Is It Devale? Or Deyoncé?

Devale finally got to witness the Queen herself, Beyonce, perform live and it's safe to say he's now a member of the Beyhive. Well...maybe not. In this episode, the Ellises talk about Devale's first Beyoncé experience. Dead ass.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
From now on, don't address me as the vibes, address
me as fonce.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
What and just when I didn't think that anybody in
this household could trump.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Me as a beyon.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
As a Beyonce fan, not by the look of things
these past few days, because you've been bopping and homming
around this house since you left their baby. Okay, Hey,
I'm Kadeen.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
And and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 4 (00:39):
You may know us from posting funny videos with.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Our boys and reading each other publicly.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
As a form of therapy.

Speaker 4 (00:45):
Wait, I make you need the most days? Wow?

Speaker 3 (00:49):
Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Speaker 4 (00:51):
Yes, sir, we are.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
my's most taboo topics.

Speaker 3 (00:57):
Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
is a term that we say every day. So when
we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Were about to take pilotof to our whole new level.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
Dead ass starts right now.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
So, as you guys know, Kadeena and I went on
the Sherry Shepperd Show too, from our New York Times
best selling book, We over Meet the Encounter, intuitive approach
to getting everything you want out of your relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
You guys remember that, right, and did you get your copy?

Speaker 4 (01:34):
Shameless pluck shameless us didn't get your copies?

Speaker 1 (01:36):
Still, But on that episode, I told the story about
me not being able to take Kadeen to go see
Beyonce back in twenty twelve because we had just got married.
She was supposed to pay off some bills she didn't,
so I didn't have the money to take her, and
it became a big argument. Right fast forward to this year,
one of our close friends, Tyler Perry, asked Kadeen if

(01:59):
she wanted to go see Opening Night in Sweden.

Speaker 4 (02:01):
So they all went to go see Beyonce. Was a
great thing.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
I thought Kadeen would be excited about that, right. I
went and saw Beyonce twice the first two.

Speaker 4 (02:10):
Opening shows in Sweden. They all went you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
So I was excited about that. She got to see
her dream performer and a great experience. Then I come
to find out Beyonce is coming to Atlanta, right since
she had already went to Sweden. I was like, yo,
it's over, like she went to see her twice? Like
nothing better you can do than that? Right, So then
I get a text from Tyler. He goes, and this

(02:38):
is how the text sounded. Are you taking your wife
to go see Beyonce?

Speaker 4 (02:44):
Said?

Speaker 1 (02:45):
She already seen Beyonce twice opening night, like like why
did she have.

Speaker 4 (02:50):
To go see her again?

Speaker 1 (02:52):
He then calls me, right because the text wasn't nothing,
and he goes, take your wife to go see Beyonce?
I said, yo, tea, he said, trust me to take
your wife? Goes, do yourself a favor.

Speaker 4 (03:06):
And take your wife to go see me. Honestly, I said,
damn fine, fine.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
Fine, I was, I ain't gonna lie like yo, yo,
how come he don't never like call k and be
like trust up like Beyonce?

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Like why you don't get those phone calls?

Speaker 2 (03:20):
I was about to say, you don't even know what
side chatter we had, so don't even worry about it.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
I don't know, but I was a little bit kind
of pissed off, right, So I was like, you know what, fine?

Speaker 4 (03:30):
Fine?

Speaker 1 (03:30):
I was like, babe, do you want to go see
She's like, got tickets Saturday, I'm going. I said, fine, Kadeen,
go do what you gotta do. So Tyler's on the phone,
he's laughing, He's like, trust me, you'll thank me later.

Speaker 4 (03:41):
Right.

Speaker 1 (03:42):
That was on Tuesday. Like Tuesday, Kadeen went and got
these tickets. We had sex Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
leading them to the show, all because she was so
excited to go see not.

Speaker 4 (03:57):
Even talking up do with it come out.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Kadeen and I haven't had sex five days in a
row since our first trip to Virginia Beach, an.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Empty house with nobody any here but any of our parents.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
In life, I agree, I'm not listen. I agree things
have not things have not lined up.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
But I remember two thousand and three, that vacation that
was That was when we first thought we was grown.
Because two thousand and two I was a freshman, I
had a roommate. Two thousand and three, Kadeen moved into Hotsture,
she had a roommate. So we still couldn't get it
popping in when we wanted to. When we took that
spring break trip to Virginia Beach, that was the first
time we had had a space to ourselves for a
whole week. We had sex every single day. That's what

(04:42):
it felt like this past week.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
It sure did.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
There were so many things that was like the perfect.

Speaker 4 (04:47):
Alignment of the joy.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
The joy and going to see Beyonce from my wife
just made her so excited.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
She was just excited.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
So first of all, shout out to Tyler for making
it happen, because not only did we get the tickets,
we went CA. You know, she got some now, so
she's officially a member of the Beehive and she's met
some of beyonest people. She got people she can call
and she wants to get tickets. So she called and
gets the tickets. And then the night of the night
of the show, Tyler's assistant call and says, hey, do

(05:16):
I want to walk in with us? Kate was just like,
hell yeah, because then we get a chance to beat
the crowd. Let me tell you, first of all, let's
take a break. Let me just I'm gonna ending that
I'm going to explain to y'all the whole experience from
my perspective, because I am the boyfriend's slash husband that
did not understand the hype. I will be honest, I

(05:37):
didn't understand the hype and left there with a completely
different mindset.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
Do you have a favorite song that you'd like to
a favorite song is?

Speaker 1 (05:45):
It's very simple, right, I'm comfortable in my skin, cozy
with who I am.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
I love myself.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
God damn God damn cozy. It should cost the billion
to look.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
This and oh no, not you remixing, putting songs together,
move out the way I'm with my girl, and that
we don't need space.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
Queen come through part like that.

Speaker 1 (06:15):
Here's another thing though, right, because the Renaissance album was
not my favorite Beyonce album.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
I love R and B.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
So when I first heard the album, I was like, yo,
it kind of reminds me of house music, you know
what I'm saying. And we grew up on house music
all that. Yeah, it reminded me of like the nineties,
you know, but it was cool. But where we're at now,
like drill music from Brooklyn nineties, R and B nineties
hip ho that's.

Speaker 3 (06:42):
Jay right in this music? Yes, is more our speed.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
I admit too. I'll admit to when Renaissance first came out,
it took a while for me to kind of like
get into it. But it's a different experience once you're
there in concert and she's performing and you're like, oh,
I get it.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
That's what. But we gotta take another break before we come.
Let's take a break so I can break this down
how it happened.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
Right, Let's go pay these bills beyond racking up a
couple a couple dollars on this tour. So let's get
out a little coins and we're gonna come back and
talk more.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
All right, so we're back. First of all, let me
explain to y'all. When it was time to go to
the concert, Kadeen said, Okay, the concert starts at eight,
We're gonna leave the house at like four.

Speaker 3 (07:33):
I'm like what I actually said about three.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
I was like, well, we can do two and do
a really early dinner and then get down there and
be in a space.

Speaker 3 (07:41):
We could even get a hotel like a couple.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
We got a hotel in the same city as we live,
because Kadeen wanted to be down in the midst and
feel the energy before the show.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Right, and also beat the traffic, because what you're gonna
do is bitch and moan about traffic.

