December 12, 2025 • 45 mins
December always brings that strange mix of exhaustion and clarity, so Kelly and Chip sat down to take an honest look at the year—what worked, what didn’t, what surprised them, and what stretched them in ways they didn’t expect.
They reflect on the wins, the messier moments, the relationships that shaped them, and the habits and patterns they’re ready to leave behind. It’s a grounded, end-of-year check-in that’s equal parts real talk, humor, and the kind of perspective that only comes from living through a long, complicated year.
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HOSTS:
Kelly Henderson // @velvetsedge // velvetsedge.com
Chip Dorsch // @chipdorsch
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Well, obviously we have to address the elephant room, and
that's that you're back in your normal surroundings.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Oh my god, it has been a journey, and even
Zoom could figure it out.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
First of all, tell any listeners this is like not
a real issue, but Chip has made it into a thing.
Last like three months. I feel like you've been I mean,
it feels like it's.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Been that long. Yeah, I was. I had a virtual
background that was stuck on my Zoom and I figured
out a workaround, but it was still weird, Like you know,
I was playing around with it one day and I
was going through all the virtual backgrounds and there was
one that kind of looked like I've worked in the
building that Severance has shot in, and I thought that
was funny. And also my coworker it kind of looks
(00:55):
almost exactly like the room from the view from his
office in our Los Angeles and so I just thought
it was funny. And then it wouldn't go away, and
I literally followed every instruction I could find. I chatted
with Zoom, I deleted it, I deleted my account, I
started a new account, I deleted it from my computer,
I restarted my computer. Nothing worked, so Finally I just
(01:16):
said fuck it, and I took a picture of my
house so it looked like my real thing. But it
was weird because my like, I'd lift a cup to
drink some water and my hand would disappear because it
was like weird virtual shit going on. Well, I asked
Chat GPT today. Finally I went to Chat I know,
and Chat gave me some ideas. They didn't work. Yeah,
(01:39):
and my buddy John, who was crashing here at the moment,
he uses a different AI search engine thing whatever you
call it, called Gemini. It's Google's and Googles said to
click and for anyone who's listening that is has had
this awful situation bestowed upon them as well. If you're
(02:01):
on a Mac, if you click on the top of
your screen, there's like a green camera, like a camera
thing that's green. When you're on Zoom and it's recording,
you go down and you turn off backgrounds. Somehow the
Mac was overriding the controls of the Zoom so it
didn't matter what I was deleting in the Zoom app.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yeah, still it was.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
The Mac had remembered it. So wow, there we go. Look,
I can turn it back on and I can turn
it home.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
And now it's getting real confident. It's getting real confident,
just bouncing around between backgrounds.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
My reactions are turned on.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Parts out.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Oh my god, look you can thumbs up.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
I like the have you ever done this?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
On?
Speaker 1 (02:48):
And it like it does the mine must be turned off,
but it does like rock Star usually does lasers. This
is this is so when you're in a long distance relationship.
These are the kind of things.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
You figure out right right happen.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Yes, the thumbs up one is always the weirdest. Anyway,
we're literally on the sea.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
You're gonna have to watch this on YouTube if you're
listening the other thing Chips said, Yeah, the other thing
Chip said when we get on the call.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
So I got my period today, just for everyone out
in the world, just so everyone.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Knows when my honesty is the best policy.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
No, actually I got it last night. I feel terrible,
Like I knew this one was going to be a doozy,
just because the PMS was a doozy and the first
day is just always terrible. So anyway, I texted Chip
earlier and I was like, can we do thirty minutes later?
Like I'm trying to get these cramps under control. When
we get on, I don't look good like I'm in
the sweatsuit.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And she said it first, she said, I look like shit.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I go, oh my god, it look terrible. He goes,
you literally are the same color as your white wall.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
But I'm not wrong.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I'm very monochromatic right now. Yeah, ationally, but even my skin.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Your skin mat is, it's got a little bit of
color barely.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
You know what the sick part is is I have
on a ten's and it's sunscreen.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Autent. God, I mean, Ray, I thought you said a
ten inch and I was like, where.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Is this coon? No a tinted you freak a tinted sunscreen. Anyway,
this just basically sums up where I am this month
I feel. And I said this a little bit to
you guys. Last week we were supposed to record. We
were kind of jumping through hoops trying to figure out
a time, like for whatever reason, last week was really
kind of crazy, and then Chip last minute needed to
(04:28):
go home for a family emergency. And I'll let you
touch on that in a minute. But I just said
to the listeners, like, you know, it's interesting. Most of
the time, I'm really excited to wrap up the year
and to like talk about all this stuff. I have
been a zombie, like I have just truly felt like
got hit by a bus, kind of feeling like this
laird has just taken it out of me. And the
(04:49):
more I talk to other people, I think that is
kind of a common theme with everybody, as we're just like, Okay,
it's December, I'm done with work, which obviously, like we're
technically not, so that doesn't really work. But I just
really like want to be more authentic about that kind
of stuff I think moving forward, and we talk about
it a lot on the podcast, like it's really important
to be conscious of burnout. And I am such a
(05:11):
person in the past who would just push and drive
and like always just show up for the work regardless.
And I'm really trying to be more conscious of like
finding a better balance of taking into consideration my body,
my relationship, you know, not just being totally one sided
with work, and like that was how a lot of
us were raised. I think I see all these memes
(05:33):
recently about millennial culture, like work culture, and this must
be like a theme a lot of people are talking about.
But like we didn't have sick days or like mental
health days, and to our own detriment, I think we
overworked in our generation and we were very much in
this like if you want to go to the astrology,
the Pluto and Capricorn, like that was what we were
building stuff on and we're moving into a new era,
(05:55):
and I think twenty twenty five was like a big
time of that, of shifting the way we think about things.
All of the astrology was very much like deconstruction to
then get to the place where we can rebuild. And
I think we're just tired, like we've been saying that
the last couple of years, but it has truly been
this shedding of all the old ways we used to
(06:16):
do things, and we haven't gotten quite to the new
ones yet. So I think it's like this weird in
between time. But I'm not I'm committing to not forcing
and allowing the space for all of these changes to
take place and to stay curious because I have no
clue what the direction of the universe is taking, like me, you,
anybody right now. So it's kind of just like being
(06:38):
along for the ride. And last week was the perfect
example of that. And I said, you said you were
like scrambling, like should I get my mic and blah
blah blah, And I was like, no, go be with
your family, like this is important. Do you want to
tell the listeners a little bit about what's going on?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Yeah? So, I mean, my mom, poor thing. She's eighty.
She has COPD, which I don't even know what that
stands for, but it means her longs are fucked because
she smoked for several years. So if you're listening and
you smoke, I would recommend that you stop because it
will bite you in the ass at the end. And
so she's she's been on oxygen for several years now
at this point, and it really hasn't slowed her down.
(07:13):
Like she's been a pretty active woman her whole life,
and she just drags that oxygen check around and does
her thing. Last July, she tripped over my puppy broke
her neck and has been in a neck brace since
because at her age, her bones aren't healing as quickly
as you know they would if you were younger. She also,
because it is annoying, she's become really sedentary and she
(07:37):
doesn't do a whole lot, so she's not like using
her body in the way that it would be regenerating,
and also then she's not eating healthily, you know, she's
just eating the bare minimum just to kind of stay alive. Well,
a few weeks ago, she went for a routine checkup. Like,
by the way, when you're in your eighties, you have
six doctors appointments a week. I don't know why, but my.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Parents are time job, always at the doctor.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
And I don't know how they even remember them all.
But her blood looked weird, so they ran some test
and they found out she was anemic. So she had
to go into the hospital to have a blood transfusion,
which was like, it didn't scare any of us. It's like, oh,
this will it's an instant fixed. Great. Right, Well, while
she was in the hospital, she caught pneumonia. And she
was only there for in the hospital. In the hospital,
(08:22):
that's what her doctor is saying. She thinks happened because
the timing, if they look at her X rays from
her lung from that day to the day that she
got admitted two weeks later for pneumonia, it was night.
There was no sign of pneumonia in the line, okay,
and it was a pretty gnarly pneumonia in just her
left lung. So she went to the hospital. We were
(08:45):
all relieved because you're like, because she'd have this terrible cough,
she was really tired, she didn't feel like eating, like
all of the things, Like she literally would be sitting
at the table and fall asleep, you know, playing Solitaire
or whatever on her computer, watching her stories, and so oh,
she hasn't decorated for Christmas. She hasn't present, it's so
not like her. She hasn't made any Christmas cookies. It's
(09:08):
just like she is not herself. So she goes to
the hospital and we're all relieved or like, great, this
will you know? Now we know so it can be treated,
blah blah blah and she'll be fine. Well, the second
day she was there, you know, I was on the
phone with her and I literally could not understand a
word she was saying. This was last Wednesday. Could not
understand a word, like mumbling, slurring, made no sense. And
(09:32):
that's when I was like, I think my mom's gonna
die this week. Like it was just like full on panic,
and I had all of these things and I'm like,
what do I do? What do I do? I called
my friend Mary, who I work with, and she was like,
get on a fucking plane, go be with your family,
like nothing could be more important right now. And I
was like, but but, but, like all the butts, like
(09:52):
I have this, I have this, and she's like, all
that can wait, Go be with your family. So I
got on a plane the same.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Thing that happened with me, and you, yeah, kind of
fight it.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And some of the stuff is like I in hindsight,
I knew that it was like I did not want
to face the reality of the fact that my mom
might die. But then once I was there, I was like,
this is exactly where I need to be. No one
had told her that I was coming, and they didn't meet.
