February 21, 2025 • 54 mins
Kelly asked her Instagram followers: “What’s something you used to chase that now you realize isn’t important?”—and the responses did not disappoint. From external validation to the pursuit of “success,” she and Chip break down the things we all thought would bring happiness but really just led to exhaustion. Chip gets unexpectedly honest in this episode (seriously, he almost made Kelly cry twice) as they reflect on personal growth, letting go of outdated beliefs, and what’s actually worth chasing in life. It’s deep, it’s funny, and it might just make you rethink a few things.
Email us: theedge@velvetsedge.com
HOSTS:
Kelly Henderson // @velvetsedge // velvetsedge.com
Chip Dorsch // @chipdorsch
Follow Velvet's Edge on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/velvetsedge/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Your hair looks so good today. I woke up. Did
you really that good? I?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Did you love that?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
I mean obviously, like I had to fix it a
little bit, but like I didn't have to wet it
or anything.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I just used my hands.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
The best days are like that. I feel like cold
weather vibes are always way better for hair.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Well, do you think it's because you're kind of in
hibernation mode and you're not like it's you're not hot
when you're sleeping and you're like flipping over.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I'm probably slept really still last night.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I think it's the air. I mean, based on my job, Like,
when there's humidity in the air, it's so much harder
to work with hair. And when when there's the air
is dry like it is in the winter, you can
easily add moisture and things like that. But you don't
have flyways, you don't have fuzzies. It's just like your
hair is just more manageable.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
So it's just I'm glad I've got a pro. I
just like a rock.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's the dry air. Anyway, we were out last week
because I was sick, but I loved that. Literally was like,
oh my god, But I have the best episodes. I
wanted to post one of my favorite episodes you and
I had done on Valentine's Day. It is so funny
to listen back to. It was really funny. I hope
you guys enjoyed. And I'm sorry that I've been out
because I've been sick, but we're back. I have a
(01:16):
little raspy voice sometimes I feel this voice.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
I went last night and saw a writer's round and
one of the guys was like.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I'm really sorry. I've been like seeing a lot this week.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
And someone screamed, your voice sounds better when it's weak, and.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I was like, oh, I don't know that.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
That was very nice, but I didn't know the difference,
and I thought his voice sounded really cool.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So yeah, yeah, raspy is always. When I was a kid,
I used to like want to lose my voice so
bad and I never would, but like getting the rasp
I thought was so cute. And then I one time
in my entire life lost my voice and I actually
got put on vocal rest by a doctor. I couldn't
record for like two weeks. It was so But did
they say if you do strain your voice when it's raspy,
(02:00):
like you could actually really injure your vocal ter vocal
cord or something. Yeah, So I was like, I'm not
trying to do that, So I got one vocal rest.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
I used to lose my voice, like the first day
at four age camp, like I would get most spirited.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
It's very on brand for me.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I would always get like most spirited camper. But I
love a kid that has a naturally raspy voice, like
my niece has like a little husky voice.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, so cute.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah, the rasp is really cute. Well, so anyway, we
are actually here. I love this topic that you and
I are going to talk about today, and I was
talking about this with you. I'm trying to figure out
exactly how to frame to you guys what has been
happening in my head. But I think I'm going to
try to make sense of it. So basically, I've just
been in this season. I don't know if it's because
(02:44):
it's in winter and you're more contemplative because you're inside more,
or if it's like my age, I'm forty two, which
I think I was saying to you before, this is
when people have midlife crisis. Right, it's like forty to
forty two, which in astrology is also like your Saturn return,
and so it's like it is the time where you
really start to analyze your life. And for me, it's
(03:04):
been this season of the last five years. There's been
a lot of change in my life. We also went
through a pandemic, like the whole world has actually changed, right,
And then I hit this age range and I think
I'm just very contemplative during this time, Like I'm thinking
to myself, Am I doing things that are in line
with this person that I've become, that I've evolved into,
(03:25):
who is actually my most authentic version of myself? And
are the things that I'm doing, the people that are
in my life, the work that I'm doing, the clients
that I have, Are these things in line with who
I feel like I am at this stage of life?
Is the message that I'm putting out on this podcast
what I want to say? Like those are the questions
I'm really asking myself. And I posted this like question
(03:49):
box on my Instagram because I was like, am I
the only one that's feeling this? Like I know, sometimes
I get kind of deep in my thoughts and some
people are like, what the fuck is happening. It's like
times well sometimes yeah, I just really like to analyze it,
like think through things, and people don't align. But this
question people really seemed to align with. And I asked,
(04:10):
what's something you used to chase that you now realize
isn't important? Because that's just what's coming up for me,
Like all of these reflections on me wanting to live
as my authentic self in all areas of my life
is making me reflect back on all the things and
experiences that I've gone through and go, wow, like that
didn't that doesn't matter to me at all anymore? And
(04:32):
isn't it so weird that it used to hold so
much power in my life?
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I yeah, I mean I think there's probably a lot
of reasons why that happens. But yeah, I think just
growing up and experiencing life. The older that you get,
and you know, I'm seven years older than you. I'll
be fifty this year. And it was funny because when
you posted it, obviously responded with something crude because that's what.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I do to Kelly, and we'll give you this answer later,
We'll give you that.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
He It's I'm very on brand, but I've been sort
of in this phase too, And I think for me,
I have finally rounded the corner where I realized that
I've been able to look at my life and been like,
experiences and spending time with the people that I love
are truly the thing that like fill my cup. Things aren't.
(05:19):
And I look around my house and I'm like, what
are all these things? And then I think about my parents' house,
and I'm like, every time I talk to my mom,
I'm like, can you please just start throwing away shit?
Because A I don't know the sentimental value it holds
for you. B I don't know the financial value that
most of these things have.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
I mean, I know the few things that.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
I want that will remind me of my parents until
the day that I die, But I don't.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Need all of that.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
And I also don't want to just throw away things
that are worth money. I'd much rather than get rid
of things now when they're still here and they can
benefit from whatever it's worth. So it's to me, it's
like not just a physical declutter. It's such a mental
and emotional declutter, even though there's a lot of there's
a physical component to it. But I think it's just
(06:07):
you know now that I'm like rounding the corner to
old age. I want to pour all of my energy
into people and things that I know I love already.
It's not about like finding the validation and something anymore.
And I used to think I had to have things
and do things to feel validated. And I suddenly I
(06:28):
woke up one day feeling like I was past that.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, it's actually interesting that you bring that up, because
after I posted that question, I posted about a closet
sale that I'm a part of in Nashville. It's like
this big online sale. It's well Dressed dot com if
you guys want to go shop on March second through fifth.
But I literally am feeling the same thing. Like I
cleaned out my closet because I was realizing I have
so many clothes, and like obviously over the years, Brains
(06:54):
have sent me a bunch of stuff that I wore
for photo shoots or something like that, and it just
sits in my closet basically the same thing all the time. Well, yeah,
and it's just like I started to be like, I
just feel like I have so much stuff in my house,
Like there's so much stuff that I don't even ever
realize is here. You know, like my closet is. I
have a room that I made into my closet upstairs
(07:16):
in my house, which is awesome, and I never even
enter it. I just get stuff out of my laundry
room downstairs, and I hear the same thing over and
over because I'm just comfortable and I'm lazy when it
comes to my own dressing a lot of times. And
so I was like, I gotta just sell this, and
I'm gonna give some money to the people that lost
stuff in La fires because of it, because I'm like,
I don't need all this, like it is a gift
that I've had it, But how do I like pay
(07:37):
it forward or give back to other people? Because like
that's what I actually feel very led to do right now.
Like I feel like we're in this weird time in
the world where so much is happening and it's like
very divided feeling, and instead I want to feel like,
how do we help each other, like in a community
kind of mindset. And that's kind of a different topic,
(07:59):
but for some reason, like you said, it's all tying together.
For me. It's like I want to live in this
place where my heart feels connected to the things I'm
doing what I'm saying. And also the stuff that I have,
Like if I don't feel connected to it, why do
I need it? Like why is it even here?
Speaker 3 (08:17):
You know what's interesting, And I hadn't thought of this
until you just said something about like giving money to
people that lost everything in the LA fires. I wonder
if there is something subconscious in witnessing that happen from Afar.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
All of us watched it unfold.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
You know, I know a lot of people that it
happened too, and it's incredibly sad, but it did make
you realize that them being safe what is truly what
was most important.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
And even though a house provide.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Is not just a building, and it's not just stuff,
it provides safety and all the other things, like things
don't matter in the way that like your own personal
safety matters and your life matters. And so I wonder
if there's some things subconscious it's just that us witnessing
that that's probably be a lot harder to see if
I'd lost everything. You know, it's interesting, it hadn't popped
(09:09):
into my head and tell you said that.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yeah, but you know you just said that. But like
the people who are saying that the most to me
right now are my friends in La And of all places, La,
I think is considered probably the most vain place of
our whole country, and so like it's very interesting for
that energy to be coming out of that city. And
that's That's just not the only place. It's like, there's Asheville,
there's all these other places. Over the past five years
(09:33):
since the pandemic, I feel like so many things have
gone through transitions like that, and there's been so much
loss that maybe we are kind of being asked to
look at this stuff, and or maybe it is subconscious
like you said, where it's just being kind of driven
into my brain of like, yeah, I don't know, I've
personally gone through what I would deem a lot of
(09:54):
like loss, but it came from places that like it
made me realize what my actual real values are too,
or like maybe what I was saying earlier, where it's
like those things have pushed me into connecting with myself
in a much more like who am I and what
I don't know, like finding my most authentic voice kind
(10:16):
of way. So I don't know, maybe it's just like
a overall worldwide declutter, but it was really interesting to
me to see like listener or people that follow me
on Instagram's responses because they were so in line, and like,
I want to get to some of those, but I
want to ask you first. I mean, I know you
gave the joke. Do you want to tell the people
what you said? As your answer, I said, pussy right.
(10:39):
So the question again for you guys, was what is
something that you used to chase that you now realize
isn't importance? And I mean that is actually true.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I mean it's true.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
But as I've told you guys, Chip loves to slide
into my DMS with all his knowledge about vaginas.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah, I can, I can look back and know that
it was never really truly important.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
It was I was.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
It was important because I needed to put up a
facade or I was trying to change or like bury
something that was true to me. But you know, I
knew that she would get the joke.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It made me laugh. I thank you. I needed that
that day, so it really made me giggle. So what
would your real answer be though?
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I think for right now it's external validation.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And anything more specific than that, or like like what
are the themes underlying or like the things that are
making you think of that.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I've always wanted to be liked by everybody. That's always
been something that's really important and it's and it's something
that I'm aware of, and I know it's not a
healthy thing, and it's not even something that I chose.
It's just something that I know about myself. And because
of that, I've got a I know a lot of
people like I'm not like trying to be like I'm
the most popular person in the room, but I've lived
(11:51):
in a lot of cities, I'm incredibly social. I want
to be liked. So I put myself out there for
that reason. And it's exhausting. And I have amazing friends,
and I have amazing acquaintances. You know, I've been amazing
people that I just know through work. But I you know,
as I get older, I realize, like I want to
(12:13):
spend my time either by myself getting to know myself better,
there's the word, no, I want to know, or really
just spend the time with the people that really fill
my cup the most. And that doesn't mean that like
people who are my friends aren't my friends anymore like
the more peripheral friends. Because friendships take, they shift and
(12:34):
I'm sure one day I will think of somebody, and
I'm going to make it a goal of mine to
like be more proactive about just like reaching out and saying, hey,
I was thinking of you, and like not make it
about like let's get together, but just like, hey, I
hope you're having a good day. You've been on my mind,
that kind of thing. But it's for no other reasons.
