Mindin' Your Business

It's time for another Listener Letters episode. In this episode, the Ellises read your letters and give the best advice they can. Dead Ass.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
We mad nosy, So we got a whole episode of
listener letters.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
This is probably every season one of my most favorite shows.
But y'all know that already. Dead Ass.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue
about some of Li's most taboo topics.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
is a term that we say every day. So when
we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
We about to take philos off to our whole new level.

Speaker 3 (00:54):
Dead ass starts right now.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
We have some very deep listener letters today, are they Yes,
We're gonna jump right into it.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah, and I realized we on the lineup we have
about four. But it's because y'all have been doing such
an amazing job of making sure that we get all
the tea. We want you to paint the entire picture.
Don't leave any details out because the more details you
leave out, the more we are left to assume. And
we don't want to do that because you know what
happens when you assume, baby.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
Make an ass out of you and yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
Because nothing to do with that, nothing to do, nothing
to do it is all right, So let's just go
ahead and get started with number one.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
Do you want to go first?

Speaker 1 (01:34):
Baby? You know I'll go first today.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
Thank you so much, shake things up for y'all. You
know what I'm saying, all right?

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Do you think number one? Hey, y'all, first, I want
to start off by saying that I'm a huge fan
and I've been watching supporting y'all since Kate was pregnant
with Kyro. Thank you so very much.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
I want it back in the day joint.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
I'm going to try to make this short, but bear
with me. According to the page and a half letter,
this will not be short. I'm currently going through my
first very official heartbreak. Me and the person, me and
the person started dating. I wonder why to see me
and the person? Me and the person started dating long
distance back in March of twenty twenty one, we were
making it work despite all of the obstacles that were

(02:14):
throwing our way. However, in August twenty twenty two, things
took an unknown turn. He fell into a ain't the funny,
she said the person, and then she said he she
really must be mad at this person he is giving that. Yeah,
he fell into a depressive state and never told me.
So this was about three months of him not communicating
his true feelings and not being vulnerable with me. A

(02:35):
week before I went to visit him, he tried to
break up with me, but I didn't take it serious
because to me, everything was fine. So I went to
see him for my Thanksgiving break and the vibes was
just off. He revealed to me that he wasn't happy
with himself and that he wanted us to break up
so I can find someone better. Wow, he was self sabotaged,
and that's what it sounds like our relationship. So I

(02:55):
begged him to stay with me because this is the
only real problem we've had to deal with, and I
took it. That's him running as soon as things got hard.
So we ended up working it out and stayed together
about two maybe three weeks later, I was back at
school and he wanted to break it with me again
over the same thing, and I'm begging him again to
stay and work it out. This went on for about
two weeks until I eventually gave up because I was

(03:16):
tired of being the only one fighting. After that, he
told me once he got his mental state together, he
wanted to try again. Fast forwarding now March twenty three.
We haven't spoken for overall month, but I'm waiting for him,
and everyone says that I should move on and enjoy
the college experience by talking to different guys. Yes, I'm
twenty one, but I just want to know if I'm
wrong for waiting for the one person who I feel

(03:36):
understands me and that I feel like is my soulmate.
Keep in mind, this is my first official relationship and
we lost our virginity to each other. That's what it
is right there. Sorry for the long story, and I
appreciate any advice I could get.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
Aw First of all, the fact that twenty one year
olds want to listen to what we have to say.
I think that's so cool. It makes me feel like
an auntie. Exist No, not the auntie trying to be
nobody honesty, but a cool big says. I love that.
It's interesting because we can speak from the perspective of
being together in college, right, And the first thing I'm

(04:12):
inclined to say to her is, yes, girl, go ahead
and enjoy that college experience, because you're gonna want to
talk to different guys and you're gonna want to see
what's out there. And that's literally the exact rhetoric that
was spewed to me when I met Devo. But I
was willing to stop at nothing to be with Devo,
even though me myself was not necessarily even looking for

(04:34):
a relationship, because I ultimately felt like he was the one.
I think the difference here, though, with that situation, or
our situation rather with her, is that you were kind
of bought into it too, and it doesn't seem like
this gentleman here who she's referring to is ready for that.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
And it's hard when you feel like you're the only
one fighting in the relationship.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
I know you felt like there was moments where I
was completely detached and you were the only one fighting,
and vice versa. So I get that perspective, but I
also feel like, maybe you're so young like, there's so
much life to live, and you know he may be
your person and he's that person that understands you and
I know is very delicate when you lose your virginity

(05:17):
to someone, like that's a connection that you feel like
you have waited a particularly long point in your life.
You're on your twenty one, you finally lose your virginity
to someone, only to see that this person you know
does not want to be with you. And again, it
may not be because of any kind of bad blood
or anything. It just seems like he's just not in
a good mental space. Do you think that's what it

(05:38):
is the valid Do you think that he may be
using that as an excuse too, to be like, I
just don't necessarily want to be with you.

Speaker 1 (05:44):
I'm going to be honest right now, a lot of
people these days are using mental health as a way
to get out of things. Not saying that he's not
dealing with that, right but it sounds to me like
he's a young man who's in a relationship with a
young woman who he may have lost interests, or he
may be interested in going out and seeking other opportunities

(06:04):
just because he's also a young man. The easiest. You know,
back in the day, it used to be it's not you,
it's me. But now when you can couple, it's not you,
it's my mental health. Now people are more inclined to
be like, oh, let me give you the space you
need for your mental health, because back in the day
it was just it's not you, it's me. That's what
it sounds like. Here. It sounds like they're both young,
they were having fun. He's ready to try something else,

(06:27):
so it's not you, it's me type of thing. And
when you use mental health nowadays, it's a trigger word
for people to give you your space and be let
down easy.

Speaker 3 (06:36):
And it's typically a delicate situation.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
But also too, I don't want it to muddy the
water for people who legitimately do have no health issues too,
you know. But I get what you're saying. So many
people are just spewing mental health, mental health. I need
a break because of this. You've seen it with you know,
famous athletes and entertainers, and you know that's been more
of the focus now too.

