Dr. Wendy is covering Shannon Sharpe and offering her Wendy wisdom with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty. You have
Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy
Waalsh Show. If you're new to my show. I have
a PhD in clinical psychology. I teach at cal State
Channel Islands Go Dolphins, and I've written three books on relationships,
(00:23):
did a dissertation on attachment theory, and I love to
weigh in on people's love lives. In a few minutes,
I'm going to give out the phone number and I
will be taking your calls, but not before I weigh
in on the news of Shannon Sharp. Retired NFL player
turned YouTube podcaster Shannon Sharp is supposedly, well, not supposedly,
(00:44):
actually being sued by a twenty something woman whom he
met when she was just nineteen at a gym. M hm.
I just want to let you know, this dude is
going to be fifty seven in June, all right. He
has three kids, one of them is thirty and two
(01:05):
of them are thirty two. Figure out that they're not twins. Uh, huh.
Think about that for a minute. Two kids that are
thirty two that are not twins. No, they're not average
twins either. He had two pregnant girlfriends at the same time. Okay,
we'll start there, so uh he Basically, she's saying that
(01:25):
he raped or abused her all this stuff alleged, alleged, alleged.
Of course he's denying. Of course, he's saying it was
a lovely, consensual relationship. In fact, she released an audio
clip where he threatens to choke her. Let's have a listen.
Anything I say, You're just gonna like get mad at
and you're just gonna hang up on me.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So I feel like I'm not going to hang up
on you the way to be?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
What what does that even mean? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Do you want to be in to me now?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
So I don't want to be don't manipulate me?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Oh my, good mercy chow.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Well I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Be true, Yes you do, oh my.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Of course, he and his lawyers are saying this is
all role playing and they had love to have lots
of rough sex. I don't like, just as a woman,
I didn't like to hear that dynamic him telling her
what she wants him telling her how she should feel
him threatening to hurt her because he didn't like her
attitude already as a woman. I hear that, and I'm
(02:31):
not happy. So she has a lawyer. I'm not happy
about what lawyer she got. She got that guy Tony Busby.
Do you remember him, Kayla?
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Okay, he's the one that just came after jay Z recently.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Right?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, So I think that Shannon Sharp and his lawyers
are taking something out of the playbook of jay Z.
So what are they doing? Coming on strong, trying to
trash this poor girl? She her suit was anonymous and
it was submitted as a Jane Doe, but didn't take
him long to release her name and say that she's
(03:03):
an only fans model. Can we just stop with the
sexist stuff? Okay? Do we think it's terrible that men
with big muscles are able to get some construction jobs
that women can't get, and women with sexy bodies can
get some online jobs that men can't get? Okay? Who cares?
Speaker 5 (03:25):
Right?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Who cares what she does or what she does for
a living? Right? So he's attacking her, he's attacking her reputation,
he's objectifying her, he's saying that she's lying. Now nobody
knows the truth right. His co host on ESPN, Oh,
by the way, ESPN has asked him to step down,
(03:47):
step down for a little while, let things cool off
a little bit, or maybe he's chosen to one or
the other. But his co host is Stephen A. Smith, who's
one of the smartest men in America, should run for
president and is very well spoken, basically defended him and said,
this is not the man I know. There's no way
he could have done that. He admitted he didn't even
(04:10):
know all the facts, but in his opinion of his character,
he doesn't think this guy would do this. Well, let's
do a little timeline, shall we. Early in his career,
as I mentioned, he had three children by at least
two different women, maybe three. Here's the problem. He probably
(04:30):
made these women sign non disclosure agreements and because you
can't find their name anywhere on the internet except one,
uh huh, allegedly the mother of I think his daughter,
one of his daughters. Back in two thousand and four,
sharp faced misdemeanor battery charges filed by a woman who
(04:53):
was maybe one of the kid's mothers. She went to
Sharpe's home in Atlanta to pick up her son. This
led to an altercation where he picked her up and
removed her from his house against her will. He picked
her up moved her in twenty ten. A woman named
Michelle Bundy accused of Football Hall of Famer of sexual
assault in twenty ten. At the time, this caused him
(05:16):
to take a leave of the absence from his NFL
analyst position at CBS Sports back then. Then she later
filed a four million dollar defamation lawsuit against him for
divulging their ongoing legal dispute on television after news broke
that she filed a restraining order accusing him of sexual
assault and stocking in the September twenty ten incident. Okay,
(05:40):
they're all saying, these are just women who are doing
a shakedown. But now we're talking about a lifetime of this.
Now we're talking about a man who, at the age
of fifty five met a nineteen year old at the gym. Okay,
you're going to tell me legally this is allowed.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
It is.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
But I have always said that when there is a
large age gap in any relationship, the older person, I
don't care if they're male or female, wins. They have
the power because they have the life experience. And this
little girl sounded like a little girl. She sounded very,
very young and immature. We know that a nineteen twenty
(06:20):
year old can never psychologically match up with a well
experienced man in his fifties, and dudes got kids in
their thirties. Okay, let's just talk about forget about the
legal I don't know who did what to who, and
I don't know what the law is. Let the lawyers
argue that out. But let's just talk about bad decisions.
(06:41):
Shannon Sharp was in the middle of signing a one
hundred million dollar contract for his podcast what was it called? Again?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Kayle's got some.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Club, shayshe one hundred million dollar podcast, and he's running
around with a teenager from the gym. Okay, so maybe
she's twenty one now, but it all stars when she
was nineteen, and he's got kids in their thirties, Like,
what is he? What does he? Okay? I will say
that a lot of athletes and actors and musicians live
(07:13):
in the land of no nos. Nobody ever says no
to them, and they have so much money and lawyers
that they can make their problems go away. What do
you think Kayla, is this problem going to go away?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I don't think so. I think that this one's going
to stick.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Yeah, he's already stepped away from like ESPN, and more
people are coming forward with lawsuits.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
So it's just not looking good for him right now.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, if any other women, Oh did you hear about
the Instagram thing that started this whole fight? Oh? Oh, okay,
So what started the whole fight between her and him
is that somebody I don't know whether it was on
a comment on Instagram or whether somebody said something to him,
but someone accused him of being gay. Accused like it
is a crime. Okay, there's nothing wrong with being gay,
but anyway, he did not like that characterization of him,
(07:57):
so he supposedly did an Instagram live of him having
sex with a woman. He claimed at first that it
was an accident. He didn't mean to go live, Kayley,
you know, how do we have to work to go
live on our show?
Speaker 5 (08:10):
Here?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
There's there are many buttons and any steps that we
have to do. Then he came through and said no, no,
I actually did on purpose so people could see I
wasn't gay. And you know who's suck his little twenty
year old girlfriend. Uh and that's what the fight began about.