It wasn't meant to be a surprise they thought they
had and she was like, wait, chips here. So I
(10:21):
got to the hospital and she was like obviously weak
and the things, but like she seemed like herself and
she would doze off, and but that they were happy
with what the antibiotics were doing, and that was breaking
up the pneumonia and blah blah blah. Thursday night, she
got agitated in the middle of the night and was asperating,
which is like when you throw up and then you
(10:42):
breathe it into your lung, which is a way that
you can also get pneumonia. You can call it an
infection in your lung. And that's at least that's what
the doctor told me. And so they gave her an
adavand to like calm her down. And when I went
when we got to the hospital on Friday, she first
of all, they'd moved her to ICU, which scared us.
And second she was a zombie like like literally it
(11:07):
was the version of her that I'd spoken to on
Wednesday where she couldn't like make a sentence, like she
couldn't hold All she cares about eating right now is
ice cream, chocolate ice cream, all on chocolate ice cream.
She couldn't hold a spoon, she couldn't like wipe her face.
It was just awful. And it was my first experience
where I was like, oh my god, I have to
care for her in a way that I've never had.
(11:28):
Like I was using you know when you go to
the dentists and they like stick that suction straw in
your mouth, like I was using that for her, Like
she would cough up like phlem and I would have
to like be like, mom, open your mouth, don't bite,
like almost like she was. I mean, she was totally incapacitated,
and it lasted all day. We were like, what did
you guys do to her? And then went in on
(11:52):
Saturday and she was like sitting in her chair watching football,
having the time of her life, like right back to
normal and doing a whole better. So she's improving. This
is the good news. But now they I flew home
to Nashville on Monday. We're recording this today is Wednesday,
so I've been I've been back in Nashville for two days.
(12:12):
So I got on a plane Monday morning, and an
hour after I got on the plane, they discharged her
from the hospital during a snowstorm. What And my dad
was like, I'm eighty one years old. How am I
going to get this woman in the house? Like what
are you all doing? But they discharged her, So now
she's in the house and they're just two old people
that like don't have the strength to do everything that
they need to do. So luckily, I work in an
(12:35):
industry where I can work from anywhere, and I don't
have any events that I need to be present for
for the rest of the year, so I'm going to
go home and I'm gonna be nurse Ratchet. Yet now
we're like Florence Nightingale, I'm gonna be a nice so yeah,
I you know, it's it's weird, it's scary, it's enlightening,
(12:57):
it's all of these things, because it's just a new
chapter life. And I do believe that she can get better.
She has to want to, you know, because right now
it's like it's physical thing, Like she has to get
up and move her legs like you have to because
at this age your muscles just atrophy a lot faster.
I know when I'm like, don't work out for a week,
Like I go back to the gym and I'm like,
(13:17):
what happened? Like I can't.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Even and you have no energy?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
And it works, yeah, And you know, coupled with the
fact that she's still sleeping with this damn collar on
her neck, and it's just like, I mean, it's twenty
four hours a day. It's just a lot, so you know,
And and the one of the greatest parts of it
was I got to spend a lot of time with
just me and my dad. And it's the first time
really in since probably childhood, that like it's just been
(13:44):
the two of us, and he was like really vulnerable
with me and like it was just a good bonding moment.
So it's like, in hindsight, I'm getting some good with
the bad and it's just a really like it's been
a really eye opening thing. And it's also and I
think this will play into the conversation that we're gonna
have today because this episode is not all about my
(14:05):
mother's illness. It makes you realize that like life is
this constant there's a new episode every day that like
it's like you're constantly learning, you're constantly being challenged, but
you constantly are able to overcome even the scariest things
that are thrown at you. And look, I'm not a fool,
(14:25):
Like I know that one day my mother and my
father will be gone, like it is the truth of life.
But what I learned is that while they are here,
I can be there for them now. And it's uh,
They've been really great to me, Like they let me
like chase my dreams and never complained when I missed
a wedding or a holiday or anything. And I'm like
(14:48):
I can't miss them now, like I have to be
there for them. So it's been like this really beautiful.
I mean, I know, I'm like tearing up now, but
it's been this like really beautiful thing to be able
to help them, and I'm just grateful that I can.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I mean, those reflections are really beautiful, I feel. I
think it's I've watched my parents go through this in
the last decade, and it's really interesting to me. As
we age, you almost regress back into like your childlike nature,
and it is reversed where it's like you chip end
up taking care of your parents and caretaking in the
(15:21):
way that they have for you for so long. But
it's kind of that mentality for me of like to
give back what you were so freely given, you know,
like we've been given at our lives, our whole lives
for our parents, and so in some weird way, it
is like an act of service back to them, just
of gratitude to be like, thank you for all that
(15:42):
you did for me. And it's amazing that you're even
able to deepen your relationship with your dad. It's like
a whole new level of vulnerability and realness that y'all
can get to with each other probably.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Well. And it's funny too, because it's like, you know,
I think it's I don't think I'm alone in this.
Like obviously I felt loved and cared for and all
of the things that like you hope to feel from
a parent, but you don't really. I mean, I feel
like I've taken for granted how much they have given,
like not just monetarily or whatever, but just their time
(16:22):
and they're caring and you know, like my mother, God,
it's like being a mom of two kids and a
full time working mom. It's like having ten jobs, Like, yeah,
I don't know how anyone does it. Like I have
two dogs and myself and I'm like worn out every day, right,
and I barely cook. You know. She was cooking and
(16:43):
driving and at games and at rehearsals and at everything, like.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
I'm making it look effortless probably yeah, and never complained once.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
So it's weird when I'm like there to help and
she's like, no, I don't want your don't like because
she wants to be that provide and it's it's the
least that I can do is show up and help
them do the smallest things. And honestly, like I don't
want to do it all for them, I just want
them to be able to do what they want to
be able to do. Like right now, their house is
(17:13):
a fucking mess because neither of them can bend over
very well to get things out of the cabinet, so
they're just like things that would normally be in the cabinet,
like tupwears and pans and things, they're just leaving out
on the counter so they have access to them. And
I'm like, not today, Satan, like I'm putting it away.
If you need some toughwear, scream my name, I'll come
get you some, because like this is untenable, Like yeah,
(17:35):
you know, like your environment reflects how you're.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Doing to for sure.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, So I don't want that because I know that
stresses my mom out, like seeing that mess. I mean,
she's always been a little bit of a hoarder, but
it's never been like this, you know, And it doesn't
need to be, at least while I'm there, it doesn't
need to be. And I think too, they don't need
twenty seven things of topwear sitting out because they're not
eating that much food, right, you know, So while while
(18:03):
I'm there for the next few weeks, like I can
sort of gauge, Okay, maybe you need three things of.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Tupperware out you can figure out what their actual needs
are and help them get a better setup or even
get some help in there, get some not there or whatever. Totally,
I think it is a really cool thing that you
get to go right now though because of your work
dynamic and work from there be with them, I mean,
good timing with the holidays and stuff you go anyway, So.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Totally, Yeah, I can help red Christmas shopping. There's so
many things that I can help get it.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Yeah. Yeah, so well that's a lovely thing for you
to do.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
We work.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I mean, we're talking about end of the year reflection
today and this does lead into that because I think
this has been a big process for you all year.
You've had the neck injury, and so much of that
was like you were there for that witness. Yeah, like that,
I mean.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
I carry guilt, you know, even though I know in
my core it is not my fault, it is no
one's fault. But if I were not there and my
puppy were not there, my mother would not have broken
her neck. So it's hard to forget.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
That, of course.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But yeah, I mean I do think I do think
it's like it is really when you said that this
is what we wanted, you wanted to talk about today.
I'm like, this little shit. It's like, I've never been
more reflective at the end of the year.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah, and I think, like, I think you've gotten way
more reflective even since we started doing this podcast just
in general. But I've noticed it a lot with you
this year. I think the parents aging piece, because we're
entering that era of life or whatever has been really
it's it does really make you reflect on a lot
(19:40):
of different topics, and so you're seeing it in this
way of like you're facing these challenges with them, but
it's also such a moment of growth in a way too,
like you're seeing both the both and like the challenges.
But then, like you said, you're closer to your dad
than maybe you ever have been or you've been, you know,
able to spend time with them in a way that
you never you haven't in year. And yeah, there's always
(20:01):
like a beauty that you can find even in tragedy.
I do find too. So that's a really interesting end
of the year reflection.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I feel, yeah, I'm grateful for it. I mean, I
wish it was a different circumstance, but obviously, yeah, so,
but I can't that's out of my control.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yeah, I mean in a bigger picture thing, like what's
your twenty twenty five overall? Have you experienced what I
was describing at the beginning, like were you drained this year?
Was this a year of shedding for you? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I mean I feel like, I mean, I've had some
professional and personal sort of breakthroughs this year. I don't
know that I came into it. I mean my word
of the year was no. So I do think that
I came into the year wanting it to be different
and I wanted, I guess without realizing it, the no
(20:50):
then O part of my no was like intended to
shed some things, or to block some things or put
up boundaries or whatever you know needed to be And
the know part of my word no was to I mean,
I do think it like has lent me the ability
to like reflect more and get to know myself better.
