December 5, 2025 • 42 mins
As this long, energetically heavy year winds down, Kelly opens the episode with a few life updates before diving into a conversation that hits especially hard right now. She and Chip explore the kind of burnout that doesn’t always look like burnout—the invisible labor people carry, the quiet “tolerations” that drain energy, and the subtle emotional loads that build over time.
They break down how these often-overlooked stressors lead to deeper exhaustion, mental fatigue, and resentment long before most of us recognize what’s happening. It’s a grounded, relatable look at what many are feeling as the year closes out and a reminder of what’s worth evaluating before stepping into a new chapter.
If things have felt heavier than usual or you’re craving clarity heading into the new year, this conversation offers perspective that might land exactly where it’s needed.
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HOSTS:
Kelly Henderson // @velvetsedge // velvetsedge.com
Chip Dorsch // @chipdorsch
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
What's up, you guys. It is Kelly.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
It is Friday, and obviously Chip is typically here with
me on Fridays. We were scheduled to record and he
unfortunately has had a family emergency come up, and I
thought to myself, Okay, well, you totally go take care
of that, don't worry about the podcast. Of course, Chip
is Chip, and he's offering to travel with his equipment
and things like that. And it just really struck me
(00:35):
the ways that we were trying to contort ourselves to
make sure we got a new episode up to you guys,
because we really value doing this podcast and communicating with
all of you and connecting over these different learnings and
finding our purpose and just going on this messy journey
of life together with you guys. But I thought to myself,
(00:56):
if anything is happening this week, is that the astrology.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Is just astrology ing that's a word to Matt. And
it's a full moon.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
And if you listen to the episode on Wednesday with Marv,
you understand that there's a lot of intense energies coming
in this December and it's kind of coming at the heels,
not kind of it is coming at the heels of
just a long year. The twenty twenty five has felt
wild to me. Everyone else I've talked to says the
same thing, And I think officially most people in my
(01:25):
life are just feeling this level of burnout towards the
end of the year. I think that's pretty common, but
this year feels like a little more intense amongst me
and my friend group. So I'm assuming some of you
guys can relate. I see a lot of this on
social media as well, so I don't think that we're
the only ones dealing with that. And so when I
really started to think about that, like watching Chip try
(01:46):
to contort himself amongst you some really stressful things with
his family going on, and then me being like, panicky,
Oh what am I going to do?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
You know whatever?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I was like, wait, if I sit here on this
podcast every week talking about the amount of self care
and stopping the self sacrifice and really staying in touch
with myself and not letting myself get to the stage
of burnout. But then I try to contort myself even
in a time where the exhaustion is high and all
(02:18):
of the players in the puzzle are not here, am
I like completely contradicting everything I say. You know, it
felt like one of those moments where I was like, uh, yeah,
you gotta like practice what you preach, your boo. So anyway,
it just dawned on me I needed to just get
on here and be honest with you guys. And I
know this December for me, I have literally struggled to
(02:40):
work every day because I'm just kind of done for
the year. I've hit this point where I'm like, yeah,
Mama is tired, ready to relax, ready to just chill,
reset and really get my mind right by taking actual
time off and not really pushing. So that's what we're
gonna do this week, and I are going to take
(03:00):
care of our lives. But it felt really important to
me to say all of that to you guys, so
you didn't think we were just dipping out or anything
like that. I'm hoping that you relate and it's one
of those connection places that we can take with us
into the future. But I also really wanted to post
this podcast that Chip and I did about Hidden Burnout
(03:21):
because I think at this time of year we talk,
you know, the year has been long and I'm just
so burnout and all that stuff but do you really
know why you're burnout? Are the things that you're doing
in your life that are draining you and maybe you're
not even realizing it, you know. I think invisible labor
is a big word we see on social media now,
specifically about women, but I think it can go for
(03:42):
men too. But if you've seen it on social media,
it's often discussing all of the ways like emotional labor,
or relational labor, cooking dinner every night labor, like the
things that a lot of times women are doing in
their lives that they're not noticing how much energy is
being given to or leaked out, and so they're ending
(04:06):
you know, me being one of them, we're ending up
very depleted and drained and possibly burnt out. And so
as we wrap up the year, it just seems really
important to me to take inventory in my life, like
this is what I've kind of been doing this week
with the things that I'm not wanting to do with work,
Like how can I do this differently? What structure can
(04:27):
I recreate for next year to be in a different
place so I'm not burning out to work smarter, not harder.
That used to be the opposite for me, I was
always just let's work hard. We'll get to where we
want to get if we work hard. And I believe
that I do believe in hard work, and I do
want to try to figure out how to have more balance.
(04:48):
And that's just kind of like one of my life
journeys that I think I'll always want to be figuring out.
And so this week felt like a really good opportunity
to live that out, and this podcast felt like a
really good inventory and kind of just evaluation of the
way your twenty twenty five has gone, and then what
you want to let go of and leave in the past.
(05:09):
That's a huge part of this week as well with
the astrology and then what you want to take with
your future. Like this is the final month of this
snake year, this nine year, whatever you want to call it.
There's all the different numerology or animal I don't even
know what that's called, but this is the year of
the snake. So everyone's saying this is our year of shedding,
(05:30):
of releasing, leaving all the old narratives, all the old systems,
all the old structures that do not work or do
not service anymore in the past, and rebuilding for a
new future. Next year, twenty twenty six is a one year.
That's a starting year. It's a beginning year. So how
do you want to start your year and how do
you want it to change your life in the small
(05:54):
ways that you can.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Each and every day.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Here's that conversation that Chip and I had about hidden burnout,
and we will be back next week, hopefully with more
conversation for you guys.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Hello that my son is like, I mean, see those
dots on my face. You all can't see it if
you're just listening, but it's like the little holes in
the blinds.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh yeah, it's almost like dividing your face a little
bit like two face. Wow, this lighting set up. We
really should have had this figured out before starting to
press records.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
It's good, but now I'm just getting these dots. Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Anyway, anyway, well, we're just showing up as is today,
come as you are to the Velvet Edge podcast because
I told you before the podcast I'm just tired, and
we were talking about what we're going to get to
for the topic, and you were like, I think you
just need to be like honest about this, like just
talk about what it is that you're going through with
(06:53):
that because it is very topical. So basically we were
saying that if you guys listen to the Wednesday podcast,
it was actually a repost from something I recorded in
twenty twenty four with I'm gonna Outai. She's an executive coach.
I mean she has people like Google, Deloitte like, she's
people that have real let mean legit yeah, I mean
like legit jobs and companies and corporations, like massive corporations.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
She was so great.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I loved that conversation so much, and it's one that
has really stuck with me. You know, there's certain conversations
I have that I'll just hear their voice in my
head almost when stuff starts to come up, and I'm like, oh, yeah,
this is like what I'm gonna said. And So I
had an experience earlier this week, or it was I
guess it was a couple days ago now, but I
was supposed to record for my Wednesday podcast and I
(07:38):
got a terrible migraine. And I've been talking a little
bit about how busy work has been, but this has
kind of been one of the consistent themes of my life,
where I will like work myself to the point of
getting sick. I think I even mentioned this last week,
but getting sick or sometimes if I let stress get
to me too much, I get migraines. And it's typically
just like I've absorbed too much. Not to mention it
(08:00):
was a full moon, there was just a lot going
on in my sensitive, energetic body just couldn't take it. Now,
what I would have done in the past is continued on.
Like I would have taken my migraine meds. I would
have pushed myself through that and just been like a
zombie and not shown up as my best self. And
I just thought to myself, like I literally heard Amana's
(08:23):
voice in my head, and of all the different kinds
of like burnout and the things that we talked about,
and I thought, oh wait, I have two choices here,
Like I can do the thing I've done in the
past and not go through any of the changes that
I've like learned through a lot through this podcast or
these conversations that I've had, or I can try something
(08:43):
different this time and then now we can make this
a topic. And so that's what I did. I was like,
I'm going to repost that podcast because it was such
a good one, and I rescheduled that interview, and so
you guys will hear it next week. But Chip and
I were here today and I'm feeling a lot better,
but I'm still tired. I have so much going on,
and so I wanted to keep talking about some of
(09:04):
the things that we bump up against in our lives,
like burnout or how we get to these places, and
some of the things that she taught me about the
different kinds of labor that were actually exerting throughout every day.
And I think because I think that's what got me.
I don't think it's just like, oh, I'm so busy
with work. It's oh, I'm so busy with work, and
(09:25):
I'm giving to all these other things and my energy
is just fucking zapped, and I want to talk about that.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Right Also, I mean, we our lives are pretty fast paced.
I think most people's lives are.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Really fast pause everybody. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
You know, with the since the advent of social media too,
it's like rest isn't comfortable anymore because you feel like
you're falling behind everybody else.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, which we talked about this last week.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Yeah, so you know, it's really easy to recognize when
you're busy at work, And it's easy to blame that
because it's good fodder for conversation, But you're never going
to be like these fucking kids or like I mean, it's.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Well, keep in mind, you might you might do it.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
You might do it to like your closest friends, but
it's like it would be hard to recognize that as
the source of your burnout. But like, the truth is
is you're expending your energy in so many directions. But
work is often a really easy one to blame. And
obviously it's where we spend most of our days, most
of our week, so it deserves a lot of the blame.