I'm not doing that to feel validated in any way.
(12:55):
It's more to like make sure they feel validated and
in the stuff that I don't know if I'm answering
the question properly right now, but like in recognizing that,
like I feel like I'm shedding a lot of like
the shit that I thought gave me external validation, like
just having things, and coincidentally, in having this discovery, I'm
(13:19):
pouring so much more into myself that like I'm happier
than ever. I'm actually shedding pounds. I built a gym
in my house, so I had to shed a bunch
of just stuff to like make room for it.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And I'm finding that the.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Validation that I always craved is inside me, and it's amazing.
It's really amazing, Like I mean, I could stay home
alone for the next three months and be happy because
I do know that there are people out there that
love me. I can check that off. But I'm so
happy that I've like landed in this place and learned
(13:55):
that it comes from inside. And it's it feels weird
to be forty nine years old and finally realizing that,
you know, and I don't even think I was like
a depressed person like I was.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
I've always been no, yeah, but it was like I was.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
I never granted myself that like grace, and it's really
nice to find that well.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
And it's interesting because, like I think a lot of
what you just described is more of that people pleasing
stuff that we talked about and you thought, and I've
done this too. If they all like me, I'll feel content,
I'll feel But it's like when we do that, we
really miss the whole experience of the things that are
going to make us satisfied on the inside, which is
(14:34):
what I hear you saying now. So I don't think
you can like put an age or a marker on
when we find that, Like everyone's on their own journey,
and so that is interesting, Like it seems like you've
given up a little bit of chasing all the affirmation
and external validation and found that you're finding so much
more peace and happiness from giving it to yourself and
being on that journey of like spending time with yourself,
(14:56):
working out, like doing the things, like you're taking care
of yourself.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
It's amazing. Yeah, it feels really good.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
We had a lot of responses from listeners saying the
same thing, wanting everyone to like me. That was one
that Kelly. Another Kelly said, Our friend Charlie Wersam said,
approval and permission from my parents are peers pretty much anyone.
I love hearing from people like that too, Like Charlie's
a very successful musician and he and I talk about
this all the time, like it's so crazy you can
have all this success that looks like, oh well they
(15:26):
should be so thrilled and in your mental or emotional state,
is still to chase, like getting your parents to say
how proud they they are of you, right, or like
the small things that people would never even know, let's
see hustle culture. That kind of falls in line with that.
A lot of approval from others, Approval that I made
the right choice, validation from others, friendships, if someone is disrespectful,
(15:51):
like just let it be. Stop chasing people. Basically, agreement.
That was a big one, like having to have everyone
like you and agree with you popularity, even though leaving
behind my people pleasing is hard and those are cheap
dopamine hits. That was one that Mandy said, like I'm
leaving behind cheap dopamine. You know, like these things that
(16:11):
feel good in the moment, right, not necessarily like the
long lasting things.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Well, I think it's important too, you know, for those
who love you to get to love the whole you.
And if you're people pleasing or you're chasing that dopamine hit,
you're hiding a part of yourself. I think we're all
so worried that if we show our true selves we
will lose people in our lives, whether it's our parents,
our friends, our jobs, whatever. But I think people that
(16:39):
truly love you are the ones that stay, and they
want to know all the sides of you. They want
to know your quirks, they want to know your flaws,
they want to know what you disagree on, Like that's
what makes life rich. This is some of this stuff
is harder because it's real vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
It's not shock.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
The shock stuff is probably just more embarrassing because it's
not really who we are. It's just this is really
who we are when we get into these words and.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Talk about exposure. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
But and but it's helped me, Like I feel like
this has been part of the journey of me finding
myself finally.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
So I love that, Yeah, I think. Yeah, Like for me,
it's a similar thing probably with chasing like the external
like outside of myself. I think everyone can relate to that.
And I think when you get older or that's something
like maybe even when I turned forty and I'm in
mine came with a lot of different things of like, okay,
well I've already like been publicly humiliated, so like what yeah, yeah,
(17:37):
you sort of are like and the sun still came up,
Like you realize like how much you can survive. I
think when the shit hits the fan a lot of times.
But for me, I told you this before we started recording, Like,
I think the reason I'm even contemplating a lot of
this is because I realized how much time I spend
with work, you know, and like we all work a lot,
and you do, what's the statistic it's like wild when
(17:59):
you get to the end of your life and people
are analyzing the hours that they spent with work, and
if you realize, like it's not something you care about.
I don't want to waste my time doing stuff that,
like even if it brings me a bunch of money,
Like that's just not satisfying to me anymore. Of course
I want all of those things, but like, yeah, I
love money, yeah, of course, but it's like I really
(18:19):
truly care more about how does it feel to me
at the end of the day, And like when I'm
on my deathbed, I want to look back and feel
proud of like whether it's the legacy I'm even just
leaving behind with our friends or people that knew me,
like if it's on a small scale or a big scale,
whatever it is, Like, I just want to feel proud
(18:40):
of the person that I was more than anything. I
think at this point, like how did I make people
feel or something like like those kind of narratives really
started to matter to me more. And it was interesting
because when I was thinking about this, I was like,
what has shifted for me most? And like the bigger
thing was I used to really feel like, Okay, to
(19:02):
make an impact, I have to have a lot of
exposure to a lot of people, and like everything has
to be big. So like that was how I kind
of got out of line with who I was in
the first place. Now I'm like, okay, how do I
just talk about things that people relate to or that
maybe five people go, hey, I feel that too, Like
(19:24):
that's where my heart really feels the most, or I
feel the most authentically myself, And so my career goals
have changed even and I think that that, Yeah, that's
the whole point to me. But it's hard because then
you're like wired to do these certain things, like to
chase success and like look at the metrics of numbers
(19:45):
and that means, okay, yes, this one worked. And it's
like did it though, like just because a bunch of
people listened, Like did something resonate? Did people get anything
out of it? Like what you're talking about where it's
challenging you to grow? Like, right, did they connect with you?
Did you meet a new person who's had a similar
experience that helped you through that? Like it's just shifted
(20:07):
for me. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (20:09):
I mean I recently heard this quote that I think
relates to it in this way.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
On your deathbed.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
When you ask people who are dying, ninety one percent
of people will tell you that they regret the things that.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
They didn't do more than the things that they did.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
And I think the way that you take that to
like the workplace and like realizing what is serving you
what's not is you're now at a place where you
can reflect on your past. You're in a place where
you're financially stable enough to be like, wait a minute,
this isn't working.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's making me unhappy.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
I need to lean into the things that I want
to do that are going to make me proud.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Of my life.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
And I'm not going to worry about the regret of
the things that I have done because those are done. Like,
you can't control it, you can't change it. But what
you can do is you can you can be on
a path to your death that you won't have any
regrets for the things that you didn't do.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
And I think that's a really eye opening thing.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
It's like, I don't want to go to my deathbed
with a whole list of things, like I want to
write a screenplay this year, and it's something that I'm
actively working on that I've had the idea for for
twenty years, and I'm doing it in my free time
and I don't even care if he gets made or
anyone reads it. I just have this idea and I
don't want to lay on my deathbed thinking about why
(21:40):
didn't I fucking write that screenplay? Because I could get
hit by a bus in six weeks and if I'd
never started it, then that's a regret.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
And I don't want to do that. You know, that's
just one.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
There's a million examples, and I'm sure we all have them,
But I think that plays into sort of where your
head's at too.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, Okay, you're making me so today it's like so interesting. Well,
it's just I think it's just like I've known you
for so long, and so it is really cool when
you get to experience evolution together. Do you know what
I'm saying. Yeah, I really am witnessing right now how
much you've grown in the last couple of years. Yeah,
specifically this last year. I feel like you've been on
(22:19):
like a fast track and you feel very like authentically
you and with yourself.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Well, I think when I finally did enough to recognize myself,
that's what fast tracks it. You know what you mean,
like I finally got to a point where I was
seeing and this isn't just like about a physical transformation
like I was seeing, there was I was starting to
see myself come out of that fog. So when I
look in the mirror, I'm like, there you are, And
(22:49):
so it fast tracks it because it's I mean, I
think it's you know, any type of result driven thing,
Like you know, you're like, God, I got to write
a paper for school today, and it's like in your
mind you're not doing it. And the second you get
a page riot and you're like, oh shit, I've got
a page done. I'm gonna knock this thing out. Like
I think it's just I'm seeing the fruits of my
(23:11):
labor and I'm like, oh wow, I can do this.
Oh there I am, And it just makes me more
excited to be me and like check those things off
of my to do list.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You know, we're not so busy trying to worry about
what everyone else feels about you. You're actually like, what
the fuck do I feel about me? Do I even
know who I am? Like these are the questions I'm
asking myself right now, and I think you're actually living
it out.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Well also too.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
You know, anything that you're going to put yourself into
is going to be whether it's a relationship, whether it's
a job, whether it's family, whether it's community work, it's
going to be more fulfilling and more successful if you're
arriving at it whole and happy.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
You know, Like I think it's so. I'm talking to a.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Friend a lot who is having problems in her marriage,
and from where I'm sitting, because I'm just looking at
it from the outsider's perspective, I'm like, Yo, don't you
think this would be a lot easier if you weren't
blaming your significant other for everything and picking apart the
relationship and worked on yourself to find, like to make
yourself whole so that you can show up happy.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yeah, you know, you're.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Never gonna find the fix in them.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
You have to fix you.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
And then you're like.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Holy shit, Wow, I've got everything I ever wanted right
in front of me.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Why was I so miserable?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Isn't that wild about relationships? I have lived so much
of my life thinking if they just then, like, if
they just did this, then I would feel better. And
it's like the answer is never in that because you
got to know it for yourself, and they could be
being the perfect human, like they could be doing everything
right and you could still be miserable. And it has
(24:49):
so it really has nothing to do. We just project
a lot onto like our relationships. I also think like
one of my downfalls has been I don't know if
this is like I have like some sort of to
scarcity mindset or what. But you mentioned money when you
were initially just talking and you were like, so you're
at a place where you said to me, you're at
a place where you're financially stable enough to be able
(25:10):
to let go of stuff. And that is true, but
I will tell you it is tricky, Like I have
found that my go to still sometimes I'll be like,
you know, like yeah, like I don't feel like, oh,
I can't take that client on because they're not aligned
with me. I'll go, should you try to figure out
a way to work with them to you know whatever,
(25:31):
Like try to find ways to finagle myself into doing
something that I know won't serve me because I've convinced
myself that the money yes. And so that's another piece
of like that's kind of where I was when I
was cleaning out my closet was just sort of like, yeah,
all this stuff is nice, and it is nice and
I love fashion. Like, don't get me wrong, there are
(25:53):
definitely ways that I could convince myself to keep everything
in my closet because you know, there will be that
one party that I'll want to wear that one right,
But like when I really started to think about it,
I was like, no, you won't like no. And also
I have a roof over my head, I have other
clothes in my closet. Like I'm trying to really trying
to change my mindset around money to like do you
(26:16):
really need that? Or does our culture just convince us
to be so materialistic and excessive?