(21:15):
Maybe it's to get to know my dad better and
just you know, learn and pay attention. And so I
do think if I had to, like think about what
I shed, I don't know that I could pinpoint any
specific things, but I do like I can say that
without a shadow of a doubt like I have grown
this year, you know, And I guess whenever you grow,
(21:38):
like you have to shed things, like you have to
move the all to make room for the new. And
I don't know that I would have reflected this hard
if it weren't you know, if I weren't staring tragedy
in the face either. You know, you know, it's really
made me look back on the year and and appreciate
all the you know, cool things that have happened, and
but also like really it puts things into perspective too.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Yeah. Well I think that's the thing, right. It just
those kind of hardships just to slow us down. And
so there's like this time and the space that we
don't usually take to reflect because you're kind of forced
into it. Yeah, that's always a really interesting piece. You
also turned fifty this year. That's a big deal. It's
a big year.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
It's a big year. Yeah, thankfully, I don't feel it most.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
You know.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
What's funny is I realize next year is twenty twenty six,
and twenty six is my lucky number, is it now? Yeah?
I have a tattooed on my arm. Interesting and it
hadn't occurred to me that that was even approaching until
I said earlier like I cannot believe it's almost twenty
twenty six, and I was like, wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, it's a one year in numerology, which means like
starting fresh. It's like new beginnings. It's that whole energy
and you can do like your personal year two. We
have a couple podcasts with a numerology expert if you
guys are interested in that that she talks through like
how do you find your master number? Like what is
your whole life like your life path number? I'm sorry,
(23:02):
not master number. Your life path number is kind of
what your soul's whole purpose is here, and so like
if you get your figure out what your number is,
you can kind of have a theme for what your
soul intended to do. Like it makes it very clear.
I'm a the reason I said master number, I'm an eleven,
which it's a weird system. You'll have to listen to
(23:23):
the podcast, but that means like I wanted to face
a lot of interesting deep dives and challenges to then reflect.
I mean, and it literally sums up my life. Yeah
that I done did it and I'm still doing it
and I always will be and it's like, Okay, tell
me you're an eleven without telling me you're an eleven.
But yeah, so I think as a human like as
(23:46):
on a personal level, we have each a personal number,
but then we also have a universal number. And the
universal number last year was nine. It was the year
of the Snake. This is why I asked you about shedding,
because it's all about like what are we gonna leave
in the past, Like nine is the it's the last number,
and then you start over with a new cycle. And
so like my personal number and the universal number always
(24:08):
line up. So that's you know, as an eleven, I
really want to just like grind lessons in so right,
that's what I'm doing, But I would be curious what
your personal number is and what lessons you're going through
right now. But yeah, I think overall we all have
that sense of kind of like, okay, jigs up. A
lot of the stuff in our world is not working anymore. Yeah,
(24:29):
we're seeing all of these people, these systems just exposed,
and so like we're pissed about it, and that's been
so much of the energy of this year. I think
what I'm sensing, and I don't know if you feel
this too, but like is that maybe we're moving into okay,
and how do we change it instead of just being
pissed about it? Like which is totally the one energy
(24:51):
and that's that's what I feel in my personal life too.
I think the reason I feel so tired this month
is it has been a massive year of growth on
a lot of levels, and there's been a lot of shedding,
and most of mine has been in patterns of thinking
and like narratives either about myself, about my self worth,
about the way I've worked in the past, like all
(25:13):
of the things we were talking about the beginning of
the podcast. It's me bumping up against those same themes
and why they're not going to work in my life anymore,
or even in relationships, like are these completely reciprocal situations
for me? Or am I overgiving? Is this like making
sense in my life? And that goes even for work,
like am I doing jobs and being compensated properly? Like
(25:35):
I just have not fully in my adult I've probably
thought about that as much as others, and so this
has been a big year of that for me and
just shedding some old narratives of being scared to ask
for more you know, and just being like taking up space,
starting to or whatever. Yeah, it's been The shedding part
is always just a little exhausting for a deep feeler
(25:56):
like me. You know, you get to December and you're like, oh,
I can't even see straight, and I do just want to,
you know, sit back and reflect. And that's what we
were saying at the beginning of the podcast, Like it's
interesting because we talk about, Okay, well, we have these
holiday seasons and everyone takes off work, but then somehow
you make your holiday season so busy or you have
all these parties, all these celebrations. I find myself often
(26:18):
very tired at the end of December, Like then we're
just supposed to start into the new year, you know,
and I really want to be more intentional this year
of like closing things down a little bit earlier. And
as much as that feels uncomfortable to me and like
a little bit scary, sometimes I feel that it's really
important to take the time to daydream and create. And
(26:40):
we had a you know, Andrea Lee Rogers, I don't
know if she was on the podcast a couple months ago,
and I don't know if you remember this chip, but
she said to me, we have to allow ourselves the
space to be bored. And I was like, yes, that
is what I never do, and I really want to
try to do that over the next couple weeks and
before January, because I think I'm ready for fresh starts.
(27:00):
I'm ready for new structures. I'm ready to bring in
new narratives into my life. But if I don't take
the time to like create those or day dream those up,
or put a plan into place or figure out what
a new structure is, I'm just going to keep on
going in the same things, you know, totally. Yeah, it's
really about taking the space to release versus just staying
(27:21):
on the hamster wheel and like not thinking of the
new ways. That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, I I because I'm starting my drive home today.
I've I packed last night this morning and I packed
four I'm you know, I'll be gone for like three weeks.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Oh it's a long time.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
I packed four books because I want to, like Dissa,
you know, I obviously it's like work is not done,
so I'll have to work during the day, but I'm
not going home planning on like going out and seeing
high school friends and doing all that. No New Year's
plans nothing. So that's what I want too, is like
I want when the work day is done, I want
to close my computer and I want to be bored.
(27:58):
And I think too, it's like sometimes in order to
break bad habits, you have to do nothing because if
you're in motion doing the things that you feel like
you need to do, that bad habits can sneak in and.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Well because they're your survival skills.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah yeah, so it's like you might even forget about
those whatever they are if you just give yourself a
week to do nothing.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah. Well, and actually, like I realize so many of
my bad habits are from exhaustion. Like so it's like
I'll over drink coffee or start eating bad or not
working out or whatever, and it's because I'm not giving
myself time. And so, like you said, like I want
to sleep and not set an alarm, like let my
body be the alarm. I want to like go on
(28:43):
long walks and not be on a time crunch of
like okay, you got twenty minutes or something, you know,
like right, just kind of wondering, and they're so to me.
I'm like, I also, if you know anything about your astrology,
if you have pisces anywhere, which chip and out both
do we need that time because that's how we process
all of the emotions and turn them into ideas because
(29:05):
we dream up things. But if we don't allow the
dreaming up time, we just have all the emotions and
we're flooded. And like, that's where I've been for sure.
It's just the astrology of the last month has taken
me out and I'm just like feeling too much. And
it's fine, it's part of my process, but I really
want to like honor the process more than I have
in the past. And it's hard. It is not like
(29:27):
it is not comfortable for me, but it's even sometimes
saying no, like I can't do as many social events lately.
I'm just I don't have it and so but letting
people down really kills me, Like I don't like it.
But I'm really like, you're smart to just leave town
because it's like, uh.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, I do it. Now, can't do it. I am
coming back for our holiday party on Monday.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
But there you are. Yeah, that's a lot of back
and forth.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
I know, but it's a there's a direct flight that
actually works really nicely. So but.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Is there any other big takeaway you had from twenty
twenty five that you I mean, we're gonna always come
back in January we do our words of the year,
and so we'll talk about what we made our words
this year and really kind of reflect on those in January.
But was there any just like overall takeaway that you
would say summed up your twenty twenty five reflection.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Well, I mean, it's funny because when you were talking
about this year, like how this year just sort of
felt different, And yeah, I do find what's weird is
and I really look forward to today where we never
mentioned the word the pandemic again. But I do feel
like this year we finally got out of the pandemic,
Like it's no longer, it's no, it doesn't feel like
(30:46):
it's an excuse for anything anymore. And I feel like,
even though it feels like the world is ending in
many ways, I do feel like the world also has
found footing again, which isn't necessarily just a personal observation.
And because we have our footing, I feel like people
(31:09):
are going to and you know, we collectively are going
to We're going to come back next year and sort
of be stronger for it, And like have the energy
to like fix whatever's broken.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Well, you just summed up with numerology, like so basically
the old world is dying like that what you're feeling
is real, that's happening, and it's just like okay, but
we have to like grieve it, feel it, let it go,
release it, and trust that the new that we don't
know yet is going to be better or whatever. But
(31:44):
we're not like what you just said your feeling was
to me summed it all up, because we haven't fully
gotten there. But I do agree with you, like we're
getting the energy to be like, Okay, wait a second,
this isn't working. What is our new system going to be?
And like let's lean in and start moving that way
versus just like bitching about it and fighting each other.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yeah, And I think the pandemic like really did give
us a valid excuse for a lot of the problems
that we were dealing with. And you know that was
nearly three years of our lives.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Oh totally.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, so it took a minute for us to find
our footing again. But I feel like we have And
that doesn't mean that like we are in a great
place societally, but I do think that like those excuses
have been shed and now it's like we have to
cut you know, come together as human beings and figure
this out so that you know there can be joy
(32:36):
and peace and sustainability for just human existence because it
and you know, it feels like we have been tested
the last five years, oh for sure. And you know personally,
the way that that sort of affects me personally is
like I feel more in my power than I ever have,
(32:56):
you know, like I feel comfortable in my skin, I
feel like comfortab in my my work situation. Now I
just I just feel like in my power. So I'm
hoping that that's a sign that you know, I can
with some rest, I can come back as truly the
best version of myself next year and prove that twenty
(33:16):
six is my lucky number.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Why is twenty six your lucky number?