But I think it's important to have the conversation about, like, well,
(10:28):
what else in our life is creeping up that like
we might not even be paying attention to, and what
are the signs to look for?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
And the thing I was thinking about when you were
talking was like the shame that comes with not being
able to do it all for me. Still, I've done
so much work around this specific topic, and I actually
think it's probably going to be just a common theme
through my whole life. Like I think this is part
of my life journey, this one theme of balancing the
(10:55):
give and take you know, in many different ways. But
if we're talking about it in relation to bout, like
just figuring out what I can give energy to, what
I'm getting energy back from, how to have a better
healthier balance so I don't reach a place of burnout,
but also how to manage like so that I'm still productive,
(11:15):
you know, because like it's really easy to go one
extreme or the other, like work yourself to death or
keep yourself busy enough expend all your energy to get
to burn out, or for me, it's really it would
be almost easier to just shut completely down, you know,
like go one extreme to the other. And obviously we
all have to learn to live in this world as
we're here. And so my new goal is like, okay, wait,
(11:38):
I need to pay attention like if I'm feeling that
thing in my body, like and my body does talk
to me that way. If I'm feeling that thing, where
can I like pull back a little bit, And how
do I not shame the shit out of myself for
pulling back a little bit and not being able to
do all the things, to go to all the events,
to show up for every person in every way that
(11:59):
I want to Because it's not like it's bad things
that I'm expending energy on right.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
You know, also too, it's like by nature, not everyone's
a narcissist, a selfish to the point of narcissm, but
we're human. Nature is to be a little selfish. So
we want to think that everyone's noticing if we're there,
if we're not there, but none of us are keeping
score on anybody else. But it always it feels like
everyone's doing more than that you're doing, and that's just
(12:25):
not the case because we're not paying enough attention to
what other people are doing.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
That's so because one of the narratives in my head
is always like why can they do it? And I
can't do it.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Right, But I'm not noticing their burnout when they are
canceling or it's just great attention.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
And we're also could be different people, like there are
certain things I will never forget. I think I maybe
have told this story on the podcast before, and my
mom's listening, so, hey mom, this is about her. But
I remember when she retired, and like, my mom was
very good at her job and everyone that worked for
her loved her, and so it was kind of this
(13:01):
like big deal. She was a school principal, and it
was huge deal at her school that she was leaving,
you know, like the teacher's really upset and the kids
were upset. And I remember her telling me like, I
know everyone needs it, principle said negatively. And my mom
was truly loved and adored. Like when I would go in,
I was like, oh God, I feel like a celebrity's
(13:21):
daughter the way they're like.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Oh you're miss Henderson.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
But yeah, so she would tell me like teachers were
coming in her office and like crying to her. So
it was very emotional, you know. It was just like
and I don't think we ever give enough merit or
credit to emotions and how much weight they can carry
or how tiresome they can be, and just going through
the emotional process of grief. I think we talked about
that last week to you how much that can be.
(13:49):
And I just remember, like I flew in for her
actual retirement party and she was taking a lot of
naps and that's so not my mom. My mom is
like a go getter. She's always getting shit done. And
and remember looking at me and she goes, is this
how you feel?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
All the time?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Because she was so emotional, just going through the process
of like such a big life change and everyone else's
emotions around her, you know, And I was like, literally
every day, Mom.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Every day it's like, now you're retired and actually get
to nap.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Yes, she is living her best life now. But all
that is to say is like every human is wired
so differently too, and so we can't measure ourselves against
other people. Yet I say this and do it all
the time, right.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Well, I also think it's important to recognize that, like
we're not alone in burnout. Like, yeah, burnout is not
a sign of weakness in us. It's actually just an
indicator that like we're not paying attention to something, you know.
And I think if you ignore the burnout, that's when
you have a midlife crisis or a full on breakdown
or whatever, you know, like a out, Like it's not
(14:58):
an alignment when you're burned out, and it's maybe it's work,
maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's there's something in a
friendship that's really weighing on you that you're not addressing.
Maybe there's something physical that you need to deal with.
But everyone goes through it, you know, everyone hits a
point of burnout. But I'm right there with you, like
I feel like I need to say yes to everything,
I need to be at everything. I mean, I feel
(15:20):
less of that the older I get, like I'm much
more comfortable just being at home. Yeah, but you know,
again back to the social media piece of it too.
There's also the like the emotions that come with like
when your friends go do something and you're like, why
wasn't I invited to do that? And then suddenly like
you feel like you have to start saying yes to
more so that you're not not included.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
It's such a like it's literally a hamster wheel. Didn't
you tell me that you found some signs of burnout?
I was cillus about these some like indicators because I
do think I want to say this really fast. I
think we talk about burnout a lot on this podcast
and people.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Are probably like, oh, here we go again.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
But there's so many layers to burnout. And I'm going
to get to some of the different kinds of labor
in a second. And if you listened to Wednesday, you
heard that too. But I want to dive deeper because
it was it was truly life changing for me to
have these two words entered into my vocabulary. But I
think that we might talk about burnout a lot, and
people don't necessarily register places in their life that that
(16:19):
might be happening them to them too, do you know
what I mean? Because I don't know that it always
looks like what we're saying exactly Like when we're saying
burnout and we just want to shut down, it doesn't
always look like that, and the build up definitely doesn't.
So these are some of the like indicators made.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
These are some of the indicators that you might be
reaching burnout. So there's there's mental signs like if you're
chronically exhausted even after you've rested, if you've got brain fog,
you're forgetting things, you're having trouble focusing, you have trouble
making decisions. That's a sign of brain fog. Loss of motivation.
So if everything feels like a chore, or when things
(16:56):
like especially like things that you used to love, like
it feels like a chore to have to do them,
cynicism or detachment, So when you start thinking what's the point,
or you become like emotionally numb, those are the mental
signs of burnout. Some emotional signs are like you're irritable
and short tempered, and you snap at small things. Increased
anxiety or dread, So if an obligation's coming up and
(17:18):
you're worried about that, or like you've got dread about
going into work or getting your work done, feeling unappreciated,
like no one sees the weight that you're carrying. And hopelessness.
You know, some of these to me read even past burnout,
Like if you're feeling hopeless, that to me is even
scarier and I think you know it requires a little
(17:39):
bit more than a nap, but the belief that things
won't get better, So that is you're definitely a burnout
if you're feeling that way. Physical signs are headaches and
muscle attensions, so really changes in your sleep, so either
insomnia or sleeping too much, stomach issues, indigestion, nausea, appetite changes,
(18:00):
and immune system so you get sick more often. There
you go check check like this like an indictment. And
then behavioral sign So if you feel like you're pulling
your pulling away and isolating yourself socially and emotionally, if
you're procrastinating and avoiding, you can't bring yourself to start
or finished tasks. That's a sign increased reliance on coping behaviors.
(18:23):
So if you're overeating, you're over drinking, you're numbing your senses,
or you're you know, just staring at your phone and
scrolling like, that's a sign and decline and work performance.
So it's either like your perfectionism ramps up or you're
doing stuff to overcompensate.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
So, oh my god, you literally just summarized me.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yeah, I mean so much. And I think, you know, sadly,
I think, especially in this country, because are the way
that we look at, you know, our jobs and how
important work is in the scope of our lives. I
feel like a lot of us are running on fumes
all the time. I mean, it is not even June
and we are talking about burnout. That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
It's halfway through the air crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
And it's funny, like, you know, obviously we love doing this,
that's why we do it. And I said to Kelly,
I was like, it's hard even every week coming up
with something to talk about, and that can feel like burnout.
And she was like, well, I don't want to look
like we're complaining. I'm like, I'm not complaining about it
because I'm here recording. I like to do it, but
it is it's like when other things are cooking and
(19:28):
you're like, fuck, what are we going to talk about?
Because it's really just to us, you know, like so
we're speaking from like our own perspectives. So that can
feel like a labor, you know, to call it a
labor of love, like because it is work, but it's
you know, I think it's important to talk about things
that are topable.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Well, I think, like what you just said about the
podcast of is probably something a lot of people can
relate to with work. I always equate it to to like,
do you remember when an artist gets their first album
And it's like people always talk about this in the
music business for anyone not in the music business, but
it's like the first album can be killer, you know,
(20:16):
and you think about it though they've taken.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Years to write it.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
It's like the build up of their whole life has
been around this one album. They're nobody before the album,
so they don't have all these obligations. Well, then this
album comes out and it's super successful. So then they're
on a tour and they're gone all the time, and
there people don't really realize I don't think how much
artists are like on the go with the demands of
just like marketing and now social media and touring, and
(20:44):
it's just hard on your body and you're busy, you know,
there's not a lot of time for just you like
especially out of the gate, you got to run and go.
So then the second album time comes to do and
they're like, when am I supposed to write this album?