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Like right now, I have to mention the multi trillion
dollar advertising business that it's built to make you feel
like you need it. It's not even just the culture
like that that is a symptom of being advertised to
and then we all feel that.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
And then I.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Mean, it's like, how many times this year have we
talked about wanting new cars?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I know you and I both, but you realize that.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
I have not bought a new car because every time, like,
my car is twelve years old. By the way, you
guys like this is not like I don't dr have
a luxury car, but it works and it works and
it's paid off and it's paid off. And like what
I I keep getting to every time I go to
buy a new car or start looking is like cars
are really expensive right now, and the cars that I
(27:07):
want are really expensive, right so it would it would
make me have to take that extra client or it
would make me have to like stress something a little
bit more, you know, and I'm like, is that worth it?
Because like my ins, no, it's not. It's a need exactly.
And so those are the kind of things that like
it is really interesting how like our culture and I mean, fuck,
(27:31):
I was an influencer. I know, I still talk about
stuff like that. And it's like we literally are wired
to tell ourselves all the things we don't have, and
then your brain tricks you into thinking the same thing.
If I just had that, then like if thens come
up like then I'll be happy. And that isn't where
it's going to be found. And I think back to
like the years that I've made the most money of
(27:53):
my life. Was I happy? No? Because I had no
fucking life because I was working all the time, right,
So I don't know. It's just like I'm not sitting
here trying to be like I don't like nice things
I do, So don't get that twisted. Like I definitely
I am not saying that. I'm just asking myself, like do
I need all the things that our society convinces us
(28:13):
that we need, or do we need to maybe think
about like reframing our structures, like we are the richest
country in the world, like you go to other countries.
Having a car in general is a luxury, and we're
sitting here like do I have a nice enough car?
You know?
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Like and look, let me tell y'all, she is not
driving up in a beater either, Like it's like a
perfectly great car.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Fine, yes, yeah, you'd be happy.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
To pull up into any valet with it and not
be embarrassed to hand those keys off. It's not Kristen
Wig and Bridesmaids.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
There's nothing wrong with that either.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
There's nothing wrong with that. Her car worked and when
it broke down she met a cop.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
So I was like, are you talking about me? But
you're actually well, speaking of relationships, this is an interesting
one that I think a lot of people wrote back
with so like our friend to Amy actually said this,
But one of the jokes in our friend group is
always that Amy was single for a long time and
then she was like, I have to you know, her credentials.
(29:13):
Like one of her main things she would say was
they have to have a tool belt or drive a truck.
And so she responded to me with that because of
course it's hot. Yeah, but like over the last year,
Amy has realized through some dating experiences, those aren't the
things that matter. And I think she was eliminating a
lot of men because they didn't fit that credential. Actually,
(29:34):
the Kirby Brunette, another one of our followers, said, guys,
you drive a pickup truck, Like that doesn't matter to
me anymore, right, And I think it's like, as you
get older, you start to realize I could date a
guy that checks all those boxes that like lines up
completely on paper, but he treats me like shit. So
and I'm miserable in this relationship. Yeah, the superficial things
(29:58):
like that was a lot of the feedback we got
was just even marriage. I know, like I've talked about
that evolving through the years of like what do I
actually think about relationships? What do I actually want in
my life or what do I feel pressured to want
because I'm a woman from the South and everyone else
is doing this. You know, do I really want kids?
(30:20):
Do I really want to get married? Or am I
on a different trajectory And I'm having a hard time
accepting that because I feel like an outsider, Like have
you dealt with that at all? With dating?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
And you know, I feel really lucky, like I have
a lot of chosen family who I love and my
life is really full. And the person I dated most recently,
I I empowered myself and I was like, when I
was getting crumbs, I was like, listen, dude, like it's
been fun to getting to know you, but I'm going
to go find someone who values spending time with me
more than you do because you're giving me crumbs and pieces.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
You know why you can say that now so confidently
because you.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Yeah, I value me.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
But I have a really full life, So it's like
I don't need that. I don't need a relationship to
be happy, and I would much rather now walk into
a bar, restaurant wherever and have a gravitational pull that
someone sees my spark and wants to get to know me.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
And I think it feels a lot more realistic.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
I'm not trying to convince anybody to like me at
this point, Like sorry, I don't, I don't. I'm not
for sale, you know, for sale? Like you know I
don't have to market myself.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Well you shouldn't have to write, like, yeah, if I
died alone, it'd be fine, Like, well, you don't die alone.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
What do I wish that I had a kid? Some No, no,
they'll be nurses.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Well people, we can redefine what that means, right, Like.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Totally, I don't feel alone.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I don't reationship like it could be your friends, it
could be your family.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Like, by the way, you can be in a marriage
and be fucking more alone than.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
My relationships, You're still alone. I feel the most I've
ever felt in my life.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
But yeah, there are those pressures. People are always saying,
you'd be a great dad, you'd be and I agree,
I think i'd be a great dad.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
But I've never.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Had that thing where I'm like, I have to have
a child, And there are times I've explored it. I
don't I truly believe that I couldn't do it on
my own. So I would never do. But also there
was a moment a couple of years ago where Elle
called me and was like, this girl that I know
is put her baby up for adoption, and I gave
them your name.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
And I equated it.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
To like if I were driving down the freeway and
I saw a puppy, I would stop and pick it up. Like,
of course that wasn't what I was looking for that day,
but if a child fell in my lap, I would
do everything I could to give it the best life possible,
of course, but I don't have to go out and
pay us Sarah get it, or go through the whole
like adoption thing and torture myself with that because I
don't feel that burning thing. But yeah, I mean, I
(32:58):
think it's like there is so much much external pressure
to fit into the crowd, and if you don't feel it,
you don't feel Look at Goldie Hawn and Russell Russell.
They're probably the longest running Hollywood relationship we can think of,
and they did it. They're doing it their own way.
They never got married. They're just together and family is
(33:18):
what you make it.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
I think it's also just like looking at your life
in the metrics of success, like how do we define
success and do they actually align with who you think,
who you feel you are, and why you feel like
your soul is here on this earth in this lifetime.
Like I mean, I feel the same as you about
the kid thing, Like I'm a cancer through and through,
Like I have so much cancer in my chart on
(33:41):
all these different things in astrology, and that's all about
mothering and nurturing and all of those things. But like
where it is in my chart actually shows me that
it's probably wasn't necessarily to be in these traditional ways
of nurturing and mothering and caring for people. And I
do feel like I do that with friends and all
these things. And I saw this podcast yeah yeah, and
(34:06):
like the communication aspect of it too. But I pulled
up Netflix last night and you know at the top
they run those banners, and it was this comedian I
wish I could remember her name. She was doing this
bit about infertility and she was like, you know, I
never wanted a kid until like that came off the
table as an option, and they started playing hard to get.
(34:27):
When kids started playing hard to get, Yeah, but it's
basically she's like, I love something unavailable. So I started
chasing it like crazy, Like it was like, yeah, basically,
she got to the end of her thirties and it
was having a hard time getting pregnant, and then was like,
oh my god, I really want this now, you know.
And I identify with that, like I never was too
a place where I was like, I really am ready
to have a kid, but you'r gind of collogist starts
(34:50):
talking to you in this way of like, uh, you're
thirty five, it's a geriatric pregnancy, and all of a sudden,
I was like, oh, urgency, I gotta figure out how this.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, And it's like it wasn't really ever fully in line.
And then look at that my like fertility treatments didn't
work out, and that's because it wasn't the path that
I was supposed to go down. And I'm like you,
I'm like, I don't feel led to adopt, Like it hasn't.
That hasn't felt like my calling. If a kid dropped
him my lap, like you said, I know I would
give it the best life ever. Because I've also been
(35:18):
in that situation where I've dated a person with kids
and like it was a very big priority to me
to show up well for them. But yeah, so I
think it's just like asking ourselves, like, are these measures
in these metrics that we put on success true for us?
Are they given to us by our culture? Like? Are
we hustling to try to make something work that's like
(35:40):
not really making us happy or really aligned with what
we want? And like when we look back, are we
going to be pissed that we gave so much time
and energy or money or whatever it is to that thing?
Speaker 2 (35:51):
I think So.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
I was going to read a couple more of these
wrong relationship he was an narcist, had to go no.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
That reminds me of what you just said. Oh, this
is an interesting one. Calling other people out for lies
and bullshit like that used to matter to them and
now it doesn't. I identify with that too. It's like,
you're not going to change anybody. Why are you going
to get an energy if it doesn't serve you, like,
let it go, walk away, do whatever? Busy social calendar?
(36:26):
Do you identify with that one at all?
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yes, it's so funny. The weekends roll around now and
people are like, what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (36:31):
I was like.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Nothing, Yeah, and you liked it. I love it. Designer
bags superficial stuff. Yeah, yeah, superficial stuff, crazy weekends. It's
another one. Good appraisals at work. I always wanted to
go above and beyond. It's just not necessary. That's interesting
because you're giving energy that wasn't asked of you to give,
and all you're doing is chasing approval then I.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
Guess right, yeah, and making somebody else.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Rich living up to everyone else's expectations.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Big one. Marriage, marriage again, busyness, networking events, hustle culture,
wanting everyone to like me, advancing my career, perfection, validation
from family. Girl boss energy. I've been talking about that
one a lot. It's interesting, like this girl boss energy,
(37:22):
I don't do you? Does this register at all with you? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (37:24):
I mean yeah, there's been that whole movement around it. Yeah,
And in some ways it's kind of anti like it's
like fake feminism. Yeah, because first of all, it's it's like,
you want to be a boss, be a boss. You
don't have to be a girl boss, you know what
I mean. It's like, why are we surprised at like
someone who is driven and commands respect and is a
(37:47):
good leader because she has a vagina. It makes it different. No,
that's just a boss.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
There's just certain people. Yeah, I think what I struggle
with it And like what started to make me angry
was the praise that our society gives that. It's kind
of like what I was saying earlier. When I was
making the most money in my life, I didn't see
you guys, do you remember that? Like I was so
busy because I was working like eighteen hour days. I
(38:14):
had no dating life, I didn't see my friends. I
barely talked to my family, Like all that I did
was work, and so yes, that one part of my
life was working. But like to me, I'm like, that
doesn't look like a successful human to me, and it's
not living. So it's like it's interesting because our culture
has all these markers of what success looks like or
(38:36):
what a girl boss would be. And I'm like, Okay,
the new kind of girl boss I want to be
is like a well rounded person, Like do I have
all these areas in my life? Am I happy truly
on the inside? Like not the measures of success that
I used to have, And so like when I'm seeing
these people get praised for like, oh they're so good
at business. Look at other killing it you're a boss
(38:58):
or whatever, but I I know what's happening behind the scenes,
Like they don't sleep, they're not taking care of themselves,
their family lives going to shit, their relationship is shit,
Like I just don't know. I'm like, why are we
praising that then?
Speaker 3 (39:11):
But it's also a backhanded compliment.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
It's like, why should we be surprised that there's.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
A driven woman, and because we would say it about
someone like that that if that is truly like what
is making them happy is building this company's and it's
filling their cup. Awesome, But I don't think that we
should pray because it's almost like validating women trying to
fill what has historically been like a masculine role. And
(39:39):
to me, that kind of like I don't think there
should have ever been a divide, Like it's only because
we held women down for so long. And if there
is a woman out there that wants to be a boss,
go do it. If it makes you happy, do all
those things, but it should be what's filling your cup?