Fascinating Uh huh yeah, so supposedly he already offered her
ten million dollars. People don't offer somebody ten million dollars
(08:32):
if they're completely innocent, they do not. Anyway, we'll see
what happens in civil court. I wish he had a
better lawyer. I'm just saying that, and I wish his
lawyers weren't attacking her so much. It's going to be
interesting to follow, all right. When we come back, A
man another man wrote an article about how great it
is to still be single at the age of forty,
(08:54):
and he cherry picked all kinds of literature to prove
how great it is, except people forgot to mention one thing. Gender.
Let's talk about this when we come back. You're listening
to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I Am six forty you Dr Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Dr Wendy Walsh Show. I would like
to welcome my TikTok audience. Hi, if you guys want
to come in the studio, I mean, at least visually
see what we're doing in here, then log onto TikTok
doctor Wendy Walsh at d R Wendy Walsh, and you
can see what we're doing here. It's so funny that
we're using the Beyonce song because you know what tomorrow
(09:38):
night is, Kayla, Do you know what tomorrow night is?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
What's tomorrow Nay.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
It's the launch of her Cowboy Carter tour and it
begins here in Los Angeles. It's so Fi Stadium and
my kids have tickets, so to all my friends, all
of your friends. Yeah, it's a big deal, this Beyonce thing.
Tomorrow Night is a big, big deal anyway. And you
know her mom just came out with a book to
coincide with it all. Tina, all right. I read this article.
(10:03):
It was on a website called Daily Motivational News. It
was written by man Surprise, and he claims that still
being single at the age of forty has great benefits.
I beg to differ. Here's some of the things he suggests.
(10:25):
First of all, he says, you've dodged an early divorce
land mine? Is divorce a landmine? Or is divorce a
very important lesson learned? I think he's mostly thinking about money.
He talks about legal fees, assets splitting. He does mention
psychological fallout. You can call it psychological fallout, or I
(10:49):
could call it psychological growth. Remember when till Death Do
Us Part was invented, death was pretty imminent. And because
of our very long lifespan. Now, even the most monogamous
of humans, and that's about fifty percent of humans by estimates,
will see two or three long stance of monogamy in
(11:09):
their life, with some mate selection in between. We call
that dating. And so to avoid and not do the
important lessons learned all because you're trying to save money
is probably not about growing right. Also, he's a man.
(11:31):
It's okay to be still single as a dude, because
you can reproduce for decades longer. Although I do want
to say there's lots of new research on the correlation
between older fathers and offspring's rates of autism. So, dude,
you guys get we get old eggs, you get old sperm.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Whatever.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
So for women who want to reproduce, which is not
all women, but eighty percent of females of the human
species tend to reproduce. Hitting forty and still being single
isn't necessarily good news, all right. The second things he says,
which is true is that by forty you've built up stronger,
broader friendship networks. And he says because singles can't outsource
(12:13):
emotional support to a spouse, by default, they tend to
invest more energy in friends, siblings, neighbors, and colleagues. Yes,
women do, dudes, don't. They really have a hard time
gaining social support. They have trouble with same sex relationships
(12:36):
and emotional intimacy. Men are much less likely to build
those all important social networks. They depend often on women.
Women tend to hold the social capital in a relationship.
Another thing he says is that health habits that often
beat the coupled norm. He says the stereotype says marriage
(12:57):
makes us healthier, but one article he found said that
married adults had eighty eight percent higher odds of obesity
than their single, divorced, or widowed counterparts. When one partner
quits smoking or upt exercise, the other often followed, yes,
but singles, oh, listen to this. Singles never needed to
(13:20):
negotiate someone else's inertia in the first place. I'm sorry,
your partner is responsible for you not okay. The research
is overwhelming that men are healthier when they're married. They
eat better because women are feeding them. There's also a
woman making sure that they go and get their doctor's appointments.
(13:41):
There's a woman scanning their body for funky moles. Right, Honestly,
men are much healthier and their mental health is better
when they're married. So cherry pick the research all you want.
And then finally he says, you have much more career
and financial agility. Right at Harvard Business Review apparently in
a podcast episode was called no partner, no kids, no problem.
(14:07):
You know, I never met anybody who lied on their
deathbed and said, God, I wish I'd worked more. They
always want to spend time with the people they love.
And the truth is, if you think that, is this
a way to make more money or save more money,
research shows that married couples accumulate more wealth because they're
splitting the household expenses by fifty percent, and when you're single,
(14:30):
you're paying one hundred percent of the bills. So, as
you can tell, I didn't like this article. I don't
think it made a lot of sense. I think that
the research is overwhelming. That Okay, long term monogamy is
not for every human. I want to be clear about that.
Marriage is not for every human. I want to say that.
(14:51):
But what is most typical in our species and also
as a social organization is to be in a healthy couple,
to be with someone same sex, other sex, whatever, but
to have a secure attachment. It is good for your
mental health, it is good for your physical health, and
(15:12):
it is good for your financial health. And a relationship
that ends is not a failed relationship. This myth that
you meet one soulmate early in life and you're gonna
stay with them until you die, and anything else that
happens is considered a failure is not true. All right,
when we come back, I'm taking your calls. If you
(15:32):
have a relationship question, let me weigh in the numbers.
One eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one. KFI producer
Kayle's going into the phones right now, so should open
the lines. Give me a call. One eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. You are listening to
the doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (15:56):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
K I AM six forty. You have Dr Wendy Walsh
with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I'd
like to welcome my Instagram audience. If you're an instagrammer,
log onto the app, search Doctor Wendy Walsh and say hello.
Because I'm here waving to the Instagram audience and this
is the time of the show. When I take your calls,
the number is one eight hundred five two zero one
(16:23):
five three four. That's one eight hundred five to zero
one five three four. I am a psychology professor. I
have a PhD in clinical psychology. I've written three books
on relationships, and i have a lot of life wisdom.
But I'm not a therapist. But hey, let me weigh in.
I'm like your auntie, your educated auntie, who's going to
help you with your relationship stuff. Okay, Producer Kayla, who
(16:46):
do we have? First?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Do we have Evan with a question?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Evan, Hi, Evan, It's doctor Wendy. Oh.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Hi, Hi, Doctor Wendy, Hey, thanks for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I'm happy to what's your question?
Speaker 4 (16:56):
My girlfriend's getting home soon, so I have to pull
a normal girlfriend here fast. I gotta go.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
I have this question.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Okay, what was this question? He says his girlfriend is
coming home and he has to dash because she's gonna
hear him. Is that what's happening?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Yeah, apparently she's the first girl he's dated in a
long time.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Apparently I had like three hundred women.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Who asks him what his number is, how many people
he's been with? And he just wants to know why
she's asking him that and what's wrong with her?
