April 25, 2025 • 36 mins
You’ve probably said them—or heard them—in tough times: “Everything happens for a reason,” “Time heals all wounds,” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But do these popular sayings actually help us heal… or just shut us down?
In this episode, Kelly and Chip break down some of the most common feel-good phrases we hear in hard moments—and explain why they might be oversimplifying real-life pain, struggle, and growth. From “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” to “if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life,” they dig into where these ideas fall short and how they can unintentionally cause harm.
But don’t worry—it’s not all doom and dismissiveness. They also offer more grounded, compassionate alternatives that make space for both truth and growth. Because sometimes, the best way to move forward is to stop pretending it’s all fine.
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HOSTS:
Kelly Henderson // @velvetsedge // velvetsedge.com
Chip Dorsch // @chipdorsch
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Fellow, chip, I you're in a different environment today, I am.
I gotta shoot, Yeah, I'm shoot.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
So thankfully there's a house here that my friend owns
and it has Wi Fi.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Oh my god. Okay, So I was telling you I
had Jill Brown. She's an evolutionary astrologer on the podcast,
which I actually asked her what that means, and I
do think that the kind of way that she reads
an astrological chart does really focus on past lives and
also like chiron, which I'm just explain to you in
(00:37):
a second, don't worry.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Which is a chiron? I know what that is, but
in a different world, what is it? It's like when
you know, when you watched MTV and it said the
name of the artist and the song title the album
yeah called.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Are you serious? I had no idea. Yeah, I had
no idea to had another meaning. Well, anyway, some of
the listeners might be thinking the same. But it is
part of an astrology chart. It's about your core winning
and I'll get to that in just a second. But
when I asked her what evolutionary astrology was, she was
explaining basically what I believe is the way that I
always am trying to work with astrology in general, it's like,
(01:14):
why is my soul here? I believe we all came
into this specific lifetime with a path, Like we chose
the situations that we go through. We chose the life
that we're living to face certain things to then help
our soul evolve in certain ways. So maybe you're lacking
in a certain area, or in the last lifetime you
(01:35):
were like this super driven, hardcore worker person. In this
lifetime you're completely different because you're trying to learn more
about like emotions or relationships, you know, work life balance.
So when you go get your chart read, and this
is what I'm always trying to tell people about it,
it's all there, like things start to click. It's kind
(01:56):
of wild the way that it truly is just this map.
It's like looking back even during certain transits, you can
look back at what was happening at your life in
that certain moment, and it's pretty shocking when you start
to kind of piece it together. And so that was
a lot of what Jill was explaining to me, and
it's kind of, I think, really the focus of the
(02:17):
kind of astrology work that she does with her clients.
And so we specifically started talking about your chiron because
although I know what it is in your chart, it
is the placement that describes your core wound. So whatever
house it's in, whatever sign it's in, it's going to
be specific to you. Like she using my chart as
an example mine, I'm a Taurus. I have a chiron
(02:39):
and Taurus. There's a lot of other things of that placement,
Like it's in my first house, which is your house
of self. So it's all about me really learning in
this lifetime how to embrace my true self, like my
authentic self. And when we started talking about it, I'm
looking back at all these circumstances, like because within that
(03:00):
authenticity it would be a part of like wanting to
be seen for my true self, you know. And there's
so many situations in my life that I can look
back on that we're the big struggles of my life
or the big things that I even talk about on
this podcast that I'm like, oh, that was so hard
for me, or it's still so hard for me, or
like the things I can't let go of that had
such an impact on me or were so painful, and
(03:22):
all of those things are really forcing me to like
lean into who are you? Why are you here? What
is your soul's purpose? And the reason those are so
important to me is because I'm trying to overcome this
core wound. Does that make sense? Did I explain?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
It? Eventually just evolve into your soul's next.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Being totally, And so that would be my life's work, right,
is to really try to work through this core wounding.
And probably these are the things that will come up
throughout our lifetime and they'll just get easier to deal with,
or it'll be another like, oh, there's another situation that's
forcing me to look at this, you know, and everyone's
is going to be different, like it's going to be
(04:04):
in a different house, it's going to have a different theme.
And so that's why it's really interesting to learn about
these placements in your chart. It can help you kind
of understand why you've gone through certain obstacles, understand what
it's here to teach you, and to really evolve and grow.
So anyway, everyone knows how important that is is to me.
I mean I talk about it all the time. I'm
sure it's like a broken record, but I was saying
(04:25):
this to you and you said this statement because we
were trying. We always try to think about what we
want to talk about on Fridays that relates to Wednesdays,
but in a kind of twist or spin kind of way.
And you said the perfect thing because you said, whoa,
it's like that statement what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
And I immediately like rolled myself, like, oh, I hate
(04:47):
that statement.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I just love the Kelly Clarkson.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Song what doesn't kill You makes you strong? Yeah, I
forgot about that. I mean, girl can whale. But yeah, no,
I find that statement to be flawed in many ways,
which we'll get into. But I said, okay, well, an
interesting topic might be statements that we say like that
that I find to be really short sighted, because the
(05:10):
work I was talking about on Wednesday is anything but
short sighted. Right, It's going really into the depths of
your psyche. You're subconscious why I'm doing the things I'm doing,
Why I faced certain obstacles? What is this here to
teach me? And there's all these sayings that we live
and die by in our society that I find to be,
like I said, very short sighted. Are they stop short
(05:32):
of helping you in a way that's like beneficial to growth?
It's more so these things, these shiny little like ways
we paint hardships in our lives and then we kind
of just brush them to the side, and so they
don't do anything. They're just here and it's like this suffering.
I feel like we make ourselves go through. So we're
going to go through a couple of these statements, Chip
(05:52):
and I actually really disagree on a lot of them,
if they're beneficial or not. I'm very curious if you
guys relate or resonate, like with which side. But the
first one being what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
And so I will say, like, I think that's bullshit,
because first of all, I'm like, what doesn't kill you
usually gives you trauma that you have to work through.
(06:14):
Like I think it can make you stronger if you
work with it. But what I see happening in our
society is a lot of people are like, oh, what
doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I went through something hard.
I'm going to bury my head in the sand and
be that strong person. I'm not going to feel emotions.
I'm going to power through and I'm going to show
the world how strong I am because that didn't take
(06:36):
me out or whatever like that is how I see
it happening. I don't know if that's true or not
or just through my lens, but I don't feel like
that's helpful to people. I don't think that we have
to like always be pushed to operate from this super
air quotes right now strong place to actually be these
(06:56):
really strong people, you know, Like I believe that sometimes
the herder you let yourself break because of hard circumstances,
that's what makes you stronger. So I guess ultimately it's saying, yeah,
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But I'm like,
but there's more of that.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, Look, I definitely think it is a surface level statement,
but I think that there's some I think it's an
important statement because or phrase or whatever you want to
call it, because I do think it it's a way
to like inspire bravery in people too. You know, if
you were trying to get your kid to go on
a roller coaster for the first time, you'll be like,
(07:32):
you're not gonna die, you know, like what doesn't kill
you is gonna make you stronger. You're gonna get over
your fear. So I do think that there are purposes
for it, But I do think if you know, you
had a friend that experienced a major trauma and you
looked at them and said, you know, dust yourself off
and try again. There's another one right there. You know,
Like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is like
(07:55):
it could in many circumstances, could be incredibly toxic possible activity.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah, it's a dismissive.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, it's it dismisses any sort of real pain that
you might be in. But you know, I do think that,
like there is another analogy. It's just like any sort
of failure. If you if you are on a baseball
team and you lose, like it's not the end of
the world, Like get back up, practice harder, and you're
going to come back a better team if you like
focus on what your failures were. I did. I was
(08:26):
trying to do a little research on this because trying
to find these other topics. And one of the analogies
was like actually about muscles, Like when you work out,
you're tearing your muscles, but not to the point of
breaking them. You're tearing them so that they can come
back and rebuild and they're stronger. So some of that
like actually lies in the like physicality of muscle building. Yeah,
(08:49):
it doesn't kill you.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
That's actually a good analogy. Yeah, okay, look, I think
here's what I will say. I see your point. I
actually I think and I think your point is the
intention of that statement. And all I'm saying is maybe
our human brain interpretation sometimes falls a little short of
what this saying is supposed to actually bring to people,
(09:11):
Like I think what you're saying is the point of it.
