June 27, 2025 • 34 mins
ICYMI: Hour Three of ‘Later, with Mo’Kelly’ Presents – ‘The Sex Doctor Is In’ w/ Sam Zia, MA LMFT (#106352), PhD Candidate, Human Sexuality weighing in on the topic of “erectile dysfunction & ways to treat it” … PLUS – A look at what leads to you becoming angrier when you’re overstimulated - on KFI AM 640…Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app & YouTube @MrMoKelly
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to Later with Mo Kelly on demand from
KF I A M six forty.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
SAMs A sex Stop. He's a samsu sex Stop. He's
a Sam stop stop. Sex dotx dot sex.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Dot Keerry.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Later later with Mo k if I am six forty.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
We're live on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Lets talked to the sex doctor. He is now in
the building. Sam Z. How you doing, brother? Not bad?
Speaker 5 (00:57):
I'm glad that I am here. I I just had
a you know, because I'm a marrigean family therapist. I
just had a session with some people, and sometimes you
carry some energy from people, and it just makes me
happy that I came over here and felt the energy
shift in the right directions.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I get that. I actually do. I understand that.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Tonight, I'm gonna let you know in advance we're gonna
have a spirited discussion and we're also going to go
straight to the hallway after this segment. So if you
have questions and you're amongst the Mo migos and you
want to put it in the Motown chat, go ahead
and we'll answer those questions, which are probably better suited
(01:36):
for the hallway than live on air.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
You know what to do? Sam, Where are we going
to start tonight?
Speaker 5 (01:42):
Well, I was, you know, as usual, perusing through social media,
and I saw a meme that came up where guys
would say, if they could have any sound effect accompany
them as they're getting aroused, what would it be. And
the one that the guy in the video had was
the sound of No, it was the sound of when
(02:04):
Mario finishes a level and Mario brothers Stephan find that
one for reference sake. Now personally, and I think I
had I had to talk to Stefan about this one.
My personal one is having the sound of a lightsaber turning.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
On the.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you, I've never thought
of a sound effect.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Thank you. Definitely precisely wave that lightsaber around.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Now.
Speaker 5 (02:34):
Of course, anybody, if you have any other ideas for
funny sound effects to go, if that, please hit us
up on the chat and stuff like that. But uh now, also,
there's a sound effect for when you know you don't
quite reach arousal.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
You know, those moments where you don't get quite to
the top.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Yeah, those little tiny moments where you feel a little
insufficient and insecure. There's a sound effect that should go
with that as well.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
I'm sorry, but I've never associated sound with that particular
act or approach to the act.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, my head tends to wander during sex.
Speaker 6 (03:08):
So you have.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
A soundtrack? Is there music playing in your head?
Speaker 4 (03:13):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Yeah, constantly.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Yeah, I'm not thinking about video games. Maybe I'm just
wrapped a little bit differently. Maybe if there was a theme.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Playing in my head Rocky would be a little bit
on the nose, that would be I could see that. Yeah,
it would be a movie soundtrack, No Easy Way Out
Rocky four. Yeah, I see what you did. But with
that is the precursor.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Yeah. Now for me, obviously, I'm getting older in the
years and uh, you know that sound effect of the
price is wrong sound effect tends to come up a
little more often now as I'm getting older, and you know,
it can get embarrassing for guys as we get older
to go and talk to their doctors about, you know,
the body parts not working the same way that they
(04:09):
used to. And it's hard, you know, doctors are you know,
especially if it's a male doctor. You don't want to
necessarily admit something where you're not as virile as you
were in the past.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
And if it's a female doctor, forget about it.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
But for men, the ability to control and maintain arousal
during sex is something that has a huge impact on
mental health.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
It's a new age because not only can we actually
talk about it on the radio, they are also products
available on the general marketplace, which are advertised all times
of the day.
Speaker 7 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
What would you say about that evolution?
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Where is it society getting a little bit more mature
or is it they've just found a way to monetize it.
Speaker 5 (04:51):
Well as sex has been commoditized, without question, there's and
you can make money off of it and everything like that.
And we are up on I think or we just
passed the twenty seventh year birthday of viagra. It's been
almost thirty years we had the viagra. Babies are almost
hitting thirty years old. Now, okay, let's back up for
people who may not know. Viagra originally was a blood
(05:14):
pressure medicine. Yeah, that's what they were testing it for. Yeah,
and then as a side effect they realize, wow, it
made things work and it brought life to people who
had felt sexually dead.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
And you would think about it.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
If you're talking about blood pressure medicine, you're already dealing
with a demographic probably on the other side of forty yeah, probably.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
Yeah, now, And something that can affect that is obviously anxiety,
and you know, performance anxiety is a thing for a
lot of guys, especially when we get older. If it's
things aren't working, we tend to put more pressure on ourselves.
So if you don't want to take the medication route,
you got to start actually working on relaxation methods, deep
breathing exercises, yoga, things like that, just so that you
carry more of a sense of peace and calm with you,
(05:59):
so that you won't anxiously block your arousal down the line.
Not everybody is as good at mastering their anxiety as others,
so for them, the medication is something that can absolutely help.
There's viagra and sialis. Those are the two major players
in the game.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Let me ask you this.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
You may not know, but why is it that there
are only two major players in the game. Isn't there
I thought there'd be more research and possibly more entrants
into that industry by now because it's so lucrative. Well,
there's it's obviously very lucrative.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
But if a product is working, there's no point in
trying to adjust it or make it sialis. It works
in its own way. It's effective up to thirty six
hours more. It's more effective for people who are just
like spontaneously going through their day and they you know,
they're not planning on when they're gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
They're just gonna do it at some point.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
At some point, viagra is like we're ready to go,
and thirty minutes from now, I'm we're gonna have some fun.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Oh I didn't know the difference, Okay, And just that
lasts up to six hours, so and if it does
last more than four hours, you should see your doctor.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Absolutely, a condition called priatism is real, and the way
you treat it, the way doctors treat it is not
something you want to experience that it involves needles in
the draining of blood from that, and it's something that
I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
I'm sure some people have had viagra horror stories.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
I for one, have had one viagra horror story, and
it happened about twenty something years ago, back when it
was like new on the market, and I.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Was like, I got to see what everybody's talking about.
I didn't need it. I was like twenty two to
twenty three years old.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
I was with somebody committed relationship and because of an
episode of sex in the city, they tried like the girls.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
One of the girls like tried a viagra.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
Pill while with other guys hit with like to see
what the physicality because they heard that there was some
kind of reaction for them too, but it was really
more placebo.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Now tried it.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Me and my girlfriend at the time tried it, and
my girlfriend got violently ill, throwing up and dizzy and
just couldn't quite manage.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
And I'm sure it's an off label use.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Yeah, no, it's not something that is prescribed for women's Actually,
it's a placebo effect if anything. And the effect that
I had on her was more of like the negative
side effects that you see from it from overdosing on viagra,
and so she didn't necessarily overdose.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
She just had a really bad reaction.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
So she was stuck in bed, throwing up, having the spins,
not feeling good, and I was in the other room.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Alone with a woodrow the size of a Winnebago. Well
that had an attitude.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Let me ask you this, what are some of the
other side effects that are less discussed or issues which
may come out of using that.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
Yeah, well, blurred vision, a bluish tint to your vision
is another one. Also, heart issues if you're overdosing on it.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
It's why if you are going.