Speaker 2 (17:23):
So clearly he keep.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Can't ask that girlfriend is asking him what is his number?
How many people he's had sex with? And did you
say he had sex with three hundred people?
Speaker 5 (17:33):
No?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
No, no, no.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
She was the first one out of the three hundred
girls that he's dated in the past that asked him that,
and he wants to know what's wrong with her.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Nothing's wrong with her? This is okay, what's your number
or what's your body count or what's your sexual experience?
Is something that young people, not necessarily older people, once
you're a certain age just kind of assume everybody has
lots of history, but young people ask each other that
question because they're trying to find out how much sexual
experience there partner has compared to how much they have. Now,
(18:02):
I do want to say there's some gender differences when
men ask a woman, what's your number? Remember, they haven't
inherited through you know, their evolutionary history, a fear of
promiscuous women. By the way, we can change that in
their mind. They can rationalize and think it through and
go that doesn't make sense. Peers are having sex with
peers across the life span at about the same rate,
(18:24):
but they're often asking like they don't want a girl
who's been in their minds passed around all the boys.
Because in our evolutionary past, any woman who shared her
eggs with the tribe her boyfriend might ended up, you know,
raising another guy's eggs. Right, we call that cut holding,
(18:45):
and so men have this inherited fear. So of course
the answer is to discuss it, well, what number would
bother you? And why let's talk about it before we
talk about the number. Now, when women ask the question
what there's sometimes men actually get points for having more
sexual experience. We're like Oh good, at least he knows
what to do or he's woman approved by lots of women.
(19:07):
That's a catch, right. So with women, when they ask
the question, they sometimes want to know whether the person
has the same amount of sexual experience with them or more.
But they're less judgmental, right, whereas men, you need to
explore what the question means before you give them the answer. Okay, producer, Kayla,
who else do we have?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
We have Joe with a question.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Joe.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
We got all the guys calling today. Hi Joe, it's
doctor Wendy.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Hi, thank you for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Thanks for waiting. What's your question? So?
Speaker 4 (19:39):
I've been dating this one girl probably about two years,
and plush, we never made it official. We never made
it like exclusive. We never had that talk.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
So wait, you've been dating her for more than two
years and you've never had the conversation but exclusivity. Have
you been having sex all this time?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (20:00):
And you've been having sex with other people as well?
Speaker 4 (20:04):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:04):
No, has she.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Well, she came she came clean. She told me that
she wanted to tell me that about two weeks ago,
she she hooked up with one of her exes and
it wasn't if it happened twice, and she just she
wanted to let me know that, you know, to come clean.
So I was just wondering. I mean, we never had
(20:27):
the conversation, we never made an exclusive. Is that considered
still cheating she had continued this or so let's talk.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
About your feelings. She basically wanted to relieve her conscience
by telling you that she'd hooked up with an X
two times. And you're thinking, well, you know, we never
had the conversation about exclusivity, so therefore, is she really
cheating on me? Let me ask you this show when
she gave you that information, what did it feel like
(20:55):
to you?
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Didn't feel good?
Speaker 1 (20:58):
No, of course, no bad, It didn't feel good, right?
Why do you think her real motive for telling you
is uh?
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Part of me thinks that maybe she wants to break
it up without having said it when I'm going saying it,
and the other part of me says, like, hey, you
know she's trying to be honest, and.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Did you ask her what she wants to do in
the future.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
She said that she wants to stay with me, but
you know she didn't want to. I guess the decision
wasn't made because you know, it just happened, you know,
and you.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Were so upset with you were blindsided by it, right, Yeah.
I just want to say to the people watching on
Instagram that if you want to hear both sides of
the conversation, you can download the iHeartRadio app, search doctor
Wendy Walsh and hear it. Otherwise, I try to always
repeat the question in my answer. So, Joe, you've been
with her two years, you didn't you're not exclusive. She
(21:57):
admitted to you that she hooked up with an exit
hurt you terribly. You want to know whether you should
break up or whatever. Here's my opinion from a woman's
point of view. She's looking for you to ask her
to be the girlfriend. Like at this point, it's make
it or break it. And if you want her exclusive
(22:18):
publicly to be with you, this is your moment. This
is your moment to take your pain and go that
really hurt. So either you're gonna be one on one
exclusive with me and we're gonna be a public couple,
or we're gonna break up. What's your decision, lady, This
is your moment. That's what I think you should do. Joe,
(22:38):
You've just got to tell her this is the time,
because I think actually she was looking for exclusivity, because
if she was looking to break up with you, she
would have broken up with you, right, So I think
you're okay, all right if you like to call the
numbers one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
The dms are also coming in on on Instagram too,
(23:01):
so I want to get to some of them. Okay,
Dear doctor Wendy, I just found out that my wife
lied to me about who she voted for. Does she
have to tell you the truth there? I don't know.
Apparently we have completely different political views. I feel betrayed.
I think we should file for divorce. If she lied
(23:22):
about that, what else will she lie about? Am I overreacting? Okay?
I'm gonna actually tell you a story. I have a
friend who lied to me for a period of time,
not disclosing something in her relationship, and I was very
angry because I had those feelings like how can I
trust her with anything anymore? Because I don't know what's
true or what's not. I think that is your bigger
(23:45):
dilemma than the differing political views. There are plenty of
couples who have differing political views. My biggest question to
you is why did she feel she had to hide it?
And you say you recently found out, You didn't how
you found out, who you found out through? Did she
tell you, etc? But in your relationship, is it not
(24:06):
safe for her to be able to be open and
honest about her values and about her political views. There
are plenty of married couples who have different political views
and get along just great. So I think that's the
question you need to focus on, is why did she
feel she had to lie to me? Would I not
(24:27):
have been open and understanding? And this is the conversation
that hopefully will open up some intimacy for you. All Right,
another DM, I'm sorry I had to read this and
I couldn't believe it. Okay, Dear doctor Wendy. My man
is starting to have a receiving hairline. It happens. I
(24:50):
hate it and want him to just go bald. Oh.
He gets really defensive when I bring it up. Should
I just support him through this awkward phase? Or is
there a better way to go about it? If he
is your man, as you call him, and you love him,
hopefully you love his heart and his soul. And you've
already said your piece that you prefer the look of
(25:11):
bald men, then get off it. How would you like
it if a guy told you, you know, you really
need to lose weight, or why don't you get a
boob job? Or I think you need to get some
butt implants, then I'll be more attracted to you. I
hope you would dump him so fast because you're being objectified.
And so why objectify a man if he wants to
(25:34):
hang onto those few strands for a few more years,
who cares? Let him do it? Babe, Just love him.
