A $600 Chicken Finger Dinner

Now that summer is over, our bank accounts get a chance to recover from the kids being at home. In this episode, the Ellises talk about how much making memories on family vacations cost them this year. Dead ass.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm gonna say this once and one time only.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Don't invite me anywhere and say feel free to bring
the kids unless you plan on paying for all the motherfuckers.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Dead ass, dead ass, and I'm caught somewhere in between
wanting to take my kids to see the world and
leaving it asses at home.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Dead ass.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm devoued, and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
You may know us from posting funny videos with our
boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
I make you need therapy most days. Wow. Oh, and
one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,
we are.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Li's most taboo topics.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
Things most folks don't want to talk about through the
lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a
term that we say every day.

Speaker 4 (00:57):
So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts
one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Were about to take philotof to our whole new level.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
Dead ass starts right now.

Speaker 2 (01:13):
I got a story to I'm taking you back a
couple of weeks ago when we was in the Bahamas.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
Okay, yeah, shout out to the Bahamas. We had an
amazing time together. That was our first time taking a
trip as the family of six. Yes, solo, just the six.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Of us, family of six.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
The last time we all went somewhere, you were pregnant
with the code.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
We went to Aruba, had a good time at a.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Great time, family of six. It was like five point five.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's five point five. This is our first time is
family of six.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
So we go to the Bahamas and Kadeen decides, like, yo,
they got a dope hotel that has a water park
attached to it. So one thing about Kadeen, Kadeen always
makes plans, thinking about how the plan is going to
be executed, how I'm going to feel executing the plan,
and if the kids going to have fun.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yes, that's how she makes small plants.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
She's like, you know what if we're in the hotel,
DEVI wants to sleep in, but the kids want to
go to a water park, he don't have to get
up and drive us. We can go right down there.
So she had this whole plan set up, which I appreciate. Right,
So we pull up to the SLS and we're like, Yo,
we're hungry. Let's go get something to eat. Boom, our
room ain't ready. We go eat at the what was
it called the squigly pig.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
I don't know. Somebody swimming pig.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Swimming pig, the swimming piglet's called the swimming pick. All right,
So we go into the swimming pig. They got food,
regular food, chicken fingers. You had some tacos.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
Oh my god, they had this barbecue brisket, nachos.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yes, it was good to die for. It's slapped food out.
There was amazing. I will say that it's slap right.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Cairo got a burger, cats got chicken fingers, the Coda
got chicken fings. Everybody got typical stuff. Right, we get
the bill sixty dollars? How how was it six hundred
and fifty dollars. I'm gonna explain to you how it's
six hundred and fifty dollars?

Speaker 1 (03:06):
All right?

Speaker 3 (03:06):
Was that bill six hundred? That was more like four
or five?

Speaker 1 (03:08):
Nah, that bill was six hundred fifty dos.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
I remember I paid it. I paid it. I'm gonna
tell you how right. The bill itself was about four
hundred dollars. The bill itself was four hundred dollars. But
remember we were drinking too.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
There was you and I.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
You and I started that. We just got there. I
had two drinks, You had two drinks. So it was
four hundred and something dollars, right. But then I'm looking
down because I'm going with I'm like six fifty dollars.
I'll go down there and I see service charge fifteen percent,
fifteen percent, four fifty.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
That's another game, about seventy eighty dollars. Then I see vat.
Not that, but that vat va, that's vat.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
So I'm like, yo, yo, yo yo. I didn't have
a VAT. I don't know what drink that is. I
didn't have that. I didn't have that. I had a
ba tapa, I had a Bahama papa. I didn't have
a VAT. And he's like, no, no, no, the vat is
just a tax that we put on as a search
charge because we do imports and exports. And I was
just like, so you're going to tax me on top
of the tax you're already put on my thing and

(04:15):
the surcharge because y'all had to import stuff and.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
We didn't ask you the import. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
But he was just like that's how that's how the
country makes money off the VAT tax. So it's a
tax that the government charges the restaurant, which is an
additional ten percent.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
So it was.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Twenty five percent on top of already what I had
already paid.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
So you're looking at four point fifty plus.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
The additional twenty five percent put you at an additional
one hundred dollars plus.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
They had the nerve to ask for gratuity.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Me.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
I put my hand and I'm like, yo, yo said,
we're not in school, you're here. I had to know.
I had to know.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
I said, so, y'all already have a service charge and
you have a VAT, right, what are you saying like that?

Speaker 1 (05:01):
Because I was? I was. I was why said, like
the gratuity? What do you expect me to do for gratuity?
I asked? She was like, ultypically people do twenty thirty
percent for gratuity. I was like, y'all got service charge. Well,
service charge doesn't go to a service charge goes to the.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
Restaurant divided and that goes to the government, right, so
the gratuity goes to the person who actually like directly
service suffs. And I was like, and now I feel
bad because you deserve to get your gratuity yours. But
but I don't feel very gratuitous right now because y'all
already vatted me to death and you already service charged

(05:38):
me to death. So I gave her thirty percent, but
it came up to six hundred and fifty dollars the
bill just to have lunch.

Speaker 1 (05:44):
Bro, We're not talking about a dinner in a sit
down like.

Speaker 3 (05:48):
No, this resort was not all inclusive. No, every every
meal we paid for. Bro.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
It wasn't that that was the first meal I paid for.
It wasn't that moment I looked at Caneen and I
was just like, how long are we here?

Speaker 4 (06:01):
Yo?

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Dead ass? For real? Dead ass?

Speaker 3 (06:06):
Now tell me, are you going to sing the karaoke
time with the same accent that you said with lots?

Speaker 2 (06:11):
No, I ain't singing. I ain't singing the Russian karaoke
song right now?

Speaker 3 (06:15):
Right that sidebar VAT stands for value added text in
case anybody was wondering.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
Oh so they spell it b S because that's really
what that is. What the fuck is the value added tax?

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Bro?

Speaker 2 (06:31):
They just put anything on the bill, Bro, They put
anything on the bill in fact, and they gave it
an acronym like like like, oh, they won't know what
that is and look up that No, it's fucked up,
bro funked up.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Let me get to it. Let me get to karaoke.
This karaoke shout out to my man Kaz my twin.
This was his song. Whenever we used to travel, remember
we did our road trips.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
He'd be in the back of the car screaming his
head off until we sang this uh.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
Huh b b shot did.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
Baby shock, baby shock, baby.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
Shoe by shot at.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Baby shop, baby shop, baby shoe.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
And we had to sing it like that. That rendition
of it was amazing.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
I forget who we came across on social media. It
was like a comedian. That version of it.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
It was amazing.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
And from then that's the only version of it that
we singing. He got a kick out of it. And
then now we get wheels on the bus to death.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
Go around and but it has to start like that,
if you go right to the wheels and a busy No,
I love it.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
Oh, I missed my baby cod to come home co
to sal on vacations, I talk about vacation, best life
of being lived by an almost two year old. All right,
let's pay some bills. Let's actually let devour recoup from
all of the VAT charges. We're gonna pay some bills
because we need it. All right, thanks, and now we'll
be back. All righty doaks, we're back. We're back. So yeah,

(08:26):
back to your story time. That was the first meal
that we got upon arrival at the resort and going
into it, I had paid for air fear and I
had paid for the hotel stay, which with a family
this big, we have to get either one or two
bedroom suite at minute, well one bedroom suite at minimum,
or we get adjoining rooms.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
So we got to get at least a two bedrooms
at least.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
Well true two bedroom sweet one for me and you
and then one for the boys. And they didn't have
that available and we got there. We tried to get
an upgrade, but they were at capacity, so we ended
up doing an adjoining room, which worked out really well
for us also because you know, the kids have access
to us, but we also have our private time.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
And to not make any more kids.