And because she is a vagina, I don't think it
should separate her.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Totally fair argument.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Yeah, so that's why I hate that movement, Like you too,
because then it's like now you've got it. Now they're
putting another expectation on women that maybe the woman all
she wanted to do was be a great mom and
like help in our community.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Well that's that was my point exactly. And I think
that every single person has a different wiring. I think
we came here for different reasons. I think we came
here to learn different lessons, and not everybody is gonna
be wired to be a boss or be a leader,
and that's good. Like we need people to be leaders,
and we need people to be really good nurturers, and
(40:35):
we need people to be really good at like detail tasks,
you know, like we need all pieces. And I think
that I don't like this movement because it doesn't it
doesn't praise us being individuals. It makes it like, if
you want to be looked at as successful, here's how
it looks. And it's like that's not that isn't true.
(40:57):
So I'm really like hopeful because Aquarius energy, I know,
I'll always bring it back to astrology and you're like,
what the fuck does that mean? But like Aquarius energy
is all about like individualism and like humanity, but everyone
working together as a whole. And it's like, if you
actually look at how things work as a whole, you
need all the pieces. And I just want us all
(41:20):
to be looked at as successful for our peace, I guess,
And how we show up, if we like actually show
up as our individual selves, that's the beauty. That's like,
that is the boss energy, you know, right, not just
because you're the leader. Like I'm glad we have the leaders,
and I'm glad we have the strong voices and like
(41:40):
the one who can get up and like take charge.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Yeah, we need that.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
But I'm also glad that I have my people who
are my nurtures and like the soft people or like
I have some friends who are really really like they
love caretaking and they're good at it and they're good
and the plans and like, thank fucking God, because I'm not.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
That's not me.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Yeah, it's not me.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
A little bit Further than my rant about the girl
boss thing, it also infers that men like I kind
of hate the term girl dad, Like he's such a
good girl dad.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
It's like.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Every father should try to be the best father they can,
or don't be a fucking dad, like you know what
I mean, Like it's a backhanded compliment, you know. And
also it's like kind of saying, like, well, that guy's
a shitty dad. You know, that's what we should be.
Like if someone's not a good girl dad, they're a
shitty dad.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
If they've got a daughter.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Being a good dad should be based on like how
hard are you trying to like connect and show up
for your kids?
Speaker 2 (42:43):
For your kids?
Speaker 1 (42:45):
A girl a boy like be a good dad. Yeah,
I hear it.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
And it also kind of says that like guys can't
be guys shouldn't be in the nurturing role, you know,
because if a girl is a girl boss, and that
means that guys are as bosses and like, no, like
I think that there's sensitive sides to men. We all
have a masculine, feminine side and we should all be
able to tap into those things. So, you know, let's
not divide, let's unite and all find our role in
(43:14):
society and just be kind and loving and do our parts.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Amen.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Oh my god, I listen to a lot of mel
Robin's girl.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Let them. Let's end on a positive note, like, let's
think about this shift. I was going to ask you,
what do you value now that you didn't used to?
So basically like the reverse of that question, the initial
question that we asked.
Speaker 3 (43:41):
I mean, I feel like it's obvious, but it's and
when you told me that we were gonna end on
this pot, it's myself saying it's obvious. It's also weird
to say because I can't believe that I didn't before.
And it's really liberating to be like, yeah, no, I
value myself finally. And when you say like you love,
(44:02):
like you've been teary eyed love you love seeing this
evolution in me, it's like.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
God, damn, I do too.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
And my job is really taxing, but it's also something that.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
I really love.
Speaker 3 (44:13):
And you know, lately, I've been able to like face
the harder things a lot easier because I'm confident in
my position in them, and I know that, like, if
I'm pushing back on something or I disagree on something,
it's coming from a place of like caring about the
long term thing. It's not about wanting to be right
or wanting to be argumentative, or wanting to prove someone
(44:35):
wrong or whatever it is. It's just about caring. And
that feels really good. And I don't know that I
was always had that pure motivation before and I just
think it all comes from like valuing myself.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
It's interesting because I think that I had that same
shift over the last couple of years, and it was
because the crashes came because the like burns, falling apart, loss,
whatever you want to call it. I think when you
experience something like that, and we all experienced it somewhat
collectively because of the way the world has gone, I
do think it brings you to yourself the most. Or
(45:13):
maybe it's just where you are in your life journey
or whatever. And as you were saying that, I'm like,
I think mine is the same. It's the self, but
I would maybe say it in a way of like
my worth, like knowing that, like my worthiness doesn't come
from having the perfect relationship, being a girl boss and
being successful or deemed successful on the outside, chasing all
(45:36):
the clients in the world or whatever it was. And
it's interesting because I think the reason, like I wanted
to talk about this on the podcast is like, when
I look at my relationship now and even the dating
that I was doing before I got into this relationship,
you know, I've had a series of toxic relationships before this.
It wasn't like I just like knew how to do
(45:56):
relationships like It was a very big learning for me,
and I learned through relationships, so there had to be
failure for me to yes. And the last like toxic
relationship that I was in has been one of my
greatest healers because it brought me to such a low
(46:16):
that like, I had to climb my way out of it.
But once I climbed out of it, I was like
a hell no to anyone that showed me any sort
of resemblance to things that I had had in the past.
And it didn't. I didn't even have to understand it.
It was like the second I sensed it, it was
a no for me, and I would just walk away,
and I would do it kindly, like hey, I just
(46:37):
think we're on different journeys, or like, you know, I
didn't really feel the need to explain to anyone why
I didn't want to go on more dates or anything
like that. It was just the second I sensed that
it wasn't going to be good for me and I
wasn't going to be able to show up as the
best version of myself, I would leave. And that's because
I valued myself in a new way and I've done
that again with clients. Like it's like what I'm where
we're talking about where I used to not turn out
(47:00):
on anything, to just say yes all the time because
I felt like this need as a freelancer to say yes,
to show up to like pull a rabbit out of
a hat, even when it was killing me internally or whatever.
I do it in friendships. And the one area I
think that I still have left is maybe like public perception.
(47:20):
And that's a tough one for me because and I
don't know, I hate talking about this, so I try
not to live there and you can help me maybe
navigate how to do this. But like there's been a
narrative that's been put out about me that isn't me.
It's not true, it wasn't ever true. None of the
things that happened were true. And then there was this
like false narrative, and so I still feel like a
(47:41):
buck up against that because of trolls on social media and.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
Like, yeah, and they're out of your control.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
They're out of my control. And the fact that that
content still happens or like that narrative still gets put
out or whatever, also out of my control. And it's
kept me very stifled in like how to move forward publicly,
like I literally don't a lot of times, and I
think I'm finding like, Okay, I want to get back
to the things that used to make me passionate, although
(48:08):
they've shifted, like a lot of it is still there.
I love beauty, I love heart, connection talks like I
love all of the same things and actually in a
more clear way. But I haven't quite figured out how
to value myself enough to go up against negative feedback.
Would that be a way to say it?
Speaker 3 (48:27):
Yeah, No, I mean I think that it's exploring how
to filter some of that stuff out, because I do
think that there are tools that we can talk about offline.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
That could help.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Okay, cause it's really easy from my position to be like,
you just got to ignore it, but.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Well that's what everyone says to me, you've lived it.
Speaker 3 (48:46):
Yeah, I mean, I recognize that that's not the solution,
but I do think that valuing yourself and being able
to put yourself out in the world in the most
authentic way is the only way to shut people down.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
And shut people up.
Speaker 3 (49:03):
Because they're going to see the real you, and some
people you're never going to convince.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
Oh, I mean there's a lot of people going.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
To come to some people you're never going to convince,
and they just get people. Yeah, their their lives are small,
and it's like you don't want to get off on
like even giving them any credence at all, because that's
taking away your joy. So I think it's like, let's
let's research on how you can filter some of that
stuff out, like even through keywords so it doesn't even
(49:32):
reach you.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I mean I think yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
Because now now you know the language.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
M h. Well, there's certain times where it's like, yeah,
I can like get past it. But I think what
is the hardest is when I do feel like I'm
like coming from a place of this is me here.
I'm like what you were saying in the beginning of
this podcast is vulnerable, and then it gets met with
that and I'm like, wait, but that's not what happened,
and like people are like, well, then why didn't you
tell your story? And I'm like, because if I tell
my story, do y'all understand what happens in like media
(50:01):
and public eye and like how it gets twisted, but
also like the war that begins because.
Speaker 3 (50:09):
In like picking it's.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
Just like my like heartbreak and personal relationships. I don't
really want them to be like popcorn bait in like
for public consumption in that kind of way. And I
don't also feel good. I've never felt good, and this
is like the thing that has kept me the most
from never like doing this so far. But it's like
(50:35):
I don't feel good sending that energy back, Like I
don't want to play that game where I'm sending back
like well, here's the receipts and here's why that's not
true and whatever.
Speaker 3 (50:44):
They call it the court of public opinion for a reason,
like and you don't feel like you have to defend yourself,
then don't go to fucking court.
Speaker 1 (50:51):
Well I want to, of course, but it's like I
don't feel good about like that's not it's not in
my control then, like once I say it, it's not
in control for my control of what happens next or
the hate that goes to another person, or like I
just and I just I'm like I don't want to
participate in that. And so but then people believe, well,
if she's not saying anything, then that just must mean
(51:12):
that it's true or whatever.
Speaker 3 (51:13):
I think any good publicists would tell you in crisis mode.
The best thing to do is to say nothing.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
That is what everyone.
Speaker 3 (51:20):
Yeah, it's just yeah, just don't say anything, because it
validates it, it gives it oxygen. And the truth is
is you know in your core the truth and if
you live that, I mean that doesn't mean that it's
not hard. Yeah, but I think time is really the
only thing that makes it better. You know. And there's
still people whose lives are so fucking boring that they're
(51:42):
sitting around thinking about this still or bringing it back up.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
You know.
Speaker 3 (51:49):
It's really embarrassing, is what it is. And juvenile.
Speaker 1 (51:52):
Yeah, anyway, and your loved.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
So everybody please slide into your DMS with some love.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
Today, maybe cry good.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:02):
Anyway, It's about funding your right people, is what I've decided.
So I really like that's just what I'm in search
of now. Is like the things that used to matter
to me were having the most like big numbers and
all the things, And now I'm like, I really just
actually care about genuine connection with the right people, and
people I can learn from and they can learn from me,
(52:23):
and they have exchanges like you and I are having
right now. Like that is what I want, and that's
that's what I want to spread.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
So yeah, let's shed the bullshit. You know, Like it
feels really good. I think you and I are both
sitting here examples of it. And yeah, nobody's life is perfect,
but we all have the power to make it better. Yeah,
and if that means shedding some bullshit, shedding some friends,
shedding the bad relationship, quitting a job that's not serving
you anymore, even though it's fucking scary, you have to
(52:52):
think about all the time that you're wasting that doesn't
serve you, and when you free up that time, the
things that do serve you have have the space to
enter your life, whether it's a job that you finally love,
a relationship that like you never thought was possible, having
a kid, whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
It's like you're yeah, it's so millions.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
I know it sounds woo woo, but it feels fucking good.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
Amen. All right, Well, I'm gonna let Preacher Chip take
us out today. So on that note, if you guys
have stories like this or you're relating to us at all,
please email us at the Edge at Velvet edge dot
com or you can always slide into my DMS. I'm
at Velvet's Edge. I loved getting this feedback from y'all too,
and like the interactions that I have from asking that question.
(53:41):
And I know a lot of you guys and I
talked in the DMS as well, and that was just
this is that's what this is about for me. So
slide on in at Velvet Edge Chip.