Speaker 4 (07:56):
I was gonna bitch and moan about you.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
And you were gonna bitch and moan about being hungry. Yes,
I want so I wanted to make sure you see
I had you covered.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
I will say this you you curated a great experience.
And I want to say this to the young ladies
who are deciding to take their men to go see Beyonce. Right,
we do understand that it's all about you and Beyonce.
We understand that, but we have to go. Right, you
want us to go with you to share in the experience. Right,
it felt good that you curated, curated an experience that

(08:24):
included me. You made sure that I ate. You made
sure that I had enough nourishments and water. You made
sure we got down there and had a place to
stay so that I would have to fight traffic to
get there.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
You you were on top of it.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
Let me tell you, before Tyler even asked me if
I was going on Saturday, I wanted to go this weekend. Okay,
but I also knew that Jackson had football practice.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
He had a football game on Jemberee.

Speaker 4 (08:51):
Now that he had a jam jimberee had to play
two differents.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Right, and the heat index when I looked at the
weather for the week on Monday was like astronomical. So
I'm like, there's no way that I was gonna want
to go coach a game, sit out there for two
games back to back, yelling and screaming and coaching and sweating,
to then go home to then have to turn around
to go to a concert.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
So I had you in mine early.

Speaker 4 (09:14):
I know, that's why I started early, and.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
That's with somebody else.

Speaker 4 (09:17):
But no, no.

Speaker 1 (09:18):
No, no, that's why I got booties every day since Tuesday.
I was light on my feet.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
By the top Saturday.

Speaker 3 (09:23):
Let me tell you so, I.

Speaker 4 (09:24):
Was a little punch drunk. So she was just like
we were going to see Beyonce.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
Old empty sack. That's what was this, full belly empty sack.

Speaker 4 (09:31):
Yeah, that's how you get me to say yes, full
belly empty sack.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
That's the spirit.

Speaker 4 (09:35):
This is what was impressive.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Kadeen woke up early on Saturday, drove all the way
to Janelle's house to get her wig installed, and then
sat in that wig for two hours bruh at the
jam Beree. There was no trees, no shade, there were
no seats because it was at the practice facility at
some of one of these big high schools here in Atlanta,

(09:57):
and we went from game to game and she was
out there bruh, and she had on this blonde wig
and I ain't gonna I ain't gonna lie you. I
was coaching and I looked up and I was like, dang,
blondie got fatty. Turns out it was Coadeen. I forgot
she was going to get this blonde hair put in,
and I was like, god, da, let me stack.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
Let me tell you how much how much I was
concerned about you and wanting you to have a good
experience with me. So, in addition to booking the hotel room,
which was totally for you, because I'm like, listen, after
the concert, we can go there and have a good time,
Papa School was holding down the fort with the boys,
so we would have a good night together. We could
sleep in the next day, go for brunch. It'll be
a thing, right.

Speaker 4 (10:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
I was so tired.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
When I woke up Saturday morning, I was two seconds
away from canceling Janelle and be like, forget it.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
I'm gonna throw my hair in a bun and keep
it pushing.

Speaker 4 (10:39):
No. No, I was like, we need this.

Speaker 3 (10:42):
I was like nah, I was like, was going with
me to c B.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
I gotta do this for him because at least this
way I told her, girl, I said, whatever that got
to be glue or whatever the hell that is. I said,
make sure that got to be got to be intact
for the good night.

Speaker 4 (10:55):
And it was because you know I'd be snatching.

Speaker 5 (10:57):
Did indeed, I'd be snatching, But nah, I feel like
the way you had everything set up, it was just
indicative of how we take care of each other.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
I did this because I knew you wanted to go
see Beyonce, and you made sure everything around it was
good that I was taking care of.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
Right, So just leading up to that, it was a
good feeling.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
Going to the show, I was excited, but I was
also excited because I got to watch you dress up.
I was telling Josh that, you know how in the
nineties when the Teenage Ninja Turtles came out and Vanilla
Ice was you know, Ice Ice Baby.

Speaker 4 (11:33):
Because the first one came out, no one knew what
to expect. The second one, they knew what to expect.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
When we went to the movie theaters, all the kids
was dressed up like Ninja Turtles.

Speaker 4 (11:41):
When we got to the show, all the kids was
dressed up like beyond it. Pretty much all the women
was dressed up.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
Like beyond that, and it was it was like droves
of people. Right, So shout out once again to Tyler
because me and Kate bought ticket.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
Here's another thing k did.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
K said, Kay, Ivo, I know you don't want to
stand up the whole three hours.

Speaker 4 (12:06):
You went and.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
Got us seats right by the beehive where where you
can sit down, floor seats where you can sit. And
She's like, I'm gonna get the floor seas so you
can sit because I know, you know, you may not
want to dance the whole time.

Speaker 4 (12:19):
You'll probably sit sometimes, but I'm gonna be up.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
But I'm like, dang, she's really thinking about the things
that I may need while I'm there so she can
enjoy herself.

Speaker 4 (12:27):
So I was excited to go, so you have a
good time.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Kadeen gets dressed at the hotel before we get up there, right,
and she got on this Jeane romper and it was
an old to what was the video where she had
on the white tank top with the jeans shorts and
crazy in Love and that was our song in college,

(12:51):
crazy and Love. So when people look at the outfit
or they look at Kadeen, it's like it wasn't old
to where we were at that time when we started
to fall in Love to on thousand and two, Crazy
and Love was out and her and jay Z had
that song together, so she had on the outfit with
the long blonde weave, and it was just so thoughtful
of everything that she was doing to curate the experience
for me but also for herself. And then Tyler was like, hey,

(13:15):
he was going to go to the the concert. He
was going to get tickets. At the rise of the
ass Space Rider, he was like, yof, y'all want to
walk in with me? Meet us here and YU can
walk in with us. So we get a chance to
walk in with Tyler, and it was just the dopest
experience walking, Like when we pulled up in the car

(13:37):
and it was me you Crystal Tina. We pull up
in the car and we're watching thousands of people walk
towards the stadium.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
And cars could not move.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
There were blocks of cars that couldn't move because people
were walking in.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
Walking, they were singing at the stadium, they were performing
her song.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
It was just a whole vibe.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
And this was a seven fifteen, Yeah, seven twenty people
were all performing and walking. Mind you, it is over
one hundred degrees heat index out there. Yeah, so we
jump out the car and we walk to the stadium right,
and we get to the stadium, we get to where
our entrance is and we walk through the back and

(14:15):
we actually walk in the entrance where all the performers
are walking in, and we get to walk through the
stadium and we're watching all of these people dressed like
different versions of Beyonce.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 (14:29):
And if you think about it, that's over twenty years
of celebrating It's twenty five years of celebrating a woman's accomplishments.

Speaker 4 (14:37):
Yeah, it was eye opening to me.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
I think it was almost like a big family reunion,
right like Atlanta. I feel like we saw so many
people who we hadn't seen in a long time.

Speaker 3 (14:48):
Two of my friends from college were there.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
Yeah, yeah, you know, my makeup.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
My makeup ARTI Sean was there. She saw us from
a distance and text me like, I'm here too, our
realtor Aria, Yes, I was dressed too. Everybody. Janelle ended
up being able to come with a friend. It was
like we saw Jazzy and Cam a ton of people
there and it was like, yes, huge, huge family reunions
and I think that's the best part about it, right,

(15:16):
other than the reason why we're there Beyonce the music
and all that, it's almost like a camaraderie that people
have formed with this love for her music and her
performances of camaraderies.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
There was also a camaraderie of boyfriend slash husbands slash
fiance's who didn't understand.

Speaker 4 (15:31):
Why they were there, and they were all had the
same dress.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
They all have like a silent like look at each
other kind of nod or were you're having conversations without
these guys.

Speaker 4 (15:40):
I'm not gonna lie to you.

Speaker 1 (15:41):
We ended up at the Ace of Space lounge, right,
and there's dudes there, some of them know jay Z.
Some of them are from Brooklyn because that's their whole environment.
So they're like, old, what's up?