And it's not because they don't love the crowd anymore,
they don't love music, or they don't love the creativity
of writing it. It's that there's so many other demands
(21:07):
that they can't do it in the way that they
did the first go around, and so it's just trying
to manage it all and it's hard again not to
get burnt out.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
All also haven't been living a normal life, you know.
So it's it's Adele. I don't know the exact quote,
but she's like her ethos is that like you have
to live to write.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
That makes so much sense why she's like.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Five years every it takes her five years to make
a record because she's like, if you're coming out of
a tour cycle and you've been on this hamster wheel,
of fame, you're really going to like write songs that
relate what are you going to write about people because
you haven't had a chance to like explore your relationships
or like live or you know, travel in a real
way that's not just waking up in a city and
(21:50):
playing a show that night and then waking up in
the next city and playing the show that night.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So I mean, yeah, well, this is the point of
that was for me to say, Like, then, it's sometimes
like you do have to find the ways to keep
your authenticity and do which is why you encourage me
today You were like, no, I think this is what
we talk about because that's what you're going through.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
That's what I'm going.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Through, so surely some of our listeners are as well.
But what I was going to reference with Amana and
I was telling you about this earlier chip again, I'll
post this clip on my social media. I've been shitty
about social media again. It's like it's hard to keep
up with I will say this about social media. I
do not find the satisfaction or reward in it that
(22:30):
I used to. And so there are I've got to
find a new strategy because like it can be very
defeating to me, except it also feels like the thing
you have to do so people know to come listen
to this or what you're doing or you know, it's
like people look at it as almost like a website.
Now it doesn't even feel fun anymore. Like I don't
even know what anyone's doing for fun. I just know
(22:52):
what side hustle they're doing.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Yeah, it's like a braggy platform.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Yeah it's weird. It's just weird to me. So if
anyone has tips on that, because I'm just feeling like, huh,
what do I do about that? But I will post
this clip because I do like to post this stuff
that inspires me. And what a'manna said was burnout, Like
we often equate it to like what you and I
were talking about with working a lot, and I do
think that that is a big factor, Like I can
(23:18):
see for myself when work gets really extreme and crazy,
the opportunity for burnout is much higher. And also I
don't think that's always the only contributor, because it's not
like I just go work all the time and life stops,
you know, And so it's like, in addition to a
busy work schedule, we have what she called invisible labor,
(23:40):
and that like has changed my whole life. And that
was whenever I was having the migraine, I was thinking
to myself, oh, I have been trying to operate as
if my work schedule isn't what it is and still
show up for all this invisible labor of my life.
And that could be things like doing the dishes, cleaning
your house, making like if you have a family and
(24:01):
you make dinner for kids, but I feel it for
myself too, like making a healthy dinner and making sure
I'm fed. I know that sounds crazy, but like I
have such a caretaker job position that often sometimes the
thing that gets sacrificed is like my own self care
like making sure I'm eating or I'm sleeping. And that
sounds crazy, but that is how extreme it gets sometimes.
And then like, yeah, just any sort of like I
(24:24):
would think emotional labor maybe, like it's that weird, like
you're trying to balance life. I guess I'll call them
responsibilities with work, responsibilities with the things that we care
about and that matters to our heart and just all
those things. But that's invisible labor. It's not the things
you necessarily get paid for. But those are the things happening.
And so if you start incorporating that into like, oh,
(24:47):
here's another reason, maybe I'm starting to get really irritable
or tired like that I really resonated with when you
sleep but you still wake up just like exhausted, Like
that for sure happens. Then the other thing she talked
about was tall and that describes me from my past
for sure. It's like, how much are we tolerating in
(25:07):
certain circumstances. This can be any kind of relationship, job,
life experience, and how much is it draining us? Like
are we tolerating too much in any circumstance to where
it's not giving us anything, it's only taking? And I
do feel like that's something like in the past couple
of years I've really tried to address in my life,
(25:27):
like am I be in a reciprocal situation here? Like
is there some benefit to me and some benefit to them?
Or am I carrying all the weight to keep this
alive in a situation where I'm not getting anything back?
And like, I've made some drastic changes in my life
in that regard, but of course it can sneak back up,
you know, it's like old habits fucking die hard. So anyway,
(25:49):
those are the two things she said. And when I
really like hit that place with the migraine, I started
thinking about her again and I just heard that voice
and I was like, oh my god, I'm literally planning
every minute of the day. And the truth is is,
right now, work is so insane. I'm not going to
be able to do the life things right now. It's temporary,
(26:09):
but I have to let myself off the hook from
certain things, even things I want to do. But like,
you know, like if it meant certain dinners or seeing
friends or whatever, Like I think there's a balance, Like
you need to have fun too, so doing that, but
also like and you have to eat, but like what
do I truly have the energy for? What is my
body truly asking me for today? Is it a bath?
(26:32):
Or is it going out?
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Is it this?
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Or is it you know, it's just like those kind
of things because time is limited and the demands at
work are high, and so sometimes the invisible labor and
the tolerations really need to be extra paid attention to
because I don't have the space for it. And that
was what she really came to mind for.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Well, I mean it's also too It's obviously it's not
unique to anyone because we all have to Like if
you don't ever clean your house or you don't ever
do your dishes, next thing, you know, you're living in
a you know, a filthy hovel, all right, And so
sometimes you can't ignore those things. So it's like, how
do you recognize those things that are always going to
(27:14):
like those things will always be there, Like the work
has to be paid attention to because it's in the
moment and it's what pays your bills and you can't
end up homeless. So you have to do that. But
you also have to clean your house, you have to cook,
You've got to do these things. So how can you
minimize the load for yourself in those things? And for me, Like,
(27:35):
I know, one of the reasons why I'm overweight is
because I am really bad about cooking. Like I'll wait
till the last minute. I'll be like, oh my god,
if I start cooking out seven thirty, I'm not going
to eat on nine thirty, so I'm just gonna run
off get something. And so it's like I'm taking in
too many calories. So you know, one of the things
that I've started doing now is it's not necessarily meal prep.
(27:55):
But I'll cook a lot of chicken, so it's like, yeah,
I always have Like the main thing is the fridge
already cooked, so I can throw it on a salad,
or I can just eat some chicken, or I can
dip it in some mustard and just call it a meal,
and then that takes away some of the energy that
I would normally have to expend every night to get
that done. Well, simplify what your your like your menu is,
(28:20):
so that it's habit for me versus having to create
like a fancy meal for yourself every night to keep
it exciting, because.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Oh, no, necessary, the fancy meal is not happening when
I'm busy. But I do think I do do really
well when I pre prep proteins, like you're saying, because
like the sides are easy, but the protein is the
thing that takes the time. Even though I'm really trying
to get into grilling, I still have been grilling some.
But I also think to your point, when you realize, Okay,
(28:48):
I'm reaching this place of burnout and I still have
all these responsibilities, maybe that's the time to go, Okay, well,
work is really busy, so like more money is coming
in for me, that's what that means. And I'm like, yeah,
I need to have a house cleaner right now, or
I need to you know, like you need to do
these Like it's the time to be like it's okay
to ask for help and outsource things like the things
(29:10):
that you can't quite do. That's why a lot of
people do like those meal services because they're a healthy
option and it's already pre done.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
But well, it's also like those cleaning your house comes
at a cost. So when the physical or emotional cost
is greater than the monetary cost of having someone come
clean it, that's when the scale needs to tip and
you're like, fuck it, I'm just going to pay some Oh.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
That is the thing that even during COVID when I
was like cutting back on everything, I mean there were
obviously a big portion of the time she didn't come
because of COVID, but then once they got back to it,
I was like, that is the thing I will always
find the money for because it's it's the help that
I need. Like, even if I'm not busy, that's not
my skill set necessarily the details of cleaning and it
(29:54):
just helps me maintain like being more organized in general,
but like I will literally find ways to make that
money to be able to afford that because it's so
beneficial to me. But that is one of the things
I've learned over the years is like, Okay, this one
really really helps me because like when my space is
messy too, it really inhibits my creativity. So it's like
(30:15):
a loop of it either has to like be clean
and a little bit organized or I can't work. But like,
am I giving the energy to cleaning? And you know
what I'm saying, It's just like totally the cycle. So
and I realize it's a luxury, but it's it's also
like the thing that I'm dedicating. I would cut back
on shopping or anything to do that.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Yeah, you can point to the necessity of it too.
I think, like most mothers, my mother was a superhero
growing I still don't I can't even wrap my head
around the balance and the exhaustion that she must have
(30:55):
been living with and getting everything done at the same time.