And it's more so of like okay, like get back up,
do it again, try something again, be brave like you
were saying about, you know, dust yourself off and try again.
If you didn't make the base or you got cut
from the baseball team or whatever, like, doesn't mean you
need to be done with baseball. Maybe it could be
the thing that forces you to go practice more or
(09:32):
like whatever. So it is all in how you use
it too, or maybe it.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Makes you stop trying and you become a world famous
scientist because baseball wasn't in your.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Yeah, but again that would make you I think the
point for me being okay, if they say, if that
statement is said, having the moment of reflection to then
take your next step or whatever. Not just dismissing it
of like, right, Okay, I know the saying is what
doesn't kill you makes you st longer. So I'm not
going to let myself crumble on this, and I'm going
(10:04):
to sidestep emotions and not face anything, not think about
how much that hurt or give it the space to
like help me evolve or grow. I'm just going to
bury my head and keep going through the motions.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
You know, everybody, I'm thinking back to some of the
stories of your life that you've shared here and your
engagement that got called off because your fiance was cheating
on you. Yeah, that is not an instance where I
would look at you and be like, whatever doesn't kill
you makes you stronger, Kelly, You're gonna go find a
good man. Like, Yeah, that is a moment where you
(10:39):
need the time to process the emotions that you're feeling
because they're not the emotions that you set out for.
Whereas if you are on a baseball team and you
go into a game, like you know you're either gonna
win or you're gonna lose, so like you can kind
of be prepared for that, Like when you're marching down
a path of like my weddings in a month or
whatever it was on a certain Yeah, you're like the
(11:02):
train is on the tracks and suddenly you're off the tracks,
and that's like you had surprise emotions.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You know, Okay, but do you want to know what's
fucked up? People did say that to me about it.
I believe the way Effiici and thecy Or they would
tell me how brave I was from actually to walk
away because most people would have just gone through with
it anyway. And I'm like, what kind of world are
we living in that you would find something like that
out that your whole relationship basically was a sham to
(11:31):
some degree, you know, and then you still go through
with going through the motions. I think that's exactly what
I'm saying is I think sometimes these are misused as
these ways to like go about what's accepted by society
as like looking like a successful human versus actually going
through the process of what they're supposed to be here for.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Talk about your chiron, and you know, it's like most
people that would have stayed in that situation would have
done it because they would have been too embarrassed to
cancel their wedding and upset their parents and send the
like I was like I have to write to invite
whatever that is. Yeah, like that's why.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
People, I thank you for that reflection that actually makes
me feel good about Yeah, there you go. That was
that was me working through that wounding. And the truth
was is what I I can say now obviously, and
I say this all the time on the podcast too,
like that was one of the most beneficial things that
has happened to me in my life now, like I
(12:29):
could say that now. It was also one of the
most painful. But it did start me on this journey
of wanting to understand why I was, you know, even
picking the relationships that I was picking. And it wasn't
this overnight fix of like, oh I did that, and
then all of a sudden I got back on the
horse of dating and I did it right. Like whatever
that wasn't right. It didn't make me stronger for a
(12:49):
long time, but actually made me really fucked up in relationships.
And it can still come up, like I can still
have moments where I know I'm operating from that wounding
even But the point being is it put me on
this path of like I want to understand myself better.
I want to understand my childhood more. I want to
understand everything about this life, like relationships and whatever, and
(13:12):
so it was a gift now and that's the whole
point of like working with your chiron is to see
all these things. So it did make me stronger ultimately,
but it took a lot of It took a lot
of work, Like it wasn't overnight. And I know you
have stories like that too. Another one we thought about
was time heals all wounds. Another one we thought about
(13:45):
was time heals all wounds. And that kind of goes
hand in hand with what we were just describing, because
I think that's the most bullshit thing. Do I think
things get easier over time? Yes, but like that's not
what heals wounds to me, that's like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Working at them, he'll the wounds. The flaw with that
one is that it's like it encourages passivity.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, like you can just do whatever and you're gonna
get better anyway, and you might get a little bit
of like the feelings might alleviate and it's not so
like soul crushing. But the time isn't what it's like
totally fixing it.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Yeah, time is one of the ingredients I can say,
you know, like when I think about like loved ones
or pets that I love that have passed away. It
does get better with time, you know, just because and
that's not solely because of time. It's because you get
another dog or you found love somewhere else in your life.
It's never going to fill the hole that that that
(14:42):
person or that animal left, but it certainly does make
it better. Maybe like the killer flaw and that one
is healed.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
I totally agree it helps. Like you said, it's an ingredient,
like it helps, it lessens thing you again, like the
dog example is actually a really good one because you
have to rebuild your life, so you're building new memories,
and that I think gets easier when, like you start
to relate other good moments with like being alone in
(15:11):
your house, Like then all of a sudden, you're finding
another thing to do in your house or you get
a new dog, like you said, and so there's another
positive vibe coming in. But it's not just the time.
There's something else, like there's other.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Things, other ingredients.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Yeah, I mean, it just stop short.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I think like as an actor in college, if I
ever needed to cry, I could go back to how
I felt when my first dog died. Really, and that's
what I could use to make myself cry. And I
think it's probably like that was a first too, so
the wound was a lot deeper. But like, if that
tells me anything, it means that it is not healed,
(15:48):
you know what I mean. I can still think about
that dog and joyous ways and happy ways, but I
can also find that place that made me so sad
that I can cry it. I could cry it.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Death is one that I don't think ever gets healed,
but it just gets lessened, right, Like do you know
what I mean? Like if you think about the grief
of that, like that's what everyone says about losing a parent,
like it never not gets hard, but you just learn
to live with did or like time makes it a
little bit easier to digest and things like that.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
So the opposite would be doing the work, getting help,
having therapy, communicating with people that you love, talking through it, like, yeah,
that is what heals wounds. Yeah, and medicine if it's
a physical wound, Yeah that stitches. Yes, Time don't heal cuts.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
No, I think you said it perfectly. Time is an ingredient. Yeah,
I love that. I think that's that's a great statement. Okay,
what about this one. If you love what you do,
you'll never work a day in your life.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I mean I am guilty of saying that, so I
kind of agree with it. That said, it really cheapens
it because I love what I do. But it is
it's not like money coming out of a vending machine,
you know. I like, there is stress. There are days
(17:13):
where I'm like, fuck this, I want to like sell
my house and move to an island where no one
has my phone number. Right. I mean, maybe it's just
we haven't found the right like thing to love to
work in, because I do think there are like you know,
if you're an author and you love to write, like,
maybe it doesn't feel like work. I do, but what
(17:33):
we do, I mean, here's the thing. When your publisher
calls and says you have a deadline of Friday, you're
on page one, then it's work. But if you're good
and organized and like you take on, you take the
initiative just to get things done, that maybe makes you
feel like if you love your if you love what
you do so much that you're ahead of schedule all
(17:55):
the time, then you never work a day in your life.