Speaker 2 (33:20):
It goes back to a college thing, but it's just
always been.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
He's like, so, well, think about it.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
It's interesting because as you were sitting there reflecting on
the specifics, I was thinking, Oh God, what am I
going to be? And then I thought, oh wait, this
is why I want these next couple of weeks of quiet,
is because I haven't done the reflecting yet, Like I
have some ideas, but one of the big lessons for
me this year and I'm trying to think of how
(33:49):
to say this, like it's because it's funny to me now,
but like, okay, so my boyfriend is an internal processor
and I'm an external processor in case you guys haven't
figured that out because I have this podcast. But anyway,
I process by saying it all out loud, like all
the things happening in my brain and my body and
my feelings and all the things, and then I get
(34:10):
to the solution, you know. And my boyfriend goes on
walks and like processes to himself or he's driving, you know,
he's just quietly processing within And because of those differences,
like I don't think I realized that I was an extern.
I didn't realize any of that. I just thought I
am who I don't know, Like it didn't even pund
on me until this relationship. And then I was like, oh,
(34:32):
other people process in different ways, but I'm never going
to be him and he's never going to be me.
But in learning to work with each other on that,
I've actually learned a lot about how to help myself
process better, and like one of those things is that
I don't have to always like the feelings that I
have are always kind of fleeting, you know, like I'm
(34:54):
very emotional, and so they change and they ebb and
they flow, and sometimes I think I try to figure
it out before I'm out of that or give it
a name or anything like that. And right now, what
I have this sense to do is kind of just
let it process through and in more of a way
that he does. Like it's been interesting for me to
kind of go, what would happen if I just reflect
on this until I actually do feel clarity or till I, like,
(35:18):
you know, on a journal about it, talk it out
with my therapist or whoever if I need to. But
like I'm just learning a lot about I don't have
to have like today while we're doing this podcast, I
don't have to have the big answer to the reflection.
I know some of the things that I've learned or
bumped up against this year, and one of them is
not having to like fully lean into every emotion, like
(35:43):
letting it kind of flow through me and pass and
learning how to work with that a little bit more
and honor my needs during that time, and right now,
what I need is just to rest and to reflect internally,
and then you know, by January, I'm gonna come back
and I have a lot of things to say, y'all.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Well, I mean, it's it's what a great lesson to
learn that you don't have to give oxygen to everything exactly. Yeah,
because naturally such a.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Big realer I am, yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
And it's the more you like speak those negative feelings
into existence, the more real.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
They are, too, exactly.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
And a feeling is just a feeling they do, they
are fleeting. But it's also cool that your boyfriend can
learn to communicate his feelings by practicing, you know, with you,
because it is important to like, at a certain point,
sometimes feelings are much more than a feeling, and it
needs to be exercised, like you need to get it out.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Sometimes we need feedback, right, Like, you know, our brains
can all get really crazy if you're just living in
there all the time processing feelings, like you have all
these subconscious things happening too, so it is important to
get feedback and have something reflected back to you, like
is this reality? You know? Like, but like you said
it perfectly, I think we're both learning a lot from
(37:00):
each other and finding oh there can be more balance
to this or like I'm just learning how to do
it in a way that's not overwhelming to either of us.
And him too, like we're both it's just it's very interesting.
So anyway, all that is to say that for today,
with my cramps in my monochromatic outfits matching the wall,
(37:23):
I just yeah, I just have this sense to say
I have learned a lot this year. And it's been
a very taxing year. It's been a beautiful year on
some front. It's been a slow year and then it's
been a really fast year. So it's just been all
over the place. And I want to take some time
to myself to kind of really get quiet and go
what were the big takeaways and what do I want
(37:46):
to bring into the next year, and how do I
want to restructure things? And I'm ready for some newness
for sure, ready for some new energy absolutely.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
After some rest, after some rest.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
After some rest and some quiet, yeah, and just enjoying
life like I do. Do you feel this too, Like
do you feel like a lot of people just want
to be off their phones a lot more?
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (38:08):
And I feel like we want to be more present
with people, like even what you were talking about with
your parents, like talking to your dad in ways that
you never have instead of just sitting there with him
while you sit on your phone or watch TV or whatever. Like, Yeah,
just actually being present. I think there's a big craving
for that with a lot of people. So that's my goal.
In the next question, you.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Know what's funny is because you know, the vintage version
of being on your phone was watching too much television,
and now watching television like my buddy John who's crashing
in my house, like, well, we're like obsessed with shows
together now, so we'll watch television together and it actually
like we're not on our phones, we're watching TV, we're playing,
(38:49):
we're paying attention to the same thing. So it's because it's.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
Weird because watching television as an activity I know that
we can talk about and theorize and god for it
actually is a connected There's like a connectivity to it,
which is just funny.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
It feels like from.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yes, but we're so much more disconnected that that activity
that used to seem disconnecting is actually connecting. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah,
I love That's one of my favorite things to do
with my boyfriend is like having a show. Did you
watch The Beast of Me yet? No, it's good, it's
a good one.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
I'm watching. I'm currently watching The Mosquito Coast.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
It's what the fuck?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
What I know? It's it's it's Justin threau be still
my beating heart. Oh god. And there's two seasons of it.
It's on Apple TV.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
What is it about? What's the premise it's about.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
It's about a family that's on the run from the
US government and Cosquito Coast, Mosquito Coast. And the crazy
thing is was it's based on there's a movie from
the I think the eighties or early NINETIESKA with the
same title, which I imagine is probably a similar story.
But and they're based on a book that was written
by Justin's uncle.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Oh interesting.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Yeah, but it's it's really good. Like and I'm still
not even sure why they're running. Oh you know, there's
little pieces, Yeah, there's small pieces.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I kind of like that.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Yeah, it's really cool. Like I'm like seven episodes in,
I'm like, why are they running?
Speaker 1 (40:15):
And how you don't even know?
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Okay, so all right, well I need any one because
I finished the b Sime. The BC of Me is
Cleared Ames, and like, I love Clear Dames.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
We've forgotten about her, well.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
She hasn't really done much since Homeland, and but her
character we were talking about this, like her character is
always a little bit similar in that they're like a
little bit emotionally disturbed, very anxious. They're going through something intense,
and that is this show. But like you can't help
but just get so sucked in because you're like, what
is she doing in her lower lip quiver constantly? You're
(40:49):
just like, what is she so upset about this time?
Speaker 2 (40:51):
Right?
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Like, I don't know. It's it's got a lot of
twists and turns too, So what's it on? What is
it on Netflix? I think, yeah, it's on Netflix. Okay,
I mean what about There's so much shit going on
right now. It's like all this Netflix trying to buy whatever.
I'm just like, guys, it's December. Can we not just
stop for the year. We're done. We've had enough.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
And aren't you enough?
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Like I feel sketchy, ye all I'm gonna say about it,
but we shall see. Whatever is done in the dark
comes to light these days, so true, you better be
careful oh, p Diddy there reckoning was interesting too.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Oh yeah, I need to watch it.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
I was like kind of anti because I'm like, you
know what I'm over just he's already he's in jail,
Like I don't need to just like harp on his
suffer or whatever like what he did. Like I just
am like, I don't even want to give that energy.
But it's interesting because they had all this footage that
he had had a videographer following him in twenty twenty four,
(41:50):
so it's like it feels like he participated in this documentary.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
How did he get access to that footage?
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Fifty cent is on a mission to like expose him,
and I mean, yeah, all this stuff it's very dark,
it's very messed up, but it also gives backstory into
his childhood. You know, things start to make sense. You're like, Okay,
not that it excuses it at all, but right, right, anyway,
it'll be really interesting to see what happens to him
if he stays or gets more sentence time or you know,
(42:21):
more jail time or whatever, because now he's in for
four years, I think. But yeah, he's got like so
many pending cases, like seventy or something it's wild.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Lock him up, Well he is locked up, I know,
but forever, like oh yeah, a person with that that's
that dark, was ever privileged enough to like make that
much money and have that much powers.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Like, uh, I.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Just wish we knew a way to know, like what
is the exact truth? I don't trust anything anymore, so
it's hard to say. Anyway, if you guys need some
good shows, there you go. For the next couple of weeks.
We will have episodes up. Some of my favorite episodes
will be coming up the next couple of weeks, and
then Chip and I will be back in January. Yes,
we will have new guests, we'll have new topics, we'll
(43:08):
have new reflections, new words of the year. It'll be
a one year. I mean, we just got a lot
of new new beginnings. So yeah, anyway, I guess do
you have any parting words? Chip?
Speaker 2 (43:19):
This happy holidays? Yeah no, this isn't goodbye. This is
good holiday.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Okay, this is this isn't good bye. This is happy holidays.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
That's a good holiday. I was trying to be clever
and it was so lame. This is this is not goodbye,
this is good night. For three weeks, we're gonna rest.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
I mean, basically, I am going to be sleeping for
three weeks. I feel like we're back to when we
were trying to figure out the ending of the podcast,
which I wondered sometimes, I'm like, do new listeners are
they like? What in the world are they saying at
the end of the podcast and why?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
I realized that my bio on Instagram is still at.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
Casual, which is so vintage podcast of us. Maybe we'll
have a new, new ending for next year too. That
makes more sense because we haven't been acting casual for
a while.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Now we can we can shed the ending.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
Okay, well, you know, you guys, it took us like
a year to get this ending because we could not
figure it out. So we're going to also reflect on
this for the next three weeks and maybe we'll have
a new one. Maybe we won't.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
You know, we're going to do what we need to do.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
We are what we will to do to do. Okay, okay, anyway,
we got to go, all.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Right, get on the road.