Speaker 3 (53:51):
I'm at Chip Doors. It's hip d O R. S. Ch.
Speaker 1 (53:55):
And as you guys go into your weekends and you're
living on the edge, I hope you guys are remember too.
Speaker 2 (54:01):
A casual bung bye.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
Mm hmmm
Speaker 3 (54:10):
Mm hm
Your hair looks so good today. I woke up. Did
you really that good? I?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Did you love that?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
I mean obviously, like I had to fix it a
little bit, but like I didn't have to wet it
or anything.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I just used my hands.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
The best days are like that. I feel like cold
weather vibes are always way better for hair.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Well, do you think it's because you're kind of in
hibernation mode and you're not like it's you're not hot
when you're sleeping and you're like flipping over.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I'm probably slept really still last night.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I think it's the air. I mean, based on my job, Like,
when there's humidity in the air, it's so much harder
to work with hair. And when when there's the air
is dry like it is in the winter, you can
easily add moisture and things like that. But you don't
have flyways, you don't have fuzzies. It's just like your
hair is just more manageable.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
So it's just I'm glad I've got a pro. I
just like a rock.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's the dry air. Anyway, we were out last week
because I was sick, but I loved that. Literally was like,
oh my god, But I have the best episodes. I
wanted to post one of my favorite episodes you and
I had done on Valentine's Day. It is so funny
to listen back to. It was really funny. I hope
you guys enjoyed. And I'm sorry that I've been out
because I've been sick, but we're back. I have a
(01:16):
little raspy voice sometimes I feel this voice.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
I went last night and saw a writer's round and
one of the guys was like.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I'm really sorry. I've been like seeing a lot this week.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
And someone screamed, your voice sounds better when it's weak, and.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I was like, oh, I don't know that.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
That was very nice, but I didn't know the difference,
and I thought his voice sounded really cool.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So yeah, yeah, raspy is always. When I was a kid,
I used to like want to lose my voice so
bad and I never would, but like getting the rasp
I thought was so cute. And then I one time
in my entire life lost my voice and I actually
got put on vocal rest by a doctor. I couldn't
record for like two weeks. It was so But did
they say if you do strain your voice when it's raspy,
(02:00):
like you could actually really injure your vocal ter vocal
cord or something. Yeah, So I was like, I'm not
trying to do that, So I got one vocal rest.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
I used to lose my voice, like the first day
at four age camp, like I would get most spirited.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
It's very on brand for me.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I would always get like most spirited camper. But I
love a kid that has a naturally raspy voice, like
my niece has like a little husky voice.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, so cute.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah, the rasp is really cute. Well, so anyway, we
are actually here. I love this topic that you and
I are going to talk about today, and I was
talking about this with you. I'm trying to figure out
exactly how to frame to you guys what has been
happening in my head. But I think I'm going to
try to make sense of it. So basically, I've just
been in this season. I don't know if it's because
(02:44):
it's in winter and you're more contemplative because you're inside more,
or if it's like my age, I'm forty two, which
I think I was saying to you before, this is
when people have midlife crisis. Right, it's like forty to
forty two, which in astrology is also like your Saturn return,
and so it's like it is the time where you
really start to analyze your life. And for me, it's
(03:04):
been this season of the last five years. There's been
a lot of change in my life. We also went
through a pandemic, like the whole world has actually changed, right,
And then I hit this age range and I think
I'm just very contemplative during this time, Like I'm thinking
to myself, Am I doing things that are in line
with this person that I've become, that I've evolved into,
(03:25):
who is actually my most authentic version of myself? And
are the things that I'm doing, the people that are
in my life, the work that I'm doing, the clients
that I have, Are these things in line with who
I feel like I am at this stage of life?
Is the message that I'm putting out on this podcast
what I want to say? Like those are the questions
I'm really asking myself. And I posted this like question
(03:49):
box on my Instagram because I was like, am I
the only one that's feeling this? Like I know, sometimes
I get kind of deep in my thoughts and some
people are like, what the fuck is happening. It's like
times well sometimes yeah, I just really like to analyze it,
like think through things, and people don't align. But this
question people really seemed to align with. And I asked,
(04:10):
what's something you used to chase that you now realize
isn't important? Because that's just what's coming up for me,
Like all of these reflections on me wanting to live
as my authentic self in all areas of my life
is making me reflect back on all the things and
experiences that I've gone through and go, wow, like that
didn't that doesn't matter to me at all anymore? And
(04:32):
isn't it so weird that it used to hold so
much power in my life?
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I yeah, I mean I think there's probably a lot
of reasons why that happens. But yeah, I think just
growing up and experiencing life. The older that you get,
and you know, I'm seven years older than you. I'll
be fifty this year. And it was funny because when
you posted it, obviously responded with something crude because that's what.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I do to Kelly, and we'll give you this answer later,
We'll give you that.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
He It's I'm very on brand, but I've been sort
of in this phase too, And I think for me,
I have finally rounded the corner where I realized that
I've been able to look at my life and been like,
experiences and spending time with the people that I love
are truly the thing that like fill my cup. Things aren't.
(05:19):
And I look around my house and I'm like, what
are all these things? And then I think about my parents' house,
and I'm like, every time I talk to my mom,
I'm like, can you please just start throwing away shit?
Because A I don't know the sentimental value it holds
for you. B I don't know the financial value that
most of these things have.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
I mean, I know the few things that.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
I want that will remind me of my parents until
the day that I die, But I don't.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Need all of that.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
And I also don't want to just throw away things
that are worth money. I'd much rather than get rid
of things now when they're still here and they can
benefit from whatever it's worth. So it's to me, it's
like not just a physical declutter. It's such a mental
and emotional declutter, even though there's a lot of there's
a physical component to it. But I think it's just
(06:07):
you know now that I'm like rounding the corner to
old age. I want to pour all of my energy
into people and things that I know I love already.
It's not about like finding the validation and something anymore.
And I used to think I had to have things
and do things to feel validated. And I suddenly I
(06:28):
woke up one day feeling like I was past that.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, it's actually interesting that you bring that up, because
after I posted that question, I posted about a closet
sale that I'm a part of in Nashville. It's like
this big online sale. It's well Dressed dot com if
you guys want to go shop on March second through fifth.
But I literally am feeling the same thing. Like I
cleaned out my closet because I was realizing I have
so many clothes, and like obviously over the years, Brains
(06:54):
have sent me a bunch of stuff that I wore
for photo shoots or something like that, and it just
sits in my closet basically the same thing all the time. Well, yeah,
and it's just like I started to be like, I
just feel like I have so much stuff in my house,
Like there's so much stuff that I don't even ever
realize is here. You know, like my closet is. I
have a room that I made into my closet upstairs
(07:16):
in my house, which is awesome, and I never even
enter it. I just get stuff out of my laundry
room downstairs, and I hear the same thing over and
over because I'm just comfortable and I'm lazy when it
comes to my own dressing a lot of times. And
so I was like, I gotta just sell this, and
I'm gonna give some money to the people that lost
stuff in La fires because of it, because I'm like,
I don't need all this, like it is a gift
that I've had it, But how do I like pay
(07:37):
it forward or give back to other people? Because like
that's what I actually feel very led to do right now.
Like I feel like we're in this weird time in
the world where so much is happening and it's like
very divided feeling, and instead I want to feel like,
how do we help each other, like in a community
kind of mindset. And that's kind of a different topic,
(07:59):
but for some reason, like you said, it's all tying together.
For me. It's like I want to live in this
place where my heart feels connected to the things I'm
doing what I'm saying. And also the stuff that I have,
Like if I don't feel connected to it, why do
I need it? Like why is it even here?
Speaker 3 (08:17):
You know what's interesting, And I hadn't thought of this
until you just said something about like giving money to
people that lost everything in the LA fires. I wonder
if there is something subconscious in witnessing that happen from Afar.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
All of us watched it unfold.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
You know, I know a lot of people that it
happened too, and it's incredibly sad, but it did make
you realize that them being safe what is truly what
was most important.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
And even though a house provide.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Is not just a building, and it's not just stuff,
it provides safety and all the other things, like things
don't matter in the way that like your own personal
safety matters and your life matters. And so I wonder
if there's some things subconscious it's just that us witnessing
that that's probably be a lot harder to see if
I'd lost everything. You know, it's interesting, it hadn't popped
(09:09):
into my head and tell you said that.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yeah, but you know you just said that. But like
the people who are saying that the most to me
right now are my friends in La And of all places, La,
I think is considered probably the most vain place of
our whole country, and so like it's very interesting for
that energy to be coming out of that city. And
that's That's just not the only place. It's like, there's Asheville,
there's all these other places. Over the past five years
(09:33):
since the pandemic, I feel like so many things have
gone through transitions like that, and there's been so much
loss that maybe we are kind of being asked to
look at this stuff, and or maybe it is subconscious
like you said, where it's just being kind of driven
into my brain of like, yeah, I don't know, I've
personally gone through what I would deem a lot of
(09:54):
like loss, but it came from places that like it
made me realize what my actual real values are too,
or like maybe what I was saying earlier, where it's
like those things have pushed me into connecting with myself
in a much more like who am I and what
I don't know, like finding my most authentic voice kind
(10:16):
of way. So I don't know, maybe it's just like
a overall worldwide declutter, but it was really interesting to
me to see like listener or people that follow me
on Instagram's responses because they were so in line, and like,
I want to get to some of those, but I
want to ask you first. I mean, I know you
gave the joke. Do you want to tell the people
what you said? As your answer, I said, pussy right.
(10:39):
So the question again for you guys, was what is
something that you used to chase that you now realize
isn't importance? And I mean that is actually true.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I mean it's true.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
But as I've told you guys, Chip loves to slide
into my DMS with all his knowledge about vaginas.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah, I can, I can look back and know that
it was never really truly important.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
It was I was.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
It was important because I needed to put up a
facade or I was trying to change or like bury
something that was true to me. But you know, I
knew that she would get the joke.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It made me laugh. I thank you. I needed that
that day, so it really made me giggle. So what
would your real answer be though?
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I think for right now it's external validation.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And anything more specific than that, or like like what
are the themes underlying or like the things that are
making you think of that.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I've always wanted to be liked by everybody. That's always
been something that's really important and it's and it's something
that I'm aware of, and I know it's not a
healthy thing, and it's not even something that I chose.
It's just something that I know about myself. And because
of that, I've got a I know a lot of
people like I'm not like trying to be like I'm
the most popular person in the room, but I've lived
(11:51):
in a lot of cities, I'm incredibly social. I want
to be liked. So I put myself out there for
that reason. And it's exhausting. And I have amazing friends,
and I have amazing acquaintances. You know, I've been amazing
people that I just know through work. But I you know,
as I get older, I realize, like I want to
(12:13):
spend my time either by myself getting to know myself better,
there's the word, no, I want to know, or really
just spend the time with the people that really fill
my cup the most. And that doesn't mean that like
people who are my friends aren't my friends anymore like
the more peripheral friends. Because friendships take, they shift and
(12:34):
I'm sure one day I will think of somebody, and
I'm going to make it a goal of mine to
like be more proactive about just like reaching out and saying, hey,
I was thinking of you, and like not make it
about like let's get together, but just like, hey, I
hope you're having a good day. You've been on my mind,
that kind of thing. But it's for no other reasons.
I'm not doing that to feel validated in any way.