Speaker 3 (06:54):
But are people using that you think as an excuse
Sometimes for.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
Us it's impossible to tell when they're using it on sue,
So you never want to label it. But what I'm
saying is based on what she's saying. Everything in his
behavior and everything sounds like he just wants to do
something else, you know what I'm saying. That's that's what
it sounds like to me. And it's easier to say
I need a break for my mental health than it's
to say I just want to break up, because maybe
he's trying to let her down easy and say it's

(07:19):
not you, it's not it's me. In a different way,
it's a new age version of it's a new year.
To me, it sounds like a new age version of it. Now.
I can't say that he doesn't have mental health issues,
but he also could have said to her, you know,
I have mental health issues. Can you help me get
through this?

Speaker 3 (07:34):
And let's do it together.

Speaker 1 (07:35):
Let's do it together. He could have said that, but
he didn't.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
Right because she said she feels like this is the
person who understands her. One person understands So you know,
maybe is it vice versa. Does he feel like she
understands him or maybe not. He may not feel like that,
but yeah, that's a good point that you may that
he may be wanting her if he wanted to be
with her long term, he would have been more inclined
to say, hey, let's do this together, or can you
help me get through this.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
And ultimately lean on each other. And ultimately it's not
about what you want in a relationship. You want to
make this work. You're in love with him, You this,
you this, you that. If he doesn't want the same,
it's sometimes it's easier to let people go. Well when
people tell you what they want and what they need
and what they require, believe them. You can't change their mind.
And to me, she's getting all the signs of he

(08:17):
doesn't want his mind changed. And as much as you
love him, if he's not going to love you the
way you want to be loved, to be there for
you and reciprocated, then it's time to move on and
find somebody that will fact and wish him well. You
can keep checking on him and stuff, but what's it Well.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
And he might be, you know, in a better space
later on.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
But whether you don't want to do is sacrifice now
your health, happiness and mental health at the expense of
somebody else. Because one thing you can force is vibes
and one thing meet man, I do manah beg all right,
I'm not begging anybody for anything. So you know, I
know you've made attempt sus to try to say, hey,
let's give it one more try, let's wait, But if

(08:52):
you're giving it another try and it's only a two
weeks three weeks later, it seems like it's just kind
of being drug out. And at this point, baby, keep
it pushing. You're twenty one. I'm sure you have a
lot going for yourself. The fact that you even wrote
in and you so eloquently expressed the situation shows that
there's definitely potential for you in whatever relationship you decide

(09:12):
to get into. But think about yourself, you know, and
continue to work on yourself because the right person in
the right situation will eventually come along. And not to
say it won't be with him, it just may not
be the time right now.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
Okay, we need to do an additional podcast about how
to deal with people who say they have mental health issues,
because you and I have both dealt with that with
friends and families saying they have mental health issues and
with us feeling lost, Yes, because we don't know whether
to push them or to give them space. Yeah, and
based on what we've seen on social media, Pushing them

(09:45):
and giving them space can both lead be detrimental something
detrimental to them, you know. So we need to do
a whole podcast on how to deal with people make
note of that, say they have mental health, and.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Maybe bring in some sort of expert who can speak
more about that and help us kind of navigate through
how we can give support to people who do have
same to have mental health issues, particularly close to us.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
So that's a good idea. So good luck to you, sis,
keep keeping on.

Speaker 1 (10:11):
You heard that one.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
We'd love to go back to being twenty one again.
Oh man, I'm only twenty five.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
That's a couple of years ago for me. Read the
second listening letter.

Speaker 3 (10:21):
I to valan K.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
I want to start off by saying I love your
podcast and book. I'm about halfway through the book.

Speaker 3 (10:25):
Awesome.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
Your podcast has helped me through so many tough days,
and I appreciate your transparency. It really made me feel
like I wasn't alone in this.

Speaker 3 (10:33):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
That is why we do it, y'all. Yes, realize you're
not the only one, you're not the anomaly. You're not crazy,
or you might just be crazy. But I'm crazy.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Too, And that's all right, that's it, that's actually what
it is.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
AnyWho.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
I'm a mom of three littles who works from home
in a corporate job. My husband is a police officer
and his hours get long and the job is stressful.
I don't currently have a village to help me, so
I'm usually on my own with my kids while I work.
My oldest just started pre k ages are four to
two and eleven months old.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
We're done at three. Oh man, you got your hands.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
Oh hobby got snipped while I was pregnant with our
last congratutave out on your snip.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
Awesome. Finally somebody celebrates my snip because you know it
didn't happen here.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
We're still waiting for that sample to get.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
You're supposed to help collect the sample. Your job.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
I did the hard several several times. Don't ask me
where is that? Several places? I got to get back
to that urologist with him all any who to continue
the story? Oh, I said, okay, here we are. Since

(11:41):
having kids, I really lost myself. I don't know what
I like anymore. Hobbies, what makes me happy? My husband's
always asking me what makes me happy? And I'm just
at a loss for words. I have no idea what
the answer is, and it's really hard. The last few
years I just went to have my kids. My husban's
been my job and my household. I never knew how

(12:03):
to answer the question, and it's disheartening. I started working
out again and chatting with a therapist, but just wanted
to know what Kay did to find herself again. What
steps could I do to find myself again. I feel
like I have no real purpose anymore outside of being
a mom and wife. I always was a go getter
or had the go getter attitude and was very driven.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
Before my kids.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
I was in the Navy, graduated college which with a
bachelor's degree, got a great job, and then got married
and had kids. And now I'm done with kids. I'm
just lost and really don't know how to find my
purpose again. I want to be excited about life again.
I'm only thirty five and refuse to think this is
it for me. Also, I should say my husband allows
me every opportunity to get out of the house and

(12:45):
go have me time, but your girl is still struggling
a bit.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
Anything would help coming from you guys. Again.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
Appreciate you all, and please keep doing what you're doing.
You help so many y'sus.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
Girl.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
First of all, I see you, see you, I understand you.
I am you still to an extent, and I was you.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
To me.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
It sounds like back to back postpartum, prenatal, postpartum, prenatal,
everything in between.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Your children are so close in age four, two.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
And eleven months that you just have not even had
a chance to recoup since the first baby.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Think about it, four.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
Years postpartum, pregnant again, prenatal, pregnant, postpartum again, and now
you have an eleven month old. So what it seems
to me is you've had compounded situations of hormonal imbalance
from growing humans and then recovering from that. And that
can be a very tiring place. It can be a

