December 24, 2025 • 29 mins
GAS presents A Christmas Carol 2025 — an original radio play reimagining the classic holiday tale with a modern twist.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Gary and Shannon and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Gary and Shannon Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Welcome back to Gary and Shannon's a Christmas Carol on
k FI. That Christmas Eve, the radio station was dim
the elevator's dark. At the end of the workday on
Christmas Eve, Elmer Cratchett bounded down the back stairway in
his retro t shirt, corduroy jacket, and black vans, the
(00:33):
s eating grin on his face, belying the truth he
holds most dear. Christmas is his favorite holiday. He floated
all the way through traffic all the way home. Shannon Scrooge,
on the other hand, stop by the mailroom to pick
up her weekly shipment of football media guides and injury reports.
(00:54):
Scrooge avoided conversations on the way home, which isn't hard
to do considering her resting bitch face. When she got home,
she clambered down her rickety old staircase to her dark
and depressing Shan cave to fall asleep watching highlights of
the forty nine Ers, The Old forty nine Ers, The
Bill Wash, Joe Montana's White Clark forty nine ers.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
That'll be a first down for the forty nine ers.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
They had White Clark on a planting over the middle.
Speaker 4 (01:24):
Gary, is that is that?
Speaker 5 (01:25):
Yourn?
Speaker 4 (01:27):
I saw old? Boh humbug. Gary's been dead these seven years.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Ok. We're saying vacation is what we're saying.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
That's what we're doing. Okay, changing the story completely. Yep, humbug,
all humbug.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
What I need?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
What I need is a good night's sleep.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
What's that?
Speaker 5 (01:50):
Shad?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Gary?
Speaker 6 (01:53):
Oh no, what do you want of me?
Speaker 5 (01:56):
I ask much of you?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Shall you ask much of me? Who even talks like that?
Who are you ask me?
Speaker 7 (02:05):
Who I was?
Speaker 8 (02:06):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Holy hell? All right then who were you?
Speaker 9 (02:09):
I was your co host? I was on the Gary
and Change Gary Hoffman.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
But you're dead. You died seven years ago.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
Ation. We just decided death was that's not going to work.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Wait, so you're not a ghost then, actually.
Speaker 7 (02:21):
You know what?
Speaker 5 (02:22):
Fine?
Speaker 9 (02:22):
Still a ghost? It works better in the story. So
what's wrong, Shannon? Don't you believe in me? I do
not you doubt your senses?
Speaker 10 (02:30):
Shannon?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Well, yeah, I mean think about it. I haven't had
to drop an alcohol in fifty one weeks. My deep
sleep scores have been off the charts, and I've had
a lot of weird dreams since trying those new melatonin gummies.
So yeah, chances are you are a figment of my
over active imagination or shall I say pigment?
Speaker 9 (02:47):
No, you're right the first time, figment. It's figment of
your imagination. And by the way, would a figment of
your imagination be able to do this?
Speaker 7 (02:55):
Bloo?
Speaker 6 (02:57):
Look at the movie Show Me the Booney, Give me
the booney. Yah, want the booty?
Speaker 7 (03:01):
Back up the booty?
Speaker 6 (03:02):
I need the booty. I like the booty. You want
a booty. Shake of that booty. I saw the booty.
I want the booty.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Lord, No, no, no, no, no, stop stop stop.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
I do believe in you. Right, you are a ghost Gary,
Thank you? But why are you and my my share cave?
Speaker 7 (03:17):
Well?
Speaker 9 (03:18):
It is required of every person that the non gender
specific spirit within him or her should walk around abroad
among their fellow person and travel far and wide to
witness what it cannot share but might have shared on
earth and turned to happiness.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I have been to Estonia. Are you asking if I've
been to a stoney?
Speaker 11 (03:37):
No?
Speaker 9 (03:37):
I know you've been to a stony. You tell us
all the time about Estonian pancakes. Do you know that
no space of regret can make amends for one's life's
opportunities misused?
Speaker 4 (03:47):
But you were always a good man of business, Gary.
Speaker 9 (03:50):
Business mankind was my business, I should say, non gender
specific person kind was my business. Clarity, mercy, charity, benevolence,
they were all my business. The dealings of my trade
were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean
of my business.
Speaker 5 (04:08):
Listen to me, Jim.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
I'm listening to you, Gary, but don't be so flowers.
Speaker 9 (04:13):
I am here to warn you that you have yet
a chance of hope of escaping my fate.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Do you mean the fate of going on vacation.
Speaker 9 (04:20):
Yes, I mean no dying with regrets. You know what,
Just drop the vacation thing. I figured you will be
haunted by three spirits.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Spirits like whiskey, vodka, and jim like I mean, like
I said earlier, I'm not much of a drinker anymore.
Speaker 9 (04:40):
Three spirits like the weird baby that lives under your stairs.
Speaker 5 (04:43):
It is your only chance and hope.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Well, then I think I'd rather.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
Not without their visits.
Speaker 9 (04:49):
You cannot hope to shun the path I tread expect
the first tomorrow when you hear the trumpets of Jesus,
can I.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Just get them all at once, get it over with,
like the whole. Dennis Erickson Mike Nolan era of the
forty nine ers. Do you even remember who the leading
passer was under Dennis Ericson timbre to tim effing retee torture.
Speaker 9 (05:09):
Look, but for your own sake, he'll remember what has
passed between us, and remember when the trumpets of Jesus sound.
Looked for the first.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Spirit, Gary, Gary, I lit the fish.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Shannon awoke. She was lying on her Shan couch in the.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Shan Cave, wearing her rock Purdy Jersey, comfy sweats and
stylish but shabby sheet sneakers. Suddenly, the door leading to
the Shan Cave slammed shut and the stairs creaked. She
found herself face to face with an unearthly visitor. It
(05:48):
was a strange figure, like a child, yet not so
like a child as like a man. It's hair thick,
black and strong. The face had not a wrinkle in
it thanks to a fresh Botok touch up, and the spirit.
Speaker 5 (06:01):
Wore a glow, a fresh, tight, crisp glow.
Speaker 11 (06:06):
Shannon Screwede.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Uh who is that, Shannon Screwed?
Speaker 7 (06:12):
I have come for you?
Speaker 4 (06:14):
Oh oh you?
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Richie, producer, Richie? Is that you are? You the spirit
who's coming was foretold me?
Speaker 11 (06:22):
I am the ghost of Christmas past?
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Like how long pass?
Speaker 7 (06:27):
No?
Speaker 11 (06:28):
I am not falling for that trick. A ghost never
tells his age.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
What do you want of me? What brings you here
to haunt me?
Speaker 5 (06:35):
Your welfare?
Speaker 11 (06:36):
Shannon Scrooge, Rise and walk with me through the skies?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Oh? Wait, like Jasmine and Aladdin and the Disney movie,
We're gonna fly through the sky, Superman and Lois.
Speaker 11 (06:46):
More like Britney Spears. We're getting high and then heading
north and we're going fast.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
Ritchie, where are we? What happened to Burbank?