Speaker 3 (09:06):
That part that part, But then looking at it in
that moment, I was like, man, should I have booked
an all inclusive resort versus booking a spot where we
would have to pay per meal. That's always the debate
for me, and the issue that I typically run into
when looking at all inclusive resorts is, you know, reading
the reviews. I'm a very big like read the reviews,

(09:26):
get on trip advisors, see how many stars? What are
people saying about food? And that can kind of be
hit or miss sometimes because of course, everybody's experience is different,
and we can kind of compare it to for example,
us going to the Muhamas versus the week later going
to Mexico on a trip with your family and what
the food experienced at the very least was like very too,
completely different.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
I will say this though, right I was starting to
get mad at my kids right because I'm like, you know,
I'm paying six hundred dollars for this food. My nigga,
you're not going to eat chicken fingers every day, like,
order something else just because it's so expensive. I need
need you to try something else. Try a conk Fredda,
try a Conkforredda. Please just do something. Try try a

(10:07):
fish taco. But I'm not gonna pay six hundred dollars
every time we eat for you to have chicken.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
Fingers bro and then we kind of also found a
way around it because then you realize, too, Okay, what
are the portions looking like at this resort, right, we
can essentially have Cairo Kass split a meal, fact and
then Dakota pretty much eats a little bit from everybody.
So we got a little smarter as the trip progressed,
because we're like, do we really even need this? But
the good thing too, is that we don't really we're
not big foodies like that, Like we don't have to

(10:33):
eat slack dinners, but.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
You're gonna take some.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
Let me tell you about Kadeen Kadean not gonna spend
a bad dollar. No, we order for where did we
go into Bahamas? And they gave us so much food?
First of all, if y'all go to the Bahama, eat local.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
Eat local, Well, I'm just saying to eat local.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
Oh yeah, no, what's the name of the place.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
Though, Oh oh shoot, we're gonna find Aandrasandrisandris Wandris.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah, we went first of all, the Bahamas food be slapping.
It's a mixed for me, it's a mix between Jamaican
food and Nigerian food. There's an earthiness that Nigerian food
has and suspiciness that they have, but the colorfulness that
Jamaican food has was like a perfect mix. And Bahamian
food is really really good. So every time we ate locally,

(11:20):
it was, oh my gosh, it was so they still
have the fat.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
We also went to the poop what was it called again,
the poop somewhere.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
I know you're talking about on the on the the water.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, name for you, But anything local for me, that's
what I enjoyed. So I don't solely rely on staying
on the resort. When I go to places, I like
to go off the resort. She loves, because I want
the local experience. Like where are y'all going on? Yall
lunch break?

Speaker 1 (11:43):
That's what I want to know.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
So I always make friends and shout out to Kanesha
at the resort we went, Tonsha was amazing and she
was able to give us all the tea and all
the local spots where to go.

Speaker 1 (11:52):
We're not to go, That's what I was going to say.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
We were at uh Ohandra's, said Andra Laundras, and they
gave us huge portions, I mean huge huge. So Candien
is there and I guess people don't typically take food
home there because when we asked for to go containers
and stuff, they were just like.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
To go containers.

Speaker 3 (12:13):
It didn't really happen.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
And then it was like yo, yo yo, my men's
my mens, you're gonna have to find something for me
to put this in.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
Conk solad in because it was so fresh, it was
so good and all my father talked about when he
knew that we were going to the Bahamas, it's like,
you have to try the conk Bahamas. They're known for
conk conk. That's just what it is. It was conk salad.
Everything was just super fresh.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
Love there.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Fast forward a week and a half, we're in Mexico
right and we're we had an all inclusive resort. When
you go to all inclusive resorts, they have restaurants on
the premises.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
Poo Poop Deck is a place.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
When you're in the Bahamas, you have to go to
poop Deck. Yes, the food is so good, the service
was great.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Everything. The only thing I will say was that it's
on the water.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
It's humid if you go into summertime because they don't
have it's the way it's built is you eat right
on the deck and it's all open, but it's covered
so the sun doesn't come in, but there's no real ventilation.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
And there's no wind going through. So it was hot.
So it was hot, but it was worth it.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
Fast forward to Mexico, and when you're at these resorts
for all inclusive, you can't take food home. Tell me
while my wife is throwing napkins over the place that's
not full and putting them underneath the baby carriage.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, and were walking out.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
There with plates and plates of food and caves that
listen to them, kids gonna eat this food later?

Speaker 3 (13:31):
Yeah, because they will be because they're gonna look at
me at a certain time of the evening. And in Mexico,
we had like a kitchen itt with a microwave and
a fridge. So I said, they're gonna eat this later.
Because the room service was terrible, you know, breakfast was
hit or miss. Like the food of the all inclusive
resort was very mediocre. So if you did find something
that they liked, I'm like, let's just bag this to

(13:53):
go and I'm gonna put it under the stroller.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, and we're gonna go back to the room.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
And one thing we noticed too sometimes going to onlyclusive spots.
When we went to the Rio in the Grill, the
food there wasn't good either. They have a jerk chicken
spot that me and k Ate most of the time
because that's where the local guy comes in to make
the jerk food. And I mean to us when we
say the food is terrible. It wasn't like our palates
have gotten way more different. But also we just want

(14:20):
to try the food at the actual place we're staying in. Like,
I don't want to go to a resort and have
to eat Italian food if I'm staying in Mexico. You know,
I don't want to go to the Bahamas and eat
French food. You know, I want to go eat Bahamian food.
I want to eat some Mexican food.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
Now here's the thing.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
I'm not a big Mexican food eater. So they had
a Mexican restaurant which was actually really good. I heard
it was very authentic. But Coleen and I don't like
Mexican food.

