The SAG-AFTRA Actors Strike

As a member of SAG-AFTRA, Devale is officially on strike as an actor. The union is striking in protest of failed negotiations with studio heads, which means thousands of people are out of work indefinitely. In this episode, Devale explains everything you need to know about the strike and the importance of union organizing. Dead ass.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Baby, whatever, I ain't got no job, man, What do
you mean you're got no job? I'm working with Tobby.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Well, I will say, on the bright side of things,
I am happy to have you home and be more
prepared for a situation like this this time around. Hey,
I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
You may know us from posting funny videos with.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Our boys and reading each other publicly as a form
of therapy.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yes, sir, we are.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
li's most taboo topics.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
is a term that we say every day. So when
we say dead app that's we're actually saying facts one
hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
Were about to take Bilos off to our whole new level.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Dead ass starts right now.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
I'm gonna take y'all back all the way back to
May May.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
I always laugh when you say all the way back,
because it could be like yesterday it could be May,
or it could be like two thousand and two.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
Yo.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
So no matter of fact, I'm gonna take y'all even
further back than May.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
I'm gonna take you back to April. April. I'm in Canada, Toronto.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, we're filming, filming a movie that I can't disclose
yet because we're on strike. And also when I can't
disclose it, I'm gonna be excited to tell you about.
But we're filming, and I hear from Tyler Perry Studios
that the scripts for season seven Sisters are starting to
come out. And when we get the scripts, we're looking

(02:03):
through the scripts and we noticed that there are some changes,
and there are some characters who are no longer here
in the script, no longer script or any story right,
And we're starting to like wonder, like what's going on.
And we found out that TP is no longer writing

(02:25):
the scripts for Sisters, and he's hired the writer's room.
So the writers took liberties to write their own stories
for certain characters, introduce new characters, and dismiss certain characters.
So the characters that have been on the show that
are no longer going to be on the show found
out via a phone call.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Approximately three weeks before we were supposed to start filming
in May. So we're planning to go back to film
and then you find out that you're not going to
be on the show, right, And it was heartbreaking for
us because there's a camaraderie, right. I remember being cut
in the NFL and you get that phone call they
asked you to come bring your playbook and you get cut,

(03:08):
and then like the team just continues to go on,
Like you go back home, you with your family, You
don't see your teammates no more. Your teammates walk in
the door one day and they're like, yo, where's Ellis
And they're like, yo, Ellis got cut. Yeah, and it's
kind of like it's very similar. So I remember that fit.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
I remembered that feeling and having to deal with that
with some of my cast mates, and it kind of
hurt because it brought me back and I felt sorry
for them because three weeks you're planning on getting these
next group of checks so that you can plan out
the rest of your year because as an actor, there's
no guarantee that you book. You know, sometimes you have
good years, sometimes you have bad years. And in bad years.

(03:45):
You know, you're constantly auditioning, but you may just not
have a project that fits you, so you don't make
that additional money. And I remember saying like, man like,
I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of us that
we prepare a table for our family to eat if
I don't book anything or if I ever get cut

(04:06):
from a project. And then literally after doing season seven,
we hear about the writers' strike and they were saying, oh,
the writers will be on strike, but we're supposed to
go back and shoot Satima in August. And now we're
in June and July and we hear the SAG strike
is happening, and then I get that phone call that

(04:26):
we won't be returning in August, and I was like wow.
I was just saying to Kadeen, at least we know
what we have to do if this ever happens to us.
And now we're literally here and it's happening to us.
Very simple for karaoke today, I'm gonna take you back
to a time when we were rapping about things that matter, like.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
The power, fight the power that be. Let's say, fight
the power, fight the power that be.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
Right now, power is the AMPTP, and that was all
the collection of studios that the actors are fighting against
to get fair wages, fight against AI and also health insurance,
which is.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
A big deal.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
Listen, it's a lot of layers to this whole thing here,
and I think it's worth us kind of chatting about it.
We're going to talk about what the Screen Actors Guild
AFTRA is and why they're striking.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
And ultimately the importance of knowing your labor union and
understanding what your role can be in any of this,
because it may not be a sad strike for you.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
You could be a teacher.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
The teacher's been talking about going on strikes ups work
has just went on strike. Amazon workers on strikes at
one point, and I feel like it's important for people
to understand why strikes happen, why labor unions exist, but
how you can protect your family in times where you
may have to strike and not work.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
For sure, and then how we've been able to find
a silver lining around all that. So stay tuned. We're
going to pay some bills with whatever money to Veil
got in his bank account now and we'll be back,
all right, So we're back. So if you've tried to
tune into your favorite daily shows like The View or

(06:15):
the Today Show, only to be surprised by a repeat
episode from a few months ago. That's because Hollywood's performers
and writers are now on strike, y'all. And if you
are not in the entertainment industry, you may not know
a lot about WGA or sag Afstra unions. But if
you're familiar with having a eight hour work day, then

(06:35):
you are familiar with the work of unions. Okay, so
we're going to unpack that for you today. We have
some facts and stats, and then we'll be chit chatting
in between it just to kind of break some things
down and develop being as though you are a member
of sag Astra and Astra and keep saying tongue ti Afstra.
Since you are a member, you will be able to

(06:56):
also break down what that looks like for you from
an actors dam point. But let's start with the basics
here in case people don't know what a labor union is.

Speaker 3 (07:05):
Right, Well, before we even start about that.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
You want to go back to the story.

Speaker 3 (07:09):
Yeah, let's just unpack the story, right, and how there's
success to that.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Let's do that.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
The reason why strikes affect people, especially actors. And I
don't want to make it about actors only, sure, but
I just want to clarify some things, and even even
the NBA, because I was a part of the NFLPA. Yes,
when I played in the NFL, which is the players Association,
which is our labor union against the league, and the

(07:34):
NBA also has their own players union. Right, when you
watch people on TV, everyone assumes the minute that you
make on TV, the minute you make it on TV,
you've made it.

Speaker 3 (07:44):
Right, So whether it's a commercial or whether it's it's.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
A one liner or you have one word you're a
co star on the show, people think, oh, you made it,
you made millions of dollars.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
That is absolutely wrong.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
Much like when you were signed to the NFL. Yes,
oh millionaire, multimillionaire.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
That's what people thought.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
No the hell he was. I was there. I've seen
the checks. The checks wasn't checking it.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
Well, no, no, they wasn't checking. It wasn't checking.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
We were grateful, We were extremely extremely grateful, grateful. What
people need to understand even about performers or even if
you if you work.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
As an actor now not as an actor, if you
work as an athlete.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
Right, I'll give you. I'll give you some stats real quick. Right,
Duncan Crabtree Island. The sag After National Executive Director reports
actors make made a median salary of forty six thousand
dollars in twenty twenty one, a median salary, So most
actors that you see make a median salary of forty
six thousand dollars, with the lower quartile averaging thirty thousand dollars.