(12:55):
It's more to like make sure they feel validated and
in the stuff that I don't know if I'm answering
the question properly right now, but like in recognizing that,
like I feel like I'm shedding a lot of like
the shit that I thought gave me external validation, like
just having things, and coincidentally, in having this discovery, I'm
(13:19):
pouring so much more into myself that like I'm happier
than ever. I'm actually shedding pounds. I built a gym
in my house, so I had to shed a bunch
of just stuff to like make room for it.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And I'm finding that the.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Validation that I always craved is inside me, and it's amazing.
It's really amazing, Like I mean, I could stay home
alone for the next three months and be happy because
I do know that there are people out there that
love me. I can check that off. But I'm so
happy that I've like landed in this place and learned
(13:55):
that it comes from inside. And it's it feels weird
to be forty nine years old and finally realizing that,
you know, and I don't even think I was like
a depressed person like I was.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
I've always been no, yeah, but it was like I was.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
I never granted myself that like grace, and it's really
nice to find that well.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
And it's interesting because, like I think a lot of
what you just described is more of that people pleasing
stuff that we talked about and you thought, and I've
done this too. If they all like me, I'll feel content,
I'll feel But it's like when we do that, we
really miss the whole experience of the things that are
going to make us satisfied on the inside, which is
(14:34):
what I hear you saying now. So I don't think
you can like put an age or a marker on
when we find that, Like everyone's on their own journey,
and so that is interesting, Like it seems like you've
given up a little bit of chasing all the affirmation
and external validation and found that you're finding so much
more peace and happiness from giving it to yourself and
being on that journey of like spending time with yourself,
(14:56):
working out, like doing the things, like you're taking care
of yourself.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
It's amazing. Yeah, it feels really good.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
We had a lot of responses from listeners saying the
same thing, wanting everyone to like me. That was one
that Kelly. Another Kelly said, Our friend Charlie Wersam said,
approval and permission from my parents are peers pretty much anyone.
I love hearing from people like that too, Like Charlie's
a very successful musician and he and I talk about
this all the time, like it's so crazy you can
have all this success that looks like, oh well they
(15:26):
should be so thrilled and in your mental or emotional state,
is still to chase, like getting your parents to say
how proud they they are of you, right, or like
the small things that people would never even know, let's
see hustle culture. That kind of falls in line with that.
A lot of approval from others, Approval that I made
the right choice, validation from others, friendships, if someone is disrespectful,
(15:51):
like just let it be. Stop chasing people. Basically, agreement.
That was a big one, like having to have everyone
like you and agree with you popularity, even though leaving
behind my people pleasing is hard and those are cheap
dopamine hits. That was one that Mandy said, like I'm
leaving behind cheap dopamine. You know, like these things that
(16:11):
feel good in the moment, right, not necessarily like the
long lasting things.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Well, I think it's important too, you know, for those
who love you to get to love the whole you.
And if you're people pleasing or you're chasing that dopamine hit,
you're hiding a part of yourself. I think we're all
so worried that if we show our true selves we
will lose people in our lives, whether it's our parents,
our friends, our jobs, whatever. But I think people that
(16:39):
truly love you are the ones that stay, and they
want to know all the sides of you. They want
to know your quirks, they want to know your flaws,
they want to know what you disagree on, Like that's
what makes life rich. This is some of this stuff
is harder because it's real vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
It's not shock.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
The shock stuff is probably just more embarrassing because it's
not really who we are. It's just this is really
who we are when we get into these words and.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Talk about exposure. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
But and but it's helped me, Like I feel like
this has been part of the journey of me finding
myself finally.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
So I love that, Yeah, I think. Yeah, Like for me,
it's a similar thing probably with chasing like the external
like outside of myself. I think everyone can relate to that.
And I think when you get older or that's something
like maybe even when I turned forty and I'm in
mine came with a lot of different things of like, okay,
well I've already like been publicly humiliated, so like what yeah, yeah,
(17:37):
you sort of are like and the sun still came up,
Like you realize like how much you can survive. I
think when the shit hits the fan a lot of times.
But for me, I told you this before we started recording, Like,
I think the reason I'm even contemplating a lot of
this is because I realized how much time I spend
with work, you know, and like we all work a lot,
and you do, what's the statistic it's like wild when
(17:59):
you get to the end of your life and people
are analyzing the hours that they spent with work, and
if you realize, like it's not something you care about.
I don't want to waste my time doing stuff that,
like even if it brings me a bunch of money,
Like that's just not satisfying to me anymore. Of course
I want all of those things, but like, yeah, I
love money, yeah, of course, but it's like I really
(18:19):
truly care more about how does it feel to me
at the end of the day, And like when I'm
on my deathbed, I want to look back and feel
proud of like whether it's the legacy I'm even just
leaving behind with our friends or people that knew me,
like if it's on a small scale or a big scale,
whatever it is, Like, I just want to feel proud
(18:40):
of the person that I was more than anything. I
think at this point, like how did I make people
feel or something like like those kind of narratives really
started to matter to me more. And it was interesting
because when I was thinking about this, I was like,
what has shifted for me most? And like the bigger
thing was I used to really feel like, Okay, to
(19:02):
make an impact, I have to have a lot of
exposure to a lot of people, and like everything has
to be big. So like that was how I kind
of got out of line with who I was in
the first place. Now I'm like, okay, how do I
just talk about things that people relate to or that
maybe five people go, hey, I feel that too, Like
(19:24):
that's where my heart really feels the most, or I
feel the most authentically myself, And so my career goals
have changed even and I think that that, Yeah, that's
the whole point to me. But it's hard because then
you're like wired to do these certain things, like to
chase success and like look at the metrics of numbers
(19:45):
and that means, okay, yes, this one worked. And it's
like did it though, like just because a bunch of
people listened, Like did something resonate? Did people get anything
out of it? Like what you're talking about where it's
challenging you to grow? Like, right, did they connect with you?
Did you meet a new person who's had a similar
experience that helped you through that? Like it's just shifted
(20:07):
for me. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (20:09):
I mean I recently heard this quote that I think
relates to it in this way.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
On your deathbed.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
When you ask people who are dying, ninety one percent
of people will tell you that they regret the things that.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
They didn't do more than the things that they did.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
And I think the way that you take that to
like the workplace and like realizing what is serving you
what's not is you're now at a place where you
can reflect on your past. You're in a place where
you're financially stable enough to be like, wait a minute,
this isn't working.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's making me unhappy.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
I need to lean into the things that I want
to do that are going to make me proud.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Of my life.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
And I'm not going to worry about the regret of
the things that I have done because those are done. Like,
you can't control it, you can't change it. But what
you can do is you can you can be on
a path to your death that you won't have any
regrets for the things that you didn't do.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
And I think that's a really eye opening thing.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
It's like, I don't want to go to my deathbed
with a whole list of things, like I want to
write a screenplay this year, and it's something that I'm
actively working on that I've had the idea for for
twenty years, and I'm doing it in my free time
and I don't even care if he gets made or
anyone reads it. I just have this idea and I
don't want to lay on my deathbed thinking about why
(21:40):
didn't I fucking write that screenplay? Because I could get
hit by a bus in six weeks and if I'd
never started it, then that's a regret.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
And I don't want to do that. You know, that's
just one.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
There's a million examples, and I'm sure we all have them,
But I think that plays into sort of where your
head's at too.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, Okay, you're making me so today it's like so interesting. Well,
it's just I think it's just like I've known you
for so long, and so it is really cool when
you get to experience evolution together. Do you know what
I'm saying. Yeah, I really am witnessing right now how
much you've grown in the last couple of years. Yeah,
specifically this last year. I feel like you've been on
(22:19):
like a fast track and you feel very like authentically
you and with yourself.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Well, I think when I finally did enough to recognize myself,
that's what fast tracks it. You know what you mean,
like I finally got to a point where I was
seeing and this isn't just like about a physical transformation
like I was seeing, there was I was starting to
see myself come out of that fog. So when I
look in the mirror, I'm like, there you are, And
(22:49):
so it fast tracks it because it's I mean, I
think it's you know, any type of result driven thing,
Like you know, you're like, God, I got to write
a paper for school today, and it's like in your
mind you're not doing it. And the second you get
a page riot and you're like, oh shit, I've got
a page done. I'm gonna knock this thing out. Like
I think it's just I'm seeing the fruits of my
(23:11):
labor and I'm like, oh wow, I can do this.
Oh there I am, And it just makes me more
excited to be me and like check those things off
of my to do list.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You know, we're not so busy trying to worry about
what everyone else feels about you. You're actually like, what
the fuck do I feel about me? Do I even
know who I am? Like these are the questions I'm
asking myself right now, and I think you're actually living
it out.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Well also too.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
You know, anything that you're going to put yourself into
is going to be whether it's a relationship, whether it's
a job, whether it's family, whether it's community work, it's
going to be more fulfilling and more successful if you're
arriving at it whole and happy.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
You know, Like I think it's so. I'm talking to a.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Friend a lot who is having problems in her marriage,
and from where I'm sitting, because I'm just looking at
it from the outsider's perspective, I'm like, Yo, don't you
think this would be a lot easier if you weren't
blaming your significant other for everything and picking apart the
relationship and worked on yourself to find, like to make
yourself whole so that you can show up happy.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yeah, you know, you're.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Never gonna find the fix in them.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
You have to fix you.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
And then you're like.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Holy shit, Wow, I've got everything I ever wanted right
in front of me.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Why was I so miserable?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Isn't that wild about relationships? I have lived so much
of my life thinking if they just then, like, if
they just did this, then I would feel better. And
it's like the answer is never in that because you
got to know it for yourself, and they could be
being the perfect human, like they could be doing everything
right and you could still be miserable. And it has
(24:49):
so it really has nothing to do. We just project
a lot onto like our relationships. I also think like
one of my downfalls has been I don't know if
this is like I have like some sort of to
scarcity mindset or what. But you mentioned money when you
were initially just talking and you were like, so you're
at a place where you said to me, you're at
a place where you're financially stable enough to be able
(25:10):
to let go of stuff. And that is true, but
I will tell you it is tricky, Like I have
found that my go to still sometimes I'll be like,
you know, like yeah, like I don't feel like, oh,
I can't take that client on because they're not aligned
with me. I'll go, should you try to figure out
a way to work with them to you know whatever,
(25:31):
Like try to find ways to finagle myself into doing
something that I know won't serve me because I've convinced
myself that the money yes. And so that's another piece
of like that's kind of where I was when I
was cleaning out my closet was just sort of like, yeah,
all this stuff is nice, and it is nice and
I love fashion. Like, don't get me wrong, there are
(25:53):
definitely ways that I could convince myself to keep everything
in my closet because you know, there will be that
one party that I'll want to wear that one right,
But like when I really started to think about it,
I was like, no, you won't like no. And also
I have a roof over my head, I have other
clothes in my closet. Like I'm trying to really trying
to change my mindset around money to like do you
(26:16):
really need that? Or does our culture just convince us
to be so materialistic and excessive?
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Like right now, I have to mention the multi trillion
dollar advertising business that it's built to make you feel
like you need it. It's not even just the culture
like that that is a symptom of being advertised to
and then we all feel that.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
And then I.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Mean, it's like, how many times this year have we
talked about wanting new cars?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I know you and I both, but you realize that.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
I have not bought a new car because every time, like,
my car is twelve years old. By the way, you
guys like this is not like I don't dr have
a luxury car, but it works and it works and
it's paid off and it's paid off. And like what
I I keep getting to every time I go to
buy a new car or start looking is like cars
are really expensive right now, and the cars that I
(27:07):
want are really expensive, right so it would it would
make me have to take that extra client or it
would make me have to like stress something a little
bit more, you know, and I'm like, is that worth it?