(13:49):
very stressful place. It can be a very depressing place,
and it can also be a very lonely place.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
I think what you and I have in common is.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
Is husbands who are in invested in making sure that
you're okay and making sure that you're doing the things
to find yourself again. But I do think it will
take some time for you. The fact that you don't
have a village. I feel for you in that sense,
because that's literally what has helped Devalini just have help
with the children and be able to then have the
space and the time and the latitude to be able

(14:21):
to even start figuring out what the purpose is. Again,
So it can be a very very dark and daunting place,
and you don't have to feel bad for that. It
seems like you may have a little bit of postpartum
depression because when I had postpartum depression, I did deal
with a lot of purpose issues.

Speaker 3 (14:37):
Remember I kept saying to you, like, man, I don't
know what my purpose is.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
And I recently sent on one of our live shows
that I just recently felt like, wow, I may just
be walking in my purpose doing everything that I'm doing
with the podcast and with you know, my children and
my family and my husband, like being that pillar for
my family.

Speaker 3 (14:54):
That is a part of my purpose.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
But I do understand wanting to have your own again,
and sometimes that's reinvented after you have children. So who
you were prior to having children can be refreshed and
renewed and reinvented after children. So my advice to you
would just be to give yourself a little bit more time,
because I think you may still be in that phase
of you know, hormones leveling out. Even with me after Dakota,

(15:20):
I realized that when it came to them to working
out and reinvesting in myself and in my health, that
I really didn't start to see the benefits of it
until he was at least a year maybe you know,
fourteen months later. That's the space that I'm in now.
And it's also okay to be a little uncomfortable and
confused about where you are in life, because that discomfort

(15:42):
just means that growth is on the horizon.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
So lean into that.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Continue to investigate the things that you like again, take
time that your husband is giving you, that me time
that's very necessary for you to soul search. I think
it's great that you have a therapist that you can
lean on and speak to and kind of get your
thoughts out.

Speaker 3 (16:00):
And it does get better.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
It does get better, particularly when the kids are older
and they start to be a little bit more independent
once they start school, and then you can regain some
time again to see the things that you like.

Speaker 3 (16:11):
So think about what you think will make you feel better.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
First off, in the situation, does it mean getting a
light workout in going for a pilates class, you know,
go into a coffee shop and just grabbing lunch on
your own and being still, do you have a girlfriend
or your mom or somebody who can just be a
partner that will just help you to have time outside
of the children. Sometimes when you're a stay at home
mom and you're with the kids all day, you feel

(16:34):
like you're just always talking baby child language.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
She's not No, she has a job.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
Oh I didn't know. She said she wants to work. Yeah,
oh she does have a corporate job. Oh's a corporate job. Oh, okay,
got you. So you do work from home.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
But this is my thing though, And.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
But I guess I say stay at home meaning being
in the house all.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
The time, but you're not to stay at home mom.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
And this is I think we've gotten so far left
from like when now we empower women so much that
being a mom or being a wife is not my purpose,
Like I'm so much more than that. When people don't
have a purpose in their career now, they feel like
they don't have a purpose. I'm just a mom, I'm
just a wife. Being You can't just say somebody's just
a mom, Like I don't want to say I'm starting

(17:19):
to get annoyed. But I am starting to get annoyed
when people downplay the role of motherhood and wifehood in
a woman's life, as if if you want to be
or choose to be a mom and a wife, now
you're less than a woman. You know, we've come so
far left Before it was, you know, before it was
if you don't have a career, if you don't have
a career and you're just a mom and a wife,
that's what woman who was? And now if you only

(17:41):
have a career, you're losing something as a woman. If
you don't have a husband and you don't have kids.
You don't have to choose one or balance both in
order to be a full fledged woman, right you don't.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
And one doesn't necessarily hold more value.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
No, it's just what matters to you. And this is
my truth. If you're chasing a career and you can't
find purpose in a career, maybe having a career is
not your purpose. If you enjoy being a mom and
a wife, it is okay, Like, can we stop discrediting
women who want to just be moms and wives? Not
I don't even say just be Can we stop discrediting

(18:20):
women who want to be moms and wives.

Speaker 3 (18:23):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
That's a good point, you seriously, because it seems that
people don't even aspire to that anymore, which is fine,
but it's because it's seen as, oh, you're just a
stay at home mom or you just want to tend
to your family, which to me, when.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
Is so it's almost like back to social conditioning, right,
every generation has a certain thing that they're socially conditioned
to do. In the fifties, we were socially conditioning women
to be step Ford wives. Remember that movie Start for Wives.
You know, stay at home, make sure that the food
is cooked and the kids were good, make sure you're
prim and proper, make sure you stay in shape. And
that's what we conditioned women to do in the fifties

(18:57):
and sixties. Then there was a change women empowerment movement
in the sixties and seventies and the eighties, and they
got more into the workforce. And now it's like, you
have to have a career, you have to chase something
other than being just a mom and just the wife,
because being just a mom and just the wife it's
not enough. So now you have women who may want
to be moms and wives who feel like, well, what's
my purpose? Because I don't have anything else? What's wrong

(19:19):
with that purpose? Your purpose could be raising the great
next astronaut, because you're there to make sure that your
child or children get every aspect of life that they
can to be the greatest version of themselves.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Do you remember when I said that to you, when
I was to figure out my purpose and I said,
what if my purpose is just to be here with
my husband and my children and raise the best human
being psychic?

Speaker 1 (19:43):
How did you feel? How did you feel?

Speaker 2 (19:44):
We still felt like there was more to be done.
That's my problem, because all I'm hearing is you have
so much potential exactly, you know, you can be so
great at this. And this was after maybe Jackson chyron Cash.
I don't even think I had gotten to this point yet.
We may not even had the podcast set and all
of these things happening. But still sometimes I have moments
within this space where I'm working, where I feel like I'm.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
Still not doing it. We gotta be careful with that,
because I'm no. We got to be careful with that.
Because a woman asked you at the one of the
live shows, and it was a very genuine question. She
was like, Kadeen, what's next for you? What is your
what are your dreams? What do your think?