(08:41):
Those studios make over twelve billion dollars a year. However,
actors must make a minimum of around twenty six thousand
a year to qualify for healthcare benefits.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
We've been there.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
According to We've Been There Sean Sharman, actor and sag
After board member, just twelve point seven percent of sag
After members qualify for the union's health plan, which means
most of the people you watch on television still have
to have another job, right, still have to carry some form.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Of health insurance.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
So if they're only acting and they're only making around
forty six forty seven thousand a year, if they're paying
their own health insurance out of pocket, because they don't
qualify for sag Extra, because that median doesn't mean that
you only make that money acting right, like you could
have done some non union work to still make up
that money. But the truth of the matter is only

(09:33):
twelve percent of actors have health insurance.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Do you remember when we were literally looking at the
mail every single day, yes, knowing that we needed an
additional I think it was like thirty five. It was
like an exact number, thirty five ninety two, was it
or so it was something like that. It was like
down to a dollar that we needed to qualify for
health insurancement. At this point, we had Jackson. I was

(09:56):
trying to go back to freelancing.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
Yeah, we had just had jack.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Yes, I was trying to go back to freelancing so
that I would have more flexibility with my schedules to
spend more time with you and Jackson, to kind of
make my own business flourish. But I was holding onto
my job in retail because I'm like, I needed this
health insurance for the family. And Deval made me a promise.
Deval said, could he even promise you? He said, as
soon as I get enough money in from these commercials

(10:23):
and my residuals, you will be able to cut back
a little bit to start your own makeup business and
have flexibility to be home with us. And I mean
literally every day checking the mail and counting the dollars
and adding everything up, but also the uncertainty of not
knowing when that would even happen, and getting that check
almost down to the dollar amount just to qualify for

(10:45):
health insurance, and then having to maintain that so you
can get it for a.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
Quarter, get a full quarter, but if you don't maintain, if.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
You don't maintain it, it's like what happens. Then?

Speaker 3 (10:53):
Well, here's the crazy part is that I.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Was one of those actors before I became a series
right now, I was doing commercials, living off of residuals.
But I also owned the gym on the nonprofit organization
mentoring young men and women. I was also a substitute teacher,
Like there were so many things you helped supplement our
income while working freelance as a makeup artist, Like we

(11:19):
had multiple jobs while I was pursuing my acting career.
And I remember, and the reason why I wanted to
talk about this before we get into all the details
of the strike, but I remember when I got cut
by the NFL, and at that time, that was our
only source of revenue got cut in two thousand and eight.
That's when the economic crisis happened and I ended up
having to go back to the University of Michigan to

(11:39):
work as a learning coordinator, And that's how you started
working at MAC that fall. And I remember saying to myself,
never again in my life will I allow one source
of income to be my sole source of revenue from
my entire family, because if that revenue was stopped for
whatever reason, then we're.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Fucked, particularly in a field like for example, professional sports, right,
or you know, the entertainment industry, where so much of
your livelihood is dependent on someone else's decision.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
Right.

Speaker 2 (12:11):
You know, somebody wakes up on the wrong side of
the bed in the morning and decides, you know what,
I'm going to go with this person instead of that person,
or oh, we have this role and you know this
person looks good, but ah, he doesn't look as good
with this person, so we can't match them. Like that
was I think the biggest thing, knowing the fields that
you were into, it was that much harder to maintain
a job.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
What I'm going to say now, I want people to
really listen to right, because what I'm going to say
is going to sound disheartening for some, but it is.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
It is an absolute fact, and it is the truth.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
To be accepted or to get an opportunity in any field,
whether it's TV, film, whether it's being an athlete, whether
it's being a CEO of Fortune five hundred company, whether
it's being an executive at a tech firm, right, requires
more than.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
Just your ability to do the job.

Speaker 1 (13:05):
Like the world is overpopulated, there are tons of people
that can do the same job you can do, but
what is required to get that opportunity is relationships. And
I feel like a lot of people miss out on
opportunities because they refuse to build and maintain relationships that
can give them opportunities.

Speaker 3 (13:27):
Right.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
So, I feel like I was able to reach this
level because I understood the value of relationships early on
from playing.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Oh no, no, no, absolutely, I won't.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
I won't discredit someone who works hard, right, But but
my thing is just working hard and being good at
the job is not enough. That number the old saying
it's not what you know, what's who you know. That's
not even the same. It's not who you know, it's
who knows you and who.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
Likes you, just wants to be around you.

Speaker 3 (14:01):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
Who wants to work with you?

Speaker 3 (14:03):
Thank you. That's what I wanted to get to bab. Yes,
that's imagine.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
You have to work, whether it's on a team and
you got to spend fourteen hours and travel with them,
or you're on a set and it's eighteen hours and
you may have to travel with them, or you're working
in sales, or you're working as a Fortune five hundred company.
You have to be with these people more often than
you have to be with your family.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
People don't want to work with people they don't like.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
That's a fact. Or it's hard to work with you
know what.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
I'm saying for sure, So a lot of it ends
up being CLICKI right. Yes, Hollywood is CLICKI yes, the
basketball is CLICKI yes.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Working in the financial district, it's clickie.

Speaker 1 (14:41):
Why do people hire so many of their friends in
the fund Why is nepotism such a big deal in
every industry?

Speaker 3 (14:47):
Because people like to work with people they like.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
It's a classic case of I know a guy, yes,
or I know a girl, or I know somebody who
man not only is he a beast at his job
or is she a beast at her job. This person
is just cool to be cool to be around a breeze, right, yep.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
The reason why I wanted to put that out there
first is because what I'm gonna say next is gonna
bother people.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
Right, Okay, how many blockbuster movies.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
Come out every summer? We'll say, let's say that's eight
weeks in the summer. Eight weeks in the summer. Right,
let's just say that's eight blockbuster movies a week. A
blockbuster movie comes out every week. Right, That's not the case,
but let's just say that's the case. You got eight
blockbuster movies. Do you know how many people want to
be the lead actor in those movies?

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeallions of people.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
And of those millions of people, those people are constantly
working and working and working on their craft, taking acting lections,
going to conservatory, going to all of these schools to
learn about being the best performer they can be. They're
only gonna pick eight, and of those eight, typically they
go with people who've already had a certain level of

(16:00):
success or.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
They know or experience.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
So you have millions of people fighting for those eight positions.
Same way in the NBA, same way, if you're going
to be a CEO of Fortune five hundred company.

Speaker 3 (16:11):
It's no different.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
It's a very limited space, but there's millions of people
fighting for those jobs. Those people who are constantly working
and fighting are the working class actor.

Speaker 3 (16:21):
You know what I'm.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Saying that who you see in those eight blockbuster movies
is not the working class actor. When you look at
a Tom Cruise, a Will Smith, a Tom Hanks, a
Wesley Snipes, a Denzel those are actors who've worked their
way through the ranks, who were able to become the
top one percent. Same thing as you look at the
Steph Curry and Lebron James. But those are not the

(16:43):
working class people who the unions have to protect. And
the reason why I'm saying this is because when people
hear these stories about actors who may have lost their
homes or mayor have to go to food banks, or
for example, the young man who played Elvin on The
Cosby Show, who he was working at Traded Joe and
people saw him and was taking videos and it was
just like, Yo, this is Elvin, how is he working?