Speaker 3 (14:46):
So well, I like Mexican food, I'm not myself. I
just don't like cilantro Okay, okay, okay, okay. So yeah,
so that being said, whenever I do vacation with the
boys and deval aside from food, because it's just only
one component of the trip. I'm trying to find something
that everybody can enjoy, right. So, like we said with
a Ruba, for example, we had gotten Airbnb and we

(15:08):
were able to kind of do our own thing. The
kids can have breakfast at home with us that well
yet our Airbnb, and then we go out. I found
the water parks. I found the place that would be
fun for the kids. But also knowing at that water park,
let me try to find like a cabana space or
something that's a little bit private that we can have
some downtime where now doesn't feel like he's in the
sun all day chasing the kids. So with the cost
of airline tickets at an all time high at this point,

(15:31):
because they're out there trying to recoup every penny, I'm
thinking since the pandemic, sometimes it's better just to leave
the kids at home. But if you want to give
your kids experiences that they'll hopefully never forget and always cherish,
you better be ready to spend a pretty penny if
those memories include traveling, and recently we took our little

(15:52):
small village, our little six of us to the Bahamas
and we had an amazing, amazing time, but just watching
the way the bills were racking up, it was wow.
I just didn't know at any point, whether we did
all inclusive or not. Was there an inexpensive way to
vacation with the family this big. I don't know if
there there's even a way to do that.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
I remember growing up people saying all the time, you know,
kids are expensive, kids are expensive. And I hadn't reached
we hadn't reached the point yet where the kids have
become expensive, you know, because it doesn't matter how much
money Kadein and I made, we always found ways to
do things on a budget.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
So he's like, Yo, this isn't that you know, this
isn't that big deal. This isn't that big a deal.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
But now that we have to pay, and when you
think about it, before Covid Kaz, we didn't have to
pay for him to travel. He was still under two
years old, Kotas and much like Koda, but also Cairo.
There were times, because Cairo hadn't even become three yet,
we'd be like, let's see if we can sneak him by.
You know, Sometimes me and kay gonna try to get
over one thing about my wife. My wife is a jenile,

(16:53):
all right, me a teeth, She had a tief Shes gonna.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
Find ways to get by and get over. And I
love that about hers. It's called reparation. But what is
wrong with you?

Speaker 3 (17:07):
I'm just saying I had to take it how I
can get it.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
Listen, I appreciate it because I the benefits of that,
because them reparations come back in our pockets. But okay,
we found ways in those early years when we had
three kids to travel and it wasn't expensive. Now, when
you have a twelve year old, a six year old,
a five year old, you have to pay for all
those tickets. The coda is about to be two. We're

(17:31):
gonna end up having to pay for his tickets. You're
talking about six airline tickets. There's no cheap way to
do that. There is no cheap way to do that.
And the craziest part is Kadeen and I try to
get everything together.

Speaker 1 (17:44):
So we try to book a flight where we.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
Can get six seats across the road, either in comfort
plus or if I like to travel first class, like
that's just how I like to travel.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
But if we can't.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
Kadeen will be the first, but yo, it ain't no
first class available and just four thousand a piece.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
We're gonna go Comfort Plus. So we go Comfort a Plus.

Speaker 3 (18:01):
So if you see us in Comfort Plus and the
kids in main Wave, just say, hi, don't judge us.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
It's just what it is. It is what it is
because it is what it is.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
I am not going to pay eighteen thousand dollars to
take a two hour trip to Disney World.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
I'm just not doing it, bro.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
I'm getting the car and drive it and depending on
where's drivable.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
And that's what we did when we went to Disney
World to go see Grandma.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
We went to go see Grandma, and we said, you
know what, Disney World is not really that far six hour,
six hour.

Speaker 1 (18:30):
She lives close by.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Might as well make it an experience again going down
for one thing to spend time.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
But I'll just trying to find ways to keep the
boys entertained.

Speaker 3 (18:36):
So let's go into some facts and stats so we
can see what things are looking like on an average
basis for domestic travel versus international travel and all that
good stuff. So this is according to a family of four.
So you guys can kind of do the math based
on your family size. But according to picasa dot com,
the average cost for travel for a domestic trip for

(18:56):
a family of four is nineteen seven.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
You can round that up to two thousand, two thousand.
This s would be about three thousand for us if
you added additional two.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
There you go, and that's with four domestic flights for
thirteen twenty, So that's about thirteen hundred. Airport parking FO
one hundred and thirty dollars. Rental car two ninety they
rented for twenty to a bike and gas for two
eighty eight. Because these rental cars too wild expense, they'll
show you one price when you start seeing expedia, and

(19:26):
by the time you know, you go through taxes and
fees and whatever version of that they got. Then next
thing you know, you got an eight hundred dollars rental
car bill. Fact average flight calls for domestic three thirty.
That's fair depending on where you're going right now and
how far in advanced you book.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
International eight eighty.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
So international, if we were to just fly coach a
eighty plus tax, you can round it up to nine
hundred dollars for six people would be four hundred dollars already,
that just for flights to go international. And K and
I talked about wanting our kids to see the world.
But when you think about every time you have to travel,
it's going to court you at least six thousand dollars

(20:05):
just to get on the flight. I don't care how
much money you make. That's expensive. Absolutely, it's expensive.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
Absolutely, average fortnight lodging costs for a hotel eight ten,
so that's about two hundred dollars a night roughly where
you staying at.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
I don't know, yeah, two hundreds a night. I don't
see that happening.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
I don't know where you're staying at for that, especially
if you.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
Have kids and them kids got to eat and you
need plate like you need entertainment, right, Well, the hotel
is a form of entertainment for the kids.

Speaker 3 (20:32):
That's true. I mean, our kids do enjoy hotels. They
feel like they're in somewhere so different. Sometimes campsite if
you're going campaign one sixty vacation rental. Maybe that's if
you're doing an airbnb or property five forty eight.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
Which is I don't know how accurate this thing is.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
Chill. This might have been from years ago, because if
you want to even do a fortnight Airbnb, depending on
where your story it stay, if it's not at a hostel,
I mean, if you want to just stay in a
half decent apartment, then it's going to be at least
three times that our kids can.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Survive a hostel. I don't think the hostile can survive
our kids.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
I was about to say we probably run the hostile out.
We would, We would just take it. Even like them
kids is too loud, that's a fact. They'd be jumping
all over everything. Cairo got people waking up in the
morning and working out. No, like, we're not doing this,
is gonna ask them questions to death. Carol's colda is
gonna give him the side eye of the entire time
and make them really uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
Jackson will make friends with everyone, Yeah he would.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
Jackson Jackson would try to find the bright side. Average
food and drink costs per person for food forty six
dollars if you're not traveling with my kids, and alcohol
twenty one dollars. That's like one drink nowadays.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
I don't know about this.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
Very they were very conservative, but they were very conservative.
But I will say that we do travel expensive like
you're you you are a hotel.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
Snob, I am, and you're a flight snow. I'm a
flight stop. So I marriage it is to be broke.
According to the blog mouse Hacking you, I don't.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
Know what it is.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
It's my element, I guess.