That's all that matters. Majulio's bald, but I love it
all right. Well, no, he has a little bit. He
goes to he goes and gets he goes to the
I was gonna say, solon what is called the barbershop whatever,
(25:56):
and he gets trimmed. But I'm like, it's like a
quarter inch long? Oh no, buddy does all right? When
we come back. I will continue to answer your direct messages.
The handle is at d R. Wendy Walsh at doctor
Wendy Walsh and to take your calls live, the phone
number is one eight hundred five two zero one five
three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one
(26:17):
five three four. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
AFI AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show, and I am
taking your calls if you'd like to call the numbers
one eight hundred five to zero one five three four. Producer, Kayla,
you mentioned that someone called and they got cut off,
maybe in their car. Do you remember what their question was?
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Yeah, we had Maggie with the question, and her question
was her husband is choosing her friend his friends over
their family, and she wanted to know how to address it.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Is it is it okay that he's doing that.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Over who's family, like their kids, like their own nuclear
family or extended family.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I'm assuming over the nuclear family.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
But she did hang up, So so Maggie called in said,
her husband's choosing his friends more than his family to
hang out with. Well, it sounds like the two of
them need to negotiate what makes more sense, because it
means he's not happy with his family and his relationship,
and you got to know why. Now, It's one thing.
She might have a perception too, that he's hanging out
(27:28):
with his friends all the time, and it might be
once a week, right or twice a month, right, because
she may have we don't know, she might have her
own abandonment issues, like why is he going out with
his friends again? He's doing it all the time, It's
been twice this month. But on the other hand, if
she's feeling that, because you know, sometimes when people start
(27:48):
hanging out with their friends and going to clubs and whatever,
they are testing the mating marketplace. They're on their way
to a breakup. So her stomach tells her something's up.
She needs to talk to him about it and find
out what it is. All right, let me go to
my social media and answer some dms. Dear doctor, Wendy,
I met a new guy after my situationship ended up
(28:12):
being just a situationship. Yeah, well that's what situationships are.
They usually don't. Why do people think that a situationship
is a stepping stone to a relationship. Women think that
it never works all right, So this guy and I
are really vibing nicely. Ooh, I like to hear that
he's sweet. We had a date planned, but then da
(28:33):
da da da, my situationship hit me up to take
a late walk. Oh, where are your boundaries? Girl? Where
are your boundaries? I curve the new guy and spent
the night with the guy who has proven he will
never take me seriously, I feel bad for the new guy.
Why would I hurt the nice guy for a jerk?
(28:53):
Should I tell the new guy? I mean, we aren't exclusive?
All right, No, don't tell him. Don't hurt him. Listen,
I'm going to tell you the truth. This kind of
stuff is stuff I did before I entered therapy. I
had an anxious, ambivalent attachment style, and all it took
was some avoidant playboy who I was trying to reel
(29:15):
in and get closer to me for him to call,
and I would dump the nicest guys in the world
for him. And it was because of my own attachment anxiety,
because of my own attachment problems. Do not hurt this
nice guy worse by telling him that you slipped up,
But I do suggest that this is a great time
(29:38):
for you to see a licensed therapist and learn about boundaries,
and learn about giving yourself the gift of somebody kind.
You know, I got married in August, and I finally
chose a nice, kind person who literally cares for me,
and so I feel safe. I feel at peace. And
(30:01):
let me tell you, there's no roller coaster anymore, no
highs and lows, just comfort, and eventually you'll get to
the place where you will realize that that is a
good model for love. I'm sorry this happened to you.
There's always time for you to real things back in,
change your phone number if you need to. All right,
(30:23):
here's another dear doctor, Wendy. I've been dating a woman
for some time. I felt comfortable enough to leave her
at my house when I went to the gym. She
didn't know. She didn't know I had cameras and I
caught her going through by things. She didn't steal anything.
But now I'm really uncomfortable. I wanted to address this,
(30:44):
but I'm not sure how I have really strong feelings
with her. Okay, let me explain something. At the beginning
of relationship is the time when you have to talk
about all the things, including the little things. This is
an opportunity for the two of you to learn if
you can handle conflict, to learn if you can set
up boundaries, to learn if she can tolerate shame, because
(31:10):
she's gonna feel ashamed when you bring it up. But
this is like everything else, you can't ignore it. You
feel violated, you feel betrayed. Right, So here's when you
do it. You do it in a nice cozy time
when the two of you are happy, and just say, hey,
I just want to bring up something because and always
do that communication sandwich. Start out with a compliment. You know,
(31:33):
I'm really into you, I have really strong feelings with you,
but something happened. It's not sitting right with me, and
I feel like I would be dishonest in this relationship
if I didn't share it with you. You know, I trusted
you to be alone in my house, but I saw
on the cameras that you went through my stuff, and
I know you weren't going to steal anything, but it
(31:56):
kind of hurt my feelings. You could just ask me,
I would have shown you. Sof can you tell me,
like what you were looking for? What would have been
a red flag? Or did you grow up in a
family where you were allowed to go through people's things
without permission. I'd like to talk about these boundaries because
for me that felt like a violation. And I really
like you and I really think this relationship is going somewhere.
(32:20):
So I'd just like to know how we now we could,
you know, discuss this and see what happens. Bring it
up like that, right, communication sandwich? Start out with a
layer of love, follow it up with a thick layer
of something that's a little hard to chew on, and
then back it up with another layer of love. This
(32:42):
is how you have healthy communication, right. I think we
have time for one more real quick, the dear doctor, Wendy.
The conversation and dates are starting to dwindle in my
relationship and it's starting to become mainly sexual. Is this
the beginning of the end?
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yes? Sorry? Yes?
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Okay? So are you efforting more emotional intimacy or you're
letting him do it?
Speaker 4 (33:09):
Right?
Speaker 1 (33:09):
If he's less contact mostly just come on over and
you hook up. You have the right to say I'm sorry,
you know you need to take me out first or whatever.
But if you're not doing all those things and he's
not complying, then it's the beginning of the end, right,
you know who gets married women who are excellent negotiators,
(33:30):
and the negotiation starts in the first thirty seconds of
meeting somebody where people let up there. Yeah, well, someone
else asked, remember the call the question before? Why wouldn't
he have told her that there were cameras? That would
have been a red flag?
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Um?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Does someone need to know? Oh? Yeah, I guess So
it depends where they are. What if they're in a
private place. What if she walked around naked and they
were on a camera, and what if it was recording.
It's a good point. You should have let her know
that there are cameras. Funds Like, this relationship is so
early that nobody's brought up all the important stuff. But
that's a really good point. Thanks for adding that. All right,
(34:11):
when we come back, can we talk about the ick.
It's a dating term that a lot of people are
using and a feeling that a lot of people are getting.