(17:04):
Like guys, everybody is not going to make millions of
dollars in television.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
Yeah, And it's kind of kind of rude and disrespectful
for people to insinuate that just because somebody is in
a position where they are now having to return to
an everyday job or a nine to five, because it
may have been on TV years ago, thinking that they
were frivolous with their money or that they were just
being you know, like thinking the money was going to
keep coming, and that's not the case.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
Sometimes it's not the case.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
Sometimes what happens is you get an opportunity, you work
on the show.

Speaker 3 (17:36):
I'll give you an example.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
You work on a pilot, pilot gets picked up, picked up, Ye,
pilot is picked up.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yo, pilot gets picked up.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
When you first signed on to do a pilot, you
sign a contract in case that pilot gets picked up.
Say that pilot gets picked Say say for example, it's
for a cable network. Right, the base the base for
that pilot is you'll make twenty five thousand per episode.
How many episodes in a cable show? Oh, we know what,
we'll We'll buy six episodes. Remember the first season of

(18:10):
Power was only six episodes. So you make twenty five
thousand an episode for six episodes. I put you at
one hundred and fifty k Okay, So now you see
an actor on the show that you really really like
on this cable network and you like, Yo, that was fire.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
I love this. This guy's killing it right now? Right?

Speaker 1 (18:29):
What happens after season one ratings weren't that good? And
you know what happens, The show gets canceled it.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
We've seen a lot of shows like that, some that
I were pretty good shows, absolutely, and I was just like,
oh my god, I can't believe that got canceled.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
And I'm gonna explain to you why a lot of
those shows get canceled. You get one hundred and fifty
thousand dollars. Other than one hundred and fifty thousand dollars,
you automatically have to pay ten percent to who your manager,
if you have an manager, and if you have an agent.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
So that's fifteen k there, fifteen k there.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
Right, because manager and agent are two seven different.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
Things, two different things.

Speaker 1 (19:01):
So now you pay ten percent to your manager, ten
percent to your agent. That's thirty thousand dollars going of
your one fifty. So now you're down to one twenty.
Oh shit, you know what, you gotta pay taxes? Right,
say you're smart enough to open to start an LLC
and have an escort and have a loan ow company.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
You should.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Now you'll pay tax on one hundred and twenty k,
not the one fifty. But of that one hundred and
twenty K, you're probably gonna pay because that's in the
top I think that's in the top seventy five percent earner. Yeah,
because if you make one hundred and twenty k you make,
you make a sufficient amount of money in America, they're
going to tax you that high rate of forty percent.

(19:38):
It so forty percent of that one twenty is forty
eight thousand dollars. So subtract that one twenty, that forty eight.
Now you left with seventy two thousand dollars. Seventy two
thousand dollars you you might have just like yo, I'm
on to show. Let me hire a stylist for this,
let me do this for that, let me buy this

(19:58):
for that. Market yourself. You're trying to build things. You
hire a PR firm to promote the show. Three PR
firms if you're low end PR firm three thousand a month.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
I was about to say that PR build through me
for a loop.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
You see what I'm saying. So where were we at
seventy eight K?

Speaker 1 (20:14):
Yeah, so let's go we going to three a three
month tour runt on the show. That's three this nine thousand.
So now you're a sixty nine K. You bought some
clothes and stuff to do these red carpets, say about
a ten K?

Speaker 3 (20:25):
Ten K?

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Because now I want to take an investment. It's an investment.
I have to look at this.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
So you take care to that sixty eight Now it
was down to fifty eight thousand dollars. Right, Wait a minute,
I still have to survive the rest of the year,
so let me save the rest of that. You don't
go on a trip. I'm not even going to say
you went on.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
A trip or you left with after everything.

Speaker 3 (20:43):
Fifty eight thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
So if you were to divide that by, say, let
me pay my rent, okay, whatever your rent is for
twelve months.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
Say you live in New York. Say you live in
New York.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
Our apartment now in New York goes for over four
thousand dollars more. But no, everybody doesn't need a three bedroom.
So let's say you live by yourself. You got a
one bedroom in New York. It's twenty five hundred, twenty
five hundred a month times twelve puts you at.

Speaker 3 (21:10):
Thirty thousand a year. Thirty thousand a year.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
We had fifty eight left, thirty eight, so you have
twenty eight thousand dollars left for the year. You like,
I'm good, right, I'm good. But now your show got canceled.
And now the following year you're trying to get onto
another show, and you don't get onto that show. But
you had twenty eight thousand dollars left, and you still

(21:35):
have to survive the next year because you auditioned. You auditioned,
and you didn't get picked up as another series regular. Yeah,
maybe you did some guest star work. Guest star work
means you work two, maybe three episodes on the show,
But if you get top billing as a guest star,
you may get nine thousand per episode, and there's no
guarantee you get more than two or three episodes.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
Remember, we had a friend who was on the show,
and turns out his character recurred a couple I think,
I don't know he was co star guest star, but
they made it so that, however many times he recurred
in the show, he had to come out to film
in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
So this is what happened, and they're fighting against this, right,
I'm glad you I know you're talking about.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
I don't want to out them, of course not, but
just the situation of somebody that got a job and
then had to stay with us to try to save
money because he couldn't even afford a hotel room to stay.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
So this is how this is how hard actors are
working to just get opportunities. He was booked as a
recurring character. Right now, They didn't say a recurring guest star.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
Just for people to.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
Know, a guest star is someone who's a recurring guest star.
Guest star is someone who's going to be throughout the episodes,
maybe in about three or four scenes. Right, if you're
a co star, you're in one scene, right, maybe two,
and the second one ain't gonna have no lines.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
You just be there, right.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
They billed it as a recurring character, but they didn't
say a recurring guest star. So they build it as
a recurring You go when the audition, they say they
want local talent only. But you already know this if
you live in la and you know somebody who lives
in New York or Atlanta. Yo, can I borrow your
address so that I can use so I can just

(23:13):
get some work. I want to get some work. I
just want to get some credits so I can start
to build my resume.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
Right, which is allowed. You're allowed to say that you're
willing to work as a local hire. So if I
get an audition for something that films in LA and
I really want to go for this, I live in Atlanta,
but I'll say I'm willing will as.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
A local hier.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
So what they'll tell you is bet you get booked
for the role. You find out that the role is
a recurring co star, not a recurring guest star, which
means you get the SAG minimum for a day player,
which is nine hundred dollars for the day. You're only
in that episode one day, but you have to be
in Atlanta for at least a week and a half

(23:51):
to go to pre prep, go through all your fittings,
go to a rehearsal, and then shoot. So now you
have to pay for your own hotel or you have
to pay for your own flight to get there because
you're supposed to be what a local hire. You just
got paid nine hundred dollars to do this episode, but
you had to pay for your hotel.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
I mean you had to pay for your air flare
there and back.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
If your person gives you a place to stay cool,
you don't got to worry about hotel. But now you
got to eat for seven to ten days. So it
cost you more money to get this role than it
did for you to actually do the role. Like you
had to pay money to be on television.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
There was no opportunity really other than just the opportunity.

Speaker 1 (24:30):
But people watch you on this show every week because
you're a current co star and you have one scene
with one line.

Speaker 2 (24:37):
So they think, oh, you're making money bro yep.