Speaker 4 (15:52):
You know? It was good, So I'm like, why you
here on? My girl? Head? My girl? Oh yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
So with the girl, they all got on like white
teas or black T shirt jeans, like it's just jeans
T shirt.

Speaker 4 (16:04):
Like they're not getting dressed up because this is not
what we do.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
So we're all sitting there standing there with the straight
Brooklyn grill face like these people are crazy.

Speaker 4 (16:14):
These people look crazy.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
And you get a chance to look around three sixty
V when you're in the Asus space line, you can
see everything.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
People are already screaming.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
And beonce hasn't even sit here.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Then it's still light. The lights are still the lights
time come down.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
It's like you're still on and everybody is just like,
oh my god, hey, well you know what's your favorite song?

Speaker 3 (16:33):
You're about to turn when this happens.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Chloe and Holly Bailey came on to the riser and
she came over to me and she was just like,
oh my.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
God, I love you and your sons and your husband,
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
And I'm like, I don't even know Chloe, right, you know,
but it was just cool to see so many people
of the year just to have a good time. No refrash,
no violence, No, it was a good time.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
It just felt like, like you said, like a family
reunion when you don't got no beef.

Speaker 4 (16:59):
In your fan.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
So what was the turning point for you? I guess
in the concert where you felt like, wow, I get why.

Speaker 4 (17:07):
The funny thing is it happened? It was there were
two moments in particular.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
The first moment was when the lights went down, and
they were like ladies and gentlemen, and I heard like
and then you couldn't hear anybody right in front of
you because the crowd was so loud, and.

Speaker 4 (17:30):
We're watching the stage. Everything start.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
The lights happened, and I'm watching you, and I put
my phone out to get your reaction and stuff. And
then the person says Beyonce and she steps out. She
had on this red dress and they started playing the
piano solo for Dangerously Dangerously in Love. Now here's a
story about dangerously in love?

Speaker 3 (17:52):
Oh, is it gonna be the story?

Speaker 4 (17:55):
We I was a sophomore in college. Then it was
a junior. She was an R rate. It's the first
time we got our single, so.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
He said, we got our single.

Speaker 4 (18:03):
Yes, first time I got a single. Guy like, I said,
I said what I said. I said what I said.
We got our single for the first time.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
My first semester, I had a roommate and I told
myself that I would never go another semester with a roommate.
So we lived in a suite with the ra of
that floor. And I said to her, Sis, she was
actually black girls. I was like, Sis, I'm gonna need
to be where you're at. How do I get this single?
And she walked me through the entire process, told me
when they were having ra interviews and so said, So

(18:32):
then I got my first single and loved every bit
of that eight by eight room.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
It was it nine thirteen estbrowelve twelve, nine to twelve,
went by.

Speaker 4 (18:41):
Eight, went by eight feet.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
The room was so small that Kadeena and I had
an air mattress that we blew up in the middle
of the room and there was no space, but like
a full.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Size air size air match because my twin bed was
up against the window. Then we had like my desk
and then my closet and that was it.

Speaker 4 (19:01):
It was that.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
And so we're in this room one day listening to
R and B music like we typically did. Kadeen was studying,
I was playing Knee for Speed and Dangerously and Loves
Come On and I'm looking at she looking at me,
and we just knew in that moment, like a it's tuning,
you know, take a little break, take a little break
from studying and playing Need for Speed. So it was

(19:25):
one of those moments where early on in our relationship,
this wasn't a bam bam love making section. We were
actually making love, you know, like thing was on back,
I was on top of her. It was a slow,
sexy groove because dangerously and love was on. And I
remember kissing Kadeen and we were in the moment and

(19:46):
her eyes just started to water and tears dropped down
her face.

Speaker 4 (19:49):
And I was just like, yo, like what's the matter.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
And she was just like, I just love you so much,
and I was like I love you too, And we
just kissed and we made love, and then we laid
there the music played and we fell asleep.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
Mm hm.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
And those are one of the first few moments other
than beauty that I remember, Like, then we made love.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
We didn't have.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
Like a bam bam session in Kyle, you know how
you all when you nineteen, you just trying to ram
through something.

Speaker 4 (20:17):
No, we actually made love.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
Feeling like a softy y'all know, a thug and you
got me out here sounding all sot.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
You can't be a thug with that wig on. You
could take it off. You could take it off.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
And no, y'all don't want to see what that looks like.

Speaker 4 (20:32):
You look a your corns look all right?

Speaker 3 (20:35):
Anyway back to you look like you.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
Look like a little hot stud you do you know?
You come on, y'all, y'all know some of the stuffs
be out here looking good. Because then I walked in
the I walked into I walked in the kitchen on
a sports bra some baggy sweat fans and the braids
she had fitted hat, and.

Speaker 4 (20:55):
I was like, who the fuck is in my kitchen
right now?

Speaker 3 (20:57):
Like it was snap back that I kind of had
cocked up.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Because I want to take it off fever and you
can kind of see the brains poking through the side,
and I was like, what are you?

Speaker 4 (21:09):
What are you doing?

Speaker 3 (21:10):
Are you coming from?

Speaker 1 (21:11):
Look kind of good though, kind of caught me off guard.
I was like, I ain't know I was into this.

Speaker 4 (21:14):
You look all right, come in.

Speaker 3 (21:17):
You're a mess.

Speaker 4 (21:18):
I'm a mess. I'm a mess. On you look good
though in the braids.

Speaker 3 (21:21):
So it was that dangerously in love moment.

Speaker 4 (21:23):
It was that dangerously in love moment where I think
that's what it brought me, the nostalgia. It brought me back.
It brought me back, and I was like the beginning.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
Of her career where she started to you know, accentuate
herself as the solo artists of that time, like it
was Dangerously in Love, it was what was the other
song just.

Speaker 4 (21:42):
On the run?

Speaker 2 (21:43):
Well yeah, well those came after, but on that particular
album there was like signs Speechless, like there were a
bunch of really Beasless.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
Is another song too that.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Ye speech we have another song, but there was a
song that R and B that R and B style
of the answer was what I grew to love.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
I think that was good for her to do and
smart with her performance when you think about like how
you roll out a show, right, so you're real people
back in with like the classics.

Speaker 3 (22:11):
You know, and then you go into the more current albums.

Speaker 4 (22:15):
But do you.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
Remember really well it started Dangerously in Love and I'm
hugging Kadeen and she just put her head back and
rested her head back on my chest. Uh and like
like she felt safe, like she finished.

Speaker 4 (22:29):
That just got me in Like.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
It's crazy that you felt that, because I that's exactly
that's what you felt. Well I'm not surprised because we
be all you know, Unison in the line, but no,
that's exactly how I felt. I was like, wow, this
was a moment and that for nothing. When I was
in Sweden, those two days and even a concert I
had gone to with one of my girlfriends, Tiffany years ago,
that you weren't at you kind of at a concert.

(22:51):
I want to have moments where you kind of love
on your man and hug up. If you hear a
song that either reminds you of him or reminds you
of a moment, or is like one of your favorite
love songs, it's like, Damn, I wish my man was here.
Like it's like going to a wedding without your spouse
or without you your person. It's like, Damn, everybody around
here in love and my man ain't here, you know.
So that was a moment for me that I was like, Wow,
we can really enjoy this together because it's familiar to

(23:12):
you and it's familiar to me.