Speaker 5 (08:59):
To explore those options, please do it with I know
there's online resources available for people, and if you're physically
fine and everything like that, I'm not gonna I'm not
the medical doctor to tell you what to do. But
I also know for a fact that your medical doctor
has a better idea of how your body works and
what medications work with it and which ones don't. So
(09:22):
if you're going to have this conversation, don't be afraid,
don't have any shame about it.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Go talk to your doctor about it.
Speaker 5 (09:27):
The benefits of actually having a good sex life, which
these medications promote, are boundless. It decreases anxiety, decreases depressionareases,
exercise increases exercise boosting esteem, self esteem goes up, improves
sleep quality. There's so many different factors that go into
(09:49):
having a healthy sex life that it's worth having these discussions,
even if you're embarrassed to talk about it with your doctor.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Okay, we're getting ready to go to the hallway and
can change is this discussion. There are things I would
like to say that I can't say on microphone and
can't say over the public airwaves. But when we come back,
I want to address the shame and stigma because all
these conversations we have, there's always next to it, adjacent
to it. There's a feeling of shame and there is
some sort of stigma. And if we could get rid
(10:16):
of either or both, I think people are better off.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
KFI Later with Mo Kelly.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
We're live on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and the iHeartRadio app,
and we just came back from the hallway.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
We were having a very open conversation. We're having a
free conversation.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
I was asking our guests, doctor sam Zia, the sex Doctor,
about a variety of subjects and I can't detail them here,
but a part of it, adjacent to it, was this
idea of shame.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, the idea that men have shamed.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
As far as performance issues, the idea that men may
have anxiety about how they're perceived by women, that we
put it that way, How do we go about lessening
that stigma?
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Or is it just something that's here to stay.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
We lessen the stigma by openly communicating about sex and sexuality.
If we're hiding stuff, if we're a shame to even
discuss it, then it's just going to sit in the
dark and stew and fester until it becomes something toxic.
It's important to be actually open and honest about our
(11:29):
needs and our desires with our partners and making sure
that our needs are being met. If not, then we
have more room for resentment being built within a relationship,
You have more room for frustration and tension starting to
bite on people and then you start to feel like
you start to seeing the dynamic between them shift to
one where they feel like they don't quite understand each other.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Is the shame for men specifically, there's a shame as
far as women and how women may be perceived by
the world if they have what I call a body
out that's higher than people are willing to accept. But
men is different because it's I think it's self imposed,
is it not?
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Yeah, well, and men tend to be more braggadocious with
each other about their sexual conquests and what their body
count is, and with women it seems like the more
you have, the more shame gets thrown on.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
People from other people.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
But really a lot of times guys will also feel
ashamed about either not having enough sexual experience or enough
sexual partners and feel like like, especially if they're in
a committed relationship, and they don't feel like they've fulfilled
enough of their of their their desires and experiences, and
they feel too a shame to communicate those desires and
(12:44):
experiences with their partner. So at that point, that's where
you start seeing resentment starting to build in a relationship
because one person is like, I really want to open up,
and I am afraid of how you're going to react.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Speaking on that's where shame comes in, speaking of opening up.
And I wonder if this is factual or just anecdotal.
In other words, my view of the world, there was.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
Always this belief that a woman starts to enjoy sex
more when she hits thirty or so.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
First is their.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
Truth to that, I wouldn't say it doesn't necessarily get better.
I'd say the quality of sex may improve because their
partners may have more experience, or that individual may be
more comfortable in their skin section.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
That's what I was thinking, because a woman who is
thirty or above probably is not in the shadow of
her home.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah, she's not necessarily as tied.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
To belief that were imported to her or thrust upon her,
maybe not thrust rest to the wrong word.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Put upon her growing up. And she's gorgeous making decisions
as she wants.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Is that part of it? Part of it? Yeah, it's
also being.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
Less concerned about the pleasure of the other person and
taking more ownership of your own pleasure and making it
so that because and you hear a lot of times
like that person made me climax, You know that person,
and it's like, no, they didn't.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
You did that yourself.
Speaker 5 (14:07):
That's right, because it starts in to mind, your own mind,
because that person could go with someone who may be
in orgasmic. They may not be able to reach orgasm
and they're doing the exact same things, but they're not
able to tear that wall down, whereas with yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
But with people when they're you.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
Know, if they're doing it right and then they're attuned
to each other's needs and they're doing the things that
get each other off, then communication is already present. You
guys are making sure that your guys' needs are being mad.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
I wonder though, if the concept of going back to
shamee of that and sex has changed remarkably because of
the Internet, because people are able to see porn and
how that reshapes the mind at a much earlier age
than when you were growing up or when I was
growing up. How does pornography fit into that equation.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
Porn, again, is the fantasy of sex, and you have
to keep it in that context. You're not seeing the
reality of sex in it, but seeing the sexual act
and seeing all of these different things has made it
so that people have normalized sex a little bit more.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
There's a lot well, well they've normalized the act, but
what they're seeing is abnormal, yeah, and unrealistic.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:25):
But at the same time, it's bringing up discussion. It's okay, okay,
it's like, you know what that looks interesting? Have you
ever wanted to try that before? Like, that's where the
benefit of porn can be is that it helps create
and it instigates conversation between couples about ideas that they
may have or want to try, and they can use
(15:46):
porn as a way to introduce the concept.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Maybe in a healthy adult relationship.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Yeah, but to those who are using it or experiencing
it as a part of their growth, and I don't
need just as not just physically. Yeah, I'm just saying
the growth is as a fully formed adult, because if
you look at porn in your early twenties, is probably
going to impact you differently than your early thirties.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
Well, and there's the view that porn is exploitative, which
a lot of times it is, but it's a lot
of times people look at it as like the we
can look at the performers, and that's another discussion about
the exploitation of the performer, performers and stuff like that.
But when it comes to what people are actually seeing,
(16:34):
it's the way that porn has changed since the Internet
has come in. It was something that was like you know, oh,
we're going to go and raid my uncle's playboy stash too.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Now it's like on every single phone, every single one.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
And it makes it so that you have to have open,
active conversations about this stuff, either with kids or with
your partner, because where that stuff wasn't as present, you
weren't the conversation wasn't it wasn't accessible.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah, it wasn't there. Well, you didn't need to have
the conversation.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Now, it's something that porn, whether you like it or not,
is going to have some kind of impact on the relationship.