Speaker 3 (24:41):
But you not.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
And there's a lot there are a lot of actors
living that life and not for nothing. Kadeen and I
were living that life from two thousand and fourteen, which
is my thirtieth the year of my thirtieth birthday. That's
when I officially said to Kadeen. I said, Yo, I
am going to duplicate myself and I want to talk
a little bit about this. I'm going to duplicate myself

(25:03):
at the gym and teach people how to do my
job at the gym so that I can go on
more auditions, so I can fully invest in being an
actor full time. And that's what I did. You know
what I'm saying. I worked with Dolo Todolo. This is
how I worked with the kids. I hired Rick, I
hired Kamal. I ended up moving the gym from Aviator
to pack Plex, and I said, there's going to be
a fully fledged, full service gym. I'm just not going

(25:23):
to be the one doing all the service things so
that I can go do my auditions.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Right from twenty fourteen to twenty and eighteen, I did
guest star work, I did commercials, and I did co
star work, but most of my money came from me
owning the gym. It didn't come from me being an actor.
So it was about four years that I was going
hard and I was making some money the commercials, really

(25:48):
good residual money, really really good residual money. And it
was a good balance because there were times when things
weren't going so great at the gym gym and I
had that act that we like you remember.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
My seasons were new. But one thing I loved about you,
and this is something you taught me. Just about being
fiscally responsible is knowing when you get certain lump sums
of money how to disperse it. You know, and get
excited about the lump sums that come in and think
that we can have a field day with it, because
there are those dry seasons, especially when you're an entrepreneur.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
So Kadeen and I, well, I made a promise to
Kadeena at once she was able to cut back freelance,
she would never have to go back to work full time.
That was my promise to her because as my wife,
I felt like she's dedicating herself and her body to
give us children. I have to be able to dedicate
something to her so that she can feel safe in
this space being able to cut back. Because imagine, just

(26:41):
imagine your career is based on you being physically able
to do it. Kadeen works in front of the camera, right,
but every time you get physically able to go and
do it, you get pregnant again.

Speaker 3 (26:51):
Because we want to have more kid again and again.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
And the only person that you can rely on to
make sure that you didn't care them is the father
of your children. A person who was asking you to
have more children, and that person is not holding up
their end of the bargain to make sure you're okay.
That can become stressful, sure for a woman, and I
just felt like it was my responsibility to do that.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
And I appreciate that so much about you.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
So when we were making a lot of money, when
the gym was hitting and TV was hitting at the
same time, and my nonprofit organization was hitting, and I
was able to just make, you know, lump sums of money,
I always told myself, I'm going to put money away
in groups of threes.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
So if I made a.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
Lump sum of money, all of our bills for the
next three months are going to be put to the
side first. So for example, our rent at the time
of the apartment was two thousand a month.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
We had one car.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
I would say the total car payments for everything was
about fifteen hundred dollars a month.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
That's thirty five hundred.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
The bills for the gym at the time were five
thousand dollars a month plus the employees employee salary, so
we're looking at eighty five hundred plus the employee salaries.
In additional twenty five hundred months, it was about twelve thousand
dollars a month. Every time I got a lump summer money,
I would take like a thirty six K. I was
just put it in the bank. And then if I

(28:12):
got another lump sum I was just putting it in
the bank. And before we knew it, we had a
truckload of money. But it was already accounted for. It
wasn't money that Kadeen and I could blows. It was
money so that it was like, yo, if we ever
get in a time where I'm not booking and the
gym is off, we at least got six months.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
I remember you said.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Everything cover Like literally, I was like, yok, if we
don't make another dime after today, we're good for six months. Yes,
and that give it. That gave us some relief, yes, yes,
but it also was like, you know, there's a time
on that. So I ken pushing.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
There's a reason why we did that, and we're going
to do a full podcast. The podcast is going to
be called how bad was it when we learned our lesson?
Because we had ran out of capitol and we had
did some things to actually get some capital, and no,
Kaneen wasn't stripping.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
Contrary, it's the popular dumb ans. I was not stripping.
I didn't have an only fans, No, but it was.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
Only fans, or at that time they might I might
have had some.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
Content on that contemplating every day that's how do we
take this ship to the next level?

Speaker 3 (29:23):
Facts?

Speaker 1 (29:23):
Yeah, facts, because when when Ridge is touching man and
you gotta eat grits every day, man, sometimes it's like, yo,
let me just do this real quick.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Facts.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
But during that time, especially when when we were transitioning
from the NFL and building, I just learned so many
smart ways to make sure that money is accounted for.
And when this strike happened, Kadeen was like, yo, are
we going to be all right? And I was like,
you don't have to worry.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Babe, it's about this is tight. My entire twenty almost
twenty one years with you. One thing I will say.
We've had ups, we've had downs, We've had moments within
our relationship like are we going to be together or not?
But there was nothing from a perspective of are we

(30:11):
going to be okay? Am I going to be okay? Okay?
I've never had to worry about that.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
That's good today and I love.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
And appreciate you, appreciate you so much for that because
it didn't matter if we were at odds, it didn't
matter where we were. We could not have been talking
to each other, sleeping separate rooms. But I never feared
that I was going to be left out to dry
or alone.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
That makes me feel good.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
I always wanted to make you feel safe, you know
what I'm saying, Like that's and that's a very important
part of what we're talking about today, chasing your dreams
and feeling safe because you never know when a strike
is gonna come, or when you're going to get cut,
or when the industry is just going to be on
the downslope, you know. And it's important for people to
recognize that this can happen in any industry, you know.

(30:54):
And I'm gonna be honest, I never thought for a
second that there would be months because I haven't worked
since May currently, yes, currently, and in the past four years,
there has never been a three month stretch where I
haven't booked something. And that's that shout out to God

(31:16):
and the blessings he's given me. I have worked my
ass off for people who don't know. I'm not just
an Instagram or YouTube guy that wants to be an actor.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
I am a trained actor.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
I did a two year conservative store, two year conservatory
at Esper Studio.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
I got my.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
Bachelor's degree in speech Community. Yeah, r rip bill Man
william Esper to go. He was one of the creators
and masterminds behind the technique, and he's part of the
reason why I've been able to advance and do well
in that space because I studied his techniques. I worked
directly with him in his class for two years and

(31:52):
he taught me a lot.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
But also shout out to Hastra. Got my bachelor's.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
Degree in Speech Communications and Performance and Rhetorical Studies. So
being in TV film is something I've always wanted since
I was a young child, and I knew it was
going to be a hard road right when I met
Kadeen when we were eighteen, when she asked me what
I wanted to do, I told her this and Martin
was on television, but I told her I had a

(32:18):
financial plan because I didn't want to be what a
starving artist, A starving artist, starving artist like I just
did not want to be a starving artist. And this
goes for all artistry, you know, painters, rappers, singers, dancers, stuntman.
I was a stuntman for three years, you know, as
part of the sad Gil when I worked on Power

(32:38):
doing stunts for Mari Harwick. So I've done a ton
of jobs. But I also remember telling Ky that you
have to have a financial plan to be an artists
or be an entrepreneur. It's not just chasing your dream.
You have to dream with a plan for sure. So
let's break down some of the nitty gritty things so
you can understand when you hear people talking about this.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Strike right right, because of course we're speaking about sag
Astra because they're striking now into bout an ira in
the industry. However, if you are in any job, it
could be know your eight hour workday job? What is
a labor union? A labor union is a group of
two or more employees who join together to advance common
interests such as wages, benefits, schedules, and other employment terms

(33:22):
and conditions.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Now this is important, right, and so many people don't
know who's in charge of their labor I mean their
labor union.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
They don't know who to call if something happens on
the labor union.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
Right, they don't even know which is important to know
because you can fight things on your job like discrimination,
unfair wages, unfair work practices, unfair conditions. Just by going
to your labor union. You don't have to be the whistleblower.
You just go to your union and be like.