Speaker 3 (22:02):
And the average cost for a family trip to Disney
World and twenty twenty four will be and they're projecting this,
I guess, with inslation and everything involved, sixty nine one
hundred dollars for a family of four to Disney World.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
And you know every fifth birthday, which would be the
coldest fifth birthday in twenty twenty six. We will all
be traveling to Disney World in twenty twenty six.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
What's the price gonna look like? At least as the
last child? And y'all could take me out my misery
of these trips that we Why do we think this
was a good idea? A sidebar, here's our mickey and
see our mom and dad shirts. This was from Kaz's
fifth birthday last year? Was it right?

Speaker 2 (22:42):
Well, I'm gonna tell you why we decided to do
this because we had good parents. And your parents gave
you experiences and my parents gave us good experience.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
But now I see why they stopped at three kids.
I have right, and I see why we went to.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Our grandparents every summer and didn't go on the long
vacations because my parents was like, fuck them kids, we.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
Deserve to go and occasion bosself.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
But now you're traumatized from that whole experience.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
No, actually I'm not traumatized.

Speaker 2 (23:05):
I gained a lot of work ethic having the cut
grass first thing in the morning.

Speaker 5 (23:10):
Yes, get my ask, what would have flash water? I
learned discipline, that's a fact. And you're also athletic because
of it.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
Super athletic, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
At the kids club doing your boys and girls club,
that's what it was, and you were doing your your
acting there.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
I think I started early days in the role center
my arts and craft.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
Sperients, had the foresight to see how it was going
to positively impact you.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
So it's a scoop and Ma, now I understand you.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
I truthfully understand why we wasn't going on full family
vacations everything.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
So you know what we should do is return the
favor and ship all four of our kids to scoop in. Ma.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
Now we on the same give me four. See I
knew she was on something. You're on fire today, your
brain braining, listen your brain, you have your cell rejuice
this morning.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
See I'm not mental clarity. But look at this.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
It says gonna be about set thousand dollars in twenty
twenty four with four family of four. So if that's
a family of six, two much about it. Three you're
looking at ten thousand, five hundred dollars for us if
we were going twenty twenty four, but we're not going
till twenty twenty six. Yeah, so that ten to five
will probably be about twelve thousand dollars to go to
Disney World.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
I know they could.

Speaker 3 (24:18):
I know on Amazon, I could find a Mickey and
a mini costume and we could just make this house
look like Disney World.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
So we gonna dre up as Mickey. Many that's a fact,
and we could use it. At the end of the night.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
The coda will disown you. The Coda's like I watched
all these videos and my brother's going to Mickey and
in Disney.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
World, and I got to fly in the backyard and
I'm still here.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
I know, I know, No, we have to make a
special for him too. And that's one thing we're very
very deliberate about. We don't want to drop off at
the fourth chowel.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
We can't.

Speaker 3 (24:46):
You feel like, damn y'all had me just the skimps.
So his own actually might then be more elaborate, because
think about how many years from now that's going to
be in what position we plan to be.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
In, you know, well, if it's anything like his baby
shower that you play, and.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
Then he probably gonna boy Disney World when he's five
years old. That shit was a vibe bro.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
That was such a fun experience and that was the
first time people were finally back outside after COVID, So
I think it was the reunion field plus the party.
Shout out to pep Our event designers, she snapped, she.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
Did snap, that's a whole nother podcast.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
We have to do, Yeah, children's experiences based on what
position they fall in the family. For example, Jackson's baby
Shadow was at Aviator right, we had we had over no,
we had over one hundred people at that baby sit low.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
In terms of like the core and theatric Yeah, but
we did have agreed.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
We didn't hire a planner. We did everything our own.
It cost us cost us a grip too, but it
was at Aviator.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
We got in a discount because you were working there
running your program out of there.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
But then we did get a lot.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
And every time we have a baby, we get such
great support and outpour of people with diapers and wipes.
I don't think we bought diapers for Jackson for like
a year.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
And a half, we did it.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
Cairo's Baby Shit Hour was at that event space in
bed in Brooklyn.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
Kaz's baby shower was well.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
Kas probably had small, It was a little It was
a little dinner that we did.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
Because because we had him right after Kyro.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
He literally came right after Cairo, we didn't need as
much stuff, but we still felt that we wanted to
celebrate him in some way, so we had a very
small We called it a.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Little push party because we didn't need that much stuff
because we had Kyro.

Speaker 3 (26:27):
Right.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
Dakota's baby shower though, was in the city in Manhattan,
and we had how many people over two hundred people there.
Of two hundred people, it was it was a full event.
His first birthday party was the same thing, a full event. Like, yeah,
so his his Disney World trip is gonna be crazy.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
Another episode on why we chose to do events that big.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
Now, how about we do an episode on starting only
fans so we can pay for this Disney trip?

Speaker 1 (26:51):
About that, and they practiced my moves enough. That's a fact.
You've got to get this phone on. Put the phone
on hit record.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
So the reactions that we've gotten from our kids, I
think that's what makes it worthwhile for us. Like Jackson
to this day still can't stop talking about how much
fun he had on both trips. Yes, and I love
that we went to the Bahamas right with just the
six of us. Then we went to Mexico, and of
course us adults were more critical because we've seen and
we've yeah, and they one thing with our children, they

(27:21):
don't complaint. They're grateful, Yes, and I such Jackson at
the end of it. Actually they had They're pretty grateful.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
Cairo said, the last time we went in first class.
This first class is trash because they didn't because they
didn't serve dinner.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
That is true, but it was a flight.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
But at least he knows what to expect. You know,
it's okay to have.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
Standards, right, but they are grateful, will tell you if
something is true.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
Carol is super honest and Kaz to kas the same way.
Jackson is a little more and more diplomatic. It's good,
you know, I'm just happy to be here. So I
hit Jackson with you know, like what was your favorite
part of the vacations or the summer or whatever, and
he was like, family, Like it got to be with
you and Daddy and my brothers, and then we got
to be a daddy's side of family.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
Like family was my favorite.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
This is the first summer in the past six years
where I've been home the entire summer.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
The entire summer you were in Ottawa, I was in Ottawa.

Speaker 1 (28:15):
Then I had to go to New York to film,
then we went on tour.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
Yeah, last summer, I enjoyed every freaking second of it.
As y'all know, I pretty much shut down once May hit.
I was like, yeah, you was done. I was burnt out.
I was, but also too, I really was like desperately
craving reconnecting with you and my boys. I kind of
felt like the past two years were really a blur
because we were working so much and around the clock.

(28:41):
There was really no off time. So I was very
deliberate this summer about really enjoying it because I knew
the minute the last day of school hit. This year,
I'm like, watch, we're gonna blink and they're back in school,
and here we are.

Speaker 1 (28:50):
They're back in school.