Because like my ins, no, it's not. It's a need exactly.
And so those are the kind of things that like
it is really interesting how like our culture and I mean, fuck,
(27:31):
I was an influencer. I know, I still talk about
stuff like that. And it's like we literally are wired
to tell ourselves all the things we don't have, and
then your brain tricks you into thinking the same thing.
If I just had that, then like if thens come
up like then I'll be happy. And that isn't where
it's going to be found. And I think back to
like the years that I've made the most money of
(27:53):
my life. Was I happy? No? Because I had no
fucking life because I was working all the time, right,
So I don't know. It's just like I'm not sitting
here trying to be like I don't like nice things
I do, So don't get that twisted. Like I definitely
I am not saying that. I'm just asking myself, like do
I need all the things that our society convinces us
(28:13):
that we need, or do we need to maybe think
about like reframing our structures, like we are the richest
country in the world, like you go to other countries.
Having a car in general is a luxury, and we're
sitting here like do I have a nice enough car?
You know?
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Like and look, let me tell y'all, she is not
driving up in a beater either, Like it's like a
perfectly great car.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Fine, yes, yeah, you'd be happy.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
To pull up into any valet with it and not
be embarrassed to hand those keys off. It's not Kristen
Wig and Bridesmaids.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
There's nothing wrong with that either.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
There's nothing wrong with that. Her car worked and when
it broke down she met a cop.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
So I was like, are you talking about me? But
you're actually well, speaking of relationships, this is an interesting
one that I think a lot of people wrote back
with so like our friend to Amy actually said this,
But one of the jokes in our friend group is
always that Amy was single for a long time and
then she was like, I have to you know, her credentials.
(29:13):
Like one of her main things she would say was
they have to have a tool belt or drive a truck.
And so she responded to me with that because of
course it's hot. Yeah, but like over the last year,
Amy has realized through some dating experiences, those aren't the
things that matter. And I think she was eliminating a
lot of men because they didn't fit that credential. Actually,
(29:34):
the Kirby Brunette, another one of our followers, said, guys,
you drive a pickup truck, Like that doesn't matter to
me anymore, right, And I think it's like, as you
get older, you start to realize I could date a
guy that checks all those boxes that like lines up
completely on paper, but he treats me like shit. So
and I'm miserable in this relationship. Yeah, the superficial things
(29:58):
like that was a lot of the feedback we got
was just even marriage. I know, like I've talked about
that evolving through the years of like what do I
actually think about relationships? What do I actually want in
my life or what do I feel pressured to want
because I'm a woman from the South and everyone else
is doing this. You know, do I really want kids?
(30:20):
Do I really want to get married? Or am I
on a different trajectory And I'm having a hard time
accepting that because I feel like an outsider, Like have
you dealt with that at all? With dating?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
And you know, I feel really lucky, like I have
a lot of chosen family who I love and my
life is really full. And the person I dated most recently,
I I empowered myself and I was like, when I
was getting crumbs, I was like, listen, dude, like it's
been fun to getting to know you, but I'm going
to go find someone who values spending time with me
more than you do because you're giving me crumbs and pieces.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
You know why you can say that now so confidently
because you.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Yeah, I value me.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
But I have a really full life, So it's like
I don't need that. I don't need a relationship to
be happy, and I would much rather now walk into
a bar, restaurant wherever and have a gravitational pull that
someone sees my spark and wants to get to know me.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
And I think it feels a lot more realistic.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
I'm not trying to convince anybody to like me at
this point, Like sorry, I don't, I don't. I'm not
for sale, you know, for sale? Like you know I
don't have to market myself.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Well you shouldn't have to write, like, yeah, if I
died alone, it'd be fine, Like, well, you don't die alone.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
What do I wish that I had a kid? Some No, no,
they'll be nurses.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Well people, we can redefine what that means, right, Like.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Totally, I don't feel alone.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I don't reationship like it could be your friends, it
could be your family.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Like, by the way, you can be in a marriage
and be fucking more alone than.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
My relationships, You're still alone. I feel the most I've
ever felt in my life.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
But yeah, there are those pressures. People are always saying,
you'd be a great dad, you'd be and I agree,
I think i'd be a great dad.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
But I've never.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Had that thing where I'm like, I have to have
a child, And there are times I've explored it. I
don't I truly believe that I couldn't do it on
my own. So I would never do. But also there
was a moment a couple of years ago where Elle
called me and was like, this girl that I know
is put her baby up for adoption, and I gave
them your name.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
And I equated it.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
To like if I were driving down the freeway and
I saw a puppy, I would stop and pick it up. Like,
of course that wasn't what I was looking for that day,
but if a child fell in my lap, I would
do everything I could to give it the best life possible,
of course, but I don't have to go out and
pay us Sarah get it, or go through the whole
like adoption thing and torture myself with that because I
don't feel that burning thing. But yeah, I mean, I
(32:58):
think it's like there is so much much external pressure
to fit into the crowd, and if you don't feel it,
you don't feel Look at Goldie Hawn and Russell Russell.
They're probably the longest running Hollywood relationship we can think of,
and they did it. They're doing it their own way.
They never got married. They're just together and family is
(33:18):
what you make it.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
I think it's also just like looking at your life
in the metrics of success, like how do we define
success and do they actually align with who you think,
who you feel you are, and why you feel like
your soul is here on this earth in this lifetime.
Like I mean, I feel the same as you about
the kid thing, Like I'm a cancer through and through,
Like I have so much cancer in my chart on
(33:41):
all these different things in astrology, and that's all about
mothering and nurturing and all of those things. But like
where it is in my chart actually shows me that
it's probably wasn't necessarily to be in these traditional ways
of nurturing and mothering and caring for people. And I
do feel like I do that with friends and all
these things. And I saw this podcast yeah yeah, and
(34:06):
like the communication aspect of it too. But I pulled
up Netflix last night and you know at the top
they run those banners, and it was this comedian I
wish I could remember her name. She was doing this
bit about infertility and she was like, you know, I
never wanted a kid until like that came off the
table as an option, and they started playing hard to get.
(34:27):
When kids started playing hard to get, Yeah, but it's
basically she's like, I love something unavailable. So I started
chasing it like crazy, Like it was like, yeah, basically,
she got to the end of her thirties and it
was having a hard time getting pregnant, and then was like,
oh my god, I really want this now, you know.
And I identify with that, like I never was too
a place where I was like, I really am ready
to have a kid, but you'r gind of collogist starts
(34:50):
talking to you in this way of like, uh, you're
thirty five, it's a geriatric pregnancy, and all of a sudden,
I was like, oh, urgency, I gotta figure out how this.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, And it's like it wasn't really ever fully in line.
And then look at that my like fertility treatments didn't
work out, and that's because it wasn't the path that
I was supposed to go down. And I'm like you,
I'm like, I don't feel led to adopt, Like it hasn't.
That hasn't felt like my calling. If a kid dropped
him my lap, like you said, I know I would
give it the best life ever. Because I've also been
(35:18):
in that situation where I've dated a person with kids
and like it was a very big priority to me
to show up well for them. But yeah, so I
think it's just like asking ourselves, like, are these measures
in these metrics that we put on success true for us?
Are they given to us by our culture? Like? Are
we hustling to try to make something work that's like
(35:40):
not really making us happy or really aligned with what
we want? And like when we look back, are we
going to be pissed that we gave so much time
and energy or money or whatever it is to that thing?
Speaker 2 (35:51):
I think So.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
I was going to read a couple more of these
wrong relationship he was an narcist, had to go no.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
That reminds me of what you just said. Oh, this
is an interesting one. Calling other people out for lies
and bullshit like that used to matter to them and
now it doesn't. I identify with that too. It's like,
you're not going to change anybody. Why are you going
to get an energy if it doesn't serve you, like,
let it go, walk away, do whatever? Busy social calendar?
(36:26):
Do you identify with that one at all?
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yes, it's so funny. The weekends roll around now and
people are like, what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (36:31):
I was like.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Nothing, Yeah, and you liked it. I love it. Designer
bags superficial stuff. Yeah, yeah, superficial stuff, crazy weekends. It's
another one. Good appraisals at work. I always wanted to
go above and beyond. It's just not necessary. That's interesting
because you're giving energy that wasn't asked of you to give,
and all you're doing is chasing approval then I.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
Guess right, yeah, and making somebody else.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Rich living up to everyone else's expectations.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Big one. Marriage, marriage again, busyness, networking events, hustle culture,
wanting everyone to like me, advancing my career, perfection, validation
from family. Girl boss energy. I've been talking about that
one a lot. It's interesting, like this girl boss energy,
(37:22):
I don't do you? Does this register at all with you? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (37:24):
I mean yeah, there's been that whole movement around it. Yeah,
And in some ways it's kind of anti like it's
like fake feminism. Yeah, because first of all, it's it's like,
you want to be a boss, be a boss. You
don't have to be a girl boss, you know what
I mean. It's like, why are we surprised at like
someone who is driven and commands respect and is a
(37:47):
good leader because she has a vagina. It makes it different. No,
that's just a boss.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
There's just certain people. Yeah, I think what I struggle
with it And like what started to make me angry
was the praise that our society gives that. It's kind
of like what I was saying earlier. When I was
making the most money in my life, I didn't see
you guys, do you remember that? Like I was so
busy because I was working like eighteen hour days. I
(38:14):
had no dating life, I didn't see my friends. I
barely talked to my family, Like all that I did
was work, and so yes, that one part of my
life was working. But like to me, I'm like, that
doesn't look like a successful human to me, and it's
not living. So it's like it's interesting because our culture
has all these markers of what success looks like or
(38:36):
what a girl boss would be. And I'm like, Okay,
the new kind of girl boss I want to be
is like a well rounded person, Like do I have
all these areas in my life? Am I happy truly
on the inside? Like not the measures of success that
I used to have, And so like when I'm seeing
these people get praised for like, oh they're so good
at business. Look at other killing it you're a boss
(38:58):
or whatever, but I I know what's happening behind the scenes,
Like they don't sleep, they're not taking care of themselves,
their family lives going to shit, their relationship is shit,
Like I just don't know. I'm like, why are we
praising that then?
Speaker 3 (39:11):
But it's also a backhanded compliment.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
It's like, why should we be surprised that there's.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
A driven woman, and because we would say it about
someone like that that if that is truly like what
is making them happy is building this company's and it's
filling their cup. Awesome, But I don't think that we
should pray because it's almost like validating women trying to
fill what has historically been like a masculine role. And
(39:39):
to me, that kind of like I don't think there
should have ever been a divide, Like it's only because
we held women down for so long. And if there
is a woman out there that wants to be a boss,
go do it. If it makes you happy, do all
those things, but it should be what's filling your cup?
And because she is a vagina, I don't think it
should separate her.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Totally fair argument.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Yeah, so that's why I hate that movement, Like you too,
because then it's like now you've got it. Now they're
putting another expectation on women that maybe the woman all
she wanted to do was be a great mom and
like help in our community.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Well that's that was my point exactly. And I think
that every single person has a different wiring. I think
we came here for different reasons. I think we came
here to learn different lessons, and not everybody is gonna
be wired to be a boss or be a leader,
and that's good. Like we need people to be leaders,
and we need people to be really good nurturers, and
(40:35):
we need people to be really good at like detail tasks,
you know, like we need all pieces. And I think
that I don't like this movement because it doesn't it
doesn't praise us being individuals. It makes it like, if
you want to be looked at as successful, here's how
it looks. And it's like that's not that isn't true.