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Wait, there's a bunch of Is that the Golden Gate Bridge?
Speaker 5 (07:03):
Ritchie?
Speaker 11 (07:04):
These are the shadows of the things that have been
You recognize this country side?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (07:09):
I know every inch of it, every rock, every tree.
Speaker 11 (07:11):
And that bleak building over.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
There, Francis Scott Key Elementary School. That's my school. The
nuns hated me.
Speaker 11 (07:18):
Come, let's go closer. Look through the window into that cold,
barren room. What do you see? Shannon Scrooge.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Oh, I see a little girl.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Wait, that's me back when my hair was blonde, actually blonde,
and I wore that stupid Catholic school uniform.
Speaker 11 (07:35):
In truth, we all know your hair was never rially blonde.
Shut up, Ridgie, your lips are trembling. Scrooge, what does
this image make you feel?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Nothing except the V neck sweater should have stayed in
the eighties.
Speaker 11 (07:49):
Come Shannon, Scrooge. Let us see another Christmas. It's what
about this Christmas from a time of your Is it familiar?
Speaker 5 (08:05):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah, this is a keg party at Chico State at
Sigma Nu I think it was Sigma Nu House.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Oh check it out.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
There's that one guy we called Fezziwig. That guy could
do a keg stand and empty the damn thing. Oh
what a jolly time we used to have.
Speaker 11 (08:19):
Seesseiwood gives total bottom energy. What about that carefree young
woman with the light heart and smile? Do you recognize her?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yes? Yes, merciful heaven. How happy I was then? And
uh and drunk? I mean I was pretty damnered that night.
Pretty sure this is one of the nights I got
in trouble for urinating in public.
Speaker 11 (08:39):
A small matter of old Feziwig to make those silly
folks so full of joy.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Oh man, if fei Wig was having a good time,
we were all having a good time. But I think
he flunked out. I know he was on some sort
of academic probation. But he lived in the Sigma New
House until he was like thirty three years old. Oh wait,
maybe that was Elmer. Anyway, he lived in the house
until he was thirty three. L like Elmer Crotchet.
Speaker 11 (09:03):
What is the matter? Oh, oh, nothing at all, Ritchie,
something I think, Well.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Only it's just that I should like to be able
to say a word or two to Elmer Cratchit.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
That's all.
Speaker 11 (09:17):
Well, listen, I gotta check in on this so we
can wrap this up with one more journey where now
come with me.
Speaker 12 (09:33):
A lot of battle and a little bout Hey and
Shannon West here along for the ride on what a
three point five hot country khs L plank back to
back to back hot country hit stick around for Toby Keith,
Keith Urban and Chennaia Dwayne.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
But first these days from my favorite guys in taijis
radscal Flats on hot country on a three point five.
Speaker 11 (09:57):
This is our last visit to the past here in
this little room.
Speaker 7 (10:02):
Do you recognize yourself?
Speaker 5 (10:04):
Screwed?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
No, no, spare me this.
Speaker 11 (10:07):
You're older now, a woman, the prime of life, a
country radio DJ. Your face has begun to weather signs
of care. You clearly need a chemical peel and just
a touch of my favorite both talks.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
No, no, no, please, she.
Speaker 11 (10:23):
Knows it too, that girl in that radio station.
Speaker 13 (10:26):
Hey, listen, Blondie.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I know this is your first real radio job, and
I'm your first program director. But this is the hard
part of my job. We're gonna have to let you go.
The radio business changing and we're just a bit behind
the curve. I mean, that is, unless you could think
of something creative to bring us back from the brink
of bankruptcy.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Why doesn't she say anything? She's got ideas, I had ideas.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Oh, at first, it may cause you pain to lose
this job, very brief pain. But soon it will be
dim like a half remembered dream, non profitable dream, and
when you wake up you get a better job with
the future. But maybe you could be a manager at
wes Seal or work customer service for America Online.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It's wet Seal and enough show me no more, take
me home.
Speaker 11 (11:19):
These were shadows of things that have been. They are
what they are. Don't blame me, girl.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
No no more.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I don't even like Rascal Flats.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Stay tuned for the next stave of Gary and Shannon's
a Christmas Carol.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
When we hear Elmer Cratchett say, now you.
Speaker 8 (11:39):
Listen here, tiny tim It's Christmas Eve and we must
be charitable on Christmas Eve.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
Next on KFI.
Speaker 14 (11:50):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Welcome back to Gary and Shannon's a Christmas Carol on KFI.
Speaker 13 (12:03):
Jesus.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
From the first blast of the trumpets of Jesus, Shannon
awakened suddenly and sat bolt upright on her shancouch. She
remembered the words of Gary's ghost and wondered from wish
direction the second specter would appear. As she rubbed the
sleep from her eyes, she realized her Shan Cave had changed.
A door appeared under the stairs where boxes once lay stacked,
(12:32):
a studio door as if it were connected to her
on air studio, and from inside the door, a voice
called to Shannon Scrooge.
Speaker 15 (12:41):
Come in, Come in, Shannon Scrooge, and know me better.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Woman.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You wait, you you're Heather Brooker, right, the newest hire
in the KAFI newsroom.
Speaker 15 (12:54):
I am the ghost of Christmas present.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Look upon me.
Speaker 5 (12:58):
You have never seen the likes of me before.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
You're You're different from the other Spirit. Richie likes to
hug people. Please tell me you don't like to hug people. Nope,
no hugs here, just life lessons. Spirit, take me where
you will. Last time I went against my will and
learned a lesson which is working.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Now.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
If you have anything to teach me, let me profit
by it.
Speaker 15 (13:17):
Touch my robe, Shannon, touch my robe.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
I'm gonna pull the car over right here.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
I'm pretty sure Hr wouldn't want me touching the robe
of a co worker. How about we just pretend I
touched a robe and call it a day.
Speaker 15 (13:32):
Well as you wish, very well then.
Speaker 13 (13:37):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (13:38):
So what are we looking at? Where have you brought me?
Speaker 15 (13:40):
A humble dwelling on a humble streets? Yet there is
happiness here? Who are these people? These are the family
of your cook, Elma Crotchets.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
Oh, it smells so good in here.
Speaker 15 (13:54):
See Elma and his boy tiny Tim. Let's listen in Scrooge.
Speaker 8 (14:00):
Oh, well, well, wasn't that a great church service? Tiny Tim?
Speaker 4 (14:04):
As good as gold and better?
Speaker 13 (14:08):
It sure was, Tiny Tim.
Speaker 16 (14:09):
I hope everyone in the church saw me tonight.
Speaker 8 (14:12):
Why is that, Tiny Tim? Why did you want them
to see you?
Speaker 16 (14:16):
I hope the people saw me in the church because
I'm a cripple and it might be pleasant for them
to remember upon Christmas Day?
Speaker 6 (14:22):
Who made the lame to walk in the blind to see?
Speaker 4 (14:27):
Oh boy, this kid is killing me.
Speaker 15 (14:29):
You're lucky they can't see you. They'd give you a
piece of them mind me?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
What could they possibly have against me? Listening?