Whether you like and want to incorporate porn to the
relationship that you have with somebody or by yourself, or
if you have a lot of shame about it and
you don't want to have it be like it could
be viewed as perhaps cheating within a relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Really yeah, Oh yeah.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
I work with couples that are very much like they've
had issues with infidelity in the past, and they view
porn as part of the problem. So whenever they look
at porn, that's as much that's as close to cheating
as actually cheating.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
I can understand intellectually where you can see that brings
an element into the relationship that not everyone is comfortable with. Yeah,
But as far as infidelity, I'm not sure I understand
the leap.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
It's the it's not necessarily like the physical actor or
not actually being unfaithful, it's the feeling that gets left
with the person who's on the other side of it,
feeling inadequate, inadequate, feeling like what I'm not doing enough?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Like what I oh that's what you want type thing.
Speaker 5 (18:08):
Yeah, oh oh, you're more attracted to that. I'm not
good enough for you. You want that's the kind of
girl you want, And it's like they're not people who
have to understand a lot most guys aren't necessarily looking
at the girl as far as how beautiful they are,
because there's beautiful women all over the place. They're looking
at the sexual act. They're looking at what's physically happening.
(18:29):
Unless it's somebody who's like, Wow, that's the most beautiful
woman in the world and I want to know her
name and get to know more about her. We're not
looking at the names of the performers or who's doing it.
We're looking at the actual sexual act. So a lot
of times people will feel inadequate because they view the
stuff that they're watching is like, that's the person, the
(18:50):
kind of person you want. Not necessarily that's the kind
of stuff you want to engage in the act, the behaviors,
the sexual things that you want to do.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Doctor Samza, how can people reach out to you?
Speaker 5 (19:00):
You can hit me up on Instagram. It's at sam
z on air. Also my Psychology Today page you can
hit up. My number is one zero six three five two.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
KFI.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
It's a Lady with mo Kelly live on YouTube, Instagram,
Facebook and the iHeartRadio app. And are you a different
person when you're overstimulated? Do you react differently to people?
Do you respond differently? And I've never really thought about it.
I don't think of myself as ever being overstimulated, But
then when I read more about it, it made sense
(19:50):
to me, and I think I can be self aware
and realize when I am overstimulated. And to be overstimulated
means that our senses received a lot of information, and
working in this business, that's all it is. And now
we're feeling overwhelmed as we're receiving this information. Yes, yes,
And I think that's why oftentimes, when I'm driving in
(20:12):
or driving home, I may listen to a driving home,
I may listen to.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
A little bit of Nori, but then I'll turn off
the radio.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
If I'm driving in, I'm not listening to any type
of news or anything, or the radio is off because
I'm conscious of trying to regulate my emotional balance so
I'm not over stimulated and the way it comes out
to me, and I'm going to go around the room
and get people's thoughts about this, and doctor Sam is
still sitting in with us. When I feel that I'm overstimulated,
(20:43):
and I think I'm aware of it, I am snippy
because the amount of information I'm getting is usually from
social media. Social media is moving very quickly. Now I'm
responding to five or ten different conversations. If you've ever
engaged me on social media like threads or something, I'm
responding to a lot, lot of people, a lot sometimes
by choice. Some people are engaging me, and then to
(21:06):
then start interacting with real people.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Who are operating at a much slower pace and you're
having just a one to one conversation. I realize that
I can be what they say short, I can be
kind of snippy.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
I can be kind of rude at times, and it's
been pointed out to me, and I try to be
a little bit more self aware. But I think that's
what happens to me when I'm overstimulated. And so the
title of this article is are you mean when you're
over stimulated? And I have to say maybe, yes, maybe maybe,
because there's a of my I believe I'm somewhere on
(21:44):
the spectrum, somewhere.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I don't know. We talked about this last year.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
People are finding they are on the spectrum after the
age of thirty because my oddities suggests that. And sometimes
I do have problems with interpersonal relationships and conversation. I
don't perceive the world and receive the world as most
people do. Like for example, I don't like talking to people.
(22:11):
I like talking to the radio, but I like talking
to people. There's a difference. Don't call me, text me now,
That's what I'm saying. It has to do a speed.
I want you to get to the point. I'm not
into fake pleasant trees. I'm not interested in small talk
when I'm not at work. I don't want to talk
about my job. I'm very linear in that regard.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Yeah, that's just that's how I am. And so if
I am overstimulated, going back to this article, then yes,
I can be snippy, I can be short, and I
try to stop talking to people because I will probably
say the wrong thing or lash out. Uh, doctor Sam,
Are you one who is aware of being overstimulated? Oh?
Speaker 5 (22:47):
Absolutely? And I work primarily as a mental health professional.
So overstimulation is something, especially if you're on the spectrum.
It's uh, it's more pronounced when we get when we
get over stimulated, and the path of over stimulation is brutal,
and it's like riding a wave that constantly gets bigger
and bigger, like a tsunami, and it really it puts
(23:11):
a huge importance on being able to separate yourself, like
you were saying, getting in the car, turning off the
radio and you know, maybe listening to music or just
having silence. It puts a priority on being able to
cope with the stress and anxiety and tension as you
go throughout the day so that that wave doesn't carry
as much momentum throughout the day.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Stephan, what about yourself? Do you find yourself over stimulated
in a job like this? You know you're processing a
lot when you're working for these shows.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I definitely compartmentalize because you know, I've worked so hard
to get to this position, so I in general am
a shy person. I don't like to talk to people,
and I think we've matched up on this. Like if
you have a party at your house, you expect the crowd.
That's fine because then you can kind of walk around
to this and that. But if you come home and
(24:06):
you don't expect ten fifteen people in your house, you've
heard my stories exactly, like you want to go into
your room, but then you seem like the a hole
because you don't want to talk to Anyboddy right right,
and yeah, I've told this story before, so very quickly.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
There are times when my wife will invite family over.
It's usually her family because my family's super small. Both
my parents, my father's passed on, but both of them
were only children. It's just me and my oldest sister.
My sister married someone who was an only child. They
had one child. I don't have aunts and uncles and cousins,
so I'm used to having my space. And when I
(24:43):
come home and my wife is one of five and
they all have forty five children, and they're you know,
they have children's children, and there are a lot of
people at my house, a lot. So when I get
off work and I come home, and sometimes she'll surprise
me like, oh, cousin so and so is.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Here, It's like, oh what really?
Speaker 4 (24:59):
And then I'm getting off a tennish, get home around
eleven ish, and then people say, hey, tell me about.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Your day, what's going on? Tell me the three radio show,
how you being Foh, I want to go to bed.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
That's overstimulation and that's after a thirty minute drag. Because
we both live in the same general area. Yeah, I
don't want to be hospitable. I'm not trying to entertain,
so I'm gonaware of myself in that regard.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Cardonia, let me ask you as far as are you
aware when you're overstimulated?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
And if so, how does it manifest?
Speaker 6 (25:30):
I feel like I can feel when I get over stimulated.
It's like my mind is going through so much, especially
if I don't have my days planned out. Then I'm
thinking about, Okay, I gotta do this, this, this, and
then I'm going through the process Okay, well how am
I going to get this and this done? And I
find myself getting so tense.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Physically thinking about other stuff.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
You gotta do yes, And I find myself getting so tense.
And Daniel is so good because he's always asking me,
are you okay?
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Are you good?