Speaker 1 (44:37):
We will obviously be on social media if you ever
want to reach out. I'm at Velvet's Edge, chip.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
Is, I'm I'm at chip Doors. It's c h I
P D O R S C H.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
And as you guys go into the weekend and into
the holidays and you're living on the edge, I hope
you always remember too
Speaker 2 (44:54):
A casual bye
Well, obviously we have to address the elephant room, and
that's that you're back in your normal surroundings.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Oh my god, it has been a journey, and even
Zoom could figure it out.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
First of all, tell any listeners this is like not
a real issue, but Chip has made it into a thing.
Last like three months. I feel like you've been I mean,
it feels like it's.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Been that long. Yeah, I was. I had a virtual
background that was stuck on my Zoom and I figured
out a workaround, but it was still weird, Like you know,
I was playing around with it one day and I
was going through all the virtual backgrounds and there was
one that kind of looked like I've worked in the
building that Severance has shot in, and I thought that
was funny. And also my coworker it kind of looks
(00:55):
almost exactly like the room from the view from his
office in our Los Angeles and so I just thought
it was funny. And then it wouldn't go away, and
I literally followed every instruction I could find. I chatted
with Zoom, I deleted it, I deleted my account, I
started a new account, I deleted it from my computer,
I restarted my computer. Nothing worked, so Finally I just
(01:16):
said fuck it, and I took a picture of my
house so it looked like my real thing. But it
was weird because my like, I'd lift a cup to
drink some water and my hand would disappear because it
was like weird virtual shit going on. Well, I asked
Chat GPT today. Finally I went to Chat I know,
and Chat gave me some ideas. They didn't work. Yeah,
(01:39):
and my buddy John, who was crashing here at the moment,
he uses a different AI search engine thing whatever you
call it, called Gemini. It's Google's and Googles said to
click and for anyone who's listening that is has had
this awful situation bestowed upon them as well. If you're
(02:01):
on a Mac, if you click on the top of
your screen, there's like a green camera, like a camera
thing that's green. When you're on Zoom and it's recording,
you go down and you turn off backgrounds. Somehow the
Mac was overriding the controls of the Zoom so it
didn't matter what I was deleting in the Zoom app.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yeah, still it was.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
The Mac had remembered it. So wow, there we go. Look,
I can turn it back on and I can turn
it home.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
And now it's getting real confident. It's getting real confident,
just bouncing around between backgrounds.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
My reactions are turned on.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Parts out.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Oh my god, look you can thumbs up.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
I like the have you ever done this?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
On?
Speaker 1 (02:48):
And it like it does the mine must be turned off,
but it does like rock Star usually does lasers. This
is this is so when you're in a long distance relationship.
These are the kind of things.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
You figure out right right happen.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Yes, the thumbs up one is always the weirdest. Anyway,
we're literally on the sea.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
You're gonna have to watch this on YouTube if you're
listening the other thing Chips said, Yeah, the other thing
Chip said when we get on the call.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
So I got my period today, just for everyone out
in the world, just so everyone.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Knows when my honesty is the best policy.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
No, actually I got it last night. I feel terrible,
Like I knew this one was going to be a doozy,
just because the PMS was a doozy and the first
day is just always terrible. So anyway, I texted Chip
earlier and I was like, can we do thirty minutes later?
Like I'm trying to get these cramps under control. When
we get on, I don't look good like I'm in
the sweatsuit.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And she said it first, she said, I look like shit.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I go, oh my god, it look terrible. He goes,
you literally are the same color as your white wall.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
But I'm not wrong.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I'm very monochromatic right now. Yeah, ationally, but even my skin.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Your skin mat is, it's got a little bit of
color barely.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
You know what the sick part is is I have
on a ten's and it's sunscreen.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Autent. God, I mean, Ray, I thought you said a
ten inch and I was like, where.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Is this coon? No a tinted you freak a tinted sunscreen. Anyway,
this just basically sums up where I am this month
I feel. And I said this a little bit to
you guys. Last week we were supposed to record. We
were kind of jumping through hoops trying to figure out
a time, like for whatever reason, last week was really
kind of crazy, and then Chip last minute needed to
(04:28):
go home for a family emergency. And I'll let you
touch on that in a minute. But I just said
to the listeners, like, you know, it's interesting. Most of
the time, I'm really excited to wrap up the year
and to like talk about all this stuff. I have
been a zombie, like I have just truly felt like
got hit by a bus, kind of feeling like this
laird has just taken it out of me. And the
(04:49):
more I talk to other people, I think that is
kind of a common theme with everybody, as we're just like, Okay,
it's December, I'm done with work, which obviously, like we're
technically not, so that doesn't really work. But I just
really like want to be more authentic about that kind
of stuff I think moving forward, and we talk about
it a lot on the podcast, like it's really important
to be conscious of burnout. And I am such a
(05:11):
person in the past who would just push and drive
and like always just show up for the work regardless.
And I'm really trying to be more conscious of like
finding a better balance of taking into consideration my body,
my relationship, you know, not just being totally one sided
with work, and like that was how a lot of
us were raised. I think I see all these memes
(05:33):
recently about millennial culture, like work culture, and this must
be like a theme a lot of people are talking about.
But like we didn't have sick days or like mental
health days, and to our own detriment, I think we
overworked in our generation and we were very much in
this like if you want to go to the astrology,
the Pluto and Capricorn, like that was what we were
building stuff on and we're moving into a new era,
(05:55):
and I think twenty twenty five was like a big
time of that, of shifting the way we think about things.
All of the astrology was very much like deconstruction to
then get to the place where we can rebuild. And
I think we're just tired, like we've been saying that
the last couple of years, but it has truly been
this shedding of all the old ways we used to
(06:16):
do things, and we haven't gotten quite to the new
ones yet. So I think it's like this weird in
between time. But I'm not I'm committing to not forcing
and allowing the space for all of these changes to
take place and to stay curious because I have no
clue what the direction of the universe is taking, like me, you,
anybody right now. So it's kind of just like being
(06:38):
along for the ride. And last week was the perfect
example of that. And I said, you said you were
like scrambling, like should I get my mic and blah
blah blah, And I was like, no, go be with
your family, like this is important. Do you want to
tell the listeners a little bit about what's going on?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Yeah? So, I mean, my mom, poor thing. She's eighty.
She has COPD, which I don't even know what that
stands for, but it means her longs are fucked because
she smoked for several years. So if you're listening and
you smoke, I would recommend that you stop because it
will bite you in the ass at the end. And
so she's she's been on oxygen for several years now
at this point, and it really hasn't slowed her down.
(07:13):
Like she's been a pretty active woman her whole life,
and she just drags that oxygen check around and does
her thing. Last July, she tripped over my puppy broke
her neck and has been in a neck brace since
because at her age, her bones aren't healing as quickly
as you know they would if you were younger. She also,
because it is annoying, she's become really sedentary and she
(07:37):
doesn't do a whole lot, so she's not like using
her body in the way that it would be regenerating,
and also then she's not eating healthily, you know, she's
just eating the bare minimum just to kind of stay alive. Well,
a few weeks ago, she went for a routine checkup. Like,
by the way, when you're in your eighties, you have
six doctors appointments a week. I don't know why, but my.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Parents are time job, always at the doctor.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
And I don't know how they even remember them all.
But her blood looked weird, so they ran some test
and they found out she was anemic. So she had
to go into the hospital to have a blood transfusion,
which was like, it didn't scare any of us. It's like, oh,
this will it's an instant fixed. Great. Right, Well, while
she was in the hospital, she caught pneumonia. And she
was only there for in the hospital. In the hospital,
(08:22):
that's what her doctor is saying. She thinks happened because
the timing, if they look at her X rays from
her lung from that day to the day that she
got admitted two weeks later for pneumonia, it was night.
There was no sign of pneumonia in the line, okay,
and it was a pretty gnarly pneumonia in just her
left lung. So she went to the hospital. We were
(08:45):
all relieved because you're like, because she'd have this terrible cough,
she was really tired, she didn't feel like eating, like
all of the things, Like she literally would be sitting
at the table and fall asleep, you know, playing Solitaire
or whatever on her computer, watching her stories, and so oh,
she hasn't decorated for Christmas. She hasn't present, it's so
not like her. She hasn't made any Christmas cookies. It's
(09:08):
just like she is not herself. So she goes to
the hospital and we're all relieved or like, great, this
will you know? Now we know so it can be treated,
blah blah blah and she'll be fine. Well, the second
day she was there, you know, I was on the
phone with her and I literally could not understand a
word she was saying. This was last Wednesday. Could not
understand a word, like mumbling, slurring, made no sense. And
(09:32):
that's when I was like, I think my mom's gonna
die this week. Like it was just like full on panic,
and I had all of these things and I'm like,
what do I do? What do I do? I called
my friend Mary, who I work with, and she was like,
get on a fucking plane, go be with your family,
like nothing could be more important right now. And I
was like, but but, but, like all the butts, like
(09:52):
I have this, I have this, and she's like, all
that can wait, Go be with your family. So I
got on a plane the same.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Thing that happened with me, and you, yeah, kind of
fight it.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And some of the stuff is like I in hindsight,
I knew that it was like I did not want
to face the reality of the fact that my mom
might die. But then once I was there, I was like,
this is exactly where I need to be. No one
had told her that I was coming, and they didn't meet.