Let's talk about the ick and whether you can get
past it when we come back. You are listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening
(34:34):
to doctor Wendy Waalsh. You can always hear us live
on KFI Am six forty from seven to nine pm
on Sunday, and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty. You have
Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy
Waalsh Show. If you're new to my show. I have
a PhD in clinical psychology. I teach at cal State
Channel Islands Go Dolphins, and I've written three books on relationships,
(00:23):
did a dissertation on attachment theory, and I love to
weigh in on people's love lives. In a few minutes,
I'm going to give out the phone number and I
will be taking your calls, but not before I weigh
in on the news of Shannon Sharp. Retired NFL player
turned YouTube podcaster Shannon Sharp is supposedly, well, not supposedly,
(00:44):
actually being sued by a twenty something woman whom he
met when she was just nineteen at a gym. M hm.
I just want to let you know, this dude is
going to be fifty seven in June, all right. He
has three kids, one of them is thirty and two
(01:05):
of them are thirty two. Figure out that they're not twins. Uh, huh.
Think about that for a minute. Two kids that are
thirty two that are not twins. No, they're not average
twins either. He had two pregnant girlfriends at the same time. Okay,
we'll start there, so uh he Basically, she's saying that
(01:25):
he raped or abused her all this stuff alleged, alleged, alleged.
Of course he's denying. Of course, he's saying it was
a lovely, consensual relationship. In fact, she released an audio
clip where he threatens to choke her. Let's have a listen.
Anything I say, You're just gonna like get mad at
and you're just gonna hang up on me.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So I feel like I'm not going to hang up
on you the way to be?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
What what does that even mean? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Do you want to be in to me now?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
So I don't want to be don't manipulate me?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Oh my, good mercy chow.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Well I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Be true, Yes you do, oh my.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Of course, he and his lawyers are saying this is
all role playing and they had love to have lots
of rough sex. I don't like, just as a woman,
I didn't like to hear that dynamic him telling her
what she wants him telling her how she should feel
him threatening to hurt her because he didn't like her
attitude already as a woman. I hear that, and I'm
(02:31):
not happy. So she has a lawyer. I'm not happy
about what lawyer she got. She got that guy Tony Busby.
Do you remember him, Kayla?
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Okay, he's the one that just came after jay Z recently.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Right?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, So I think that Shannon Sharp and his lawyers
are taking something out of the playbook of jay Z.
So what are they doing? Coming on strong, trying to
trash this poor girl? She her suit was anonymous and
it was submitted as a Jane Doe, but didn't take
him long to release her name and say that she's
(03:03):
an only fans model. Can we just stop with the
sexist stuff? Okay? Do we think it's terrible that men
with big muscles are able to get some construction jobs
that women can't get, and women with sexy bodies can
get some online jobs that men can't get? Okay? Who cares?
Speaker 5 (03:25):
Right?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Who cares what she does or what she does for
a living? Right? So he's attacking her, he's attacking her reputation,
he's objectifying her, he's saying that she's lying. Now nobody
knows the truth right. His co host on ESPN, Oh,
by the way, ESPN has asked him to step down,
(03:47):
step down for a little while, let things cool off
a little bit, or maybe he's chosen to one or
the other. But his co host is Stephen A. Smith, who's
one of the smartest men in America, should run for
president and is very well spoken, basically defended him and said,
this is not the man I know. There's no way
he could have done that. He admitted he didn't even
(04:10):
know all the facts, but in his opinion of his character,
he doesn't think this guy would do this. Well, let's
do a little timeline, shall we. Early in his career,
as I mentioned, he had three children by at least
two different women, maybe three. Here's the problem. He probably
(04:30):
made these women sign non disclosure agreements and because you
can't find their name anywhere on the internet except one,
uh huh, allegedly the mother of I think his daughter,
one of his daughters. Back in two thousand and four,
sharp faced misdemeanor battery charges filed by a woman who
(04:53):
was maybe one of the kid's mothers. She went to
Sharpe's home in Atlanta to pick up her son. This
led to an altercation where he picked her up and
removed her from his house against her will. He picked
her up moved her in twenty ten. A woman named
Michelle Bundy accused of Football Hall of Famer of sexual
assault in twenty ten. At the time, this caused him
(05:16):
to take a leave of the absence from his NFL
analyst position at CBS Sports back then. Then she later
filed a four million dollar defamation lawsuit against him for
divulging their ongoing legal dispute on television after news broke
that she filed a restraining order accusing him of sexual
assault and stocking in the September twenty ten incident. Okay,
(05:40):
they're all saying, these are just women who are doing
a shakedown. But now we're talking about a lifetime of this.
Now we're talking about a man who, at the age
of fifty five met a nineteen year old at the gym. Okay,
you're going to tell me legally this is allowed.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
It is.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
But I have always said that when there is a
large age gap in any relationship, the older person, I
don't care if they're male or female, wins. They have
the power because they have the life experience. And this
little girl sounded like a little girl. She sounded very,
very young and immature. We know that a nineteen twenty
(06:20):
year old can never psychologically match up with a well
experienced man in his fifties, and dudes got kids in
their thirties. Okay, let's just talk about forget about the
legal I don't know who did what to who, and
I don't know what the law is. Let the lawyers
argue that out. But let's just talk about bad decisions.
(06:41):
Shannon Sharp was in the middle of signing a one
hundred million dollar contract for his podcast what was it called? Again?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Kayle's got some.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Club, shayshe one hundred million dollar podcast, and he's running
around with a teenager from the gym. Okay, so maybe
she's twenty one now, but it all stars when she
was nineteen, and he's got kids in their thirties, Like,
what is he? What does he? Okay? I will say
that a lot of athletes and actors and musicians live
(07:13):
in the land of no nos. Nobody ever says no
to them, and they have so much money and lawyers
that they can make their problems go away. What do
you think Kayla, is this problem going to go away?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I don't think so. I think that this one's going
to stick.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Yeah, he's already stepped away from like ESPN, and more
people are coming forward with lawsuits.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
So it's just not looking good for him right now.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, if any other women, Oh did you hear about
the Instagram thing that started this whole fight? Oh? Oh, okay,
So what started the whole fight between her and him
is that somebody I don't know whether it was on
a comment on Instagram or whether somebody said something to him,
but someone accused him of being gay. Accused like it
is a crime. Okay, there's nothing wrong with being gay,
but anyway, he did not like that characterization of him,
(07:57):
so he supposedly did an Instagram live of him having
sex with a woman. He claimed at first that it
was an accident. He didn't mean to go live, Kayley,
you know, how do we have to work to go
live on our show?
Speaker 5 (08:10):
Here?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
There's there are many buttons and any steps that we
have to do. Then he came through and said no, no,
I actually did on purpose so people could see I
wasn't gay. And you know who's suck his little twenty
year old girlfriend. Uh and that's what the fight began about.