Speaker 4 (23:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
I will say this too to all you single gentlemen
who are looking for a woman. The place to be
in your area if you are looking for some women next.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
To a dead ass podcast live, Yes, next to that
as podcast live show, which is coming next year, buy
tickets to a Beyonce concert.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Because if I was single, I would have been up
in there. I would have stood up right in the middle,
right in the middle, like they took the inter mission.
I'd have stood up and been like, Hey, my name
is Daval, I'm in Ares.

Speaker 4 (23:46):
I like to take walks on.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
The park, favorite colors, red YO credit score eight hundred.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
I'm here if you need me, I would I'd say
I'm straight, just to let y'all know, because you have
to let people know. The women are looking for men,
but the men that they see there, they don't expect
them to be single straight men, you know what I'm saying, Like,
this is such a diverse crowd that you expect to
see other people who are Beyonce fans. You don't expect
to hear, hear or see a group of straight men

(24:15):
at a Beyonce concert. But if they go, they will
find a queen.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yo.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
There was so many women. I have never seen that
many women in one spot.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
It was like it was like a beautiful display of
blackness because there were so many black people there. Like
it's Atlanta, so what else are you gonna expect? It
was a mixed crowd. Yes, but I'm let me tell you,
black women, we were taught tier. They came out and
showed out the big time.

Speaker 4 (24:41):
It was a lot. It was a lot of women.

Speaker 3 (24:42):
It was.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
There was a lot of kids in there too. I
could say kids, right, trouble the kids, I can say
the kids right.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
The kids was outside.

Speaker 4 (24:49):
They was dressed up too, dressed up. But that's but
that's also the difference.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Most of the men you saw who were part of
the behive were dressed up, you know what I'm saying,
So you knew, like, oh that he's art to be high.
So for the straight men who were there with their girls,
they typically were dressed like I was dressed T shirt, yes, sneakers, you.

Speaker 4 (25:06):
Know what I'm saying. So it was just a great space.
I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
If there were men who were looking for women, bro,
that's the place to do.

Speaker 4 (25:14):
Was so women.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (25:16):
Oh my gosh, it was so much.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
She's still on tour. I'm trying to figure out what's
the next city I'm going to?

Speaker 4 (25:23):
What m Are you serious?

Speaker 3 (25:26):
You see? I just threw that in there.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
She's touring until the end of September early October.

Speaker 4 (25:31):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
I will say this though, after after the end of
the concert the next day Monday, I was like, damn,
I would I would go again.

Speaker 4 (25:39):
I will go again because that.

Speaker 3 (25:41):
Went last night.

Speaker 4 (25:42):
That's the lie.

Speaker 3 (25:44):
I literally almost went last night.

Speaker 4 (25:46):
God, you see what you see what.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
I had to say? It was? You know, I didn't
been like babe, I already got the tickets, all right.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
So let's be honest.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
Why I didn't say let's go is because I thought
Jackson had football practice.

Speaker 3 (25:59):
Really, yes, I.

Speaker 4 (26:00):
Thought he had football practice.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
If I don't look at the schedule, I would have
just been like, yo, let's go. But I thought Jackson
at football practice. And I wasn't going to miss his
football practice to go to the second Beyonce concert in
two days.

Speaker 3 (26:10):
So why not?

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Because you would have been going to practice anyway on
Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday too.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
Well, I mean, he's our son, and I would think
that our son is more important than Beyonce.

Speaker 4 (26:18):
I mean what you mean, why not?

Speaker 3 (26:21):
That's what they got a whole team of coaches for.

Speaker 4 (26:23):
You see what he'd have been. This is how people
think Beyonce fans go crazy.

Speaker 3 (26:27):
But I'm just being serious listening.

Speaker 4 (26:30):
That's crazy, it's wild.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
It's by and I own it, like, I'm not going
to sit here and you could have went.

Speaker 4 (26:36):
You could have went. I was not missing Jacksons football.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
But you know what it was to also to I know,
like it's school day, school week rather you know, school day,
and I just wanted to be home and the podcast
crew was coming into town. We had to work early
this morning. Where I thought I was, I wasn't sure
what time we're gonna get started, so I was trying
to be responsible. But that just only means that we
can just fly to another city and see her.

Speaker 4 (26:55):
I knew what it was coming. I knew it was coming.

Speaker 2 (26:57):
Look, I a weekend, baby, like you really thoroughly enjoyed
enough to make it a week.

Speaker 4 (27:03):
Because the week leading up to that that day was
great for me. So we can do that. You know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
We can totally do that. I am down for that.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
You can do that.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
Let me see look look, look googles.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
I'll tell you another part of her set that was
impressive to me that had me super excited.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
While I searched for the next city.

Speaker 4 (27:24):
I want, what's the song when they keep going Love
on Top?

Speaker 2 (27:28):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Yeah, she dropped the mic and the whole stadium was
singing Love on Top on the same key. That's the
video I made.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yeah, And they kept going.

Speaker 4 (27:38):
They kept going, and they just kept going higher and all.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
These people are now singers. Beyonce have made them feel.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Even if you couldn't sing like me, I am going
to belt at the top of my lungs and not
get that. I'm sure you did. And there's no shame
in my game. You got that. That's a fact.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
Yo, guys, she's legit. Looking up another time to go
see Beyonce. Guys, I am shents.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
I'm looking at the calendar. You know why too, because
every show is not the same. Show one in Sweden
versus show two in Sweden were two completely different shows.
And then the only thing I had to compare it
to now is Atlanta, which was top tier for me.
I beat Sweden out the park, and it could be
too because it was the first that's that's a fact

(28:25):
that it's Atlanta. But I think Sweden was more reserved.

Speaker 3 (28:29):
The audience in general, they's little bit more reserved. They
actually sat in their seats for the show.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
I was like, I just knew when I got the
two floor seat tickets for Deval, because I'm like, okay,
he may want to sit at some point. I already knew,
like everybody's standing around you, bro was not going to
be sitting, so you, you wouldn't have seen anything because
you didn't have people standing all around you. But the
energy was so different in Sweden versus versus Atlanta. And
then what I'm hearing from people who went to multiple
shows in Atlanta, even show one, two, and three in

(28:53):
Atlanta were all three different energies.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
I can imagine because we do live shows, so yeah,
you know, the crowd if we make a show, depending
on what.

Speaker 4 (29:01):
The energy is.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Absolutely I'm curious to know from her standpoint, which, if.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
I had to be honest, I would say our show
Saturday would have to be one of the best because
just listen to me. If you went Friday right Friday,
you had to go to work all day, you came
home from work, you're a little bit tired. Saturday you
got a chance to do like me and Kadeen did.
You made a whole day about it. You started drinking
a little bit early, so you get to the show
already lit, and then you don't have to go to

(29:27):
work on Sunday, whereas Monday you had to go to work,
and then you had to go to work on Tuesday.
So I expect them to be as lit as it
was on Saturday. You know, Saturday was just an open
time where you can focus on only the show as possible.
But and this is gonna be the last thing I
say before we get to listen letters. I know listening
letters is also an important part of the show, of course,

(29:49):
but that experience with your girl right when you're there
and drunken love comes on and your girl can actually
be on you in that moment when the.

Speaker 4 (30:02):
Music starts and it's everybody around.

Speaker 1 (30:05):
It's like bro's watching your girl be excited about something
and you just being there in support of her just
opens her up in a different way. And watching you
go through that and enjoy it, but then turn around
and hug on me and jump on me and dance
on me. It was fun for me, like I had
a good time and I stay, I make jokes and say,

(30:26):
you know, I'm part of the behiv now, because I
really did not understand, like twenty five years of hits
and being one of the top performers, if not the
top performer at that time every time is like an
astonishing feat. So to celebrate with someone go through all
of that music was amazing. I was like, dang, she
got mad hits. But also to celebrate that with your girl.