It wasn't meant to be a surprise they thought they
had and she was like, wait, chips here. So I
(10:21):
got to the hospital and she was like obviously weak
and the things, but like she seemed like herself and
she would doze off, and but that they were happy
with what the antibiotics were doing, and that was breaking
up the pneumonia and blah blah blah. Thursday night, she
got agitated in the middle of the night and was asperating,
which is like when you throw up and then you
(10:42):
breathe it into your lung, which is a way that
you can also get pneumonia. You can call it an
infection in your lung. And that's at least that's what
the doctor told me. And so they gave her an
adavand to like calm her down. And when I went
when we got to the hospital on Friday, she first
of all, they'd moved her to ICU, which scared us.
And second she was a zombie like like literally it
(11:07):
was the version of her that I'd spoken to on
Wednesday where she couldn't like make a sentence, like she
couldn't hold All she cares about eating right now is
ice cream, chocolate ice cream, all on chocolate ice cream.
She couldn't hold a spoon, she couldn't like wipe her face.
It was just awful. And it was my first experience
where I was like, oh my god, I have to
care for her in a way that I've never had.
(11:28):
Like I was using you know when you go to
the dentists and they like stick that suction straw in
your mouth, like I was using that for her, Like
she would cough up like phlem and I would have
to like be like, mom, open your mouth, don't bite,
like almost like she was. I mean, she was totally incapacitated,
and it lasted all day. We were like, what did
you guys do to her? And then went in on
(11:52):
Saturday and she was like sitting in her chair watching football,
having the time of her life, like right back to
normal and doing a whole better. So she's improving. This
is the good news. But now they I flew home
to Nashville on Monday. We're recording this today is Wednesday,
so I've been I've been back in Nashville for two days.
(12:12):
So I got on a plane Monday morning, and an
hour after I got on the plane, they discharged her
from the hospital during a snowstorm. What And my dad
was like, I'm eighty one years old. How am I
going to get this woman in the house? Like what
are you all doing? But they discharged her, So now
she's in the house and they're just two old people
that like don't have the strength to do everything that
they need to do. So luckily, I work in an
(12:35):
industry where I can work from anywhere, and I don't
have any events that I need to be present for
for the rest of the year, so I'm going to
go home and I'm gonna be nurse Ratchet. Yet now
we're like Florence Nightingale, I'm gonna be a nice so yeah,
I you know, it's it's weird, it's scary, it's enlightening,
(12:57):
it's all of these things, because it's just a new
chapter life. And I do believe that she can get better.
She has to want to, you know, because right now
it's like it's physical thing, Like she has to get
up and move her legs like you have to because
at this age your muscles just atrophy a lot faster.
I know when I'm like, don't work out for a week,
Like I go back to the gym and I'm like,
(13:17):
what happened? Like I can't.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Even and you have no energy?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
And it works, yeah, And you know, coupled with the
fact that she's still sleeping with this damn collar on
her neck, and it's just like, I mean, it's twenty
four hours a day. It's just a lot, so you know,
And and the one of the greatest parts of it
was I got to spend a lot of time with
just me and my dad. And it's the first time
really in since probably childhood, that like it's just been
(13:44):
the two of us, and he was like really vulnerable
with me and like it was just a good bonding moment.
So it's like, in hindsight, I'm getting some good with
the bad and it's just a really like it's been
a really eye opening thing. And it's also and I
think this will play into the conversation that we're gonna
have today because this episode is not all about my
(14:05):
mother's illness. It makes you realize that like life is
this constant there's a new episode every day that like
it's like you're constantly learning, you're constantly being challenged, but
you constantly are able to overcome even the scariest things
that are thrown at you. And look, I'm not a fool,
(14:25):
Like I know that one day my mother and my
father will be gone, like it is the truth of life.
But what I learned is that while they are here,
I can be there for them now. And it's uh,
They've been really great to me, Like they let me
like chase my dreams and never complained when I missed
a wedding or a holiday or anything. And I'm like
(14:48):
I can't miss them now, like I have to be
there for them. So it's been like this really beautiful.
I mean, I know, I'm like tearing up now, but
it's been this like really beautiful thing to be able
to help them, and I'm just grateful that I can.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I mean, those reflections are really beautiful, I feel. I
think it's I've watched my parents go through this in
the last decade, and it's really interesting to me. As
we age, you almost regress back into like your childlike nature,
and it is reversed where it's like you chip end
up taking care of your parents and caretaking in the
(15:21):
way that they have for you for so long. But
it's kind of that mentality for me of like to
give back what you were so freely given, you know,
like we've been given at our lives, our whole lives
for our parents, and so in some weird way, it
is like an act of service back to them, just
of gratitude to be like, thank you for all that
(15:42):
you did for me. And it's amazing that you're even
able to deepen your relationship with your dad. It's like
a whole new level of vulnerability and realness that y'all
can get to with each other probably.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Well. And it's funny too, because it's like, you know,
I think it's I don't think I'm alone in this.
Like obviously I felt loved and cared for and all
of the things that like you hope to feel from
a parent, but you don't really. I mean, I feel
like I've taken for granted how much they have given,
like not just monetarily or whatever, but just their time
(16:22):
and they're caring and you know, like my mother, God,
it's like being a mom of two kids and a
full time working mom. It's like having ten jobs, Like, yeah,
I don't know how anyone does it. Like I have
two dogs and myself and I'm like worn out every day, right,
and I barely cook. You know. She was cooking and
(16:43):
driving and at games and at rehearsals and at everything, like.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
I'm making it look effortless probably yeah, and never complained once.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
So it's weird when I'm like there to help and
she's like, no, I don't want your don't like because
she wants to be that provide and it's it's the
least that I can do is show up and help
them do the smallest things. And honestly, like I don't
want to do it all for them, I just want
them to be able to do what they want to
be able to do. Like right now, their house is
(17:13):
a fucking mess because neither of them can bend over
very well to get things out of the cabinet, so
they're just like things that would normally be in the cabinet,
like tupwears and pans and things, they're just leaving out
on the counter so they have access to them. And
I'm like, not today, Satan, like I'm putting it away.
If you need some toughwear, scream my name, I'll come
get you some, because like this is untenable, Like yeah,
(17:35):
you know, like your environment reflects how you're.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Doing to for sure.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, So I don't want that because I know that
stresses my mom out, like seeing that mess. I mean,
she's always been a little bit of a hoarder, but
it's never been like this, you know, And it doesn't
need to be, at least while I'm there, it doesn't
need to be. And I think too, they don't need
twenty seven things of topwear sitting out because they're not
eating that much food, right, you know, So while while
(18:03):
I'm there for the next few weeks, like I can
sort of gauge, Okay, maybe you need three things of.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Tupperware out you can figure out what their actual needs
are and help them get a better setup or even
get some help in there, get some not there or whatever. Totally,
I think it is a really cool thing that you
get to go right now though because of your work
dynamic and work from there be with them, I mean,
good timing with the holidays and stuff you go anyway, So.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Totally, Yeah, I can help red Christmas shopping. There's so
many things that I can help get it.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Yeah. Yeah, so well that's a lovely thing for you
to do.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
We work.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I mean, we're talking about end of the year reflection
today and this does lead into that because I think
this has been a big process for you all year.
You've had the neck injury, and so much of that
was like you were there for that witness. Yeah, like that,
I mean.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
I carry guilt, you know, even though I know in
my core it is not my fault, it is no
one's fault. But if I were not there and my
puppy were not there, my mother would not have broken
her neck. So it's hard to forget.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
That, of course.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But yeah, I mean I do think I do think
it's like it is really when you said that this
is what we wanted, you wanted to talk about today.
I'm like, this little shit. It's like, I've never been
more reflective at the end of the year.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah, and I think, like, I think you've gotten way
more reflective even since we started doing this podcast just
in general. But I've noticed it a lot with you
this year. I think the parents aging piece, because we're
entering that era of life or whatever has been really
it's it does really make you reflect on a lot
(19:40):
of different topics, and so you're seeing it in this
way of like you're facing these challenges with them, but
it's also such a moment of growth in a way too,
like you're seeing both the both and like the challenges.
But then, like you said, you're closer to your dad
than maybe you ever have been or you've been, you know,
able to spend time with them in a way that
you never you haven't in year. And yeah, there's always
(20:01):
like a beauty that you can find even in tragedy.
I do find too. So that's a really interesting end
of the year reflection.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I feel, yeah, I'm grateful for it. I mean, I
wish it was a different circumstance, but obviously, yeah, so,
but I can't that's out of my control.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yeah, I mean in a bigger picture thing, like what's
your twenty twenty five overall? Have you experienced what I
was describing at the beginning, like were you drained this year?
Was this a year of shedding for you? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I mean I feel like, I mean, I've had some
professional and personal sort of breakthroughs this year. I don't
know that I came into it. I mean my word
of the year was no. So I do think that
I came into the year wanting it to be different
and I wanted, I guess without realizing it, the no
(20:50):
then O part of my no was like intended to
shed some things, or to block some things or put
up boundaries or whatever you know needed to be And
the know part of my word no was to I mean,
I do think it like has lent me the ability
to like reflect more and get to know myself better.
(21:15):
Maybe it's to get to know my dad better and
just you know, learn and pay attention. And so I
do think if I had to, like think about what
I shed, I don't know that I could pinpoint any
specific things, but I do like I can say that
without a shadow of a doubt like I have grown
this year, you know, And I guess whenever you grow,
(21:38):
like you have to shed things, like you have to
move the all to make room for the new. And
I don't know that I would have reflected this hard
if it weren't you know, if I weren't staring tragedy
in the face either. You know, you know, it's really
made me look back on the year and and appreciate
all the you know, cool things that have happened, and
but also like really it puts things into perspective too.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Yeah. Well I think that's the thing, right. It just
those kind of hardships just to slow us down. And
so there's like this time and the space that we
don't usually take to reflect because you're kind of forced
into it. Yeah, that's always a really interesting piece. You
also turned fifty this year. That's a big deal. It's
a big year.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
It's a big year. Yeah, thankfully, I don't feel it most.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
You know.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
What's funny is I realize next year is twenty twenty six,
and twenty six is my lucky number, is it now? Yeah?