Speaker 6 (25:51):
And sometimes I can't even verbally express what I'm feeling
or how I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I'm just like, back up, give me some space, let
me breathe.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
There it is.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
That's the key is it's okay to tell the people
around you, hey, I'm overstimulated. I need a second and
a good way to kind of stem the tide of
that over stimulation is giving yourself maybe once an hour
or once every two hours.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
This is a thing that we used to have. I know,
we gotta go to break, but it's an important point.
Speaker 5 (26:18):
There's something that was socially acceptable for us to engage
in back in like the sixties, seventies, eighties that we
are not allowed to do. That made it so people
weren't as overstimulated back then, and they think that we
can't handle our stuff like they used to nowadays. It's
because every fifteen or every hour or every two hours,
we would take ten to fifteen minutes for a smoke break.
(26:39):
We would separate ourselves from the stress, whatever is getting
under our skin, and we would go outside. And if
you take a cigarette out of the out of the
person's hands and you just look at what they're physically doing.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
They're usually looking away, they're taking.
Speaker 5 (26:56):
Deep breaths, they're actually doing relaxation exercises. I'm not saying
pick up a cigarette and start up a bad habit.
I'm saying, give yourself the same permission that we used
to give ourselves thirty forty fifty years ago.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Go outside. That's legitimately. Mind, take a breath.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
That's a good one. I didn't think about that. Yeah,
right there, that's stem for a talk. Do that once
every two hours.
Speaker 5 (27:18):
Now we're starting to cut all of that wave of
overstimulation and cutting it up in chunks to make it
so it's more easily digestible before.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
We go to newsbreak Mark, is there anything you'd like
to add? I know you're a very private person, but
I know that you have thoughts.
Speaker 7 (27:34):
Sam raised an excellent point. We need time to slow
down and even to be bored. We have constant input
from media, social media, Internet. We have no time for
reflection or silence. Your brain's a muscle and it needs
constant work to maintain itself. And I don't think we're
gonna like what it's doing to our brains, all this
over stimulation. When we see enough studies have been done
(27:57):
on I mean, think about this, it's almost impossib for
us to imagine what life was like for our grandparents
who grew up before TV, let alone Internet and everything
we have now I dread what this is going to
show about us?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Nothing good.
Speaker 7 (28:11):
You have to really go out of your way to
take time to you know, take a walk or a
smoke break like Sam mentioned, or just have some time
to reflect and think. We don't really, there's no we
don't build time into our day on the whole, just
to think and just to be if you understand what
I'm saying by just to exist without having to accomplish something.
(28:34):
And that's especially true of Americans, which you find if
you've traveled enough. That's why I say you gotta travel.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
Before we get out of here, let me quickly do
this final thought. I mean, if you know me, you
know I love politics.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
It's my jam.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
As they say, I eat it, live it, study it
every single day. And that's different from just talking about it.
That's different from arguing with people on social media as
a hobby. I mean, I really really study, because when
you do, you better understand the why. Not discussing things
only in terms of what you like, who you like,
who you want to win elections, not your personal preferences,
(29:16):
but why things happen history perspective, all that nerdy stuff.
By now or very soon from now, he'll know the
name of Zorin Mandani. He just won the Democratic open
primary for mayor of New York. He's thirty three, he's
a Muslim, oh my a law, he's a naturalized citizen,
clutch those immigration pearls.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
And he's a self described democratic socialist. Perish the thought.
He is a woke triple threat. As I said, he's
a democratic socialist, which is.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Not the same as a communist or the same as
a conventional socialist.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
But it's not for me to explain. He can sort
that out for you.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Weirdly, though, a lot of America has gone apoplectic over
this guy, just mad at.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
The idea that he's the new mayor of New York
York City. No he's not. He just won the Democratic primary,
nothing more.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
Also, weirdly, many of us who aren't Democrats like me,
aren't New Yorkers like me, have so much to say
about a Democratic primary on the other side of the country.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
But let's look at how politics works.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Mandanni's chief competition in the primary was the former New
York Governor Andrew Cuomo, who was last seen resigning in
disgrace after multiple sexual harassment allegations and arguably, arguably, depending
on whom you asked, arguably mismanaging the state COVID pandemic response,
especially in the City of New York. Even predecessor Elliot Spitzer,
(30:42):
who also resigned as governor but for having a hooker fetish,
he had more positive name recognition than Cuomo. Nobody blamed
Elliot Spitzer for possibly killing elderly people in nursing homes
during a pandemic. Then there's that, and then there's this.
Thirty eight percent of New York's residents are immigrants, nineteen
percent of them are registered voters. Mam Donnie put in
(31:06):
the work on the ground, going door to door himself
personally to turn out the vote.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Cuomo did not. Mam Donnie use.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Social media, especially TikTok, to get out his message appealing
to a younger voting base.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Cuomo did not.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
If you're shocked that the Muslim naturalized citizen from Uganda
and Democratic Socialists beat the old establishment guy who is
linked to killing old people in nursing homes, you're just
not paying attention to the details. Again, this was just
the primary in the general election. Get this, he'll be
facing off against former New York City Mayor Eric Adams,
(31:43):
who is now running as an independent. If we didn't know,
Adams left the Democratic Party recently. But that's not what
is going to hurt him. The fact, if not for
a Trump pardon, Eric Adams would be in a federal
prison right now, serving a decade's long sentence.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
That is the problem. He probably doesn't stand a real
good chance either.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
He was grossly unpopular still is even before he was
indicted and arrested. Cuomo said he might also consider running
in the general as an independent, but that doesn't wipe
away the sexual harassment or the dead people in a
nursing home. The Republican winner of the New York City
primary just a few days ago, Curtis Sliwa, Yes, the
(32:25):
radio host and former Guardian Angels leader. New Yorkers hate him.
They hate him. Here's something else to remember. New York
is seventy percent registered Democrat, seventy percent. And this conversation
is not unlike what I said about here in Los Angeles.
The Republicans are throwing out a massively unpopular radio host
(32:48):
as their best foot forward. Sliwa rant unopposed in the primary,
the grossly unpopular, unqualified radio host. It's like here in
La the Republicans aren't even trying. So, yeah, Zora and
Mondani has a good chance to win if you're actually
(33:09):
paying attention to the particulars. But what I have to
take issue with, and here's the real takeaway before we go,
is when you have people such as Congressmen Andy Ogles,
who wrote to the Department of Justice seeking an investigation
into Mandannie's citizenship, alleging that he concealed his support for terrorism,
(33:29):
also calling him quote unquote little Mohammed, even openly calling
for his deportation an American citizen. Ogles is a Tennessee
congressman Tennessee worried about the Democratic primary in the New
York City mayoral race. Not New York's Elise Dephonic, but
the Tennessee congressman.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Now, I don't know about you. When you're calling him little.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Mohammed and calling for him to be deported as an
American citizen, that gives me the sense that this is
not about politics, or at least the complaint isn't that
it's not about legal immigration because he's a naturalized citizen.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
And I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm
not sure what it is.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
It's not as politics, it's it's not about legal immigration.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
It's something else. I wonder what it is for k IF.