Speaker 8 (14:40):
Hey, little buddy, let's give a toast to Shannon Scrooge
on this Christmas Eve.
Speaker 13 (14:46):
To Shannon Scrooge, the founder of the feast.
Speaker 16 (14:49):
I wish she was here. I'd give her a piece
of my mind to feast upon, and I hope she
had good appetite for it.
Speaker 13 (14:55):
Now listen here, tiny Tim.
Speaker 8 (14:57):
Hmm, it's Christmas Eve and we must be charitable on
Christmas Eve.
Speaker 16 (15:01):
Then I'll drink for her health, for your sake, but
not for hers. So wronglive her in a happy new year.
Speaker 8 (15:10):
If she cannot be happy, then we mustn't be happy
for her spirit.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Tell me if Tiny Tim will live.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
I don't think I can stand hear Elmer baby talking
to Tiny Tim for the rest of this little dream.
Speaker 15 (15:25):
I see a fireplace hath and a small cane next
to it, with no Tiny Tim to be found. Crap
that sucks, you, see, Shannon, Scrooge, There is nothing of
high Mark in all this. They are not a handsome family,
these crotchets. They are not well dressed, their shoes are
far from being waterproof, their clothes are scanty. But they
(15:46):
are happy, grateful, pleased with one another, and content with
the time.
Speaker 8 (15:52):
So Tiny Tim, I've been thinking we could do a
podcast together that's all about the exist sense of aliens
and three I Atlas comment and life giving energy that
they want to spread to humanity.
Speaker 13 (16:06):
What'd you say, a little guy, What.
Speaker 16 (16:08):
A grand idea, Papa Elmer, A grand idea. Indeed, God
bless us everyone.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
My life upon this globe is very brief, Scrooge. It
ends tonight. Whoa spirit tonight?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Know this?
Speaker 15 (16:24):
I could rack up frequent flyer miles by taking you
all over, showing you people in dire circumstances with smiles
on their faces, finding joy and what many people see
as less than ideal conditions.
Speaker 5 (16:36):
But you know how this goes.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
I show you.
Speaker 15 (16:38):
People you think should be sad, and they are happy
despite their conditions. Plus, like I said, I gotta go.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
But what if I want to see more stuff?
Speaker 15 (16:45):
The more stuff you will have to learn from Still
another spirit.
Speaker 4 (16:49):
But since I've got your ear, do you validate parking?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Stay tuned for the next stave of Gary and Shannon's
a Chris Missus Carrol.
Speaker 5 (17:00):
When we hear the ghost of Christmas yet to come say.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You know?
Speaker 17 (17:09):
Then you know we did it twice in the buttlass.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
Pantry if you know what I mean. Next on KFI.
Speaker 14 (17:19):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on Demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Welcome back to Gary and Shannon's a Christmas Carol on KFI.
With two of the three promised spirits having visited Shannon
in her slumber, she rose once again from the shancouch,
searching the shan Cave for the ghost that had just vanished,
and once again she found herself in the crumpled jersey
(17:48):
of a former football great, stained sweats, and funky socks.
But then she heard the trumpets of Jesus.
Speaker 13 (17:55):
I listen for the tumble of Jesus.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Did she remembered the prediction of her old partner, Gary Marley,
and lifting up her eyes, she beheld the Third Spirit,
a solemn phantom shrouded in royal blue, draped and stooped,
slowly shuffling.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
Towards her, but with the regal nature befitting royalty.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Hey wait a minute, I.
Speaker 6 (18:21):
Know you, Queen Liz.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Listen. I'm not gonna lie, Liz.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
If you're the ghost of Christmas future, I'm more afraid
of you than any of those others.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
But I know why you're here in times of wasting.
So chop chop, let's.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Go not so fast.
Speaker 17 (18:38):
I've traveled quite a distance from the ethereal realm.
Speaker 6 (18:41):
To this dark, little whose basement.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
What do you call this?
Speaker 4 (18:45):
It's my sham cave.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
This is where I go to get away from everything.
It's like my safe space. I come down here, I
watch football. Everything's perfect.
Speaker 17 (18:52):
Ah, I see, I also have what you call a
safe space. It's called bow Moral Castle. It's a so
it's more like a safe castle. Sorry, excuse me.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
No, pardon me. Have you been drinking listen?
Speaker 17 (19:09):
Oh, just a nip to keep the frost off me toes,
you know, little gin and Tonic goes a long way
more a sip l better not? Oh okay, here we
are our first stop.
Speaker 5 (19:26):
Just look over there and tell me what you see.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
That's Elmer Cratchett's house again. Why are we here again?
Speaker 5 (19:32):
And what do you hear?
Speaker 4 (19:33):
Nothing? Why is it so quiet?
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Elmer has gone to the graveyard on this day? Wait? Wait?
Speaker 4 (19:40):
Why did Elmer go to the graveyard?
Speaker 8 (19:46):
Dear well coushriver, I went to the churchyard today.
Speaker 13 (19:51):
I wish you could have gone with me.
Speaker 8 (19:54):
It would have done your heart good to see how
sweet and green a place it is. I promised I
need Tim. I'd visit him every Sunday. Traffic's actually wasn't
too bad.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Oh that's cruel, cruel is Can't you give me one
ray of hope that I may change all that? I mean,
I'm not a huge fan of kids, but that sucks
that Elmer sad like that? Is there anything I could
do to make sure tiny Tim could live?
Speaker 17 (20:17):
We do have some other business to attend to, would
you you know? Would you like a nip at the
gin bottle?
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Tempting?
Speaker 18 (20:24):
But no?
Speaker 4 (20:25):
Or are you taking me now? Whow doesn't this office
look familiar?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Hold on this is the Gary and Shannon show office.
Why are those people going through my desk? I have
no idea what happened to her. I just know that
she's gone. When did she get fired?
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I heard she got fired last night and threw.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
A fit like red faced, hair pulling, kicking and screaming.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
And you know, she was wearing like a sailor.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I mean, the guy from HR ended up in tears
before she even got to the elevators.
Speaker 19 (20:53):
I can't believe she didn't even take this stuff with her.
You want this boom shaka lama. I'm gonna take the
pineapple mosaic. Oh yeah, she totally wanted me to have
this old charger tulmet. Oh and look in the fridge
two full bottles of some overly fermented kombucha. You know what,
I think I was the only person she never called
(21:16):
ass face.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Oh my god, that practically makes you her best friend. Huh,
bottoms up? Watch this? Look at me.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I'm Shannon, I'm blonde, I say things on the radio.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
I swear like a sailor. I'm Shannon. Let me try.
I'm Shannon.
Speaker 19 (21:35):
I know a lot about football, and a unicorn is
my spirit animal.
Speaker 17 (21:40):
Glug glug glub Let's style it back you ask clouds,
try as you might, they won't be able to hear
you from this realm, this row.
Speaker 6 (21:50):
What do you mean this realm?
Speaker 7 (21:51):
Moell?