Speaker 3 (28:52):
But I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed the summer
with the boys and they got all of us and
shout out to you for even just being.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Home and getting a little bit of a getting a break.
You have not stopped. I don't think ever.

Speaker 3 (29:04):
I don't think it was ever a time where you
just did not have to be out of the house.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Since we since we've been together, since I've turned eighteen
and been playing football than in the NFL, I've never
had a full three weeks straight off.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
Never you always doing something, always doing something.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
But I mean, think about it, even with those weeks off,
all you've been doing was doing content. Yeah, this summer,
Deva has been like back to videos again, back to videos.
I'm like, wait a sday, I thought we stopped doing that.

Speaker 6 (29:31):
Bro. I looked at the VAT and I said, Man,
if I got to pay this VAT, I'm gonna make
some money off this video video video after taxes, That's
what that is.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
I'm gonna do a video after I pay these taxes.
There we go.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
That's that was it, the new definition of vat. I
love that every time you held the phone like here's
my video for the dek and I'm like that I
got PTSD.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
No, we're not doing this again. We're not doing this again.
I'm not playing we had as.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
I will say this though, as much as we are
complaining and making jokes how expensive it is, we're making
jokes because we have to laugh at our pain.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
It is expensive.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
I will not trade the time I spent with you
and the kids for anything.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
Else, nothing like those.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
This past summer has been my favorite summer so far.

Speaker 1 (30:16):
Kadeen and I have been man, we've traveled.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
When we went to Italy and I was just asked,
we did our vacation and we're going to do a
whole other podcast on the purpose of a vacation. But
now that I know things, I'm just going to say this,
you should do the vacation after the family vacation facts,
because we did the vacation.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
Then we went to the Bahamas and we.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
Did back to back family vacations with the kids, so
that was just a lot.

Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yeah, yeah, we should have kind of flipped it. We
should have flipped it.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
In my mind, I said, if we did the vacation first,
that was our way to kind of really get connected. Yeah,
and then we'll have the energy for the kids. Because literally,
within the time span of doing Bahamas in Mexico, Devo
was just like I'm in Chuigan. No ready a vacacy No,
because it's literally me running after the kids all the
entire time and him.

Speaker 2 (30:59):
You won't spend any time with your significant other if
you're on vacation with your kids, especially if you have
a young child, like the Colde is turning too. He
wanted either me or Kadeen. Most of the time, you
wanted Kadeen. But withf that comes fatigued, like Kadeen is like, yo,
I've been trying to get the boys ready all day.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
I've been doing all this other stuff.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
And even if I took them on the slide or
I took them to do some things, he was climbing
up Kadeen because it's a different environment for him.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
So his fear that it's a different advice. He just
wants to be with his mom.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
So we spend all day chasing after the kids, make
sure they enjoy themselves in that night, Kadeen and I
would put the kids down to sleep.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
You have a twelve year old.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
The good thing is having a twelve year old and
he can chill and watch the kids that go to sleep.
We will go down to the bar for about thirty
minutes and we're like, yo, let's just sit down and
talk about the day people watch.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
Yeah, that's the best time we had.

Speaker 5 (31:49):
Exactly, and come upstairs it little nightcab and pass out. Yeah,
because after you after y'all know how d be on me.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Sometimes I'll be like, you know, I am not a machine,
don't objective find my body.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
Well, I mean, since you vated the balls, now we're easy.
It's easy for us to just see know what I'm saying.
Since the balls got the vat, you.

Speaker 1 (32:12):
Know, I still didn't have my VAT party. Oh my god,
that's pretty good. What's coming, baby?

Speaker 3 (32:18):
The anniversary of the VET is almost here, So just
just stay tuned, Just stay tuned. Okay, stay tuned.

Speaker 1 (32:24):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
But as a kid, my mom and dad they also
were deliberate about showing me different places, and I love that.
I looked forward to every summer. We went to a
different place every year, and I love that my parents,
they worked really hard to provide us that, you know, yeah,
one or two weeks where we were able to go
abroad and just learn about a different culture and experience
different things.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
And had that time.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
So I just knew when I had children, I wanted
to be able to offer them the same experience. We
raise little well traveled, cultured global citizens, because it's hard
sometimes when you can't see past your front step or
past your environment, and you just want to have a
greater appreciation for what you have when you can see
how other people live. Absolutely, And I always in the
fun and in the water slides and in the experiences

(33:08):
that we provide them on vacation, I also make sure
I give them lessons absolutely and show them how other
people live in different ways of doing things cultures, because
everybody deserves some sort of respect, regardless of where you
come from. So there's always a lesson wrapped up in there.
You know. I'm still a very much wester than in
a mom and I'm going to find a way to
make a lesson out of something.

Speaker 2 (33:28):
So everything's a lesson. Everything's a lesson. She had them
calculating the vets at the end of every year dinner.
They wanted with Roger their tutoring. But what you're saying
is actually very true, right, Traveling with your children teaches
them how to travel, you know, like for example, Jackson,
if he had to travel on his own now but

(33:49):
nowhere to go, go to the kiosk print his boarding past,
how to navigate. The funny thing is watching our kids
and they've traveled a lot over the past couple of year,
and we're typically in first class, so people always give
us compliments and be like, wow, I didn't realize that
there was a baby and two little kids and a

(34:10):
preteen in first class. Like they get on there, they
put their headphones on, they find what they want to
watch when a lady comes by, so you can have
a spike please, Like they just know.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
How to properly.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
Properly exists in the space where people just want to relax.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
You know. Kids. Travel etiquette, Yeah, travel etiquette.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
You know, kids oftentimes because they're only in school or
at home, behave other places like they would behave in
school or home.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
Kids can be wild. You know, my kids in this house.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
If people were to just come by this house randomly
on a Tuesday, they would be like, yo, how do
you Because.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
When they're at home, we let them do what they want.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
They can bounce the ball, they can run around, they
go to their boy cave, they get in the air matches,
they flipping on the air matches, they go jump in
the pool. But I think them traveling and being told like, hey,
when we travel, there's a certain etiquette. They know how
to bring it down when they get older, like when
you travel in middle school or high school for AAU tournaments.
I don't have to worry about my children going places

(35:06):
and say, you know how your kids were acting.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yeah, I know how my kids were acting. So if
something happened, wasn't my kids, you know.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
It ain't them. No, that's a fact. They go to restaurants,
they order their own food. They know how to speak
to the waiters or the waitresses.

Speaker 3 (35:20):
I should reading them men, that's reading comprehensions.

Speaker 1 (35:22):
Would you order? Oh you didn't know the burger had
that on it?

Speaker 2 (35:24):
Sorry, all experiences and these are the same compliments your
parents used to get. My parents used to get grandparents
because they did that to us. So it seems like
it's normal. But everyone doesn't get the same experience. So ultimately,
we want to implore all you to as expensive as
it's going to be, put some money aside and find
ways to travel with your children.

