think
(31:09):
about what actually the person is asking of you, Like
I do think a lot of people get anxious and
overwhelmed and then they shut down because they're like I
didn't know what to say, And it's like, are they
asking you to solve the problem though? Are they just
asking like a question? And if you don't know what
to say, you could say, hey, I don't really know
what to say to that, or let me think about this.
Can I get back to you by five point thirty
(31:31):
on Friday or something? You know, give a time, give
us specific But it's just like we have to learn
better basic communications because our culture is not slowing down
with the mass communication. Like it's almost like we've built
the technology, but our brains and our like emotional intelligence
has not grown yet right to match it.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I also think too, we need to put a little
onus on the first person who reaches out too, like
if something is urgent, you should say that, you should
say urgent all caps, or like hey, sorry to bother you,
sorry to bother you at night, but I need to
get this done, or hey, I'm sorry. I'm just like
(32:15):
reaching out out of the blue like I'm in a
pickle or whatever it is, so that it says like
I need a response, like you can't sit around on this,
or like I know you're at work, I'm dying to
know this, or yeah, whatever it is. You can't just
be like, hey, do you want to get dinner tonight
and expect someone to think that like you urgently need
that answer.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
But you know what's worse is because texting you can't
hear tones. The person could be like crying they're having
a terrible day, and they're like, hey, you want to
get dinner tonight, and then you don't respond and you
but so it's like, okay, so.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Now I know how you really feel.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
You yeah, you just internalize it.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
You never you think they hate you whatever it is,
and it's like, okay, Well, if you had started the
text of saying, hey, I'm having a really hard day,
is there a chance that you're available for dinner. I
could really use a friend or something. But it's like
we also are so many humans don't want to actually
communicate the truth about what they're feeling, or they're not
aware of what they're feeling. So it's like again goes
(33:12):
back to Okay, get in touch with what's actually happening
for you and then just be honest. Like people respond
so much better to that than I think you would
think they do. Like, yes, that has been something I've
learned in the last three years and it's genuinely changed
my entire life to just shoot people straight kindly, but
like just be straight up, like, hey, I'm super overwhelmed
(33:34):
right now, Like this is big for me in dating.
It's just like I'm super overwhelmed right now. I am
really interested in meeting you. This is just not a
good time for me or something like. It's just like
I'm not trying to blow you up. Just say the
fucking truth. It doesn't have to be so complex and difficult, right,
you know.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I I'm so like averse too. I don't I'm not.
I don't like conflicts, so I try to avoid it.
So it's when I have to give even if it's
like I'm not even it's not a fight, like if
I have to give someone a bad bad news or
I'm like, you know, just saying no, Like I I
(34:13):
hate it, but there is nothing better. There's no better
feeling than when you just fucking rip the band they'd
off and do it because you're just it frees you
of the anxiety of having to do it.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
By the building doing it, putting it off, it has
to be so much worse. I don't relate to that,
so it's hard, but I just I know the times
where I've had the anticipation of stuff is really the
thing that's making me crazy versus the actual experience or whatever,
conversation or whatever.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Yeah, so like the build up.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
But then oh I had a thought and I lost it.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
It's going to be so epic, y'all, Like so epic
and so good. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
It was about the avoiding conflict. Oh, what I was
gonna say is I a in one of my relationships
recently that was like a big thing and he didn't
feel good about conflict ever, very much like you like
just a kind soul, but like would try to avoid
conflict and so that created problems in our relationship though,
(35:16):
because I'm like, if you just communicate with me, like,
I'm not going to fight with you. If you don't
communicate with me, and I have to guess that is
when I get pissed off, and that is what that
produces conflict, because I'm just like making up all these
stories in my head about what's happening by your behavior,
and if.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
You just told me what was happening.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
It wouldn't really be an issue, you know, And so
I just think it creates actually more problems to not
communicate and if people are responding poorly to your honest truth,
especially if you say it in a kind way, do
you really want those relationships in your life anyway?
Speaker 3 (35:51):
Right? Yeah? The people who are good will respect you, right.
I guess It's where it gets gray. Is like when
it's family or your boss or you know, a work thing.
It's someone that you're like doing business with that you
don't even really know. That's when it really gets harry.
It's like when you're dealing with someone like I don't
know this fucking person, you know, Like, yeah, so you
(36:12):
don't even know what to expect. But totally, I mean,
I think it all boils down to like we should
all just sort of respect each other. We should respect
each other's privacy, we should expect each other's work life balance,
we should respect each other's time, and we should respectfully
respond to people in whatever way is the most respectful way, Like.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Well, it's really vague, but maybe want to say, like
respect the way that our cold. Like I don't know
that this is changing, you know, I mean, do you
take care of you? But like there have been that's
like basically saying like I wish the internet would go away,
and maybe it all will. I don't know, but as
of right now, it doesn't seem like that. So leaning
(36:55):
in a little more to maybe having I don't know,
kinder etiquette. I feel like we're like we're like the
texting police today.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
If we're like old people now are like I so
foul that.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
You guys, you have to respond. It's rude.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
You know what the rudest thing is is to start responding.
I mean this is for only Apple users, Like you
start responding so the person you see the bubbles and
then you stop. Nothing will make me crazier. I'm literally
all right, all your bubbles, you know what's fucked up?
Is I have a gift of that, so I can
send someone that gift and it just looks like I'm typing,
(37:29):
and so I'm gonna send it to you right now,
so you have.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
A great stuck with my head.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Anyway, I'm curious what you guys think about this. Are
you a person who feels obligated to text at all times?
Are we missing the mark here by being so available
all the time. Do you think it'll change in our culture?
Or are you the person who's like, bitch, I'm not
available all the time, and I have boundaries around it,
and I have some things to say to what you said.
You can email us at the edge at Velvet Edge,
(38:00):
or I would love to hear this via voicemail. You
can check out the voicemail on my Instagram page and
the link in bio. Also, oh sorry, I'm at Velvet's Edge.
Chip also put it in his bio and one day
we're going to get him to start posting about the
podcast too.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
So bad at promoting myself, but you can follow me
and not see any post because I rarely post. At
Chip doors it's Chip d r sc ch.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
You sold yourself and then you took it back because
you were like, you can follow me, except I never post.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
You can't do it work.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
I post stories more than in feed.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Well, as you guys go into the weekend and Chip
works on promoting himself, I hope that you are living
on the edge and well.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
Fuck you don't act casual when Kelly texts you.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
If I text you, you better not be acting fucking casual.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Okay, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
You.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Guys can act as casual as you want because it's
the week all right. As you guys go into the
weekend and you're living on the edge, I hope you
always remember too.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Bye casual, Bye Bye.
Host
Kelly Henderson
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