(30:48):
Was it was dope, like it was just it was fun.
I had a good time. After the concert, we went
back to the hotel. We were trying to find something
to eat. Couldn't find nothing to eat. So me and
Kate dial with me and Kate gonna do we Uber
eat some Big Max.

Speaker 4 (31:02):
You know what I'm saying. But we don't even eat McDonald's.
We don't, but we eat big masks. You know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
And I'm not even gonna lie, like what's open. Yeah,
we're gonna get a big Mac.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
Man.

Speaker 4 (31:11):
We we uber eat some Big Max.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
We sat there, got it in before the Big Max
came hat the big Mass, went to sleep, woke up
the next morning, Kate put on a leotard.

Speaker 4 (31:22):
Again, got it in again.

Speaker 1 (31:24):
I'm like, this is the type of energy that you know.
Then we went to brunch, like like, let's be honest
as a as a guy, right, you have to enjoy that,
like you did something to make your girl feel special.
She had a great time. She enjoyed herself with the
energy that was there. Made her make you want to
feel special, right, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
And reciprocity.

Speaker 4 (31:45):
It was good.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
I knew going into it, like you've said that you
wanted me to be more intentional about our date nights
right days moving forward, because I make it very intentional
that like when I set up things with the boys
and I take them on the individual solo dates. You know,
Devo's like, damn, you really be going all out for
these boys. He's like, I want that same kind of energy.
So I'm like, yeah, but fine, And knowing going into
it that that wasn't necessarily something you wanted to do.

(32:09):
I was just really trying to be deliberate about how
I could make it enjoyable for you as well.

Speaker 4 (32:14):
So well, shout out to you, yo, babe. You know
I'm saying shout.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
Out to her performing in LA. So we're going to
be at a way whoa Labor Day weekend. We're going
to be a wedding and she's actually performing in California
Labor Day weekend.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
When does Jackson have a football games?

Speaker 4 (32:36):
Are you sure?

Speaker 3 (32:37):
Well? He has a football game on that Saturday, But.

Speaker 4 (32:40):
We're gonna fly Saturday night.

Speaker 3 (32:42):
Yeah, wedding Sunday, and the show is on Monday. We
fly home Tuesday. It's giving meant to be. I didn't
know about that.

Speaker 4 (32:50):
We fly home Tuesday. Yes, Jackson got practiced that week though.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
Yeah, but we come home Tuesday.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
I just listen, guys, I'm trying to be a parent.
You see, it's apparent that she don't care about being
a parent.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
That's a lie because I booked our ticket after his
game on that Saturday. So don't try to throw me
under nobody bus.

Speaker 4 (33:10):
We'll look.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
Let's it's Beyonce's tour bus let the good Times role.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
As a matter of fact, let's go take a break
so I can pay for these tickets. That's about it.
To happen again in September. We'll be back with listening letters.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
Yeah, all right, back from our break, let's get into
listen to letters.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
Let's focus and get back to that ass podcast. Enough,
talk about Beyonce the tour.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
Writing in from Brooklyn, not a native, but been here
for almost eight years, so it's my adopted hometown originally
from Denver. Dope, Oh you upgrading, Welcome to Brooklyn, exactly,
You're welcome.

Speaker 3 (33:56):
You're welcome.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
I love your show and love your personalities as well
as the great work that you're doing.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
So here's my situation. Then, question, I'm a black gay
male who recently realized I have a subconscious fear of
straight black men. Interesting Growing up, I was verbally bullied
for being feminine by men in my life brothers and
their friends for example, and others church members', school, etc.
This continued until I became an adult. Now that I'm

(34:22):
much older and bigger, the bullying has stuffed. I don't
hope so because he's opened up a Canada, we'll bet. However,
I still find myself having physical discomfort around heterosexual black men.
I have been lately pondering about the general state of
brotherhood between straight and black slash trans black men. The

(34:43):
recent murder of Osha Sibley in Brooklyn, as well as
recent experiences of verbal gay bashing personally. Although they've never
laid hands on me, as I stay ready, I hope
you do. Bro has triggered me feeling on defense whenever
I'm in a setting with straight black men. We're supposed
to stay together as black folk, but sadly, money in

(35:04):
our community feel very uncomfortable peddling.

Speaker 4 (35:06):
No very comfortable, oh sorry, feel.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Very comfortable pedaling in homophobia and transphobia without realizing how
damaging this is to the collective. My question is, what
are your thoughts about reconciling brotherhood between straight black men
and gay slash trans black men.

Speaker 3 (35:21):
Is it possible? Is this realistic?

Speaker 2 (35:23):
What are your conversation likes amongst your peers with lgbt
Q related issues when they come up. Also, as parents,
what are your thoughts in introducing the concept of LGBTQ
people to your children. I feel like educating and familiarizing
children when they are young increases acceptance and inclusion when
they're older. Hopefully you'll read this letter. I definitely will

(35:44):
be listening. Of course, I know you got tons of these,
so if you, If not, you still have a lifelong
fan in me. God bless you, and God keep you,
and God keep up the great work.

Speaker 3 (35:55):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
Well, the first thing, the first thing I'll say, is
understand where he's coming from. If he's around my age,
I grew up not even knowing homophobia was a thing,
because the way we spoke was just the way we spoke.
You had no idea that it was even considered homophobic,
and that was the norm.

Speaker 4 (36:14):
Right.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
So you grow up and you find out later on
in life that you have friends who engay their whole life,
and you're like, yo, why you didn't say nothing?

Speaker 4 (36:21):
And it's like, when was I supposed to say something?

Speaker 1 (36:23):
Like all y'all did was make jokes and make fun
of people like I've never been I've never been with
a group of people or been around people who were
physically abusive, but we always made jokes or said things
because that was the culture, right, And even myself going
to the Boys and Girls Club when I was in Morristown, Tennessee,
there was a divide, right. So I love performing arts,

(36:45):
so I used to sing and dance and do plays
in the back, but I also played basketball in football,
and I remember making a decision to say, I'm going
to be good at sports because I love performing arts
and I don't want people to make fun of me
thinking I'm gay. Because I remember there was a young
man at the Boys and Girls Club. I don't want
to say his name because you know, you might have

(37:07):
grew up, but he was really big into the arts,
and they made fun of him all the time, and
they used to do like pick on him and do
stuff to him, like like take his drink when he
was at juice and do stuff like that. Until we
all went through puberty, and he got just as big
and he put hands on somebody.

Speaker 4 (37:24):
Yeah, he said, that's that's it. You know what I'm
saying now.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
I don't know whether he grew up to be gay
or not, but he was more feminine than the other guys.
And that doesn't always mean that you're gay, because I
have friends who grew up with just their moms, who
have feminine qualities, who love women, who are now with women,
but they just have feminine qualities because they grew up
around nothing but women. But I remember watching that as
a young man and seeing that and making decisions about

(37:48):
I got to play sports so that, you know, people
don't pick on me.

Speaker 4 (37:51):
So I can understand exactly where he's coming from.

Speaker 1 (37:54):
And I've never I've never been gay a thought about
being gay, but I did also have that fear if
people think I'm sore, I'm going to be a target
to get picked on. So him now being out as
a full gay man, I understand where his fear comes from.
When it comes to our children, we had just a
quick story. Once again, I have friends who are members

(38:16):
of the LGBTQ community.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
When you move on to our children, I'm just going
to give a little bit of perspective about growing up
and the language and the jargon around it. Right, So
you grow up just innately hearing a song or saying
a phrase, and just because people say it and they
do it, you just figure like, oh, it's no big deal,
there's no harm done. One particular song, there's a reggae song,
Chit Chimune Yes love the song. When I was growing up,

(38:40):
would sing it all the time, but then I actually
stopped and well, listen to the lyrics, and it essentially
was talking about burning gay men, like killing them. And
now I refuse to listen to it for that reason
because I'm like my conscious you're more conscious of it. Right,
So when we're younger and we don't realize what we're
actually saying and doing and how it is perpetuating this

(39:02):
hate for that particular community, then you decide now as
an adult that and especially having, like you said, friends
as an adult that you know are openly gay out there,
whether there's a man or a woman or trans like,
you know better and you do better.