Speaker 2 (33:49):
A this, Yeah, they have your interest to her. A
lot of times you don't want to have to go
to the hierarchies, or you don't want to have to
go to the people in charge. Right. You want someone
who will be in support up to you and will
come with that lens versus the And this ain't I know, y'all.
Since August twentieth, eighteen sixty six. The National Labor Union
was actually founded then in Baltimore, Maryland, and it was

(34:09):
the first attempt to create a national labor group in
the United States. And one of their first actions was
the first national call for Congress to mandate an eight
hour work day.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
So I want to I just want to point something
out to people who understand history, right, just think about history.
The National Labor Union was founded in eighteen sixty six.

Speaker 2 (34:29):
What happened around that, What happened in eighteen sixty.

Speaker 3 (34:32):
Five, what happened in eighteen.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
Well, the Emanciplation Proclamation was signed in eighteen sixty three.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
It'sok, two years until.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
June nineteenth, eighteen sixty five, when all slaves were considered free,
and now people actually had to work to build their businesses.
And a minute people had to actually work to build
their own businesses.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Let's create a labor union. Doesn't that sound awfully coincidental?
I'm saying. I'm just I just want to put that
out there.

Speaker 2 (35:01):
We just wanted to put to in case you missed it.
In case you missed it. So, labor unions were a
pillar of the civil rights movement. Many civil rights leaders
you may know who helped shape the labor union, Mary MacLeod,
Bethune Bayard rustin A, Philip Randolph, and Martin Luther King

(35:22):
all worked with labor unions to create more equitable conditions
for black workers in various industries.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
And we're still fighting those same battles today.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Of the twelve thousand writers in the writer's strike, only
eight hundred are African American. That's not crazy to you,
wild because and the reason why I want to point
that bring this up to is when you're a black
artist who are fighting, who is fighting for opportunities, if
you don't have black writers writing for you, How could

(35:56):
they even find a role that fits it's fits you
if the people who are.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
Writing don't know to write for you. You know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (36:04):
And it's the same thing with producers, directors, everything. So
there's a reason why these labor unions are important. They're
not just fighting for equitable, fair labor practice for everyone,
but specifically for Black Americans because, as you can see
on the timelines when they created labor unions, labor unions
were not.

Speaker 3 (36:23):
Created for black people.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
It is a fact that the people you mentioned here,
Mary MacLeod, Bethune, Martin, Luther King had to fight, and
especially a Philip Randolph had to fight to integrate labor
unions so black people could be included in the labor unions.
An additional fight when first of all, you have to
fight to be a part of the union. Then when

(36:46):
you get to be a part of the union, fight
for equality within the union. I watched, I watched remember
his another quick story anecdote. But when I first retired
from the NFL twenty ten, officially, we were looking for
help insurance and before I knew that SAG because I
knew nothing about SAG, and I didn't know SAG had
health insurance.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
I was going to be a firefighter.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
Oh yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
And at that time I made a fun.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
Come on baby, you know, you know baby, I was
that calendar would have been, we'd have been in it
saying April baby, April fool.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Then we've been fighting in them covers.

Speaker 3 (37:22):
You're fighting them covers. You nasty, nasty, You just took
my mom. I was going somewhere else, go back.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
That's the story. Now.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
I was going to be a firefighter, mainly because I
could get health insurance, but also because I could work
three days on and have four days off based on
the way their cycles work. But I remember during that time,
in twenty ten, they were fighting the Black Firefighters Union
were fighting for equal wages and discrimination because the five
previous years before this union was created, studies had shown

(37:54):
that once again, firefighters were.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
Being accepted into firehouses based.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
On what is what is the term I just used, go,
I just forgot the term. Oh man, oh my gosh.
Nepotism built on can help you. But if you notice
the families in New York, all of the families that
random fires all had the same name, and they were
hiring their kids and their nephews and their kids friends

(38:21):
and their nephew's friends, and they were leaving out black firefighters.
So by the time we came in, they were giving
blackfire because the union fought and won their case against
the Fire Department of New York that all black firefighters
who were hired during that time were going to be
hired with five years vested into it. So you didn't
start at the starting pay, You started as if you
had already worked.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
For five years. But that's something a union fought for
to get.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
Black firefighters caught up to what they didn't get for
all of those previous years. I just wanted to use
that example as to important why unions exist.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
Totally makes sense. And if you're curious about what other
industries in the United States have a union representation, this
may be you and you don't even know it. Teachers,
public service workers like police, and like we said, firemen,
transportation workers including bus drivers and rail workers, electricians, plumbers,
postal workers, just to name a few. So if you

(39:15):
don't know who your union is, your union reps, now's
a good time just to find out, just to know.
And today there are even non labor unions like the
debt collective that focuses on collective actions to cancel student debts.
Listen tenant unions as well that focus on collective action
to help guarantee safe and affordable housing for everyone. Yes,

(39:38):
so that's pretty dope and good to know, because I'm
sure our listeners out there somebody falls into any of
those categories at any given moments.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
And we don't really want to make this whole episode
about actors, right, because it's not about actors, but it's
about being an employee and being a worker.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
Right.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
There's so much emphasis now on people to be an entrepreneur, right,
being entrepreneur. Okay, this sounds nice to just wake up
one day and be like, you know what, I'm just
going to be an entrepreneur. But the truth of the
matter is most entrepreneurs have to be a worker first.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
Yes, right.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
Unless you've inherited some funds to start your own business
and you've inherited the knowledge to be able to run
your own business and have your own business make money,
you have to work first.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
How is are you gonna learn how to run your
own business? That was literally what I did with mac Cosmetics.
My goal and my aim and my passion was not
makeup artistry. I kind of fell into it in a recession,
enjoyed it, got to meet people, and then saw the
opportunity to no longer work for a company and then
use the knowledge that I gained to then use make

(40:42):
my own company. Yes, right, so do you remember I
was moving up fairly quickly when I worked at mac Cosmetics.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
As you've always done in the latter And no, no,
this is I don't I'm only pointing this out and
this is not to brag on you, but ever since
I've known you, you've been an overachiever. Right when we
first moved into the dorm, and I keep saying we
we were not together, but I said, weeks, I'm used
to doing everything together. When we first moved into the
dorm at Hofstra, you hated your roommate and you asked,

(41:09):
how could I get my own single?

Speaker 3 (41:10):
They say you should register to be an RA.