Speaker 3 (35:45):
So many ways to travel, especially if you're on a budget.
Like there's so many websites and deals and stuff out there,
So find what is within your means to be able
to give your family those experiences because they'll thank you later.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
And if flights are too expensive, remember the Kadeena and
I did the travel show that Elie only vacation. We
get in our car and we'll drive six to eight
hours and take them to see places within the country
that have historical value and make it a lesson, but
also have fun for sure, you know.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
So you don't have to always get on a plane.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
You can go stay in a whole four hours, four
hours away from your house and just enjoy that time too.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
That's a fact, all right. I don't think we can
enjoy any more talk about this until we go pay
some bills so we can recoup some of that money,
and we'll be back in listener letter land.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
So stay tuned. All right, we're back. We are back.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Oh, I haven't said this in a long time. For
Kadi's favorite part of the show.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Hey love this for us. You want me to go first?
All right, go for it? All right? Hey guys, Kadeen,
I love you real bad. Oh, I love you.

Speaker 3 (37:00):
An all cats, all cats or this is I love
you back, thank you.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
But I'm writing you guys because I'm kind of desperate.
I'm a twenty seven year old single mother of two
ages six and eight. You had them babies young, so
that's nineteen and twenty one. So and I grew up
being molested at a very young age. Sorry to hear that, Mama,
that I would say it started at about seven or
eight years old, and I thought it was okay, that.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
It was normal.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
Now that I know how wrong it was, it's so
hard not to blame myself for allowing it to happen.
You can't blame yourself for that mom when you didn't know,
like you said you were seven or eight. Blaming my
mom for not knowing, not teaching me or having conversations
about my body parts and knowing where a good touch
is and where a bad touch is. I never had
any conversation with my mother about it, about any of it,

(37:43):
So I feel like I'm just learning life at twenty seven.
But my question is how do I teach my kids
things that I don't know. I've learned a lot from
you guys, and I'm in therapy, but I don't feel
like I'm emotionally intelligent. I have no financial literacy, and
I feel like a I parent out of fear and anger.
And I just want to give my kids everything I
never had. Man, I just want to know how a

(38:03):
single mom can raise a black man having not been one.
How to instill confidence, love, respect, compassion, comfort, just all
the things I feel I lack because I feel like
such a horrible mother and it hurts that I feel
like I'm damaging them and just doing them a disservice.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
Please help first and foremost.

Speaker 2 (38:20):
Wrong, But I want to say this though, sorry the
way you feel, Me and Kadean be feeling the same
way at times. You know how many times we look
at each other and be like, do you feel like
I handled that right? Like? Do you think we don't
want to damage our own kids? So what we're saying
to you is this feeling of guilt and feeling lost

(38:41):
and feeling like you don't have all the answers is normal,
regardless of what your upbringing is. Because I grew up
in I would say a fairly privileged, black, upper middle
class family. I grew with both my mom and my dad.
My dad always made very good money. My mom worked
as well. We lived in a private house, they owned cars.
My father owned land in Virginia. Like I grew up privilege,

(39:04):
your parents grew up. Your mom and dad owned three properties.
You grew up with a driveway in a private house.
All of your brothers and sisters owned cars. We both
were privileged. Yes, So considering your background and saying you
don't know because of your background, think about our background.

Speaker 3 (39:19):
And we still didn't know a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
And we still damaged. Doctor, you know, look at Jackson
and be like, bro, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (39:25):
We just had this conversation like two days ago about
how much Jackson still feels the effects of stuff that
we've done early on where we thought we were doing
the best that we could as parents. But again, like
you said, and we can relate to you parenting out
of fear, parenting out of you know, not knowing anger,
anger parenting because that's just what our parents did and
that's the only way that we knew. Like, there were

(39:46):
so many moments with Jackson that now we're self correcting
and apologizing, like I feel like you should be speaking
to your children about moments where you feel like, you
know what. I may not have handled that right and
acknowledged the way they feel because I think the emotionally
intelligent part that we've lacked even as adults, and we
can see why it's them from that as children, is

(40:07):
because we weren't acknowledged as children where our feelings were
validated right, And sometimes our parents did or did not
take accountability for that, but not because they were coming
from a place of analysis.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
They just did not know.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
So I think you're doing the right thing first off
by even writing into us or listening to our podcasts
or other spaces or other forums where you can learn
as a mom and as a single mom, taking tidbits
from places that you say, you know, I never thought
about that before, but I listened and heard it on
this platform, and I can maybe implement this in my life.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
One thing I will say having my mentorship program, seventy
five percent of the young men and women that I
trained were from single moms. And the one thing I
knew that was a consistent was that those single moms
tried to find men that could fill that space of
not having a fallow Yes, and part of that comes
from having discernment right, choosing the right person to be

(41:04):
your child's mentor. I would understand, and I truly understand,
her fear. If she was molested from seven to eight
for a long time, it would probably be difficult for
her to let her children be with other adults. So
the first thing is you can't parent out a fear
because you can't protect them all of the time. And
what you can do is you can put them in
a bubble, and putting them in a bubble until they

(41:25):
become adults is not protecting them at all either. So
you don't want to do that out of fear by
putting them in a bubble. What I would say is
continue to go to therapy. Right in therapy, learn a
lot about yourself, open up to your therapists, but also
the people in your life and family who've wronged you.
Right more than likely the people who've molested you or
we're in your family who may still be there. I

(41:46):
think that you owe it to yourself to heal, you know,
to approach them or let them know how you feel
and how it's hurt you. So that you can let
it be known that this is not a secret that
I'm going to keep for everybody. This is something that
I went through and I experienced it. Showing that strength
will show your kid's strength. Yes, But then what it
also do is allow you to at some point let
it go.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Right.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
I'm going to give you an analogy real quick, and
I hope this analogy helps people. So we and I
know will take time. I tend to talk a lot.
But if I hold my phone, right, I hold my phone?
Is it heavy? Is it heavy?

Speaker 1 (42:19):
I got my phone on my hands? Your phone heavy?
How much? Is the phone? Way? Less than a pound? No?
Less than the pound? Right?

Speaker 2 (42:24):
But if I hold it for an hour, start to
make my arm ache.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
A little bit? Right? Is your arm extended? Yeah, my
arm extended?

Speaker 3 (42:31):
Right?

Speaker 2 (42:32):
If I hold it for a day, my arm might
feel like it's gonna fall off. Right, And now the
phone feels like a thousand pounds wide because I'm holding
onto it. Some things you got to learn how to
let go, because the only person you damaging when you
hold on to things that you don't have to hold
on to is yourself.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
Let stuff go.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
If you learn to let it go, you won't continues
to continuously damage yourself. You can heal, but then you
also won'tamage the people around around you, which right now.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
Are your children.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Learn to let stuff go, use discernment, find good, positive
influences around them that you can put them in front
of that you trust you. You use discernment to meet
these people first, and if you trust them, allow those
people to pour into your children. Because that's what we
were at Prototype Sports Performance Lab. I was a big brother,
a father figure, uncle, whatever I had to be.