But if you have any iota of procrastination and your being.
Then there are going to be days where it feels
like you have to work because someone's going to be
asking you to do something that you haven't done yet,
and you're going to be stressed.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I just I have a hard time with it. And
I think the reason I do is because I almost
carried a shame for a long time if I would
feel like I was not loving my job every single
moment of every single life. Because I know that what
I do is a gift, and like, I feel so
grateful to have the life that I have, especially to
(18:32):
get to do things that I genuinely love, just like you,
Like I genuinely love the things that I do for work.
I love doing this podcast, and I love doing my
styling stuff. I love doing grooming and do I get
to go to really cool places I do, and like
I have really cool clients, and like I get to
spend time with one of my best friends every week
doing this. Like I can't really think of anything better
(18:54):
as a job for me. I truly can't, right, But
at the end of the day, it's called a job
for a reason. And like there's always I think there's
there's just stuff with every single thing. And so what
I found myself feeling was like when people would say
to me, oh my god, that's so cool that you
get to do that and call it a job, and
I would almost feel this shame for feeling like, yeah,
(19:16):
and there's hard days or hard aspects or like there
are days where I wake up and I don't want
to fucking go to my job either, Like that's just
because of things like you said, it's like there's deadlines
or sometimes I'm sick or I'm tired, or I'm going
for personalities or there's personalities that are hard to work with,
or like doing my job to the best that I
(19:39):
could do it means working really long hours or you know,
like and there's just certain things that like at the
end of it, yeah, like it's not like I'm getting
to just go you need to wear this, this and
this and walk out the door, and like I get
funds to every money that I you know, like buy
whatever I want for people. Like like you said, there's
personalities or people know what they want to look like,
(20:00):
they have their own insecurities, there's all together shipping issues,
Like there's just factors that come into play that make
it not perfect if I had to say perfect about something,
And so I think again, it really kind of makes
us not be able to feel our feelings to go, Okay, well,
if you do what you love, it should never feel
like work. And I'm like, no, it still feels like
(20:22):
work some days. But I really love what I do,
and I like really try never to take it for granted.
I really try to really be appreciative and remember when
I'm having those hard moments like the ones we just
described to go and this is still a fucking great job.
And I love that I get paid. The fact that
I get paid to do this still blows my mind sometimes,
(20:43):
you know, like to go back to gratitude. I think
that's a good tool, but I never want to like
shame myself into never being like, God, that was a
hard day, Like I just don't think that that's I.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
See your point there, And you know, it's funny because
as you were talking, it made me realize, like, yeah,
it is the it's other people make me feel like
my job is fake because they're just like, I can't
believe that's your job. But then there are moments like
you know, I had a conversation with a coworker the
other day because we're dealing with some like music video
stuff and it's like literally half the day had gone
(21:17):
by and we were just dealing with emotions. And I
said to her, I was like, can you believe that
this is a job? Right?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Like this is like we haven't really.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Done anything all day, but we're doing something Like It's
like I could never explain to my mother how this
job works. But I manage an enterprise with an artist,
and the artist is the product and they're humans that
have to move around, and like, there is a lot
of orchestration that goes on and it can be very stressful.
But then there are also days where it's like I
(21:47):
look out and I'm like, I can't believe I get
paid to do this? Is relying amazing? Yes, truly is amazing.
But I will also say I think jobs like we
have where it's creative and you're doing what you love,
the imposter syndrome thing too, that's true really creeps in
because there are times when I'm like, I mean, why
(22:11):
am I getting paid to do this? Like why am
I so lucky that I get to do this? And
I have to remind myself that I worked really fucking
hard to get here.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
And also like, I're literally one of the most creative
people I know. So like, it's funny that because it's
easy when you hear other people say it, because in
my head, I look at you, I'm like, you have
so much music knowledge. You're like one of the most
knowledgeable people about the business that I know. You're so creative.
But it's the stuff that we tell ourselves because I
would never think that about you, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, totally so interesting. I think this statement needs to
be rewritten that says if you hate what you do,
find another job. That's what it.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Should be like for sure. Don't wait well, because of
the thing of what do we spend eighty percent of
our lives working or something? Isn't there some status it's
something ridiculous. Sorry that I don't have the actual percentage,
but if you google it it will come up immediately
because it's very talked about that we.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
See of your waking hours or something.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
It's something, yes, but it's some ridiculous percentage that amount
of time that we spend working. And if you're miserable
in that, like that would be a sad thing that
you would spend so much of your life doing that
it would.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Also creep into the rest of your life. There's no
word being that dissatisfied with where you have to go
eight hours a day doesn't affect your relationships at home.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Okay, but can I give you an astrology spend That
just came to me as we were saying this, because
I do believe we all have different purposes in our lives, right,
and like you and I both have probably had different
lifetimes where providing, for instance, was like our soul's purpose.
And so again this would be why understanding why you
(23:53):
wanted the life that you have, like through via astrology
or whatever tool you use. And I think you can
a lot of different ways. Astrology is just one that
speaks to me. But like, what if in your life
you feel like, I have to go to this job
I hate because I have kids and a wife and
like you know, we have this house and I have
to pay the bills or whatever it is that you
(24:14):
feel like, or just even like literally to feed myself.
I have to go to this job I fucking hate.
Like the narrative change could be about what was your
soul here to do? Though, and like looking at you know,
maybe it's not about actually loving the work that you're doing.
But maybe your job is to show up and like
energetically help the people you work with or be able
(24:35):
to provide for a family, like those are not nothing,
you know, like those are very important things.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Or being a mother is a job, you know, being
a parent is a job exactly, and really a job
is part of parenting.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah, and so do you see the spin I'm making though,
It's like totally do you think? We're both in creative
fields and so for us it was like a very
big calling to actually be very passionate about the specific
work we're doing. But I'm not sure that's everyone's soul calling,
Like I don't know that that's even something that matters to everyone.
So again, yeah, like if you do what you hate,
(25:09):
or you hate what you do, quit or find a
new job could be the saying. And also it could
be like, or look at what your soul soul's purposes
and maybe the actual work piece of it isn't what
your soul cares about, like what are the bigger pictures
all of this?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Or maybe that shitty job was was put in put
in your path to force you to find something that
you're passionate about, you.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Know, like, oh yeah, so at night.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
You start painting or you start writing or whatever it
is out on the side, So do you have an outlet?
And then you find out you're really fucking good at it?
Next thing you know, you're a number one selling New
York Times author. Okay, but Mel Robbins, let them, let them,
let them be.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yes, Okay. Good things come to those who waits.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
A bullshit.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Good things come to those who wait.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
A bullshit, Like, yeah, you can't just sit around and wait,
do you have? Look, I do think patience is a virtue.
It is, and it's an incredibly important virtue. But you
just sit around and wait to be handed something, something good,
and chances are it's not gonna come. You have to
put in the effort for those things to arrive, and
(26:34):
just sitting around and waiting just also sounds really fucking boring,
Like there's no adventure to it, there's no learning to it,
there's there's no pain in it. You know, you can't.