I am six forty, I'm O Kelly.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
KSI and kost HD two, Los Angeles, Orange County.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
More stimulating talk
You're listening to Later with Mo Kelly on demand from
KF I A M six forty.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
SAMs A sex Stop. He's a samsu sex Stop. He's
a Sam stop stop. Sex dotx dot sex.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Dot Keerry.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Later later with Mo k if I am six forty.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
We're live on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Lets talked to the sex doctor. He is now in
the building. Sam Z. How you doing, brother? Not bad?
Speaker 5 (00:57):
I'm glad that I am here. I I just had
a you know, because I'm a marrigean family therapist. I
just had a session with some people, and sometimes you
carry some energy from people, and it just makes me
happy that I came over here and felt the energy
shift in the right directions.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I get that. I actually do. I understand that.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Tonight, I'm gonna let you know in advance we're gonna
have a spirited discussion and we're also going to go
straight to the hallway after this segment. So if you
have questions and you're amongst the Mo migos and you
want to put it in the Motown chat, go ahead
and we'll answer those questions, which are probably better suited
(01:36):
for the hallway than live on air.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
You know what to do? Sam, Where are we going
to start tonight?
Speaker 5 (01:42):
Well, I was, you know, as usual, perusing through social media,
and I saw a meme that came up where guys
would say, if they could have any sound effect accompany
them as they're getting aroused, what would it be. And
the one that the guy in the video had was
the sound of No, it was the sound of when
(02:04):
Mario finishes a level and Mario brothers Stephan find that
one for reference sake. Now personally, and I think I
had I had to talk to Stefan about this one.
My personal one is having the sound of a lightsaber turning.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
On the.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you, I've never thought
of a sound effect.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Thank you. Definitely precisely wave that lightsaber around.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Now.
Speaker 5 (02:34):
Of course, anybody, if you have any other ideas for
funny sound effects to go, if that, please hit us
up on the chat and stuff like that. But uh now, also,
there's a sound effect for when you know you don't
quite reach arousal.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
You know, those moments where you don't get quite to
the top.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Yeah, those little tiny moments where you feel a little
insufficient and insecure. There's a sound effect that should go
with that as well.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
I'm sorry, but I've never associated sound with that particular
act or approach to the act.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, my head tends to wander during sex.
Speaker 6 (03:08):
So you have.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
A soundtrack? Is there music playing in your head?
Speaker 4 (03:13):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Yeah, constantly.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Yeah, I'm not thinking about video games. Maybe I'm just
wrapped a little bit differently. Maybe if there was a theme.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Playing in my head Rocky would be a little bit
on the nose, that would be I could see that. Yeah,
it would be a movie soundtrack, No Easy Way Out
Rocky four. Yeah, I see what you did. But with
that is the precursor.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Yeah. Now for me, obviously, I'm getting older in the
years and uh, you know that sound effect of the
price is wrong sound effect tends to come up a
little more often now as I'm getting older, and you know,
it can get embarrassing for guys as we get older
to go and talk to their doctors about, you know,
the body parts not working the same way that they
(04:09):
used to. And it's hard, you know, doctors are you know,
especially if it's a male doctor. You don't want to
necessarily admit something where you're not as virile as you
were in the past.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
And if it's a female doctor, forget about it.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
But for men, the ability to control and maintain arousal
during sex is something that has a huge impact on
mental health.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
It's a new age because not only can we actually
talk about it on the radio, they are also products
available on the general marketplace, which are advertised all times
of the day.
Speaker 7 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
What would you say about that evolution?
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Where is it society getting a little bit more mature
or is it they've just found a way to monetize it.
Speaker 5 (04:51):
Well as sex has been commoditized, without question, there's and
you can make money off of it and everything like that.
And we are up on I think or we just
passed the twenty seventh year birthday of viagra. It's been
almost thirty years we had the viagra. Babies are almost
hitting thirty years old. Now, okay, let's back up for
people who may not know. Viagra originally was a blood
(05:14):
pressure medicine. Yeah, that's what they were testing it for. Yeah,
and then as a side effect they realize, wow, it
made things work and it brought life to people who
had felt sexually dead.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
And you would think about it.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
If you're talking about blood pressure medicine, you're already dealing
with a demographic probably on the other side of forty yeah, probably.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
Yeah, now, And something that can affect that is obviously anxiety,
and you know, performance anxiety is a thing for a
lot of guys, especially when we get older. If it's
things aren't working, we tend to put more pressure on ourselves.
So if you don't want to take the medication route,
you got to start actually working on relaxation methods, deep
breathing exercises, yoga, things like that, just so that you
carry more of a sense of peace and calm with you,
(05:59):
so that you won't anxiously block your arousal down the line.
Not everybody is as good at mastering their anxiety as others,
so for them, the medication is something that can absolutely help.
There's viagra and sialis. Those are the two major players
in the game.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Let me ask you this.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
You may not know, but why is it that there
are only two major players in the game. Isn't there
I thought there'd be more research and possibly more entrants
into that industry by now because it's so lucrative. Well,
there's it's obviously very lucrative.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
But if a product is working, there's no point in
trying to adjust it or make it sialis. It works
in its own way. It's effective up to thirty six
hours more. It's more effective for people who are just
like spontaneously going through their day and they you know,
they're not planning on when they're gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
They're just gonna do it at some point.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
At some point, viagra is like we're ready to go,
and thirty minutes from now, I'm we're gonna have some fun.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Oh I didn't know the difference, Okay, And just that
lasts up to six hours, so and if it does
last more than four hours, you should see your doctor.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Absolutely, a condition called priatism is real, and the way
you treat it, the way doctors treat it is not
something you want to experience that it involves needles in
the draining of blood from that, and it's something that
I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
I'm sure some people have had viagra horror stories.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
I for one, have had one viagra horror story, and
it happened about twenty something years ago, back when it
was like new on the market, and I.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Was like, I got to see what everybody's talking about.
I didn't need it. I was like twenty two to
twenty three years old.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
I was with somebody committed relationship and because of an
episode of sex in the city, they tried like the girls.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
One of the girls like tried a viagra.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
Pill while with other guys hit with like to see
what the physicality because they heard that there was some
kind of reaction for them too, but it was really
more placebo.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Now tried it.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Me and my girlfriend at the time tried it, and
my girlfriend got violently ill, throwing up and dizzy and
just couldn't quite manage.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
And I'm sure it's an off label use.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Yeah, no, it's not something that is prescribed for women's Actually,
it's a placebo effect if anything. And the effect that
I had on her was more of like the negative
side effects that you see from it from overdosing on viagra,
and so she didn't necessarily overdose.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
She just had a really bad reaction.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
So she was stuck in bed, throwing up, having the spins,
not feeling good, and I was in the other room.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Alone with a woodrow the size of a Winnebago. Well
that had an attitude.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Let me ask you this, what are some of the
other side effects that are less discussed or issues which
may come out of using that.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
Yeah, well, blurred vision, a bluish tint to your vision
is another one. Also, heart issues if you're overdosing on it.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
It's why if you are going.