Speaker 3 (39:17):
So I know that.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
We've also made that effort to include it with our
children and to educate them on that world.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
Absolutely, And he made a great point He made a
great point about introducing it to your kids younger to
just and humanizes them so that you can stop the hate, right,
because no one deserves to be murdered or bullied or
beat up or ostracized because of their own preference, Like,
no one deserves that right or just for who they are,
for who they are, Like that's just let's just be clear,

(39:46):
no one deserves that. And I remember Jackson had asked
some questions about it when he was in middle school
and he had made a comment about him and his friends.
You know what I'm saying, because they're in that age now,
twelve thirteen, same thing. When you're a young at a
lit I sent boy, there comes a point when you
get to this fork in the road where all my
friends do this, all my friends say this, so we're

(40:07):
all doing this together and it's.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
Just like lingo, like they'll say where it's like, oh,
that's that's that's zesty or that's that and it's like
what exactly do you mean by that? And we're the
parents now that will question that, Like you say the word,
but what does that mean? Do you know what it means?
Do you know how you could potentially be offending somebody.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
So yeah, so Jackson I made a comment about he
had made a comment about something, and he was like, yeah,
I don't We're not going to that because we don't
want to be around at him and all his friends.
And we were just like, what do you mean you
don't want to be around it. He was like, I
don't know my friends. He's like, we're not doing that
because we don't want to be around that. So then
I had made a point. I said, well, you know,
and one of my friends who's not out yet but

(40:42):
he's clearly a homosexual man. I said, well, you know,
so and so is gay and Jackson was like, oh,
we're And I was like yeah, and I was like
and so and so, and Jackson was like, oh.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
And so and so.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
And we started listing a bunch of people who are
in close proximity to us, who we love, who are family.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
To Jackson immediately was just like, oh, all right, well,
I guess it's fine then. And then when they came
by the house, I had told them what had happened,
and the young man I'm talking about started to cry
a little bit because he's like, you're breaking a generational
curse of passing down that stigma that you don't want
to be around it. So then Jackson comes in the
room and he kind of the young man tightened up

(41:21):
a little bit because he didn't know how Jackson was
going to respond.

Speaker 4 (41:23):
Now to Jackson knows he's gay, and Jackson went was like,
what's up?

Speaker 1 (41:26):
Gave him a pound or whatever, and he was just like,
it's that simple. Once you humanize something, it becomes easy. Yes,
but here is my question, right, because he said members
of the gay trans community, right. Part of it is
also understanding if we don't understand, can we have civil
discourse without being labeled? You know what I'm saying, because

(41:47):
if I say something that I don't understand and I
ask a certain question, a lot of times, if you're
a heterosexual man, you fear being labeled homophobic or transforming
because you ask a question and it happens lot of times.
We and I'll say we, because I'm a member of
the heterosexual community, are afraid to even engage in that conversation,
in part because I just don't want to be labeled anything.

(42:10):
And when I speak to some of my friends, they're like, yo,
I do have questions. I wonder how am I supposed
to navigate a move in this space, but if I
say the wrong thing, now I'm labeled. So it's you
know what, I just won't say nothing. But you know what,
sometimes your silence makes you complicit in the destruction of
those people. When you say nothing, exactly what happens a

(42:31):
lot of times is you're creating this silence where you
won't even engage in conversation without labeling someone.

Speaker 4 (42:39):
I don't want to be labeled.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
I don't want to be silent, but I don't know
how to move because I really don't want to hurt
anyone's feelings, you know.

Speaker 4 (42:46):
Shout out to Trouble, you know, our producer.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
A lot of times when I'm wanting to discuss something,
I ask her first, you know, because Trouble has made
it very clear to everyone that she's a member of
the LGBTQ IA plus community. So I running by her
to make sure I'm not being offensive.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
But and it really just comes from a place of
not knowing and not knowing rights, right, because you want
to be able to have discourse with someone but not
feel like they're then judging you or then labeling you
as like, oh, he's asking this question because he might
potentially not fuck with this community.

Speaker 4 (43:15):
Right, but what if everyone doesn't have a trouble.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
Yeah, or a safe space to be a safe space.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
To discuss a lot of times the safe space isn't
only created by a heterosexual man. There has to be
a safe space created by a homosexual or trans man
so or a trans woman to be able to say
this is how we move and why if there's no
safe space created by all parties, we won't ever be
able to have discourse.

Speaker 4 (43:40):
You understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (43:41):
I think that may happen too, because some people from
either community may just be very dismissive of even having
that discourse because they just don't feel like it exists
or they don't feel like it's a real thing or
that you know, it's almost like a made up thing, right.

Speaker 4 (43:54):
What you mean the safe space of discourse?

Speaker 2 (43:56):
No, the made up space of being trans or being
you know, non binary, Like this is something that people
actually live. This is actually the person dealing with this experience.
I am non binary for this reason, and they may
not even feel comfortable expressing why they feel like they
are or no, and I shouldn't say that they don't
feel comfortable expressing themselves because some people don't even believe

(44:18):
that that's a real thing.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
Some people just feel like you're supposed to be a
man or a woman.

Speaker 4 (44:22):
Yeah, it makes sense what you're saying.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
But what I'm saying is is he asked about having
open discourse and discussion, and what I'm saying is is
that it's going to take all sides, not just heterosexual
men being open to the discussion, because I've had I've
been in rooms where people have been trying to have
discussions and then when you ask questions, they get offended,

(44:48):
and then the finger pointing starts when you ask that
because you're homophobic. No, I ask that because I don't know.
And it's like, I really don't want to offend you.
So since I don't want to offend you, just.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Rather not even it's almost like not engaged in conversation
about religion, politics and things.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
Like that, because if you don't understand it, if you
don't understand it, I really don't want to offend you,
my brother, I don't, but I do have questions, and
if my questions offend you, I'd rather not have questions.
But then if I don't ask questions and you say
I should try to get to know you. How can
I get to know you without asking questions without offending you?
You see what I'm saying. So I think there's work
that needs to be done on both sides. Now, of course,

(45:26):
every time you say this work that needs to be
done on both sides, the first thing that's thought of is, well,
your side is the side that's violent to our side,
which I agree. Like, if you understand the context of
being a member of the lgbt QUI A plus community,
violence has been inflicted on that community from the heterosexual side,

(45:47):
So I understand that they feel like we don't have
to do as much work as you feel. If you
understand the context of that, your heart softens because now
it's not a me versus you.

Speaker 4 (45:59):
I'm still being this and I will be honest and
say that.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
Help me understand how I can have a conversation without
being labeled or without being given a title. That's now
going to walk with me for the rest of my
life because I didn't understand, because, like you said, if
I didn't live in that lifestyle, how am I going
to know how to exist.

Speaker 4 (46:19):
In this lifestyle? Right?

Speaker 1 (46:20):
There was a clip house, There was a clip of
Malik Yoba on the Breakfast Club and he had he
said sis born a natural born women and he immediately
was They was like, oh my god, see that's homophobic.
That's a microaggression because natural born is this. And I'm like,
if I haven't existed in that community, and I don't know,
I don't know the terms that you deem acceptable or

(46:43):
not acceptable. So you know what I'd rather do. I'd
rather just be quise, just not say anything.