I mean, look, I do think good things take time,
and often things that take longer to come to fruition
are so much more fulfilling. But maybe that's what.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
That statement that, yeah, that's a good reframe of that.
I had to in thoughts because there's one piece of
me that goes that is a good consideration for a
culture that is so control driven, Like we think we
are just driving the bus of life all the time, right,
and so it's like sometimes life is telling you slow
(27:16):
down or wait or like this isn't the time to
make a big decision, and we decide not to listen
because we're like, no, that's not what I want, and
then it blows up. So there was that part of
my brain. But then the immediate other thought I had
was like the conversation we have in our friend group
all the time, thinking about if you're sitting on your
couch every night and bitching about how there's no men
(27:38):
in the market for you to date, but you're not
going out, you're not on the apps. You're like, it's like,
what are you expecting They're gonna walk into your house
while you're sitting in your pajamas and that's how y'all.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Meet, Like are gonna delivery your dominos?
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yes? Exactly? Ups, guy is gonna be the guy you
fall in love with? Like, I mean, that could happen
and I'm sure there's like a couple I'm sure there's
a couple circumstances where that's been the case. But for
the most part, you do have to make some effort
to meet people, right, And so that is kind of
where I feel about the statement mostly is like you
do have to put energetically at least even a step
(28:16):
in the right direction, Like you have to make some
movement towards something, even if it's not specifically like you
asking a guy on a date. Maybe try to like
go out to a restaurant and sit around a single
group of guys or you know, like start making some
sort of motion in that direction, and then let the
universe step in as well, like work with the universe.
(28:39):
But you can't just wait for the universe to just
drop something in your lap and think it's going to
happen magically.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
No, not at all. We do live in a culture now,
and I think this is more true in recent years
than probably whenever the statement became a statement, But we
all went instant gratification for things. So I think it's
like it's probably being used a lot now because people
are like trying to get us all to slow down
and sort of pump the brakes on our expectations. So
(29:09):
I think that is healthy, that's a healthy use of it. Yeah,
I just think it's the way that the sentence is constructed.
They use their wrong words, like, you know, it just
needs to be that like, yeah, time, time makes things better,
you know, it's I don't know, I didn't make that.
I didn't make up the statement to begin with.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
So well, speaking of I will rewrite it for him.
You're not going to rewrite those. But you were like,
this is inspiring me, Chip is this is again how
he's very creative. This is inspiring me to write my
own statements. And so you came up with a list,
and I thought that you should share this with the listeners.
I've only heard a couple and I was like, don't
tell me anymore. I want to have a real time reaction.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Well, I want you to have a real reaction, but
I also want you to tell me if you like,
if I use this like just in a normal conversation
one day and you'd never heard it, if you I've
made it up, or if you thought or if you
would think that like it was actually some like some idiot.
What is the right word for these things?
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Huh, what's the right word for these praises?
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Like praise? I don't know anyway, So here we go.
Here's some of the ones. Rock Bottom just means you're
perfectly positioned to start digging sideways?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
What does it even mean? I feel like if you
say most of these, I'll be like, what what does
it mean?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
I mean, it's like, I guess it means like up
isn't the only direction you can go, Like you can
kind of go to the side, even at rock bottom.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Honestly, it's so specific that if you said that one,
I might be like, huh, who said that? Mout Robins.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna have tout commit these autumn
memory and just drop them in conversations.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I can't wait.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Okay, here's the other. Crying in your car counts a
self care if the windows are tinted.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
But why do they have to be tinted. I'm like,
let that freak flag fly.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
I mean true, Yeah, you were like crying with the
windows down driving down the highway. I guess it's like
the self care part and it being like secretive.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Okay, or it could be tinted with rose colored glasses. Yeah,
is that.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Getting rose colored tinting.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
It's rose colored. Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Every red flag is a motivational banner if you squint
hard enough.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
I mean, it is a motivational banner to get the
fuck out of there.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean that one. I could probably use
that and no one would question that. No.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
I mean that actually definitely sounds like something that Robbins
would say.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
If you went hard enough. Okay, pain is just love
doing coseplay as personal growth. Wow. That one is taking
a deep But that one also kind of is like
time heals.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
All winds a little bit. Yeah, wait, say it again.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Pain is just pain, is just love doing cause play
is personal growth.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I don't know if I fully understand what cause play is,
but is that.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
It's like dress It's it's basically like pain is just
love dressed up as personal growth. Oh again a costume?
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Yeah okay, yeah, God that's deep. Wow I'm still processing.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Okay, that's like that what's that lyric from Stephen Wilson
Junior where it's like pain is only love with nowhere
else to go?
Speaker 1 (32:29):
I mean, pain is only love with nowhere else to go? Yeah,
I mean, and they also say the thing about you
can't your grief, like grief is only showing you how much.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
You loved right right, Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Phrases back. This whole podcast is just one big phrase back.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
And oh my god, we should just get real cliche
and only do phrases.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
For the rest of phrases.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Catchphrase, it's the new name of our podcast.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
You have any more? Every Monday, you guys can tune
in to catchphrase catch phrase? Rich It and I just
go back and forth to each other trying to trump
each other's catchphrases. Do you have any more knowledge you
want to drop on us?
Speaker 2 (33:14):
That's it?
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Those are the big ones. I'm gonna really like, I
really got to mull some of those over and see
see who it comes to me. The cosplay one really
got me, like, does it make sense? Make it make sense?
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I don't know, my god, I'm going to make one
of those things for my Instagram, like those inspirational quotes. Yeah,
claim that one. See if it goes.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Viral, you probably could just make it, make it pretty.
You never know, right, Oh my god, I'll die if
you go viral for these things. I mean, I think
the point I'm always trying to make is I want
these to go deeper, which is what I really pray
from life anyway. Right, It's like I want to make
sure we're not just skimming the surface, like we're really
(33:53):
working with what's happening to us, are for us, however
you want. That's another catchphrase. It's like it's not happening
to you, it's happening for you. I just think it's
good to not stop short of allowing yourself the possibility
of growth in any moment.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
So that I feel like a lot of these things
were written by parents to teach a lesson to a kid,
which is why they're so like sort of surface.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Yeah, they're almost like the shut.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Up and go to their job at subway or whatever.
You know, Like, look, find a job that you love,
because if you love what you do, you never work
a day in your life. Now get out of here,
you know, it's like.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
You're gonna do. You're from Jersey, so I just feel
like that's really all.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Get out of here, kid. I feel like that's where
these things. Okay, I'm drunk, I'm not what I do.
Never worked a day in my life.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
It's such a full circle. Okay, Jersey Dad, did you
want to send us out this? I mean like because
I feel like, literally, if I try.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
To do the Jersey voice again, it'll come out something Russia,
and I know it.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I feel like that's actually accurate. So we're just saying,
take these statements and take the next step with it,
Take it a little deeper. That's the whole point. Life
is just messy. Don't live on the surface. Tick deeper.
It's layered. Go go, go through the layers. We're coming
up with phrases.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Honestly, because what doesn't kill you does make you stronger.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
I mean truly, it actually does so in summary, In summary,
it actually does give it time if you look at
what the whys you work with it whatever, if you
allow it to let's say it that way. Yeah, I
don't know. Okay, what do you guys think? Are there
phrases that bother you?
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Let us know, Please send us.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
You can email us at the edge at Velvet edge
dot com. You can always hit me up on Instagram.
I'm at Velvet Edge, Chip, I'm at Chip Doors.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
It's Chip A D O R sh.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
And as you guys go into the weekend and you're
living on the edge, I hope you always remember.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
To act casual.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
You remember when I could never get that statement right.