Speaker 5 (08:59):
To explore those options, please do it with I know
there's online resources available for people, and if you're physically
fine and everything like that, I'm not gonna I'm not
the medical doctor to tell you what to do. But
I also know for a fact that your medical doctor
has a better idea of how your body works and
what medications work with it and which ones don't. So
(09:22):
if you're going to have this conversation, don't be afraid,
don't have any shame about it.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Go talk to your doctor about it.
Speaker 5 (09:27):
The benefits of actually having a good sex life, which
these medications promote, are boundless. It decreases anxiety, decreases depressionareases,
exercise increases exercise boosting esteem, self esteem goes up, improves
sleep quality. There's so many different factors that go into
(09:49):
having a healthy sex life that it's worth having these discussions,
even if you're embarrassed to talk about it with your doctor.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Okay, we're getting ready to go to the hallway and
can change is this discussion. There are things I would
like to say that I can't say on microphone and
can't say over the public airwaves. But when we come back,
I want to address the shame and stigma because all
these conversations we have, there's always next to it, adjacent
to it. There's a feeling of shame and there is
some sort of stigma. And if we could get rid
(10:16):
of either or both, I think people are better off.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
KFI Later with Mo Kelly.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
We're live on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and the iHeartRadio app,
and we just came back from the hallway.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
We were having a very open conversation. We're having a
free conversation.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
I was asking our guests, doctor sam Zia, the sex Doctor,
about a variety of subjects and I can't detail them here,
but a part of it, adjacent to it, was this
idea of shame.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, the idea that men have shamed.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
As far as performance issues, the idea that men may
have anxiety about how they're perceived by women, that we
put it that way, How do we go about lessening
that stigma?
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Or is it just something that's here to stay.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
We lessen the stigma by openly communicating about sex and sexuality.
If we're hiding stuff, if we're a shame to even
discuss it, then it's just going to sit in the
dark and stew and fester until it becomes something toxic.
It's important to be actually open and honest about our
(11:29):
needs and our desires with our partners and making sure
that our needs are being met. If not, then we
have more room for resentment being built within a relationship,
You have more room for frustration and tension starting to
bite on people and then you start to feel like
you start to seeing the dynamic between them shift to
one where they feel like they don't quite understand each other.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Is the shame for men specifically, there's a shame as
far as women and how women may be perceived by
the world if they have what I call a body
out that's higher than people are willing to accept. But
men is different because it's I think it's self imposed,
is it not?
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Yeah, well, and men tend to be more braggadocious with
each other about their sexual conquests and what their body
count is, and with women it seems like the more
you have, the more shame gets thrown on.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
People from other people.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
But really a lot of times guys will also feel
ashamed about either not having enough sexual experience or enough
sexual partners and feel like like, especially if they're in
a committed relationship, and they don't feel like they've fulfilled
enough of their of their their desires and experiences, and
they feel too a shame to communicate those desires and
(12:44):
experiences with their partner. So at that point, that's where
you start seeing resentment starting to build in a relationship
because one person is like, I really want to open up,
and I am afraid of how you're going to react.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Speaking on that's where shame comes in, speaking of opening up.
And I wonder if this is factual or just anecdotal.
In other words, my view of the world, there was.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
Always this belief that a woman starts to enjoy sex
more when she hits thirty or so.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
First is their.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
Truth to that, I wouldn't say it doesn't necessarily get better.
I'd say the quality of sex may improve because their
partners may have more experience, or that individual may be
more comfortable in their skin section.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
That's what I was thinking, because a woman who is
thirty or above probably is not in the shadow of
her home.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah, she's not necessarily as tied.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
To belief that were imported to her or thrust upon her,
maybe not thrust rest to the wrong word.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Put upon her growing up. And she's gorgeous making decisions
as she wants.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Is that part of it? Part of it? Yeah, it's
also being.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
Less concerned about the pleasure of the other person and
taking more ownership of your own pleasure and making it
so that because and you hear a lot of times
like that person made me climax, You know that person,
and it's like, no, they didn't.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
You did that yourself.
Speaker 5 (14:07):
That's right, because it starts in to mind, your own mind,
because that person could go with someone who may be
in orgasmic. They may not be able to reach orgasm
and they're doing the exact same things, but they're not
able to tear that wall down, whereas with yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
But with people when they're you.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
Know, if they're doing it right and then they're attuned
to each other's needs and they're doing the things that
get each other off, then communication is already present. You
guys are making sure that your guys' needs are being mad.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
I wonder though, if the concept of going back to
shamee of that and sex has changed remarkably because of
the Internet, because people are able to see porn and
how that reshapes the mind at a much earlier age
than when you were growing up or when I was
growing up. How does pornography fit into that equation.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
Porn, again, is the fantasy of sex, and you have
to keep it in that context. You're not seeing the
reality of sex in it, but seeing the sexual act
and seeing all of these different things has made it
so that people have normalized sex a little bit more.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
There's a lot well, well they've normalized the act, but
what they're seeing is abnormal, yeah, and unrealistic.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:25):
But at the same time, it's bringing up discussion. It's okay, okay,
it's like, you know what that looks interesting? Have you
ever wanted to try that before? Like, that's where the
benefit of porn can be is that it helps create
and it instigates conversation between couples about ideas that they
may have or want to try, and they can use
(15:46):
porn as a way to introduce the concept.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Maybe in a healthy adult relationship.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Yeah, but to those who are using it or experiencing
it as a part of their growth, and I don't
need just as not just physically. Yeah, I'm just saying
the growth is as a fully formed adult, because if
you look at porn in your early twenties, is probably
going to impact you differently than your early thirties.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
Well, and there's the view that porn is exploitative, which
a lot of times it is, but it's a lot
of times people look at it as like the we
can look at the performers, and that's another discussion about
the exploitation of the performer, performers and stuff like that.
But when it comes to what people are actually seeing,
(16:34):
it's the way that porn has changed since the Internet
has come in. It was something that was like you know, oh,
we're going to go and raid my uncle's playboy stash too.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Now it's like on every single phone, every single one.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
And it makes it so that you have to have open,
active conversations about this stuff, either with kids or with
your partner, because where that stuff wasn't as present, you
weren't the conversation wasn't it wasn't accessible.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah, it wasn't there. Well, you didn't need to have
the conversation.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Now, it's something that porn, whether you like it or not,
is going to have some kind of impact on the relationship.
Whether you like and want to incorporate porn to the
relationship that you have with somebody or by yourself, or
if you have a lot of shame about it and
you don't want to have it be like it could
be viewed as perhaps cheating within a relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Really yeah, Oh yeah.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
I work with couples that are very much like they've
had issues with infidelity in the past, and they view
porn as part of the problem. So whenever they look
at porn, that's as much that's as close to cheating
as actually cheating.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
I can understand intellectually where you can see that brings
an element into the relationship that not everyone is comfortable with. Yeah,
But as far as infidelity, I'm not sure I understand
the leap.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
It's the it's not necessarily like the physical actor or
not actually being unfaithful, it's the feeling that gets left
with the person who's on the other side of it,
feeling inadequate, inadequate, feeling like what I'm not doing enough?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Like what I oh that's what you want type thing.