Speaker 17 (21:51):
We only exist between time here, a dimension carved out
of the universe from the from the from the materia. Sorry,
that was the gin talking. How about one more tug
from a bottle.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I'm starting to think you may have a drinking problem.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
It's an American thing. Oh gross, it smells here? What
is that awful sound?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
And that experimental banjo and kazoo concerto was brought to
us by Modesto's own Flaky Skin Barkley. I'm Shannon Murray Farren,
and this is Midnight Roadhouse on k m o D
Modesto Public Radio. A reminder that later in the evening,
(22:47):
as we travel this lonesome, dusty night together, we'll be
joined by random long haul truggers who call in and
share their feelings in the segment we call safe Space
Truck Stop ten. Four good buddies. Now back to our
overnight special, new to Midnight Roadhouse and our Modesto Public
(23:13):
Radio family. Chin Chin Percoletti and his sitar version of
Justin Bieber Classics. I'm Shannon Marie Farren and this is
Midnight Roadhouse on KMOD Modesto Public Radio. Liz, seriously, are
(23:35):
these shadows of things that will be? Or shadows of
things that may be?
Speaker 17 (23:39):
Ooh, look at the time, I really must be going.
Prince Philip has been begging me for a role in
the proverbial hay and the last time we shagged, we
ended up doing it twice in the butler's pantry.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
If you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Wait, No, there's no way I'm gonna do overnights in Modesto.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
No way, Why show me this? If I am past
all hope?
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Tell me I can change these dreadful shadows you have
shown me. I will honor Christmas in my heart. I'll
try to keep it all the year.
Speaker 6 (24:09):
I'll be nice.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
I'll swear less. Actually I'll try to swear a little lass. Liz.
Please tell me I can change this.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
I beg you, Liz.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
I promise, I promise on my knees. I promise. Is
that is that?
Speaker 7 (24:25):
Is that?
Speaker 10 (24:25):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Come all ye faithful on the sitar. Hold a minute,
Hold on a minute. This isn't Modesto.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
This is Burbank. I'm back at the KFI studios and
the sun. The sun is shining. It's clear, it's bright,
no clouds.
Speaker 6 (24:40):
What a beautiful day.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Oh glorious, glorious?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Hey boy, oh boy?
Speaker 7 (24:48):
Excuse me, since when do you call me boy?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Sorry?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Pronouns and descriptors pretty touchy minefield these days.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Technically it might be correct. What's the day to day?
Speaker 7 (24:56):
What do you mean like national jelly, don't it they?
I mean, what day is it today?
Speaker 13 (25:01):
Why?
Speaker 7 (25:01):
It's the twenty fifth of December. It's Christmas Day.
Speaker 18 (25:04):
I'm actually Jewish, though, so I'm not as infatuated by
the day as most people. So I'll probably just catch
the new Timothy Shallomey movie or hit the new Chinese food.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Spot Christmas Day. Then I haven't missed it. The spirits
have done it all in all in one night. They
did it all in one night.
Speaker 7 (25:21):
How's that, ma'am?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Listen, my lad, do you know where the politteer is?
Speaker 6 (25:26):
The poulterer is in the next street, shicken her?
Speaker 18 (25:31):
Do you mean the whole foods across the street? They
sell poultry. It's right across the street.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
An intelligent boy, a remarkable boy, I think, Tell me
do you know if they've sold the prize turkey that
was hanging in the window.
Speaker 7 (25:41):
The one as big as me.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Yeah, yeah, that one.
Speaker 7 (25:43):
But yes, there's a turkey hanging in the window.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Now that's awesome. Here's a couple bucks.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Go tell them to send the turkey to Elmer Cratchit's family,
and don't tell them who paid for it.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
Oh and here's a unicorn sticker for your trouble.
Speaker 7 (25:53):
Oh wow, thanks for the unicorn sticker. That'll go a
long way. But hey, Merry.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Christmas, and a Merry Christmas to you, my boy. Uh,
I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I'm light as a feather and happy as an angel,
and I am not hungover. Hey you there down the hall,
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
You know what I should do?
Speaker 5 (26:18):
Hello, this is Christine.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Christine, this is Shannon Scrooge.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Didn't you call here yesterday looking to raise money for
Lobby Joe the Lobster?
Speaker 10 (26:26):
She guess, ma'am, I'm not sure you are being nice
to me.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
You know, I can usually tell when someone's making light
of Lobby Joe.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Well, put this in your pipe and smoke it. Marry
Christmas to you and to Lobby Joe.
Speaker 5 (26:40):
Well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Allow me to ask your pardon, Christine, I want to
donate twelve Gary and Shannon T shirts to the Lobby
Joe Foundation.
Speaker 5 (26:51):
Bless me.
Speaker 10 (26:52):
Why this is, Scrooge? Are you serious?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
You're damn right, and I'm going to throw in a
unicorn finger puppet that you can do with well, whatever
you wish.
Speaker 10 (27:01):
Oh, with such a generous Chris gift, you've changed the
lives of countless crustaceans. Never again shall and arthropod be
subjected to the tortures of a boiling pot of any.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I gotta go before I change my mind by Christine,
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Next morning, Scrooge was early at the radio station. She
went early for a reason, if she could only be
there first and catch Elmer Crotchet coming in late. When
Elmer did show up.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
Late, Elmer, yes, you're late.
Speaker 13 (27:34):
I'm very sorry, ma'am. I'm behind my time.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
You are, yes, yes, I think you are.
Speaker 8 (27:41):
It's only once a year, missus. Scrooge shall not be repeated.
I was making rather merry Mary.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I'll tell you what, my friend, I'll not stand this
sort of thing any longer. And therefore, Elmer Cratchet, I'm
about to raise your salary.
Speaker 13 (27:58):
I'm not sure what's going on. Do you feel okay?
Speaker 15 (28:03):
No?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
I mean yes, I had a great Christmas. You get
a raise, and we'll see what we can do about
that boy of yours.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
What's his name?
Speaker 13 (28:10):
Tiny Tim? You want to help teny Tim?
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Of course I do.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
But before we do anything, why don't you go over
there and bump up that thermostat a few degrees?
Speaker 7 (28:17):
Eh?
Speaker 4 (28:18):
What do you say would be?
Speaker 5 (28:20):
Scrooge was better than her word.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
She did it all and infinitely more to Tiny Tim,
who did not die. She was like a mother, and
she became a softer person, a good person, and as
good a person as the city of Burbank or Greater
Los Angeles ever knew. Some unknowing people still flinched around her,
shied away from her, but they were greeted with a
warm smile and a warmer hug. She never saw the
(28:45):
Spirits again, but would often spend time in the Shan
Cave reliving one of the greatest moments in all of
sports history.
Speaker 7 (29:05):
It's a man handles.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
It will always be said of Shannon Scrooge that she
knew how to keep Christmas well. If anyone alive possessed
the knowledge, may that be truly said of us and
all of us, and so as Tiny Tim would say,
God bless us everyone.
Speaker 12 (29:30):
Who.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
Great job everybody.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
Great job Gary, Great job Gary.