I have a tattooed on my arm. Interesting and it
hadn't occurred to me that that was even approaching until
I said earlier like I cannot believe it's almost twenty
twenty six, and I was like, wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, it's a one year in numerology, which means like
starting fresh. It's like new beginnings. It's that whole energy
and you can do like your personal year two. We
have a couple podcasts with a numerology expert if you
guys are interested in that that she talks through like
how do you find your master number? Like what is
your whole life like your life path number? I'm sorry,
(23:02):
not master number. Your life path number is kind of
what your soul's whole purpose is here, and so like
if you get your figure out what your number is,
you can kind of have a theme for what your
soul intended to do. Like it makes it very clear.
I'm a the reason I said master number, I'm an eleven,
which it's a weird system. You'll have to listen to
(23:23):
the podcast, but that means like I wanted to face
a lot of interesting deep dives and challenges to then reflect.
I mean, and it literally sums up my life. Yeah
that I done did it and I'm still doing it
and I always will be and it's like, Okay, tell
me you're an eleven without telling me you're an eleven.
But yeah, so I think as a human like as
(23:46):
on a personal level, we have each a personal number,
but then we also have a universal number. And the
universal number last year was nine. It was the year
of the Snake. This is why I asked you about shedding,
because it's all about like what are we gonna leave
in the past, Like nine is the it's the last number,
and then you start over with a new cycle. And
so like my personal number and the universal number always
(24:08):
line up. So that's you know, as an eleven, I
really want to just like grind lessons in so right,
that's what I'm doing, But I would be curious what
your personal number is and what lessons you're going through
right now. But yeah, I think overall we all have
that sense of kind of like, okay, jigs up. A
lot of the stuff in our world is not working anymore. Yeah,
(24:29):
we're seeing all of these people, these systems just exposed,
and so like we're pissed about it, and that's been
so much of the energy of this year. I think
what I'm sensing, and I don't know if you feel
this too, but like is that maybe we're moving into okay,
and how do we change it instead of just being
pissed about it? Like which is totally the one energy
(24:51):
and that's that's what I feel in my personal life too.
I think the reason I feel so tired this month
is it has been a massive year of growth on
a lot of levels, and there's been a lot of shedding,
and most of mine has been in patterns of thinking
and like narratives either about myself, about my self worth,
about the way I've worked in the past, like all
(25:13):
of the things we were talking about the beginning of
the podcast. It's me bumping up against those same themes
and why they're not going to work in my life anymore,
or even in relationships, like are these completely reciprocal situations
for me? Or am I overgiving? Is this like making
sense in my life? And that goes even for work,
like am I doing jobs and being compensated properly? Like
(25:35):
I just have not fully in my adult I've probably
thought about that as much as others, and so this
has been a big year of that for me and
just shedding some old narratives of being scared to ask
for more you know, and just being like taking up space,
starting to or whatever. Yeah, it's been The shedding part
is always just a little exhausting for a deep feeler
(25:56):
like me. You know, you get to December and you're like, oh,
I can't even see straight, and I do just want to,
you know, sit back and reflect. And that's what we
were saying at the beginning of the podcast, Like it's
interesting because we talk about, Okay, well, we have these
holiday seasons and everyone takes off work, but then somehow
you make your holiday season so busy or you have
all these parties, all these celebrations. I find myself often
(26:18):
very tired at the end of December, Like then we're
just supposed to start into the new year, you know,
and I really want to be more intentional this year
of like closing things down a little bit earlier. And
as much as that feels uncomfortable to me and like
a little bit scary, sometimes I feel that it's really
important to take the time to daydream and create. And
(26:40):
we had a you know, Andrea Lee Rogers, I don't
know if she was on the podcast a couple months ago,
and I don't know if you remember this chip, but
she said to me, we have to allow ourselves the
space to be bored. And I was like, yes, that
is what I never do, and I really want to
try to do that over the next couple weeks and
before January, because I think I'm ready for fresh starts.
(27:00):
I'm ready for new structures. I'm ready to bring in
new narratives into my life. But if I don't take
the time to like create those or day dream those up,
or put a plan into place or figure out what
a new structure is, I'm just going to keep on
going in the same things, you know, totally. Yeah, it's
really about taking the space to release versus just staying
(27:21):
on the hamster wheel and like not thinking of the
new ways. That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, I I because I'm starting my drive home today.
I've I packed last night this morning and I packed
four I'm you know, I'll be gone for like three weeks.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Oh it's a long time.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
I packed four books because I want to, like Dissa,
you know, I obviously it's like work is not done,
so I'll have to work during the day, but I'm
not going home planning on like going out and seeing
high school friends and doing all that. No New Year's
plans nothing. So that's what I want too, is like
I want when the work day is done, I want
to close my computer and I want to be bored.
(27:58):
And I think too, it's like sometimes in order to
break bad habits, you have to do nothing because if
you're in motion doing the things that you feel like
you need to do, that bad habits can sneak in and.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Well because they're your survival skills.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah yeah, so it's like you might even forget about
those whatever they are if you just give yourself a
week to do nothing.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah. Well, and actually, like I realize so many of
my bad habits are from exhaustion. Like so it's like
I'll over drink coffee or start eating bad or not
working out or whatever, and it's because I'm not giving
myself time. And so, like you said, like I want
to sleep and not set an alarm, like let my
body be the alarm. I want to like go on
(28:43):
long walks and not be on a time crunch of
like okay, you got twenty minutes or something, you know,
like right, just kind of wondering, and they're so to me.
I'm like, I also, if you know anything about your astrology,
if you have pisces anywhere, which chip and out both
do we need that time because that's how we process
all of the emotions and turn them into ideas because
(29:05):
we dream up things. But if we don't allow the
dreaming up time, we just have all the emotions and
we're flooded. And like, that's where I've been for sure.
It's just the astrology of the last month has taken
me out and I'm just like feeling too much. And
it's fine, it's part of my process, but I really
want to like honor the process more than I have
in the past. And it's hard. It is not like
(29:27):
it is not comfortable for me, but it's even sometimes
saying no, like I can't do as many social events lately.
I'm just I don't have it and so but letting
people down really kills me, Like I don't like it.
But I'm really like, you're smart to just leave town
because it's like, uh.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, I do it. Now, can't do it. I am
coming back for our holiday party on Monday.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
But there you are. Yeah, that's a lot of back
and forth.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
I know, but it's a there's a direct flight that
actually works really nicely. So but.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Is there any other big takeaway you had from twenty
twenty five that you I mean, we're gonna always come
back in January we do our words of the year,
and so we'll talk about what we made our words
this year and really kind of reflect on those in January.
But was there any just like overall takeaway that you
would say summed up your twenty twenty five reflection.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Well, I mean, it's funny because when you were talking
about this year, like how this year just sort of
felt different, And yeah, I do find what's weird is
and I really look forward to today where we never
mentioned the word the pandemic again. But I do feel
like this year we finally got out of the pandemic,
Like it's no longer, it's no, it doesn't feel like
(30:46):
it's an excuse for anything anymore. And I feel like,
even though it feels like the world is ending in
many ways, I do feel like the world also has
found footing again, which isn't necessarily just a personal observation.
And because we have our footing, I feel like people
(31:09):
are going to and you know, we collectively are going
to We're going to come back next year and sort
of be stronger for it, And like have the energy
to like fix whatever's broken.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Well, you just summed up with numerology, like so basically
the old world is dying like that what you're feeling
is real, that's happening, and it's just like okay, but
we have to like grieve it, feel it, let it go,
release it, and trust that the new that we don't
know yet is going to be better or whatever. But
(31:44):
we're not like what you just said your feeling was
to me summed it all up, because we haven't fully
gotten there. But I do agree with you, like we're
getting the energy to be like, Okay, wait a second,
this isn't working. What is our new system going to be?
And like let's lean in and start moving that way
versus just like bitching about it and fighting each other.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yeah, And I think the pandemic like really did give
us a valid excuse for a lot of the problems
that we were dealing with. And you know that was
nearly three years of our lives.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Oh totally.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, so it took a minute for us to find
our footing again. But I feel like we have And
that doesn't mean that like we are in a great
place societally, but I do think that like those excuses
have been shed and now it's like we have to
cut you know, come together as human beings and figure
this out so that you know there can be joy
(32:36):
and peace and sustainability for just human existence because it
and you know, it feels like we have been tested
the last five years, oh for sure. And you know personally,
the way that that sort of affects me personally is
like I feel more in my power than I ever have,
(32:56):
you know, like I feel comfortable in my skin, I
feel like comfortab in my my work situation. Now I
just I just feel like in my power. So I'm
hoping that that's a sign that you know, I can
with some rest, I can come back as truly the
best version of myself next year and prove that twenty
(33:16):
six is my lucky number.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Why is twenty six your lucky number?