Speaker 3 (20:20):
And I'm like it's like, oh, Deval's doing all this stuff,
but what do you want to do?

Speaker 1 (20:23):
But my thing is like, how does someone say to
you what's next? What are your dreams? What's next for you?
When you're you're at a show where Kadeen is the
head host of the podcast. We just got off a
tour for New York Times bestseller, and it's like, that's
still not enough. You know, we put so much pressure
on We put so much pressure on women to be
everything and all the things. You have to be an

(20:45):
A one mom, you have to be an A one wife.
You have to be the CEO of a company, you
have to be the lead actress in this. You have
to be the best w NBA player. Like, if you
don't do all of these things, you don't have a purpose.

Speaker 3 (20:57):
You need every practice.

Speaker 1 (20:59):
There's no way they have.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
A hot piping meal ready for everybody at the end
of the night.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Like we have to stop doing that to women and
trying to define what a woman's purpose is, right, we
really do have to stop to find it. Now. I
will admit it's a little bit more simple for guys
because we don't have to carry children, so we know
what our purpose is. Our purpose is to provide and
protect the person who is carrying our children. But let
me ask you a question. What if you don't want

(21:23):
to have children as a guy, right, then it's like
your purpose is to just be a career driven person
and to just make as much money as possible, and
that's fine, right. We have so many different variables for
what a guy can do. When a guy could be
before a woman, it is almost like it's this abstract
idea that a woman has to be all of the
things or she is nothing, and that's scary.

Speaker 3 (21:45):
It is scary.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
That's scary.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
It is a scary, scary place. I recently came across
a page on Instagram. I think it's called like the
Rich Aunties or something like that, and that's like a
now a movement of women, or at least it's probably
been a thing, but you know, with social media, things
are brought to the forefront. But it's literally a platform
for women who say, I don't care to have children.
That is not my purpose. I don't desire that, I

(22:07):
don't aspire to that. So I'm going to be the
quote unquote rich. Yeah, and they and they revere it
and they empower it, and there's like a whole I
think they have like over one hundred and something cave followers.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
Imagine people are revering that.

Speaker 1 (22:19):
But imagine if a woman says I don't care to
have a job, I don't care to work. I want
to be a wife and I'll be a mom. They
will say, oh, you're taking us back to the fifties.
Why is that right?

Speaker 2 (22:27):
Right?

Speaker 1 (22:27):
You know what I'm saying to me, I just think
that that's so asked backwards, like who is going to
raise our future?

Speaker 2 (22:36):
That part, you know, because clearly, clearly a lot of
things have faltered.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
If you just look at the way society educational system.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
You know why teachers complain so much about having too
much to do, because they're responsible for all of the
kids because everyone else is at work. Now, I'm not
saying that women are supposed to be home to help teachers.
What I'm saying is that we discredit the value of
someone being at home to take care of home. And
look at how society is getting.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
Messed up home to receive the children when they come
home from school and make sure that the idle time
is not super idle where they're out there doing a
bunch of nonsense.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Like as a suffered as a latch key kid who
had to help raise my younger brother and sister because
both my parents work, I value the fact that one
of us or both of us can be home when
the kids get here. Yeah, for sure, for sure, you
know what I'm saying, Like, I value that, and I

(23:32):
think that we're as a society need to get back
to creating a safer space for the family unit to
exist without ridicule. You know what I'm saying, Like, even
if it's a stay at home dad, they'll ridicule a
stay at home dad and be like, oh you do
is stay or do stay home with the kids.

Speaker 3 (23:50):
While your wife goes out and stay home raising kids?

Speaker 2 (23:52):
It seems like gets to be at the bottom of
the totem pole now, as if that's there's no value in.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
But then but then they the same people complain.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
Who raised these kids out.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
In the street. I think there's nobody home to raise them.

Speaker 3 (24:05):
That's a fact. So back to your story, that's a
good point, you may be.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yea, I was just saying that I just don't. I
just would. I was saying all that to say this,
your purpose may not be connected to a career. It
may not be connected to an activity. It may be
connected to the very thing that you enjoy doing. Like
you said, all she said, all I have is my
husband and my kids. That may be your purpose, and
you're running from it because you're afraid of the ridicule

(24:31):
that you may receive by saying I want to dive
into my kids and my husband. And also that may
just be for that season. You may just be into
your kids and your husband for that season because your
children are young, and then as they go to school,
then it's like I figured something else out, you know,
like your purpose doesn't remain the same throughout your entire life.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Oh for sure, it changes, and some things are seasonal,
some things are reasonable, you know. But I think for her,
I think, coupled with what you've mentioned, I think it
also may have a lot to do with what I
said initially in the very beginning that just having the
children back to back and just feeling like you're in
a rut is something that's completely normal, particularly having children

(25:11):
so close together.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
I hear you man but I hear this thing with
women in purpose and they kids be like fourteen, you
know what I'm saying, And it's like, at some point,
it's not postpartum depression. At some point, it's the fact
that it's okay to want to be a mom. Like
people be wanting their mom. Like why do we keep
saying like, oh, I'm just a mom. You are a mom.
You know what I'm saying, You're a mom. Some people

(25:36):
I be wanting my wife. Some people just want their
wife when my days get long and I'm tired of
shit and I want I just want my wife. We
got to stop letting people think that, you know, I'm
just a wife. No, have you ever heard a man
be like, I'm just a husband. There's a pride that
we take in being a husband, you know what I'm saying.
There's a pride that we take in and providing for

(25:57):
our family and protecting and being the emotional support and
being there head of household and being the stability when
everything's in chaos. There's a pride. This should be a
pride that women take and being a wife and a
mom and being like, we need to stop that rhetoric
of just a mom. Or just a wife. You take
pride in that, and I don't want to always say
it's postpartum that could be part of it. Yes, three

(26:19):
kids under five, there's a lot of stress there, so
I get that too, but this should be pride there
that you're doing a great job.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
No for sure, and now you know you and hubby
you're done having kids too. Once the kids get older
and you get some time to yourself, you'll figure it out.
You'll figure it out.