We have come leaps and bounds just to throw an
raise in there for you.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
I mean, seriously, time healed that one field.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
It Practice makes perfect.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Okay, there's another.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
All right, bye.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Sound check one.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Okay, you let me know when you're ready. Little Angel,
I'm choking on something.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Give Ade.
Fellow, chip, I you're in a different environment today, I am.
I gotta shoot, Yeah, I'm shoot.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
So thankfully there's a house here that my friend owns
and it has Wi Fi.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Oh my god. Okay, So I was telling you I
had Jill Brown. She's an evolutionary astrologer on the podcast,
which I actually asked her what that means, and I
do think that the kind of way that she reads
an astrological chart does really focus on past lives and
also like chiron, which I'm just explain to you in
(00:37):
a second, don't worry.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Which is a chiron? I know what that is, but
in a different world, what is it? It's like when
you know, when you watched MTV and it said the
name of the artist and the song title the album
yeah called.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Are you serious? I had no idea. Yeah, I had
no idea to had another meaning. Well, anyway, some of
the listeners might be thinking the same. But it is
part of an astrology chart. It's about your core winning
and I'll get to that in just a second. But
when I asked her what evolutionary astrology was, she was
explaining basically what I believe is the way that I
always am trying to work with astrology in general, it's like,
(01:14):
why is my soul here? I believe we all came
into this specific lifetime with a path, Like we chose
the situations that we go through. We chose the life
that we're living to face certain things to then help
our soul evolve in certain ways. So maybe you're lacking
in a certain area, or in the last lifetime you
(01:35):
were like this super driven, hardcore worker person. In this
lifetime you're completely different because you're trying to learn more
about like emotions or relationships, you know, work life balance.
So when you go get your chart read, and this
is what I'm always trying to tell people about it,
it's all there, like things start to click. It's kind
(01:56):
of wild the way that it truly is just this map.
It's like looking back even during certain transits, you can
look back at what was happening at your life in
that certain moment, and it's pretty shocking when you start
to kind of piece it together. And so that was
a lot of what Jill was explaining to me, and
it's kind of, I think, really the focus of the
(02:17):
kind of astrology work that she does with her clients.
And so we specifically started talking about your chiron because
although I know what it is in your chart, it
is the placement that describes your core wound. So whatever
house it's in, whatever sign it's in, it's going to
be specific to you. Like she using my chart as
an example mine, I'm a Taurus. I have a chiron
(02:39):
and Taurus. There's a lot of other things of that placement,
Like it's in my first house, which is your house
of self. So it's all about me really learning in
this lifetime how to embrace my true self, like my
authentic self. And when we started talking about it, I'm
looking back at all these circumstances, like because within that
(03:00):
authenticity it would be a part of like wanting to
be seen for my true self, you know. And there's
so many situations in my life that I can look
back on that we're the big struggles of my life
or the big things that I even talk about on
this podcast that I'm like, oh, that was so hard
for me, or it's still so hard for me, or
like the things I can't let go of that had
such an impact on me or were so painful, and
(03:22):
all of those things are really forcing me to like
lean into who are you? Why are you here? What
is your soul's purpose? And the reason those are so
important to me is because I'm trying to overcome this
core wound. Does that make sense? Did I explain?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
It? Eventually just evolve into your soul's next.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Being totally, And so that would be my life's work, right,
is to really try to work through this core wounding.
And probably these are the things that will come up
throughout our lifetime and they'll just get easier to deal with,
or it'll be another like, oh, there's another situation that's
forcing me to look at this, you know, and everyone's
is going to be different, like it's going to be
(04:04):
in a different house, it's going to have a different theme.
And so that's why it's really interesting to learn about
these placements in your chart. It can help you kind
of understand why you've gone through certain obstacles, understand what
it's here to teach you, and to really evolve and grow.
So anyway, everyone knows how important that is is to me.
I mean I talk about it all the time. I'm
sure it's like a broken record, but I was saying
(04:25):
this to you and you said this statement because we
were trying. We always try to think about what we
want to talk about on Fridays that relates to Wednesdays,
but in a kind of twist or spin kind of way.
And you said the perfect thing because you said, whoa,
it's like that statement what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
And I immediately like rolled myself, like, oh, I hate
(04:47):
that statement.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I just love the Kelly Clarkson.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Song what doesn't kill You makes you strong? Yeah, I
forgot about that. I mean, girl can whale. But yeah, no,
I find that statement to be flawed in many ways,
which we'll get into. But I said, okay, well, an
interesting topic might be statements that we say like that
that I find to be really short sighted, because the
(05:10):
work I was talking about on Wednesday is anything but
short sighted. Right, It's going really into the depths of
your psyche. You're subconscious why I'm doing the things I'm doing,
Why I faced certain obstacles? What is this here to
teach me? And there's all these sayings that we live
and die by in our society that I find to be,
like I said, very short sighted. Are they stop short
(05:32):
of helping you in a way that's like beneficial to growth?
It's more so these things, these shiny little like ways
we paint hardships in our lives and then we kind
of just brush them to the side, and so they
don't do anything. They're just here and it's like this suffering.
I feel like we make ourselves go through. So we're
going to go through a couple of these statements, Chip
(05:52):
and I actually really disagree on a lot of them,
if they're beneficial or not. I'm very curious if you
guys relate or resonate, like with which side. But the
first one being what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
And so I will say, like, I think that's bullshit,
because first of all, I'm like, what doesn't kill you
usually gives you trauma that you have to work through.
(06:14):
Like I think it can make you stronger if you
work with it. But what I see happening in our
society is a lot of people are like, oh, what
doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I went through something hard.
I'm going to bury my head in the sand and
be that strong person. I'm not going to feel emotions.
I'm going to power through and I'm going to show
the world how strong I am because that didn't take
(06:36):
me out or whatever like that is how I see
it happening. I don't know if that's true or not
or just through my lens, but I don't feel like
that's helpful to people. I don't think that we have
to like always be pushed to operate from this super
air quotes right now strong place to actually be these
(06:56):
really strong people, you know, Like I believe that sometimes
the herder you let yourself break because of hard circumstances,
that's what makes you stronger. So I guess ultimately it's saying, yeah,
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But I'm like,
but there's more of that.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, Look, I definitely think it is a surface level statement,
but I think that there's some I think it's an
important statement because or phrase or whatever you want to
call it, because I do think it it's a way
to like inspire bravery in people too. You know, if
you were trying to get your kid to go on
a roller coaster for the first time, you'll be like,
(07:32):
you're not gonna die, you know, like what doesn't kill
you is gonna make you stronger. You're gonna get over
your fear. So I do think that there are purposes
for it, But I do think if you know, you
had a friend that experienced a major trauma and you
looked at them and said, you know, dust yourself off
and try again. There's another one right there. You know,
Like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is like
(07:55):
it could in many circumstances, could be incredibly toxic possible activity.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah, it's a dismissive.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, it's it dismisses any sort of real pain that
you might be in. But you know, I do think that,
like there is another analogy. It's just like any sort
of failure. If you if you are on a baseball
team and you lose, like it's not the end of
the world, Like get back up, practice harder, and you're
going to come back a better team if you like
focus on what your failures were. I did. I was
(08:26):
trying to do a little research on this because trying
to find these other topics. And one of the analogies
was like actually about muscles, Like when you work out,
you're tearing your muscles, but not to the point of
breaking them. You're tearing them so that they can come
back and rebuild and they're stronger. So some of that
like actually lies in the like physicality of muscle building. Yeah,
(08:49):
it doesn't kill you.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
That's actually a good analogy. Yeah, okay, look, I think
here's what I will say. I see your point. I
actually I think and I think your point is the
intention of that statement. And all I'm saying is maybe
our human brain interpretation sometimes falls a little short of
what this saying is supposed to actually bring to people,
(09:11):
Like I think what you're saying is the point of it.