Speaker 9 (29:37):
You've been listening to The Gary and Shannon Show. You
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
nine am to one pm every Monday through Friday, and
anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app
This is Gary and Shannon and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Gary and Shannon Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Welcome back to Gary and Shannon's a Christmas Carol on
k FI. That Christmas Eve, the radio station was dim
the elevator's dark. At the end of the workday on
Christmas Eve, Elmer Cratchett bounded down the back stairway in
his retro t shirt, corduroy jacket, and black vans, the
(00:33):
s eating grin on his face, belying the truth he
holds most dear. Christmas is his favorite holiday. He floated
all the way through traffic all the way home. Shannon Scrooge,
on the other hand, stop by the mailroom to pick
up her weekly shipment of football media guides and injury reports.
(00:54):
Scrooge avoided conversations on the way home, which isn't hard
to do considering her resting bitch face. When she got home,
she clambered down her rickety old staircase to her dark
and depressing Shan cave to fall asleep watching highlights of
the forty nine Ers, The Old forty nine Ers, The
Bill Wash, Joe Montana's White Clark forty nine ers.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
That'll be a first down for the forty nine ers.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
They had White Clark on a planting over the middle.
Speaker 4 (01:24):
Gary, is that is that?
Speaker 5 (01:25):
Yourn?
Speaker 4 (01:27):
I saw old? Boh humbug. Gary's been dead these seven years.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Ok. We're saying vacation is what we're saying.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
That's what we're doing. Okay, changing the story completely. Yep, humbug,
all humbug.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
What I need?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
What I need is a good night's sleep.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
What's that?
Speaker 5 (01:50):
Shad?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Gary?
Speaker 6 (01:53):
Oh no, what do you want of me?
Speaker 5 (01:56):
I ask much of you?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Shall you ask much of me? Who even talks like that?
Who are you ask me?
Speaker 7 (02:05):
Who I was?
Speaker 8 (02:06):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Holy hell? All right then who were you?
Speaker 9 (02:09):
I was your co host? I was on the Gary
and Change Gary Hoffman.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
But you're dead. You died seven years ago.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
Ation. We just decided death was that's not going to work.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Wait, so you're not a ghost then, actually.
Speaker 7 (02:21):
You know what?
Speaker 5 (02:22):
Fine?
Speaker 9 (02:22):
Still a ghost? It works better in the story. So
what's wrong, Shannon? Don't you believe in me? I do
not you doubt your senses?
Speaker 10 (02:30):
Shannon?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Well, yeah, I mean think about it. I haven't had
to drop an alcohol in fifty one weeks. My deep
sleep scores have been off the charts, and I've had
a lot of weird dreams since trying those new melatonin gummies.
So yeah, chances are you are a figment of my
over active imagination or shall I say pigment?
Speaker 9 (02:47):
No, you're right the first time, figment. It's figment of
your imagination. And by the way, would a figment of
your imagination be able to do this?
Speaker 7 (02:55):
Bloo?
Speaker 6 (02:57):
Look at the movie Show Me the Booney, Give me
the booney. Yah, want the booty?
Speaker 7 (03:01):
Back up the booty?
Speaker 6 (03:02):
I need the booty. I like the booty. You want
a booty. Shake of that booty. I saw the booty.
I want the booty.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Lord, No, no, no, no, no, stop stop stop.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
I do believe in you. Right, you are a ghost Gary,
Thank you? But why are you and my my share cave?
Speaker 7 (03:17):
Well?
Speaker 9 (03:18):
It is required of every person that the non gender
specific spirit within him or her should walk around abroad
among their fellow person and travel far and wide to
witness what it cannot share but might have shared on
earth and turned to happiness.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I have been to Estonia. Are you asking if I've
been to a stoney?
Speaker 11 (03:37):
No?
Speaker 9 (03:37):
I know you've been to a stony. You tell us
all the time about Estonian pancakes. Do you know that
no space of regret can make amends for one's life's
opportunities misused?
Speaker 4 (03:47):
But you were always a good man of business, Gary.
Speaker 9 (03:50):
Business mankind was my business, I should say, non gender
specific person kind was my business. Clarity, mercy, charity, benevolence,
they were all my business. The dealings of my trade
were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean
of my business.
Speaker 5 (04:08):
Listen to me, Jim.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
I'm listening to you, Gary, but don't be so flowers.
Speaker 9 (04:13):
I am here to warn you that you have yet
a chance of hope of escaping my fate.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Do you mean the fate of going on vacation.
Speaker 9 (04:20):
Yes, I mean no dying with regrets. You know what,
Just drop the vacation thing. I figured you will be
haunted by three spirits.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Spirits like whiskey, vodka, and jim like I mean, like
I said earlier, I'm not much of a drinker anymore.
Speaker 9 (04:40):
Three spirits like the weird baby that lives under your stairs.
Speaker 5 (04:43):
It is your only chance and hope.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Well, then I think I'd rather.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
Not without their visits.
Speaker 9 (04:49):
You cannot hope to shun the path I tread expect
the first tomorrow when you hear the trumpets of Jesus,
can I.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Just get them all at once, get it over with,
like the whole. Dennis Erickson Mike Nolan era of the
forty nine ers. Do you even remember who the leading
passer was under Dennis Ericson timbre to tim effing retee torture.
Speaker 9 (05:09):
Look, but for your own sake, he'll remember what has
passed between us, and remember when the trumpets of Jesus sound.
Looked for the first.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Spirit, Gary, Gary, I lit the fish.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Shannon awoke. She was lying on her Shan couch in the.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Shan Cave, wearing her rock Purdy Jersey, comfy sweats and
stylish but shabby sheet sneakers. Suddenly, the door leading to
the Shan Cave slammed shut and the stairs creaked. She
found herself face to face with an unearthly visitor. It
(05:48):
was a strange figure, like a child, yet not so
like a child as like a man. It's hair thick,
black and strong. The face had not a wrinkle in
it thanks to a fresh Botok touch up, and the spirit.
Speaker 5 (06:01):
Wore a glow, a fresh, tight, crisp glow.
Speaker 11 (06:06):
Shannon Screwede.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Uh who is that, Shannon Screwed?
Speaker 7 (06:12):
I have come for you?
Speaker 4 (06:14):
Oh oh you?
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Richie, producer, Richie? Is that you are? You the spirit
who's coming was foretold me?
Speaker 11 (06:22):
I am the ghost of Christmas past?
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Like how long pass?
Speaker 7 (06:27):
No?
Speaker 11 (06:28):
I am not falling for that trick. A ghost never
tells his age.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
What do you want of me? What brings you here
to haunt me?
Speaker 5 (06:35):
Your welfare?
Speaker 11 (06:36):
Shannon Scrooge, Rise and walk with me through the skies?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Oh? Wait, like Jasmine and Aladdin and the Disney movie,
We're gonna fly through the sky, Superman and Lois.
Speaker 11 (06:46):
More like Britney Spears. We're getting high and then heading
north and we're going fast.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
Ritchie, where are we? What happened to Burbank?
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Wait, there's a bunch of Is that the Golden Gate Bridge?
Speaker 5 (07:03):
Ritchie?