But like, the house that we grew up in was
like a old farmhouse and the rooms were big. It
was a big house, Like it was more house than
we needed, and she would clean that thing every Saturday
from top to bottom, and and like you know, and
having kids running around just like getting it dirty right
behind you. And now she's older and they have a
(31:18):
cleaning person. And it's not like she doesn't see it
as a luxury. It is one hundred percent of necessity
because she can't move the way that she used to
in order to do all of it. So there are like,
you know what.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
I'm gonna start saying that for me too. It is as.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Necessity for you, and it's like it's coming at a
different stage in your life, but you know it's. Yeah,
in New York City, we had one and I definitely
could not afford, Like it was not a luxury, but
we were never home, so it never made sense for
us to be the ones cleaning it. And it was
so affordable up there, and you just haven't come once
(31:54):
a week, so like they're not spending their whole day
doing it cleaning your apartment. It's like a half day
they can go do the neighbors or whatever. Yeah, but
you know, I'm cheap and don't have one here, but
I like clean along the way a lot, Like I'll
be on the phone and just walking around my house,
dusting like on a business call, or straightening things.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Every reason. I want the phone with you. Now I'm
gonna be like you dusting.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Wait oh no, I put it away. But I did
do a little dusting today.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
You know when we were on the phone.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
No oh, yeah, when I was on the phone.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Well, you're maximizing your time.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
I wonder about your energy levels, though, Would you feel
burnout or do you feel good right now?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
I feel okay. I mean, I definitely am. Burnout is
no stranger to me, you know, I was. I was.
Also when I was doing some research, I looked up
ways that like be common forms of burnout. And one
of one of the things that popped out to me
in terms of like you know, friendships and family, is
that I am generally just a pretty happy, go lucky guy.
(32:56):
And one of the things that I suffer from is
that when I hit burnout is trying to remain that person,
you know, trying to keep it on. And you know,
it's because I don't want to ever be perceived as
anything different than what I identify as. Yeah, and that's
a lot to carry, Like, I am a whole human being.
(33:18):
I can be sad, I can be tired. I cannot
be in a good mood. I'm the one that like
puts that upon myself and and I you know, I'm
really grateful for the friends that I have because I
feel like every time I'm in one of those spots,
my friends recognize it and call me out on it,
and they're like, something's off, like what's going on? And
(33:38):
it forces me to like admit it and recognize it
and work through it or whatever it is, or just
be okay with like saying notice some things and sitting
at home, and it's it's pretty rare for me. I'll
admit that I'm lucky, especially considering how crazy my life
can get. Like I somehow have that like energizer bunny gene.
(33:59):
I thrive off of it. I guess really you kind
of have to. But I thought that was a really
interesting one because we all have our identities and it's
it's a role really that we you know, sometimes feel
like we've outgrown for the moment and we just need
to step away from it. And that's that's fair to do.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
So I love the part that you said I'm a
whole human being because it just it isn't fair to
expect any one person to be exactly the same at
all times, right, right, So, like you're gonna have bad
days or be in a bad mood, and like that's okay.
It doesn't mean you're still not the fun loving chip.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
It makes us all laugh. But that shouldn't be an
obligation that you feel I.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Should not provide to anyone.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, correct, yeah, all the time.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Yeah yeah, I mean I was saying to you before
the podcast too, Like it is interesting because a lot
of the things that I have to watch with myself,
they come from a good place, just like what I
heard you say just then. It's like those are really
their gifts of yours. I mean, you are such a
light to be around and you make us all like
so haigh, Like I just love when you're in the
same room as me. There's like an energy you bring,
(35:04):
you know, but like if you use it too much
or you don't allow yourself the space to have the
other emotions, like it does start to drain you to
have to be that way, And like I think that's
all things.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
The whole burnout thing is funny. Just like looking through
some of the things like these are some of the
things that I found that can lead to the unpaid therapist.
Like you know when you feel like you have these
like guilt laced obligation where you are doing things because
(35:35):
you feel like someone wants you to do it versus
you wanting to do.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
It, which I know everyone listening to this podcast has
to really unless you're one of those people who is
very firm and like, like my boyfriend is like he
does not feel guilty not going to stuff, like he
doesn't he just because he's just a solo guy, Like
he's very independent. I'm like, what, like you don't feel
the obligation of this, and I'm like they'll be sol
down and he's like, well, like it doesn't bother him.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
One of my favorite things that happens is like when
I see I have like drinks or dinner on the
calendar with somebody and I'm like can yes, or when
like and you really don't want I just don't have
the fucking energy, like and it normally has nothing to
do with that person. It's just like when I leave
my house tonight, like it's pouring down rain, neither of
(36:27):
you have followed up and either they cancel for you
or the night just goes by and no one.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Says it's so pathetic though it's love it.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
I love it. Or I'll pull the and I probably
shouldn't show up my cards, but I'll pull the like,
oh my god, I just saw this in my calendar.
I completely forgot it.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I always know when you do that, I'm like, no,
you do not, you do not forget that, do not
play that game with me.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
And that I can't do that now that I've admitted.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
It, jigs up, gigs up. It's just so funny.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
It's so interesting because like, when I'm a healthy headspace,
I will state my truth. I'll say, like, I just
don't think I have that emmy today, I really communicate
openly about likes and dislikes or you know, not in
a rude way, but just I'm just honest.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
It's so wild.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
People respond so much better than we think, Like it's
so interesting. Actually, how then it seems like people trust
me more because like I'm not doing the obligatory hang
or the whatever. If I'm there, that means I want
to be there, you know, and if I can stay there,
it's so good for everybody, seemingly, but somehow, you know,
we kind of go back into these old patterns, And
(37:37):
I think it's so easy just to slip into this,
like I don't want to let people down, but it's like,
think about when you have a birthday party, do you
really want anyone there that just does not want to
be there?
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Like I don't.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
I would rather someone say I just don't have an
em me today. Totally get it, Like.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
You not carrying around the clipboard with all the people
that are invited to be Like so and so didn't
show up. Why weren't they there? You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Of course, my goal is you want to come, come,
I know. But but for some reason, I know that
everyone probably feels the pressure to go to these things
that we feel like we should or whatever.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
The next time I do something that's got like an invitation,
I'm going to put like a little asterisk it says
like you are not obligated to attend.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I like that. Yeah, it feels good if you.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Feel like like it's tough, it's tough. And then when
you go, like if if you go to something I
should say, if I go to something that I didn't
really want to go to, then I'm there looking for
the opportunity to leave and then it's like, why am
I even here?
Speaker 1 (38:40):
It's not for them, it's not fun for you, it's
not I.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Would much rather just be present somewhere that I want
to be.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
I kind of think this this is a whole wrap
up of everything we're saying. Is it's almost like if
we could all start living with the truth of what
we have to give energetically and.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Really that it seems like it would shift a lot,
doesn't it.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Yeah, Like, even when it's.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Finally saying out loud, I kind of hate social media now,
and not in the ways of like I hate, you know,
the trolls or whatever.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Like I just don't enjoy it. I really don't.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
It does not feel good to me anymore. And so
I've got to figure something out. But that's the first
time I've said that out loud, because I feel so
obligated because I've built this big following and it used
to be such a big part of my business and
all this stuff. You know, Isn't that weird that I
would feel that way?
Speaker 1 (39:31):
But I do.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
Yeah. Well, I think the hard part about all of
this is admitting to ourselves sometimes that we're in a
rut that needs to be explored.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Oh, that's interesting, and so.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
The shame that comes with that, or the inability to
recognize that is sort of what drives us to full
on burnout versus being like, well, why don't I feel
like going tonight, or just admitting yourself like I don't
want to go, Like it's fine, like no one's going
to care. But I think that is the challenge that
most of us face, is like admitting those things to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Admitting and accepting yes, because I like, I want to
think that I'm a super woman who can do it all,
and I do get a lot done in a day
on good days, you know. But like, if I'm feeling
the weight, if the symptoms that you read at the
beginning are starting to creep in, that is a time
to ask myself what the truth is and what am
I not willing to accept right now? Is it really obligatory?
(40:30):
Or am I putting that pressure on myself?
Speaker 3 (40:33):
I mean, I've I've definitely gotten to a place in
my life where I like to say no a lot more.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
And it's your word of the year.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
It's my word of the year. Of course, I'm struggling
with the decision right now that I like feel like
I should say no, but I want to say yes.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Do you want to talk it out with me and
the listeners.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
Without telling you it's a whole nother podcast.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Why do you want to say yes?
Speaker 3 (40:54):
Though?
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Is it for you or for them?
Speaker 3 (40:56):
For me? Really? But I'm just like it's one of
those things where I'm like, will I regret it? Like
those sorts of things, And it's not like a burnout situation,
but it's it's funny that we're talking about saying no,
and I'm like wrestling with this decision. So I'm worried
that if I say no, I will regret saying no.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
M that's always a big one too. Yeah, well that
sounds like a little bit of fomo.
Speaker 3 (41:19):
There's a little bit of that. Well, sidebar after this,
we'll sidebar.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Sorry listeners, Sorry, I'll.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
Fill you all in once I've made the decision.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
Okay, that's a guarantee.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Well, if we said anything that resonates, which I hope
we have, I feel like this was just us kind
of talking about where we are today. That podcast with
Almana is actually so helpful, and she also talks about
a lot of just other ways, like finding your purpose again.
She's an executive coach for massive corporations. So she's super
well spoken and was really really interesting to talk to you.