(40:57):
So I'm really like hopeful because Aquarius energy, I know,
I'll always bring it back to astrology and you're like,
what the fuck does that mean? But like Aquarius energy
is all about like individualism and like humanity, but everyone
working together as a whole. And it's like, if you
actually look at how things work as a whole, you
need all the pieces. And I just want us all
(41:20):
to be looked at as successful for our peace, I guess,
And how we show up, if we like actually show
up as our individual selves, that's the beauty. That's like,
that is the boss energy, you know, right, not just
because you're the leader. Like I'm glad we have the leaders,
and I'm glad we have the strong voices and like
(41:40):
the one who can get up and like take charge.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Yeah, we need that.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
But I'm also glad that I have my people who
are my nurtures and like the soft people or like
I have some friends who are really really like they
love caretaking and they're good at it and they're good
and the plans and like, thank fucking God, because I'm not.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
That's not me.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Yeah, it's not me.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
A little bit Further than my rant about the girl
boss thing, it also infers that men like I kind
of hate the term girl dad, Like he's such a
good girl dad.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
It's like.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Every father should try to be the best father they can,
or don't be a fucking dad, like you know what
I mean, Like it's a backhanded compliment, you know. And
also it's like kind of saying, like, well, that guy's
a shitty dad. You know, that's what we should be.
Like if someone's not a good girl dad, they're a
shitty dad.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
If they've got a daughter.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Being a good dad should be based on like how
hard are you trying to like connect and show up
for your kids?
Speaker 2 (42:43):
For your kids?
Speaker 1 (42:45):
A girl a boy like be a good dad. Yeah,
I hear it.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
And it also kind of says that like guys can't
be guys shouldn't be in the nurturing role, you know,
because if a girl is a girl boss, and that
means that guys are as bosses and like, no, like
I think that there's sensitive sides to men. We all
have a masculine, feminine side and we should all be
able to tap into those things. So, you know, let's
not divide, let's unite and all find our role in
(43:14):
society and just be kind and loving and do our parts.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Amen.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Oh my god, I listen to a lot of mel
Robin's girl.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Let them. Let's end on a positive note, like, let's
think about this shift. I was going to ask you,
what do you value now that you didn't used to?
So basically like the reverse of that question, the initial
question that we asked.
Speaker 3 (43:41):
I mean, I feel like it's obvious, but it's and
when you told me that we were gonna end on
this pot, it's myself saying it's obvious. It's also weird
to say because I can't believe that I didn't before.
And it's really liberating to be like, yeah, no, I
value myself finally. And when you say like you love,
(44:02):
like you've been teary eyed love you love seeing this
evolution in me, it's like.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
God, damn, I do too.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
And my job is really taxing, but it's also something that.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
I really love.
Speaker 3 (44:13):
And you know, lately, I've been able to like face
the harder things a lot easier because I'm confident in
my position in them, and I know that, like, if
I'm pushing back on something or I disagree on something,
it's coming from a place of like caring about the
long term thing. It's not about wanting to be right
or wanting to be argumentative, or wanting to prove someone
(44:35):
wrong or whatever it is. It's just about caring. And
that feels really good. And I don't know that I
was always had that pure motivation before and I just
think it all comes from like valuing myself.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
It's interesting because I think that I had that same
shift over the last couple of years, and it was
because the crashes came because the like burns, falling apart, loss,
whatever you want to call it. I think when you
experience something like that, and we all experienced it somewhat
collectively because of the way the world has gone, I
do think it brings you to yourself the most. Or
(45:13):
maybe it's just where you are in your life journey
or whatever. And as you were saying that, I'm like,
I think mine is the same. It's the self, but
I would maybe say it in a way of like
my worth, like knowing that, like my worthiness doesn't come
from having the perfect relationship, being a girl boss and
being successful or deemed successful on the outside, chasing all
(45:36):
the clients in the world or whatever it was. And
it's interesting because I think the reason, like I wanted
to talk about this on the podcast is like, when
I look at my relationship now and even the dating
that I was doing before I got into this relationship,
you know, I've had a series of toxic relationships before this.
It wasn't like I just like knew how to do
(45:56):
relationships like It was a very big learning for me,
and I learned through relationships, so there had to be
failure for me to yes. And the last like toxic
relationship that I was in has been one of my
greatest healers because it brought me to such a low
(46:16):
that like, I had to climb my way out of it.
But once I climbed out of it, I was like
a hell no to anyone that showed me any sort
of resemblance to things that I had had in the past.
And it didn't. I didn't even have to understand it.
It was like the second I sensed it, it was
a no for me, and I would just walk away,
and I would do it kindly, like hey, I just
(46:37):
think we're on different journeys, or like, you know, I
didn't really feel the need to explain to anyone why
I didn't want to go on more dates or anything
like that. It was just the second I sensed that
it wasn't going to be good for me and I
wasn't going to be able to show up as the
best version of myself, I would leave. And that's because
I valued myself in a new way and I've done
that again with clients. Like it's like what I'm where
we're talking about where I used to not turn out
(47:00):
on anything, to just say yes all the time because
I felt like this need as a freelancer to say yes,
to show up to like pull a rabbit out of
a hat, even when it was killing me internally or whatever.
I do it in friendships. And the one area I
think that I still have left is maybe like public perception.
(47:20):
And that's a tough one for me because and I
don't know, I hate talking about this, so I try
not to live there and you can help me maybe
navigate how to do this. But like there's been a
narrative that's been put out about me that isn't me.
It's not true, it wasn't ever true. None of the
things that happened were true. And then there was this
like false narrative, and so I still feel like a
(47:41):
buck up against that because of trolls on social media and.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
Like, yeah, and they're out of your control.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
They're out of my control. And the fact that that
content still happens or like that narrative still gets put
out or whatever, also out of my control. And it's
kept me very stifled in like how to move forward publicly,
like I literally don't a lot of times, and I
think I'm finding like, Okay, I want to get back
to the things that used to make me passionate, although
(48:08):
they've shifted, like a lot of it is still there.
I love beauty, I love heart, connection talks like I
love all of the same things and actually in a
more clear way. But I haven't quite figured out how
to value myself enough to go up against negative feedback.
Would that be a way to say it?
Speaker 3 (48:27):
Yeah, No, I mean I think that it's exploring how
to filter some of that stuff out, because I do
think that there are tools that we can talk about offline.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
That could help.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Okay, cause it's really easy from my position to be like,
you just got to ignore it, but.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Well that's what everyone says to me, you've lived it.
Speaker 3 (48:46):
Yeah, I mean, I recognize that that's not the solution,
but I do think that valuing yourself and being able
to put yourself out in the world in the most
authentic way is the only way to shut people down.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
And shut people up.
Speaker 3 (49:03):
Because they're going to see the real you, and some
people you're never going to convince.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
Oh, I mean there's a lot of people going.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
To come to some people you're never going to convince,
and they just get people. Yeah, their their lives are small,
and it's like you don't want to get off on
like even giving them any credence at all, because that's
taking away your joy. So I think it's like, let's
let's research on how you can filter some of that
stuff out, like even through keywords so it doesn't even
(49:32):
reach you.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I mean I think yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
Because now now you know the language.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
M h. Well, there's certain times where it's like, yeah,
I can like get past it. But I think what
is the hardest is when I do feel like I'm
like coming from a place of this is me here.
I'm like what you were saying in the beginning of
this podcast is vulnerable, and then it gets met with
that and I'm like, wait, but that's not what happened,
and like people are like, well, then why didn't you
tell your story? And I'm like, because if I tell
my story, do y'all understand what happens in like media
(50:01):
and public eye and like how it gets twisted, but
also like the war that begins because.
Speaker 3 (50:09):
In like picking it's.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
Just like my like heartbreak and personal relationships. I don't
really want them to be like popcorn bait in like
for public consumption in that kind of way. And I
don't also feel good. I've never felt good, and this
is like the thing that has kept me the most
from never like doing this so far. But it's like
(50:35):
I don't feel good sending that energy back, Like I
don't want to play that game where I'm sending back
like well, here's the receipts and here's why that's not
true and whatever.
Speaker 3 (50:44):
They call it the court of public opinion for a reason,
like and you don't feel like you have to defend yourself,
then don't go to fucking court.
Speaker 1 (50:51):
Well I want to, of course, but it's like I
don't feel good about like that's not it's not in
my control then, like once I say it, it's not
in control for my control of what happens next or
the hate that goes to another person, or like I
just and I just I'm like I don't want to
participate in that. And so but then people believe, well,
if she's not saying anything, then that just must mean
(51:12):
that it's true or whatever.
Speaker 3 (51:13):
I think any good publicists would tell you in crisis mode.
The best thing to do is to say nothing.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
That is what everyone.
Speaker 3 (51:20):
Yeah, it's just yeah, just don't say anything, because it
validates it, it gives it oxygen. And the truth is
is you know in your core the truth and if
you live that, I mean that doesn't mean that it's
not hard. Yeah, but I think time is really the
only thing that makes it better. You know. And there's
still people whose lives are so fucking boring that they're
(51:42):
sitting around thinking about this still or bringing it back up.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
You know.
Speaker 3 (51:49):
It's really embarrassing, is what it is. And juvenile.
Speaker 1 (51:52):
Yeah, anyway, and your loved.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
So everybody please slide into your DMS with some love.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
Today, maybe cry good.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:02):
Anyway, It's about funding your right people, is what I've decided.
So I really like that's just what I'm in search
of now. Is like the things that used to matter
to me were having the most like big numbers and
all the things, And now I'm like, I really just
actually care about genuine connection with the right people, and
people I can learn from and they can learn from me,
(52:23):
and they have exchanges like you and I are having
right now. Like that is what I want, and that's
that's what I want to spread.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
So yeah, let's shed the bullshit. You know, Like it
feels really good. I think you and I are both
sitting here examples of it. And yeah, nobody's life is perfect,
but we all have the power to make it better. Yeah,
and if that means shedding some bullshit, shedding some friends,
shedding the bad relationship, quitting a job that's not serving
you anymore, even though it's fucking scary, you have to
(52:52):
think about all the time that you're wasting that doesn't
serve you, and when you free up that time, the
things that do serve you have have the space to
enter your life, whether it's a job that you finally love,
a relationship that like you never thought was possible, having
a kid, whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
It's like you're yeah, it's so millions.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
I know it sounds woo woo, but it feels fucking good.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
Amen. All right, Well, I'm gonna let Preacher Chip take
us out today. So on that note, if you guys
have stories like this or you're relating to us at all,
please email us at the Edge at Velvet edge dot
com or you can always slide into my DMS. I'm
at Velvet's Edge. I loved getting this feedback from y'all too,
and like the interactions that I have from asking that question.
(53:41):
And I know a lot of you guys and I
talked in the DMS as well, and that was just
this is that's what this is about for me. So
slide on in at Velvet Edge Chip.
Speaker 3 (53:51):
I'm at Chip Doors. It's hip d O R. S. Ch.
Speaker 1 (53:55):
And as you guys go into your weekends and you're
living on the edge, I hope you guys are remember too.
Speaker 2 (54:01):
A casual bung bye.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
Mm hmmm
Speaker 3 (54:10):
Mm hm
Host
Kelly Henderson
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