Speaker 3 (26:35):
So good luck to you, sis, Thank you for writing in.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
I think this might be a good point to take
a quick break because we have two more listening letters
when we get back.

Speaker 3 (26:42):
So let's go pay some bills and we'll see y'all
in a.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Second and we're back and to go take a quick
break your dig let's get back to this this third listener.
Let the thing.

Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah, you guys have been thank y'all for for the
writing and music. Been great.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Deval In Kadeen Ellis, words cannot express how much I
admire you both as individuals as well as a unit collectively.
We over me has blessed my life in a tremendous way.
I'm a man that's divorced who desires to be married again,
so I'm always reading and acquiring different tools to become
a greater version of me. That's a great job. I
appreciate and celebrate your story of how you made it
through the being of service. Part about being in a healthy,

(27:29):
committed relationship marriage is what I aspired to do most
did I mentioned Chapter eight had me balling like a baby.
It was Thanksgiving night, Kay had to go to work
while the vows with the family in Jackson and Kadeen
was super sad she had to leave, and devou said,
holding back tears, this is what this will be the
last time you will have to do this. That's exactly
what happened. That did something to my soul spirit as

(27:50):
a man. The way you guys present love to me
is what I aspire to have. I know you both
don't like the term couple goals and I don't like
using it, so I'll just say I will definitely take
a lot of what I learned from this book and
utilize it in my next last relationship marriage. I appreciate
the broth that's dope. Thank you for sharing your life
with little o' me. I celebrate you guys in every way.
Thank you guys for showing us black love. It's the

(28:12):
complete honesty. It's the extreme transparency and the attitude of
gratitude that I will keep near. The way you both
decide to wake up every day and choose each other
or ask each other how can I be of service
to you? What do you need from me? Is why
y'all's marriage took a turn for the best. Y'all rock
thanks a lot.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
Bro little appreciation letter, But I think it's pretty dope.
I mean, you know, I always love when I hear
the fellas write in because why I typically we're led
to believe and historically males, particularly black males, and we're
not sure if well he did DCA is a black love.
So a black male or not, you are not never

(28:50):
feel safe or allowed to express their feelings or.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
To even ask questions.

Speaker 2 (28:54):
So the fact that he, as a now single black male,
you know, did purchase our book and it spoke to
him in some way and he aspires to be married again.

Speaker 3 (29:04):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
And that's one of the biggest things we talk about
in the book is like what do you aspire to
be when it comes to relationships? Do you aspire to marriage?
Do you not aspire to marriage. And that's why I
think the book was so vital for not just people
in relationships, whether they're married or couples or you know, engaged,
but the single person who is on the fence about
deciding or the divorce. See like he is, you know,

(29:26):
who was just like, man, do I want to be
married again?

Speaker 1 (29:28):
The divorce part is of what I want to tackle.
He said. The chapter eight really spoke to made him
call like a baby, which means it was triggering. Right.
That was a chapter I talked about feeling less of
a man because you had to go to work. I
wonder if he got divorced because he couldn't provide something,
or if he wasn't able to provide and financially this

(29:49):
became an issue for him and his ex wife, right.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
And maybe the insecurities around that, you know, cause other
issues in their relationship.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Right. But I feel like so many men don't want
to talk about that, but this is a reality. There
is a fear amongst men of not being able to
provide everything that the women they fall in love with needs,
and so many men don't talk about that. But oftentimes
men will self sabotage or walk away or feel like

(30:17):
I really don't need love because they have an insecurity
about being able to support to provide what a woman
needs in totality.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Also to adding to what you said, the pressure that
us women put on men to feel like you need
to make sure there's a timeline in which all of
these things. Yeah, that's you know, that too is an
issue because, like we've said, even on the journey to marriage,
the journey to being engaged, there's so much pressure on
the men to do it in a conframe when us

(30:47):
women feel is necessary and vital because in our timeline,
this is when it works. But we're not thinking past
that moment, whereas men, at least if he's a.

Speaker 3 (30:57):
Good man, you know, is really.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
Under the stress and pressure of figuring out how to
provide past the engagement and past the wedding day. So
you know, I'll speak to the women because I know
we do this a lot. It's putting pressure on our
men to do things in the way we want it,
in the order in which we wanted. When you've led
me to realize that every man has.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
A plan, well, no, I'm not going to say every
good man, every good man, every good man has a plan.
Every good man has a plan, and sometimes their plan
may not fall in line with your timeline, you know,
because the woman's biological clock is a real thing, you know,
And for people who don't understand what that is is
that the older you get, the less likely it is

(31:38):
that you have a healthy pregnancy or a healthy child,
especially if you get into your men to late thirties,
you know, Kadeen and I learned that once you get
to thirty six, you're considered geriatric. You know. The prime
age for women to have children are I think nineteen
to thirty. I think that's what they said, that's rue
your bust last time I saw yeah, prime abe, prime
ages nineteen to thirty, thirty two or something. So for women.

(32:02):
They're for women who are really aspiring to have families
and they're trying to do it within that time. Women
often have to balance that and having a career if
that's something they wish to do. Sure, and like we
talked about the Lastness and a letter, ninety five percent
of women now feel like even if they wanted to
have a child or be married, they have to do

(32:23):
that while balancing a career because society has told us
now just being a mom is not enough. So as
a man, you have to think if you're being deliberate
about being with a woman, she's going to have a timeline.
And as a man, when you're trying to provide for
an entire family, things don't always go as quickly as

(32:45):
you expect them to go. I've been here before, even
getting a head start and playing in the NFL, still
had to restart in our mid to late twenties and
it took us about ten years to get back. What
if you are a woman that didn't have patience, who
was just like, man, I don't want to live in
this apartment no more. I wanted living a type of
life I'm out. That could be an issue for a

(33:05):
lot of people, and I feel like men don't speak
about that enough. And that's why women don't understand why
men always delay the process of engagement or why men
are sometimes like I'm not ready yet. Women often assume
it's because, oh, he don't want to give up all
the booty he's getting. Sometimes it's not even that. Sometimes

(33:25):
it's like I don't have the money to get engaged,
let alone get engaged, have a wedding, buy a house,
build a family, continue a legacy, that can be daunting
to a man.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yea.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
And I mean think about it. People who have a
certain kind of way they want to be proposed to.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
You know.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
We have someone that we know that proposed with his
mom's ring and it was super low key, just the
two of them, and she.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
Couldn't be happy and she couldn't be happier, you know.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
And that think about the delay that could have happened
in their proposal and them starting their life together because
he felt the pressure of having to save all this
money and do this grand you know, engagement situation, that
that whole as we say, quote unquote instagrammable moment, that
would delay their their life starting together by it could
be easily two years, two three years easily if he

(34:18):
was trying to, you know, save up for the kind
of ring that she wants.