Speaker 11 (07:04):
These are the shadows of the things that have been
You recognize this country side?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (07:09):
I know every inch of it, every rock, every tree.
Speaker 11 (07:11):
And that bleak building over.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
There, Francis Scott Key Elementary School. That's my school. The
nuns hated me.
Speaker 11 (07:18):
Come, let's go closer. Look through the window into that cold,
barren room. What do you see? Shannon Scrooge.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Oh, I see a little girl.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Wait, that's me back when my hair was blonde, actually blonde,
and I wore that stupid Catholic school uniform.
Speaker 11 (07:35):
In truth, we all know your hair was never rially blonde.
Shut up, Ridgie, your lips are trembling. Scrooge, what does
this image make you feel?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Nothing except the V neck sweater should have stayed in
the eighties.
Speaker 11 (07:49):
Come Shannon, Scrooge. Let us see another Christmas. It's what
about this Christmas from a time of your Is it familiar?
Speaker 5 (08:05):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah, this is a keg party at Chico State at
Sigma Nu I think it was Sigma Nu House.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Oh check it out.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
There's that one guy we called Fezziwig. That guy could
do a keg stand and empty the damn thing. Oh
what a jolly time we used to have.
Speaker 11 (08:19):
Seesseiwood gives total bottom energy. What about that carefree young
woman with the light heart and smile? Do you recognize her?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yes? Yes, merciful heaven. How happy I was then? And
uh and drunk? I mean I was pretty damnered that night.
Pretty sure this is one of the nights I got
in trouble for urinating in public.
Speaker 11 (08:39):
A small matter of old Feziwig to make those silly
folks so full of joy.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Oh man, if fei Wig was having a good time,
we were all having a good time. But I think
he flunked out. I know he was on some sort
of academic probation. But he lived in the Sigma New
House until he was like thirty three years old. Oh wait,
maybe that was Elmer. Anyway, he lived in the house
until he was thirty three. L like Elmer Crotchet.
Speaker 11 (09:03):
What is the matter? Oh, oh, nothing at all, Ritchie,
something I think, Well.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Only it's just that I should like to be able
to say a word or two to Elmer Cratchit.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
That's all.
Speaker 11 (09:17):
Well, listen, I gotta check in on this so we
can wrap this up with one more journey where now
come with me.
Speaker 12 (09:33):
A lot of battle and a little bout Hey and
Shannon West here along for the ride on what a
three point five hot country khs L plank back to
back to back hot country hit stick around for Toby Keith,
Keith Urban and Chennaia Dwayne.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
But first these days from my favorite guys in taijis
radscal Flats on hot country on a three point five.
Speaker 11 (09:57):
This is our last visit to the past here in
this little room.
Speaker 7 (10:02):
Do you recognize yourself?
Speaker 5 (10:04):
Screwed?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
No, no, spare me this.
Speaker 11 (10:07):
You're older now, a woman, the prime of life, a
country radio DJ. Your face has begun to weather signs
of care. You clearly need a chemical peel and just
a touch of my favorite both talks.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
No, no, no, please, she.
Speaker 11 (10:23):
Knows it too, that girl in that radio station.
Speaker 13 (10:26):
Hey, listen, Blondie.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I know this is your first real radio job, and
I'm your first program director. But this is the hard
part of my job. We're gonna have to let you go.
The radio business changing and we're just a bit behind
the curve. I mean, that is, unless you could think
of something creative to bring us back from the brink
of bankruptcy.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Why doesn't she say anything? She's got ideas, I had ideas.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Oh, at first, it may cause you pain to lose
this job, very brief pain. But soon it will be
dim like a half remembered dream, non profitable dream, and
when you wake up you get a better job with
the future. But maybe you could be a manager at
wes Seal or work customer service for America Online.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It's wet Seal and enough show me no more, take
me home.
Speaker 11 (11:19):
These were shadows of things that have been. They are
what they are. Don't blame me, girl.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
No no more.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I don't even like Rascal Flats.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Stay tuned for the next stave of Gary and Shannon's
a Christmas Carol.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
When we hear Elmer Cratchett say, now you.
Speaker 8 (11:39):
Listen here, tiny tim It's Christmas Eve and we must
be charitable on Christmas Eve.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
Next on KFI.
Speaker 14 (11:50):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Welcome back to Gary and Shannon's a Christmas Carol on KFI.
Speaker 13 (12:03):
Jesus.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
From the first blast of the trumpets of Jesus, Shannon
awakened suddenly and sat bolt upright on her shancouch. She
remembered the words of Gary's ghost and wondered from wish
direction the second specter would appear. As she rubbed the
sleep from her eyes, she realized her Shan Cave had changed.
A door appeared under the stairs where boxes once lay stacked,
(12:32):
a studio door as if it were connected to her
on air studio, and from inside the door, a voice
called to Shannon Scrooge.
Speaker 15 (12:41):
Come in, Come in, Shannon Scrooge, and know me better.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Woman.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You wait, you you're Heather Brooker, right, the newest hire
in the KAFI newsroom.
Speaker 15 (12:54):
I am the ghost of Christmas present.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Look upon me.
Speaker 5 (12:58):
You have never seen the likes of me before.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
You're You're different from the other Spirit. Richie likes to
hug people. Please tell me you don't like to hug people. Nope,
no hugs here, just life lessons. Spirit, take me where
you will. Last time I went against my will and
learned a lesson which is working.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Now.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
If you have anything to teach me, let me profit
by it.
Speaker 15 (13:17):
Touch my robe, Shannon, touch my robe.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
I'm gonna pull the car over right here.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
I'm pretty sure Hr wouldn't want me touching the robe
of a co worker. How about we just pretend I
touched a robe and call it a day.
Speaker 15 (13:32):
Well as you wish, very well then.
Speaker 13 (13:37):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (13:38):
So what are we looking at? Where have you brought me?
Speaker 15 (13:40):
A humble dwelling on a humble streets? Yet there is
happiness here? Who are these people? These are the family
of your cook, Elma Crotchets.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
Oh, it smells so good in here.
Speaker 15 (13:54):
See Elma and his boy tiny Tim. Let's listen in Scrooge.
Speaker 8 (14:00):
Oh, well, well, wasn't that a great church service? Tiny Tim?
Speaker 4 (14:04):
As good as gold and better?
Speaker 13 (14:08):
It sure was, Tiny Tim.
Speaker 16 (14:09):
I hope everyone in the church saw me tonight.
Speaker 8 (14:12):
Why is that, Tiny Tim? Why did you want them
to see you?
Speaker 16 (14:16):
I hope the people saw me in the church because
I'm a cripple and it might be pleasant for them
to remember upon Christmas Day?
Speaker 6 (14:22):
Who made the lame to walk in the blind to see?
Speaker 4 (14:27):
Oh boy, this kid is killing me.
Speaker 15 (14:29):
You're lucky they can't see you. They'd give you a
piece of them mind me?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
What could they possibly have against me? Listening?
Speaker 8 (14:40):
Hey, little buddy, let's give a toast to Shannon Scrooge
on this Christmas Eve.