Speaker 1 (41:13):
You registered to become an RA in one RA of
the year, and then you were just like, Okay, this
room is small, but I want my own like suite.
Then they were like, well you can be a a D.
Then you registered to be a a D and one
a D of the year. Then you was like, wait,
I can get my education paid for if I become
an r D. You registered become an RD apartment. We
had a own apartment, but you won what r D

(41:35):
of the year.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
The same thing.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
When you started in Matt Cosmetics, you were thirdy No,
not even a third key you were.

Speaker 2 (41:40):
I was just a part.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
Part artists.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
Then and then with full time.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Artists, well not even I went from a uh, part
time artist to a third key key keyholder, which is
like the lowest level of management. But it was a
full time job and it gave.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Me benefits and health insurance, and that's.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Why you ultimately what I wanted. And then after that
six months, within a year, I was promoted to an
assistant manager.

Speaker 3 (42:05):
It was just the same thing.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
But I learned so much in that time. I was
not only learning the artistry side of things, but I
learned how to read p and ls. I learned how
to you know, do events to make money. I learned
how to do contract part of the impact team or
the impact team that I was pushed as an artist.
So then that gave me the latitude to then say,
you know what, I can kind of do this on
my own and start my own little side business here
and then that gave me the flexibility to become a

(42:27):
freelance artist, to keep my toe in the industry and
work a couple hours here and there in the store.
But I was doing a majority of my work outside
of it. So that's how the cookie crumbled.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
I will say this, KOs, kudos to you because you
had a plan to go in there and learn, and
you learned, and then because we worked together, you were
able to take the leap of faith and go out
on your own when I was able to establish myself.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:51):
Part of the reason why I'm bringing that up is
because in times of strikes like this or work stoppages,
when you have a spouse, yeah, and one is busting
in or ask to get something done and say, for example,
you're not working, you can be a support system to
that person in that time to help them. But the
most important thing is when you're working right, don't just

(43:11):
be a worker. Don't just clock in the work, say man,
I know what time I'm getting off. Don't help build
the business and then leave. You're not helping yourself as
an employee. It's important and imperative that you learn every
aspect of the business because if you really want to
be an entrepreneur being a worker, it's not a shortcoming.

(43:33):
All it is is a paid education. Paid education. Learn
as much as you can about the business. You know
how many people I know who started working in electricity
as an electrician, and now I have my own company.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
How did you have your own company? Well?

Speaker 1 (43:46):
I started to notice once I was going to all
of these houses. I noticed how they took the invoices,
how they submitted payments, how they committed sales.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
And I said, you know what these are now my clients.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
I've the ones that's been in contact with them, So
let me start my own company. And then they started
soliciting to those same people and say, hey, if you're
looking for an electrician, now I started my own company.
You know you're used to me. But it only happens
if you learn first. The best way you can learn
is going through your union. I learned so much about
labor agreements and contracts through the NFLPA.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Oh yeah, I started.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
To learn how much we deserved and how much we
weren't getting. And I learned a lot about business through
the NFLPA, going to events the NFLPA had. It's not
just a union where I pay dues every month. No,
they have events where I can learn about stuff. For example,
Tiffany and Steve got their master's degrees through a program

(44:44):
that was offered through the NFLPA.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Right, and if you don't even know you see what
I'm saying, that's a possibility or a luxury essentially extended
to you, then you can never take advantage of it.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
When I took Jackson to go speak at USC three
years ago, we spoke in front of some NFL grades.
These guys were working on second career plans. Guests who
offered this opportunity for them to learn the second career plans.
The NFLPA, your union, that's union. So ultimately this whole
episode is about getting in touch with your union. If

(45:18):
you work, learning about your business through your union, so
that if you have a workstop or something, you can
find all the benefits. I've also had friends who got
what received payouts for concussions, oh.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
For sure, extended dental coverage for their family, like through
your unions.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
Through your union, shout out to the union, Shout out
to SAG after shout out to the WAG for you know,
coming together and to sign that they were going to
put their feet down collectively and fight for equity and
equality for all of us. And we want to ask
everyone here to continue to watch your favorite shows. Yes,

(45:57):
would let them know that you're only watching for the actress.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
I remember I mentioned that silver cloud in the show opening.
The silver lining not the cloud, the silver lining around
this cloud is that we've just been happy to have
you home for a little bit. I think that this gay,
this was God's way for at least for our family,
God's way of saying, you know what, devel, you need
a little time home. So the week you were supposed
to be filming Asa Tima, you actually were able to

(46:22):
go away with your family, the first side of family
in five years. And that was awesome because you know,
had you been working, which would have been great of
course to get that income, you would have missed out
on some really great moments with the family. So we've
been happy to have you home, and we love you,
and we were standing with you ten toes down.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
Let me tell you my team, my home team, and
they send ten toes down. We are missing a little
bit of that money, and money is good. It would
have been two more seasons of television films and that
I was watching.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
You can see my eyes, But that just reminds me
of the times that we've had to endure before and
just making sure that we're being responsible. I just feel
more comfortable this time around versus the whole NFL time
when we lost out, just knowing that we've prepared for
moments like this, Yes.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
And we also prepare the table that we can continue
to create content for sure, and also make some money
through real estate through the podcast, through book sales like that.
And that's also a message we want to sell to
tell people. If you're an artist and you get in
an opportunity, you are getting an opportunity to stand on
a platform, utilize that platform to create other sources of

(47:34):
revenue for sure, so that you never find yourself in
need at any point.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
And thank y'all for continuing to support the LS family.

Speaker 3 (47:40):
Yeah, we love y'all, man.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
We love y'all. All Right, we're gonna take a quick
break and get back into Listen letters.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
Okay, baby, all.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
Right, darling, we're back for another round of Listener. Let
us listen to what y'all have for us today. Sure, Hey, Valancadin,
I love you and your family. What you all represent HEIHI,
thank you. Funny story. I saw you guys at my
son's AAU basketball game, and I froze like KaDee with Beyonce.
That's so funny. My husband had to speak to Devo

(48:19):
because I was so nervous. Thank you for all that
you do. Oh since she said, say hi. But I
know sometimes I'll be looking really unapproachable. If you see
me look like that at my son's games, it's only
because I'll be so focused on him. And I'm AAU
mom football mom. Take it very seriously, and I really
just have tunnel visions. So I'm not trying to be
mean or dismissive. Y'all. Not just be in the zone,

(48:41):
I promise, But I digress. My issue is I am
thirty six years old, married for the second time to
my thirty eight year old husband, and I have a
sixteen year old son from my previous marriage. My husband
has no children. We've been married for a year now,
and he keeps insinuating that he may want a child
of his own. But while we were dating, he said
he was fine either way. As the years went by,

(49:02):
I decided I didn't want to start over. My son
is almost an adult who wants to go back to diapers.
I understand, girl, but I feel selfish if I expect
him to go without having the experience of being a dad. However,
I also feel justified because he never stated not having
a child was a deal breaker. What should I do?
How could we compromise? Any advice would help? Ooh, that's tough.