Speaker 1 (34:21):
But that's also speaks to their relationship that they were
able to have that discussion where he felt comfortable knowing
it doesn't matter what I propose with. She just wants
to know that I'm here for the long haul, and
I want her to know that I'm here for the
long haul. And ultimately, that's what relationships are about. It's
about creating a team to build something with. You know,
we we hear so many people say, now, what are

(34:42):
you bringing to the table? Right?

Speaker 2 (34:45):
Maybe I am that's a good Listen, I'm the lumberjack
who cut down that.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
They like, Okay, then it's a battle.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
It's like then I was the one who panted the
tree like it's always keep going with it.

Speaker 3 (35:02):
They gonna keep going with it.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
I want to challenge people to say, let's come together
empty to build something. You know, people, because because people
say to me, you.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
Don't come together empty. You come together with your skill
set and your no.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
No I mean when I mean empty, I mean as
far as people keep saying, what do you bring into
the table, what do you bring into the temple? You
and I brought shit to the table. We were eighteen
years old, or we brought was ideas, or we brought
was ideas, work ethic, pat We did bring good sense
and that helped a lot. That definitely helped a lot,
took the edge off. But we brought a passion, a

(35:37):
work ethic, and an unyielding need to be of service
to each other. We didn't bring money to the table.
We didn't bring degrees to the table. We earned all
that together yeah, and that's what I'm saying. How about
you find somebody who's empty like you're empty, and be like, hey,
let's build.

Speaker 2 (35:51):
Something that might be what our first listener letter girl
is feeling, like twenty one, I think I found my business.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
And we can build together like we did. You know,
she might have been feel that too.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
And that's okay. So if you're not complete, and this
is to men and women, because you know, both men
and women have to listen to people on Instagram shout
out these lists of demands that their significant other has
to have, and a lot of people feel like I
don't have anything on those lists, especially if you're twenty one.
I don't make six figures, I don't have two degrees.
You know, it's hard out here for single people. So

(36:23):
I'm going to employ you, guys to find someone who's
looking to build. Find someone looking to build, not find
someone who's looking for a complete person.

Speaker 3 (36:33):
That is a fact. Good stuff, good stuff.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Good luck to you, brother, Yes, thank you for the
well wishes, and thank you positive words for all that
good stuff. All right, and onto her lastness letter on
this episode by quick Man even diving in here, Hey
to Valancadin, I love you guys so much. Been rocking
with you for a while now, and I've learned so

(36:57):
much about me and people just by listening to what
you guys talk about and applying it to my daily life.

Speaker 3 (37:02):
Thank you for that.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
I was at y'all's live show in Dallas this past February,
sat next to Triple and knew all the answers to
the questions and had the best time. Listen, y'all. If
you have not been to a live show, y'all have
to do it.

Speaker 3 (37:17):
Fact, you have to come.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
It's probably one of my most favorite things to do
ever in life, is be on stage, performing, engaging with
you guys. If you have Patreon, you know that you
can watch the actual live shows.

Speaker 3 (37:30):
We literally really we literally.

Speaker 2 (37:31):
Feel like it's like a almost like a mix between
like a comedy show slash yeah deval is like a
you know, a whole stand up comedium low key. So
it's a good time. So thank you for coming to
the show. I kind of want to share then when
I was a question time, but I felt like it

(37:51):
was too much. Oh she wanted to share this, Okay,
so here's the story. Sorry in advance. If it's hell
along got to give you all the context. As Kadeen
likes to say, thank you Sis, I'll be listen land.
I lost my virginity at age nineteen when I was
in college, and it totally wasn't worth it. I say
this because I grew up in a religious household, so
I was always told to wait until marriage to have sex.

(38:13):
Was even given books to read on why you should wait,
what happens if you don't, and whatnot. After I had sex,
I felt bad about it. I was disappointed within myself
and the guy was going around campus spreading rumors about it.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
Damn that sucks.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
I was like, I should have listened to my mom
and waited until the right person came along. So I
told myself the next time I do engage in sexual activities,
it would be with someone who I feel is worth
it or who I feel is trustworthy.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
All right, fast forward to now. I'm thirty five.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
Okay, so it's been a couple of years now and
I'm practically a virgin again since I haven't had sex
since age nineteen.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
Oh what does Sun do?

Speaker 3 (38:51):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (38:52):
The Sun made her go from sex Pacific room.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
Was on campus and think about the build up of
what she was raised to believe, and then she did
that and she was about.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
Well we discernment about who we choose man, I just her.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
I now have a boyfriend and it's a fresh relationship.
He is aware of how I feel about sex and
my first encounter and how my first encounter went. I'm
not really holding out until marriage, but I don't want
to have sex just because I wanted to have meaning,
substance and not just be a random fuck. He says
he understands, and he will leave it alone, but then
he'll come back and pressure me about it. All my

(39:28):
relationships are like this. I date to one I don't
put out, they dump me. I don't want him to
be like that because I do feel like he's different
than other guys than others, but I can't get him
to see that. I'm just not quite ready yet. Is
there any advice that y'all could offer me in my situation?
Thank you for your time, Any advice you can give me?

Speaker 3 (39:49):
Love you guys? How do you feel about this as
a guy.

Speaker 1 (39:53):
I'm gonna just be clear, Okay, if we're dating, I
like to have sex. If you don't want to have sex,
then we don't have to date in that manner. Like
she has needs, I have needs. No one need is
greater if we can't come to a medium, and we can.