(41:51):
So go check that one out. You can always email
us at the Edge at velvetedge dot com. I am
curious if you guys feel this like I know, we
can't be the only one.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
There's no way now.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Everyone feels it at some point.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
Yeah, so email us or you can slide into my DMS.
I am at Velvet's Edge Chip.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
I'm at Chip door shot H I P D O
R S C H.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
And as you guys go into the weekend and you're
living on the edge, I hope you always remember too
Speaker 3 (42:16):
Our casual ma
What's up, you guys. It is Kelly.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
It is Friday, and obviously Chip is typically here with
me on Fridays. We were scheduled to record and he
unfortunately has had a family emergency come up, and I
thought to myself, Okay, well, you totally go take care
of that, don't worry about the podcast. Of course, Chip
is Chip, and he's offering to travel with his equipment
and things like that. And it just really struck me
(00:35):
the ways that we were trying to contort ourselves to
make sure we got a new episode up to you guys,
because we really value doing this podcast and communicating with
all of you and connecting over these different learnings and
finding our purpose and just going on this messy journey
of life together with you guys. But I thought to myself,
(00:56):
if anything is happening this week, is that the astrology.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Is just astrology ing that's a word to Matt. And
it's a full moon.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
And if you listen to the episode on Wednesday with Marv,
you understand that there's a lot of intense energies coming
in this December and it's kind of coming at the heels,
not kind of it is coming at the heels of
just a long year. The twenty twenty five has felt
wild to me. Everyone else I've talked to says the
same thing, And I think officially most people in my
(01:25):
life are just feeling this level of burnout towards the
end of the year. I think that's pretty common, but
this year feels like a little more intense amongst me
and my friend group. So I'm assuming some of you
guys can relate. I see a lot of this on
social media as well, so I don't think that we're
the only ones dealing with that. And so when I
really started to think about that, like watching Chip try
(01:46):
to contort himself amongst you some really stressful things with
his family going on, and then me being like, panicky,
Oh what am I going to do?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
You know whatever?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I was like, wait, if I sit here on this
podcast every week talking about the amount of self care
and stopping the self sacrifice and really staying in touch
with myself and not letting myself get to the stage
of burnout. But then I try to contort myself even
in a time where the exhaustion is high and all
(02:18):
of the players in the puzzle are not here, am
I like completely contradicting everything I say. You know, it
felt like one of those moments where I was like, uh, yeah,
you gotta like practice what you preach, your boo. So anyway,
it just dawned on me I needed to just get
on here and be honest with you guys. And I
know this December for me, I have literally struggled to
(02:40):
work every day because I'm just kind of done for
the year. I've hit this point where I'm like, yeah,
Mama is tired, ready to relax, ready to just chill,
reset and really get my mind right by taking actual
time off and not really pushing. So that's what we're
gonna do this week, and I are going to take
(03:00):
care of our lives. But it felt really important to
me to say all of that to you guys, so
you didn't think we were just dipping out or anything
like that. I'm hoping that you relate and it's one
of those connection places that we can take with us
into the future. But I also really wanted to post
this podcast that Chip and I did about Hidden Burnout
(03:21):
because I think at this time of year we talk,
you know, the year has been long and I'm just
so burnout and all that stuff but do you really
know why you're burnout? Are the things that you're doing
in your life that are draining you and maybe you're
not even realizing it, you know. I think invisible labor
is a big word we see on social media now,
specifically about women, but I think it can go for
(03:42):
men too. But if you've seen it on social media,
it's often discussing all of the ways like emotional labor,
or relational labor, cooking dinner every night labor, like the
things that a lot of times women are doing in
their lives that they're not noticing how much energy is
being given to or leaked out, and so they're ending
(04:06):
you know, me being one of them, we're ending up
very depleted and drained and possibly burnt out. And so
as we wrap up the year, it just seems really
important to me to take inventory in my life, like
this is what I've kind of been doing this week
with the things that I'm not wanting to do with work,
Like how can I do this differently? What structure can
(04:27):
I recreate for next year to be in a different
place so I'm not burning out to work smarter, not harder.
That used to be the opposite for me, I was
always just let's work hard. We'll get to where we
want to get if we work hard. And I believe
that I do believe in hard work, and I do
want to try to figure out how to have more balance.
(04:48):
And that's just kind of like one of my life
journeys that I think I'll always want to be figuring out.
And so this week felt like a really good opportunity
to live that out, and this podcast felt like a
really good inventory and kind of just evaluation of the
way your twenty twenty five has gone, and then what
you want to let go of and leave in the past.
(05:09):
That's a huge part of this week as well with
the astrology and then what you want to take with
your future. Like this is the final month of this
snake year, this nine year, whatever you want to call it.
There's all the different numerology or animal I don't even
know what that's called, but this is the year of
the snake. So everyone's saying this is our year of shedding,
(05:30):
of releasing, leaving all the old narratives, all the old systems,
all the old structures that do not work or do
not service anymore in the past, and rebuilding for a
new future. Next year, twenty twenty six is a one year.
That's a starting year. It's a beginning year. So how
do you want to start your year and how do
you want it to change your life in the small
(05:54):
ways that you can.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Each and every day.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Here's that conversation that Chip and I had about hidden burnout,
and we will be back next week, hopefully with more
conversation for you guys.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Hello that my son is like, I mean, see those
dots on my face. You all can't see it if
you're just listening, but it's like the little holes in
the blinds.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh yeah, it's almost like dividing your face a little
bit like two face. Wow, this lighting set up. We
really should have had this figured out before starting to
press records.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
It's good, but now I'm just getting these dots. Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Anyway, anyway, well, we're just showing up as is today,
come as you are to the Velvet Edge podcast because
I told you before the podcast I'm just tired, and
we were talking about what we're going to get to
for the topic, and you were like, I think you
just need to be like honest about this, like just
talk about what it is that you're going through with
(06:53):
that because it is very topical. So basically we were
saying that if you guys listen to the Wednesday podcast,
it was actually a repost from something I recorded in
twenty twenty four with I'm gonna Outai. She's an executive coach.
I mean she has people like Google, Deloitte like, she's
people that have real let mean legit yeah, I mean
like legit jobs and companies and corporations, like massive corporations.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
She was so great.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I loved that conversation so much, and it's one that
has really stuck with me. You know, there's certain conversations
I have that I'll just hear their voice in my
head almost when stuff starts to come up, and I'm like, oh, yeah,
this is like what I'm gonna said. And So I
had an experience earlier this week, or it was I
guess it was a couple days ago now, but I
was supposed to record for my Wednesday podcast and I
(07:38):
got a terrible migraine. And I've been talking a little
bit about how busy work has been, but this has
kind of been one of the consistent themes of my life,
where I will like work myself to the point of
getting sick. I think I even mentioned this last week,
but getting sick or sometimes if I let stress get
to me too much, I get migraines. And it's typically
just like I've absorbed too much. Not to mention it
(08:00):
was a full moon, there was just a lot going
on in my sensitive, energetic body just couldn't take it. Now,
what I would have done in the past is continued on.
Like I would have taken my migraine meds. I would
have pushed myself through that and just been like a
zombie and not shown up as my best self. And
I just thought to myself, like I literally heard Amana's
(08:23):
voice in my head, and of all the different kinds
of like burnout and the things that we talked about,
and I thought, oh wait, I have two choices here,
Like I can do the thing I've done in the
past and not go through any of the changes that
I've like learned through a lot through this podcast or
these conversations that I've had, or I can try something
(08:43):
different this time and then now we can make this
a topic. And so that's what I did. I was like,
I'm going to repost that podcast because it was such
a good one, and I rescheduled that interview, and so
you guys will hear it next week. But Chip and
I were here today and I'm feeling a lot better,
but I'm still tired. I have so much going on,
and so I wanted to keep talking about some of
(09:04):
the things that we bump up against in our lives,
like burnout or how we get to these places, and
some of the things that she taught me about the
different kinds of labor that were actually exerting throughout every day.
And I think because I think that's what got me.
I don't think it's just like, oh, I'm so busy
with work. It's oh, I'm so busy with work, and
(09:25):
I'm giving to all these other things and my energy
is just fucking zapped, and I want to talk about that.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Right Also, I mean, we our lives are pretty fast paced.
I think most people's lives are.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Really fast pause everybody. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
You know, with the since the advent of social media too,
it's like rest isn't comfortable anymore because you feel like
you're falling behind everybody else.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, which we talked about this last week.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Yeah, so you know, it's really easy to recognize when
you're busy at work, And it's easy to blame that
because it's good fodder for conversation, But you're never going
to be like these fucking kids or like I mean, it's.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Well, keep in mind, you might you might do it.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
You might do it to like your closest friends, but
it's like it would be hard to recognize that as
the source of your burnout. But like, the truth is
is you're expending your energy in so many directions. But
work is often a really easy one to blame. And
obviously it's where we spend most of our days, most
of our week, so it deserves a lot of the blame.