(49:27):
So you were kind of wishy? Why she wit your
answer there? So, like you said, it was never really
they both work because he said he may or may not,
and you said, well, I might or might not. Yeah,
and you're thirty six, Yeah, thirty six, you have a
sixteen year old and starting.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
Over two years, he will be out the house.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
He'll literally be out of the house.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
And if she starts getting pregnant now, which means ought
you to be at the same age we were with Dakota.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
With Dakota, yeah, yeah, yeah, And the I mean, I
wouldn't say that my pregnancy was difficult. It wasn't. It
was just more the after, you know, as you get
up there in age, theatric pregnancy with disrespect thirty plus
something year old bruh, so stupid. So if I was

(50:18):
in this position, right and I was thirty six, my
husband thirty eight, and I'm thinking about like, well, Jackson's
only twelve, but still starting over again, because essentially, once
we were done with Kaz, I was like, man, I'm
thirty three years old, done with my kids at thirty three,
Like I wouldn't technically have to start over. But if
I were in your position and I have my now
second husband who I'm so deeply in love with, I

(50:40):
feel like I would want to know what a child
together with him would be like, Like what would the
product of this love be? And that's probably coming from
the emotional, mushy side of things and not maybe the
realistic side of like going back to diapers and starting
over again, because girl, when I look at it, you'll
be thirty, ate and free like you. Yeah, travel, you

(51:03):
can do whatever you want. How about y'all sit down
and do a list of pros and cons together. I
was gonna say the same thing, you know, way out
the option.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
There's no right or wrong way to answer this, but
the only way to rectify this is having constant conversations.

Speaker 3 (51:17):
And that's what marriage is.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
And to be honest, him changing his mind or you
changing your mind isn't a bad thing when y'all met
and y'all are dating. Even if he said he didn't
want kids, but now did y'all together, he wants to
have kids. People are entitled to change their mind the
same way you're entitled to say, I'm not cool with that,
But y'all have to have that conversation. As long as
you guys keep your thoughts to each other, y'all never
find a solution. But if y'all can sit down and say, yo,

(51:41):
I feel like this. Maybe it's not pregnancy, maybe it's adopting.
But if he's saying he wants to know what it's
like to be a father, and maybe he wants to
know what his gene pool will look like with you
because he doesn't have any children, ask him how important
it is to him. Ask him the truth. Don't say babe,
what do you think? And he says, I don't know?

Speaker 3 (51:59):
Maybe No, do you want want to have a child
or not?

Speaker 2 (52:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (52:02):
You know, do you want to have a child or not?
And like Kadeen said, weigh out the pros and cons.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
Definitely point out the fact that this will be a
geriatric pregnancy, which means that there are you know, higher
risks of certain.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
Things, say geriatric pregnancy anymore.

Speaker 3 (52:15):
Why you can't say that because it's.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Like it's not like it's derogatory or anything, but it
just be making women feel away. I know when I
told my doctor somebody told me I was geriatric, she
was like, don't you ever let people label you as
geriatric thirty six.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
That is a clinical term used by scientists. Now you're
telling me, y'all can't nothing nothing.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
Nowadays, you can't say nothing no more. So we know
what it is.

Speaker 1 (52:36):
We won't say geriatric if you're gonna have old bitch pregnancy,
if you're.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
Gonna have less decrepit pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
I just, I just I want to I'm very big
on maternal health because I watched you go through everything.
We can't act like having a baby past thirty five
doesn't put a woman's health.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
At risks and a higher risk.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
You know, we can't act like that's not a thing
so true. That has to be something that is discussed. Yep,
you know, yep, and do what you want. Don't let
nobody else make you feel like listen, you know you
being judged if you want to have a kid. If
you don't y'all talk about what y'all want to do
and do what's best for y'all.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
Being that's the whole fact that I have a friend
of mine who is in her second marriage. She has
two children, her husband has two children that they came
into the marriage with. That's four children total, and they
are now debating about having a child together because yeah,
they love each other that much. What would our child
look like together? Like? They can? They can do that
because I'm like, all right, well cool. Some people might say, well, damn,
you won't have a fifth kid. That's too many kids.

(53:35):
Anytime you start listening to outside and noise, that's when
things get really convoluted. So have the conversation, sit down
with hubby, make those lists of pros and cons, and
then let us know how it goes.

Speaker 1 (53:45):
But talk to each other for sure. You know it
ain't no wrong answering. Continue loving on each other. I'm
glad you found a husband that's gonna love you, and
he clearly loves your son, yes, the same way for
him to be that type of guy, so he'll probably
be a really really good father for sure.

Speaker 3 (53:58):
And shout out to y'all, man, we appreciate y'all. See
me out the AAU game. Say what up. Yep, you know,
because we love y'all. And of course I was only
joking about old bitch pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
But kay, gonna tell me, I can't say Jerryatric So
I know that might have just.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Been my doctor, because my doctor back in New York
she was very much like feminists. Don't let them do that,
don't let them call you that, don't let them put
a label on you. And I'm like, all right, girl,
you better empower me. Meanwhile, I ended up with a
post part because you had an old bitch pregnancy exactly, Mick.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
No, here's the crazy part where we used to go
for checkups and stuff, right. I remember when we first
used to go with Jackson. We were the young kids
in there. We were twenty six, you know, we were
in there. It's like, you know, watching people. But then
now I'm like, I'm happy it was COVID because I
couldn't go with you because I was just like, man,
I don't want nobody to looking at that me like
this old lass nigga.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
I think you're still looking like a young.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
I appreciate you. I appreciate you, love me too much.

Speaker 2 (54:53):
All right, on to the second one, Yes.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
So where to start lol whenever they start did chest
So I'm gonna be crazy all right. First, let me
tell you me and my newly married husband love you
and your wife.

Speaker 3 (55:05):
Thank you so much. We love y'all back.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
My husband is currently incarcerated and has been since he
was sixteen years old and will be coming home next year. Wow,
we have a hard time communicating crazy, right, since that
is a major part of our relationship. I can be
a strong black woman with not always allowing him to
lead or my mouth is deadly when upset.

Speaker 3 (55:26):
Now, my husband is amazing.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
Even through our distance, we are still reading your book
and listening to the podcast because we are really wanting
to find our piece in our marriage. We want to
better understand we came from two different backgrounds. We want
to better understand we came from two different backgrounds. I'm
just hoping before he comes home that we are able
to communicate better, because him coming home after all these

(55:50):
years will already be its own battle, and I don't
want us to be a part of that battle. What
tips can you give us about improving our communication? Well, shit,
I'm gonna be honest. She already pointed out some things
that she know about herself and she knows about him
self awareness.

Speaker 3 (56:05):
That's the first step, is self awareness.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Right, And how are you now going to curtail these things?

Speaker 3 (56:12):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (56:12):
You know these these these traits that you may have,
are these qualities or these uh you know moments with
the deadly mouth when upset? How can you now?