Speaker 13 (14:46):
To Shannon Scrooge, the founder of the feast.
Speaker 16 (14:49):
I wish she was here. I'd give her a piece
of my mind to feast upon, and I hope she
had good appetite for it.
Speaker 13 (14:55):
Now listen here, tiny Tim.
Speaker 8 (14:57):
Hmm, it's Christmas Eve and we must be charitable on
Christmas Eve.
Speaker 16 (15:01):
Then I'll drink for her health, for your sake, but
not for hers. So wronglive her in a happy new year.
Speaker 8 (15:10):
If she cannot be happy, then we mustn't be happy
for her spirit.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Tell me if Tiny Tim will live.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
I don't think I can stand hear Elmer baby talking
to Tiny Tim for the rest of this little dream.
Speaker 15 (15:25):
I see a fireplace hath and a small cane next
to it, with no Tiny Tim to be found. Crap
that sucks, you, see, Shannon, Scrooge, There is nothing of
high Mark in all this. They are not a handsome family,
these crotchets. They are not well dressed, their shoes are
far from being waterproof, their clothes are scanty. But they
(15:46):
are happy, grateful, pleased with one another, and content with
the time.
Speaker 8 (15:52):
So Tiny Tim, I've been thinking we could do a
podcast together that's all about the exist sense of aliens
and three I Atlas comment and life giving energy that
they want to spread to humanity.
Speaker 13 (16:06):
What'd you say, a little guy, What.
Speaker 16 (16:08):
A grand idea, Papa Elmer, A grand idea. Indeed, God
bless us everyone.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
My life upon this globe is very brief, Scrooge. It
ends tonight. Whoa spirit tonight?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Know this?
Speaker 15 (16:24):
I could rack up frequent flyer miles by taking you
all over, showing you people in dire circumstances with smiles
on their faces, finding joy and what many people see
as less than ideal conditions.
Speaker 5 (16:36):
But you know how this goes.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
I show you.
Speaker 15 (16:38):
People you think should be sad, and they are happy
despite their conditions. Plus, like I said, I gotta go.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
But what if I want to see more stuff?
Speaker 15 (16:45):
The more stuff you will have to learn from Still
another spirit.
Speaker 4 (16:49):
But since I've got your ear, do you validate parking?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Stay tuned for the next stave of Gary and Shannon's
a Chris Missus Carrol.
Speaker 5 (17:00):
When we hear the ghost of Christmas yet to come say.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You know?
Speaker 17 (17:09):
Then you know we did it twice in the buttlass.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
Pantry if you know what I mean. Next on KFI.
Speaker 14 (17:19):
You're listening to Gary and Shannon on Demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Welcome back to Gary and Shannon's a Christmas Carol on KFI.
With two of the three promised spirits having visited Shannon
in her slumber, she rose once again from the shancouch,
searching the shan Cave for the ghost that had just vanished,
and once again she found herself in the crumpled jersey
(17:48):
of a former football great, stained sweats, and funky socks.
But then she heard the trumpets of Jesus.
Speaker 13 (17:55):
I listen for the tumble of Jesus.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Did she remembered the prediction of her old partner, Gary Marley,
and lifting up her eyes, she beheld the Third Spirit,
a solemn phantom shrouded in royal blue, draped and stooped,
slowly shuffling.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
Towards her, but with the regal nature befitting royalty.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Hey wait a minute, I.
Speaker 6 (18:21):
Know you, Queen Liz.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Listen. I'm not gonna lie, Liz.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
If you're the ghost of Christmas future, I'm more afraid
of you than any of those others.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
But I know why you're here in times of wasting.
So chop chop, let's.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Go not so fast.
Speaker 17 (18:38):
I've traveled quite a distance from the ethereal realm.
Speaker 6 (18:41):
To this dark, little whose basement.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
What do you call this?
Speaker 4 (18:45):
It's my sham cave.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
This is where I go to get away from everything.
It's like my safe space. I come down here, I
watch football. Everything's perfect.
Speaker 17 (18:52):
Ah, I see, I also have what you call a
safe space. It's called bow Moral Castle. It's a so
it's more like a safe castle. Sorry, excuse me.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
No, pardon me. Have you been drinking listen?
Speaker 17 (19:09):
Oh, just a nip to keep the frost off me toes,
you know, little gin and Tonic goes a long way
more a sip l better not? Oh okay, here we
are our first stop.
Speaker 5 (19:26):
Just look over there and tell me what you see.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
That's Elmer Cratchett's house again. Why are we here again?
Speaker 5 (19:32):
And what do you hear?
Speaker 4 (19:33):
Nothing? Why is it so quiet?
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Elmer has gone to the graveyard on this day? Wait? Wait?
Speaker 4 (19:40):
Why did Elmer go to the graveyard?
Speaker 8 (19:46):
Dear well coushriver, I went to the churchyard today.
Speaker 13 (19:51):
I wish you could have gone with me.
Speaker 8 (19:54):
It would have done your heart good to see how
sweet and green a place it is. I promised I
need Tim. I'd visit him every Sunday. Traffic's actually wasn't
too bad.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Oh that's cruel, cruel is Can't you give me one
ray of hope that I may change all that? I mean,
I'm not a huge fan of kids, but that sucks
that Elmer sad like that? Is there anything I could
do to make sure tiny Tim could live?
Speaker 17 (20:17):
We do have some other business to attend to, would
you you know? Would you like a nip at the
gin bottle?
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Tempting?
Speaker 18 (20:24):
But no?
Speaker 4 (20:25):
Or are you taking me now? Whow doesn't this office
look familiar?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Hold on this is the Gary and Shannon show office.
Why are those people going through my desk? I have
no idea what happened to her. I just know that
she's gone. When did she get fired?
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I heard she got fired last night and threw.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
A fit like red faced, hair pulling, kicking and screaming.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
And you know, she was wearing like a sailor.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I mean, the guy from HR ended up in tears
before she even got to the elevators.
Speaker 19 (20:53):
I can't believe she didn't even take this stuff with her.
You want this boom shaka lama. I'm gonna take the
pineapple mosaic. Oh yeah, she totally wanted me to have
this old charger tulmet. Oh and look in the fridge
two full bottles of some overly fermented kombucha. You know what,
I think I was the only person she never called
(21:16):
ass face.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Oh my god, that practically makes you her best friend. Huh,
bottoms up? Watch this? Look at me.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I'm Shannon, I'm blonde, I say things on the radio.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
I swear like a sailor. I'm Shannon. Let me try.
I'm Shannon.
Speaker 19 (21:35):
I know a lot about football, and a unicorn is
my spirit animal.
Speaker 17 (21:40):
Glug glug glub Let's style it back you ask clouds,
try as you might, they won't be able to hear
you from this realm, this row.
Speaker 6 (21:50):
What do you mean this realm?
Speaker 7 (21:51):
Moell?