Speaker 4 (46:50):
Don't want to offend you.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Because we live in a day and age now, even
if I accidentally offend you by asking a question, I
can be labeled homophobic, a tre phobic, and now the
things that I'm trying to do in my life are
all superseded by the fact that, oh, that's transphobic or
that's homophobic. Just ask the question. And it's scary. It's scary,

(47:12):
especially with cancel culture. You know, it's scary to try
to engage in those conversations. The same way it's scary
to engage in conversations of men versus women. Right, we
have battle of the sexist conversations all the time. If
I ask a question or say something or give my
opinion on something. Then it's like, oh, just say you
don't love women. It's like, I love women.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
That is true, it's true, and in both sides cut
at the knees before you even get to explain yourself.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
If a woman says something, especially about a black man,
it's just like, oh, you don't support black men. If
you say something to ask a question about black women,
you don't support black women.

Speaker 4 (47:46):
And it's like I just asked the question, like you
know what I'm saying. If we're really going to have discourse,
there needs to be an opening on all.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
It needs to be discourse where people can say their
piece and they can be who they are, and we say, okay.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Understand, either agree to disagree.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
You're not trying to get me to You're not trying to,
you know, convince me of anything. I'm not coming from
a place of judgment either. It's just that here's how
we do things. Here's how we do things. Okay, I
get it?

Speaker 4 (48:11):
Cool?

Speaker 3 (48:11):
You happy?

Speaker 2 (48:12):
You happy for people to co exist like that. And
that's why when it comes to our children, we're very
deliberate about deliberate about telling them that they need to
just respect all people and let people be who.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
They are you know?

Speaker 2 (48:24):
And I love that Jackson now after even having that conversation,
will say to his friends, it's not cool to say that,
Like Jackson has become that persons you know, all up
inside his group chats and stuff on his phone. And
one definite, he's the one that does not take bullying.
Remember there was another kid building another kid in the
group chat.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
This wasn't even a sexual thing. It was they were
all on the football team or basketball. It was basketball
at this point.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
Yeah, nothing to do with homophobia.

Speaker 4 (48:49):
They were debating about sports teams.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
It would be about sports teams and it was like, oh,
you keep switching teams, and then it was just a constant.

Speaker 2 (48:56):
Name calling, right, and the kid didn't chill. So Dad
Jackson just the screwp chat like, we're not doing that.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
Over here here to hear to his question, I think
we can have civil discourse, but all sides have to
be open and willing.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
To yes, super open minded about it too as well.
Thank you for listening.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
Thank you, appreciate you, Thank you. Lovia number two. Oh,
this one's a shorter one.

Speaker 4 (49:20):
Mister and missus Ellis. I have nothing but mad respect
for the both of you. Thank you. We appreciate you
as well. I love listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
It brings me peace knowing I can have something to
listen to while at work on the way home, knowing
the information that has talked about is very knowledgeable.

Speaker 4 (49:34):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
We would just be over here chatting, but okay, we.

Speaker 4 (49:37):
Work hard trying to give y'all something positive. I love
that I just became a fan. I just became a
first time dad.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
Oh this is two guys back to back, and I
just want to know what's the best way to be
supportive for my wife and help her be able to
get back on her feet. And do y'all have any
suggestions on a good way to take her on a
quick getaway to help her relax and recover from getting
ambushed by everyone.

Speaker 4 (49:58):
It's the first thing.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
Let me copy it past all of the is next
show is coming up, so that way you can she
can get fluid out for a week.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
And maybe I'm gonna give you one not kidding piece
of advice. Listen to your wife. And as I'm saying that,
I'm gonna let my wife tell you how you can
help her, and then once she's done, I'll piggyback off
of that, but the first thing is listen to her.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
Absolutely, I think the biggest thing for a first time
mom and dad.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
With the mom, it's a.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
Mixed thing because it's like you you want help and
you need help, but you don't necessarily want to ask
for help because you don't want to be a burden.
For example, the baby, I really would love to just
get a couple hours of sleep, but I don't want
to leave my baby because if I leave for a
couple hours, I don't know what's gonna happen.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
To this baby, you know.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
So there's that battle between wanting to try to do
and be everything for the baby in that moment, but
then also knowing like I need a break. So I
would say, as a first time dad, anticipate the things
that she may need. Anticipate the small, daunting, tedious, mundane,
everyday tasks that she would normally take care of. That
now you can either outsource and bring in family to help,

(51:03):
or you can do You will be surprised how far
a clean load of laundry, folded and put away can go,
how far a meal can go, how far a hey,
I'm gonna take the baby for two hours, so you
can take a nap because if she's breastfeeding, she's up
every two hours anyway. But it's really just reassuring her
and letting her know that, yo, these things don't have
to be taken care of, so you can heal and

(51:24):
you can take time to be in recovery and take
care of yourself, because a lot of times, first time
they're going to be asking about the baby. Everyone is
gonna be like, let me see the baby, how's.

Speaker 3 (51:34):
The baby doing?

Speaker 2 (51:35):
And then my kind of falls by the wayside. So you, dad,
that's your role of course, while doting over baby and
helping to take care of baby. I love that he's
writing in because he sees that the focus should be
on getting his woman back up to speed. Suggestions for
a good way to take her for a quick getaway.
I mean it could even just be a quick if

(51:56):
you want to get her out of the house. It
can be a spa date, it can be a dinner date.
It could be something as simple as that, or if
she's not comfortable leaving the house yet, just having Grandma
or somebody come to oversee the baby while maybe you
bring home you know, in home missuits, you know, so
that she can just get away for a little bit
and get taken care of. There's so many different things

(52:16):
that you can do. What are some things that you
did when well, he's baby, because we had four of them,
so there was so many things that I had.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
This is the very first thing that no one ever
talks talks about. Right, you have to prepare your wife
or the mother of your child before the baby comes,
to be prepared to let other people help with the child.
You have to prepare them so that when the baby comes,
they can rest. The biggest issue with having a newborn
is sleep deprivation.

Speaker 4 (52:43):
I say this all the time. I said it at
the live show.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
One of my friends Navy seal said the biggest training,
the biggest part of training that they struggled with the
most was learning how to be efficient while sleep deprived.
They made them stay awake I think it was eighteen
hours and after being awake for eighteen hours, had them
go through a whole bunch of stuff and people were discombobulated,
didn't know how to use their weapons. A lot of

(53:07):
guys quit, super emotional, couldn't make good decisions. I said, wow,
it sounds like you're pregnant, but it may be realized
that pregnancy comes with hormonal changes, but sleep deprivation on
top of hormonal changes, you're not gonna be next to
the person that you knew. That's why so many couples
end up getting divorced or end up separating after kids,

(53:28):
because sleep deprivation is.

Speaker 4 (53:29):
Real, and it's not only for mom.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
You know who else has to get rest, dad, Because
most of the time, if your dad, like you rolled
in here, that means when your wife gets up, you're
gonna get up as well. When that baby cries, you're
gonna cry, but you also have to go back to work.

Speaker 3 (53:43):
When the baby you're gonna cry, You're gonna cry.

Speaker 4 (53:45):
I cry too every time. When Jackson was first born,
when Jacks cried, I was like, he was just crying,
like to the half hours. I gotta glory to the jam
and then I'm going to be up.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
I'm looking all day and he's crying out out crying,
not your mother crying.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
I'm like, I just got twenty seven stitches in my cervix.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
I don't want to hear about your crying.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (54:07):
Make sure you find time to get rest as well,
because you know who else gets super emotional after babies. Men,
We don't talk about this. Men get emotional because of
sleep deprivation. Imagine two sleep deprived people dealing with a
child for the first time.