Speaker 5 (18:08):
Yeah, oh oh, you're more attracted to that. I'm not
good enough for you. You want that's the kind of
girl you want, And it's like they're not people who
have to understand a lot most guys aren't necessarily looking
at the girl as far as how beautiful they are,
because there's beautiful women all over the place. They're looking
at the sexual act. They're looking at what's physically happening.
(18:29):
Unless it's somebody who's like, Wow, that's the most beautiful
woman in the world and I want to know her
name and get to know more about her. We're not
looking at the names of the performers or who's doing it.
We're looking at the actual sexual act. So a lot
of times people will feel inadequate because they view the
stuff that they're watching is like, that's the person, the
(18:50):
kind of person you want. Not necessarily that's the kind
of stuff you want to engage in the act, the behaviors,
the sexual things that you want to do.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Doctor Samza, how can people reach out to you?
Speaker 5 (19:00):
You can hit me up on Instagram. It's at sam
z on air. Also my Psychology Today page you can
hit up. My number is one zero six three five two.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
KFI.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
It's a Lady with mo Kelly live on YouTube, Instagram,
Facebook and the iHeartRadio app. And are you a different
person when you're overstimulated? Do you react differently to people?
Do you respond differently? And I've never really thought about it.
I don't think of myself as ever being overstimulated, But
then when I read more about it, it made sense
(19:50):
to me, and I think I can be self aware
and realize when I am overstimulated. And to be overstimulated
means that our senses received a lot of information, and
working in this business, that's all it is. And now
we're feeling overwhelmed as we're receiving this information. Yes, yes,
And I think that's why oftentimes, when I'm driving in
(20:12):
or driving home, I may listen to a driving home,
I may listen to.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
A little bit of Nori, but then I'll turn off
the radio.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
If I'm driving in, I'm not listening to any type
of news or anything, or the radio is off because
I'm conscious of trying to regulate my emotional balance so
I'm not over stimulated and the way it comes out
to me, and I'm going to go around the room
and get people's thoughts about this, and doctor Sam is
still sitting in with us. When I feel that I'm overstimulated,
(20:43):
and I think I'm aware of it, I am snippy
because the amount of information I'm getting is usually from
social media. Social media is moving very quickly. Now I'm
responding to five or ten different conversations. If you've ever
engaged me on social media like threads or something, I'm
responding to a lot, lot of people, a lot sometimes
by choice. Some people are engaging me, and then to
(21:06):
then start interacting with real people.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Who are operating at a much slower pace and you're
having just a one to one conversation. I realize that
I can be what they say short, I can be
kind of snippy.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
I can be kind of rude at times, and it's
been pointed out to me, and I try to be
a little bit more self aware. But I think that's
what happens to me when I'm overstimulated. And so the
title of this article is are you mean when you're
over stimulated? And I have to say maybe, yes, maybe maybe,
because there's a of my I believe I'm somewhere on
(21:44):
the spectrum, somewhere.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I don't know. We talked about this last year.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
People are finding they are on the spectrum after the
age of thirty because my oddities suggests that. And sometimes
I do have problems with interpersonal relationships and conversation. I
don't perceive the world and receive the world as most
people do. Like for example, I don't like talking to people.
(22:11):
I like talking to the radio, but I like talking
to people. There's a difference. Don't call me, text me now,
That's what I'm saying. It has to do a speed.
I want you to get to the point. I'm not
into fake pleasant trees. I'm not interested in small talk
when I'm not at work. I don't want to talk
about my job. I'm very linear in that regard.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Yeah, that's just that's how I am. And so if
I am overstimulated, going back to this article, then yes,
I can be snippy, I can be short, and I
try to stop talking to people because I will probably
say the wrong thing or lash out. Uh, doctor Sam,
Are you one who is aware of being overstimulated? Oh?
Speaker 5 (22:47):
Absolutely? And I work primarily as a mental health professional.
So overstimulation is something, especially if you're on the spectrum.
It's uh, it's more pronounced when we get when we
get over stimulated, and the path of over stimulation is brutal,
and it's like riding a wave that constantly gets bigger
and bigger, like a tsunami, and it really it puts
(23:11):
a huge importance on being able to separate yourself, like
you were saying, getting in the car, turning off the
radio and you know, maybe listening to music or just
having silence. It puts a priority on being able to
cope with the stress and anxiety and tension as you
go throughout the day so that that wave doesn't carry
as much momentum throughout the day.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Stephan, what about yourself? Do you find yourself over stimulated
in a job like this? You know you're processing a
lot when you're working for these shows.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I definitely compartmentalize because you know, I've worked so hard
to get to this position, so I in general am
a shy person. I don't like to talk to people,
and I think we've matched up on this. Like if
you have a party at your house, you expect the crowd.
That's fine because then you can kind of walk around
to this and that. But if you come home and
(24:06):
you don't expect ten fifteen people in your house, you've
heard my stories exactly, like you want to go into
your room, but then you seem like the a hole
because you don't want to talk to Anyboddy right right,
and yeah, I've told this story before, so very quickly.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
There are times when my wife will invite family over.
It's usually her family because my family's super small. Both
my parents, my father's passed on, but both of them
were only children. It's just me and my oldest sister.
My sister married someone who was an only child. They
had one child. I don't have aunts and uncles and cousins,
so I'm used to having my space. And when I
(24:43):
come home and my wife is one of five and
they all have forty five children, and they're you know,
they have children's children, and there are a lot of
people at my house, a lot. So when I get
off work and I come home, and sometimes she'll surprise
me like, oh, cousin so and so is.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Here, It's like, oh what really?
Speaker 4 (24:59):
And then I'm getting off a tennish, get home around
eleven ish, and then people say, hey, tell me about.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Your day, what's going on? Tell me the three radio show,
how you being Foh, I want to go to bed.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
That's overstimulation and that's after a thirty minute drag. Because
we both live in the same general area. Yeah, I
don't want to be hospitable. I'm not trying to entertain,
so I'm gonaware of myself in that regard.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Cardonia, let me ask you as far as are you
aware when you're overstimulated?
Speaker 2 (25:28):
And if so, how does it manifest?
Speaker 6 (25:30):
I feel like I can feel when I get over stimulated.
It's like my mind is going through so much, especially
if I don't have my days planned out. Then I'm
thinking about, Okay, I gotta do this, this, this, and
then I'm going through the process Okay, well how am
I going to get this and this done? And I
find myself getting so tense.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Physically thinking about other stuff.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
You gotta do yes, And I find myself getting so tense.
And Daniel is so good because he's always asking me,
are you okay?
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Are you good?
Speaker 6 (25:51):
And sometimes I can't even verbally express what I'm feeling
or how I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I'm just like, back up, give me some space, let
me breathe.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
There it is.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
That's the key is it's okay to tell the people
around you, hey, I'm overstimulated. I need a second and
a good way to kind of stem the tide of
that over stimulation is giving yourself maybe once an hour
or once every two hours.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
This is a thing that we used to have. I know,
we gotta go to break, but it's an important point.