Speaker 17 (21:51):
We only exist between time here, a dimension carved out
of the universe from the from the from the materia. Sorry,
that was the gin talking. How about one more tug
from a bottle.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I'm starting to think you may have a drinking problem.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
It's an American thing. Oh gross, it smells here? What
is that awful sound?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
And that experimental banjo and kazoo concerto was brought to
us by Modesto's own Flaky Skin Barkley. I'm Shannon Murray Farren,
and this is Midnight Roadhouse on k m o D
Modesto Public Radio. A reminder that later in the evening,
(22:47):
as we travel this lonesome, dusty night together, we'll be
joined by random long haul truggers who call in and
share their feelings in the segment we call safe Space
Truck Stop ten. Four good buddies. Now back to our
overnight special, new to Midnight Roadhouse and our Modesto Public
(23:13):
Radio family. Chin Chin Percoletti and his sitar version of
Justin Bieber Classics. I'm Shannon Marie Farren and this is
Midnight Roadhouse on KMOD Modesto Public Radio. Liz, seriously, are
(23:35):
these shadows of things that will be? Or shadows of
things that may be?
Speaker 17 (23:39):
Ooh, look at the time, I really must be going.
Prince Philip has been begging me for a role in
the proverbial hay and the last time we shagged, we
ended up doing it twice in the butler's pantry.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
If you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Wait, No, there's no way I'm gonna do overnights in Modesto.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
No way, Why show me this? If I am past
all hope?
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Tell me I can change these dreadful shadows you have
shown me. I will honor Christmas in my heart. I'll
try to keep it all the year.
Speaker 6 (24:09):
I'll be nice.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
I'll swear less. Actually I'll try to swear a little lass. Liz.
Please tell me I can change this.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
I beg you, Liz.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
I promise, I promise on my knees. I promise. Is
that is that?
Speaker 7 (24:25):
Is that?
Speaker 10 (24:25):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Come all ye faithful on the sitar. Hold a minute,
Hold on a minute. This isn't Modesto.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
This is Burbank. I'm back at the KFI studios and
the sun. The sun is shining. It's clear, it's bright,
no clouds.
Speaker 6 (24:40):
What a beautiful day.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Oh glorious, glorious?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Hey boy, oh boy?
Speaker 7 (24:48):
Excuse me, since when do you call me boy?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Sorry?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Pronouns and descriptors pretty touchy minefield these days.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Technically it might be correct. What's the day to day?
Speaker 7 (24:56):
What do you mean like national jelly, don't it they?
I mean, what day is it today?
Speaker 13 (25:01):
Why?
Speaker 7 (25:01):
It's the twenty fifth of December. It's Christmas Day.
Speaker 18 (25:04):
I'm actually Jewish, though, so I'm not as infatuated by
the day as most people. So I'll probably just catch
the new Timothy Shallomey movie or hit the new Chinese food.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Spot Christmas Day. Then I haven't missed it. The spirits
have done it all in all in one night. They
did it all in one night.
Speaker 7 (25:21):
How's that, ma'am?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Listen, my lad, do you know where the politteer is?
Speaker 6 (25:26):
The poulterer is in the next street, shicken her?
Speaker 18 (25:31):
Do you mean the whole foods across the street? They
sell poultry. It's right across the street.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
An intelligent boy, a remarkable boy, I think, Tell me
do you know if they've sold the prize turkey that
was hanging in the window.
Speaker 7 (25:41):
The one as big as me.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Yeah, yeah, that one.
Speaker 7 (25:43):
But yes, there's a turkey hanging in the window.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Now that's awesome. Here's a couple bucks.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Go tell them to send the turkey to Elmer Cratchit's family,
and don't tell them who paid for it.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
Oh and here's a unicorn sticker for your trouble.
Speaker 7 (25:53):
Oh wow, thanks for the unicorn sticker. That'll go a
long way. But hey, Merry.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Christmas, and a Merry Christmas to you, my boy. Uh,
I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I'm light as a feather and happy as an angel,
and I am not hungover. Hey you there down the hall,
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
You know what I should do?
Speaker 5 (26:18):
Hello, this is Christine.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Christine, this is Shannon Scrooge.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Didn't you call here yesterday looking to raise money for
Lobby Joe the Lobster?
Speaker 10 (26:26):
She guess, ma'am, I'm not sure you are being nice
to me.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
You know, I can usually tell when someone's making light
of Lobby Joe.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Well, put this in your pipe and smoke it. Marry
Christmas to you and to Lobby Joe.
Speaker 5 (26:40):
Well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Allow me to ask your pardon, Christine, I want to
donate twelve Gary and Shannon T shirts to the Lobby
Joe Foundation.
Speaker 5 (26:51):
Bless me.
Speaker 10 (26:52):
Why this is, Scrooge? Are you serious?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
You're damn right, and I'm going to throw in a
unicorn finger puppet that you can do with well, whatever
you wish.
Speaker 10 (27:01):
Oh, with such a generous Chris gift, you've changed the
lives of countless crustaceans. Never again shall and arthropod be
subjected to the tortures of a boiling pot of any.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I gotta go before I change my mind by Christine,
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Next morning, Scrooge was early at the radio station. She
went early for a reason, if she could only be
there first and catch Elmer Crotchet coming in late. When
Elmer did show up.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
Late, Elmer, yes, you're late.
Speaker 13 (27:34):
I'm very sorry, ma'am. I'm behind my time.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
You are, yes, yes, I think you are.
Speaker 8 (27:41):
It's only once a year, missus. Scrooge shall not be repeated.
I was making rather merry Mary.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I'll tell you what, my friend, I'll not stand this
sort of thing any longer. And therefore, Elmer Cratchet, I'm
about to raise your salary.
Speaker 13 (27:58):
I'm not sure what's going on. Do you feel okay?
Speaker 15 (28:03):
No?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
I mean yes, I had a great Christmas. You get
a raise, and we'll see what we can do about
that boy of yours.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
What's his name?
Speaker 13 (28:10):
Tiny Tim? You want to help teny Tim?
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Of course I do.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
But before we do anything, why don't you go over
there and bump up that thermostat a few degrees?
Speaker 7 (28:17):
Eh?
Speaker 4 (28:18):
What do you say would be?
Speaker 5 (28:20):
Scrooge was better than her word.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
She did it all and infinitely more to Tiny Tim,
who did not die. She was like a mother, and
she became a softer person, a good person, and as
good a person as the city of Burbank or Greater
Los Angeles ever knew. Some unknowing people still flinched around her,
shied away from her, but they were greeted with a
warm smile and a warmer hug. She never saw the
(28:45):
Spirits again, but would often spend time in the Shan
Cave reliving one of the greatest moments in all of
sports history.
Speaker 7 (29:05):
It's a man handles.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
It will always be said of Shannon Scrooge that she
knew how to keep Christmas well. If anyone alive possessed
the knowledge, may that be truly said of us and
all of us, and so as Tiny Tim would say,
God bless us everyone.
Speaker 12 (29:30):
Who.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
Great job everybody.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
Great job Gary, Great job Gary.
Speaker 9 (29:37):
You've been listening to The Gary and Shannon Show. You
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
nine am to one pm every Monday through Friday, and
anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app
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