And it's more so of like okay, like get back up,
do it again, try something again, be brave like you
were saying about, you know, dust yourself off and try again.
If you didn't make the base or you got cut
from the baseball team or whatever, like, doesn't mean you
need to be done with baseball. Maybe it could be
the thing that forces you to go practice more or
(09:32):
like whatever. So it is all in how you use
it too, or maybe it.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Makes you stop trying and you become a world famous
scientist because baseball wasn't in your.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Yeah, but again that would make you I think the
point for me being okay, if they say, if that
statement is said, having the moment of reflection to then
take your next step or whatever. Not just dismissing it
of like, right, Okay, I know the saying is what
doesn't kill you makes you st longer. So I'm not
going to let myself crumble on this, and I'm going
(10:04):
to sidestep emotions and not face anything, not think about
how much that hurt or give it the space to
like help me evolve or grow. I'm just going to
bury my head and keep going through the motions.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
You know, everybody, I'm thinking back to some of the
stories of your life that you've shared here and your
engagement that got called off because your fiance was cheating
on you. Yeah, that is not an instance where I
would look at you and be like, whatever doesn't kill
you makes you stronger, Kelly, You're gonna go find a
good man. Like, Yeah, that is a moment where you
(10:39):
need the time to process the emotions that you're feeling
because they're not the emotions that you set out for.
Whereas if you are on a baseball team and you
go into a game, like you know you're either gonna
win or you're gonna lose, so like you can kind
of be prepared for that, Like when you're marching down
a path of like my weddings in a month or
whatever it was on a certain Yeah, you're like the
(11:02):
train is on the tracks and suddenly you're off the tracks,
and that's like you had surprise emotions.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You know, Okay, but do you want to know what's
fucked up? People did say that to me about it.
I believe the way Effiici and thecy Or they would
tell me how brave I was from actually to walk
away because most people would have just gone through with
it anyway. And I'm like, what kind of world are
we living in that you would find something like that
out that your whole relationship basically was a sham to
(11:31):
some degree, you know, and then you still go through
with going through the motions. I think that's exactly what
I'm saying is I think sometimes these are misused as
these ways to like go about what's accepted by society
as like looking like a successful human versus actually going
through the process of what they're supposed to be here for.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Talk about your chiron, and you know, it's like most
people that would have stayed in that situation would have
done it because they would have been too embarrassed to
cancel their wedding and upset their parents and send the
like I was like I have to write to invite
whatever that is. Yeah, like that's why.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
People, I thank you for that reflection that actually makes
me feel good about Yeah, there you go. That was
that was me working through that wounding. And the truth
was is what I I can say now obviously, and
I say this all the time on the podcast too,
like that was one of the most beneficial things that
has happened to me in my life now, like I
(12:29):
could say that now. It was also one of the
most painful. But it did start me on this journey
of wanting to understand why I was, you know, even
picking the relationships that I was picking. And it wasn't
this overnight fix of like, oh I did that, and
then all of a sudden I got back on the
horse of dating and I did it right. Like whatever
that wasn't right. It didn't make me stronger for a
(12:49):
long time, but actually made me really fucked up in relationships.
And it can still come up, like I can still
have moments where I know I'm operating from that wounding
even But the point being is it put me on
this path of like I want to understand myself better.
I want to understand my childhood more. I want to
understand everything about this life, like relationships and whatever, and
(13:12):
so it was a gift now and that's the whole
point of like working with your chiron is to see
all these things. So it did make me stronger ultimately,
but it took a lot of It took a lot
of work, Like it wasn't overnight. And I know you
have stories like that too. Another one we thought about
was time heals all wounds. Another one we thought about
(13:45):
was time heals all wounds. And that kind of goes
hand in hand with what we were just describing, because
I think that's the most bullshit thing. Do I think
things get easier over time? Yes, but like that's not
what heals wounds to me, that's like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Working at them, he'll the wounds. The flaw with that
one is that it's like it encourages passivity.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, like you can just do whatever and you're gonna
get better anyway, and you might get a little bit
of like the feelings might alleviate and it's not so
like soul crushing. But the time isn't what it's like
totally fixing it.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Yeah, time is one of the ingredients I can say,
you know, like when I think about like loved ones
or pets that I love that have passed away. It
does get better with time, you know, just because and
that's not solely because of time. It's because you get
another dog or you found love somewhere else in your life.
It's never going to fill the hole that that that
(14:42):
person or that animal left, but it certainly does make
it better. Maybe like the killer flaw and that one
is healed.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
I totally agree it helps. Like you said, it's an ingredient,
like it helps, it lessens thing you again, like the
dog example is actually a really good one because you
have to rebuild your life, so you're building new memories,
and that I think gets easier when, like you start
to relate other good moments with like being alone in
(15:11):
your house, Like then all of a sudden, you're finding
another thing to do in your house or you get
a new dog, like you said, and so there's another
positive vibe coming in. But it's not just the time.
There's something else, like there's other.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Things, other ingredients.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Yeah, I mean, it just stop short.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I think like as an actor in college, if I
ever needed to cry, I could go back to how
I felt when my first dog died. Really, and that's
what I could use to make myself cry. And I
think it's probably like that was a first too, so
the wound was a lot deeper. But like, if that
tells me anything, it means that it is not healed,
(15:48):
you know what I mean. I can still think about
that dog and joyous ways and happy ways, but I
can also find that place that made me so sad
that I can cry it. I could cry it.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Death is one that I don't think ever gets healed,
but it just gets lessened, right, Like do you know
what I mean? Like if you think about the grief
of that, like that's what everyone says about losing a parent,
like it never not gets hard, but you just learn
to live with did or like time makes it a
little bit easier to digest and things like that.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
So the opposite would be doing the work, getting help,
having therapy, communicating with people that you love, talking through it, like, yeah,
that is what heals wounds. Yeah, and medicine if it's
a physical wound, Yeah that stitches. Yes, Time don't heal cuts.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
No, I think you said it perfectly. Time is an ingredient. Yeah,
I love that. I think that's that's a great statement. Okay,
what about this one. If you love what you do,
you'll never work a day in your life.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I mean I am guilty of saying that, so I
kind of agree with it. That said, it really cheapens
it because I love what I do. But it is
it's not like money coming out of a vending machine,
you know. I like, there is stress. There are days
(17:13):
where I'm like, fuck this, I want to like sell
my house and move to an island where no one
has my phone number. Right. I mean, maybe it's just
we haven't found the right like thing to love to
work in, because I do think there are like you know,
if you're an author and you love to write, like,
maybe it doesn't feel like work. I do, but what
(17:33):
we do, I mean, here's the thing. When your publisher
calls and says you have a deadline of Friday, you're
on page one, then it's work. But if you're good
and organized and like you take on, you take the
initiative just to get things done, that maybe makes you
feel like if you love your if you love what
you do so much that you're ahead of schedule all
(17:55):
the time, then you never work a day in your life.
But if you have any iota of procrastination and your being.