(40:14):
If our needs are not in alignment, we need to
find someone else whose needs are in alignment. And that's
for both of us. If she doesn't want to have
sex and she wants to court until she gets married,
or she's not sure, she needs to court with someone
who desires the same thing. You know, I'm not I'm
not gonna shame her for not wanting to have sex,
But I'm also not gonna be shamed for wanting to

(40:34):
have sex. You know. It's just two people who have
different values. Yeah, And I feel like it's okay to
tell people like, hey, you know what, our values aren't
in alignment. So I like you, you cool person, But
I'm gonna find somebody else whose values are in my alignment.
There's too many people in the world to settle in life,
you know what I'm saying. So that's how I feel

(40:54):
about it. I mean, kudos to her for sticking staying
ten toes down.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
I was gonna say, you know what I'm saying, it's
awesome for you to feel that way. And also, so
I wonder if you've like spoken to anybody about that
trauma pretty much.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
And I do think she's having a trauma response to it. Yes,
by waiting sixteen years and now every other guy is
compared to that guy, so she's never going to I
don't feel like she's going to open up after sixteen years.
And she says she's dated multiple guys and it's gotten
the same thing. She's afraid, which I understand right, Like
that's a traumatic she is it afraid.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
And these guys, they if they're clearly interested in her
and they have feelings for her or just are dating her,
you know guy's.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
Going to want to fuck.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
But also she has to use discernment and realize, like,
if this keeps happening over and over again, you keep
dating the same type of guy, at some point you
have to change things up. If the type of guy
you like wants to have sex and you're not ready
to have sex, you have to change it up and
see if you can find someone who else is looking
to explore that opportunity. May not be as experienced in

(41:55):
that realm, So maybe that person is looking to explore
with you because you're not as experienced. But if she
keeps chasing guys who are experienced in sex and want
to continue to have sex, but then say she's not
ready to put out. She can't feel a way if
they're ready.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
To move on, or what if they embark on the
relationship with her and say, oh, maybe I'll maybe I'll
wear her down, like maybe I'll be the.

Speaker 3 (42:16):
One to change her mind.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
That's definitely that's probably also what some of these guys
are thinking. You know, absolutely we were going to build
this you know, awesome relationship or the feelings where she's
gonna feel like she wants to but then being pressured
is not going to make you feel anymore.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Absolutely there. But also if but here's the thing, even
the word pressure in the terminol she she says, they
pressure me, and then when I say I'm not interested
or I don't want to do that, I get dumped. No,
how about their continuously being honest with you about what
they need and require, and when you say I'm not
ready to do that, they make a decision to go elsewhere.

(42:52):
That's not you getting pressured and getting dumped. You're not
aligning thoughts. And what happens is people take rejection so
next negatively, you know what I'm saying so, then they
put negative words because the way she tells a story,
which I understand based on what happened to her, she
feels like now she's being pressured and getting dumped. I
don't think it's pressure. I have a responsibility because this

(43:14):
is also what could happen. Look, you don't want to
have sex. I want to have sex. I could easily
say cool, I'm with you. We're going to ride the
celib celibacy thing together and then go fuck other people.
They could do that, but it's just saying like, hey,
look man, you know, come on, like you know, I
really want to engage in this with you. I want
to try this with you, and I want to try this.
How about why are you not comfortable yet? It may

(43:35):
feel like pressure to her. They may still want to
understand sorry, it's okay. They may want to understand why
it's not happening, and then once they realize, you know what,
she's not with it, so it's like, you know what,
for your best interests in mind, I'm going to go
find someone who else is in alignment.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
I thought about that when I first read it. I'm like, shoot,
I would think a guy I can't speak for men
in general. But I'm saying a guy who's genuinely saying
maybe interested in her and says oh, because she says
she feels like he's different. Maybe there's some sort of
you know, synergies that they had that she didn't have
with somebody else before. What's stopping him from like just
smashing an somebody else on the side, That's what I'm saying,

(44:15):
continuing in a relationship with relationship with her with the
hopes that maybe one day they can be sexually active,
and then he could probably describe everybody else.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
And that's what I'm saying. The fact that they're speaking
with her means they're trying to be honest, and she
takes it as pressure, but they could easily just be like,
all right, I'm with you while doing something else. And
the fact that they're not, and when she says they
dump me, no, they're making a choice for themselves. And
that's something we also said in our book We Over Me.

(44:42):
We have to stop making people feel like when they
make choices for themselves to not be in a relationship,
they're selfish. That's not selfish to me, that's deciding that,
you know what, whatever's going on in this relationship is
not better. It's not good for the betterment of me
or you. So I'm going to make a decision for
me and for you and say let's go our separate

(45:03):
ways rather than dragging us both down, you know, by
doing something despicable, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
More hurt, closing more closing war.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
Yeah, yeah, so I think I think, young lady, I
think you should look at it like that. If the
young men are telling you, like, hey, this is not
gonna work for me, I'd rather, you know, find someone
who wants to have sex at least applaud him for
his honesty and not doing you dirty by having sex
with other people and keeping you around. But also I
think you should speak with someone about your hurt, Yeah,

(45:35):
so that you can move forward and find peace. Because
after sixteen years, if you're still going back to that
time in life, that means you haven't let it go,
you haven't forgotten about it, and you haven't forgiven that
young man or healed from it. Then that means you'll
never grow from that. So that's sure.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
And I think the assumption to now is that if
you're thirty five and you're in the dating scene, you're probably.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
Fucking yeah, that's what people what people gonna think.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
You know, But you should never have to alter your
beliefs to your desires or budge on your stance because
of pressure from anyone.

Speaker 3 (46:08):
So good luck to you girls.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
And they're men. There are men who are virgins or older. Yeah,
there was a football player, I think it was Daryl
Green who was They used to call him the forty
old version. He had never had sex before. And and
that's also to say, like there's always somebody for somebody,
you know, Like, you don't have to say I have
to convert to what the world believes in order to

(46:31):
live my life. No, you don't. If you don't want
to have sex to a marriage and you want to
get married at forty there are playing people out here
who are probably doing the same thing. You just have
to find those pockets of people, you know what. You
don't have to convert to what the world believes to
make yourself happy.