But I think it's important to have the conversation about, like, well,
(10:28):
what else in our life is creeping up that like
we might not even be paying attention to, and what
are the signs to look for?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
And the thing I was thinking about when you were
talking was like the shame that comes with not being
able to do it all for me. Still, I've done
so much work around this specific topic, and I actually
think it's probably going to be just a common theme
through my whole life. Like I think this is part
of my life journey, this one theme of balancing the
(10:55):
give and take you know, in many different ways. But
if we're talking about it in relation to bout, like
just figuring out what I can give energy to, what
I'm getting energy back from, how to have a better
healthier balance so I don't reach a place of burnout,
but also how to manage like so that I'm still productive,
(11:15):
you know, because like it's really easy to go one
extreme or the other, like work yourself to death or
keep yourself busy enough expend all your energy to get
to burn out, or for me, it's really it would
be almost easier to just shut completely down, you know,
like go one extreme to the other. And obviously we
all have to learn to live in this world as
we're here. And so my new goal is like, okay, wait,
(11:38):
I need to pay attention like if I'm feeling that
thing in my body, like and my body does talk
to me that way. If I'm feeling that thing, where
can I like pull back a little bit, And how
do I not shame the shit out of myself for
pulling back a little bit and not being able to
do all the things, to go to all the events,
to show up for every person in every way that
(11:59):
I want to Because it's not like it's bad things
that I'm expending energy on right.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
You know, also too, it's like by nature, not everyone's
a narcissist, a selfish to the point of narcissm, but
we're human. Nature is to be a little selfish. So
we want to think that everyone's noticing if we're there,
if we're not there, but none of us are keeping
score on anybody else. But it always it feels like
everyone's doing more than that you're doing, and that's just
(12:25):
not the case because we're not paying enough attention to
what other people are doing.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
That's so because one of the narratives in my head
is always like why can they do it? And I
can't do it.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Right, But I'm not noticing their burnout when they are
canceling or it's just great attention.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
And we're also could be different people, like there are
certain things I will never forget. I think I maybe
have told this story on the podcast before, and my
mom's listening, so, hey mom, this is about her. But
I remember when she retired, and like, my mom was
very good at her job and everyone that worked for
her loved her, and so it was kind of this
(13:01):
like big deal. She was a school principal, and it
was huge deal at her school that she was leaving,
you know, like the teacher's really upset and the kids
were upset. And I remember her telling me like, I
know everyone needs it, principle said negatively. And my mom
was truly loved and adored. Like when I would go in,
I was like, oh God, I feel like a celebrity's
(13:21):
daughter the way they're like.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Oh you're miss Henderson.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
But yeah, so she would tell me like teachers were
coming in her office and like crying to her. So
it was very emotional, you know. It was just like
and I don't think we ever give enough merit or
credit to emotions and how much weight they can carry
or how tiresome they can be, and just going through
the emotional process of grief. I think we talked about
that last week to you how much that can be.
(13:49):
And I just remember, like I flew in for her
actual retirement party and she was taking a lot of
naps and that's so not my mom. My mom is
like a go getter. She's always getting shit done. And
and remember looking at me and she goes, is this
how you feel?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
All the time?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Because she was so emotional, just going through the process
of like such a big life change and everyone else's
emotions around her, you know, And I was like, literally
every day, Mom.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Every day it's like, now you're retired and actually get
to nap.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Yes, she is living her best life now. But all
that is to say is like every human is wired
so differently too, and so we can't measure ourselves against
other people. Yet I say this and do it all
the time, right.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Well, I also think it's important to recognize that, like
we're not alone in burnout. Like, yeah, burnout is not
a sign of weakness in us. It's actually just an
indicator that like we're not paying attention to something, you know.
And I think if you ignore the burnout, that's when
you have a midlife crisis or a full on breakdown
or whatever, you know, like a out, Like it's not
(14:58):
an alignment when you're burned out, and it's maybe it's work,
maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's there's something in a
friendship that's really weighing on you that you're not addressing.
Maybe there's something physical that you need to deal with.
But everyone goes through it, you know, everyone hits a
point of burnout. But I'm right there with you, like
I feel like I need to say yes to everything,
I need to be at everything. I mean, I feel
(15:20):
less of that the older I get, like I'm much
more comfortable just being at home. Yeah, but you know,
again back to the social media piece of it too.
There's also the like the emotions that come with like
when your friends go do something and you're like, why
wasn't I invited to do that? And then suddenly like
you feel like you have to start saying yes to
more so that you're not not included.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
It's such a like it's literally a hamster wheel. Didn't
you tell me that you found some signs of burnout?
I was cillus about these some like indicators because I
do think I want to say this really fast. I
think we talk about burnout a lot on this podcast
and people.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Are probably like, oh, here we go again.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
But there's so many layers to burnout. And I'm going
to get to some of the different kinds of labor
in a second. And if you listened to Wednesday, you
heard that too. But I want to dive deeper because
it was it was truly life changing for me to
have these two words entered into my vocabulary. But I
think that we might talk about burnout a lot, and
people don't necessarily register places in their life that that
(16:19):
might be happening them to them too, do you know
what I mean? Because I don't know that it always
looks like what we're saying exactly Like when we're saying
burnout and we just want to shut down, it doesn't
always look like that, and the build up definitely doesn't.
So these are some of the like indicators made.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
These are some of the indicators that you might be
reaching burnout. So there's there's mental signs like if you're
chronically exhausted even after you've rested, if you've got brain fog,
you're forgetting things, you're having trouble focusing, you have trouble
making decisions. That's a sign of brain fog. Loss of motivation.
So if everything feels like a chore, or when things
(16:56):
like especially like things that you used to love, like
it feels like a chore to have to do them,
cynicism or detachment, So when you start thinking what's the point,
or you become like emotionally numb, those are the mental
signs of burnout. Some emotional signs are like you're irritable
and short tempered, and you snap at small things. Increased
anxiety or dread, So if an obligation's coming up and
(17:18):
you're worried about that, or like you've got dread about
going into work or getting your work done, feeling unappreciated,
like no one sees the weight that you're carrying. And hopelessness.
You know, some of these to me read even past burnout,
Like if you're feeling hopeless, that to me is even
scarier and I think you know it requires a little
(17:39):
bit more than a nap, but the belief that things
won't get better, So that is you're definitely a burnout
if you're feeling that way. Physical signs are headaches and
muscle attensions, so really changes in your sleep, so either
insomnia or sleeping too much, stomach issues, indigestion, nausea, appetite changes,
(18:00):
and immune system so you get sick more often. There
you go check check like this like an indictment. And
then behavioral sign So if you feel like you're pulling
your pulling away and isolating yourself socially and emotionally, if
you're procrastinating and avoiding, you can't bring yourself to start
or finished tasks. That's a sign increased reliance on coping behaviors.
(18:23):
So if you're overeating, you're over drinking, you're numbing your senses,
or you're you know, just staring at your phone and
scrolling like, that's a sign and decline and work performance.
So it's either like your perfectionism ramps up or you're
doing stuff to overcompensate.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
So, oh my god, you literally just summarized me.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yeah, I mean so much. And I think, you know, sadly,
I think, especially in this country, because are the way
that we look at, you know, our jobs and how
important work is in the scope of our lives. I
feel like a lot of us are running on fumes
all the time. I mean, it is not even June
and we are talking about burnout. That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
It's halfway through the air crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
And it's funny, like, you know, obviously we love doing this,
that's why we do it. And I said to Kelly,
I was like, it's hard even every week coming up
with something to talk about, and that can feel like burnout.
And she was like, well, I don't want to look
like we're complaining. I'm like, I'm not complaining about it
because I'm here recording. I like to do it, but
it is it's like when other things are cooking and
(19:28):
you're like, fuck, what are we going to talk about?
Because it's really just to us, you know, like so
we're speaking from like our own perspectives. So that can
feel like a labor, you know, to call it a
labor of love, like because it is work, but it's
you know, I think it's important to talk about things
that are topable.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Well, I think, like what you just said about the
podcast of is probably something a lot of people can
relate to with work. I always equate it to to like,
do you remember when an artist gets their first album
And it's like people always talk about this in the
music business for anyone not in the music business, but
it's like the first album can be killer, you know,
(20:16):
and you think about it though they've taken.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Years to write it.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
It's like the build up of their whole life has
been around this one album. They're nobody before the album,
so they don't have all these obligations. Well, then this
album comes out and it's super successful. So then they're
on a tour and they're gone all the time, and
there people don't really realize I don't think how much
artists are like on the go with the demands of
just like marketing and now social media and touring, and
(20:44):
it's just hard on your body and you're busy, you know,
there's not a lot of time for just you like
especially out of the gate, you got to run and go.
So then the second album time comes to do and
they're like, when am I supposed to write this album?
And it's not because they don't love the crowd anymore,
they don't love music, or they don't love the creativity
of writing it. It's that there's so many other demands
(21:07):
that they can't do it in the way that they
did the first go around, and so it's just trying
to manage it all and it's hard again not to
get burnt out.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
All also haven't been living a normal life, you know.