Then there are going to be days where it feels
like you have to work because someone's going to be
asking you to do something that you haven't done yet,
and you're going to be stressed.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I just I have a hard time with it. And
I think the reason I do is because I almost
carried a shame for a long time if I would
feel like I was not loving my job every single
moment of every single life. Because I know that what
I do is a gift, and like, I feel so
grateful to have the life that I have, especially to
(18:32):
get to do things that I genuinely love, just like you,
Like I genuinely love the things that I do for work.
I love doing this podcast, and I love doing my
styling stuff. I love doing grooming and do I get
to go to really cool places I do, and like
I have really cool clients, and like I get to
spend time with one of my best friends every week
doing this. Like I can't really think of anything better
(18:54):
as a job for me. I truly can't, right, But
at the end of the day, it's called a job
for a reason. And like there's always I think there's
there's just stuff with every single thing. And so what
I found myself feeling was like when people would say
to me, oh my god, that's so cool that you
get to do that and call it a job, and
I would almost feel this shame for feeling like, yeah,
(19:16):
and there's hard days or hard aspects or like there
are days where I wake up and I don't want
to fucking go to my job either, Like that's just
because of things like you said, it's like there's deadlines
or sometimes I'm sick or I'm tired, or I'm going
for personalities or there's personalities that are hard to work with,
or like doing my job to the best that I
(19:39):
could do it means working really long hours or you know,
like and there's just certain things that like at the
end of it, yeah, like it's not like I'm getting
to just go you need to wear this, this and
this and walk out the door, and like I get
funds to every money that I you know, like buy
whatever I want for people. Like like you said, there's
personalities or people know what they want to look like,
(20:00):
they have their own insecurities, there's all together shipping issues,
Like there's just factors that come into play that make
it not perfect if I had to say perfect about something,
And so I think again, it really kind of makes
us not be able to feel our feelings to go, Okay, well,
if you do what you love, it should never feel
like work. And I'm like, no, it still feels like
(20:22):
work some days. But I really love what I do,
and I like really try never to take it for granted.
I really try to really be appreciative and remember when
I'm having those hard moments like the ones we just
described to go and this is still a fucking great job.
And I love that I get paid. The fact that
I get paid to do this still blows my mind sometimes,
(20:43):
you know, like to go back to gratitude. I think
that's a good tool, but I never want to like
shame myself into never being like, God, that was a
hard day, Like I just don't think that that's I.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
See your point there, And you know, it's funny because
as you were talking, it made me realize, like, yeah,
it is the it's other people make me feel like
my job is fake because they're just like, I can't
believe that's your job. But then there are moments like
you know, I had a conversation with a coworker the
other day because we're dealing with some like music video
stuff and it's like literally half the day had gone
(21:17):
by and we were just dealing with emotions. And I
said to her, I was like, can you believe that
this is a job? Right?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Like this is like we haven't really.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Done anything all day, but we're doing something Like It's
like I could never explain to my mother how this
job works. But I manage an enterprise with an artist,
and the artist is the product and they're humans that
have to move around, and like, there is a lot
of orchestration that goes on and it can be very stressful.
But then there are also days where it's like I
(21:47):
look out and I'm like, I can't believe I get
paid to do this? Is relying amazing? Yes, truly is amazing.
But I will also say I think jobs like we
have where it's creative and you're doing what you love,
the imposter syndrome thing too, that's true really creeps in
because there are times when I'm like, I mean, why
(22:11):
am I getting paid to do this? Like why am
I so lucky that I get to do this? And
I have to remind myself that I worked really fucking
hard to get here.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
And also like, I're literally one of the most creative
people I know. So like, it's funny that because it's
easy when you hear other people say it, because in
my head, I look at you, I'm like, you have
so much music knowledge. You're like one of the most
knowledgeable people about the business that I know. You're so creative.
But it's the stuff that we tell ourselves because I
would never think that about you, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, totally so interesting. I think this statement needs to
be rewritten that says if you hate what you do,
find another job. That's what it.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Should be like for sure. Don't wait well, because of
the thing of what do we spend eighty percent of
our lives working or something? Isn't there some status it's
something ridiculous. Sorry that I don't have the actual percentage,
but if you google it it will come up immediately
because it's very talked about that we.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
See of your waking hours or something.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
It's something, yes, but it's some ridiculous percentage that amount
of time that we spend working. And if you're miserable
in that, like that would be a sad thing that
you would spend so much of your life doing that
it would.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Also creep into the rest of your life. There's no
word being that dissatisfied with where you have to go
eight hours a day doesn't affect your relationships at home.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Okay, but can I give you an astrology spend That
just came to me as we were saying this, because
I do believe we all have different purposes in our lives, right,
and like you and I both have probably had different
lifetimes where providing, for instance, was like our soul's purpose.
And so again this would be why understanding why you
(23:53):
wanted the life that you have, like through via astrology
or whatever tool you use. And I think you can
a lot of different ways. Astrology is just one that
speaks to me. But like, what if in your life
you feel like, I have to go to this job
I hate because I have kids and a wife and
like you know, we have this house and I have
to pay the bills or whatever it is that you
(24:14):
feel like, or just even like literally to feed myself.
I have to go to this job I fucking hate.
Like the narrative change could be about what was your
soul here to do? Though, and like looking at you know,
maybe it's not about actually loving the work that you're doing.
But maybe your job is to show up and like
energetically help the people you work with or be able
(24:35):
to provide for a family, like those are not nothing,
you know, like those are very important things.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Or being a mother is a job, you know, being
a parent is a job exactly, and really a job
is part of parenting.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah, and so do you see the spin I'm making though,
It's like totally do you think? We're both in creative
fields and so for us it was like a very
big calling to actually be very passionate about the specific
work we're doing. But I'm not sure that's everyone's soul calling,
Like I don't know that that's even something that matters to everyone.
So again, yeah, like if you do what you hate,
(25:09):
or you hate what you do, quit or find a
new job could be the saying. And also it could
be like, or look at what your soul soul's purposes
and maybe the actual work piece of it isn't what
your soul cares about, like what are the bigger pictures
all of this?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Or maybe that shitty job was was put in put
in your path to force you to find something that
you're passionate about, you.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Know, like, oh yeah, so at night.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
You start painting or you start writing or whatever it
is out on the side, So do you have an outlet?
And then you find out you're really fucking good at it?
Next thing you know, you're a number one selling New
York Times author. Okay, but Mel Robbins, let them, let them,
let them be.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yes, Okay. Good things come to those who waits.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
A bullshit.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Good things come to those who wait.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
A bullshit, Like, yeah, you can't just sit around and wait,
do you have? Look, I do think patience is a virtue.
It is, and it's an incredibly important virtue. But you
just sit around and wait to be handed something, something good,
and chances are it's not gonna come. You have to
put in the effort for those things to arrive, and
(26:34):
just sitting around and waiting just also sounds really fucking boring,
Like there's no adventure to it, there's no learning to it,
there's there's no pain in it. You know, you can't.
I mean, look, I do think good things take time,
and often things that take longer to come to fruition
are so much more fulfilling. But maybe that's what.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
That statement that, yeah, that's a good reframe of that.