Speaker 2 (46:44):
The old Jamaican proverb that my mom said to me,
every whole of us.

Speaker 3 (46:49):
Every.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Do you have anyone on it? That whole isn't like
the whole people out there and being a bush wh
as in the gardening tool. Right, every hole has his
stick in the bush.

Speaker 3 (47:07):
That's it. Everybody has their person. I'm the hole, you're
my stick.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
Just caught yourself a hole, I'll stick my stick in
your bush hole Like, what gonna this and so profoundly
like I'm a hole, you're my stick.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
This analogy is a wild when you really think about it. Yes, me, me,
I'm gonna have I'm gonna have to talk to me
about this and be like, do you understand what y'all
what y'all are saying over here?

Speaker 1 (47:37):
And your mom got dressed up the other night. Your
mother had on a uh, some tights on with some
boots Louisa tom boots and the freaking bots. They were
cute though I don't know what they was. But your
mom a less She was going out to get chosen.

Speaker 3 (47:53):
It was given fashion over vibes. I'm like, man, you've
been shopping on, you've been shop looking. She was.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
Sixty five. Yes, the mother's out here strutting in sixty five.
That means you got at least twenty five more years
to be fine.

Speaker 3 (48:07):
At the very least.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
It's a good thing. I got.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
Cute and put together.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
And you know now, I know why because everyone. Oh
my goodness, love you guys. I love this time. Thank
y'all so much for continuing to write into listener letters.
We always encourage it, we love it. We love to
hear from y'all and it really gives us a pulse
in the community, I feel like, because it really makes

(48:33):
us feel connected to you guys, and we love to
always see that these listener letters start with someone telling
some kind of story about how they appreciate the things
that we do, or they've been following us for a
long time, And just as an appreciation to y'all, a
thank you. We literally could not do this without you
if we did not have listeners and supporters who just

(48:53):
always continue to revere us and support everything that we do.
So if you're listening on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen,
if you're subscribed to our Patreon, which is getting to
be so popping now it's fairly new for us, but
you know we're building it up with videos, exclusive content.
So thank y'all so much for whatever avenue it is

(49:13):
that you continue to support us in.

Speaker 3 (49:16):
Do you have a moment of truth for listening letters?

Speaker 1 (49:18):
Baby, I have a moment of truth? Is a quick
moment of truth, Let's continue to have grace for each other.
When you hear these stories, there's never a right and
or wrong unless someone come miss physical violence or does
something really fucked up. It's never a right and or wrong.
It's just different perspectives and how we deal with things.
I'm big on having no judgment for people, whether they
write in or they ask questions in live shows, We're

(49:39):
not gonna judge.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
We'll have fun with y'all.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
Yeah, we'll have fun. We'll make jokes and stuff like that.
But let's continue to have grace for each other, learn
about each other, and love on each other.

Speaker 3 (49:47):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
I love that, baby, And I guess my moment of
truth is, you know, just to thank y'all to be honest, like,
I love hearing from you, We love the support. We
love that you are continuing to give us a space
to be creatives and to also share and elevate the culture.
We would hope just by continuing healthy conversations and continuing

(50:11):
to have people seek help. You know, that's something that's
definitely never been a thing for us in the black
community particular.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
To seek help. I'm done k is like, we need
people to seek help because in the black community. Be
sure to find us on patreons. It's the exclusive dead
Ass Podcast content. Find us on social media.

Speaker 3 (50:33):
Just so stupid.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
No, I'm just saying that to say, like asking for
help or giving it, you know, asking for advice or
wanting to write into us to hear our perspective, people
don't necessarily do that. A lot of people internalized stuff
and they don't joke for help. I know you are judging.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
I'm judging. You told these people seek help. They wrote
it for listen. Let us you here talk about some
y'all need to seek help.

Speaker 3 (50:55):
That's not what I said, everybody.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
I know. That's why it's a joke. Be sure to
find us on a Patreon and see that exclusive dead
Ass Podcast video.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
Read that part. You just be taking over myself.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
Well. First of all, if you want to be featured
as a listener letter because we didn't do that part,
be sure to email us at Deadass Advice at gmail
dot com.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
Because I was coming back to it, I was coming back.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
That makes sense, yo. Let me tell you something. Kadan
is never gonna admit fault for anything. She completely missed it.
I did not completely miss We always do that part
before the moment of truth and you did it.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
This is a listener letter episode, so after the moment
of truth, I wanted to wrap it up with letting
them know where they can write a listener letter.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
That makes no sense. We don't do that. We never
do that. We always finish the last listening letter. And
you say, dead Ass part this is still eleven says
it's eleven seasons. It's eleven seasons. In every listening letter
episode we do the dead Ass advice.

Speaker 3 (51:43):
And put me in a box. Why can't I do
something different?

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Exactly? So, why can't we be sure to find us
on Patreon this exclusive that's you just said, that's my job. See,
come on, come on, come on, I'm trying to hear
this argument.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
Well, if you want to get on me for not
saying that part first, and I can get on you
about taking line on line, be sure to find us
on Patreon to see exclusive dead Ass podcast content, and
you can find us on social media at dead Ass
the Podcast.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
You can find me Kadeen I am.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
If you'd like to be featured as one of our
listening email a dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.
That's d E A D A yok up the whole show.
I'm control you down, yeah spelled dead ass advice without
looking at it.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
Go E E A D A S S A D
V I C E at gmail dot com. It's a
little truckle bus there, a little I just giving the
inflection you give.

Speaker 3 (52:41):
Alright, that's how you be sounded.

Speaker 1 (52:43):
I'll be a little bit more smooth.

Speaker 3 (52:44):
But go ahead whatever, finish it up. And if you're listening, ahead, and.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
I am devo, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
be sure to rate, review and subscribe. You're a hot
mess dead ass. Y'all get help, Signed Kadenium.

Speaker 3 (53:02):
Let me go get some help my damnself. Florid.

Speaker 1 (53:05):
Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and
is produced by Donor Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast
on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never
miss a Thing.