So it's it's Adele. I don't know the exact quote,
but she's like her ethos is that like you have
to live to write.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
That makes so much sense why she's like.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Five years every it takes her five years to make
a record because she's like, if you're coming out of
a tour cycle and you've been on this hamster wheel,
of fame, you're really going to like write songs that
relate what are you going to write about people because
you haven't had a chance to like explore your relationships
or like live or you know, travel in a real
way that's not just waking up in a city and
(21:50):
playing a show that night and then waking up in
the next city and playing the show that night.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So I mean, yeah, well, this is the point of
that was for me to say, Like, then, it's sometimes
like you do have to find the ways to keep
your authenticity and do which is why you encourage me
today You were like, no, I think this is what
we talk about because that's what you're going through.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
That's what I'm going.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Through, so surely some of our listeners are as well.
But what I was going to reference with Amana and
I was telling you about this earlier chip again, I'll
post this clip on my social media. I've been shitty
about social media again. It's like it's hard to keep
up with I will say this about social media. I
do not find the satisfaction or reward in it that
(22:30):
I used to. And so there are I've got to
find a new strategy because like it can be very
defeating to me, except it also feels like the thing
you have to do so people know to come listen
to this or what you're doing or you know, it's
like people look at it as almost like a website.
Now it doesn't even feel fun anymore. Like I don't
even know what anyone's doing for fun. I just know
(22:52):
what side hustle they're doing.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Yeah, it's like a braggy platform.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Yeah it's weird. It's just weird to me. So if
anyone has tips on that, because I'm just feeling like, huh,
what do I do about that? But I will post
this clip because I do like to post this stuff
that inspires me. And what a'manna said was burnout, Like
we often equate it to like what you and I
were talking about with working a lot, and I do
think that that is a big factor, Like I can
(23:18):
see for myself when work gets really extreme and crazy,
the opportunity for burnout is much higher. And also I
don't think that's always the only contributor, because it's not
like I just go work all the time and life stops,
you know, And so it's like, in addition to a
busy work schedule, we have what she called invisible labor,
(23:40):
and that like has changed my whole life. And that
was whenever I was having the migraine, I was thinking
to myself, oh, I have been trying to operate as
if my work schedule isn't what it is and still
show up for all this invisible labor of my life.
And that could be things like doing the dishes, cleaning
your house, making like if you have a family and
(24:01):
you make dinner for kids, but I feel it for
myself too, like making a healthy dinner and making sure
I'm fed. I know that sounds crazy, but like I
have such a caretaker job position that often sometimes the
thing that gets sacrificed is like my own self care
like making sure I'm eating or I'm sleeping. And that
sounds crazy, but that is how extreme it gets sometimes.
And then like, yeah, just any sort of like I
(24:24):
would think emotional labor maybe, like it's that weird, like
you're trying to balance life. I guess I'll call them
responsibilities with work, responsibilities with the things that we care
about and that matters to our heart and just all
those things. But that's invisible labor. It's not the things
you necessarily get paid for. But those are the things happening.
And so if you start incorporating that into like, oh,
(24:47):
here's another reason, maybe I'm starting to get really irritable
or tired like that I really resonated with when you
sleep but you still wake up just like exhausted, Like
that for sure happens. Then the other thing she talked
about was tall and that describes me from my past
for sure. It's like, how much are we tolerating in
(25:07):
certain circumstances. This can be any kind of relationship, job,
life experience, and how much is it draining us? Like
are we tolerating too much in any circumstance to where
it's not giving us anything, it's only taking? And I
do feel like that's something like in the past couple
of years I've really tried to address in my life,
(25:27):
like am I be in a reciprocal situation here? Like
is there some benefit to me and some benefit to them?
Or am I carrying all the weight to keep this
alive in a situation where I'm not getting anything back?
And like, I've made some drastic changes in my life
in that regard, but of course it can sneak back up,
you know, it's like old habits fucking die hard. So anyway,
(25:49):
those are the two things she said. And when I
really like hit that place with the migraine, I started
thinking about her again and I just heard that voice
and I was like, oh my god, I'm literally planning
every minute of the day. And the truth is is,
right now, work is so insane. I'm not going to
be able to do the life things right now. It's temporary,
(26:09):
but I have to let myself off the hook from
certain things, even things I want to do. But like,
you know, like if it meant certain dinners or seeing
friends or whatever, Like I think there's a balance, Like
you need to have fun too, so doing that, but
also like and you have to eat, but like what
do I truly have the energy for? What is my
body truly asking me for today? Is it a bath?
(26:32):
Or is it going out?
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Is it this?
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Or is it you know, it's just like those kind
of things because time is limited and the demands at
work are high, and so sometimes the invisible labor and
the tolerations really need to be extra paid attention to
because I don't have the space for it. And that
was what she really came to mind for.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Well, I mean it's also too It's obviously it's not
unique to anyone because we all have to Like if
you don't ever clean your house or you don't ever
do your dishes, next thing, you know, you're living in
a you know, a filthy hovel, all right, And so
sometimes you can't ignore those things. So it's like, how
do you recognize those things that are always going to
(27:14):
like those things will always be there, Like the work
has to be paid attention to because it's in the
moment and it's what pays your bills and you can't
end up homeless. So you have to do that. But
you also have to clean your house, you have to cook,
You've got to do these things. So how can you
minimize the load for yourself in those things? And for me, Like,
(27:35):
I know, one of the reasons why I'm overweight is
because I am really bad about cooking. Like I'll wait
till the last minute. I'll be like, oh my god,
if I start cooking out seven thirty, I'm not going
to eat on nine thirty, so I'm just gonna run
off get something. And so it's like I'm taking in
too many calories. So you know, one of the things
that I've started doing now is it's not necessarily meal prep.
(27:55):
But I'll cook a lot of chicken, so it's like, yeah,
I always have Like the main thing is the fridge
already cooked, so I can throw it on a salad,
or I can just eat some chicken, or I can
dip it in some mustard and just call it a meal,
and then that takes away some of the energy that
I would normally have to expend every night to get
that done. Well, simplify what your your like your menu is,
(28:20):
so that it's habit for me versus having to create
like a fancy meal for yourself every night to keep
it exciting, because.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Oh, no, necessary, the fancy meal is not happening when
I'm busy. But I do think I do do really
well when I pre prep proteins, like you're saying, because
like the sides are easy, but the protein is the
thing that takes the time. Even though I'm really trying
to get into grilling, I still have been grilling some.
But I also think to your point, when you realize, Okay,
(28:48):
I'm reaching this place of burnout and I still have
all these responsibilities, maybe that's the time to go, Okay, well,
work is really busy, so like more money is coming
in for me, that's what that means. And I'm like, yeah,
I need to have a house cleaner right now, or
I need to you know, like you need to do
these Like it's the time to be like it's okay
to ask for help and outsource things like the things
(29:10):
that you can't quite do. That's why a lot of
people do like those meal services because they're a healthy
option and it's already pre done.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
But well, it's also like those cleaning your house comes
at a cost. So when the physical or emotional cost
is greater than the monetary cost of having someone come
clean it, that's when the scale needs to tip and
you're like, fuck it, I'm just going to pay some Oh.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
That is the thing that even during COVID when I
was like cutting back on everything, I mean there were
obviously a big portion of the time she didn't come
because of COVID, but then once they got back to it,
I was like, that is the thing I will always
find the money for because it's it's the help that
I need. Like, even if I'm not busy, that's not
my skill set necessarily the details of cleaning and it
(29:54):
just helps me maintain like being more organized in general,
but like I will literally find ways to make that
money to be able to afford that because it's so
beneficial to me. But that is one of the things
I've learned over the years is like, Okay, this one
really really helps me because like when my space is
messy too, it really inhibits my creativity. So it's like
(30:15):
a loop of it either has to like be clean
and a little bit organized or I can't work. But like,
am I giving the energy to cleaning? And you know
what I'm saying, It's just like totally the cycle. So
and I realize it's a luxury, but it's it's also
like the thing that I'm dedicating. I would cut back
on shopping or anything to do that.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Yeah, you can point to the necessity of it too.
I think, like most mothers, my mother was a superhero
growing I still don't I can't even wrap my head
around the balance and the exhaustion that she must have
(30:55):
been living with and getting everything done at the same time.
But like, the house that we grew up in was
like a old farmhouse and the rooms were big. It
was a big house, Like it was more house than
we needed, and she would clean that thing every Saturday
from top to bottom, and and like you know, and
having kids running around just like getting it dirty right
behind you. And now she's older and they have a
(31:18):
cleaning person. And it's not like she doesn't see it
as a luxury. It is one hundred percent of necessity
because she can't move the way that she used to
in order to do all of it. So there are like,
you know what.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
I'm gonna start saying that for me too. It is as.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Necessity for you, and it's like it's coming at a
different stage in your life, but you know it's. Yeah,
in New York City, we had one and I definitely
could not afford, Like it was not a luxury, but
we were never home, so it never made sense for
us to be the ones cleaning it. And it was
so affordable up there, and you just haven't come once
(31:54):
a week, so like they're not spending their whole day
doing it cleaning your apartment. It's like a half day
they can go do the neighbors or whatever. Yeah, but
you know, I'm cheap and don't have one here, but
I like clean along the way a lot, Like I'll
be on the phone and just walking around my house,
dusting like on a business call, or straightening things.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Every reason. I want the phone with you. Now I'm
gonna be like you dusting.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Wait oh no, I put it away. But I did
do a little dusting today.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
You know when we were on the phone.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
No oh, yeah, when I was on the phone.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Well, you're maximizing your time.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
I wonder about your energy levels, though, Would you feel
burnout or do you feel good right now?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
I feel okay. I mean, I definitely am. Burnout is
no stranger to me, you know, I was. I was.