Speaker 5 (43:26):
I mean still to this today. Yes, yes, TJ called
you pops, called me pops. A lot of y'all think
that he's really my son because.

Speaker 3 (43:33):
It looks just like just like me when he doesn'tunding
how much they resemble each other.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
A couple of times I have to be like.

Speaker 3 (43:39):
You sure you know?

Speaker 1 (43:43):
And is my boy? I love them, I love them,
we love them.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
And there's guys that like TJ, like ramel Uh, Tasia,
my cousin Kai Roger, they're so ricky DJ.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
And some of these guys have fathers, but that doesn't.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
Mean you can't supplement with another father figure to get
to give them, you know, a different perspective. So It's
natural for you to feel fear, mama, but let things
go heal, don't pass it on to your children. And
I use that desertment to find some positive influences that
can help you for.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
Sure and continue to be a student of life because
you'll just learn so many.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Things that will absolutely at your kids.

Speaker 3 (44:22):
Alrighty, Hey, Kadina devou first Kadeen, my Jamaican sister.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
From a Nada my dad and mother. Way you see
how I read it that way?

Speaker 3 (44:31):
Right? I just knew what it was. You're so beautiful.
Thank you for inspiring me to get my body banking.
I'm saying love my body and loving my body after
these kids.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Oh, thank you for that. Sis.

Speaker 3 (44:41):
Love you guys, and how honest you are about your relationship.
Listening to your podcast has inspired and forced me to
get my money slash business right, be a better mom, partner, friend,
and all around better person. You guys are like the
mirror I ignored for so many years. I love to
hear that. Thank you and that's why we do it
and value You're my favorite sisters. So here's my question.

(45:03):
I have been in a relationship with my fiance for
seven years. We have one child together, and I have
two from before. We have been engaged for three years.
My fiance keeps saying that he wants everything right financially
before we get married. We both own businesses that are
in the beginning stages, so you know how that goes.
I don't want a big wedding. I'm fine with going

(45:24):
to the courthouse. My ringe doesn't even have to be
a diamond, just a simple band, and I love it.
I spent to spend money on a wedding is foolish
right now. We have set a date two times and
he's continuously said I'm not ready yet, not sure when
we can set a date. This last time, I told
him we need to live separately unless we get married.

(45:45):
He set a date to get married. I bought a dress,
and after I bought it, he told me, I'm not
ready yet. I need more time. I'm seeing time go
by with no date in sight, and I don't know
what to do. I want to leave, but I really
do feel like, deep down he's the man I am
to marry. Also, my parents do not like him at all,

(46:06):
and they make it known, which makes it even harder.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
Please help me.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
She's Jamaican. She's Jamaican too, and she's ja Jamaican parents
don't be liking people. That's just what it is.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
That's true because you know, listen, mom, Mimi gave me
a hard way to go.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
Me me almost fumbled the bag for you.

Speaker 1 (46:25):
Like song says, married Donovan not de vow.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
All right, So he keeps putting off the date, putting
off the date. So it's giving what he doesn't want
to get married Devau, What do you think.

Speaker 1 (46:39):
I don't think that it's given that to me.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
It's thinking that he said he wants things to be
together financially, but they're starting a business, so things aren't
together financially. It could also be that he does not
want his wife to settle because then he would have
to hear for the rest of his life how I
settled for this wedding. A lot of times I understand,
right when a woman says, and I'm not going to generalize,
but when a woman says, babe, I don't need this,

(47:04):
I just want this, and then you give them what
they say they just want, and then later on you
got to hear about how they just settle for that.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
Nobody wants to hear that you've done.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
That before, right, and that it doesn't feel good to me.
It didn't feel good to me, And as a man,
you don't ever want to feel like your wife or
your girlfriend had to settle.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
You want her to have everything her heart desires, and
sometimes as you're planning and trying, things don't go the
way you wanted them to go financially, and I feel
I don't know him, I don't know his story. I
know that she's kind of anty, and she's like, yo,
it's been time, and she's putting her foot down, like
we have to live separately, similar to you. Two thousand

(47:43):
and seven, Kadina and I were living together in Michigan
and she was like, YEA, I think I'm gonna go
back to my parents' house if we're not going to
get married.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
I don't want to be a living girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
I understand now your perspective then, but at that time
I didn't.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
Understand make sense.

Speaker 2 (47:58):
And I was kind of like, yo, like why are
you forcing me to do something when I can't physically
give you what I know that you want?

Speaker 3 (48:05):
And it all might also be sis that maybe your
fiance knowing how your parents feel about him, because they've
made it known that they don't necessarily care for him,
he does not want to enter into a marriage with you,
and then shit flop and then they be like see Metelia,
and I like him from money, And that's all you're
going to hear over and over again because they won't

(48:28):
let you live it down that he's pretty much married
you or they're marrying you off to this man who
essentially is not going to be able to sustain your lifestyle.
And having started two businesses, there probably is a lot
going on. I when Devala is in his business mindset
and DeVos trying to grow some business, or he has
an idea and he's in like work mode, he don't
want to hear about nothing else in that moment. So

(48:49):
he could essentially just be putting things off because he
just mentally might be bogged down from getting these businesses started.
You know, that's only something we can you can know,
because we don't know how.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Yeah, we don't know him like that. We don't really
know you like that. But this sounds very similar to us.
And I'll give you the most realist feeling that I
had one time in your parents' house. I just got
cut from the lions. We come back we get married,
we have this big wedding. Right, have this big wedding.
We have to move back into the apartment. We moved

(49:20):
back into the apartment you pregnant. I'm like, yo, these walls.
My wife is not going to live in this old
apartment like this. So we had to live with your
parents for about three months while they renovated the whole apartment.
Do you know how less of a man I felt
with my pregnant wife staying in Sakari's room because Sakari

(49:41):
was at boarding school. After I promised your parents that
I was going to take care of you, like, I know,
you probably didn't feel like, well, this is my responsibility
to get us out of here, because you was just like, oh,
we can stay at my parents' house.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
Be cool.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
I felt like I was feeling as a man, like
I'm like, yo, Remember I asked your your pop. I said, Pops,
how did you feel when your daughter was back at home?

Speaker 1 (50:05):
You know?

Speaker 2 (50:05):
With it was me, you Kingston and Achilles. So we
had two dogs living in their house for three months.
Like you didn't feel like like like my my daughter's back.
He was like, nah, you know, it's just this is
what you guys have to do.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
You got to do it.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
You have to do My dad, Loki loves roll together,
he loves he loves all the family together in one house.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
So many ninety you'd be like, you guys, don't have
to go back to the apartment.