Speaker 5 (26:18):
There's something that was socially acceptable for us to engage
in back in like the sixties, seventies, eighties that we
are not allowed to do. That made it so people
weren't as overstimulated back then, and they think that we
can't handle our stuff like they used to nowadays. It's
because every fifteen or every hour or every two hours,
we would take ten to fifteen minutes for a smoke break.
(26:39):
We would separate ourselves from the stress, whatever is getting
under our skin, and we would go outside. And if
you take a cigarette out of the out of the
person's hands and you just look at what they're physically doing.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
They're usually looking away, they're taking.
Speaker 5 (26:56):
Deep breaths, they're actually doing relaxation exercises. I'm not saying
pick up a cigarette and start up a bad habit.
I'm saying, give yourself the same permission that we used
to give ourselves thirty forty fifty years ago.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Go outside. That's legitimately. Mind, take a breath.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
That's a good one. I didn't think about that. Yeah,
right there, that's stem for a talk. Do that once
every two hours.
Speaker 5 (27:18):
Now we're starting to cut all of that wave of
overstimulation and cutting it up in chunks to make it
so it's more easily digestible before.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
We go to newsbreak Mark, is there anything you'd like
to add? I know you're a very private person, but
I know that you have thoughts.
Speaker 7 (27:34):
Sam raised an excellent point. We need time to slow
down and even to be bored. We have constant input
from media, social media, Internet. We have no time for
reflection or silence. Your brain's a muscle and it needs
constant work to maintain itself. And I don't think we're
gonna like what it's doing to our brains, all this
over stimulation. When we see enough studies have been done
(27:57):
on I mean, think about this, it's almost impossib for
us to imagine what life was like for our grandparents
who grew up before TV, let alone Internet and everything
we have now I dread what this is going to
show about us?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Nothing good.
Speaker 7 (28:11):
You have to really go out of your way to
take time to you know, take a walk or a
smoke break like Sam mentioned, or just have some time
to reflect and think. We don't really, there's no we
don't build time into our day on the whole, just
to think and just to be if you understand what
I'm saying by just to exist without having to accomplish something.
(28:34):
And that's especially true of Americans, which you find if
you've traveled enough. That's why I say you gotta travel.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
Before we get out of here, let me quickly do
this final thought. I mean, if you know me, you
know I love politics.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
It's my jam.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
As they say, I eat it, live it, study it
every single day. And that's different from just talking about it.
That's different from arguing with people on social media as
a hobby. I mean, I really really study, because when
you do, you better understand the why. Not discussing things
only in terms of what you like, who you like,
who you want to win elections, not your personal preferences,
(29:16):
but why things happen history perspective, all that nerdy stuff.
By now or very soon from now, he'll know the
name of Zorin Mandani. He just won the Democratic open
primary for mayor of New York. He's thirty three, he's
a Muslim, oh my a law, he's a naturalized citizen,
clutch those immigration pearls.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
And he's a self described democratic socialist. Perish the thought.
He is a woke triple threat. As I said, he's
a democratic socialist, which is.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Not the same as a communist or the same as
a conventional socialist.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
But it's not for me to explain. He can sort
that out for you.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Weirdly, though, a lot of America has gone apoplectic over
this guy, just mad at.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
The idea that he's the new mayor of New York
York City. No he's not. He just won the Democratic primary,
nothing more.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
Also, weirdly, many of us who aren't Democrats like me,
aren't New Yorkers like me, have so much to say
about a Democratic primary on the other side of the country.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
But let's look at how politics works.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Mandanni's chief competition in the primary was the former New
York Governor Andrew Cuomo, who was last seen resigning in
disgrace after multiple sexual harassment allegations and arguably, arguably, depending
on whom you asked, arguably mismanaging the state COVID pandemic response,
especially in the City of New York. Even predecessor Elliot Spitzer,
(30:42):
who also resigned as governor but for having a hooker fetish,
he had more positive name recognition than Cuomo. Nobody blamed
Elliot Spitzer for possibly killing elderly people in nursing homes
during a pandemic. Then there's that, and then there's this.
Thirty eight percent of New York's residents are immigrants, nineteen
percent of them are registered voters. Mam Donnie put in
(31:06):
the work on the ground, going door to door himself
personally to turn out the vote.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Cuomo did not. Mam Donnie use.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Social media, especially TikTok, to get out his message appealing
to a younger voting base.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Cuomo did not.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
If you're shocked that the Muslim naturalized citizen from Uganda
and Democratic Socialists beat the old establishment guy who is
linked to killing old people in nursing homes, you're just
not paying attention to the details. Again, this was just
the primary in the general election. Get this, he'll be
facing off against former New York City Mayor Eric Adams,
(31:43):
who is now running as an independent. If we didn't know,
Adams left the Democratic Party recently. But that's not what
is going to hurt him. The fact, if not for
a Trump pardon, Eric Adams would be in a federal
prison right now, serving a decade's long sentence.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
That is the problem. He probably doesn't stand a real
good chance either.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
He was grossly unpopular still is even before he was
indicted and arrested. Cuomo said he might also consider running
in the general as an independent, but that doesn't wipe
away the sexual harassment or the dead people in a
nursing home. The Republican winner of the New York City
primary just a few days ago, Curtis Sliwa, Yes, the
(32:25):
radio host and former Guardian Angels leader. New Yorkers hate him.
They hate him. Here's something else to remember. New York
is seventy percent registered Democrat, seventy percent. And this conversation
is not unlike what I said about here in Los Angeles.
The Republicans are throwing out a massively unpopular radio host
(32:48):
as their best foot forward. Sliwa rant unopposed in the primary,
the grossly unpopular, unqualified radio host. It's like here in
La the Republicans aren't even trying. So, yeah, Zora and
Mondani has a good chance to win if you're actually
(33:09):
paying attention to the particulars. But what I have to
take issue with, and here's the real takeaway before we go,
is when you have people such as Congressmen Andy Ogles,
who wrote to the Department of Justice seeking an investigation
into Mandannie's citizenship, alleging that he concealed his support for terrorism,
(33:29):
also calling him quote unquote little Mohammed, even openly calling
for his deportation an American citizen. Ogles is a Tennessee
congressman Tennessee worried about the Democratic primary in the New
York City mayoral race. Not New York's Elise Dephonic, but
the Tennessee congressman.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Now, I don't know about you. When you're calling him little.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Mohammed and calling for him to be deported as an
American citizen, that gives me the sense that this is
not about politics, or at least the complaint isn't that
it's not about legal immigration because he's a naturalized citizen.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
And I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm
not sure what it is.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
It's not as politics, it's it's not about legal immigration.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
It's something else. I wonder what it is for k IF.
I am six forty, I'm O Kelly.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
KSI and kost HD two, Los Angeles, Orange County.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
More stimulating talk
Later, with Mo'Kelly News
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