Speaker 3 (54:20):
That's the fact.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
And I know what this child is because this child
is not communicating with you at a bone. And then
also too, he says, how did we recover from getting
ambushed by everyone?

Speaker 4 (54:28):
I'm about to I'm about to tell you it's okay.
Maybe you asked me what I'm about to tell I
mean you.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
Want to go.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
I spoke about bringing in help, but also I want
I was about to go. Sometimes you have to set
boundaries and you have to say, you know what, we're
not accepting any help other than maybe a mother or
a sister or an aunt now is coming to help.
It's okay to have boundaries with people visiting.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
Yes, but I'm na speak from a dad's standpoint, because
it's hard for moms at that point to set boundaries
because moms are tired of sleep deprived. They know everyone
to see the baby as the protector and provide. You
have to set boundaries for all of those people, your
wife's friends, your wife's siblings, your siblings. You have to
set boundary to be like, hey, this is my wife.
This is what she needs. If you want to this

(55:12):
is what I did. You want to help create a schedule.

Speaker 4 (55:15):
Right.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
When you create a schedule, the schedule allows that everyone
can see her, but they don't come.

Speaker 4 (55:20):
At the same time.

Speaker 3 (55:20):
The same time yep, right, And.

Speaker 4 (55:22):
Then you have certain people online in there that this
person comes.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
I know my wife's gonna sleep when my wife's mom
will come over, When my mom will come over, her
sister will come over. I knew that those were people
that kuld Dean trusted. So when they came over, I
would take the baby and I'd be like yo yo.
I just literally would mushir in the bed and I
would take the baby and I'd be like yo, ma here,
I would get into bed with her. We would cuddle

(55:46):
ourselves to sleep, because you also need that get.

Speaker 4 (55:50):
Back to each other.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Yes, and it's not a sexuble thing real, but the
oxytocin is real. When a woman feels protected and covered
because their child's father is behind them and they can
cuddle and sleep in bed, they wake up feeling a
lot better. Yes, and your grandmother was the one who
used to come grab the baby and just be like
y'all to stay sleep that helped us so much.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
She would barely hear a whimper, and she'd be in
the room with going with the baby. It was like
that episode of the Cosmme Show. At one point I
was like, where's the baby? Me to that woke up,
I'm like, where the baby going?

Speaker 4 (56:20):
You know, I knew where they went.

Speaker 2 (56:21):
There was such a good sleep though, that I almost
like forgot the fact that I had a baby.

Speaker 4 (56:25):
Yeah, the house.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
Yeah, So set up a schedule and be like, oh,
best friends such and such wants to come by and
you want to come out. Great, can you come by
and bring breakfast, bring breakfast, coffee, bagels, whatever.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
Great?

Speaker 2 (56:36):
Oh, such as us wants to come by, Well, you're
gonna leave for breakfast, Come and bring some lunch, be
prepared to make dinner, Come do a load of laundry.
Assist us in this way absolutely, and is the best
thing that you can do for her.

Speaker 4 (56:46):
Yo, don't be afraid to ask people for help.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
And here's the last part, because the question he asked
getaways our first getaway, because remember we was broke as
fuck when we just had Jackson, right, our first get
away was Jackson was four months made June July three
months and we had our wedding anniversary. We had an

(57:10):
overnight staycation downtown Manhattan. It was beautiful. It was beautiful.

Speaker 4 (57:17):
Her mom took the baby, had the baby overnight. This
was the first time Kadeen was away from him for overnight.
She cried at dinner. You allow her to cry at dinner.
This was after the sixth week mark, so we knew
we was going to get it in. But it was
really just about her saying, look, babe, the baby is
going to be fine. Get dressed up, look as nice

(57:39):
as you can, feel like yourself. Let's go out. We
didn't go see a show. We just stayed in the hotel.
We went to dinner. We went to dinner, and we
just chilled. It was July. We walked.

Speaker 3 (57:53):
We had to reconnect a little bit.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
We re reconnect. We walked Promena. Yeah, we walked to Promenade.
So everything it doesn't have to be super expensive. The
getaway doesn't have to be a huge getaway, but the
getaway is the get away from the baby. Okay, I'm
gonna be I am a huge proponent of telling people
that women have a lot of separation anxiety from their
baby because their babies in their stomach, and I understand

(58:17):
that I.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Have it to this day when my kids walking out
the door to school, I'm literally praying every day over
all three of them, because I'm like, I cannot protect
them any longer.

Speaker 4 (58:26):
You can't.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
Dakota is so attached to me, I think he wants
to go back in and I would gladly let him
at this point because.

Speaker 4 (58:34):
I'm the only person going back in there. Yep.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
That's a fact. Yep, that's a fact. Now things can
come out of there. As we say, four four guys
have come out of there, is going in.

Speaker 3 (58:46):
There for the rest of the time.

Speaker 1 (58:52):
With them chores, get some sleep for yourself, yes, and
just love on her as much and keep reminding her
how beautiful she is while her body's going through.

Speaker 3 (58:59):
Change and get it gets better. We're proving all right, y'all.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
If you want to be featured as a listener letter,
it's not too late. The season is still going. We
have another season coming up for you guys. Be sure
you email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot
com because y'all always come through with the bomb stories
and letters.

Speaker 4 (59:17):
Yes, ma'am, or yes sir, that's d E A D
A s. S A. D v I C. E at
gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
All right, moment of truth time.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
We're talking about Deyonce recap devous Beyonce experience for the
Renaissance tour.

Speaker 3 (59:31):
What's your moment of truth? Baby, my moon?

Speaker 1 (59:33):
The truth is simple. I had a good time. It
was way grander than I thought it was going to be.
The music was amazing, her performances were amazing. Watching you
perform all of her performances were amazing, and watching you
perform later on that night was amazing.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
So that was amazing. I love that for you. I
love that for you.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
I get my moment of truth outside of Beyonce, because
y'all already know love the girl and her music. But
it was just really me feeling like I had a
moment of growth where being deliberate about making sure that
your spouse enjoys moments that could essentially be just for
you and making it an experience for both of you
is so important. Be Like, even think about Kadeen a

(01:00:11):
couple of years ago, like like ten years ago, for example,
my focus would have been all online, getting my hair done,
get my makeup done, get my off together, all that,
and then I probably would have went back to the
hotel and fell asleep, when you'd have been like damn,
Like I really just came along as an accessory to
this experience, where instead, this time I was very deliberate
about making sure that Deval would be able to enjoy
the experience too and make it feel like it was

(01:00:33):
for him too, And we get it together and we
had a great time and I can't wait for the
next show. Yeah. On that note, be sure to find
us on Patreon. You guys have been subscribing lately. It's
been awesome too because we've been able to get you
guys more content, and that is the plan to continue
to roll that out. So if you have not subscribed yet,

(01:00:54):
subscribe to Patreon you where you can see exclusive dead
Ass podcast video content and more of the Ellis family.
And you can find us on social media at dead
Ass the podcast.

Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
I'm Kadeine I am and I Am Devout.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe,
and also pick up your copy of We Over Me,
The Counterintuitive Approach to getting Everything you need to do
your relationship, and.

Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
Leave us that beautiful five star review because we know
you love it.

Speaker 4 (01:01:19):
So much, all the.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Gems in there.

Speaker 4 (01:01:21):
Dead Ass.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, and
it's produced by Donorpina and Triple. Follow the podcast on
social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss
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