Fascinating Uh huh yeah, so supposedly he already offered her
ten million dollars. People don't offer somebody ten million dollars
(08:32):
if they're completely innocent, they do not. Anyway, we'll see
what happens in civil court. I wish he had a
better lawyer. I'm just saying that, and I wish his
lawyers weren't attacking her so much. It's going to be
interesting to follow, all right. When we come back, A
man another man wrote an article about how great it
is to still be single at the age of forty,
(08:54):
and he cherry picked all kinds of literature to prove
how great it is, except people forgot to mention one thing. Gender.
Let's talk about this when we come back. You're listening
to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I Am six forty you Dr Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Dr Wendy Walsh Show. I would like
to welcome my TikTok audience. Hi, if you guys want
to come in the studio, I mean, at least visually
see what we're doing in here, then log onto TikTok
doctor Wendy Walsh at d R Wendy Walsh, and you
can see what we're doing here. It's so funny that
we're using the Beyonce song because you know what tomorrow
(09:38):
night is, Kayla, Do you know what tomorrow night is?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
What's tomorrow Nay.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
It's the launch of her Cowboy Carter tour and it
begins here in Los Angeles. It's so Fi Stadium and
my kids have tickets, so to all my friends, all
of your friends. Yeah, it's a big deal, this Beyonce thing.
Tomorrow Night is a big, big deal anyway. And you
know her mom just came out with a book to
coincide with it all. Tina, all right. I read this article.
(10:03):
It was on a website called Daily Motivational News. It
was written by man Surprise, and he claims that still
being single at the age of forty has great benefits.
I beg to differ. Here's some of the things he suggests.
(10:25):
First of all, he says, you've dodged an early divorce
land mine? Is divorce a landmine? Or is divorce a
very important lesson learned? I think he's mostly thinking about money.
He talks about legal fees, assets splitting. He does mention
psychological fallout. You can call it psychological fallout, or I
(10:49):
could call it psychological growth. Remember when till Death Do
Us Part was invented, death was pretty imminent. And because
of our very long lifespan. Now, even the most monogamous
of humans, and that's about fifty percent of humans by estimates,
will see two or three long stance of monogamy in
(11:09):
their life, with some mate selection in between. We call
that dating. And so to avoid and not do the
important lessons learned all because you're trying to save money
is probably not about growing right. Also, he's a man.
(11:31):
It's okay to be still single as a dude, because
you can reproduce for decades longer. Although I do want
to say there's lots of new research on the correlation
between older fathers and offspring's rates of autism. So, dude,
you guys get we get old eggs, you get old sperm.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Whatever.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
So for women who want to reproduce, which is not
all women, but eighty percent of females of the human
species tend to reproduce. Hitting forty and still being single
isn't necessarily good news, all right. The second things he says,
which is true is that by forty you've built up stronger,
broader friendship networks. And he says because singles can't outsource
(12:13):
emotional support to a spouse, by default, they tend to
invest more energy in friends, siblings, neighbors, and colleagues. Yes,
women do, dudes, don't. They really have a hard time
gaining social support. They have trouble with same sex relationships
(12:36):
and emotional intimacy. Men are much less likely to build
those all important social networks. They depend often on women.
Women tend to hold the social capital in a relationship.
Another thing he says is that health habits that often
beat the coupled norm. He says the stereotype says marriage
(12:57):
makes us healthier, but one article he found said that
married adults had eighty eight percent higher odds of obesity
than their single, divorced, or widowed counterparts. When one partner
quits smoking or upt exercise, the other often followed, yes,
but singles, oh, listen to this. Singles never needed to
(13:20):
negotiate someone else's inertia in the first place. I'm sorry,
your partner is responsible for you not okay. The research
is overwhelming that men are healthier when they're married. They
eat better because women are feeding them. There's also a
woman making sure that they go and get their doctor's appointments.
(13:41):
There's a woman scanning their body for funky moles. Right, Honestly,
men are much healthier and their mental health is better
when they're married. So cherry pick the research all you want.
And then finally he says, you have much more career
and financial agility. Right at Harvard Business Review apparently in
a podcast episode was called no partner, no kids, no problem.
(14:07):
You know, I never met anybody who lied on their
deathbed and said, God, I wish I'd worked more. They
always want to spend time with the people they love.
And the truth is, if you think that, is this
a way to make more money or save more money,
research shows that married couples accumulate more wealth because they're
splitting the household expenses by fifty percent, and when you're single,
(14:30):
you're paying one hundred percent of the bills. So, as
you can tell, I didn't like this article. I don't
think it made a lot of sense. I think that
the research is overwhelming. That Okay, long term monogamy is
not for every human. I want to be clear about that.
Marriage is not for every human. I want to say that.
(14:51):
But what is most typical in our species and also
as a social organization is to be in a healthy couple,
to be with someone same sex, other sex, whatever, but
to have a secure attachment. It is good for your
mental health, it is good for your physical health, and
(15:12):
it is good for your financial health. And a relationship
that ends is not a failed relationship. This myth that
you meet one soulmate early in life and you're gonna
stay with them until you die, and anything else that
happens is considered a failure is not true. All right,
when we come back, I'm taking your calls. If you
(15:32):
have a relationship question, let me weigh in the numbers.
One eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one. KFI producer
Kayle's going into the phones right now, so should open
the lines. Give me a call. One eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. You are listening to
the doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (15:56):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
K I AM six forty. You have Dr Wendy Walsh
with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I'd
like to welcome my Instagram audience. If you're an instagrammer,
log onto the app, search Doctor Wendy Walsh and say hello.
Because I'm here waving to the Instagram audience and this
is the time of the show. When I take your calls,
the number is one eight hundred five two zero one
(16:23):
five three four. That's one eight hundred five to zero
one five three four. I am a psychology professor. I
have a PhD in clinical psychology. I've written three books
on relationships, and i have a lot of life wisdom.
But I'm not a therapist. But hey, let me weigh in.
I'm like your auntie, your educated auntie, who's going to
help you with your relationship stuff. Okay, Producer Kayla, who
(16:46):
do we have? First?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Do we have Evan with a question?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Evan, Hi, Evan, It's doctor Wendy. Oh.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Hi, Hi, Doctor Wendy, Hey, thanks for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I'm happy to what's your question?
Speaker 4 (16:56):
My girlfriend's getting home soon, so I have to pull
a normal girlfriend here fast. I gotta go.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
I have this question.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Okay, what was this question? He says his girlfriend is
coming home and he has to dash because she's gonna
hear him. Is that what's happening?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Yeah, apparently she's the first girl he's dated in a
long time.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Apparently I had like three hundred women.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Who asks him what his number is, how many people
he's been with? And he just wants to know why
she's asking him that and what's wrong with her?
Speaker 2 (17:23):
So clearly he keep.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Can't ask that girlfriend is asking him what is his number?