I had to in thoughts because there's one piece of
me that goes that is a good consideration for a
culture that is so control driven, Like we think we
are just driving the bus of life all the time, right,
and so it's like sometimes life is telling you slow
(27:16):
down or wait or like this isn't the time to
make a big decision, and we decide not to listen
because we're like, no, that's not what I want, and
then it blows up. So there was that part of
my brain. But then the immediate other thought I had
was like the conversation we have in our friend group
all the time, thinking about if you're sitting on your
couch every night and bitching about how there's no men
(27:38):
in the market for you to date, but you're not
going out, you're not on the apps. You're like, it's like,
what are you expecting They're gonna walk into your house
while you're sitting in your pajamas and that's how y'all.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Meet, Like are gonna delivery your dominos?
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yes? Exactly? Ups, guy is gonna be the guy you
fall in love with? Like, I mean, that could happen
and I'm sure there's like a couple I'm sure there's
a couple circumstances where that's been the case. But for
the most part, you do have to make some effort
to meet people, right, And so that is kind of
where I feel about the statement mostly is like you
do have to put energetically at least even a step
(28:16):
in the right direction, Like you have to make some
movement towards something, even if it's not specifically like you
asking a guy on a date. Maybe try to like
go out to a restaurant and sit around a single
group of guys or you know, like start making some
sort of motion in that direction, and then let the
universe step in as well, like work with the universe.
(28:39):
But you can't just wait for the universe to just
drop something in your lap and think it's going to
happen magically.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
No, not at all. We do live in a culture now,
and I think this is more true in recent years
than probably whenever the statement became a statement, But we
all went instant gratification for things. So I think it's
like it's probably being used a lot now because people
are like trying to get us all to slow down
and sort of pump the brakes on our expectations. So
(29:09):
I think that is healthy, that's a healthy use of it. Yeah,
I just think it's the way that the sentence is constructed.
They use their wrong words, like, you know, it just
needs to be that like, yeah, time, time makes things better,
you know, it's I don't know, I didn't make that.
I didn't make up the statement to begin with.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
So well, speaking of I will rewrite it for him.
You're not going to rewrite those. But you were like,
this is inspiring me, Chip is this is again how
he's very creative. This is inspiring me to write my
own statements. And so you came up with a list,
and I thought that you should share this with the listeners.
I've only heard a couple and I was like, don't
tell me anymore. I want to have a real time reaction.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Well, I want you to have a real reaction, but
I also want you to tell me if you like,
if I use this like just in a normal conversation
one day and you'd never heard it, if you I've
made it up, or if you thought or if you
would think that like it was actually some like some idiot.
What is the right word for these things?
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Huh, what's the right word for these praises?
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Like praise? I don't know anyway, So here we go.
Here's some of the ones. Rock Bottom just means you're
perfectly positioned to start digging sideways?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
What does it even mean? I feel like if you
say most of these, I'll be like, what what does
it mean?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
I mean, it's like, I guess it means like up
isn't the only direction you can go, Like you can
kind of go to the side, even at rock bottom.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Honestly, it's so specific that if you said that one,
I might be like, huh, who said that? Mout Robins.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna have tout commit these autumn
memory and just drop them in conversations.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I can't wait.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Okay, here's the other. Crying in your car counts a
self care if the windows are tinted.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
But why do they have to be tinted. I'm like,
let that freak flag fly.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
I mean true, Yeah, you were like crying with the
windows down driving down the highway. I guess it's like
the self care part and it being like secretive.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Okay, or it could be tinted with rose colored glasses. Yeah,
is that.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Getting rose colored tinting.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
It's rose colored. Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Every red flag is a motivational banner if you squint
hard enough.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
I mean, it is a motivational banner to get the
fuck out of there.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean that one. I could probably use
that and no one would question that. No.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
I mean that actually definitely sounds like something that Robbins
would say.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
If you went hard enough. Okay, pain is just love
doing coseplay as personal growth. Wow. That one is taking
a deep But that one also kind of is like
time heals.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
All winds a little bit. Yeah, wait, say it again.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Pain is just pain, is just love doing cause play
is personal growth.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I don't know if I fully understand what cause play is,
but is that.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
It's like dress It's it's basically like pain is just
love dressed up as personal growth. Oh again a costume?
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Yeah okay, yeah, God that's deep. Wow I'm still processing.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Okay, that's like that what's that lyric from Stephen Wilson
Junior where it's like pain is only love with nowhere
else to go?
Speaker 1 (32:29):
I mean, pain is only love with nowhere else to go? Yeah,
I mean, and they also say the thing about you
can't your grief, like grief is only showing you how much.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
You loved right right, Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Phrases back. This whole podcast is just one big phrase back.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
And oh my god, we should just get real cliche
and only do phrases.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
For the rest of phrases.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Catchphrase, it's the new name of our podcast.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
You have any more? Every Monday, you guys can tune
in to catchphrase catch phrase? Rich It and I just
go back and forth to each other trying to trump
each other's catchphrases. Do you have any more knowledge you
want to drop on us?
Speaker 2 (33:14):
That's it?
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Those are the big ones. I'm gonna really like, I
really got to mull some of those over and see
see who it comes to me. The cosplay one really
got me, like, does it make sense? Make it make sense?
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I don't know, my god, I'm going to make one
of those things for my Instagram, like those inspirational quotes. Yeah,
claim that one. See if it goes.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Viral, you probably could just make it, make it pretty.
You never know, right, Oh my god, I'll die if
you go viral for these things. I mean, I think
the point I'm always trying to make is I want
these to go deeper, which is what I really pray
from life anyway. Right, It's like I want to make
sure we're not just skimming the surface, like we're really
(33:53):
working with what's happening to us, are for us, however
you want. That's another catchphrase. It's like it's not happening
to you, it's happening for you. I just think it's
good to not stop short of allowing yourself the possibility
of growth in any moment.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
So that I feel like a lot of these things
were written by parents to teach a lesson to a kid,
which is why they're so like sort of surface.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Yeah, they're almost like the shut.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Up and go to their job at subway or whatever.
You know, Like, look, find a job that you love,
because if you love what you do, you never work
a day in your life. Now get out of here,
you know, it's like.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
You're gonna do. You're from Jersey, so I just feel
like that's really all.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Get out of here, kid. I feel like that's where
these things. Okay, I'm drunk, I'm not what I do.
Never worked a day in my life.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
It's such a full circle. Okay, Jersey Dad, did you
want to send us out this? I mean like because
I feel like, literally, if I try.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
To do the Jersey voice again, it'll come out something Russia,
and I know it.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I feel like that's actually accurate. So we're just saying,
take these statements and take the next step with it,
Take it a little deeper. That's the whole point. Life
is just messy. Don't live on the surface. Tick deeper.
It's layered. Go go, go through the layers. We're coming
up with phrases.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Honestly, because what doesn't kill you does make you stronger.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
I mean truly, it actually does so in summary, In summary,
it actually does give it time if you look at
what the whys you work with it whatever, if you
allow it to let's say it that way. Yeah, I
don't know. Okay, what do you guys think? Are there
phrases that bother you?
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Let us know, Please send us.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
You can email us at the edge at Velvet edge
dot com. You can always hit me up on Instagram.
I'm at Velvet Edge, Chip, I'm at Chip Doors.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
It's Chip A D O R sh.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
And as you guys go into the weekend and you're
living on the edge, I hope you always remember.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
To act casual.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
You remember when I could never get that statement right.
We have come leaps and bounds just to throw an
raise in there for you.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
I mean, seriously, time healed that one field.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
It Practice makes perfect.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Okay, there's another.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
All right, bye.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Sound check one.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Okay, you let me know when you're ready. Little Angel,
I'm choking on something.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Give Ade.
Host
Kelly Henderson
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