Speaker 3 (50:29):
You can stay and I'm like, Dad, we gotta go home.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
But I know your mother wasn't liking it.

Speaker 3 (50:33):
She was probably just like she see where this will go.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
Now send its football, Pa this football and is going
to do this. And then remember I was telling I'm
starting to start in the business, you know, starting a
football training program. Jim, he's going to open the gym. Now, okay, okay,
let's see where this goes. Like, I know what that
feels like as a man, to have that pressure to
be able to be everything you want to be for
your wife. I think more people should understand what that

(51:00):
looks like before they say here's an ultimatum, We're either
doing this this way or it's not gonna work, because
that pressure realistically does not fall on you as a woman.

Speaker 1 (51:09):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
If things don't happen financially, people don't ever look at
me and be like, what is Kadeen doing?

Speaker 1 (51:16):
They look at me like, what is happening?

Speaker 3 (51:21):
You know what I'm that is a fact?

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Think about it.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Did anybody when we move back to Brooklyn and we
had to live in the apartment, did anybody ever say
to you, Kadeen, why aren't you picking yourself up by
your bootstraps and helping out and doing all this?

Speaker 1 (51:34):
And anybody ever say that to you?

Speaker 3 (51:35):
No?

Speaker 1 (51:36):
Your mom, your mom.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
That's one thing, mam your my mom might be hard
on you, but she's equally hard on probably.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
Ten times I will give Mimi that. Mimi was definitely
on you, like.

Speaker 3 (51:45):
She's just like, and what are you doing to contribute?
What's next for you? And what is your plan?

Speaker 1 (51:50):
She says that.

Speaker 3 (51:51):
Now still living in this house with us, she looks
at me some days like, so what are you doing?
So what's next? I was like, mine, you don't even
have any clue about what I do?

Speaker 1 (51:58):
Do you? She don't.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
But think about it other than your mom than anybody else,
look at your no, no, you know, but think about
Tiff for example, Oh yeah, Tiff.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
Which was friends going to do? Is be life? Say
it to you? So how long?

Speaker 3 (52:16):
She was like, how long are you about to let
this acting thing? Right out until it's no more.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
And I'm like, you know what, I love to for
saying that. You want to know why she was honestly concerned?

Speaker 3 (52:26):
She genuinely was, and I mean tell me about it.
She was like friends being friends with both of us,
just like what.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
The she said to me, She said, I've known you
since college. You've always been good at school, you good
with business. You expected me to believe at that time
that acting was going to be the thing that got
you like she just didn't see it. She was like,
you've always done business like you've done well. Why was
it that so?

Speaker 1 (52:45):
And I respect her?

Speaker 2 (52:46):
And this is another thing for you people who have friends,
When you have friends who tell you the truth, don't
be mad at your friends, for that's why.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
They're your friends. You would hope they would not.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
Just not just applaud for you in your face and
in behind your back, be like, I don't know, nah,
Tiffany applauded and then to k was just like what
is this? And then to me it was just like
the val like how long you're gonna have my friend
working at the mall?

Speaker 1 (53:10):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (53:11):
But those pressures I felt and I just want her
to understand that those are the pressures that men feel true,
and we got to own that pressure the same way
the pressure for y'all will be well when you're having kids,
you know what I'm saying, Like, no one ever asks
a man, it's you know when you have kids, when
you have a kids, that doesn't happen to us.

Speaker 1 (53:29):
There's certain pressures.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, there's pressures that society puts on certain genders.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
And that's one of themen.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
I want what your plan inside when you say you
need to live separately, because living separately, if you're gonna
be paying a rent, he's gonna be paying a rent
or two separate sets of bills. That too, is not
also physically responsible. So financially that might be a lot
too if you're going to be living separately.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
But I think, but you know what's funny, she's probably
not even thinking about that because you weren't thinking about
your plan. You weren't working, and you were living with
me in Michigan. But she was like, I'm thinking I'm
gonna go back home to my mom because parents you
was thinking about fiscal responsibility. You were just like, no,
I want to be a wife and I'm not going
to be a living girlfriend in fact, so I understand where.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
She's where she's coming from you. But the good thing
is that you're writing in right to trying to get
our little two cents. We don't have all the answers
to this, and of course we're only working with what
we got in this paragraph that you wrote us. But Sistern,
I think it's worth having more conversations to find out
why exactly he's not ready and why the date is
not sticking.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
And when he tells you, don't try to make up
your own narrative as to what's really happening. If he
tells you believe him, if that's the man you chose
and you used proper discernment. If he tells you believe him,
don't try to make up your own story about what
it is. And do if she wants to get married
or move in a certain way and she's letting you
know what it is, don't take that from her and say, well,

(54:48):
you got to do things on my timeline. Be honest
and say, baby, I would be more comfortable doing this
if I had this amount of money in my bank account,
because then I know we would be fine. Or when
my business gets to this level, we'll be good. But
when you're vague as a man and you say, well,
we're just waiting, we're just waiting.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
Nah, that doesn't work for women either.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
Facts and address your parents. They can't be disrespecting your
man either. I had to put my foot down at
one point my parents and be like, listen, this is
the way it's going to be, and I just need
your support.

Speaker 1 (55:18):
So there you go, all right. If you like to
be featured as.

Speaker 3 (55:21):
One of our listener letters, email us at dead ass
Advice at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
That's d E A d A S S A D
V I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
Love it and we're talking traveling with kids. Moment of truth.
Leada Ass is home. I'm just kidding. What's your moment
of truth? Babe?

Speaker 1 (55:42):
My moment of truth is that the travel is worth it.
It is.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
We made jokes about it being expensive because it is expensive,
but every single moment we had on vacation with these
young men was so worth it.

Speaker 3 (55:53):
It was so worth it that was actually gonna be
my moment of truth. My own truth is actually going
to be that. In addition to and just be strategic
with when you're gonna plan the vacation after, because you
don't need to recoup after the same way we joke
and say that this house is not really our house
and we just stay here because it's the kid's house.
It's the same thing with kids' vacations and stuff. It's
for them to enjoy, and it's so worth it to

(56:14):
see the light in their eyes when they're in a
different space and they're absorbing things for the first time
and trying things for the first time, snorkeling for the
first time, jumping off a boat for the first time,
like those are so many memories that you know they'll
be able to tell these stories for years to come.
All right, y'all, be sure to follow us on Patreon
if you have not yet. Exclusive Deadass podcast video is

(56:35):
there and you might see some family action. You might
see some vacation stuff on Patreon as well too. Be
sure to follow us on social media too if you
have not yet, dead Ass the podcast on Instagram, I'm Kadene,
I am and.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
I am Devout, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
be sure to rate, review, and subscribe.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
Dead Ass, y'all. Dead Ass.

Speaker 4 (56:56):
Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network and
produced by Donora Pinya and Tribble. Follow the podcast on
social media at dead ass the Podcast and never miss
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