Speaker 3 (56:20):
I sure do Jimi sucking souls? I'm sorry, I couldn't.
I couldn't help myself. I couldn't help.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
He could never help himself. But you're welcome. So, but
now that you know that these are the things that
may insinuate a fight or an argument or make things
hard for him to then communicate or reciprocate communication, you
may have to find oasis to kind of hold it
down and maybe ask questions or within conversation speak in

(56:50):
a tone in a manner in which you're actually encouraging
conversation from him. Because there's been times recently with Deval,
for example, say we get into a little spat that
I have chosen not to raise my voice or not
to fly off the handle because I just say, you
know what, I know, if I do, it's just going
to go far left. And to avoid that, I sometimes

(57:12):
bite the bullet where I want to just you know,
essentially jump out the window with it, and I don't.

Speaker 1 (57:17):
Sometimes she does about five percent sometimes most of the time.
The other ninety five percent. I got to remain came.

Speaker 2 (57:24):
I think we both have to remain com I think
it's very fifty to fifty right now.

Speaker 3 (57:27):
That's how you feel based.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
That's exactly how I feel.

Speaker 3 (57:30):
You have that.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
See how I just did that.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
See how we did that, prime example, prime example. But
also too, I think within the constraints that they have
now with him being incarcerated. Yes, you know, you are
going to have to reacclimate to what life is going
to be like together. But sometimes a lot of communication
is just in eye contact body language, but like being
in the same room with each other.

Speaker 3 (57:51):
He's been incarcerated.

Speaker 1 (57:53):
They haven't had that type of relationship, knowing his body
language and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
She doesn't really know, meaning that they're gonna have to learn.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
They're gonna have to learn, which which is exciting, Yeah,
but it can also be scary. But you also have
to understand if he's been incarcerated since he was sixteen, Yeah,
you have to understand that.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
I don't know how old he is.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
She didn't say, but how long ago was that and
where was his mind at that point when he was incarcerated,
So be open to knowing that however old he is
now that he's out, that sixteen year old person is
still going to be more prominent because that's who he
was when he went inside, and she's probably helped him
a lot develop because he has a reason to work

(58:32):
and do all these different things. So just be able
to have empathy and don't expect him to be the
version that you want him to be, right, especially not
out the way.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
To accept him for who he is and see if
that works for you.

Speaker 2 (58:45):
Because I'm sure on both sides, there's gonna be a
lot to unpack, yes, for both of you, and like
you said, transitioning to now even being together in the
same space and living together. But I do wish you
guys the best, and I think that if you guys
were able to stay together within this current situation, absolutely
that there's definitely a great promise for moving forward because

(59:05):
at the root of all of this is genuine care.
It seems like in love.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
Bro, imagine if all you have is communicating because you
can't see each other.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
Yeah, and the frustration that comes with not even being
together because we know we have that a lot. Like
if Devo's away filming for six weeks and I can't
high tail it to wherever.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
He is, going crazy, she'd be going crazy.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
I'd be like, Kadeen, calm down, Okay, let me tell
you six weeks. I'll be home soon.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
When he's away, and god forbid, I don't have enough
communication or I'm not calling enough, or he can't FaceTime
me or get me because I'm running around with the kids.
He is a whole big ass baby me Devo.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
Me today, me.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Yes, you answer the fucking phone when I call you,
especially when we away for six weeks.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
And I call your answer the phone right as I'm
juggling your four children, and every day and every it
goes to show lack of district what FTK, don't tell
me that, don't I know what that acrom and you're
not going to tell me to fuck them kids?

Speaker 3 (01:00:11):
Now?

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Now?

Speaker 3 (01:00:12):
They all right? Daddy calling you, Daddy calling you into
the phone.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
Goodness, good luck to your I pray that that everything
works out for y'all and that you can get your
man you know, in your arms again. Y'all can get
that communication flowing all right, y'all. If you want to
be featured as one of our listener letters, email us
at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
That's D E A D A S S A D
V I C E at gmail.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Dot We're talking moment of truth. We're talking about the
sag after strike only because it's timely to what's happening now,
but also just labor unions in general and what that
looks like for everybody within their respective fields.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
So in the moment of truth, yeah, my moment of truth,
I'm going to speak directly to my entrepreneurs, my artists,
and people who who like to live freely. It is
important to have some structure in your life in times
like this, when living freely means that you may not
have any income for an extended period of time. Creating
a source of structure financially through other streams of revenue

(01:01:14):
or other businesses will help you have a safe transition
during this time, or even just feel comfortable existing in
a different space without your main source of income. So
continue to just evolve as a person, as an entrepreneur,
as a business person, but have a financial plan while
chasing your dreams.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
Definitely, definitely, you never want to get caught with your
back against the wall and no other options. I think
my moment of truth is regardless of what field you're in,
because we gave a list of so many fields that
have labor unions and people who are there to be
your voice or to you know, stand in solidarity with you.
If you have an issue on the job, just know

(01:01:51):
that you have to find out what that is, What
does that look like for you in your respective job
if you're working that eight hour work day. You know,
if you are a civil servant and you're working you know,
post office or whatever it is, know what your union
looks like, and know what's offered to you. A lot
of times, you know, there's.

Speaker 3 (01:02:09):
So many benefits.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
There's so many benefits out there that can help you.
And it doesn't have to be within a strike. It
can just be on a regular day to day. You
can get some sort of perk or some sort of
benefit from a union. So no more, you get more,
so you can do more like it all right, y'all,
And if you have not as yet, be sure to

(01:02:30):
join us on Patreon. We have so much more to
offer there, more long form content of the ellises our family.
Be sure to find us there with for more exclusive
Dead Ass Podcasts video content as well, and we have
some stuff that we're cooking up, y'all. The actually, this
T shirt that I'm wearing today is a gift from

(01:02:52):
one of our supporters that came to one of our
Dead Ass Live Podcasts shows this past go around last
February or February that just past. And what does it say? Babe?

Speaker 3 (01:03:02):
Let me read it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
Read what my T shirt says?

Speaker 3 (01:03:05):
Just looking at titties?

Speaker 1 (01:03:06):
But all right, mom of not one, not two, not three,
but four hole boys?

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
That's fine, amazing, amazing. So so sorry. I couldn't shout
out the actual person's name or the company name, because
you know, there was a lot going on. But I
do have the shirt and I love it, and thank you.
If you're watching and you're.

Speaker 3 (01:03:23):
Listening, and where's my shirt?

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
They might have given you a shirt too. We had
to go look it up.

Speaker 3 (01:03:28):
Where's my shirt? Man?

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
Yeah, we appreciate all theid. You probably didn't get.

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
A shirt, though, tyy y'all giving k gifts and not
giving me no gifts man, gifts.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
I'm gonna start setting on people in the live shows. Man.

Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
Next time we have a live show. If you get
gay gift and I don't get a gift from taking a.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
Gift, bring the man in flowers please, facts playing no games,
But I set all that to say, we love to
see y'all's faces in the seats when we have our
live shows and we are cooking up something so insanely
special for you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:59):
Oh yeah, it's not gonna be.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
Our next round tours coming up at the top of
the year, so stay tuned. You want to join Patreon
to get the exclusive content and access to those tickets
when they drop, So do that and continue to follow
us on social media. Dead Ass the Podcast on Instagram
and for me Kadeen I am.

Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
And I Am Deval And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
be sure to rate, review and subscribe dead Ass. Dead
Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and it's
produced by Donorpinya and Triple Follow the podcast on social
media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss a
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