How many people he's had sex with? And did you
say he had sex with three hundred people?
Speaker 5 (17:33):
No?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
No, no, no.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
She was the first one out of the three hundred
girls that he's dated in the past that asked him that,
and he wants to know what's wrong with her.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Nothing's wrong with her? This is okay, what's your number
or what's your body count or what's your sexual experience?
Is something that young people, not necessarily older people, once
you're a certain age just kind of assume everybody has
lots of history, but young people ask each other that
question because they're trying to find out how much sexual
experience there partner has compared to how much they have. Now,
(18:02):
I do want to say there's some gender differences when
men ask a woman, what's your number? Remember, they haven't
inherited through you know, their evolutionary history, a fear of
promiscuous women. By the way, we can change that in
their mind. They can rationalize and think it through and
go that doesn't make sense. Peers are having sex with
peers across the life span at about the same rate,
(18:24):
but they're often asking like they don't want a girl
who's been in their minds passed around all the boys.
Because in our evolutionary past, any woman who shared her
eggs with the tribe her boyfriend might ended up, you know,
raising another guy's eggs. Right, we call that cut holding,
(18:45):
and so men have this inherited fear. So of course
the answer is to discuss it, well, what number would
bother you? And why let's talk about it before we
talk about the number. Now, when women ask the question
what there's sometimes men actually get points for having more
sexual experience. We're like Oh good, at least he knows
what to do or he's woman approved by lots of women.
(19:07):
That's a catch, right. So with women, when they ask
the question, they sometimes want to know whether the person
has the same amount of sexual experience with them or more.
But they're less judgmental, right, whereas men, you need to
explore what the question means before you give them the answer. Okay, producer, Kayla,
who else do we have?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
We have Joe with a question.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Joe.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
We got all the guys calling today. Hi Joe, it's
doctor Wendy.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Hi, thank you for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Thanks for waiting. What's your question? So?
Speaker 4 (19:39):
I've been dating this one girl probably about two years,
and plush, we never made it official. We never made
it like exclusive. We never had that talk.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
So wait, you've been dating her for more than two
years and you've never had the conversation but exclusivity. Have
you been having sex all this time?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (20:00):
And you've been having sex with other people as well?
Speaker 4 (20:04):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:04):
No, has she.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Well, she came she came clean. She told me that
she wanted to tell me that about two weeks ago,
she she hooked up with one of her exes and
it wasn't if it happened twice, and she just she
wanted to let me know that, you know, to come clean.
So I was just wondering. I mean, we never had
(20:27):
the conversation, we never made an exclusive. Is that considered
still cheating she had continued this or so let's talk.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
About your feelings. She basically wanted to relieve her conscience
by telling you that she'd hooked up with an X
two times. And you're thinking, well, you know, we never
had the conversation about exclusivity, so therefore, is she really
cheating on me? Let me ask you this show when
she gave you that information, what did it feel like
(20:55):
to you?
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Didn't feel good?
Speaker 1 (20:58):
No, of course, no bad, It didn't feel good, right?
Why do you think her real motive for telling you
is uh?
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Part of me thinks that maybe she wants to break
it up without having said it when I'm going saying it,
and the other part of me says, like, hey, you
know she's trying to be honest, and.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Did you ask her what she wants to do in
the future.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
She said that she wants to stay with me, but
you know she didn't want to. I guess the decision
wasn't made because you know, it just happened, you know,
and you.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Were so upset with you were blindsided by it, right, Yeah.
I just want to say to the people watching on
Instagram that if you want to hear both sides of
the conversation, you can download the iHeartRadio app, search doctor
Wendy Walsh and hear it. Otherwise, I try to always
repeat the question in my answer. So, Joe, you've been
with her two years, you didn't you're not exclusive. She
(21:57):
admitted to you that she hooked up with an exit
hurt you terribly. You want to know whether you should
break up or whatever. Here's my opinion from a woman's
point of view. She's looking for you to ask her
to be the girlfriend. Like at this point, it's make
it or break it. And if you want her exclusive
(22:18):
publicly to be with you, this is your moment. This
is your moment to take your pain and go that
really hurt. So either you're gonna be one on one
exclusive with me and we're gonna be a public couple,
or we're gonna break up. What's your decision, lady, This
is your moment. That's what I think you should do. Joe,
(22:38):
You've just got to tell her this is the time,
because I think actually she was looking for exclusivity, because
if she was looking to break up with you, she
would have broken up with you, right, So I think
you're okay, all right if you like to call the
numbers one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
The dms are also coming in on on Instagram too,
(23:01):
so I want to get to some of them. Okay,
Dear doctor Wendy, I just found out that my wife
lied to me about who she voted for. Does she
have to tell you the truth there? I don't know.
Apparently we have completely different political views. I feel betrayed.
I think we should file for divorce. If she lied
(23:22):
about that, what else will she lie about? Am I overreacting? Okay?
I'm gonna actually tell you a story. I have a
friend who lied to me for a period of time,
not disclosing something in her relationship, and I was very
angry because I had those feelings like how can I
trust her with anything anymore? Because I don't know what's
true or what's not. I think that is your bigger
(23:45):
dilemma than the differing political views. There are plenty of
couples who have differing political views. My biggest question to
you is why did she feel she had to hide it?
And you say you recently found out, You didn't how
you found out, who you found out through? Did she
tell you, etc? But in your relationship, is it not
(24:06):
safe for her to be able to be open and
honest about her values and about her political views. There
are plenty of married couples who have different political views
and get along just great. So I think that's the
question you need to focus on, is why did she
feel she had to lie to me? Would I not
(24:27):
have been open and understanding? And this is the conversation
that hopefully will open up some intimacy for you. All Right,
another DM, I'm sorry I had to read this and
I couldn't believe it. Okay, Dear doctor Wendy. My man
is starting to have a receiving hairline. It happens. I
(24:50):
hate it and want him to just go bald. Oh.
He gets really defensive when I bring it up. Should
I just support him through this awkward phase? Or is
there a better way to go about it? If he
is your man, as you call him, and you love him,
hopefully you love his heart and his soul. And you've
already said your piece that you prefer the look of
(25:11):
bald men, then get off it. How would you like
it if a guy told you, you know, you really
need to lose weight, or why don't you get a
boob job? Or I think you need to get some
butt implants, then I'll be more attracted to you. I
hope you would dump him so fast because you're being objectified.
And so why objectify a man if he wants to
(25:34):
hang onto those few strands for a few more years,
who cares? Let him do it? Babe, Just love him.
That's all that matters. Majulio's bald, but I love it
all right. Well, no, he has a little bit. He
goes to he goes and gets he goes to the
I was gonna say, solon what is called the barbershop whatever,
(25:56):
and he gets trimmed. But I'm like, it's like a
quarter inch long? Oh no, buddy does all right? When
we come back. I will continue to answer your direct messages.