Speaker 2 (33:20):
It goes back to a college thing, but it's just
always been.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
He's like, so, well, think about it.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
It's interesting because as you were sitting there reflecting on
the specifics, I was thinking, Oh God, what am I
going to be? And then I thought, oh wait, this
is why I want these next couple of weeks of quiet,
is because I haven't done the reflecting yet, Like I
have some ideas, but one of the big lessons for
me this year and I'm trying to think of how
(33:49):
to say this, like it's because it's funny to me now,
but like, okay, so my boyfriend is an internal processor
and I'm an external processor in case you guys haven't
figured that out because I have this podcast. But anyway,
I process by saying it all out loud, like all
the things happening in my brain and my body and
my feelings and all the things, and then I get
(34:10):
to the solution, you know. And my boyfriend goes on
walks and like processes to himself or he's driving, you know,
he's just quietly processing within And because of those differences,
like I don't think I realized that I was an extern.
I didn't realize any of that. I just thought I
am who I don't know, Like it didn't even pund
on me until this relationship. And then I was like, oh,
(34:32):
other people process in different ways, but I'm never going
to be him and he's never going to be me.
But in learning to work with each other on that,
I've actually learned a lot about how to help myself
process better, and like one of those things is that
I don't have to always like the feelings that I
have are always kind of fleeting, you know, like I'm
(34:54):
very emotional, and so they change and they ebb and
they flow, and sometimes I think I try to figure
it out before I'm out of that or give it
a name or anything like that. And right now, what
I have this sense to do is kind of just
let it process through and in more of a way
that he does. Like it's been interesting for me to
kind of go, what would happen if I just reflect
on this until I actually do feel clarity or till I, like,
(35:18):
you know, on a journal about it, talk it out
with my therapist or whoever if I need to. But
like I'm just learning a lot about I don't have
to have like today while we're doing this podcast, I
don't have to have the big answer to the reflection.
I know some of the things that I've learned or
bumped up against this year, and one of them is
not having to like fully lean into every emotion, like
(35:43):
letting it kind of flow through me and pass and
learning how to work with that a little bit more
and honor my needs during that time, and right now,
what I need is just to rest and to reflect internally,
and then you know, by January, I'm gonna come back
and I have a lot of things to say, y'all.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Well, I mean, it's it's what a great lesson to
learn that you don't have to give oxygen to everything exactly. Yeah,
because naturally such a.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Big realer I am, yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
And it's the more you like speak those negative feelings
into existence, the more real.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
They are, too, exactly.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
And a feeling is just a feeling they do, they
are fleeting. But it's also cool that your boyfriend can
learn to communicate his feelings by practicing, you know, with you,
because it is important to like, at a certain point,
sometimes feelings are much more than a feeling, and it
needs to be exercised, like you need to get it out.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Sometimes we need feedback, right, Like, you know, our brains
can all get really crazy if you're just living in
there all the time processing feelings, like you have all
these subconscious things happening too, so it is important to
get feedback and have something reflected back to you, like
is this reality? You know? Like, but like you said
it perfectly, I think we're both learning a lot from
(37:00):
each other and finding oh there can be more balance
to this or like I'm just learning how to do
it in a way that's not overwhelming to either of us.
And him too, like we're both it's just it's very interesting.
So anyway, all that is to say that for today,
with my cramps in my monochromatic outfits matching the wall,
(37:23):
I just yeah, I just have this sense to say
I have learned a lot this year. And it's been
a very taxing year. It's been a beautiful year on
some front. It's been a slow year and then it's
been a really fast year. So it's just been all
over the place. And I want to take some time
to myself to kind of really get quiet and go
what were the big takeaways and what do I want
(37:46):
to bring into the next year, and how do I
want to restructure things? And I'm ready for some newness
for sure, ready for some new energy absolutely.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
After some rest, after some rest.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
After some rest and some quiet, yeah, and just enjoying
life like I do. Do you feel this too, Like
do you feel like a lot of people just want
to be off their phones a lot more?
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (38:08):
And I feel like we want to be more present
with people, like even what you were talking about with
your parents, like talking to your dad in ways that
you never have instead of just sitting there with him
while you sit on your phone or watch TV or whatever. Like, Yeah,
just actually being present. I think there's a big craving
for that with a lot of people. So that's my goal.
In the next question, you.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Know what's funny is because you know, the vintage version
of being on your phone was watching too much television,
and now watching television like my buddy John who's crashing
in my house, like, well, we're like obsessed with shows
together now, so we'll watch television together and it actually
like we're not on our phones, we're watching TV, we're playing,
(38:49):
we're paying attention to the same thing. So it's because it's.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
Weird because watching television as an activity I know that
we can talk about and theorize and god for it
actually is a connected There's like a connectivity to it,
which is just funny.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
It feels like from.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yes, but we're so much more disconnected that that activity
that used to seem disconnecting is actually connecting. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah,
I love That's one of my favorite things to do
with my boyfriend is like having a show. Did you
watch The Beast of Me yet? No, it's good, it's
a good one.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
I'm watching. I'm currently watching The Mosquito Coast.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
It's what the fuck?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
What I know? It's it's it's Justin threau be still
my beating heart. Oh god. And there's two seasons of it.
It's on Apple TV.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
What is it about? What's the premise it's about.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
It's about a family that's on the run from the
US government and Cosquito Coast, Mosquito Coast. And the crazy
thing is was it's based on there's a movie from
the I think the eighties or early NINETIESKA with the
same title, which I imagine is probably a similar story.
But and they're based on a book that was written
by Justin's uncle.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Oh interesting.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Yeah, but it's it's really good. Like and I'm still
not even sure why they're running. Oh you know, there's
little pieces, Yeah, there's small pieces.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I kind of like that.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Yeah, it's really cool. Like I'm like seven episodes in,
I'm like, why are they running?
Speaker 1 (40:15):
And how you don't even know?
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Okay, so all right, well I need any one because
I finished the b Sime. The BC of Me is
Cleared Ames, and like, I love Clear Dames.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
We've forgotten about her, well.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
She hasn't really done much since Homeland, and but her
character we were talking about this, like her character is
always a little bit similar in that they're like a
little bit emotionally disturbed, very anxious. They're going through something intense,
and that is this show. But like you can't help
but just get so sucked in because you're like, what
is she doing in her lower lip quiver constantly? You're
(40:49):
just like, what is she so upset about this time?
Speaker 2 (40:51):
Right?
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Like, I don't know. It's it's got a lot of
twists and turns too, So what's it on? What is
it on Netflix? I think, yeah, it's on Netflix. Okay,
I mean what about There's so much shit going on
right now. It's like all this Netflix trying to buy whatever.
I'm just like, guys, it's December. Can we not just
stop for the year. We're done. We've had enough.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
And aren't you enough?
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Like I feel sketchy, ye all I'm gonna say about it,
but we shall see. Whatever is done in the dark
comes to light these days, so true, you better be
careful oh, p Diddy there reckoning was interesting too.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Oh yeah, I need to watch it.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
I was like kind of anti because I'm like, you
know what I'm over just he's already he's in jail,
Like I don't need to just like harp on his
suffer or whatever like what he did. Like I just
am like, I don't even want to give that energy.
But it's interesting because they had all this footage that
he had had a videographer following him in twenty twenty four,
(41:50):
so it's like it feels like he participated in this documentary.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
How did he get access to that footage?
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Fifty cent is on a mission to like expose him,
and I mean, yeah, all this stuff it's very dark,
it's very messed up, but it also gives backstory into
his childhood. You know, things start to make sense. You're like, Okay,
not that it excuses it at all, but right, right, anyway,
it'll be really interesting to see what happens to him
if he stays or gets more sentence time or you know,
(42:21):
more jail time or whatever, because now he's in for
four years, I think. But yeah, he's got like so
many pending cases, like seventy or something it's wild.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Lock him up, Well he is locked up, I know,
but forever, like oh yeah, a person with that that's
that dark, was ever privileged enough to like make that
much money and have that much powers.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Like, uh, I.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Just wish we knew a way to know, like what
is the exact truth? I don't trust anything anymore, so
it's hard to say. Anyway, if you guys need some
good shows, there you go. For the next couple of weeks.
We will have episodes up. Some of my favorite episodes
will be coming up the next couple of weeks, and
then Chip and I will be back in January. Yes,
we will have new guests, we'll have new topics, we'll
(43:08):
have new reflections, new words of the year. It'll be
a one year. I mean, we just got a lot
of new new beginnings. So yeah, anyway, I guess do
you have any parting words? Chip?
Speaker 2 (43:19):
This happy holidays? Yeah no, this isn't goodbye. This is
good holiday.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Okay, this is this isn't good bye. This is happy holidays.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
That's a good holiday. I was trying to be clever
and it was so lame. This is this is not goodbye,
this is good night. For three weeks, we're gonna rest.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
I mean, basically, I am going to be sleeping for
three weeks. I feel like we're back to when we
were trying to figure out the ending of the podcast,
which I wondered sometimes, I'm like, do new listeners are
they like? What in the world are they saying at
the end of the podcast and why?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
I realized that my bio on Instagram is still at.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
Casual, which is so vintage podcast of us. Maybe we'll
have a new, new ending for next year too. That
makes more sense because we haven't been acting casual for
a while.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Now we can we can shed the ending.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
Okay, well, you know, you guys, it took us like
a year to get this ending because we could not
figure it out. So we're going to also reflect on
this for the next three weeks and maybe we'll have
a new one. Maybe we won't.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
You know, we're going to do what we need to do.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
We are what we will to do to do. Okay, okay, anyway,
we got to go, all.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Right, get on the road.
Speaker 1 (44:37):
We will obviously be on social media if you ever
want to reach out. I'm at Velvet's Edge, chip.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
Is, I'm I'm at chip Doors. It's c h I
P D O R S C H.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
And as you guys go into the weekend and into
the holidays and you're living on the edge, I hope
you always remember too
Speaker 2 (44:54):
A casual bye
Host
Kelly Henderson
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