Also when I was doing some research, I looked up
ways that like be common forms of burnout. And one
of one of the things that popped out to me
in terms of like you know, friendships and family, is
that I am generally just a pretty happy, go lucky guy.
(32:56):
And one of the things that I suffer from is
that when I hit burnout is trying to remain that person,
you know, trying to keep it on. And you know,
it's because I don't want to ever be perceived as
anything different than what I identify as. Yeah, and that's
a lot to carry, Like, I am a whole human being.
(33:18):
I can be sad, I can be tired. I cannot
be in a good mood. I'm the one that like
puts that upon myself and and I you know, I'm
really grateful for the friends that I have because I
feel like every time I'm in one of those spots,
my friends recognize it and call me out on it,
and they're like, something's off, like what's going on? And
(33:38):
it forces me to like admit it and recognize it
and work through it or whatever it is, or just
be okay with like saying notice some things and sitting
at home, and it's it's pretty rare for me. I'll
admit that I'm lucky, especially considering how crazy my life
can get. Like I somehow have that like energizer bunny gene.
(33:59):
I thrive off of it. I guess really you kind
of have to. But I thought that was a really
interesting one because we all have our identities and it's
it's a role really that we you know, sometimes feel
like we've outgrown for the moment and we just need
to step away from it. And that's that's fair to do.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
So I love the part that you said I'm a
whole human being because it just it isn't fair to
expect any one person to be exactly the same at
all times, right, right, So, like you're gonna have bad
days or be in a bad mood, and like that's okay.
It doesn't mean you're still not the fun loving chip.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
It makes us all laugh. But that shouldn't be an
obligation that you feel I.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Should not provide to anyone.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, correct, yeah, all the time.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Yeah yeah, I mean I was saying to you before
the podcast too, Like it is interesting because a lot
of the things that I have to watch with myself,
they come from a good place, just like what I
heard you say just then. It's like those are really
their gifts of yours. I mean, you are such a
light to be around and you make us all like
so haigh, Like I just love when you're in the
same room as me. There's like an energy you bring,
(35:04):
you know, but like if you use it too much
or you don't allow yourself the space to have the
other emotions, like it does start to drain you to
have to be that way, And like I think that's
all things.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
The whole burnout thing is funny. Just like looking through
some of the things like these are some of the
things that I found that can lead to the unpaid therapist.
Like you know when you feel like you have these
like guilt laced obligation where you are doing things because
(35:35):
you feel like someone wants you to do it versus
you wanting to do.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
It, which I know everyone listening to this podcast has
to really unless you're one of those people who is
very firm and like, like my boyfriend is like he
does not feel guilty not going to stuff, like he
doesn't he just because he's just a solo guy, Like
he's very independent. I'm like, what, like you don't feel
the obligation of this, and I'm like they'll be sol
down and he's like, well, like it doesn't bother him.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
One of my favorite things that happens is like when
I see I have like drinks or dinner on the
calendar with somebody and I'm like can yes, or when
like and you really don't want I just don't have
the fucking energy, like and it normally has nothing to
do with that person. It's just like when I leave
my house tonight, like it's pouring down rain, neither of
(36:27):
you have followed up and either they cancel for you
or the night just goes by and no one.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Says it's so pathetic though it's love it.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
I love it. Or I'll pull the and I probably
shouldn't show up my cards, but I'll pull the like,
oh my god, I just saw this in my calendar.
I completely forgot it.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I always know when you do that, I'm like, no,
you do not, you do not forget that, do not
play that game with me.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
And that I can't do that now that I've admitted.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
It, jigs up, gigs up. It's just so funny.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
It's so interesting because like, when I'm a healthy headspace,
I will state my truth. I'll say, like, I just
don't think I have that emmy today, I really communicate
openly about likes and dislikes or you know, not in
a rude way, but just I'm just honest.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
It's so wild.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
People respond so much better than we think, Like it's
so interesting. Actually, how then it seems like people trust
me more because like I'm not doing the obligatory hang
or the whatever. If I'm there, that means I want
to be there, you know, and if I can stay there,
it's so good for everybody, seemingly, but somehow, you know,
we kind of go back into these old patterns, And
(37:37):
I think it's so easy just to slip into this,
like I don't want to let people down, but it's like,
think about when you have a birthday party, do you
really want anyone there that just does not want to
be there?
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Like I don't.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
I would rather someone say I just don't have an
em me today. Totally get it, Like.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
You not carrying around the clipboard with all the people
that are invited to be Like so and so didn't
show up. Why weren't they there? You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Of course, my goal is you want to come, come,
I know. But but for some reason, I know that
everyone probably feels the pressure to go to these things
that we feel like we should or whatever.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
The next time I do something that's got like an invitation,
I'm going to put like a little asterisk it says
like you are not obligated to attend.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I like that. Yeah, it feels good if you.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Feel like like it's tough, it's tough. And then when
you go, like if if you go to something I
should say, if I go to something that I didn't
really want to go to, then I'm there looking for
the opportunity to leave and then it's like, why am
I even here?
Speaker 1 (38:40):
It's not for them, it's not fun for you, it's
not I.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Would much rather just be present somewhere that I want
to be.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
I kind of think this this is a whole wrap
up of everything we're saying. Is it's almost like if
we could all start living with the truth of what
we have to give energetically and.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Really that it seems like it would shift a lot,
doesn't it.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Yeah, Like, even when it's.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Finally saying out loud, I kind of hate social media now,
and not in the ways of like I hate, you know,
the trolls or whatever.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Like I just don't enjoy it. I really don't.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
It does not feel good to me anymore. And so
I've got to figure something out. But that's the first
time I've said that out loud, because I feel so
obligated because I've built this big following and it used
to be such a big part of my business and
all this stuff. You know, Isn't that weird that I
would feel that way?
Speaker 1 (39:31):
But I do.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
Yeah. Well, I think the hard part about all of
this is admitting to ourselves sometimes that we're in a
rut that needs to be explored.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Oh, that's interesting, and so.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
The shame that comes with that, or the inability to
recognize that is sort of what drives us to full
on burnout versus being like, well, why don't I feel
like going tonight, or just admitting yourself like I don't
want to go, Like it's fine, like no one's going
to care. But I think that is the challenge that
most of us face, is like admitting those things to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Admitting and accepting yes, because I like, I want to
think that I'm a super woman who can do it all,
and I do get a lot done in a day
on good days, you know. But like, if I'm feeling
the weight, if the symptoms that you read at the
beginning are starting to creep in, that is a time
to ask myself what the truth is and what am
I not willing to accept right now? Is it really obligatory?
(40:30):
Or am I putting that pressure on myself?
Speaker 3 (40:33):
I mean, I've I've definitely gotten to a place in
my life where I like to say no a lot more.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
And it's your word of the year.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
It's my word of the year. Of course, I'm struggling
with the decision right now that I like feel like
I should say no, but I want to say yes.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Do you want to talk it out with me and
the listeners.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
Without telling you it's a whole nother podcast.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Why do you want to say yes?
Speaker 3 (40:54):
Though?
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Is it for you or for them?
Speaker 3 (40:56):
For me? Really? But I'm just like it's one of
those things where I'm like, will I regret it? Like
those sorts of things, And it's not like a burnout situation,
but it's it's funny that we're talking about saying no,
and I'm like wrestling with this decision. So I'm worried
that if I say no, I will regret saying no.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
M that's always a big one too. Yeah, well that
sounds like a little bit of fomo.
Speaker 3 (41:19):
There's a little bit of that. Well, sidebar after this,
we'll sidebar.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Sorry listeners, Sorry, I'll.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
Fill you all in once I've made the decision.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
Okay, that's a guarantee.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Well, if we said anything that resonates, which I hope
we have, I feel like this was just us kind
of talking about where we are today. That podcast with
Almana is actually so helpful, and she also talks about
a lot of just other ways, like finding your purpose again.
She's an executive coach for massive corporations. So she's super
well spoken and was really really interesting to talk to you.
(41:51):
So go check that one out. You can always email
us at the Edge at velvetedge dot com. I am
curious if you guys feel this like I know, we
can't be the only one.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
There's no way now.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Everyone feels it at some point.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
Yeah, so email us or you can slide into my DMS.
I am at Velvet's Edge Chip.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
I'm at Chip door shot H I P D O
R S C H.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
And as you guys go into the weekend and you're
living on the edge, I hope you always remember too
Speaker 3 (42:16):
Our casual ma
Host
Kelly Henderson
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