The handle is at d R. Wendy Walsh at doctor
Wendy Walsh and to take your calls live, the phone
number is one eight hundred five two zero one five
three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one
(26:17):
five three four. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
AFI AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show, and I am
taking your calls if you'd like to call the numbers
one eight hundred five to zero one five three four. Producer, Kayla,
you mentioned that someone called and they got cut off,
maybe in their car. Do you remember what their question was?
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Yeah, we had Maggie with the question, and her question
was her husband is choosing her friend his friends over
their family, and she wanted to know how to address it.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Is it is it okay that he's doing that.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Over who's family, like their kids, like their own nuclear
family or extended family.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I'm assuming over the nuclear family.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
But she did hang up, So so Maggie called in said,
her husband's choosing his friends more than his family to
hang out with. Well, it sounds like the two of
them need to negotiate what makes more sense, because it
means he's not happy with his family and his relationship,
and you got to know why. Now, It's one thing.
She might have a perception too, that he's hanging out
(27:28):
with his friends all the time, and it might be
once a week, right or twice a month, right, because
she may have we don't know, she might have her
own abandonment issues, like why is he going out with
his friends again? He's doing it all the time, It's
been twice this month. But on the other hand, if
she's feeling that, because you know, sometimes when people start
(27:48):
hanging out with their friends and going to clubs and whatever,
they are testing the mating marketplace. They're on their way
to a breakup. So her stomach tells her something's up.
She needs to talk to him about it and find
out what it is. All right, let me go to
my social media and answer some dms. Dear doctor, Wendy,
I met a new guy after my situationship ended up
(28:12):
being just a situationship. Yeah, well that's what situationships are.
They usually don't. Why do people think that a situationship
is a stepping stone to a relationship. Women think that
it never works all right, So this guy and I
are really vibing nicely. Ooh, I like to hear that
he's sweet. We had a date planned, but then da
(28:33):
da da da, my situationship hit me up to take
a late walk. Oh, where are your boundaries? Girl? Where
are your boundaries? I curve the new guy and spent
the night with the guy who has proven he will
never take me seriously, I feel bad for the new guy.
Why would I hurt the nice guy for a jerk?
(28:53):
Should I tell the new guy? I mean, we aren't exclusive?
All right, No, don't tell him. Don't hurt him. Listen,
I'm going to tell you the truth. This kind of
stuff is stuff I did before I entered therapy. I
had an anxious, ambivalent attachment style, and all it took
was some avoidant playboy who I was trying to reel
(29:15):
in and get closer to me for him to call,
and I would dump the nicest guys in the world
for him. And it was because of my own attachment anxiety,
because of my own attachment problems. Do not hurt this
nice guy worse by telling him that you slipped up,
But I do suggest that this is a great time
(29:38):
for you to see a licensed therapist and learn about boundaries,
and learn about giving yourself the gift of somebody kind.
You know, I got married in August, and I finally
chose a nice, kind person who literally cares for me,
and so I feel safe. I feel at peace. And
(30:01):
let me tell you, there's no roller coaster anymore, no
highs and lows, just comfort, and eventually you'll get to
the place where you will realize that that is a
good model for love. I'm sorry this happened to you.
There's always time for you to real things back in,
change your phone number if you need to. All right,
(30:23):
here's another dear doctor, Wendy. I've been dating a woman
for some time. I felt comfortable enough to leave her
at my house when I went to the gym. She
didn't know. She didn't know I had cameras and I
caught her going through by things. She didn't steal anything.
But now I'm really uncomfortable. I wanted to address this,
(30:44):
but I'm not sure how I have really strong feelings
with her. Okay, let me explain something. At the beginning
of relationship is the time when you have to talk
about all the things, including the little things. This is
an opportunity for the two of you to learn if
you can handle conflict, to learn if you can set
up boundaries, to learn if she can tolerate shame, because
(31:10):
she's gonna feel ashamed when you bring it up. But
this is like everything else, you can't ignore it. You
feel violated, you feel betrayed. Right, So here's when you
do it. You do it in a nice cozy time
when the two of you are happy, and just say, hey,
I just want to bring up something because and always
do that communication sandwich. Start out with a compliment. You know,
(31:33):
I'm really into you, I have really strong feelings with you,
but something happened. It's not sitting right with me, and
I feel like I would be dishonest in this relationship
if I didn't share it with you. You know, I trusted
you to be alone in my house, but I saw
on the cameras that you went through my stuff, and
I know you weren't going to steal anything, but it
(31:56):
kind of hurt my feelings. You could just ask me,
I would have shown you. Sof can you tell me,
like what you were looking for? What would have been
a red flag? Or did you grow up in a
family where you were allowed to go through people's things
without permission. I'd like to talk about these boundaries because
for me that felt like a violation. And I really
like you and I really think this relationship is going somewhere.
(32:20):
So I'd just like to know how we now we could,
you know, discuss this and see what happens. Bring it
up like that, right, communication sandwich? Start out with a
layer of love, follow it up with a thick layer
of something that's a little hard to chew on, and
then back it up with another layer of love. This
(32:42):
is how you have healthy communication, right. I think we
have time for one more real quick, the dear doctor, Wendy.
The conversation and dates are starting to dwindle in my
relationship and it's starting to become mainly sexual. Is this
the beginning of the end?
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yes? Sorry? Yes?
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Okay? So are you efforting more emotional intimacy or you're
letting him do it?
Speaker 4 (33:09):
Right?
Speaker 1 (33:09):
If he's less contact mostly just come on over and
you hook up. You have the right to say I'm sorry,
you know you need to take me out first or whatever.
But if you're not doing all those things and he's
not complying, then it's the beginning of the end, right,
you know who gets married women who are excellent negotiators,
(33:30):
and the negotiation starts in the first thirty seconds of
meeting somebody where people let up there. Yeah, well, someone
else asked, remember the call the question before? Why wouldn't
he have told her that there were cameras? That would
have been a red flag?
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Um?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Does someone need to know? Oh? Yeah, I guess So
it depends where they are. What if they're in a
private place. What if she walked around naked and they
were on a camera, and what if it was recording.
It's a good point. You should have let her know
that there are cameras. Funds Like, this relationship is so
early that nobody's brought up all the important stuff. But
that's a really good point. Thanks for adding that. All right,
(34:11):
when we come back, can we talk about the ick.
It's a dating term that a lot of people are
using and a feeling that a lot of people are getting.
Let's talk about the ick and whether you can get
past it when we come back. You are listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening
(34:34):
to doctor Wendy Waalsh. You can always hear us live
on KFI Am six forty from seven to nine pm
on Sunday, and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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